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“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr. Issue #293

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July, 2016

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HUMOR TIMES

July, 2016


Editor’s Letter It seems like the gun debate could finally be turning after the tragedy in Orlando, but it’s seemed that way before — particularly after Sandy Hook. Maybe this time, the pendulum could actually swing back toward enactment of “sensible gun control laws” — since, I don’t know, maybe the majority opinion in a democratic republic should matter? I’m not holding my breath, though. It’s encouraging that much is now being written about the supposed sanctity of the second amendment. As numerous opinion pieces have pointed out, every “inalienable right guaranteed in the U.S. Constitution has its limits. We have the guarantee of a right to free speech, yet it’s illegal to scream “fire!” in a theater, for example. The freedom to assemble doesn’t prevent police forces from restricting people to certain areas for demonstrations, and the right to a speedy trial does not prevent a court from giving time to the prosecution to fully prepare its case. In fact, gun rights advocates already accept some restrictions on the second amendment rights, for example, ownership of such weapons as machine guns and rocket-propelled grenade launchers are illegal. When the second amendment was authored, the most powerful guns were single-shot muskets that took quite a while to reload. The amendment also happens to be talking about “well-regulated militias” — how on earth do you get from that to the unequivocal right to stock up on high-powered assault rifles and be your very own “militia”? And how on earth do you get to the conclusion that you just can ignore the words “well-regulated”? They are very plain. It does not say, “Congress shall never, ever regulate gun ownership,” nor “Congress can only come get the people’s guns when they pry them from their cold, dead fingers,” nor does it say, “the right to be armed to the teeth for mentally unstable wackos and home-grown terrorists shall not be infringed.” It says, “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” One phrase leads into the other, sorry, you can’t just lop off the first part and keep the second. Besides, as we’ve established, laws against machine guns and heavy artillery ownership are readily accepted and universally agreed upon, so there is a line somewhere regarding the definition of “arms.” It is the people’s right, through their representatives to define and redefine that term as time passes and it makes sense, and to make laws accordingly. Congress needs to be yanked forcefully from the well-endowed teat of the NRA, and grow up – and do its job. – James Israel, Editor

The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 25, Issue 293, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 2034 20th St, Sacramento, CA 95818. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-455-1217. Printed by: Gold Country Printing, Auburn, CA 95603. Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Jeff Boldt, Ruben Bolling, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Paul Combs, Will Durst, Michael Egan, John Glynn, Walt Handelsman, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Ben Krull, Paul Lander, Dick Locher, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Lee Mays, Jack Ohman, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Jay Schiller & Greg Cravens, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2016. No part may be reproduced without permission.

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July, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

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Presumptuous Nominee: Republicans The Donald continues to dominate the news cycle...

spouting some pretty far-out things...

that make sense only to him and his followers...

but others have their own theories.

He changes his story daily...

and nimbly handles any question...

and that it will all make sense in the end. (continued) assuring us he’ll bring in only the “best people”...

4

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2016


Trump continues to alienate certain groups...

but people just can’t look away.

He says the press is targeting him...

and that they should behave...

because if they don’t...

he can make them very uncomfortable...

simply replace them. (continued) or better yet...

July, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

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A Bit of Common Sense on Guns If the goal is to cause both sides of the political spectrum to quiver, twitch and shake like a raccoon clinging to the outside of a cement mixer speeding through a railroad yard, just casually throw out the term, “gun control,” and step back. The left considers all guns the reprehensible tool of warriors, criminals and primitives, while in most of red state America, the definition of gun control is using two hands and hitting the target. Then some addled-brained, flippo-unit actually uses those techniques to take out a bunch of innocent people, and the blowback starts with a debate about how big our guns should be, further restrictions on who can purchase them and whether we need to know the identity and shoe size of the purchasers. Yes, we do. For crum’s sakes, you need to present identification to apply for a card to take a book out of a library. Admittedly, in the right hands, a book can be more dangerous than a gun, but they hardly ever put holes in people’s bodies that the blood leaks out of way too quick. With increasing frequency, these body counts shoot north into double digits, which triggers a discussion of banning these high-powered, personal weapons of destruction. For a minute. Then the Republicans kowtow to the perverted wishes of their cruel masters, the NRA, which thinks the best way to avoid school shootings is to ban schools. This same NRA commanded their lapdogs to prevent research into gun-related deaths. That’s right, Republicans have refused to allow the funding of government-related, gun-death research. Which is a shame, since America has a surplus of raw data. You could say we are dead solid center of the gun-related death universe. It’s like talking about sandwiches in Philadelphia but prohibiting any mention of the cheesesteak. As Holland is to tulips,

