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Inunison Orientation issue

Issue 01

ORIENTATION SHITS & GIGGLES


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CONTENTS

Features

Issue 1 Orientation special, Monday 19 February 2007

11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

Orientation Acoustic Acts Black Friars Lion Dancers Tips for Freshies Flatting or the Olds?

Regulars 04. 05. 06. 07. 16. 19. 21. 23. 24. 26. 28. 30. 31.

Editorial Letters President’s Tirade News Orientation Events Guide Student Support Jose’s Corner Full Credit Foreword Book Reviews Screen Reviews Dear Barbie Funnies Enditorial

For editorial and advertising enquiries please contact:

usu. Telephone (09) 815 4321 ext: 7927 Facsimile (09) 846 3381 Email inunison@unitec.ac.nz PO Box 44 016, Point Chevalier Credits Editor: Rory MacKinnon Design: Mark Lovatt

Contributors: Adam Beach Shane G Norris Matt Alpe Hamish Oakley Jon Tamihere Counselling Team Andrew Scoresby Veronica Haus-Bausen Robert Henley Josephine Te Whiu-Stewart Drew of Toothpaste For Dinner USU Executive Disclaimer Opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publishers. Submission and contributors are welcome, but the publisher reserves the right to select and edit the material submitted. Materials submitted will remain property of the publisher, unless alternative arrangements are made.


Editorial Since I started working here as the editor in late 2004 I have:

…And we’re back. Welcome to another year of studies and another year of In Unison, Unitec students’ #1 preferred alternative to bog paper and kindling. I’m Rory, straight outta Compton (and Unitec’s SPASA, where I’ve been doing a performing arts degree) and I’m quite chuffed to be your new editor for 2007. So who are ‘you’? As I write this, a heated debate is overtaking the USU offices over whether the ‘your voice’ angle makes you feel welcome and empowered, or just pisses you off. I suppose it’s understandable: we’re so inured as a generation to the aggressively calculated, community-brand Burger King bullshit we’re exposed to on a daily basis - ‘Have It Your Way’, ‘Because You’re Worth It’, ‘Where Do You Want To Go Today?’ – it’s no surprise that students might abhor the old Uncle Sam ‘We Want You’ tactic.

It’s a shame though, because that’s the way that most student associations actually operate. Take ours, for instance: each student pays $35 ($17.50 if they’re parttime) in levies on enrolment at Unitec, and this money pooled together covers all the costs of hiring staff, organising events and producing this magazine, amongst other things. From then on, what students choose to do with this organisation is up to them. Some attend pub crawls, some employ the USU Advocate to represent them in academic disputes, some busy themselves with representing their interests on the Student Executive and others voice their opinions and indulge their creative streak with In Unison. Still others are content with the USU as insurance; in the background for representation on boring yet critical issues like fee hikes and budget cuts.

Calling for 2007 Contributors

-Written 34 Editorials, 53 News stories and 41 Features -Worked with four graphic designers, four news reporters sub editors and over 40 My point is thatand contrary to popular belief, contributors student unions are telling the truth as best -Received 81 hate mail letters purchased we know how - you collectively -Deleted over 2000 emails it’s you this association, butspam nonetheless -Interviewed John Websterstudent 26 timeswho and every other individual -Walked the streets it. in As search of owns and operates a card-carrying transvestites, as a prostitute, member, you posed have every right to hold exercised, listened to badaccountable music and had this student association for bad student meeting yourfood needs and representing you -And mostboth of the enjoyed myself honestly, as time an individual member immensely and as part of a larger student body. I hope as an editor you’ll do the same for me. But the most rewarding part of my job has students who I have had the Lovebeen andthe fluffy bunnies, pleasure to work with. All of the In unison

-RJM inunison@unitec.ac.nz

work experience in the media? } Want Need to build up a portfolio?

Contribute to In Unison, your student magazine. We will provide you with a professional working environment, a medium to express your talents and creativity and a great training ground for working in the media. If you’ve got

an opinion, a criticism, reports, designs, photography, illustrations, narrations, summations, reviews, short stories, advice, or anything else you want published, get it out of your mind’s eyes, onto the screen, and send it through. For more info contact the editor: (09) 815 4321 ext 7927 inunison@unitec.ac.nz

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Letters

Txt Poll TXT in your opinion and be in to win a box of beer

021 02272536

Well, If It’s In Block Capitals, It Must Be True… NZ HAS A CORRUPT SYSTEM WITH DIRTY COPS AND MENTAL HEALTH WORKERS.

TXT in your opinion and be in to win food & drink vouchers for the opening of Carrington’s, Unitec’s new licensed venue! 021 022 72536

GO FLATTING OR STAY WITH

SERGEANT ALOFA OPENLY ENCOURAGED MENTAL HEALTH NURSES TO SPIKE PEOPLE WITH DRUGS. THEY USED A TEENAGER CALLED DAVID BEATTIE. THESE DRUGS DO PERMANENT DAMAGE CAUSING TREMOR. TREMOR IS MOVEMENT OF A GOUP OF MUSCLES THAT IS CONSTANT. THEY GIVE PEOPLE WHATS KNOWN AS A FACIAL OR AS ALOFA CALLS IT THE CHEWS. A POLICEMANS WIFE CALLED ROSE EASTER IS EQUALLY INVOLVED AS WITH ANOTHER CALLED RICHARD. THEY CANNOT TELL THE TRUTH INSTEAD PREFERRING TO COVER UP. -Anon.

Letters should be 250 words or less. All letters must include full contact details even if you don’t want these printed. In Unison reserves the right to edit, abridge or decline letters without explanation. We will not fix the spelling or grammar in letters. Email letters to inunison@unitec.ac.nz

Issue 13 TXT Poll Results: Would you bike to Unitec if there were better facilities for cyclists? Yes: 56% No: 44%

Sample of your opinions: “No more than I do already cos getting 2 unitec would still dam near kill u everyday. I bike sometimes and im nearly always scared s*%tless by other vehicles.” 021 187 0792 “No. Cycling is for losers who don’t drive. Get with the times.”

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THE PRESIDENT’S

TIRADE Hi all and welcome to Unitec, and for the seasoned students of this institution -welcome back. For those that don’t know me, I am Adam Beach, the new president of your student association. If any of you have troubles, difficulties or suggestions feel free to come and see us at our offices in the hub. Last year we gained compulsory membership by a majority decision of the student body, which means that all students are automatically members of the USU and gain all the benefits that membership grants. It also means that we have a greater responsibility to students and only students. With that said, there are going to be some big changes around here and I hope that you can all bear with us for the coming year. For every student there is the pressure, at the start of the academic year, to begin to prepare for your studies and I know there is always

a lot to organise; timetables, classes, books, tools, loans, allowances, and not to mention your social life to attend to. The USU has diaries and wall planners available to help you manage your time so you can get the most out of your studies. But let’s not forget that it is still summer and there is still time to enjoy it with a great line-up for orientation and the opening of the licensed venue - Carrington’s. 2007 is set to be one massive year and I look forward to seeing you at Carrington’s - I’ll even let you shout me a beer. Don’t be afraid to mix things up this year. Remember, “insanity is doing the same old thing and expecting a different result”.

