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The Auckland Issue Issue 01

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SUBCULTURES IN THE SUBURBS AUCKLAND CELEBRITIES REVIEWS / NEWS PHOTOS / FASHION

THE AUCKLAND ISSUE In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 1

26/02/2009 6:12:23 p.m.


In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 2

26/02/2009 6:12:42 p.m.


12 20

regulars

04 05 06 08 14 16 17 18 22 25 27 30 31

Subcultures in the Suburbs A guide to Auckland’s suburbs Auckland Celebrities Anybody can be one

Editorial Poll Tirade News News Roundup Gig Guide Photos Short Story Whakarongo Mai Dear Barbie

Contents

features

Reviews Fashion on Campus Recipe

The Auckland Issue, 3rd March 2009 EDITORIAL INQUIRIES: ph. (09) 815 4321 ext 7927 inunison@unitec.ac.nz PO Box 44016, Pt Chevalier CREDITS EDITOR: Stacey Knott DESIGNER: Erin Gaffney COVER ILLUSTRATION: Savannah MacIntosh

In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 3

ADVERTISING INQUIRIES: ph. (09) 815 4321 ext. 7384 usuadvertising@unitec.ac.nz

DISCLAIMER Opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publishers. Submission and contributors are welcome, but the publisher reserves the right to select and edit the material submitted. Materials submitted will remain property of the publisher, unless alternative arrangements are made.

CONTRIBUTORS Joseph Harper / Rhiannon Horrell / Leah Garcia-Purves / Futureboy Susannah Aitken / Kirsty Ley / Jared Edwards Newsbot / Barbie / Greg Powell

26/02/2009 6:12:42 p.m.


editorial

DEAR AUCKLAND... I came up from Wellington to join you just over a month ago, and I have to tell you, you’re pretty different to what I’m used to. Everyone warned me about you, but I thought I’d give you a go anyway. There were people saying your muggy heat will make me melt, your people are rude, cliquey and pushy, your public transport is abysmal and I would have to have a car to get anywhere, because you really like to spread yourself. While you are certainly no Nelson (where I grew up) and no Wellington (where I have spent the last four years) Auckland, you are OK.

Dear...

Everyone warned me about you, but I thought I’d give you a go anyway.

I’ve pretty much acclimatised to your heat (and have stopped willing Wellington weather to make its way up here), and so far, your people have been very friendly, there was that time I was walking around K Road trying to hire a car, and some man I saw in a store an hour later asked me about my progress, and referred me to some better places. I thought that was you smugly trying to prove the people here aren’t that bad! While I have to agree that your public transport isn’t the best, the bus drivers are very dear. In Wellington it seems they are set on ruining your day, whereas here, they actually ask how your day was, and the car thing, well so far my trusty bike, Goldie, has got me where I need to be.

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Well Auckland, how about I tell you a bit about myself, so you know what to expect from your new resident? I’m a pretty sociable person, I love going to shows (music and theatre), shopping (especially for vintage wears) sipping on gin and tonics with good company, keeping healthy, reading, listening to a range of music, and I can often be spotted sniggering about something. My vices, other than the G&Ts, are cupcakes and trashy TV. I also like snooping, talking and writing, pretty good attributes for this new job. I’ll cut myself short there (I really could go on), and change the subject to you, in fact, this issue is all about you, Auckland. I’ve trawled through your suburbs to see how they differ, got the low-down on your celebrity culture, and of course, acquainted myself with your biggest polytechnic, Unitec. Other than getting stalked by the screaming Pukeko on your Mount Albert campus, where I am based, it’s all going ok, job wise. I think this year will be good for the magazine; I’ve got lots of plans for it, from recipes for the poor student, through to news about students and things that matter to them, to photos of all the best parties and of the best dressed on campus. So far I’ve managed to get some pretty good writers to help out, Auckland, so I’m sure you’ll be impressed as the year goes on. Anyway, I’m off, I have a date with a cupcake and a G&T. Sincerely yours, Stacey Knott In Unison Editor, 2009

usu

In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 4

26/02/2009 6:13:29 p.m.


poll

I Like

WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING AT SOUNDS IN THE SUN? KORA

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HOLLIE SMITH

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In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 5

26/02/2009 6:14:32 p.m.


the presidents tirade

Tirade

KIA ORA Kia Ora and welcome to all returning and new members. After an amazing summer I am sure you are chomping at the bit to get on with your studies and social events that make the whole student life experience. There is heaps and heaps going on around campus over the next few weeks so check out the schedule of events - centre page of this, the Auckland Issue. Because you are important to us, the USU has made tickets to the Black Seeds only $15 for you the member and $30 to the local community. Though we believe the community is important, it is you who the USU represents and works for, so get in and buy your tickets early.

WANKER OF THE WEEK… I have been having difficulty finding a wanker in specific for this week, so I am going to declare the wanker of the world. Yes, of course I mean George W Bush. Who else could be declared a complete wanker? I guess I had better keep my eyes peeled for FBI agents with dark sunglasses wanting to detain me and put me into an unknown prison in a third world country.

Last year I stood tall and strong in the name of student life, experience and satisfaction for students at Unitec. The USU Executive, staff and I, the President, secured you a half day of no classes for the Sounds In The Sun Festival. We also delivered a research project looking into the quality of education delivered at Unitec to the Academic Board, extending your rights as a student, and much more. This year I am energised and ready to stand and represent USU members with gained experience and ability.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK…

I will always listen! But even harder if I do not agree

If you see me around please do come over and say hello, I am colourful and friendly and will always make time to spend with students and members.

Until next time…

Last but not least do keep an eye out for my new sections “Quote of the Week” and “Wanker or the Week.”

Greg Powell… USU President, 2009

Barack Obama

EXEC PROFILE: HANELLE HARRIS, MAORI REPRESENTATIVE WHY ARE YOU ON THE EXEC? I was involved with Maia and Puukenga before this, I wanted to get involved so I could be the voice for Maori students. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME? I’m not high maintenance, I like to go out to lunch with my girlfriends, and I love rain and watching DVDs.

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WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS? I love steak; I am a vegetarian’s worst nightmare! Also love all dairy and am addicted to fruit.

usu

In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 6

26/02/2009 6:15:05 p.m.


orientation update

0LANA*OURNEY &ROM 4O

,EAVEAFTER 



ORIENTATION WEEK ONE; MUSIC, GUTS AND GLORY

!RRIVEBEFORE AM

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Banks, free food, loud music and nauseating challenges made up the first week of the USU student orientation. At the time of print, the Sounds In The Sun concert was four hours in with 6100 people attending, and more expected to show up for final act Kora. The Hub hosted stalls all week (mostly banks trying to sign up new students), as the USU gave away free sausages while a mix of chart topping and old school 1980s hip-hop played. The Fear Factor Challenge in the Hub on Tuesday saw four contestants compete for an iPod Touch, with one contestant eliminated at each of the three rounds. The challenges included drinking a blend of chilli, eggs, sardines, kidneys and Tabasco sauce, dunking for apples in a pool of burley, and eating a plate of “guts and glory.” Unitec performing and screen arts student Faisal Attayce came out tops in the competition, afterwards he said he felt “pretty good. I was pretty disciplined and determined to get the iPod.” He joked it was “the fire within” that helped him keep the food down. The Hub was also full of activity on Wednesday where the Distraction Challenge drew a big crowd as four contestants competed for a car. First year fabrication and welding student, Kiri Avauli took home this grand prize, thanks to her determination and good general knowledge. She had to smash eggs on her head, put pegs on her face, eat dry weetbix, and then lamb brains, all while answering trivia questions. When it was down to Ms Avuli and the runner-up, another blow came. Every question Ms Avuli got wrong in the last round, the runner-up had to either spray paint the car or strike it with a sledge hammer, however, the car only suffered one dent, and the spray-paint washed off. “I feel awesome, I came here saying to myself I was going to win it, and I won it,” Ms Avuli said. USU President Greg Powell said the first week of orientation was very successful. Mr Powell particularly enjoyed Fear Factor and the Distraction Challenge, and expected Sounds In The Sun to be a “kicker”. “What I love about this festival is it’s not just for students, it’s for the whole community as well.”

usu

RTA9904MAXX UNITEC (B).indd 1 In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 7

7

01/30/2009 9:54:35 AM 26/02/2009 6:15:21 p.m.