the U.S. is to gun deaths. In the wake of these horrific tragedies, conservatives then predictably go straight to the handbook of NRA generated talking points to say the same things over and over. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families.” “None of this would have happened if the gay Hispanic dancers were armed.” “Assault weapons can be used as legitimate hunting rifles.” Really? That’s your argument? Because, okay, it makes a sort of sense. You can also use a chainsaw to cut butter, thought it might get a little messy around muffin time. Come to think of it, a hand grenade will signal the end of recess. Doorbells can be rung with 12-pound sledgehammers. Once. They’re called “assault weapons” for a reason. They’re not “tucking kiddies into bed” rifles. They’re for assaults. Yes, the Second Amendment guarantees a well-regulated militia the right to bear arms, but at the time our Founding Fathers were talking about citizen-soldiers wielding one-shot muskets, not terrorist-wannabees brandishing HK MG4s capable of shooting 800 .45 caliber bullets in under a minute with a range of a half a mile. Hunting weapons? Seriously? What are you hunting? Tanks? A herd of triceratops? Can you imagine someone putting a full clip into a deer at 30 yards? You’d end up with venison jerky. In noun and verb forms. Jerky being the operative word here. GOP Gorilla Love Hearty congratulations to the conservatives for a seamless transition from party-wide disgust to near unanimous endorsement of a gorilla as their presidential nominee. Considering the tortuous undulations required, this metamorphosis seems to have occurred with shockingly few chiropractic adjustments.

WILL DURST

Having indulged in the kind of convoluted contortions that would make a carnival sideshow barker fall madly in love, the convention platform committee might want to propose a change in mascots from the elephant to an eel. One can only hope that our US Women’s Gymnastics team shows up in Rio half this limber. It was the manner in which they accomplished their harmonious synchronicity that was inspiring. From abhorrent cringing to thoroughly immersed in about a week. Shifting straight out of “Got nothing for you,” into “Color us all-in.” Such severe 180-degree turns were executed, higher-ups would be well advised to check for whiplash. To see how naturally the conversion to inter-species inclusion was achieved, let’s review a few quotes from those involved: “Yes, we are aware that the choice of a gorilla as a presidential candidate signals a departure from our traditional direction of trudging forward without haste, but our constituents believe this is a game changer. And if they’re game, so are we.” “Like many others, we too were initially inclined to speak out against the gorilla but now recognize that a modern electorate demands new perspectives, and have come to the conclusion that there is no reason why our big tent strategy can’t include a striped circus tent.” “We’re confident we have a mammal that embodies the values of our party and those he doesn’t, can be easily taught or beaten into him. Although the gorilla’s hygiene habits are problematic, along with speaking through a series of guttural grunts and chest thump ing howls, it has become increasingly apparent that his anti-intel lec tu al ism re flects the mood of the country today and besides, an 800 pound gorilla sleeps wher ever he wants. And he has pl ent y of bananas.” “Frankly we were won over by his cogent arguments and ability to knock dinner plate-sized holes in walls with his fists. And yes, we party leaders may have called it a dangerous precedent when he tore the limbs off pri mary competitors. But in light of his streak of victories, we look forward to him doing the same t o t he op po si t i on par t y candidate.” “Though still prone to throw feces at both the media and other conservatives, he has indicated through a series of gestures interpreted by top wildlife experts as a willingness to change and we believe the sense of strength he projects and interest in his mating rituals more than make up for a little mayhem.” “Notwithstanding the differences we’ve had in the past, the gorilla is our nominee, and it’s high time this party comes together to support this large primate. It is also encouraging that our ex cel lent slate of down-ticket candidates have shown an enthusiasm for sharing a stage with the nominee and grooming each other.” “We’ve had ple nty of statesmen in our illustrious past, now it’s time to try an ape. And should this contest not proceed in our favor, for 2020 we’re keeping our eye on a very attractive group of potential aspirants that include 3 rattlesnakes, a rabid musk ox and a whole herd of poisonous bump-nosed lizards.” Will Durst is an awardwinning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com for info about the documentary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings that feature future appear ances such as hi s one-man show, “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG.”

