World’s G r e at e s t
Shave BY JASPER FREEMAN
18TH MARCH
There are many reasons to join the World’s Greatest Shave, beyond causing untold changes to someone’s struggle with Leukaemia. If you shave your head it’s a quick super easy way to lose weight. This has the added benefit of streamlining your head which will turn you into an immediate speedy boi, no matter what sport you compete in. This is actually common practice in swimming according to Olympic swimmer Millie Ribeiro ‘boys shave their heads for speed so they don’t need to wear a cap … quote away homie’. You won’t have to worry about hat hair, shampoo or haircuts; from my personal experience people will derive huge pleasure from rubbing your bald head.
If you instead elect to dye your hair, you have similar unforeseen advantages- the most obvious of these is that if your hair is a distinct shade you will be easier to find. This is applicable in everyday life as well as life threatening situations, for example being lost in a crowd or lost at sea, and you don’t want to be lost and thinking “damn, I should have dyed my hair a distinctive colour so that I can be easily found to avoid this socially awkward situation / premature burial at sea”. For the waxing element I have had to use some secondary sources, however I am looking forward to experiencing these situations. I have been told that getting into a clean bed with waxed legs is a sensation only akin to achieving nirvana. Gym freak, and all round big dude, Darren Tan said that ‘waxing your chest pretty much makes you a bodybuilder, this is a fact I read it on the internet’ [he may retract this statement]. While this may be your motivation for participating in the World’s Greatest Shave you will still be contributing towards a charity which can completely change someone’s life. Leukaemia is a form of cancer which affects white blood cells and cause negative affects all over the body; it also disproportionately affects children, so seriously fuck Leukaemia.
Finally just some shoutouts to people who have already volunteered:
BEFORE
AFTER
Prarthana Kanagaratnam
Conrad Gustini
Kelvin Lim
Anaf Andalib
Andrew Waddell
Prithvi Bhatia
Gina McIntosh
Aradhea Massi
Nathanial Brady
Adrian Go
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