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The Amazing ISHnews Press Team:
- Pakistan Flood Update - Floods in Mexico Affect Thousands - BP Oil Spill Finally Over - The Music Column -Time Reversal Mchine Discovered?
Gaël Van den Bossche Philipp Neumann Veerle Barentsen Chris Van Ophem Dieuwke Vos Jennie Court Imara Csoti John Broccoli Alec D. Jakub Ryng Koen Houweling Masami Hazu
-Unveiling of the Photo Competition This Month’s Source of Inspiration:
Shaun Ellis, certified wolf-man
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October 2010 Zardari going on a joy ride, when people here expected the president to stand with the nation at its hour of grief. That is By: Christiane Van Ophem what people expect In July of this year, stani government Pakistan as Mr. Zardat a minimum from the unexpectedly is asking for “world ari was called on to their leaders”. In their heavy monsoon rains help”. Will this cry for not attend the meet- defense, the governled to floods all over help be answered? ing in protest of Mr. ment is reassuring Pakistan. A very ac As a leader of Cameron’s comment that it is fully capable curate description a country, the least about Pakistan’s of “looking after the of the scene was crisis” while Zardari given by the UN: is out of the country. “a disaster of major No defence is comproportions”. Besides plete without a stab having destroyed at the opposition and a significant area the spokesperson of agricultural land reassures us that the (taking with it the opposition is using livelihood of many), this natural disaster communities and as an excuse to “maThere are already over 1600 fatalities due to the flood roads, the tirelessly lign the president”. aggressive waters that is expected of “export of terror” dur- More earnest and bring with it diseases you is to stand by ing his visit to “rival” genuine were the and other serious your people and India. Even though comments of people dangers. The Pakiempathise with Mr. Zardari currently living in the affected stani government them as their livelihas a 20 percent areas of Pakistan. has released figures hoods and loved approval rating, and One teacher from indicating twenty ones are being taken a collapse in the gov- Pakistan’s northwest million people have away from them. ernment is unlikely said that “traditionbeen affected by the Too much to ask for? seeing as the next ally, when there is floods. ‘Affected’ bePakistani president elections are only mourning, the elder ing a euphemism for Asif Ali Zardari clearly scheduled for 2013, is supposed to be having their worlds thought it was. Mr. there is still a risk fac- there to console the turned upside down; Zardari left his coun- tor: the opposition. people” and he reperhaps even irtry on a tour through The country’s main grets that their presireversibly. Fighting Europe. Here he was opposition party is dent is “unfortunately to maintain moral scheduled to meet led by former Prime busy on his personal in their country and with, amongst othMinister Nawaz Shaworld tour”. struggling even ers, UK Prime Minisrif. Ahsan Iqbal of this The absence of more to maintain the ter David Cameron. same party said “it President Zardari stranded, the PakiThis angered many in was disgusting to see seems to reflect the
Pakistan: Immerged in Water, but Short on Aid
- Compromising Intergrity government’s actions called “slow”, “inading water for them taken towards aiding equate” and “unhelp- are full of mud”, thus their large number ful”. Like in the south, creating an out(an estimated 20 the north-western break of diarrhoea, million) of stranded city of Peshawar also dysentery and even inhabitants. In south- saw protests regardcholera amongst ern Pakistan, flood ing the temporary especially children. shelters provided Reports of outbreaks “All the wells by the government, of cholera are bewhich are provid- now crammed with coming more and ing water for them homeless survivors of more regular. A UN the rigorous floods. spokesman has said are full of mud” The Pakistani govern- that up to 3.4 million survivors blocked ment is doing all it children are at risk of roads in protest of can but has admitdeadly water-borne the slow delivery of ted that it is “overdiseases. One thing aid and lack of action matched by the scale is secured however; from the authorities. of destruction”. the World Health The irony of blocking Not only destrucOrganization (WHO) the roads strengthtion of property is preparing to assist ened their protests and land is an issue tens of thousands as aid forces’ biggest when it comes to of people in case of problem is access to flooded areas. Health cholera even though the areas in need of is also a major probthe government has supplies. One of the lem. Shariyar Khan yet to notify the UN protesters criticised Bangash, a regional of any confirmed that “government of- manager for the aid cases. Having memficials and volunteers organisation World bers of the WHO are only reaching the Vision, said survivors at the ready, whilst cities. Villages or rewere desperately situations in vilmote areas are help- in need of drinking lages in Punjab are less”. Government water. “All the wells “worsening moment response is being which are providby moment” as the standing water is causing an increase in “mosquitoes, abdominal disease, fever, malaria and skin diseases”, seems a waste of resources. Oxfam representatives are emphasising the need for “temporary shelter, President Zadari’s absence angered many vic ims
October 2010 clean drinking water and toilets to avert a public health catastrophe”. Having read the disastrous conditions in which millions of Pakistanis are now struggling to survive, one would think it time for foreign aid to work their magic on the situation as with the devastating Tsunami in 2004. After having admitted to being overwhelmed by the Contents - Pakistan Flood Update - Pg2 -New Zealand Earthquake - pg4 -Holland Back on Track for UEFApg5 -Greek Economypg6 -Russian Suicide Bomber pg 7 -Lifting the Gay Ban in the U.S. Army - pg9 -BP Oil Spill - pg10 -Mexico Floods pg12
scale of the floods, the Pakistani government has called out for help. But is it coming? The UN has launched a $459m (€351m) appeal for emergency aid and
Aerial view of the flood
Mr. Ban Ki-Moon has raised awareness of the urgency of the financial aid. This is only a small amount to the estimated billions of dollars needed in the long term. The US and the UK have been the biggest contributors to the financial aid given to Pakistan. However, charities call the response to this appeal “sluggish” and Deputy Prime Minister to the
- Compromising Intergrity October 2010 UK, Nick Clegg, calls sufficient food, not Earthquake the international to mention a bed to Surprises response to the sleep on. Unfortusituation in Pakistan nately, it doesn’t look New-Zealand “lamentable”. The Of- like these problems By:Koen Houweling fice for the Coordina- are short term. The Two thirds of the tion of Humanitarian International MoneAffairs (OCHA) and tary Fund has warned New Zealand’s second largest city was destroyed on the 4th of September due to a earthquake which measured 7 on the Richter Scale. Residents in Christchurch woke at 4:35 am to the most rude of alarm clocks, an earthquake, with a magnitude of 7. 160,000 homes were destroyed in the initial shock. Aftershocks still wrecked the city with the biggest at charity Medecins that the floods could a magnitude of 6. Aftershocks in the Sans Frontieres have have “dire long-term future could cause blamed this “slugeconomic conseeven more damage gish” response to the quences for a counappeal on Pakistan’s try already reliant on as an already dam“image deficit” with foreign aid”. Perhaps aged building will more easily collapse. a Western public reif the president of garding the connecPakistan would have However miraculously no one was killed tion with the “Taliban remained in the and only two people and widespread country physically were reported to be corruption”. rather than in spirit seriously injured. This As a result from the start of the of the flood, tens floods, devastatingly may be due to the of millions are now low moral could per- high building standhomeless in Pakistan, haps not be added to ard set for buildings and lucky if they get the long list of conse- in New Zealand their hands on clean quences of the floods ever since the 1931 earthquake in New drinking water and in Pakistan.
