How to Begin to Believe 12 Essential Steps to Believing You Can Do It!
Table of Contents Preface:
Step 1: Gratitude
Step 2: Forgiveness
Step 3: Change Your Mind
Step 4: Decide
Step 5: Vet for Authenticity
Step 6: Believer’s Team Conference!
Step 7: You’re Scared, Admit It!
Step 8: Habits –The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Step 9: Organize & Research
Step 10: Planning -Implementation / Commitment -Consistency
Step 11: Social and Spiritual Accountability
Step 12: “Look To The Hills”
You Will Fail!
Call Me If You Need Me
Preface How To Begin To Believe… is for those of us who not only struggle to get things done but struggle with believing we can do it in the first place. I wrote this from a place of knowing what it’s like to see a goal in the distance but not know exactly how to get there. It’s for those of us who struggle with self-doubt and lack of confidence. And there’s is one thing I can guarantee and that is, if you don’t believe you can do it, then you probably won’t. So, here are my best strategies so far on not only how to begin to believe but how to see it through and get it done!
Introduction I was 22 years old and had just given birth to a brand new baby boy! I moved out of my parent’s house and into a subsidized apartment with my son’s father who was not only 10 years older than I was, he was unemployed and had no means of providing for us but I loved him anyway. I had two years left in college to complete. I had no car (no driver’s license because I didn’t know how to drive), no job, no health insurance, no money! My parents were devastated and angry and made it clear that there was no coming back home! So there I was, on my own, determined to finish college, raise my son and one day marry this man who said he loved me. Who knew that in less than two years he would hit me so hard, I would nearly pass out and the bruise that it would leave on my face would remain for days after. It would get much worse before it got better. Over the next 8 years, I was able to finish college, become the executive director of a non-profit, buy a home of my own and free myself from a life of fear and abuse. It was the hardest season of my life. I cried and prayed for a long, long time before I was able to get to a place where I could even begin to believe I could have and do more for myself, but I did it! The fact is, no matter how great or small, accomplishing anything begins with having the basic and fundamental belief that you can do it! Our ability to believe in ourselves dictates the quality of our lives and the extent to which we can be of service to others. But very often we can be hindered by how we are perceived by others and most importantly, how we perceive ourselves. From time to time we may find ourselves wrestling with self doubt, indecisiveness, procrastination, laziness and/or a lack of self worth. And far too
often live in sacrifice to those we love and those who sign our paychecks, rarely making our own personal needs a priority. How to Begin to Believe highlights 12 essential steps to believing you can do what nobody ever told you, you could! It will help to clear your mind and spirit and guide you through a practical and insightful plan for getting it done, while unveiling a personal sense of value, deservedness, skill and confidence. Congratulations on taking this first step, let’s go!
Step 1: Gratitude Before taking on anything new, take a quick assessment of gratitude for what you have and who you are right now. I know you’ve heard this a million times, but that’s because it works. Having a spirit of gratitude on the onset creates a metaphoric airbag that allows you to survive the unexpected impact of perceived disappointment and failure. Gratitude has the ability to put things in perspective, it reminds us that we are bigger and greater and more worthy than we ever imaged. No matter who you are or where you are in life, you have something to be grateful for. Let’s take a minute and make a list. Here’s a mini version of my list, now, make yours! I am grateful for…family, Spirit, my children, hugs, shelter, health, kindness of others, sunshine, fresh air, food, fresh water, work, a good movie, a place to call home, friends, laughter, sight, hearing, exercise, music, rest, my warm bed, surprises, books, nature, my body, physical mobility, and for my mom who taught me to never underestimate who I was, what I deserved and what I could accomplish!
Step 2: Forgiveness
Forgiving ourselves can often be harder than forgiving others. We can sometimes carry the heavy burden of guilt and disappointment for years for something we did, didn’t do or failed at doing. The inability to forgive ourselves is unhealthy and keeps us anchored to the past and unable to move forward. Here are a few practices to help you to begin to let yourself off the hook and forgive yourself for anytime you have ever fallen short. The Things You Say No good thing can come from constantly reminding yourself and everyone around you about all the times you tried and failed, so stop talking about it! Words have the power to enforce whatever it is you’re speaking about. So, when you do find yourself revisiting one of these moments, make it a practice to conclude the statement by saying, “but I haven’t given up, I’m gonna keep trying.”. These words will not only encourage you but they will also encourage the person next to you who needs a little push as well. It’s easier to forgive yourself for something when you know that another opportunity is coming, even if your goal is now something completely differently. And saying this will give you hope and where there is hope, there’s opportunity. The Company You Keep Is there someone in your life who won’t let you live IT down? Someone who never fails to remind you and everyone else, about the time when you…? Odds are they are trying to feel better about themselves at your expense. Avoid this person but if avoidance isn’t possible, or if you’re like me and you’re more of an in your face kind of person, stop, look them straight in the eye and tell them that you have moved on and if they want to continue to share in this part of your life with you, then they would have to let it go too! What Are You Thinking? Mentally dwelling on a less that shining moment in your life is almost as unhealthy as talking about it or listening to someone else talk about it and it’s just as much of a waste of time.
Try this: create a forgiveness mantra, a short, simple and encouraging phrase to tell yourself every day. This will keep you mentally reminded that all is forgiven and you survived it, move on! Here is a suggestion. Feel free to use one but tweak it a little to make it your own. “I forgive myself for what I’ve done and for all I didn’t do and embrace all the good that lies ahead.” “All is forgiven, move on!” “It’s ok, now get up and try again.” Step 3: Change Your Mind Change your mind about who you think you are. One of the primary reasons we wrestle with accomplishing certain goals is because we have adopted certain labels and character traits. Odds are, these labels were probably first given to us by our parents, siblings, friends etc. And because we love and trust these people, we believed them! I was labeled “LAZY”. Ok, yeah this one was a little true for me. But I was also called smart, creative, and compassionate. The challenge was that I let the LAZY label, take priority over the smart, or creative label. I let it define me. So, here’s how I changed my mind and how you can change yours. 1. Keep your mind on the positives. Make a list of your most prominent positive traits. They’re there, check behind the negative ones! Read them over regularly and place them somewhere you can see them as a reminder every day.