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Herecords presents:

Incredible Master Treasure Hunters! Who Killed

Don Lennon What’s Up Don?

Mr. Moonlight?


BAUHAUS—Burning from the Inside



Issue one is done.

It was fun.

Now the world weights, trembling , waiting like a filthy cat inside a letterbox waiting for a wagon of tunameat to arrive. Meow?

Meow. Now see the second issue on issuu and love it? I don’t know, you were always so finicky. You are the cat, the sniffing cat who wants his meat. Here is your meat. Eat.


Now you have read this blurb. Feel better?


Somewhere in England in the late seventies a band took Ziggy Stardust and put him through the evil-izer machine. The result is Bauhaus. The result of that was ―the whole goth thing. ― But Goth was maybe not the intention here. We may never know, but when I hear the clambering of acoustic strains in the beginning of ―Spice of Life‖, I know Bauhaus is more than dreary sulk.

Bauhaus seems to show two moods to the human ear: that of quiet brooding and ethereal melancholy, and that of a screaming marmoset clawing its way out of a dank English alley in the fog.

―Who Killed Mr. Moonlight‖ is a beautiful song in which David J takes the vocals. As for its enigmatic lyrics? David told IMTH “„Mister Moonlight‟ was in part inspired by the death of John Lennon. The ghostly character of Mister Moonlight also represents nostalgia. In retrospect, Mr. Moonlight has also come to symbolize the poetic aspect of Bauhaus ( the band ).” ―King Volcano‖ showcases Bauhaus’ ability for ―cabaret‖ style German weirdness. Many goth bands of today seem a little one-sided in their gloominess, but with this album in particular Bauhaus showed that they could reach farther, and show different rooms of their creative castle. The band broke up after, and without Peter became ―Love and Rockets‖, but Bauhaus would meet again, rose petals in mouth. LATER.

A Rumination of Heuy Lewis’ Catalog by a Cactus ―The heart of Rock n Roll is still beatin’.‖ - Heuy Lewis Hi—me again. I was just watered so I am feeling emotional. On the stereo today my master plays ―I Want a New Drug‖. We are in the presence of Heuy Lewis. His voice sounds like a Canadian goose crossed genetically with an Australian Aboriginal flute, and I don’ t want to wallow in simile but he is a bull of strength. I have turned to Heuy in my darkest hours, when I was lost in this world. I worship him as a sort of groovy god. I also worship Miracle Grow and ―felt‖.

If only he would deperate from The News and come to me. I like the percussive malarchy of his singing. ―The Power of Love‖ fills my soul with energy and makes me bloom even during summer. Plants dream, and he once appeared to me in a dream and said I look like a hammer. I love him, he pulls no punches. ―Small World ― is the greatest album ever, in the history of goosesinging.


Attention Grabber


Its been a while, but prepare for a new Don Lennon album “Nick and Mary�.

Meanwhile, we took a moment to put together a review of one of his pervious records, and we got an interview as well.

Don Lennon — Don Lennon Boston. College students walk everywhere and pass out on the T (the subway). In these streets Don Lennon had many adventures and he put them down in this record from the year 2000. Its really good. In the face of ten years of noisy grunge bands from Seattle here comes this mellow, clean sounding original. The song topics are some of what makes Don such a find. There is not so much tripe of the usual love songs and ―I miss you ― type songs, nice though they are. One song warns ―Do you think you deserve to hear my favorite rock group?‖ Certainly we do not. He also mourns the New England style of neighborliness , which is taciturn and isolationist. Don wants to get to know his neighbors, and he sings proudly of his yearning. In ―My Debut Album‖ Don talks about—guess what? In this age of Facebook and self-observation, Don heralds a new idiom of Harvey-Pekarish storytelling from the real world.

Well, enough of that. Anyway, if you don’t care about such lyrical considerations, still you should check out the music. Its hard to find a comparison to similar bands. His style is not really folky, nor Indie-kool, its just kind of ...nice. It sounds like he just had some pot and a nice meal, some apple pie, and then he went into the studio. The melodies are very catchy too, and it’s a great record to walk around Boston listening to on your iPod.