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The earthquake started at 4:35 am, local time
Zealand. The earthquake was larger than the one in Haiti, but was less destructive due to the good quality building and strict regulations in New Zealand. New Zealand is used to having earthquakes especially due to their location on the Pacific Ring of Fire, New Zealand experiences more than 14,00 earthquakes a year of which only about 20 have a magnitude above 5.0. This earthquake has been described
as its worst in 80 years. Damage costs have been estimated to be at around 2 billion NZ $. Luckily though, most people were insured and their costs will be covered. The price will hurt the countryâ€™s economy hard so soon after the recession, however New Zealand has insurance with the EQC (Earthquake commission), this should help soften the economic blow. The government plans to fund the rebuilding of the in-
October 2010 ing returned and has now been restored to 90%, while water has been restored to 80% The previously rated cleanest water of the world has now been deemed undrinkable due to contamination from damaged sewers. Residents have to boil their water to make it drinkfrastructure, however able and they are estimating the dam- also not allowed to flush their toilets due age is tricky since to it leaking from the it will take time to sewers and contamiunderstand the full extent of the damage nating areas. to the infrastructure Schools were closed for the following below ground. days as they were inTroops were despected for damage. ployed in the city The state of emerto promote safety gency that was called and prevent lootwhen the earthquake ing. A curfew was also introduced as a hit is going to be lifted to be replaced measure to prevent any looting. Most of with a state of urgency on the 26th of the people without September. Bulldoza home spend the nights in the various ers are cleaning up shelters set up for the the streets now. But full recovery will take victims. Power and water are slowly be- some time.
Holland Back on Track For UEFA 2012 By: Valtr Mandemaker After the defeat of Spain, Holland are back on their feet to fight the UEFA 2012. They have already
won 2 games in the qualifying rounds, The national team of the Netherlands has beat San Marino (5-0) and Finland (2-1). Their next
game will be on the 8th October against Moldova and on the 12th October against Sweden. These will be the last games
the Netherlands will participate in for the whole year of UEFA Qualifying. Lets hope that Holland will perform good and reach the finals once again!
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Greek Economy: Looking Into the Crisis By: Dieuwke Vos A decade after the introduction of the Euro in 16 of the 27 European Union member states, the currency is in a lot of trouble. The economic crisis that has affected the whole world for the past two years (you might not have been affected as much but if you haven’t heard of this, you have been living under a rock) resulted in many problems in the EU and especially, as Anthony Faiola called them in The Washington Post, the “PIGS” of Europe: Portugal, Ireland, Greece and Spain. In the 2000s, the Greek economy was one of the fastest growing economies in Europe, with an annual growth rate of 4.2%. However, the Greek government has run large deficits (spent a lot more than its income allowed it). This meant that they
had to make loan agreements with other countries in the EU. This was initially made easier with the introduction of the Euro, because
“We’re not asking for a bailout”
In May this year, the Greek government deficit was estimated at 13.6%, one of the highest rates in the world. The severity of this debt makes it difficult for Greece to repay it to the other EU countries, and has made confidence in the currency reduce as well, so its value has been decreasing compared to the dollar. In order for Greece to be able to repay its debt, it had to economize and they did this by raising the excise duty on alcohol and petrol, increasing the age for retirement,
October 2010 making cuts in the civil service of the country and raising the taxes. All this affected the Greek population. Food prices rose, which resulted in a group of Greek youths plundering a supermarket and distributing their loot amongst the population. There have been months of strikes and protests about the state of Greece’s economy. On February 10th this year Greece was faced with a nationwide strike, causing flights to have been canceled, schools being closed and hospitals operating on emergencies only. Besides the strikes, the Greek population has stopped spending their money to
government bonds demanded lower interest rates, but the financial crisis pulled Greece back down. Greece relies on two large industries: tourism and shipping. Both these industries were badly affected by the credit crunch with national income falling 15% in 2009. Matters got even worse when Greece had been found to manipulate the country’s economic statistics and lying to the EU about how much money they were borrowing and spending more than they could. The February strikes in Greeve were a sight to behold
save up, causing the economy to shrink even more. So what now? Former European Commission President Romano Prodi said a few months ago that he was positive the Greek crisis was over and that no other European countries were going to suffer, or that the Euro system would collapse. Investors and other men in suits disagree and so does French President Sarkozy, who has stressed that the euro region must support Greece because he was afraid the currency would be destroyed. What do the authorities in Greece think about it? The prime minister George Papandreou said during his trip to the U.S.A.: “We’re not asking for a bailout, we’re not asking for financial help from anyone. We are taking measures to put our economy on the right path.” Here’s hoping they do.
