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VOLUME 2; ISSUE 5

It’s All About YES

MAY 6, 2012


It’s All About YES

VOLUME 2; ISSUE 5

MAY 6, 2012

TABLE OF CONTENTS Letter From The Publisher Pg. 3 A Core Energy Coach On Self-Sabotage Pg. 4 Jill Stafford

All The Shiny Sparkly Things...My Precious. Pg. 6 Mary Joyce

The C-Word Pg. 7

Dr. Lara Fernandez

For Ryan: Chosen Grace Pg. 9 Sherrie Williams

It’s Been A Year! Pg. 11 Liz LaClair

YES Interview: Jennifer Shelton Pg. 13 Self Sabotage In Many Forms Pg. 15 Tricia Dycka

What’s Your Favorite Form of Self Sabotage? Pg. 16 Jennifer Shelton

Fan Of The Week Pg. 19 But Wait! There’s More! Pg. 20 Lori Latimer

SOS!!!!!!!!!! Shiny Object Syndrome Pg. 22 Michelle Brant

Publisher: Tricia Dycka Editor-In-Chief: Daye Salander Editor: Liz LaClair

Copyright 2012 It’s All About Yes


VOLUME 2; ISSUE 5

It’s All About YES

MAY 6, 2012

Letter From The Publisher

Our fearless leader, Tricia Dycka is still under the weather with some sort of nasty, we all wish her well!

So, I volunteered for Letter from the Editor duty – GULP! Sorry, I can’t fill Tricia’s shoes (let’s hope I do a good enough job.) My God – it’s MAY, already?! I know that some of you with kids are thinking – no, we can’t be that close to summer vacation. Then again could be YEAH! we are that close to summer vacation. Truly, I wish for you it’s the latter. Tricia gave us an excellent challenge for this month’s article. We’ve all written about how we handle the issue of: shiny object syndrome – always looking for new exciting strategies or solutions but never implementing any or giving them the chance to bed in before moving on to the next one. Leaving a trail of unmade decisions behind you, and arriving at a place of feeling “nothing works for me” general self sabotage. That Tricia, doesn’t ask for much, does she? Well, this is the kind of thing all of us entrepreneurs face at one time or another. It could be in our businesses. It could be in our personal lives. Our goal (after all is said and done) is to show you that you aren’t alone. You don’t have to feel that you’re the only one “out there” feeling like you’re re-inventing the wheel. One would think by now that wheel would be even more amazing, but how can you beat a smooth round surface that rolls and gets you where you want to go? Even if life, at times, isn’t a smooth ride? (That constant smooth ride thing is highly overrated anyway) So, from all the authors at it’s All About Yes! we hope you find at least one a-ha moment in this month’s magazine. And don’t worry, Tricia is well on her way to feeling better and back to this introduction letter thing. I wish you all a wonderful month of May! Liz LaClair

Are you looking to connect with other women entrepreneurs? Do you need encouragement or advice from others that have traveled this same road? Have you been seeking a group of women that work together to help each other; that support and encourage each other?


VOLUME 2; ISSUE 5

It’s All About YES

MAY 6, 2012

A Core Energy Coach on Self-Sabotage by Jill Stafford

Whatever your role in life is right now – be it student, employee, boss, wife, mother, patient, unemployed worker – whatever it is, who you are at your core is influencing how things are going – the good, the bad, the so-so. If you are chronically falling short of meeting your goals, it might be a good time to consider how you might be sabotaging yourself. Self-sabotage is very common and does not mean there is something wrong with you. What it does mean is that you are allowing negative and limiting beliefs to keep you from being your best self and as a result you are not living your best possible life. Identified by Sigmund Freud as subconscious dark forces, self-sabotage comes in all shapes and sizes. In this age of self-awareness, self-sabotage is described not as subconscious dark forces, but as behaviors we are aware of and choose in spite of the negative consequences. I will leave that debate for another time, but this article will focus on self-sabotage as a form of disconnect which keeps us from being our best selves and living our best possible life. We can make changes in our lives when we create a positive connection between our core energy and our core beliefs. When our thoughts, emotions and/or behaviors are self-sabotaging, they are reflecting a disconnect in our core energy that is sustaining self-defeating beliefs. “There are three Things extremely hard, Steel, a Diamond, and to know one’s self.” ~ Benjamin Franklin in Poor Richard’s Almanck Take time to really examine who you are. Embrace your talents. Know your strengths and build on them. For right now, instead of focusing on the things we’re not particularly good at, let’s try to focus on the things we do well. Give ourselves some credit and nurture self-confidence for what we have accomplished and for the skills, talents and knowledge that we have gained and possess. Some of us find it very easy to identify our strengths. For others, it is extremely hard to identify and give ourselves credit for our strengths. Once we have a good hold on some good stuff, then we can take some time to get to know our short-comings and negative qualities. If you have no negative qualities, then you need to get to know yourself better! We all have them, because we are all human. If all you can come up with are negative qualities, then you too need to get to know yourself better!! You are being too hard on yourself. A fun way to explore your “self” is to take some free personality tests on the internet. There are lots of them!! I recommend taking a few because each one you take will tell you more about yourself. In fact, the actual process of taking the tests will likely tell you as much about yourself as the results of the tests. . “This above all: to thine ownself be true.” ~ William Shakespeare from Hamlet The thing is, knowing we are messing up and knowing we are doing this to ourselves will not necessarily empower us to do anything differently. Just because we know what it is, doesn’t mean we can or will change it. To create sustainable positive change in our behavior we have to do some deep work and uncover the core energy creating the thoughts and emotions that result in the self-sabotaging behaviors.

