by her confusion. Soon after, we all went together to show them my new place. They were excited by having a second room and a new house to explore. Their dad and I were not nearly so excited. It was tense and awkward but we both did our best to put on a positive face for the kids. Telling your children that you are changing their lives forever in a way they won’t
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Erin Skillen Post-Married Mommy want or like is heartbreaking. Realizing that you are giving up half of their childhoods by co-parenting, rather than parenting together, is the most devastating part. I’ll share more about co-parenting in a future column, but for now I will say that thinking about the fact that I will only witness 50 per cent of them growing up is so paralyzing I can’t let myself go down that path of thought anymore. It has been almost a year since that conversation with my kids. They have adjusted well to the new 50/50 living situation, in part because they’re at an adaptable age and in part because their dad and I work hard to have a positive co-parenting relationship. My work life has led me to collaborating with a child psychologist and early on she gave me a book she wrote for young children about separation and divorce. I read it with my kids and the recognition on my son’s face, followed by “That’s like us!” made me realize how he may have been feeling different from his friends, as most of them have parents who are together. It gets a little easier each time he meets someone who “has two houses too.” My daughter has moments where she cries out for the other parent when she’s upset or has a nightmare, or is just missing the other parent, but overall she and her brother have handled it all better than I imagined. Will that continue? Who knows. But for now it’s okay. And with any luck one day they too will value having happy parents who made a very tough decision.
Erin Skillen is the COO of FamilySparks.com, an education company that helps parents navigate the toughest job in the world. She’s also a mom and a bucket list slayer. IslandParent.ca
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