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Love Advice *Sex Secrets * Beauty Tips

Hotter Sex... For You!

GYNOS Wversial NoE ntro

A C ew Cure N ramps For C u Try It? Yo Would

Hilary Duff

The Relationship Mistake She Won’t Repeat

Turn-On Tricks, OMG Foreplay, Big-O Shortcuts

Flawless Skin—

Do This One Free Thing Every Day

The Most Important Money Question You’ll Ever Ask

MUSHY MOVES GUYS ARE TOTALLY INTO

DATES FROM HELL! You’ll LOL at These Effed-Up Stories


DON’T WASH YOUR HAIR...

FUEL IT

©2016 P&G


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F E B R U A R Y 2 017

COVER S TORIES 31

in ever y issue 12 14 22 26 28 34 37 168 170

From the Editor Best Feb. Ever Cover Star Quickie The Cosmo Guy Confessions On My Mind Fierce vs. Fail Horoscope Bitch It Out!/ Shopping Information 172 Cosmo Quiz: How Deep Is Your Love?

74

83

102

115

137

160

ON JANELLE MONÁE: JACKET, PANTS, Mugler. NECKLACE, Alibi. RINGS, Alexis Bittar

FE ATURE S 164 Divided Dreams

The unique challenges Latina students face

MAX ABADIAN

128

Dates From Hell! You’ll LOL at These Effed-Up Stories Flawless Skin— Do This One Free Thing Every Day Mushy Moves Guys Are Totally Into Gyno News A Controversial New Cure for Cramps. Would You Try It? Hilary Duff The Relationship Mistake She Won’t Repeat You Come First! Hotter Sex... for You! Turn-On Tricks, OMG Foreplay, Big-O Shortcuts The Most Important Money Question You’ll Ever Ask

7


CONTENTS BE AUT Y

39

Dress to Thrill Slay your V Day.

46

Silver Finish Must-have earrings

48

Look Hot Together Twinning with bae

55 Tackle Makeup Sticks 60 Only $10! 62 Sexy This Second 64 Know-It-All Guide to Healthy Nails Now! 68 How to Get Look-at-Me Lips 71 Feed Your Face Eat this and glow 72 Power-Up Your Pony 80 Lip Colors Decoded

50 What Lies Beneath 52 Fun, Fearless Finds Under $50 Sexy bodysuits 128 Explore Your Style Limits Janelle Monáe in sci-fi fashion

BODY 99

The Better-Sex Workout #NoCardio 108 Mind + Mood 7 Weird Reasons You Can’t Focus 110 Gyno Info New Prez, New Policies? 112 The Insta Diet Trap

SE X 142 Sex Q&A 145 Sex Position of

the Month 146 The Drunk-Sex

LOVE 86

The 5 Kisses You Must Master 88 Dating & Mating Should You Stay Friends With an Ex? 90

Ask Him Anything

92

Cosmo’s Totally Twisted Dating Dictionary

96

All About Men

Epidemic

LIFE 151 Super Bowls!

Winning dip recipes to drool over 154 Crush Your Time Off! 158 Find Your Voice at Work

GET HILARY’S HOT LOOK

120

HOT GUYS AND SEX Y SCENTS!

Models + Bottles THE MODEL

Broderick Hunter @BroderickHunter THE BOTTLE

Tory Burch Love Relentlessly Eau de Parfum Spray $86 for 1.7 oz.

Raspberry and tonka bean is exactly how you want to smell on date night: sweet, seductive, and totally romantic.

8 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

On Hilary: Shirt, Rails. Shorts, Agolde. Earrings, ring (left middle finger) Kavant & Sharart. Rings, (right pointer finger) Anissa Kermiche; (right ring finger) Hilary’s own. Bracelets, Hilary’s own Cartier. To get Hilary’s look, try ColorStay Crème Eye Shadow in Vanilla, ColorStay 2-in-1 Angled Kajal in Onyx, Powder Blush in Melon Drama, Ultra HD Gel Lipcolor in HD Sand, and ColorStay Gel Envy Longwear Nail Enamel in Sure Thing, all by Revlon. Fashion director: Aya Kanai. Hair: Italo Gregorio for Wella Professionals/Bryan Bantry Agency. Makeup: Christian McCulloch at Streeters using Dior Addict. Manicure: Bernadette Thompson for The Bernadette Thompson Nail Collection. Photographed by Eric Ray Davidson.

THE MODELS PHOTOGRAPHED IN COSMOPOLITAN ARE USED FOR ILLUSTRATIVE PURPOSES ONLY; COSMOPOLITAN DOES NOT SUGGEST THAT THE MODELS ACTUALLY ENGAGE IN THE CONDUCT DISCUSSED IN THE STORIES THEY ILLUSTRATE.

F R O M T O P : T E D C A VA N A U G H , F O O D S T Y L I S T: C L A U D I A F I C C A ; Y U T S A I . M O D E L : B R O D E R I C K H U N T E R / S O U L A R T I S T M A N A G E M E N T. J E A N S , A M E R I C A N E A G L E O U T F I T T E R S . S E E PA G E 17 0 F O R S H O P P I N G I N F O R M AT I O N .

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Editor-in-Chief

MICHELE PROMAULAYKO CREATIVE DIRECTOR Theresa Griggs EXECUTIVE EDITOR Sascha de Gersdorff EXECUTIVE MANAGING EDITOR Maria Baugh EXECUTIVE FASHION DIRECTOR Aya Kanai EXECUTIVE BEAUTY DIRECTOR Leah Wyar EXECUTIVE PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR Alix B. Campbell SENIOR DEPUTY EDITOR Sara Austin ENTERTAINMENT DIRECTOR Tracy Shaffer DIRECTOR OF STRATEGY AND COMMUNICATIONS Holly Whidden DEPUTY EDITOR, FEATURES AND BRAND EXTENSIONS

Marina Khidekel DEPUTY EDITOR Katie L. Connor SPECIAL PROJECTS DIRECTOR Laura Brounstein DESIGN DIRECTOR Susannah Haesche

FEATURES DEPUTY MANAGING EDITOR Amy E. Grippo EDITOR-AT-LARGE John Searles SENIOR EDITORS Emily C. Johnson, Danielle McNally, Julie Vadnal MUSIC AND ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Sergio Kletnoy ASSOCIATE EDITOR Judith Ohikuare ASSISTANT EDITOR Rachel Mosely ASSISTANT BRAND COORDINATOR Diandra Barnwell EDITORIAL ASSISTANTS Danielle Kam, Helen Zook EDITORIAL BUSINESS COORDINATOR Caryn Kanare EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Maritza Medina CONTRIBUTORS Anna Breslaw; Mika Brzezinski; Logan Hill;

Matthew Hussey; Ian Kerner, PhD; Esther Perel; Alexa von Tobel; Aurora Tower FITNESS CONTRIBUTOR Evan Betts HEALTH ADVISORY BOARD Jennifer Ashton, MD; Mitchell Creinin, MD; David J. Leffell, MD; Stephanie Middleberg, RD; Holly Phillips, MD; Marisa Weiss, MD; Jennifer Wider, MD FASHION FASHION MARKET DIRECTOR Sarah Conly ACCESSORIES DIRECTOR Kathy Lee SENIOR MARKET EDITOR Tiffany Reid BOOKINGS DIRECTOR Steven Brown SENIOR FASHION EDITOR James Worthington DeMolet ACCESSORIES EDITOR Nicole Fineo FASHION EDITORS Aeyung Kim, Adam Mansuroglu ASSISTANT FASHION EDITOR Alysia De Maio ASSISTANT BOOKINGS AND ACCESSORIES EDITOR Sean McIntyre FASHION ASSISTANTS Shalaeya Brown, Tira A. Urquhart

BEAUTY DEPUTY BEAUTY EDITOR Marta Topran BEAUTY EDITOR Lauren Balsamo ASSOCIATE BEAUTY EDITOR Maddie Aberman ASSISTANT BEAUTY EDITOR Kate Foster BEAUTY ASSISTANT Erin Stovall

ART ART DIRECTORS Jose Fernandez, Danielle Jones DEPUTY ART DIRECTORS Betsy Halsey, Sarah Olin DIGITAL-IMAGING SPECIALIST Steve Fusco

PHOTO PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR Fabienne Le Roux DEPUTY PHOTO EDITOR Kristin Giametta SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR Allie Kircher PHOTO PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Naomi Nishi PHOTO ASSISTANT Sarah Eckinger

COPY AND RESEARCH COPY DIRECTOR Ann Bacon Wright RESEARCH DIRECTOR Chris Moore DEPUTY COPY CHIEF Ester Brooke Friedman SENIOR RESEARCH EDITOR Lauren Dzubow COPY EDITOR Carlee Schepeler

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INTERNATIONAL EDITIONS Argentina, Australia, Brazil, Britain, Bulgaria, Chile, China, Croatia, Czech Republic, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hong Kong, Hungary, India, Indonesia, Italy, Kazakhstan, Korea, Latin America, Latvia, Lithuania, Malaysia, Mexico, Middle East, Mongolia, Netherlands, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Serbia, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sri Lanka, Turkey, Ukraine SVP/Editorial Director Kim St. Clair Bodden

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©2017 L’Oréal USA, Inc.


FROM THE EDITOR

GIORGIO ARMANI Sì Rose Signature Eau de Parfum, $92, giorgio armani beauty-usa .com

PS THE LUI E ISS

The Perfect Combo: Models and Bottles

WELCOME TO THE LIPS ISSUE

Feeling the Love!

WITH COSMOPOLITAN’S EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, MICHELE PROMAULAYKO. FOR MORE, FOLLOW @MICHPROM.

it ’s february, so in New York, where Cosmo is based, we’ve officially entered “cuffing season,” when singles search for someone they can get tied down— or cuffed—to during the chilly winter months (not in the Fifty Shades Darker sense!). Apparently, it’s a thing. And

Fergie Rocked the Cosmo Office To the delight of the staff, Fergie dropped by to talk about her muchanticipated new album—the first in a decade. (The single, “Life Goes On,” is probably stuck in your head right now.) The Dutchess posed for selfies and an impromptu photo shoot, videoed staffer John Searles rapping the lyrics to her 2006 hit “Glamorous” (she was clearly amused), and checked out the 2004 interview I did with her then-boyfriend Josh Duhamel. In it, I asked: “Rumor has it, you’re dating Fergie. Care to comment?” As always, Cosmo could sense a sexy couple in the making!

12

while it may not be the most romantic notion to seasonally seek companionship—and body heat—it does makes sense. When the Arctic air blows in, who wouldn’t rather be snuggling on the couch, binge-watching The Night Manager, than scurrying down windy streets to hit the bars? If you happen to be in mating mode, check out our dictionary of hilarious dating terms—that way you’ll know what to text your friends when a narcisexual lobs a girlfriend grenade at you mid-conversation. Elsewhere in the issue, we have advice on mushy moves guys love and how to teach a man to please you, because they really, really want to please you…but sometimes a dude could use a helping hand. Sending all of you tons of heart-eye emoji this Valentine’s Day.

Michele Promaulayko Editor-in-Chief

F R O M TO P : C O U R T E S Y M I C H E L E P R O M AU L AY KO; A L L I E K I R C H E R ( 3 ).

Your mouth is a mighty, little body part: You use it to talk, eat, smooch…and do other sexy things. Throughout this issue, you’ll find content that speaks to the power your lips possess—from finding your voice at work to becoming a make-out master to picking the best color to swipe on them for any occasion. We are sealing February with a big, fat, juicy kiss. Muah!

Usually, when models and bottles are mentioned in the same sentence, it’s because a hot guy is delivering pricey booze to you at da club. But that’s not what we’re talking about here. Back by popular demand, our favorite male models are posing with this season’s top fragrances. I stopped by the shoot to make sure everything was going smoothly. It’s a tough job, but.…


See the skin you want in the morning with a DOUBLE CLEANSE tonight. Nothing does more for clear, healthy skin than the Neutrogena Double Cleansing Method. Because it pairs the right combination of products to make all the difference in your skin. ®

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H O T R I G H T NOW

EDGE OUT your mani

GET centered at Wanderlust, a Coachella-esque fest for yogis in Oahu (Feb. 23 to 26, wanderlust.com).

with new metallic hues from Christian Louboutin’s Loubichrome ($30 each, christian louboutin.com). WEAR your heart

TRADE in your expired supplies for snazzy new ones on National Condom Day, Feb. 14, natch ($5 for 3, jimmyjane.com).

BEST FEB. EVER All the things you need to know to have an epic month

CUSTOMIZE your pout. Givenchy’s Rouge Révélateur lipstick reacts with your pH to form a tailor-made shade ($34, sephora.com).

KICK IT with Katy Perry’s debut footwear line—it’s as bold as the singer herself (from $59, katy perrycollections.com).

HYDRATE in ski-bunny style with photog Gray Malin’s new winteredition bottles for S’well ($42, graymalin .com).

PS THE LUI E ISS

ROCK a pair of limited-edition ruby red Timberlands—a must for any modern-day Dorothy ($170, timberland.com).

14 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T: A L I K A U K U S F O R W A N D E R L U S T F E S T I VA L ; C O U R T E S Y B R A N D S ( 4 ) ; R O N Y A L W I N ; C O U R T E S Y G I V E N C H Y; J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D .

out with Nine West’s V Day capsule collection ($79, ninewest .com).


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WATCH

H O T R I G H T NOW

1

2

MUST-SEE 1. BIG LITTLE LIES

GET INFORMED

or Beliebers? The 59th Annual Grammy Awards are Feb. 12 (CBS).

2. GIRLS Place

bets on whether Hannah Horvath and co. get their acts together in the final season (Feb. 12, HBO). 3. SO COSMO Step into our office (and world): E!’s new reality series follows Cosmo staffers on and off duty (Feb. 8). 4. REVENGE BODY WITH KHLOÉ KARDASHIAN Khloé coaches contestants toward their peak hotness (Jan. 12, E!).

about the national sex-trafficking crisis with the doc I Am Jane Doe (Feb. 10, IAmJaneDoe Film.com).

PICK a team: Beyhive

4

Shailene Woodley, Reese Witherspoon, and Nicole Kidman take on Liane Moriarty’s best seller (Feb. 19, HBO).

REMEMBER no matter who’s victorious at the Super Bowl on Feb. 5, we’re all winners with Lady Gaga playing halftime (Fox).

PREPARE for the scares. Rings, the next chapter in The Ring franchise, hits theaters Feb. 3.

SET a goal to see all—or at least one!—of the nominated movies before the 89th Academy Awards, Feb. 26, on ABC.

16 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P R I G H T: C R A I G B L A N K E N H O R N / H B O ; H I L A R Y B R O N W Y N G AY L E / H B O ; B E N W AT T S / C O U R T E S Y E ! E N T E R TA I N M E N T; G E T T Y I M A G E S ; D R E A M W O R K S / C O U R T E S Y E V E R E T T C O L L E C T I O N ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 3 ) ; R I C H A R D S C H U LT Z / COURTESY 50 EGGS; GET T Y IMAGES.

3

LOCK down your girls’ schedules on Feb. 10, when Christian Grey and Ana Steele return for new fantasies in Fifty Shades Darker.

TV


READ

H O T R I G H T NOW

FICTION 1. MY (NOT SO)

PERFECT LIFE by Sophie Kinsella You’ll relate hard and root harder for Londoner Katie, whose quarterlife crisis feels even worse thanks to the Insta-perfect people all around her.

1

2. THE POSSESSIONS

3. SUGAR by Kimberly Stuart When NYC pastry chef Charlie moves to Seattle, a hot new job—and guy— await. The catch: It’s all being captured on a reality show. Pairs well with popcorn.

3

4

4. ALWAYS by Sarah Jio A chance encounter with a down-and-out ex upends Kailey’s seemingly flawless life. Warning: Have the tissues ready.

5

CHRISTINA’S WORLD, BY ANDREW WYETH

PORTRAIT OF ADELE BLOCHBAUER I, BY GUSTAV KLIMT

PICTURES WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS You’ve seen the iconic paintings—now, read two equally epic stories inspired by them. In Christina Baker Kline’s A Piece of the World, Christina Olson is living a sheltered and limited life in her family’s Maine home until artist Andrew Wyeth enters the scene with a singular vision of Christina’s World. Laurie Lico Albanese’s Stolen Beauty follows ultraglam socialite Adele BlochBauer, who becomes the lover and muse of painter Gustav Klimt in tumultuous pre-WWI Vienna.

5. THE DARK AND OTHER LOVE STORIES by Deborah Willis These 13 stirring vignettes cover all kinds of love, from the toxic ’ship you just can’t quit to the bond between summer-camp besties.

HOW TO MURDER YOUR LIFE by Cat Marnell A former magazine editor describes in crazy detail the highs (literally) of her drug addiction and lows of her personal and profesh life.

I DON’T BELONG TO YOU by Keke Palmer The Scream Queens star comes clean about everything from sexuality to self-love in a guide that will inspire you to conquer your personal roadblocks.

THE HATE U GIVE Amandla Stenberg will star in a film take on Angie Thomas’s Black Lives Matter–inspired novel.

18 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

S TAC K : J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D. B O O K C OV E R S: C O U R T E SY P U B L I S H E R S . A R T WO R K , F R O M TO P: G E T T Y I M AG E S; G U S TAV K L I M T (18 6 2 TO 1918 ), P O R T R A I T O F A D E L E B L O C H - B A U E R I , 1 9 0 7, O I L , S I L V E R , A N D G O L D O N C A N V A S ; N E U E G A L E R I E N E W Y O R K . A C Q U I R E D T H R O U G H T H E G E N E R O S I T Y O F R O N A L D S . L AU D E R , T H E H E I R S O F T H E E S TAT E S O F F E R D I N A N D A N D A D E L E B LO C H - B AU E R , A N D T H E E S T É E L AU D E R F U N D.

by Sara Flannery Murphy A medium who inhabits the lives of her clients’ lost loves gets a bit too involved in one peculiar case in this lush, hair-raising mystery.

2


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LISTEN

H O T R I G H T NOW

HOT PODCASTS

THE LOVE BOMB WITH NICO TORTORELLA The Younger heartthrob goes there: sexual fluidity, polyamory, and being in love with love.

BEBE REXHA

THIS WEEK HAD ME LIKE Writer Caroline Goldfarb (of Insta’s hilarious @OfficialSeanPenn) recaps the week in crazy celeb antics.

She’s written for RiRi and Eminem. Now, for her first album, All Your Fault, the Brooklynite bares where she gets her trademark badassery. NEW ALBUM VIBES: “It starts kind of moody, but it gets really empowering. There are the heartbreak songs, but then it goes into ‘Bad Bitch,’ where it’s like, ‘I’m tired of hearing all this bullshit. I’m a great chick, right here in front of your face. Handle it. Show me what you’ve got.’”

MUNA Groove to the

synth pop of this Cali trio who make an irresistible first impression on About U.

BREAKUP ANTHEM:

“Big Sean’s ‘I Don’t Fuck With You.’” BACK TO BASICS: “I think our generation sucks a little bit when it comes to dating. Everything is moving so quickly. It’s hard to stick with one person, and sex has become an app thing. There’s nothing wrong with sex, but I

THE x x Dreamy, cinematic tracks like “On Hold” fill I See You, the alternarockers’ first album since 2012.

can’t remember the last time someone’s taken me on a proper date. I’m an oldschool romantic—I like to be courted. I want a Mr. Darcy!”

Meet Ariana W I N! Grande I T IRL!

CELEB CRUSH: “I call

them daddies. My ultimate daddy is Ryan Gosling. I die for him in Crazy, Stupid, Love.” —RACHEL MOSELY

Enter for a chance to win front-row concert seats at Ariana Grande’s Dangerous Woman Tour in NYC—plus, go backstage! The trip for two includes airfare, two nights’ hotel stay, and $500 spending money. Go to Cosmopolitan.com/ ArianaConcert to enter for a chance to win.

GET OUT (right

now) and snag your tix: JoJo’s Mad Love tour kicks off Feb. 15 in Portland, Ore.

S T R E A M t he s el f-t it le d d ebut f ro m D ua L ip a , wh o s e soulful jams take you from pregame to the dance floor.

20 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T: D E N N I S L E U P O L D ; C O U R T E S Y P O D C A S T S ( 2 ) ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ) ; COURTESY WARNER BROS.; COURTESY THE X X; COURTESY RCA RECORDS.

Q&A


As usual, you saw that coming. There are a lot of things that are easy to see coming, like man buns and homemade kombucha going out of style, but some things are a little harder to detect. Like that pedestrian unexpectedly jaywalking. That’s why Toyota Safety Sense™ P,1 including a Pre-Collision System2 with Pedestrian Detection,3 comes standard on the new 2017 Corolla.

Toyota Safety Sense™ Standard

Prototype shown with options. Production model may vary. 1. Drivers should always be responsible for their own safe driving. Please always pay attention to your surroundings and drive safely. Depending on the conditions of roads, vehicles, weather, etc., the system(s) may not work as intended. See Owner’s Manual for details. 2. The TSS Pre-Collision System is designed to help avoid or reduce the crash speed and damage in certain frontal collisions only. It is not a substitute for safe and attentive driving. System effectiveness depends on many factors, such as speed, driver input and road conditions. See Owner’s Manual for details. 3. The Pedestrian Detection system is designed to detect a pedestrian ahead of the vehicle, determine if impact is imminent and help reduce impact speed. It is not a substitute for safe and attentive driving. System effectiveness depends on many factors, such as speed, size and position of pedestrians, driver input and weather, light and road conditions. See Owner’s Manual for details. ©2016 Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.


BODYSUIT, Veronica Beard. SHORTS, Levi’s. EARRINGS, RINGS, Colette

If I could live in another era, I’d pick:

I’d love to star in a rom-com opposite:

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P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y E R I C R AY DAV I D S O N . FA S H I O N D I R E C T O R : AYA K A N A I . H A I R : I TA L O G R E G O R I O F O R W E L L A P R O F E S S I O N A L S / B R YA N B A N T R Y A G E N C Y. M A K E U P : C H R I S T I A N M C C U L L O C H AT S T R E E T E R S U S I N G D I O R A D D I C T. M A N I C U R E : B E R N A D E T T E T H O M P S O N FO R T HE B E R N A DE T T E T HO MP S O N N A IL C OL L EC T IO N. S T IL L S: G E T T Y IM AG E S ( 5 ). S E E PAG E 170 FO R S HOPPIN G INFO R M AT IO N.

H O T R I G H T NOW

COVER STAR QUICKIE Nicknames:

Thoughts on Valentine’s Day: The weirdest things in my purse right now:

My dream vacation with the Younger cast would be:


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Sources: Media Radar, October 2015-September 2016; The NPD Group, Inc., 2015. Participating magazines include: Cosmopolitan, Dr. Oz THE GOOD LIFE, ELLE, Good Housekeeping, Harper’s BAZAAR, Marie Claire, O, The Oprah Magazine, Redbook, and Town & Country.


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H O T R I G H T NOW STEAMY SNEAK PEEK “Christian’s more open—more willing to compromise for the woman he loves. He’s still stubborn, but Ana makes him a better person. Also: shower sex. More than once. Doing a sex scene is always strange, but especially if you start it clothed in the shower.”

FIFTY SHADES OF NO “I’d never in a million years have a red room. I learned from doing the research for the films that it’s just so far from what works for me.”

HIS ADVICE FOR CHRISTIAN GREY “Loosen up a bit! Like, relax. Get some guy friends. He’s obviously been through some horrific things in his youth that have colored who he is today, but I think he needs to let his hair down a little bit.”

WILD RUMORS “It’s amazing....Once, a friend said, ‘I read that you dated Kate Moss.’ I was like, ‘I’d tell you if I’d dated Kate Moss!’ I’ve literally met her once in my life, but if you Googled me now, it would probably say I dated her. About 80 percent of the people I’m said to have dated, I haven’t.”

OWNING IT ALL “It’s attractive to me when girls are down— meaning, they’re at ease with themselves. They’ve got their shit sorted, and they’re comfortable with who they are in whatever way that manifests itself. Even if who you are is a bit unhinged, that’s fine, as long as you’re accepting of it.”

THE COSMO GUY NORTHERN IRELAND’S HOTTEST EXPORT IS AGAIN PICKING UP CHRISTIAN GREY’S RIDING CROP IN FIFTY SHADES DARKER (FEB. 10). NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM AND READ THIS INTERVIEW, YOU BAD, BAD GIRL! BY R ACHEL MOSELY

26

JUDE EDGINTON/INSTITUTE

JAMIE DORNAN


©2017 L’Oréal USA, Inc.


CONFESSIONS

Cosmo readers reveal their most embarrassing, ridiculous, what-was-Ithinking moments.

“I work as a flight attendant, so whenever I have to pass gas, I walk to the part of the plane that has the most people in it. I quickly fart there, then promptly head to the opposite part of the aircraft so no one realizes I’m the culprit.” —TYESHA L., 24, FLIGHT ATTENDANT, BROOKLYN, NY

WE KNOW YOU HAVE CONFESSIONS TO SHARE.... E-MAIL THE DIRTY DETAILS TO CONFESSIONS @COSMOPOLITAN.COM, OR TWEET YOUR TALES TO @COSMOPOLITAN!

28

PHOTO G R A PHED BY A L L IE K IRCHE R


GUY CONFESSION

“At lunch in my school’s cafeteria, I pulled out my phone to check something. I’d left porn up on the internet screen, and suddenly, the sounds of full-blown porn-y moans were coming from my cell. A few women walking by definitely heard what was up before I turned it off and threw it in my bag.”