PO Box 44016, Point Chevalier 139 Carrington Rd, Gate 4 Rm 1004, Building 180 Auckland usu.co.nz USU Reception (bus tickets, secondhand books) The Hub, Bld 180, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 e: usu@unitec.ac.nz Student Job Search (SJS) The Hub, Bld 180, Unitec p: (09) 846 9910 e: 11mg1@sjs.co.nz ADVOCACY (Student Problems) Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7924 e: advocate@unitec.ac.nz

Adam Beach

USU EXECUTIVE

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usu. CONTACTS

MEDIA, In Unison Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7927 e: inunison@unitec.ac.nz

Trace Treasurer puts the ‘more’ in ‘morphine’

Kaushik General Executive bow chicka wow wow

bo_peep_84@hotmail.

kilohom@hotmail.

Beryl International Rep I know kung fu

Arpit General Executive cried in Titanic

sevrain_beryl@hotmail.com

dubey_arpit86@yahoo.com.au

SPORTS Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7930 e: ususport@unitec.ac.nz

Hemi Maori Rep hugs not drugs

Prasad General Executive good with a Bo staff

USU PRESIDENT Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7929 e: usupres@unitec.ac.nz

thegrovers@xtra.co.nz

prasadgawande@yahoo.co.in

Greg General Executive will hack your sac

Professor Plum In the Ballroom with the candlestick

celticgbp@yahoo.co.nz

lol@unitec.ac.nz

EVENTS Rm 1123, Bldg 180, Gate 4, Unitec p: (09) 815 4321 ext 7925 e: eventsandclubs@unitec.ac.nz


NEWS NEWS Jobs In Jeapordy At School Of Languages By Rory MacKinnon

Building One For Sale, Arts Students Shipped To Henderson By Rory MacKinnon

irreparably. “While Building One keeps A letter of intent from Unitec to the As many as 25% of teaching staff at separate from the rest of the campus, Waitakere City Council could see Unitec’s School of languages it’s still an important creative part. arts students disappearing will lose their jobs pending Unitec’s already quite fragmented, and from the Mt Albert management plans to suddenly take that away comes at the campus altogether. for downsizing the risk of no longer having a single unified department. The “Unitec has a number of body. Geographically relocating everybody The letter outlines announcement has reviews underway; all seem actually often pulls people ideologically plans to sell off land come as a shock to apart as well, as we saw with Waitakere.” and buildings at to be in an effort to divest both faculty and students, who see no themselves of non-degree level the northern end While Beach says he and the Executive of the campus to reason for the cutbacks. courses and programmes.” are currently neutral on the matter, he the Waitakere City wants to make sure students are aware Council within 5-8 National President of of the outcomes and alternatives, such as years, including the the Association of Staff in relocating arts students to be nearer the historic Building One and Tertiary Education (ASTE) southern end of campus. the School of Performing and Lloyd Woods responded in a Screen Arts. Design, architecture statement calling the announcement “This is something we may do, and are open and performing arts students would be “utterly shocking”, and said that the to doing, but there is still an opportunity permanently relocated to the Corban Estate cuts could only be explained as part of a for Unitec students to get together and Arts Centre in Henderson. continued crusade towards “the expensive have their say on the matter. I would and foolish chase for University status”. encourage any students who are interested Director of Corporate Services Richard to write or email us, so we can get a good Handley attributes the plan to a 20% “We find it amazing that in a geographical bead on what’s going on for them.” decline in the number of overall students area arguably having the greatest number at the Mt Albert campus and a “love/hate of non-English speaking migrants and There has been no formal consultation of relationship” with the current buildings: refugees and at a time when Government students by Unitec as yet, as Handley says “They have good bones, but they’re is clearly prioritising literacy and language the letter of intent marks a “very expensive to maintain.” skills as critical to future prosperity, Unitec preliminary stage”. is looking at cutting provision. Further to “We think that ideally that, we see proposed redundancies in a “No contracts have been the performing and department that showed a surplus last year signed, the Council screen arts and design of 1.75 million dollars.” “While Building One haven’t even heard our schools would benefit keeps separate from the rest proposal….We are just from being in the “Unitec has a number of reviews underway; of the campus, it’s still an checking the viability Corban estate which all seem to be in an effort to divest of it. We have made no is going to become an themselves of non-degree level courses and important creative part.” commitment. arts quarter, heavily programmes. The students miss out, the sponsored by Waitakere staff lose jobs, but John Webster and his “[It] absolutely has to be City Council and close to cronies can tilt the balance with regard to something that meets with the performing and screen level of provision”. student approval, otherwise arts of Waitakere city.” they won’t go. If students don’t Registrar of Human Resources Rebecca think it’s a good idea, then we won’t do it.” However USU President Adam Beach says Ewert declined an interview with In that the relocation of arts programmes Unison, but said that the redundancies could fracture Unitec’s student body were “unfortunate”.

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New Venue ‘Not A Bar’, Iraq ‘Not About The Oil, I Swear’ By Andrew Scoresby The upcoming opening of a new licensed venue on Unitec grounds has drawn unsubstantiated criticism from students at AUT and Auckland University who say that the new establishment is “nothing more than the relentless push of a mindless academic juggernaut for University status”.

aspirations of latent alcoholics in dualsector tertiary institutions”. However, AUT & Auckland University’s Students’ United Coalition’s Kibosh on Imbibing Tequila object to the newly-designated ‘licensed café’ status, calling it “an insult to the timehonoured tradition of boozing at Uni”.

When Unitec’s application to build a bar on the Mt Albert campus was denied by the Waitakere City Council in June of last year, Chairman of the WCC’s Yoof Culture Committee Peter ‘Rockin’ Rockwell proposed a new category of ‘Licensed Café’ to “recognise the unique needs and

“This new ‘licensed café’ is obviously just another part of the agenda”, says SUCKIT President Oliver Lambert. “Clearly Unitec has realised that the real qualifier for University status is whether 65% of Communications students have brought buckets to their lecture.”

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“I mean, it’s just like marriage and civil union: they call it a different name, but everyone knows it’s the same thing. Not that I have a problem with gays or anything. I mean, some of my best friends were gay. Well, one of them. Not my best friend, but he was a gay anyway. Not that I knew at the time or anything, or I wouldn’t have called him a fag so much.” Carrington’s will begin serving a selection of cold cuts, panini and the odd pint from March 8.