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This kind of deep work is difficult to do on our own. We have blind spots. We are invested in our beliefsystem and our beliefs may be so entrenched that we don’t even consider questioning them. On our own, the process of identifying and challenging self-defeating beliefs can be quite uncomfortable if not impossible. This is why partnering with a coach trained in Core Energy Coaching can be life-changing and liberating. As a Core Energy Coach, my work is all about guiding clients to fully engage in their lives and discover who they are and what they want. This process includes identifying ways that the client is getting his/her own way and when we are getting in our own way we are self-sabotaging. For example, you know that you need to get your resume in order, but keep putting it off. Even though you know you are procrastinating and will miss opportunities, you keep doing it. Through the coaching process, you can discover why you are doing this and make deep changes so the self-sabotaging behaviors will stop. Partnering with a client in this way is powerful and rewarding, for both coach and client, and as the client eliminates limiting beliefs, life begins to open in both subtle and profound ways to positive opportunities. I bring up my coaching work not as an advertisement, but as an option for becoming your best self. I have benefitted so much from my own work with a coach as the client!! Am I cured of all self-sabotaging behaviors? Well, not yet…but I have made amazing breakthroughs in identifying limiting beliefs, as well as enormous strides towards creating goals and the steps to achieve these goals – and getting the hell out of my own way!!! You can too!!!! Jill Stafford combine s her MS in Holistic Teaching & Learning with her Professional Coaching practice, Meet your Goals. Currently residing in Fredericksburg, VA, she enjoys working with adult college students with special needs, health and weight loss clients, as well as small business owners. Jill is highly creative and intuitive and is a radio host, song writer and author. Visit her Coaching Page at http://www.facebook.com/jill.stafford. coach Her Holistic Teaching, Learning and Living Page at http://www. facebook.com/pages/Holistic-Teaching-Learning-and-Living/203570723015315 and her My Vi Story Page at http://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Vi-

Story/352045021482026 . Of course if you want to learn more about the Body By Vi 90 Day Challenge go to http://vibrantyou.bodybyvi.com/ Jill looks forward to hearing from our readers and

partnering with you to make YOUR goals realities!!!!

Something To Ponder... You become what you think about. ~Earl Nightingale You can’t depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus. ~ Mark Twain You have to have your heart in the business and the business in your heart. ~ Thomas J. Watson You must not only aim right, but draw the bow with all your might. ~ Henry David Thoreau


It’s All About YES

VOLUME 2; ISSUE 5

MAY 6, 2012

All the shiny sparkly things…My precious. by Mary Joyce

It really is a wonder that we ever get anything done at all, with all the distractions vying for our attention.

If you are a business owner, this will be a very familiar feeling. If you are finding yourself getting easily distracted, it’s a form of self-sabotage and you want to conquer that beast as quickly as possible. There are so many different programs and products you can buy, to generate traffic, how to sell from the stage, make money from your emails, turn facebook into a cash generating vehicles for your business. Blah, Blah, Blah NOISE, NOISE everywhere. Plenty of people buy these products and shock horror – never even open them. So how do you decide what’s best for you and your business. Let’s face it, those that don’t invest in themselves, usually struggle to get their businesses off the ground or build any leverage or growth in it. If you run into them a year or so down the line, they’re likely to have given up or changed businesses all together, believing that it’s the business they choose that didn’t work and not them.

How to cut through the NOISE 1. Be realistic about what it is you want to achieve, rather than chasing after the next fad. 2. Take advice and guidance of those who have had success using the system you are interested in. 3. Have a plan of action and follow it. 4. Take baby steps towards your goals. 5. Weigh up if your investment of time and money will have a return. 6. Do what comes naturally to you and focus on those areas. 7. Only sign up for things you will actually commit too, sometimes these quick fixes take a long time to master and put in to play. 8. Focus on service, on your existing clients. 9. Work out if an internal belief is actually sabotaging your efforts and perhaps work on that before you spend lots of money on the “HOW TO’S” 10. Get on mission and ask yourself – your gut “Is this bringing me closer to or further away from my life purpose?” Your first answer will be the honest one, TRUST IT. Your most precious thing in business is your time, use it wisely and you will be rewarded. Mary Joyce is a life and relationship coach, naturally gifted intuitive, works with the angelic Realm, and Mum to two beautiful young children. She runs a couple of weekly life coaching workshops for women, works with local government agencies in the UK providing trainings in both life and career coaching. She works with women from every background from Entrepreneurs, small business owners to single mothers to help them live a life of Purpose and prosperity. You can find Mary at www.marymjoyce.com.