“My boyfriend and I were sending naked pics back and forth, and our convo started to get seriously heated. Suddenly, I got a text that said, ‘You didn’t sign out of the family iPad. Can you please come downstairs?’ I’d left my account up onscreen, and my mom saw everything. I died.” —ERIKA M., 18

—TANNER G., 21

GUY CONFESSION

“I was at a party with friends, and I got seriously drunk. I tried to dance with this girl and thought I’d impress her with my ability to do a real waltz. I waltzed her right down the stairs and into a nasty fall. Oops!”

GET T Y IMAGES

—SPENCER V., 26, OPERA SINGER, CINCINNATI, OH

“In school, there was this one guy I totally couldn’t stand. One day, I took a pair of scissors and stealthily gave him a hideous-looking haircut. I blamed it on the guy who sat next to him. I got away with it!” —MOLLY M., 19

“It was parents’ weekend at my college, but I decided to go offcampus and visit my boyfriend. I threw a new vibrator in my backpack and got in the elevator with a bunch of visiting families. As I leaned against the wall, my vibrator accidentally turned on. The vibrations on this thing were loud and incredibly obvious. I had to rummage in my bag to turn it off and exited the elevator at the next floor. I never want to see those people again.” —RACHAEL S., 20

GUY CONFESSION

“A friend set me up, then wanted to know how the date went. I texted her saying, ‘The date was okay, maybe I’d go out with her again.’ Instead of texting my friend, I texted that to the girl I’d just gone out with. That relationship didn’t work out.” —MITCHELL W., 30

FEBRUARY 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

29


CONFESSIONS “For my birthday party, I went really extra. I got my makeup and hair done and picked out these extensions that went all the way down my back. Once the party started, I had too many drinks and got wasted. When it was time to blow out the candles on my cake, I started screaming, ‘Yeah, it’s my birthday! It’s my birthday!’ And in the middle of my drunken antics, the candles set fire to my hair. I lost a big chunk, but I didn’t let it blow up the party!”

CELEB CONFESSION

—TANYA D., 22, STUDENT, BROOKLYN, NY

“I had a teacher who was militant about letting students use bathroom passes. One day, I’d used the pass once at the beginning of class, but I had to pee again before the end. I knew he wouldn’t let me go twice, so I desperately tried to hold it in. I failed. I wet myself in class, and my desk was right next to my crush. I have never been that mortified.” —WITNEY CARSON, DANCING WITH THE STARS

GUY CONFESSION

“My date gave me road head as I drove her home. When we got to her house, I hadn’t finished, so she continued after I parked in the driveway. All of a sudden, her dad knocked on the window. Turns out, she lived with her parents, and he was not thrilled. I let her out of the car and just drove away.”

“I had just started dating someone whose sister was a pro-basketball player. He invited me to meet his family, and I was nervous. The night before, I couldn’t remember who in his family was the basketball player, so I did some crazy Googling to find out. When he picked me up, he wanted to look something up on my phone. I hadn’t cleared my history, and he saw all my obsessive searches. I looked like a total stalker.” —ELLERY E., 18

“My BF and I live next door to our landlords—and they’re both assholes who walk around our property all the time and peer in at us. We had sex on their car while they were sleeping and didn’t bother to clean our butt prints off the hood. No regrets.” —LINDSEY E., 27

30

DON’T MISS NEXT MONTH’S CONFESSIONS, ON SALE FEBRUARY 7.

GET T Y IMAGES (2)

—HAROLD P., 21


DATES FROM HELL “He was late to our first date, drove like he was running from the police, then stopped at a video-game store and made me wait in the car for 30 minutes. Once our actual date started, he told me my interests were stupid and a waste of money—and my mom was really lucky to work at a lingerie store, surrounded by boobs. I shut down his request for a second date.” —SYDNEY C., 20

“I met this guy online, and since I work at the mall, I asked if we could meet there before our date. He took me to KFC in the food court. He didn’t ask me if I wanted anything, so I just sat and watched him eat chicken with dirty fingers. I realized I’d forgotten my coat at work, so I ran over to grab it, and when I came back, he’d left.” —NICOLE B., 29

“We had only met the week before at a bar, so I didn’t know very much about him. When he picked me up for our date, he told me he was taking me to his sister’s wedding reception. Way too fast. Once we arrived, he introduced me to his parents, and as we were sipping our drinks, he told them they should prepare for another wedding: ours. Later, when his mom was able to get me alone, she told me that I was all her son had been talking about—even though we’d only known each other for a week!—and that I was so much nicer than his wife. So not only did he move insanely fast, he was also still married and going through a divorce. That was too many surprises for me.”

GET T Y IMAGES

DOUCHE-O-METER

JUST CLUELESS

—KIM H., 32

UM, NO CHECK, PLEASE SO OFFENSIVE EPIC FAIL LITERALLY DERANGED

“On our first date, he told me he’s had trouble sleeping—and with bedwetting—since he and his ex split, so he had to buy a special mattress pad.” —BECKY G., 24

“I went home with a Tinder date, and we started hooking up. Instead of putting it in, he just kept humping me. Finally, I tried to slip it in, but he pulled away and kept moaning and grinding his naked self on my thigh. The whole ordeal went on for so long, I had to stop myself from laughing. Eventually, I was like, ‘Look at the time—I have to go!’ I got dressed in five seconds and ran out while he was still naked.” —STEPHANIE H., 23

FEBRUARY 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

31


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ON MY MIND

Each month, Cosmo lets one passionate voice sound off

Why to Stop Seeking “The One”

THE CHICAGO P.D. STAR BELIEVES YOUR SOUL MATE ISN’T SOMEBODY YOU HAVE TO SEARCH FOR.

The notion that there is a single person out there who is perfect for you limits the complex, nuanced, and expansive nature of love.

we often learn about what love is—or what we think it should be—from movies and TV. There’s this binary idea of “I love him!/He’s the worst!” “I’m going to marry him!/I never want to speak to him again!” Sure, everybody has moments when they look at their partner and wonder, Could this person be my person? But I believe that the more you experience, the more your feelings begin to exist in shades of gray. My first experience with love was incredibly pure. The boy I loved had been one of my best friends from the time we were 9 years old. We went to summer camp together every year. I remember what a big deal it was the first time he held my hand. He was my first real kiss. In my 20s, when I was starting out my career as an actor, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but one found me and became serious, even though I hadn’t planned to settle down until my 30s. But when the person you’re with asks you to marry him, you think: This must be happening because it’s supposed to.

it seems

34

But I refuse to let that one relationship define me, which is why I’ve done my best to avoid discussing it for 10 years. The reality is that, yes, it was a massive event in my life. And the trauma of it was amplified by how public it became, which was incredibly foreign and bizarre to a girl who’d been just another college kid 24 months before her life blew up. Luckily, I had a guy friend who was truly supportive and encouraged me to examine all aspects of my reality. He sent me great books on love and recommended a meditation teacher. After a year, and our mutual friends always asking why we weren’t dating, we realized they were all on to something. Ever heard the phrase “It’s a reason, a season, or a lifetime?” Well, this particular relationship was just a season, but still, it was life shaping. It truly was my space to heal. And I was able to process all that had happened and find a deeper understanding of love. And thus, I came to appreciate that relationships often serve a specific purpose at a certain point in time, for myriad reasons. Some are meant to heal you, some are meant to teach you how to build

yourself up, and some are meant to show you how to trust your own intuition. You call in exactly whom and what you need over the course of your life, as you are learning life’s lessons. And learn them you will. Even if you try to avoid these teachings, they’re coming for you. This reality has taught me that the relationships that don’t lead to lifetime commitments are not failures. Not every love can last forever. I don’t define success that way anymore. Because the answers are never black-and-white. Often in between those two, you find the keys to what you need in partnership: what you’re willing to give, what you want to get, and what things are absolutes that you cannot compromise on. A few months with the right person can be as great an experience as a decade-long union with someone else. When you take the pressure of The One off, you’ll open yourself up to endless possibilities. You’ll learn to have a truly deep, knowing relationship with yourself first. Then the rest will fall into place. Reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. They’re all valid. ■

GET T Y IMAGES

BY SOPHIA BUSH


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P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y T H O M A S VA S S O R T. S T Y L I S T S : M A R I E - L A U R E S O U L É A N D M A R I E S TA R E K .

Dress to Thrill YOUR DATE-NIGHT ENSEMBLE DOESN’T HAVE TO BE AS SWEET AS A CANDY HEART. THESE ARE SMOKIN’ AND SOPHISTICATED. JACKET, Mango. SKIRT, MKT. RING, Bala Boosté. ROLLER SKATES, Cosmoparis

39


STYLE RING, Stella & Dot, $39, stelladot.com

DRESS, H&M. MEN’S JACKET, Celio. SHOES, Cosmoparis

EARRINGS, Danielle Nicole, $36, amazon.com

Dinner for Two

A white midi-dress is anything but innocent. Accessorize with gold baubles and a glass of bubbly.

CLUTCH, Marciano, $128, marciano.com

SHOES, Ego, $38, ego.co.uk

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FA S H I O N S T I L L S : S T U A R T T Y S O N / S T U D I O D ; S T Y L I S T: S A B R I N A G R A N D E . A L L O T H E R S : C O U R T E S Y B R A N D S .

DRESS, Bailey 44, $248, bailey44 .com


SLUG STYLE

ON HER: BLOUSE, Sinéquanone. PANTS, Zoe Karssen. ON HIM: COAT, JEANS, American Vintage. T-SHIRT, Petit Bateau. HAT, Mango. WATCH, Louis Pion. BELT, Pepe Jeans

BLOUSE, Babaton for Aritzia, $110, aritzia.com

RING, Pandora Jewelry, $80, pandora.net

PANTS, New York and Company, $70, nyandcompany.com

Lovers’ Hangout BAG, Forever 21, $13, forever21.com

SLIPPERS, Patricia Green, $59, lastcall.com

Unexpected daytime dressing, like a low-cut blouse and sparkly skinnies, is attention grabbing. Wear your heart on your sleeve—or feet!

41


STYLE

BOOTS, Steve Madden, $130, stevemadden .com

DRESS, Claudie Pierlot. HAT, Mango. BELT, Primark. BOOTS, Gémo

ROMPER, The JetSet Diaries, $199, thejetset diaries.com

Ladies’ Night DRESS, H&M, $99, hm.com. BELT, Nine West, $38, ninewest .com

No date? NBD. Turn up with the girls in a glitzy metallic number that dazzles on the dance floor.

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JACKET, House of Harlow 1960 x Revolve, $180, revolve .com

G

CLUTCH, Vince Camuto, $158, vince camuto.com


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STYLE CLUTCH, H&M, $35, hm.com

DRESS, The Kooples, $355, thekooples .com

SKIRT, LPA, $550, revolve.com

Low-Key Cocktails Make a bangin’ first-date impression in stealthyhot lace pieces that show just enough skin.

SHOES, Jessica Simpson, $70, dsw .com

CHOKERS, Bebe, $14 each, bebe .com BLOUSE, H&M Studio. PANTS, Mango. EARRINGS, Claire’s. NECKLACE, Moa

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TOP, Zara, $50, zara .com


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STYLE MOD ABOUT YOU Give skinny hoops a break and go for chunky orbs. LARUICCI, $65, laruicci.com

PETAL TO THE METAL Add romance with precious buds that will never wilt. OSCAR DE LA RENTA, $245, oscarde larenta.com

HANG LOOSE Draw attention to your neck with shimmering chandeliers.

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NO MATTER YOUR VIBE, YOU WILL FIND ENDURING LOVE WITH A PAIR OF STUNNING STERLING EARRINGS.

46 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

SMALL WONDERS

Make any outfit feel special with a delicate pavé set you can wear every day. TACORI, tacori.com

PHOTO G R A PHED BY JE FFRE Y W E S T BRO OK AC CE S SORIE S DIREC TOR: K AT H Y L E E

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STYLE

HOW T O RO C K I T BOMBER JACKET, Express, $198, express.com

HIS

CROP TOP, Guess, $59, shop.guess .com

HERS Dial up the sex appeal on an easyto-wear graphic jacket with a structured crop top in a bold hue. Reveal what’s underneath—and nod to the ’90s— with logo’d briefs that peek out of a pair of skinnies.

Suggest he layer a silk bomber over a chill hoodie (you’ll wanna wear them too!). For his bottom half, gray sweats are great for a movie, but fitted pants with motostyle details are better for cruising around town.

Look Hot Together

JEANS, Calvin Klein Jeans, $90, calvinklein .com

Twinning with bae isn’t always dorky. Step out in coordinating outfits that function as a fashionable form of PDA.

HOODIE, Gypsy Sport, $156, international playground.com

ZAYN MALIK

PANTS, 2(X)IST, $98, 2xist.com

GIGI HADID

BRALET, BRIEFS, Wildfox, $98, wildfox .com

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Z AY N A N D G I G I : S P L A S H N E W S . S T I L L S : S T U A R T T Y S O N / S T U D I O D ; S T Y L I S T: S A B R I N A G R A N D E .

BOMBER JACKET, XOXO, $79, macys.com


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STYLE

1. AERIE, $30 (bra), $13 (thong), aerie.com 2. HANKY PANKY, $50 (bralet), $34 (panty), hankypanky.com 3. VICTORIA’S SECRET, $50 (bustier), $40 (hot pants), victoriassecret.com 4. CALVIN KLEIN UNDERWEAR, $36 (bra), $22 (thong), calvinklein.com 5. ONLY HEARTS, $140, onlyhearts .com 6. MIMI HOLLIDAY, $129 (bra), $64 (panty), Saks Fifth Avenue

1 RED-HOT Slink around in a classic scarlet lace number.

2 5 SHEER PINK Draw attention to the booty with playful, ultra-feminine frills.

6

4

What Lies Beneath

Whether you’re staging a big reveal or just a Bridget Jones marathon, feel hella sexy in these lingerie sets.

50 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

BACK TO BLACK Embrace your inner vamp in a retro balconette bra and highrise hot pants. PHOTO G R A PHED BY JE FFRE Y W E S T BRO OK

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1. ASOS, $31, asos.com 2. XHILARATION, $20, target.com 3. MATERIAL GIRL, $40, macys.com 4. LULU’S, $45, lulus.com 5. H&M, $35, hm.com 6. FOREVER 21, $16, forever21.com 7. AERIE, $40, aerie.com 8. WET SEAL, $20, wetseal.com

T E I G E N : G E T T Y I M A G E S . H A L E : X 17 A G E N C Y. S T I L L S : S T U A R T T Y S O N / S T U D I O D ; S T Y L I S T: S A B R I N A G R A N D E .

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H E L M E T: C O U R T E S Y S P O R T S S T U D I O . H A I R : L O U I S A N G E L O F O R K É R A S TA S E AT J U L I E N FA R E L N Y C . M A K E U P : S A R A G L I C K FO R D I O R R O U G E . M A N I C U R E : J U L I E K AY U S I N G D I O R V E R N I S . M O D E L : M A R I A N A C O L D E B E L L A / E L I T E .

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PHOTO G R A PHED BY M A RCUS M A M

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55


BEAUTY

10

KICK OFF HERE! HYDRATING PRIMER

A targeted tip hides pimples, under-eye circles, and redness in a single pass. 5. WET N WILD Megaglo Makeup Stick in Follow Your Bisque, $4, wetnwildbeauty .com

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You’ll love the ease of this blendable solid—you can’t mess it up!

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2. CLINIQUE Chubby in the Nude Foundation Stick in Curviest Clove, $24, clinique .com

6. REVLON InstaBlush in Berry Kiss, $11, drugstores

IF YOU LIKE... LIQUID FOUNDATIONS

STROBE The most natural way to get glowing: a creamy, nottoo-shimmery formula. Apply liberally—just dodge your T-zone so you don’t look greasy.

The full coverage and layering ability you’re looking for and portability.

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3. LANCÔME Teint Idole Ultra Makeup Stick in 330 Bisque N, $42, lancome-usa.com

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Green disguises redness, and lavender nixes dullness. Swipe on before foundation and concealer.

8. COVER FX Click Stick Correct Click in Green and Lavender, $18 each, Sephora stores

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Apply the bronzer side under cheekbones and along your jawline, then use the flip-side highlighter to make your cheekbones pop.

9. NARS Blush/ Bronzer Duo in Hot Sand/Laguna, $42, narscosmetics.com

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8

30

CONCEALER

1. MAC COSMETICS Prep + Prime Essential Oils Stick, $27, maccosmetics.com

50

3

SCORE EXTRA POINTS

30

2

Prep with a primer rich in moisturizing essential oils. It will give your sticks some slip, so they look smooth (not cakey) on your skin.

Instead of making skin matte and dull, this gives a velvety finish.

FINISH STRONG

4. HOURGLASS Vanish Seamless Finish Foundation Stick in Warm Beige, $46, Sephora stores

10

Buff a damp sponge onto skin post-foundation for a blended, dewy effect. BEAUTYBLENDER Original, $20, sephora.com

9

56 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

COURTESY BRANDS

1


SIMULATION OF ACTUAL PRODUCT RESULTS ON LASHES ENHANCED WITH LASH INSERTS. Maybelline.com

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BEAUTY TAKE IT OFF

ONLY $10!

A daily once-over with this deep-cleansing scrub will keep you smooth and flake-free. ST. IVES Exfoliate & Nourish Coconut Oil Scrub, $7, drugstores

Bargain buys that’ll make you go all heart-eyed BY ERIN STOVALL

BROW WOW

Swipe this under arches to reflect light away from strays. MAYBELLINE NEW YORK Brow Precise Perfecting Highlighter, $8, drugstores

BATH BREW

What’s more relaxing than a steamy cup of chamomile? Steeping this tea bag in your tub.

CORAL FIXATION

Red nails for V Day? Groundbreaking. Try this attention-getter instead.

FIG + MOSS Calming Herbal Bath Tea, $8, figandmoss.com

BODY BUILDER

SALLY HANSEN Color Therapy Nail Polish in Aura’nt You Relaxed?, $9, drugstores

Set the scene for XXL volume: Just wash, blow-dry, then go turn heads. HERBAL ESSENCES Naked Volume White Grapefruit & Mosa Mint Shampoo, $6, drugstores

GLOW GET ’EM

PUCKER UP

WET N WILD Mega Cushion Highlight in Who’s That Pearl, $6, Walgreens

CHAPSTICK Duo in Refreshing Watermelon and Strawberry Kiwi, $4, Walmart

STARRY-EYED

Shimmery liner was made for date night. AVON True Color Glimmersticks in Emerald and Sugar Plum, $6 each, avon.com

60

JEFFREY WESTBROOK/STUDIO D

Strobe anytime, anywhere with this liquid highlighter compact.

These mouth-watering balms are super addicting.


Correct. Conceal. Highlight. Now, flaunt the insta-perfect canvas in 3 easy steps.

COLOR CORRECT/ yellow neutralizes dark circles. green neutralizes redness.

CONCEAL/ choose or blend shades to hide flaws.

HIGHLIGHT/ choose or blend shades, after foundation.

NEW ™

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BEAUTY DEW IT ALL Fave face cream not cutting it? Layer this serum underneath. Its three types of hyaluronic acid— larger molecules to slay surface flakes, smaller ones that sink deeper—attract moisture like a magnet.

LIGHT SHOW The OG of at-home whitening just got more bomb. Pop on the strips for an hour, then flash the blue-light device on top and bottom teeth for five minutes each to soup up the stain-busting power.

The latest and greatest in beauty

AIR HEAD

WORK THROUGH FOR PIECEY DEFINITION.

Skip your a.m. styling sesh (and the accompanying damage) by applying your texture match to damp hair.

BY K ATE FOSTER

CLEAN UP

MIST ON FOR BOHO WAVES.

Pouf lovers, pay attention: Using the same one forever is kinda nasty. This prefilled soapin-sachet lathers for up to 30 washes before you toss it.

L’ORÉAL PARIS Air Dry It Wave Swept Spray, Un-Done Style Cream, and Ruffled Body Mousse, $5 each, drugstores

OLAY Duo, $10, drugstores

62 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

SCRUNCH IN FOR FRIZZ-FREE CURLS.

S I M O N B U R S TA L L / T R U N K A R C H I V E . B E AU T Y S T I L L S: J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D.

SKINCEUTICALS H.A. Intensifier, $98, skinceuticals.com

SEXY THIS SECOND

CREST Whitestrips with Light, $100, drugstores


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BEAUTY

Healthy Nails Now! In the age of gels, stronger tips have never been more coveted. Whether a UV-cured mani left yours cracked and brittle or they just need a little TLC, you’ve come to the right place. BY MADDIE ABERMAN

A-LIST TRICK The secret to J.Lo’s talons of steel: argan oil. Her nail stylist, Elle, routinely applies a thin coat post polish removal, lets it work its hydrating magic for a few minutes, then washes it off and repaints.

64 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017


How to Bounce Back From Gels

Flaky, dehydrated, peeling nails—the struggle is real. Get back to baseline with this three-step strategy and kit by Dana Stern, MD, an NYC derm and nail specialist.

1. EXFOLIATE

Just like glycolic acid gets your face baby smooth, painting on this acidspiked exfoliator will dissolve damage on the surface. DR. DANA Nail Renewal System, $40, qvc.com

OPPOSITE PAGE: AN TONIO TERRON / T RUNK ARCHIVE . J.LO: GE T T Y IMAGE S. JEFFRE Y WESTBROOK /STUDIO D (2). ALL OTHER STILLS: COURTESY BRANDS.

2. BUFF

A gentle grit erases rough patches and preps the canvas, so when you resume polish (wait about a week), it will go on more smoothly, chip less, and last longer, says Dr. Stern.

3.

HYDRATE Now give those nails some nutrients with a strengthening serum with coconut and apricot kernel oils.

FAKE THE LOOK OF GELS

OPI Gel Break Serum, $14, ulta.com

The reason they’re so addictive (besides zero dry time): They are super shiny, have a thicker finish, and last for ages. The problem: Improper removal can wreak havoc. These UV-free alternatives have a similar look, last almost as long (up to two weeks), and come off like normal polish. DEBORAH LIPPMANN Gel Lab Pro Polish in Beauty School Dropout, $20, deborah lippmann.com

DIGIT DETOX Give your nails a breather between gels and use a treatment designed to heal, like OPI Gel Break. The three-part system keeps your hands looking fresh, while nourishing ingredients like vitamins A, C, and E and safflower seed oil hydrate and strengthen.

SALLY HANSEN Miracle Gel 2X Volume Top Coat, $10, ulta.com

#NAILPROBS—EXPLAINED! POLISH STAINS

Leftover pigment can make a new mani look dull. Use a color-correcting polish, like Zoya Lavender Perfector ($10, zoya.com) as your base to cancel out a yellow tint.

VISIBLE RIDGES

Don’t freak—they are normal and usually a result of a bang or bump. Essie Ridge Filling Base Coat ($9, ulta.com) will fill an uneven texture, creating a smoother mani.

DARK, VERTICAL STRIPE

It can just be pigmentation, but in rare cases, it can be cancer. “Early melanomas are very difficult to distinguish,” says Dr. Stern, who suggests seeing a derm.

CONCAVE SHAPE

Nails starting to take on a spoonlike appearance? You may be iron-deficient. Bring on the spinach salads!

PITTING

Regular divots in the nail bed can be the result of psoriasis or alopecia areata (autoimmune hair loss). See your doc.

65


The Smartest Paint Remover?

SEPHORA COLLECTION Instant Nail Polish Remover for Glitter, $9.50, sephora.com

Before you toss anything labeled acetone, hold up. Non-acetone removers are technically less drying but weaker. “If you need to reapply and aggressively rub—common in the case of dark colors and glitters—your nails and skin may end up drier in the end,” explains Dr. Stern. A speedy removal process is key. Cosmo editors are obsessed with this fast-acting acetone sponge. Just dip in your finger, twist twice, and you’re done.

TREAT YOUR TIPS 1 ORLY Breathable Treatment + Color Nail Polish in Fresh Start, $9, Ulta

1. BITING. Besides 2

2.5

The number of milligrams of biotin you should take per day that can lead to stronger, healthier nails, says Dr. Stern. You’ll see results in about four months.

5 Bad Habits to Break

SALLY HANSEN Color Therapy Nail Polish in Reflection Pool, $9, drugstores

3 NAILS INC NailKale Nail Polish in Duke Street, $14, us.nailsinc .com

ingesting all the gross stuff under your nails, you’ll leave jagged edges.

2. HARSH CLEANSING.

Going to town under the tip can cause separation of the nail from the bed.

3.

CUTTING CUTICLES. The protective seal keeps out bacteria. Gently push them back after a shower.

4. PEELING OFF GELS. 1. Vitamins B5 and C nour-

a b

ish, while an oxygenating technology lets air and moisture pass through. 2. Three oils combine to condition and combat dryness. 3. Like a green juice for your nails, antioxidants protect from UV damage, as calcium and zinc strengthen.

Removing the protective layer weakens the surface. Opt for a pro acetone soak.

5.

USING NAILS AS TOOLS. Sure, they can take out staples or tear open packages in a pinch, but risking a (painful) rip isn’t worth it.

CUTICLE OIL HACK “Apply a small amount on top of the cuticle (a) to keep hangnails in check and under the free edge (b) to protect polish against bumps and chips,” says nail artist Julie Kandalec. Target both with the mini roller ball on Tenoverten The Rose Oil Cuticle Oil ($26, tenoverten.com).

