ear's see

It 's an unusual start to a brand new year, writes FARZANA AHMAD

Wbat did you do on NYE?

:Me, I missed the whole shebang. Yeah, this was a first for me. I just slipped into oblivion, the day went in a blur and ew Year's Eve tiptoed past without me noticing. The fireworks weren't loud enough co tease this snoozing J ane awake. The celebrations di dn't tickle me to deck up and join in And when I did come to, the New Yea" r was noc so new, in fact it was a day old. Now don't you jump to conclusions assuming I was O UT on something! I know how some dirty little minds workl

OK, let me unravel the tangl es and put tl1ose worms back in che can.

Here's what happened: I was off on Christmas break and had comfortably eased into the 'late to bed, seriously late to rise' routine, quite common this time of the year. Armrnd noon (which was dawn for me), I was deeply engrossed in a virtual reality experience where I was strapped to an electric chair waiting to die. The atmosphere of my nightmare was pregnant with suspense. The prison officer stood tensely next to the retro red telephone ready to catch a state pardon the second it was delivered. I was te rrified bur hopeful at tl1e same time, willing and praying for me telephone co ring in me hope of receiving a last- minute pardon. Why I was on the electric chair in a strange country is a harrowing tale I'll save for another day

Right now, m y heart was pounding, my eyes tightl y shut, fists clenched in nervous balls as I concentrated on my prayers, tr ying to establish a connection wim the Almighty. I was repenting fervently for m y sins - and those of m y forefathers' - invoking, begging, demanding another chance ru1d willing fo r the ugly monstrosity of the phone to ring. The clock ticked away mournfully. 12 lvlississi p p i l 1 J\,lississippi mocking, building up the climax to m y final countdown. 10 9 8 God, please let the phone ring 5 4 Now, God, PLEASE 3 Heart pounding in my ears, eyes throbbing w ith white pain, PLEASE, PLEASE GOD 2 Rrrrrrrrrrrring.

M y eyes Aew open ruid the adrenalin made me bolt om of the electric chair and straight into tl1e wooden pillar on the side. Wham! Barn! Spin! Stars! The beam of my four-poster bed W hat??? H ang on, wasn't I strapped to the chair? Rrrring rrrrrrrring, why wasn't the prison officer answering? I turned around and banged my head on the post again, this time with full bl unt force. l fell. on my bed like a sequoia tree struck b y lightning. As I slipped through the fingers of consciousness, I realised one of d1e devices on m >7 side tab le was announcing an incoming call with an irritating retro riogtone 1 had tl1ought so cool just last night.

What happened next is a second, third and fiftl1 hand accotu1t of my husband, sons and sister- in- law respectively.

M y better half Q1e likes to clunk) foll11d me conked our, a little on and a lot off tl1e bed as he stomped in to answer the incessant ringing. Let me mention here mat the award for the most Annoying Caller of the Year goes to m y sister, who refused to be ignored. (She later confessed she knew I'd probably be asleep but the scoop she had on cousin was a developing story that just couldn't wait. in retrospect, she declared, I sh o uld be tbruiking her for saving 111)7 life, after aU, if the phone hadn't ru ng wouldn't I have died on me electric chair ruiyway?) She does have a point I guess (hear/ scratch), thanks sis, owe you one!

So, coming back, H usband reported he cook one look at the p hone and another at me. He had been heading out to the golf course, must I sleep like a log? He checked the caller ID ru1d almost died witl1 guilt, as he closed his eyes, put the cordless behind his back and quickly pressed reject (you see, he likes m y sister, bur not more than golf) Now he tut nmed as he tried to drag me back up o n the bed to a more civilized sleeping position. More time wasted, tut mt!

TI1e light bulb finally went o n (methinks his is an energy saving one on delayed stare mode) when he rnrned m)' head and saw a thin trickle of crimson oozing from a golf ball sized bump on m y forehead (the reference to golf ball was probably unintentional but an indication of what was really on his mind)

According to Husband, he immediately donned his '1-.facho Mao-in-Contro l' cape. Realising l was too heavy for him to pull on the bed by himself, he called the kids up to help ( though how much a m1·ee and fomyear- old could help beggars belie£).

