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In

The Local issue Issue 02

UNITEC GETS CLASSY WITH

CARRINGTON’S

ALSO SOLA ROSA

ONE MILLION DOLLARS

TAHUNA BREAKS

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CONTENTS

Features

Issue 2: The Local Issue, Monday 05 March 2007

10. Old School: A campus history 12. Sola Rosa 13. One Million Dollars 14. Tahuna Breaks

Regulars 04. Editorial 05. Letters 06. President’s Tirade 07. News 09. Arts & Entertainment 15. Vox Pops 17. Gig Guide 19. Student Support 21. Full Credit 22. The Village People 23. Jose’s Corner 24. Dear Barbie 25. Foreword 27. Audio 28. Stage 29. Screen 30. Caption Comp 31. Enditorial Disclaimer Opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publishers. Submission and contributors are welcome, but the publisher reserves the right to select and edit the material submitted. Materials submitted will remain property of the publisher, unless alternative arrangements are made.

For editorial and advertising enquiries please contact:

usu. Telephone (09) 815 4321 ext: 7927 Facsimile (09) 846 3381 Email inunison@unitec.ac.nz PO Box 44 016, Point Chevalier Credits Editor: Rory MacKinnon Designer: Mark Lovatt Ad Designer: Talia Smith Cover photo: Amy Model: Vincente Madrasceul Contributors: Adam Beach Amy Joseph Andrew Scoresby Audio Jack Corinne Duis Drew of Toothpaste For Dinner Hamish Oakley Josephine Stewart-Te Whiu Kamil “Kamillo” Grzybowski Kieran Clark Laura Bond Mailene Tubman Matt Alpe Shane G. Norris Talia Smith Veronica Haus-Bausen USU Student Executive Thanks to Hell Pizza for catering and Point Bar for the shoot location.


Editorial Since I started working here as the editor in late 2004 I have:

Support Your Local. In case we haven’t already wrung all the blood out of this stone that we used to flog a dead horse that we threw down a well that was dry, this issue is themed The Local Issue. Local, n. 1. Your neighbourhood pub. “Hey, did you see the editor down at the local? If he was any fruitier, you could pour him into a glass and drink it.” 2. Prominent people who have lived in an area for an extended period of time. “This is a LOCAL shop for LOCAL people…”

In this issue, we attempt to cover both these definitions – the new licensed café is a pretty obvious choice, but we were also curious about what people thought about where they lived. We asked Sola Rosa frontman Andrew Spraggon about takeaways in Point Chev, and Tahuna Breaks tried to describe their old gigs down at the Piha RSA. This issue also marks the first in a series of Accommodation columns, written by students about real life in the Village. There’s only one thing still missing from this issue, and that’s a heads-up from the Waitakere campus; a student body that’s been under the radar for far too long. When the USU ran its annual member satisfaction survey last year, one of the most frequent responses from Waitakere students was that they felt marginalised or ignored. While I would agree that resources on that campus are stretched

Calling for 2007 Contributors

-Written 34 Editorials, 53 News stories and pretty thin at present, I would encourage 41 Features the Waitakere crewgraphic to get involved with -Worked with four designers, four the magazine. all, editors it’s the most visible news reportersAfter and sub and over 40 USU service and the most user-driven: contributors we’re always forletters new contributors -Received 81 looking hate mail and new over content, thanks to the -Deleted 2000and spam emails marvels of modern technology, you can -Interviewed John Webster 26 times fire off athe letter to theineditor -Walked streets searchwhile of you’re downloading .jpgs shaven transvestites, posedofasBritney’s a prostitute, haven (I meant hertohead, you filthy exercised, listened bad music and had bastards). all seriousness, a new column bad studentInfood on events, rumours and news from way -And most of the time enjoyed myself out West would be a welcome addition to immensely the magazine. If you would be interested in popping something once But the most rewardinginto partprint of my job a fortnight, send me an who emailI have or what has been the students hadhave the you and to I’llwork get back to All youofwith pleasure with. the deadlines In unison and pizza. Otherwise, enjoy. -RJM inunison@unitec.ac.nz

work experience in the media? } Want Need to build up a portfolio?

Contribute to In Unison, your student magazine. We will provide you with a professional working environment, a medium to express your talents and creativity and a great training ground for working in the media. If you’ve got

an opinion, a criticism, reports, designs, photography, illustrations, narrations, summations, reviews, short stories, advice, or anything else you want published, get it out of your mind’s eyes, onto the screen, and send it through. For more info contact the editor: (09) 815 4321 ext 7927 inunison@unitec.ac.nz

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Letters TXT in your opinion and be in to win a box of beer

021 02272536

He Scanned It For Us, Too Dear In Unison, I stay in building 1510, Unitec residential village, and I want to write about some of the issues that have been bothering me for quite sometime. I found a mail in my room today morning 7th February 2007 when I returned to my room. It consists of  2 pages stapled together and put in an envelope. If it was delivered by the post man, it must be in the mail box meant for my apartment. The postman does not deliver to each and every apartment door personally. Nor does he have the access keys for entering the apartment. How then did the mail come all the way through my door? Last semester I found another message in my room which was extremely abusive calling me a *ig. Who

put this message inside my room? Will action be taken at all against the malicious individual who put this message? If such messages are put by village inmates, shouldn’t they be expelled from the village? Are international students like myself safe in Unitec village? Are our documents and details kept confidential? Separatism and extremism by fringe elements cannot be tolerated in this global community. Such people shall best leave the village. If other village residents have similar complaints to share with you, I really won’t be surprised. If the above written words fill some space in your magazine, it would fill thousands of hearts inside Unitec and light up the candle of awareness. - Mukesh Parthasarathy

Actually, That Is Kind Of Weird

Our Bad

Dear Ed., Have you ever seen the guy in the Hub who goes around collecting all the cigarette butts out of the ashtrays? I’m pretty sure no-one’s actually paying him to do it, and it’s beginning to freak me out. I mean, he stubs them out and puts them in his bag for safekeeping Is this guy a really cheap smoker, or has he taken the ‘C’mon Guys, Get Firewise’ ads wayyyy too seriously? Can anyone explain? - Kezia Pohutukawa-Benson, B.Comm

Hi there, I’ve just been reading In Unison and noticed an area of possible confusion you may want to correct. In the editorial it says that “each student pays $35 ($17.50 if they’re part time)”. Firstly it doesn’t say that it is per annum, not per enrolment or semester. Also, the part time fee is quite high, and I am sure this might alarm those part timers who are studying less than .5 of an EFT each year (quite a lot of students would fall into this category) who pay significantly less. Just wanted to alert you to this fact - I am sure you don’t want to alarm your constituency unnecessarily. Regards Tamsin Kingston Admissions and Enrolments Manager

CLASSIFIEDS:

Wanted at Carrington’s

Bar staff, wait staff and kitchen staff, full and part-time. Contact Linda 027 577 9197.

Letters should be 250 words or less. All letters must include full contact details even if you don’t want these printed. In Unison reserves the right to edit, abridge or decline letters without explanation. We will not fix the spelling or grammar in letters. Email letters to inunison@unitec.ac.nz

Place your ad here!

Find a flatmate, flog your old gear, che@p Vi@graa $$$$! Free to all Unitec students. Email inunison@unitec.ac.nz to get inked.

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THE PRESIDENT’S

TIRADE Well, it’s far enough into the semester that you should be a little more familiar with Unitec. You’re here and underway and you’ve decided to stay and listen to my rants over this year, not to mention the dozens of talking heads sessions at various school orientations over the last three weeks - well done for making it this far. Orientation was a good step up this year and I hope you all had a great time; I personally had a great time listening to the bands and checking out the cultural displays like the lion dancing. But the fun isn’t over yet; there is still the main event coming up. For those who still don’t know - it’s the launch of Carrington’s, Unitec’s new licensed café, with a free concert on the 8th of March. You’re all invited to come along, see the bands and have fun. I’ll be there too, so I hope that any people who read my column are there as well, that way you can rant back at me.