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S T I L L S : C O U R T E S Y B R A N D S . F R O M T O P : G E T T Y I M A G E S ; C L A I R E B E N O I S T/ T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O M .

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BEAUTY

HOW TO GET

Look-atMe Lips

PS THE LUI E ISS

Fire Fade

When you need a look that smolders, line your lips with a red-hot pencil, then dab a bright orange lipstick in the center. Firmly press your lips together to blend into an ombré.

Like you needed an excuse to take more selfies! Try one of these eyecatching trends, and get snapping.

Double Take

Your night’s about to get twice as fun. Grab two lipsticks in the same color family (here: a fuchsia and neon pink), and swipe one on each lip.

All That Glitters

A little sparkle lights up any room. Swipe on a dark cherry liquid lipstick, then press on red craft glitter. Clean up stray flecks with Scotch tape.

MOUTH MOVES

Perfect your pout with tips straight from the social stars who started the lip-art craze.

68 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

Ryan Kelly

Johannah Adams @ beyou. byjoh Her must-have for newbies: “Matte liquid lipsticks. They set very quickly, so you can layer and work without smudging.”

@ ryankellymua

Vlada Haggerty @ vladamua

Think beyond lipstick: “Try unusual materials, like craft-store glitters or stickers. I once used a peel-off face mask!”

In her tool kit: “A few thin, short brushes from the craft store are crucial for detailing.”

Karla Powell

@ karlapowellmua

Where she gets her inspo: “Ideas are everywhere, but I love to visit the Tate Modern in London to get inspired by other artists’ work.”

C L O C K W I S E F R O M L E F T: A N T O N E L L O T R I O / I M A X T R E E . C O M ; G O R U N W AY; G E T T Y I M A G E S ; S I M P L E B E M A K E - U P B Y K A R L A P O W E L L ; R YA N K E L LY; V L A D A H A G G E R T Y; J O H A N N A H A D A M S . S T I L L S : J E F F R E Y W E S T B R O O K / S T U D I O D.

BY E RIN S TOVA L L


BEAUTY

Feed Your Face Your skin is a direct reflection of what you pile on your plate. To get gorge from the inside out, eat more beauty-boosting foods. BY MADDIE ABERMAN

I NG R E DI E NT:

zinc

To help with acneprone skin, you might want to take a look at your zinc intake. The superhero mineral can help combat bacteria that lead to breakouts, calm inflammation, and get that oil production under control, says Joshua Zeichner, MD, director of cosmetic and clinical research in dermatology at Mount Sinai Hospital. To get your fill, eat a steak for lunch, pop some pumpkin seeds for a snack, then slurp down some oysters during happy hour.

A Lit-FromWithin Glow INGREDIENTS:

essential fatty acids

The quickest way to glowy skin: moisture! Hydrated skin reflects more light. So counteract all that moisture-sucking indoor heat and dry outdoor air by upping your intake of both omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids. Salmon and flaxseeds are rich in omega-3, and walnuts and chicken are full of omega-6. Eat up to get that glow. CARRIE SCHECHTER /GALLERY STOCK. ALL OTHERS: GE T T Y IMAGES.

A Clear Complexion

W H AT ’ S S U P P ? Spike your a.m. smoothie with a pinch of Moon Juice Beauty Dust, $30, moonjuiceshop.com—it contains pearl powder, thought to boost skin radiance—or drink a bottle of Sakara Beauty Water, $24 for four, sakara.com, infused with antiinflammatory rose water.

Smoother Skin INGREDIENTS:

vitamin C, vitamin E

One of the main things standing between you and a line-free face (now and in the future): more collagen, which keeps skin plump and firm but can easily be broken down by UV rays and pollution. Eaten daily, foods high in vitamin C (strawberries, kiwifruit, and citrus) and vitamin E (spinach, almonds, and sunflower seeds) can help protect the collagen you have, says dermatologist Howard Murad, MD, and C can even help produce more. FEBRUARY 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

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TIBI

TIBI

BEAUTY MATERIAL GIRL

PowerUp Your Pony No longer simply a workout style or lazy-girl hair fix, ponytails are the sexiest look of the season. Call it the Ariana Grande effect.

MARISSA WEBB

A simple, low pony doesn’t have to look lowmaintenance. Just wrap a piece of ribbon or soft belt around the base, and let it hang cool-girl style.

The ponytail queen slays her signature look from all sides.

72

TWIN TWISTS Remember that hilarious infomercial product the Topsy Tail? Get the look sans the weird tool by rocking a low pony, making a hole above the elastic with your finger and pulling the tail through. The move creates insta twists—just pull apart to plump and define them.

F R O M T O P L E F T: C O U R T E S Y A V E D A ; G O R U N W AY; G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 3 ) .

ON SLEEK This high tail is so fierce. For wet roots that last all day, saturate them with a priming spray (try Oribe Foundation Mist, $27, oribe.com). Brush hair into a high, tight pony, and flatiron the tail. To finish, stack two elastics about 1 inch apart—it’ll add next-level height.

BRANDON MAXWELL

BY ERIN STOVALL


BEAUTY

GOOD VIBES CAN MAKE YOU GLOW.

The Surprising Key to Beautıful Skin

Could an amazing complexion be an affirmation away? Om, yeah! Science says a positive mental attitude can help you age more slowly. BY L AUREN BAL SAMO

74 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

For all non–bio majors, here’s what to know: Everyone has genes—they are made of DNA strands and given to you by your biological parents, and many remain largely unchanged throughout your life (once you have blue eyes, you’ll always have blue eyes). What changes with age is their activity level, which, in turn, affects your appearance. Those fine lines, dark spots, and gray hairs that creep up as you get older? Blame it on a slowdown in genetic activity. Recently, Olay studied 2,500 women and found 10 percent of them to be exceptional agers—meaning they looked 10 or more years younger than they actually were. When researchers zeroed in on the skin-specific genes of those 10-percenters, some of those genes had higher activity levels than the other 90 percent of women. So what did they do (or not do) to keep their genes more active and, as a result, become better agers? “It comes down to lifestyle choices,” says Frauke Neuser, PhD, Olay principal scientist. Studies show that

T H I E M O S A N D E R / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O M

First, a Refresher


©2017 P&G

POWERFUL ANTI-AGING. LIGHTWEIGHT .

Light with fight. A lightweight SPF meets the #1 moisturizer in Olay Regenerist Micro-Sculpting Cream SPF 30. Protects skin every day, in any season – for years off your skin age. AGELESS


BEAUTY

3 Ways to Pump Up the Positivity

Voice your happiness once a day. It’s more empowering than you think. Saying it out loud means you’re more likely to act and feel grateful too.

76 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

SCROLL SMARTER:

Studies link extended social-media use to feelings of anxiety. Edit your feed to reflect things that bring you joy—or give yourself a digital detox day. CONNECT IRL: Likes are

great, but “humans thrive on face-to-face interactions,” says psychotherapist Matt Traube. “Surrounding yourself with positive people fosters a happy self.” GET REAL: Realistic people are happy people, says Traube. Setting unattainable goals can mean disappointment in the long run.

Your Attitude and Aging For phase two of its study, Olay partnered with 23 and Me (a biotech company focused on genetic testing) to measure positivity by asking women how strongly they agreed with the following statement: I have a positive attitude toward myself. Those who did were more likely to be exceptional agers—creating a link between positivity and better skin. But this specific data doesn’t reveal

T H I E M O S A N D E R / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O M

20 percent of skin aging is determined by internal factors you can’t control, while the other 80 percent is driven by external things you can control, she explains. The most important three, according to Neuser: the amount of time you’ve spent in the sun with the intent to tan, daily SPF use, and having a positive mental attitude (you know it as #PMA on Insta). The first two are obvious (we all know the sun ages you). But the third— an optimistic outlook—is the most interesting...and a growing trend in the beauty world. Positivity-centric wellness brands are on the rise (some, like Goop, have started selling their own skin-care products), celeb derms such as Harold Lancer, MD, are preaching the power of inner health for outer beauty (Kim K. and Victoria Beckham are two of his regulars), luxury brands like Chanel are studying the lifestyle habits of longevity hot spots (more on that on the next page), and partnerships between major companies and positive thought leaders (most notably, Philosophy and spiritual author and speaker Gabrielle Bernstein) are becoming the new norm.

SMILING IS LINKED TO SEXIER SKIN… SERIOUSLY!


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PRE-DATE PREP = SPF! Whether you’re geing glammed up or going fresh-faced, make sure you’re ready to face the elements. 85% of the sun’s rays are reflected off the snow, so don’t forget to protect your exposed skin with Micro-Sculpting Cream SPF 30.

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Your Skin on Stress

which factor leads to the other (a classic chicken-oregg scenario). Are women positive because they look younger—or do women actually look younger because they are positive? Pros are saying the latter, for several reasons. First, having a positive mental attitude can “trick” people into thinking you’re younger than you are. “Perception of age isn’t just physical,” says Traube, who compares the subjectiveness of assessing someone’s age to going on a first date. “You may meet someone and think that they’re moderately attractive, but based on their attitude and your interaction, that value of attractiveness can go up or down,” he explains. Similarly, you can meet someone with wrinkles who gives off great energy and think they’re younger than they actually are. And Traube notes that people with a healthy mental attitude are more likely to take care of themselves and look better as a result. “Positivity is correlated with selfesteem, and women with higher self-esteem invest in themselves,” he explains. Think: eating a balanced diet, exercising, meditating, and sticking to a skin-care routine.

Positivity can also help you better deal with, and lower, stress levels (the higher your stress, the faster your aging). Howard Murad, MD, founder of Murad skin care, conducted a study in his L.A. practice with 40 female patients. He found that after just four weeks of reading note cards with positive affirmations and journaling thoughts, the women scored lower blood pressure and stress levels and higher levels of skin hydration (a major factor in a youthful complexion). Stress also causes hormones like cortisol and epinephrine (aka adrenaline) to skyrocket, says Nicholas Perricone, MD. The result: increased inflammation and protein loss (namely, skin-firming collagen). “Studies show that living mindfully—and positively—decreases these hormones,” adds Dr. Perricone, who refers to this as the brain-beauty connection. Put simply, less stress— and a sunnier disposition—equals sexier skin. “When you have a positive mental attitude, you can choose to perceive obstacles as opportunities— instead of being derailed by them,” says Bernstein, whose latest book is called The Universe Has Your Back. “Not only does that make you a happier person, it makes you a more attractive one too.”

78 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

Support Group Positivity works wonders, but that doesn’t mean you can skip products. These pack the most punch.

So Smooth A combo of retinol (a triedand-true antiaging hero) and hydrators like glycerin targets wrinkles and dryness. NEUTROGENA Rapid Wrinkle Repair Regenerating Cream, $25, drugstores

Dream Cream This p.m. moisturizer uses Tahitian black pearl essence (known to improve skin’s ability to retain water) to plump fine lines and reduce crepiness. AVON Anew Ultimate Supreme Advanced Performance Crème, $50, avon.com for representatives

Brighten Up Most vitamin C formulas are only water-soluble, leaving them less able to penetrate skin. This breaches H2O and oil to even out your whole complexion. DR. DENNIS GROSS C+ Collagen Brighten & Firm Vitamin C Serum, $78, drdennisgross.com

Kick-Start Antioxidant-rich actives (found in both this booster and cream) work at the cellular level to increase skin’s collagen and hyaluronic acid production. The result: crazy-glowy skin. OLAY Regenerist Miracle Boost Concentrate and Micro-Sculpting Cream, $25 each, drugstores

Screen Star A truly broadspectrum formula, this superscreen protects you from UVA, UVB, and damaging infrared rays. While the latter aren’t responsible for cancer, studies show they can trigger brown spots and redness. SKINMEDICA Total Defense + Repair SPF 34 Sunscreen, $68, skinmedica .com

Time Check Inspired by the diets of humans who live in “blue zones” (areas of the world like Sardinia where people live a long, long time), this serum includes olive extract (rich in fatty acids) and green coffee (high in antioxidants)— both proven to help slow down the clock. CHANEL Blue Serum, $110, chanel.com

JEFFREY WESTBROOK/STUDIO D

BEAUTY


Š2017 P&G

DNA or OLAY? Olay discovered that almost 10% of women have skin that naturally looks years younger. Now every woman can be ageless. We engineered Olay Luminous with PearlOptics™ Science. Millions of surface cells appear to light up for a radiant glow. See results on day 1, and years off your skin age by day 28. DNA or Olay? Your skin will never tell.


BEAUTY

1

PS THE LUI E ISS

LIP COLORS DECODED 2

YOUR MOUTH DOES A LOT OF TALKING— BEFORE YOU EVEN START MOVING IT. LEARN THE MAKEUP TO USE TO SILENTLY SEND A POWERFUL MESSAGE. BY K ATE FOSTER

For an Interview

“Nudes give off a sense of composure and dependability,” advises Leatrice Eiseman, executive director of the Pantone Color Institute. Seeking out a creative career? Wine and plum tones signal confidence, ideal for imaginative positions.

MAYBELLINE NEW YORK Color Sensational Inti-Matte Nudes in (top right) 1. Toasted Truffle, 2. Naked Coral, and 3. Purely Nude, $7.50 each, drugstores

WET N WILD Mega Cushion Matte Lip Cream in Doll So Hard, $5, Walgreens

pursing your lips, which can indicate that you’re anxious,” says body language expert Patti Wood.

At a Party

Rock an unexpected shade of fuchsia or hot pink to help you make new friends in a crowd. “It tells the world you’re the life of the

SEPHORA COLLECTION Rouge Tint in Rose, $12, sephora.com

80 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

BONUS MOVE! “Avoid

party,” says international color expert Kate Smith, who consults with Fortune 500 companies on the psychology of color.

BONUS MOVE!

Smile...like you mean it. “Real, welcoming smiles cause the brows to lower and the sides of the eyes to crinkle,” says Wood.

On a Date

Get in his head with a sexy red. “Studies show men find women who wear red lipstick more attractive and confident,” says Smith. Steer clear of super-pigmented formulas—a sheer stain is more approachable and won’t rub off during a make-out session.

BONUS MOVE!

If you’re into him, run your tongue over your lips occasionally (this is serious science, y’all!). “When you’re attracted to someone, your mouth produces more saliva, so this sends a subconscious signal,” says Wood.

SAMI DR ASIN/ TRUNK ARCHIVE . BE AUT Y STILL S: JEFFRE Y WE STBROOK /STUDIO D.

3


©2017 Pfizer Inc.

Subtle color. Not-so-subtle lips.

NEW CHAPSTICK TOTAL HYDRATION

made with 100% naturally sourced ingredients like rosehip oil, shea butter & jojoba oil. Three new shades that enhance your natural lip color.

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© 2016 Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company. All Rights Reserved. Extra, #GiveExtragetextra, the Wrapper Design and all affiliated designs are trademarks of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company or its affiliates.


BONNINSTUDIO/STOCKSY (2)

Mushy Moves Guys Are Into WE’RE NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD SPRINKLE HIS BED WITH ROSE PETALS (REALLY, DON’T). BUT THERE ARE SOME SWEET GESTURES THAT CAN MELT A MAN’S HEART, LIKE THESE AWWWINSPIRING ACTIONS. BY DANIELLE K AM

83


LOVE Sure, there are some dudes who bolt when they feel a cuddle sesh coming on. But experts say they’re a vanishing breed. “Society is more open to male expression than before,” says relationship expert Dawn Michael, PhD. “As a result, guys are more open to romantic overtures from women too.” Here, some very sweet stuff to try on your guy. Surprise Him With a “Just Cuz” Gift “My girlfriend randomly sent me a package: a bracelet that said, ‘F*ck I love you.’ I think she saw that I wasn’t wearing my old leather bracelet, because I got this less than a week later. It showed she was thinking about me, and I was touched,” says Jacob P., 27.

Wrap Your Arms Around Him Embracing in a hug may actually do more for him than for you. According to a study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, cuddling is associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction for men but doesn’t change it for women. Even so, you both may score neurobiological ben-

efits from a snuggle, says Brittany Jakubiak, coauthor of a study on affectionate touch in relationships. Most types of touch (hand-holding counts too!) lead to a sense of happiness and closeness.

Go Deep (Tissue) A rubdown takes a load off him and produces a strong physiological reaction. During a massage, “the brain releases dopamine, the ‘happy’ hormone, and oxytocin, the ‘bonding’ hormone, and it lowers stress levels,” says Elizabeth Schoenfeld, PhD, a social psychologist. And bonus: It can reduce your stress levels too. So break out the oil.

84 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

MUSHY MISSTEPS

These boys sound off on the moves that backfire.…

DON’T WRECK THE NECK

Help Him Get Lucky No, not in the bedroom. Buy him a lottery ticket, which is sweet and fun and might put extra bucks in his pocket. Pick numbers with signficance, like his b-day, to make the gesture more meaningful.

his banana...yes, an actual one. Or any other skinned fruit!

“Skip the hickeys. It’s super emasculating to have to wear cover-up to hide the bruise your girlfriend gave you!” —SEAN D., 24

Give Him the Remote Let him choose the series you binge. It’s a small sacrifice (you might actually like Ray Donovan). Selflessness is sweet.

Write Him a Love Note

Make Him a Yummy Snack

Seeing feelings in writing is totally different from hearing them. A card is caring, but go a step further and leave your mark someplace surprising. Doodle on

The old adage holds true: The way to his heart is through his stomach. Make him a homemade version of his fave treat. ■

SKIP BABY TALK “It’s embarrassing when I’m with my boys and she talks in a baby voice. We do it alone, but it’s taking my man card away when it’s in front of my friends.” —HAYDEN K., 22

RESIST CUDDLE-RUPTING “Do guys like cuddling? Of course! But if I’m into a movie we’re watching, don’t distract me. If there’s a football game on, forget it.” —GRANT R., 22


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LOVE

PS THE LUI E ISS

2

TAKE YOUR SMOOCHING SKILLS TO THE NEXT— AND HOTTEST—LEVEL. BY JULIE VADNAL of tongue tango can lead to great sex, but kissing has loads of benefits in its own right. Research shows that making out relieves stress, helps you determine who you’re attracted to (or not), and deepens your connection to your lovah. Sadly, studies also reveal that the longer a couple has been together, the less frequently they lock lips as part of sex. “I encourage people to keep their sexual menu diverse but to make sure kissing is front and center, because it’s that important,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. Noted! Our lusty list, compiled with help from sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox, will give you some serious lip-spiration.

a steamy round

86 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

1

MORNING SMOOCH

Before you two part for work (waaah!), hold his hands and pull him in close. Aim straight for his mouth and plant one, dead center, on his lips for two to three seconds. Pull back ever so slightly, while still holding hands, then lean in and kiss very quickly once more. When you pull away at last, look him straight in the eyes, squeeze his hands, then let go. Not only will the moment leave him craving a replay all day long, but one study reportedly found that men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer on average than men who don’t. He can thank you when he blows out the candles on his 100th b-day cake!

Place soft, feathery kisses all over his face, then flutter your lips down his neck until you reach the hollow beneath his Adam’s apple. Plant your lips, using slight suction to bring some flesh between your front teeth, then release. Yep, you’re necking. And it’s so hot.

3 KISSES MEN CAN’T RESIST

REAL GUYS REVEAL THE MOUTH MOVES THEY LOVE. “Lip biting. I like that.” —CJ M., 22

“When we’re making out, I love when she reaches her hand down to my package.” —BRETT K., 23

“The best is when she smiles mid-kiss.” —ANDREW S., 23

“When a girl kisses you, then pulls away. Teasing goes a long way.” —LUCAS F., 26

DIRTY FRENCH

Hold your mouths close together, and take turns letting your tongues flick across each other’s lips. Move the tip of your tongue back and forth, then imitate a figure eight. Not only will he have you imagining what else he can do with his tongue (wink!), but guys can transfer testosterone through saliva, potentially increasing your arousal, according to research in the journal Evolutionary Psychology.

4

THE LOVE BITE

Gently take his bottom lip between your teeth, and use your lips to pull it into your mouth. Go easy on the pressure, then slowly increase—when you touch your boo, endorphins amp up happy feels and help block pain, which may be why a rough nibble can feel so good.

5

CHAMPAGNE MAKE-OUT

Take a sip of bubbly, and resist the urge to swallow. Now, lean over and kiss him, letting a tiny amount trickle into his mouth. Wait until he realizes what you’re doing before letting out a little more. If some overflows down his chin, then, hey, you have an excuse to lick it up! ■

J E N N I F E R R O B I N S O N / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O M

The 5 Kisses You Must Master

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DATING & MATING with Esther Perel

Should You Stay Friends With an Ex? THE ANSWER DEPENDS ON A FEW CRUCIAL FACTORS. READ ON TO FIND OUT IF IT MAKES SENSE TO BUDDY UP TO YOUR FORMER BOO....

I went to a dinner party at a friend’s place recently and was surprised to see her ex-boyfriend among the guests. Even more surprising: He was with his new girlfriend. Afterward, I asked my pal, “What’s it like to spend time with him now that he’s with someone else?” Her answer: “Whatever romantic feelings I had for him are long gone. These days, I’m just happy to see him happy.” The experience made me think about the vastly different approaches women take when it comes to exes. Some sever all ties and treat any mention of him as something akin to bringing up Voldemort (aka He Who Must Not Be Named). Others stay tight, even to the point of sharing a candlelit dinner with him and his new love. 88 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

Where you fall on this spectrum depends on a variety of factors. Mainly, though, the choice of whether or not to keep an old flame in your life, and to what degree, hinges on the reasons for the breakup in the first place. (We’ll get to that.…) But if you’re considering a purely platonic friendship with an ex, or already have one, here are three important questions to ask yourself and some advice on how to up the chances of success in your noble endeavor.

Has Enough Time Passed?

Breakups hurt—they just do. Even if you initiated the split, there are

so many mixed feelings involved that attempting to shift into the friend zone without first stepping back for a bit is almost always a bad idea. In my practice, I tell patients to think of a breakup the way you would think of a wound: It requires time and TLC in order to heal. But eventually, there comes a day when you peel back the bandage and it’s gone— the pain you once felt is just a memory. Same as with that wound, you need to allow your relationship to become a part of your past before attempting a friendship. Since each situation is unique, the exact length of time is something you need to determine for yourself. Just make sure it’s sufficient enough to give you true closure. And during the hiatus, it helps to have new experiences and, interestingly, to recount to people how your relationship ended. By telling the story—we loved each other but wanted different things, so it just couldn’t work...or whatever your situation—it allows this new reality to sink in and helps you put a period on that part of your life.

What’s My Motive? “There’s nobody I want to play music with or talk politics with more than with my ex.” That’s the sort of thing I hear from patients all the time. And it makes sense, since often the romantic aspect of a relationship simply does not work, yet a deep connection remains. If you desire a friendship


LOVE STEP AWAY FROM THE EX

Newly single? It’s all about boundaries. Here, three you shouldn’t cross.

DON’T PUSH HIS FRIENDS FOR INTEL…

“Often, the romantic aspect of a relationship simply does not work, but a deep connection remains.”

with an ex, first figure out exactly what you value in him and what part of your connection you hope to preserve. Maybe you two have the same social circle, for example, or he’s a major source of business leads for you—those are perfectly sensible reasons to stay in each other’s lives. But if you dig deep and discover that your real motive is a secret hope of rekindling the romance, that’s a recipe for getting hurt—and you’d be wise to step away.

What Happens When One of You Meets Someone New? Sure, the notion of a friendship sounds easy and evolved, but things can get very tricky the moment one of you moves on to another IL LUS T R AT ION BY EDMON DE H A RO

ESTHER PEREL IS A SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS THERAPIST, THE BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF MATING IN CAPTIVITY, AND A CONSULTANT FOR THE HIT SHOWTIME SERIES THE AFFAIR. HER TED TALKS ON DESIRE AND INFIDELITY HAVE BEEN VIEWED MORE THAN 14 MILLION TIMES.

relationship. Let’s say it’s he who is suddenly enthralled with a new person. Well, there’s a good chance you’re going to feel a little weird at first. It’s only natural, so don’t beat yourself up. Besides, how you act on that feeling is what matters. Slashing her tires? Bad. Welcoming her into your life with a smile? Good. Conversely, if it’s you who meets someone with promise, my advice is to tell your new guy about your ex early in your relationship. No secrets. That doesn’t mean a download of every last detail. But when you’re filling him in about the people in your life, be sure to mention your ex the same as you would any other friend. After all, isn’t that the point? Your ex is now...just a friend. ■

This move is a miss on two levels. First, you’re torturing yourself— stop it! (And don’t check his social either—it’s the equivalent of picking at a scab.) Second, you’re putting people in an awkward position by forcing them to choose an alliance. If you’re dying to know if he’s seeing someone else, what you’re really after is an affirmation of your value. How replaceable am I? Does he still care? The sooner you detach from him and get affirmation from other sources, like your closest friends, the quicker you’ll heal.

DON’T ASK YOUR EX TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER…

The person you just cut ties with should not be the one nursing you through your pain. You need support, but get it from your besties.

DON’T SHARE YOUR MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT YOUR NEW GUY…

When you tell your ex, “I’m seeing somebody, but I’m not so sure about him,” you may be giving false hope and doing yourself a disservice by allowing your former boyfriend to weigh in on a potential new one. The end of a relationship requires clarity. A new relationship deserves dignity, and you need a fresh start.

