Page 1


UW takes over Feds bars

Eves and private power

Micro-organisms and you

Reacting to NcwYearmorning fights outside IkdHall that sent one man to hospital in a coma, UK' admin has temporarily put two UVC7employees in place as manager of Fed Hall and manager ofbar operations.This stn~cturewiU be oversecnbya body ofthree Feds and two UW admin which will work to develop along term solution. Feds say theywcrc given the choice to co-operatc or close their bars.

Ernie Eves'actions contradictwithhis platform. Alexander 1,undeargucs that hc's only trying to stay in power.

Micro-organismswere herc bcforeu were and are sure to outlast us. We'\ managed, though, to use them to 01 advantage to create thmgslikealcohc

Page 7 Regular content: Speculations - IConieczna speculates on why ever)-oneloves the opinion section.


"No, depending on who you talk to." Estelle Gonzalez Julian Gunawan 3A english RPW 2A computer science

"No, it's taken a new form, if anything."

Rob Effinger 1B software engineering

Right-wing pushes fee reform The UWPC Campus Association has proposedthatrefundable fees become smkablc. Students'counalwdlbefaced with a decision of whether or not to pursue a referendum on the issuc at its Sunday meeting.


Grebel gains a president

Page 3 "Yes, it's all about the dollars and cents."

"We're living proof that it's not dead."

Ahmed Dartadina

Caitlin Roach, Angela Reitsma



3B arts and 48 health studies

Students' council divided on election procedure Feds councillors discussed whether and how candidates should be able to influence voters. Is e-mail outhning voterplatforms excessive?

Page 3

"It's not because it's a bond that exists between two people it's evident everywhere."

Page 8 You! Offmy planet- J ,ee-Wudrick inspectstheNDP, Canada's oddparty out.


political science

Audrey Pawlok Julia Schuessler 28 history, 28 psychology

Touched- Tituslaments thelack of sex that's bringing her down; she's not a slut, though.

page 10

page 5

Tim Mollison

Andrew Dilts

16 honours




UW students punk in Barrie Waterloo students showed Barnt good ume.


Saini gets her fill of mullets harts wntcrventures out to &sco~ the sourceotl IorscshoeTavcm's h

Snowshoeing offers a mid-winter break


The significance of bathroom graffiti Sometimes a trip to the washro( can result in artistic expression.


Unlikely ingredient! Glass in hand -A new weelily featurc looks at cosmopolitan martinis.

page 12 Short order - Short follows the recommendation on Professor l'rabhakar Ragde's Web site andtastes ClassicInma.

page 13 -Chen-Wingwarns against poor argumentsin the refundable fees debate.

and finds lots of mullets.

Regular content:

Feds form endownment fund

Regular content: "That would be a world I don't want to be a part of."


Page 8 Letter of the week- Homosexual agenda aims only to increase human tolerance, Wilson writes.

page 12

Despite the fencing that has surrounded the SmdentLife Centre slllce November, construction has yet to begin. The holdup isinthe fabricanon of steel required for the expansion.

The Enterprise, Opportunity and Innovation fund udl be used to fund student endeavours such as shortterm projects and conferences. The fimd was created from money the Feds received after the university sold its share of Claricalast year.

"Only to those who aren't getting any."

page 1

page 9 Heramb's Harem- Ramachandran warns against the crime of thinking you're funny.

page 3 Ryan Bolger

A swimmer to watcl Warriors' Matthew- Mains is set improve on last year's CIS silver.

Capper ponders the wonders of nature on a holiday trip to Algonquin.

SLC under construction "Romance in its intrinsic value is dead but perpetuates in art. . . can I have a bite of that sandwich?"

Pas7 Undefeated- Cowan tells the history of a gay cultural institution.

page 8

UWgraduateHeql3aetkau takes over the position fromJohnToews, Grebel president smce 1996.

Regular content Microfiles - Hip-huggng pan constrict ncrvcs in the legs and c; cause health problems.


page 13

Jjj? 4 P i weaves a talc of a lifeboa boy and a tiger. The srory p r o w rcadcrs to examinc their own bcl and where they come from.

Page Regular content: Airheads-Broadcaster the wt of muulanon.


News &tors vacant. Newa asustam Adele Pearce 'news@~mpnntuwaterloo ca

Ask not what Grebel can do for you . . . Henrv Paetkau comes'to Grebel from Winnipeg Adele Pearce IMPRINTSTAFF

O n January 1, 2003, the staff and studentsof Conrad GrebelUniversity College welcomed thelr new president. Henry Paetkau, a Umverslty of Waterloograduate,received h s BAin hstory and rehgous stu&es and his MA in history. He conanued his studlesinhstory and obtained aPhD from the Umversity ofwestern Ontario m 1986. Paetkauspentmany years as a m istermvanous Mennomtechurchesm EastemCanada. His chucklesmduded theHarrowMennoniteChurch,Wmdsor MennomteFellowshtp and Grace Mennomte Church, located in St. Cathannes. Smcein the year2000, Paetkau has acted as the denominationalminister of Mennonite Church of Canada. Hc also spent elght years on the board ofgovernors of Conrad Grebel Umversity College as well as bemg a part of the ProgramTransformatim TeamofMennomte Churchof Canada. By becomngthe president of Conrad

Grebel, Paetkau still represents the Mennomte commuruty. Carolyn Sherk, the c h u of the board of governors at the college, announced the appointment of PaefkauasprcsidentofConradGrebe1 to take effect as of 2003. She stated, 'We arc pleased to be able to appomt a person ulth Dr. Paetkau's long experienceof church lcadershp and strong c o m t m e n t to the mssion of Conrad Grebel Umvers~t~College. The boardofgovernors, faculty and staff d work \nth Dr. Paetkau to b d d on the accomphshmentsofrecent years and plans for future growth at the college." Paetkauistaking - over the pos~tion from former president, John Toews, who has held the position since 1996. Toews, whose resignation was announcedat ameetingattendedby the college's faculty and staff onJunc 22 2001,plans t o r e ~ e l n J u n e2003. He intends to conunue his academc, but not h s admmstraave, work.

I see the fences, but where is the construction? Why construction has not yet begun at the SLC Jessie Quinn IMPRINTINTERN

Youmay have noaccd the fences that have been erected around the SLC smce md-November, but what construcaon has been done? As of yet, they are w a m g for the fabricatmnof steel to becomplete before any actual construcaon b e p s . The bmldlng plans and speuficanons have been fi naked and construcaon i s m n e n t . The rcnovaaons and addmon of a thxd floorwereapprovedmthe October boardof&ectors meenng and are planned to be completedby spring of 2003. When the SLC was renovated in 1994,planswcrcmade to allow forthe

Henry Paetkau joined Conrad Grebel University College as its new prekident January 1.


Election procedure divides student council Lauren Staines IMPRINTINTERN

The last Students' councd mccung, heldonDecember 1,saw some heated debate about elecaonprocedures. Geoff Rawle, students'councllenpeenngrcpresentaave, attemptedto pass a motion regarding candidates' intent to unduly influencevoters versus their acaons to do so. Hls argument, whch attempted to dtsungmshthose candldateswhosucceededinmfluenclngvotersmappropnatelyand excludeacaonswhch"aun to influence," was met m t h support from Feds president Brenda Koprowskl The presidentvolced the opmon that the councd does not have the nght to assume what a person 1s thmhng. Opposmon came from math coop student coundreprescntaaveGreg Hmcs,who arguedthat "themtent [of the candldate] should matter." FedsVP educaaonRyan O'Connor rased quesaons about Impnnt columnists speakmg out m favour of a candldate. O'Connor told Iq?mztma January 7 mtemew that h s mtentwas to protect Imp~ntcolumnists'rightto endorse a candidate, but only if they are not afiiliatedwith the candidatein question. 'You! Off My Planet" coluinmst Aaron Lee-Wudnck backed the current Feds execuave adrninistraaon last year.

Koprowslu sad that if this was Indeed occurring, both the Elecaons C o m t t e e and the Appeals Commttcc would need proof of any alleged wrongdomg by the c o l u m s t and can&date~volved.She also sad that such mattersare up to the dscreaon of the Elecaons C o m t t e e .

"The low voter turnout in past elections may be symptom of uninformed voters." -Adrian Chin

The subject of e-mad as a campagn tool was a contenaous Issue as well. Co-op students, notonously &sadvantaged m terms of voang, can recave d s outhmgcan&dates'platforms. Adnan C h , apphed health sclence student councillor,told Imprint that "the low voter turnout m past elecaons may be symptom of mformedvoters." Headdedthat"candidates should have an outlet to reach the voters to express thelr platform, but they shouldalso realize they need to reach

a balance between mformmg and annoymg student voters." Excessive mass emahng was O'Connor's concern as well, but he noted that any canddate who mdulged in s p a m n g "would be c o m t t i n g pohacal and electoral sucide." The next councd m e e a n g d l be held Sunday, January 12. On the agenda are three fundngrequcsts. The first request comes fromgcography student Chnstma Parahso whols askmg for $517.64to help pay for her fight to Afnca. Parahso has been offered an unpaid co-op position at the UnitedNations Environment Programme's Head Office in Nairobi, Kenya. She is responsible for allexpenses andis hopingthatthe FederationofStudents' speualproject fundcancovcr25percentofherfight costs. DunngtheDecember 1 meeting, two students m s h n g to attend a nine-day seminarinMexicoreceived $500 from the special project fimd. Koprowslu expressed regret that councd was not able to gwe the students more than that amount. VP mternalwke Kerngan noted that there is only $1,600 remauungm the speaalprojects h d . Sunday's meeting wdl also see some semantic discussion; Koprowsluhas proposedthat Coundprocedures 6 to 9 be amended so that they are m accordance with the

changesmadeto 6b.B.2.bbduringthe December 1 meeting. Currently, the counulprocedures m quesaon state that campagn slgns 11 by 17 Inches or smaller cannot be placed next to another slgn. Feds W educaaon Ryan O'Connor called the rule "repugnant" and "arbitrary," citing an mstance last year m which one

c a d d a t e filed a complaint aganst another canhdate for placmg a sign ten and a half mches from their own. O'Connor sad that the councd procedure changes to be made dunng theDecember 12meeungwillbe forto solve "mternalconsistency."



Feds create endowment fund Susan Bubak IMPRINTSTAFF

The Federaaon of Students has estabhshed a $500,000 endowment fund for projects and imaauves dessgned tomake UWa better place for students.The Enterpnse, Opportumty and Innovatton Fund was approved by the Federauon of Students boardofdxectors onDecem ber l2,andby themversity's tinance department soon after. Chris Di Lullo, (Fedsmce-president a h s tranon and finance), explmed the mportance of the endowment fund, "I beheve h a w thls money set asde as an cndowment greatly benefits students as it ensures students wouldcontinue to feel the benefit of thls fundmany years fromnow," he s a d "The endowmentwllalsoguarantee thatthls m o n e y d be used for and by students to dmctly benefit students at the University ofwater loo." Tnc $500,000 in the endowmcnt fund was transferred to the Federationof Studcntsafter theuniverslty sold sts ?haresm Clanca last year. The mverslty purchased stu dent supplementary health insurancc through the Mutual Group. In 1999, the Mutual Group demutualized and bccame Clarica. As a result, the untverstty received 11,000 shares m Clanca, and held them for the Federatton of Students unnl thevalue ofthe sharesmcreased. "The Federation of Students instructed the umversity to sell our shares that they were holdmg for us lastyeardunngthe SunLdetakeover bid of Clanca," Dl I d l o explamed. "At h s point the stock was at an all

"The endowment fund will grant funding up to the amount the principal, the original $500,00, gains in interest each year." -Di L ullo

tune hgh, makmg the dectsion to sell very fiscallyresponsible " A memorandum of agreement between the umverslty and the Fed eranonof Students cnsured that "any excess funds ~nthe health plan would be returned to students" through the fcderauon The money from the sale of Clanca shares was transferred to the endowment fund when the terms ofrefcrencc were approvedlastDecember Whendeadmg how touse themoney, theFederanon ofstudents execuaveconsultedmembers of Students' Counul, student soctety pres~dentsand students at large for thelr mput The Students' CuunulSpeualProjectFundullloversee the endowment fund Dl Lullo s a d the Interest generated by the endowment fund m t h n one y e a r d beused to financcvanous projects andimaaaves "The endowment fund d grant fundmg up to the amount the principal, the o n p a l $500,000, guns minterest each year," he explmed. "Ths number wdl be dependenton that year's mterestrates.