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Russian Suicide Bomber: A Death Toll of 16 By:Masami Hazu When a car drove into a busy market in the quiet southern Russian city of Vladikavkaz on the 9th of September, no one
“The people who do this, are people without a soul, without a heart” expected it to be the latest suicide bomb attack. Bodies lay strewn, buildings were damaged; the market-square in front was stained with blood. As an 18-month-old boy died in the ICU the death toll rose to 16 with over 130 people injured of which over 100 were treated at the hospital, the degree of the attack became evident. Russian President, Dimitry Medvedev vowed to “do everything to track down the beasts,
the scoundrels who conducted that terror attack” and condemned the attack as “monstrous”. “The crimes like the one that was committed in the North Caucasus today are aimed at sowing enmity between our citizens” states Russian Prime minister Vladimir Putin. He continues, “We mustn’t allow this. The people who do this, are people without a soul, without a heart.” Officials state that the bomb contained 40kg worth of TNT, which was carefully driven into the crowded market by the bomber at 11:20 am local time who then blew himself up. Investigators say that the suicide bomber was in a Volga saloon which was sold to him Wednesday 8th September in Ingushetia, a neighbouring republic
and a federal subject of Russia. Investigators believe that the car was driven into North Ossetia from Ingushetia approximately 90 minutes before the blast. The bomber identified himself by the last name of Archakov at a police checkpoint. However a law enforcement source, said that the bomber had been identified by the last name Archijev. But both officials identified the same man as the previous car owner, who when interrogated said that he had sold it to an unidentified man. The Russian emergencies ministry immediately sent a plane loaded with medics, medicine and equipment to treat and evacuate the injured from the site of the bombing. Due to an employment office nearby
the market area was packed with people at the time and many of them became the victims of this attack. Schools and kindergarten throughout the city were quickly evacuated in response to further anonymous bomb threats. The bombing took place in the Christian village of Vladikavkaz, North Ossetia where terrorist activities were relatively uncommon. The republic North Ossetia is situated in the region of North Caucasus which includes several Russian Republics and a couple Georgian and
- Compromising Intergrity Azerbaijan regions capital of the only between the Black Christian repuband Caspian seas. lic, North Ossetia, In the Muslim Vladikavkaz was dominating region a potential target. of North Caucasus, Surrounded by a rampant Islamist Muslim republics insurgency is tryNorth Ossetia was ing to take over and the perfect bridge Russia is fighting for the Russian govback. Bomb attacks ernment. As North and shoot-outs Ossetia follows the have been taking Orthodox Christianplace all over North ity, like the Russians, Caucasus; Ingushe- the Russian governtia, Dagestan and ment uses North Chechnya being Ossetia as a bridge the epicentre of the to control the surviolence. However rounding republics like the Russians, as well. However the the inhabitants of radical Islamists are Vladikavkaz are working to destabiChristians, revealing lize Ingushetia and a sectarian dimenother surrounding sion to the bombrepublics. ings. This attack has followed several Being the
Aftermath of the bomb. The death toll was 16 and over were 130 people wounded
October 2010 major terrorist attacks in Russia, such as the two female suicide bombers from Dagestan who blew up the Moscow metro, killing 38 people and injuring over 100. The ongoing bomb blasts and shootouts that are occurring in the North Caucasus region is a proof of the insurgency waiting to take the next big step. As the endless bombing goes on, the outside world can only sit and wait to see how the Russian government will act. The terrorist attacks are rising to a point where the government can not stay out of it. The Russian Federation is a huge country which impacts the world greatly. Further attacks will ensure the input of the Russian government. The world must sit and wait to see how the world is about to change.