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ask him anything Q/

I N A N I N T I M AT E M O M E N T, M Y N E W B OY F R I E N D

C O N F E S S E D H E ’ S N E V E R NOT C H E AT E D O N A G I R L F R I E N D . I ’ M P R E T T Y T H ROW N . I S I T WO R T H C O N T I N U I NG T H I NG S W I T H S O M E O N E W H O H A S B A S I CA L LY A D M I T T E D T H AT, AT S O M E P O I N T, H E ’ L L C H E AT O N M E ?

A Before you write him off, understand that his news flash,

while disconcerting, doesn’t mean you’re doomed. After all, the fact that he’s coming clean suggests he might want to change his ways. Tell this dude that his bombshell makes you nervous, and ask why he cheated in the past. I’d also suggest saying: “If you’ve stepped out on everyone else, why should I give you a chance?” His answers will tell you a lot. If he’s cagey, press eject. But if he comes across as wanting to do better, give him a shot. “Once a cheater, always a cheater” may be the common wisdom, but I’ve known plenty of decent men who’ve changed their bad behavior.

90 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

F R O M L E F T: S A M I D R A S I N / T R U N K A R C H I V E ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ; M A R L E Y K AT E .

LOVE ADVICE FROM OUR GUY GURU, LOGAN HILL


Q/

I’VE BEEN

SEEING THIS GUY FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS, BUT OUR REL ATIONSHIP DOESN’T HAVE A L ABEL. HE FLEW HALFWAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO WATCH ME GR ADUATE, THEN SPENT THE WEEKEND WITH ME AND MY FAMILY. TO ME, THAT SAYS WE’RE SERIOUS, BUT HE WON’T SAY THAT! WHAT GIVES?

DON’T START WRITING YOUR LEMONADE ALBUM JUST YET.

A Some guys get really freaked out by labels, and it sounds like that’s the case here. If a dude is particularly skittish, he tends to see “an official relationship” as the end of simply having a fun time dating. In his mind, a label is the first scary step toward walking down the aisle. Your best course of action: Let him know you’re not thinking marriage now (unless of course, you are, in which case, that’s a whole other discussion). Assure him that making things official simply means having a more trusting— and exclusive— relationship, which can lead to good times and hotter sex too.

Q/ My boyfriend left a serious fiveyear relationship to be with me, but he still helps his ex-girlfriend pay her rent. We’ve moved in together, but he continues to send her money because he feels bad that he’s the one who left. I think it’s disrespectful to me. He says he can afford it and it’s none of my business. Who’s right? A A close pal of

mine did the same thing. He felt guilty about breaking up with a woman who made a lot less money than he did, and since they had lived together at his place, he essentially evicted her too. Afterward, he treated the whole breakup like a fullblown divorce—chipping in for her postbreakup expenses as if he were actually paying alimony. While I understand the point of the gesture, my friend, like your boyfriend, ultimately created a messy, ongoing attachment. If your guy is determined to help, give him the same advice I gave my friend: Cut one last check now‚ in whatever amount will make him feel better, and then be completely finished with the entire situation. That way, all parties (especially you!) can move forward with a clean slate.

LOVE Q/

I ’ M V E RY M U C H I N L OV E W I T H

M Y B OY F R I E N D , B U T H E ’ S I N T H E M I L I TA RY A N D I ’ M F I N D I NG T H E D I S TA NC E I NC R E A S I NG LY H A R D . IT’S TOUGH FOR HIM TO FIND TIME T O TA L K , A N D W E CA N’ T P L A N A N Y T H I NG FA R I N A DVA NC E . H OW CA N I K E E P O U R C O N N E C T I O N G O I NG ?

A Practically speaking, I recommend using all the tech you can find: FaceTime, games, photo apps, whatever helps you stay in contact. But until someone invents a teleportation machine, long-distance relationships will always be tough, so try to keep things fun. It’s tempting only to discuss serious feelings with him when you talk, but it’s also a good idea to keep things playful. That way, he’ll always be looking forward to connecting with you.

IT’S ALMOST AS IF I’M SNIFFING YOU FOR REAL.

Q/ I’m bi, and my boyfriend and I have always found it sexy to point out hot girls to each other. But lately he goes overboard, telling me in detail what he finds attractive about them. How do I get him to stop being so explicit without ruining our game?

A I’m not surprised

your guy is having too much fun. When given the slightest bit of encouragement, most men looove to

get explicit about their turn-ons. But when it comes to sex—or even sexy talk—you have to set boundaries. Tell him, “I like to know who you think is hot, but lately, it’s too much. The only woman’s body I want to hear you talk about in that way is mine.”

Hill is a contributing writer for Cosmopolitan and Cosmopolitan .com.

S E N D Y O U R D AT I N G O R R E L AT I O N S H I P D I L E M M A T O A S K H I M A N Y T H I N G @ C O S M O P O L I TA N . C O M .


LOVE

Dating Dictionary

From being digitally teased to flat-out ghosted, you’ve probably encountered some jackass moves on your love journey. Now you can put a name to the pain. BY DANIELLE K AM

Bread-crumbing (v) brehd-cruhming / When he passively reaches out to you but never makes direct contact (i.e., he Likes an old Insta). He keeps an eye on you but doesn’t ask you out…he just drops little crumbs that you pick up.

Cliterference (n) cliht-ur-fear-ens / When a friend is not a team player and prevents you from hooking up with someone; can be on purpose or by accident. Female version of cock block. Date Baiting (v) dayt-bayt-ing / When the person sets a day to see you but doesn’t follow up with a time and place, leaving a spot reserved on your iCal and a meet-up that never happens. Dateflation (Dating + Inflation) (n)

dayt-flay-shun / When he says he doesn’t want anything serious but treats you like a GF (intros you to friends and fam, tells you he cares, etc.),

92

making you think this could be something. When you try to DTR, he claims he’s still “not ready right now,” even though he’s already acting the part.

The Dot Dot Dot Deadlock (n) tha-daht-

daht-daht-ded-lahk / When you see each other typing texts, so you delete yours and wait for a response. Problem is, he does too, so you’re left with an unfinished convo, wondering if you missed out on him professing his love.

Girlfriend Grenade (n) gurl-frend-greh-nayd / When you think the dude at the bar may ask you out, then he suddenly drops the S.O. bomb (You: “I love avocado toast.” Him: “So does my girlfriend!”). Half-Night Stand (n) hafnyte-stand / When you bounce from his house—or he bounces from yours—in the middle of the night post-hookup without notice. (Note: Move is best executed if your heels are put on outside the bedroom.)

Narcisexuals (n) nahr-si-secks-yu-uhls / People who are awful to date because they believe they’re god’s gift. They’re better off staying single, because no one else can ever match up.

Social Screening (v) sew-shul-skreen-ing / When he views your Snapchat Story (or uploads one) but doesn’t respond to your text, inducing extreme anger.

GET T Y IMAGES (5)

Apoco-lips (n) a-pah-ko-lipz / Really hot guy…terrible kisser—due to chapped lips, bad breath, or lack of practice.


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Do not use PARAGARD if you have a pelvic infection, get infections easily or have certain cancers. Less than 1% of users get a serious infection called pelvic inflammatory disease. If you have persistent pelvic or stomach pain, or if PARAGARD comes out, tell your healthcare professional. If it comes out, use back-up birth control. Occasionally, PARAGARD may attach to or in rare cases may go through the uterine wall and may also cause other problems. In some cases, surgical removal may be necessary. Although uncommon, pregnancy while using PARAGARD can be life threatening and may result in loss of pregnancy or fertility. Bleeding or spotting may increase at first but should decrease in 2 to 3 months. PARAGARD does not protect against HIV/ AIDS or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Available by prescription only. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA at www.fda.gov/medwatch or call 1-800-FDA-1088. Please see the following page for a brief summary of Prescribing Information. PARAGARD is a registered trademark of Teva Women’s Health, Inc. ©2016 Teva Women’s Health, Inc. PAR-41063 October 2016

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BRIEF SUMMARY ParaGard® T380A Intrauterine Copper Contraceptive This brief summary does not take the place of talking to your doctor about your medical condition or your treatment. ParaGard® T 380A Intrauterine Copper Contraceptive is used to prevent pregnancy. It does not protect against HIV infection (AIDS) and other sexually transmitted diseases. What is ParaGard®? ParaGard® (intrauterine copper contraceptive) is a copper-releasing device that is placed in your uterus to prevent pregnancy for up to 10 years. ParaGard® is made of white plastic in the shape of a “T.” Copper is wrapped around the stem and arms of the “T”. Two white threads are attached to the stem of the “T”. The threads are the only part of ParaGard® that you can feel when ParaGard® is in your uterus. ParaGard® and its components do not contain latex. How long can I keep ParaGard® in place? You can keep ParaGard® in your uterus for up to 10 years. After 10 years, you should have ParaGard® removed by your healthcare provider. If you wish and if it is still right for you, you may get a new ParaGard® during the same visit. What if I change my mind and want to become pregnant? Your healthcare provider can remove ParaGard® at any time. After discontinuation of ParaGard®, its contraceptive effect is reversed. How does ParaGard® work? Ideas about how ParaGard® works include preventing sperm from reaching the egg, preventing sperm from fertilizing the egg, and possibly preventing the egg from attaching (implanting) in the uterus. ParaGard® does not stop your ovaries from making an egg (ovulating) each month. How well does ParaGard® work? Fewer than 1 in 100 women become pregnant each year while using ParaGard®. Who should not use ParaGard®? You should not use ParaGard® if you • Might be pregnant • Have a uterus that is abnormally shaped inside • Have a pelvic infection called pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or have current behavior that puts you at high risk of PID (for example, because you are having sex with several men, or your partner is having sex with other women) • Have had an infection in your uterus after a pregnancy or abortion in the past 3 months • Have cancer of the uterus or cervix • Have unexplained bleeding from your vagina • Have an infection in your cervix • Have Wilson’s disease (a disorder in how the body handles copper) • Are allergic to anything in ParaGard® • Already have an intrauterine contraceptive in your uterus How is ParaGard® placed in the uterus? ParaGard® is placed in your uterus during an office visit. Your healthcare provider first examines you to find the position of your uterus. Next, he or she will cleanse your vagina and cervix, measure your uterus, and then slide a plastic tube containing ParaGard® into your uterus. The tube is removed, leaving ParaGard® inside your uterus. Two white threads extend into your vagina. The threads are trimmed so they are just long enough for you to feel with your fingers when doing a self-check. As ParaGard® goes in, you may feel cramping or pinching. Some women feel faint, nauseated, or dizzy for a few minutes afterwards. Your healthcare provider may ask you to lie down for a while and to get up slowly. How do I check that ParaGard® is in my uterus? Visit your healthcare provider for a check-up about one month after placement to make sure ParaGard® is still in your uterus. You can also check to make sure that ParaGard® is still in your uterus by reaching up to the top of your vagina with clean fingers to feel the two threads. Do not pull on the threads. If you cannot feel the threads, ask your healthcare provider to check if ParaGard® is in the right place. If you can feel more of ParaGard® than just the threads, ParaGard® is not in the right place. If you can’t see your healthcare provider right away, use an additional birth control method. If ParaGard® is in the wrong place, your chances of getting pregnant are increased. It is a good habit for you to check that ParaGard® is in place once a month. You may use tampons when you are using ParaGard®.

What if I become pregnant while using ParaGard®? If you think you are pregnant, contact your healthcare professional right away. If you are pregnant and ParaGard® is in your uterus, you may get a severe infection or shock, have a miscarriage or premature labor and delivery, or even die. Because of these risks, your healthcare provider will recommend that you have ParaGard® removed, even though removal may cause miscarriage. If you continue a pregnancy with ParaGard® in place, see your healthcare provider regularly. Contact your healthcare provider right away if you get fever, chills, cramping, pain, bleeding, flu-like symptoms, or an unusual, bad smelling vaginal discharge. A pregnancy with ParaGard® in place has a greater than usual chance of being ectopic (outside your uterus). Ectopic pregnancy is an emergency that may require surgery. An ectopic pregnancy can cause internal bleeding, infertility, and death. Unusual vaginal bleeding or abdominal pain may be signs of an ectopic pregnancy. Copper in ParaGard® does not seem to cause birth defects. What side effects can I expect with ParaGard®? The most common side effects of ParaGard® are heavier, longer periods and spotting between periods; most of these side effects diminish after 2-3 months. However, if your menstrual flow continues to be heavy or long, or spotting continues, contact your healthcare provider. Infrequently, serious side effects may occur: • Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID): Uncommonly, ParaGard® and other IUDs are associated with PID. PID is an infection of the uterus, tubes, and nearby organs. PID is most likely to occur in the first 20 days after placement. You have a higher chance of getting PID if you or your partner have sex with more than one person. PID is treated with antibiotics. However, PID can cause serious problems such as infertility, ectopic pregnancy, and chronic pelvic pain. Rarely, PID may even cause death. More serious cases of PID require surgery or a hysterectomy (removal of the uterus). Contact your healthcare provider right away if you have any of the signs of PID: abdominal or pelvic pain, painful sex, unusual or bad smelling vaginal discharge, chills, heavy bleeding, or fever. • Difficult removals: Occasionally ParaGard® may be hard to remove because it is stuck in the uterus. Surgery may sometimes be needed to remove ParaGard®. • Perforation: Rarely, ParaGard® goes through the wall of the uterus, especially during placement. This is called perforation. If ParaGard® perforates the uterus, it should be removed. Surgery may be needed. Perforation can cause infection, scarring, or damage to other organs. If ParaGard® perforates the uterus, you are not protected from pregnancy. • Expulsion: ParaGard® may partially or completely fall out of the uterus. This is called expulsion. Women who have never been pregnant may be more likely to expel ParaGard® than women who have been pregnant before. If you think that ParaGard® has partly or completely fallen out, use an additional birth control method, such as a condom and call your healthcare provider. You may have other side effects with ParaGard®. For example, you may have anemia (low blood count), backache, pain during sex, menstrual cramps, allergic reaction, vaginal infection, vaginal discharge, faintness, or pain. This is not a complete list of possible side effects. If you have questions about a side effect, check with your healthcare provider. When should I call my healthcare provider? Call your healthcare provider if you have any concerns about ParaGard®. Be sure to call if you: • Think you are pregnant • Have pelvic pain or pain during sex • Have unusual vaginal discharge or genital sores • Have unexplained fever • Might be exposed to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) • Cannot feel ParaGard®’s threads or can feel the threads are much longer • Can feel any other part of the ParaGard® besides the threads • Become HIV positive or your partner becomes HIV positive • Have severe or prolonged vaginal bleeding • Miss a menstrual period Teva Women’s Health, Inc. A Subsidiary of Teva Pharmaceuticals USA, Inc. North Wales, PA 19454 This brief summary is based on ParaGard® FDA-approved patient labeling, Rev. 9/2014. PAR-41072


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all about men THE MALE BRAIN EXPLAINED G O OD CAT CH E S

HOW I MET MY GIRLFRIEND Some origin stories can give real insight into your relationship future, says Ty Tashiro, PhD, author of The Science of Happily Ever After. Here, he assesses real couples’ meet-cutes.

“I tried to give her a high five. She blew me off. I took it as a challenge!” —HAYDEN K., 22 TY’S TAKE: “He’s playful, she’s composed. Differences can be complementary.” “We were both studying for an exam in our dorm, but we ended up talking instead.” —CJ M., 22 TY’S TAKE: “In a study of married couples, ones who met at school had the highest levels of relationship satisfaction.”

45 T H E P E R C E N TAG E O F M E N W HO REGRET BRE A K ING UP WITH THEIR L AST EX . SOURCE: 2016 ELITE SINGLES SURVEY

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“After she and my roomie broke up, we started going out. It made things awkward at my apartment.” —CJ M., 22 TY’S TAKE: “The thrill of a new

love might mask guilt, but eventually, it can taint the relationship.”

“I met her at a basketball game. When our team won, we stormed the court!” —MARK S., 23

TY’S TAKE: “The excitement of

sharing a win can catalyze attraction!”

C H I L LY W I L L I E S

WHY HE CRAVES MORE SEX IN THE WINTER A new survey of 1,000 singles from dating app Luxy found that single men are more likely than single women to step up romantic efforts to avoid wintry nights alone. One in 5 men even admitted to staying with a partner longer than he normally would to avoid being solo while it’s snowy. “Men get excited about not being tied down in the summer,” says therapist Rachel A. Sussman, “but being single in the cold can be lonely.” Plus, men become more aroused by women’s bodies in frosty months, according to psychology journal Perception—perhaps because they’re not seeing as much skin then. How can you tell if he’s just in it for the snuggles? “Is he being detailed when he says what he likes about you?” advises Sussman. If the connection feels real and you’re going on meaningful dates—not just couch + popcorn—your odds are higher for making it through spring. —TAYLOR ANDREWS


T H E L OV E C OAC H

FIRST-DATE LINES THAT SLAY

BEING BAD CAN LOOK REALLY GOOD. EXHIBIT A: CHARLIE HUNNAM IN SONS OF ANARCHY.

Flirt like a pro with these first-impression clinchers from dating expert Matthew Hussey. “I bet you’d be great to go to [a concert or museum] with.”

“I absolutely love Bruno Mars!”

M A N M AT R I X

SHOULD YOU DATE A BAD BOY? There’s a difference between a bad boy and a guy who’s just plain bad. Here are the four types of guys and the one you should go for.

Good Guy/Bad Boy Has his sh*t together but takes chances where it counts (like in the bedroom)

Good Guy/Good Boy Perfectly responsible, perfectly dressed, and...perfectly boring

Bad Guy/Good Boy Charming, but like Scott Disick types, he comes with too much d-baggage

Bad Guy/Bad Boy Reckless with money, any and all rules, and your heart

Bad Guy

THE TAKEAWAY “Go for the Good Guy/Bad Boy,” says Mitchell Berk, CEO of matchmaking service Selective Search. “He’s a calculated risk taker who will partner with and protect you while keeping things interesting.”

Good Boy

Good Guy

Bad Boy

F R O M L E F T: G E T T Y I M A G E S ; G A L L E R Y S T O C K ; F X N E T W O R K S / C O U R T E S Y E V E R E T T C O L L E C T I O N ; M A R L E Y K AT E .

Every guy likes to feel like he’s fun—and if you manage to do that, guess who he’ll want to go on adventures with? You’re also making it known that you enjoy his company, so you probably just seeded date two.

It could be any singer, restaurant, or TV show. Research shows certainty in language is a big turn-on during dates. Most people use phrases like “kind of,” “sort of,” and “I guess”…ugh. The more sure you are of your opinions, the more sure he’ll be about wanting to see you again. Get Matthew’s free guide for Cosmo readers, “5 Surprising Mistakes That Make Men Disappear,” at WhyHesGone.com/ Cosmo.

“You seem different from a lot of guys.” The trick is to use this later on in the date and to deliver it as if it just popped into your head while he was saying something interesting. When he asks, “How so?” just give a mischievous smile and say, “I’m not sure…but it’s a good thing.”


The Better-Sex Workout

ONE TOOL, SIX MOVES, HOTTER ACTION

THIS SIMPLE FOAM-ROLLING ROUTINE INCREASES FLEXIBILITY AND TONES SEXY MUSCLES YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU HAD! BY DANIELLE MCNALLY

PHOTO G R A PHED BY N AT H A NIEL W ELCH

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“lean,” “cellulite-free ,” “flexible”: words we’d like to use to describe ourselves all the time—but especially when we’re naked in front of another person. This simple foam-rolling sequence from Lauren Roxburgh, author of Taller, Slimmer, Younger, will help you get those results. “Stress can cause our connective tissue to dry up like a sponge. Foam rolling increases blood flow—like adding water to that sponge—making it more flexible,” says Roxburgh (pictured), an expert on alignment and fascia, aka connective tissue. Limber legs and hips mean you’re less likely to injure yourself in, um, advanced positions. Plus, rolling loosens up the joints so you can move in a more sultry manner. (Always wanted to do a strip tease for him? Go for it!) Do these moves a few times a week and you’ll see a difference. Your partner will too.

1

SIDE-HIP ROLL

Lie on your right side, right leg extended, left leg bent with foot flat in front of you. Rest on right forearm. Lift hips and slide roller under them, perpendicular to body. Inhale, pulling right hip toward elbow so roller moves down leg about 8 inches. Exhale and reverse. Repeat on opposite side.

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SPORTS BRA, Fabletics, similar styles available at fabletics.com. LEGGINGS, Michi, michiny.com. SNEAKERS, Nike, nike.com

H OW-T O Do each roll 8 to 10 times (on each side, if indicated) before moving on to the next. For extra credit, rest for one minute, then repeat.

HIP HELPER Expect to stand

taller (and therefore look leaner) after this roll, since it helps decompress the hip joint, allowing your legs to extend to their full length. Roxburgh is 1.5 inches taller, thanks to foam rolling!

2

GODDESS ROLL

Lie facedown, legs extended wider than hip-width behind you, hands under shoulders. Rise up into plank, and slide roller under legs just above knees, perpendicular to body. Bend knees and bring feet together. Inhale, pushing weight back so roller moves up legs to the pubic bone. Exhale and reverse.

LEG LOOSENER If you love

cardio, this roll is for you. “We hold a lot of tension in the thighs,” says Roxburgh, especially runners and cyclists. That tightness causes your hips to tuck under—just as sitting at a desk all day does. This move is perfect to counteract that and get those hips swiveling more easily.


4

THE WORKOUT HAMSTRING ROLL

CELLULITE SMOOTHER This

Sit with legs extended in front of you. Reach arms back, palms down, fingers facing away. Slide roller under legs just above knees, perpendicular to body. Inhale, shifting weight forward so roller moves up your legs to just under your butt. Exhale and reverse.

3

roll might help de-pucker skin. “Cellulite is fat poking through your weakened connective tissue,” says Roxburgh. Doing this roll “helps restructure the fascia, making cellulite less obvious.” Scientific research is scant, but there is some evidence women can see at least short-term results—and, no doubt, a confidence boost.

FIGURE-FOUR ROLL

Sit on the roller, with the roller perpendicular to your body. Reach left arm back, palm down, fingers facing away. Bend left knee, and cross left ankle over right leg. Press right hand into left knee. Shift your weight slightly onto your left hip, and roll in small circles. Repeat on opposite side.

GIRL-ON-TOP UPGRADE This

roll is particularly useful for trying out some new moves in the bedroom. Roxburgh notes that it allows for more external rotation in the thighs (good if you’re attempting a spread eagle) and helps release lower-back tension for better undulation of the spine (great for finding your G-spot during cowgirl).

5

INNER-THIGH ROLL

SEXY STABILIZER The primary

Lie facedown, legs extended behind you, toes flexed, and rest on your forearms. Place foam roller parallel to body on your left side. Bend left knee out to side and rest on roller. Inhale, shifting weight to the left so roller moves up inner thigh to pubic bone. Exhale and reverse. Repeat on opposite side.

perk of this move is more flexible inner thighs, but an added benefit is better abs. That’s because you’re planking the whole time. A powerful core equals strength and stamina.

BONUS MOVE: KEGELS! Wrap up this sex-boosting workout with some sexy squeezes, says Roxburgh. After a few rounds of rolls, sit cross-legged atop your roller, eyes closed. Without using the glutes or abs, contract the muscles that help you hold your pee. Release. Repeat 10 times.

6

SACRAL ROLL

Lie faceup, and slide the roller under your lower back just above the tailbone, perpendicular to the body. Hold either end of the roller with each hand for support and bend knees, lifting until knees are above hips. Inhale, twisting knees to the right. Return to center, then exhale, twisting knees to the left.

ENERGY BOOSTER This move

isn’t just great for your lower back: “Twisting aids in digestion, which will of course help you feel sexier,” says Roxburgh. Plus, by getting your hips above your heart, you send blood—and therefore oxygen—to the head, she explains. This can help give your skin a healthy glow.

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CRAMPS SUCK.

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COULD WEED BE THE CURE? THE PAIN-SOOTHING POWERS OF CANNABIS HAVE INSPIRED A CROP OF NEW “PERIOD POT” PRODUCTS. COSMO I N V ES T I G AT ES WHETHER PLANT MEDICINE IS A SAFE, EFFECTIVE PANACE A FOR MENSTRUAL M I S E R Y. BY VIRGINIA PELLE Y PHOTO GR APHED BY DAN SAELINGER

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NO SEARCH FOR A CURE

Miller isn’t a complete cannabis convert: The night she tried Foria, she woke up to vomit. (This isn’t a known side effect of the product. In fact, Foria claims, there are none.) Still, she plans to try it again. The fact that she’s willing to hurl in the name of deliverance from cramps speaks to the severity of period pain. More than half of American women suffer such monthly torment. One in 10 experience a shark week so severe, they can’t carry out everyday activities a few days a month. You’d think with millions of women in agony, a cure would be around the corner. Yet there have been virtually no cramp-slaying scientific breakthroughs in more than half a century. The discovery that nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, or

CAN YOU GET THIS STUFF IN YOU R STAT E?

