Q.
I’ve always had low self-esteem and take things people say to heart, and it takes a long time to let go of a comment or criticism someone has made. How can I get past this because it is starting to affect me more than it used to. Help! – Amanda
A.
There are lots of different strategies for improving one’s self-esteem but, to begin with, answer the following questions to help add some clarity to what you’re experiencing: • What sort of comments or criticisms seem to impact you more than others? • What’s happening in your thoughts at those times? Are you being fair in your thinking? • In the past you appear to have found ways of eventually letting go of the criticism. Could any of those strategies be used now, and be improved? • You mention it’s affecting you more than it used to. Do you know when this changed? What was happening then? What is the affect on you now? • Have you considered speaking with an appropriate professional, such as your doctor and/or a counsellor about how you’re feeling? Now here are some general tips about accepting comments and criticisms: • Criticism is simply feedback and information. Choose your attitude that best supports the acceptance of information and allows you to objectively process it. • Listen to the feedback. The person providing it has taken the time to share what they or others feel, and this may be important to them to share. Honour the relationship and accept that this may be quite difficult for the other person. • Check your body language to ensure that it is ‘open’ and that you make eye contact with the person. This can have a positive impact on how you accept the feedback mentally and emotionally. • Restate the critical feedback to ensure you understand it correctly. This includes paraphrasing any emotional comments the other person makes. • View the criticism as an attempt to solve a problem or turn a particular situation around. It’s not a personal attack. • Thank the person giving you the feedback, regardless of whether or not the feedback itself is uncomfortable to hear. • Focus on the potential solutions to the situation. • Ask for time to consider the feedback if at the moment you are feeling that it’s too difficult to be objective. Source: Noel Posus is a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. He is the founder of coaching business www.askacoach.com and Incredible Awareness (www.incredibleawareness.com).
Ask a Coach
Q.
I’m feeling like there is a block between myself and finding out what I really want to pursue in terms of my career. I’m 26 years old and I want to start doing something I enjoy and that resonates with what I’m all about, which is helping people. There are so many things I’m interested in that it’s overwhelming. Money is a factor as well, as I can’t afford to study full-time. Do you have ideas to help me get clear and find some real direction? – Alexandra
A.
To create a career that resonates with who you are, it is essential that you take a talent-based approach to your career search and become aware of what is influencing you and what drives you to take action. It starts with discovering the core ‘you’ through self-discovery. Once unmasked, your journey continues with specific career exploration and identification of a career that allows you to make good use of your unique talents. Finding career direction is a process. The more effort you put into the planning, the better your results as you end up with a clear sense of direction. Here are some tips to get you started: • If you could be in a fulfilling career without regards to money, time, or education, what would you do? What do you want to accomplish? What motivates you to choose a certain career path? Why? What kind of person do you want to become? • Brainstorm and use your answers to identify your top three talents. • Make a short list for yourself starting with “I want to be…”, then prioritise the list so that it aligns with who you are. • Perform career research on your shortlisted choices. This will help you reject several possible careers and narrow down to one. • Discover what makes you unique – talents, passions, values and guiding principles. It is wise to identify your top values and to test your potential actions/decisions against them. • Set some goals and develop an implementation plan that will allow for the gradual transition from where you are now to where you want to be. • Write down the steps you need to take or the things you need to accomplish, in order to get there. What qualifications and experience should you get? • Chunk-down your goals into smaller parts and get out of overwhelm. Accomplish them one at a time. Source: Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, speaker, author, facilitator and consultant who works with her clients to achieve personal breakthroughs and holistic success. Visit her website at www.savleenbajaj.com or contact her on (03) 8802 7983.
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