Due to h s , the fundmust &st accrue a year's worth ofinterest." The Federauon of S t u d e n t s d begm to accept fundmg apphcauons h s December. To quahfy for fun*, a project must benefit UW students in one of the followmg ways. "further the personaldevelopmentofUW students, lmprovc campus culture; or mprove student hfe at UW "The endowment fund consists ofthreecomponents: enterprise, opportumty and lnnovahon Twenty-five per cent ofthc fund wdlbe allocated toward thc cnterpnse component, whch provldes start up fundmg for new projects and lmaa ttvcs. Smcethe fundmgm ths category wdl be granted on a short-term baas, the project 1s expected to become fi nancially self-sufficscnt wthm three month7 Another 25 per ccnt of thc fund wdl go toward the opportuntty component,whch funds studentspamcipaangm conferences or development projects abroad. The remming 50 per cent d g o to the lnnovahon component, whch funds short-term projectq that d have a long-term benefit on campus.

For more information about the endowment fund, contact Di Lullo at or Mike Kerrigan ,vice president internal, at

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Construction: not vet begun J

Continued from page 3

addtaon of a third floor to the bulldtng In the fall of 2001 the FederattonofStudents nottced an ~ncreasmgdemandforthe expansion of the SLC Then-president Chns Farley sadm aprop o d that the SLC and athlehc fachaes "are at capaaty, and there is emdence to mdtcate that their use will nse as more students attend umversity " The plans for the SLC lndude the addtuon of a thtrd floor as well as the expansion of the Great Hall. Student smces,mclu&ngthe Legal Resourccs Office, the Chaplam's office and the Ombudsperson's o f f i c e , d berelocatcd to thc thrd floor. A qulet reading room and a prayer r o o m d a l s o belocated on the thu-d floor.Two addluonalrooms are m the plans; however, thev

have not been assigned as ofyet Feds President Brenda I<oprowslu commented that the d u d floor 1s mtended to become the "quiet floor." The 8770-sq.-ft -renovaaon also includes changes to the Great Hall and the Multt-Pqose Room The currentwall separatmgtheGreatHall and thc Mula-Purpose Room is gomg to be removed and replaced w t h shdtng doors to better connect the two rooms "Tlusdallowus tolncreasethespaceofthe Great room and Muln-purpose room when we need it, but the doors W111 also let us shut the room off for IneehngS and th~ngswhen tt IS appropnate" said SLC manager Ann Slmpson O n the other stdc of thc Mula Purpose room, thc wall facmngBrnbakers,~sg~:oingto be replaced mth a glass wall, Intended to open up the space a httle more


I Fees: might be changmg Continued from cover

AaronLee-Wudnck,president ofthe UW PC Assoc~auon,planstopresent the peahon at the next councd meeang on Sunday "We just don't thnk that x's fau for students to have to pay up front and then go get a refund," saidLee Wudnck "phis ~maauve]is about gtvmgstudcnts morc choicc maktngtt easier for them to save monq " In response to the assoc~auon'speuuon, VP-Internal Wke Kerrigan has drafted a pro posed modtficaaon to the peuaoned referendum quesuon It involves a system that alw holds "annual referenda on proposals from student orgamzauonswhowsh to recave h d mg",and"revwws refundabledncdlaq tees three years aftcrthcir ~mplcmcntatton" This wll also be pre\ented at councd on Sunday The issue of refundable fees has caused much controversy ovcr the past fcw years. lo January 2001, a motion to hold a referendum concerningthe WPlRG fee faded. Shortlyafter, a committee (consisting of three councillors, one non-voting representative from each student organizationwitharefundable fee, and the Feds prcsidcnt as chair) was formcd to rcsolvc this issue and review refundable fees. But, accordmg to Feds councdlor Liam McHugh-Russcll, it ncvcr mct cvcn though both the WPIRG and lmprint expressed an interest. In August 2002, McHugh-Russellattempted to restnke the commttteeand bnngthe issue to the forefront, however, the commttee s d l has not convened. Although he sad he beheves that the commtttee "\hould bnnginfo tothecouncd anddlscusswththe stakeholders and intcrcstcd students thc qucsuon of when . how often a referendum should be held,"

he suggests that thts issue "hasn't been a pnoj ity" for its members overthe past few terms H sad that he was moavated to "restnke" th co-ttce last summer bccausc some of lu consatuents approached habout the issue Fcds prcs~dentBrenda Koprowslu, the cha of t h s commtttee, sad she has commumcate w t h the vanous orgafllzaaons about holdtng meeang early tlus term Accordingto Koprowskt, "if 50 percent c the student body opts to get a refund [from parucular organtzauonl, then [the orpmzaao mth the fee] is removed from the fee statement However,DandNovak, the WPIRG coordtnatc otprolccts and orgamza~onaldevelopment, eq tlmates that only "about 2 to ? pcr ccnt" c students approach WPIRG to collect their re funds each term He suegesrs that ancdlarv fees at "outside *, organizationsare targeted forreferendummor frequently than mandatory fees (such as tuitior because students may feel "powerless" to ds anythmg about mandatory fees. He believe WPIRG is avaluable serviceandemphasizesth iinportancc of funding studcnt groups. He re ferred to a similardebatelnvolvingthe Universit of Wisconsin, which states that fees for studer activitiesare necessaryto further "theeducation: mtssion ofcolleges anduniversities by fosterin adverse marketplace of ideas among students. The student newspaper, RadioWaterloo an, WI'lRG have had refundablefees sincethe 1970: The studcnts at that timc held referenda to all07 these fees to be placed on thcir statements. Th system to "strike" ancillary feeswasin place a b o ~ five years ago, but was discarded because to, much paperwork was involved. However, ac c o r h g to the Kerrigan, this system may b fcasiblc today because ofimproved technolog) <

F R I I J~ \hl . \In 10, 20OZ

P 1st

All letters must ~ncludea phone number for verrf~cat~on, and should not exceed 300 words Letters should Include the ai t h o f s year and program or faculty pos tlon where appl~cabieAihateter~alis sub lect to e d ~ t ~ nfor g brewty and cianib Thr o p ~ n ~ o nexpressed s are strlcli> tl ose o' the authors, not the oprr~ionsof impr ,rr

OPINION Oomton e&x




unmtnniaunom~tuwaterloo ca

What everyone's reading

SPECULATIONS l ' o different people, Imprint is different things Some people use it to find out what's on at the Bomber Fnday night Some peoplt flip through to find the mo\t recent hockey score and some stop at Campus Question ( h e thing, though, that seems to be universal among our readers is their eagerness to read the opinion section (As I was packagmg up this paper to send a to the printer, the night custodian came m to see the issue before a came out Was he readmg about the proposed change to refundable fees? Of course not1 He was absorbed m Aaron LeeWudrick's most recent argument.) As a former UW student, this surprises me. Apart from opinions that relate directlyto things occurring on our campus, the opinion section is as generic as it could be. Replace it with the opinion section from any university paper m Ontario and no one would notice. It seems to me that, as the paper for this university community, the events and Issues that we discu5s that are pertinent to the commumty should be most mteresting You canalwaysget betterpolitical commentary m the Toronto Sfur What you can't get in the Jtaris an update on the Feds housmg campaign or a look at the issues involved m changmg the way anchry feesarecollected And yet, it seems the majority of readers flip eagerly to the opinions that are offered Perhaps this speaks to some sort of fundamental curiositywe share.

Perhaps some readers are a m a ~ e d that Mort 'n' Newton have been with us for almost five years and can't imagine what new ideas Evan might conjure up. (I must confess that hfort 'n' Newton is the first thng I turn to, especiall~recentlvthis can't be the end, can it,) Others might be anxious to share a giggle with Heramb, or curious which column stirred up the most letters activiw this pastweek \\%at I think a might be, though, is the lach of an outlet for argument and discussion in our dally lives. Passion, especially too much of a, is percen ed as a frightming thing \There, then, do we haxe an outlet to elpress our deepest beliefs, thosc things n e hold most sacredlvand, therefore, most passionately: It seems to me that people like to argue, but are often unable to admit it Reading the letters to the editor on Friday morning is like overhearing an arguing couple at the mall. It seems to fulfd some kind of deeper need to reason things out, to think and form arguments. See ARGUE, page 10

Eves goes whichever wav the power flows Alexander Lunde



Ernie hves' policy on pnvatmng electricityhas been many things, but it certainlyhasn't been constant However, you've got to give the man credit for paying enough attention to reah~ethat his policy wasn't working, and that changtng it was necessary to mamtam his pokticalwabillty At first, he quite happily followed m the footsteps of his predece\sorM&e Harris to finish deregulating hydro in Ootano \\ ith the market open to competition, prices would go down Voters who carehllgwatch their bills could afford to be a little more relaxed It would also serve as another successful apphcationofthc corporate model to transform an inefficient public u&ty mto a bustling business At least that's the scenano thls conservativegovernment of Ofltano dreamt of It's sad that nobody remembered that OntarioHydro was actually apretty effic~entutdtty already and didn't need meddhg It's not Lke Alberta has had

resounding success in the prwatua tton of hydro Quttc the opposite prices mflated by obscene amounts before the industn stabilized, and still remain quite high Don't tell me that ( :ahfornia is aparticularly good example of privatizing a public good. Unless you consider rollmg blackouts a sign ofefficiency. Yo Ernie F.ves went ahead and privatized hydro. The good news is that the light sw-itchesstdl work. 1 Iowever, all did not go according to plan; since then electricityprices haw shot up by more then 75 per cent. Suddenly Ernie Eves is in a rather compromising position, one that endangers his poktical career So he had to rererse his previous policv and, a\ of December 1, electricityrates were frozenat4.3 cents per kilowatt-hour. In re sponsc, the various hydro companies are up in arms, his own MPs are complaining, and the press IS confused about the sudden switch of agenda The media really shouldn't be that surpnaed and neither should anyone else Eves knows that m democratic politics the most important thing is not what your

actual policy is, but public opinion Instead of ignormg the issue u n d just before the next election, Eves i\ attempting to stop the controxersv nght now and avoid problems in the future rhat it contradict? hts previous platform is an mconsequcntial detad He knows that sometimes you have to swallow your ideology and do the popular thing to remain in power And let's get one thing straight for the folks at home hrnie E l es wants to remarn tn power for as longas he can Machiavelli, the most mpactful political thinker of the high renaissance, \tated that publlc officials should hold on to power ruthlessly,and take \\ hatever actionis ncccssarytoprescnrc t h ~ state The needs of the state, Machlavelhargucd,override morality brnte bves is lust domg what is necessary to safeguard his state, that's all It reveals something about him though He is willmg to make choices based on political expediency, regardlessofhis actual views In fact, this may become the mostdehgcharacterishc ofhis tenure as premier


Editorial Staff E d t o r ~n chlcf, hlagda Konieczna e&tor@unpnnt uwaterioo ca .\ss~stant edtor, vacant Cover edtor, vacant Photos, Tyler Thomas \ssistant photos, Ldy Ray Graph~cs,vacant \ssistant graphics, vacant Web, Kamkaya Gupta Assistant web, vacant Systems admin, Ross Jordan Asmstant systems a d m , Ian Howard Lead proofreader, vacant Proofreader, Danlel Dharmasurya Proofreader, Damel Saunders Proofreader, vacant


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Peo~lewho think thev're funnv Untouched latelv? The time of nipple-ticklmg dufuses fast approaches

for some genuine laqhter.