IMTH talks to Don Lennon— Don had a chance to respond to our traditional ―three questions‖. IMTH : Your self-titled album was released in the midst of the grunge era yet your guitars sound clean and funky. Were you concerned people would be put-off by that? The musical environment at that time was strange. There was definitely a lot of loud, dissonant music being made. I don’t know if it was technically grunge or not. There was also this delicate lo-fi stuff happening. And that “lounge” thing may have been going on around this time, too. Was lounge just in Boston? I don’t remember encountering that anywhere else. Some of my songs had some major seventh chords in them, so I was always getting put on the bill with these lounge bands that seemed to have sprung up overnight. That was a weird scene. I just wanted a very sensible, reasonable sound. I assumed other people would find that exciting too. I guess the honest answer is that I never gave it any thought.

IMTH : How much does the place where you live influence your songwriting? Some songwriters think they can swoop in on a place and grab whatever they want for their lyrics. But they usually just wind up noticing the most obvious, superficial details and missing the real action. New York becomes the Brooklyn Bridge and Coney Island. That’s like describing your wife as having red hair. If I live somewhere long enough, all of that inessential stuff becomes invisible and I can get directly at the spirit of the place. I don’t even have to mention it in the lyrics anymore because, very subtly, it’s in the playing and the song structure and everything else. It’s a long, slow process that I’m not even aware of while it’s happening. IMTH : Do you think interesting songwriters like yourself have more difficulty reaching a large audience in today's music business, compared to the 80's and 90's? I don’t. And it has nothing to do with the type of music I make. My music is much more accessible than a lot of very successful bands’ music. It’s always been almost impossible for anyone to reach a large audience. The basic facts of life apply to the music industry too. For various reasons, some people get to do it and others don’t. Economics is a huge factor. Luck is also a factor. It’s a luxury to be able to pursue music full-time and it has been for a while. To be honest, I’m pretty removed from the music industry now, so the whole thing’s a little mysterious to me. For the past few years I’ve been seeing a lot of pictures on the Internet of nice-looking people wearing animal masks. Things don’t seem any less interesting now than they were in the 80s or 90s. Every now and then I hear what I think must be pretty popular current music that seems kind of interesting, so I know it can be done.

Judee Sill Heart Food I was watching a DVD of ―The Old Grey Whistle Test‖ when up comes this lady that looks the least like any kind of pop star or rock idol ever. But I guess it just goes to show how superficial I am , maybe we all have become in these modern times, because her singing and songwriting is pretty amazing. It was a real ―Susan Boyle‖ moment for me. Of course I am always curious to know MORE INFORMATION about singers these days, knowing the internet will produce for me. It seems she had a pretty sad life, by different accounts basically a drug addict who overdosed in 1979, and never reached professional success on a large scale. Does that tragic ―suffering artist‖ bio make me like this album more? Yes it probably does, because I am not a purist, I like to know what songwriter’s lives were like. I want to know their story. I am ashamed of my triviality. Anyway, this album may not be your cup of tea unless you like lush layers of music and a classically influenced song structure. People seem to make a bug deal out of saying she is influenced by Bach, but I think she is influenced by awesome.

The Kinks - Face to Face This album belongs to the so-called Kinks "Golden Age" of the sixties. Curiously, these sixties records are tough to find, while The Kink's seventies and Eighties records seem to fill bargain bins and eMusic and every other place you look. Its as if they want to distance themselves from this period, which I find odd considering it freakin' rules. See also: The Village Green Preservation Society and Something Else. Anywhaps, this is a fine album, bathed in a sharp sixties guitar tang and rhythmic acoustic bouncing. Ray Davies displays his craft at writing beautiful pop melodies that contains a salty twist of sneer in their delivery. I realize the cover is a bit offputting. The link on the picture to Amazon doesn’t contain song samples but they are hard to find anywhere legal on the internet. How sad that this record gets no respect like that! Well, I’m sure you’ll find something somewhere, it’s a big internet.

Free Classical Listening Review "Moonlight (Fernando Sor Etude Op. 35 No. 22)" (1820ish) by Fernando Sor Evocative of that Moonlight Sonata that a certain chattery OTHER composer wrote, here we have a delicate dance on the water. With precision and time, with careful knives cutting red fresh meat, this Etude has „tude. I wish I could hear a Moog version—I would add plenty or reverb and feature a soft attack. This is the sort of song that makes one want to gently slice a cucumber while reminiscing on the trials of life, perhaps then heading downtown on a late bus for a sip of cappuccino and a write in the old diary. On a version of this song played on Youtube, one emotional writer pens this line “if i ever find a chick that plays classical guitar, I'm going to marry her. “ Wow. I am impressed with the power of Sor to unleash the sexual drives of internet surfers solely with the minor chord melody of his Spanish lament. Kudos, kudos my friend.

