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DEAR BELOVED READERS, We sincerely apologize for our tardiness. April fooled us. We will continue to make every effort to uphold our responsibility to the Tulane community. Truly, HULLABALOO STAFF P.S. We don’t get paid for this shit.

THE TULANE FULLABALOO

VOLUME CIX, No. ONE AND A HALF

THE HANDS AND FEET OF THE TULANE COMMUNITY

APRIL 10, 2014

courtesy of chuck norris

A helicopter approaches Loyola’s campus during Cowen’s hostile invasion of the university. Cowen defended the invasion by citing reports that most Loyola students wanted to come to Tulane anyway.

Cowen invades Loyola, claims 80 percent of students want to come here anyway by velma pattington staff writer

In a move that’s left the public stunned, Tulane President Scott Cowen invaded Loyola University’s campus Tuesday in an apparent bid at annexation. “If I’ve got it right, 80 percent of [Loyola students] wanted to come to Tulane anyway,” Cowen said in an emergency session meeting of the Tulane board. The move came just days after the closing ceremony of World Wrestling Entertainment’s “Kaiju Big Battel”

monster spectacle, an event that Tulane had hoped would showcase its academic prowess. The first shots were fired when Tulane ordered an inebriated group of fraternity members to tear down the Loyola sign once and for all. Loyola’s student government quickly called for a referendum on whether the school should remain sovereign or merge with Tulane. The vote was nearly unanimous, with only one reporting representative voting against the merger. Junior Mariah Eakins stated a concern that if Tulane absorbed Loyola, the chanc-

es of her running into an ex currently enrolled at Tulane would increase significantly. Loyola sophomore Lana Robbins said she was thrilled with the results of the referendum. “We’re different from the other Loyolas out there — in Chicago, in Los Angeles, in Maryland,” Robins said. “We’re ethnically Tulanian. Our parents went to Tulane, our grandparents went to Tulane. We just couldn’t get in. It was those bullshit SATs, seriously.” The Tulane board of directors is expected to consider the annexation

Bruff to Go eliminates containers

of Loyola within the next few days. International analysts said they believe the board will enthusiastically follow Cowen’s recommendation for annexation. The greater New Orleans community condemned Tulane’s actions. “We will not sit idly by and watch a bloated institution violate the rights of those within our fair city,” Mayor Mitch Landrieu said. “That’s kind of NOPD’s thing.” Landrieu, along with other city leaders, vowed to boycott Tulane football games at the new Yulman Stadium in protest.

Mysterious happenings in Zimple construction linked to subterranean burial ground by thad thadsson staff writer

courtesy of chuck norris

In an attempt to become even more eco-friendly than it already is, Bruff to Go has made the policy decision to eliminate containers entirely. Next step: napkins. said she expects that Tulane the no-container policy will by slappa dabassman will be setting a precedent continue to use these tokens staff writer that will be soon by followed — however, instead of disA group of students by schools across the coun- pensing reusable containers, it will dispense napkins. Stuteamed up with Sodexo ear- try. “It’s, like, really important dents are expected to return lier this year to implement a reusable container system to be eco-friendly right now,” dirty napkins to the machine at Bruff to Go in order to Sprout said. “If Harvard is upon their return to Bruff to decrease waste. The results using reusable containers, Go. Freshman Shoshanna were so effective, however, and we’re using no containthat Dining Services has de- ers at all, where do you think Schwartzfeld said that she is cided to eliminate containers the best students are going excited for Bruff to Go’s upto want to go? Here, that’s coming changes. altogether as of next week. “You don’t go to Bruff to “What’s even better for where. We’re basically startGo for containers, you go the environment than reus- ing a revolution.” The soon-to-be-defunct for food,” Schwartzfeld said. able containers?” Dining Services General Manager reusable container system “If you want a container, you Thomas Beckmann said. “No mandates that all students should go to Containers to containers at all! We’re con- receive tokens when they Go, if that even exists. It’s fident that this new system join the program. Whenever ridiculous that Bruff to Go will attract environmentally- they get a meal from Bruff ever even used containers in minded students, and save to Go, they put a token into the first place.” Sprout said that the next Tulane money. It’s a win-win a machine, which gives them a clean container. When step in Bruff to Go’s ecosituation.” Sophomore Anna Sprout, they bring their container friendly evolution is to elimiwho was instrumental in back, the machine gives back TO GO A# organizing the new system, their token. Going forward,