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Lifting the Gay Ban in the U.S. Army: An Ongoing Struggle By: Jennie Court In 1993 the policy of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ was introduced to the American military to allow gays to serve without immediately being discharged for no apparent reason. Now Obama is working to repeal this policy and allow gay men and women to serve their country without being discriminated for their sexual orientation. 17 years ago the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy was implemented by Clinton so that gay people would not be discriminated against by being immediately dishonourably discharged. This policy means that the military cannot not ask someone about their sexuality but at the same time, gay people cannot not tell anyone they are gay either or they will be discharged for this. This policy has
somewhere else? After being elected Obama claimed he would repeal this policy and so allow homosexual men and women to openly serve in the army without discrimination. This was
caused over 10,500 service members to be exonerated. Today’s society prides itself on being open and accepting yet homosexuality still tends to be a very controver-
Obama promised to repeal the existing policy
sial subject. The men and women in the army fight to protect America but as soon as they say their sexual orientation, even if they are a hero to their country, they can automatically be discharged. Is this really fair? Whether someone is homosexual or heterosexual does not affect their performance during service and why is it any different from letting a gay man work
promised to have been done by the end of 2010 which is quickly drawing closer and many gay-rights activist are beginning to wonder why it is taking so long to actually happen. This decision to repeal the policy has been met with mixed reviews. Many people support it, from many of the top leaders at the pentagon such as
October 2010 Adm. Mike Mullen and Robert Gates who have both been quoted saying they believe allowing gays and lesbians to serve openly is the right thing to do. Mullen even said that he has knowingly served with gay servicemen and he, ‘cannot escape being troubled by the fact that we have in place a policy which forces young men and women to lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens.’ A recent poll has also shown that many Americans now accept openly gay servicemen. Of course the repeal has been met with some criticism from several people such as Obama’s former presidential candidate rival McCain who believes that this topic is not an issue to focus on. Many also do not believe homosexuals should be allowed to serve in the army saying it would demoralise troops and have a negative effect on them and
they also believe it to be an unnecessary action. Many believe that this policy has been implemented successfully for nearly two decades and therefore does not need to change. People say, however, that this does not address the issue of thousands of men and women who were dishonourably discharged. Recently a federal judge in California took this debate to a new level by declaring the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy to be ‘unconstitutional’ and a violation of First Amendment Rights. The judge claimed that this law did nothing to help the military and contrary to what many ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ supporters have claimed, this policy is what may serve to lower morale. Why should your sexual orientation affect whether or not you are allowed to serve in the military? It doesn’t make you a better
- Compromising Intergrity or worse soldier; it shouldn’t affect anything about your military career just as it doesn’t affect them when doing other jobs. Why is it so different for soldiers? By: John Broccoli The BP oil spill is fi This issue nally sealed for good shows the changing of times. 20 years ago A recent pressure people were more test on the cement closed-minded and plug put in to permaso it may have been nently seal the well difficult for them to is holding. US offiaccept gay people cials are saying that in general. However, the oil spill is “offinow we pride ourselves on supposedly cially over.” President being a more accept- Obama has called the news an “important ing generation. milestone” and has Shouldn’t this mean vowed to continue that we should achelping those that cept this? Repealing were affected by the this policy may be a way to show that and flooding. prove that people are The initial explosion not all talk when it of the Deepwater comes to accepting Horizon on April 20th all people. claimed the life of 11 workers and set Whether or off the worst oil spill not Obama will succeed in repealing this in US, and possibly world, history. Atpolicy is will hopetempts to contain fully be made clear soon and if he does it the spill early on had been largely unsucmay provide a stepcessful due to poor ping stone for gay rights in America and weather conditions. The oil spilled out from there on who at a rate of 162, 000 knows what policies barrels per day. The may be overturned?
BP Oil-Spill Sealed: Crisis Over
initial attempts to use the remotely operated valves on the well head to stop the flow failed. The second attempt to block the oil spill by placing a 125 tonne containment dome over it failed after unexpected chemical reactions formed crystals which blocked the opening of the dome where the oil was supposed to be picked up. The final process of finally sealing the oil spill was a long and arduous one. On the 15th July, a temporary cap had been put in while they built a relief well. The well was eventually linked with the ruptured well and cement was flowed in to get rid of the temporary cap and place in a permanent kill. On Saturday the 18th, the flow was
definitely stopped. So is the crisis really over? To put it in the words of the Coast Guard Admiral Thad Allen’s, the US federal official overseeing the disaster, words, “Additional regulatory steps will be undertaken but we can now state definitely that the Macondo well poses no continuing threat to the Gulf of Mexico.”
- Compromising Intergrity lowed to fish, cutting initially expected. their only source At the beginning of income. This hit of August, the US poorer areas like New government anOrleans hard because nounced that almost they depended on 75% of the oil had fishing for means of either been cleaned survival. There was up or broken down also a high cost to BP. naturally. However, They created a $20 recent research has billion compensation shown that there is
October 2010 to tell just to what extent the damages is serious. What is certain though is that this might just be the worst oil spill we’ve ever had. Almost 5 million barrels of oil have been lost. To put this into comparison, the Exxon
The disaster was an environmental and economic nightmare which The initial blast claimed the lives of 11 workers. What followed was the worst oil spill in history. affected hundreds fund and, so far, they an undersea plume Valdez spill, another of kilometres of US have paid $8 billion of oil-based chemical major oil spill in 1989 coast. The disaster in the clean up camplume. The plume is didn’t even lose half was the cause of BP paign. The sealing of believed to be 200m a million barrels of chief executive Tony the well does mean high and 2km wide oil. Hayward standing that BP can now and extends 35km down and it caused focus on dealing with from the original oil Nonetheless the a moratorium on the spill aftermath. spill site. worst seems to have offshore drilling to passed, the sealing of be imposed. The At first glance, the However, with the the well being a large oil spill meant that aftermath might disaster having just step on the road to fishers weren’t alnot seem as bad as ended, it is hard recovery.
- Compromising Intergrity States most severely affected by the floods include Veracruz, which four over-filled dams includes Tlacotalpan, in the affected rea colonial-era town gions, causing sever- world heritage site, al rivers to overflow. Chiapas, Oaxaco,
Floods In Mexico: Over 20,000 Affected By: Veerle Barentsen In a series of extreme weather affecting countries all over the globe, eastern and southern Mexico have now also been hit with widespread flooding caused by heavy torrential rains. Although Mexico has a history of flooding, the last large flood being only 3 years ago, Mexican President Felipe Caledron says that rainfall in the affected region during July and August has been three and half times more than usual, blaming climate change as the cause. The flooding was worsened when, last Tuesday, authorities began releasing 2,000 cubic meters of water from
So far 7 people in Mexico have been reported dead, and 15 are still missing. In total over one million people are said to have been affected in some way. 20,000 farmers have been hit especially hard, as waters submerged 200,000 hectars (500,000 acres) of land.
and Tabasco. Over the last few weeks, 200,000 people from Veracruz have been forced to abandon their homes. Veracruz resident, Clara Luz Montalvo, the mother of a 3-year-girl, says that authorities “evacuated us when the water was up to our waists, but the water had already broken all the doors of our house”. Authorities are trying to evacuate other areas, but are finding resistance among the population. Many people refuse to leave their homes, instead deciding to wait out the
October 2010 flood on the roofs of their houses with their possessions and families. The governor of Tabasco, an area prone to flooding and where now estimated 124,000 people have been affected, explains that people “are refusing to leave their homes and they don’t want to go to shelters because they have a culture of living with water”. He also worries that “that the worst is yet to come for Tabasco”, explaining that he even more storms and record rainfall are expected as the rainy season begins. “The state and these people cannot keep suffering these problems each year, or live in permanent uncertainty”, he says, appealing for increased flood-control measures. President Caledron also agrees that while current flood-control measures, including relief ditches and concrete emergency leeves, have helped reduce the damage, more needs to be done.