But we shouldn’t get stuck on one event, there is so much more happening this year. Remember to check our website (www.usu. co.nz) for more info on what is happening over the semester. And since I am chaperoning at the next pub crawl on the 16th of March I want you all to know your president will look after you - so get your tickets and be ready for a great time. On the serious side of things, with your studies, don’t forget that you have the power to ensure that your experience at Unitec is of the best quality so if something strikes you as wrong or unfair come and tell us. Adam Beach usupresident@unitec.ac.nz ext: 7929

USU EXECUTIVE

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Trace Treasurer V fiend

Prasad Vice President Whereabouts unknown

usutreas@unitec.ac.nz

prasadgawande@yahoo.co.in

Beryl International Rep Swims with dolphins

Hemi Maori Rep Sex panther

sevrain_beryl@hotmail.com

thegrovers@xtra.co.nz

Arpit General Executive former mouseketeer

Kaushik General Executive maxin’, chillaxin’

dubey_arpit86@yahoo.com.au

kilohom@hotmail.

Greg General Executive Gets high on life

Professor Plum In the Ballroom with the candlestick

celticgbp@yahoo.co.nz

lol@unitec.ac.nz

usu. CONTACTS PO Box 44016, Point Chevalier 139 Carrington Rd, Gate 4 Rm 1004, Building 180 Auckland www.usu.co.nz USU Reception (bus tickets, secondhand books) The Hub, Bld 180, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 e: usu@unitec.ac.nz Student Job Search (SJS) The Hub, Bld 180, Unitec p: (09) 846 9910 e: unitec@sjs.co.nz ADVOCACY (Student Problems) Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7924 e: usuadvocate@unitec.ac.nz MEDIA, In Unison Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7927 e: inunison@unitec.ac.nz EVENTS Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7925 e: usuevents@unitec.ac.nz SPORTS Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7930 e: ususport@unitec.ac.nz USU PRESIDENT Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7929 e: usupresident@unitec.ac.nz


NEWS ALLEGED FURNITURE SCAM STINGS STUDENTS By Amy Joseph with reporting from Rory MacKinnon Consumer watchdogs and student associations across the country are warning first-time flatters to be on their guard following complaints of what appears to be an elaborate scam targeting new students. An Otago student found himself the victim of an apparently fraudulent furniture company targeting students over the summer. In September last year he came across a flyer advertising a company called Student Furniture and purchased a ‘Scarfie Combo’ valued at $649 from their website. Student Furniture requested a 40% nonrefundable deposit of $258 and arranged to store the goods for him over summer, to be delivered on the purchaser’s request. He requested delivery via the company’s website on 5 January, but received no reply. The company was later found to be registered with the New Zealand Companies Office by one Blair Patrick Bradley of Dunedin. Visits to the Forth St address found it empty and the numbers listed on the flyer have been disconnected. It appears that Student Furniture has also been in operation in a number of other urban centres, including Wellington, Hamilton and Auckland. Police would like to hear from any other students who have had problems with Student Furniture or Blair Patrick Bradley. If you have any information please contact their Auckland City District Headquarters on 302 6400. The police urge students to take care when dealing with online businesses and research companies well before parting with any money. For more information on recognizing and avoiding scams, visit the Consumers’ Institute of New Zealand website www.consumer.org.nz.

RECORD TURNOUT AT ORIENTATION, PRES DELICIOUS By Andrew Scoresby Turnout for Unitec’s first week of Orientation events was one of the highest ever, with as many as 200 students in the Hub on any given morning and distribution of over 2000 orientation packs to students in the first week alone.

TXT TXT in your opinion and be in to win food & drink vouchers from Carrington’s, Unitec’s new licensed venue! 021 022 72536

Would you dob in dodgy parking on campus?

Returning early childhood student ‘Amanda’ said the entertainment provided was “on a par” with events at Auckland University, while Student Executive member Greg Powell colourfully described this year’s Orientation as “same shit, different day, bigger bucket.” “I’ve never seen it quite so busy in the Hub, especially on an Orientation day.” Others near the beer tent guesstimated a turnout of “at least 30,000 people, bigger than the Big Day Out.” While they wished not to be named, they also applauded incumbent USU President Adam Beach, saying that “his personal hygiene is of an exceptionally high standard.” Minty-fresh bulletins as events warrant.

Issue 01 Txt Poll Results Go Flatting Or Stay With The Olds? Yes: 64% No: 36% Sample of your opinions: ‘Stay with the olds if u don’t have 2 pay board and if u have $$ u shud go flatting’ ‘Go flatting. its more freedom u can do what the hel u like’ ‘Flatting would be cool, but then I’ll have nobody 2 look after my old man. GO FLATTING…’

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Family

In Unison is offering two paid part-time positions for News and Features editors. Get paid to work in the ultimate student-friendly environment! Email inunison@unitec.ac.nz to find out more‌


RUDE

AWAKENINGS FOR

DANCER HANNAH

Above: Hannah at present. Right: Hannah as Amber Short, Rude Awakenings.

By Veronica Haus-Bausen

Hannah Tasker-Poland’s face is on billboards all over Auckland, but you wouldn’t recognise her in the street. Since shooting wrapped on the first season of TV One drama Rude Awakenings, the star has traded her character’s jet-black ‘do for a bright crimson. Of course, hair isn’t the only thing that’s changed for her in the past year: she’s now a second-year student at Unitec’s School of Dance as well. Hannah was originally told about the role by then-Head of Major Chris Jannides when she was still an applicant for the school, and ended up having to attend both auditions on the same day. “I did my dance audition and went straight from here – no shower, makeup all over my sweaty face – to the audition. I had to read some lines, but they’d only sent them the day before. I’d had to learn them on the bus up to Auckland [from her hometown of Napier] with someone vomited and a baby crying across from me and everything.” Despite all the pressure and setbacks, she was offered both the role and a place at Unitec. With characteristic determination, she tackled both, attending classes outside of her shooting schedule. “I never really had days off except for holidays, and when we finished filming I still had to catch up on five months’ work. It was hard.” Hard would be an understatement; Rude Awakenings marks a debut on a primetime television drama for a part-time actress

with no previous screen experience. While Hannah accepts and recognises the role as a windfall, she nonetheless feel she’s earned it. “I’ve always worked really hard, so I think I deserve what I’m doing. All my life I’ve done musicals, school productions, plays… I’ve always been acting; even when I’m dancing, I’m acting.” Her on-screen naivete has translated well, with mostly positive reviews for episodes so far. Consequently she’s also becoming something of a media darling with a photoshoot in the now-defunct Pavement magazine and interviews in the usual array of womens’ magazines, although she is careful not to conflate her character’s personality or image with her own: “The way they make me up to look is so different from the way I present myself.” While Hannah is in real-life a bona-fide goth, she describes Amber as “more like a trendy alternative op-shop type; it wasn’t my style at all. She’s like me in a lot of ways. She’s a passionate young girl… really driven and not afraid to be different from other people, but there are ways in which she’s really different from me as well. She runs off at the mouth sometimes and has a temper on her, whereas I’m kind of a mellow, passive person. I usually keep my mouth shut if I know it’s going to make the situation easier.” She’s now focusing on her studies and hoping the show is greenlighted for a second season - after all, the fates of some characters apparently hang in the balance: “The very last episode ends on a big question mark for a lot of characters.” Rude Awakenings screens Fridays, 8:30pm, TV1.

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OLD OLD SCHOOL

“If you imagine what this land was like back then ... it sounds like something out of a Stephen King story.� Pictured: Madrasceul at home in his Pt Chevalier villa.


