Imprint The university of Waterloo’s official student newspaper
vol 29, no 20
Friday, December 1, 2006
imprint . uwaterloo . ca
Surviving everything December
$33.3 Million CFI funding boosts UW Research Speech addresses changing nature of information and authority Margaret Clark staff reporter
“These awards represent a strategic boost to the university’s research capacities and represent a tremendous result from one of the strongest competitions since CFI’s inception,” said Alan George, UW’s vice-president of university research. “Supporting research is a key investment of our government in the future of our country,” said Maxime Bernier, federal minister of industry. The CFI is an independent corporation formed by the government of canada to strengthen the capacities of universities and other institutions to carry out research initiatives in areas such as health, natural resources, nanotechnology and the environment. Funding status is determined through a merit-based expert review panel, which this year classified investments in three categories: the Leading Edge Fund, designed to build on already successful initiatives, the New Initiatives Fund, designed to develop promising new areas of research, and the Infrastructure Operating Fund, which assists with maintenance costs.
Consider this scenario: in the Accelerator Centre on North Campus, far from the hub of general student life, a group of business and academic minds (with only a few discernable young adults among the audience) gathered on November 29 to hear an eminent Canadian academic share his expertise on — what else? — the very eclipsing of traditional authority paradigms by individual and technological empowerment. The very absurdity of representatives for an “old system” gathering to discuss how and why their paradigm is being displaced by the new would have been overwhelming if Dr. Peter J. Nicholson, inaugural president of the Council of Canadian Academies and author of The State of Science and Technology in Canada, hadn’t shown full awareness of this conflict in his address. But indeed, Nicholson was the first to acknowledge the pretentiousness of his lecture, entitled “The Expert vs. The Crowd: Networked Knowledge and the Evolution of Intellectual Authority.” Within the first two minutes of his address, which was sponsored by the University of Waterloo and the Institute for Quantum Computing, Nicholson further confessed himself to be a member of the “old guard,” and apologized for speaking on matters about which he did not consider himself the leading expert. Taking the stage after a very warm introduction by UW president David Johnston, who spoke of Nicholson’s varied and accomplished career in the three “foundations of [contemporary] society” — government, finance and industry — Nicholson’s unassuming tone and light humour about being “unable to hold down a job” proved an effective counterpoint to the very appeal to ethos he argued was being distrusted more and more by the general population. “I am quite willing to defer to the well-established institutions in today’s society,” Nicholson explained, “… but I also believe that the values that have shaped my world view … are being eclipsed by a new paradigm. This new framework is shaped by technology — primarily information and communications technology; by globalization; and by a culture, that to an unprecedented degree, celebrates and empowers the individual.”
See page 24
UW Prof.’s Michael Fich and Ali Satavi Naeini join CFI president Elliot Phillipson and UW president David Johnston in announcing a grant from CFI, which will aid in several on-campus research projects. Chris Miller staff reporter
Researchers from the University of Waterloo have received $25.6 million for infrastructure and $7.7 million for equipment operations and maintenance from the Canada Foundation for Innovation (CFI). The news has been praised as a success by the university, with 25 per cent of its applications and 61 per cent of its funding dollars being approved — well above the national average for all universities. The CFI handed out a total of $422 million for 86 programs developing new state-of-theart technologies. “These new investments will substantially increase Canada’s capacity to carry out important world-class scientific research and technology development that will benefit all Canadians,” said Dr. Elliot Phillipson, president of the CFI. “By investing in leading-edge research we are ensuring that our country prospers as a nation of innovation.” The three UW projects winning approval are “From Nano Structures to Quantum Information Processing: A Technology Incubator for the 21st
Century,” “Submillimetre Instruments for Astronomy: Building on the SCUBA-2 Experience,” and the Centre for Intelligent Antenna and Radio Systems. The Nano Structures project will outfit the upcoming quantum-nano building to be built at UW with research laboratories designed to develop practical quantum devices such as first-generation sensors and nano-electro-mechanical systems. The SCUBA-2 system, a multi-university project to be used at the James Clerk Maxwell Telescope in Hawaii, will be the most powerful submillimetre wavelength camera in the world. SCUBA-2 will be well-suited for new astronomy instrument initiatives because these wavelengths correspond to the youngest objects in the universe which emit the dense structures that become solar systems. The third project, the Centre for Intelligent Antenna and Radio Systems, is another multiuniversity program led by UW professors Ali Safavi-Naeini, Amir Khandani, Sujeet Chaudhuri and Jake Thiessen. The CIARS is developing an electronically-shielded test chamber that is able to simulate the various environments necessary for next-generation wireless systems to operate.
Friday, december 1, 2006
email@example.com News Editor: Ashley Csanady News Assistant: Rachel McNeil
The family of Matt Austin, a UW student currently serving in Afghanistan, set up a booth in the SLC November 22 to get signatures of students who “support our troops.” His sister Cara and his mother Sharlene are holding up one of the banners of signatures behind a picture of Matt.
Dinh Nguyen staff reporter
Janet is, without a doubt, one of the few things that kept me sane through hours of labs and projects. Kept me amused during parties, meetings and just hanging out. Kept me questioning everything. Janet will always be my lab partner, classmate, engineering councilor, confidante and a really amazing friend. Thank you for all that you taught me. I will miss you immensely and I will not forget you. — Kate Kelly
Janet Yip was born in Hong Kong, she moved to canada when she was six. She was originally enrolled in mechanical engineering before she switched to the electrical engineering class of 2007. She is survived by her parents and a sister. She was an engineering councillor for two years and involved in EngSoc and the class. According to sources, Janet was diagnosed with leukemia and passed away November 29, 2006.
Dear Janet, I am your partner. I am voting for you. I will discuss raging sociopolitical topics with you over dinner. I will be the one you can talk to about your thoughts. I will listen to you make those important decisions. I am that friend. I spend my days watching you live the life that you believe in without stopping to question yourself. I look on in awe as you show us all that the power to carry on is the motivation to do what it takes. Memories of you, Janet will empower me to make my life a testament to what I believe in, and though you won’t be sitting across the table from me as we scratch our heads trying to figure out what a stochastic process is, you will walk with me every day as I figure out the matters that are really important to me.We adore you, we
look up to you, and we are by your side, ready to inherit the world with you. — Eric Vieth
It was close to a year ago that Janet stomped up to me for stealing her chair one night (she was the most magnificent stomper) and slammed a new one down beside me. She began yelling at me about colonialism, either to terrify the hell out of me, or maybe a clever reference to the chair-stealing, I’ll never know. I feel like I’ll never know so many things now. So many things I never told her either, just because I was too scared… Goodbye Janet. — Eric Blondeel
On behalf of the Federation of Students Council, I would like to express my deep regret to hear that one of Engineering Councillors, Janet Yip, has passed away. She was a dedicated Councillor for the past two years. She brought humour to our Council meetings and communicated well with Engineering. We will sincerely miss her this December Council meeting and in the future. — Michelle Zakrison President, Federation of Students
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New program focuses on mobilizing knowledge Lauren Grant reporter
Knowledge is power, as the old saying goes, and soon the University of Waterloo will be empowering the community that houses it. Beginning next winter term, the university will launch a new interdisciplinary program entitled “Knowledge Mobilization to Serve Society.” The program, headed by Dr. Kathleen Bloom, director of the Canadian Centre for Knowledge Mobilization, is aimed at sharing research discoveries with the community in an effort to impact larger-than-life policy changes and ordinary, day to day life. Mobilization, in this case, refers to transposing new research from text on a page to tangible elements of everyday life. The purpose of this “mobilization,” according to Bloom is to aid “policy makers, practitioners, industry, and the public face social challenges the way they face health and medical challenges -by asking: What does the research say? In this way decision makers balance opinions and beliefs with facts of knowledge.”
Bloom, currently the director of the Canadian Centre for Knowledge Mobilization and an alliance for child literacy known as Research Works, brings much insight to the program: “Effective mobilization of knowledge is a two-way process,” Bloom states. The program itself is based on a union between “those who produce new knowledge and those who can use it.” According to Bloom, this is how decisions regarding social issues evolve beyond mere opinion and belief, “This is how researchers make their knowledge count.” A recent call from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council (SSHRC) demanded a more successful and widespread transference of university knowledge and this program may just be the answer they are looking for. This pioneering program sets out to teach students effectual, winning methods of communicating and sharing research findings to the benefit of society. Students will also learn to transform academic papers into information conduits, draft press releases and construct channels for an
efficient, effective knowledge trade. Knowledge Mobilization to Serve Society is particularly geared toward students currently involved in research and hoping for grants in the future. UW dean of arts Ken Coates said that while research in art faculties has had vast impacts on the surrounding community, the university has fallen short with its habit of playing research too close to the vest and awaiting mobilization from an outside force. The course is part of a widespread coalition to take larger steps in “moving the fruits of our research out of the academy and to engage more directly with those seeking to create societal change,” he said. As Dr. Bloom states, “To serve society, scholarly works must be collated, put in context, translated into plain language, and transported beyond the walls of academia.” “ When we do this, the information age of the last century emerges as the knowledge age of the 21st Century. Knowledge mobilization plant seeds for social innovation.” she concluded.
Some turkeys just can’t seem to resist the holidays. This past U.S. Thanksgiving, a Minnesota woman, Sandy Cobbs, was in her kitchen preparing dinner when a live turkey broke through her dining room window, causing a “thunderous crash” and thousands of dollars worth of damage. Hearing the loud clashes and his wife’s shrieking, Bill Cobbs, Sandy’s husband, came to the rescue. He angrily attempted to scare the giant bird outside, but his efforts only resulted in more damage. The bird then jumped around breaking more furniture and windows, eventually landing on a pot of orchids. Mrs. Cobbs later called the police, who came and removed the turkey from the house. According to News Bizarre, this was not the first turkey attack the Cobbs family has experienced. On Christmas day of 2004, a wild turkey also broke into the Cobbs’ home through a window and caused damage. Mrs. Cobbs claims that the last turkey attack resulted in $10,000 worth of insurance money. The total damage in dollar amount as a result of this attack is still undetermined. Embarrassed, and worried about a rise in insurance money, the Cobbs are contemplating whether or not they should file another insurance claim; while the turkeys on the other hand may be contemplating their next attack. After pleading guilty to giving her 13 year-old son marijuana as a reward for doing homework, a Gettysburg, Pennsylvania women has been charged with corruption of minors and possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia. Amanda Lynn Livelsberger, 30, has been smoking weed with her son since he was 11. Their high times went undetected by the law until they were recently caught in September. The circumstances, which lead to their arrest, were not released. According to the Canadian Press, Livelsberger has been sentenced to three months in jail, along with nine months of house arrest and a year of probation. Furthermore she has been given a restrictive injunction, a sentence that prohibits her from being in possession of any drugs. It seems highly unlikely for her son to get a buzz from his mother during her sentence. Japan
Ubiquitous Exchange, a Japanese company, invented a robot which can perform various customer service jobs. “Ubiko,” the 113 centimeter-tall robot, has a cat like face, comes equipped with a camera, infa-red sensors and a projector on its head, which allows it to greet customers and hand out small objects like balloons and DVDs. Furthermore, some “Ubiko,” have the ability to give directions. They come with touch-panel mounted on their body, which allows users to select a location and be guided there. According to the Canadian Press, the robots, which cost $255,000 U.S. each, can be hired as temporary workers for $445 U.S. per hour. Currently, there are three robots employed full-time at a Japanese hospital working as receptionists and guides. Researchers are planning to release “Ubikos” next month as sale receptionists at a Japanese cell phone store of unknown location; while the cell phone store may be planning to release some of its employees into the job-less world. email@example.com
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Debating the wildlife taskforce Rachel McNeil assistant news editor
Tim Alamenciak editor-in-chief
While animal lovers across the globe disgraced the University of Waterloo last week after the deaths of four beavers on campus, a task force has recently been instated to address such environmental concerns in the future. As opposed to last week’s vigil, which raised more awareness around the undercover issue after it already occurred, the new taskforce — led by Deep Saini, dean of the environmental studies — will investigate and advise the university on such matters. While UW’s direction concerning the beavers on campus was in accordance with Ministry of Natural Resources guidelines, the general public did not view the university’s actions kindly. Darcy Higgins, who helped organize the beaver memorial, believes that “the task force is a response to the giant public outcry, coming from Grade 2 students in Kitchener all the way to individuals in South Africa and Switzerland.” The group hopes to compare UW’s wildlife concerns with those of other campuses in the area in order to create more publicly acceptable policies on how to deal with animals such as squirrels, geese and any future beavers. Director of communications and public affairs, Martin Van Nierop doesn’t believe in labelling
the committee as a response to the a licensed wildlife rehabilitator, is actions. concerned, any action to preserve “I don’t think it’s unusual for a wildlife is a step in the right direcuniversity to establish a group like tion. Unfortunately, she doesn’t feel this,” he said. the university “[realizes] how much The council will likely consist of six wildlife they do have [on campus]. It’s people, including one environmental just teeming with critters and birds.” studies student and other wildlife and Thus, the taskforce will aid university animal care providers who can “bring officials in understanding the impact a professional level of experience and their decisions have on campus plants knowledge,” according to Van Ni- and animals everyday. erop. Saini is Yet while not making the task force any public “To serve society, scholarly has been met statements positive works must be collated, with on the task responses force before put in context, translated f r o m t h e they have ofcommunity into plain language and ficially startso far, ened working. vironmentransported beyond the However, tal activists once the agree that walls of academia” council this group starts diswill not crecussing cam— Dr. Kathleen Bloom ate enough pus wildlife director of the Canadian of an impact issues, their in itself and Centre for Knowledge Mobilization that such a recommendations must be forwarded to Amit Chakma, the university’s provost, before any official decisions can be acted upon. “There has been a lot of public disappointment and outcry regarding the original action that was taken, so we’re sensitive to that. We’re going to try to do something that’s positive and have a positive impact,” said Van Nierop of the council’s intent. Evidently, they’re already on the right track. As far as Carole Damms,
vast university deserves a sustainability office to make the integration of environmental concerns easier. “The university has created this taskforce in reaction to comments they’ve received from the public and students instead of proactively creating a sustainability office that could deal with environmental issues before they become high profile and could upset the university and Waterloo community,” said Michelle
December 1 Understanding the Darfur conflict: Details and reservations can be found online for Caroline Khoubesserian’s presentation at the Centre for International Governance Innovation, 57 Erb Street West, 11:45 a.m.
December 3 Feds: Monthly council meeting takes place at 12:30 p.m. in the SLC’s multi-purpose room
December 4 Colloquium language learning and teaching: Presentations given by UW students in Hagey Hall 373, 1:30 p.m. — 6 p.m. followed by reception at Grad House from 6 p.m. — 8 p.m.
December 5 BarCamp: The second ‘Unconference’ in Waterloo will be hosted by the Accelerator Centre from 5:30 p.m. — 9:30 p.m. More information at http://barcamp.org/ BarCampWaterloo
Zakrison, Feds president. “A UW office of sustainability is within sight,” added Higgins, who attended a conference regarding the instatement of such an office in October. He explained that “such an office will be able to deal with a broad range of environmental issues in greater depth, reducing energy, waste and water use, and increase biodiversity, social space and recruitment opportunities for the university.” He believes that, aside from the campus beaver issue, UW’s carbon footprint and climatic impact are concerns for further future discussion. Van Nierop does not see an office of sustainability and the task force as mutually exclusive groups. As for the impact of the task force, Van Nierop said, “The task force will make solid recommendations to UW and the community.” He went on to stress the importance of communication in the task force’s operation. A representative from communications and public affairs, most likely Van Nierop, will sit on the task force. Currently, students in the environmental studies faculty are collaborating with UW administrators to plan for a sustainability office in the future, though official mandates for the actual office have yet to be passed.
Corrections In Volume 29, Issue 19 of Imprint, the article “UW’s terrorist ties prove faulty” received an erroneous headline. The suspects were released on bail as stated in the article. The headline does not reflect this. Imprint apologizes for any confusion this may have caused.
In Volume 29, Issue 19 of Imprint, the article “A Catalyst for development” listed Katherine MacLean’s position as Workshop Instructor for the ELPP. She has two positions. The one that relates to her work with Catalyst is as Communications Coordinator for CBET.
January 8, 2007 Imrpint’s First meeting of the term: Winter term staff selection for Imprint takes place in the Imprint office beginning at 12: 30 p.m.
Waterloo on the move: Free Walking Group Healthy Weights has teamed with kinesiology student volunteers to make UW more active starting outside Needles Hall from 11 a.m. — 12 noon. For more infomation, visit http://www.healthyweights.ca/walking.php
December 14 Models and capital adequacy in rating the insurance industry: Dave Ingram will be broadcast live from New York to the Davis Centre, Room 1302 as part of the Cornell-Waterloo Quantitative Finance Series at 5 p.m.
December 22 Holidays begin: Exams end by 9 p.m. Happy holidays!
January 3 Holidays end: The winter term begins. Best of luck!
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Terrorism case moves forward for WATSA alum Jacqueline McKoy staff reporter
A new chapter has begun in the terrorism case surrounding several former UW students. The United States justice department has called for the extradition of Suresh Sriskandarajah. According to The Record, the late-October request made by U.S. officials to extradite Sriskandarajah was honoured by Canadian Justice Minister Vic Toews Thursday, November 23. Sriskandarajah, a 26year-old UW computer engineering grad, faces allegations of helping to support the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE). The allegations of Sriskandarajah’s terrorist activities date as far back as 2003, when the then-second-year student served as the president of the Waterloo Tamil Students’ Association (WATSA). In conjunction with three other WATSA-associated
suspects, Sriskandarajah is said to have laundered money, purchased suspicious military software and equipment and smuggled a variety of illegal goods into Sri Lanka to benefit the LTTE. He also founded a Sri Lankan consulting and technical training company, Vanni Innovation Group (VIG), on a work term in 2004. In light of Sriskandarajah’s arrest, VIG is now under investigation by associate provost academic and student affairs, Bruce Mitchell, for aiding terrorist action overseas. Canada’s reponse to Sriskandarajah’s extradition request weighed heavily on whether or not what he was charged with is actually illegal in Canada. If Sriskandarajah was indeed smuggling goods and money, he could be clearly prosecuted under Canadian law. Sriskandarajah, if convicted, faces up to 25 years in U.S. federal prison. The date of Sriskandarajah’s
extradition hearing will be set at a Toronto court on January 23. However, the fate of a handful of other Waterloo-related suspects is still to be decided. The November 24 issue of Imprint
Sriskandarajah, if convicted, faces up to 25 years in U.S. federal prison. reported on three other suspects involved with the WATSA terrorism allegations. Twenty-nine-year-old Ramanan Mylvaganam, on bail
since early October, could still face extradition due to one FBI count of “provid[ing] material support and resources to a foreign terrorist organization,” which carries a possible sentence of up to 15 years in prison. However, the U.S.
EWB celebrates a term of fund raising
courtesy engineers without borders
Engineers Without Borders rocked Bomber on November 28 at their end of term celebration. The Matt Cuomo Band, along with four others, entertained the EWB group as they pranked Chapter president Josh Vanwych by good-naturedly shaving his head.
has not yet made an extradition request for the former WATSA vice-president. The remaining two men, Thirukumaran Sinnathamby, 27 and Thirukumaran Sivasubramaniam, 27, were released on bail in late August mere days after their arrests, but face the same charges and threat of extradition as Mylvaganam. In total, 12 men have been arrested in the joint RCMP and FBI probe. Meanwhile, Waterloo’s response to the progression of the LTTE investigation has been cautious. As reported in the September 5 issue of Imprint, the Federation of Students and UW administration launched a forensic investigation of WATSA in light of the arrests of its former executive members. Feds vice-president internal Sai Kit Lo says that while Feds is actively involved in the investigation, the bulk of the audit will be performed by an external accounting firm over the next term.