*****/***** -Harper Jones

By Ryan Klemek

Movie Review: Goonies vs. Ghostbusters I’m going to cut to the chase here. Goonies vs. Ghostbusters is probably the best movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Unfortunately, because of contractual disputes, I may be the only person who ever gets to see it. As we were leaving his private screening room, director Sean Astin told me he plans to burn the only copy of the film before Hollywood big wigs can get their mitts on it. He fought hard to keep every brilliant, yet controversial word of Dan Ackroyd’s screenplay, and he was not about to let the studio dumb things down for mainstream audiences. Because this masterpiece will be destroyed before it ever sees the light of day, I can give a detailed account without worrying about spoilers. Let’s start with the cast. On the Goonies side, Astin returns as Mikey, with Josh Brolin, Ke Huy Quan, Kerry Green, and Martha Plimpton all reprise their respective roles as well. Noticeably missing from the troop were actors Corey Feldman, Jeff Cohen, and of course the deceased John Matuszak who played Sloth. As much as these guys are missed, the recasting for their roles was brilliant. Jason Bateman was tapped to replace Feldman as Mouth, The portly Jonah Hill took over as Chunk, and John C. Reilly plays Sloth. In the Ghostbusters camp, none of the original actors returned to their roles, which was disappointing but not unexpected. Settling for proven Hollywood ringers, Astin decided to borrow the cast of the A-Team movie and fit them into the Ghostbusters roles. Liam

Neeson plays Bill Murray, Bradly Cooper plays Dan Aykroyd, The guy from District 9 plays Egon, and B.A. Baracus plays Winston. The story begins with a Goonies reunion that has a tragic outcome. As the gang takes out their pirate ship from the Goon Docks, they are attacked by a real band of Japanese pirates. Their treasure is taken, their ship is sunk and all of the Goonies are brutally killed. Unfortunately for the people of Astoria, death does not stop the Goonie’s mischievous antics, as their ghosts soon begin terrorizing the locals. Chunk does the Truffle Shuffle during a church service, and tarantulas crawl out of his naval. Data’s spirit possesses a toy robot and attacks a child. Mouth pulls down the pants of a stand-up comedian in the middle of his set, causing him to piss on his audience due to nervousness. The mayor eventually decides that he needs to summon the Ghostbusters. The Ghostbusters arrive on the seen in dire straights themselves. Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd had become lovers but went through a bitter break-up, making it extremely difficult for them to work together. Egon is no longer a genius, thanks to a lab experiment that accidentally shrunk his brain a little. Winston is in the middle of a custody battle over his St. Bernard that he shares with his third wife. To make matters worse they’re all raging alcoholics, and they haven’t busted a ghost since 1990. They show up in Astoria hoping this job could the be the catalyst that turns their life around. Unfortunately, they don’t get off to a good start. During their first encounter with the Goonies, they accidentally cross the streams,which turns Sloth into a giant retarded ghost version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Then, just when it seems things can’t get any worse, they stumble upon a diabolical conspiracy headed by the Mayor himself! The tide eventually takes a favorable turn when the Goonies have a change of heart. Upon learning that the Japanese pirates were a part of the Mayor’s plot to destroy the Goon Docks, they join forces with the Ghostbusters to stop him. The mayor is finally defeated when the team throws a sack over his head which is decorated to look like a giant Baby Ruth candy bar wrapper, and he is eaten by Giant Stay Puft Ghost Sloth.

Staff Birthdays! !

Happy 56th to Stan Burton, our copy layout coordinator! Stan has been having a tough time accepting his age. Let’s all send him our best. He is crying. He is a jolly man, but he is crying and sad. He did not come to work today. Calls to his house were not answered. He writes poems on his lunch break. He thinks we don’t see but we do. We stole them when he was in the bathroom. They moved us all to tears. Noble man. Yay! THE STAFF

Movies can be Great ! HAMBURGER—The Motion Picture When you encounter a movie that has a name like ―Hamburger—The Motion Picture‖, you know you are in for something amazing. This one doesn’t disappoint. From the ultra-horny behavior of the women in the film towards the protagonist, to the torturechambers that are giant pickles, this movie has some amazing sights. This is that kind of film in which you just have to sit back and be taken into its strange world. You can’t understand anything that is going on, you just have to hope when it ends you will still be on earth, in this dimension, and you head is still attached to your shoulders. The is a part where a burgermaking machine goes berserk and almost kills the main character. Dick Butkis swoops in with delight and he is the evil one in this film.