It’s a tradition at Unitec to cap off our orientations and welcomings with thinly-veiled scaremongering and psychological torture. So with that in mind, we sent In Unison writer Andrew Scoresby on a jaunt around the Mt Albert campus with local historian Vincente Madrasceul. The truth is out there… Despite his youthful appearance, Vincente Madrasceul* is actually well into his late thirties. The son of a dental hygienist and a civil engineer, Madrasceul’s parents fled their native Molvania in 1988 after then-Premier Alexandry Krispykreme declared a pogrom on “the oppressive bourgeois practitioners of health”. After flitting across Europe for a year, the family settled in Point Chevalier in Auckland and a twelve-year old Vincente coupled a morbid curiosity with long afternoons in the local library. “I had no friends here and didn’t speak much English, so my father told me to read books in English every day. In those days I would read anything, so long as it was in English….One day, I found the library’s microfiche and old news clippings about the hospital and the next day I crept right up to the building to look in the windows. I was so scared of being caught, but from then on I was hooked.” Madrasceul enjoys documenting the history of the Point because “there’s so little of it, it’s easy to cover everything in detail.” “This land here – your schools, your polytechnic – this land has no records before 1840. In the old country, we had thirty wars during the twelfth century alone.” Strangely, Madrisceul has done no research into the Ngati Whatua’s oral histories of precolonial Auckland, and is visibly uncomfortable when pressed on the matter. As we pass the construction site for the new licensed cafe, Madrisceul points out with some relief the pains the owners have taken to retain the original structure. “Pumphouse isn’t just a name, you know. This building used to carry water to houses and farms all over Mt Albert – about 8000 gallons an hour.” Madrisceul is not surprised to hear the name Carrington’s, but reveals with an apologetic smile that “he didn’t have much to do with it”. “Frederic Alonzo Carrington was a surveyor in New Plymouth… the government named the road here after him, and then the hospital was named after the road. Now your new place is named after the man, but he didn’t live here.” In fact, Pt Chevalier’s history is much more macabre – in 1865 it became home to the Lunatic Asylum at the Whau, described in local papers at the time as “a very imposing brick building about *Local Historian Vincente Madrasceul not included and probably non-existent.

three miles from town”. Madrisceul agrees: “If you imagine what this land was like back then – dirt roads and empty farmland, and in the middle of it an asylum – it sounds like something out of a Stephen King story.” The Asylum soon became notorious for its ill-treatment of patients and barely suppressed chaos. When patients weren’t undergoing lobotomies (surgical removal of sections of the brain) or electroshock treatment (using electrical surges to induce a seizure, allegedly wielded as a ‘punishment’ by orderlies for non-cooperation), they were heavily medicated with thorazine to reduce them to a near-comatose state. Most patients spent between twenty minutes to an hour outside each day, manacled and hid from the public eye in a special ‘airing court’. The most disturbed inmates spent weeks on end shackled in cells deep in the foundations of the building, a ‘dungeon’ with no ventilation or natural lighting, and were forcibly removed once a fortnight for washing. However, word finally got out when a pyromaniac in the women’s wing managed to steal a box of matches from an orderly and torched an entire wing of the hospital, killing herself and several others in the blaze. For over a hundred years, the hospital under a variety of names: the Avondale Hospital, Auckland Mental Hospital, Oakley and Carrington Psychiatric Hospital, to name a few. Finally in 1994 Unitec purchased the grounds, and renovated the wards for use as classrooms, now recognisable as Buildings 1, 6, 48 and 76. Yet still rumours and relics of the past abound across the campus. While the criminally insane are now locked in a secure compound in the Mason Clinic (opposite the Safety & Security centre), stories persist in these buildings of flickering lights in the corridors late at night, whispering voices and books thrown from shelves by unseen forces. It’s the height of a perfect summer’s day, but Madrasceul shivers as we turn our back on the bricks of Building One and retreat to the safety of his villa. “It’s a strange place, that one. People left scratchmarks in the walls there, and now they paint murals on them. The lawns are nice, though.” Welcome to Unitec. Boo.

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A AT C E V LI

TON’S G N I RR

By Rory MacKinnon

M

uch like his music, Andrew ‘Sola Rosa’ Spraggon’s house is cool, slightly sparse and tinged with a chintzy 70’s flavour. Mexican artwork adorns the walls, an obsession of his ever since a trip to Central America in 1998 inspired him to swap his noise-rock outfit Cicada for a more laidback approach.

On the other hand, Spraggon does consider himself “more of a producer than a musician”, a characteristic of many electronic acts. “I’m not very skilled at any instrument, but I can put ideas down and I know what I want out of a track.” Fortunately, these days he can rely on bandmates Spikey Tee (vocals), Ben White (guitar), Matt Short (bass), Will Scott (drums) and John Highsted (percussion) for their execution, and even call on their own inspiration. “I used to keep a close rein, but have started working more with others. Moves On was far more collaborative than previous albums, and I think it’s the best album so far for that reason.” Spraggon & co. are now working on their fourth album under the Sola Rosa banner, and are promising a more energised approach. “I’ve been DJ’ing more, so it’s got more beats, more of a funk influence.” “There are some downbeat tracks and it’s by no means house, d’n’b or techno - it still sounds like Sola Rosa, but I hope there will be more material that’s DJ-friendly. Certain tracks could rock a dance floor... hopefully!”

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“Over the last couple of years with [Cicada] I started heavily getting into funk, hip-hop, reggae et cetera, and I needed a break from the music thing as I’d worked hard to get them some recognition to little fanfare. It had always been a desire to travel to Mexico, for whatever reason. I decided I’d throw in the towel with the band, get some computer equipment and start writing tracks… [but] there was no great plan to create Sola Rosa or anything like that.”

SOLA ROSA

9:

LOCAL KNOWLEDGE

with Andrew Spraggon of Sola Rosa (Pt Chevalier):

6

:1

43

After a few months of experimenting with keys and samplers, Spraggon compiled his noodlings into the Starter for 4 EP and pressed a tentative 50 copies for distribution around downtown Auckland. These flew off the shelves in a matter of days and a further 550 were hastily pressed on an old CD burner -these also sold out within weeks, and the rest is NZ music history.

am

Nearly ten years on, Sola Rosa’s sound has evolved into a unique beast which surely invites labelling as much as it defies it: “I don’t do pigeon holing, that’s a media thing”. ‘Ambient’, ‘cinematic’ and ‘matured’ are all terms Spraggon is relatively comfortable with, although he maintains that he’s still “not too sure” about that last one. “I seem to CAP79.tut_photo be getting younger fans these days, but I think 28 that’s from playing live at various events and festivals. [It’s] not exactly what I’d call it, but it’s not a bad label I suppose.” However there is one label that Spraggon strenuously denies, the too-oft catch-all category of electronica. “[Sola Rosa] is a meld of hip-hop, funk, dub, lasting, soul and all sorts of other influences, but it ain’t electronic. Apart from a few synth noises, it’s mostly live instruments and samples which are taken from live recordings.” “The fact that it’s recorded on a computer can no longer justify the title ‘electronic’, it’s just too archaic. Everyone records on a computer at some stage in the recording process these days, whether it’s in the recording or the mastering stage. Electronic music to me is music that sounds very electronic.”

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Best/worst takeaways? Best and worst goes to Malinee Thai. Not bad food, but the crappiest service ever. If it wasn’t for the fact that there’s no competition, they’d be in serious trouble. Nicest house? Fucked if I know. Best/worst bar? Not much choice there... Best: The Point. Worst: Harlequin’s. What’s the view from your living room like? What the fuck? …Pretty nice. What are your property values like? Are you planning on becoming a real estate18/11/05 agent or9:43:16 is this ama music interview? 18/11/05 9:43:16 am

Best tertiary education provider? Oh, Unitec by far. Yeah! Final Words of Wisdom? If you order from Malinee Thai, ring before you go to pick up your food. Even then, your order might not have even been started.


scalab nature. Although v work thanks to t can’t do witho In togeth

ON

E MI LL I O N

DO LLARS

By Andrew Scoresby

A

lot has happened in the two years since In Unison first interviewed One Million Dollars: they’ve released their debut album Energy State and the follow-up Soup Kitchen, opened for Helen Clark during Labour’s ’05 campaign launch and they’ve gone down a treat at today’s bfm Summer Series event. Unfortunately, the Summer Series’ fatal combination of weed and sunstroke results in me interviewing band leader Richie Setford about his alto sax technique for about five minutes before realising I’ve been watching this man play guitar for the past hour. Luckily, Richie passes off my drug-fucked gaffe as confusion over the ever-evolving line-up. “We have got a new sax player – his name’s Pete Grant, he took over from Kelly Kahukiwa. Half the band’s new, actually. Our trombone player’s now Hayden Godfrey who took over from Hayley Barker. Keith (Milbank, keyboards) has come back to the band after first joining it and then leaving, and there’s our new percussionist Ben Anderson. The only people who’ve been there from the start are me, Robson (Santos, vocals) and Nick (Tempest), the trumpet player. Everyone else has changed – we normally have someone leaving every 18 months.”