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GETTING A BIG BREAK WITH

BROKEN By Veronica Haus-Bausen

LINE-UP FOR

CARRINGTON’S LAUNCH

WORLD-FAMOUS IN

NEW ZEALAND By Veronica Haus-Bausen

All actors have to learn to fly solo, but Nora Aati is learning quicker than most. The 2007 acting graduate is already making waves in the Auckland theatre scene with her new solo show Mapaki, hailed by critics as “an intense and lyrical piece that is a small miracle”. Mapaki, meaning ‘broken’, is the story of a young Niuean girl in an abusive relationship. “The play is pretty much about her journey, her struggle and how others influence her”, she says. “It is very dark…With this play, you really see the struggle that these women go through, and there isn’t necessarily a happy ending. The end of the play really gets people thinking.” After standing in at a play reading at last year’s Pasifika Festival, Nora was hand-picked Dianna Fuemana, the original writer and performer of Mapaki, to star in a restaging of the work. “She said she liked my raw energy. And it helps that I’m black”, she laughs. Aati says the rehearsal process has been fun, but not without its challenges. “It’s really intense, emotionally, mentally and physically. It’s a one-woman show, and I also play three other characters – Jason, her abusive partner; her nana and her one good friend who’s a fa’afafine - so I’m onstage for fifty minutes doing these big characters and mood shifts and stuff. I’m sweating hard-out by the end of the show.” Fortunately, she’s had the support of both Fuemana and director Hori Ahipene, a veteran local actor. “[Hori] is amazing. He pushes you and encourages you and makes you work your arse off. He makes you find things that you never knew were there, especially with a role like Jason, which is obviously quite masculine.” Meanwhile, Nora is also working with fellow graduates Kayne Peters and Ali Foa’i on Riding With The Devil, a local drama about Auckland’s boy-racer culture screening later this year. As for the future, Mapaki may well take her into the international theatre circuit. “Diana said I could take it overseas if I wanted to. There’s a lot in the way of women’s performing arts festivals and stuff, so it’s something I’m looking into.”

The opening of a licensed venue at Unitec is a cause for celebration in itself, but punters can now look forward to performances by critically acclaimed local artists Sola Rosa, Tahuna Breaks and One Million Dollars at Carrington’s official opening. The opening of a licensed venue at Unitec is a cause for celebration in itself, but punters can now look forward to performances by critically acclaimed local artists Sola Rosa, Tahuna Breaks and One Million Dollars at Carrington’s official opening. Sola Rosa is the nom-d’étage of Andrew Spraggon, whose eclectic mix of electronica, lounge jazz and live instrumentation has consistently brought home bnet and Juice TV music awards since 2000. One Million Dollars have performed their latin-inflected soul regularly at Unitec Orientations since 2004, while newcomers Tahuna Breaks have already made it big on the Auckland circuit, performing at the Studio, Safari Lounge and Transmission Room and recently releasing their first single ‘Voodoo’, now ranking #2 on the NZ music charts. Carrington’s Managing Director Mike Simpkins says he is delighted to host bands of such a high calibre.

“We’re looking forward to a spectacular opening of Carrington’s on the afternoon and early evening of 8 March and we would encourage as many students as possible to attend”. Look for in-depth interviews with all these artists in upcoming issues of In Unison.

Mapaki runs from 15 – 25 Feb at the Herald Theatre. Bookings through Ticketek.

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Family

In unison is offering two paid part-time positions for News and Features editors. Get paid to work in the ultimate student-friendly environment! Email inunison@unitec.ac.nz to find out more‌


SINGER

SONGWRITER Andrew Keoghan

FOLK

LEGEND

Luke Hurley

He’s become something of an internet phenomenon, but his rise to fame has been less Lily Allen and more Johnny Knoxville. Over 12,000 users have logged in to Youtube and collegehumor.com to watch the former TVNZ reporter take a cricket ball in the face at 143k/h while interviewing fast bowler Troy Otto. While he laughs it off, Keoghan is convinced of the Australian’s foul play. “What you didn’t see in the video was that I actually egged him on a bit, and it got him riled up. He fired a short ball that I saw a metre in front of my head and that was the last I saw of it…. I’d told him, ‘Bowl the fastest ball you can bowl, but aim for my feet, cause if it hits me in the feet then at least it won’t matter’. But he hit me with a bouncer! Those guys are good; he knew what he was doing.” The clip eventually made it to the One News sports desk and was quickly picked up by a number of websites, even screening overseas in blooper TV programmes. “My friend saw it on a show out of New York”, Keoghan says with astonishment. “There was some kung-fu guy breaking his hand on some bricks and then suddenly I came on. It was just crazy.” Not surprisingly, Keoghan left TV journalism shortly afterwards, moving from Wellington to Auckland in order to focus on his music. “I was living the dream doing the television thing, but music was my first love. I was interviewing musicians, and it was doing my head in that they were doing what I wasn’t. One day I just said, ‘Well, I’m 25, it’s all or nothing now’…I don’t miss that rat race for a second. It freaks me out even thinking about it.’ Having broken away from Wellington’s domineering jazz scene, Keoghan’s influences and inspirations are refreshingly diverse: while his solo work references the familiar canon of Leonard Cohen, Nick Drake, Jose Gonzalez et al., he remains a passionate fan of everything from MC Hammer to Muse: “If One Tree Hill started erupting again, everyone in Auckland would have Muse blaring out of their sound systems. It’s end-of-the-world music.” Catch Andrew live at the Hub on 19-20 Feb from 12-1pm or online at http://myspace.com/andrewkeoghan.

Luke Hurley has a reputation in Auckland’s folk underground as the most approachable man in NZ music. The veteran singer-songwriter has been known to play anywhere from coffee shops to supermarkets, bars in the CBD to birthday parties, all with a smile. Not surprisingly, he’s made a lot of friends, including some rather big names. “I’ve met a lot of good people in my time, some really high-profile, who acknowledged what I was doing. The Pretenders invited me along to their gig, which was quite nice because I was really into them in the 80’s. Same with the Buena Vista Social Club. Some guy once saw me busking and ran back to his hotel to get a guitar; turns out he was some big Hollywood star who wanted me to come back to California with him.” But Hurley has never aspired to international success: for him, his music is grounded in the streets of Auckland.

“Where you are influences what you sound like, like a dialect…. There’s a rhythm on these streets which I write about. It’s so vibrant here, there’s so much going on.” Now after over thirty years of self-released albums and EPs, Hurley is finally collaborating on a ‘Best Of’ compilation with Nigel Haddock of Auckland independent label Monkey Records. So is it the slippery slope towards selling out? “I’ve signed on with them for one album. It’s something I’ve wrestled with - I’ve been working on a lot of material, but bringing it all into the light isn’t something I’ve been preoccupied with. But I have a lot of faith in Nigel. He’s far better organised than I am, for a start”, he laughs. See Luke Hurley live at the Hub from 12-1pm, Wednesday 7 March.