As for how Feds clubs will be affected, Lo assured Imprint that “we will keep leading [by] the honour system.” With 160 clubs and merely three administrators, he does not forsee an active effort to increase club surveillance or UW administration involvement. If WATSA or any other club is found to be using their funds for illegal purposes, however, the university can step in to ban them from using facilities on campus. In addition, CECS made plans to investigate the possibility of students using international co-op terms, especially ones which involve students starting a company, to act as a front for illegal business. Unfortunately, neither communications & public relations administrator Olaf Naese nor Bruce Mitchell were available for comment on the matter by press time. — With files from The Record and Imprint firstname.lastname@example.org
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Smiling through the wind, the rain and the years
The simplest things are also those that give the most pleasure in life. For me, it was seeing the mailman this week. Now, I normally see the mailman most days, as the window by my desk overlooks the street. The mailbox is literally under my desk — so even if I don’t see him, I hear him. Now what made this mailman sighting stand out? It was a Monday, the sun was shining and he was in full regalia: tunic, wool pants and peaked cap. The peaked cap had a shiny Canadian Postal Service insignia.
As it turned out, the mailman was retiring after 34 years on the job, and to celebrate he was wearing his old uniform. The day was mild and the sun shining — what a way to retire. The sight of that proud mailman was one of my highlights to my otherwise dull pre-finals week. To see someone that happy to be on the job was inspiring. He may not have saved the world, but he made sure the mail arrived on time. Familiar faces are more difficult to find in the service industry these days — especially if you’re talking about door-to-door service. I barely remember the milkman. The schoolaged newspaper carrier has since been replaced by the “independent carrier worker” who arrives in the wee hours of the morning. At least the bank tellers haven’t changed.
While the Davis Centre no longer requires someone to check your bags on exit, the Dana Porter library still hosts the friendly face at the door. After several hours of trolling through the book stacks, it’s nice to be able to leave the building with a friendly smile. Frankly, the electronic towers that stand sentry just don’t do it for me. There’s something to be said for regular face-to-face contact with people who you are neither related to nor share the rent or bed. They give you fresh perspectives and a change of pace. You can ask about the wife, kids or vacation. Waterloo is a small town and the campus is even smaller, despite the administration’s wish to grow by leaps and bounds. Odds are that you’ve seen most of the people on campus in one way or another. I’d be willing to bet that through fewer than six
degrees of separation that you know everyone on campus. Familiar faces make for a comfortable world, unless you’re one of those people who’d rather be anonymous. You may not know their names, but there is something comfortable about their presence. Need examples? Watch for people taking smoke breaks, fellow bus riders or people in the lunch line. I never get tired of simply sitting back and watching the world go by. One of the most intriguing things to watch from my Dana Porter study carrel is the horde of students hurrying back and forth to class. But what of the mailman? He’s enjoying a well-earned retirement. I’ll look forward to seeing the new one in the neighbourhood. email@example.com Christine Ogley
Friday, december 1, 2006
firstname.lastname@example.org Opinion Editor: Paul Marchwica Opinion Assistant: Ryan Webb
Friday, December 1, 2006 — Vol. 29, No. 20
Great big balls of journalism
Student Life Centre, Room 1116 University of Waterloo Waterloo, Ontario N2L 3G1 P: 519.888.4048 F: 519.884.7800 imprint.uwaterloo.ca Editor-in-chief, Tim Alamenciak email@example.com Advertising & Production Manager, Laurie Tigert-Dumas firstname.lastname@example.org General Manager, Catherine Bolger email@example.com
Editorial Staff Assistant Editor, Suzanne Gardner Cover Editor, Anya Lomako Photo Editor, Tiffany Li Assistant Photo Editor, vacant Graphics Editor, Christine Ogley Assistant Graphics Editor, Veronique Lecat Web Editor, Mohammad Jangda Assistant Web Editor, vacant Systems Administrator, Gautam Khanna Sys. Admin. Assistant, Victor Ng Lead Proofreader, Emma Tarswell Proofreaders Shivaun Hoad, Tim Foster, Adrienne Raw, Leslie Havens
Production Staff Paul Collier, Michael L. Davenport, Mitchell Creppy, Michael Creppy, Jacqueline McKoy,
My second-last term as editor-in-chief is coming to a close with this issue. I want to take some time to tackle a topic that’s been on my mind throughout the blustery autumn months: chutzpah. Guts. Cojones. And any number of metaphors you wish to attach. There are a dozen ways to say it, but it all comes down to one thing in journalism: having the sense and strength to say, “What up with that?” Admittedly, over the course of this term Imprint has lacked a certain chutzpah to push it over the top. We’ve reached a level where I feel comfortable calling us a good newspaper. We deliver information to the student body and provide a forum for discussion. Last term I mentioned all the fancy new gadgets coming to Imprint. Our website got a
Imprint is the official student newspaper of the University of Waterloo. It is an editorially independent newspaper published by Imprint Publications, Waterloo, a corporation without share capital. Imprint is a member of the Ontario Community Newspaper Association (OCNA). Editorial submissions may be considered for publication in any edition of Imprint. Imprint may also reproduce the material commercially in any format or medium as part of the newspaper database, Web site or any other product derived from the newspaper. Those submitting editorial content, including articles, letters, photos and graphics, will grant Imprint first publication rights of their submitted material, and as such, agree not to submit the same work to any other publication or group until such time as the material has been distributed in an issue of Imprint, or Imprint declares their intent not to publish the material. The full text of this agreement is available upon request. Imprint does not guarantee to publish articles, photographs, letters or advertising. Material may not be published, at the discretion of Imprint, if that material is deemed to be libelous or in contravention with Imprint’s policies with reference to our code of ethics and journalistic standards. Imprint is published every Friday during fall and winter terms, and every second Friday during the spring term. Imprint reserves the right to screen, edit and refuse advertising. One copy per customer. Imprint ISSN 0706-7380. Imprint CDN Pub Mail Product Sales Agreement no. 40065122. Next board meeting: Wednesday, December 13 4:30 p.m. SLC 1116
With a firmly established base, Imprint is ready to move forward. I will try to steer the ship away from mere he-said-she-said journalism and into the treacherous waters of investigative reporting. When you come back from the holiday break, look closely at the pages of Imprint. They might look the same, but inside you’ll find the start of something special: improvement. The heavy focus on change next term will involve a new direction in research methods. I will aim to encourage writers to ask every question and question every answer. Journalism as a whole has done the same thing. The so-called New Journalism changed presentation methods, whereas another movement (dubbed New New Journalism by Robert S. Boynton’s fantastic book on the subject) challenged and changed research methods. As always, remember that Imprint is your newspaper. If you don’t like the direction in which we’re heading, you have the power to change it. Come out to our first meeting of the term on January 8, 2007. I’ll be there — it’ll be good times. Only four months left in my term, reader. You and I are going to tough it out ‘cause I’ve got chutzpah — and soon, so will Imprint. firstname.lastname@example.org
Swan song:Type-in-Stereo at an end
Office Staff Distribution, Gillian Flanagan Distribution, Amy Pfaff
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spit-shining and a comment system. Our policies got overhauled to allow for more learning opportunities for volunteers. The cover was restyled and our logo re-imagined. The new logo — a thumbprint — is more than just a pretty picture. Imprint should literally leave an imprint in the minds of our readers and on the agendas of those in power. To do that, we need chutzpah. It’s more than just running things that excite the pens of readers; it comes down to digging through piles of official cobwebs to uncover the dirty truth. Back in the day they called it muckraking — literally raking through the muck to find nuggets of information. The Canadian Assocation of Journalists’ mission statement ends with, “We serve as the national voice of Canadian journalists, and we uphold the public’s right to know.” While Imprint doesn’t attempt to serve as a voice for the nation, it certainly serves as a voice for the students. Thus far we’ve revised that voice to deliver more accurate information with proper sourcing and accreditation of facts. The stories we have chosen over the past term have been relevant to students, the research for them has been more diligent than I have ever seen in Imprint’s past.
Two years and six months ago, I did something that terrified me: I walked into the Imprint office, handed over my application and became the new queer issues columnist. I did it after being told by my boyfriend of the time that I could not and should not do it. I did it after only coming out to my parents but three short months previously. I did it despite feeling that I was really not up to representing an entire community to which I was still not entirely comfortable belonging to. Writing and submitting that first column was the hardest thing I’ve ever done — outing yourself to twenty-some thousand people all in one fell swoop is no trivial matter after all. I ended up going through with it despite all my reservations, shaky confidence and lack of support from my (thereafter ex-) boyfriend because of a promise I made to myself. A New Year’s resolution — a cliché, I know — that I would take whatever steps necessary to become secure, comfortable and happy with who I was. In short, I started writing these columns for me — to so deeply engrain myself in every aspect of the queer community so that I could finally
manage to toss aside those final shreds of my own insecurity. Eight terms and 85 articles later, I can safely say that I’ve managed to far surpass the goals I initially set. I’ve tackled everything from politics, to internet games, religion, Hollywood celebrities and the media. I called out one of our illustrious professors for his hypocrisy and shortsightedness. I attended my first Toronto pride parade by marching in it, alongside friends and people I’d never met (who I now call friends). In short, I became the unofficial “most out man on campus,” and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. I am finishing my 4A term now, leaving only one more term between myself and a giant black hole of uncertainty into which I will enter with nothing more then a scrap of parchment which says that I “Know Things.” While I will miss being able to so prominently declare my opinion, I am bringing “Type-in-Stereo” to a close so that I can focus on where my steps will lead from here on. That, and a new year is soon to dawn on us, and I have another resolution that I’ve been putting off for too long. The queer columnist is not an easy role to take on, but it is undoubtedly an important one. While we may be progressing in leaps and bounds here in Canada, there is still a very long way to go. Homosexuality remains a crime in 75 countries around the world, and in some of these places being found guilty is punishable by death. Gay bashings and murders continue to occur on a daily
basis in first-world, “enlightened” countries. Hate and intolerance run rampant while masquerading under the illusion of religion. Our own government cannot let the freshly passed gay-marriage laws rest, seemingly determined to rehash the issue all over again. While bringing change may seem like a monumental task, it is not as if we are helpless. All it takes is visibility — being able to put a face to the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual or queer labels in a person’s mind goes a long way towards ensuring that when people debate queer issues, they’re not just talking about an abstract concept, they’re talking about people; people like you. To my readers and all the people who took the time to e-mail me or stop and talk to me about my column — even those who passionately disagreed with me: thank you. Thank you for your eyes, your kind words, your criticisms and your perspectives on the topics I covered. Be assured that while my time as a columnist is over, I fully intend to continue my activism outside our campus. To the person who is reading this and considering stepping up to the plate, I fully encourage you to do so, no matter your motives. The opportunity is yours, and don’t let anything or anyone dictate what you can or cannot do. Lend your voice to this newspaper and make this space your own. Goodbye, dear readers. Be safe, good luck and enjoy your winter break. To contact Graham in the future, write to:
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Correction In regards to Brendan Pinto’s column, “Smoking minority should be protected from oppressive majority,” appearing in Volume 29, Issue 18 of Imprint. The column was intended to be satirical in nature and was not intended to undermine Prof. Paul McDonald’s qualifications as an expert in tobacco control. We regret any misunderstanding that may have arisen as a result of the article.
NEXT ISSUE’S TOPIC: “What do you think of the new leader of the Liberal Party?” Imprint wants to hear from you! Submit an editorial of approximately 500 words to opinion@ imprint.uwaterloo.ca
Satire gone too far
To the editor, Does Pinto’s “Seeking a place of refuge from the GLOWmos” article conform to a dictionary definition of satire? Yes it does. Does it still offend, however? Certainly, whether you be straight or gay. There is a fine line between satire and hate, and Brendan Pinto’s line is perforated. Were this same article written about an ethnic group on campus, it certainly would not have been published — or so I hope, at least, what with Imprint’s clear lack of editorial judgment. I have had many close friends offended by the article — not because of its poorly-evident satirical nature, but because current issues of social progression are not yet strong enough to stand up to satire, especially when
the target audience is not well-educated on many issues. Being an obnoxious writer with a rather impressive lack of wisdom doesn’t make for good writing — something this article certainly is not. While I used to peruse Imprint regularly for campus happenings and news, it is articles such as this one which cause me to question the value of reading Imprint at all. Good job, Pinto; your atrociously unwise, offensive and poorly-written garbage truly does make Waterloo shine as a veritable beacon of excellence in the world. — James Saliba first year arts
Fixing up before building up
To the editor, After reading about the prospects that UW plans to offer with the Sixth Decade plan, I noticed how few of the proposed changes will benefit my engineering brethren. I must admit I don’t really care for the Nanotech building or the proposed research facilities
as they don’t concern me first-hand at this point in my UW career, but that’s not really the point. The fact is that — after looking at the computer labs, shops and other facilities within UW — I must say that I would be ashamed to have any student from another university see them. First there are the computer labs. There are the barf-coloured “econochairs” in Wedge lab. There is also the fact that there is absolutely no way to find a workstation during lunchtime in any of the labs (partly thanks to the breaking “econochairs” that obviously weren’t designed to be used for more than a day). There are also the overcrowded libraries. I must commend the new book-checking system in DC, which is another brilliant idea — replace a guy checking books with an expensive gadget and then put a security guy to man it. Cost advantage? Forget about it: obviously nobody read any books on the subject. And what about the shops and labs in the engineering building? Some places are so out of form it looks like the abandoned factories they show in the movies. So why complain? Well, it’s simply because the money for the new projects will probably come out of our tuition
They will probably be used for something that will not be useful for most of us and I don’t see this aspect of the problem raised by anyone. In summary, before trying to build barnyards in which to quickly shove in new students, why not improve the quality of the facilities that we have today? — Stanislav Vichilu 2B mechanical engineering
SFL promotes adoption
To the editor, I completely agree with Tim Alamenciak in regards to giving the option of adoption more of the spotlight. I commend him for bringing the issue to the forefront in his editorial. As president of UW Students For Life, I would like to point out a few things in regards to our club and this issue. It was noted that our website does not directly mention adoption. This is true. Our site is quite out-of-date and we are currently working with a website
Ashley Csanady’s column will not be appearing in this week’s issue of Imprint. She will return January 5, 2007.
designer to make it more user-friendly, up-to-date and possessing many more educational tools on the various life topics including adoption. The club just recently held an event called “Life Fair,” which brought various community organizations to the SLC which offer lifegiving opportunities for women in crisis pregnancies. We did alert Imprint about this, but unfortunately were not contacted about the event. We had an adoption agency lined up, Beginnings, since we recognized how important this option is. However, they had to cancel due to prior commitments. We made do with the change in plans by doing our best and providing the Beginnings information CD on a laptop along with their brochures. The other organizations that were present also address and encourage the option of adoption. I wish Alamenciak would have contacted me as he was writing the article, especially since we just had an event that addressed this very concern and it was brought to Imprint’s attention. — Theresa Matters 4A English literature
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Feds members argue against fees
To the Representatives of The World University Service of Canada: It’s wonderful to see such dedication from members of the UW community in contributing both to the education of a refugee student and to the educational experience of all of our students. However, there are several reasons for my reluctance regarding your proposed referendum. The first is in regards to current student opinions regarding refundable fees. Many students are becoming increasingly frustrated by the steady addition of refundable fees on campus, and most recently there has been a trend toward the attempted removal of such fees. Perhaps more significantly, there is a serious question regarding the appropriate use of line item fees on the fee statements of students. We typically use line item fees for university ancillary fees, student society fees and faculty endowment funds, and to support certain corporate entities that are democratically accountable to students. These fees must — at least initially — be paid by all students, even if they request a refund. We do not typically use line item fees to support charitable organisations or clubs on campus. Your endeavour is valuable, important and tremendously valiant. However, there are many other organizations on campus, including those such as Engineers Without Borders and UWIHDA, who would also benefit from similar fees. Unfortunately, it is unfeasible to use such refundable fees to support all of the wonderful campus initiatives that deserve such support. It is difficult to support
your organization without supporting all of the others that would benefit from such a fee. If faced with your referendum question, any compassionate student would almost certainly vote yes. It’s only a dollar per term. Unfortunately, the question is more complicated. There is also the issue of whether or not this is the appropriate place for such a fee to be collected, and once the question is put into “yes/no” terms, a value judgement has already been made on the appropriateness of the venue. This is a judgement that — for a council initiated referendum — must be made by students’ council. Under provincial law, ancillary fees at the University of Waterloo must be approved in some fashion by the Federation of Students before they are added. This is a responsibility I believe the federation should take seriously. This is particularly true when tuition has skyrocketed, when students are graduating with more and more debt, and when universities increasingly resort to ancillary fees to cover operating expenses. That said, I’m sure there are many knowledgeable individuals on campus (within the federation and otherwise) who would be willing and able to help you look for alternate sources of funding on campus, including fundraising initiatives and funding sources I hope that you understand our position, and our reasons for it. Best of luck with your endeavours, and we look forward to watching your refugee program flourish at the University of Waterloo. Thank you so much for all your hard work. — Kate Daley, Feds councillor (ARTS) — Rajat Suri, Feds councillor (ENG) — Eric Logan, Feds councillor (MATH) — Claudia Arasaratnam, Feds councillor (AHS)
Satirical pensiveness This has been an interesting term to say the very least. Though never my intent, some of my articles were labeled as offensive, and some were not. I could never see a sharp distinction stylistically, though responses to the articles were bent heavily on how controversial the subject matter was initially before ever being engaged. Of course this means that a number of people feel as though certain subjects should not be discussed, at least not in the way I chose to discuss them. For instance, Dr. Phil as a corrosive influence on culture — not much of an inflammatory point of debate. Homophobia and the ridiculous double standard between men and women — well let’s just say some articles garnered more attention than others. This was a point that I found most unfortunate, because while the attention drawn by the articles was heavily based on the controversial nature of the subject matter, the quality of writing shared no such correlation. Thus it has become evident to me that the subject matter often times overshadows the mode of discourse despite Mr. McLuhan’s claim to the contrary. In writing for Imprint I have learned a great deal about the amount of work that goes into writing a paper. I have witnessed the dedication the volunteers have for this student publication and the amazing range of talents they possess. It is nothing short of inspiring.
There are those of you who would disagree, of course, though chances are you aren’t actually reading this because of your standpoint. There are also those who believe the paper has some particular ideological leanings, and that these are somehow intrinsic to Imprint’s mandate as a news organization. It cannot be stressed enough that the content that appears in this paper is completely generated by those who are willing to contribute. I’m not a writer. My experience in writing comes from four years of a physics degree during which the only prose to ever come out of me came in the form of poorly crafted work reports. Despite my inexperience, however, I (quite obviously) had a great deal of things I felt passionate about and greatly desired to pontificate in front of a student audience. A common excuse for not contributing to Imprint is the fact that the majority of students have a great deal of work to accomplish in the short hours of the day leaving us very little time to spend composing articles. Another equally true fact is that a huge percentage of this student population maintains a blog. If you have time to keep such a journal, you have disproved your argument that time does not permit you to make a contribution. What I see as the real reason is that people are afraid of having their work published for a large audience to read — or worse, not having this same work published. I have no reason to mislead you here — if you are going to write, you will invariably be forced to develop a thick skin. There will be people who disagree and there will be people who (rather childishly) dislike you for your view. This apprehension is not unfounded, but shouldn’t limit you.
