expressions. Instead of fuming when your child avoids an adult greeting, place a reaffirming hand on her shoulder and offer a pleasant reply to demonstrate an appropriate response.
Comfort zones Stepping out of comfort zones is harder for some than others. Parents can expand a child’s comfort zone by familiarizing them with a variety of social settings. Begin practicing in the security of your home, then slowly engage them in desired new experiences. “Provide opportunities for success in new social situations by starting with smaller groups,” suggests Dr. Anixt. Children will eventually gain the confidence to apply these new skills to more uncomfortable circumstances.
Coaching kids Behavioral coaching works best in calm environments. Shelley’s child struggled with unexpected, unfamiliar activities during his preschool day. She requested the schedule in advance, preparing him at home. He learned to master his emotions and embrace new activities. Try rehearsing encounters and practice responses with shy kids through role playing, and then seek out social opportunities for “real world” experience. “Your child will learn from observing your friendliness to others and interaction with people you do not know,” says Dr. Anixt. “Encourage your children to initiate or respond to social overtures, providing praise when he does well.”
We asked our CINCINNATI PARENT Facebook readers for their input on how they have helped their shy children. Here’s some of their advice. Give them time to answer questions. Don’t push a lot of friends. Encourage a strong friendship with a child who sets a good example. Let them know it’s okay to be who they are. – Rachel M. If your child is shy and prefers to observe rather than join in then let him/her observe. Children learn a lot through observation and eventually they’ll want to join the fun! – Alma S. My youngest who is 5 years old is shy. [She] is an observer, and takes in information/the situation before engaging. She is overcoming her shyness and we talk about making eye contact when speaking. It’s not a confidence thing for her. It’s more of “I want to figure you out first.” – Nicole W. I refrained from describing my son as shy even with other grown-ups (they would always make a big fuss over it in his presence.) I just called it “slow to warm up.” Pay attention to what your child is experiencing (not what they should be experiencing) and help them navigate through it. – Teri H.
Looking ahead A parent’s positive involvement and authentic communication inspires success. Dr. Anixt counsels that “as long as the adolescent feels happy, comfortable and engages in activities he enjoys and wants to be doing” parents should feel encouraged. Shyness is just one facet of a child’s personality; it will rise and fall through changing circumstances. In his book, The Shyness Breakthrough, Bernardo J. Carducci, Ph.D. writes, “By helping your child to understand and manage his shy feelings, you will be empowering him for years ahead.”
JANUARY 2014 // CINCINNATIPARENT.COM
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