Read me...

news

GET READY TO PAY FOR YOUR BAD BEHAVIOUR, NAUGHTY STUDENT! By Stacey Knott

Cheating in an exam could now cost you one thousand dollars.

lacks guidelines for which misconduct warrants which penalties.

Late last year, Unitec combined and slightly rewrote the general (dealing with things like harassment and wilful property damage) and the academic (dealing with things like plagiarism) discipline statutes for students.

Unitec Executive Officer Glenda Jacobs will advise on the misconduct process on a case-by-case basis. In the formal process, the relevant Head of Department, Executive Dean or a manager from a service, called the deciding manager, will decide the student’s penalty if found guilty of misconduct.

Now called the Student Disciplinary Statute, the document is the basis for what happens when a student is accused of misconduct. It lays out the wide range of what determines misconduct, from causing racial disharmony, damaging property, plagiarism, cheating on an exam, using someone else’s login details, interrupting a lecture, to getting into a fight. It also lists the penalties that can be handed down if a student is found guilty of misconduct; these can range from a written warning, a fine up to $1000, being kicked out of your course, to being banned from using Unitec services. USU Education Coordinator Dr Louise Allen says the statute is too vague as it

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For something comparatively minor, like miss-referencing an assignment, section seven of the statute recommends an informal resolution. But in the formal process, the student can be handed more than one penalty off the list, Ms Jacobs says. “If a student cheated in an exam, they might get a zero for the exam and fail the course (two different penalties in the list), because sometimes getting zero for the exam won’t fail the course.” She says it is important students read through the document.

The statute lays out the process complaints go through, if a student is found of misconduct, they will be notified, given the opportunity to respond, and then their penalty will follow. However, if the student feels the penalty is unfair, they can appeal, taking the case to a panel. The panel will be made of the student and their support, the deciding manager, as well as a HOD or a senior lecture not associated with the student to avoid conflicts of interest and bias, Ms Jacobs says. The panel can include, though does not have to, a student representative. Dr Allen feels this is not good enough. There should be a mandatory student representative on the panel, either from the USU staff or executive, who can keep a check on the process, she says. The statute needs to be re-looked at with USU involvement, Dr Allen says.

“If students don’t read it they are putting themselves at a disadvantage.”

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In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 8

26/02/2009 6:15:22 p.m.


news

By Stacey Knott Unitec students need to watch out for changes the National Party may make to their student loans, opposition leader Phil Goff says. Last week Mr Goff and a group of Labour MPs visited the Waitakere campus, as well as the streets of West Auckland, to talk to people and get back into the pubic light as recent polls show their support is slipping.

acknowledgment of the importance of learning,” Mr Goff says. The MPs visited a first year nursing class where Mr Goff told the students how important they will be in the workforce when they graduate in three years. Student Tevita Hala’api’api talked to Mr Goff about his course and found the MP “very encouraging” he says.

Labour will be “vigilant” in making sure student loans remain interest free under the National government, Mr Goff says.

The MPs also meet with Unitec management to discuss enrolments and how Unitec is coping in the recession.

“I think that’s a real threat and students can’t be complacent about their ability to preserve interest-free student loans.” In its election campaign last year, Labour promised a universal student allowance, but with their defeat the plan was not introduced.

Unitec Cheif exectutive Dr Ede says enrolments are up and at this stage Unitec is not concerned about needing to turn anyone away, unlike Auckland University of Technology, who last week said they may need to start rejecting applicants with their increasing enrolments in the recession.

“I think it’s sad the students won’t get the universal student allowance which is an

Unitec offers many trade courses and Mr Goff says apprenticeships, which are

Me too...

PHIL GOFF SCHMOOZES WITH WESTIES

usually cut in the time of a recession, need to continue so New Zealand will have qualified people in the workforce when the recession ends.

Labour want to persuade firms to take on apprentices now, so when apprenticeships end, the workers will come out skilled and the economy will be on the up, he says.

If students are denied apprenticeships, New Zealand will have “the worst of all possible worlds. Nobody will be taken on now and when the economy is on the upswing there won’t be the skilled labour to enable it to achieve to its full potential, or the individuals to achieve to their full potential,” Mr Goff says.

ADDITIONAL FINANCIAL SUPPORT FOR STUDENTS; “NOT ENOUGH” SAYS USU PRESIDENT By Joseph Harper Changes made by National in January means that more students are now eligible to receive financial assistance by way of the student allowance. Students will also have access to an additional $5.00 per week. It’s good; but it’s not enough, says USU Student President Greg Powell.

Unitec performing arts student Sophie Fletcher says “it’s ridiculous” “At 18 we are adults. We can vote, we can buy alcohol, so why are we treated like children when it comes to student allowances? I’ve been away from home for over a year, and Mum doesn’t pay my rent.”

on shaky ground, Mr Powell believes “now is when education should be focused on the most. ... [John Key can] take money out of education and pump it into business. But in five years time where are the people who have the education and the qualifications to do that business?”

Students will still be tested for eligibility based on their parent’s income, but the age group which has to be tested is now 16-23 (the previous bracket was 16-24). More students will now qualify as the parental income threshold has been raised to approximately $82,237.80 a year if the student lives away from home and approximately $75,855.32 a year if the student is living at home. However, students spoken to by In Unison feel that the testing age bracket needs to be lowered further to 18.

Mr Powell sees the changes as positive, but at the same time he sees it as a move to score votes rather than a serious helping hand. “If it was for the good of students, there would have been a lot more change, he says. “I honestly don’t know of anybody that can survive in today’s society on $155.00.”

National Secretary of the Tertiary Education Union Sharn Riggs echoes his sentiments. She says investment in tertiary education is a “crucial response to the economic crisis.” Helping students support themselves while they study is “an investment in the long term future of the New Zealand economy and society,”

He believes the weekly financial supplement should be raised to at least match that which is given to those on sickness and unemployment benefits. In a time when New Zealand’s economy is

“We can learn our way out of trouble, but we need to invest now while we have the opportunity.”

usu

In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 9

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26/02/2009 6:15:33 p.m.


news USU SPENDS MORE ON STUFF By Rhiannon Horrell

Read me...

Unitec students can expect an increase in USU expenditure this year as the projected budget for 2009, which was recently approved, is more than three times what it was in 2005. “Our organisation has grown from approximately $400,000 in revenue in 2005 to a projected $1,335,000 in 2009 and we need to adopt new systems to cope with the dramatic growth of the USU,” said USU General Manager Richard Neal. The expected attendance for semester one Orientation has a target of 31% more than last year, around 12, 200 is

the target for attendance the start-ofyear Orientation activities (excluding sport and clubs events) with last year’s attendance at 9,321. In Unison attended the USU executive meeting on February 16 where the budgets and targets were confirmed along with the In Unison charter. All of the budgeted targets for events this year had increased and the USU is aiming to increase satisfaction of events and orientation by 2%. The level of satisfaction last year was 78%. The recession was blamed for a lack of sponsorship and advertising being received by the USU but other forms of income have increased since 2008.