Write. Contribute. If there are enough voices, then Imprint will then be able to select from the articles that demonstrate the best writing this university has to offer, and not just the voices of those unafraid to express an opinion. This will of course mean that there will be times when your hard work goes unrewarded with publication, but it also means that your student newspaper is headed in the right direction. It means the content is moving towards reflecting a more democratic newspaper. When enough content is received that a choice as to what is being printed is made each and every week, then and only then can Imprint as an organization be faulted for having a philosophical or political bias, if one still exists at that point. The first time I entered the Imprint office, I was terrified. All I had were the three sample articles. The only feedback I had received up until this point was from friends, who I have always assumed said they liked what I wrote purely on the basis that they were friends of mine and wouldn’t say any different. It was important for me to come in, though, to show that I was serious about wanting to contribute. Coming into the office to discuss your submission can admittedly be somewhat nerve-racking, but will at the very least help you to see what changes could be made to merit publication. Take a chance. If it doesn’t work out, take another. If it still doesn’t work then take it as a sign that the paper is getting better. I’m Brendan Pinto and I’m single (because a lame sign-off joke isn’t the way to a woman’s heart), so tell your friends. email@example.com
Friday, december 1, 2006
What are your examination stress relief methods? By Anya Lomako and Tiffany Li
“Definitely eating vegetarianfriendly foods.” Matt Heppler & Britton Jenner
“Starting studying early!” Amy Ruan
1A religious studies & 2A physics
1A mathematics & chartered accountancy
“Yoga.” Melissa Klaber & Scott Ryan
“Sex/women.” Adesh Boodoosingh
1A arts & business
“Definitely working out.” Erin Brenchley 1A arts & business
24 November Solutions
1. Design criteria 2. Rail-riding vagrant 3. Copycat 4. Brit. chap 5. Student food vendor 6. Mob hit 7. Corn cobs 8. Recent Midlake song 9. Carpentry joint 10. In the post 11. Rockettes dancer (2 wds) 12. Melodic modes of Indian music 13. Last Greek letter 18. Long, electric fish 19. Kennedy crisis country 24. Diesel oil for road vehicles (acronym) 27. 21st Greek letter
3B mathematics & business administration
“Eating.” Candy Chow & Anna Kopanski
2A social development studes & psychology
“Playing soccer.” Keon Guerra
1. Coarse-pile carpet 5. Ship’s wharf 9. Large-scale 14. Prefix 15. Poutiff UN flight agency 16. Ancient Irish inscriptions 17. Yuletide Dickens character (2 wds) 20. Spanish conquistador 21. Short, erect tail 22. Scrap of cloth 23. Energy efficient Christmas lights 25. West Indies religion 26. Third largest nation 27. Statement to press 33. Sword handle 34. Aggrieved feeling 35. Green ones go well with ham 37. Entropy’s opposite 38. Pirate says stop 41. Irritate 43. Makes darker 45. In support of 46. Greek Cupid 47. Discovery, Atlantis, and Endeavor (2 wds) 51. Yule log residue 53. British anti-rocker 54. The loneliest number 55. Noisy disturbance 56. Instinctive motive 58. Lacrosse stick 63. Slot machines (3 wds) 66. Bob Marley’s religion 67. Mob action 68. Distinct time periods 69. Second-generation Japanese 70. Eye infection 71. Dried up
“Going to the casino and making money.” Hyun-Kenn Choi 3B math & business
28. Peel 29. Mischievous quality 30. Heavy step 31. Sens rivals 32. White heron 36. Dutch gin 39. Manhattan neighbourhood 40. Cut short 42. Pluralizes 44. Feudal Japanese warrior 48. Underground stalk 49. Finishing tailors 50. Gull with a forked tail 51. Decorate 52. Where Moses got the Commandments 57. Revise 59. Complex poem 60. Father children 61. Child’s first Mozart tune subject 62. Palindromic hiss 64. Consumed food 65. U2 debut
F eatures u Imprint
Friday, december 1, 2006
firstname.lastname@example.org Features Editor: Kinga Jakab Features Assistant: Ellen Ewart
r e b h t i y n rviving ever g Decem
Surviving home time
Surviving final exams
Surviving in style
The term is finally coming to an end. Exams are upon us and the holiday season is quickly approaching. For some, the winter break means quality home time full of rest and relaxation, or a vacation to some tropical paradise. But for the rest of us with high-stress holiday get-togethers and dysfunctional families here is a holiday survival guide for getting through the never-ending series of family parties, dinners and events.
Accept the inevitable: no matter what you do, or how you do it, the days will go on and your exams will need to be written. You cannot avoid them, though you can try to delay them with a doctor’s note. Accept your fate and bravely march on. Find out when and where your exams are and make a schedule. There is nothing more embarrassing than either a) showing up for the wrong exam or b) thinking that your exam was tomorrow. Profs are rarely sympathetic to such mistakes. A schedule can also help you anticipate how much time you have between exams. Make sure you have all your notes. If you missed a class, or fell asleep during class, make sure that you have a complete set of notes. When you have all your notes, note the key concepts that you’ll need to know. Is there something that Prof. mentioned repeatedly? Did they drop any hints like, “That would make a good exam question.” Review any midterms or assignments. The easy cliché is that you learn best from your mistakes. Where did you lose marks before? Did you explain your answers well enough? Can you find the correct answers in your notes? Was there something that the Prof. noted repeatedly? Was there a question on the exam that nobody got, but that the Prof. considers central to understanding the material? Be prepared to see that question again. Find a study buddy or group. There are two benefits here. First, when you teach someone else a concept, you learn more. Second, discussions about concepts give you a better chance of understanding than when you’re studying on your own. When someone asks you a question, you have to pay attention. If you’re just re-reading your notes, there is a tendency to shift to auto-pilot and ignore everything. Know when to take a break. Studying for six hours straight is no good. Take short breaks, even if they’re just to go the bathroom, do some laundry or shoot a few hoops outside. Try to spread out your studying. If you have multiple exams in quick succession, alternate between topics to keep your mind fresh. Make a study sheet. Even if it’s a recycled sheet of paper, a study sheet will help you keep track of what you’ve studied. You’ll also retain more if you write it down. Don’t pull an all-nighter right before the exam. The night is for sleeping, the day is for writing. Sleeping during the exam is not recommended. If you have unfinished homework, lab activities or readings that aren’t worth marks, don’t try to do them all the night before the exam. Find the key theories and make sure you know how to apply them. If you can’t, find a friend who can help you out. Know when to party. Just because you’re studying doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have a life. Try to find a balance between your studying and your recreation. If a friend is heading home before you (lucky bastard) and invites you for a drink, accept it. Just don’t turn one drink into a six-pub, five hour marathon. Create a mock exam for yourself. If you were the prof, what would you do? Some student societies also have exam banks. You shouldn’t be surprised by what appears on the exam. Reward yourself between exams. Unless you have exams back-to-back, take a break between exams. Do something you love, get some exercise and — above all — relax. This will put you in a better mood for the next exam.
So, you wanna have some fun this holiday season but you’re an impoverished bookworm, just like me. Fret not, my impressionable scholars. I’ve come up with a plethora of cost-effective ways to keep your head screwed on during this time of snow, candy canes and a certain elderly gentleman who thinks he can get away with running an elf slave labour syndicate in the Arctic. First of all, before you can hop onto your toboggan and go smashing headlong into an ornery pine tree with sugarplum delight, you’ll have to buy Christmas presents for your miserable family and friends. Unfortunately, the average person has only selectively internalized the fundamental message behind How the Grinch Stole Christmas and will not sing “Fah who for-aze, dah who dor-aze” if you fail to buy them something. They’re more likely to give you a swift kick in the teeth (which is known colloquially as the “Scrooge” response). Anyway, I’ve come up with a solution that is street legal yet completely deranged: raid the refreshment table at a moderately-sized Christmas party! You’ll have to get there early, of course, or attend several parties, depending on the size of your family and friend-base. I would recommend only taking a few pastries from each party, as a courtesy; if you’d prefer to haul the whole shebang away, make sure the keys are in the ignition first and, uh, don’t expect to be invited next year. With presents out of your hair, it’s time to enjoy the holidays! Without hyperbole, the best way to garner entertainment without finances is to glue yourself to Richie Rich. This is notably tricky, though; your gold digging plans will go sour if the sugar momma/daddy decides to sit around and sulk on account of having someone stuck to them with sticky goo. Yeah, you thought the glue thing was a joke, didn’t you? You thought wrong. If these hyper-effective strategies have you reaching for the scissors (to chop this article from your memories forever), I have a few conservative, turkey-and-eggnog suggestions as well. You could go carolling and “hark” your herald angelic voice around town with a few musically-disinclined friends (in a manner consistent with our bald-headed friend, Charlie Brown, and his mirror-cracking posse) or build snowmen in your neighbour’s driveway. Or perhaps attach bells to the collars of your pets, and let them jingle your relatives all the way to the therapist’s couch! How about snowblowers? I’ll leave that one to your imagination. The possibilities are endless, really! As you can gather from this enlightening bit of tripe, even us deprived book-huggers can enjoy the holiday season in absence of funds. So never mind the commercialism! Turn your nose up at the grinches of the world! This is your time to enjoy, and enjoy you will. Oh, and be sure to dissuade your friends from reading this —you might just get stale cookies for Christmas! Happy holidays, everyone.
It happened again. I found myself tearing through my closet and emptying my dresser, saying the words “I have nothing to wear!” These words are especially frustrating at the end of the term when most meagre student budgets are getting even smaller. But it is important to view this situation as a challenge rather than a problem. Here are some tips to spruce up your wardrobe without emptying your pockets. Before you head out in search of new clothes, it is important to think about the items that are in your own room. Empty your drawers and dig to the back of your closet. Often I find something that I may have forgotten about. Try to mix up different pieces or wear items that you haven’t worn in a while. Also, by adding different accessories to an outfit you usually can achieve a different look. There is always the option of making your own clothes or altering some that you already have. This way is often less expensive than buying something new and it ensures you that no one will be wearing the same thing. Not everything you buy has to be brand new. Second-hand stores like Value Village and 360 Degree Clothing are great places to get cool clothes and accessories. These stores offer everything from unique, vintage items to name brand jeans — all at a low price. My personal favourites include accessories like purses, jewellery and silk scarves. It is important to mention that second-hand stores do require some extra time and energy, and you should always remember to wash your purchases after buying. Twice. Since most people can relate to feeling unsatisfied with their wardrobes, you should use this to your advantage. Clothing exchanges are a great way to add to your wardrobe at no cost and are also very easy to organize. All those invited to an exchange have to bring items from their wardrobes that they do not wear anymore and are ready to part with. After laying all the items out on the floor, everyone takes their turn going through the pile and trying on items until everyone has something they like. Clothing exchanges are great because they offer an excuse to get together with friends and they are free! However, be prepared for fights to break out and to feel some regret when you see your shirt leave on the back of someone else. If you still feel the need to get something with tags, there are certain stores that offer trendy items for low prices. Winners is always a great place to shop because it offers those name brands we crave at reduced prices. The only drawback is that Winners is often hit-or-miss. If you happen to be there when a new shipment has arrived, don’t just stop at that location. Hit up all the other stores because they often get shipments on the same day. Don’t forget to drop into stores like Urban Planet, Stitches and Ardene’s because they offer great jeans, trendy shirts and cool accessories for very low costs. If you ever happen to get to Toronto, H&M is a hot spot to find trendy, inexpensive clothes. Remember, you don’t need to spend a lot of money to look good. With a little time and creativity, you can look great and still have enough money to pay your rent.
Master the “grin-and-bear-it” technique.
You’ll be needing this one — a lot. Situations can range from awkward statements made by eccentric relatives and nasty remarks made by siblings, to the vile-tasting casserole that your Aunt Mildred concocted “especially for you, dear.” Start practising in the mirror now. Compose a list of conversational segues.
This is particularly useful in situations with lots of family members and may prevent fullout dining room table brawls and subsequent trips to the emergency room. Be prepared with a list of potential conversation topics to avoid awkward and heated discussions on politics, religion, race, physical appearance and other personal attacks. For example, if Grandma really loves knitting, get her talking about that instead of the war on terrorism. Be careful; if you ask too much, she may attempt to teach you. So have a supply of other topics to keep her occupied with. Create your own love-life.
One thing your family is sure to ask you about while you’re home is your love life. When this happens, you have to be prepared — especially if you’re single. So create your own boyfriend/girlfriend. Not only will this keep your family from pitying your non-existent and sad love life, but it will also stop them from attempting to hook you up with so-and-so’s daughter who’s “a tad younger than you — but age is just a number.” If anyone asks where your partner is for the holidays, claiming he/she wants to meet him/her, simply explain that he/she is away on vacation with the family. Plan escape routes.
Escape routes are key. In any environment you must know the location of: all available exits — door and window; the nearest washroom and; the food and drinks. Washroom breaks and drink refills are excellent excuses to break away from a conversation. It is also wise to have a cell phone on you. You can either stage phone calls or arrange for friends to call. An urgent phone call can save you from any situation. Keep busy.
Your family can’t expect you to attend all of their events if you have somewhere else to be. So make lots of plans with your friends, create some extensive school assignments that you really need to get a head start on before term starts or get a part-time job. Retail is always looking for seasonal staff this time of year, and a little extra cash can’t hurt. Good luck and remember: If all else fails, you can always spike the egg nog.
See SURVIVING, page 12
12 Continued from page 11
Surviving time management
Well folks, it’s essay time again. The research books are piled high on my table with lots of little sticky notes spewing from the pages and my favourite quotes are just dying to be used thoughtfully and creatively in the upcoming masterpiece. I’ve been a little dismayed of late, however. Somewhere out there in University-land, I’ve been discovering that not all students love essay time as much as I do, and as a radical, free thinking, book hugging, creative writer and essay activist, I feel it is my duty to help all students make those positive changes in their lives so that they too, can embrace the essay. Let’s start with the common-sense argument. Rational creative writing will make me a smarter person; my professor will gain insight from my topic thereby allowing them to pursue their world famous research with extra fervor; they will thank me on national television; the prime minister will call me asking for advice; I’ll be invited to the next NATO conference; and my high marks will qualify me for a gigantic scholarship and I will never have to worry about money again. These are all fantastic reasons for enjoying essay time, but, nevertheless, they fail to encompass all that is truly good and glorious about essays. You see, when it all boils down to it, if it wasn’t for essays: My apartment would never get cleaned; I’d never get my photo albums organized; I would never get the opportunity to watch the entire box set of Sex and the City; I wouldn’t have the pleasure of experimenting with six or seven haircolours and I might never sort out those pressing Income Tax issues. Essays allow me to show to the world what a wonderful and organized person I am. I am a role model in cleanliness and considered thoughtful and caring because I send “thank you” notes. It is for these very reasons that I must bow down to essays and give them the thanks they deserve for helping me push my limits. I hope this has been an enlightening trip and you can take these lessons to the desk with you tonight. Perhaps you too, can create a rich and nurturing relationship with “the essay.”
As I looked back at my lower-than-expected marks in first year, I was hit with a very harsh reality — the reality that I would have to learn to manage my time to make it past first year. So I did. The Counselling Services’ study skills workshop taught me to successfully maximize my time. So when the temperature and your motivation level approach zero, there is still hope. To get out of this pre-exam rut and surge through all final projects and exams, take into account these following tips. Before the exam time madness even begins, I sit down and make a list of everything I need to do in the coming weeks. This includes projects, studying, writing exams, working, holiday parties, shopping — everything! Then I take my list and prioritize the items — time sensitive items go at the top of the list and all the less crucial items follow. Then I take my list and transfer all the items onto a calendar so I can see all my exams, deadlines and other commitments and when they are taking place. Next, I take a few minutes to budget my time. But how much time do I allocate to studying for each exam? It varies. I have been told that it is important to study for at least 24 hours over a week prior to each exam. Sometimes this just isn’t realistic. But if I can do it, I will. Instead, I use this 24 hour recommendation as a guideline only. When I am allocating the days on my calendar I think realistically about how much time I will absolutely need to study for the exam. Sometimes it’s 15 to 20 hours, sometimes it’s 30 hours — it just depends on the difficulty of the course. One thing I always try to do is make sure I am not budgeting cramming time because cramming the day before an exam rarely pays off for me. I also try to allocate sufficient sleep and down time. I perform best on exams that I write after a full nights sleep. Once I have my exam time plan in place I always feel relieved. It is not a plan that is set in stone. It’s flexible. If things come up I just revise the plan. When I get things done I cross them off — you’ll be surprised how rewarding it is to look at your calendar halfway through the exam period and realize how much you’ve accomplished! Happy studying!
Creating altruistic traditions staff reporter
Approximately $30 billion are spent in December. If averaged across the Canadian population, this amounts to nearly $1,000 per capita of spending. This represents a mere 1.5 per cent increase over all other months, but the gains are primarily in specific sectors of the retail industry. Pre-recorded items such as DVDs and CDs see upwards of a 40 per cent increase. I am like many others who are disgusted by the virulent consumerism that has saturated the culture. Lamenting such erosion of values doesn’t go very far. It doesn’t go anywhere in
Drink and be merry
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
fact. To complain about it would be masturbatory and I wanted to share with you my family traditions. A few years ago, in an effort to relieve some of the stress of buying gifts, my dad had suggested that we do a Secret Santa between the family and make our gifts. This did keep us out of the malls that year, but the pressure to make the right gift simply displaced the pressure of buying the right gift. Despite the fact that the amount of stress was still close to Christmas par, having so much effort being put into making the one gift made those the best presents any of us have ever received. This year allowed for the joy of exchanging gifts while demonstrat-
ing some of the altruism this time of the year should inspire. There are several organizations that you can go to such as Heifer International or Red Cross, where you can make a donation to their wonderful relief efforts in someone else’s name. Thus, this year, the Pinto family will be giving our gifts in the form of helping causes important to each member of the family. These are just a couple of suggestions, but this year if you really want to fight against the raging tide of consumerism, see if you can’t make a new family tradition of your own. email@example.com
I feel excited, why? This is about to be my first venture into sharing a drink recipe. I have added a twist to the classic cappuccino, a beloved Italian concoction made of steamed milk and espresso. My version takes the cappuccino into realms of indulgence; the drink is heightened with rich, silky white chocolate and fragrant vanilla essence. Since it’s the season to drink and be merry, a hint of brandy has been added; however if you don’t feel like alcohol, I have made it optional. In Italy, cappuccinos are enjoyed in the morning, usually alongside breakfast, where they consume this frothy brew with a cornetto (croissant). Aside from that, the only other time it is enjoyed is after a night out. North Americans are the ones that adapted the drink, and have it throughout the day or after dinner. A cappuccino is composed of 1/3 espresso, 1/3 steamed milk and 1/3 frothed milk. Alongside a good quality espresso, the quintessential item to a delicious cappuccino, is the texture and temperature of the milk. Steaming the milk creates microfoam, which
introduces tiny bubbles of air into the milk. It is the reason why the drink adorns a creamy velvety consistency and a hint of sweetness. Such needed skills to brew a good cup of cappuccino have elevated the method into a fine art form, where baristas in coffeehouses create ‘latte art’ by using the foam as a ‘canvas’ to create impressive designs from hearts to corporate logos. When referring to a barista in English, the term implies an individual who has acquired a level of knowledge and experiences in preparing espresso based beverages. These skills are duly prided upon especially when such individuals compete in competitions like the World Barista Championship (www.worldbaristachampionship. com), or belong to associations such as a Barista Guild. I have included a vanilla bean in this recipe. It is a long narrow pod with tapered ends and holds tiny black seeds with a rich and sweet fragrance, scents that are warm and inviting. Here, the bean and its seeds lend a hand to this drink by enriching the cappuccino with a deep earthy flavour. It’s like steeping the liquid with vanilla. I bought my vanilla beans at a local bulk food store but if you can’t find the beans, the drink is just as tasty with real vanilla extract. Makes six to eight (depending on how large your mugs are) luxurious mugs of cappuccino! firstname.lastname@example.org
Cappuccino con Cioccolato Bianco 4 cups whole milk 1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise 10 oz good-quality white chocolate (such as Lindt or Baker’s), chopped 2 1/2 tsp brandy (optional) 2 1/2 tsp vanilla extract 4 cups hot strong fresh-brewed coffee Unsweetened cocoa powder Dash of cinnamon (optional) Method: 1. Pour milk into heavy medium saucepan. Scrape in seeds from vanilla bean; add bean. 2. Bring to boil. Remove from heat. Add white chocolate; whisk until melted and smooth. Whisk in brandy and vanilla extract. Using tongs, remove vanilla bean. 3. Return white chocolate mixture to low heat; whisk until frothy, about 1 minute. 4. Pour hot coffee into mugs. Ladle white chocolate mixture over. Sprinkle with cocoa powder, cinnamon and serve.
