it will come. Once a person fully and freely admits that to himself, immediately change begins, the withering away of tons of useless lies and half-lies and compromises and fears.
By this point, at the end of the book, to many readers it must have become quite apparent, that while on the level of politics, I, the author, am a liberal anarchist, on a different, metaphysical level, I am a nihilist. I have never come across anything which would convince me beyond reasonable doubt, that any human can experience the full ‘real reality’ instead of some shade of a collective dream. Certainly the walking, talking and fornicating corpses around me are no example of ‘reality perception’. Perhaps the fundamental reality is accessible for enlightened Zen teachers. Perhaps in a more mortal dimension, it is accessible for the ‘unblocked’ patients of Arthur Janov or Stanislav Groff, or to the various followers of Wilhelm Reich. Perhaps it is accessible to everyone after death. These are all theoretical possibilities, but until I myself experience something which is at least close to the ‘real reality’ I have no basis for assuming that anyone has ever experienced it.
Most of the time I am wandering around within the collective dream, and actually forget for hours, weeks and in terrible periods even months, what other alternatives exist. Getting sucked into the endless flight of second rate phenomena, with the accompanying, alarmingly rapid deterioration of the thinking processes. In certain moments, thankfully, I experience intense trips which remind me how things stand (or at least how they don’t stand), and experience crazy realities which nevertheless show what a ludicrous project the currently prevailing collective dreams are. For a short period, the fog thins out, and you can actually make sense of some of what becomes visible, and sometimes I swear I have the feeling the fog has retreated completely. But that is of course enthusiasm of the moment.
Thus I am a nihilist not in the sense of ‘not believing in anything’, but in the sense of ‘not taking reality for granted’, and ‘not taking normality for granted’. When I say ‘there is no reality’, I don’t mean ‘nothing exists’, I mean ‘everyone is a sad and scared monkey which has severe mental, emotional and physiological illnesses and deformations, and can’t see shit with it’s crude sense organs, but even if it could – wouldn’t make anything out, as the dreams would be blurring it all.’
Of course, drug abuse is in the end, suicidal. No more then ‘normal life’ in society is, but still I can not deny the drawbacks of the practice. Its very function of getting you high is ‘bad for