best care from mom and dad, the extended family, and
‘Parenting 101’ guidebook? Yes, there are lots of books,
the medical team.”
pamphlets, and websites with information, but there’s no time to do your research. Things are moving 1,000 miles
Regardless of age, your child will probably respond
an hour starting the minute the diagnosis comes in. It’s
better that you fear. In fact, Dr. Brian Turpin, an oncologist
extremely difficult for a parent to try to explain cancer to
in the Cancer and Blood Diseases Institute at Cincinnati’s
your child because you don’t know how to explain it to
CHMC, says he is “amazed nearly every time” he
yourself. I tried running through it in my head, but it
watches a child receive their diagnosis. “Many times
always ended with me bawling my eyes out wondering,
kids just want to know what’s going to happen next,” he
‘How am I going to stay strong for my child?’”
says. “Their reaction often galvanizes the family to focus
Unfortunately, many parents and families must go
on moving forward and onto the treatment plan.”
through this scenario. According to the National Cancer Institute, approximately 1-2 children out of every 10,000 are affected by cancer, representing over 10,000 kids
“
Your child looks
to you to make sure everything is okay, and if you are not okay, this will
“
“Telling your child they have cancer – where’s that in the
have a negative impact on their ability to cope.
Tips for Family, Siblings, and Friends A strong support system is crucial for families facing a
Handling Emotions
cancer diagnosis, so friends and family should be prepared to help out. For example, having Grandma pick
– and exponentially more parents and families – each
However, how well your child accepts their diagnosis can
up the siblings from soccer practice, or friends prepare
year. In other words, a lot of people are affected by
be affected by how parents respond. According to Dr.
easy meals, can really help out a family who’s spending
childhood cancer; and hopefully, this article will provide
Angela C. Roddenberry, Staff Psychologist in the Division
all of their time at a hospital.
some information, advice, and coping strategies for
of Behavioral Medicine and Clinical Psychology at
anyone going through this difficult process.
Cincinnati CHMC, parents should check their negative
From an emotional perspective, simply “being there” can
emotions at the door. “Your child looks to you to make
mean so much for parents. Says Chaloupka: “[As a
sure everything is okay, and if you are not okay, this will
parent] you need to stay as strong as you can for your
have a negative impact on their ability to cope,” she says.
child -- but you also have to let it out. Have friends and
Cancer: Your Child’s Understanding Honesty is the best policy when it comes to talking to your child about cancer; however, experts agree that parents should speak to their children in an ageappropriate manner. According to Wanda Meriwether, a Licensed Social Worker (LSW) at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center (CHMC), what would be said to an eight-year-old child is clearly different than what would be said to a 16-year-old.
family you can count on for one thing: a shoulder to cry While it’s natural for parents to be angry, Roddenberry says it’s important to find outlets for their emotions. “Talk
on and an ear to bend. Just ten minutes of that will provide so much relief.”
to a counselor, exercise, engage in positive forms of
In terms of siblings, it’s important for parents to
distraction outside of the presence of your child,” she
remember their other kids during this trying time.
says. “The more you take care of yourself, the more
Meriwether says that siblings can often carry a lot of
positive energy you will have to give them.”
anger or sadness, or even guilt over the diagnosis. As a result, she explains, “It’s important that parents talk with
For example, young children tend to focus more on
Adds Dr. Turpin, “it’s easy to get overwhelmed when
the siblings and reassure them that they did nothing
immediate consequences, such as how their schedule
parents focus on the long-term plan. It’s reassuring,
wrong and did not cause the cancer.”
will change, if their toys will be at the hospital, and who
though, to know that no matter what direction the
will be with them during treatments. Older children,
diagnosis takes a child, there is a treatment pathway
meanwhile, want to know bigger-picture things: What will
guiding the oncologists. Each plan is highly unique and
it mean to their schedule? Will they miss school? Will
complex, so we encourage parents to take it one day at
they survive treatment?
a time and let their loved ones support them.”
In addition, it can be helpful to have siblings get involved in something proactive, like charity work. That process will give siblings a feeling of control and accomplishment during a time when so little is in their control. In fact, charity work can prove to be one of the most
As a social worker, Meriwether says she often introduces
Finally, trust your instincts and capability as a parent. In
effective therapeutic and bonding experiences for
parents to the “Four C’s: Cancer, Catch, Case, and Care,”
fact, Chaloupka says that, despite battling intense
dealing with a cancer diagnosis. Chaloupka says that,
to help them find ways to talk with their child. She explains:
emotional turmoil about how to talk to his son, he was
two years after the diagnosis, his whole family has gotten
“Cancer: by using the word, it becomes less scary than
able to pull himself together for the important talks.
involved in charity work. “I felt a need to do something
coming from someone else. Catch: parents should
“Somehow that ‘magic parent gene’ kicked in and I was
as a thank you for what everyone did to make sure my
reassure the child that cancer is not contagious, and
able to just say it, ‘Hey buddy, you have a problem that is
child was ok. We may not have all the Bill Gates money
they can still receive hugs and kisses. Case: nothing the
making you sick, but everything will be ok, and we’ll be
to donate, but a couple of hours here and there is
child did caused the cancer. Care: they will receive the
right here the whole time.’”
priceless.” NOVEMBER 2012 [ cincinnati parent] 31