Also on the agenda was finding out who is going to their events, so this year they will look into micro-chipping student cards to gain information on age and sex of those who attend. The executives are aware it would be illegal to gain names. The USU has also allocated $3, 000 for the accounting procedures to be reviewed by the General Manager who will report back to the USU executive by July. Executives said they will measure their successes this year compared to other student associations and they want to be better than AUT.

WHAT HAPPENED WHILE YOU WERE SUNBATHING: AN INTERVIEW WITH UNITEC CHIEF EXECUTIVE DR RICK EDE By Stacey Knott

The last few months have seen many changes at Unitec which we will be covering in depth this year. Chief Exectutive Dr Ede says Unitec is still “strapped for cash” so a goal of saving between 11 and 18 million over the next three years means staff cutbacks and big changes under the Sustainability Project. Unitec’s funding is tight, so it must be efficient and “generate the best bang for the buck” Dr Ede says. REDUNDANCIES So far redundancies have been topheaving, with many high paid management staff dropped. Rather than Unitec being divided by separate schools, there is now three faculties, which means redundancies for the heads of the schools. This will save between four and six million a year, Dr Ede says. The next cuts will be academic staff to get the student to staff ratio up. Over the next three years this ratio will rise from 15 to 19 students per staff. However, Dr Ede says cuts will not be

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known until enrolments for this year are set. CHOPPED COURSES Based on enrolments, academic staff and competitiveness with other institutes, some courses have been cut, deemed as lacking “long term viability,” Dr Ede says. Interior décor at Takupuna campus is gone as have some of the languages studies programmes at Mount Albert. Last year In Unison reported the horticulture programme was axed, and now the Manukau Institute of Technology is using the area to teach their horticulture programme. “Manukau was also struggling with enrolments, there’s only room for one player, so it will give them a chance to build a strong base.” BUILDING ONE Unitec owns “a big chunk” of the land in the North End of the campus, including Building One.

Unitec can either sell the North end to get cash to reinvest back, keep it and get more businesses on it, or sell it to the government. But there are other things to consider, Dr Ede says. “There are also very strong reasons why we don’t want to sell Building One, I have sympathy for these. The students and staff like it…there is something about it. In my ideal world we would hold on to it.” THE NORTH SHORE AND NEWMARKET Dr Ede plans a stable presence on the North Shore, and is developing one in Newmarket along with the MIT. “We will be on the North Shore for good. “It’s very clear there is a really big demand for vocational education on the North Shore not being met. Unitec has a responsibility for that part of Auckland along with the west and sharing central Auckland with Manukau,” Dr Ede says. Keep reading In Unison for further details.

usu

In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 10

26/02/2009 6:15:34 p.m.


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Just text ADD then their number to FAVE (3283) or go to telecom.co.nz/myfavourites Telecom terms, conditions and charges apply. To find out how you will be charged visit telecom.co.nz/myfavourites. Offer excludes exited plans. Applies to voice calls only. A 30-day minimum term applies. Excludes quick call, calling cards, Call Diversion, Customer Link, Tandem calling, 059, 0900 calls, premium numbers and international roaming calls. See telecom.co.nz/myfavourites for full terms and conditions and Fair Use Policy. TMO 0231_U_S_R.indd 1 In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 11

18/2/096:15:36 4:18:45 PM 26/02/2009 p.m.


feature

Subcultures in the Suburbs Auckland; it’s the most densely populated city in the country, it has New Zealand’s only roller coaster, a lot of sails, and from it protrudes a big hypodermic needle about to give the heavens a hit. But there are also Aucklanders, in all shapes and forms who are known by the rest of the country collectively as JAFAs –who don’t care about anything south of the Bombay Hills. But we are not all united under the same Auckland; each suburb has a different feel and story. But what subcultures are these suburbs really defined by? Stacey Knott investigates According to Auckland University sociology lecturer, Bruce Cohen, people define themselves by what they consume, which in turn can define what subculture they belong to. In that case, bourbon and coke, expensive gold jewellery, a silver framed family portrait, a green mohawk and a Snoop Dogg shirt all indicate certain areas of Auckland.

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A subculture is defined by what mainstream society is not, where different groups deviate from the norm. Difference is defined by different style of dress, behaviour or different beliefs from mainstream society. “A subculture has traditionally been seen as a ‘deviant’ grouping in society; they stray from the taken-for-granted norms and values of wider society, such as transvestites, street gangs, vagabonds, drug takers, religious cults,” Cohen says. K Road is the home of difference. There are plenty of people who either sleep on the streets of K Road, or populate it in the daytime, who fit Cohen’s description. When he wasn’t working at the Unitec

In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 12

coffee cart, ‘the Chris’ was based on K Road, working for Alt TV. Looking at the former barista (he has recently moved to Wellington), Alt TV presenter and familiar face around Unitec, with his green Mohawk and penchant for loud punk music, your immediate thought would be that he is ‘alternative’. Aside from people like him, K Road is the place you can find drag queens at the same bar as skin heads, he says. While it has an air of pretension, K Road dwellers are more tolerant than your average Aucklander, Chris believes. If you are a little bit different to the mainstream, then you “can be cool and fit in with everyone,” he says. You’re just as likely to see a North Shore cougar, as a West Auckland bogan as a South Auckland hip-hop guy, or “homeless people trying to put their fingers in your mouth,” he says. “The best thing about K Road is it is all of humanity living in each others armpits. “You can be a gay as you want, or an artist or a crack-whore, they’re all pushed together. Though I have noticed there are lots of tight black jeans and big framed sunnies.” Chris agrees with Cohen saying a subculture is pretty much defined by what you consume. “Alternative used to be the antitheist of what was happening everywhere else, now it’s just another flavour, watered down and just as easy to buy.” But when it comes to labels, Chris is reluctant to subside to one. While he has a green Mohawk and likes punk rock, he does not see the point in choosing a label for himself as “everyone else is breaking their neck to do that for

26/02/2009 6:16:02 p.m.


Across the Harbour Bridge is a different story. North Shore City Council marketing and communications adviser Francis Martin says areas of the North Shore are plagued with trashy girls and cougars (an older woman who hits clubs to score a much younger man.) It’s also one of the most affluent areas in Auckland, he says. The saying, “Shore girl, sure thing” comes from the promiscuous behaviour seen by North Shore girls out on the town. “Friday and Saturday night there’s girls in their micro dresses tripping down Hurstmere Road, in Takupuna,” Martin says. “There’s also a cougar element, when they are done with the day of shopping and personal trainers, they are out there in their nasty gold jewellery.” Aside from evening antics, there is a certain feeling of being removed from the rest of Auckland. The North Shore is defined by its beaches- where locals partake in water sports and bathing, he says. “It feels like Home and Away, it’s monocultural, a bit like areas of Australia with the seaside and beaches.” Martin says there are calls from some people wanting areas of the North Shore to be exclusive gated communities. This creates a sentiment of elitism and snobbery, he says. “There’s an element that some people don’t want to know what’s happening on the other side of the bridge.” Martin feels the area is also full of rich kids who “haven’t done anything, they’re sheltered and taking it easy.” Another suburb defined by money is Remuera. In Jill Caldwell and Christopher Brown’s book, 8 Tribes,The Hidden classes of New Zealand, where people of New Zealand is split into eight easily definable groups, the Remuera Tribe is described as the “self-declared upper class, people with an acute awareness of a social hierarchy”. Caldwell and Brown say, “old money is best” for Remuera dwellers. It is important to uphold family lineage by going to the same private school and to live on a street named after an ancestorwho is likely to be linked into the colonial days of New Zealand. Remurea people are also defined by their “old-fashioned good manners” where chivalry is not dead, and breeding with the right people is important. A Remuera dweller can be identified by their rounded vowels, strict social rules, and name-dropping the right people, the authors say. A ten-minute drive to South Auckland, however, will show the other end of the scale. Janice Mulligan, who co-runs Pacific Superheroes, a South Auckland company that write, develop and pitch concepts for television and funding agents, says poverty in South Auckland sparks a dominate hip-hop culture. “Since the foundations of hip hop culture are based on poverty, and with the majority of South Aucklanders living in low socio-

In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 13

economic conditions, hip-hop culture must then be big in South Auckland,” she says.

feature

you.” he says. The environment at local café/bar Verona provides a prime example of what K Road is about, he says. “It’s the primordial ooze of K Road, it’s the great melting pot.You can have an eight foot drag queen drinking next to a two foot tall skin head.” Chris says.

