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Haberdashers and Shoggoths by Antonio Alejandro Barrroso

Insomnia Press

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“Damned buttons!” muttered Prof. Rice as he feebly pawed at his vest. Though anyone spectating the portly man as he struggled with his light brown suit would agree that “pawed” is the incorrect term to be used here. Imagine, if you will, a ladybug, standing unnaturally and uncomfortably upright, poking at her own carapace in hopes of liberating herself from the shell, all while nursing a hangover. That then would give us a much more accurate portrait of what exactly Prof. Rice was attempting to do with his vest’s wily, though wholly commonplace buttons. “Blast!” It was Prof. Rice’s propensity to speak to himself and project his inward thoughts outward that made him a notorious bother for his colleagues in the Classical Languages department at Miskatonic University. Overhearing an eccentric academic muttering about his gout flaring up tends to derail one’s train of higher academic thought. This distraction is further compounded when English is replaced with an ancient Semitic tongue, as the professor was known to do. It should be noted that such mutterings proved to be rather laborious for Prof. Rice, as when they were in ancient

tongues they often created anachronistic statements. Pre-Babylonians had little to no interest in “gout,” “bowling,” or “that leggy blonde in my intro class,” let alone the foresight to create words to describe such yet to be discovered things. Often Prof. Rice had to seek out the council of his fellow scholars to check himself from creating anachronisms that only he would be vain enough to care about. Because of this effort to actively collect second opinions, many grew suspect of how involuntary his supposed unconscious mutterings were. This, plus his proclivity toward uncomfortably chatting up aforementioned “leggy blondes” would eventually lead to his academic downfall. But such details about Prof. Rice, his subtle quirks, and his academic fate are of little use to us at this juncture. At this point it should be brought to the reader’s attention that Prof. Rice is no more than twenty yards away from a shoggoth. “Damned buttons!” To describe Dr. Armitage and Dr. Morgan’s reaction to Prof. Rice’s shockingly misplaced priorities as incredulous would be a grievous understatement. Armitage was flummoxed, and Morgan was downright

Insomnia Press #2: Happy Birthday, Lovecraft!  

Dedicated to the late, great H.P. Lovecraft

Insomnia Press #2: Happy Birthday, Lovecraft!  

Dedicated to the late, great H.P. Lovecraft

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