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Game of love: pieces sold separately
Bringing sexy back into the holidays
The end of a semester and the upcoming holiday season can make for a very stressful time. Many of you have final exams and papers coming up, not to mention dealing with Christmas parties, gift buying, Secret Santa stuff and navigating crowded malls. We’re all so busy that it’s easy to forget to take a moment to indulge our sexy selves over the holidays. It’s no surprise that many people end up stressed out and burnt out by the time the New Year rolls around. But not this year! In an effort to bring back the spirit of the saying, “It’s better to give and receive,” I have compiled a helpful list of tips for keeping your life sexy this holiday season. A lot of people find that the flood of Christmas music at this time of year drives them crazy. This is especially true if you’ve ever worked in retail or happen to spend a lot of time in shopping malls. One way to keep yourself sane is to create a playlist of your favourite “gettin’ busy” songs and burn it onto a CD or upload it to your mp3 player. Something groovy like “Below the Stars” by King Kobb Steely or hot like “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake is sure to help you drown out that 40th rendition of “White Christmas.” Worried that you’re going to be bored at holiday parties again this year? Try shaving your genitals before the party. Thinking about your silky smooth crotch is bound to be more interesting than listening to that boring friend of a friend drone on and on about their research. As an extra bonus, you could try not wearing any underwear as well! For those of you in a relationship, here’s a fun holiday experiment that you could try. Citrus fruits, when eaten regularly, can give semen and female juices a sweeter flavour and I just happen to know of two fruits that are in season right now: clementine and mandarin oranges. A great way to really bring the holiday spirit into your home could be to curl up with your sweetie and run a little empirical analysis of these claims. Remember, it’s better to give and receive. In case
They call it the dating game for a reason. It’s more than just a cheesy game show, it’s a reality. Dating is a cruel game, kind of like backgammon. No wait, it’s nothing like backgammon. Backgammon has rules, it is generally played fairly and there is always a winner and a loser. In the dating game, you make up the rules as you go along, no one plays fair and often times there are many losers. In the dating game, there is a set of rules that people generally subscribe to, but those rules can be rewritten at any time. Generally, the person in the relationship who has the power is he or she who can rewrite the rules and get away with it. Sometimes this can involve getting away with certain kinds of behaviours and other times it means withholding things like sex or affection. Guys and girls are equally to blame. If you can break the rules and get away with it, you’ve got the power and you’re allowed to set the rules. If you don’t like what your
partner is doing, you can change the rules at any time. They’ve got the option of countering or splitting. Also unlike backgammon, no one plays fairly. There’s no such thing as “off limits” in love. You can lay as many ground rules as you like, but when it comes down to it, you’re allowed to use anything and everything at your disposal. In a fight? Bring up the past. Want to make your girlfriend jealous? Hit on her sister, maybe her enemies. Girls, hit on your boyfriend’s best friend. Sure it’s cheap, low and dirty, but it’ll get you the reaction you want and in the end, with the dating game, the ends always justify the means. The opposite is true for love. The means justify the ends in love, but we’re not at love yet, so bust out the cleavage and stir up some jealousy. Finally, we’ve got the losers. Backgammon has a clear winner. Dating is full of losers. I know this because I’ve dated lots of the losers. We stayed up playing backgammon while I changed the rules and flirted with their sisters. Seriously though, one thing you’ll find is that every person has a breaking point. There really is only so much crap that a person will take before they finally give up.
the oranges don’t work, you can keep a candy cane handy to help wash away any bitter aftertaste. If you’re not a fan of oranges, here is another idea. Baking gingerbread is holiday tradition but this year how about you treat your partner to his or her own giant, you-sized cookie. Get a tube of icing or dust yourself with icing sugar and decorate yourself up — better yet, make an evening of it and decorate each other — clearly outlining essential areas with icing. Remember to be careful not to get sugar too close to or inside your vagina — yeast infections are not very festive. But feel free to put icing on all your other body parts: draw patterns like snowflakes on nipples or create a festive scene on a tummy or back. The best part of this will be licking the icing off. Honestly, how else would you clean it up? Some people absolutely love holiday movies and some people really hate them, or at least really hate some of them. Try this: the next time your most hated Christmas movie comes on, be it Charlie Brown Christmas or National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, watch a porno instead. It will be much more uplifting and fulfilling. And it is so easy to find porn these days that you really have no excuse not to try this idea. Check in the bargain bin at your local sex shop or look for some torrents over the internet. Besides, in case you need extra incentive, a good orgasm is the perfect thing to help with your exam stress. In fact, scientists have suggested that preventative orgasms work the best, so you’d better get started! And let’s not forget poor old Santa — unless he isn’t part of your holiday tradition, if that’s the case, then by all means forget all about him. The jolly one spends his whole night delivering packages all over the world, with just stale cookies and glasses of lukewarm milk as his reward. Leave the old guy something that would be a real treat: some porn, lube and a box of tissues. Just think of how refreshed he will be after taking a little break at your place. So refreshed, I’ll bet, that he’d leave something extra special for you under the tree this year. See, it really is better to give and receive. Have a sexy and relaxing holiday this year! Remember that a perfect study break can be to catch up on old articles and interviews at The Loving Blog: lovingblg.blogsport.com email@example.com
Remember that this dynamic only exists in the beginning stages of a relationship. It’s before any real emotional attachment can be made. A friend of mine once told me that “early relationships generally tend to be composed of a series of pushes and pulls that amount to a great deal of bullshit but eventually give way to truth.” Do they always give way to truth though? I think that often people get so prepared for games that they forget that there’s something afterward. They just end up pushing too hard because they don’t know what the next step is. There are three types of relationship dynamics. There are those who skip games and go for brutal honesty before the other person is sensitized, there’s those who play the games until it’s truth time and those who don’t know when to give up the game and finally sort their shit out. With the first, there’s the off chance that the truth can be so compelling that it’s worth the awkward uneasy feeling of really seeing a person naked. I don’t mean drunk after the bomber-naked. Not the sort of “ouch, ouch you’re on my hair” type of nakedness that associated with sex. That’s nudity. That’s hot and usually leaves me feeling sleepy. I’m talking about metaphorical nakedness that only exists when you really let your guard down and let another see you exposed. That sort of nakedness scares the shit out of me, but for others it’s still easier than facing the game. The real dating game is intricate and complicated. Some people fall ass-backward through it and never really understand how they managed to get through it. It’s kind of like playing Risk with a bunch of mathies and somehow ending
up in control of North and South America after starting in Australia; you don’t know how you did it, but you’re not letting go. Those are the people who end up happily married, not usually because they’re that thrilled with the life ahead of them, but rather relieved that dating is over and they can finally stop hiding the underwear with the skid marks. Those who do know how to play the game don’t mind it and usually have fun along the way. But occasionally you come across the person who is so finely in tune with the game that they don’t know when they’ve won. These people will keep dating long after necessary. They still change the rules even after that phase has passed. They get so used to dating that they forget how to take the next step and just start “being” with the other person. Dating is like an audition that lasts for a long time. But these people pass the audition and never stop hamming it up for the camera. “We get it buddy, you’ve got the part, now just tone it down.” The real problem with these people is that they don’t know how to commit and they don’t know how to leave well enough alone. They’re generally hopeless and won’t know what they’ve missed until they’ve missed it. The only way to avoid getting caught in this vicious cycle is to test the waters of honesty. A little bit of the nakedness I mentioned earlier goes a long way in testing just how stable and secure a relationship is. If you’ve been dating for a while, go ahead and show your partner your honest side. Try to expose some of that nakedness we’re all so afraid of showing. And remember, if that doesn’t work, I’m still looking for someone to play backgammon with. firstname.lastname@example.org
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Festive gifts without blowing your budget Shayna Sparling staff reporter
Picture this: it’s Christmas morning and your family is gathered around your Christmas tree (or menorah, or Kinara, or the table for Eid). Your family gleefully begins unwrapping presents — but not you — no, you’re waiting for them to open the gifts that you picked out for them. First, your younger brother, the fastest to unwrap his gifts, he jumps for joy when he sees the porn DVDs that you got him. Then you spot your sister, at first she looks confused, but then holds up her waterproof vibrating bullet with an exuberant smile of gratitude. Next it’s your father, who squeals with delight as he discovers the shiny black prostate massager you picked out for him. And finally you see your mother share a look of excitement with your father as she shows him your gift to her, a rabbit vibrator with a strap-on harness. Sex toys can make great holiday gifts. They are fun, functional, per-
sonal and they are truly a gift that keeps on giving — at least until the motor breaks down. However, I understand that as a student on a budget, sometimes it’s hard for you to figure out which toys are the best value for your hard earned money. That is why I hit our local Stag Shop to check out what toys will give you the best “bang” for your buck. There are a lot of options out there to fulfill your sex toy needs: in fact, there are so many that sometimes things can get a little confusing. Allow me to expand on some of the toys listed in the tables below. Bullet vibes and mini vibes have virtually the same purpose; they are usually used for clitoral stimulation and sometimes for nipple or anal stimulation. They are both easy to manipulate and come in both the waterproof and non-waterproofed varieties. However, a bullet can be harder to hold because it’s rounded and the whole thing vibrates, whereas a mini vibe has a grip. A bullet is designed for insertions, or dipping, while mini vibes are not
always meant for that. On the other hand, there’s no real difference if it’s only going to be used as a clit stimulator. When it comes to choosing between a mini vibe, like the Rock-it (or the better known Pocket Rocket) and a bullet vibe, like the Aqua Silks, you have to determine what you or the person you’re buying for would prefer. A standard vibrator is larger and is meant for some insertion, along with external stimulation. And while hard plastic vibrators are usually cheaper, the more expensive silicone vibrators, like shayna sparling the Tantus, are generally more Sexual stimulants for your pleasure. Found at your local Stag Shop. comfortable to use. The Tantus also has the benefit of being are so well known and to give you an idea material that is super soft and smooshy, hypoallergenic, dishwasher safe and it has a flared base, which means of their price range. But in case you’ve but the Pocket Pussy and Jenna’s Pussy you can use it with a strap-on harness never heard of them, these vibrators are obviously designed with more as well as anal play. This could be the are called “rabbit” because they consist details than The Tube. Perhaps an anal stimulator isn’t perfect gift idea for your favourite of a longer phallic shaft, with a small clit stimulator — which is often shaped something you would want to give to latex-allergic roommate. Rabbit vibes are expensive. I in- like a rabbit — mounted near the base. everyone on your holiday shopping cluded them in my table because they Generally the shaft vibrates and rotates, list, but it’s definitely something to while the clit stimulator vibrates. Things keep in mind. The most important get expensive when the toy includes thing when shopping for an anal things like rotating beads in the shaft, toy is to get something with a bi-directional rotation of the shaft and flared base or something else that multi-speed vibrations. While a rabbit will ensure that your favourite aunt vibe might be out of your price range doesn’t lose her new butt plug inside this year, it’s something to keep in mind of her. Both sets of anal beads in my table, the Anal Love Beads and for that special someone. Cock rings can make excellent Dragonz Tale, have a big ring at the stocking stuffers; they are small, not end that one can use to help pull too expensive and come in a variety the beads out. The Nexus is a more of materials and styles. However, for expensive toy, but it is an excellent a beginner, I suggest a softer ring, like male prostate massager. Whether you’re looking for the the silicone ring mentioned in my table. Using a softer ring will still be perfect gift for a lover, a roommate, a favourite sibling or just a little stimulating, but there is less risk of compression injuries and it’s easier something for yourself, sex toys can make a great “I didn’t know what to to find the perfect fit. Buying a masturbator for your little get you” gift, or a “hey, let’s have sex” brother, might seem a little weird at first, gift, or even a “here’s something to but think about it: you’re providing him help you chill out” gift. Just picture with hand-held safe sex — minus the the happy look on your Secret Santa’s relationship. Masturbators are pretty face when they unwrap the beautiful simple — the price generally has to anal beads that you picked out just do with the material and the detail. All for them. three of the masturbators that I listed email@example.com are made with U3, a good quality sex toy
Pearl Rocket $19.95
Cyber Cock $79.95
Space Capsule $14.95
Aqua Silks $19.95
Dynamic Bullet $79.95
Purple Blossom $44.95
Dynamic Dolphin $99.95
Rock Your World $149.95
G Spot Vibe Space Worm $19.95
Ultra Pearl $44.95
Rock Chick $89.95
Silicone Ring $4.95
Ring 4-pack $14.95
Cock Cage $22.95
2 for 20 bin
The Tube $19.95
Pirates $69.95 Pocket Pussy $24.95
Jenna’s Pussy $99.95
Jo $14.95 Anal Love Beads $4.95
Dragonz Tale $11.95
Nexus Glide (men) $69.95
Graphics by Véronique Lecat. information compiled by Shayna Sparling.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING IN THE TRI-CITIES... Kitchener Cambridge
Waterloo SEASON’S GREETINGS!
Friday, december 1, 2006
firstname.lastname@example.org Arts Editor: Margaret Clark Arts Assistant: Dinh Nguyen
Even the devil can’t keep “The D” from rocking out Tenacious D re-enacts their truly hellish descent from the band’s newly-released blockbuster movie Brendan Pinto staff reporter
The night of November 27 started off with bitter comic, Neil Hamburger, welcoming a steady stream of fans flowing into Ricoh Coliseum to see Tenacious D. He spun some decent gags ranging from mildly amusing to slapstick and sometimes even purposefully offensive humour. The crowd was divided in their response, but he could always coax out some guffaws when his jokes were aimed at the music industry: “What do you call a senior citizen who compulsively shows their genitals on stage? Madonna! [Cough] [Hack].” Somewhat overextended past a reasonable length, the restless crowd grew tired of his less-thanshow-stealing antics. Ending an act lacking flair, he left the stage rather unceremoniously — leaving the crowd to wait for Tenacious D. It’s pretty much impossible to give a general feel for the ‘type’ of crowd in attendance that night. All ages. All backgrounds. All fans of music waiting to have their socks rocked. Home of the Toronto Marlies, Ricoh Coliseum saw much bigger crowds than they normally do as one of the gate attendants mourned. She had likely never witnessed the power of “The D” before that day.
December 2 Peter Elkas with The Situation, Revival Dear and Jerry Leger — Starlight 9 p.m. — $11 in advance December 2 and 9 FBN Multimedia Mini Film Festival — Breithaupt Centre 4 p.m. — $10 at the door, $9 with food bank donation December 3 Handel’s Messiah, featuring The Waterloo Chamber Players — St. John’s Lutheran Church 3 p.m. — Adult $12, student/senior $10 December 4-7 Queen — Princess Twin 9:20 p.m. — $6 at Turnkey Desk December 5 Yellow Feature: Asian comedy video— RCH 101 7:30 p.m. — $6 for CASA members, $8 at the door December 5 Render Presents: The Light at the End of the Tunnel 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. — UW art gallery
When the spotlights finally began to shine, a din erupted across the floor. Subtle hints of their impending arrival massaged the “demons” — as Jack Black (JB) would later referred to the fans — into an increasingly heightened state of excitement. And from start to finish, the concert itself had a very sexual feel to it. Each step along the way made the audience progressively more aroused. Every part of the act pleased, but left you wanting just that much more. This analogy especially exploded with songs “Fuck her gently” and “Tribute,” which rounded off the concert in the encore. Throughout the concert itself, songs were played from both albums in what amounted to an almost two-hour set. It was not the typical between-song banter.
guitar, they were both electrocuted and sent to hell. Here they met the antichrist, Charlie Chaplin and Colonel Sanders, with whom they started a band. The new members played backup guitar, bass, and drums respectively. KG and JB’s rock exploits then find the pair in a rock-off with the devil for the freedom of their souls. JB was on point and perfectly in character the entire night. Impassioned, he invited the women of the audience to “Wrap your pussy around my soul.” The sincerity with which this song was performed really made you believe him. Lines like this absurd one were peppered throughout the night, and had “the demons” in the audience roaring with unholy laughter.
When they plugged in the cardboard prop guitar, they were both electrocuted and sent to hell. All in all, Tenacious D was more of a rock opera, their interlude after each song played out an elaborately-scripted tale that, like their new movie, culminates in a rock off to free their souls. Lovable characters like Lee and the Devil, both played by Jason Reed, made cameo appearances, and proved important to the storyline. The whole chronicle unfolded against an elaborate Hell set, complete with giant volcanoes and dancing paper flames. Starting off in Kyle Gass’ (KG) apartment, Lee stops by for a visit to smoke a bong with KG, which meets with resounding approval from the crowd. The songs at this point, which were played to perfection, included a jazzy solo by JB on a children’s toy sax. But JB was not content with just their acoustic songs, and therefore pressured his band mate into “going electric.” However, when they plugged in the cardboard prop
Imprint’s Music Mix The Islands “Don’t call me Whitney, Bobby” The Futureheads “Hounds of Love” Billy Idol “White Wedding” James Brown “Sex Machine” Jefferson Airplane “White Rabbit” The Jackson 5 “ABC” Van Morrison “These Dreams of You”
Meanwhile JB’s antics across the stage mimed their hysterical lyrics. “Slice his throat, and grab his scrote.” Well, I’m sure you get the idea. The amazing success of their creativity could never overshadow their undeniable musical talent. Always self-deprecating when discussing their abilities, “The D” truly are talented performers, and the night proved a feast for the eyes, ears and heart of rock. For the unfamiliar, the concert was entertaining and accessible, and for the obsessive fans, the show featured subtle allusions to their first album, and other aspects of work they have done in the past. The multidimensionality of their skills is what makes them more than just a rock band. They are performers, taking their work completely seriously and in a way that has endeared them to fans the world over — not seriously at all. email@example.com
December 8 Lantern Light Tours: Horse-drawn wagon rides and music — Doon Heritage Crossroads 7 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. — $8.50 December 15 Drum and Dance Circles, with Hip Hop Co-op, Lisa Hudgson — Youth Music Centre 7 p.m. — $10 December 15-17 American Hardcore: The History of American Punk Rock — Princess Cinemas 9:35 p.m. — $6 at Turnkey Desk December 17 Give Water, Give Life: a formal dinner dance for World Vision Africa — Walper Terrace hotel 5 p.m. — $50 December 26 Boxing Tuesday with Andy Kim — Starlight 8 p.m. — $20 in advance
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Children’s entertainer tackles world politics Darcy Higgins staff reporter
Think back to when you were a child. Didn’t things just seem a little easier? There used to be time to be bored, while chances are today you don’t have a moment to spare. You didn’t think about relationship problems or the perils of the world. If you were born in North America, chances are you had thoughts of a baby beluga swimming through your head, or the strange things that might occur down by the bay. Raffi’s music made an impact on many of us. We had the tapes and sang along with the books. But after some time, we had to move on from singing about Mr. Sun and brushing our teeth at early hours. And as our generation has moved onto adulthood, Raffi has come along with us. In a phone call with the singer this week, Raffi expanded on the themes in a new book and CD he designed for adults. He seemed tickled to learn that I, who had been a listener of his music, was now interested in his new concepts.