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The C-word

by Dr Lara Fernandez

Yes, I’m talking about the C-word today. A lot of people cringe when they hear

this word. Some actually get a gut reaction and run away when it’s mentioned. But it has to be addressed – or you’ll NEVER find your true love and live your best life. The C-word I’m talking about is Commitment. Stay with me now. Breathe. How committed are you to attracting your soul mate? Is your commitment level on the lower side, kind of “finding my soul mate would be nice”, but there’s no energy behind it? Or, are you SAYING that you’re 100% committed, but there’s no real-world consistent action to do the inner work necessary to become a magnet for soul mate love and the life of your dreams? I want to be clear here: you MUST be doing actions to tell the Universe that you are serious! And by actions, I do NOT mean dating a hundred guys to find your prince. That’s such an old, outdated and dusty paradigm and needs to be put up on the shelf where it belongs. Since the Universe will only match you at the level of your commitment, to attract someone better and more amazing than ever before, you’ll have to DO SOMETHING better and more amazing than ever before!!! You’ll need to catapult yourself out of any apathy or cynicism or hopelessness or resistance you may feel and get OUT of your comfort zone! Here’s a few tips to help you get started: 1. Look around in your life, ask yourself what other areas are you not being committed. Is there a class you’ve been wanting to take, an exercise or cleanse program you’ve been wanting to do but have been putting off? Start here. Start by building your “commitment muscle” NOW. That way, the Universe will see your commitment and respond with MIRACLES. Yes, I said it. MIRACLES. I know because when I live from this place of commitment, magic is afoot and beautiful “coincidences” happen that are life-changing! 2. Look for opportunities that push you out of your comfort zone and TAKE THEM. As the saying goes, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. An example of pushing yourself? Here’s one. Join us at our Love Breakthrough Weekend, coming up April 21-22 and May 19-20. Taking the step of showing up to a live weekend event where you are telling the world that you are ready to

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DO something about your love life – now THAT can be uncomfortable for some folks. But at one point, you DO have to stop being so private about the fact that you need support and mentoring to attract what you want in life. You do that in your business or career or health areas of lifewhy not love? 3. Realize that finding your soul mate is really all about YOU. Your mindset, your thoughts, your feelings and YOUR ACTIONS. If you are or if you have been attracting non-committal or non-available men, then you must understand that they are a mirror for YOUR MAGNETIC VIBRATION that you are giving off. So what to do about that? Grow yourself first, all else follows. Do the inner work to release your unconscious blocks to love and to living a beautiful life. Find a mentor who has manifested their soul mate and learn from them. The more you invest time, energy and money in yourself, the higher your vibration grows and you become an attractor for an amazing life and you will become a have-it-all woman! Go for it! Your desires and your dreams matter! I hope this C-word article hasn’t shocked you too much and most importantly, I hope it’s helpful to you. With love and light, Dr. Lara B. Fernandez After a short but heartbreaking first marriage, and years of serial monogamy in relationships that always seemed to be exactly NOT what she was looking for Lara realized that by actively and properly preparing to realize her desires, she could change her life for the better. She soon saw the fruits of her time, energy, and money invested in her dreams – she actually magnetized her soulmate, Johnny, to her. With the power of these amazing magnetizing principles fresh in her mind and heart, Lara then applied the principles to her professional life. Together they created a successful chiropractic wellness center, then moved on to helping others create their own magic and miracles. Blending Lara’s warmth and magical manifesting mojo with Johnny’s 20 years of experience in education, course creation, and training their fun and effective LoveLaunch courses and programs now help others worldwide to create a life that they truly love with the love of their life by their side.


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It’s All About YES

MAY 6, 2012

For Ryan: Chosen Grace by Sherrie Williams

This is Ryan, my nephew. His beautiful spirit and

energy, is now as free as his precocious and pure heart always was. He passed away two days ago. The last time I saw him was Thanksgiving Day 2011. He was only an hour and a half away. I could have seen him more often. I didn’t. That is my loss to live with now. I do remember the last time I saw him. He pulled himself up from his wheelchair that he has been in since elementary school, onto the counter, fighting like a pit bull to stand on his own two feet, and he did, grinning from ear to ear, which he was always doing. Or tickling you, poking you, grabbing your nose or anything he could do to get you to laugh and smile only half as much as he did every day. Ryan was diagnosed with his first brain tumor at 4. Since that day until the day he died, a teenage boy years later, his days and nights have consisted of numerous more tumors, periods of complete unconsciousness in the hospital, one illness, setback and debilitating condition after another, until his last moment here in this world. I did not see that often. Not as often as I could, but his affect upon me was profound none the less. I would see him and that smile from the heart of a true fighter that never saw the defeat his body did. His parents never gave up or stopped fighting, hoping believing. How could they, when he didn’t. This is all from an outsider’s perspective, because I was never as close to this as I could have, and should have been, but no one could miss this young man’s spirit or his parent’s weary battle and unwavering devotion. In contrast to this young man’s enduring innocence and pure spirit, and appreciation for his every breath. I have to bear witness every day to the grumbling and whining of the poor pity me crowd, of which I have in one of my children admittedly, and once was a long time ago myself. You (they) whine constantly about you silly trivial woes and laments. Going on and on about how unfair life is and how everyone is out to get you, no one cares, nothing ever goes your way. You know the old song and dance. Take a look at this life lived and get a grip! If you are living a life of “meeeeeeeeeee, why me?” A life of self-important, ego-centered, careless, shallow and meaningless living. You do a disservice to every breath you are lucky enough to draw, and the health you do not deserve! It never ceases to amaze me, how people can actually be so lucky, and not even realize it, because they are so focused on their expectations, wants and desires. So focused, that they fail to see the people around them every day that struggle through breathing, with a smile. These same people are grumbling about their steak at the steakhouse coming out medium instead of well done. Or tapping their feet and muttering under their breath at the man who jumped line who has one movie, and they have a cart full. This happened yesterday and I let that man in