Cowen said he was not fazed by the citywide reaction to the invasion. “So what if no one comes to our football games?” Cowen said. “That’s never stopped us from playing!” Despite the controversy, Loyola freshman Harrington Wemsley said he is excited to join the Tulane community. “I’m proud to join such an esteemed institution dedicated to academic excellence,” Wemsley said. “Plus, I’ve kind of got a thing for Jewish girls. Don’t tell my dad.”

Investigators are extremely close to establishing a definite link between the strange occurrences in the Zimple construction zone and the burial ground recently discovered beneath it. This odd chapter in Tulane history began approximately three months ago, when construction workers supervising the Zimple Residence Hall project unearthed what seemed like a cemetery while laying a foundation. Reports from the scene suggest that approximately 20 headstones

with epitaphs written in an unknown language filled the area sectioned off for the new dormitory. The inscrutable artifacts, however, did little to deter the workers. “Oh sure, we saw all the graves or whatever,” crane operator Mike Deveaux said. “We didn’t make much of it, though. Figured it was left over from before Tulane started business. So we just crushed them all up, tossed the broken pieces in a dumpster and called it a day.” “We thought the way the clouds blotted out the sun and the very earth beneath our feet quaked for a min-

ute after we were done was all a coincidence,” Deveaux added. “It kinda shook up [bricklayer] Pete [Thomson], so he cooled off by taking a leak on the spot where we found everything in the first place. You don’t think that was a bad move, right?” Shortly after development ensued, a series of unexplained mysteries plagued the area. First, electrician Frank Roberts reportedly experienced an episode during which his eyes rolled back in his head, in addition to what witnesses describe as

ZIMPLE A#

courtesy of chuck norris

Construction crews discovered this subterranean burial ground on Tuesday while working on the new residence hall across from The Boot, then peed on it.


2

NEWS

Tulane Divests from ‘really annoying’ Divest Tulane

ZIMPLE

by kelly green

CONTINUED FROM A1

utes. Police investigators announced yesterday that these experiences are not isolated incidents, and may very well be connected to one another and the burial site. New Orleans Police Department detective Marcus Hillard expressed optimism with regards to the case’s eventual solution. “Everything on Earth has a rational, scientific explanation,” Hillard said. It’s only a matter of time until w- HAIL SATAN THE DARK LORD APPROACHETH.”

TO GO

CONTINUED FROM A1 nate napkins, as well. “People might have a hard time adjusting to the change, so we’re letting them have napkins for now,” Sprout said. “But the production of napkins kills literally thousands of trees every year, and we should not be supporting that industry.” Beckmann said that the new system does not mean

that students’ favorite meals, such as red beans and rice and fettuccini alfredo, will be eliminated from the menu. “Students have no reason to worry that the quality of their food will decrease because of this change,” Beckmann said. “And from now on, Thursday is tomato soup day!”

staff writer

Tulane University President Scott Cowen made the official decision to divest from student group Divest Tulane on Monday. A press release states that Cowen was “sick of hearing about divestment” and wanted them to “just shut up already.” For the past several months, Divest Tulane has been actively campaigning for Tulane to end its endowment investments in fossil fuel companies in order to become a more environmentally friendly university. The group has been relentless in their goal and has taken steps including meeting with both the board of administrators and Cowen himself, as well as active social media marketing and canvassing. Tulane Director of Public Relations Mike Strecker said that after months of hearing about Divest Tulane, Cowen decided that enough was enough. “President Cowen, and the rest of the administration, just thought that they were really annoying,” Strecker said. “Divestment is certainly a great way that we could make the university greener, and Tulane is committed to green building and sustainability in all of its operations, but we were just sick of hearing