. . . it was funny,

HERAMB'S HAREM Murderers,rapists,necrophillacs, ain't nuthid when compared to a dude who t M s he's funny. When he's not Oh man, these people are all around us maktng joke after joke, jive after jive, pun after pun, all in a vam attempt to elicit laughter Even worse, these shmucks laugh at their own jokes It's fucking atrocious when someone laughs at their own joked I mean, the guy knows his joke sucks but can't take silence He's praying to the gods above that the laughing fairy will spontaneouslyappear and sprinkle laughing dust over the room -or really cheap crack It's these dudes that kill perfectly good jokes 'I'hey gotta repeat tt 3,000 tmes to thew buds, messing tt up each time until the joke dies an agonizing death Of course, if YOU don't laugh at some turd-nugget's sparkling banter, they thmk you're a

like, for the first three seconds, but then it grew staler than a constipated fart.

The best part is when people hurl insults at these ass monkeys but dress them up as compliments. Like if someone says you have an acerblcwit, that's a fuckm' dm. Slap 'em in the face immediately. Alls they're saying is "1 don't find you particularly amusing, but some halfwit in Swaziland mght derive a certain satisfactionfrom your humour so instead of crushmg your ego, I'll use some fancy adjectcves to insult you but you'll be too stupid to realize you've bem dssed And you'll have a retarded gnnon your face " That happened to me twice,

but the second time I had a big, shiny machete If you want to submit someone to the worst torture maginable, make 'em watch an endless loop of that 'Wassup" commercial That's cruel and unusual punishment, I know, but some jerkoff made a gazillion bucks marketing that one lame-ass joke Yeah, okay, it was funny for the first three seconds, but then it grew staler than a constipated fart Those are the sort of people that inspire the masses to attempt humour even when 99 per cent of the population is massively unfunny T ~ Iforce S feedingof crap-ass jokes will create a soclety of zombies who view laughter as a sort of morphme that they can't get enough of Soon we'll have crimes of laughterwheredufuses force their way into homes and attempt stand up routmes at gunpoint And if you don't laugh, they'll tickle your mpples with an ostrich feather A sad, sad, world that'll be As a final note, if you found my article funny then damn, the shit hath hit the fan That said, I leave you to enjoy hfe, liberty and the pursuit of someone who can make cool fart noises with their hands

I am. Read all about it

It has been concluded by many that this column will concern only sexual matters However, I would like to clarify this assumption First of all, I will admit that I am veryphysicaland sexual innature In fact, I am a flirt at heart Sure, I talk about sex quite frequentlyand a few of my articles for Iqbnnthave included sexual connotations, but this column will not focus on sex Sex wdl be included when appropn ate and natural Some mght await such articles but at this stage, I am fmding the toptc a httle difficult This dilemma is due to the fact that I am not gettmg any Yes, I just admitted to all readers that my sexual desires are not being met It is much easier to write about the issue when satisfied than exploring the issue when deprived, since a5 it heightens the level of frustration Stereotypically,menaredepend ent on sex, even obsessed with it,

while women create excuses to avoid the act I am the complete opposite - I love it, I need it, I want it, I am happier when I have it, but 1 am not a slut When men crave sex some merely go out to the bar, find a girl and hit it Afterwards, he is not considered dirty or gross amongst his male cohoas; he is conp;ratulate~ and envied If this is a recurring act he mght gain player status in the eyes of females but most men applaud this achievement Women on the other hand are frowned upon in simtlar circumstances and I find this different treatment ridiculous We are all human and we all are meant to hav sex and enjoy it, penis or no penis Although I openly a h t that I am addicted to this physicalact, I can control this habit Sure, at timec I get a ltttle bit (a lot) fidgety as I experience withdrawal I do not see out horny boys willing to come home with me and I don't rely on my guy friends to alleviate the tension (although sometimes I am tempted -after all good hends ar good lovers) Instead I just cope with my situation by cracking jokes flirting, fantasizing and spendin tme with myself See SEX, page 1

Cultural heritage: past, present and future "

UNDEFEATED Hundreds of museums exist all over the world, showcasing the histories of an assortment of fcultures Arguably wherethere's r,

ne for the Instead, what does exist ts a

In 1996, one of SanFrancisco's historicalsocieties realizedthe potential for a museum of gay and k i a n history and culture.?&ir mssion was smple % d d the hrst world-class museum showcasing both the remarkable histonc contributionsmade by gays and lesbmns and the unique hentage and culture of the GLBT community." Since that year, the quest has continued In 2000, the group launcheda national capital campaign, and at present thc museum has chapters in New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles. At the same time the historical soaety has raised a small fortune through the ~enerouscontributions of thew supporters.



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selection committee will be struckto determine the museum's host city, andin 2010 actual construction is expectedto commence. Interested by the prospect of a museum devoted to gay and lesbian culture, 1 decided to peruse the historical society's Web site While I was initially suspicious of the idea, as I examined the contents of the site I became increasinglyimpressed with the society's plans First of all, the museum would be an architecturd masterpiece Additionally, the gay and lesbian museum would house six permanent exhibits that would provide visitors with a "sense of what life might have been like for same sex oriented mdividuals at different periods of time."

also feature temporaryexhibits, most of which would be on loan from other institutions. In general, the museum for gay and lesbian culture would look and feel just like any other museum: warm, educa tional and stimulating People often forget that agay heritage exists In fact, anyone with an education in history would know that issues relatmg to gays and lesbtans have existed in just about every time period and in every culture Certainly,a gay and lesbian history can span all the way back from the ancient times to the present For this reason, I do not doubt that a museum for gay and lesbian history and culture would be a worthy cause. Among other

things, visitors could learn about the treatment of gays in the mddle ages, the Americangay rights movement and problems associate with gay and lesbian identity dumj the nineteenth and twentieth centuries I personally applaud the ingenu ity ofthis particular historical society, with the insight and the maginatton required to create such necessary -yet alsounrealtzededucational insltution in the form of a museum dedicated to the history and culture of the gay and lesbian community I look forward to the day when such dreams migh be realtzed. But for now. feel free tc checkout the histoncal society's website at


NDP: the party Canada forgot

Turn off the lights, turn off the lights

Chomsky,Joe Who two and taxes: oh my!

bastard child of The Communist Manzfesto and Noam Chomsky's 4apuin latest nonsense -a "Greatest Hits" of left-wtnglunacy, from old school classics like economlc controls to contemporary"America-theterrorists" claptrap On her Web Normally when I discuss Canadian site,Mesloactuallycites America's politics my lucky readers are treated use of the a t m c bomb on Japan to an all-too-easy indictment of the as an example of terrorism (Memo federal Liberals, or desperatepleas to Bev there was a war going on) for the right to get its collectwe act This leaves the partywith three together and form one party. But somedaywhen my cheerful diatribes seriouschoices. VeteranManitoba MP Rill Rlaikie is a former church no longergrace the pages of this minister and well respected as a paper, I don't want it to be said that parliamentarian. The problem? I neglected the odd party out. He's the same old thing. Alexa \X,'hich one might that be? Why, McDonough, the outgoing NDP the party that has never come close leader,had little to forming the government of successandBill Canada The Bike differs one that flirts But someday little from her Saskatch w ~ t political h when my cheerirrelevanceon an ewan's Lome ful diatribes no ~~~t~~~ was increasmglp frequent basis. longer grace the 'l'he experts on past ways of of this That was in 1968 -pages klnklni. I when he became don't mean the paperr I don't the youngest MP B ~ O CQu6becas. want it to be in Canadian history at the age I'm t h g said that I neof 22. He's been about the NDP. YOU glectedtheodd han~garound probably don't Ottawa ever party out. since, with the know this. but the NDP exceptmn of a four year hiatus, leadership race is from 1993 to in full swmg. 1997 He's also This isn't like runfor the leadershiptwice already theunofficialrace/cormatim to and lost (shades of Albert NazareplaceJean Chretienwith Paul reth!). His angle?Moderation: a Martin, or the federalTory "race" pledge to move the NDP towards with no one running. This is a real the centre of the political spectrum. race, with real candidatesandno Finally, we haveJack Layton, predetermined winner, with the vote in two weeks time. Hopeless as Toronto city councillor,poster boy for the New Left and most mediathey may be on policy, the NDP can hypedpoliticiansince StockwellDay. rest assured it is still a truly "demoThe comparison is instructive.Jack craticnparty. Layton Lr the Stockwell Day of the Who are these brave souls, with left. He lacks federalexperience, the political ambition -and opting for style over substance. naivete to dare seek the leaderWorse still, Layton doesn't have a ship of the Big Orange? Consider party as strong as the one Day the following to be a public sen-ice inherited message. Eat your heart out, Soberingchoices, to say the least RTIRG. But all said and done, if the NDP On paper there are six candidates competing to be lung of the socialist hopes to avoid electoralannihilation it would do well to opt for Mr castle.We canimmediatelyeliminate Nystrom I say t h ~ in s all sincerity, two from the "senous contenders" not as a kiss-of-death endorsement category. Pierre Ducasse,a youthful W'hy try to kill a party when you can Quebeckerwhois associatetry to persuade a to come to its president of the Party, promises to senses instead? "bring the QuCbec model" of governance to the rest of Canada. Crippling taxes, bloated bureaucracy, linguistic strife -hooray! Joe Comartin, the other also-ran, is a rookie MP from the Windsor area. Nobody knows who is he is and

I sa-@@g?lc9




To ihe editor, Over the Christmas holidays I found myself watching much more television than usual and along with ths, I viewed a lot more commer cials. One commercialcaught my attention as it dealt with a topic of recent uproar in Ontario. The commercial says something to the extent of, "Pat the Ontario government on the back because they have frozen hydro rates a t 4 3 cents." I would hke to reply with a btg old "Y+ee.. ...who cares?" Well of course, all home owners in Ontario (and their pockets) love this recent change and wish that hydro was never privatizedm the f irstplace, but as an environmental studies student I am rather upset. Why are people ranting and raving over the costs of their hydro bills while gomg out and leaving all the lights on? Do people not realize that they can save money by turning off the water while they brush their teeth? Maybe the hydro companieswere trying to prove something to our massively consuming cociety Maybe, just maybe, there is a hidden message meant to be a wake-up call. It is actually obvious if you t h d about it: maybe if people didn't waste so much energy, their bills wouldn't be so large! Maybe if they didn't leave the Christmas lights on aLnight, they could cut their bill down a little and they could be doing somethtng a little better for the environment at the same time. I'd like to see the government take that campaign approach next time