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HUMOR TIMES

July, 2016


Presumptuous Nominee: Republicans (conclusion) Trump is not exactly into learning anything new...

which explains why his school was such a sham.

Now the GOP must decide...

how they’ll deal with him.

They’re doing their best...

to help him run...

but his campaign style is pretty primitive.

July, 2016

Still, anything could happen.

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Nothing Can Be Done, They Say In the wake of yet another mass shooting...

the debate sounds quite familiar.

Everyone was outraged...

saying something needs to be done.

At least certain senators tried something...

but persistent questions remain.

It’s not like the old days...

8

but human decency lives on.

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2016


Legendary

Economy

Mohammad Ali overcame a lot...

Republicans accused the IRS chief...

and will be missed. and college grads are diving into the real world...

Meanwhile, the Olympics are coming...

while it’s business as usual...

for the fat cats. and you’ll see them really go.

July, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

by Jon Carter


Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

by Jon Carter


“We Report, You Decry!” Melania Trump Filing for Divorce from The Donald NYC — Melania Trump announced today that she is filing for divorce from her husband Donald Trump. The two have been married since 2005.

“Until this election I never realized what a complete a**hole the racist pig really is,” Mrs Trump said at a hastily assembled news conference. “I can’t defend him any more,” she continued. “As we say in Slovenia, ‘Ko se enska poroci prašica, edina stvar je jesti ali prodati.’ [When a woman marries a pig, the only thing to do is eat it or sell it].” She added: “I am going to do both — take the repulsive little swine for every penny he’s got, and then let some other woman feed his desperate little ego. “Maybe dear, sweet Ivanka can do it. Moj bog [My God], don‘t get me started on that popolnoma zajebal [totally fucked up] relationship!” “Yes,” Melania Trump added in response to a reporter’s question, “he does unfortunately have an extremely small peni — er, hands — which lately hasn’t worked very well, if you understand me. Me la nia laughed aloud when asked whether her husband’s hair was real or fake. “As fake as his excuses for not revealing his taxes,” she said. “Even faker than Trump University.” “The vain idiot spent over $200,000 having each strand individually sewn into his scalp by this French hair expert, Anatole de Paris. He was sworn into absolute secrecy and is paid very well for his silence. Every few months Anatole flies out so they can be restored," she said, “I love to hear Donald scream each time the needle goes in!” Melania added that she hoped to resume her career as a photographic model, because “ enska s preteklostjo, je bolj zanimivo, kot cloveka brez prihodnosti. [A woman with a past is more interesting than a man without a future].” She concluded the conference by unexpectedly raising her fist and shouting: “Vsak glas za Hillary! [Everyone vote for Hillary!]” Reported by Michael Egan

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

In Desperate Final Bid, Kochs to Buy Uganda, Install Trump as President ‘This way, Donald Trump will have his own country to play with, and we get to pick the GOP nominee after all, just as Citizens United intended.’ — David Koch NYC — The ubiquitously evil Koch brothers announced at a press conference today that under a new plan devised by themselves and the “Never Trump” movement, they would purchase the country of Uganda and install Donald Trump as its new president-for-life. “Goldilocks desperately needs to be president of something,” mocked David Koch, older of the two multi-trillionaires (when computing in their Panamanian accounts). “So, we looked around,” Charles continued, “Exactly,” smirked David. “What we need in “and found that right now everyone in Uganda is totally freaking out about its foreign debt, 14 the Oval Office, as Karl Rove once said, is someone who’ll sign into law whatever our trillion shillings and growing.” “Yeah, at a million Ugandan shillings to the guys in Congress send up. We can’t rely on dollar,” David explained, “it comes to just under Donald for that, so he’s got to go. Plus, let’s face it, he could end up starting a nuclear war, and $10 billion American — chump change for us." Charles continued: “Our idea is we pay off even our money can’t protect us from that.” The two brothers laughed and shook hands. Uganda’s creditors, install The Donald as El “Scott Walker for President!” they shouted, Supremo or some other fancy title, and then it’s back to money-politics as usual in the good old high-fiving each other. Reported by Michael Egan US of A!”