“We estimate there are between three and ten million beluga grads in Canada and the U.S.,” said Raffi, referring to his term for today’s young adults who were active participants in his songs, such as “Baby Beluga.” “Reading Our Stolen Future in 1997 may have brought about the vision I woke up with one day at 6 a.m. when the term ‘child honouring’ came into my head […] after years of deep reflection on ecology and children […] child honouring connects the two,” Raffi explained. Child Honouring is the name of a new book Raffi edited with psychologist Sharna Olfman, with chapters from experts in the fields of child development, economics, ecology and social sciences. His CD Resisto Dancing contains 13 songs of “hip hope” all related to a hope-filled future for children. “Resistance is fun, that’s what Resisto Dancing is all about. What we’re resisting is the pop culture that just counts the money,” Raffi said. When we do go, we honour our core self and our reasons for living. Without living with compassion and community,
Raffi believes you’re missing out on why you’re here. When asked about what students can do to help, Raffi said, “The call of our times is to stand in an awakened intelligence, to our full community. University can be an exhilarating rebirth of radical inquiry, the kind we had when we were children. Resisto Dancing is the curiosity; the opposite is living in an ivory tower… that’s not what you want to do.” Raffi Cavoukian resides on Mayne Island, a place inhabited by First Nations people 5,000 years ago, now just a one-hour ferry ride from Victoria, B.C. A rare winter storm this wee k knocked down phone lines and made outgoing calls from the island difficult. “It’s minus 15 with the wind chill, it’s incredible!” Raffi said. Raffi brought a strong level of kindness and interest to our conversation, explaining his thoughts carefully. He believes that looking at the plight of children brings home issues such as toxins in the environment. “Child honouring is a new lens
through which we see the world […] the priority must be the needs of the very young. The most valuable players are also the most vulnerable — the most impressionable to family dynamics, susceptible to cultural values and planetary issues. When we consider that every child born today is born with a load of toxic chemicals… it opens your eyes,” Raffi said. “Children will have more of an impact than animals, although if people knew that washed up bodies of belugas in the St. Lawrence are treated as toxic waste, that would likely have an emotional impact on people who have heard the song ‘Baby Beluga.’” Raffi has had many notable leaders collaborate in his work. When asked about his meetings with such individuals, he seemed humbled and inspired by the work of many. “Nelson Mandela is one of the world leaders who gets it for children. In 2000 at a Say Yes for Children campaign, he and his wife Graca Machel said that it is not enough to have empty rhetoric, but we need to turn this world around for the children.” Graca has a chapter in his book entitled “From Rhetoric to Action.” Mandela’s statement inspired his song, “Turn This World Around,” which was picked up by Canadian Green politician Elizabeth May. Raffi had known May since the 1992 Earth Summit and was delighted that she used his song for her leadership campaign. “We are going to have to turn the economy around — into a triple-bottom line economy,” Raffi explained, referring to an economy based on ecologic, environmental and monetary concerns. “I think Elizabeth understands that
very well. Her part in the public discourse, her adopting ‘Turn This World Around’ as her theme song shows that she understands we need to turn this world around for everybody.” Raffi was chosen as the top children’s entertainer by Stephen Harper, Paul Martin and Jack Layton. His message to policy makers is to put children at the centre. “It behooves every party to look at these ideas for the very young […] I take my hat off to any politician who thinks long-term.” Of other prominent contributors, he spoke of Jane Goodall, who lends her voice on one of his tracks — as an honorable friend and calling her an “extraordinary human being.” “The Dalai Lama and I met first in 1999 in Dharamsala,” Raffi said. “So I had two conversations with him on child honouring and the second was [...] recorded for the covenant.” The second track on Resisto Dancing is Raffi’s covenant for children, read by a number of influential individuals. Raffi hopes that other big names like Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey and J. K. Rowling will take up his call. Until then, Raffi will continue to be an inspiration for all of us to build better community and a brighter future. “The present moment is a defining moment in the future of the species,” he told me with confidence. “We need a compassionate revolution. The principle of ‘first do no harm,’ can be the nonviolent mantra of our time. It doesn’t have to be just for physicians.” “Every beluga grad is needed, [so] let’s make some noise.” firstname.lastname@example.org
Renaissance for film making; black plague for plot
Bislane Tasuiev and Jonas Muller leading a black and white life. Renaissance Christian Volckman Miramax Films
Shot almost entirely in black and white digital art, Renaissance lacked every shade of grey in between. With images filled with nothing but the two most contrasting shades available to our vision nothing in this film was exceptionally intricate or vague. The dazzling visuals gave credence to the notion that black and white can be far from simple. Unfortunately, the plot and script did not mirror this concept one bit. The script was painfully predictable and cliché. Almost every line that might possibly be used in a movie involving a police investigation was present with terribly dry delivery. Some lines were enough to make me laugh, leading me to wonder if this might have been an overly artistic, poorly constructed satire — a speculation quickly dispelled by Renaissance’s poor attempt at ethical commentary with regards
to immortality. The ethical questions often associated with topics such as immortality were barely even hinted at. It seemed to me that the film’s ultimate goal was to comment on the problematic direction that genetic research may lead to — eternal life. However, the film’s message is as plain and superficial as can be, failing to provoke any thought. Also it makes the claim that it is science fiction –— insert nerdy sarcastic laugh here. As if the pain felt from the predictable and cliché dialogue wasn’t sufficient, the collective retinas of the audience were burned by absurdly high contrast images. Contrast is good when used in moderation, but this was a complete overkill. The elaborate futuristic Paris landscape looked beautiful in black and white — perfect for its dark dystopian society. However, when it came to portraying humans this movie failed miserably. Facial features of the characters could barely be made out most of the time, causing the entire cast to have an almost entirely flat affect.
Now, this flat affect could have been complemented with, by involving and emotional conversations. Instead, the voices contained less passion than a computer quoting romantic poetry attempting to seduce the sexy printer it has longed for. For the most part, I didn’t feel anything for many of the characters — even the young woman who was mysteriously kidnapped at the beginning. The plot, an obvious parallel to an assortment of crime stories, lacked the substance required to intrigue; nothing about it was particularly complex. As unsuccessful as it was, the attempt at a multilayered plot and twist ending was admirable. The fact that visual hints were near impossible to notice because of the blinding contrast might have frustrated me. However, I was comforted by the fact that the foreseeable plot rendered such hints useless anyway. Sadly, this movie greatly disappointed your friend and humble narrator. I knew that something has gone awry when the trailer revealed absolutely nothing about the story. Just like the kidnapping of a brilliant genetics researcher or life in general, the greyscale spectrum is composed primarily of fascinating shades of grey; shades that are not as simple as their black and white parents. Instead of being absent from both the visuals and narrative, the shades of grey that make things interesting would have allowed for a compelling plot and perhaps even a satisfying movie. — Andrew Abela
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Shaken or stirred; I really don’t care
Armed with a new body and personality, James bond comes to the 21st century in Casino Royale. Casino Royale Martin Campbell EON Productions
Ah, if it isn’t Mr. Bond — the super-suave secret agent who sucks up vodka martinis like a well-dressed shop vac, nails every woman within a five-mile radius, causes explosions that give penguins nosebleeds and uses his licence to kill as if it were a play-all-day pass. This, of course, qualifies him to be the best agent at MI6, a covert British intelligence agency that makes the CIA look like the Make-A-Wish Foundation. No other series prompts one to suspend disbelief so completely, and for whatever reason, I’ve always enjoyed watching this arrogant lunatic outrun vehicles, make nigh-onto-impossible shots while flying through the air, and keep his impeccable hair neat and shiny the entire time. Has Bond ever hawked hairstyling products? Casino Royale is the 21st James Bond film, in which our hero (played by Daniel Craig) is remodelled for the 21st century. Nobody appreciates impossible stunts these days, so the filmmakers are sure to keep 007’s antics counterbalanced with plenty of ho-hum nonsense like playing poker against some guy who must be evil, as he bleeds from his eyeballs. Seriously, there’s a list — I think bleeding eyes is #79, scarred face is #34, and do yourself a favour: watch out for women in hooker boots. “Actually, you know what? People appreciate heaps of grit, too.” “Let’s have Bond drown someone in a sink!” “Hmm … not enough.” “Well, we could (courteous refrain from movie spoilage) as well.” “I knew there was a reason I kept you around. Now go get me some Skittles.” Daniel Craig is an interesting Bond for a number of reasons, although I’m woefully unqualified
Actor Daniel Craig as the new British super spy, James Bond, wet, shirtless and ready for action...again to compare him to previous actors. My conception of 007 is Pierce Brosnan; Sean Connery is Indy’s dad to me. Anyway, Craig’s Bond is a hardboiled jerk whose face, when lovingly smashed with an iron shovel, would leave the same impression every time. If you flicked his ear, he would turn and snap your neck. Pet his dog, and he’d blow your head off. He’s such a killjoy, in fact, that the opening credits are silhouettes of men fighting in a netherworld infused with card symbols — where in God’s name are the women? Granted, there are a few fantastic action se-
Finding happiness in the holiday cold
For the typical UW arts snob, the month of December is always a time of heartache. An intense, passionate relationship with Dana Porter fostered during the exam period will end abruptly, and the pining arts snob will be torn violently away from his mistress as the holiday break begins. He will retreat from the campus, a broken man. At night, he will dream of study carrels and weathered book spines, often waking in a sweat and struggling to fall back to sleep through the tears. His agony will only intensify as December 25 approaches. On that infamous day, he will be forced to remember, as all arts snobs must, the tragic passing of Romanian artist and poet Tristan Tzara. This year marks the 43rd anniversary of the founder of the ‘Dada’ movement’s death; he remains one of the most revered figures in art, in spite of the anti-art philosophy that made him famous. Plus, Tzara was totally doing the emo cut before it became fashionable (honestly, search for him on Wikipedia). On December 31, the arts snob will sigh as he realizes another year has ended, with his intellectual soul drifting further away from the past he reveres so. Deeper and deeper he falls into a future of short attention spans and Paris Hilton demigods, losing sight of a time when universities were filled with elitists and the streets were paved in cobblestone. Every holiday season, the arts snob must fight to fill a massive void in his heart. The good news is that this year might not be so bad. For one, Montreal band The Dears are scheduled to play at the Starlight Lounge on December 9. Perhaps Murray Lightburn,
with his Morrissey-like voice, will help the arts snob by administering the healing power of Canadian indie rock. On another front, Sufjan Stevens has released a compilation of holiday music in a five-disc set entitled Songs for Christmas. In his fantastic brand of pop folk music, Stevens draws from a multitude of influences, ranging from jazz pianist Vince Guaraldi to academic minimalist Steve Reich. His interpretations of “Silent Night” and “Little Drummer Boy” are a godsend for those tasteful few terrified by the prospect of Il Divo and Mariah Carey monopolizing Christmas music. On December 15, McSweeney’s will publish The Berlin Years, a collection of prints by Winnipeg artist Marcel Dzama. This book is a must for the weakened, desperate arts snob, with Dzama’s delightful ink portraits of lions engaging in knife fights capable to combating the ghosts of a tortured mind. The arts snob will also be able to keep himself occupied by attending a series of gallery exhibits throughout the holiday season, reaffirming the fact that — despite the emotional weight that accompanies Tzara’s death-day anniversary, — artists around the world continue to create. Of particular interest to UW students, the Society of Fine Arts continues its exhibition of student ceramic works at the Artery Gallery in Kitchener until December 14. On December 5, East Campus Hall will host The Light at the End of the Tunnel, an evening event featuring film screenings and DJ performances. For the hungry arts snob, it is important to notice that the latter event offers “free treats.” This year it seems, December may actually be a time of joy and happiness, as opposed to the usual tragedy and heartache. Dear readers, do not despair over Dana Porter…You can return to her in January. In the meantime, keep busy! But never forget Tzara. Never. Godspeed this holiday season. email@example.com
quences, the best one involving Bond chasing a man all over a gigantic construction site, like Mario chasing Donkey Kong. Credit should also be given to the actors, who are permitted to exercise their dramatic muscles when the madness subsides. Should you see the new James Bond movie? Well, that may depend on whether or not you’ve seen Stranger Than Fiction, which could steal Bond’s girlfriend and teach her the Charleston atop a piece
of dental floss — in heels. Or, perhaps you would prefer to see dancing penguins? ’Cause that is an option, you know. Either way, you won’t see an Aston Martin screaming away from a solar-powered laser beam this time around. This 007 prefers gambling — and the sauce! Expect him to attend AA meetings in Bond 22. — Andrew Abela
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Artsy holiday shopping made easy Anya Lomako staff reporter
Margaret Clark arts editor
If you’re tired of giving and receiving socks for Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza or similar season’s celebrations, maybe it’s time to consider some more creative options. Just in time for the shopping rush, here are some unique stores in the KitchenerWaterloo area you should definitely consider when looking to satisfy your appetite for wicked artistic gifts. Music lovers will probably top your list, being the most outspoken — if not also the most common — arts aficionados among friends and families. But before you head out to the local HMV, consider making the trek an adventure for you too. How, you might ask? By checking out Encore Records at 54 King Street South, Kitchener.
Located in the heart of Kitchener, this music store is an indie lover’s paradise. Here you can satisfy your media needs to the max: the store offers a variety of used tapes, CDs, records, DVDs and posters — not to mention local show and concert tickets! And if you’re stuck for ideas, ask the retired rock stars at the cashier for music recommendations. But if movie or media games is more in keeping with your gift recipient’s artistic tastes, you’ll have to work hard not to fall into the Blockbuster or Rogers Video trap. That’s not say all things mainstream are to be avoided, of course: building your own DVD gift set could easily elate that avid movie-goer on your gift list. But if you want to go with something a little, oh, more alternative, rest assured that there are other options. For one, take a look-see at Generation X , located at 10 Regina Street North, Waterloo. Gen-X is
a specialized media and video game rental store that focuses just as much on providing movies for special interests — including LGBT, sports and erotic films — as it does on new releases. Moreover, the store always has a decent for-sale section in VHS and DVD, as well as a rather eclectic alternative magazine rack. Consider snagging a “connoisseur card” for your gift recipient; it’s the gift of movie rental access to a solid 2,300 titles of all genres, origins and time periods. If neither of these options appeals to the artsy in your group, though, you might find yourself in the market for local artistic crafts of a more general design. In that case, why not take a leisurely stroll down to Queen Street Commons at 43 Queen Street, Kitchener? Believe me, if you’re against Winter Mall Madness, this place is for you. Located across from
Encore Records, this small organic café doubles as a local artist’s store. Products such as natural soap, pillows, knitted goods, clothing, jewelry, beeswax candles, handbags and handmade paper (made on the second floor of the Working Centre) are sold here. This the ultimate place to go if you want to give someone a unique present while supporting local artists. And don’t forget to stop for a cheap cup of organic fair-trade coffee on your way out! Meanwhile, the more serious fine arts aficionado on your gift list will appreciate a different sort of arts shopping, so why not cater to the needs of your budding Picasso? Don’t let the tiny size of State of the Art Supplies, located at 84 King Street North, turn you off; this new art store should not be underestimated, as it is packed with a diverse, high-quality selection of arts supplies. Even if artistic ability
is nowhere to be seen, a starter quill ink or origami set always makes for an entertaining present. Finally, if you’re really not sure what’s going to appease the “artistically-inclined” individual in your group, hit The Orbit at 213 King Street West, Kitchener. This thrift store carries a selection of the most random items in town, selling everything from antique jewelry to trinkets to statues to records to toys and clothing from as far back as your parents’ era. And if you like distinctive décor, this store also features a fabulous selection of vintage posters and interior design. Hands down, Orbit carries the best bargain gifts. So whatever the artsy inclinations of your friends, don’t despair! There’s something in the region for everyone. firstname.lastname@example.org email@example.com
Buying for bibliophiles Tips for giving just the right book this holiday season Margaret Clark arts editor
Buying books as presents isn’t as easy as it sounds. As an avid reader who regularly favours classic or esoteric literature over the latest installment in a riveting fantasy or chick-lit series, I sometimes find myself demanding, “What do you mean, Foucault’s Pendulum was too dense? And how the hell did you find The Crying of Lot 49 boring?” instead of considering my audience — a fatal mistake wherever gift-giving is concerned. When I turned 15, my younger brother bought me a Goosebumps board game that clearly appealed more to his demographic — the eight-year-old, bug-killing menace — than my own.
scraped together for rent and next term’s tuition, let alone TV dinners, toothpaste and soap. So while your budding physicist-cum-philosopher might have a hankering for Dawkins’ The God Delusion, or your garden-variety environmentalist is willing to let just one tree die for a chance to read Monbiot’s Heat: How to Stop the Planet from Burning, consider asking if there’s a textbook you could buy, or at least help buy, for them instead. It may not prove as glamourous as Erwin and Diamond’s The Audrey Hepburn Treasures, but chances are the volume won’t end up collecting as much dust on their shelves either. The gift of education, ladies and gentlemen; it doesn’t get much better than that!
by an author your recipient enjoys or might enjoy. A good trick here is also sneaking a peak at their bookshelves first (how you get access to their bedrooms or studies without looking suspicious is up to you!), so you can figure out who in the genre they actually read without saying a thing. 3. And if all else fails, gift certificates are available at mainstream bookstores. This is a gift-giving option I used to loathe because, yes, it looks lazy, but if you’re buying for a book-lover and honestly can’t find anything that seems just right, it’s better to give the gift of choice than to grab any old paperback under the assumption that since it’s a book they’ll have to love it.