% OF TULANE STUDENT POPULATION

an “unearthly glow” emanating from his mouth. A few days later, unit supervisor Tom Carey began speaking in tongues. When asked for comment, Carey said only, “MALURAKA PITSOURO TAK FRATSEER. RÖWANLER CRALT MENTALL, FUAN EEJALTRO MOGLER.” Events drew the attentions of the authorities when a worker (who has insisted we keep his identity confidential) vomited a thick, black colloid and levitated above the construction site for approximately four min-

WWW.TULANEHULLABALOO.COM

99.97%

00.03%

SICK OF HEARING ABOUT DIVEST TULANE

about it.” The first step toward divesting from Divest Tulane will be cutting off their Undergraduate Student Government student organization funding, but Strecker said that the administration is willing to kick Divest members out of school, if necessary. Divest Tulane founder Chris “Falafel” Puccini said that this setback will not discourage Divest Tulane from achieving their ultimate goal.

NOT SICK OF HEARING ABOUT DIVEST TULANE

“By taking away our funding, Tulane is certainly making it harder to spread the word about the importance of divestment,” Puccini said. “But I am confident that if we get every single student at the university to sign a petition, the administration will have to reconsider.” Strecker said, however, that the administration will do no such thing. “That’s pretty much exactly why we divested from them in the first place,” Strecker said.

“Definitely don’t do that.” Puccini said that Divest is now turning to alternative methods to raise money toward the cause of divestment, including selling pot brownies and cleaning windshields for cars stopped at traffic lights. “Nothing will stop Divest Tulane from spreading the word,” Puccini said. “Nothing. Check us out on Facebook!”

VIEWS

WIZDOM

H

MANAGING EDITORIAL BOARD

I’ll see y’all in Hell

Danielle Maddox

head bitch in charge

Jessica Appelbaum

SCOTT COWEN

secretly a cat

Alexia Chatfield

the Obama of Tulane

war hero

Craig Kinchen

major beefcake

Maureen O’Neill

four-year senior slide

Grace Barnes

40s and shorties

Samantha Halperin down to get weird

Andrew Lemoine

masseuse-in-chief

STAFF EDITORIAL BOARD Emma Discher Thomas O’Brien

it’s complicated

Charles Bramesco Jamie Norwood in a relationship

Sam Wetzler

single and loving it

Jonathan Harvey Oliver Grigg

domestic partnership

Claire Brown

california gurl

Akash Desai

freak in the sack

I

f you’ve read an email, logged on Facebook or set foot on campus during the last year, then you already know. I’m stepping down from my post as President of Tulane University. After 16 fulfilling years of serving this august and reputable university, I’m leaving it in the capable hands of Michael Fitts. But before I depart, I want to take a moment to reflect on my time at Tulane. When I consider all of the places this job has taken me, the experiences I’ve had, and the people I’ve met, I’m left with only one thing to say: I’ll see you all in Hell! During my tenure as President, I regarded every colleague, faculty member and student as a friend and intellectual equal. But oh man, you cannot even imagine the torrential downpours of bullshit that you people rained on me every day. Now, I took this gig knowing that I’d have to field some stinkbombs here and there. Heavy hangs the head that wears the crown, right? So I let a lot of shit go over the years. I can deal with the meetings and the budget appraisals and the hiring approvals and blah blah blah, Christ, I’m getting bored even writing those words. But I let it all slide off my shoulders. They used to call me “Easy Scotty” back in college, you know. That’s not why, but they did. What really raised my blood pressure was how unappreciative all you little pricks could be. Every single