NSAIDs, helped with period pain was considered a game changer. But let’s be honest, they’re hit-or-miss. NSAIDs include OTC aids like Midol (which, side note, wasn’t even originally intended for cramps). Women with severe dysmenorrhea (science speak for bad periods) may be prescribed painkillers, including opiates like Vicodin. Not ideal, since narcotics are addictive and easy to overdose on. Period research is lacking too. A search of the National Institutes of Health website for open U.S. clinical trials with the key words menstrual cramps returned just five results. There is scientific evidence that marijuana helps alleviate other types of pain, but large-scale studies on its effectiveness at easing menstrual issues are nonexistent. A few companies have forged ahead anyway. Foria launched in 2014 as a marijuana-infused lube brand. It added the vaginal suppository last year after urologist

Jennifer Berman, MD, reasoned to the founder that, since its cannabis product helped women relax during sex, perhaps it could help pelvic muscles relax during menstruation too. In 2015, Jessica Peters took what she’d learned about using pot to alleviate pain and muscle spasms while working with AIDS, cancer, and seizure patients and created Moxie Meds, a line of THC and CBD tinctures for PMS. And last year, actress Whoopi Goldberg and edibles expert Maya Elisabeth launched Whoopi & Maya, a collection of weed-filled tinctures, edibles, rubs, and bath soaks. (Goldberg has said that over “a lifetime of difficult periods...cannabis was literally the only thing that gave me relief.”) These nascent companies are simply picking up where their foremothers left off: Evidence suggests cannabis was used to ease menstrual symptoms in ancient Mesopotamia, Egypt, and Persia. A study

A consolation prize for some who were disappointed by the presidential election: On November 8, four new states (California, Maine, Nevada, and Massachusetts) voted to join Alaska, Oregon, Colorado, Washington, and D.C. in legalizing recreational marijuana. All told, 29 states and

D.C. have now given the green light to either recreational or medical weed use. However, since the feds still label marijuana as unsafe, it’s illegal to sell pot and pot-derived goods across state lines. That means you can’t purchase specific spiked period aids unless they were grown and produced in your

P R O P S T Y L I S T: D O M I N I Q U E B AY N E S . G R O O M E R : A M Y G I L L E S P I E W I T H R O S T E R R E P S . M O D E L : J U L I A K E N Y O N / Q 6 M O D E L A N D A R T I S T M A N A G E M E N T.

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We all have our own special descriptions for the torture that is that time of the month. For Elizabeth Miller, it’s “like a mouse is nesting in my ovaries and gnawing its way out— sometimes it feels like it’s chewing out the front, sometimes the back.” Cramps aren’t the only killer part of her period. “I used to think PMS stories were a joke,” says Miller, a data manager in Oakland, California. “Now I fit every stereotype.” She blocks off three days per month in red on her calendar, the subject field marked “It’s only hormones—don’t act crazy.” Her symptoms got so bad, Miller convinced herself she had ovarian cancer or some other disease, but a slew of tests pointed to no: It was just part of menstruation. Even more frustrating, no treatments really worked. Then last fall, she landed on a Reddit post about “weed tampons”— nonabsorbent vaginal suppositories made from the cannabis plant. The products contain cannabidiol (CBD), a pain-relieving compound, and tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC (aka the stuff in pot that makes you high). Although she’d never been a toker, in a mixture of desperation and excitement, Miller got a box from California- and Colorado-based company Foria. Within minutes of inserting one, her cramps started to melt away. She didn’t feel stoned (the majority of users won’t,

says a company rep), just relaxed. “Usually, I take ibuprofen,” say Miller. “This was better. It also seemed to help allay my crazies.”


SLUG HEALTH

state. Foria, for example, only sources from and sells in California and Colorado so far; Whoopi & Maya and Moxie Meds are currently sold only in the Golden State. Any legal dispensary near you can still hawk locally produced goodies— they just might not be specifically designed to combat PMS.

COULD THIS LITTLE LEAF PROTECT YOU FROM PAIN?

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POT PRODUCTS, PUT TO THE TEST WHOOPI & MAYA RELAX, $16 for 1 oz., whoopiand maya.com for retailers

FORIA RELIEF, $44 for 4, foriapleasure .com

CAROLINE K.

TAMARA A.

editor, San Francisco, California Pre-Pot PMS Level: 8 Post-Pot PMS Level: 0 “When I’m PMSing, I get mood swings, bad cramps, and fatigue. I’ve experimented with sprays and edibles. So far, though, the Whoopi & Maya Relax is my favorite. I like that I can control my own dosing. I added a few drops to my coffee one Sunday, and my negative feelings and pain almost disappeared. I did feel a little bit high, but I didn’t feel wrecked—I was pretty with-it for a person who’d taken a THC tincture. I’d definitely use it again to alleviate menstrual aches when I still need to get shit done.”

public information officer, Oakland, California Pre-Pot PMS Level: 3 Post-Pot PMS Level: 1 “My periods aren’t physically that bad, but I get majorly moody. This cycle, I tried Foria Relief. It worked really well! I wasn’t high. I felt like I was happily sinking into the couch as I watched Netflix. But it wasn’t a perfect experience—the cocoa butter–based ‘tampon’ is kind of melty and messy. And I was confused about how long to wait before putting in an actual tampon, so I wore a panty liner for a few hours. Okay for me, but it could be a problem for a woman with a heavy flow.”

FORIA EXPLORE, $64 for 8, foria pleasure.com

WHOOPI & MAYA SOAK, $12, whoopiand maya.com for retailers

AJ Y. writer, Encino, California Pre-Pot PMS Level: 7 Post-Pot PMS Level: 1 “My cramps are insanely painful on days two and three of my period. I usually have to take 600 to 800 milligrams of ibuprofen every few hours (twice as much as the recommended dosage). This time, I added these salts to my bath. The moment I got into the water, it seemed like my cramps were melting away. It was almost too relaxing, since I had some work to do. Hours later, I still felt evenkeeled and able to handle whatever life was throwing at me, which happened to be a lot that day.”

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SUZI T. bartender, Salida, Colorado Pre-Pot PMS Level: 8 Post-Pot PMS Level: 2 “My cramps are awful and I get intense lower-back pain during the first few days of my period. I smoke a ton of pot anyway, so trying another weed product was no big deal. This is an anal, rather than a vaginal, suppository. I saved it until after I went on a job interview, just in case it got me high. I put it in right before bed and slept soundly. I woke up with less back pain and no cramps! It’s a little out of my price range, unless I strike it rich, but I might splurge since it’s much better than NSAIDs.”

published in the British Medical Journal back in 1883 concluded that weed was an effective treatment for abnormally heavy menstrual bleeding. And a 1910 medical text lists pot as a treatment for dysmenorrhea. But the plant fell out of favor in the U.S. in the early 1900s during a political antidrug wave. Today, the Drug Enforcement


HEALTH WHY POT MIGHT WORK

Administration classifies marijuana as a schedule 1 drug, meaning one that has no accepted medical use and poses a high potential for abuse. (Two petitions to reschedule marijuana were denied in August.) That status can make it difficult to study pot—and therefore prove its health benefits. It also keeps women from talking openly about

getting high, even if it’s for a legit reason. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t talking at all. Commenters on chat sites rave about the plant’s results, saying things like “after taking the first hit...the headache, cramps, and fatigue are all gone—weed is fucking great” and calling pot “better than any prescribed meds I’ve ever tried.”

Weed does some good. This we know. Researchers suspect that the compounds CBD and THC activate receptors in the central nervous system, immune system, and uterus, helping to suppress inflammation and stop pain messages from hitting the brain, explains J. Hampton Atkinson, MD, codirector of the Center for Medicinal Cannabis Research at the University of California at San Diego. “Those receptors are also involved in regulating blood flow—important since some menstrual pain may be a result of too little blood flow to the uterus,” adds Sara Jane Ward, PhD, assistant professor of pharmacology at the Lewis Katz School of Medicine at Temple University. Because cannabis compounds travel easily through the body’s tissues, suppositories and topical lotions could be optimal, attacking pain at the source, explains Gil Weiss, MD, clinical assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine. But that mechanism might not work for all women—or for one woman all the time. “The vagina changes throughout the menstrual cycle,” says Ranit Mishori, MD, professor of family medicine at Georgetown University School of Medicine. “If the uterine lining is thicker one day, the drug might not be absorbed as easily as it was another day.” And blood could cause medicine to diffuse

differently, negating some of the effects. Those “mights” make some doctors nervous. None of the products from Foria, Moxie Meds, or Whoopi & Maya have been evaluated or approved by the FDA for safety and efficacy. “I recommend medications and interventions that have gone through systematic tests establishing their benefits,” says Dr. Mishori. There is currently no scientific evidence that cannabis works better than ibuprofen, she points out. Plus, there’s the issue of potentially piling on a new problem: “Anytime you put something in the vagina, it can disrupt local bacteria,” says Dr. Mishori. “Could pot cause more yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis? We don’t have any studies about that.” And while physical side effects of using pot for periods may be untested, general mental repercussions are no secret: weakened coordination, time perception, memory, attention, and judgment. So until research and government regulation catch up with women’s needs, Dr. Weiss suggests discussing options with your doctor. Some physicians in states where medicinal marijuana has a long history may be able to offer pros and cons from their own clinical experience. And while “the most responsible route is to first try conventional treatments, such as ibuprofen or hormonal birth control,” he says, “if traditional treatments aren’t working... maybe you need to move outside the box.” ■

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7

Weird Reasons You Can’t Focus

Brain fog and monkey mind can be maddening. Here, why you can’t concentrate and how to clear your head. BY K RIS SY BR A DY

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1

Food Sensitivities Among the people most likely to have trouble focusing include those with celiac disease (which produces an autoimmune reaction to gluten, proteins found in wheat, barley, and rye) or sensitivities to such foods as dairy and soy, according to a report in Frontiers in Neuroscience. Trigger foods spike inflammation, which can cause your brain to go fuzzy. Blood tests can ID food sensitivities. Once you find the culprits, it can take as little as 72 hours (or as long as 6 weeks!) to start feeling less foggy and more focused, says Michelle Mudge-Riley, DO, a physician and registered dietitian in San Antonio, Texas. As a general rule, drink more water, suggests Michael Russo, MD, a bariatric surgeon in Fountain Valley, California. If your stomach

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the attention span of a puppy (oooh, squirrel!), the fix isn’t always as obvious as pounding an espresso. Distraction or fuzziness may be your body’s way of signaling something’s off, says Niket Sonpal, DO, assistant professor at Touro College of Osteopathic Medicine in New York. Keeping your mind trained on a single task requires your brain to be flooded with a complex cocktail of neurotransmitters and hormones, he explains. Read on for the surprising things that interfere with your ability to keep your head in the game. when you have


is struggling to digest certain foods, dehydration can make it harder. Plus, a lack of H2O can impair memory and cause fatigue and headaches—none of which will help you focus. 2

Being a Perfectionist Perfectionism coincides with ambition, but it’s also highly correlated with a fear of failure. Say you’re stressed about a work project: As your worry grows, your brain tries to protect you from a potential flop, ironically, by tuning out— potentially derailing your success, explains Carly Snyder, MD, director of women’s health for Family Health Associates in New York City. Don’t let anxiety fester—get it out! Spend five minutes free-writing: Why is this task important? What worries you about the outcome? Is your fear legit? Or vent to your work wife about why you’re nervous— bonus points if you walk around the block while you do so for additional stress relief. Then return to your task with a clear head. 3

PMS The week before your period, fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone can cause spaciness. “Focus should return within a couple of days of your period starting,” says Dr. Snyder. In the meantime, hit the

MIND+MOOD

gym. Exercise elevates the neurotransmitters responsible for concentration, like dopamine. 4

Unresolved Drama Upset about that tiff you got in with your roommate this morning? Because your brain perceives conflict as danger, it homes in on the threat in an effort to keep you safe, leaving you unable to focus on much else. Schedule a time to work things out, then jot down your major points of concern and set them aside (to avoid obsessing). Knowing a resolution is on the horizon helps neutralize the body’s fight-orflight response.

4 .1 P E R C E N T O F U. S . A D U LT S H AV E A D H D. S O CH A NCE S A R E , YO U DON’ T NEED AN A DDERA LL RX . SOURCE: NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH

5

Low Iron Levels

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Drinking Coffee on an Empty Stomach

When you skip breakfast but down a venti coffee, you’re giving your body two signals to spike the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline (low blood sugar and caffeine), says Nicole Van Groningen, MD, an internist in San Francisco. This sends your body into survival mode, decreasing your attention span to barely there levels. Pair your brew with a breakfast that includes protein, fat, and complex carbs, like a veggie omelet or have Bulletproof Coffee (java blended with grass-fed butter) and a green smoothie. ■

When iron levels drop, cognitive performance and concentration take a dive with it. A small study of college-age women found that eating an ironrich lunch for four months improved memory and attention. Pair foods that contain iron—like red meat, pork, shellfish, leafy greens, pumpkin seeds, and dark chocolate— with ingredients high in vitamin C, like citrus, for max absorption. 6

A Vague To-Do List If your to-do list is written in general terms, like “finish presentation,” you’re not giving your brain insight

into exactly what it needs to focus on, says Oksana Hagerty, PhD, a learning specialist at Beacon College. Instead, write down individual tasks, like “add stats to intro” and “copyedit slides.” Think of a to-do list as a commitment, says Hagerty. “Failure to keep those commitments could negatively affect your self-respect.” To avoid that, divide items into urgent and nonurgent. This will help you prioritize and offer an opportunity to save face—by viewing failure to do certain things not as a fiasco but as a strategic retreat.

IN A PURRFECT WORLD, DISTRACTIONS WOULDN’T LURE US.

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gyno info KNOW YOUR REPRO RIGHTS ● UNHAPPY PILLS? ● INCONVENIENT ITCH

NEW PREZ, NEW POLICIES?

You may not have voted with your vagina, but the election results sure could affect it. Here’s your plan to prep for a new era of women’s health. BY C A IT LIN M O S C AT E L L O DURING THE campaign, then-candidate Donald Trump talked a lot about women, often in infamous detail. What he never clearly spelled out: his policy proposals for our health care—but some signs are alarming. His pick for Health and Human Services secretary, Tom Price, opposes the

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Affordable Care Act (ACA), VPelect Mike Pence is antichoice, and Congress is controlled by a like-minded GOP. Cosmo explores what could happen if the rumors become reality.

YOUR INSURANCE COULD GO AWAY

Trump has repeatedly called for a trashing of the ACA, aka Obamacare. Post-election, he backtracked on two popular provisions (one that allows kids to stay on their parents’ plans until age 26 and one that guarantees coverage for preexisting conditions), but he still wants an overhaul. “We expect a bill to be passed early on that sets up a system for quickly repealing the ACA,” says Amy Friedrich-Karnik, senior federal policy adviser at the Center for Reproductive Rights. The changes would likely take years to enact, so if you’re one of the more than

20 million Americans who has gained insurance thanks to the ACA, you won’t be without coverage immediately. Down the road, who knows? Price has proposed nixing state exchanges altogether, encouraging people to buy private plans via tax credits. WHAT YOU CAN DO: If you need insurance, continue to sign up at HealthCare.gov. Open enrollment ends January 31. Any changes to the law must pass through Congress, so if you’re pro-ACA, tell your reps you think it should stay, thankyouverymuch.

BIRTH CONTROL COULD GET COSTLIER

If the ACA goes, so would the federal mandate that mammograms, cervical-cancer screenings, and STI testing be 100 percent covered under all plans. Also on the chopping block:

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REPORT


free Rx birth control, a benefit that saves women an estimated $1.4 billion per year. “It’s one of the most vulnerable parts of the ACA,” says Andrea Miller, president of the National Institute for Reproductive Health. In the past, Price has called no-cost birth control “a trampling on religious freedom” and said “there’s not one” woman who went without BC before the ACA. Um, huh? WHAT YOU CAN DO: Get your contraception in order. If you like the Pill, ask your doc about getting multiple months’ worth. Some clinics can give you a year’s supply. Or consider an IUD, which can last 3 to 12 years and is 99 percent effective.

PLANNED PARENTHOOD COULD LOSE FUNDING

There’s no love lost between PP and congressional Republicans. With Trump’s support, lawmakers have two avenues for cutting off the organization’s cash flow: blocking its federal Medicaid dollars and blocking its access to Title X money (the country’s “family planning” program). About 60 percent of PP’s 2.5 million annual patients rely on one of the two programs. Take away the funding and millions of women will lose access to care, including Pap smears and breast exams. WHAT YOU CAN DO: Donate to groups that provide health services for women. That means

900 THE PERCENTAGE INCREASE IN PEOPLE SEEKING AN APPOINTMENT AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD FOR AN IUD IN THE WEEKS FOLLOWING THE ELECTION. SOURCE: RAEGAN MCDONALD-MOSLEY, MD, PLANNED PARENTHOOD CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICER

Ask Dr. Ashton

Planned Parenthood, yes, but also charities like Americares, a nonprofit that supports health centers in all 50 states. Go to SafetyNetCenter.org to search for free clinics in your community.

ABORTION RIGHTS COULD BE REVERSED

Even if Trump appoints an antichoice justice to the Supreme Court right away—as he has promised to do—that judge would replace the late Antonin Scalia, himself staunchly conservative. “The Court has had many opportunities to overturn Roe v. Wade and has instead repeatedly reaffirmed a woman’s right to make abortion decisions for herself,” says Julie Rikelman, litigation director at the Center for Reproductive Rights. That said, since 2011, more than 334 abortion restrictions have been passed by individual states, and “those fights might creep up to the federal level,” says FriedrichKarnik. She suspects Congress will seek a ban on abortions after 20 weeks and look to restrict funding and insurance coverage of such procedures. (President Obama has vetoed related bills in the past.) WHAT YOU CAN DO: Let your elected officials know how you feel. It’s easy: Download the Countable app, which offers pro/ con arguments for every piece of legislation before Congress. Tap “yea” or “nay” to notify your rep of how you want them to vote. ■

SECOND LOOK

THE TRUTH ABOUT THE PILL AND DEPRESSION When recent research linked the two, millions of women gasped…and considered chucking their Pill packs. Here’s why you can relax: The JAMA Psychiatry study found a correlation, not a causation (as in, one doesn’t cause the other). And the actual stats are teeny: Among women not on a hormonal contraceptive, 1.7 percent got an antidepressant prescription per year. For women who took hormonal birth control (either the Pill, patch, ring, or IUD), that number rose to 2.2 percent. Plus, researchers didn’t look at why patients got the mood-leveling Rx—important, since the drugs can be used off label to treat insomnia, pain, and digestive issues. So, in short, a freak-out isn’t warranted. But if you’re still feeling uneasy, ask your ob-gyn about nonhormonal forms of BC. —DANIELLE MCNALLY

My crotch itches a lot, but I don’t have a yeast infection or STI. What’s up? The skin of your vulva (read: external genitals) can become irritated just like skin anywhere else. Contact dermatitis is common and can be caused by detergent, waxing or shaving, wearing chemically treated panty liners, or using scented vaginal products, which I never recommend. Two other potential culprits: psoriasis and lichen. The former is characterized by a bright red, butterfly-esque splotch. Lichen is harder to ID but gives skin a wrinkled appearance. Your MD can diagnose and recommend treatment for both. SOURCE: JENNIFER ASHTON, MD, OB-GYN AND ABC NEWS CHIEF WOMEN’S HEALTH CORRESPONDENT

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HEALTHY EATS

The Insta Diet Trap Their bodies—not to mention their uplifting quotes—are beyond motivational. But that doesn’t mean social-media phenoms should inspire your diet. BY C O U R T N E Y RU BIN

112 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

exercize__guru486

Alkalinity! Hormones! Metabolism! “I call this scienceploitation,” says Timothy Caulfield, a health law and policy expert. Such terms carry an air of respectability—but they’re usually followed by science-free advice. Take alkalinity: Alkaline diets claim to curb the gut’s acid production, thereby preventing arthritis, even cancer. But all food is acidic in the stomach, then neutralizes naturally in the intestines.

fitgirlevery1luvss7

TRAP 2

24,607 likes exercize__guru486 Eat this smoothie and drop lbs today—I swear! #dietgoals

Women rate meals as healthier when they come from slimmer bloggers, says a study in Health Communication. But size ≠ expertise. Always check for credentials, says Cohn. Guru and expert sound impressive but say zilch about training or experience. Diet advice should come from a dietitian. Look for the letters RDN, CDN, or LDN, which mean your pro has a degree in nutrition and passed a national exam.

Buy_buy_bellly23

TRAP 4

17,892 likes fitgirlevery1luvss7 Regram if you’re dieting for a booty like mine! #datass

A zillion followers is awesome but not necessarily authoritative. Peruse social stars’ connections. Do licensed health pros follow them and Like/comment on/repost their diet dos and don’ts? Support from colleagues can indicate legitimacy. Now, scroll through the comments. Does she engage thoughtfully? Inflated influencers tend to have fights, not debates, says Caulfield.

21,455 likes Buy_buy_bellly23 OMG this bar tastes so good, you’d never know it’s #healthy

Some posts are so well staged that they look casual...but are really sales pitches for products the pro is paid to push. Transparency is key. Posts like these should be tagged #Sponsored. Remember, says Cohn, even certified trainers aren’t taught how to vet the safety and efficacy of herbs or supplements. “They may have good intentions and can be a great support system— just within their scope of expertise.”

G E T T Y I M AG E S ( 4 ). P H O T O I L L U S T R AT I O N S W E R E C R E AT E D B Y C O S M O P O L I TA N A N D D O N O T D E P I C T R E A L I N S TAG R A M AC C O U N T S .

129,366 likes BestTrainerEverrr1 This #cleanse will #detox your #hormones

ASSUMED QUALIFICATIONS

TRAP 3

PRODUCTS! PRODUCTS! PRODUCTS!

TRAP 1

SEDUCTIVE BUZZWORDS

women’s these days, your Insta feed has at least a few Lycraclad stunners in it. Social-media fitness stars have been steadily growing in popularity; the top five alone boast a combined estimated 37 million followers. Some are legit trainers, but super-flat abs don’t necessarily indicate credibility when it comes to dispensing diet advice. Despite that, lots of women are eating up the info, often paying upward of $50 or even $100 for meal plans and recipes. Because if a fitness pro looks that hot, she must know the keys to weight loss, right? That type of reasoning comes from a concept called the halo effect—when we take someone’s success in one area and apply it to another. It’s why many people trust celebs for medical advice and why, yup, a ton of us take whatever fitness stars say as wellness gospel. Problem is, these women are rarely nutritionists and may be doling out unhealthy tips, says Marjorie Nolan Cohn, RDN, a national spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. She reviewed two popular social stars’ diet plans for Cosmopolitan and deemed both lacking— especially in calories, which can, ironically, lead to weight gain in the long run. Now, we’re not saying to go on an unfollow spree. But if you spot any of these diet-related traps in a “guru’s” posts, save your money and be skeptical about adhering to her eating advice.

BestTrainerEverrr1

LOTSA FANS, NO PEERS

CHANCES ARE that like most


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BLAZER DRESS, Veronica Beard. EARRINGS, Kavant & Sharart. STUD EARRINGS, Hilary’s own. RINGS (pointer), Walters Faith; (ring finger) Hilary’s own. BRACELETS, Hilary’s own Cartier


t S a l Te , r e B O t oc ry Duff

a l i H , t s e r m e d I l u o B . A . at L g n i B m i l c k n c o w R o t a N W o d n i m gY . s e l e g n A . a e Los D i r e h S a It w

The woman loves a challenge, especially conquering one—in this case, a wall of Technicolor plastic nubs. “So, I have a new boyfriend,” she said as she clambered skyward. “He climbed Kilimanjaro.” That boyfriend was Jason Walsh, the celebrity trainer and superhot (read: ripped AF) founder of Rise Nation fitness. And not even a postclimb green juice that tasted like pond scum could bring Hilary down. “Right now, I feel like I get to be one hundred percent authentic with the person I’m spending my time with,” she said. “To be in a place where you’re comfortable, happy, and accepting of each other…it feels so good.” Just a few weeks prior to our (literal) hang, she’d confirmed her relationship status, as one does, on Instagram. The photo: her and Jason kissing. The caption: “date night with J,” red heart emoji. They met when he was her trainer. After keeping their involvement hushhush, the PDA post was somewhat spontaneous. “I was like, ‘Fuck it. He is my boyfriend,’” she told me. “I just needed to make sure it was right. People don’t need to know my business until I really know my business, you know?” At the time, Hilary was still working out at Jason’s gym, although the romance had complicated their professional sessions. “He’s like, ‘You don’t listen to me anymore. I give up!’ I have a different trainer now,” she reported with a smile. Maybe it was a sign, maybe not. But by the end of November, Hilary and Jason would call it quits on a personal level as well.

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#adulting The internet clocked their relationship out at just five months, when really, they were an item long before they were Insta official. “We were seeing each other for a while,” she said on a phone call shortly after Thanksgiving. “People don’t know the ins and outs of everything. It was definitely my first more serious relationship since my ex-husband.” (Hilary split from former prohockey player Mike Comrie three years ago. They have a 4-year-old son, Luca.)

modern fam In fact, the one relationship she seems to have mastered is with that ex-husband. “Mike’s amazing,” she says. “We’re so ingrained in each other’s lives. I wouldn’t choose anyone else to coparent with. We are really good friends and care a lot about each other.” Proof: On Thanksgiving, Duff posted a picture of her family, Mike included, cheesing for the camera. And despite their divorce being finalized last February, the two planned to spend Christmas together too, same as last year. But in all this we-getalong-so-great stuff, where and when does a new boyfriend fit in? She hesitates when I ask if she and Mike tell each other who they are—or were—dating. “I don’t want to talk too much about that,” she begins. “But yeah,

we do. We feel like it’s respectful to keep everybody in the loop. I don’t know as much about his life as he knows about mine because mine’s a lot more public.” Aggressive dating is not her MO though. “I’ve never been a good dater. I meet, like, one person a year that I’m maybe attracted to.” She says she’s learned not to force feelings that just aren’t there. “I never want to be that girl who’s desperate to find a mate.” Beyond the personal front, Hilary is gearing up for the fourth season of playing Kelsey Peters on TV Land’s Younger. The show centers on actress Sutton Foster’s 40something pretending to be a 26-year-old to land a hot job in publishing and, yes, a younger boyfriend. While Hilary says she wouldn’t date a guy who’s her junior—“sorry, never”—she deeply identifies with the friendships at the heart of the show. She counts her costar Molly Bernard, who plays Lauren, among her ride-or-dies. “We had a sleepover, and she was like, ‘Man, being in your 20s sucks.’ I’m like, ‘I know, girl, I feel you.’ I’ve obviously done the things I’m most proud of in my 20s, like have a child. But I feel like the struggle of your 20s is just not feeling good enough. It’s a lot of noise in your head.”