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NESIAN THEATRE TROUPE

They might be brown, they might make you laugh, but Brotown this ain’t. Blackfriars are seven young men whose politically-charged theatre will show there’s more to Island life than Morningside. Named after a Shakespearean playhouse, the group according to performer Vau Antonio originally came together in defiance of prejudices in the performing arts community.

“It all started when our manager wanted to direct a Summer Shakespeare at Auckland University. The organisers told her that ‘Islanders cannot do Shakespeare’” – “Their exact words”, fellow actor Lauie Sila interjects, “Polynesians can’t do Shakespeare.” Even through their grins, the frustration is palpable. “That’s sort of the main reason why we formed,” Vau continues. “We’re here to prove a point, that Islanders can act. We can do Shakespeare, we can do anything anyone else can do.”

“ POLYNESIANS

CAN’T DO SHAKESPEARE.

Already two members of the cast (Lauie and Billy Revell) have been accepted into the first year of Unitec’s School of Performing Arts, and will squeeze their performance into an already busy first week of studies. So what can we expect from their upcoming performance of Being Brown? “It’s basically about four friends meeting up after a couple of years out in the world, watching a State Of Origin game. They reminisce about their school days, but it breaks down a lot of stereotypical views of what brown people are. A lot of the time Pacific Islanders are perceived to be bums….We’re sick of brown people being portrayed as people who can’t be successful.” While Lauie commends the success of Oscar Kightley, David Fane et al, he feels that their brand of humour is too coarse, ultimately degrading their people. “It makes for funny television, but it’s false to who we are. This is just our way of combating those stereotypes. The play’s still entertaining, but it goes deeper. Our message isn’t just for brown people in particular, but to everyone.”

Catch Black Friars and Niuean dance trio Tau Afine Niue, 12-1pm Monday 26th February at the Hub.

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DANCES WITH

LIONS? EPACS Lion Dance Crew have only been around for three years, but they faithfully maintain a lion dancing tradition almost a thousand years old. Once a founder of the Auckland Chinese Cultural & Social Society, Peter Low now uses the medium of lion dancing to educate audiences and performers about their history and culture with the help of his daughter Stacy Liu.

Misconceptions even extend to the performers themselves: there is a persistent belief that everyone in a costume is the next Jackie Chan, although Stacy begs to differ.”In the past, many street gangs and tribes created their own lion dance troupes to accentuate their power and territory but they weren’t martial artists. There are many reasons why a person would adopt a martial art form - either for health, discipline mentally and

JESUS CHRIST IT’S A NIAN GET IN THE CAR

Stacy is quick to clarify people’s misconceptions about the dance: even the term ‘lion’ for instance is a misnomer. “The lion is not literally a lion but is in fact a nian. ‘Nian’ is a term for a spiritual being.  In the past, villagers and local residents spotted a nian that looked like a lion that ate all their plants.  They ate humans and destroyed harvest and homes.  This nian usually came out only in the spring.  Because the nian feared red, villagers would use red firecrackers and wear red costumes, hang red banners at doors’ entrances to dispel the animal away.  That’s why in traditional ‘lion’ performances you may find a scenario where a shop owner will hang a luring food such as lettuce or oranges.

physically, for religion, for defence, or for another external hobby.  Our young crew and myself enjoy lion dance because it’s different; it involves stunts, co-ordination, teamwork and music.  So I won’t say lion dancers are mostly martial artists.”

EPACS Lion Dance Team are performing with Korean dance troupe Madang Hannuri at the Hub, 12-1pm

Tuesday 27th of February usu.13


FRESHIE 101 your Welcome, freshies, to the beginning of into this age pass your ease To c! Unite at es studi have team on Unis illustrious institution, the In words wing follo the you offer pulled together to smile. a with ing morn the in up e Wak om. of wisd ‘I’m self, your Look into the mirror and say to golly, good enough. I’m smart enough. And by day my start to s help it find (I me!” people like . with a bitter, hollow laugh). Then try these

EXTRA FOR EXPERTS:

“Check the reduced-to-clear bins when you’re at the supermarket. There’s nothing wrong with bringing home a $2 pavlova!” – Lily-May, BPSA “The cleanest stalls are always the handicapped ones. Heaps of paper, too.” – Andrew, B.Comm

usu ORIENTATION ‘07

STUDENT SERVICES INFORMATION DAY FEBRUARY 28 / 10AM - 2PM / @ THE HUB STALLS, INFORMATION AND DISPLAYS MEET YOUR SUPPORT SERVICES, ASK QUESTIONS AND GET THE SUPPORT YOU NEED TO MAKE A HEAD START THIS YEAR

usu.

THE BASICS: You’re on your own now. No one’s going to bully you into attending classes, taking notes or even passing your course. But if you still need someone to hear you out, your Head of School, USU Advocate or Counsellor is the way to go. You’re on your own, but so is everyone else. You now have at least one thing in common with everyone else in your year, so build on it. Don’t just huddle with your old acquaintances from high school- get to know others in your class, or even outside of it (see below). It’s called Orientation Week for a reason. Sure, you learn where everything is, but it’s also about finding your scene. Attend any and every event that interests you, and don’t be afraid to invite other freshies and talk to the punters. It’s like a sandpit for grownups. Don’t forget the boring stuff. Check your fees have actually been paid. Fill out a form for course-related costs (claim $1000 under ‘transport’ for a no-questions-asked lump sum: very handy for bus passes!). Check out the stalls at the Student Services Day to find out what the USU can do for you. Sign up to the In Unison contributors’ mailing list. Attend referencing seminars so your lecturers can give you the marks you deserve. Then, and only then, should you head on out to the beer tent.

Good luck, newbies!

i i i i i

HEALTH SERVICES STUDENT SUPPORT CAREER ADVICE LEARNING SUPPORT AND MORE...


GO FLATTING OR STAY WITH

THE

OLDS BY MATT ALPE

Many tertiary students just like you will face this difficult decision at some point of their post-high school lives. Some of you have limited financial resources (no moolah), making the decision to stay at home for free that much easier. Some of you are out-of-townies which automatically makes your decision to empty your parents’ nest a no-brainer. However, if you do have a bit of money to dish out for rent, and feel like a change might indeed be good, this is aimed at you and hopefully will aid you in your conclusion. To simplify this to the max, I have compiled a pros and cons list for both living at home with Ma and Pa, and flatting.

Chilling With Ma And Pa At Home: CONS PROS If you play your cards right, you could get free rent and food. It doesn’t end there. They could also pay your power, phone, internet, water, shampoo and toothpaste.

It sucks. After 18 years living under Ma and Pa’s roof, it can start to feel really claustrophobic (no disrespect to them).