28

Such a high turnover would cripple most bands, but One Million Dollars’ saving grace has been its lack of exclusivity – members are constantly involved in side projects which often lead to new recruitments into the OMD9:43:16 collective. 18/11/05 am “We get a lot of guys from [Auckland University’s] music school – either from that background or studying there now – and a lot of the guys know each other when they come in [to the band] because they’ve played together in other projects. When there’s a cross-over, you’ve already broken the ice and can get down to playing.” A live band at heart, OMD has relatively few recordings for a band on the eve of their 8th birthday. While Energy State received positive reviews, their sophomore album Soup Kitchen was released seven months after recording finished, as the band’s enthusiasm waned in the face of knob-twiddling and postproduction. Richie solemnly vows that “the next album will take a month, tops.”

“We’re going to go into the studio and record all the instruments in one go and spend three weeks mixing and mastering it. I can’t wait to try and do that, polishing off an album in a month. It’s going to feel so much better than recording for 14 months. I’d like to get it down to three days, eventually. I’d give that a go.” Not surprisingly, the OMD sound has mutated again in the year since Soup Kitchen: “It’s got a little bit more raw in the funk department, and a little bit rockier. I’m starting to play with a lot more distortion these days. The biggest change is Keith doubling on second guitar, which gives a chunkier feel to it, but it’s still got that jazzy element, that smooth groove. What I’m most proud of in the band is that…we’ve really worked on the stage performance. I don’t mean everybody has to be jumping around, but the dynamics in the songs – building up, dropping out, taking people somewhere with it – it takes the whole performance up a notch. Oh, and me and Bex [Rebecca ‘Sassy’ Peterson, vocals] play off against each other; we have a little bit of sexual chemistry going on. It’s just a bullshit show – it’s not something we consciously developed, but people dig it and it’s good fun to do.” Yet despite all the playfulness, OMD has a very real future, securing distribution deals in Sweden, Hungary, Denmark, France, England and even Japan. Obviously the next step is touring, but Richie is understandably wary of taking the ten-member behemoth on the road. “We’ve started to hook up with an Italian promotions company. They brought Freddy’s [Fat Freddy’s Drop] over to Italy, so we’re looking into that. It’s a mission, though, just to go to Aussie for the weekend. If we were to go overseas, our airfares alone’d be thirty grand.”

18/11/05

Ah, thank God. I’m still stoned, feverish and deaf in one ear, but at least I haven’t discredited our fine institution. Let’s get this interview wrapped and gap it. “Hey, so when is the gig? I’m looking forward to it - our last 18/11/05 effort at Unitec was a weird one. We were inside the stadium, but the acoustics were horrible and noone was there. It was just dead aye, a disaster.” 18/11/05 9:43:16 am

9:43:16 am

Sigh. 18/11/05 9:43:16 am

usu.13


TAHUNA B R

EAKS

By Rory MacKinnon

I

t’s ten o’clock on a Saturday night in Ponsonby, but Tahuna Breaks’ flat still feels straight out of Piha: volume up, front door open and bean bags out in force. The sound of Ben Harper’s classic Bring The Funk spills into the street – an appropriate soundtrack for a band that hobnobs with Fat Freddy’s Drop, Ddub and Kolab on a regular basis. So how did it all start? “We played our first gigs out at the Piha RSA, back in the day”, says saxophonist Kelsey Serjeant. “Every time we played the place would be packed ‘cause of all our friends, but it was weird – their liquor license ended at twelve, and at nine o’clock there’d be a minute’s silence to commemorate the soldiers who’d died. It was a funny place to play.” Eventually the band came into contact with Michelle Klaessens of The Rock Factory, performing at a number of gigs presented by the upstart studio and cutting the demo track Laughing At You, which led in turn to performances at Safari Lounge, The Studio and Transmission Room and an appearance on NZ Top of the Pops. However when the time came to record their first radio single, the band turned to York St Studios’ Andrew Buckton, the man behind NZ funk legends Supergroove. “We still hang out with the Rock Factory guys – they’re helping us out with the sound desk tonight – but we just needed someone who really knew soul & reggae and that sound.” That single was Voodoo, which within weeks of its release leapt to the #1 spot on the charts at amp3lifier.co.nz and garnered high rotation on alternative radio stations Kiwi, Fleet and bfm. While they’re thrilled with the response to Voodoo, the band already 18/11/05 CAP79.tut_photo 28 to re-enter the studio later this month and record a has plans full-length album for release just in time for Christmas. So with all that cleared up, only one question remains – what the hell is a tahuna? CAP79.tut_photo 28

tahuna, n. 1.

Large breasts, big tits (a portmanteau of tits and kahuna).

The band bursts into raucous laughter. Kelsey is the first to pull herself together, spluttering. “No, it’s not. You’re fucking kidding. I don’t think it means big tits at all; you just said that to get a reaction!” Drummer Tim Gemmell is a little more suggestible: “I’d love to announce that at the gig tonight…” After all, ‘Big Titty Breaks’ does have a nice ring to it. 2.

A small island in Indonesia, primarily known for its weather station.

Kelsey: “No, but we get stuff like that from people all the time…. I bumped into a Nelson local who said, ‘Tahuna’s our main beach’ – I felt like such a JAFA.” Tim: “Yeah, we get a lot of people asking ‘are you from Tahuna?’ Tahuna in Nelson, Tahuna in the Waikato…” 18/11/05 9:43:16 am

3.

A 50-ft fishing boat docked in North Carolina?

“Uh…no.” 4.

Misspelling of tahini, a sauce made from chickpeas and sesame oil?

“No. Look, the first jam we had was in Tahuna St, so we wrote ‘Tahuna sessions’ on the CD.” 9:43:16 am

Oh.

18/11/05 9:43:16 am

Well, I still like Big Titty Breaks better. CAP79.tut_photo 28

Be sure to catch all three bands performing live and free of 18/11/05 9:43:16 am charge at Carrington’s official opening, 8 March, 2-7pm. Aces!18/11/05 18/11/05 9:43:16 am

18/11/05 9:43:16 am

9:43:16 am


VOX POPS Faraaz

#1 1. Favourite O’Pack item? 2. Freshie or old-skool (returning)? 3. Actually, what was your old school? 4. Why Unitec? 5. Favourite person here?

Automotive Eng.

Anton

#2

NZ Dip Bus

1. V.

1. V.

2. Old-skool (2nd year).

2. Old-skool (liar –Ed.).

3. Aorere College RULES SOUTH AUCKLAND!

3. Waitakere College.

4. Free haircuts, cheap pizzas and a free shuttle ride!

4. It’s the only place I can get into. 5. Me.

5. Me, myself and I!

#3

Jorg Communications

#4

TEAM PUMP-ACTION Randoms

1. The orange bag.

1. Lollipop.

2. Old skool (4th semester in NZ).

2. Old-skool (also liars-Ed.).

3. ISM Dortmund, Germany.

3. Waitakere College, Onehunga High, St Peters & home-schooled

4. Good reputation. 5. All the students!

4. Why not? Free food… 5. The pizza guy.

#5

TEAM CUDDLE SALAD BAAT

1. Pizza voucher & condom combo (Meat Lovers? –Ed.) 2. Freshies. 3. All different – England, Rotorua, North Shore, South Auckland. 4. ‘Cos it rocks. 5. Francis (receptionist in Natural Sciences) – love the eyeshadow…

usu.15


Building 33, between the rugby fields and the Student Services building


GIG

GUIDE

05 Mar Monday Fall Out Boy St James, Auckland

The 2007 Outdoor Summer Shakespeare – The Merchant of Venice Auckland University Clocktower until March 10