-Katie Howes I B enuimnment and Business it's not about the Benjamins

than 20 cents an hour wMc he can use his Mastercard to buy the products theg make whenever he wants Buy Nothing Day does not strive to cripple the economy for a day as Aaron presumes. Buy Nothing Day is prmardy about getting people to think about the impact of their conspicuous consumption the impact a has on the environment, on their health, and on the well being of the rest of the people who inhabit the world. Developed countries 4 n l y 20 per cent of the world population -are consuming over 80 per cent of the earth's natural resources, causing a disproportionate level of environmental damwe and unfair distribution of wealth. Aaron will have you believe that this consumption is "probably one of the most positive contributions to the world you can make " I guess Aaron's world consists exclusively of developedcountries that are immune from environmental change Aaron's article appears to be a contemptible attempt to make hunself feel justified for buying a fifth pair of Gap khaki pants while the workers who make them receive their fifth dollar of the week So next time you reach for a trendy article of clothingat the mall, or anything else for that matter, thmk about where that item came from and the impact that the purchase has on the world around -



Have a pint over this one

To the editor, Congratulations to I@& on finally ridding itself of that radical, pinko bastard Chris Edey. I was b e p i n g to worry that our campus newspaper was becoming a forum

for bleeding-heartliberalism. Don't get me wrong - the environment is cool and killing people for oil is bad b u t these things don't really affect me personally, so why do 1haw to hear about them all the time? We're university students in our late teens and early 20's. 1,et's talk about stuff that matters to us, like beer and the pursuit of a good lay! Ramachandran's and Titus' new columns are great. The only h g more interesting than hearing the wild and zany antics of a close friend is reading those of a complete stranger. Colm-length personal ads are ace too. Good luck with that tan in the New Year, Michelle! Some parting advice for Edey: crack open a cold one, tap some ass and, if you must persist, try discussing your world-saving problems with the one group of people that is actually in a position to do something about them. You know who they are: well-educated, privileged kids in their late teens and early 20's, kind of like Waterloo students. . . except with brains and hearts. See you all at the Bomber! -Arb Wilson

Ryan says'"thanks,"Annu

I'd like to thank Impnnt and specifically Ryan Chen Wing for his always opinionated and informative reporting As a student unable to return to school due to financing problems, I am greatly indebted to Chen-VVing for using air-aght rhetoric tn a continwng effort to explore and reveal student issues A lowly acts writer can only hope to report m such a relevant manner -Anntr

Saini 2B honours a&

To the etlitor, In response to Aaron LeeWudrick's "Buy something today," November29,2002: Mr. Lec\T1udrick, there are those on campus for whom money is not the final cause. I encourage you to get to know a few of them. (And here's a little pointer: don't offer them money for friendship, either.)


- Cameron Wolo~iyn Arts non major

It's to question the impact of your purchase

To fhe editor, I am writing in response to Aaron 1,ee-W'udrick's piece on Buy Nothing Day p o x ember 29,20021 I want to thank Aaron for keeping Third World workers from "starv mgon the street" by actively purchasing the products they make It must make htm feel very noble to support people who receive less


(51 9 ) 893-9000


Kiang no slacker To the editor, In hts completely unprovoked tirade against the University of \XatcrlooSustainabillty Project (U\TViiSP) and its founder Sandy I<iang,Patrick Quealey has conclusively p r o x n that bitterness is not restricted to the January cold. l'he formcr environment commissioner, as Impnit readers may remembcr, was removed from his Feds positioil last wmter after refusing to work with thc then-new sustaiilabilityprojcct. Apparently old grudges die hard. In his rant, Quealey claims UESP "has not produced one directly successful en\~iromentalproject," while in fact LRX'SP's Natural Landscaping team has made considerable progress toward its goal of making landscaping activities here at LTV more environmentally friendly.Furthermore, one would think that an organization aiming to make the campus a more sustainable system would take morc than only one-year to achieve all of its goals. But none of this seems to matter to Quealey,who could not resist throwing in some personal digs at Miss Gang, who from all of my experiencesis a highly dedicated, selfless, hard-working person who is completely deserving of the awards and accolades that she has earned over the years. From my observations, what seemed to be Quealey's real problem with EWSP is that basically, it was not his idea so he didn't ldce it.

The dispute was never about cnvironmcntalism or sustainability; it was about control. While it is unfortunate that a sipificant portion of LTX'SP's energies have been spent on internal and administrative matters of late, it remains a unique experiment which brings together a divcrsc range of students and ideas under one roof. 'l'ime will demonstrate the d u e of UK5P,validate the efforts of Sandy I<iangand rcx-eal the bitter, empty nature of Quealey's attacks for what they are.

Lee is a drummer 'To tfie editor, Matt Patterson's review of Tommy Lee's solo album, "never a dull moment" contained an embarrassing error. Tommy 1,cc was the dmmmerof Motley Crue, not the lead singer. Mr. Patterson's ignorance exposes h m as a "wannabe" music critic who can't get hts facts straight. Mr. Patterson, if you can't get the line up of Motley Crue right, don't try to pretend like you know anpthlng about rock music. \Tho should trust your opinion when you come across as an ignorant jack ass? Mr. Patterson, if you want to review an album, do your rock and roll homework and try to write something insightful (if it is w i t h your capacity).

Historical protection not afforded

In response to the letter by Wael Nafee, the president of MSUJ, I feel that it 1s important to point out txx o things rRead Qur'an in context"' No\ ember 29,20021 The first is he is corrcct that the Qur'an does afford protection to Jewish as well as the Christian people. Nafcc coinvlained that "thc author also fails to mention that Jews and Muslims lived together pcaccfully for ccntu& undcr Islamic rule." I would also like to point out that this peace was not an equal peace, or a state of true freedom. The Jews were persecuted m Muslim countries (although not as harshly as in Christiai~countries). Thevwere made into second-class citizensandgenerally treated as the scum of society. Moreover, there are examples of Muslims slaughtering their local Jewish populations, such as on December 30,1066, when the Jewish wxier of Granada, Spain was cruci fled and then the mob proceeded to raze theJewish quarter and ldl its 1,000 inhabitants. There are many other examples, but I t h d I'vc prox-cd my point: whether or not bfuslim law theoretically protects Jews, they were not protected, just as they were not nrotccted by the Christians. Now please stop using our history to fight your battles and if either side is going to, then at the very least be fully honest about the less attractive sides of your own histories. Thank you

More 'Islamofascism'than claimed

Mr. would have us believe that the problems arising from Islamic fundamentalism are due solely to the activities of 1/109/10 of 1 per cent of the world's Mushm population. 'The remaining

Muslims we should consider, and I quote, "upstai~dingor at lcast innocuous" [L'Don't Let Islamofasclsm Tarnish Musluns' Good Reputation," Novcmbcr 22, 20021 Lct mc b e p by asserting the obvious the vast, vast majority of Muslims do not physically engage in violence in the name of Islam. This, however, does not mean that they are "upstanding" or cren "innocuous." It is absurd and naike to thmk that Islamic fundamentalism comes to fruition in the hands of a tiny fraction of Muslims, as though they operate in a cultural vacuum. The truth is that Islamofascists are the products of barbanc and repressive theocracies;they arenot statstlcalaberrations. Islamofascists don't comc from peaceful mosques in Canada; they don't comc from the ranks of those who stood and praycd for peace with other religiouc figures last September They comc fromplaces like Nigcria,where a neu spaper article about Mohammed and beauty pageant contestants has caused hundreds of deaths and thousands of iiqurics (a fatwa has been called upon the writer's hcad, though, in hopes of rectifying the messy business) aild wvherc the law decrecs thatwomenwho conceive out of uedlock be burled in sand and stoned to death They come fromplaces like Afghanistan,whcre laat September 11,people cheered and partied in the streets at the thought of thousands of Christiail andjcw infidels crushed and iilciilerated. Muslim fundamentalists do not arise from nowhere; they arise from fundamentalist cultures, which are made up of many fundamentalists. I'm not proposing blanket intolerance of Islam, I'm mcrcly saying that the problem of 'Islamofascism'is grcatcr than what Mr. Lee-Wudrickasserts.



couchel:avec moi, c soir Continued from page 8

If it's not enough to be torture, with sex deprivation, I find that girls who are open and comfortabl' with their sesuality are viewed as ai easy target.Just because agirlis a flirt does not mean that she is easy Just because she is your friend doe not mean shc will sleep with you (well in most cases). So now you should understanc that my preoccupation with scx is grand. I am proud of it but I resel being treated negatively. Is it still right for women to enjoy this act c pleasure and talk about it openly. Men might say that it is easier for women to get scs, but societal pressures are an obstacle. As females, we must overcome thts problem and be satisfied. So if thir meails piclung up at bars, esploitir friendships or visiting your local stag shop, it's your pcrogative. So have fun and don't be afraid to touch yourselfl

Argue: submit to it Continued from page 7

I say i p o r e what's acceptable! K'ithout arguing, how can you possibly explore the fundamentals of an idea? T {ow can you determini what your feelings arc in a quiet an controlled way? I say that it's only through passionate expression tha you can truly grasp an issue. Step outside of Imprin/and indulge in an argument today.

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Snowshoeing: choose your own adventure Continued from cover

Food preparations, which is usually one of the first items onmy To Do list, have been left to the last minute this worries me. There is also the mental list of "do-not-forget items" -I always remember about 50 per cent. The other 50 per cent can be grouped with those luxuries. I exchangeglancesbetweenmy packand the pile and slowly come to the realization that there is no way in hell everythingis going to fit in my pack. Rather than follow logic and reduce thegear even further, I have opted for a D.I.Y. solution. A retrofitted children's sled will provide the additional capacity to carry this enormousmountain of gear. This decision, although feasibleandsomewhatpractica1,would prove to be littlemore thananuisance. 'Shs is not the first time I have undertakenawintcrhikingcxcuraon; it is, however, the first time that my hiktng companion is a first-timer.Although the principles of hikingin each season are similar, the two are poles apart in practice. One of the main differences, and I will admit the one thatworriedme the most,was the use of snowshoes.With little expecience using them, my companion handled the trails welland set myworry to rest. The other main difference between summerandwinter hiktngisthe most obvious - the weather. Hiking in temperaturesthat can reachwellbelow -15 degress C presents a multitude of difficulties that simply do not exist dunng the summer months. As the sun begins - to go down on the horizon, the temperature seems to follow it. The

taps. One has the option of sittmgartmd a fire or snugglmgup ina sleepingbag. For awhde I try to brave the elementsand sit by the fire; my companion has retired to the warmth of his sleeping

bag. I soon follow, as thc bone-chilling temperatureshave overriddenany desire for the aestheticpleasure of an open fire. I awake in the morning to find that I havc an accumulationofice on my face. I compare the feeltng of wakingin this state to anice cold slap in the face. Although I am still warm and toasty within the confines of my sleepingbagI amvcryawareof the Eact that I will soon havc to expose my partially naked body to the cold, stale