Exclusive: Trump Declared Mental Bankruptcy to Avoid Debate with Sanders, Investigation Finds “I used the bankruptcy law and did a tremendous thing – all the top people agree,” says Trump. When Bernie Sanders challenged Donald Reached for comment on the campaign trail, Trump to a televised debate last month, he ini- an exasperated-looking Bernie Sanders said, tially accepted, on Jimmy Kimmel’s talk show. “Well, it is the first honest thing he’s done or Asked how he thought said since he entered the he’d fare in the de bate, race. Because he certainly Trump bragged, “Well, I’ve is mentally — if not morgot a really good brain, you ally — bankrupt. But then, know. I’ve got the best so is the entire billionaire words too. And my IQ is class, I believe.” one of the highest. I could “In fact, I pro pose a teach that socialist a thing nickel tax every vacuous or two, I can tell you.” in sult and ill-in formed How ever, to day, his opinion any of them utter campaign announced that from here on out — that Donald Trump choking on debate promise. Trump is backing out of the would easily pay for my debate. Apparently, the author of The Art of the free college plan!” he said. Deal decided it was a “bad deal” for him, and Later, on an appearance on Stephen Colbert’s that he would get out of it the same way he al- talk show, Trump said, “I did a tremendous ways gets out of uncomfortable situations — by thing. I used the law, I declared bankruptcy. It’s declaring bankruptcy. a fantastic deal.” “Mr Trump has filed for mental bankruptcy Then, pursing his lips and turning a more in this case, and we feel any judge will agree crimson shade of orange, he treated the national that he’s mentally deficient,” said his campaign audience to yet another of his trademark rants. manager, reading from a prepared statement. “All I’d have to do is look at him and say, “Although, he wants to stress that he’s a really ‘Bernie, you’re fired,’” said Trump, with that smart guy — probably the smartest business- familiar flick of his tiny hands. “Done. I win the man ever — as everyone knows.” debate — simple as that. Easy money.”

Elizabeth Warren Seeks Professional Help for OCD After Endorsing Clinton BOSTON — Sources close to Elizabeth Warren say the Massachusetts Senator has checked herself into the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Institute at Harvard Medical School. According to one source, Ms. Warren has not been able to stop showering since she endorsed Hillary Clinton as the Democratic Party nominee for President. “I just don’t feel clean anymore,” Ms. Warren was overheard saying to a nurse. “I think I need serious help!” she wailed.

Sen. Warren: “Do these hands look clean to you?”

At one point during the admittance process, Sen. Warren excused herself to use the bathroom. Checking on her, a nurse found Ms. Warren sitting on the floor, scrubbing her palms raw. “There is dirt everywhere,” she muttered as she was escorted from the bathroom and admitted to the Institute. When asked if her endorsement of Hillary Clinton had anything to do with her sudden urge to incessantly cleanse herself, Elizabeth Warren replied, “All I can tell you is, I never felt this dirty when going after Donald.” A hospital spokesperson said they will keep a close eye on Sen. Warren to make sure she doesn’t do any harm to herself. The doctor in charge said it was too soon to tell what type of treatment they might employ. However, he would not rule out getting in touch with the DNC and talking them into allowing her to back out of her endorsement. “We are going to begin by showing Sen. Warren clips of Hillary Clinton speeches and determining if her behavior worsens. My guess is that she will immediately try to strong arm the aides into letting her take a shower, and if that is the case, we will have our culprit.” In the meantime, doctors have been trying to reach Bernie Sanders for an impromptu intervention. When told about Sen. Warren’s condition, he simply said, “Elizabeth who?” Reported by P. Beckert