I know the element of surprise is a big part of the whole giftgiving hooplah, but sometimes it’s best to let people give you a nudge in the right direction But while a kid sibling can hardly be faulted for not considering what I actually wanted on my birthday, your anti-violent-sports fiancé likely won’t appreciate Hockey’s Most Wanted: The Top 10 Book of Wicked Slapshots, Bruising Goons and Ice Oddities, and you’d have to be especially brave to get The Undomestic Goddess for the surly weightlifter you picked at the office gift exchange. To an extent, I realize this should all be common sense, but if you’re considering the book-buying route this holiday season, there are a few less obvious pointers you might want to keep in mind — if only to ensure your recipient will get the maximum possible enjoyment from your choice. 1. For starters, if you’re buying books for your friends, chances are you’re dealing with fellow students. You know the kind I mean: students who barely have enough money
2. But of course, education comes in all forms, so if a science fiction or Harlequin romance fix is more up your gift recipient’s alley, by all means become an enabler. Just be careful if you know your recipient’s knowledge of that particular genre surpasses your own; you don’t want to get someone Neuromancer on a whim only to discover they own everything Gibson ever wrote. To this end, I know the element of surprise is a big part of the whole gift-giving hooplah, but sometimes it’s best to let people give you a nudge in the right direction — whether that direction is towards Brooks’ last High Priestess of Shannara adventure or Weber and Evans’ first installment in the new Multiverse series. And while going with something “so recent they couldn’t possibly already have it” is a good thought, be sure that new release is actually
(I refer you to my sister’s gift of an atrocious supermarket thriller for my fourteenth birthday.) That said, if any of your book-reading or life-loving friends can’t be won over by the supreme awesomeness that is The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead, chances are you need new friends. Seriously. As a final note, for those who didn’t find The Crying of Lot 49 boring (because, I mean, how could you?), you might be surprised to learn that Pynchon is still alive and kicking and his most recent tome of a novel, Against the Day, is now out in hardcover. So whatever your intended recipient’s penchant for prose (or poetry!), with a little forethought and consideration chances are you can land just the book he or she will turn to again and again in the months and years to come. firstname.lastname@example.org
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Creative, cost-effective crafts to show you care Dinh Nguyen assistant section editor
The winter season can be tough, especially for those who celebrate Christmas or similar holidays. For many, the festive season brings an empty bank account, hours of pushing through screaming crowds and cold, endless lines — the equivalent of hell on earth. Luckily, there are safe havens. The process which leads to gift-giving doesn’t have to be so hectic. Beyond this sentence, you’ll find numerous creative, thoughtful and sizzling gift ideas: First off, get rid of store-bought gift-wraps and cards. Be creative instead. Wrapping paper usually gets thrown out, so just find any material around the house, make it look nice and use it. My personal favourite is old clothing. I know it sounds gross, but bear with me. When used properly jeans, denim and pattern-filled tshirts can look very nice. They offer unique designs that cannot be found on paper. Fur thermore, they give the present a warm and cozy, soft comfortable feel. However, be cautious, cl o th i n g material doesn’t stick too well, so you might want to use duct tape. If the old clothing idea doesn’t work for you, there is always the decorative paper approach. Use crayons, markers or whatever you desire to decorate white or scrap paper and stick them on to the present instead. With the same paper you can also make gift cards. Why waste money on trite Hallmark greetings when you can deliver a stronger, more personal message through a homemade card? Even better, you can copy the ideas from a store-bought card, or make up your own jokes and quotes. You can even get a little more creative and attack the whole “card thing” from a completely different angle. What I like to do is find a large poster size paper — or many small ones taped together — fold it in half and get it signed by as many people as possible. The last time I did this, the front of the card was decorated with a picture of the Earth and a message somewhere along the lines of: “I give you the world.” I then went out to a shopping mall and got random strangers to sign the card, asking each person to donate small items, such as candies, balloons, buttons, or five to ten cents. In the end I ended up with a pile of money and
mostly candy, which were wrapped up and given out with the card. This can also be done on university campus, or by going door to door. It would take care of both the card and gift at the same time. Unfortunately, this project requires that you be extremely social, and may make it hard to avoid crowds of shoppers. If talking to people isn’t your thing, try crafting the gift yourself. One of the easiest things to make is a surprise mug. Take a used mug or go to local dollar store and purchase one. Most places have them on sale, ranging from one to two dollars. Throw into the mug two to three tea bags and add small jellybean size candies, candy canes or leftover Halloween candies. Small candies could be bought cheaply at the bulk barn, or you can
get them at a convenience store for five cents apiece. Candy canes are given out all over the place during the winter season — just start saving them up. Before filling up the mug you might want to decorate it. This is where the “thought” comes out. Design the mug in a way that will be symbolic of your feelings for the gift recipient. Glue a picture of yourself, or of an event that’s meaningful to the person. If the mug is for a parent you might want to paste on a family portrait, if they’re a lover, try a picture of the two of you. If pictures don’t work for you, try writing a meaningful poem, or a short story instead. You can be as creative as you like, imagination is your only limit. If you’re a more ambitious artisans, something more complicated than a surprise mug might be a better choice. You might want to make an all around arts calendar. This is a calendar featuring specially chosen music, poetry and pretty much anything else thoughtful and artistic for that special recipient of your choosing. The ideal size for a project of this sort is poster size, but you can make it any way you want. The easy way to do this, is to find yourself 13 pieces of giant bristol boards (the
ones often used in school assignment) of assorted colours. Turn each board into a calendar page, each one representing a different month (including the month you give out the present). There is room to play around with the design, you can stick to the standard chart template, or fit the days into a certain shape — be as creative as you like, as long as you provide a section for each day of the festive month. Then for each section, burn a mix CD or provide an “authentic” CD that you think the person would like. The CDs can include as many songs as you chose, and should be of a different theme per month. Use the season and month’s connotations to help you decide what kind of music to burn. For example, October might call for Halloween music. After selecting your
CDs, using a sharp object poke a hole by one of the board’s edge. Use a ribbon to loop the CD and calendar pages together — each board should have it’s own CD. Using the same method, tie all calendar pages in chorological order. Creating the framework and booklet. The final step is the most time consuming. On pieces of papers, create meaningful or humorous poems, short stories, rants and/or quotes. Fold the paper up and using tape stick them to each day on the calendar. The gift recipient should be able to take out a different sheet of writing each day, adding flavor to the moment and marking off the calendar. The Calendar project can be extremely time-consuming, so consider it an upper limit to how far artsy crafts can take you with your gift-giving. If you don’t have time for the whole project, taking any one element of the project and making it a gift is also a wonderful idea. You can simply make a mix-CD, fill a calendar with famous quotes from movies or literature or just write a poem or a short story. It doesn’t have to be overly complicated. Use you imagination, keep it simple, be creative, save money and most of all have a happy, artsy holiday. email@example.com
Brand New The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me Interscope Records
With the release of this record, Brand New has volunteered to save the young minds of hapless children who have been spending their allowance on the new My Chemical Romance album by exposing them to something smart and stunning. While this category of music is usually abused by bands who care more about their haircuts than the actual music they release, Brand New uses it as a vehicle through which they reward listeners with a beautifully melancholic creation worthy of any praise it can garner. Jesse Lacey is a great poet, and the lyrical content here is fantastic, but it’s almost overshadowed by some brilliant songwriting that is as captivating as it is catchy. I can’t say any one track stands out from the rest as it would only cheapen what Brand New has done in their crafting of this album as a collage of different emotions and attitudes, and because I wouldn’t be able to choose one anyways. The more intense “You Won’t Know” and “Not the Sun” are as aggressive as they are engaging. “Limousine” takes the listener on a journey that builds to a brilliant four-minute coda, where Lacey is at his most vulnerable on the record. The chorus of “Millstone” really shows this band hasn’t forgotten how to make their songs stick in the listener’s head. This record has a dark and miserable aura, but from that spawns something truly special that will hopefully be embraced by anyone who
gets to experience it. After listening to The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me it was clear to me that God won the fight, because the Devil has moved on and will likely be retaking his audio form in Fall Out Boy’s next CD. — Andrew King
Various Artists Pure(ly) Acoustic EMI Music Canada
Warning: Never ever listen to this CD while writing an essay or studying for an exam, or else you will fall asleep — trust me. Now this is not to say that this is a horrible album. When I gave this album a second listen while curled up in my bed with a good book, it was very nice background music. This album is acoustic in the mellowest sense of the word. Don’t expect any surprise acoustic versions of AC/DC’s “Hell’s Bells” — all of these songs were pretty damn soft in the first place. This is clearly evident right from the opening track: Radiohead’s “Fake Plastic Trees.” Sure, the acoustic version of this song is very pretty, but in reality, it’s not all that different from the original cut. “You and Me” by Lifehouse is a similar case — it just feels as though they took the original and slowed it the hell down. An even bigger problem with this album is that the only songs I really enjoyed were the ones I liked even before popping this CD into my stereo. Sarah Harmer, Ben Lee and Snow Patrol deliver gorgeous renditions of their original tracks, but
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
songs such as Joss Stone’s “Fell in Love with a Boy” and Coldplay’s “Fix You” were just as painful to me as their original versions. Overall, this CD is a mixed bag. Give it a listen while reading or perhaps while participating in a romantic lovemaking session — just be careful not to fall asleep while doing the latter. — Suzanne Gardner
beautiful turns of phrase, — “skinny boy / all bones, no lies” — but at the same time turns a blind eye to some jarringly hokey lines — “I feel as lucky as the horseshoe on the door,” “A dollar and a daisy is all that you left” — which may simply be part of her influences, but is painful nevertheless. Overall though, if you don’t mind the country influences, Millan has produced a skilled, enjoyable work that proves her talent and versatility. — Duncan Ramsay
Tenacious D The Pick of Destiny Sony BMG & Epic
The Pick of Destiny is the much-anticipated album from legendary duo of Jack Black and Kyle Gass who together make Tenacious D — lords of rock. Not an album to itself, this CD is really the soundtrack of their new movie which shares the same name. On its own, the album is still very funny, and crafted in the classic Tenacious D styling. Featuring artists like David Grohl who famously played the Devil in their first album, the Foo Fighters front man returns to fill the role once more. Ronnie James Dio and Meat Loaf also make contributions. In their first album, they tell us that they are classically trained to rock your fucking socks off. In this album, the second track “Classico” traverses some classical tunes including “Bouree in E” by Bach, “Fuer Elise”by Beethoven and “Queen of the night Aria” by Mozart. Of course they inject these melodies with their trademark explicative lyrics. My other standout track from the few times I’ve listened to it is The Government Totally Sucks with inspiring anti-establishment lyrics such as “The government totally sucks you mother fucker.” Childish, yes, but I dare you to hold in the pure joy their music inspires. Most of the album is the story of their pursuit, and loss of the pick of destiny, and to sit down and listen to the album as a whole, you will hear, and may even like the story. It has definitely made me want to see the movie now despite the ostensibly lame previews I have seen. Tenacious D fans rejoice, for our saviours have returned. —Brendan Pinto
Amy Millan Honey From The Tombs: Limited Edition Arts & Crafts
To those familiar with Amy Millan’s work as a member of Stars, Honey From The Tombs will come as something of a shock. Out of her indie rock origins, Millan has created in her first solo work, an intriguing, at times frustrating album, but one which is ultimately as sweet as its namesake. A strange mix, Honey From The Tombs straddles the border between country and pop with bluegrass and older country influences. The work draws its name from the fact that Egyptians often buried their mummies with honey, which will never go bad – echoing the album’s simple, universal ideas and the long history of its production. Millan’s work is filled mainly with warm, rich guitars, mixing in occasional New Orleans and orchestral brass parts and one or two interesting experiments, including a glockenspiel and a mandolin. The songs have a slow, steady pace; Millan knows where she’s going and is in no rush to get there. Millan’s voice, however, is the star of the album; pure, and yet with a very slight rasp that speaks of one too many cigarettes, shouted arguments, one extra whiskey. This rasp adds an element of reality to her songs. Listening to her sing, you can believe that she’s actually lived these words and suffered the pain, making her music much more involving. For the most part, it’s a very engaging piece — the frustration comes in Millan’s hit-or-miss lyrics. At times, the woman is capable of some really
Two Hours Traffic Isolator Fontana North/Universal Music Canada
Isolator, an EP, is certainly not short of cleverlywritten songs. Two Hours Traffic have some great catchy pop/rock tracks. These boys from P.E.I. have a style that is simple on the guitar, drum and bass, but focuses on memorable melodies. The band, a foursome, has the standard instrumentation for its genre, but they throw in keyboards every now and then for good measure. One song that you have to listen to is “Jezebel.” I would describe it as a cutesy, poppy song that made me want to chew bubble gum and twirl my pigtails — well, if I had pigtails, I mean. I could picture it in a soundtrack to a romantic comedy. You know, one complete with clichéd love talk and a happily-ever-after ending. All six songs on this EP are in some way about relationships and love but not in an emoesque way. It is not an album whining about break-ups and romantic mis-adventures; it is more of a nostalgic retrospective look at the better side of relationships. A happy album, you could say. The CD is produced by Joel Plaskett, and if you like what Joel does I think you’ll like Isolator quite a bit. I suspect that we’ll hear more about Two Hours Traffic in the future; until then, pick up this CD.
— André Ulloa
Killswitch Engage As Daylight Dies Roadrunner
While I can forgive Killswitch Engage for bringing Hatebreed on their latest tour, I don’t know if I can forgive them for the artwork that accompanies this album — although it should have the kind of people who think that televised wrestling is real totally psyched. Thankfully though, sight is not the sense to which this band is supposed to appeal, and when it comes time to make something badass come through the headphones, Killswitch delivers. This record is full of what has become expected from this band: thundering breakdowns, monstrous screams and more guitar squeals than there are STDs at Phil’s. “The Arms of Sorrow” or the album’s first single, “My Curse,” are great examples of how this band can just pound the listener into submission despite not really being anything we haven’t heard before. And while Howard Jones’ sung vocals aren’t really my cup of tea, they’re at least on-key and don’t sound like a kid in the middle of puberty yelling at his parents for not buying him an XBox. People who like heavy music already know that Killswitch, along with maybe Lamb of God, are the two main things keeping American metal credible, and so they should already be excited for this record. I myself had fun with it, and even though it’s the same-old, same-old, at least it’s the same-old something good. As Daylight Dies reminds us that Killswitch is still running the show, and that bands like Atreyu can only hope to snack on their overflow of groupies who take pictures of themselves in fishnet stockings for their MySpace profiles. — Andrew King
S cience A new age for intellectual authority Imprint
Friday, december 1, 2006
firstname.lastname@example.org Science Editor: Rob Blom Science Assistant: Stephanie Anderson
Peter J. Nicholson discusses the social paradigm shift prompted in large part by internet technology and culture Nicholson, “much like a complex economy that […] needs the guidance of an invisible hand.” Nicholson argued that such a mechanism Nicholson argued in his address that “people today are much less prepared to defer to the was already emerging in the form of “massively experts,” though paradoxically expert opinions distributed collaboration” and cited Wikipedia. are cited more often now than ever. He attrib- com as the “single best example” of this authoritative paradigm shift. A “free, online, user-edited uted this circumstance to the shifting place of analysis — namely, to how individuals are more encyclopedia,” Nicholson ultimately attributed likely to weigh the merits of different authorities Wikipedia’s success to its being “perfectly in and construct their own conclusions — and synch with web culture” and also in synch with acknowledged the role of the media in creating “the rhythm of the web,” in that its information is updated continuously in real time. Nicholson this new social paradigm. “The prevailing ethic in journalism,” said cited other examples of “massively distributed Nicholson, “is that ‘fairness’ requires that all views collaboration[s]” taking place in the contemporary infosphere: everyon an issue be presented, thing from blogs to often without regard “self-expression porfor the relative weight “So we graze or we gulp tals” (like MySpace and of authority of various YouTube), to massive sources being quoted.” and then we move on multiplayer games like He also added that the EverQuest and open decisive tone with which […] The result is a source software like news media reports dumbing down of Linux. scientific developments But though Nicholstands in striking opposison originally stressed tion to the “provisional written communication.” that “the world has nature” of the findings — Dr. Peter J. Nicholson changed [and] so must themselves, as printed we,” he spoke of the in scientific journals. “flat space” the internet Nicholson argued that these circumstances of news media give readers provided (as opposed to the hierarchical models the impression that experts can never agree on of traditional authorities systems) with a note anything — the irony being that media corpora- of caution. “The half-life of information,” he said, “has tions then often lose an intrinsic sense of authority been getting shorter and shorter due to the sheer alongside other traditional authorities. Yet while the general population is becoming rate of information generation […] So we graze less deferent to traditional authorities, Nicholson or we gulp and then we move on […] The result stressed that the new technological age still required is a dumbing down of written communication.” some measure of authority to turn the global surfeit As such, Nicholson argued that there exists a limit to how much “the crowd” can expect to be of raw data into useful information. “The infosphere, if I could use that term, there- sufficiently informed on certain, specialized issues fore needs new and decentralized mechanisms to offer useful opinions or information. Though of self-regulation and self-organization,” said Nicholson acknowledged that there is presently a Continued from cover
A Wii good time Wii Nintendo $279.99
Ten days ago, after 15 hours of standing in line, in the cold at Future Shop, having been guaranteed a Nintendo Wii, I walked into the store at 9 a.m. to the sound of 70 or so employees applauding my insanity. I was second in line. The Wii came in a shiny white box, and upon opening it, I found almost every accessory a player would ever need: the wireless Wii-mote, a nunchuk controller, Wii Sports, the console, its sensor bar, stand and basic cables. They were right when they said that the console was the size of three DVD cases stacked together. It is a really light-weight console, with an SD card slot in the front and two USB ports in the back. The sensor bar is a sleek silver and black bar to be placed conveniently on top of any TV. Upon starting it up, it allows you to detect all local access points and ironically prompts you to update software. The first problem you’ll have is figuring out which way the game disc is inserted, but the controller is very easy to adapt to. With its famous rumbler and a speaker built-in, it remains a favourite aspect of any Nintendo system. The nunchuk adds to the overall experience with games like boxing, Marvel Ultimate Alliance and Call of Duty 3, letting the player twist left and right while still continuing to attack. Gameplay takes a certain
“Old guard” Nicholson addresses the changing face of information custodians. great deal of hostility towards expert authorities, he emphasized that the need for these specialized information “niches” meant the place of the traditional expert was not entirely lost. Presenting the infosphere as a kind of ecosystem, Nicholson ultimately compared manifestations of intellectual authority to different, co-habitant species operating in a finite space. “The species that inhabit [the infosphere] will compete and evolve, some colonizing more and more territory; others retreating into niches for which they are uniquely suited — [and] all adapting in response to the surrounding cultural and technological environment.” In a closing remark, Nicholson added that the ecology of knowledge
was changing, such that “those who would be custodians of it” face tremendous new challenges in becoming “more sophisticated consumers” of mass information. If this is indeed the case, it is regrettable that so few of the “new guard” were in attendance on November 29 to learn what lessons the old has to offer. Then again, if the internet is truly the dominating vehicle of contemporary intellectual change, students should already be able to Google the wisdom of Nicholson and similar academics — and all without braving the lonely, real world stretch of North Campus to reap its rewards. email@example.com
Sustainability through corn
learning curve, but it’s something that even got my aunt interested — and sadly led to my downfall in Wii Tennis. With some of the same games as the PS3, the Nintendo Wii’s only downfall in comparison to the Xbox 360 or the PS3 are that it doesn’t support 1080p, have DVD playing capabilities or a blu-ray player. Moreover, there is an obvious difference in the graphic quality between the same games on the PS3/Xbox 360 and the Wii. The 480p versus 1080p difference has unfortunately never been more obvious. For the average student who hasn’t bought an HD-TV in the last year or two, the Wii’s graphics are perfect. The gameplay for games like The Legend of Zelda, Call of Duty 3 and Madden 07 is exceptional. The games teach you how to play with the leaning of the moves using on-screen step-by-step instructions. I’ve owned the PS, PS2, Xbox, Xbox 360 and also have the PS3, but I find myself using the Wii far more than the PS3. A word to the wise though, this isn’t for the faint of heart, heavy smokers and the like may have difficulty as the Wiis between-thelines name is ‘cardio.’ It’s a console not just for the hardcore gamer; it has something to offer to everyone from ages of eight and up — especially the lazy ones. I have never experienced something so unique, and I’m thinking I may end up putting my PS3 up for sale. 4.5 out of 5 stars
— Gautam Khanna
A step in the right direction for plastic alternatives Christine Schmalz reporter
In the United States approximately 200,000 barrels of oil are required daily to manufacture plastic product packaging. The lifespan of these materials is very short, as they are generally discarded following the transport and distribution of products. What if there was a product that required little to no fossil fuels to manufacture, was all natural and biodegradable, and could replace plastics? Such a product already exists, it is know as polylactic acid (PLA). T h i s r e vo l u t i o n a r y product transforms corn into an industrial resin, which can then be used as a substitute for plastic. The creation of PLA begins with corn kernels. Dextrose is removed from the starch and fermented until it is converted into lactic acid. The substance is then transformed into a compound called lactide, which can then be used to create various polymers.
Similar to polyethylene terephthalate (PET), this resin can be shaped into packaging and containers of all types. PLA products are already being used by the organic and natural food industries. PLA is also breaking into the mainstream market, currently replacing plastics as a cheaper, cleaner alternative in many Michael L. of Wal-Mart’s Davenport products. PLA is superior to conventional plastics in a number of ways. According to researchers from the NatureWorks plant in Blair, Nebraska, this product is cleaner during production, using 65 per cent less energy, which translates to a 68 per cent reduction in green house gas emissions. As well, production does not result in additional emissions, as PLA does not contain toxins. The product’s biodegradability is equally important in easing the growing pressures on landfills. See PLA, page 25
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Show that you care without the flair
PLA: the alternative to PET
might not know how to work a computer) buy cards made out of recycled paper or cards supporting various charity organizations. And when it comes to all the parties, go for cloth napkins, dish towels and china dishes instead of paper products. It will make for a way classier shindig anyway. I know this goes without saying, but This holiday season, maintain alas, the holiday season is here. your sustainable lifestyle and strive to There are decoraincorporate those valtions everywhere to ues into your holiday remind us of this. plans and purchases. Services likely impact the Earth They’re the first sign This includes evthat this time of spenderything from decomuch less than material goods and rating your ing is here. I actually potted witnessed Christmas tree that can be later support the local economy. decorations being put planted outside, to up in a Zellers on the your festive feast feanight of Halloween. Next comes Paper can also be saved if you turing local seasonal foods to boost the bi-weekly heavy pile of flyers in decide to send out e-cards instead your local economy. your mailbox showing all the sales of greeting cards. If you have to firstname.lastname@example.org and opportunities for you to spend send some out (since Grandma and buy. The TV commercials and radio ads play upon our joyful spirits, all the while enticing our consumerist appetites. More of pretty much everything happens over the next few weeks compared to the rest of the year: more money is spent, more automobile trips are made and more garbage is created. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love this time of year. But what I remember about the holidays is never the presents or decorations, I remember the good times spent with family and friends. The opportunity for merriment is very enjoyable. And believe it or not, this can all be just as wonderful for yourself, humanity and the environment without all the flair and excess. When it comes to buying presents, here are a few tips to help you show that you care about your planet. Avoid making purchases of “holiday junk” or items that will likely end up in the dump within a couple of years only to sit there much longer than you’ll live. A prime example is all those dancing Santas that require four D batteries. In fact, keep away from batteryoperated toys and gadgets wherever possible. Instead, keep your eye open for ethical gifts, such as fair trade items or clothing made from sustainable materials in socially-just conditions. And don’t be self-conscious about getting someone a gift from a thrift or antique shop. Just because it’s used doesn’t mean it’s a bad gift. Reusing has been a fundamental aspect of the three R’s of environmentalism for as long as I can remember. Finally, when you go shopping, don’t forget to bring your own bag, even for purchases other than groceries. Or if you want to stay away from the craziness that is a shopping mall and save money, make the gifts yourself. It will show the person that you care. Last year, I made sugar cookies and I decorated them with a stick drawing of the person I gave each cookie to. I have never been so surprised at how a simple cookie can cause so many smiles. Another idea for a good gift is to opt for service or material goods. Movie passes, theatre tickets, gift certificates for back massages, you get the idea. Services likely impact the Earth much less than material goods and also support the local economy. Or, consider donating money in someone’s name to a charity they would likely support. The great thing about this type of gift is that it can likely be taken care of via the internet; therefore no gas
Continued from page 24
is wasted driving around. When it comes to unwrapping gifts, please make sure you divert all the excess paper from the landfill by recycling it. Or alternatively, don’t use any at all. Reuse those brightly coloured flyers, LCBO paper bags or old calendar pages. Or give the wrapping a utilitarian purpose, such as a cloth lunch bag, pillow case or picture box.