"Winter hiking in Algonquin offers something that can seldom be experienced on a hiking trail during the summer, absolute silence." air of the tent. With lightning speed I jump out of the sleeping bag and get dressed as quickly as possible. 'I'he scene looks like something out of a Three Stooges feature, but at least I am now dressed and somewhat warm. The freezing temperatures of the eveningshave greatlydiscouraged my companion from spending the intended three days in the wilderness and I have mvself

to dread the chdhngevenkgs - temperaturcs. My companion confided that he is no longer having fun and would like to explore the option of cutting the trip short. Upon mutual

agreement we begin to break camp

and w i t h an hour we are heading for the trailhead. Althoughtheguide forAlgt)nquin Park's Western Uplands htking trail states that the trail is not suitable for snowshoe or cross-country skiing trips, I have found the trail to be more than suitable on several occasionsduring the winter. Winter hiking in Algonquin offers something that can seldom be experienced on a hlkmg trail during the summer -absolute silence. The hibernation of animals, absenceofweekendwarriorsand day hdwrs and the m u f h g a b d q of snow all combine to create an environment where you can literally hear yourself think. The trail does, however, offer little opportunity for seeingwildlife. On three separate hilung trips I have seenlittlemore than squmels.In terms of difficulty levels, the trail can be consideredto be at the htghendofthe novice level, implying that a certain level ofphysical fitnessis required. Careful pre-trip preparation is needed to ensure that your equipment has the capacity to dealwiththe winter elements. Although some three-season or conversion tents can be used for mtld winter camping,they are not recommended for use during winter storms or heavy snowfalls. Suchconditions may cause these season tents to collapse under the weight of heavy snow or to be blown over by strong winds. One should consider using a four-season tent to avoid h s occurrence. In addition, sleeping bags that are used during the summer months seldom offer the ability to retain the body's warmth to the extent required during the winter. One should make sure that the sleeping bag's rating is well below the expectedtemperatures. As a winter sleeping bag I use a -20 degrees C bag and although I seldom hike in such temperatures,I have peace of mind and a warm place to snuggle when the temperaturedips below zero. Considerationsshouldbe given to the method of coolung. Although bddinga f ~seems e to be the obvious solution, this is not recommended for a number of just reasons. These - -

Capper "seeks solace with nature" during this adventure. include environmental destruction concerns, the hassle of finding dry firewoodand the agonizingeffort required to get a decent cooking fire going. Forthis trip,I decided to bring along two different stoves for cooking. (It should be cleareras to how that mound of outdoor gear was not adequatelyreduced.)The firstwasapropane-canister-type stove by Mountain SafetyResearch (MSR).Tlustinystove, aptlynamedThePocket Rocket,offers an extremely powerful flame during the summer months but, as I learnt the hardway,wasabsolutelyuselessin -10 degree C weather. Although the camster was full and liquid could be heard sloshing around inside, the Pocket Rocket faded to outputany fucl

and hence cooktng on it was imposs~ ble. The second stove was the Drag onfly, also by MSR. A note to poten tial users of this stove: the Dragonfl guzzles fuel and therefore require careful calculation of fuel supplies. The opportunity to hike on thi trail during the recent break has 01 fered myself and my companion th opportunity to seek solace in naturt The chance to break away from rou tines of school provides one with th chance to get in touchwithwhat I ca "the real real world." And although. sounds cliche, I was afforded the or portunity to see how small they ack ally are in the grand scheme of thng!



Humble surroundings, exceptional food

Kourtney Short IMPRINT STAFF

incarnationas a fast-food restaurant, especiallyevident in the built-in tables.The restaurant was, however, impressively clean. My first visit was at lunch. Wellpriced lunch items include an appealinglypeppery mulligatawny soup, the appeti7 and basmati rice.

Classic Indian Restaurant 150 Wissler Road 746-1976

I am in debt to UW professor Prabhakar Ragde for the recommendation on his Web site ( kw-restshtml) that led me to Classic Indian. This restaurant's spicy (except at lunch) and substantial (especially at lunch) dishes rivaled any that I have had in 'Toronto. ClassicIndian's decor is distinctly tacky: a few Indian wall-hangings do little to mask the space's previous


The onion bhajias appetizer,which consisted of deep slices of onion in a mildlyspicedchickpeafl was addictive. The mini vegetable samosas ($1.95, or free if you mention their Web site, for a dozen) are unpleas-


antly hard and come with two sauces that do little to alleviate their blandness; one similar to thousand island dressing and the other a mint sauce. By contrast, the parathas ($1.95 each),a flaky Indian flatbread, are buttery and delicious.

My second visit was at dinner. The service was slower than at lunch, but still friendly and professional. One of my companions ordered the Malabar shrimp curry ($9.95) the clear winner of the night. This southern Indian style dish included numerous shrmp m a spicy, pleasantly acidic sauce The chickenMadras($8 95) had a spicy sauce that h h was SO rich, it as almost heavy. The lamb sped g3.99 had a remarkably

Accordingto my companion,the chicken

and lamb dishes were in a Northern Indian style. Although both dishes were excellent, I found that their heavier sauces lacked the bite ofthe shrimp curry. Each of the dishes that we ordered was listed on the menu as medium to spicy, although the waiter offered to make the dishes less spicy ifwe preferred. The lamb and chicken dishes also contained several hot peppers which we were warned not to eat. We were all glad for the pitcher of water and the box of Kleenex on the table. Two desserts ($3.95each) were available: malai kulfi and carrot halwa. My companions enjoyed the malai kulfi, a frozen dessert consisting of reduced milk flavoured with cardamom and saffron.The carrot halwa, a warm pudding madc with carrots, milk and cardamom, was surprisinglygood. The carrot's flavour was discernible, but quite distinct from that in a savoury dish.


page 15


Saence edxtor vacant. rcmxe@rmpmt uwiltedooca

Micro-organisms: friend or foe? Leonard Machler

%FIAL TO IMPRINT Micro-organisms.We don't give them much thought when we're not eradicating them with a fistful of antibacterial soap. But whle dinner at a parttcularly dirty 'l'aco Bell might suggest otherwise, micro-organisms arc morc than just harmful bugs. And the truth is that micro-organisms can't be obliterated they were here first and they will surely outliveus. Their sheernurn bers and environmentalversatilitywill ensure that they are here to stay until -

the sun flickers out. BiologistJacquesMonodonce remarked, "what is true for E. coliis true for elephants,onlymore so." Okay, so the contrastbeh-eenpachydems and prokaryotes may seem a little farfetched, but it's true. Just as an elephant hasaconvcnient trunkto strip the barkoff dry scrub,microbes have a remarkable abdtty to adapt to strange environments that range frompipmg hot ocean thermal vents to acidic extremities. Ifwe can't beat them,we canat least get the better of them by manipulating their environments and growth

5ondieonr to sen e our own purposes Micro organisms are used ma variety of applications, like breakmg down oil spill contammants and sew agc, or pcrhaps more appetizingly, providmg an array of food products and additives Onc m i c r o - o r p s m ofnote, Jai ~.haromyres aerenszae,has an importance you won't soon forget it's responsi ble for fermentmgthe ovenvhelmng majority of alcohol Betngmrcroscop~candloosel~ associated with germs won't help your public profile as much as something of a morc respectable'size like, say,

lumber Nevertheless,themportance of microorgamsms is wverelyuiiderestimated I am reminded of that classic Szmpson~moment where Johnny, the young protagomst ofa 19505black and white science filmstrip awakes,reheved,fromaqht mare that revealed the hor rors of aworldwithout sinc Alackofrotarytelephones is one thmg, butaworldwithout b o o ~ e ? Now thatwould be alittle sobering

It's a frog's life

Leena Singh and Daniel Dharmasurya SPECIAL TO IMPRINT, IMPRINT STAFF

Hip-hugger jeans may be health hazard

Tight hip-hugging pants made popular by the likes ofBritney Spears mayprovetobeahealthhazard.These snugpants cause paresthesia, a burning, tingling sensation in the thighs caused by constrictednervepathways. Dr. Parmar, a medical director at Timmins and District Hospital, has come acrossthreecasesmthepastyear where womencomplained of a burning, tingling pain in their thighs. "Underneath both sides ofthe hip bone," Dr. l'arrnar explains,"runs the lateralfemoralcutaneousnen~ethatis literally squashed by the hip band of the pants producing meralgia

paresthetica." Although nerve damage does not appear to be serious,people suffering from these symptoms should wear loose fittingpants, and can expect the uncomfortable sensation below the h p to disappear after four to six weeks. Memories. . . like the corner of my mind

Ever wonder why you can't stop humming that annoying tunc? Kesearchers have now located the part of the brain that tracks music. The rostromedial prefrontal cortex,locatedright behind the forehead, is responsible for tracktngmusic,and is also active during cognitivereasoning and memory retrieval. This particularcortexalsoprocessesemotions, whichelcplamswh~~ceaamsongs b q

tears to our eyes while others fill us with joy. "Music is something our brain wants to hear," says neuroscientist Petr Janata. "lt sort of grabs hold of our brainsandgencratcsancmotional response."

How the brain generates this response is still a scientificmystery.

It's the thought that counts Speed of gravity measured

Radio telescopes situated around the Fcmalc'Rorneantree woddanda once-inhole frogs lay their eggs ten-years astrological in the rotting holes 0% occurrence were just hollow tree stumps so what scientists that offspringcangrow needed to measure in a pool of water. 'l'he the speed of gravity. malc frogs are then left to wait in the The ten radio telescopeswere uscdto hollow tree stumps with the task'of determine exactly how light from a attracting their female lovers. quasarwas bent as it passed byJupiter. As night approaches, the male The research,conducted by Sergei Hornean frog sings his love song, I<opeilun of the University of Mis"beep . . . beep.. .beep," in order to souriand EdwardB. Fomalout of the seduce the ladies. National Radio Astronomy 0bsen.aHe uses a special technique to e n tory,indicatedthatthe speedofgravity surehis songis heard. Byadjustingthe is about the speed of light, roughly frequency of his beep to match the 300,000 kilometers persecond. resonance ofthc hollow tube, his love Albert Einstein theorized that the song is amplified to a louder and speed ofpvitywas around the speed clearerpitch. of light, but no one proved it until Female frogs tend to be more at- now. The speed of gravity will affect tracted tomalesthat are able toproject some basic space-timetheories,andit long beeps between short time inter- is expected that further es~eriments vals.'l'o feinalcs,thisindicatcsastrong, will be conducted to obtain an even healthy male Bornean frog. more accuratenumber. Sexy frog song

The belief that d r k n g alcohol affects a person's memory, even if alcoholhasn't actuallybeen consumed, was recently proven by a report published by the ~niversityofWelItngton in New Zealand. 148 undergraduate students were gtven tonic water, but half werc told theywere dnnku7gvodka. Afterwards, the students were showna slide show about a shoplifterand thenwere given a 500-word story about the shoplifting with some incorrect detads. The

students were then quizzed about these details. Thosc who were told they had drunk vodka were more likely to believe the misleadlnginformationpresentedin the story; however, this likely means that the alcohol placebo dld notalter students'memories somuch as their tendency to believe suggestions made by the experimenter. Previous studies have shown that students who believe they have, but have not actually, consumed alcohol exhibit changes in behaviour such as increased aggression and sexual arousal.




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UW's Mains looks to make waves Warrior swimmer one to watch after an exciting 2002 Rod Mclachlan SPECLAL TO IMPRINT

%thewMains,athirdpearcomputer science major, is looking to build on last yeax's unheralded success at the 2002 CIS championship at URC in Vancouver. Itwas there that he won

the 50m breaststroke, achieved second-place fmshes in both the 100m and 200m breaststroke and finished in thrd in the 50m fly. However,achievingsuchremarkable results did not come without seriousdedication."Mypracticeschedule consists of six to eight workouts a weekdevenditw ', onmv , schedule, totaling between 10and 14hours," said the hardworking Kitchenernativewhohas been competmgsinceage seven After secunnggoldin four events at the last OUA championship, Warrior swimming coach Brian Cartlidge is not surprisedat the level that Mains has been swmmxngatm the 2002 fall term's dual meets so far

Mains has only lost one of his tndividual events this season,which consequently earnedhun Athlete ofthe Week honours and already quali fied him for the

U W s Matthew Mains receiving his silver medal a t the 2002 CIS championship at UBC i n Vancouver.


6 - January 10

champmnships '~Heattendasomeex p,ctlc, quite often, which frequentlyoccurs

C0lnhg up January 13- January1 7

Men's basketball Dalhowe 72,Warriors 60 Cape Breton 85,\Varrior~65 Queen's 65, Warriors 59

Track and field Jan 11 at UWO Don Wfight Team Challenge

Men's hockey Gamevs. CambridgeSr. Acancelled Women,s

Jan lOatYork,Gpm Jan 11 at Laurentian, 6 p.m.