“Every day you see it and hear it; graf in the hood, kids spitting lyrics and dancing on the streets, bassed out speakers in bedrooms, garages and cars filling the hood with beats... turntablist-rappers-breakersgraph writers, they populate every street. House party, street party, hood party, that’s hip-hop in South Auckland.” Another different world, another 20 minute drive, but with some similar attributes is West Auckland.The Westie culture of this area was made famous by hit TV drama, Outrageous Fortune. Co-writer of the show, Tim Balme, though not a Westie himself, says sayings like “work hard, play harder, always keep an eye out for a sweet deal, the person who first put coke into bourbon is a genius and let’s face it - some things can only be sorted out with a bit of a biffo,” and a total lack of pretension are pretty indicative of a Westie. Balme believes the shows national popularity comes down to being the “right potion, at the right time.” And also the fact that people can relate to the characters, either seeing themselves, or someone they know in them. “I think the New Zealand audience were ready to see people next door, who spoke and acted in a way we could relate very directly with. The cars they drive, the clothes they wear, the house they live in, their hopes and dreams are all very down to earth but still with aspiration. They’re recognisable people who most New Zealanders can say “Shit, I have a cousin just like that” or “my neighbour dresses exactly that way” or even “I hope my kids never turn out like that!” Whatever the connection with these characters; this family is one that we can all relate to on some level. Even if it’s just the sense of humour of the show…Kiwi’s like that because life’s like that. It’s funny and it’s sad.” Similarly, everyone in New Zealand could probably find links with each subculture outlined above, like Cohen says, subcultures are spreading regardless of where they started. Even in the deep South of New Zealand, you could probably find hip-hop culture, a group of alternative looking kids, bourbon and coke drinking bogans, snooty old money types, as well as trashy new money ones, but anything South of the Bombay Hills is irrelevant right, JAFA? 13

26/02/2009 6:16:28 p.m.


opinions on the news

NEWS ROUND UP WITH THE NEWS-BOT The last two weeks provided some pretty meaty news stories. Bushfires, a suicide, a plane crash and children having babies provided some tragic, disturbing and downright bizarre news.

Recap

The biggest news story of the last two weeks was undoubtedly the Victorian inferno. Even the most patriotic Kiwi couldn’t help but feel sympathy for our Aussie neighbours as 200 people perished in the flames. Every angle on the bush fires was explored in the news. Survival stories, obituaries, Kiwi fire fighters contributions -and who could forget Sam the Koala. Poor Sam was filmed drinking water provided by a heroic fireman, his cute little paw resting on the heroes’ arm as he re-hydrated his burnt little body. The world went gaga over Sam; only to find out a few days later the video was a fake. It had been filmed weeks before the actual bush fires, during a fire service burn-off. The country’s most notorious samurai sword psychopath killed himself in one last act of insanity. Antonie Dixon reportedly bashed himself to death in his prison cell only hours before sentencing for murder. There really couldn’t be any other way he could go out. Dixon-with his rolling eyes, home made machine gun and knob hair stylewas almost a cartoon-like crim. I doubt many were surprised at the news and I also doubt many will be shedding a tear for him. Apparently he left a legacy of nine children and a million dollars. It’s hard to deny the nations’ fascination with him. He was a

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lowlife, but there was something oddly fascinating about his level of insanity… This is more than can be said for the Curtis brothers. The lowlifes who tortured and eventually killed three-year-old Nia Glassie were sentenced to at least 17 years prison. How they did what they did is beyond comprehension. Hopefully they will feel the bitter pangs of guilt everyday of those 17 years and get what they deserve in prison. There was also the story of the plane crash in New York. Not only were 48 passengers killed in the crash, but also the poor person whose house the plane crashed into. Another big international story was that of 13-year-old father Alfie. The young lad became something of a fascination around the world after he was pictured alongside his ”daughter”, looking more like her brother. The poor bewildered boy looks about eight! He looks like he still wears Velcro shoes and plays with Lego. The story unravelled into something of a surreal white-trash tale (It was revealed that Alfie’s dad had run off with one of his teenage daughter’s friends). Alfie also had to take a DNA test to prove the child was his after seven other pre-teen boys from his neighbourhood claimed they could have impregnated the 15-year-old mother. I guess you have to hand it to Alfie though. He must be a pretty suave dude, to look like an eight-year old and seduce a girl two years older, he must

be doing something right. Although it doesn’t sound like she would take much wooing. Ahh that poor child. When I was 13 I probably would have called a kid something like Coolio or Optimums Prime. I predict that child will be an English tabloid star. Great! How about the bunch of celebs flirting with the idea of being Mayor of the Auckland Super City? We have Paul Holmes,-supposedly bored in the Hawkes Bay –considering running. How do you think he will deal with the ”cheeky darkies” in South Auckland? John Banks is reportedly keen to work with Holmes, no thanks. I’d much rather see him run with Richard Long and Judy Bailey as his deputies. It’d be like mum, dad and smart-ass uncle running the super-city. The dream combo of the 90s back together. Blair Strang, aka Rangi the ambulance driver, is also interested. What a great idea! Although, he would have to dress in his old uniform for my vote, his wife would also have to refer to herself as Minnie. But my pick for Super Mayor would be Robyn Malcolm. She’s hard, cool and wouldn’t put up with any shit. Auckland needs a break from old rich Christian white men. If Auckland does become a Super-City then who better to rule it than Cheryl West?

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26/02/2009 6:17:20 p.m.


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gig guide

FEATURED EVENT / 3RD MARCH

Whats On

USU PRESENTS

T H E B L AC K S E E D S

7 P M , B U I L D I N G 2 0 2 , U N I T E C M T A L B E RT C A M P U S VISIT WWW.USU.CO.NZ FOR MORE DETAILS

MARCH 03 TUE

02 MON USU Free BBQ and Music, featuring DJ Spence 10-1pm, The Hub, Mt Albert Campus, also at Building One from 12-1pm USU Table Tennis Tournament 12-1pm The Hub, Mt Albert Like Someone In Love: Chet Baker on till Friday 6th at Galatos

0SAT7 Wild Bean Cafe ZooMusic 09:The Mint Chicks and Pluto The Auckland Zoo

USU Free BBQ & Music, featuring DJ Karn Hall 10-1pm, The Hub, Mt Albert Campus USU Clubs Day 10-2pm, The Hub, Mt Albert USU Free BBQ 12-1pm Level I Common Area,Waitakere Campus Hypnotist Guy Cater Carrington’s, Mt Albert Campus, 7pm The Stray Cats The Powerstation The SummerJam 2009 featuring the Veronicas The Logan Campbell Centre

Growl, When Def Jam meets The Literatti The London Bar

USU Free BBQ and Music, featuring DJ Reminise 10-1pm, The Hub, Mt Albert Campus, also at Building One from 12-1pm, and 12-30-1.15 at the Courtyard, Takapuna Campus USU Comedy show featuring Te Radar Cori Gonzalez-Macure & Simon McKinney Carrington’s, Mt Albert Campus, 7pm 3 on 3 Basketball Comp 12.30 at The Hub, Mt Albert CheeseFest ’09 The SkyCity Convention Centre

Loop Sessions with DJ Dylan C Rakinos

06 FRI USU Free BBQ and Music, featuring DJ Spence 10-1pm, The Hub, Mt Albert The Black Seeds and Tahuna Breaks 7pm at Building 202, Mt Albert Campus Strange Resting Places The PumpHouse Theatre, North Shore

14 SAT NZ Beer Festival ft. Autozamm, Jordan Luck, SJD Ellerslie Racecourse

13 FRI

11 WED

DO YOU HAVE AN EVENT COMING UP?