I can’t even really explain how strange the plot is, but suffice to say there is a part where many obese people are given ―industrial laxative‖ and cause a restroom to explode as a result. It really happens. Please watch this film right now. Its just so amazing.

The Joke’s Are On Us! 1. On the phone: Hello, is this 333-3849? Yes. May I call you 333 for short? 2.There should be a super hero called "Rich Man". Able to buy buildings in a single payment! Wait, there already is. There should also be a super hero called "Hot Chick" Oh yeah. 3. The next time you are feeling like you can't run fast, keep in mind, compared to the rate at which plants move, you are pretty fast! And I don't think they like that. 4. I was listening to the oldies station the other day but the radio I was using forgot what decade that was, so it just played music from the year 1230. Most of it was doo-wop. 5. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Not if it's a picture of the word "turtle". Then its pretty much only worth one word. Or maybe two if you count backwards.


The term ―Santa‖ originates from the years 1345 in which the ruler of Scile Island rotated once and when we withdrew from his trance he said ―I am not your friends!‖ - he was later put to death by piffling.

Product Reviews———“Lucky Charms” - Ryan Klemek If you are going to eat Lucky Charms, eat it with both milk AND caution. The picture on the box promises many things, but what it actually delivers is sugary sorry. Upon pouring the puffy oat bits and stiff, dry marshmallows into my bowl, my spirit danced with child-like anticipation. However after the first bite, I was clobbered in the life with the heavy shovel of reality. The oat bits sliced my gums, and the marshmallows melted my teeth. That’s not to say the taste was bad, because the flavor was actually ridiculously pleasant. Suffice to say if I had to distract a giant with the taste of this cereal so that I could escape his fury, I have confidence that I could free myself. However, taste is not the only reason humans eat cereal. And if the cut gums and ruined chompers weren’t bad enough, there is also the issue of the unfavorable LUCK I received directly after the consumption of this product. When one eats purple horseshoes, green clovers, blue diamonds, yellow moons and pink hearts, one expects to serge with the power of the gods. I anticipated instant wealth to befall me, perhaps in the form of leprechaun-quality doubloons stashed at the bottom of the box. Instead, I was the recipient of a falling anvil to the head not more than 20 seconds after finishing my last bite of breakfast.

Skeptics may call this a coincidence, but I assure you this is not the case. Before I sat down to my morning meal, I double- nay, TRIPLE-checked the security of the rope which held aloft that anvil above me. Indeed, only the malevolence of a tiny, green-clad Irishman and his twisted cereal could have caused this tragedy. The three-inch bump on my head is presently being circled by three little birds which never stop chirping. If this is the kind of fate that entices you, then, by all means, chow down on this General Mills abomination. If falling anvils are the prominent feature in your concept of Nirvana, then let me not discourage you. Just remember one thing: Next time it might be a grand piano that falls!

Left : “Magically Delicious” Below :“$%#@$%#@

Songs About Singers

—by The Passionate and

Objective Jokerfan

Many songs about singers, obviously. Quite topical in that sense, and very amusing. He thoroughly explores the psychology of the Rolling Stones, Edge and Bono, and Billy Bragg, among others. One soulful voice and his trusty piano. He pays tribute to Fiona Apple in such a lusty way, Apple herself is compromised. Worth a listen worth a lifetime. This niche has been claimed!


A message from the Safety Tiger


Your place for nice MP3’s that are free and good for you.

We still love Ottawa—pick up a souvenir there!

Sometimes you just don’t know what to make of life. That is when you need to sit back and realize nothing really matter s all that

One day you will be a skeleton in a grave anyway!

