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crying in Canadian Tire by Iris Karuna Š2012

accidentally harming the person you were trying to help sometimes if I breathe deeply my back cracks I shouldn't think of you on the streetcar anymore I shouldn't think of you half of toronto knows our story just from watching it play across my face I want to go home came home exhausted and traded in facebook for the weather I can't turn the heat on can't turn it off if it's ever on came home all tearful and watched the christmas lights blur (something about longing for someplace that doesn't exist) crying in Canadian Tire there is something specific about Canadian Tire that can bring me to tears. maybe it's the smell. maybe it makes me think of my father who doesn't know he doesn't care. or of an old love who never cared but who at least knew he wasn't caring.

trait there is something treacherous traitorous characteristic about the way u r still here in my mind i don't want 2 trust ur convictions or hypocritical critiques anymore u said u always wanted 2 help and 2 heal but now ur thoughts r lodged deep within my brain there is no room for me there is no space in your treacherous traitorous mind u were never looking u were never trying 2 help me characteristically suddenly sometimes the skin around my thumbnail cringes struck suddenly against a clementine rind instantly learning the sting of it all sometimes the inside of my right cheek cringes stumbling suddenly against the segment始s seeds caught off guard by the bitterness of the fall

questions i'd ask u if I wuznt afraidd is she pritty? do u miss me? do u miss my ass? do u regret lloaning me books that u mite never get bak? do u wish i wudnt go 2 parties ur freinds r at? do u wonder if im pastt it? do u carethat u hurt me? do u rmember teh moments b4 it got ugly? r u shur taht ur rite? do u thnik that im wrong? do u no that ur a hypocrit for stirnging me along? poles ur face is still in all my photos but my eyes slide off u like water on goose feathers magnets at opposite poles squeeze hands in your pants and tears on your cheeks you squeeze them out like there始s something in your eye you look like a child sometimes but only sometimes

move through I told you that me and her we both need to move through I can始t get to the end without the beginning or middle but you and me, and her too we keep stopping what始s started baby love me or leave me but let me be lonely muscles a picture on tumblr made my heart stop the way his hand paused just grazing her back the way they seemed torn the way they wanted to relax you are so far away from me now but I am anxious like they are I am holding my ribs down intercostals and obliques muscles tensed and ready heart hovering between beats jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way oh waht fun it is to ride on a one horse open sleigh hey.

crying in Canadian Tire  

a vaguely Christmas-themed poetry collection by Iris Karuna. //find more at