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Features & Columns Contents - The Music Column - pg 14 - Album Review - pg15 -Rant About Video Games - pg 16 -Leave the Five Alone! - pg 19 -The Art of Uni-Tasking - pg 20 -Inception Review - pg 22 -Time Machine Discovered??? - pg 24 Disclaimer: The columns and features in the following pages represent the opinions of the writers and do not represent the opinions of ISHnews in any way. They are not factual news reports.
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Pop Goes the Weasel: The Music Column By: Veerle Barentsen
The last decade has produced an abundance of pop stars. With the rise of digital media and things like voice manipulators it has become easier than ever to get music to the masses. Both Lily Allen and the Dutch Esmee Denters can thank MySpace, YouTube and a bunch of internet savvy 13-year-olds for their successes. Other artists however, like Lady Gaga and Kesha, seem to pop out of thin air (or strip clubs) only to take the charts with a storm. Some of these artists, produce one hit single, are hailed the new best thing by everyone and their mother, only to disappear 15 minutes of fame later (Daniel Powter anyone?). Others,
like Madonna seem to have booked a place in the spotlight for eternity. So what exactly determines how long an artist gets to board the fame train? What guarantees a lifetime on MTV instead of a small stint on celebrity big brother, years after a top 500 single no one under the age of 50 remembers? Well, we though about it, and for all you aspiring popstars, came up with a list that will guarantee you a place on the A list for many years to come. 1. Be good looking. 2. Or if that fails, just be really, really strange.
3. Pants are for the weak.
know you’re sitting on the toilet.
4. Once you’ve worked your way to a show, make sure to have extravagant backstage demands. Note: Mariah Carey demands a bottle of cristal champagne and a box of “bendy straws”, 50 Cent wants two buckets of KFC chicken while Coldplay requests eight pairs of dark blue cotton socks, sizes 9-11. (source: http:// www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/index.html)
7. Find the fountain of youth (or a really good plastic surgeon).
5. Pay a crowd of people to follow your every step. Dress two of them up in black suits and tell them to mumble things into a headpiece.
8. Do it like P.Diddy/ Puff Daddy/Sean Combs/Sean John and change your name whenever you feel like it, preferably to something even more ridiculous than your previous name. 9. When it comes to relationships, take King Henry VI as a rolemodel. (Except you know, don’t actually behead your spouses). 10. Remember, you are not just a singer. You are also a selfproclaimed actor/ producer/fashion designer/radio host.
6. Twitter your 11. Shave all your every move. Your hair off. fans will be dying to 14
- Compromising Intergrity ist of the band decided to spend half of his time on stage smoking cigarettes instead of playing his instrument (which looked very badass yes, but still.)
Album review: If i had a Hi-Fi
This is a little bit of a promotion article considering I kind of love Nada Surf, an all-male band formed 1992 in New York City. Technically destined to become a one-hit wonder band after their song “Popular” became a short-lived summer hit in the early nineties, and the only one of their tracks to ever break the top 200, the band now live on as underground indie rockers. By some amazingly lucky coincidence, I saw them play their new album, If I Had a
Hi-Fi, in Amsterdam over the summer and sweet Jesus was it good. Granted, for some reason their average fan base consists of sweaty middle-aged men who wear “ironic” t-shirts (the type that shout annoying things during songs and constantly elbow you in the sides. I am still bitter.), and the members of the band don’t seem to have realized that they’re in their mid-forties by now, and still insist on wearing skinny jeans and shirts that bulge in awkward places. Plus, the bass-
But I’m nitpicking. Because overall the band really knew how to to engage the crowd (to a point where at the end of the night, half of the crowd was dancing on stage, including said awkward 40 year old men), and even more importantly, played beautiful music. Roughly half of their set consisted of material from their new album - If I Had a Hi-Fi, a concept album that consists of covers of songs that play in the band’s hypothetical hi-fi. The songs they cover range, in their original form, immensely. Selections include Depeche Mode’s “Enjoy the Silence”, Coralie Clement’s “Bye Bye Beaute” (sung in French), Kate Bush’s “Love and Anger”, 70s indie heroes The Go-
October 2010 Betweens’ “Love Goes On”, plus lots of songs by a lot of people I have never heard of. Despite the original material being so vastly different, Nada Surf manage to pull it all together into one consistent album that feels like their other work - laid back, Californian, nostalgic, a little bit angsty, but also very “joi de vivre”. If I were cool and also a little bit older, I would blare this record whilst driving along the beach in my busted jeep somewhere along the east-cost, roof down and sun in my face. Note: If you’re interested, look up the songs “Enjoy the Silence”, “Electrocution”, “Love Goes On” and “Question”, on youtube or something. Those are the best ones. Nickelback Rating: Roughly 5 times from here to the moon and back better then Nickelback. Just saying.
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Rant About Video Games By: Peter Peanut and many other collaborators who refuse to be named It´s a basic fact: as soon as large sums of money get involved in anything, the thing in question becomes immediately ruined. This is true for any industry. It has caused football to become more about falling over and being good-looking than actually scoring. Every single movie now comes with a 3D counterpart since it´s an easy way to cash in on new technology by ramping ticket prices. The Last Airbender is good example of this. While not initially shot in 3D, it was later converted which came at a great price to image quality. Music has devolved into a series of auto-tuned techno/ pop artist who have their 15 minutes in the sun before we forget about them
and they inevitably sink into an alcoholfuelled depression.