Super Bacteria to Compete at Rio Olympics: Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to Hopes to ‘Eliminate the Competition’ By Paul Lander bery.’ A drug-resistant strain of “super bacteria” qualifying events to get into the Olympics, as is that is prevalent off beaches in Rio de Janeiro is required by the Olympic Charter. so “super,” it may compete in the Olympics “I’d like to see ’em try to stop me,” said there this summer, and sports analysts here warn Germaine. it could well “eliminate the competition.” “I’m microscopic, and deceptively fast — Scientists say that these super bacteria, they’ll never even see me. But don’t let my tiny which infect waterways to be used in swim- size fool you, I have ‘super’ powers!” he gigming, rowing and gled, in a way only canoeing competibacteria can. tions, can cause “Be sides, they hard-to-treat uriput out a big, fat innary, gastrointestivite to our kind nal, pulmonary and with their lovely bloodstream infecsew age-in fested tions, along with w a t e r wa y s , ” h e m e n i n gi t i s , a n d continued. “Heck, may even result in they even provided death. a huge tasty buffet The surprise adfor us, with tons of di tion o f t he se Bacterium interviewed via Google InterSpecies™ technology. waste from countrather athletic bacteria to the Games might not less hospitals and hundreds of thousands of have even been discovered, if not for one partic- households — allowing us super bacteria to ular bacterium, which was interviewed recently ‘spread like the plague’ — pardon the expresvia Google InterSpecies™ — a cutting edge, sion!” newly trademarked way of connecting and com“And there are millions like me that plan to municating with other species. compete as well. We like our chances of taking “Even with this new technology,” said one at least one Gold,” he added. “I have a dream, to Google programmer, “it helps that they are be standing up there on the podium, under the ‘super’ bacteria, which have actually evolved microscope, introduced to the crowd, ‘Ladies their own innate communication skills.” and germs, the winner…’ Ah, it warms my cytoThe bacterium interviewed said its name was plasm just to think of it!” “Sammy Germaine,” and announced plans to “After all, it’s the ‘last organism standing,’ to enter swimming and rowing competitions. This, paraphrase one of your lovely sports cliches,” despite the fact that it had not competed in any he added.

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All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are the headlines and my first thoughts: The Latest: Trump mixes up mechanical animals in Dallas Ok, Andy Kaufman, enough is enough, rip off the Trump mask. Jay Leno: Former ‘Tonight Show’ host returns to deliver show’s opening monologue Conan: ‘No, Jimmy, don’t let him do it, it’s a trap…’ Young adults avoiding buying starter homes Instead, opting for starter basements in their parent’s homes. Texas: Giant unstable sinkholes growing, on verge of catastrophic collapse Couldn’t happen to nicer guys than Rick Perry and Ted Cruz. Scott Baio suggests Obama is a Muslim who wants to ‘totally eliminate the United States’ Man, Joanie is so better off without Chachi. LinkedIn bought by Microsoft for $26.2bn in cash LinkedIn added to its job skills ‘Highway Rob-

HUMOR TIMES

Microsoft to get into marijuana biz Hmmm, in stead of buy ing LinkedIn, they should have bought Domino’s Pizza and Krispie Kreme. Is O.J. Simpson Khloe Kardashian’s father? She seems to think so Kardashians don’t have actual lives, they have season cliffhangers. DNC hacked by Russian government intruders who stole opposition research on Trump Seems all that was in there was a link to his Twitter feed. Margaret Heldt, creator of the ‘Beehive’ Hairdo, Dies at 98 Well, at least, now she can no longer sit in front of me at the movies. The President got rid of his Blackberry Now he’ll have no way to get to his MySpace. The world’s first sex cruise will be an 8-day orgy at sea Bringing new meaning to the term ‘offshore drilling.’ Netanyahu spent $1,600 on hairdresser on New York trip In NYC, for same amount, he could have had a slice of pizza and a small soda.

Read more of Paul Lander’s columns at humortimes.com.

July, 2016


Presumptuous Nominee: Democrats Bernie cried foul...

when Hillary got special treatment.

But he’s kept his young supporters engaged...

July, 2016

enough to really rattle Clinton.

Just when they thought they had it clinched...

Bernie seemed to crash the party in California...

with a campaign that seemed other-worldly...

and never-ending. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

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Presumptuous Nominee: Democrats (continued) Some see Bernie’s supporters as a bit eccentric...

and after Sanders met with Obama...

it became clear he’d have to decide...

if it was realistic to keep going.

Meanwhile, Hillary’s email troubles still haunt her...

no matter what she does.

Still, she hopes to be checking back into the White House...