06

10 Mar Saturday Undivided – Benefit Concert for Cancer Support Transmission Room from 11.30am till real late! (mayoral drive - off queen street) All ages gig - $25 The Solo Acts: Anna Kaye /Glenn Bodger /Pete Fountain /LA Tompson /Mandy Patmore /Nick Hohepa /Andrew Healey /Eddie Geiger /Sol Harris Bands: Intrepid /Jamie Grey /Miscreant /Mila Gurney /The Kingites /False Start

12 Mar Monday The Mars Volta St James

17 Mar Saturday The Demi-Whores w/ Signal to Noise & guests Schooner Tavern Indie Club Kings Arms

Mar 19 Monday RIPPED - A Rock and Indie Party The Electric Confectionaires, Falter, The Sneaks, Cobra Khan, The Have, White Birds and Lemons at RED SQUARE @ Britomart (free 2-7pm)

22 Mar Thursday Eagles of Death Metal St James

Mar Tuesday

Kimbra Johnson / Mila Gurney 12pm Bldg 1 Unitec, Auckland

Rockstar Supernova Vector Arena, Auckland

09 Mar Friday Camera Obscura Kings Arms

16 Mar Friday Indie Club Kings Arms USU ST PAT’S Irish theme pub crawl Tix just $10 to USU Members! Tix from Reception, Bldg 180

Ed Rush And Optical Fu Bar

26 Mar Monday Eagles of Death Metal St James The Lemonheads The Studio

usu.17


Are you in trouble with Unitec? Do you have any concerns with your course? Want to appeal a final grade?

NEED HELP?

?

SEE THE USU ADVOCATE for free independent and confidential advice and support

usu.

(09) 815 4321 EXT 7924 usuadvocate@unitec.ac.nz www.usu.co.nz


ADVOCACY

COUNSELLING

Student Representation

How Do I Fit In?

Motivated? Want to help ensure the quality of your education? Got nothing better to do?

Hi, I’m Mailene Tubman, one of the counsellors. This is my fourth year at Unitec and I’m looking forward to another busy year of meeting and supporting students.

There’s no shortage of opportunities for Unitec students who want to make their voice heard and represent their fellow students. Each programme has at least one programme representative who liaises with the programme director and other staff to address any issues that students have. Large programmes have multiple reps, usually one for each year. The following boards and committees also allow for student members to have a say in decision-making: •

A programme committee governing each programme or cluster of programmes. • Three Boards of Studies, which each oversee one of the three Divisions at Unitec [Undergraduate, Postgraduate, and Vocational Education and Training]. • Academic Board, which each Board of Studies reports to, and which is the highest body dealing solely with the academic side of Unitec. • Unitec Council, which is the ultimate governing body of Unitec. Under the current rules, the USU President [cheery Adam – see page 6] is the only student rep on Council. • Committees which oversee: the Library the Childcare Centres Te Tari Awhina • Groups representing the Maori and Pasifika communities. • Disciplinary and Appeal Committees, which decide the fate of students who are in trouble for misconduct or who formally appeal their grades. • Student Council, a body designed to provide a direct link between students and Unitec’s CEO. • The USU Executive – In fact, this involves nothing but students! The USU Executive are elected students who run the USU and oversee its operations. Email usupres@ unitec.ac.nz if you want to run for the Executive. Next month the USU will hire an Education Analyst dedicated to ensuring that all student representatives have all the information and support they need. If you’re interested in sitting on any committee or being a student rep in any capacity whatsoever, just contact the USU: usuadvocate@unitec.ac.nz Phone 815 4321 x7924 Hamish Oakley USU Advocate

Whether you’re a new or returning student, you will have spent the past few weeks fitting in to the school year again – new classes, new lecturers and tutors, new faces. You will be figuring out where and how you fit in to Unitec life. When I first started working at Unitec I had a lot of fears around fitting in. I remember feeling very nervous, wondering what Unitec would be like, would it be a good place to work, would the people I work with be nice? What will my place be in the team? Being a New Zealand born Chinese also brings up questions of how I fit in. Am I a New Zealander or am I Chinese? How can I be both? It has been a long road trying to figure out what my place is and where I belong. As you go through your orientations, start classes and meet new people, you will also be figuring out what your place is amongst your classes and within Unitec. Will you be someone who comes to class and gets out of here straight away? Or are you going to be the person who hangs around, checks out the new Carrington’s pub, or become even more involved by being a student rep? How about the Henderson and Mt Albert suburbs themselves? Do you feel, or even want to be part of these communities? Some of you might even be new to Auckland and will be getting your head around this big city. From relationships with people, to different cultures, there are many ways of making connections and finding a place where you fit and belong. So what happens if you feel you don’t really fit in, or are struggling to make connections to who you’re with or where you are? That’s where counselling can be a useful process where we help you explore and understand those struggles and fears. It might be a matter of figuring out what’s going on inside of ourselves, or looking at how to reach out. Either way, a good place to start is by contacting us and making a connection with a counsellor. We look forward to meeting you. Mailene Tubman Counselling Centre, Building 52 (entry 3) 815 4321 ext 8160 PS: Stressbusters Workshops are being run by the Counselling Centre this year. Contact us for dates of upcoming workshops and to register.

usu.19


usu. The USU in conjunction with the Sports Centre offer organised free play sport time slots at the Sports Centre. USU Sport wants to give every Unitec student the opportunity to ‘have a go’ at different sports.

Tuesday 12-1pm

Wednesday 3-4pm

Thursday 3-4pm

MoNThly PRIze DRaw IF yoU aTTeND 3 oR MoRe SeSSIoNS

Basketball & Netball @ Sports Centre Touch @ Sports Field in front of Bldg 47 Soccer @ Sports Field behind Bldg 170

Basketball & Volleyball @ Sports Centre Soccer & Ultimate Frisbee @ Sports Field behind Bldg 170

Volleyball & Badminton @ Sports Centre Touch @ Sports Fields in front of Bldg 47

sTarT daTe : marCh 13Th Please show your student ID card at the Sports Centre Reception

see usu.co.nz or email ususport@unitec.ac.nz for the sports available on each day and their venue

COME & SUPPORT THE usu DRAGON BOATING TEAM MARCH 17TH & 18TH AT VIADUCT HARBOUR

+0*/5)&/&8usu

426"4)$-6# ɢ/"5*0/"-426"4)$&/53&0/$".164 $-6#/*()5&7&3:'3*%":1.501. 45"35%"5&3%."3$)

%*4$06/5&%3"5&4 %*4$06/5&%$0"$)*/( usu.

4&&64641035"5#6*-%*/(03&."*-64641035ɢ6/*5&$"$/;


FULL

CREDIT By Matt Alpe

“Cricket, what was that? Please speak up, can’t hear you.” - In Unison, Issue 13, 2006 In the last couple of months, I had been fed up with our summer game. In a depressing stretch of 11 games we won only two. With the Cricket World Cup just around the corner, I began to think that maybe the Black Caps should just call in sick and play their team on Playstation 2. On Sunday 18th February 2007, I wish I never typed up those words in between the quotation marks. I got bummed out so bad, as 24,052 people at Eden Park witnessed the almighty Australian cricket team succumb to our victorious Black Caps. With the win, New Zealand claimed the Chappell-Hadlee Series; and after watching the team celebrate, every player in black was consumed with self-confidence in the lead-up to the main event the following week. Two days later in Hamilton, once again chasing an enormous target the Black Caps thrilled the crowd with a spirited comeback win. Immediately after the victory, I picked up the broom from the kitchen and just started sweeping the carpet. It felt very good.

to this tournament will be that we have got to do it over a length of time. We have to put together performances back to back. The Australians have still got to be going in as favourites, and Pakistan and India both have potential to put it together on the day, and who can count out Sri Lanka. They really turned one-day cricket around with their change to how you bat at the top of the order. How are the Black Caps looking heading into the World Cup? I think we have a few injury problems going in. The real positive has been Ross Taylor’s performance over the last few games. The other positive that has been really interesting is Peter Fulton’s, because Peter has come in and looked really good and gone out in his 20s and 30s, and I think his last game proved that he’s a much better player than that. I think he could play a critical role, because where we have been struggling over the last year or so is the top-middle order. Now we’ve got the right batting order.