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04 WED

The Hot Grits The Festival Club, CBD Nikki Patin’s Phat Grrrl Revolution Tour With Ivy Rossiter & The Little Isles Band Leigh Sawmill Cafe, Leigh

Send details and images to inunison@unitec.ac.nz

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26/02/2009 6:17:26 p.m.


photos

Pics CHECK OUT THE NEXT ISSUE FOR MORE PHOTOS FROM SOUNDS IN THE SUN!

In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 17

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26/02/2009 6:19:09 p.m.


short story

PARTY LIKE IT’S 2009! Whoa, where did my life go, and how the hell did it get to be the year 2019? God, I’m 35, overweight, graying and grumpy! I’ve been sent something, it’s in a stupid neon envelope, not the 80s original neon but the late 2000s neon style. I open it, with begrudged middle-aged man skepticism. Hmm it’s an invite, written in Comic Sans, it reads… “Dust off your tapered jeans, your Air Force ones, your pink Halensteins shirt, micro dresses or your orange neon t-shirt 3 sizes too long. Don’t forget your Nokia cell phone, laptop or blue tooth either… it’s time for a 2000s PARTY!! There will be Fiddy, Beyonce, Limp Bizkit and Eminem playing all night on a retro IPOD! It will be a night of LOLZ, LMAO and people will be able to POKE each other like they did on FACEBOOK! So be there or be “LAME!” Ahh great, all the bad aspects of the decade known as the 2000s. My taste was never that bad. Or was it? After mulling it over a bit I decide to go; I haven’t been to an ironically trashy party since about 2015. I’m also curious, I know how people would dress for a 1970s or even 1990s party, but a 2000s party? Two weeks later- squeezed into an old pair of tight blue jeans, a plaid shirt and my old leather jacket-none of which really fit me anymore- I arrive at the party. I walk up to the door and immediately see a sign painted in red with a bug on it. “Welcome to the 2000s. We’re going to party like it’s 2009! But make sure you beware of the Y2K bug!” The sign brings back cringe inducing memories, that stupid millennium bug and all the hype surrounding it, what a joke it was. I walk through the door, only to see 20 or so middle aged people outfitted in some of the most heinous outfits imaginable. I had forgotten just how bad some 2000s fashion had been. There are faux hawks with blonde tips, so many pairs of blackrimmed glasses, basketball singlets down to people’s knees,

2019

A Short Story by Futureboy

I had forgotten just how bad some 2000s fashion had been.

lots of neon and even a few backward Fred Durst caps. The ladies are in micro dresses, mini skirts and big long necklaces with massive ornaments on the ends. They all have their hair straightened to death. One of them has even has a mid 2000s mullet with blonde tips cut especially for the occasion, was that really necessary? I spot four partygoers in the corner in Emo dress up, they’re wearing tight black jeans, mascara (even the guys) and black t-shirts. It looks like they might have actually been emos or hardcore kids in the 2000s because their tattoos look real, if not a little wrinkly and faded. That’s what you get for getting a full sleeve at the age of 18. The host is fumbling around with an old school white ipod trying to get some music happening. I find it hard to put my finger on what the music of the 2000s was. The internet opened up every type of music imaginable, so unlike the 80s parties we had in the 2000s, it’s hard to envisage a sound track for this party. The host manages to get the old ipod working and we are treated to one hit wonders that should never have left the 2000s. Urgggh “Poker Face”, “Crazy Frog”, It’s Getting Hot in Here”, and “The Thong Song” are all on heavy rotation. I sneak the ipod and flick through some rock and roll and indie tracks; some of the music was actually pretty cool; The Datsuns, White Stripes, Arcade Fire, Peaches and The Black Keys bring back some good memories from that decade. The host has also sourced some typical 2000s style drinks (god knows where from) Mississippi Moonshine, Kristov 62 and a range of RTDs- KGBs Stollies and Woodstocks, it certainly was the decade of RTDs; there are also plenty of energy drinks. After a few of these I put on “In Da Club” and “The Real Slim Shady” for a good old 2000s crunk along.

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Wow the host has even dug out an old DVD player, with a stack of DVDs, there’s the American Pie trilogy, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Matrix trilogy and the 40-Year-old Virgin. I put on American Pie and draw a small crowd. We all cringe at the masturbation jokes, “Stiffler’s mom”, and “The Sherminator”, as we remember how much we loved it in 2000. Gross! Haha! Someone has brought a George W Bush dartboard and punching bag. How appropriate. The man who was President from 2000-2009 pretty much ruined the world that decade. Unfortunately the chump from Texas was probably the most influential character of the decade with his ‘War on Terror’ and trying to strike fear into the hearts of the western world. The invasion of Iraq in 2003 and the demise of the American economy were two of his biggest blunders. We had Aunty Helen as PM for most of the decade, who did a good job for most of her reign. Her successor wasn’t as bad as he could have been, and managed to keep the ACT party at bay, thankfully.

I guess 9-11 was the biggest event of that decade, and it totally changed the world too. Terrorism was a catch phrase used to justify anything George W did and that’s when airport security was raised-people were subjected to everything short of a cavity search.

short story

Now I feel 18 again.

Oh and that recession at the end of the 2000s, that was pretty shit too. But as I seem to remember 2009 was the year the world changed. The recession and the threat of global warming made the global community break their apathy and work for a better world. The man who succeeded George W, Barack Obama, also had a big part to play. The gulf between the West and the rest of the world became smaller and the world became less hostile. Yes, 2009 was the best year of the 2000s. After a decade that promised so much, yet left a trail of embarrassments, human kind really came together in 2009 to make it the best for human kind, ever. Ok I’ve had too many Woodstocks and seen too many faux hawks, time to go home, I can’t party like I did in my 20s. That was enough of the 2000s- the 2010s were heaps better.

USU Presents:

St Patrick’s Day Party T U E S D AY 1 7 T H M A R C H - 7 P M CARRINGTON’S

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$ 5 P R ES AL E M E M BER S

$10 NON-MEMB ERS

$10 DOOR S A LES

( U N I T EC S T U D EN T S )

(EV ERYONE ELS E)

(IF AVA ILA B LE)

TICKETS FROM USU RECEPTION (BLDG 180 - THE HUB)

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26/02/2009 6:19:10 p.m.


feature

s e i t i r b e l e C d n a l k c Au anybody can be one! What do rugby players, pretty girls with a penchant for drugs, stock brokers, reality TV players and Shortland Street actors all have in common? They are what make the celebrity scene in Auckland. Stacey Knott takes a look at who fills the gossip pages, gets blogged about and snapped, and why. Call me naïve, misinformed or plain ignorant, but I don’t know who Candy Lane is. After a little research I found her fame comes from reality TV, and she has produced a sportswear line…exclusive to Farmers. Last week I spotted ‘famous’ people in the supermarket and at event openings, and I have to admit, I gushed. I was like a school girl when one meter away from Shortland Street dreamboat TK, another time Chris Knox smiled at me, I felt cool. While New Zealand certainly does not have a celebrity scene to rival Hollywood, let alone Australia, we do have one and it has little to do with talent. Sunday Star Times About Town gossip columnist Bridget Saunders says the popularity of Auckland celebrities today is very much spawned by media like hers. She started About Town seven years ago and feels the celebrity culture in Auckland has changed a lot since then. “I think About Town created a hunger and then fed the hunger, it’s a strange thing it’s almost like the social market has grown to fit the media that is focussing on it.” Saunders is well known in the celebrity scene and nationally, is a recognisable face because of her columns and blog, but she says she is not invited as a celebrity to events, only as a columnist.