PLA does have limitations as a marketable product. PLA’s melting point is significantly lower than competing plastics, which restricts its range of applications. There are also concerns regarding decomposition, as the product will not decompose quickly in backyard composters. An industrial machine is necessary to break down PLA effectively, a potential problem for areas without municipal composting. Recyclers are apprehensive about the product as it can easily be mistaken for PET, which could potentially damage the recycling machinery. Environmentalists have also expressed concerns regarding the use of corn in the creation of PLA. By 2014, the USDA projects that up to 23 per cent of the corn grown
within the U.S. will be utilized in a nonfood manner. The growth of corn itself impacts the environment in several ways as it requires herbicides, fertilizers and insecticides in higher quantities then any other U.S. crop. However, the corn used for PLA is of a lower grade, which would not be consumed by humans anyway. While PLA is an environmentally sound alternative to standard plastics, it does not address the larger problem of over-packaging. Although PLA has limitations, the idea of a product which returns to the earth after use, without added waste products is an exciting concept. This cradle to cradle method of product planning is replacing cradle to grave thinking, which indicates a transformation in the way we apply technology to utilize our environment.
Orgasms for the good of the world
What if that dirty thing you do in your bedroom or in front of the computer as you Google search with one hand could actually bring peace and love to the entire world? If it was possible, would you put your favourite method of pleasure to the test? I would, and so should you. December 22, 2006 marks not only the winter solstice but Global Orgasm to change the world. Before I get into why “choking the chicken” or copulating with your most accessible partner changes the world, I should justify why my article gets into the science section of a newspaper. Princeton University has a research program known as the Global Consciousness Project. The project measures the effects of the human psyche on the world. The Global Consciousness Project has random number generators all over the world which assess the effects that many people sharing similar circumstances can have on the production of random numbers.
The way this system works is by an electronic device which produces a randomly generated signal, either a 1 or a 0, based on the voltage being either higher or lower then a given threshold. Let us call it a very expensive, very fast and very complicated coin-flipper. The metaphorical coins are flipped based on random changes in “white noise.” The definition of white noise used by Princeton is that of Johnson’s noise: the extremely lowlevel fluctuations in electron flow in a resistor due to thermal influences.
If it was possible, would you put your favourite method of pleasure to the test? Now as strange as it sounds, there is a well characterized pattern for randomness known as a Gaussian distribution — a.k.a. the bell curve. To understand how this works, think of flipping a coin 100 times — 100 times. Most of the time your 100 flips produce nearly 50 heads and 50 tails with progressively fewer results near 0 and 100.
There is a predictable pattern for randomness. During times such as natural disasters, wars, 9/11 or mass meditation and prayer, the numbers generated deviate from this pattern. The idea is that information, or the perception thereof, will exert an effect on the quantum energy and will change the way the numbers are produced. The numbers are often unexpectedly high or low during times of shared consciousness. Damn! That is a lot of science that was summed up by one of the greatest minds of our times in three words. That is of course Michael Jackson and the words are “just beat it.” If you thought the words were “it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white,” those are good words but you missed the point and you might want to try this website: http://noosphere. princeton.edu/index.html and www.globalorgasm.org. I urge you; even if you think this is ridiculous, try it. If it saves the world you’re going to say you did it anyways. I bet you will even enjoy it a little. So, until December 22 train hard and if you get caught, you’re not killing kittens anymore — you’re saving the world. — Michael Jewer
Humans and chimpanzees not so alike Michael Jewer reporter
In recent years there has been much discussion about the incredible similarity between all humans with regard to their genetic makeup. Research spanning the last 10 years by Dr. Matthew Hurles and associated researchers might be able to shake this newly developed perception. Currently scientists have focused on areas in the genome that have relatively low rates of change, equivalent to one letter being changed in Tolstoy’s War and Peace. It seems that now there are changes in the genome that are more similar to pages then they are to single letters. Although the majority of the identified regions will not be affected by changes and the health of the individual will not be compromised, there are a number of areas that
have been identified as potentially being associated with disease. What makes this area of research new is that people have been working on identifying large scale changes in chromatin structure or single base pair changes in DNA that lead to disease. This is the first time tools exist to look at the medium-sized changes between individuals. By mapping the genomes of 270 people of diverse backgrounds, the scientists have begun to discover patterns of changes in areas containing different numbers of repeated elements called copy number variations. This new research changes the way human similarity to other animals is viewed. It is suggested that 12 per cent of our genome consists of changes in copy number. The new discovery changes the amount of similarity between two humans from 99.9 per cent to
99.7 per cent and it changes the difference between humans and chimpanzees from 99 per cent to 96 or 97 per cent. The repeated sequences are surprisingly common. They were found in approximately one tenth of genes. This works out to be around 2,900 genes containing more then 1,447 different copy number variations. The revolution of finding these variable sequences comes from its use in the detection of disease. Many diseases that are being researched have been found to be caused by aberrant copy numbers. There have been 17 nervous system diseases that result from copy numbers found to date and many more in other biological systems. This information may spawn the creation of future drug treatments or even prevention measures for current diseases.
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
New wheat gene discovery could end malnutrition cient. Research shows the probable cause of the non-functionality of the gene could be the domestication Wheat is one of the most essential of wheat throughout the decades. and globally-cultivated foods. It The focus of the research group is considered a major staple food, has been to replace the damaged forming part of a basic traditional gene with a new efficient and endiet. The importance of wheat comes hanced gene, which has the ability from its cheap price yet high energy to increase protein, zinc and iron content is significant in preventing content in the applicable grains by malnutrition in Third World coun- over 15 per cent. RNA interference (RNAi) was tries around the world. New research at the Univer- used to prove the findings and consity of California, Davis campus, firm that GPC-B1 was the only gene recently cloned a gene from the responsible for this increase. RNAi original wild wheat which has the is able to block certain messenger ability to increase the protein, zinc RNA (mRNA) and stop protein production and gene expression. and iron conThe experiment conducted at the tent of the University of California found that grain. This blocking the gene decreased the nufinding has tritional value and prolarge potential tein content by over in ending nutriChristy Ogley 30 per cent, proving tional deficiencies the gene’s imporaffecting over two tance. billion people worldAccording to wide. The research World Health was led by nutritionOrg anization ist Jorge Dubcovsky statistics, over 160 of the University of million children suffer California and a team from protein and iron of international wheat deficiencies — which breeders. the improved wheat could In the last decade, studsupply. The enhanced wheat ies in the wheat vicinity have could be available for distrishown no improvement in bution as early as 2007 acting nutritional values. According as a huge improvement in the to the Journal of Agricultural and aid at the United Nations and the Food Chemistry, research found that World Health Organization. even organically-grown wheat has The specialized division of very similar nutrient content to the United Nations focuses on normally-grown wheat. The new gene, however, has the ability to improving malnutrition standards in order to decrease mortality rates of boost and speed the lifespan of wheat grains, increasing efficiency starving children worldwide. The GPC-B1 discovery has in content. Rapid growth of the broadened the area of opportunity wheat plant increases the speed of the transfer of nutrients from the of research in other food groups for similar causes. The university and leaves to the grain. The discovered gene, GPC-B1, is researchers are currently working on found in wild emmer wheat which finding similar genes in other breeds naturally grows in many areas of the of grain, such as rice. Rice plants Middle East. This type of wheat is share a similar set of genes as wheat, one of the oldest roots in the wheat which is currently being manipulated market and has been around for to test for increased nutritional and thousands of years. The gene was other beneficial values. found to be present in all breeds of email@example.com wheat, but appeared to be ineffiBasma Anabtawi staff reporter
The future in wireless energy transfer Bianca Sayan reporter
Wireless energy transfer might soon follow wireless information transfer into commercial development and widespread use. While now mostly a glimmer in the eye of Marin Soljacic of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, the theory he has presented a technique for close proximity wireless energy transfer. The potential for application is endless; almost any device should be able to be adapted to this technology. The more practical applications include portable wireless devices like cell phones and personal music devices, but developers of non-portable technologies like desktop computers are eager to ban the tangle of wires and cords from future technology. Solijacic’s model works on the principle of electromagnetic induction. A wire coil in the power transmitter runs a current on a “non-radiative” frequency. This creates an electromagnetic field; devices with a coil tuned to the same frequency theoretically will be
able to absorb that energy as they also start running a current. There are some concerns. Many researchers don’t believe there is much potential for actual application; previous experiments made on similar principles were unsuccessful. Previous experiences with wireless energy transfer churned out extremely inefficient results. This was because the power transmitters emitted energy indiscriminately, wasting energy in the surrounding area. But Solijacic claims to have circumvented that obstacle by using a “non-radiative” field only accessed by appropriately tuned instruments, like electronic devices tuned to the same frequency. There is also the various health issues anticipated to be associated with the new technology; often new applications, like cell phones and power lines, become widespread before even an inkling of dangerous health issues are understood. And, considering the damage higher frequencies can wreck on organic and non-organic matter, it is definitely feasible that mass overexposure to low frequencies might reveal its own dangers.
Friday, september 1, 2006
firstname.lastname@example.org Sports Editor: Shawn Bell Sports Assistant: Doug Copping
Warriors play tough at home; win over Carleton and Ottawa committed 33 turnovers. However, like so many times before, different players stepped up to carry the team. In the third quarter, After coming off two disappointing losses when it looked as if though Ottawa was at Laurentian and York the Warriors had going to catch up, guard Alyssa Prevett kept something to prove; they were as good as Waterloo in the game going 3-3 to keep the any team in the OUA and they came out Warriors up 43-36. November 24-25 playing like it. In the fourth quarter Waterloo was The first game of the weekend double severely outplayed, being outscored 24-17. header saw Waterloo face off against the Waterloo surrendered their seven-point lead Carleton Ravens. From start to finish this and the game went to overtime. Many teams game was a defensive struggle. Baskets were would have given up at this point but the not easy to come by and every point scored Warriors are resilient. was well earned. The first quarter of the game Kimberly Lee proved to be a crucial facsaw star forward Gillian Maxwell get into early tor in the game. Even though she struggled foul trouble; however, Kate Poulin’s outstandthroughout most of the game she was there ing play made up for the loss. Poulin had an when her team needed her the most. With excellent game. Her shots fell from all over ice running through her veins, Lee hit a huge the court, her defence was spectacular and three with 1:54 remaining in overtime to tie she was pounding the glass to grab rebounds. the game and then hit another two with 33 At the half Poulin was a perfect 5-5 from the seconds left to take the lead. If that wasn’t field with 13 points, two rebounds and three enough she had a game saving block with Simona Cherler ten seconds left to keep the 68-64 lead in steals. One thing about this Warrior team is that whenever things are looking grim there Harnsworth (12), Poulin (13) and Maxwell (15) show off their tight team D. tact. “If the game were to have ended with is always someone there to pick up the slack Ottawa winning it would have broken me,” and get the team out of trouble. At the half Defensive intensity has become a trademark of The second game of the weekend saw Wa- said Lee. “That overtime for me was either Waterloo led 31-24. Waterloo basketball. The defence is what creates the terloo host Ottawa. Again, there were no easy make or break. I feel that God gave me a The third quarter saw Carleton come out offence and allows the Warriors to win games. “As baskets; there were hard fouls and points had chance to focus and win the game and I feel as the aggressor. The Ravens were clawing soon as we started to get our steals we were able to to come from the paint. Maxwell established great.” All teams need great leaders and Lee is back into the game but the Warrior’s tenacious go on runs, it got everyone pumped up and in the an inside presence notching a double with 12 a player who personifies what the team stands defence stopped them dead in their tracks. “I mood to score,” added Poulin. Key defensive stops points and 12 rebounds. Though Waterloo for, toughness. When push comes to shove thought the intensity of our defence won the and solid team basketball allowed the Warriors to win held leads, poor free throw shooting and the Warriors shove back a whole lot harder. game for us, when we were pressing they could this game. Kimberly Lee dropped 20 points, while sloppy turnovers allowed Ottawa to stay in With this type of spirit and determination it not handle us,” said Poulin. “We had them from Poulin had an outstanding game with 20 points, four the game. The Warriors shot an embarrass- will be hard for any team to beat the Warriors the beginning.” assists, three blocked shots and five steals. ing 57 per cent from the free throw line and on their home court. Adnan Khan reporter
UW ultimate team finishes fifth at nationals Pat Scanlon reporter
The Waterloo men’s Ultimate Frisbee team recently travelled to Ottawa for the Canadian University Ultimate Championships. Day one of the tournament started with a game against the University of Alberta. Both teams got off to sluggish starts, but Alberta had no answer for third year co-captain Sebastien Bell, who burned the Golden Bears on several deep strikes, leading Waterloo to a 9-7 victory. Game two versus McGill started off with both teams exchanging punches. However, with the score tied 4-4 McGill began to pull away, and the undermanned Warriors could not keep up. McGill took the game 13-6. Waterloo finished off the first day with a 10-6 victory over an upstart group from Nippissing. The thrill of victory was tainted however, as co-captain Mike Moloney sustained a knee injury that would keep him out of the rest of the tournament. Day two began with a tough 13-7 loss to the tournament favourites from the University of Toronto. To advance to the quarter-finals the Warriors had to win against the University of Quebec à Montréal. Once again the game was close early on, but the tide swung in Waterloo’s favour after some inspirational words from Bell and senior John Smegal. When asked about his comments, Smegal calmly replied “Hey, someone had to put these guys in their place. If you’re not gonna play right, you’re gonna get it.” Led by the solid handling of Mel Kornacki and receiving of Mark Bird, Waterloo prevailed 11-7 and advanced to face perennial powerhouse UBC. From the onset UBC dominated play and even though the rookies Andrew Lefler and Matt Polowyk played the best games of their lives, Waterloo lost 13-2. With hopes of a championship dashed, last year’s team would have packed it in. However, a change in leadership created a
renewed sense of pride and the Warriors were a determined bunch in the consolation semi-final. The score was tied 3-3 against Guelph when Waterloo’s hopes seemed to be dashed by a cheap shot on Bell that knocked him out of the game. This seemed to spark the other veterans on the team and a series of monumental plays ensued. First, senior Jay Turcot absolutely embarrassed Guelph’s Jeff Linquist, a starting line player with Eastern Canada’s number one touring team, as he beat him in the air for a disc, which led to an upwind point. Then with the game tied at eight, Waterloo’s offence began to march upwind through the Guelph defence. After great work by Pete Washer and Damien Kwok, the disc found freshman Galen MacLusky in the end zone for a 9-8 lead. This led to a game point opportunity that Waterloo would not relinquish. After a forced turnover, fifth year transfer Sachin Raina threw a 50-yard hammer to Kwok, who soared backwards above his defender to pull down the winning point. In their final game, Waterloo played fellow underdogs from the University of Western Ontario. The Raina-Kwok combination continued to score, as Raina displayed his repertoire of throws. Strong defence from Kevin “Perdizzle” Perdeaux, Marty “Firebush” Day, and Dave “No-coat” Washer proved to be the difference as Waterloo took home fifth place. The tournament was eventually won by the University of Toronto, with McGill finished second. This year’s finish marks the best ever result for the squad from Waterloo. Captain Moloney was overwhelmed by his teams’ performance and summed up the season with these words: “I’m really proud of the guys, we overcame a lot this year. We had to build the team from the ground up, having lost many of our starters at the end of last year. We worked hard and were able to produce the best team Waterloo has ever sent to nationals. I’m privileged to have been able to play with these guys. I can’t wait ‘til next season.”
Give it up for the future of mixed martial arts Margaret Clark section editor
November 18, 2006 found me in Crabby Joes, a Kitchener sports bar and one of only three establishments in the Kitchener-Waterloo region with Pay-Per-View access to UFC 65: Bad Intentions. The other two, McGinnis Front Row (where tables are plenty scarce) and Philthy McNasty’s (where sports always seem to come second to the club scene) had proven less than palatable to my gang of fight lovers over the last few months, and we weren’t about to take any chances over such an important event. After all, with two title fights, the most anticipated being the welterweight match-up between long-time champion Matt Hughes and Canadian-born-and-raised Georges St. Pierre, the night couldn’t be anything but memorable — or so I thought. But when St. Pierre, the soft-spoken Quebecker with a disarming smile, impeccable manners and a truly righteous left kick, decimated Hughes at 1:25 in round two, Canadian print media delivered a TKO of their own — by saying almost nothing at all. In fact, the next day’s Globe and Mail sports section lacked any and all mention of the event, while online news media boasted only a single, Canadian Press article by Neil Davidson. Where was the discussion? Whither the speculation about what St. Pierre’s win would mean for mixed martial arts in Canada? Now, to be fair, eight months earlier, I had barely even heard of the Ultimate Fighting Championship myself — the term more like something out of Jean Claude van Damme’s The Quest than anything I thought real sporting events had to offer— but coming into UFC 65 I had all my picks researched in advance and butterflies in my stomach anticipating the main event. The pull? Let me put it this way: when people ask me about the UFC, they usually scrunch up their noses and add, “Is that, like, the WWE?” To which the only decent response is: “Oh, hell no.” See, there’s nothing fake about UFC, the “world’s leading mixed-martial arts sports association” (according to www.ufc.com) which brings together the best interdisciplinary aspects
of wrestling, boxing, kickboxing, Brazilian jiujitsu, muay thai, judo, karate and other dominant martial arts forms. Good stand-up fighters have to have equally good take-down defence if they’re to ward off superior grapplers, while submission fighters had better be ready to block off a KO punch and bring the match to the ground if they hope to survive either the regular three-round or title five-round bouts of five minutes per round. Winners are generally decided by knock-out, tap-out or judges’ decision, with referees bringing fighters back to their feet if they stall for too long in the action. All this action, by the way, takes place in “the Octagon” — quite literally an octagonal arena — and is mirrored by a lot of activity in the organization itself. Since changing hands in 2001, the UFC has seen gate profits, pay-per-view buys and overall popularity for the sport skyrocket to surpass similar industry records. All this is well and good, of course, but the real excitement for young, sports-hungry students lies in UFC 65 itself — not just because the most exciting weight class in the UFC now has a Canadian champion, but because of what St. Pierre’s win means for the future of mixed martial arts in Canada. I’m referring, of course, to UFC president Dana White’s promise to fulfill St. Pierre’s welterweight dream of bringing UFC events to Quebec. Originally a “no holds barred” competition, the UFC has historically fought an uphill battle to gain sanctions in Canadian provinces, but its recent — and very successful — incarnation has won considerable ground in the past year, and with Canada’s own now recognized as among the greatest fighters in the world, fans can definitely expect more UFC events to be staged close to home. Which means — where this student is concerned — the promise of more pay-per-view event venues close to campus, more support (hopefully) from the local sports community for mixed martial arts and above all, more publicity for Canadian athletes at their finest — even if mainstream print media can’t be bothered to get the chatter going on its own. email@example.com
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Warriors win two more to move atop OUA James Rowe
The Waterloo men’s hockey team travelled east this weekend as they looked to extend their seven game unbeaten streak. On November 24, Waterloo was in the nation’s capital to play the Ottawa Gee Gees. The Warriors controlled the play from the start against the Gee Gees, outshooting the Ottawa squad by a 23-11 margin in the first two periods.
Waterloo used this advantage in shots to take a 3-0 lead after 40 minutes on goals scored by Sean Moir, Joel Olszowka and Shane Hart. With less than 10 minutes remaining, the Warriors still held their three goal lead. But the Gee Gees didn’t give up, and broke UW goaltender Jimmy Bernier’s shutout bid with just over eight minutes to play. This goal ignited the Ottawa offence and they came to life, cutting the lead to one with
Wins over Ottawa and McGill have Warriors first in Far West, tenth in Canada.
five minutes to play. Then, with less than two minutes remaining and Waterloo holding a man advantage, Ottawa’s Ben McLeod tied the game at three. Despite all the momentum being with the Gee Gees, the Warriors recovered from their third period collapse to grab the win in overtime. Dave Philpott would be the hero for the Warriors, scoring the winner three minutes into the extra session. Hart assisted on the winning goal. Bernier made 25 saves in the Waterloo net to get the win, improving his record to 3-0-1 on the season. The next night Waterloo was in Montreal to take on the third-ranked McGill Redmen, a traditional hockey powerhouse. The Redmen came out firing, outshooting the Warriors 15-2 in the first period and taking a 2-0 lead on two goals from Benoit Martin. The Warriors were again badly outshot in the second period, 15-7, but were able to tie the game thanks to goals by Jordan Brenner and Kevin Hurley. The two teams entered the third period even due to Waterloo goaltender Curtis Darling, who kept his team in the game while McGill peppered him with shots.