To give further insight into the Black Caps recent success and what to expect at the World Cup, I consulted Unitec’s Head of Sport and former New Zealand International Cricketer Nicki Turner.

If Craig McMillan gets a chance early on, then he can go on and he’s proved that. If he doesn’t have to do anything other than go out and hit, and he’s given a license to do that then he can be a critical player to turn a match.

With the Current World Champion Australians a popular pick as favourites to repeat, who else has the potential to claim the title?

Hypothetical situation. Australia New Zealand final. New Zealand Batting. Last ball. Six runs to win. Who do you want taking the last shot?

I think there are probably four sides, five sides even, which during any tournament at this time could have a good chance of winning. South Africa has obviously moved into number one spot in the world. They are a very good side, very well-balanced. New Zealand has got a chance; we’ve had a chance in the last few World Cups. We are the sort of team that on our day can do anything. That means perform very badly, or perform extremely well. But the key

I think the most capable person is Brendon McCullum. Note: This interview took place 11 hours before McCullum’s heroics during the last Chappell-Hadlee Series game in Hamilton in which he hit a six in the last over. Yeow!

usu.21


THE

VILLAGE

PEOPLE

YOUNG MAN, THERE’S A PLACE YOU CAN GO

W

aking up, the first question on many minds is “Is it beer o’clock yet?” - at least, it is if you live at the Village. Weekends, weekdays, a quiet half-hour before ‘Tec starts… But no, the Village People are not all drunks or Indians and sailors. The Village People here come from many different places and are studying a wide variety of courses, such as animal sciences, performing and screen arts, business and medical degrees to name a few. The Village is currently hosting 36 people from Washington D.C. for a month, so they can learn about our history and culture. We also have Mexicans, Chileans, Germans and many other nationalities, here on exchange or here to study, so it’s an awesome place for Kiwi out-of-towners as well – we get to be close to class and town and socialise with people that we normally wouldn’t even get to meet. Aside from all the PR bullshit, it’s a place where cultures mix and mingle and your friends become a family of sorts. As a community of young adults, it actually reminds me a lot of high school. Not so much in a bad way, but you get the same cliques that form: the jocks and cheerleaders (Really… Which apartments specifically? –Ed.), the geeks and clowns, the rockers and hip hoppers and the people like me and you who don’t really care which one they are as long as the people around them are awesome. Rumours fly around, even when people have left, and the food is still generally bad. At this time of year there are a lot of people who have just arrived at the village, so you get to meet new people almost constantly. There are the social events that are organised by the Accommodation Office and Village Residents’ Association, and then there are those that we organise ourselves that you just hear of through the grapevine. Most of them are open to everyone who comes along and while some are more relaxed come-have-a-beer-and-a-bit-of-a-chattype of gatherings, all of them are good fun. Over at 1510 where I live it’s very much a small community. Everyone knows everyone else and people will give you a hand if you ask for it, but it’s more than just a student apartment block or social club. People here share cultures. I randomly stopped by some Americans’ apartment one night to say hello, and ended up staying for dinner (totally awesome) and talking about junk food for an hour. In our own small way we’d shared a little about New Zealand and America’s peoples and cultures. So the Village People are just a very diverse bunch who live on the edge of campus. You’ll often see them playing on the field, just relaxing after classes or down at the local – Carrington’s – after it opens, of course.

usu.22

usu.23


JOSE’S

CORNER

WHERE DO ALL THE COOL KIDS GO?

H

ello, my lovelies. I understand that many of you are not from Auckland or have just reached the legal drinking age, so I would like to give you a little advice on the Auckland nightlife. Every man and his mum will tell you to go to a group of bars and clubs in downtown Auckland, commonly referred to by the locals as The Viaduct or Waterfront. On a hot summery Saturday night, I made the descent down Queen Street into the bright lights and pop-gangsta music of the Viaduct. If Auckland were made up of different magazines, the Viaduct would be NW, the Hollywood of Auckland minus the celebrities; except the occasional rugby player. My first destination was Float bar. Pounding R&B music. Approximately 14 people inside the bar, sat huddled in protective little groups. I lasted about 3 minutes before I felt the depression sink in and left. If this sounds like your kind of happening scene according to the bouncer it gets “good” around 12 or 1am. Seeing as it was only 10.40pm, I thought I would come back later. I didn’t. We tried Provedor next, only a hop, skip and jump from Float. Upon arrival, I secretly wished that I wouldn’t have to hear Brown Eyed Girl or Mr Jones And Me (It was not my lucky night). The only people I talked to were tourists but they were all lovely enough – one commented that it was alright but there were too many men, whose average age was early 30s. My suspicions of the Viaduct being a meat-market were confirmed when a lady working on one of the visiting cruise ships was told by a 46 year-old male that it “goes off” in the Viaduct and it’s “a great place to meet people”. Accompanied by the YMCA song, a group of international students from Seattle studying at Unitec told me they’d been led to believe they would find “everything” down there. I couldn’t help but wonder if this included Jesus… After a good hour we left our foreign friends for the Waterfront Bar, where a young lady (obviously a student) told me she was here for the emo music (her leopard print dress told me otherwise). She then proceeded to tell me that it took her an hour and fifteen minutes to get ready because, and I quote: “I like, just can’t decide what to wear. Even if I go to the dairy I can’t decide what to wear”. When I asked if they had seen any celebrities I was informed that all the New Zealand celebrities were found on K Road, but it’s very “dodgy” up there. And the supposedly up-to-date music at this bar? Peter Andre’s Mysterious Girl. I felt as if I had fallen out of time. I needed a cigarette and this is where I met Clara*.

She’d come gallivanting around the Viaduct to get trashed and hang out with her friends. But why the Viaduct, why not somewhere like K’Road for example? ”If you go to K’Road you’re high on drugs and low on ambition”. Wow. I’d seen enough. My funds were running low and it was time for something new. My final destination was The Loaded Hog, the jewel of the Viaduct and a must-see for Viaduct punters. This was the only bar that I had been to in which the ratio of female was higher than male (so gentlemen, pop your salmon-coloured polo collar, spike up your hair and you’re in). My patience was running low however, and when Mysterious Girl came on again and the clones started grinding I realised it was all over, I had seen it all. Time to say farewell to the terrain of ‘beautiful people’. The Viaduct is a strange dimension of confused eras that hasn’t changed since I was 17 and snuck in with a fake ID. The mid-tolate 90’s still has a lingering tangy stench amongst the modern sweeping fringe. It’s a place where money talks: put on your little black dress, fluff up your peroxide hair, cake on your foundation and they’ll be all over you ladies, ready to ladle out glasses of chardonnay and vodka lemon limes, a cesspool of the socioeconomic elite having fun, drinking and getting fucked …in more ways than one. So I decided to make my way up to K’Rd, the land of the celebrity, the low-income and the drug-addled, where Jesus hangs out with his peeps and vegetarian samosas are only $3. A homeless man fished a cigarette butt from the gutter and inhaled with relish. I was home. *name changed to protect the arrogant.

usu.23


DEAR

BARBIE AND

KEN Email your Email your questions questions to to Barbie Barbieand andKen: Ken inunisonbarbie@hotmail.com m inunisonbarbie@hotmail.com Dear Barbie, WHEN’S THIS FUCKING BAR GOING TO OPEN I’VE BEEN AT UNITEC NOW FOR THREE WHOLE DAYS AND I’M STILL SOBER!! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PLACE IS THIS

Dear Barbie, How did you manage to acquire all your God-like knowledge? I really am in awe. Ironic Mick

Dear Anonymous, Thursday March 8. If you pick up this magazine before Thursday March 8, you will have to wait until Thursday March 8, but if you get it after Thursday March 8 you will not have to wait until Thursday March 8 because it will already be Thursday March 8. Christ, I need a drink.

Dear Ironic Mick, Well, it’s not entirely attributable to my divine qualities. To be honest, the real secret to my unparalleled success is my rigid and absolute dedication: I will not rest until this column is per>>font size align fect.