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front of me and the grumblers grumbled some more. I decided to be gracious, pick a fight in Wal Mart as he technically did jump line, or see the bigger picture by showing some grace, and offer him the place instead. I choose my battles carefully, especially when I think about Ryan and those like him, who’s everyday is a battle for the next moment that their precious spirits embrace like a feisty terrier. I was thinking on these things, when that man jumped line at Wal Mart. Every day, in every breath, I have that opportunity to really live instead of exist trapped by material, meaningless things. To appreciate my next breath, my next step, my next memory. You have those moments every day too. Don’t wait until the time has run out in your life, or the life of another, to do it. Sherrie Williams I’m Sherrie, a.k.a. wildfire :) by those who really know me. I was born in Albemarle, NC and raised on a farm in Davidson, NC tending chickens, horses and a crop. Father was a carpenter, blacksmith, photography bug and engineer. Mom is a career Real Estate Professional/Broker/Consultant and Motivational Speaker. I have 4 children ages 16 to 20, two are my fraternal twin girls. I have done many things. The best of them is being the mother of these 4 unique spirits I have been blessed with. I am an independent location/traveling photographer and have also over the past 20 years been an avid lover of the spoken and written word in all forms. I was a fitness trainer and gym manager at one point. I prefer to nourish now where the true reservoir of strength and wellness comes from and starts, our spirits! You can find me at: www.facebook.com/riversoftime


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It’s Been a Year! By Liz LaClair

Hmm, “shiny object syndrome” wow, we sure pick some doozies for topics

don’t we? Did you know that we of It’s All About Yes! have been “at this” for a YEAR now? Yes, just last April was when we had our first teleconferences introducing ourselves – it took to May to finish. Our first e-magazine came out in June! In each of our articles all of us do our best to give you our sage (?) advice. Everything we write comes from the heart. So, for this shiny object thing. I’m thinking it could be like the dogs in the movie Up. You remember someone says “squirrel” and they all stop what they’re doing and turn to look. It’s also trying new things, say for your business, and not giving them time to work before giving up. Well for this I’m going to take a slightly different track. You see I almost didn’t write this month. In fact I told Tricia I would bow out. But then my nagging writing voice kicked in – boy can it nag! That voice kept telling me that if I can go through this past 12 months with all the other stuff that’s happened and still contribute – why should this month be any different? Last year when we started this wonderful venture, my husband had been diagnosed with cancer and we were just starting all the things we were going to have to do to get him treated and to beat the thing. (So far he has – thank God!) In the same month as his two surgeries, my biggest client had to re-vamp her business, so of course my business took a big hit and at a time when my husband couldn’t work. Talk about distracting! Various things – personal things – have happened to me in this past 12 months. The topper, the thing that made me think I couldn’t write this month? My Step-Mom was recently diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer. The cancer spread to her lymph nodes and we were told the other day that it is now in her brain. We were told that if the next two treatments don’t work – then all that can be done is Hospice care until…

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National Humor Month: Laughing Your Way to Good Health By Marlo Thomas

If there are two things I like to do every day of my life, it’s: 1) look after my health, and 2) laugh. Not a bad combo, right? But did you know that by doing the second, you’re also doing the first? Not that you shouldn’t climb onto that lifecycle, but laughter -- all by itself -- treats the body to a whole array of health benefits. For starters, a good, big laugh relieves physical tension and relaxes your muscles for up to 45 minutes. (Maybe that’s why everyone feels so laid back when someone starts telling jokes at a party!) Laughter also keeps the immune system humming by decreasing stress hormones and boosting infectionfighting antibodies. It even protects the heart by keeping those blood vessels pumping.

Read The Whole Article


It’s All About YES

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So, as you can imagine thinking about my business has not been as steady as it should be. As it needs to be. I am not telling you all of this because I want sympathy from anyone. I don’t. What I’m trying to tell you is, do your utmost to “keep on keepin’ on.” As tough as things can get, as distracting as they can get, don’t be like me. Do not let them take over and distract you from running your business. Why? Well for one thing there’s the keeping busy thing. It’s good to take your mind off the negative things. Work is good for that. Another, the life stuff doesn’t just take care of itself. Bills don’t pay themselves. You have to keep your business going for income so you can handle all those life distractions that will hit you between the eyes. So dear readers, do your absolute best to not let things distract you – you don’t get ahead that way. When it comes to you business, find what works and keep with it. Good things will happen. Liz LaClair I have TWO best parts of my life. I’m thrilled to have found my business calling! I truly enjoy working with my clients – the work I do is fun! Check out how I got past my challenges – learn how I’m taking what was a not so good and making it great. Yes, I write a blog too. I’m a small business entrepreneur who likes working/supporting other small businesses. The other best part of my life? I’m married to the love of my life. He’s very supportive of what I’m doing. Who could ask for more? You can find me at http://www.virtuallyhelps.com/


