5 things to ensure a happy Thanksgiving By Kalau Almony Ah, the holidays! The time of year when every day feels like an inadequate imitation of a sitcom. Since everyone is going to be wandering around, feeling unfunny, we might as well look back to the real sitcoms, to avoid their mistakes. And now I bring to you five lessons we should all get from the holiday episodes of sitcoms I watch: 5. Putting a Turkey on your head and dancing around makes everything better. I promise, it does. Thanksgiving was ranked 365 out of Chandler’s 365 favorite days of the year. After Monica put a turkey on her head, it climbed up to just below the threeway tie between, Christmas, his birthday and Festivus. 4. Don’t regift. Really, don’t do it. It may not seem like a big deal at the time. It might actually seem like a good idea, until you realize that the only person asinine enough to get you a label maker (or some other such non-gift), is best friends with the
only person you’d give a label maker to. Oh, and one of them is probably crazy. It’s the way the world works. 3. Holidays are no time to be healthy. We all know of the infamous tofurkey. The chances are, we all know someone who suggested it at one point or another. The real victim here is the gravy. Turkey is just an excuse for gravy. Tofu and gravy seems, dare I say, disgusting, especially if it’s turkey-shaped tofu. If you’re really worried about health, just consume the gravy alone. There can’t be that many calories. 2. If the turkey-on-head thing doesn’t work, add a pair of oversized glasses. 1. If any holiday really gets you down, just make up your own. Accidentally destroy a Christmas present, turkey, menorah, etc while raining blows upon someone? Just tell your family that you’ve decided to pull a Frank Costanza and create your own holiday. Just make sure that you can win any Feats of Strength you suggest, otherwise you might regret it.
Classic Thanksgiving Leftovers By Stephen Toyofuku Thanksgiving dinner is overrated. Every year it is the same old stuff: a turkey, mashed or some kind of potatoes, corn on the cob, those ever-so-orange yams, cranberry sauce, and who could forget pumpkin pie to end it all off. Major YAWNN. Why settle for the same old, same old on Thanksgiving Day when you could go wild on the day after? Go crazy in the kitchen with bags and bags of leftovers. The sky is the limit. Now, monotony incapacitates what can be a beautiful imagination. So here are a few little recipes to awaken your sleeping imagination. Remember: nothing can stop a brain in motion, especially a hungry one. MonsterTurkeyAnd WhateverYouCanManage ToStuffInside Sandwich This one is truly a thanksgiving leftover classic, and
it is so simple Mr. Milks could make it with out burning down his home. It requires bread and whatever bagged leftovers you can find in the fridge. Step one is to remove all desired contents into a microwavable bowl. I recommend mashed potatoes as the glue that holds everything together. Microwave until hot. Add leftover gravy and stir. Take three slices of bread and apply the leftover mix to each. Stack vertically and you will have just finished making your very own MTAWYCMTSI Sandwich. This is a fun project to do with friends and I recommend that you do it when your parents are not home. It can be messy. Creamy Butter Corn Surprise This project is a little more complicated than last and requires the use of the stove. Also, for this recipe
you will probably need to buy heavy cream and extra butter (go high cholesterol). This is a truly beautiful dish and is one of my favorites. Step one: look for all the leftover corn and place in a bowl (if it’s on the cob you will need to cut it off). Collect the leftover turkey and some assorted vegetables. Chop into bite-sized pieces, make sure not to dice. Grab a large pan and turn stove on high heat. Add one-half to three-fourths of a stick of butter and let it get hot. When almost completely melted, add corn. Stir and make sure to salt and pepper to your taste. After about three minutes add the turkey and vegetables and stir again for about three more minutes. Add the heavy cream until is at level with the corn and turkey. Make sure to taste test and add salt and pepper accordingly. After about four to five more minutes, your leftover surprise will be ready. Serving on top of mashed potatoes
is highly recommended. If you don’t have much stove experience, don’t be too embarrassed to ask your parents to help. Cranberry Sauce Ice Cream topped with Pumpkin Pie Whipped Cream I know what you are all thinking. “Is he serious?” But you guys have to trust me on this: it is delicious and a great way to cool off
in a hot Hawaii afternoon. However, it is an acquired taste. Make sure you have leftover pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, and vanilla ice cream. Take out a blender. Add ice cream, cranberry sauce, and a few ice cubes. Blend until smooth but not foamy. Then take the pumpkin and scoop out the filling into a bowl. Add a little heavy creamy and whip until light and fluffy. You can whip either by hand or
with an electric mixer. Pour the shake into a cup and top with your new pumpkin pie whipped cream and enjoy. I recommend this as a treat only; it may cause stomachache and brain-freeze if eaten too fast. Enjoy. Again, cooking with leftovers is all about creativity and imagination. Turkey shakes, mashed potatoes cream pie, yam ice cream, or giblet pâté -- the menu is limited only by your mind.
Cartoon by Victoria Kim ‘11
Issue: November 2007