118 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

That’s why the girl who was Lizzie McGuire is actually excited to turn 30: “I think I’m a pretty confident person. I’ve had a career for a long time, but I’ve put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself as a woman, a businessperson, an actress. I’m like, ‘Am I doing enough?’ Everyone I’ve talked to says you come into your own in your 30s. You feel more secure. I’m looking forward to that.” And while she welcomes the increased emotional maturity, she’s kinda dreading the face creases that come with that. “I have to say, aging scares me a little bit,” the star confesses. “What’s going to happen? What am I going to look like in 10 years? Being 29 is already different from being 25. My body doesn’t respond the same way to food or even training,” she tells me. “I don’t have the energy I had even two years ago. I can usually get in good shape pretty fast, but I can fall out of shape pretty fast too.” Hilary’s preferred workouts are low-impact, like yoga: “Even though I love Spinning, my vagina always hurts really bad afterward!” More honesty: “I’m always in that 5- to 10-pound struggle. If I really wanted to make changes, I could, but I enjoy myself.” Lately, she’s been putting more muscle behind her professional moves. Last year, she changed managers, ending a business relationship she’d had since she was 11, to sign

with Scooter Braun (Justin Bieber’s rep). And she’s setting her sights on fashion and consumer products: “I still feel passionate about acting and singing, but if it can all meld together somehow, there’s a story there. I just need to hash it out.” Unlike some former child stars, she’s not at all compelled to do a total 180 on her image in order to appear cooler, edgier, or interested in the avantgarde. “I have to accept that I’m just a very mainstream person. I can watch the odd film here and there, but I’m not super excited about it like everybody else. I saw Hamilton. I loved Hamilton. The whole world does. That’s who I am.” In that same vein, starting fresh doesn’t mean denying her past. There is no big purge of exes from her Instagram (as of press time, the headline-making post of her and Jason smooching was still live). Nor does she disown the kiddie roles that made her famous. “I’m just figuring it all out,” she says. “I feel good about what I’ve accomplished, but it’s wild how fast time goes by.” And really, her approach to finding her next big project is the same as finding her next big love: “I’m not super stressed on it. I’m not coming down on myself like, Oh you’ve got to get out there. It’ll happen again. I have my whole life ahead of me.” ■


SLUG

Beauty Tip For a flawless glow that lasts all night, dust the high points of your face with Dolce & Gabbana The Illuminator Powder, $56.

t n a W r E v "I Ne L R i g t A h t e e t a r TO b e p s e d who'S mAt E." a D n i to f SHOES, Manolo Blahnik. HAIR: Italo Gregorio for Wella Professionals/Bryan Bantry Agency. MAKEUP: Christian McCulloch at Streeters using Dior Addict. MANICURE: Bernadette Thompson for The Bernadette Thompson Nail Collection. See page 170 for shopping information.


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+ 2

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MODELS


BY LAUREN BALSAMO + PHOTOGRAPHED BY YU TSAI FASHION EDITOR: JAMES WORTHINGTON DEMOLE T

OUR MOST SCENTSUAL STORY EVER IS BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND! THESE HOT DUDES ARE HERE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME OF THE SE XIEST DATE-NIGHT FRAGRANCES. ENJOY!

4

JUICY COUTURE Viva La Juicy Sucré Eau de Parfum Spray, $96 for 3.4 oz.

Almond and currant make skin smell irresistibly delish.

4 / SWEET THING

PACO RABANNE Olympéa Intense, $75 for 1.7 oz.

Juicy grapefruit and orange notes make mouths water.

3 / FRUIT PUNCH

NARCISO RODRIGUEZ for Her Fleur Musc Eau de Parfum, $124 for 3.3 oz.

A hint of peppercorn gives this girly floral some edge.

2 / GRITTY IN PINK

CIAO VINCE CAMUTO Eau de Parfum Spray, $85 for 3.4 oz.

One spritz of this passionflower blend gives you the same confidence as a bombshell blowout.

1 / LIQUID CHEER

Absolutely Sexy!

BOTTLES

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THE MODEL

Chad White @Chad__White

HOMETOWN

Portland, Oregon WHAT HE FINDS SEXY

Playing sports and cooking

+

THE BOTTLE

Miu Miu L’Eau Bleue Eau de Parfum Spray $90 for 1.7 oz.

If Monet’s Water Lilies had a scratch-andsniff feature...it would smell exactly like this mix of dewy, floral notes. WHAT HE THINKS

“I love how fragrance brings back a memory. If my girl wore this— and I smelled it when I was alone—she’d sort of be with me.”


THE MODEL

Isha Blaaker @IshaBlaaker

HOMETOWN

Rotterdam, Netherlands WHAT HE FINDS SEXY

Dancing...anytime, anywhere!

+

THE BOTTLE

Guess 1981 Eau de Toilette $52 for 1.7 oz.

Equally laid-back and luxurious, this blend of soft pear and spicy sandalwood is for the babe who feels as hot in leggings as she does in Loubs. WHAT HE THINKS

O N F I R S T PA G E : J E A N S , D E N I M & S U P P LY R A L P H L A U R E N . O N C H A D : PA N T S , A D I D A S O R I G I N A L S . B R I E F S , T H E E I G H T H . O N I S H A : J E A N S , C A LV IN K L E IN J E A N S . B R IE F S , T H E E I G H T H . S E E PAG E 170 FO R S H O PPIN G IN FO R M AT I O N .

“I want her to wear this just for me.”

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THE MODEL

Christian Hogue @Official_Hogue

HOMETOWN

Medford, Oregon WHAT HE FINDS SEXY

Motorcycles—and anything else that offers an adrenaline rush

+

THE BOTTLE

Gucci Bamboo Limited Edition Eau de Parfum $78 for 1.7 oz.

Like a maxi dress and boho waves, amber and Tahitian vanilla give off sultry vibes— without trying too hard. WHAT HE THINKS

“I want to take a looong whiff of this one.… It’s soft but sexy.”


THE MODEL

Matthew Noszka @Matthew_Noszka

HOMETOWN

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania WHAT HE FINDS SEXY

Traveling and experiencing new things

+

THE BOTTLE

Giorgio Armani Sì Rose Signature Eau de Parfum $92 for 1.7 oz.

Imagine eating fresh macarons and walking through a garden in Provence—that’s the vibe you’ll get when you spray on this vanilla-androse mash-up. WHAT HE THINKS

O N C HRI S T I A N: JE A N S, L E V I’S 5 01. B RIE F S, T HE E IG H T H. O N M AT T HE W: JE A N S, HUD S O N. B RIE F S, GU Y L A B.

“This, plus boyfriend jeans, a sweater, and heels equals sexy.”

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THE MODEL

Paolo Roldan @JuanPaoloRoldan

HOMETOWN

Quezon City, Philippines WHAT HE FINDS SEXY

Helping those in need [Editor’s Note: Heart. Melted.]

+

THE BOTTLE

Dior Poison Girl Eau de Toilette $78 for 1.7 oz.

Consider this sensual and slightly naughty cocktail of neroli and citrus the sprayable version of a Rihanna track. WHAT HE THINKS

“My favorite place to smell this scent: definitely the neck.”

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Back Up... There’s More. 1 / NIGHT SHIFT

This after-hours mix of patchouli and white musk will get you— and him—in the mood. MUGLER ANGEL Étoile des Rêves, $135 for 3.4 oz.

4

2 / HEATING UP

O N PAOLO: JE A N S, DIE S E L . O N C HRI S T I A N: JE A N S, L E V I’S 5 01. B RIE F S, T HE E IG H T H. G RO O ME R: LO SI AT M A R T I A L V I VOT SALON/HONEY ARTISTS. MANICURE: DONNA D USING CHANEL LE VERNIS. MODELS: CHAD WHITE, ISHA BLAAKER, C H R I S T I A N H O G U E , PA O L O R O L D A N / S O U L A R T I S T M A N A G E M E N T; M AT T H E W N O S Z K A / W 3 6 0 M A N A G E M E N T.

Like a cozy cashmere sweater, creamy vanilla notes warm everything up.

2 3

JEAN PAUL GAULTIER Essence de Parfum Classique, $84 for 1.7 oz.

3 / OCEAN SPRAY

Mist this aquatic aroma and imagine: you, him, on the beach, drinks in hand. DONNA KARAN Liquid Cashmere Aqua Eau de Parfum, $112 for 3.4 oz.

4 / EYE CANDY

Peony and jasmine smell as captivating as the bottle looks. KENZO WORLD Eau de Parfum , $86 for 1.7 oz.

1


When it comes to fashion, it pays to push boundaries. And right now, that’s easy to pull off,

explore with futuristic fabrics and spaceshipsilver accents.

Janelle Monáe, star of Hidden Figures and Moonlight, shows how to take

your look to another stratosphere, photographed here at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center Visitor Complex in Cape Canaveral.

128 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MONTH 2017

YOUR STYLE LIMITS

FASHION EDITOR: James Worthington DeMolet PHOTOGRAPHED BY Max Abadian


time travel The mash-up of a vintageinspired tee and florals creates a cool combo. Metallic ankle boots keep the look grounded in the now.

DRESS, Coach 1941. BOOTS, Ash. BELT, Rye Decker. BRACELET, Pierre Hardy

MONTH 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

129


PS THE LUI E ISS BEAUTY TIP

Matchy-matchy lips and tips are out-ofthis-world sexy. To get the look: Paint your pout with CoverGirl Outlast All-Day Custom Reds Lip Color in Your Classic Red, $9— then swipe Outlast Stay Brilliant Nail Gloss in Red Revenge, $5.50, on nails.

celestial body

Do sequins the demure way in a turtleneck bodysuit tucked into a pair of high-waisted power pants.

130 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MONTH 2017


space racy The figure-flattering A-line silhouette gets an upgrade with sci-fi fabrics. Geometric panels and silver hardware make it Zenon chic .

OPPOSITE PAGE: BODYSUIT, Alix. PANTS, DKNY Pure. THIS PAGE: DRESS, Courrèges. SHOES, Christian Louboutin. BRACELET, Cult Gaia. RING, Laruicci

MONTH 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

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TOP, Milly. PANTS, Alice + Olivia by Stacey Bendet. SHOES, DSquared2. SUNGLASSES, Super by Retrosuperfuture. CHOKER, RINGS, Annelise Michelson

WHAT I LOVE MOST ABOUT HIDDEN FIGURES AND MOONLIGHT IS THAT THEY HUMANIZE ‘THE OTHER.’ I TRY TO BE AN ADVOCATE FOR THE PERSON WHO’S OFTEN DISCRIMINATED AGAINST OR REPRESSED—THE LGBT COMMUNITY, WOMEN, MINORITIES. I SEE MYSELF IN ALL THESE GROUPS THAT WE MARGINALIZE.”

132 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MONTH 2017


cataclysmic event

Master mixed prints by wearing horizontal lines on top and vertical on bottom. A pair of flashy platforms provides a boost‌ and makes you look extra leggy.

MONTH 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

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THIS PAGE: COAT, Daniel Silverstain. SWEATER, Carven. SKIRT, Akris. BELT, Donna Anna by Deborah Drattell. RINGS, Made In Earth. SUNGLASSES, Fendi. OPPOSITE PAGE: DRESS, T-SHIRT, DSquared2. SUNGLASSES, RVS Handmade Eyewear. HAIR: Nikki Nelms. MAKEUP: Jessica Smalls for Epiphany Artist Group, Inc. MANICURE: Rachel Craine. See page 170 for shopping _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MONTH 2017 information.

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moment of reflection

Instead of sticking to shades of gray, stand out in headto-toe platinum with a mix of textures. Think ribbed knits and micro-pleats.


I HOPE PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT THESE CHARACTERS I’M PLAYING AS THE NEW SUPERHEROES....WE DO PARADES FOR ASTRONAUTS, BUT WE DON’T DO THEM FOR THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE SCENES. HIDDEN FIGURES IS, IN A SENSE, A PARADE FOR THEM.”

outer layer

Make a sexy strapless dress more practical for everyday wear by layering it over a fitted white tee. Added perk: no risk of a wardrobe malfunction!

MONTH 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

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FRANK GRIMM/ TRUNK ARCHIVE (4)

Teach Him How to Please You WHETHER YOU’RE TRYING TO UNDO THE TRAGIC MOVES HE’S PICKED UP FROM PORN (MAY THE JACKHAMMER R.I.P.) OR TAKE HIS SKILLS FROM GOOD TO OMG-GREAT, HERE’S WHAT TO DO TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. BY ROSE SURNOW

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SEX

TRUTH: GUYS WANT TO PLEASE YOU

Every time a man helps you orgasm, he secretly does the Carlton dance from Fresh Prince in his mind. So why is he fingering you like your cervix owes him money? Or rushing through foreplay? Or drilling into you like he’s fracking for oil? Because nobody teaches guys how to stroke your C-spot or give good oral. Their main resource (other than equally clueless buddies or ex-girlfriends who may have had different preferences) is porn—and unfortunately, Game of Bones just doesn’t cut it as an educational tool. “Men are expected to be solely responsible for the pleasure aspect of sex. Women are given the idea that they should just lie there and the guy is supposed to know what to do,” says sex educator Carlin Ross, author of How to Make a Girl Come. But that’s how bad sex happens! It’s time to take control of your pleasure. The best part is that communicating your desires can actually make sex steamier. Follow our lead.…

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YOU WANT...

Him to Say Hot Things During Sex

A surefire way to get some good dirty talk going is to start the conversation yourself. Say, “I love how you feel inside me” or “Your tongue is magic”—whatever gets him off. Then ask him some leading questions to get him talking, suggests sexologist Jill McDevitt, PhD. “Try asking, ‘How much do you want me to spread my legs?’ or tell him to ‘beg for it.’” Some guys might be scared of dirty talk because they’re afraid they’ll spit out something stupid or offensive. For the shy guy, Ross recommends getting a book of erotica— or just a novel with sexy scenes—and asking him to read a particularly hot passage to you out loud. Once you both get more

comfortable, you can go off page and create your own wild fantasies. YOU WANT...

Him to Stop Jackhammering Already

Ahhh, the jackhammer. An oldie, but a terrible-y. For some reason (porn...porn is the reason), so many young guys are convinced that if they drill into you, you’ll climax. Yeah...no. Sexpert Ross reminisces: “In my 20s and 30s, I found that so many guys went too hard and fast, so I changed my strategy. When I would start having sex with someone new, it would be with me on top so I could teach him the rhythm that I liked.” If your dude is being way too aggressive with your lotus


TA K E CHARGE — GUYS LOVE IT!

flower, either switch positions or physically slow him down with your hands, she says. “Put your hands on his hips and guide him to the speed and pressure that feel best for you.” He won’t mind, we promise! YOU WANT...

Him to Compliment Your Body During Sex There’s nothing that greases the girdle like getting some sexy compliments on your dope-ass bod. Ashley, 31, a journalist from Denver, says when she wants validation, she straight up asks for it with questions like “Do you like my ass?” or “How does my body look?” You might worry that you’re fishing for compliments, but who cares? It makes you feel good, and your partner is already thinking it anyway. You’re actually doing him a service because you’re teaching him how to be more expressive. If it feels too intimidating to ask for praise point-blank,

Men reveal why they dig it when you hand them a roadmap to your pleasure—or just take the wheel. “Once, I was struggling to get her off. She said cowgirl was the only position that worked, then rolled me over on my back, rode me like a derby horse for a few minutes, and bam!”

try a more roundabout approach. Buy some sexy lingerie and put it on under your work clothes. Then when it’s time to get frisky, slowly undress down to your undies. It’s guaranteed your partner will comment on what he likes. If he’s too tongue-tied by your hotness to say anything, get the ball rolling with a simple “So...what do you think of my new work outfit?”

YOU WANT...

Him to Touch You in Just the Right Way

Alexandra, 32, a filmmaker and intuitive coach from Los Angeles, remembers the first time she asked a guy for what she wanted: “I was in my early 20s, and I had never had an orgasm with another person before. I knew that in order to, I

—JESSE M., 26

“A girl told me to slowly curl my fingers inside her while I was going down on her. I loved it when she started to lose control.”

HE LOVES BEING A STUDENT... WHEN THE SUBJECT IS YOUR BOD.

—BRETT K., 23

“Once, a woman tore my clothes off, got on top of me, and told me to wrap her hair around my fist. I’m glad I listened—it was hot!” —BLAKE L., 23

Three Get-What-You-Want Strategies Describe a Hot Dream

Sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD, suggests telling your partner that you had a sexy dream...starring him! Describe what he supposedly did in your subconscious (this could be what you want him to do later that night). He’ll be flattered, and now you’re both sharing in your fantasy.

Turn a Complaint Into a Raunchy Request

Instead of focusing on what you’re not getting, Kerner proposes expressing it in a way that gets your lovah excited. “I’d really love it if you’d slowly stroke my clit.” That sort of specific, X-rated invitation will clue him in on what you need.

Try a Post-Game Replay

McDevitt suggests that after sex, when you’re lying next to each other, give him a highlights recap of the experience. That look he gave you, that way he swirled his hips… he’ll be stoked to hear what turns you on. Then ask him to share his highlights reel too. FEBRUARY 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

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SEX

THE SEXIEST THINGS HE CAN S AY IN BED We asked Cosmo readers for the phrases that make them quiver. Feel free to hand him this page as a cheat sheet.

REPORT CARD: STRAIGHT O’S

“Come here, you sexy little thing.” “I can’t wait to go down on you.” “I want to take you home and do bad things to you.” “You are perfect down there.” “I want to f*ck you so bad.” “You’re like magic.”

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needed a lot of clitoral stimulation, but I was scared to ask for it. Then one time my boyfriend and I were taking a bath together, and I worked up the nerve to tell him, ‘I’ve never had an orgasm with a lover, and I really want to have one with you.’” She gave him specific directions about what felt good for her and...voilà: That night, Alexandra had her first orgasm with a partner. If your guy is already trying but not applying enough—or the right kind

of—pressure, take matters into your own hands. Ross suggests putting your fingers on top of his to guide him on the motion and speed that you like. Say something dirty while you’re teaching him, like “It makes me crazy when you touch my [insert your preferred term for your lady flower here] like this.” It will make the lesson feel

more fun and less critical. McDevitt also suggests touching yourself in front of your partner so he can see exactly what gets you off. Just remember to tell him to silence his phone before the performance begins. YOU WANT...

Him to Spend More Time on Your Boobs

If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then the nipples


For one woman, domination might mean a light slap on the butt; for another, it might be getting hooked up to electrodes while her boyfriend screams at her in German. (#NeinDanke.) So tell him exactly what you want him to do. Or if you’re bashful about verbalizing it, Ross suggests watching a scene together with the kind of scenario you might enjoy. Movies like Secretary or Fifty Shades Darker (out this month) are good sources for edgy, powerplay moves. Just be sure to establish a safe word with your partner before things get hot and heavy. Ideally, you want to negotiate BDSM details outside the bedroom when you’re both clearheaded and sober. YOU WANT...

are the windows to feeling really effing good. Want your man to book a layover in boob-town? Give him positive reinforcement when he’s there. Any time he caresses or sucks your nips, moan or make noise to show him you’re enjoying it, breathe hard... or just be direct and tell him, “Stay there, keep doing that.” YOU WANT...

To Be Dominated The trick to asking for anything kinky or rough is to be super specific, since your idea of what this entails may not sync with his at first.

Him to Welcome Your Vibrator in Bed

Next time you’re making out with your guy, tell him you have a fantasy you want to share. Then describe exactly how you want to have sex with him using a toy. You could say something like “I want you to kiss and bite my neck while I use a vibrator on myself.” Or whatever scenario you want. Describing the kind of sex you want to have to your partner will be a guaranteed turn-on for him (um, and you). If he’s insecure or offended by the idea of your using a vibrator, keep the toy and replace the lover. ■

UPGRADE HIS ORAL SKILLS

The incredibly convenient thing about being on the receiving end of oral sex is that your mouth, hands, and hips are free to express themselves. Don’t let this opportunity go to waste! Take some advice from women who have effective ways of getting amazing downtown action.

1

Give Precise Directions

4

Play Oral Roulette

Apply Pressure

“If he’s switching things up a lot, wait till the guy’s in a good spot, then affirm that it feels good.” Something we know about men: They like to change the TV channels often, and sometimes, this seeps into their oral-sex behaviors. Make him stop when he lands on a channel you like, then keep him there until the credits roll, so to speak.

3

Move Your Own Hips Around

“Up. To the left. Higher. Down. To the right.” Men don’t like asking for directions, so just give him unsolicited guidance.

2

“Put your hand on his head, and when he’s doing something really great, squeeze harder, pull his hair—anything to show that you like that thing he’s doing right now.” If words aren’t your thing, don’t use any!

Help His Tongue Technique

“Wide and flat feels different than when it’s pointy. Figuring out what you like better and communicating it can help you tell him specifically what you want.” This is like Oral Sex 2.0—but seriously, the tongue is a crazy-amazing muscle. Make the most of that sucker by knowing what you like it to do.

5

“Do this until his mouth lands somewhere perfect, then say something to make him realize he’s hit the bull’seye, like ‘Yes, right there.’” If you pull this off, your partner will think they found this magical spot all on their own. —HANNAH SMOTHERS

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Sex Q&A

No-BS responses to questions you can only ask Cosmo

My guy and I always have quickies, which is fine when we’re in a rush, but how do we make the process last longer? Q

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@ C O S M O P O L I TA N . C O M .

Do I have to tell my guy that I masturbate when he’s not around? Q

A Almost everyone masturbates, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to talk about it with the person you’re dating. “You don’t ever have to tell a significant other about anything you’re not comfortable sharing,”

says Kristen Mark, PhD, assistant professor and director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at the University of Kentucky. So if you feel like keeping your solo action a secret, go for it. But Mark does point out there are benefits to opening up about your solo time. “For many people, thinking about their partner masturbating can be a turn-on,” says Mark. And she says that as long as self-disclosure about your sexual go-tos is mutual (in that you both disclose roughly equal amounts of information to each other), telling your partner your wild fantasies and handy habits can actually make your relationship stronger.

F R A N K I E M A R K / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O M

A There are plenty of hot ways to slow-jam your sex sessions. After all, in a recent Trojan survey, the majority of women said that sex was most pleasurable when it lasted longer than 30 minutes. “To draw out the sexual experience, try to reframe what you consider sex,” says sexologist Jill McDevitt, PhD. Think of it as anything and everything erotic that occurs before, during, and after P-inthe-V. That can mean whispering hot things while giving him a massage, taking an extra 10 minutes just to make out, or trying a semi-kinky toy, like a blindfold or a pretty set of handcuffs. Taking your SAT (translation: sweet-ass time) will make sex totally worth the wait.

E -M A IL YOUR SE X QU E ST IONS TO SE XQ A NDA


SOME NIP SLIPS ARE INTENTIONAL.

My girlfriend loves nipple play, but I’m totally clueless. Help! Q

A Even though nipples are often neglected, stimulating them can send happy sensations throughout your breasts. Research shows it also activates the same brain region associated with your clitoris, vagina, and cervix, says behavioral neuroscientist Barry Komisaruk, PhD. And having a partner play with your nipples releases that feel-good hormone, oxytocin. To ease into your boob

game, start slow by massaging her entire breast, suggests sex therapist Susan Block, PhD, then move to the nipples with touching and light pinching. As you increase the pressure, check in and ask, “Does that feel good?” Same with your mouth. “Start licking, then go to sucking, then maybe a little biting,” says Block. As you work your mammary magic, be sure to ask her for feedback.

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SEX

The guy I’m seeing revealed that he has had issues with sex addiction. Is that a real thing? Q

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SEX TOY OF THE MONTH

My boyfriend is more dominant, and I’m more submissive. What’s a sex toy that will work with our dynamic? Hand him the Midnight Feather Tickler ($20, sportsheets .com), which has soft feathers that he can run along your body. He’ll feel in control of your shivers, and you’ll feel sexy goose bumps.

I never know what to do or say after sex with someone new. What’s a good line?

I am 28 and just got braces. Now I am nervous about going down on my BF. Any tips?

Q

Q

A “There’s no one right thing,” says sex and relationship therapist Megan Fleming, PhD, because first-time sex with someone can be awkward, amazing, or just plain weird. So focus on the positive. “Try ‘I really loved it when you touched me that way,’” says Fleming. Doling out compliments can build confidence and enhance your connection. (This works on guys you’ve been with forever too!) But if the sex was not so great, don’t go crazy with praise. Instead, go for a line that shows you’re looking forward to improving your skills together, like, “Can’t wait for next time!”