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ALL ABOUT YES INTERVIEW: ALL ABOUT Jennifer Shelton YES: Before we get in to the whys and wherefores, explain to us – just what is FemCentral? JS: FemCentral is a website dedicated to bringing back the natural balance between the feminine and the masculine, the Yin and the Yang. It has evolved from being mostly a resource site to a place where women (and men) gather to explore and change our collective consciousness about the Feminine. • I focus on a theme or topic per week, going deep on a topic, exploring it from many angles and providing suggestions and guidance for exploring it in your personal life. I feature excerpts from books, meditations, personal experiences, guest experts, and writing exercises. We engage in discussions both in the comment fields of the posts and on the FemCentral facebook page. •

There are several content experts who write columns for FemCentral, and their posts appear on Sundays. Some have regular monthly columns and others post every 2-3 months.

Writing prompts give the FemCentral community the opportunity to use the powerful tool of “free writing” to explore, and expose, personal beliefs and share them collectively. I feature one prompt per month and towards the end of each month, post all the responses as submitted to me.

I also welcome, and frequently feature, content experts who wish to guest blog on a topic or theme (one post or a full week). If interested, please contact me at Jennifer@jenniferlshelton. com

To highlight female role models, every Thursday is Woman of the Week, where I feature an “undeservedly obscure” contemporary or historic female.

A few years ago, I unexpectedly discovered a gift for astrology. Highly skeptical at first, I have come to embrace the perspective the Zodiac provides. Most Fridays are AstroFriday, where I approach the week’s theme from the viewpoint of astrology. (For instance, when I spent a week on the topic of “fear,” AstroFriday was about the planet Saturn, which indicates, in your birthchart, what you fear the most.) I also provide individualized astrological services in the form of chart readings, birthday readings, intuitive coaching and a “life purpose” email subscription service.

YES: What possessed you to start your business? Why did you become an entrepreneur? JS:

In early August of 2009, I was laid off from my job as the Manager of Education and Outreach for a research institute at a local university. On August 23, 2009, I saw the cover of the New York

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Times Magazine – Why Women’s Rights are the Issue of Our Time. I have a long time interest in human rights and decided this lay-off was the perfect opportunity to match my professional skills with my passion. I launched FemCentral in January, 2010. YES: Does anyone close to you (family friends) help you with your business? What are their roles? JS: My 10 year old says he is my “marketing manager.” He certainly comes up with some creative ideas (although, I’ve yet to fully pursue the “FemCentral chocolate bar.”)

JS:

YES:

What’s your favorite thing about being an entrepreneur?

JS:

Independence and creative freedom!

YES:

What types of services/products do you offer?

Sponsorships: Sponsorships differ from advertisements, although they can be use to advertise. They can also be used to promote a cause (e.g., animal rescue, environmentalism), in honor or in memory of a specific person, or “just because.”

A wide variety of astrological services. Classes throughout the year. YES: What challenges do/did you face? JS:

Growing pains. I am ecstatic that FemCentral is growing but I am currently adjusting from being a solo-preneur to someone who absolutely needs assistance and learning that I don’t have to do everything by myself.

YES: What recommendations do you give other women who are thinking about starting a business? (or business similar to yours/in your field) JS:

Know yourself well. Know what you like, what you don’t like, what you are good at. Don’t go into it just for the money. It could take a while before that starts coming in. You need passion to keep you going. But, if you have that passion, you will be successful. Also, don’t be too rigid about what you are doing. Follow the growth, even if that leads to change.

YES: What’s your biggest lesson? JS:

Learning the balance between taking care of what needs to be taken care of, and “going with the flow.”

YES: Best question for last – What does success mean to you? JS:

Knowing myself well and following my personal path, even if it’s not considered to be “normal.” Making a living doing this is the ultimate in success!


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Self Sabotage in Many Forms by Tricia Dycka

How many times do you catch yourself chasing your tail? Running after all loose ends or new ideas without ever finishing what is in front of you? Do you tell yourself it is better to get up and go finish the dishes or run out and do an errand while your business projects sit and wait gathering dust?

Let me be the first to tell you – it happens. The one thing I have noticed is I start to make excuses in the guise of what needs to be taken care of or what is more important than the project on my desk. I have actually caught myself leaving my desk to do something I deem more important but catch myself and sit back down. Shinny object syndrome is always looking for something else to catch your attention because what is in front of you does not. Or could it be just an excuse to not share whatever you are doing with the world? I have worked on projects and workshops yet catch myself, in mid stream of finding ways to procrastinate. Which is exactly what happens, postponing the inevitable, the deadline and the ability to make sure you have completed the project while making attempts to distract yourself with other “busy” work. The next excuse is to put it aside because you are being inundated with all kinds of amazing offers of how to work faster, better, and create better time management. If you could do this then everything else will be so much easier. Do these programs work? Of course some definitely do. It is a matter of implementing and sticking to it. However, ask yourself – “Do I really need it?” Self sabotage comes in all forms. Ways to convince ourselves to leave what we are doing because something else needs to be done that is more important. Start to asking what it is you really hiding from. It usually comes down to fear. Fear of rejection, of the unknown, putting your most personal work out there for all to see and potentially criticize. BUT what if you reach someone and they love it? You change their world because of your work. Tricia Dycka: Tricia is an Entrepreneur, life enthusiast, author, intuitive, funny, very candid, great listener. Take the path less traveled. Living in the moment. Enjoys massive amounts of chocolate and coffee. Supportive friend who is there for you when everyone else has abandoned you and thinks you have lost your mind. Encourages entrepreneurs to embrace themselves so they can create an environment that supports their dreams. You can find me at www.triciadycka.com