Men's volleyball Jan. 11 vs. York, 3 p m (PAC Pmn u l LVl,

Men's volleyball York Tournament Toronto3.Warriors 0 (25-14.25 16,26 24) Sherbrooke 3,Warriors 2 (20-25, 26 24,23-25,25 20,15 10) Queen's 3,mrarriors 2(18 25,25-27, 25 20,25-16,15 10) Warriors 3, Guelph2 (25 1G,23 25, 19-25,25 18,15 13) CmsolatiOn 'Ina' 'Yratcrloo 3, Sherbrooke2 (20 25,19-25,25 19, \

Curling Jan 11West Sectional at Western, 6 Women's cheerleading Pm Jan I l v s Y o r k , l p m (PAC



G W Jan 12 at Ryerson, 2 p m

Men's hockey at western, 35


Jan 12 5s Western, 2 p m (CIF Arena)

Women,shockey Jan 11 a t Y o r k , 6 p m Jan 12 vs I oronto , 7 3" p A

WARRIOR SWIMMING Saturday, January 11, 2003, 1;00 PM Quad Meet vs York, Ryerson and Trent PAC Pool

WARRIOR VOLLEYBALL Safurdqv. Janunry II.ZW3 vs h r k Yeomefleowomen (Wl 1:WPM. (M) 3.W PM, PACGym W&.~dqv, January 15, 22003 vr WI.UCMden Hawk7

(W) 6:OO PM, (MI 8:W PM,PAC Gym

(MI WARRIOR HOCKEY Sunday, Jonuar~12, 2W3 vs WesternOntario Mustangs 2:W PM, C1F A r m

Swimming Jan 11 Quad Meet vs York, Ryerson, and Trent, 1 p m (PAC Pool)

Men's basketball Jan 10 at York , 8 p m Jan. 11 at Laurentian, 8 p.m.

Women's hockey Guelph 10, Warriors 2

Spectator left asks spectator right "So do you think it is true what they say about swimmers?"

Nordic skiing Jan. 12 OUA Qualifier # 1 at Carleton, 9 a m

Badminton Jan 12 at West Sectional at McMaster, 10a m

Women's basketball ~ h r r i o r 77, s RhIC 44

at WLU," said coach Cartlidge. All of his effort is paying off in dividends. "Matt has an abilitv to focus. and he can raise his level of focus on demand," which is a tremendous asset for competitive swimmersllke h s , " said his coach. This Warrior swimmer is also a team contributor who competes alongside fellow UW swimmers in a relay event that takes place at eachdual meet. Cartlidge said Mains is an "mtegal" component of Waterloo's relay team since he is "one of our fastest swimmers." Whenaskedabout hisgoals for the future Mains stated that he simply wants to put in "personal best" times in order towin his eventsat the OUA and CIS championships. Competition wdl be stifferthis tune around he admits "There have been a few new swunmers show up (this year), so it should make for some exciting rac11% " ASfor Cartlidge, he hopes that Mains will be able to improve on last year's results at CIS where he won sdver Expect to hear more about Mains as he competes for the Warriors m a tune-upmeet h s Saturdayat 9 a.m. at the University of Waterloo pool. As well, he w d be lookingto make, a splash at the OUA championship startmgJanuary31at BrockGniversity and thc CIS event in Victoria,March 21-23.

Leagues continues until Wednesday,January 15. Competitive League Registration for Moor Soccer, Broomball and Volleyball continues until l h d a y , January 14. If you have already registered, you must attend the Captains' Meeting. Please check out Campus Recrcation Guidebouk or webpage for Jnslrudional Regstrationstarts: Registration for all instructional programs (including Aquatics, Fitness, Racquets and Special Interest courses) starts on Tuesday, January 14. Please see the Campus Recreation Guidebook for details.

Bmmball Clinic offered: People interested in leaning more about Bmmball are i n v i a to join us at our Broomball hshuctiond Clinic. Everyone had a great time at the Clinic last term, so come on out and Regular Hours at the PAC begin: Thc PAC will be open for regular hours starting on Saturday, January 18. For more details, see notices at the PAC or call ow Information Line at ex(. 5871.


C m Canada Challenge starts: The Cross Canada Challenge is getting an early start this t m . Sign up at the Cross Canada Challenge sign-up sheet across from the Equipment Desk any time, M register in

Waterloo rocks Barrie, punk style Christmas in Barrie Sheba Shrine, Barrie Decernber29,ZOOZ


Watcrloo took Barrre by storm this December at a punk show that was organircd by and featured students fromUWr 1he concert showcasedfive local bands, including those of the event's co founders,Jesse Robertson and SeanCobs A~withmanysmaller scale, underground punk shows, thc purpose oftheeventwastoimsemoney for a local chanty 1he first group to take the stage was Justin Mullet and the Mulletmos -a "band" comoosed s d r l v of Weaver's reg&; Justm Salardeau Strumming an electric acoustic, salardeau kicked ?how with a '



crowd pleasing medley of upbeat,

The flavour of Kvlie J

funny and yet surprisingly deep and touching songs. His set includedcoves from bands, NOFX, Diesel Boy and independent artists from Cape B r e t o n (Salardeau's homc) and G u e l p h . Salardeau's i a i d b a c k , Hung VO, James Barr. Dave Kernohan humble nature really shone through dent ~~l lacques. ~~~~~t~ during his performance, as did his crlficism his c'abnormay comfort as aperformer hair, lead s-r - andguitarst Robertson Next UP was the ~ o ~ i t ~ c a l l got y - the audience roc@ with the mindedRedThreat,abandcom~flsed band's fast-paced rendifion of "Murof both organircrs -Robertson and derthe ~~~~~~~~t n ~ e g r o u p ' sset Cobs - as well as fellow UW mcludcd somc originalpicccs such as


"Autumn" and "Angus Uberalis" -the latter being a tribute to Robertson's home town Apart from shaky moments m "Jeanie," spontane ous speaker feed back,briefmoments of difficultywiththe vocalists' volume andissues withpant suspension, thc band's setwas quite excellent Thercer tamly have come a long way from their humble b e p m g s mHagey Hall 180 KW-bascd The Sourkeysfdowed Red lhreat, shifting the genre from classic punk to heavier, more ''.Page punk", and bombarding the hall wtth bass so loud youcould feelit~ulsating

1 Love mullets? Check out the Horseshoe Tavern

Kylie Minogue Annu Saini SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

I tried torcsmt Kyhe. I'mnotablgpop fanand I cannotstomachdancemusic Her dresses are fugly, hervideostacky and yet the music lures, nay, it compels me to listen. I thought I'd never succumb to the temptation of I<ylte Mmogue, but after hearing her latest single, "Come Into My World" and actually enjoymgit, I adrmtted t o myself that I did in fact&I Kylie, but vowed never to spend $17.99 on her See KYLIE, page 21

The Horseshoe Tavcrn to the Torontomusic scene is what RonJeremy is to porn it is legendary and groundbreahng But let's notget ahead of ourselveshere; the Horseshoe may have had some undeniablylegendary ntghts, Canadian talent abound, but what is the deal with 'a, r d e n vanetv Tuesdays, The Horseshoe's 52 annr versary is approaching. I vistted the mfamous club on one night to reveal the myth and truth behind the legend All rtght, so it didn't turn out to be such a glamourous gig. The trick is to remember that The IIorseshoe is a bar likeany other-your shoes sticktothe floor, there's bad lightingand several mullet-totmg dream guys you'd wish you'd never met. No industry execu-

tive loolung types, defmtely no members of the 'l'ragically Hip, but several fme toothless fellows that one mght like to mmgle with But hey, atmosphere isn't every thng, what about the bands, Three groups performed sets that were not especially inspired but, refreshingly, never dipped below the level of mediocre The second band ~ l a vover loud drunken heckling- ''ln~antAC/ DCP7;thepkceinstantlyearned points back on atmosphere Itis while I listened to thescmiddlcof-the-road rock star wannabe bands. one mdie, one ska/pop and the last punk, that the novelty of the tavernwas revealed to me It's just a sampling, three songs apiece, give or take set Heartng a bad band play a long set is excruciatmg, but hearing them play a L


couple of songs is lust funny. And there is always the specter of another Tragcally Hip or Barenaked Ladies lurkmg, who knows you may just get lucky (hopefully not with a mullet) So theverdictis notspectacular, but defmtely bearable.Tuesdaysare Edge NewMusicNights,nocoverandplenty of fun,but few AC/DC cover bands I know, I was disappointed too

in the floor Leadvocalist andguitarist M&e Mercey, bassist Mark Ganassin and drummer Mike Im-7 produced a powerful, intense sound Their set was bursting with hard, gritty mstrumental segmentsandvocals that alternated from incomprehensiblescreams to soarmg, almost whispered harmomes The fourth band to perform was W s ownFiveYearsOld Band members Pete Danforth, Matt Charters, Hung Vo and subdrummer Dave Kernohan delivered an energetic performanceof covers andoriginalpicccs. One thing that confused me during the performance, however, was Danforth and Vo's sustained backturning from the audience Perhaps this was a purely technical matter, a1 lowmgthe two to cue the drummer, or perhaps a was a tactic on Danforth's part to highlight the attractiveness of Charters Either way, it caught my interest. The final band to take the stagewas Dramaturg, a joint venture between Sean Collins on bass, The Sourkeps' I.urz on drums and James Barr, also a Wstudent, as leadvo~ahst/~itari\t Dramaturgcontributedmore of arock sound to the show, created especially throughBarr'suse of electricguitarand the band's choice of songs Their set - the longest of the show, clocking in at 45 minutes incorporated a wide range of pieces, including Millci~colin's "l~o\," Goldfinger's 'Were In Your Hedroom," The Pixies' "Where Is My blind?" and the ska ish 'Tuck Keli gion " Barr excelled at the forefront, flawlesslyoffenngawide range of vocals including an outstandmg cxecutmn of those nasty to reach high notes Lkewme,Cohs'enthusiasm and skill on bass got the crowd jumping Dramaturgwas an excellent choice for a closing band, as their upbeat, dance provoking set concluded the show on a good note, leaving the audience members beammg and full ofcheer.