A You know that wax the orthodontist gives you to keep the inside of your mouth from getting cut? Put it over any sharp edges on your braces to smooth things out before you head downtown, suggests sex educator Barbara Keesling, PhD. That— and keeping your lips curled around your teeth—should prevent any down-below disasters. Another thing: “Encourage him to trim,” says Keesling. “It will be less likely that his pubic hair gets caught in your braces,” which could be painful for him. And kinda gross for you. —JULIE VADNAL

F E R N A N D O G O M E Z / T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O M

A It’s complicated. According to the American Psychiatric Association, it’s not an official diagnosis. But that doesn’t stop people from using the term. “It’s an outdated label that’s become a way to either shame or excuse people who like sex more than someone else thinks they should,” says clinical psychologist David Ley, PhD. When it comes to your dude, be supportive, Ley says: “Understand that his use of the term is code for ‘I’ve made sexual decisions I’ve regretted, and sometimes I’m concerned about making healthy ones in the future.’” Then it’s up to you. “He may have a higher sex drive than you do,” says Karen Beale, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Maryville College, “but that’s no excuse for, say, him cheating.” If you feel good about the sex you’re having, great! But if the way he approaches sex makes you uneasy, it could be a sign that he’s not for you.

GUARD YOUR GRILL, GIRL!


SEX POSITION OF THE MONTH

THE CUPID SNUGGLE Even if it’s not totally effing freezing where you live, this lovey-dovey move is sure to raise your body heat.

I TRIED IT!

Lie on your sides with him as the big spoon (awww!). Start with his legs and yours slightly bent, then straighten your bottom leg and slide it between his legs. This will tilt your body toward the bed, which allows him to begin thrusting his, um, arrow. The new angle will feel super tight to him, plus you’ll have a hand free to touch yourself for some extra warm fuzzies.

The best part is how the tightness heightened sensitivity for both of us. We tried it on the perfect day—it was the first snow of the season!” —NICOLE S., 22

OMG. I propped myself up on my forearm and then reached my other arm back to grab his butt. Once we both finished, we spooned for 10 minutes because it felt so good.” —MICAL F., 23

It’s the dopeness—he feels so big. You can also transition into sex on your belly or he can roll on his back and you can lie on top of him.” —KATHRYN A., 25

“Do it on a morning when you’re both feeling a little lazy. We didn’t have to put too much effort into it, and it still felt crazyamazing.” —ANN V., 31

IL LUS T R AT ION BY CÉ S A R S A N T IL L Á N

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THE DRUNK SEX

EPIDEMIC


SEX When was the last time you hooked up sober? If you can’t remember—either because it’s been too long or your hangover has melted your memory—you’re not alone. A growing number of young women use alcohol as a sexual lubricant…to the detriment of intimacy and enjoyment. Cosmo explores. YOU’VE HEARD OF casual

YOU DON’T NEED LIQUID COURAGE TO BE YOUR SEXY SELF.

drinkers, heavy drinkers, and social drinkers. Now an alarming number of women fall into a new type of imbibers: sexual drinkers, aka people who aren’t necessarily alcoholics but do rely on alcohol to get it on. You probably know a few, even if you aren’t one yourself. A recent study found that 30 percent of sexually active women who drink never hook up without reaching some level of inebriation, according to the American Journal of Public Health. The most frequent offenders? Singles. Columbia University researchers confirmed they’re three times as likely as people in relationships to engage in some pre-bedroom boozing. Add to that the fact that binge drinking in women has shot up seven times faster than in men over the last decade and the rise of sexual drinkers begins to make sense. “There’s a strong belief that alcohol and sex go together,” says Megan Patrick, PhD, research associate professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research. “The way young single people interact with potential sexual partners pretty much revolves around alcohol.” For women, the link is an emotional one. A cocktail before a date can act as a

kind of “intimacy tonic” that takes the edge off potential sex with someone you only know from an app. Sipping has become a form of selftreatment for sexual anxiety or a lack of confidence. “I enjoy sex more when I’ve been drinking,” says Linn S., 22, from Kansas City, Missouri. “I know I’ll worry less about things like how my stomach looks or whether I’ll say something embarrassing.” It’s an easy habit to fall into, and one that can escalate quickly—what starts as an occasional pregame beverage, then a few more during the date itself, can snowball until getting drunk is an every-date occurrence. In science speak, sexual drinking stems from a phenomenon called the alcohol expectancy theory. “When people expect that drinking will help them feel loosened up and sexy, it actually does that,” says Patrick. But while relying on a beer (or three) to shepherd you through moments of vulnerability is understandable, it also invites a fraught relationship with alcohol and—womp!—puts a serious damper on your sex life: Orgasming while inebriated can be near impossible (see “Why Alcohol Is a Buzzkill in Bed,” at right), and forming real emotional connections is even harder. Read on to avoid or extricate yourself from a burgeoning problem. —EMILY C. JOHNSON

Why Alcohol Is a Buzzkill in Bed Your inhibition isn’t the only thing that’s lowered when you pound shots… your arousal and pleasure dip too. YOU’RE LESS TURNED ON Even though alcohol ups self-reported arousal in women, your body tells a different story. Research shows that intoxication impedes “vaginal pulse amplitude,” a measure of blood flow that’s linked to how sexcited you are.

IT’S HARDER TO ORGASM Because they require high levels of focus and arousal, O’s can already be tricky for women. But booze interferes with both concentration and libido—and makes you less sensitive to physical touch—which can further delay climaxes.

YOU MAY TAKE MORE RISKS When you’re drunk, you’re more likely to engage in potentially hazardous behaviors and less likely to pay attention to any anxiety you’re feeling. The combo of the two could prompt you to do things you may not have felt comfortable doing sober and can lead to a night you’ll regret. —DANIELLE KAM

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DRUNK SEX ALMOST RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP” Like many women, Anna Breslaw used alcohol to soothe her nerves in bed— until her pre-hookup binges became a serious issue. Read on as she shares how she straightened up in the sack.

for most of my 20s, my date-night ritual was always the same: a glass of wine balanced on the edge of the sink while I was doing my makeup. It’s what plenty of single women do—and who can blame us for wanting a little liquid courage when the dating world can feel like The Hunger Games, with hundreds of amazing women all competing for the same few men. For me, suggesting a coffee date instead of a drink never felt like a viable—or cool—option. Sadly, I was partly right. A 2014 study of 1.5 million interactions between online daters found that women who report they drink “often” were 13 percent more likely to be contacted by guys. And even if the date was awful or just mediocre, after five or six strong cocktails, the guy across from me would magically morph into someone taller and sexier. Which was why I started getting hammered on every single date.

My behavior aligns with the findings of Sharon Wilsnack, PhD, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at the University of North Dakota School of Medicine and Health Sciences. She has been researching women’s relationship with alcohol for 40 years and has found that women in their 20s and 30s are “drinking to get drunk” at an alarmingly steady rate. “It used to be that the biggest pressure for young women was career,” says Wilsnack. “But these days, that’s been outdone by the pressure that society puts on them to seem cool, relaxed, and sexually free.” Both genders experience a loss of sexual inhibition when drunk, but it affects us differently. A study in The Journal of Personality asked intoxicated men and women between the ages of 29 and 32 to describe what

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STRAIGHT UP: THAT EXTRA COCKTAIL COULD PUT YOUR PLEASURE ON THE ROCKS.

was happening in pictures of people in a range of everyday situations. While the men described stories of power and competition, women’s descriptions revolved around connection and intimacy. The findings suggest that alcohol has a way of ratcheting up traditional gender roles: Drinking to feel sexy can be a sort of “femininity in a bottle” for women. Perhaps that search for connection explains why it was so easy for me to fall into bed after dates and why the sex itself felt like… well…nothing. Such a high volume of booze limited my ability to feel pleasure.

Hooking up became a kind of performance, one in which I played the part of a bold and confident sex goddess. I felt so detached from my body and from the guy I was with, it was almost like I was watching the scene from above. And in all likelihood, that’s why I never orgasmed with another person while drunk. Even so, this became my pattern for years, until I met a coworker who became my boyfriend. No surprise that our first date was at a bar or that while he had two drinks, I downed four. As things between us progressed into a serious


SEX

IF YOU THINK YOU NEED HELP…

P R E V I O U S S P R E A D : A N D I E L L O W AY/ T H E L I C E N S I N G P R O J E C T. C O M . T H I S S P R E A D : J O S E L I T O B R I O N E S / S T O C K S Y.

Make an appointment with your doctor to discuss your drinking habits, or visit the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism at niaaa.nih.gov.

relationship, I kept drinking way more than anybody should. At first, my bad habit seemed to go unnoticed by him. But almost a year in, he sat me down and said, “Anna, I’m really concerned about your drinking.” The truth: I was too, but I had no idea what my life—my sex life, in particular—would be like without alcohol. In fact, says Wilsnack, the number one hesitation women have about giving up booze is how it will negatively impact their sex life. For many women (myself among them), sex and alcohol have gone hand in hand since we lost our virginity.

My fears led me to a desperate ploy: To distract my boyfriend from my problem, I sweetened the deal by fulfilling his every fantasy—but only during drunk sex. Epic blow jobs. Butt stuff. Rough stuff. The tactic worked for a few months, until he confronted me about it. I was busted… again. So, hard as it was, I majorly cut back on my drinking and forced myself to be sober during sex. It was challenging, to say the least—every touch felt clumsy, and I was overcome by anxiety about my body. In time, however, things became easier in bed, and other areas of my life improved too. The quality of my sleep got better. I had actual conversations with friends instead of fakelistening because I was too buzzed to pay attention. I stopped smoking, which gave me more energy and a higher sex drive. These days, I feel like an active participant in my sex life, which has allowed me to have more and better orgasms. Looking back, it’s achingly apparent that alcohol kept me from forming solid bonds with guys I liked. The courage I once sought was never swirling inside a cocktail shaker…I had to find it within myself. ■

IF YOU ANSWERED

Are You a Sexual Drinker?

Take this quiz to see if you have a healthy relationship with alcohol and sex.

That hot guy on your app asks you out. You’re hoping he takes you: a. To that adorable new coffee shop downtown.

b. To an NBA game. A beer, some nachos, and the kiss cam FTW! c. To a dimly lit dive where I can down vodka sodas.

When was the last time that you had totally sober sex with someone new? a. The last time I had sex.

b. Before I started using Tinder.

c. I honestly can’t remember. Work ran late, and you’re meeting a date in half an hour. You’re: a. Running around

MOSTLY A’S: In your mind, drinking and sex aren’t close bedfellows. Good news, since you’ll be able to get a clear sense of whether or not you have a real connection with someone. “When you’re not drinking before sex, you know for sure that you got together because you liked each other, not because of beer goggles,” points out Patrick. MOSTLY B’S: Dating (and sex) can certainly be more fun with a bev, and you know how to strike the right balance. “There’s nothing wrong with getting a little buzz,” Patrick says, “as long as you can be intimate while sober too.” MOSTLY C’S: Awkward pauses and a stressed-out state of mind can definitely hinder hot sex. But if you’re typically drunk before you even show up for the date—or get smashed during it to make a hookup bearable—you’re a sexual drinker. “Once you can’t interact with a date or enjoy yourself without being intoxicated, you’re crossing the line,” warns George Koob, PhD, director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. If this is you, talking things out with a therapist can help. —E.C.J.

my apartment, doing hair and makeup.

b. Heading straight to the bar so that I’ll already be sipping my first drink when he arrives. c. In my kitchen, chugging wine to avoid showing up sober.

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It Takes Some Courage, But Saving Money Is Worth The Leap .

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F O O D S T Y L I S T: C L A U D I A F I C C A . P R O P S T Y L I S T: C H L O E D A L E Y.

Super Bowls! INSPIRE SNACK-TIME CHEERS AT YOUR NEXT BIG-GAME HANG WITH THESE AWESOME DIPS. PHOTO G R A PHED BY T ED C AVA N AUG H

BY JULIE VADNAL

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delish garlicyogurt dip It’s a serious flavor bomb for veggies.

Sure, watching the Super Bowl is technically about the game (and the commercials and the half-time show…), but no one will flag you if these divine dips get as much attention as all those dudes in tight spandex. So tackle these easy recipes before kickoff.…

UGH, SPILL Blot carpet with 1 T liquid dishwashing soap mixed in two cups of warm water, says the Good Housekeeping Institute. Genius.

1 clove garlic, finely chopped 1½ T lemon juice 1½ t. Jacobsen Salt Co. lemon salt 2 c. thick greek yogurt 2 T olive oil ½ c. mixed herbs (cilantro, chives, parsley, mint, and dill all work), finely chopped Marinate garlic in lemon juice for 5 minutes.

1.

Whisk together rest of ingredients.

2.

Serve with veggies or crackers.

3.

COURTESY TUSK RESTAURANT, PORTLAND, OREGON

to-die-for buffalochicken dip Boneless hot wings + melty cheese…we dare you not to lick the bowl.

2 c. shredded cooked chicken 1 8-oz. package cream cheese ½ c. buffalo-wing sauce ½ c. blue-cheese dressing ½ c. shredded Monterey Jack cheese Crumbled blue cheese

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Combine all ingredients but the blue cheese in an oven-safe dish. Bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes.

1.

Stir; cook 5 more minutes.

2.

Remove from oven. Top with blue cheese.

3.

4 . Serve with celery and mini toasts.


SALSA HACK! We tried all the salsas and loved 365’s Roasted Pepper Cantina Style the most ($3.50, Whole Foods Market). Make it look all fancy by pouring it into a bowl and topping with cilantro, sliced fresh jalapeño, and lime wedges.

sweet & salty guac

Pomegranate seeds just make everything tastier.

YES, SALTED-CARAMEL DESSERT DIP IS A THING

WEST ELM; FRENCH BULL.

You’ll want to fill an entire swimming pool with this insanely sweet treat, which is the brainchild of Zac Young, Craveable Hospitality Group pastry director, in NYC.

1½ c. whole milk 1 box instant chocolate pudding mix 1 8-oz. tub Cool Whip 16 Oreo cookies, crushed 1 c. Smucker’s caramel sauce Pinch of salt

To make the first layer: Whisk milk and pudding mix together for 1 minute (it will be thicker than regular pudding). Fold in half the tub of Cool Whip and half the crushed Oreos. Spread the pudding in an even layer in the bottom of a serving dish. Sprinkle the top with the remaining crushed Oreo cookies.

1.

For the second layer: Pour the caramel sauce and salt in a mixing bowl and fold in the remaining Cool Whip. Spread caramel mixture over the chocolate layer, and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

2.

3.

Finally: Serve cold with pretzels.

2 ripe avocados 1 lime for juice and zest 1 small red onion, finely chopped 1 large jalapeño, deseeded and finely chopped 1 garlic clove, minced ½ c. Pom Poms Fresh Arils 1. Cut avocados in half, remove pits, and scoop out flesh. 2 . Mash the avocado, and mix in lime juice and zest, onion, jalapeño, and garlic. Season to taste with salt. 3.

Stir in arils.

4 . Serve with tortilla chips.

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Crush Your Time Off!

Quick question: Would you rather get a vacation or a raise? In a recent survey, more than one-third of employees said they’d prefer days full of mai tais and palm trees over a pay bump. So it seems totally bonkers that more than half of Americans bailed on their allowable time off last year, leaving behind 658 million unused vacation days, according to Project: Time Off, an initiative of the U.S. Travel Association. Unacceptable! Stacks of studies show that taking vacations, whether you go way off the grid or camp out on your couch, can improve your health, mood, creativity, and productivity. So whip out your calendar, block off some me-time, and get ready to feel amazing. BY LISA FREEDMAN

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HER MORNING COMMUTE: FROM ONE END OF THE POOL TO THE OTHER


LIFE MAKE YOUR VACATION DREAMS A REALITY First, Feel Entitled Nearly 50 percent of millennials think that sacrificing their breaks will impress their bosses. News flash: Being a martyr is rarely a good look. Never assume your boss is anti-vacation (she may even be impressed with your ability to plan an awesome trip). “They might not be talking about it, but we find that managers are overwhelmingly supportive of vacation time for their teams,” says Katie Denis, senior program director at Project: Time Off. Supervisors want a positive work environment and to avoid staff burnout and know vacays help with both. Another tactic: Remember your days off are part of your compensation. You’ve earned them, so don’t give back your benefits.

ALEKSANDRA JANKOVIC/STOCKSY

Coordinate With Your S.O. Constantly putting work before the person who hears all about it (all the time) means fewer opportunities to build positive memories together, warns Meg Batterson, a psychotherapist and relationship counselor. There’s never a “perfect” time to get away, and synchronizing two schedules is harder than dealing with one, but it is doable. Make a point to sit down and look at your calendars— especially at pivotal moments, like when one of you gets a new job or at the start of the summer—and block off some dates, even if they’re months away.

YOUR VACAY BY THE NUMBERS

4 2

The percentage of millennials who say they shame coworkers who take time off, compared to 24 percent of people in older generations. No mas! Support your colleagues and they’ll likely do the same for you—not to mention, help cover your workload while you’re out.

Consider a Long Weekend Stuck with just one week off? As with veggies, every little bite— or in this case, day—is good for you. “Look for opportunities to leverage existing holiday weekends to get a few extra days away,” suggests Denis. Even a short break benefits your mental health, says Jessica de Bloom, PhD, a research fellow at the University of Tampere in Finland who studies vacation. No matter how long your trip is, the middle of it tends to be the most relaxing (so make the most of that Saturday!).

Save All the Money Plenty of contractors, tutors, waitresses, and other hourly employees don’t get paid vacation. If that’s you, try budgeting more or picking up extra hours or shifts to make up for the time (read: money) that you’ll miss while on your trip, says moneysaving expert Andrea Woroch. Consider starting a separate vacation savings account with your current bank or using an app like Digit or Money Box Pro. “Goal-oriented savings accounts allow you to visualize your progress when working toward a specific target,” says Woroch. “That keeps you motivated. And on some apps, you can track your progress and even share your goals on social media, so your network can help keep you accountable.” FEBRUARY 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

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LIFE

STRESS REDUCTION CAN BE HABITFORMING.

EXIT GRACEFULLY Feel Out Office Etiquette

Set Reminders You might think you should downplay your big trip (no one loves a braggart, right?). But actually, preparing your manager and coworkers—early and often—is a better bet. “Remind people of your upcoming vacation, put it on their calendars, and don’t forget to set up your out-of-office replies,” says Denis. Do a walk-through of your day with anyone who might be filling in for you. Don’t forget to let clients (or any other people you work with outside the company) know you’ll be out, and give them a point person to check in with.

Lay Down Some Rules “A lot of evidence shows that checking e-mails and calling into work is a bad idea—and may erase the well-being benefits of time off,” warns de Bloom.

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YOUR VACAY BY THE NUMBERS

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The percentage of workers who worry no one will be able to do their jobs when they’re out. Chillax: A well-functioning office shouldn’t disintegrate in your absence. Before you go, figure out who will take point for you on any projects or shifts. Then meet with each person to walk through a game plan.

Infinity! The number of days off some tech companies, like PayPal, are now offering salaried employees. (No need to drool. Informal surveys suggest that employees with unlimited vacation take no more time off than they would otherwise.)

ALEKSANDRA JANKOVIC/STOCKSY

Before booking anything, consider talking to coworkers who’ve been on the job longer than you have, suggests Cynthia Marco-Scanlon, PhD, interim director at John Carroll University’s Center for Career Services. They may have learned valuable lessons about the best times to take off or how your boss will react to your request. Ask them how many days they usually use in a row and how far in advance they vocalize their plans.


YOUR VACAY BY THE NUMBERS

Live in the Moment

So do everything you can to go offline. If you must check in with work, set up guidelines in advance. Example: Plan to check your e-mail every night at 5 p.m. or call in every other morning. Unless there’s an emergency, don’t start responding to messages.

MAXIMIZE YOUR BREAK Explore a New Place To really energize your mind, travel somewhere you haven’t been before. Broadening your proverbial horizons and learning new things are key for amping creativity and gaining fresh perspectives, says Robert Epstein, PhD, a senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavioral Research and Technology. The resulting mental boost could help you crush it at work when you return.

Do What You Want! Feel like lazing around on the beach all day…or taking jampacked tours of local sights? There’s no wrong activity when it comes to milking the mindbody benefits of vacation. Experts say what matters is that your itinerary consists of things you want to do.

Ditch the selfie stick and try (like, really try) to think less about documenting every single moment, especially during meals. “Research shows that the mere presence of a phone on the table while people are talking can make them feel less connected to one another,” says Emma Seppälä, PhD, science director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and author of The Happiness Track.

Welcome Brainstorms “Vacations make us think differently,” says Epstein. That means you may well cook up new ideas or have a breakthrough on a tricky problem while traveling. He suggests packing a notebook and jotting down thoughts as they come to you. Epstein calls this process capturing, and it’s a great way to foster creativity before you get back into the zone at work.

PROLONG THE GLOW Plan Your Reentry “I don’t like to schedule too many appointments after a vacation,” says Marco-Scanlon. Instead, she uses day one to read up on what she’s missed. Follow her lead by blocking off at least the morning of your first day back to catch up on e-mails and calls. If you don’t have the luxury of planning your own schedule, consider getting to work a little earlier than usual for a few days post-trip.

0

Number of paid days off U.S. companies are required to give you by law. If your benefits are less than great, try negotiating for more time off. Explain that a vacation will help you to be a higher performer.

6 7

The percentage of Americans who say they’ve done vacation research at work, according to a survey from Travelzoo. The sheer act of planning a vacation can boost happiness, so get on it (maaaybe during lunch).

Stay Off the Grid Resist the urge to hunt down every Insta photo and tweetstorm that happened while you were gone. “Chances are, nothing drastic occurred in your absence,” says Seppälä. “Use this as an opportunity to jumpstart a new relationship with your social-media feeds…meaning, only checking them one or two times a day, so you can reclaim your life.” Repeat after us: I can do this.

Switch Up Your Workspace Remember those new perspectives? Hang tight to them now that you’re parked at your desk. “Static environments are bad for creativity,” says Epstein, so hang photos or souvenirs (think: postcards, seashells) nearby and swap them out regularly. The more frequent and dramatic your changes in environment, the bigger the mental boost may be.

Keep the Fun Going… …Before, during, and after work. Integrate as many vacation-like activities into your everyday life as possible, says de Bloom. “Go for a morning swim, eat outside at lunch, or take an evening walk in nature,” she suggests. Or, really, squeeze in anything that’s entertaining or relaxing (meditation podcasts and chats with colleagues count). Studies show that the benefits of vacation can fade as soon as a week after returning to your daily grind. Keeping the vibe alive can extend your bliss—until your next trip. ■ FEBRUARY 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

157


LIFE PS THE LUI E ISS

FIND YOUR VOICE AT WORK

Speaking up can be intimidating, but proving you have something smart to say commands respect…and is crucial to your advancement. Follow these pointers from Lauren Maillian, entrepreneur, author, and costar of Oxygen’s Quit Your Day Job.

GET READY FOR THE ULTIMATE MIC DROP.

BY JUDITH OHIKUARE

I was a teenage model, so I learned a lot about business and brand management at an early age. By the time I was 21, I had my own wine company and oversaw everything from web strategy to operations— but I worried I wouldn’t be taken seriously by my much older counterparts. Since I thought my age might keep someone from fully appreciating my professional value, I made sure to play up my accomplishments and show that I was resourceful and

LEAD WITH FACTS

There have been times in my career when I’ve wanted to make a decision based on gut sense alone but I didn’t speak up. I knew that saying “this doesn’t feel right” wouldn’t fly (especially because people often expect women to be impulsive, then backtrack later). When I get a hunch, I do a little digging until I have concrete information to back up my instincts. If you want to be convincing, you have to show that your arguments are sound.

158 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

TAILOR YOUR MESSAGE

Sometimes we’re so concerned with moving at the speed of culture that we think, Quick! Quick! Quick! But if you focus on speed alone, you increase the chances of being misconstrued and might miss out on an opportunity to truly shine. Pay attention to how people write e-mails: One person might use smiley faces and phrases like “Ciao, talk soon.” Another might use full paragraphs and sign off with “Best regards.” It’s all about adapting your message. That doesn’t mean you change who you are, but for example, even now, the way I speak to my friends in mar-

keting is different from the way I speak to someone in private equity. Stop and process before firing off a reply.

CHANNEL YOUR BOSS

One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn is that I can’t do everything. That means I need to understand and trust the people I surround myself with. From a hiring standpoint, I’m most interested in how people operate when I’m not available. Ask yourself: How does my boss prioritize? How does she make decisions in a crisis? I want to know how you’d deal in my absence and how you perform under pressure. ■

GET T Y IMAGES (2)

SHOWCASE YOUR STRENGTHS

smart enough to succeed. That’s when people started respecting me.


F R E S H N E S S T H AT WO R K S H A R D E R , B E C A U S E Y O U H AV E TO

© Procter & Gamble 2017

WO R K H A R D E R TO G E T A H E A D .

STRESS TESTED FOR WOMEN


MONEY 1. WHAT’S YOUR FINANCIAL BAGGAGE? Discuss where your hangups began to understand each other’s hopes and fears.

Did both of your parents work? How did they handle income? Most of us observe

AreYou $oul Mates?

There’s a reason zero romance novels include the strapping hero whispering into the heroine’s ear, “My credit score is 830.” Talking money isn’t exactly arousing. Still, you need to learn to navigate crucial financial conversations. BY BRIT TANY BURKE you swiped right, share a Netflix account, and co-adopted a pooch. But even when a couple passes certain relationship milestones, one convo often goes overlooked: “When you meet someone new, you try to figure out if you’re physically, emotionally, and spiritually compatible, but it’s less instinctual to focus on whether or not

160 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

you’re financially compatible,” says Manisha Thakor, founder of MoneyZen, an investment advisory firm. And if you think about it, that’s a pretty big oversight, since money plays a major role in your happiness together. If you’re serious about the dude you’re seeing, it pays to get both of your answers to these key questions.