Enter the kids running This brin gs us to di e third- hand account of even ts tl1at ensued, a slightly different ve rsion to the second- hand account. The boys swear Dad let out a bl ood curdling scream which made tl1em drop their Xbox controllers and come rushing on the double. They found

Husband cl utching the post of our bed, swaying dangerously close to a full on drop on me in a classic damsel in distress fashion read y to swoon at the sight of blood.

What were the li ttle ones co do? They started screaming- shoucing-cryiJ1g at the top of their ltu1gs The commotion attracted m y si ster-in-law's attention as she paused to switch tracks on her iPod in her bedroom downstairs. The split second of silence was shattered b y the boys' screams She bolted straight upstairs (she does dote on her nephews) My babies were rl1e bravest, they're m y little heroes for saving my life for the second time dus after-morn.

S is- in-law quickly assessed the siniation according to her fifth person account. ( EJ'e roll) She was the woman of the hour as she modestl y explains to whoever cares to listen Firstly, she calmed her brother down, (yeah, look after your own first, don ' t mind me, I'm only dead fo r all you know, typical in- laws for you)" She got Husband to call the ru11bulance while she settled the kid s in the otl1er room Then she rushed back to tend to me. The am b ulance arrived in less tl,an five minutes Sis-in- law will tell you how mud1 the paramedics admired her level headedness and praised her appropriate responses.

I was wheeled into the hospital on a stretcher. Tests were performed and I was found to have suffered a concussion which had sent me into a coma. It was decided by the medical experts that there was nothing they could do but wait fo r me to come around. I could wake up in a few hours or days or montl1s.

Luckil y for aU involved, I was up the next morning, but by that time a year had passed and the world was welcoming the first day of 2017.

Wow, what a start! I could only hope th i s was not a sign of things to come for tl1e next 364 days.

""'*

" You clunk it works?" I ask m y editor.

" Hmm needs polishing, but yes," she snules in approval as she saves the script to her USR

The New Year's issue o f W ell Spun Yarn is on u·ack.

Sunday, 5 th February 2017

I The 20th ASAT Competition Schedule

> Eligible Students

Year 6 students who will sit the Selective High School Placement Test in 2017

> Test Date & Time

Sunday, 5 t h February 2017 (9:30am - 1 :30pm)

> Test Subjects

Reading, Mathematics, Writing and General Ability

> Test Centre Location

Buring Pavilion (Exhibition Hall 3&4) at Sydney Olympic Park (Riverina Avenue, Homebush Bay)

> Registration Fee

$65 per applicant (not refundable)

> Registration Closing Date

Saturday, 21 st January 2017 (5:00pm)

Registration will close on Saturday, 21st January 2017 (5:00 pm) Register at your nearest Pre-Uni New College Branch, or Register & pay now for ASAT at ~Os:3:)Utft'tl~b

Pre-Uni New College will be holding its annual scholarship tests on Sunday, 5 th Fe bruary 2017 Please find the detailed information on testing schedule and scholarship conditions below.

Who can apply?

Years 3, 4 and 5 students in 2017

Test Dates & Time Sunday, 5 th February 2017(3:00pm - 5:30pm)

Test Subjects English, Mathematics and General Ability

Test Venue Exhibition Hall 3, Sydney Showground, Sydney Olympic Park

Registration Fee $25 per applicant (not refundable )

Registration closes on Saturday, 21st January 20 17 (5:00pm)

How to register Register at your nearest Pre- Uni New Col lege Branch, or at www.newcollege com.auLboo king

*Scholarships Successfu l student s will receive up to 75% scholarship discount on regu lar term WEMG course tuition fees.

*Conditions Apply

For more information, please call on 9746 7000 or refer to your nearest branch.