Dear Ken, Not sure about the new bar…will it be too flash? I drove past it and it doesn’t look like it will be ready soon. Oh lord I hope my tutors won’t be there. Do you think I’ll get laid? They might not open in time. Dangerous Dave

Dear Barbie, The most annoying of the many faults my boyfriend has is his EXTREME sense of humour. We can’t go anywhere for an evening without him making references to Jews, kiddie-fiddling, and intercourse with every part of the body (including nostrils). How can I restrain him? Plain Jessica

Dear Dangerous Dave, Hmmm, common theme running through this week’s batch of emails, surprise surprise. My sources assure me that everything will be fine with the venue, aside from two unsightly lumps on the floor vaguely resembling the paralytic frames of the USU President and the In Unison Editor.

Dear Plain Jessica, Purge it out of him! Make him write down every depraved filthy reference that he can on sheets of paper until he’s absolutely out of ideas and can no longer think of anything filthy to say and is totally drained of it. And by the way, send all the paper to: The Editor, In Unison magazine, 139 Carrington Rd.

Dear Ken, How come whenever I walk through any Unitec cafes I see people eating some rice or curry and I can’t help thinking of diarrhoea? Scooter

Dear Barbie,

Dear Scooter, Yes, that’s the closest taste comparison I can make, too.

Dear Stuck In The Middle,

One of my friends has a crush on a guy that I know detests her. Should I say nothing or break it to her gently? -Stuck In The Middle

Tell her. Hatred shouldn’t be bottled in - it works best when spread among as many people as possible.


FOREWORD BOOK

REVIEWS BY CORINNE DUIS

The Non-Runner’s Book Vic Ziegel & Lewis Grossberger

The authors claim to have written this as an apology for all the social and physical ills they caused while heavily promoting the fashionableness of running to boost sneaker sales. This delightfully funny book is designed as a practical guide meant to take the guilt out of standing or sitting and doing nothing. Anyone

who’s had to put up with a sweating, puffing runner smugly loping by will love reading about how to deflect their smuggy smugness. There’s tips on staying out of shape, diet for the non-runner and how to find the time to non-run. There’s even a quiz to take to see how much you know about non-runner myths. For a short book, there’s certainly a lot packed into it! The unexpected list of the greatest top 9 non-running movies… plus 3 is well-worth the look. Some of the comments are a bit dated, but it’s still fun and very easy to read. There’s definitely no need to read it in sequence, since it’s a text/self-help book which begs to be read however you like. The problem will be choosing which chapter to start with… but don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time to choose while you’re busily non-running.

bit hard to figure out just what the ants are describing (yes, they get a narrative!) but it does make sense in the end.

Empire of the Ants Bernard Werber

Although there is a crummy movie with the same name, it bears no resemblance to the intensely gripping tale presented here. At first glance though, you’d swear it was just another one of those cheesy horrors usually written by Peter Benchley (author of Jaws) about more creatures criminally altered by toxic waste that then go on some mindless rampage. Well, that would be the gist of the movie, but definitely not this book! The story delves into the life and point of view of a gigantic ant colony called Bel-o-kan. Something unnatural is happening with some of the ants in the colony and investigations result. It can be a

There is also a human element to this tale. A family, an obsessed father (Jonathan) and his wife and son move into his deceased uncle’s home. His uncle’s research focussed intensely on ant communication. Jonathan breaks the one rule his uncle left him… Do Not Enter the Cellar! The thriller aspect really reveals itself with this cellar… the staircase takes nearly two hours to descend! And what’s to be found at the bottom? Something awful obviously, as a team of eight firemen and a police inspector go down and are never seen again. Fortunately, Werber finally sends characters down to continue the narrative. I’ll leave you to find the horror yourself, but the twist at the end is great and I admit to never being able to look at ants quite the same way again. It’s an insightfully crafted tale of suspense you really shouldn’t miss!

From February until 1 April, In Unison is running a poetry contest with the winner receiving a $30 Borders Voucher and the poem published in a future issue of In unison. Submit your entries via email to inunison@unitec.ac.nz by 5pm 1 April 07. Poems are to be a maximum of 20 lines about any subject you choose as long it incorporates the theme of “Summer Days”. You can submit more than 1 entry. Each entry must include a title, your name, programme of study and contact email. Entries in TXT language will not be accepted.


AUTOZAMM FOR

NOW

By Kieran Clark

Together Nick, Mikey, Jasper and Ollie make up the rock band. Through the years that they’ve been together they have experienced hard times, losing and gaining members, they have witnessed four different drummers, but feel like they have finally struck gold. “The Big Day Out in ‘06 was a massive confidence boost and a major breakthrough for Autozamm” says front man Nick Major. “It was when Ollie and Jasper played their first gig with the band, we felt like we truly had something after a year of what you could call, in my opinion, lame gigging”. When asked to sum up the band in one sentence, Nick describes “collective creativity”, a bunch of guys who come from all different directions of musical genres. With their new album currently in construction, they feel they have found a perfect plateau to work on, a melting pot where they can merge each band member’s ideas together and create amazing musical fusion. At first the plan was to record the new album in Latvia, but after careful consideration they have decided to stick to the roots and record in York Street Studios in Parnell. “I think at first we were just excited about the idea of being able to record in such a different experience, but now that we’ve thought about it, we see that it’s much wiser to record in New Zealand, not only because of the dollar signs, but there’s no place like home”. “When I think about local music, my favorite band would have to be Pluto. They have a form of maturity in their music, something that is very rare in NZ. Their music is very high quality.” Ninety percent of local musicians have some other form of income. Unless you’re someone like Dave Dobbyn or one of

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the Finn brothers, it’s pretty much impossible to live off money from your band alone, so the members of Autozamm try to keep involved with other aspects of music and media. Nick runs a promotions company for other New Zealand musicians. Mikey is the director/editor/producer of the hit C4 show, Insert Video Here. Jasper is a professional drum tech/tutor and Ollie sells musical instruments.

...we felt like we truly had something after a year of what you could call, in my opinion, lame gigging.

Crashing into musical airwaves, Autozamm have been carving their way through NZ music for three years now. Their first album As For Now included such songs as Ways To Run and You Don’t Know Me.

With bands such as Autozamm in and amongst New Zealand music, we really can’t go wrong. These guys are cutting edge. Their style is similar to a lot of international musicians and yet it has its own unique features, which give New Zealand fans a sense of pride, knowing that this amazing quality of music is coming from a local band. New Zealand music has taken a phenomenal leap in the past years and it’s still going. With each moment the average New Zealand musician is accomplishing new levels of skill and talent. I look forward to the future as new musicians come out of the woodwork and produce this remarkable form of entertainment. `


MUSIC

REVIEWS

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)

AS FOR NOW AUTOZAMM FLAMING PERIL

Explosive! Amazing! Incredible! Or just plain kick ass. However you want to put it, Autozamm’s debut album As For Now is the genuine rock record. Packed with insane guitar riffs, skull-breaking drum beats and soul-shaking bass lines, this work of art is the one you want to listen to if you want to get in touch with your inner rocker. Tracks such as You Don’t Know Me and Sweet Love, build you up and knock you down in a musical frenzy. Basically, Autozamm have come from the corner swinging. This album has established a ground level that the band can build upon and make great work even greater. Their new record is in the stages of construction now and personally I can’t wait. KIERAN CLARK

COLLAPSING CITIES

WINCING THE

COLLAPSING CITIES

NIGHT AWAY

SELF-RELEASED

SUB POP

Auckland quartet Collapsing Cities are doing rather well for a band that once described their lifestyle as one of “single beds and no aspirations”. Reliable sources in the CBD suggest that bassist Stephen Parry has upgraded to a queen-size mattress, and incidentally their self-released, self-titled first EP has been gaining traction in all the right places too: an interview in Groove Guide here, a name-dropping from Kody Nielson of The Mint Chicks there, and the odd bit of rotation on C4’s Blender for their new music video/single Elixir Always (featuring a comprehensive range of Crayola-coloured t-shirts that could easily be a nod to Glaswegian lo-fi popsters The Pastels). Even without the bubblegum video, Elixir Always has enough pep in it (“Got a pocket full of stars/ gonna give them to all my friends”) to warrant a dance remix courtesy of the North Shore Pony Club, which is also featured on the EP. While Elixir Always isn’t entirely indicative of Collapsing Cities’ sound, it’s certainly the formula for their best material. A perfect example of this is on the snare-led slacker anthem No Plans: an obstinately upbeat post-punk melody is paired with vocalist Steve Mathieson’s simple descriptions of a downward spiral – “No plans/ no food/ no money/ no love/ just a dead-end job and a half-arsed smile… just a token friend, dishing out pleasantries” ­– and in the midst of all this urban inertia we can still find something to grin about. AUDIO JACK