You’re living with your landlords. Noise levels are regularly regulated and enforced, and a 25-year generational gap at stay you No responsibility. When means they do not necessarily appreciate home, Ma and Pa still think of you as a and Beenie Man. kid. Therefore you still don’t have to know 50 Cent, Ja Rule I what the term ‘responsibility’ means. They get all up in your grill, yo. Parents know I don’t. have this thing about doing the dishes right away, A.S.A.P, pronto, instantly. I and Their stuff is cooler than yours. Ma don’t get it. all suits, classy and cars Pa own TVs and of which you can use more easily if you stay at home. They have to. It’s the rules. Parents will never concede knowledge of this, but there is a secret code or rule if you like, that requires them to offer free rent to their children for the duration of their tertiary study. If you parents do not comply with this, please report them to the USU immediately.

Emptying the nest: PROS

CONS

You can do what you want. You get the opportunity to man up and do things for yourself. Brilliant!

It’s expensive. Depending on where you go, rent can cost anything from heap s of money to even more heaps of money.

Your friends can sleep over FOREVE R. Setting up a flat with a good crew is real fun, and you can play board games ALL NIGHT LONG, such as scrabble fire.

Gotta watch your back, homes. Landlords can be real dodge sometim es. Therefore you must be alert at all time s, and keep on top of things such as cleaning and automatic payments.

You can develop mad cooking skillz. You have to cook to eat, eat to survive, survive to watch sports. Therefore, you can turn this into a positive by completely dominating the kitchen and start becoming a MEAN chef. This com es in handy when you have to cook for that special somebody - Ma and Pa, when they come to visit.

You need to learn to be responsible. Google it if need be.

Hopefully this guide will make your decision to move out or stay at home that much easier. In the end, we are all different and motivated by different things. If paying off your loan is a priority, just go nuts and work like crazy to get it sorted. If that means staying at home, cool, have fun. But if you want to give flatting a shot, and it’s within your budget to do that, having that freedom is real cool.

usu.15


Building 33, between the rugby fields and the Student Services building


usu.

ORIENTATION 07 FEB 19 - MARCH 08

ALL EVENTS FREE TO ALL UNITEC STUDENTS ALL PERFORMANCES 12-1 PM UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE O PACKS - FREE USU DIARY, WALLPLANNER AND GIVEAWAYS

ORIENTATION TIMETABLE :

19 Feb Monday

20 Feb Tuesday HUB/ Waitakere Live Music: Andrew Keoghan and John Goudge

HUB / Waitakere Live Music: Kawiti Juventin and Andrew Keoghan

23 Feb Friday

26 Feb Monday

HUB Live Music: Anna Kaye Forsyth

HUB Pasifika-flavoured performance : Tau Afine Niue and Black Friars

01 Mar Thursday

05 Mar Monday

HUB Health & Fitness Day

HUB Live Music: Richard Gannaway and John Goudge

08 Mar Thursday

HUB Live Music: Nick Hohepa

27 Feb Tuesday HUB Asian cultural displays: Madang Hannuri and EPACS Lion Dance Team

06 Mar Tuesday Building 1, Mt Albert Entertainment: Kimbra Johnson and Mila Gurney

22 Feb Thursday HUB Live Music: Michelle Nadia

28 Feb Wednesday HUB Student Services Info Day:

07 Mar WednesHUB Go Live music launch Luke Hurley

16 Mar Thursday

Building 33 (See map below) 12 noon- 7pm Carrington’s Café launch Tahuna Breaks, One Million Dollars and Sola Rosa

POST ORIENTATION EVENT St Pat’s Pub Crawl (Irish Theme) Tickets from USU Reception

Carrington’s (Licensed Café) The Hub

21 Feb Wednesday

FREE STUFF LIVE MUSIC

INFO DAYS

MARKET STALLS See usu.co.nz for more details usu.17


2007 COULD BE

ON THE

HOUSE if you’re planning to study in 2007, you could be eligible for a scholarship to help pay your course fees. Bonded merit Scholarships are available to second year students who have achieved a B grade average or higher in the first year of their degree. Step Up Scholarships are available to students studying in their first year of human or animal health, or science and technology. whatever you’re studying this year, go to www.studylink.govt.nz to find out if you qualify and to download an application form. or call us on 0800 88 99 00. Applications close 2nd March 2007. So don’t miss out. Apply now. Find the best way to finance your future

www.studylink.govt.nz | 0800 88 99 00

A N e w Z e A l A N d G o v e r N m e N t i N i t i At i v e HIN%%-&


ADVOCACY

COUNSELLING

USU wants to make sure you’re aware of important rules that affect your study at Unitec:

Hello there. I’m Rick Cusack, one of the counsellors here at Unitec. (There are 6 of us). We’re hoping to introduce ourselves and offer a brief column in each publication. This is my fourth year here at Unitec after having a number of years in health, alcohol/drug work and working with gay men.

Want to withdraw from your course or programme? If you withdraw prior to the start of classes, you will get 100% of your fees refunded. If you withdraw before 10% of the course has passed, you will get 90% of your fees refunded. If you withdraw later you will only be entitled to a refund in exceptional circumstances. NB: the rules are different for international students, who are not automatically entitled to refunds if they withdraw. Unallowable copying of material Some new students, and even returning ones, are unaware that they can get in serious trouble for handing in work that contains text that someone else originally wrote. If you don’t know what plagiarism is, ask your teachers or visit Te Tari Awhina in the Hub or at Waitakere. Any duplication of sentences can get you in trouble if you don’t reference properly. It’s always best to check than to risk it. Do you know about sources of funding? Student Loans (which you have to pay back) and Allowances (which you don’t) are administered by Studylink. You can find out what you’re entitled to at www.studylink.co.nz or on 0800 88 99 00. Unitec employs Student Funding Advisors to give student advice about money matters. Phone 815 4321 ext 7441. If you’re in need of a job to supplement your income, Student Job Search is a must – go to www.sjs.co.nz Useful tips • If you’re applying for course-related costs for your student loan, keep the relevant receipts. • Don’t claim the USU fee under “course-related costs”; you can claim it as part of your tuition fees. • Studylink does have some emergency funding available if you are experiencing an emergency situation: phone 0800 88 99 00. Scholarships If you apply for a student allowance and are studying specified degrees in science or technology, or in human or animal health, you may be able to receive a Step-Up Scholarship. Note there is an application deadline of 2 March 2007. Bonded merit scholarships are open to academic high-flyers in at least the second year of a Bachelor’s degree. The application form is at www.studylink.co.nz. The best resource for researching all the scholarships that are available is the BreakOut database. You can access it on Uniweb > The Quad > Scholarships > BreakOut Database. Advice, Concerns, Queries, Complaints If you wish to complain about another student, a staff member, or the way you have been treated, there is a Student Complaints Policy ( available from the USU or at www.usu.co.nz) which outlines the process to follow. If you have any concerns about your area of studies or specific problems that you need help with, please email usuadvocate@unitec.ac.nz or phone 815 4321 ext.7924. Even if you just need some advice or clarification, the USU Advocacy Service is here and always willing to help. Hamish Oakley USU Advocate