time the smallest thing rubbed someone the wrong way, the finger got pointed directly in my face. Lame commencement speaker? That’s all on me, apparently. Tuition is too high? Pin it on me! After all, tuition is an arbitrary number that I set myself when I’m feeling greedy, and not the answer to an elaborate and complicated equation that we have hire financial professionals to compile. It’s too cold out? Whatever, sure, that’s my fault too! Do you people know how little I actually do? My job is, like, 80 percent handshaking and the remaining 20 percent consists of luncheon attendance, paperwork and walking laps around campus so that I can warmly wave to students. I don’t even have the power to make your life shitty. Maybe all y’all should instead look within. In conclusion: You can all go straight to Hell. The ceaselessly whining students unappreciative of their private research university located in the greatest American city. The preening professors, horny for tenure and raises and publication, high on their own academic pretensions. The money-grubbing stockholders who have permanently mangled my facial muscles from countless hours of reassuring grins. I look forward to watching all of your genitals get devoured by Satan’s henchpeople. Oh, and who has been the thorn jammed deepest in my side? You little taints at The Hullabaloo. Make fun of me all you want; you assholes are still the ones with the temerity to pass off a sorority switching houses as front-page news. I’m out of here. Get bent. Photo courtesy of Tulane PR

Karina Reiss

crushing it right now

Tulane cats need more resources catlover42@ yahoo.com contributing writer

R

eal talk: Tulane needs to provide more resources for its cat population. The Tulane cats are valuable members of our society and should be treated with the same respect as any other contributors to the Tulane community. While Tulane does provide housing for the Tulane cats in the form of “Cat Condos” by Richardson, these allotments are disproportionately low compared to what student residents and faculty receive, which, I would say, is a travesty. Unlike other members of the community, the Tulane cats are unable to sign up for meal plans or even enter Bruff Commons. Most, if not all, student residence halls also bar entry of the Tulane cats on the grounds of “allergy concerns.” I call bullshit. Everyone knows that allergies are psychosomatic, Tulane just doesn’t want to spend its cash on amenities that we kitties rightly deserve. Not only should Tulane supply additional housing and meal plans for us cats, they should also designate spiritual grounds for us to practice our faith. Currently there is no space for the Tulane cats to pray to our feline deity, Sekhmet, the life-giver. She is a strict and unforgiving goddess, and if we do not show proper deference and piety to her, great misfortune will befall all of the Tulane cats. This necessity for prayer space is especially important in the context of the ongoing war with the NOLA roaches. Many Tulanians are unaware of the

prolonged conflict with the hoards of enemy cockroaches that invade our campus during the spring and summer months. To put it bluntly, the cats are outnumbered infinity to one and we are at the brink of destruction. Without the blessings and strength of the all-mother our legions will be easily and fully obliterated, thrusting our campus to into a state of pandemonium at the mercy of the roaches. Tulane must offer the cats the space to appease Sekhmet during this time of war if we are to maintain our small perimeter against the enemy. In the same vein, Tulane should provide increased emotional and psychological support for our troops. Unlimited CAPS availability to veterans would go a long way to help cats recover from the trauma of this ceaseless conflict. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a condition exclusive to humans and affects all of those involved combat; the Tulane cats are no exception. For many of us, Sekhmet gives the strength and fortitude to persevere, but some never fully overcome the emotional scars of battle. Tulane should make these brave warriors a priority; providing psychological support is the least Tulane can do to assist the cats. The bottom line is that the Tulane cats provide a crucial and invaluable service to Tulane. Despite the sacrifices we cats make, we are underappreciated and are not given the proper support from the administration to do what we must do to save our campus. This blatant disregard for the needs of the Tulane cats is nothing short of institutionalized intolerance and prejudice. This exploitation cannot continue and must be rectified right meow.

Stephanie Choi

not to be trifled with

Audrey Davis

definitely the cutest

Siraphob Chansangavej

easier said than spelled

Alexandra Hassan

A playful lampooning of recent good news.

“That guy has had a total of nine boners in his life”

miss congeniality

@ShitLizSays__

Tianna Mantz

“Hill-Dawg just came out of the shitter and now the whole house smells like burnt hair and hummus. #Raw”

seldom present

Hampton Farr

we don’t know who this is

@PimpBillClinton

Tulane Jewish-American Program ranks first in the nation, according to USA Today.

A darkly playful lampooning of recent bad news. Tulane buys The Boot with plans to expand Barbara Greenbaum House at Newcomb Lawn, also known as Zimple Hall, across the street.


