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SECRET BOOK OF WIT & WISDOM Yes, it’s Madam & Eve’s favourite Gogo, Mother Anderson – with the secret to leading a happier and more rewarding lifestyle! You’ve no doubt heard of the book: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People? – Mother Anderson possesses eight! The Power of Now? – Mother Anderson will teach you not only ‘The Power of Now’, but The Power of Just Now and The Power of Now-Now! The One Minute Manager? – All Mother Anderson needs is thirty seconds.

9 781431 401079

ISBN 978-1-4314-0107-9 www.jacana.co.za

by Stephen Francis & Rico

After reading Mother Anderson’s Secret Book of Wit & Wisdom… you’ll be winning friends, inspiring people and thinking positively faster than you can say… “Eve – it’s after five! Where’s my gin & tonic?!”

Mother Anderson’s SECRET BOOK OF WIT & WISDOM

Mother Anderson’s

Mother Anderson’s

SECRET BOOK OF WIT & WISDOM by Stephen Francis & Rico


Mother Anderson’s

SECRET BOOK OF WIT & WISDOM

by Stephen Francis & Rico

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Published in 2011 in South Africa by Jacana Media 10 Orange Street, Auckland Park, 2092 PO Box 291784, Melville, 2109 www.jacana.co.za The moral right of the authors has been asserted. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior permission of the publishers. Š Rapid Phase, 2011 ISBN 978-1-4314-0107-9 Job no. 001482 Printed and bound by Ultra Litho (Pty) Limited, Johannesburg See a complete list of Jacana titles at www.jacana.co.za

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MOTHER ANDERSON’S SECRET BOOK OF WIT & WISDOM They say always avoid books on wit and wisdom, because the people who write them don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Except for me. I do know what the hell I’m talking about. And now, I want to share it with you. You’ve no doubt heard of the book: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People? – Well, I possess eight. The Power of Now? – I’ll teach you not only ‘The Power of Now’, but The Power of Just Now and The Power of Now-Now. The One Minute Manager? – All I need is thirty seconds. So put yourself in my hands, relax and start reading. You’ll be winning friends, inspiring people, thinking positively, and avoiding the pot-holes on the road less-traveled faster than you can say… “Eve – it’s after five! Where’s my gin & tonic?!” 3

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One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

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WISDOM TO LIVE BY 1. Always tell the truth. It’s the easiest thing to remember. 2. Never use your electrified fence as a clothes line. 3. Always avoid books of wit and wisdom. Most of the people who write them don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Except for this one. 4. By the time you make ends meet… they move the ends. 5. Everybody has to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another gin and tonic. 6. If you think the sun shines out of your bum, get a better reading light.

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A fool and his money should avoid reading emails from Nigeria.

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Those who can… do. Those who can’t… teach. Those who can, but don’t feel like doing… take long tea breaks.

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If the grass is always greener on the other side of the electric fence, fire your gardener and hire your neighbour’s gardener instead.

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Never sit unknowingly on a vibrating cell phone.

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If life hands you lemons... ask your maid to make lemonade. 10

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Never hire ADD armed response security. They can’t stay focused on anything.

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Mother Anderson's Book of Wit and Wisdom