The reason is quite simple. Developer Bungie found the winning formula The same can be so they´re free to said about the release the same gaming industry. game over and over Games have been again and they can dumbed down to a be sure that people point where games will love it. It´s not which provide that the games are about 6 hours of bad, it´s just that fun is considered to each new instaljustify a 60€ price ment introduces tag. An excellent ex- almost nothing new ample of this would to an ageing series. have to be the Halo Same goes for the franchise. After 9 Call of Duty: Modyears and 5 games ern Warfare 1 and 2 of exactly the same series. The epilepsy thing, it still meets inducing games to critical and com- have virtually no mercial acclaim. The difference between only question I can them, except that really ask is: why? maybe the plot in Really, try it: play the second one Halo, then play Halo made even less 3. Looks past the sense than the first graphics, the differ- one. (explain to me ent weapons and this leap of logic: the fact that you´re In order to end a shooting aliens in conflict between a different enviRussia and the US, ronment and look you hijack a Rusat the underlying sian nuclear sub gameplay: They are and launch a nuke shockingly similar. to detonate right 16
over Washington DC.) The developers also seem intent on making the games faster with each instalment to the point where having A.D.D. will be a requirement in order to have a chance at surviving for over 0.33 seconds in multiplayer game. But I digress, the point is that so much money is being pumped into a single game, that trying to make a game which is slightly different to most games becomes to much of a risk and so the same game is released under a different title is released time and time again. Streamlining is the name of the game here and developers are taking this to new extremes. And what happens when you absolutely need to innovate
but you canÂ´t seem to think of anything to do. Well you do the obvious thing
and sit down with your fellow game developers and se-
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riously brainstorm about the different ways you can surprise and impress
your consumers with innovative and original ideas.
Just kidding, obviously you rip off your competitors. In 2006, Nintendo
showed genuine innovation with the release of the
Nintendo Wii. In 2010, Microsoft showed genuine appreciation for the Wii by releasing a product which is almost exactly the same, Microsoft Kinect. Along with this, they released games such as Kinect Sports which is in no way similar to Wii Sports. After all,b Wii Sports had bowling, boxing and baseball among others. Kinect Sports has more original sports like bowling, boxing and ping-pong among others. Sony displayed an even more disturbing lack of originality by releasing their own product, Playstation Move. The lack of innovation could be seen right in the name of the product. Nintendo meanwhile, is releasing their tenthousandÂ´s version of the Nintendo DS. There was a time when games were ridiculously hard, impossible
to understand and a thoroughly frustrating experience which often devolved into trial and error. Those were the days. The days where finishing a game, even finishing a level, was a satisfying experience that you truly felt was deserved. Where puzzles were, in fact, a real mental challenge of logic and not: “You need to push down two tiles on the floor at the same time in order to open a door and there is a a heavy rock in the corner of the room you can use.” Even when the puzzle did seem a bit challenging, games invariably gave you helpful “hints” which read something like: “Hint: This is the solution to this puzzle.” It was a time where developers assumed that people had some sort of attention span. Today, eye-
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ruining everything with it´s dirty capitalistic ways!” That is unfortunately, what is kind of happening. Developers are assuming that we´re too stupid to take in somewhat
concept. Think about it: when was the last time you played a game which took more than 5 minutes to understand? The point is we have to show developers that we´re ready for something new by not buying the crap they release into the market every year. The upside to all this is, however, is listening to developers make their generic games seem more interesting in interviews than they actually are. The best would have to be Assassin´s Creed 2 and their “economy system” that they introduced. It was basically just instead of upgrades bring given to you as you played through the game, you bought them poem in our English complex ideas. After with the money Final Fantasy XXVI Essays. you earned as you and Guitar Hero 10, played through the you´d think that So what can we game. Yes: all it did times would change was make the proconclude from all but the problem is this. We could with cess more tedious. people keep buya typical “It´s the That´s innovation! ing into the same corporation that´s 18 popping graphics are used to cover up a lack of innovation, much like we use overly complex terminology to disguise our flawed interpretation of a particularly deep
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I Say Chaps, Leave the 5 Alone ! By: Imara Csoti Knock me down with a feather I am in shock. Yes in shock. Not since I was accosted in the Girls’ lavatory by a year 7 asking to borrow my Chanel mascara have I felt a greater sense of dismay. I find myself flabbergasted and weak-kneed. A terrible disturbance is set to submerge literary history. This phenomenon, more worrying than the premature aging of jumped up little girls blatantly disregarding ‘mirror-rights’, is incongruous to the natural order of language. It is an abomination; an affront to literature; and I am sad to say that it marks the end of ‘the civilized reader’ “The Famous Five” is being subjected to a revamp. Reading Lorna Bradbury’s article in yesterday’s Telegraph sent shivers down my spine. Publisher Hodder claims that by removing the ‘dated language’ from the
dialogue will bring the books to ‘a new generation of readers’. Balderdash. Twaddle. Complete and utter claptrap. Enid Blyton’s classics have appealed to children for 70 years. If today’s children don’t know a Sou’wester from their elbow and think field glasses are only found in the armouries of their Nintendo battle games then that’s a scandalous reflection on modern day educational institutes and society’s cultural depravity. It is not a reason to start editing literature! English as we- the discerning few- know it, is being massacred. Words like ‘jolly’, ‘rather’ and ‘awfully’ may be part of a bygone age, but surely that’s something to be lamented? Through reading Blyton’s books children experience a world incomparable to the one known to them. It is escapist literature at its simplest, purist and most delightful. And children love it. Editing an author’s work is sacrilege.