The art of bathroom graffiti ratedalr that bumedmy nose haas,maskmgthe smell of s h t and piss, to the plain off white colours the stalls were painted, I could tell a couldonly be aplace ofbusiness People came into this roomwithone job-to nd themselves of wastes such as piss, sht, puke or perhaps


It was 1 a m I was at McMullen's, a bar in uptown Waterloo I'd had about four pmts of beer at that point and mas feeling somewhat inebriated It wasn't until I got up that I reali~edhow drunk1reallywas. Theworld was1ighterandunstable.A~I walked toward the washroom, I noticed the hockey game on a tclc~isionto the right of me. 'l'he Leafs were losing again. All I could do was laugh. 'I'he Leafs always seemed to lose when I paid attention so I quickly turned my head toward the washroom doors thFnlilngaqht help their chances. I remained focused so as to not give my current drunken state away to anyone that might be matching and soldiered on toward the washroom. It wasn'tuntd I clumsily tripped up the two EMANUEL BLUM steps into the bathroom that 1knew, if anyone had seen, I The site of euphoric release. had implicitly stated: I con c/vmk. occasionally, mot. The room rtself communiEnteringthe bathroomconjured up memocatedabylaw-enforccd,prapaticallyperfect ties of a movie I once saw about life in prison. construct. It was a product of codes. l'he fire The immutable walls made of cement squares codes, the health codes, even the social codes coveredincold-sweatmgtile precluded any hint were clearlybeing followedmthis room. There ofcreativedynamic. Fromthechemically-satuwas an easy exit, excludingthe two steps I had '

WATERLOO 35 University Ave. E.

previously tripped over outside the bathroom door. There were half-full soap dispensers attached to the large square mirror that strapped itself against the linoleum wall. The stalls were equippedwith locksand functional doors. Everythingwas inorder, yet the roomwas devoid of life. However, I was not here for the view. My venture into t h s fundamental junglewas toget to theurinals. I arhitrady chose the far left urinal. Uponunzippingmypants I immediately immersed myself in euphoric release. With my head back and eyes closed, I thought about how ineffable this feeling was -to pee -ah, yes. It was only a few seconds into my business when I slowly opened my drunken lids tonotice markings on the wallin front ofmc. There were two statements. Both linedupperfectlywithmp cycs. These statements had clearlybeenwritten for male, lowly, druidicn readers l&e myself. After all, itwas amen's washroom manalcoholsaturated pub. The first line scored, "don't cat the mmts. . . "with what appeared to be permanent marker. I cracked a small smile inmymind. .I.henin apen-etched reply, directly underneath the original sentence, it said "Phoock you!" T couldn't help hut snicker quietly tomyself at the witty response. I quietly 1-ocalized the second statement "phoock you" affirming that the author's comeback had made me laugh. My first thought was that this had been my first experience of art that evemng. I quickly labeled it for myselfas "the creative dynamic." The lines that composed the first statementwere writtenusing a thckmarker, softemngthe hard tilewithits fat, worm-like shape creating a juxtaposition between hard m d soft,politicaland social,life and

death. The soft marker against the hard tilc seemed to critique the political with the social. This was when I realized that this was art to me because here, the social world has managed t o manifest itself in the political though - this bathroom graffiti. It forced m c to acknowledge the inseparab~lityofthe codedworldandthe creative, expressiveworld. 'She same way that you can't have life without dcath,~.oucan'thaveapolitical structure without the idecfiouof the social\vorld andall ofthecornplenty that comes withit After all, Lke life perpetuates death, the political perpetuates the social. It seemedndive for someone to believe that he or she could put up a wall in an effort to stabilize life and have not one markon it. I thought, "Aren't rules made to bc broken ailyhow?" Conversely,the reply was much different in styleand tone,creatingan engagingcompletion to the communicativep u ~ t l e'l'he . handwriting waa meticulously wntten, implying a sober, thought out expressi~n.1 thought that by the lack ofpassionate punctuation, thewriter of this hne only hoped for a tii1y smirk from the reader. It was wrltten quietly by using only lower casc lettersartd endingwith three dotsas tocomrnumcatethedesire foricsponse. He seemed toleare an absence to his statement. so that the reader might be tempted to participate in his work by becoming the responder The resqxmse was scratchedmwitha blue pen, contrastingthe black marher The markings looked emaciated from the malnourished ink in companson to the chubbv stains of the permanent marker. See BATHROOM, page 22

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The current state of mutilation I have suspected for some time that the availab~lityof powerful computers and free audio editors would lead to mutilating - as a Frequwl Mzttihtions has been on the hobby and this does seem to be air on C I m S for about 15 years or happening. A strange Tnternetso, crery Saturday night at 10 p.m. based phenomena is somethmg This type of radio is one of a called "bootlegging" which is a number of areas in which (:I(MS close cousin of audio mutilation has quietly been a pioneer For this In this process, people take one show, a rotattng song and strip the group of prograin xals from it using mers takes what#7heavailability 'me audio filters, ever sounds they en take another can come up with, of p0werful ng and save only takes them apart evocals computers. and puts them They then match back togethcr in wouldleadto <beatsandtem~os imaginative ways. as a dm" thevocals In these days of th their new backing computer samph; hobbv and this .ck. 'l'he resuit is does seem to be metimeshilarious, and audio editing, this doesn't seem d often actually happening unds so good'that so rcmarkable,but 15 years ago this meo one unfamiliar was a complex, with the source hands-on task, material mght have requirmgalot ofana- log tapc Today difficulty knowing that what they people such as John Oswald (the mere hearing is actually "bootman behind I'lunderphomcs), The legged." One of my faxrourites in Tape Reatles and the also much this genre is a version of Emmem sued Negativland ha5 e become - singing in front of a punk band famous creating this type of art, (which to my ear is an while a host of others toil away m improvmcnt). T plan to feature complete obscuriq some of these basement creations 1he reason that I bother to tell on the show as well. you this 1s that this long stai~ding Oh yeah ...all of these practices shon has rcccntl~undergone some are forms of copyright infringechanges In addltion to the regular ment, as far as I can tell. Don't try cast oflocal contributors,Freq~~ent these things at home. ,Mt~fzlaflonrwill now feature guest Wendell Chryslr is a rranb g y appearances from those doing who h a been doing Frequent Mztiilasimlarworkelsewherc Thcre have tionrfor a bng time and a h hosts already beena few appearances of SwineherZsDance euey other Fridy rare Plunderphomcs material and n$t, 8- I . I He m y be reached with some sein-illegal matenal from the ~ommenh,rriticism.r, or lhreafi at Seeland label and featured artists m s1~~inebov25fiI,~botmaiLcom. this area are generally quitegenerous when I ask them for material San Francisco,home of Negativland (www negativland com), has a community of people creating and perforthis type of thing and there will be a number of shows m the future featuring members of t h ~ scene, s such as the generally unheard of but very e n t e r t a w


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Kylie: album is mindless Continued from page 19

fluffy album. Then the new edition came out with a boi~usremix disc and went on sale for $14.99. As my friend would put it, I fell like the Berlin Wall. The album - Kylic's eighth -is admittedlyamindlesslittlething.There are no soul-searchmglyncs,nowistful guttar, no mopey pianoand damned if I wam't happy to hear the absence of these trendytrappmgs It's light, sweet, unpretentious and a welcome break from Avnl fucking Lavgne 1hanks, but \\ hen I need a bratty pseudo punk with skanky make-up and ugly bracelets, I'll find an angst^ l-Cyear oldDash board Confessional fan There are no dogs on Fer~er,all 12 tracks have a good beat and smooth sound Two of the htghlights of the album are "Give It To Me," which reads like a bold come on froma bath room wall ("Here we go, you know now/I'm the lead, follow me/For a real good time'? and was much made to do the Robot to and the title track, which sounds like a torch song set on warp speed and with a pulsing beat. "Come Into My World (Fisherspooner Mix)," the bonus disc, is outstanding It builds upon the alreadygreattrackand addsadarker,fuller sound This disc alone was worth the price of the CD Both bezer and the accompanying bonus make excellent car music, a welcome break from the d r t d that's out thercnnw. As I sit here writmg this review, the bland, fat headed John Males and the goat throated Vanessa Carlton are getting accolades (Grammynomtions,even) for their songwriting "skills," but they're spittingout the same crap we'vc all heard before I<ylie doesn't once try to make Frret anything other than a poppl ,upbeat album fullofgreat dance tracks and bymahgthe music lnto the most fun a could be (as opposed to trying to come off as "deep"), she suc ceeds m putting out one of the best albums m recent memory Lauren Staines, special to Imprint

MONDAYS best BUNS contest TUESDAYS best CHEST contest WEDNESDAYS best LEGS contest THURSDAYS best SHOW contest



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Student Services is looking for students to join our training team that is responsible for delivering the Orientation Leader Training program. Teams of two will present four training modules on Principles of Orientation, Harrassment and Diversity, Alcohol and Drug Awareness, and Hazing and Initiation. The sessions will be offered throughout the Winter, Spring and Fall terms. In addition, you wil present our series of interactive educational programs, "Bridges" which addreses topics like Alcohol, HIV & STD's, Stress & Procrastination, Budgeting and Where to find Housing. Successful candidates must be full or part-time registered (including co-op) undergraduate students in good academic standing. Applicants must also have a sincere interest in Orientation and Student Life, excellent presentation and oral communication skills, knowledge of on-campus resources and an interest in learning to facilitate discussion among peers. Each member of the team will be expectedto work between two and ten hours a month and will be paid $10/hour. Successful candidates will also be paid for training they receive before beginning the program.

First and Second Year Students are encouraged to apply!


FLSGYSHOTUNE743-7042 -7444367


Interested candidates should forward a resume and cover letter, by Friday, January 24, 2003, explaining why they would like to join the Training Team to: Heather FitzGerald Student Life Co-ordinator Needles Hall 3006 888-4567, ext. 6876 More information about Orientation and Bridges can be found on the Student Services Web Page: http:/


Pi will survive Yann Martel

Life of Pi Harcourt

Bathroom: where the art is

sessionswith it, Pi is lcft alonc on a lifeboat. Alone, that is, save for a carnivorous Bengal tiger, that by some peculiar twist of fate also made it off the shipwreckalive. In a profound and compelling voice,Martelrccords the youngboy's harrowingsunival. Stdlgrievingthe loss of his family and fac-



S. Breslin


One boy, one lifeboat, one Bengal tiger - these are the unLkely ingredients that make up the L$ ofl'i, an utterly enchanting novel by Canadian author Yann Martel. Awarded the 2002 Man Booker Prize for Fiction, one of the world's most prestigious literary honours, Martel's celebratedworkshouldspeak for asclf. It does, but so will I: this is a fantastic book, brjmming with insight and inventiveness. Piscme "Pi" Molitar Pate1 is brought up in India as the son of a zookeeper. He is an intehgent and affable youngsterwithanencyclopacdic knowledge ofthe animalkingdom and a strong religious zeal. At age 16, his' f d y decides to pack up their lives,animalsandall, ontoa cargos h p to start anew life mCanada.When the ship sinks in the Pacific Ocean, taking Pi's family and a11 their worldly pos-

of the most satisfymgliterzye.xperiences to come dong lastycar. Evcnnow,whencastaways

Interested i n lnterd~sciplinaryMedical Research, from Biology t o Physics? Join the Department o f Medical Biophysics at the University of Toronto. Areas of research: 1 Molecular Genetics of Cancers Cellular & Molecular Biology r Medical Physics & Imaging 1 Molecular & Structural Biology Background? The Department welcomes applications from graduates in any of the boiogt&l or physical soences frcludmgmolecular b~ology,chemistry biology genetics irnmunoloQv.and biochem~stryor from medicine englneenng, pnyslcs, computer science, G a n y related science. Requirement? The minimum requirement is a four-year bachelor's degree from a recoanized colleae or universitv with at least an A- averaqe In the final two years. This guhd&ne 1s flexible for applicark who have demonstrate2 exceptronal aptitude for research D e g r e e s offered? MSc and PhD Deadline? Appi~cationswill be considered at any time However to have the best chances for receivmg speclal University of Toronto Fellowsh~ps, applications should be received by February 1st Financial Support? All students accepted Into the Department receive complete financial support The current mrntmum stlpend 1s $22,000per year For more ~nformationor to apply, please v ~ s our ~ t w e b s ~ t eat


and s d e n s h p s a r e tiredHollywood clichks, the L$ of Pi is refreshingly original. Martel uses economically graceful prose to render the intricate features of the animal world in fascinating detail. 'l'hen, as the story tumbles over turbulent waters, the overwhelmingisolation of Pi's life on the ocean is made unnervingiy - . real. Yes, this is an absorbing, pageturning adventure - that's for sure. But thcrc are grandeqmore sig nificant themes floating beneath its surface. Even as a teenager, Pi's personality is marked by a spiritual devotion so powerful that,im steadof choosing between religions, he practices Christianitv. ,. Hinduism and Islam with equal fervour.His pristine moral character exemplifies thepowerofhuman resolve,perseverance,and faith. This story will force you to think about the nature of truth and it might even provokc you to dig deeper and question howwe formour beliefsand whywe choosc to believe them. Existentialismand faith,age-old adversaries,arepittedapst oneanother inan absorbing tale, as thc author claims: "this is a novel which will make you believe in God."