With 7:20 to play, UW took the lead when Ryan MacGregor put one past McGill goaltender Mathieu Poitras. Hart added an insurance marker just over two minutes later, which would turn out to be needed when McGill’s Martin completed his hat trick with three minutes remaining. Darling and the Warriors held off the Redmen from there, preserving a second consecutive 4-3 road victory that serves notice to the rest of the OUA — the Warriors are one of the top contenders this season. Darling made 39 saves in the win as the final shots were 42-15 in favour of McGill. The win extends Waterloo’s unbeaten streak to nine games and puts them in a tie for first place overall in the OUA with Laurier. The Warriors also have spot in the national rankings for the first time this season, as they enter the week ranked number ten. This weekend the Warriors wrap up play before the Christmas break as they host Concordia and the University of Quebec at Trois-Rivieres on December 1 and December 2 respectively. Both games are at the CIF Arena and both start at 7:30 pm. firstname.lastname@example.org
Dodge-it tournament at UW Janine Gilbert reporter
Columbia Icefield was home to the second annual residence only dodgeball tournament this past weekend. Over 150 residents on 19 teams participated in the tournament which ran all day November 25. Although dodgeball may seem like a childish game played in elementary school, this tournament was taken quite seriously by residents who competed in either the beginner and advanced division. Teams played with official dodgeballs and followed the official dodgeball rules, which are also used in the UW campus rec league. In order for a team to win a match, they must win the three out of five games against that team. The day started off with the beginner division, which consisted of four teams. The Super Turbo Death Sharks dodged against Deep Throw It who took the match three games to one. The Average Joe’s played the Columbia Lakers who started an immediate winning streak, taking the first three games. Deep Throw It took the lead after round robin play with The Columbia Lakers in second and the Average Joe’s in third. After winning their semi-final playoff games, The Columbia Lakers faced Deep Throw It in the finals. Deep Throw It put up a good fight and came close to winning a game several times. Incredible catches by Eddie Main and Josh Sanderson brought fellow Columbia Laker teammates back on the court to help the team become the beginner division champions in three straight games. The advanced division consisted of 19 teams who played their round robin games in five
groups throughout the morning. For The Kids, Skillz That Killz, Dynasty, Crab-Dodgers and S4 Party Boyz each won in their respective groups, ending up tied for first entering the playoffs. After three semi-final matches, the S4 Party Boyz faced the underdogs, the Southampton Dodgeball Crew for the championship and Civi11. This battled the favourite, For The Kids for third place. After two games full of acrobatic stunts, including a somersault by one Civi11 This player, For The Kids led the match by winning both games. Civi11 This fought back hard in their purple boxers, and with the support of their fans cheering from behind the court, won the third game. However, For The Kids dominated the fourth game to take third place. In the championship game, the S4 Party Boyz took the first two games with the utmost dodgeball grace. Down to one on one, the S4 Party Boyz made an easy shot from the centre line to win the game and therefore, the championship. Perhaps the most interesting part of the tournament was not the dodges, the throws or the insane jumps but the outfits that the teams wore. From the shirtless team For The Kids to the CLV residence shirts of the Columbia Lakers and finally the matching attire of Civi11 This, who wore purple boxers, headbands and muscle shirts personalized with magic marker. Logan, a.k.a. Nitro-Blazer, captain of the team stated that “it all started with a trip to Zellers and ended with a new dream.” Rightfully so, the team was awarded with the tournament’s Spirit of Competition award. Look for the third annual residence dodgeball tournament next fall!
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Warriors end road trip with success The Church of America
courtesy Joyce Wang/Gazette
Andrea Vincent (24) and Miranda Humphrey (88) take down a Mustang in their 3-2 victory.
Warriors take three of four weekend points, come back home in sixth Shawn Bell sports editor
In the midst of a three-game losing streak and half-way through a fourgame road swing across southern Ontario the Warriors went into London and beat the Mustangs, then followed that with a hard-fought tie in Windsor. The weekend started with Waterloo putting in a gritty team effort at Western; a team that had come into CIF arena back in week two and snuck out with a 1-0 victory. This time around, the Mustang’s goalie Danielle Lebar could not match her Warrior opponent Alexis Huber. Waterloo’s Randi Wilson beat Lebar on the power play late in the first and Waterloo’s scoreless streak against the Mustangs was snapped. In the second Sarah Bryson beat Lebar to extend the lead, and then early in the third Nadine Vandenhuevel slammed home a rebound on the power play to put Waterloo up by three. That was all Waterloo would need; despite Western’s spirited two-goal come back attempt Alexis Huber held the door shut when it count, making 31 saves and the losing streak was over.
The next afternoon Waterloo continued down the 401 to Windsor for a date with the Lancers. The afternoon was a defensive struggle and a goaltender’s duel that remained scoreless until late in the third when Windsor’s Darris Ford beat Huber. Eleven seconds later the Warriors’ Michelle Curtis stunned the home side with an unassisted goal and the tie stood up behind Huber’s 26 stops. “We were hoping to get two points and a win from Windsor,” Warrior’s captain Kaity Martin said. “But we are fairly happy with the three points overall.” The three points on the weekend help reverse a slide that has seen two losses in a home-and-home against the second-place Guelph Gryphons followed by a tough loss at thirdplace Queens. Three points out of a possible eight on the road trip leaves Waterloo with three wins, five losses and a tie, good for eight points and
sixth in the OUA. The one-game series playoff format features the top six teams in the OUA. “Our season so far has had ups and downs but after the road trip it seems that we are headed in the right direction,” Bryson said. “Last weekend was a really good turning point for us, to give us back the confidence we need in order to do well in the second half.” Next the Warriors return home for the final game of the first half of the season, Sunday December 3 at CIF arena against the York Lions, who sit just ahead of Waterloo, in fifth place with nine points. Game time is 2:00 p.m. email@example.com
“I’m gettin’ fucked tonight. Yup, I’m gettin’ fucked up.” That’s from Varsity Blues. We watched all about America in those comfortable seats of the coach rolling through industrial Ontario on the QEW: pretty blonde gals, fresh young studs and all forms of binge drinking. Football, too. And Texas. This was a road trip, Molly Blooms style. At a highway rest stop we cracked the first beers. Sunday morning and the big man at the top of the TV tower’s revving up his Church of America sermon again. We left before eight; the sun was up and the day blue. The driver wouldn’t let us drink inside; “You will get in trouble,” he said, “and I will get in trouble,” and even though the gentlemen beside me got into a bottle of Bacardi’s with coke, the beer was kept under the bus and it was only at the rest stop were we appeased, rushing down the narrow steps and descending on the coolers like Hebrews on fresh manna. Lined up facing the highway we drank those first beers, before breakfast, with a smoke, and the passing cars understood, some honking in jealous good humour, for this is a ritual: Buffalo Bills’ Sunday home game. A big black guard came on the bus at the border. He yelled “You all born in Canada?” and made a guy in the washroom show himself. Then he waved us through. People cheered “Let’s Go Buffalo.” We were in the USA. Ralph Wilson Stadium is on Jim Kelly Lane. Old farm folk live out on Jim Kelly Lane; they rent their lawns for parking lots every game. Then they sit out front and wave an American flag and drink beer from a cooler. The fields around the stadium are vast, with horizons stretching on all sides and not a hill to be seen. Most of it is paved. The parking lots stretch for miles, with thousands of cars and big RV’s and pickups, fires in barrels, BBQ’s cooking meat and Bill’s jerseys all over. Cans of beer everywhere. An old homeless guy beside the outhouses said “it’s a full
one” and handed me a Guinness. We had VIP key chains and got to step the tape into the Budweiser-Hooters’ BBQ area, where hamburgers and sausages sizzled, and two girls in tight shirts kept the coolers stocked with ice and cans of Bud Light. Drink, eat and cheer. Footballs were thrown around; three Hooters’ girls were paraded out of an RV for a photo shoot; one drunken guy got naked and plopped into a cooler for $100. Around us the crowds streamed by, wearing Losman jerseys, or McGahee’s #21, drinking beer and whistling at the few girls to be seen. With the announcer’s distant crackle announcing Jacksonville we downed our beers and it was off to the stadium. The ball’d been kicked by our arrival, staggering along with the throng of people, through the turnstiles and shoved inside. Seats in upper deck; I slumped back on the plastic and faded in and out while the game went back and forth. These fans are loud. Most of them are drunk. They stand at every play, kicking the plastic seats in front of them, shouting with a collective deafening roar. Their beloved Bills must win the six games left to have a shot at the playoffs, but the masses have faith; drunk on belief and beer they holler and frolic, the Sunday is their’s. By the end, when Jacksonville has come back to tie the game at 24 with a late touchdown and the Bills were marching in the final minute, I was on my feet with the mass, cheering as Losman completed a deep side-line pass to stop the clock, stomping as they dove into the middle with nine seconds left, shouting as the kicker stepped in and booted a game-winning field goal in the dying seconds for the win. On the ride home we slumped, exhausted in the seats. One guy puked while we sat in rush hour traffic for hours to get to the Peace Bridge then we were back in Canada, at a roadside fast-food joint and once again NFL Sunday came to an end. firstname.lastname@example.org
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Waterloo tennis wins OUA Bronze Warriors struggle vs Nate Bell
The Waterloo men’s tennis team had a successful year in 2006, finishing the regular season with four wins and two losses before splitting two games at the OUA tournament to capture OUA bronze. This is the fourth time in the last seven years that Waterloo has won the bronze. The women’s team finished with a losing record mainly because they lost four players off last year’s team. Former professional tennis player and current coach of both the men’s and the women’s UW teams Eddie Echeverria believes that this was still a successful year despite the record of the team. “This season was a rebuilding year for the women,” he said, “because we lost our top four players from last year. So we had a losing season.” The Waterloo woman’s team expects to be better in the following years. Led by Marko Agatonovic, the Waterloo men’s tennis team started the season with a win against McMaster and a loss to Western. Then, on September 22 and 23, the team travelled to York University for the OUA qualifying tournament. They played Toronto on Friday and won 5-2 before sweeping UOIT 7-0. Saturday proved to be a tougher test. They prevailed against Brock five games to two, before losing the last
game of the day against York, 4-3 to finish up the solid weekend with a 3-1 record and a berth in the OUA championship. The OUA championships took place in Western on September 29 and 30. The top four teams faced
off to decide the champion and Waterloo’s first test was against York University. They lost the match five games to two. Agatonovic and Marlon Coelho won their singles games for Waterloo’s only points. In the third place match, Waterloo faced off against McMaster. After a hard fight, the Warriors prevailed 5-2 for OUA bronze. Agatonovic and Coelho each won their games, while David Liu and Ely Schwartz also won their singles matches. It was an exceptional year for both Agatonovic and Coelho. They each accumulated 8-1 singles records; Coelho was awarded the rookie of the year award while Agatonovic received the MVP of the team. Agatonovic also recieved the most votes from the University coaches who choose the best player in the OUA. The University of Western coach described Marko by saying, “He’s a one-man wrecking crew. The league’s lucky to have him.” The Waterloo tennis team hopes to continue its success into next year. The men have eight of ten players returning and eight of nine women Warriors will be back. Coach Echeverria would like to build on the bronze medal that the men’s team won, saying “Next year my rookies are going to be more experienced and better players so I am expecting better results.”
Ontario’s best teams
courtesy UW Athletics Photos by Simona Cherler
Carleton blocks Ben Frisby; both Ravens and Gee-Gees prove too much for Waterloo in home opening weekend at PAC. Shawn Bell sports editor
The Warriors were in tough this weekend past against two of Canada’s top teams at the PAC; the Carleton Ravens, ranked one in the country, on November 24 and then the Ottawa Gee-Gees, ranked fifth, the next night. On Friday night Waterloo played strong against a very good Carleton team. The first half was a defensive battle, with six lead changes before the Ravens snuck into the locker room with a 27-22 lead. Matt Kieswetter led the Warriors with seven firsthalf points. Carleton went on a 21-9 run to open the third quarter and the game was effectively over. The final score ended 68 Carleton, 51 Waterloo. The Warriors were plagued with shooting woes, hitting only 30 per cent from the field, 23 per cent from behind the arc and a mere 63 per cent from the free-throw line. On a positive, they kept pace with the bigger Ravens on the boards, splitting rebounding duty between seven Warriors. Michael Davis grabbed seven and Dan White and Kieswetter each got five.
Kieswetter led the scoring with 19 points; although his shooting from the field hovered around the team percentages, he got to the line and hit eight of nine free throws. The following night the Ottawa GeeGees came to the PAC and thoroughly beat up on the Warriors, leading all game on way to the 83-52 final. Six Gee-Gee’s scored in double digits; as a team Ottawa shot 52 per cent from the field and 43 per cent from three-point land compared to Waterloo’s 35/24 per cent. The Warrior captains Kieswetter, Oliver Quesnel and Michael Davis shot collectively eight for 29 on the night, Quesnel scoring 11 to lead the team on the strength of 4-4 FT shooting. This has been a brutal schedule to start the season for this young Warriors team, now 2-4 on the year. The four game road-trip across the east division to start the season (where they went 2-2) and then the top two teams in Ontario on home opening weekend. It should get easier from here. On December 1, Waterloo hosts the Toronto Varsity Blues (3-3), and then on December 2, Ryerson (1-5) visits, the same Rams who Waterloo beat to close off the Naismith. Both games at 8:00 p.m. at PAC. email@example.com
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Athlete Profile: Michael Davis
Warrior curling alumnus returns to play for $100,000 Steve Utz staff reporter
Fifth-year Warrior basketball veteran Michael Davis brings leadership, positively and passion to the court. The following is his perspective on topics that affect us all.
Progression You’ve got to have the competitive drive for it. If you don’t feel like taking on a challenge, you probably will not progress. There is no point in doing something if you’re not going to give it 100 per cent.
Growing up My high school basketball coach invited me to a summer tournament at Wilfrid Laurier University. This exposure gave me the impression I can really excel at something, and ever since, I’ve been applying my talent. I’ve had a passion for this sport since high school. Everything else stems from that.
Balance Athletics teaches life lessons. I’ve learned that engaging others, celebrating, and cheering people on is important for any discipline. Basketball has helped me really understand leadership and teamwork, and to experience the responsibility that goes hand and hand with these roles.
Dedication To compete at this level, you need to be focused. You have to really want it because it takes a certain drive to achieve your goals. With any really strong positive, there comes the negative. Going through the difficult, the bad times, is necessary for success.
Teamwork Strong teams need to accept criticism, and respond to it — otherwise they will fail to improve. We never know for certain if we will win or lose. As a team, we accept that; we are unafraid of failure, we go out to take our best shot at victory.
Doug Copping assistant sports editor
Dianne Kelly — all-star Warrior Correction In Imprint Volume 29 Issue 18, the article entitled “Waterloo well represented in autumn all-star selections” failed to recognize Dianne Kelly, the Warriors’ women’s rugby captain, being selected for both the OUA All-Star team and the CIS National tournament All-Star team. Imprint apologizes for the absence of such a fine Warrior, and would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Dianne. shawn bell
The Pittsburgh Penguins coming to Waterloo is a myth. But championship calibre curling coming to town is not. For the second time in less than a month, Waterloo is home to some of the best curlers on the planet as 18 teams descended on the Rec Centre Wednesday to decide a winner in the $100,000 Home Hardware Masters of Curling event. Forty-one Canadian champions are among the 72 players that students can see from just $6-$21, ranging from round robin matches to the final. Among them will be Waterloo alumnus and Hall of Famer Glenn Howard. Skip of the OUA championship curling teams from 1983-1985, Howard holds nothing but fond memories of his time at UW. “Winning the three championships definitely capped off my time here nicely,” the ever gregarious Howard said. “But I also made a lot of great friends here.” Not to mention coming but a whisker from winning his first Canadian championship just down the road. Played at the Kitchener Memorial Auditorium, the 1986 Brier was clearly a homecoming affair for Howard. “The feeling was incredible at that event,” reminisced Howard. “I felt like I knew everybody in the crowd from my time at Waterloo.” A phenomenon that can happen again with a show of Warrior pride over the weekend. Tickets available at ticketmaster. ca or City of Waterloo Box Office: (519)-886-2375.
firstname.lastname@example.org simona cherler steve brooks
FRIDAY, december 1, 2006
Warrior cheerleaders soaring into nationals During the Nationals the teams are judged upon their performances reporter in four separate categories: techniWaterloo’s cheerleaders are good. cal skill (stunts, tumbling), routine Really good. You have probably skill (creativity, use of music), safety seen them at Warriors’ games per- and last, the overall impression. The forming highly synchronized aerial Waterloo team is expected to do maneuvers to rhythmic music that well in all categories but especially raises the crowd to their feet in wild in the technical areas of pyramids support for our athletes. Or perhaps and tumbling. With the competition close at you’ve seen the dudes who send the girls flying through the air, catching hand I asked coach Costen what the them safely and then immediately priority for the team is: encouragcompleting a standing back flip. ing/supporting the various univerWhatever impresses you, you have sity athletes or contending in serious to admit: “God damn—these people cheerleading competitions? This was his response: are talented.” “ We i n c o rVery shortly porate support our ver y own c h e e r l e a d i n g “Supporting athletics for both athletics and competition team is headed for this year’s is an important focus, in our program. Supporting athCheerleading but competition letics is an imNationals. This is a big deal. If drives our program.” por tant focus, but competition you think what they do on the — Coach Kevin Costen drives our program. Our team football field is members are true impressive, you haven’t seen anything yet. The Na- athletes and like to compete. It is tionals is where they break out all one time where we focus on a goal the big moves, all the difficult and as a team. It is because of this focus mind blowing stunts that the space that the team trains hard, the level along the football field’s sidelines of the team raises, we place well at nationals, better athletes want to will not safely allow. The team is packing up and head- be part of our program, and the ing down the highway to Brampton cycle continues. As a benefit of December 2, to strut their stuff and our team competing, UW Athletics pit their moves against several other has athletic, entertaining, disciplined university teams. This will be no walk and dedicated athletes cheering at in the park: Queens will prove to be a games that behave in a manner that tough contender and, needless to say, positively reflects on the reputation Western will be a challenge, considering of the university, athletics, and the that they have managed to be victorious cheerleading team. Without compefor the past 21 years. But am I worried? tition, the team would not attract the Hardly. This team has members who dedicated athletes we have.” On behalf of the entire University are known to train six days a week in addition to regular workout sessions; of Waterloo, good luck to the dedithey are sure to give Western a run for cated athletes on the cheerleading team this December 2. their money. Ian Lawrence
Photos courtesy of UW CHeer
Shawn Bell sports editor
Men’s Volleyball The Warriors travelled to Toronto for a tough weekend against York and Ryerson. The first game at York was a marathon. The Warriors, who lost to these same Lions 3-0 earlier in the season, battled extremely hard, taking the Lions to five sets before falling 15-13 in the final set. Waterloo’s Tyler
Vivian led the team with 13 kills and setter Andrew Thorpe had a gamehigh 35 assists. The next day Waterloo played the undefeated Ryerson Rams. The Warriors lost in three sets (25-15, 25-19, 25-11). The men travel down the road to Laurier for the final match of the first half of the season on December 2 at 2:00 p.m.
Women’s volleyball The Warriors travelled to Brock for the fourth game in a five-game road trip. Waterloo was dominant in the early going to take a 2-0 lead before Brock won set three. In the fourth set the Warriors came back from down 24-17 to win the set and match. Libero Amanda Verhoeve, who led the team in passing, was the player of the match with 22 digs and key defensive stops when it counted most.
Waterloo concludes the road trip at McMaster on December 1 and then comes home for the final game of the first half against these same Brock Badgers at 3:00 p.m. on December 2 at the PAC. Cricket The Pakistani Students’ Association at the University of Waterloo has organized an on-going indoor cricket tournament after a long break of five
years. The response has been overwhelming with 12 teams of 8 players, all UW students, participating in the tournament. The tournament began November 20 and will end December 7. Being cricket lovers from birth, nothing can stop the players from expressing their enthusiasm and showing up to the CIF gyms at 7 in the morning every weekday. email@example.com
Published on Feb 26, 2010