Anybody who has any experience of writing can sympathise with the fury even the most innocent Editor’s insert can evoke. (Editor’s Note: Touché, Imara) Language is already being ravished by ridiculous imported Television programmes and adopted ‘street-talk’. The feeble minded individual championing this absurd scheme is, as Enid would put it, a beast! Hodders publishers are destroying the nature of Blyton’s iconic stories in their pathetic attempt at adaptation. Feigned political correctness forbids George’s hair from being referred to as ‘almost as short as a boy’s’. The token jerseys worn by all five of the young adventures are now referred to as jumpers. Anne may no longer play with dolls – a pastime Hodders and co. consider positively primeval, and tinkers have turned into ‘travellers’. I’m surprised Hodders didn’t go full circle and call them
f**king pikeys. After all we don’t want to do things by halves now, do we? But wait; there is more indignation yet to come. Hodders have not limited their filthy meddling to the bestselling adventure series, no. The girls attending Blyton’s Malory Towers have profited from an astounding increase in their pocket-money. Hodders saw fit to change their sixpence and threepenny pieces into a whole 2 pounds, with which you could buy an awful lot of teacakes and buns in those days. It just makes the stories seem utterly ridiculous. You might as well change the entire book, centre it around: Danni and Aleeysha and introduce a kebab shop. “Yeh Mizz Grayling, issit Mizz Grayling? Cos like its minging what Bill did to the horses innit?...” Why exacerbate the decline of the English language by reducing the quantity of decent, well written children’s books.
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The Art of Uni-Tasking By: Filbert Oldman
I have recently read a book called “The guinea pig diaries: My life as an experiment” in which author A. J. Jacobs commits himself to a variety of strange and often funny self experiments. In one such experiment Jacobs confides to living a life style named “radical honesty”, a self-improvement program that hypothesizes that the source of all human stress is lying, the simple remedy being not to lie, ever. Another experiment of his, titled “The Know-It-All: One Man’s Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World”, consisted of reading every single volume of the “Encyclopaedia Britannica” (there’s thirty two of them). Others detail one month of living completely submissive to his wife, impersonating film-stars as well as fully outsourcing
his life to Indian personal assistants. The experiment that struck me most however was that of living for several weeks without “multitasking”. In our modern day and age where a persons Twitter is connected to their Facebook, which is linked to their Gmail account which in return is linked to their Youtube account, so that absolutely everyone knows that John Smith has just watched a panda sneeze for the third time today (and he found it HILARIOUS). What we call multi-tasking has become part of our every day routine. The amount and the speed at which we receive information has become so incredibly high that there seems no other alternative. This does of course not apply only to activities involving the internet: Listening to music whilst doing homework, watching
T.V. while eating and calling people on the toilet. This summer I was visiting New York only to find that at least every 9 in 10 people seen on the street are either talking or texting on what has become a new standard: The Smart phone. It becomes worse as soon as you enter one of the many Starbucks café’s that seem to
spread like fungus throughout the city, one or two for every block: Nearly everyone is sitting in front of their smart phone/ laptop, communicating away at the world about trivial things that aren’t really worth communicating (e.g. “Sitting in Starbucks writing new tweet on Twitter about sitting in Starbucks writing tweets on Twitter. Today is
The Guinea Pig Diaries: A boundless source of inspiration.
Tuesday.”) But I digress from the subject at hand. While the internet certainly plays a large role in the phenomenon of multitasking, it is very likely to be merely one of many triggers. In his book Jacobs details the hardships that come with living as a “unitasker”, only ever focussing on precisely one and only one action at a time. What should be said at this point is that no matter how much of a multitasker you consider yourself to be, every human will only ever be a unitasker. Multitasking is an illusion: Research has proven that it is impossible for the human mind to focus on more than one thing at a time. We can however switch our focus between different tasks at an astonishing speed. Nonetheless this doesn’t stop us from confiding heavily into our ability to multitask. We do it all the time thinking that it allows us to get more done
- Compromising Intergrity in less time. It has heavily. To add onto become such a habit this, as the quality of that tasks such as whatever task you writing an article, are doing (say work) and doing nothing decreases as a result but that, become of multitasking, you elaborate battles will become more with one’s own mind. stressed. This then When it comes to results in trying to doing homework I finish more work to assume that most make up for the loss people are prone to in quality, “requirthe “let me just check ing” you to multitask my email/Facebook/ even more. news etc. it’ll only So what is the solutake a few seconds” tion? Should we ever syndrome or even only do one thing at the “let’s check on a time? In essence, what people are yes, that is the ideal. doing in the kitchen, Upon finishing the I can pick up somebook I myself tried to thing to eat” disorlive for a week doing der. Both are perfect only one task at a examples of negatime. Needless to say tive effects that arise it was horrifyingly from the inattentive- hard. Don’t listen to ness that emerges music while biking. with frequent multi- Do not check the tasking, a degree of news or my email inattentiveness near whilst doing homeequivalent to ADD. In work. Eat, and only fact the more we try eat. etc. etc. However to do multiple things as hard as it was to at a time, the more begin with, I found the quality of the myself becoming results of the tasks at more focused as hand will suffer. Have the week neared i’s you ever tried to talk end. To my surprise on the phone whilst writing only your writing an email? homework and Either the content of focusing on nothing the email, your conelse had me done versation or both will with it faster and, deteriorate in quality seeing as I was more
October 2010 concentrated, even saw an improvement in quality. It required a lot of self discipline to begin with, as well as some drastic measures such as disconnecting myself from the internet and temporarily moving my music collection to another computer, however I have to say the results were well worth it.