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“If I wasn’t doing the job I wouldn’t get invited, it’s my job, my official capacity.” Saunders says Dancing with the Stars performer Hayley Holt, who is also dating All Black captain Richie McCaw, is New Zealand’s biggest star of the moment. But she is quick to point out celebrities in New Zealand are as “vulnerable, flawed and human as all of us. “They are ordinary human beings who either have done something brilliant or something ridiculous, have just got their photo in the paper, or are famous for being rich. Sometimes in real life they are chunky, short, and plain but photo extremely well.” However, editor of Woman’s Day Sarah Henry says Auckland does not have a celebrity scene in terms of real celebrities, she says it is more based on a party scene where people are not really known outside of Auckland. “It’s a lot easier to become a celebrity these days; however they don’t last as long. It is much more flavour of the month these days depending on what’s going on.” While Henry says her magazine sometimes follows-up leads from the gossip columns, it tend to go more in depth, preferring face-face interviews and photo shoots. It also tends to focus more on the A-list celebrities than on the onlyfamous-in-Auckland ones.

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26/02/2009 6:19:34 p.m.


feature

The people featured in her magazine have to be relevant, visually recognisable, as well as have an interesting and intriguing story to tell, she says. A celebrity is “someone with glamour, intrigue and profile, plus a super hot famous boyfriend/girlfriend, a killer wardrobe and the odd adopted kid doesn’t hurt,” Henry says. She puts the success of magazines like hers down to the fact that the livelihood of a celebrity is based on their profile, they need outlets like hers to keep them relevant.

That is the game of Cathy Campbell, owner of Cathy Campbell Communications (CCC), a fashion and luxury brand PR and events agency. “When building a profile for a luxury brand it’s important to expose the brand and its values to high profile people. Also there’s an element of aspiration involved - if influential inspirational people are followers of your brand, then it can work to make build awareness of your brand.” Campbell says. She agrees with Saunders, the profile of her events has increased because of the coverage social pages gives them.

And people do care about their private lives. “Being a celebrity brings with it public interest so doing personal stories allows two worlds to merge. Woman’s Day is a trusted environment for many celebrities. We do beautiful photographs and positive stories so well known people feel comfortable sharing their wedding days, etc.” PR companies have also played a big part in changing the celebrity culture in Auckland. When you see the About Town photo pages in the Sunday Star Times, more often than not the beautiful people snapped are at a product launch party. And the point of the parties is to sell stuff, and getting free publicity by having the party snapped in the social pages can only be a good thing.

“We have been in the business of events for almost eight years now and in that time we have seen the media interest in events increase, primarily because of the social pages. “New Zealand doesn’t have the paparazzi culture that is very prominent overseas; however the social pages provide an inside look into the lives of some of our higher profile people.” Saunders, Campbell and Henry all say the celebrity culture is now very much based on reality TV stars and gossip pages, hence the fame of Candy Lane. “With the introduction of reality TV, and with the rise of the social pages, there is more awareness and interest in high profile Kiwis. It’s a lot easier to become familiar and well known than it has been previously,” Campbell concludes.

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In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 21

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26/02/2009 6:19:56 p.m.


column

Waterview

Whakarongo Mai WITH JOSEPH HARPER

A RUNNING JOKE I’ve lived in Auckland for a year. I come from a much better city -Christchurch- but now I lay my scene in the more glorious end of glorious Waterview. I don’t mind it. The ratio of pleasant views to not-quite-slum state housing, is excellent. I particularly love jogging around my new suburb. I love how many houses seem to smell like the cheapest kind of sausages from the Mad Butcher are cooking inside. I love how often I find a pair of shoes in the park, they never fit though.

suburb surely shaped those gold medal winning thighs. He wasn’t running to the finish line, he was running from the United Nations style line-up (complete with shoe bomber) behind him. He was running scared. Thank god too. We usually don’t win many medals, good show John.

Before moving to the big smoke, I never jogged. I strolled often, but never jogged. I think the speed at which I move has evolved out of fear. Fear has always been a driving force. In Christchurch, I often worried about encountering other walkers. I’m terrifically anti-social. I avoided the “evening” and the “morning,” both always came with a smile that I didn’t care for. “I don’t know you, I don’t want to talk to you,” not even a little bit. I often used my ipod as a shield. “I can’t hear you,” I cleverly thought, “therefore I can’t see you, and you don’t get acknowledgement from me,” I’m kind of a dick.

In spite of the terror, I enjoy running. It’s kind of escapism. I’m a bit like the teenager in Alan Sillitoe’s The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner, I like to think, and I like to think I do some of my best thinking when I’m running. I came up with that sentence on my afternoon jog. I’ve also never pulled a muscle and I’ve not yet suffered from jogger’s nipple (though I’m in constant fear of both (more so the nipple thing)).

People in Auckland don’t say “hello” as often (thank god (or whoever)). But I’m afraid of other things. More serious things that make me jog, sometimes they even make me run. I’ve lost 20 kilograms since I moved here. I fear being mugged by boys of all ages and ethnicities who wear hoodies. Sometimes I fear being raped. I still use my ipod. I listen to Daft Punk to make me faster. The evil can’t catch me when I’m pumpin’ to their beats. Fear makes me quick. Auckland is full of fear. Auckland breeds speed. In 1976 John Walker won a gold medal at the Montreal Olympics. He was running. He was born in Papakura, that

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Last week I decided to take full advantage of my current living situation, I joined a harriers club, based in New Lynn.

History is full of great men who run, and since the invention of the sports bra in 1977; great women. George Harrison supposedly met Paul McCartney at an inter-school track and field meet. Woody Allen runs on a treadmill (it totally counts) in his apartment for 30 minutes every morning. Our Helen was often seen running laps around the Beehive. Apparently John Key does the same thing, but faster. That guy from Juno was great too. I will continue to run in Waterview. Perhaps one day this year I’ll feel brave enough that I let my legs carry me into Mount Albert or Avondale. Probably not Avondale actually. Every man has his limits.

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In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 22

26/02/2009 6:20:44 p.m.


BE A PROGRAMME REP! 

Take an active interest in your studies

Meet other students from your programme

Vote on the committee that runs your programme

Become involved with USU

Know your rights and help other students

Get a certificate to put in your CV

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26/02/2009 6:21:22 p.m.


USU SPORT 2009 CLUBS AND TEAMS SQUASH Meets every Friday night at the Squash Centre on Campus.

NETBALL Women’s’ Saturday options at Mt Wellington, Takapuna or Waitakere Indoor Netball Women’s or Mixed available at various locations.

BASKETBALL Wednesday night Mens and Womens Basketball at the Unitec Sports Centre. Sunday Men’s Basketball at Massey Leisure Centre.