ARCADE

THE NOT-SO-DISTANT FUTURE

campus question.

YOLO

3

JAZZFEST ADDS

SHATNER

What is your favorite sex position?

TO LINEUP

courtesy of pipsy mcwilliams

This girl done goofed. Look at her, luxuriating in her own musk of pizza grease and sexual frustration. Do you want to be a complete and total failure, like her?

“The reverse swordfish.”

Arcade’s Guide to:

RUFUS T. FLANF

Freshman Pustule studies

A TERRIBLE APRIL

“YOU MAY MAKE IT OUT, BUT NOT FOR LONG, BECAUSE YOU JUST GUARANTEED YOURSELF A RIDE ON THE BLACKOUT TRAIN THE SECOND YOU LEAVE YOUR ROOM.”

“The one where I am with Dean Maclaren.” MERKIN MUFFLEY

Junior Cunnilingus studies

“Missionary, followed by quiet prayer.” SHILAH TRIGGER

Senior Tango

courtesy of matthias somberman

by r. kayed grüpy all coked up

So you (almost) survived a year at Tulane. Congrats! Want to make the end of your school year as memorable as possible? Go out in a blaze of glory. There is a festival literally every weekend this month, and you need to make a display of yourself during all of them. Seriously. If you really are trying to miss out on the best month in New Orleans, follow this handy set of instructions for ruining your life. 1. Choosing sleep over going out. You know how they say you can’t succeed unless you try? That works both ways. Fail out early by not

going at all! 2. Pregaming with Crown Russe and/or Kentucky Dale and/or MD 20/20. You may make it out, but not for long, because you just guaranteed yourself a ride on the blackout train the second you leave your room. If you’re lucky, you’ll vomit all over the place (if it’s on the floor at either The Boot or The Palms, however, this behavior is acceptable). 3. Staying uptown. We get it, the bars here are “like omg super amazing and they take your fake ID or your BFFs fake who then buys you alcohol in a complicated strategic maneuver, so why go anywhere else? BOOT/PALMS for lyfe!” You’re right! No need to get your ass downtown for shit like French Quarter Fest and then to the Fairgrounds for the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival in two weeks. 4. Daydrinking. While this activity sounds fun (and is one of the Arcade’s favorite pastimes), if you plan on making it out to that show you really, REALLY want to see later (If you’re on the list [congratulations] this rule particularly applies) you have

to limit your daydrinking. Sorry, rules are rules. Stick to beer, preferably classy craft beer. You’ll thank us later. 5. Along with daydrinking, getting way too blazed before leaving your house that you don’t want to leave. Get your ass up, you’re going out. Netflix will be there when you come home. The food sold at the festivals is better than hummus and tortilla chips, promise. 6. Not bringing enough money to purchase all the kickass food that is served at the festivals. Along with the music, food is the star. Eat it. Your stomach will thank you, especially after you purchase $5 cans of beer (sucker). 7. Coming home before 3 a.m. But you go to Tulane, so you know this is a guaranteed fuck-up already. All the best events happen under the fog of drunken exhaustion. 8. Missing brunch the next day. Whether your chosen spot is Satsuma Cafe, Surreys Cafe and Juice Bar, Panola Cafe, Refuel, Camellia Grill, Slim Goodies or wherever else serves delectable grease, you need to go to brunch. It soothes your hangover and lets you hear what happened to all your friends after you lost them on Frenchmen Street.

Escape while you still can: “Frozen 2: Electric Boogaloo” to film at Tulane

The former “Star Trek” cast member appears on the big screen at the Jazz and Heritage Fest’s mainstage.

by sherman hemsley dropping it low

In a stunning turn of events, Co-Director of Musicality and Event Planning Nick L. Back announced on Monday that acclaimed actor and spoken word musician William Shatner will replace Bruce Springsteen in the Jazz Fest lineup. “When people come to New Orleans, they want to be immersed in the immense musical tradition of this city,” Back said in a press release. “Who better represents the Crescent City than that guy you saw in reruns of Star Trek as a kid? Honestly, I don’t know.” The former actor and Travelocity spokesperson found moderate success covering famous songs like “Bohemian Rhapsody,” “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” and “Space Cowboy” (recorded with Steve Miller himself). Instead of singing, however, Shatner speaks the lyrics with his famous cadence. “I’m not really sure why it got so popular,” Shatner said, pausing between every few words. “But I got a great deal on Travelocity to come to New Orleans, and I remembered all the good times I had on Bourbon Street when I was here in 1985, so I figured why not come if there was an opening in the lineup?”

“BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN KIND OF SINGS LIKE HE’S ALWAYS CONSTIPATED AND CAN’T GET THAT LAST TURD OUT.”

Since Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band was arguably the most anticipated act, there was expected anger when it was dropped from the lineup. None were more upset than sorority girls from New Jersey. “I just, like, don’t get why they dropped Bruce, you know?” junior Gemma Hutchinson said, texting a GroupMe from her cracked iPhone. “I mean, my dad listened to him in the car whenever we drove into the city and, like, he’s really famous.” Other students had different thoughts. “Can I be real here?” sophomore Jonny Fredrickson said. “Bruce Springsteen kind of sings like he’s always constipated and can’t get that last turd out.” No matter your thoughts on the decision, it’s certain that Shatner will put on an interesting show. Rumors have already started circulating that he’ll decorate the stage as the inside of Starship Enterprise and, using the same technology that brought Tupac back from the dead, have a holographic guest appearance from past coworker Leonard Nimoy. Unless Nick L. Back decides to change the lineup again (Creed was in heavy consideration, according to Back), Shatner will perform at 4:15 p.m. Saturday, May 3 at the Acura Stage.

“Crying.” SEAMUS O’LEARY

Senior Ennui studies

courtesy of regan baudelaire

Tulane University’s campus will soon play host to the production crew of “Frozen 2: Ecks Vs. Sever.” The above image is an analyst’s projection of the winter wonderland that may ensue.

by holland lop staff writer

“The Cookie Monster.” VIRGIL NEMESES

Sophomore Mole people studies

Inspired by the University of Michigan auteurs behind the Harry Potter tribute “A Very Potter Musical,” a group of Tulane students have created a staged live action sequel to Frozen which will premiere in suuuummeeeeeeeeer. Tickets are $10 and free for students. “Frozen 2” is the story of ice queen Elsa’s trek to the Louisiana swamp as a Tulane University freshman. Faced with the stress of college classes, Elsa accidentally freezes the entire city New Orleans, and her plucky sister Anna must venture south to stop the eternal winter.

Snowman enthusiast and “Frozen 2” writer, director and producer Hampton Frond said that he hopes the musical will dissuade prospective Tulane students of the impression that New Orleans is a muggy, swampy hellhole. He just wants them to let it go and understand that it’s actually closer to the fictional kingdom of Arrendale than they expect. “This show is a real fixer upper!” Frond said “For the first time in forever, I really put my heart and soul into this piece, All my life has been a series of doors in my face and then suddenly, I think of this musical. So if students don’t come to see it, that’s basically like they are murdering me. If you don’t

see ‘Frozen 2,’ you’re committing murder.” Rollicking musical numbers such as “Nutria Are Better Than People” and “Love is an Open Pothole” keep the “Frozen” spirit alive with their upbeat tunes and catchy verses. The audience is taken on an emotional rollercoaster as lead actress Ilana Rosenblatt takes on the role of Elsa, truly making the audience feel that they are experiencing the highs and lows of our favorite “Frozen” queen. Whether you are a theater enthusiast or simply a fan of heart-wrenchingly emotional Disney movies, “Frozen 2” is a must-see for the entire Tulane community.

weeklytunes. brown sugar :: d’angelo with arms wide open :: creed pony :: ginuwine higher :: creed bedroom talk :: the starting line my sacrifice :: creed white houses :: vanessa carlton one last breath :: creed partition :: beyoncé my own prison : : creed everything to everyone :: everclear


SPORTZ

FO

@YPRL

HOOPS

Tulane hoops program scared of Connecticut, will forfeit upcoming games DUDE, YOU SEE WE’RE PLAYING UCONN NEXT WEEK?

