YOU ARE NOT A RIB AN EXCERPT BY JOUMANA HADDAD
Though I did not enjoy the privilege of having had a daughter of my own (instead, I have two wonderful sons), there are lots of young women in Lebanon and around the world that I consider to be my daughters. Girls I know personally, and others I have never met. Girls I have the luck to communicate with constantly, and others I might never get the chance to talk to. Girls that turn to me for advice, and others that I keep learning from. They could be total strangers, but they are my daughters nonetheless, and my heart beats in their chests. Here are my ten commandments to them, and to that one potential baby girl that I missed the opportunity of giving birth to: 1- Believe in yourself. In your strength. In your dreams. In the power of your will. There is nothing you can’t do if you think you can and want to do it. Everything starts right there, in your head, in the way you see yourself. If you don’t have faith in your capacity, nobody will, no matter how good you are at playing the game of pretending. Self-confidence is neither an act nor a statement: It’s your sixth sense. This doesn’t mean you won’t bang your head against a wall or two or ten or more: it only means that you know those walls will eventually collapse, and that you shall keep on walking. 2- Work hard. If you want something, get up and get it, or at least try to, instead of merely wishing to have it or complaining that you don’t. You are not entitled to what the world has to offer: you earn it. 3- It is your right to get lost. It is your right to stumble. It is your right to mess up and fail and fall. But it is your responsibility to get up and continue the journey. Be proud of the scars on your knees and your soul: They are the proof you are alive and marching ahead, not just lying down or standing still. 4- You will have lots of enemies along the way. Many people, men and women, some of whom are very close to you, will tell that you “can’t do it”. They will make fun of your ambitions, downplay your capabilities and criticize your choices. They will do their best, involuntarily or on purpose, to convince you that you are wrong. Well, you might indeed be wrong, but it is far better to make your own mistakes than to accept other people’s correct picks for you. Let the adversaries motivate you to challenge yourself even more. Defend your choices with your life: these are your most precious possessions, even if each and every one of them comprises the risk of paying a high price in return. That price is your maturity fee. 5- You are free. Free to love whomever you want. Free to use your body as you decide. Free to think differently. Free to be at fault. Free to look someone in the eyes and tell him/her to get lost. Do not compromise on that freedom even if it means you will be alone at times: The tree fights the storm unaccompanied and unaided. Your parents do not own you. Your family members do not own you. Your neighbors do not own you. Your work colleagues do not own you. Your boyfriend does not own you. In short, you and only you own yourself. 6- Liberate your self-esteem from society’s judgments: You will never be truly emancipated until you stop worrying about what “they” will think if you do this or say that. Liberate yourself from the terrorizing physical standards that glossy magazines are imposing on you: dare to eat that chocolate cake every now and