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MAY 6, 2012

What’s your favorite form of self-sabotage? originally published on FemCentral on November 2, 2011 by Jennifer Shelton

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure. - Helen Keller The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise. – Tacitus, Roman philosopher This past weekend, I became irrationally excited about going to see The Rum Diary, a movie starring Johnny Depp, based on a book by Hunter S. Thompson. While I like Johnny Depp, I’m not obsessed with him (which increases my status as an “oddball,” I know). I don’t go to see a movie just because he is in it or anything (and when I see a Pirates movie, I keep thinking that he really needs a bath). I told people that the reason I wanted to go was because I LOVED Hunter S. Thompson’s writing. That’s what I honestly thought. And, someone logically asked me, “What are you favorite books?” Hmmm. I didn’t have an answer. I do own one of his books but I hadn’t touched it in over a decade. I couldn’t remember the name of it, either. Maybe that wasn’t why I was obsessed with seeing the movie as soon as it came out. So, I was very curious as I walked into the matinee of The Rum Diary. The movie was funny and reminded me of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas but with slightly less highs and a lot more rum. Although clumsy in places, it was enjoyable. I still wasn’t sure why I had wanted to go, except that maybe I’m a writer, and that Hunter S. Thompson is a writer. When people asked how it was, I said it wasn’t as good as Fear and Loathing, and then, I got into many discussions about how great that movie was. The next day, I checked out the Fear and Loathing DVD from the library. I had only seen it once, despite my claims that I loved it so much. When I started watching it, I remembered WHY I had only seen it once. The movie “gives me The Fear.” How did these men not OD? Or kill themselves with random guns, knives, cars, while high? How did they not drown? Electrocute themselves while taking a bath with appliances running all around them? I almost didn’t watch the entire movie because I was so nervous. But, I felt compelled to, just as I’d been compelled to go see The Rum Diary. After a nerve-wracking two hours, I raced to read about Hunter S. Thompson’s life. I knew he’d been a writer, used lots of drugs, liked guns and killed himself with a shotgun while on the phone with his wife. That was about it. I pulled up the first biography I found online, and lo and behold, he was from Kentucky! I am from Kentucky. OK, there are lots of people from Kentucky but this struck me as synchronous since I was searching for why I was suddenly obsessed with this man. I already knew that Johnny Depp was from Kentucky. So, some connection or message about my ROOTS? The next day, I smelled cigarette smoke in my house. Very odd. I don’t smoke. No one has ever smoked in here. I mentioned it in an online spiritual group, and the conversation veered toward Shamans, and how some

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use tobacco and whiskey for spiritual enlightenment. Hunter S. Thompson came up AGAIN! Others did not know he was from Kentucky either, and I joked that it’s probably the reason he liked guns so much. Today (Tuesday), I’m taking the bus into UNC Chapel Hill’s campus, to do some research at the library (for the book I’m working on about the suffragist Lucy Burns). I pick up a Newsweek, open it randomly, and there’s an article about….the friendship between Johnny Depp and Hunter S. Thompson.  In one of the opening paragraphs, Johnny describes his first visit to Hunter’s house, “…I noticed this beautiful nickelplated 12-gauge shotgun on his wall. I was raised around weapons all my life, being from Kentucky, so I said, ‘Wow, that’s a really good-looking 12-gauge.’ And he said, ‘Would you like to fire it?’” Hunter also called Johnny, “Colonel Depp” because of their Kentucky connection. (It’s an honor to be a Kentucky Colonel, and it has nothing to do with fried chicken. Several members of my family have the official title.) What really hit me as I read the article, though, was the description of how a young Thompson would type and retype The Great Gatsby, just so he’d know what it felt like to type a masterpiece. I did the same thing. With the same book! (Although, I don’t think I ever typed it out fully once, much less multiple times.) Driving home this afternoon, I was mulling over all the synchronicities (when it comes to synchronicities, if YOU think they are significant, they are). What message was I getting from all of this? I immediately thought of Hunter’s lack of control when under the influence. He also wrote some of his best stuff while high. Miraculously, he never got hurt. Well, just when this thought popped into my brain, a woman on the radio announced the birthday of Anthony Kiedis the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And she said, “Have you read his memoir? I don’t know how he’s survived with all the drugs he took.” AHA. No, I’m not going to start taking drugs. Or getting high to write. What I feared, when I watched Fear and Loathing, and The Rum Diary was the chaos. The VULNERABILITY. The seeming randomness of Hunter’s life. But, the chaos brought him great insight (as did the drugs, but we’ll set that aside for now), and it was the chaos that forged his great writing. Not only that, the CHAOS DID NOT KILL HIM. How do you self-sabotage? You know how some people self-sabotage by quitting jobs they love and are good at, or by breaking up with someone, even though the relationship is going great? Their greatest fear is commitment, and they’ll avoid it, even at personal expense. MY greatest fear is lack of control. When I can’t control things, I FREAK OUT. Of course, control is just an illusion but telling myself that makes me freak out even more. I self-sabotage by going for safety. Every time. In jobs. In relationships. In, well, everything. Or, I used to until the Universe no longer let me! This website scares the hell of me. I’ve talked about this many times before.  Will I ever make a full living at this? Will people think I’m nuts? Will it hurt my reputation? But, I keep doing it anyway. Writing a book scares the hell out of me too. What if I put in months or years or work and no one ever publishes it? Or, I self publish and no one reads it? What if I run out of money? What if…