How did your parents talk about money? Maybe his

said there was never enough, while yours liked to spend now and pay later. “The way our parents did or didn’t talk about money can make us fearful of it or act irresponsibly with it,” says Rapley. “If his parents never talked about it with him, he may be less financially mature than you are.” Take that as a sign to keep a close eye on money matters and discuss them more often.

Do you have any financial regrets? Debt can have a

major impact on a relationship, so this may be the most important question you can ask. Ease into the topic to avoid anyone getting defensive, advises Rap-

J O N AT HO N K A MB O U RI S /G A L L E RY S TO C K

THERE’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN “I HEART U” AND “I.O.U.”

how our parents navigate their finances…and then we either mimic them or consciously try to do something different. If your expectations don’t match up when it comes to what the two of you want to do, be clear about where you’re willing to compromise, says Tonya Rapley, founder of the financial-education blog My Fab Finance. Try “I don’t see myself ever quitting my career, but I’d like more manageable hours eventually.” Or “I expect a guy to contribute 50/50 to a relationship and at home.”


Š 2016 ORBIT, EXTRA, 5, Juicy Fruit and all affiliated designs are trademarks of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company or its affiliates.


MONEY

Do your parents pay any of your bills? “Being fiscally

tied to parents can signal that a person is delaying a major step into adulthood,” says Torabi. If he’s hesitant (or unable) to pay for his own cell phone, there may be other milestones he isn’t ready for. Whichever of you is in this situation should explain why. Next, establish what it will take to become independent and build a financial life as a couple. Start small—with a joint phone plan—or cut up that SOS AmEx, says Torabi.

2. WHERE DOES YOUR PAYCHECK GO? Find out how he spends his money on the reg so you don’t sweat the small stuff.

How do you track your money? He might have everything automated…or his finances could resemble his clothesstrewn apartment. Same goes for you. “People can be open to changing the way they deal with money in their 20s and early 30s,” says Hilary Hendershott, a financial consultant and wealth manager. “If you want to sync your moneymanagement styles, speak

1. He doesn’t want

to talk about it.

“If he’s not open about what he wants or does with his money, that’s a red flag,” says Goldman. “Not talking about these things can breed secrecy and resentment.”

2. He asks you to cosign a loan early in your relationship. If his credit isn’t good enough to get his own loan, that’s a bad sign. So this one is a big no. “Try to think of it like a business relationship,” says Goldman. “The stakes are too high for you to put your own credit on the line, and you need to protect yourself.”

3. He’s balling…

out of control.

“If he shops exclusively on credit cards or has a majorly financed car, tread carefully,” says Torabi. Ask how he swings such big expenses. This applies if he’s giving money away too. Generosity is attractive, but flagrant disregard for a budget? Not so much. If he always splurges on bottle service or covers dinner for the table just to impress, simply ask why, Rapley says. “Encouraging him to think about the motivation behind his behavior may lead to a new approach.”

up and be specific about what feels comfortable.”

Does anyone depend on you financially? Both of you have

(hopefully!) divulged if you have a kid (or several) you’re supporting. But you should also be up front if you send your mom a monthly check to help her get by or if he

162 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

THIS PAPER TRAIL CAN LEAD TO IMPORTANT INSIGHTS.

regularly Venmos money to a cash-strapped friend. Revealing these kinds of constraints presents a fuller picture of your finances. Don’t judge, warns Rapley, but do ask, “Do you see yourself doing this forever?” If he’s been weaning his BFF off, A+! But if you’re assisting your mom for good, factor that into any joint budgeting.

What splurge would you never give up? The daily yoga

class? Season tickets to college basketball games? No matter the indulgence, come clean now to head off bitterness later on. “When you’re honest about things you won’t compromise on, it’s easier to find common ground,” says Torabi.

3. WHAT ARE YOUR MONEY DREAMS? You have big plans for the next decade and beyond… but does he?

What’s the one big thing you’re hoping to save for? “The things we save for in life reveal what we value,” says Janice Goldman, author of Let’s Talk About Money. Asking this question of each other will highlight your priorities. If you’re both socking away cash for a house down the road, great. But if his savings are earmarked for a year of travel while you’re saving to go back to school, you need to sort things out.

What do you think your life will look like in 10 years? Get spe-

cific about your visions for the future. Ask each other, “What kind of house will you live in?” “What car will you drive?” “What are you doing today to get you there?” says Rapley. The answers will show if you’re in sync but also reveal if each of you is doing the work now to make these dreams a reality eventually. If the responses indicate a detailed plan to reach that goal, then you’re good to go. ■

J O N AT HO N K A MB O U RI S /G A L L E RY S TO C K

ley. Then say what is owed and why. And it’s important to share how much you make and how much you’ve saved, says Farnoosh Torabi, author of When She Makes More. Once all the facts are out in the open, you can work as a team to create a plan of attack. “Start by doing what it takes to get out of debt, then build up savings,” she says.

THREE SIGNS HE SUCKS WITH MONEY


DIVIDED Determined to succeed, Latina students face a path to success that’s more complex than ever: Chants of “build a wall” ring out on campus, and racially motivated hate crimes are on the rise. Meanwhile, some parents urge their daughters to forfeit college to help out la familia. Cosmo takes a closer look at this double-sided challenge.


LIFE JOANNIE DIAZ, 27, HEADING TO WORK IN MANHATTAN (LEFT) AND AT HOME WITH HER FAMILY IN FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT

IN HIGH SCHOOL, college was my obsession. I thought about it constantly, during every shift of my job as a hostess and busgirl at Pablo’s Mexican Restaurant in Crystal Lake, Illinois, where my mother and I worked nights four days a week. When I got home, shirt reeking of onions and sweat, I couldn’t wait to get to my room so I could do two things: change out of my uniform and make sure my acceptance letters, which I’d stuffed under my mattress, were still there. I had gotten into my dream school: the University of Missouri, six and a half hours from home. It

DREAMS By M I C H E L L E H E R R E R A M U L L I G A N

had the number one undergraduate journalism program in the country— perfect for me, the only Latina on my high school newspaper’s staff. Just seeing the envelope filled me with elation (I made it!). It meant I would disprove all the kids who’d underestimated my potential, who said I smelled like “wetback soup” when I changed in the locker room. I wanted to tell someone I’d gotten in, especially my mother, who at age 21 came to the States from Mexico after meeting my American father— and who had always encouraged me to do my best. Instead, I hid the evidence. I was scared. She’d always treated my college-campus visits like field trips—these places were fine for me to visit de vez en cuando (every once in a while), but even hinting at moving away started an argument.

Photographed by GILLIAN LAUB

FEBRUARY 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

165


LIFE

56 30

¢

“You’ll go to community college, mija,” she said. “You’ll study there for a little while until you decide what’s next.” Her “little while” meant until I ended up married or back home. In our Mexican-American neighborhood, we were used to financial hardship and deportation, but children—particularly girls—never deserted. One week before my confirmation form was due, as my mom and I sat down to a late dinner, still in our matching onion shirts, I dreaded breaking the news: “I’ve decided to go south for school.” “Claro [of course],” she said, pushing her plate away. “You just couldn’t wait to abandon your familia.”

CULTURE CONFLICT

While the Latino community does want its young women to be educated, there are hurdles, says psychologist Angélica Pérez-Litwin, PhD, founder of the professional network Latinas Think Big. “There’s often a need for both young men and women to provide for the family after high school,” she explains. “Plus, there’s a lack of familiarity with the process of asking for financial aid.” The government has been working to help: In 2015, the White House announced a $335 million investment, building on initiatives to help Hispanic students—including those who are undocumented—gain access to education. But a new threat looms large: President-elect Donald

Trump, famously unfriendly to some immigrants, could choose not to continue similar programs. Another challenge: Once on campus, many Latinas, even with familial encouragement, feel lost. “My parents told me I needed to go to college, but I had no guidance,” says Noemi Vasquez*, 33, who grew up in East Hollywood. She commuted to a nearby school for a few years but never felt like part of the community and dropped out. It would be another eight years before she got her bachelor’s—a period during which she lost about $175,000 in earning power (see “A Struggle to Succeed,” below). Obstacles to higher education don’t exist only in lower-income or first-generation homes. Any Latina student may worry she won’t be welcomed, thanks to rising reports of race-based hate incidents. Take, for example, the 19-year-old MexicanAmerican student in Des Moines who came home to her Drake University dorm the Sunday before the presidential election to find her door covered in messages like “make a wall.” Or the 20-year-old Latina at Texas State University who, in November, reported being spat on by a male student wearing a Trump 2016 shirt after he told her she “did not belong here anymore.” It’s no wonder, then, that Latinas are cautious about leaving home. “These students could be very in-demand at a school in Iowa,”

Latina women make only 56 cents to non-Hispanic white women’s 78 cents.

%

of Latinos in the U.S. under age 18 live below the poverty level.

a state where only 5 percent of the population is Hispanic, says Rosann Santos, founder of Latinas in Higher Education and director of strategic initiatives at John Jay College, in New York City, “but they’ll wonder, How will I be treated?”

THE QUEST TO FIT IN

When I asked my mother what she feared most about my going away to school, she said she was worried about my safety, walking the streets of a foreign city on my own. She also worried that I’d “become someone else.” Her anxiety mirrors that of many Latina

A STRUGGLE TO SUCCEED Latinas have a passion for education but face roadblocks to financial success.

49 69 15 2012

The number of Hispanic high school graduates who immediately enrolled in college is rising.…

%

…In fact, it’s the largest growth rate of any ethnic group in the U.S.

SOURCE: PEW RESEARCH CENTER REPORT

%

But only 15 percent of Latinos over age 25 hold a four-year degree (compared to 36 percent of their white counterparts, 23 percent of African-Americans, and 54 percent of Asians). SOURCE: U.S. CENSUS REPORT

$ 33,800

The average salary for a person with a high school diploma.

$ 55,700

Salary after a bachelor’s degree. A $21,900 gap. Or $876,000 over a 40-year career. SOURCE: DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

HAS BEEN CHANGED.

%

*NAME

2000


I would end up back in my room, feeling unfamiliar and lost, just as my mother had feared. The crack in our family structure hurt me too.

UNSTOPPABLE AMBITIONS

JOANNIE PLANS TO MOVE OUT OF THE FAMILY HOME AFTER HER WEDDING.

families when confronted with the emotional distance a stint at a fouryear college—and subsequent professional life—can create. Joannie Diaz, 27, an assistant vice president at a New York financial firm, heard a similar message from her Peruvian mother. “My parents were so afraid of what would happen if I moved away for school,” she says. “At first, they also acted like I was spoiled for wanting to go to a private university.” Joannie’s mother, Yulith Diaz, admits being overwhelmed when Joannie said she wanted to go to Syracuse, a five-hour drive from their Fairfield, Connecticut, home. “Joannie was my everything,” she says. “She’s smart and determined, but we were often the only Latinos in our community, and we didn’t see our values reflected in the girls she was hanging out with.” Personally, I can understand why my mother worried. I didn’t have a single Latina friend in college. On weekends, I met boys at parties, danced all night, and didn’t act like a señorita educada (polite lady). And when I came back to visit, my family told me I “sounded different.” Ironic, then, that at school I also felt different. When I was mistaken for a maid or told to “go back to Mexico,”

FIGHT BACK AGAINST HATE In the 10 days following November’s presidential election, the Southern Poverty Law Center (an organization devoted to fighting bigotry) had reported 867 acts of hate against minorities, the biggest spike it has seen in decades. If you experience one, follow these steps: 1

Get medical help, if necessary. 2

File a detailed police report, and urge the officer to check the “hate/bias” box on the form. 3

Report it to the SPLC at SPLCenter.org/ ReportHate.

Much of the answer to being away from familia—and facing discrimination at school—is to create more familia. For Joannie, her Latina sorority, Omega Phi Beta, became a place she could cook lomo saltado (marinated steak) for her sisters and, literally, wear a Peruvian flag on her back at her intake ceremony. In her sophomore year, she also took comfort in her new relationship with Rafael, a Dominican studying economics: “We had similar values and connected immediately.” After she graduated and started her job in New York City, Joannie cofounded the website BeMoxie.org to help young women of color find career success—even as she moved back in with her family in Fairfield so she could start paying down her loans. “My parents were thrilled that I was back,” she says. They’re not thrilled, though, that Joannie wants to move in with nowfiancé Rafael, who’s 28 and working as a product manager at a start-up. “They keep trying to convince me it’s a bad idea financially. But the truth is, they just want me to stay.” When I left for school, my mother said she felt like her heart “broke into a million pieces.” But the day I graduated, she drove six and a half hours in a van, with three of my uncles, my grandmother, my brothers, plenty of portable chairs, and a bullhorn to cheer me on as I received my diploma. The best part was that, in the end, our separation brought us closer. “As the years passed, I saw that, yes, you did have different ideas than I did growing up,” my mom recently told me, “but I also saw that you needed to form your own life and learn new things. You came back as a woman I can call my friend.” ■

Michelle Herrera Mulligan is an author, speaker, and the founding editor of CosmoForLatinas.com.

FEBRUARY 2017 _ COSMOPOLITAN _

167


BY AUROR A TOWER @AUROR A ASTRO

About-face! A pair of eclipses this month brings plenty of change for everyone. Rethink personal and professional partnerships during the Full Moon lunar eclipse in Leo on the 10th, and look for new ideas to surface near the New Moon solar eclipse on the 26th.

0 2 .19 – 0 3 . 2 0

0 3 . 21– 0 4 . 2 0

Time to focus on you! Pay close attention to your health right at the start of February. The Sun enters your sign on the 18th, making it easier than usual for you to express your Technicolor vision. Ready for change? Make moves after the solar eclipse on the 26th. YOU NEED: To be assertive.

That creeping feeling something is off? Listen to it. When Jupiter goes retrograde on the 6th, consider the right direction for you. Time with people you trust will help you focus. When your ruler Mars unites with Jupiter on the 27th, feel free to move forward. YOU NEED: To walk a new path. ARIES GUY: He’s secure enough to welcome advice. Help sort through the options on his plate and he’ll prepare a five-star spread for dessert.…

PISCES GUY:

Mixed signals don’t mean he’s ghosting. Hit pause, then check in with him after the 18th to see if he’s worth your playtime.

0 4 . 21– 0 5 . 21

Mix yourself a business-andpleasure cocktail, then toast to all aspects of your life moving in sync. As Mars shifts into your zone of privacy on the 3rd, get centered and ready for the limelight. You’ll be back out there and buzzing with VIPs by the 20th. YOU NEED: To network! TAURUS GUY: He needs a vote of confidence as big opportunities head his way. Cheer him on and he’ll go b-a-n-a-na-s for you when you’re alone.

05. 22– 06. 20

0 6 . 21– 0 7. 2 2

0 7. 2 3 – 0 8 . 2 2

0 8 . 2 3 – 0 9. 2 2

Your badass future is calling— pick up! Seize any chance to travel, because moving out of your comfort zone will inspire a brilliant idea near the lunar eclipse on the 10th. When Mercury moves into your fame zone on the 25th, share it with the world. YOU NEED: To express yourself. GEMINI GUY: One of his off-the-wall ideas just might stick. Give him your honest take and he’ll clear a little space on his desk for two....

Be honest with yourself about what you want now. Venus enters your zone of success on the 3rd, sending well-deserved kudos your way. A stressful situation near the 22nd presents what looks like a no-win choice, but if you trust your heart, you’ll be victorious. YOU NEED: To let go of the old. CANCER GUY: His emotions are getting the best of him. Showing him it’s safe to open up may take your connection to the next level.

You’re in for a close encounter of the sexy kind! On the 10th, a rare Full Moon lunar eclipse brings single Leos an epic chance for love—which may mean saying “boy, bye” to a stalled relationship. For fresh perspective, get a change of setting when Mars opposes Jupiter in your travel zone on the 27th. YOU NEED: To indulge. LEO GUY: He thinks it’s make-or-break-it time, so go for the grand gesture and get it, girl.

Months of hard work are finally paying off! In early Feb., a stack of planets in your zone of routine helps to conquer lingering to-dos. Ask for that promotion or raise on the 16th, then shake your other moneymaker on the 26th to emerge from your booty blackout. YOU NEED: To stay calm. VIRGO GUY: He’s focused mainly on his job now. But after the 26th, he’ll remind you why his talents are in high demand.

VIRGO LEO CANCER GEMINI TAURUS ARIES PISCES 168 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017


AQUARIUS 01.2 0 – 02.18

Stellar gifts: You are determined and never let conventional rules hold you back, often making you a trailblazer in your chosen field. Blind spots: Your stubbornness and defiant nature can sometimes leave others frustrated.

Must-see Aquarius Emma Roberts is deliciously wicked on Scream Queens. 02.10.91

0 9. 2 3 –10 . 2 2

10 . 2 3 –11. 21

11. 2 2 –12 . 21

12 . 2 2 – 01.19

Ease off the gas. Jupiter brought you win after win over the last six months, but when the lucky planet goes retrograde on the 6th, you must reassess what is working and what isn’t. Share your POV on the 21st. If you’re single, get ready to swipe and score. YOU NEED: To trust your gut.

This will be a key month for you at work if you tune out distractions and drama. Near the 10th, a lunar eclipse brings the spotlight to you. Stay true to your core crew and shrug off haters on the 22nd, when your ruler, Pluto, tangles with Mars. YOU NEED: To balance going hard and going home.

It’s like you have your own personal disco ball hovering over you now. Everybody wants some of your shine! Look to make lasting friendships when the Sun influences Saturn on the 14th. Love sizzles near the 23rd. Whether you’re single or in a couple, you need to bring the heat! YOU NEED: To let loose.

Cozy up, Cap. Venus moves into your home zone on the 3rd. Nuzzle close to the people and pursuits you love most to replenish your spirit, and stay Zen if conflict arises near the 22nd. Someone’s hurt feelings may stand between you and your needs. Move gently to find the best solution. YOU NEED: An A+ massage.

SAGITTARIUS GUY:

He’s dying for a low-key night with you. Have a bubble bath, then take it nice and slow in bed.…

GET T Y IMAGES (2)

LIBRA GUY:

Cupid’s arrow hit him straight on. He practically has emoji hearts in his eyes! Gaze right back during a long weekend sexcation.

SCORPIO GUY:

He’s all work, no play until after the 18th, when he’ll make it up to you during an allnighter with your fave props....

He is a busy, busy bee this month. Propose a flyby quickie he can’t refuse.

Fashion faves: Modern looks, featuring sporty separates and minimalist styles, help you shine. Indulgence: Getaways with your ride-or-dies where you can create lasting memories. Seduction style: When someone holds your interest long enough, you can’t stay away— and your fun, freaky streak keeps them coming back too.

AQUARIUS GUY Luke Grimes 01. 21. 8 4

CAPRICORN GUY:

LOVES:

Women who inspire him and can take charge (in and out of the sack).

CAPRICORN SAGITTARIU SCORPIO LIBRA

HATES:

Mind games and sneaky behavior that test his trust. DREAM DATE:

A day crawl to his favorite spots, where he can show off his good taste and learn what makes you tick along the way. WIN HIM OVER:

By letting him see the real you.

Your month: Don’t get stuck in indecision quicksand! Revolution is in the air for you, so seize opportunities that come your way. The Full Moon lunar eclipse in your zone of relationships on the 10th will spur you to widen your circle. It may be a bummer, but now is a good time to cut ties with people or put a stop to bad habits that leave you unhappy or unfulfilled. When verbal Mercury makes a helpful angle to your ruler Uranus on the 20th, you’ll find the words to speak your truth. Your year: Learn to mix vision with strategy and you’ll be unstoppable, especially if you connect with people who can help make your dreams come true. Don’t neglect those warm, fuzzy feels either—romance is a major outlet for you. You might decide to settle into LTR bliss or kick it with someone different if you’re single. Get down and dirty in March, then shift some focus back to your hustle in May and June. Turn over a new work leaf in September. You need: To say what you want.

BEST MATCHES

Aries: You adore his can-do attitude, and he draws comfort from your unwavering support. Leo: You feed off each other’s energy and encourage each other to reach for the stars.

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bitch it out!

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170 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ FEBRUARY 2017

Someone’s Siri just yelled out, ‘ Sorry, Daddy, I didn’t get that’ in the middle of my statistics class ! ! ! ! ! ! ” —ANNIE P., @THEPFOSTPOST

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PAGE 126: DIESEL, shop .diesel.com. DIOR, dior.com. PAGE 127: MUGLER, Mugler counters. JEAN PAUL GAULTIER, Bloomingdale’s. KENZO, Bloomingdale’s. DONNA


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Cosmopolitan (ISSN 0010-9541) is published monthly, 12 times a year, by Hearst Communications, Inc., 300 W. 57th Street, New York, NY 10019 U.S.A. Steven R. Swartz, President & Chief Executive Officer; William R. Hearst III, Chairman; Frank A. Bennack, Jr., Executive Vice Chairman; Catherine A. Bostron, Secretary; Carlton Charles, Treasurer. Hearst Magazines Division: David Carey, President; Michael Clinton, President, Marketing and Publishing Director; Troy Young, President, Digital Media; Joanna Coles, Chief Content Officer; Debi Chirichella, Senior Vice President, Chief Financial Officer. © 2017 By Hearst Communications, Inc. All rights reserved. Cosmopolitan is a registered trademark of Hearst Communications, Inc. SUBSCRIPTION PRICES: U.S.A. and possessions: $29.97 for one year; $57.94 for two years; Canada add $15 per year; all other countries add $24 per year. SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES: Cosmopolitan will, upon receipt of a complete subscription order, undertake fulfillment of that order so as to provide the first copy for delivery by the Postal Service or alternate carrier within four to six weeks. For customer service, changes of address, and subscription orders, log on to Service.Cosmopolitan.com or write to Customer Service department, Cosmopolitan, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. To assure quicker service, enclose your mailing label when writing to us or renewing your subscription. Renewal orders must be received at least eight weeks prior to expiration to assure continued service. Manuscripts, drawings, and other material submitted must be accompanied by a stamped self-addressed envelope. Cosmopolitan cannot be responsible for unsolicited material. MAILING LISTS: From time to time, we make our subscriber list available to companies that sell goods and services by mail that we believe would interest our readers. If you would rather not receive such mailings via postal mail, please send your current mailing label or exact copy to: Cosmopolitan, Mail Preference Service, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. You can also visit Preferences.HearstMags.com to manage your preferences and opt out of receiving marketing offers by e-mail. Periodicals postage paid at New York, New York, and at additional mailing offices. Printed in U.S.A. Canada BN number 10231 0943 Rt. POSTMASTER: Send all UAA to CFS (see DMM 507.1.5.2). NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: Send address corrections to Cosmopolitan, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. Vol. 262 no 2.

CL128


COSMO QUIZ Your fave couple shot is: a. The photo of our day at the park that I had a stranger take 22 times to get it just right for Insta.

b. Locked in an undeletable folder on my desktop. Every time we fake-up, I empty my camera roll in a blind rage… and always end up regretting it. c. Impossible to choose. That’s why I have a digital frame of our 365day selfie challenge on my nightstand.

When you sleep at his place, you wake up early, then: a. Swipe a hoodie so I can look chill AF for the Uber home. That boy smell tho.… b. Flush his weed stash down the toilet. His stoner persona really grinds my gears. c. Fry the latest

Thoughts on matching couples’ tats? a. I’m only inking my skin if it involves erotic body painting. b. Not into that, but def down with carving our initials into a few trees.

c. Already done. I kept it to an ambiguous quote just in case things go south.

Your BF’s ex is behind you in the Starbucks line. What do you do? a. Order an extra latte and pretend it’s for my guy by giving the barista his name at max volume. b. Tell my guy I found a pube in my latte so he blacklists the spot. God forbid they have a run-in.… c. Introduce myself, then FaceTime him for a three-way convo about how much we love his mom.

shipment of the bacon subscription I gifted him and put tiny love notes all over his apartment.

Your boo is in the ER with appendicitis. You console him by: a. Wearing a candy-striper outfit he won’t be able to resist Snapchatting. b. Bringing him his laptop. Better he Netflix and heal than start getting ideas about his lady doctor.… c. Getting my appendix removed too, so I can literally feel his pain.

HOW DEEP IS YOUR L VE? BY HELEN ZO OK

THE BREAKDOWN Mostly A’s

SKIMMING THE SURFACE

Your relationship is Hiddleswift pic­ turesque. Every­ thing seems swell, but that’s ’cause you’re not digging deep. If you want more than a fling, get real about your feelings. Next date night, stay in and swap stories, not spit. Your hookup could hold a ton of potential. Mostly B’s

RIDING THE WAVES

One day, you’re all heart­eye emoji, and the next, you’re blocking each other. Passion is key, but use logic too. Stay chill next time he makes the toilet a splash zone. His—and your!—bad habits don’t necessarily mean you’re not synchronized. Mostly C’s

Your love runs so deep, it’s hard to tell where you begin and he ends. But make sure you’re not falling so hard that you’ve lost yourself. Go on a girls’ trip, resist­ ing the urge to text bae all day. That much time apart may feel wrong, but doing you a little more often will make doing him even better.

172

GET T Y IMAGES

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Cosmopolitan USA - February 2017