FOOTBALL USU have an on campus football club that affiliates with Metro Soccer in Mt Albert for Saturday play.

EVENTS

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Table Tennis Lunchtime Comp 3on3 Basketball Lunchtime Comp Round the Bays Summer Volleyball One Day Tournament Touch One Day Tournament Uni Games in Taranaki Tertiary Challenge in Waikato Tag Tournament Football World Cup

For more information about sport at Unitec visit www.usu.co.nz Or contact Narissa, the USU Sports Co-ordinator

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In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 24

ususport@unitec.ac.nz

26/02/2009 6:21:25 p.m.


dear barbie

xox

Dear BARBIE Dear Barbie, I have been feeling really stressed lately, and it’s putting huge strains on my relationship! Do you have any tips on how I can keep calm and happy? -Stressed

Dear Barbie I want to have sex with my girlfriend but I don’t know how to get her in the mood. How do I? -Kiki

Dear stressed. You have not stated which sex you are, so I will give you two sets of answer, only because I am feeling generous and pity you. Stress sucks and makes your skin break out, or so I hear. Endorphins are the way to make you calm and happy, so you need to get some. If you can’t find them at the supermarket, then you have to create them yourself. Exercise! This goes for both sexes, it will help you clear your head, stop feeling like a fatty, as well as make you feel good. Also, if you are being a real bitch, then it will give your other half some space. Ladies: stress is one of the only excuses you have for eating excessive amounts of chocolate, and as long as you counter this with exercise, then indulge. Also, girly pampering things like putting a facemask on, a long hot bath or even spazzing out to some trashy pop will make you feel good, or reading trash magazines where Hollywood skanks have it waaay worse. It’s all about making yourself feel better at the expense of others. Guys: whenever Ken gets stressed, and gets all up in my grill, I make him go and play with his boyfriends (take that how you will), or walk the dog. He also enjoys feeling better at others expense, so he often goes and does some people watching on Queen Street. Also, a beer in the sun after all his hard work of doing nothing seems to calm him down. If these don’t work, come see me for some valium. xx

Sigh. So vague. Once again, details have been omitted, like have you not done this filthy thing together before…or at all? And how long have you been together, because it is gentlemanly and ladylike to wait at least two weeks from the time you announce you are officially dating. The main thing here is that while you may be ready, your girlfriend may not be. If so, then more waiting for you, buddy! You need to ask her, don’t try and “get her in the mood” with cheesy candles, Kenny G and rose petals on the tacky satin sheets kind of shit. Ask first. If she is ready and willing, but nerves are in the way, then start off with having a few relaxing drinks, DO NOT get drunk, just relaxed, invest in some nice wine. Be very complimentary about her, “I love your body”, kind of thing. Also, we don’t want a repeat of what happened to Skipper, so protect yourself. You also need to do it at night, with the lights dimmed or off, that will make it less awkward. Play some music too, so people won’t hear you/you won’t hear the gross sounds your bodies make. Be respectful, bitch. Don’t be pushy, and always make sure she is comfortable and enjoying herself. Remember it’s not all about you.

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26/02/2009 6:21:26 p.m.


USU Presents

Free Family Fun Day! Saturday 21st March 2009 11-3pm at Unitec Mt Albert, Gate 3

FEATURING

The Funky Monkeys NZs very own musical supergroup for kids

Old MacDonalds Farm / Story tellers / B o u n c y C a s t l e s / F a c e P a i n t i n g DE

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COMEDIANS

TE RADAR SIMON MCKINNEY CORI GONZALEZ-MACURE

Wednesday 4th March - 7pm CARRINGTON’S

GATE 3

UNITEC

MT ALBERT

$10 US U M E M BE R S

$20 NO N-MEMB ERS

$20 D O O R SA L ES

(UNI T E C S T UDE NTS )

( EVERYO NE EL SE)

( IF AVA IL A B L E)

TICKETS FROM USU RECEPTION (BLDG 180 - THE HUB) R 18 ( ID R EQUIR ED)

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In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 26

26/02/2009 6:21:29 p.m.


reviews

film

Zack and Miri are two best friends from yonks ago who live together. They find themselves in dire straights - no money, no power, no water (oh so familiar). Calling on powers from within their genitals, they decide the only way to resolve their issues is to film a porn movie. Here’s a brief description: Funny, funny, funny. Snore. Ooh haha. Huh? Snore, snore. Holy shit, what happened? The end.

Views

ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO

While the romantic twist catered to the people in the audience who screamed foul at meaningless sex, the idealism got a little too much when the punchline of this film consisted of the fact their porno lacked a storyline! Well duh, pornography is a genre which only consists of dramatic masterpieces...

And the more detailed description:

I can give this movie some credit. Both Rogen and Banks are smoking hot and the soundtrack features some real tasty morsels from the likes of The Pixies and Marcy Playground.

I really enjoyed the novelty factor about this movie where the writer had obviously lived his dream through his characters, but unfortunately that wasn’t enough. What once filled the theatre with vicariously awkward laughter for the first half hour, spent the rest of the time mucking around and leaving the audience leaping for even just a little tickle - something to keep us giggling PLEASE!

Even though this is in the upper realms of ”Not Another Teenage Movie” type films, it’s not worth handing over $15 for, I would suggest you wait for the DVD. Although, there is something about watching a relatively raunchy movie in a cinema full of guys, so if you do go see it, be warned; don’t look beside you, just give him your empty Coke cup and keep your eyes on the screen....

I was a little irritated at the logistical bloopers. How does one move out of their apartment in 20 minutes, without a car, and leave the pad spotless?

Reviewed by Leah Garcia-Purves

THE MAP READER film

I don’t like running. Teenager Michael (Jordan Selwyn) likes running. Not in the sense that it’s his hobby, but he likes running, as do many of the characters in The Map Reader. One could definitely say that running is a theme of the film – running away from problems but also running towards something better than what is had. The Map Reader, written and directed by Harold Brodie, does have a New Zealand feel to it, but not in the NZ art house or the big budget LOTR way, it’s just a decent, perhaps straight to DVD, normal film. It’s based around a teenager who is really (understatement) interested in maps, and is also about the females that are involved in his life; his mother, girlfriend, and a blind young woman (played by Shortland Street’s Morgan – Bonnie Soper). The acting of all the characters was driven, especially from Rebecca Gibney – the mother of Michael, but that may be because she has had the most acting experience. Gibney used her eyes on the screen to portray emotion. I felt when there were scenes between Michael and his girlfriend Alison (Mikaila

Hutchison) it was rather stilted and Alison was awkward, but you could take this as an advantage in that if you were in this situation you would be just as awkward too. As stated above, running is a big part of the film and this was one of the reasons why the film pissed me off – the continuous amounts of running made me feel as if the storyline wasn’t going anywhere, and it also looked ridiculous – yeah I get it, he’s running like he did before, he’s running away from ‘stuff’, yup that’s the theme. I’m surprised there wasn’t one of those uncomfortable standing ovations that you usually give at premieres when you know the director/actors etc are there, but I guess the film justified the reason why. Acting – Average. Story – Slightly far-fetched. Post-production – Average. Overall – Average. Reviewed by Kirsty Ley

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26/02/2009 6:21:30 p.m.