And so I challenge you, the reader, to try the same thing. For one week turn off your phone, disconnect from the internet, maybe even write using pen and paper whenever you have to work and you will notice your concentration increasing (that is if you’re actually willing to commit, there’s no point in doing it otherwise). Then once you’re done with your work, do whatever you like, but only ever one task and one thought at a time (bonus points if you can resist tabbed browsing).
- Compromising Intergrity They feature throughout the movie but in a healthy and subtle doze. Even I was abOfficial Score: 3/4 solutely captivated by manage to scramble the fighting scene in a past that, there is a swank hotel corridor big chance that you as the two characters are going to enjoy the were hurled across ensuing film. From the walls and ceilings by
Inception Review: He Actually Likes It By: Jakub Ryng I realize that through my relentless scathing of the huge majority of the recently released movies, I might have established myself as “that grouchy, snobbish” movie critic. It is therefore with great pleasure and satisfaction, that I write my first positive review – of a film, which surprisingly, judging by its premise, hasn’t got a lot to offer (not for me, that is). Inception takes us into a world where anything is possible – the world of the subconscious , the world of dreams. Consequently, it immediately demands of us a complete and utter surrender to the director’s vision. Once you
very beginning Nolan offers help to those of us who can be won over by special effects.
the apparent “gravitational shifts”. As far as the storyline goes, there is very lit-
October 2010 tle that can be said. In movies of this sort the role of plotline is drastically diminished as it is all about the Idea. It would be unfair, although not necessarily unwarranted, to argue that the story follows a predictable pattern. I have to say that throughout the film I’ve had certain déja-vu’s from “Shutter Island” (possibly because the two movies share the same male lead), but what matters is that the story works. It is a deep, perhaps a little overthought story, with a number of intelligent twists here and there. And yet it is the Idea, which makes Inception what it is – an unforgettable journey into an unconventional version of human dreams. The idea itself is refined and polished enough, and Nolan’s world comes into existence as a structured and well-thought-of setting. There are certain rules that are familiarized with us as we go along. For example, you wake up when you die in the dream. Or, since the brain functions much faster in the “asleep”
- Compromising Intergrity mode, 5 minutes in our world is n × 5 minutes in the dream reality, where n>1 (the math bugged me all through the movie - they kept on changing the value of n; I need to get hold of the screenplay and verify the equation). The highly innovative formula enables the makers to create a truly different world, where the use of special effects extends beyond the abominable explosions and hateful blue people (editors note: We have to agree with him about the blue people). The surreal world of dreams is likely seduce anyone who values fine aesthetics in a movie(including myself ). Altogether Inception makes for a hugely enjoyable film. It has a sharp, intelligent script – but within reason. Despite its heavy and composite structure, it retains plenty of appeal for the average cinemagoer. Whether you liked “Avatar” or “The Hurt Locker”, you should be satisfied and hopefully entertained. Just don’t expect the world…
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Man Invents Time Reversal Machine!!! By: Alec D. Craig, a 23-year-old resident of Michigan, America, who until yesterday was your average college dropout living in with his parents because he is too incompetent to hold even the least demanding of jobs, has been hailed as the unlikely inventor of a time-reversal machine. “It’s like, really simple bro.” stated Craig, continuing with: “Grab a regular analog clock, man, and just redraw the numbers with permanent marker, and time will begin flowing backwards!” When asked how he made this incredible discovery, Craig replies: “This one night I was stoned out of my mind after using my grandmother’s burial urn as a bong, and I just thought, wouldn’t it be trippy to see the clock counting the time wrong? So, I, like, did. But then I barfed all over my high-school diploma.” In any other situation, Craig would have lost his last tangible object of esteem in this entire world, but to his surprise, the puddle
of liquid disappointment erupted from the ground and into his digestive tract. Craig then commented: “It’s awesome dude! My mom stopped nagging me, and my drinking disorder is helping recover my liver! Dad is going to rise out of the grave a week from now, start slacking at work, and resign in several years.” Craig however noted one problem with his new innovation, offering only a vague hint: “Ever tried to take a leak backwards?” After the interview, our camera-man took a trip to the bathroom, screams of agony and terror echoed throughout the complex. When questioned, he hastily retorted: “I don’t want to talk about it!” and regurgitated several waffles to make himself feel better. Many highly reputed intellectuals within the scientific community have responded most favourably towards what they call ‘the Craig effect’, a new theory proposed by Steven Hawking to explain what impact reversing human history
will have on society. He arrived at the studio today to comment on his findings: “If you would summarize the entirety of human endeavour and history in a single word, it would be – ‘stupidity’, the universe is finite, our capacity for being idiots? Infinite.” “However, if we regress backwards, we will in fact undo all our pathetic mistakes.
Craig: He’s accomplished more than you
Remember Hitler? In less than a century, he’ll retreat back from Poland, liberate several countries, and bog off back to Austria. Thanks to him, millions of people will miraculously come back to life.” “Unfortunately, all our good actions would be inverted. This usually isn’t a problem, since most sensible people are jerks. But take Jesus as
an example however, and suddenly he’s one of the most depraved fiends that ever lived, misusing his divine powers for his own amusement. During his life he inflicted several famines, crippled dozens of people, ransacked Jerusalem’s wine supplies, and outright killed people he judged too annoying to exist.” “On the other hand, all our wars become mass resurrections, our diseases improve our condition, soon enough I can walk again, and punch Richard Dawkings in the face for writing bad novels!” Steven then made a flashy exit out of the office, levelling the roof of the complex using an RPG launcher attached to the back of his seat, the arms of which folded outwards and erupted with torrents of jet-fuel as he soared out of the cubicle, his voice-emulator screaming out ‘lololol’ as he passed. Our lawsuit claim was later rejected, as explained by the firm in regards to Internation Laws & Customs, paragraph 18, line 11b: “Steven Hawking can do whatever the hell he wants. Period.”
Published on Oct 11, 2010