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But, I’m doing it anyway. I’m embracing the mystery that’s out there, no longer going for the “sure thing” (which wasn’t so sure anyway, as evidenced by my layoff, my divorce…). And, the Universe is providing me assurance! Not guarantees but support. I have actually been asking (begging!) for help with my fear, so that I could courageously follow my path, and not self-sabotage, yet again. I just didn’t expect the support to come in the form of a drug-using, gun-toting writer from Kentucky! The Kentucky bit (or, at least, my “roots”) is important too, for what I’m doing and what I’m writing. I grew up, fully immersed in fundamentalist culture, but this site is anything but. I have a unique perspective, which is important for a writer. I haven’t yet worked out all the other messages. The gun is “power,” maybe? I should definitely reread some of Thompson’s books! (I had to laugh when I checked one out of the county library today, and the cover shows the back of a nude Thompson, shooting a gun. The book, by the way, is Kingdom of Fear. Yes, I have much to learn.) The point of this story? The moral, so to speak? If you embrace the mystery, the mystery will rally to support you, in ways you may never expect. You just have to step into it with your eyes wide open, or else you’ll miss the signs. Look directly at The Fear. That’s courage. Jennifer L Shelton Jennifer is the founder and administrator of FemCentral, the Virtual Institute for Women, where she also works as an astrologer, intuitive coach and instructor. She teaches undergraduate, online classes in global cultures for Franklin University and works as an education, outreach and training consultant. She’s a writer. She’s a mom. She’s gloriously busy doing the things she loves. You can find Jennifer at www.jenniferlshelton.com

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Each week we have WINNERS that we think you should know. These are people on our Facebook Page that take the time to not only be actively involved but Share, Like, Post, Re-post, and Comment. Visit our FanPage at www.facebook.com/ItsAllAboutYes and GET INVOLVED! We would LOVE to promote you! So, Let Us Introduce....!

May’s Fan of the Week Winners Take a minute to get to know some of our readers and supporters. Visit our FanPage at www.facebook. com/itsallaboutyes and Share, Like, Post and Comment to be one of next month’s Featured Fans!!! jws Michele Brant: Complete Living – Certified Coaching for Professional Women. You can find out more on her website: www.complete-living.org

Mary Joyce is a Life and Relationship Coach and has much to learn on her website: www. marymjoyce.com

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Two-time Winner! Ashlee Landis is a two-time Fan of the Week winner! As a two-time Fan of the Week here is a bit more about her: Ashlee is a Rock star at Visalus and is really living The Vi Life. Check out Ashlee and the Body By Vi 90 Day Challenge. Visit her at http://www.ShakeIt2Lose.com or http://www.facebook.com/90Days2ANewU


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But Wait! There’s More! by Lori Latimer

Like so many of you, I’ve bought into more products and

programs than I care to admit. Some of it has some pretty good content and is taught by some very generous and inspiring people. And some of it is just...well, hype. Often pushed by people who have bought into their own hype. Let’s face it, they put up pretty sales pages, they have great preview calls or tele-summits, they give you a few morsels, and then...Wait! There’s more! If you want the full scoop, if you want to know exactly how to do all these things, sign up for their new program! They direct you to a sales page that has beautiful pictures of cars and boats, perfect children, great vacations, and lavish houses – all depicting a life of ease and fun...if you just sign up for their program! So you sign up. Quickly, so you can be one of the lucky ones that get all those wonderful bonuses! And just before the program ends...Wait! There’s more! If you loved this program, you just have to sign up for the next level because that one, well, that’s the one that will really get you to that lifestyle you want. And on it goes. While I may be exaggerating and making fun of some of it to an extent, this is the way many people get hooked. And before you know it, you aren’t even working in or on your business because you’re too busy doing the next great program. The problem is that most of us want instant gratification. We live in a world of instant gratification – 24/7 television, movies on demand, microwave breakfast, lunch and dinner, and of course, cell phones and computers that give us access to almost anything and everything at the push of a button. We fall into the trap of thinking that “the next big thing” will get us there – wherever “there” is to each of us. What we don’t realize until many months or even years later, and hundreds if not thousands of dollars later, is that most of what’s being sold has been around for years. It’s just been repackaged, repurposed, and rebundled. And that’s true of everything, including what each one of us is trying to do! So there isn’t anything wrong with that – as long as you recognize it for what it is. The question becomes how do we get the education and training we need without falling into the “But wait! There’s more!” cycle? It’s actually quite simple, and only involves two steps. 1. Know exactly what you need to learn. If you don’t know how to set up a website, take a class. I took a class from someone in early 2010, and it was exactly what I needed. I don’t need to know all the intricacies