POETRY for PLEASURE DONT DREAM IT BE IT FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DO SOMETHING THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO OTHERS YET DOES NOT HARM OTHERS YOU CAN RATIONLIZE SO MANY THINGS WITH ROSEY GLASSES NO SPELL-CHECK CAN STOP MY MISS-SPELLINGS NOW NO RED MARKS OF CONDEMNATION the horror we felt when we looked in the mirror still looking for a black-haired priestess as he speculates on the make-me-betters finding fault in all the dead letters the shock at winding down the wrong river the dead wood floating so the audience can scream meanwhile who knows what Vampyres are betting that there will be an imperial blood-letting an still the guardian angel visits you on your throne or glory in situ lonely devils wander on into the sand Sahara lizards promptly buried like an alien the self-exploding mistakes only a genius makes can turn a life around or destroy with every sound By Latham Green

Puddles’ Corner Hello fans! So the summer is coming to an end, but do not fret! The fall is full of wonder and delight! With that said, here is what’s Hot and Not in the life of Puddles! What’s Hot and Not in the Life of Puddles!

Hot! Buddy Holly- Is Buddy Holly the best of the 1950’s? Puddles has recently been turned on to this wonder, and has been blown away. ―Maybe Baby‖ and ―Rave On‖ are particularly amazing. The production value, the guitar playing, the singing…all amazing. He was a gem. Marie Lafort – ―Detre A Vous‖ This French Pop princess does Dylan like no one. NO ONE! She is a treat! Carly Simon – ―You’re So Vain‖ I know, right? Where did that one come from? Even Puddles is confused on this one, but I’ve been enjoying her stuff recently. Don’t worry, I still hate James Taylor. Bread- ―Baby I’m a Want You‖ Do you not realize how awesome Bread is? DO YOU NOT REALIZE??? Bread is awesome…listen to them! Electric Light Orchestra ―Turn to Stone‖ ELO is awesome. Nothing else to say. The Silver Seas ―What’s the Drawback‖ Who says that Puddles is not in touch with Modern music? I’ll admit, I stumbled across these guys by accident, but they write great songs, and even mention ELO in their songs…is that not amazing? Puddles Approved!!! Dire Straits- “Romeo and Juliet”—How underrated are Dire Straits? Seriously, give them another listen... Now I know ―The Killers‖ cover this song, and it’s not awful. With that said, give this one a whirl…you will not be disappointed!

NOT!!!! Grand Funk Railroad – ―The Loco-motion‖ Is this the worst recorded song ever? Is Grand Funk Railroad the worst band ever? With all respect to Little Eva, I think it may be. I listened to this song tonight and cried…and they were not happy tears. Blood Sweat and Tears –―Spinning Wheel‖ AHHH!!!! NOOOO!!! ―ride a painted pony‖ For the love of God, Kill me! Bad Company – ―Feel Like Making Love‖ Just knowing that this song exists, makes me want to hurt myself. Eric Clapton- Holy Goodness! What happened to Eric Clapton? I know everyone falls from Grace, but this is ridiculous man. I feel slightly nauseous thinking about what this man has become. Neil Diamond –―Sweet Caroline‖ Kill me now! See you all soon! Till next time!!!

Puddles P.S. Next issue---original artwork by Puddles!

Video Game Review— Cho Aniki

An evil power has come to the world. He wants to take the babies way in little cages. We can’t let him do that. With the help of a flying lady and man and their friends the nude power brothers, and a cherub, you fight back. Scrolling and shooting, endlessly. At one point you fight a calypso-fun music playing-wagon of doom. Chess pieces, large and menacing, fly to you to kill you . Let’s hope a baby will team up with you to blast them away. I guess a lot of video games don’t really make much sense and this one is no exception, but at least its fun to play until you die 4 minutes later. When you die—there is a strange countdown to continue— play it and see—you can get it for the Wii virtual console.

SADDLE REVIEWS Gundersen® Leather Sawbuck Pack Saddle

What an amazing saddle! Your buttocks will thank you for selecting this baby. Nice leather straps everywhere. You really feel like the coolest guy on the ranch with this one.

― humane sawbuck tree with nickel-plated hardware ― - my God are you kidding me! I can’t get enough! Trails ho! This one is for the road boys! I only wish it came in lavender.

And now another thrilling episode of

Ladies and Guys in Heat


Animals die if they are not given food!

Buy them pet food.




Thanks so much for joining in us again. Tell all your friends that you love this magazine and they should too. Next issue we will explore the fundamental forces of the galaxy.

Incredible Master Treasure Hunters 2 Fall 2010  

Music reviews, movies, saddles. Music reviews, interviews and more! You will so love it you will screach!!! Video games!

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