That word “Orientation” can conjure up all sorts of ideas. Guided tours, lots of parties, introductions …to the point of a headache… or just plain nothing at all. Whatever it may mean we hope it is a positive experience for you. We counsellors have a different notion of orientation. Sometimes we do know where we’re going in life and things are on track. Think of calm seas, clear weather and a working compass so the boat is moving on just fine. We probably don’t need a counsellor for this kind of situation. Even for a person who knows just where they should be heading, the weather can turn foul and the seas really rough. (Think of problems with classmates/tutors, family conflict, friendships going sour, car accidents, health crises, separations). The storms can be caused by external events or by our internal responses to life. In situations like this it can be hard enough to manage the seas let alone maintain the right direction. Counsellors can give a hand to manage the storms, stay on track and guide you along here. We’re not in the same boat as you so not as prone to being tossed about by the same things affecting you. In a warm and safe relationship we can help you to maintain that direction you lost sight of. This might mean we gently challenge you too. Sometimes we don’t/can’t know the right direction but we can be alongside you in that lost, dark place. Just having somebody to be there can ease the isolation and burden of such an experience. For others it might be a case of not really even knowing which direction to head even if seas are calm and the “bloody sky is blue”. The realities of a course may not match the dreams. “I never really wanted to be a (nurse, teacher, photographer, dancer etc)…. anyway”. Where to now? Maybe it’s perfectly fine to not need a “correct” direction just yet and we need to hear that. Again counsellors can guide in the decision making process of which (if any) direction to travel. Sooo. As you start your year here at Unitec do you know where you are and where you are headed? How are you experiencing your travels from a heart and mind perspective? If you aren’t too sure or suspect you’d like a hand then give us a call or drop in.

FREE CONFIDENTIAL PROFESSIONAL Rick Cusack. Counsellor Bldg 52 Ph 8154321 (x 8160) or 021455764

usu.19


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JOSE’S

CORNER

Welcome to another year at Unitec, or as I fondly

call it: Unitron. If you’re a new student, Hi. It’s a pleasure to meet you - be careful because there are possums in the trees. They might eat you. As my contribution towards the “Orientation Issue” I have decided to offer some insights into finding flatmates - whether you’re moving in or someone’s moving out, it’s vital to know all the signs of the different “flattie” character traits. I have lived in six different flats over the years and my flatmates have consisted of the stereotypical ‘P’ dealer, several artists and musicians (this has its ups and downs), a radio DJ, an absolute tyrant whose volatile reign challenged that of Adolf Hitler (very rare actually) a beautiful academic (also very rare) and a white fluffy cat that shat diarrhoea only inside and only on jewellery. It’s hard to make good judgments about people when choosing who you will live with, but my best advice is to go with your gut instinct. It’s usually right. However, if that fails, look at their choice of costume. What are they trying to tell you through what they wear? Who are they trying to be?

A simple colour guide: Black: I hate myself and want you to die. White: Look at me. Love me. Red: I want you to want me but don’t think it’s going to be easy. (It will be easy). Pink: I want you to want me and yes, it’ll be easy. (It will not be easy). Yellow: Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Blue: I want to be you. Green: Everything’s like, somewhere man. Purple: I’m actually really fucking uptight.

If that doesn’t help then I have designed a simple questionnaire that you can read to potential flatmates or pick questions that you find relevant to you and your needs. By the way, there’s a mark on your yellow sweater.

The “Tell Me About Yourself” Questionnaire Basics: Name and age. Detailed basics: Place of birth? What is your position in your family? Watch out for the eldest children. They have controlling tendencies. What they think and say is usually final. However youngest children can demand attention. Now for the fun stuff, let’s judge their answers and box them into tight-walled stereotypes. What are your requirements in a friend? Lover? What do you read? If the answer is ‘Catcher in the Rye’ (Male) or ‘The Bell Jar’ (Female) then they’re implying that you’ll NEVER understand the depth of their depth. What music do you listen to? Pay careful attention to this answer, because there are right and wrong answers when it comes to music. What is your favourite colour? Refer to the colour guide above. What happens after death? Now I’m not religious, but I’m not atheist either so if they say “Nothing. We are worm food”, be wary of them. This can indicate a lack of imagination. Do you take baths or showers? Ask this question casually as you don’t want them to discover your true motive; the size of your hot water cylinder. What would you say is your worst physical feature? Your best? What annoys you the most in others? What star sign are you? This is really important. Find out if you are compatible with them. I’m serious. Who are your role models? Groan if they say their mum. What in your life is your greatest source of pleasure? I like this question. It’s always enjoyable watching someone talk about their passions. Note: their personality will shine a little with this one. What would you be like if you behaved with absolute power? Again this is a personality highlighter. Redesign the rainbow. Hand them a piece of paper and some colouring- in pencils. Use the colour guide to analyse what colour they use first and what they use the heaviest. What is the most beautiful thing in the world? If they say ‘me’ followed by a laugh and a ‘just kidding’ they’re out (Same goes for plastic bags blowing in the breeze –Ed.). Make a paper doll of yourself. Hand them a piece of paper and some scissors. What is the surest way to happiness? Be suspicious of answers involving Jesus, drugs or casual sex. Why are you here? Another personality insight. Are they lateral or literal thinkers? Literal thinkers can be very funny in a sharp pessimistic sort of way. Lateral thinkers can be very creative and unusual. They are usually a lot of fun when drunk. Compare the answers of your favourite potential flatmates and pick the one most suited to you. That’s all the room I have this time around. Good luck finding homes, kids. Until the next issue, Ciao darlings.

usu.21 usu.21


usu ORIENTATION ‘07 COMPETITION / WITH PRIZES

3 on 3 basketball / register your team on the day from 11.30am / or email ususport@unitec.ac.nz

Thursday 01 March / 10am - 2pm / @ The Hub

HEALTH STALLS at The Hub

UNITEC SPORTS CENTRE free play sport / gym tours / free yoga class at 10.30am free cycle pursuit at 12.30pm

FREE CONSULTATION

FREE PLAY SPORT / HUB AREA volleyball / touch

SQUASH CENTRE

usu.

free play / 10-3pm

physiotherapist massage personal trainer nutritionist

FITNESS DEMONSTRATION 12pm / at The Hub

see usu.co.nz for more details

usu. The USU in conjunction with the Sports Centre offer organised free play sport time slots at the Sports Centre. USU Sport wants to give every Unitec student the opportunity to ‘have a go’ at different sports.

