Towards a greater capacity: Learning from intercountry adoption breakdowns 153
3. From risk factors to protective factors
affected by loss, abuse and neglect may not be able to reciprocate in a positive way.243 When unaware that their child’s behaviours and responses are normal outcomes of their history, parents may interpret them personally. This may lead the parent to also become reactive, confused, frustrated and ashamed, therefore losing the ability for the empathy, responsiveness and emotional safety that the child needs. Family functioning may be improved by supporting parents to re-frame their parenting expectations and to increase their therapeutic skills, knowledge and attributes.244 Support and information is necessary to facilitate this process and enable a sense of fulfilment and self-esteem in a changed parenting identity and purpose.
The Therapeutic Parenting with Relationship and Regulation Program245, 246 In South Australia, the state government funded Post Adoption Support Service, a program of Relationships Australia, developed a trauma and attachment informed parenting program in 2007 in response to the needs of adoptive parents. The foundation for the Therapeutic Parenting with Relationship and Regulation program (TP:R&R) is a belief that in order to effectively support children, it is necessary to support parents to provide a therapeutic relationship and environment for their child. Essentially, a child-centred approach requires taking the focus off ‘fixing the child’, and instead placing it on capacitating and supporting the parents. TP:R&R works to achieve this through facilitating new understandings of parents about themselves and about their children, their and their children’s perceptions of relationships and safety, and teaching new parenting attitudes and skills which focus on safety in relationships as opposed to managing behaviour. There are three main components of the six-week therapeutic group program: • information about the core-challenges;
There is growing knowledge around the impact of developmental trauma on a child’s perception and behaviour, and of the need for them to experience therapeutic relationships to help them feel safe and to heal. However, this knowledge was not reliably transferring to parents in ways which guided them in their expectations and knowing how to help their children. Additionally, even with this knowledge, the reality of parenting a child with emotional, social and behavioural challenges can be enormously challenging and the need for support should be anticipated. TP:R&R explores early brain development and core-challenges which commonly exist for children with complex histories. This reframes ‘abnormal’ behaviour into behaviour which makes sense given the context of the child’s experience. This helps parents let go of unrealistic expectations and personalising of behaviour, and provides insight to why a child might not respond positively to ‘behaviour management’ parenting. Behaviour management rewards positive behaviour and ignores or gives a consequence (including anger, frustration or disappointment shown in the parent’s eye contact, voice tone and body language) for undesired behaviour. The program explores therapeutic attitudes with a focus on safety in relationships, as opposed to managing behaviour. An important component of TP:R&R is building the parents ability to regulate, recognising that having the knowledge, tools and desire to be therapeutic is not enough. Therapeutic parenting requires a significant capacity to regulate and when faced with the behavioural and emotional challenges arising in relationships with hurt children, this can be difficult to maintain. Changes in parenting following participation in the program frequently brings positive changes in the child’s behaviour. However, perhaps the most significant outcome is parents’ reframing of their role and expectations, which brings an increased sense of fulfilment and enjoyment in their parenting. This in turn impacts the child’s sense of acceptance and well-being.
• normalising, restoring and self-reflection; • building skills and therapeutic attributes.
Macrae, S., Op. Cit . nº239, p. 14. Spark, C., Cuthbert, D., Cregan, K. & Murphy, K. (2008). Review of Research Literature (1990 to the present) Special Needs and Older Children in Intercountry Adoption . Final Amended Report July 2008, p. 12. 245 Petersen, S. (2012). Therapeutic Parenting: information, skills and support for parents of children with additional emotional and behavioural needs . Australian Journal of Adoption, 6 (1), Papers of the 10th Australian Adoption Conference, Melbourne 22nd and 23rd October 2012. 246 Petersen, S. (2015). Therapeutic Parenting: Relationship and Regulation – A trauma and attachment informed course for parenting children with additional emotional, social and behavioural needs. Monthly review of the ISS/IRC nº190, April 2015. 243 244