reviews

NATIVE ALIENZ

Herald Theatre, Aotea Centre

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theatre

Native Alienz is community theatre in the fullest sense of the term; a collaboration of writers, directors, performers and techies, all from different cultures and experiences. This diversity understandably filtrated into the work, with the seven short pieces thematically connected by a sense of displacement, culture and identity. This poignant subject material and the company’s community ethos gave these “Stories from the lips of Asia” the potential to be an endearing and provocative piece of art. However, it fell short of this promise, conjuring thoughts of a fifty cent lolly mix. While it had several delicious jaffas, there were too many milk bottles, bland and under-imagined treats, to be a fully satisfying experience. The ensemble cast delivered mixed performances. Some of the actors shone, most notably Gary Young’s subtle and emotionally measured portrayal of Vang, a lonely, ageing Vietnamese stall owner in The Loyal Customer (written and directed by Ying Ly). Others were less compelling. Emma (Ema Barton), Vang’s loyal customer, was a stock portrayal of a ditzy kiwi girl, with fashion school aspirations. Simply putting on a twanged accent and nasal laugh doesn’t create a character. Well, not one with any depth. The highlight was a piece called The Mooncake and the Kumara. Written by Mei-Lin Te-Puea Hansen and Kiel McNaughton, and directed by Alex Lee and Tony Forster, it explored the plight of Chao (Ezra Lao), a Chinese immigrant who becomes increasingly distressed as his culture slips

further into the depths of memory. Letters are passed back and forth between Chao and his wife (Mei Chen), pegged onto a clothes-line and pulled between China and New Zealand, a beautiful piece of magical realism, visually enhancing the estranged couple’s separation. A mutual fascination develops between Chao and perky Maori girl Alice (Amber Curreen), leaving Chao’s wife with a bare clothesline; distance has taken its toll. Superbly performed by an assured cast, this piece was an engaging portrayal of loss, culture and connection. But it was a patchy evening of theatre. Far less convincing was Midnight, State Highway 01 (Written by Mukilan Thangamani), a foray into fate and, again, cross cultural connection. While Alvin Maharaj gave an enjoyable performance as contemplative Ray, Mary Lee Allen’s Lisa was far less convincing. I got no sense of the characters journey. Coming from an abusive partner and a less than supportive father, the character potentially had plenty of depth, but it just didn’t translate. The pair’s comic timing was off and much of the humour didn’t resonate. While there were some lovely moments in this show, they jarred with some less impressive work. An enjoyable evening at the theatre was marred by frustration and disappointment; it could have been so much more. Reviewed by Jared Edwards

MERRIWEATHER POST PAVILION The Animal Collective I spoke to my friend Darian about Merriweather Post Pavilion, the eighth studio album from the Animal Collective. He feels very connected to it. “This is how kids in the sixties felt about Pet Sounds. You and I are part of this event,” he told me. One of modern America’s most idiosyncratic and avantgarde bands; The Animal Collective have taken their next great leap forward. Core members Avey Tare, Panda Bear and Geologist return for this effort and together they’ve created what would seem to be their definitive pop album. Making their intentions clear from the first track, In The Flowers. A swelling tune that sounds like Syd Barrett having a wet dream about DJ Jean. The hooks are ludicrously catchy and the album only gets better. Highlights include the domestic lament My Girls and the closing track Brothersport, which soars into a mesmerising flurry before dying like a robotic lion slowly leaking oil and binary. The Animal Collective trademarks are here. The rhythms are tribal, driving and fierce, the squeals 28

music

and screeches reverberate like ping pong comets, and the melodies and harmonies drip like honey from Avey Tare and Panda Bear’s mouths. The difference between this and previous Animal Collective albums is in the electricity. The music swirls with synthesized blips and crunches. This is gloriously removed from their acoustic-acid-folk roots and yet it is still very much in step with their unique sound. It feels like they’re finishing off the stride they started with 2008’s Strawberry Jam. The result is electronic pop music which sounds more playful and organic than electronic music should. The Animal Collective have, on M.P.P, managed to grow synthesizers and samplers on trees. Definitely ahead of the pack. I expect to hear Lady Gaga types, kickin’ Animal Collective type jams all over ZM type radio and Hallensteins type commercials some time next year. Reviewed by Joseph Harper

usu

In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 28

26/02/2009 6:21:33 p.m.


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! y a d o t z .n o .c p o h s p a Visit www.l In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 29

26/02/2009 6:21:35 p.m.


fashion on campus

JASMINE HAN Visiting the Unitec campus We like her pose.

Wear this 30

JENS

SOPHIA

ARNOLD

INGELESTEDT

GAYTAN

THE BUILDER

From Sweden, is in his third year of business studies. He says his style is sweaty rock and roll. We like his nice, Swedish leather shoes.

From Mexico, is in her first year of studying Architecture. She describes her style as casual, we like her Saint Catherine pendant she got from Paris.

From Balclutha, up at Unitec to fix things and eat free sausages. He describes his style as a “little wacky” and is a strong advocate of a shoe-free workplace. We like his vibrant and exciting vest.

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In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 30

26/02/2009 6:22:37 p.m.


recipe

Yum Yum

Home Comforts WITH SUSANNAH AITKEN

Hi I’m Susannah. When I’m not working for the man, I like to make my own pasta.

FRESH PASTA

(Serves 4)

3 eggs 2 cups flour 2 Tbs olive oil 1 tsp salt On a clean workbench, mix together flour and salt. Heap into a little mountain and make a well in the centre. Crack eggs into well, add 1 Tbs olive oil and then mix to combine. One good way to do this is to support the ‘wall’ of flour with one hand and with the other hand mix the eggs into the flour with a fork. The first time I did this I ended up having to hastily construct a flour retaining wall along the edge of the bench to stop the ensuing egg volcano dribbling all over my shoes. It does get easier and less messy with practice, though. The next step is to knead this dough for approximately 10 minutes or until it is smooth. Coat with remaining oil, wrap in plastic and leave for at least 30 minutes. Roll out very thin (1-2 mm). My flat doesn’t have a rolling pin, so I use a full wine bottle, which works surprisingly well. Rolling out the dough is a pretty good upper-body workout, whatever you use. Cut to whatever shape you like. Fettucine is a pretty safe option, but you could basically make anything you want. Pasta dinosaurs, anyone? To cook, add handfuls of pasta to boiling, salted water over high heat (with a little olive oil for good measure). It takes hardly any time to cook – 2-5 minutes usually, so watch it like a hawk.

SPAGHETTI PUTTANESCA 3 Tbs olive oil 4 cloves garlic, thinly sliced ½ tsp chilli flakes 3 anchovy fillets (sort of optional, but also sort of not if you really want to make this as tasty as it should be…) ½ cup white wine 2 tins crushed tomatoes, slightly drained Olives Salt and pepper to taste Basil

Heat olive oil in a frying pan and gently cook garlic, chilli flakes and anchovies until anchovies can be easily broken up with a wooden spoon and garlic is translucent (about 5 minutes). Add wine and cook for one more minute, then add tomatoes and bring to the boil. Lower heat to stop your sauce leaping out of the pan in all directions as it cooks. Basically you just want to leave it for a good 45 minutes or so, stirring it occasionally to prevent sticking. It should reduce right down and become thick, jammy and really tasty. When you’re happy with how it looks and tastes, take it off the heat and add olives, salt and pepper. Stir through cooked pasta and scatter basil over the top.

SPINACH PESTO 2 big handfuls of fresh spinach 2 cloves garlic, squashed and peeled Fresh basil to taste 2 Tbs pine nuts, toasted 3Tbs olive oil Juice of one lemon Salt and pepper to taste

Steam spinach with garlic and squeeze out as much water as possible. Discard garlic cloves. Place in blender with all other ingredients and puree until very smooth. Taste for seasonings and then stir through cooked pasta. This is really good with parmesan, ricotta or feta sprinkled on top or mixed through it and left to melt a bit.

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In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 31

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26/02/2009 6:22:51 p.m.


In Unison, Auckland issue.indd 32

26/02/2009 6:22:52 p.m.


In Unison, Auckland issue