SPORTS INCLUDE :

At the Sports Centre : basketball, indoor

At the Sports Fields (Weather permitting) :

Tuesday 12-1 Wednesday 3-4 Thursday 3-4

Wednesday 3-4 Thursday from 3-4

soccer, badminton, netball and volleyball.

touch and soccer

Please show your student ID card at the Sports Centre Reception

See usu.co.nz or email ususport@unitec.ac.nz for the sports available on each day and their venue


Kia ora and welcome back to Full Credit. I hope everybody out there in Unitec land had a dynamite holiday and is super stoked about ‘tackling’ the year and ‘scoring’ awesome grades at school! That’s right, it’s happy hour with sports puns on this page!

‘I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people’s accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man’s failures.’ - Chief Justice Earl Warren

FULL CREDIT By Matt Alpe

So, what’s been happening in the world of sports the last couple of months? Let’s see. Heineken Open. ASB Classic. Cricket, classic cricket. Knights refusing to die. And closer to home at Unitec, the Blues are back into it at the sports grounds, and Jimmy beat Clint at squash after Clint ‘accidentally’ got hit in the eye. Jimmy, honestly. If you follow sports, what I’ve been writing about is nothing new, so what I want to do is touch on an issue close to my heart right now.

Why does sport rule so much? Is it the competition? Is it the joy of winning? Or is it the team camaraderie? I think it’s all of these things and so much more. Whether you are a participant or a spectator, the kick you get out of being involved with sport is something completely unique in our lives. For some, it’s just a pastime. For others, it’s who you are.

We have four channels dedicated to sports. A good 10 to 15 minutes of a one hour news show is about sports. For a lot of men in particular, the sports section is the first to be read in a newspaper. We wear the club’s jersey with pride. We call up radio shows and talk about the problems of our teams. When does it stop? I’ll tell ya right now. It doesn’t. Murray Deaker knows this. To non-sporting fanatics, getting wound up over a poor performance by Stephen Fleming or Byron Kelleher seems like the biggest waste of time ever. Not me. I love getting angry watching our athletes. It makes me feel alive. Much like life, sport is about ups and downs, and when you play through the downs and overcome it, the ups are so much sweeter. It’s philosophy, really. Yeow!

usu.23


FOREWORD BOOK

REVIEWS BY CORINNE DUIS

The Ill-Made Mute Book 1 of the Bitterbynde Trilogy

Cecilia Dart-Thornton

Stormriders, evil creatures and a despised mute with no name, a gargoyle face and no memory; The Ill-Made Mute certainly grabbed my attention! For a first novel, it’s disgustingly good - although Dart-Thornton’s penchant for excessively detailed and meaningless lists has a

Daughter of the Forest Book 1 of the Sevenwaters Trilogy

Juliet Marillier

A true marvel to read, inspired by the tale of the Wild Swans of Grimm’s Fairy Tales. Which, if you don’t remember, told the story of six brothers turned to swans by dark magic, saved only by their sister who had to weave shirts of nettles while not uttering a single word else the brothers remain swans forever. Sorcha, the seventh child and only daughter of Lord Colum lives

tendency to interrupt flow. However that aside, the story of the nameless mute with the brutal scarring is interesting. Found unconscious near Paradox Ivy (the juice of which burns flesh), the mute is rescued and put to work in Isse Tower as lowest of the low. As a servant, the mute is practically invisible and therefore able to scale the tower and escape by Windship. By mere chance it is discovered the ‘he’ is a she, forcing her to escape by leaping over the side. Given the name Imrhein by a new companion, she undertakes a perilous journey to find the cure for her voice, her face and her memory. The appearance of Faerie and wights (both seelie and unseelie) makes this story read like a cross between the fairytales of old and modern-day fantasy. The blend works and makes for delightful reading. It has to be said that the end concludes very few plot lines however, and the major revelations are actually made in Book 2, The Lady of the Sorrows.

at Sevenwaters with her brothers, embracing the woods as only a true daughter of the forest can. But when her family is ensorcelled by the witch Lady Oonagh, Sorcha is ripped from the family and land she loves and thrust into the grasp of the Britons, enemy to the shores of her home. She suffers at their hands while still trying to complete the task she was set and struggles to understand the feelings stirring within her without being able to speak a single sound. Marillier has a way with words- reading Daughter of the Forest was like listening to the most perfect piece of music you have ever heard. Each book in the trilogy takes its basis from a particular fairytale and presents a brutally honest view. Masterful writing manages to weave all the tales together without seeming forced and the Celtic undertone is cleverly weaved into the characters, all adding believability.

From February until 1 April, In unison is running a poetry contest with the winner receiving a $30 Borders Voucher and the poem published in a future issue of In unison. Submit your entries via email to inunison@unitec.ac.nz by 5pm 1 April 07.


WHAT I DID IN MY

HOLIDAYS BY MATT ALPE

For me, this time last year was the summer of Sudoku. I’ll never forget the rush of discovering new techniques for finding numbers. Beach, what? Sun? No thanks. Sudoku? Yes please. But as the year went on I became preoccupied with more meaningless stuff like work and exams and going to lectures. Before I knew it, Sudoku was nothing but numbers in a grid to me. I would flip through the Herald, see a very difficult-looking Sudoku, and feel nothing. Then, it happened. Out of town on a DoC campsite with a holiday puzzle supplement, the number-finding techniques I’d thought I had lost forever came rushing back. The only thing I can accurately compare it to is Neo and the Matrix. It was only when I completed the whole book that I realised I had regained my desire to dominate the 9 by 9. Yeow.

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SCREEN

FILM AND DVD

REVIEWS BY SHANE G NORRIS

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)

BABEL In cinemas now

For years people on each side of the fence have been fighting for gun control, gun rights and the banning of guns altogether. This topic is thought by some to be the beginning of many evils in our world, from home invasion and school yard murders to gang violence and terrorism. Others believe that guns are to protect from such tragedies.