THE SHINS

After gaining a lot of well-deserved attention, a lot of pressure was placed on The Shins’ latest album to do just as well as the previous two – which of course are personal favourites of mine. Could they really do it all again a third time? The answer: yes and no. There are some amazing stand-out tracks with all the catchy hooks and quirky lines (“This lass/some fifteen odd years/is widely known/to have spat/in her teacher’s eye”) that The Shins are known and loved for, but near the middle of the album it loses its momentum and becomes more about experimentation, compromising the indiepop qualities that long-time fans are accustomed to. That being said, the album starts off strong with Sleeping Lessons, a beautifully dreamy track that wouldn’t seem out of place on previous efforts, and the track Pam Berry, where the new direction works well with child-like lyrics sung in a lullaby over contrasting thick, heavy guitars. On the other hand, there are songs like Sea Legs where the different combination of instruments becomes clumsy and confusing. By the end the foursome manage to reel it back in with the wistful closing track A Comet Appears, showcasing the band’s ability to craft beautifully sombre lyrics and music. Overall, the album is a strange mix but if you pick through the bad ones there are hidden gems – those really great tracks that are just too good to ignore. TALIA SMITH


STAGE

THEATRE AND DANCE

REVIEWS

BY KAMIL GRYZYBOWSKI

SHAKESPEARE UNBARR’D: THE FOOD OF LOVE DOG’S BOLLIX Devised by: Nisha Madhan and Liesha Ward Knox

For the second time around Nisha and Liesha have attacked the works of Shakespeare, godfather of romantic theatre. With a local cast (all from Unitec, grads and students) Phundmi Productions has produced an amazing play which explores Shakespeare’s three works As You Like It, Twelfth Night and A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The venue where this play has come to life has been The Dog’s Bollix in K’ Rd. Seeing a play like this at Dog’s Bollix is just great. The good old pub feeling - wooden floors and walls, a pint, chips and a theatre performance - is an awesome experience. I saw this play at their last night of production and man, what energy these guys had! The cast were very professional and you could see their solid prep work in their performance. Though the crowd was small and rather quiet (this is a comedy, you’re supposed to laugh goddamnit!), I had a blast of a time. Well-written and devised, this piece was was a comedy for both Shakespeare lovers and people who have no knowledge of Shakespearean theatre. Comedy is well known as one of the hardest genres to do well, and this being a review I have to say that there seemed to be some timing issues with the comedy at the beginning. Some performances left me confused about whether the players were genuinely exploring the characters, or just overacting. However, the piece just grew stronger as it went on to the second half. I really want to commend the fight choreography done by Jacob Tamaiperea who also had several parts in this play. The stage fighting and hits were very well done by the actors and at moments very believable, adding a touch of realism to the comedy.

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Another thing I want to acknowledge in this piece was the music. The singing done solo and by the whole company was remarkably fun, amusing and at some moments I wanted to get up and sing/ dance myself. If you didn’t manage to see this play you did miss out, but as there are dreams of touring this production across the country to keep this production alive, you can only hope to see these guys in the future as they are the next generation of first-class actors. I have to acknowledge the cast being: Sarah Gallagher, Sam Berkley, Daniel Mainwaring, Nisha Madhan, Hayley Dallimore, Lieashe Ward Knox, Jacob Tamaiperea, Francis Mountjoy and Daniel Coppersmith which all are awesome performers. For any queries or contact with Phundmi Productions please email: phundmi@gmail.com.


SCREEN

FILM AND DVD

REVIEWS BY SHANE G NORRIS

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS In cinemas now

Will Smith stars as Chris Gardner, a middle-class, struggling businessman who is thrown into a series of events that spiral him down to a pit of despair. Chris must hold himself together while taking care of his young son Christopher and fight to keep a roof over their heads, be it a hostel, homeless shelter or a subway public toilet! Chris’ life takes a turn for the better when he is given, with

STRANGER THAN FICTION

no real experience, the opportunity to enter into an internship at a stockbrokerage firm. Based on a true story, The Pursuit of Happyness is full of the day-to-day struggles that we all endure to make it the next day. Director Gabriele Muccino offsets these very real fears against the importance of small rewards in the face of such despondency. Will Smith tackles the role with full commitment and respect for the character. Working alongside his real-life son Jaden Christopher Syre Smith, Smith Sr. conveys a relationship that is flawless in its compassion and realism. Thandie Newton makes a brilliant appearance as a passionate woman pushed to her limits. The Pursuit of Happyness asks a simple question: how fortunate are you, where you are?

OPEN SEASON In cinemas now

In cinemas now

An original and well-developed comedy. IRS agent Harold Crick (Ferrell) has lived a very standard, boring, scheduled, perfectly timed life. Until one day he resets his watch and hears the voice of acclaimed novelist Kay Eiffel (Thompson): “Little did Harold know that this simple act would result in his imminent death…” Stranger Than Fiction is an offbeat gem, whose ensemble casting is nothing short of a miracle: Ferrell forsakes the man-child persona of Anchorman and Talladega Nights for a reserved taxman, Thompson is a brittle and morbid author and Queen Latifah is superb as a quietly confident and stoic publisher’s aide, making something truly memorable of a cameo of less than thirty lines. It’s a simple, heartfelt story of ordinary people in truly extraordinary circumstances. See it.

Yet another CGI animation, this time by Sony Pictures: only recommended for those whose Inner Child needs a beating. Giselle is a park ranger who tends to many of the wild animals in the local forest. One of these is Boog, a grizzly bear. Rescued as a cub and taken into her home, Boog has become quite domesticated and is no longer able to care for himself in the wild. One day he meets Elliot, an elk rejected by his herd and looking to prove his worthiness. Thrown together by circumstance, the odd couple must look to each other for support as they brave the wilderness, yadda yadda yadda, we already saw this with Shrek and Donkey. This is not a must see, but something to maybe put on to avoid watching infomercials at 1:00am in the morning. Enjoy!

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CAPTION

COMP “Shit, how can I send you to Iraq with crappy nappies???” - Jason

“Hey Dad, I ain’t finished – I got a very big one coming. You got a bib? Oopstoo late” - Daniel “This is my new $6m suit and he pooped on it” “Whoah! Guess I shouldn’t have touched him there!” “That’s gross – the baby just pooed all over me. I should be the one crying, not him” “Mr. Michael Jackson – if you don’t give me back my dummy, I won’t give you back the baby”

Come up with a caption for this photo and be in to win a $10 food and drink voucher from Carrington’s, plus a signed copy of Autozamm’s latest album, As For Now. Email your caption to: inunison@unitec.ac.nz or TXT 021 02272536 Competition closes: Mon 26th February

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THINGS

#272:

NOT

PATRICK STEWART.

CATS IS

Toothpaste For Dinner A Comic By Drew

Drawings by Drew from www.toothpastefor dinner.com

END ITORIAL

This Issue

Next Issue

Hackneyed: dictionary-style definitions Delicious: all-you-can-eat Hawaiian pizza Depressing: ate-all-I-could, pigs haunting me in my sleep Most Wanted: news editor, send in your CV asap plz Not A Goer: me at 6:40am Kickin’ Rad: www.infinitecat.com Apocalyptic: hydrogen bomb stuck in a swamp in North Carolina Chris The Coffee Cart Guy: “You misquoted me”, or something Clocking Off: 2:18pm, feeling like fishsticks

Romance Writers NZ: not just throbbing manhoods V-Day Write-up: lady-killin’ with Matty Boom-Batty Sex Toys: fun and games with Jo Hero Party Review: pretty-boys bumping uglies Beautiful Agony: redefining the facial Signing Off: done

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inunison- the local issue- 2007