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of my website, but I need to know enough to get into my website and do something like write a blog post. So I learned. And then hire someone to deal with the more technical aspects of it (which can be done for very low cost). 2. Work the program all the way through and implement it! This sounds so simple, and yet that’s where most of us get tripped up. I know that I’ve bought many programs and products that are still sitting on my shelf that I’ve never finished. But the ones that I have finished and implemented have made running my business so much easier. What happens when we keep buying into the next program or product is often nothing more than a form of procrastination. “Oh, I can’t start until I learn this.” Or “I need to do this program before I can do the next thing in my business.” Once I got off the “But wait! There’s more!” roller coaster, I realized that while I might not know everything (but who does?), I do know enough to at least get started. And that’s when my business seemed to gain some momentum of its own, without me having to push and struggle so much to make it happen. So stop procrastinating! And start doing. If you try something and it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to, that’s okay. No one will lose their life over it! Join a mastermind group, or start one of your own. Often you can get the help you really need from another member, someone that’s actually done what you need and can give you some targeted suggestions. Often we have the answers inside ourselves anyway. People generally start businesses in areas they have some knowledge of or previous experience in. If you need some technical help, it’s out there. Just keep your BS meter on high alert and know when you’ve gotten enough to go do what you need to do. And then... go do it! Lori Laimer Lori helps women work through the issues they face as newly-single women. After working as a paralegal in family law for over 20 years and going through her own divorce, she discovered a way to heal the pain of past relationships and build a new life full of joy and passion. She now helps newly-single women and those going through divorce fall in love with themselves and their lives. You can find me at http://lorilatimer.com/


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SOS!!!!!!!! SHINY OBJECT SYNDROME…HOW TO STAY ON TRACK WITH YOUR GOALS AND DESIRES by Michele Brant

Variety is the spice of life for me and I know I

am in good company. I tend to view the world as an exciting plethora of opportunities to learn, grow and create new things. The problem is that it’s easy to get distracted from the goals and commitments I’ve already made. Rather than seeing things through to completion, I can easily put my goals and projects to the side to chase after whatever new thing has just caught my eye. This is referred to as “shiny object” syndrome, and it has derailed the success of many people. If you frequently abandon commitments in favor of new interests and projects, here are three techniques to help you evaluate new opportunities: Postpone Your Decision. It’s easy to get swept away with excitement when you stumble across something new and exciting. Try waiting a few days before making a final decision about whether or not to commit to the new opportunity. You’ll probably find that your enthusiasm wanes and you’re better able to evaluate whether this new opportunity will move you closer to your goal. First, realize that whatever it is, it WILL take time to learn – and there are only so many hours in a day. Ask yourself what you’ll need to give up or put on the back burner in order to make this work. Is it worth giving that up? Run It By Your Mastermind Group, A Trusted Advisor or Your Coach. Ask people you trust and who understand your goals for input before you commit to taking on anything new. For those that don’t know, a mastermind group is simply an alliance of two or more individuals dedicating themselves to a specific goal. It’s important to have a safe place to bring your challenges, concerns, decisions, ideas, and also to get honest feedback. See If There Is Something Deeper Going On. If you find the shiny object syndrome happening on a consistent basis then there is likely something happening on a deeper level. You probably don’t realize

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this, but you could be sabotaging your own success. Take a look at your belief system. Do you think you deserve to be successful? Do you believe it’s your birthright to have abundance in ALL areas of your life? Are you afraid of failing or even afraid of succeeding? Figuring out your belief system and where they come from is the first step, and half the battle. Once you have identified this, ask yourself if those beliefs are worth holding you back and preventing you from achieving the success level you desire and deserve. Focus on one thing for a minimum of 90 days and become a master at it. The 90-day time frame is one of the best approaches for creating focus and making regular new discoveries. The simplicity of this plan is that you do each thing as fully as possible — one thing at a time. You’ll become more disciplined and committed to your goals. Keep in mind that Shiny Object Syndrome can be beneficial – as long as you make sure the object of your attention is integrated into both your short-term and long-term plans. Michele Brant is a Certified Professional coach with Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) and also has an International Coach Federation (ICF) aligned Professionally Certified Coach credential. Integrating her expertise in the area of life balance, she has worked with countless clients like you, to help them achieve the life they truly want to be living. She knows the challenges that professional women face from the inside, with more than 20 years of corporate and consulting experience, including project management, training and development, online marketing, leadership, business, career, wellness and life coaching. She has been there and knows how it feels to be overwhelmed and unfulfilled. She started out her adult life making decisions from the perspective of “this is what I should do.” She struggled with depression, insomnia, not feeling like she fit in and being in several relationships that weren’t fulfilling. She kept on this course for a long time, losing herself due to making compromise after compromise. From the outside, it may have seemed to most people that she had it all together. But deep down, she wasn’t happy and lacked clarity and direction to live the life she really wanted to be living. Fortunately, she discovered coaching and it changed her life. She can truly say now that her life is balanced and fulfilling including a wonderful marriage, great friendships, and a fantastic career. She currently lives in the Charlotte, NC area with her husband, stepdaughter, 2 adopted dogs and a cat. You can find out more about Michele at www. -living.org

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