friend sat, digesting my expericncc with the bathroom. I thought about Andit had also been harder to read the connections between the urinal due to the wavy, unbalanced, seml- mints and the statement "don't eat linear path it took. Itwas clear that this the mints." I thought about hov. author had been under the influence. most people, after drinking a lot ol However, I still found myself im- beer might have been looking for a pressed with his retort. They had mint - I thought about how funny it morphed the abrasive and in your would be to see someone attempt tc face word "fuck" into a softer, lighter, eat one oftheurinalmints in an effor~ humorous word, "phoock " to freshen their beer-breath. Then I Semas~ologically,theauthorhadmerely thought about how the statement: on the wall were only put there in ar substituted the letter "f' with "ph" attcmpt to makc thc rcader laugh and then replaced thc "u" m 'Yuck" with "00" creating a new conceptual Maybe the author didn't have a reasor domain for the reader tointerpret for forwriting on the wall. Anyhow, I war at least sure that the authors of tht himself. The presence of"ph" added creativitytothe morpheme. It allowed bathroom's discoursedidn't care abou~ me to see the word "fuck" in a differ- how I would analyze the writing as a ent light, moreover, bccausc of thc dialectical creativedynamic. I though1 contextual elements surrounding this about the hockey game that was on statement, it also changed my under- The word "puck" and its resemblanct standing for the attached valuc thc to thc word "fuck" and the blending work h c k has. of the two words to create the worc Although subtle, the two ways m "phoock." Was thereaconnection? 11 whch these statcmcnts were written secmcd so. created a fusion of sober and drunk, I sat down with my friend. Hc thckand thinand soft andsharp. The asked me what took so long. I vocif two created one wholc social realm erously told him to "phook offl" 1 withaneffectiveinvasionintoa space thenlaughed for a minute by my self a: where human beings and their dis- my friend sat confused and gazec coursesbelong: themen's washroom. curiously as to ask why this made mt Untd that evening1had never thought laugh so hard. I then went on tc that thc dynamic activity which oc- explain the details of the washroom curred through bathroom graffiti the graffiti andmy thoughts onit. X i managed to, if not overcome, at least spent a good hour talking about tht injure the immutably dead forces to effort the political seemed to take ir which theyattacked:hegemony. These creating order when all it really did a: markings are what brought life to the a result was spawn chaos. We talkec bathroom pub. It was for those rea- about different hnds of art found ii sons that I considered these art. some of the most seemingly arbitrary After I fimshed my piss and my yet very obviousplaces. Art is every drunken pseudo-intellectual thought whcrc. F.vcryoncwants to be hcard 1left the bathroom I spent the walk back to the table, where my lonely Continued from page 20


page 23

Rates: 20 Wordslover 20




Fall or Winter $17.75 Appltcants wanted to study Part 1V of The IJranna Book. Earn $25.000.Fordetalbv1\1t TRAVEL & TEACH ENGLISH: Jobs, $$ ~uaranteed.TESOI certlt~cdIn 5 days. Attend a free informatiou seminar. Free infopack: 1-888-270-2941 o r Weekend counsellors and relief staff t o work IU homes for iudividuals with devclopmental challenges. Experience, m u ~ i m u m eight month commitment. Paid pos~tions. Seud resume to Don Mader, K-W Habilitation Services, 108 Sydney Street, Kitchener, ON, N2G 3 ~ 2 . Summer Camp Counselors on campus interviews for premier camps in Massachusetts. Positions available for talented, energetlc, and fun loving smdents as counselors in all team sports includ~ng Roller Hockey and Lacrosse, all indlvidual sports such as 'I'cnnis & Golf, Waterfront and pool activities, and speciality acttvitics includmg art, dance, theatre, gymuastics, newspaper, rocketry and radio. Great salaries, room, board, navel and ITS summer work Visa. June 22 -August 16. Interviewerwill be on campus Wednesday, January 29, 10 a.m. t o 4 p.m. in theSLC. Forniorc info: 1-800-753-9118 (boys), 1-800-39237.52 (girls). Wanted: Oeeassional babysitting in my home on Bridge Street, Waterloo. 'l'en minute drive from UW. Non-smoker. $7/hour. Call Alma at 880-8909. Mad Science - required part-time for lunch and after school programs. We are looking for outgoing individuals who have experience working with children. $20-$25lhour. Must have own car. Fax resume t o 5 19-6.50-0757. Full-time and part-time cookulg aud dlshwashing positions available to begm immediately. We are offering daynme, evening and night time positions to conform t o most school schedules. T o apply for a fun, team sprited, and good paying job a t Mel's Diner, call Jerry at 5741853 or apply in person to: Mel's Diner, 7-140 University Ave., W., Waterloo, ON, N2L 6J.3, Campus Court Plaza.



Summer $ 8 .

Campus interviews - summer of your life Camp Wayne, NE PA. Counselor-Specials all LaudlWater Sports Inc. Tcnnis; golf; soccer; outdoor adventure: camping, mountain biking, climbinglropes; roller hockey; rocketry; fine arts; theatre; radlo; video; CDL drivers; wait staff and more. RN's for our Health Centre. Job Pair interviews, Rim Park, Wednesday, February 5. I d \ get theball rolling now! Online application www.; ernail i n f o @ c a m p w a y ~ ~ e . c o m1-888-549; 2963 (516) 883-3067. Camp Waync, 55 Channel Drive, Port Washiugton NY 11050. Tutor needed for Enelish and Math three days a week in my home for a grade 7 student. Call Sue at 502-0107. Summer Camp Support Staff on campus interviews for premler camps in Massachusetts. US Summer Camp Staffneeded. Apply earlp! University studeuts can earn $3,000 CanadIan for eight weeks! Plus complete travel, room and board. Office, dining hall, maintenance, staff, laundry and housekeepers. US work visa included. Over 40 jobs open! Support Staff can apply online at or Interviewer will be on campus Wednesday, January 2 9 from 10:00 a.m. t o 4:00 p.m. in the Student Life Centre. -

ltimate QuestionsqtT h e Lord Tcsus Christ is the difference. Learn about Him. B~blestudy by correspondence. Please send name and address to: Bible Study, Zion Uuited Reformed Church 1238 Main St. Sheffield, O N LOK 1 Z 0 or email: Sign up today. It's free. Essay senrice - need help with any of your es\ays? Highly qualified graduates will help. Toll free: 1-888-345-8295. www.customessay.con1. Rental PC's from $35imonth. PIII's complete! Also online training from $19,95imonth. Call Jeff at 1-800-263-

Zeta Psi Fraternity North America SINCE 1847

ga Yoga with an Johnson experience the power, sweat and grace of yoga in Meaghan's fun and invigorating classes. Yoga clears the mind and brmgs balance and relaxation t o the body. All levels. Student discounts and flexible drop-in schedule. o r 502-9992.

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Kitchener. For info call 244-1140 o r


Wednesday, January 15 You are cordially invited t o a free video presentation on self-knowledge, as taught by Prein Rawat, international speaker and leader in the field of selfknowledgeatGradHouse4:30-5:30p.m

Public Meeting - IMPACT (local Independent Media) presents "From the GroundUp Conference" and "Iraq" from 7:00-9:30 p.m. a t 4 3 Queen Street, S.,


Math tutoring. Learn how to learn. Experienced tutor -UW Math T.A., HS MAth teaching, B.Ed, B.MAdl. Call 880-0257.



Vlewsonlc 17PS, 17" CRT moultor In excellent condltlon. ( omes wlth sync and v ~ d e oinputs, all cables, sofnvarc and manuals. $125 or bcst offcr. Call Costas a t ext. 6462.

Cancun, Daytona, Cuba, Acapulco, etc. All-inchlslve Reading Week. Guaranteed lowest price on campus! Space limited - book now! Thames Travel (Todd) 1-800-962-8262.

dgeport Lofts - bicyroom, billiard r b o ~ n , ndrv. oarkina. ' . .. Co-op . students welcomed! Turn-nf-the-century building,new modern design. Phone 1-866-655-5573 o r Three bedroom townhouse for sale, Columbia/Erbsville Road area. Four appliauces, two bathrooms, central alr and central vac. $7,500.00 down - $87.5 mortgage - $80 main fee. Call Susan Mulholland 502-0107. Remax Twin Clty.

ptinn from 1.00-4:00 p.m. Watson Gallery for llrgxatr Inst. graduating Vmble" fine art cxhiblg from Ianuary 1 2 to

Increased fs.cur on Afri

The objcctivc of the ClDA Awar& 13rugr,xm i s to supp~rt individual cot~triburiotlsdC:ar.nilians ro inrcmariad aldcveloprncnr. Eligible applicants are masrer's studsnts and prokssionals who wish to conduct action research or a work prajccr in pdrrnerskip with an arganization in a dcvekqing muntry. The program errnurages initiative and leadership qualities as

applicants are rqilrircd 1 0 establish conrxt with an organizsriian in a developing country, prepare a projecr prcrposd reicvant to the host country's priorides and, if selected, coordirrare all logistical and kinancia1 ,arrangements. The nmimurn kvci ofthe award has been esrabiished at $10,000 and fur prujccts in Africa at $1 5,0011. Thr program is offered by the Canadian International Developnrmt Agency (CIDA) and adnrinistercd by the Canadian Rnrcau br 'Intcrnaciond Edur~ttcm(CRIE). For nwrc information ~ b o u rthe criteda and aypIication procedure~,please visit CKIR's tvehsire m contact us by telephone at (613) 237-4820,exr 234 or e-mail


lan to attend an Imprint staffmcctg In SLC 1116 bcg~nnmgat 1230 p m. Volunteer at pour school newsCommunity Meeting "Against \Vat and Sanchons m Iraq" at The Spot,



the NORTHWESTERN Difference Let Northwestern Health Sciences University Help You Explore Your Future in Natural Health Care

$500.00 Scholarship The Alpha Theta Chapter of the Zeta PSI Fraternity of North Amerlca, located a h e Unlverslty of Waterloo 1s offerlng a $500 scholarsh~pfor the wlnter term Al Naterloo students are welcome to apply Students who are Interested In applylnc 3re lnv~tedto attend an ~nformat~on semmar about the fratern~tyon Wednesday January 1 5 startlng at 8 p m located at the Waterloo Grad House Apphcatton: NIII be provlded a s well as lnstruct~onson how to f ~ l lthem out Students who are Interested In jolnlng Zeta PSIwill automatically be cons~derec or a d d ~ t ~ o nscholarsh~ps al prov~dedby the lnternatlonal Headquarters Ask fo jetallsl -or more lnformatlon contact Spencer Rupert spencerrupertD rogers corn 51 9-725-3686 The Alpha Theta Chapter of Zeta Psi is a, member of the Fratemi Sororlty Awareness Club (FSAC).FSAC is a club recognlzed by the Federat~ono?lStudents. http://

Explore a few of Northwestern Health Sciences University's key strengths: Six decades of experience preparing natural health care practitioners for successful careers; Pioneering clinical education programs in t h e University's seven public clinics, which provide 60,000 patient visits per year; Limited enrollment of 1,000 students offers easy access t o t h e well-trained faculty from a variety of natural health care disciplines; A Career Services Center t o assist in job placement following graduation.