LITTLE MAN

BLOOD DIAMOND

In cinemas now

In cinemas now

The latest work from the Wayans Brothers, Little Man is the story of a short jewel thief that ditches a diamond in a woman’s hand bag and must pose as an abandoned baby to retrieve it once the heat has died down. Continuing in the same comedic vein as Scary Movie and White Chicks, the Wayans’ style of humour is becoming just a little repetitious – not least because most of their material is salvaged from the straight-to-video heyday of the 80’s. Although I did find it very mildly entertaining, the only thing really going for this film is the fascinating eye candy (for those that can appreciate it) of Shawn Wayans’ face digitally imposed onto a 10 year old dwarf’s body, even if the result is far from flawless. The gullibility of the new parents is unbelievable and ridiculous. Ugly babies just don’t work, and when they have full grown ‘anything’, the effect is scary rather than funny. The gags are over-used and the set-ups tell the punch lines. Don’t see this unless someone else has hired it out for you.

usu.26

Babel tackles the topic of guns and how an innocent situation can easily escalate to a political nightmare. We follow the lives of a Middle Eastern family on a farm, two American tourists and their children back at home, and the broken home of a wealthy Tokyo business man and his daughter. They and the people around them are affected by simple accidents and misunderstandings. Despite some gratuitous nudity, the film can be commended for welldefined performances and an easy-to-follow narrative. The film does try to make us sympathise with the often-maligned families of the Middle Eastern as much as other victims, but personally I did not feel enough was done to portray the family as innocents. Nonetheless, Babel viewers will discover a challenging depiction of different cultures addressing violence in their own way.

By 1999, economic disparity and corporate violence in Sierra Leone had reached catastrophic proportions. Oil, gold, ivory and diamonds were invaluable resources, and their rarity caused national mayhem with many being killed for their resource-rich land. Blood Diamond is the story of remorseless smuggler Danny Archer (Leonardo Dicaprio), endlessly victimised miner Solomon Vandy (Djimon Hounsou), and international journalist Maddy Bowen (Jennifer Connelly) on an increasingly desperate search for fortune, freedom and truth. Jennifer Connelly’s performances are consistently flawless, demonstrating admirable depth and sensitivity. Hounsou continues to hone a naturalistic and very human approach, producing some of his best work since appearing as Cinque in Amistad. Once again DiCaprio’s ambition exceeds the limits of his talent, with a Sarth Efrican accent fluctuating anywhere from Australian and English. Having said that, his performance channels all the passion that could be expected of a man in such dark, brutal times.


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DEAR

BARBIE AND

KEN Email your to Barbie and and Ken:Ken Email yourquestions questions to Barbie inunisonbarbie@hotmail.com inunisonbarbie@hotmail.com m

Dear Ken,

On Monday around dusk I was waiting for a train, all dressed up to go into town to meet a friend for a drink, when a guy walked up and asked how much I charged per night. Is it wrong that I was tempted? -Monday Night Special

Dear Monday Night Special,

Well, of course it’s hard to pass judgment unless you tell me whether you or not you acted on your temptation. And I’m not going to say that all prostitutes will burn in hell. In fact, prostitution is a leading catchment industry for many young West Aucklanders. However, there is cause to worry when your client base is of the quality that hangs out at train stations on Monday nights targeting Unitec students. For God’s sake be a high-class prostitute and cut out the bums, hobos, drifters and Unitec lecturers.

Dear Ken,

I know this guy that greets me with a hug even if he is sober, then says stuff like “you’re like a sister”. I’m not one for hugs, so what does this mean? -Officially Weirded Out

Dear Officially Weirded Out,

Social leprosy if ever I’ve seen it. Think about it. He: - hugs people - speaks of his sister in complimentary terms - acts as if it’s okay to hug his sister - is regularly sober No well-adjusted young New Zealand male would ever do these things. Ostracise him immediately.

Dear Barbie and Ken, Dear Barbie,

I really enjoy sex with my guy and sex toys when he isn’t there. However, it’s that time of the month and I can’t do shit. Any solutions/ideas? -Looking For A Cure

Dear Looking for a Cure,

Owing to In unison’s abominable turnaround times, by the time you’ve read this, its probably two or three menstrual cycles later (unless...), but in future you can always look for non-sexual forms of excitement during the period. Shark fishing perhaps?

usu.28

I’m living with some South Americans and I have one question for their government. If you could pass it on: When are they gonna send the hot ones over here? -Looking For Talent

Dear Looking For Talent,

There is more than one government in South America. I’ve written to all of them. Only the Bolivians have replied, saying they’ll get on to the problem as soon as they’ve shored up their currency and achieved long-term political stability.


usu

usu

SEE usu.co.nz FOR MORE DETAILS

usu.

usu.29


THINGS

CATS IS

NOT

#334:

A CHINESE

BABY.

Drawings by Drew from www.toothpastefor dinner.com

usu.30


CAPTION

COMP “These fold-away wings give me extra protection, even on my heaviest days!” –Jonno, Osteo. “Pardon Amigo, but have you seen my matching excellento goldeano panties sir? I’m running late for the Mexiland parade.” “Did you take my skirt?” “Captain Planet is so last week” Come up with a caption for this photo and be in to win a $20 food and drink voucher for the launch of Carrington’s, Unitec’s very own licensed venue. Email your caption to: inunison@unitec.ac.nz or TXT 021 02272536 Competition closes: Mon 26th February

END ITORIAL

This Issue

Hackneyed: ‘veteran’, ‘upcoming’ Delicious: fresh fruit, yoghurt, muesli in my cubicle at four in the afternoon Depressing: I work in a goddamn cubicle Most Wanted: more lackeys Not A Goer: orientation rockstar Richard Gannaway’s too busy for interview Kickin’ Rad: his music video lifeforce on www.richardgannaway. co.nz Apocalyptic: US develops crowd-control microwave gun, nukes the fuckers Don’t Want To Know: ‘Tahitian treat’ Chris The Coffee Cart Guy: “$2.50 espresso is an inalienable human right” Clocking Off: 5:46pm, I have nowhere to go

Next Issue Carrington’s: ae historie of ye olde timey pumphouse Building One: full of crazies back then, too Sola Rosa: checking out his property values One Million Dollars: when you’re named after a dead horse, things can only get better Tahuna Breaks: tahuna, n. large breasts (see Tits) Come Along: contributors’ meeting at Carrington’s, I’ll email you Kittens: awesome as ever Signing Off: Yes

usu.31


usu. ORIENTATION ‘07 FEB 19 - MARCH 08

ALL EVENTS FREE TO ALL UNITEC STUDENTS

FEB 19 - 23

FEB 26 - MARCH 02

MARCH 05 - 09

MARCH 08

O Packs, Stalls, National Bank BBQ and live music at Waitakere and Mt Albert

O Packs, National Bank BBQ, live music, stalls and markets at Building One

POST ORIENTATION EVENT

MARCH

16 St Pats Pub Crawl - Irish theme. Tickets $10 usu members/ $20 non members from the usu reception (Bldg 180)

O Packs, information days and cultural focussed days with Pacific and International performances

Carrington’s Launch Party– celebrate the opening of Unitec’s new licensed campus café with live acts SOLA ROSA, ONE MILLION DOLLARS & TAHUNA BREAKS

O PACKS

FREE USU DIARY WALLPLANNER AND GIVEAWAYS

FREE STUFF LIVE MUSIC INFO DAYS MARKET STALLS @ all key usu orientation events

For more info visit usu.co.nz


inunison- orientation issue- 2007