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HUMOR TIMES

making history once again. (continued)

July, 2016


Hillary has already made history...

but she’s aiming much higher.

She’s working on a strategy going forward...

but will need to convince Bernie’s crowd.

It’s not going to be easy...

and she knows it...

but she’s convinced she can do it...

July, 2016

with a little help from her friends.

HUMOR TIMES

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The Hightower Lowdown Drumpf vs Curiel: Who’s the ‘Foreigner’ here? This year’s freakish presidential election has now devolved into an ethnic brouhaha between two foreigners: A Mexican and a German. The “Mexican” is Gonzalo Curiel. He’s a federal judge who was actually born in Indiana, raised and educated as a Hoosier, and is presently presiding over a U.S. district court in San Diego. The German is Donald Drumpf, soon to be the Republican nominee for America’s highest office. Drumpf has had fraud cases against him by former students of his Trump U (U as in “university”). These students who paid tens of thousands of dollars say they were conned out of their hard-earned money by Trump U. The judge presiding over this case is Gonzalo Curiel, and Trump the candidate recently became unhinged over the idea that “a foreigner” would be allowed to pass judgment on an upstanding American citizen like himself. But, wait — Curiel is a full-blooded American citizen! No he’s not, cried The Donald, he’s “a Mexican,” pointing to the jurist’s family heritage. But, wait again — Donnie himself is not

pure-blood Americano (only Native Americans can claim that). In fact, The Donald’s forbearers have been in our country for only about 120 years. His grandfather, Friedrich Drumpf, immigrated to the U.S. from Kallstadt, Germany, about 120 years ago and Anglicized his name from Drumpf to Trump. Still, the GOP’s nativist and racist 2016 flag bearer insists that even though we Americans are proud to be a nation of immigrants, an American with Mexican genes should be disqualified from overseeing the fraud trials, for he’d inherently be biased against the candidate who has promised to “build a wall” between the U.S. and Mexico. So, does his screwy, self-serving claim that one’s background trumps one’s commitment to fairness also mean that a Muslim-American judge should also be disqualified from any trial of his wrongdoings, since the GOP presidential wannabe says he intends to ban all Muslim im mi grants from en ter ing the U.S.? “Absolutely,” he said flatly. Donald is not just plainspoken, nor is he

merely trying to get media coverage. He is deranged, a manic threat to anyone he dislikes, which is every one not named Trump… or Drumpf. It’s a good thing that the Republican Powers That Be are standing up for the American people and doing all they can to keep this psycho from running our country, right? The opposite of courage is not cowardice, it’s conformity. And, boy, America’s Republican leadership is conforming like a pack of lemmings, dutifully marching in lockstep behind their maniacal new leader. Even the nastiest of Trump’s unhinged outbursts don’t jar them enough to say: “Wait a minute, why are we following this wacko?” His incendiary rants insult, demean and mock women, Mexican immigrants, Muslims, refugees, disabled people, African-Americans, Latinos, and many more — but his destructive bigotry hasn’t repelled the GOP hierarchy. The final straw should have been this recent, blatantly-racist insistence that Judge Gonzalo Curiel should not be allowed to preside over the current fraud cases that Donnie has against him. However, shamefully, top Republicans have tried to protect their own political butts by distancing themselves from the bigoted remarks,

JIM HIGHTOWER

but continuing to hug the bigot. House speaker Paul Ryan was typical of the GOP’s pusillanimous posturing, saying: “I regret those comments he made.” Regret? How about “I’m repulsed, appalled, nauseated”? Ryan lamely added that Trump’s scurrilous assault on the judge was “sort of like… a racist comment.” Then he rushed to say that, of course, he still backed the bigot to be America’s president. Likewise, the GOP’s Senate Leader, Mitch McConnell, mumbled that “I couldn’t disagree more with what the had to say,” before declaring that, nonetheless, “we’re all behind him now.” With morally rotten, gutless politicos like these, no wonder our Home of the Brave is sliding into mediocrity.

Parting Shots: Election Season The country is not happy with the choice it has...

and it’s not hard to see why.

While history is being made...

16

we may not have seen anything yet!

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2016


Miscellaneous Mischief

July, 2016

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More Mischief

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July, 2016


July, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

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Humor Times, July 2016