I’LL BE AT SMOOTHIE KING WITH CONROY. . .

courtesy of guy who takes photos

Freshman center Number Fifteen has no intentions of being anywhere near the basketball court when UConn comes to the Big Easy. Tulane basketball players fear that their defeat at the hands of UConn will be swift, merciless and not without the possibility of bloodshed. Rumor has it that UConn’s power forward guzzles a liter of warm chicken blood prior to each game. Scary stuff.

by o. ver it boss man

Tulane’s athletic department announced that the men and women’s basketball programs will forfeit all future games against Connecticut in a brief press conference on Wednesday. The announcement comes on the heels of Connecticut’s men and women’s basketball teams’ 2014 NCAA basketball championship victories. “Our men and women’s basketball programs will be for-

feiting all future games against Connecticut’s basketball program,” Tulane Athletic Director Rick Dickson said. “We have no interest in badly losing to a program of that caliber.” The athletics department had announced in November 2012 that the university would leave Conference USA for the American Athletic Conference in July 2014. Tulane has been a member of C-USA since its inception in 1995. “I’m not going to say we’re scared of Connecticut,” Dick-

son said, amid criticism from the media that Tulane’s athletic department and basketball program were afraid of Connecticut’s reputation and heralded coaches and athletes. “I’m going to say that we’d prefer to conserve our energy and play other teams in games that we might have a chance to win.” The Green Wave’s men basketball team finished the 2013-14 season 17-17 overall and 8-8 in conference play. The Wave was invited to the College Basketball Invitational but

lost 56-55 against Princeton in the opening round March 19 at Devlin Fieldhouse. The women’s basketball team finished 20-11 overall and 11-5 in conference play. Tulane was selected to play in the Women’s National Invitational Tournament and lost 77-68 against in the opener March 20 in Starkville, Miss. “The athletic ability of Connecticut’s basketball program is far superior,” Dickson said. “We know we’re going to lose. It’s just that we don’t want to badly

lose and risk the emotional and physical health of our studentathletes.” AAC commissioner Michael Aresco expressed his indifference with Tulane’s decision to forfeit its basketball games against Connecticut. “Connecticut is pretty good and Tulane is pretty decent so yeah, I get it,” Aresco said. “Tulane is the new kid on the block, and the AAC is a big step up from the C-USA. I told Rick, ‘I have no problem with it. You guys are pretty insignificant

in basketball. You’re not beating them any time soon. Focus more on that bowling program of yours.’” Connecticut’s athletic department, including men’s basketball head coach Kevin Ollie and women’s basketball head coach Geno Auriemma, could not be reached for comment, as they likely consider Tulane insignificant as well.

#BIRDS #SEX #MARRIAGE

Riptide and Pierre elope, become first gay avian mascot couple by pat mccroch head bitch

I promise to stay if you promise to never leave. myspace circa 2007

Riptide and Pierre eloped in the pond at Audobon Park. Here, they flirt with each before the ceremony on Monday. Following the ceremony, they ruffled each other’s feathers before settling into to their new nest.

Beloved Tulane mascot Riptide confirmed Saturday that he and the New Orleans Pelicans mascot Pierre eloped this past weekend, becoming the first gay avian couple to marry in Louisiana. The newlyweds have caused a heated debate amongst the bird community on the legality of their marriage. Big Bird, star of PBS’ children’s program “Sesame Street,” is outraged by the marriage. “Its an embarrassment to the bird community,” Bird said. “Where does it stop? Gay dog marriages? Gay cat marriages? Gay marriages between one cat and one dog? It’s offensive, and our culture shouldn’t allow it.” Many naysayers believe the two mascots weren’t officiated by a priest to the fullest extent of the law. Priest Albert McTammany, who presided over the service, didn’t see an issue with the marriage. “Considering there aren’t any laws denying mascot marriages in the first place, I didn’t see much of an issue,” McTammany said. “It was

also hard to tell if Riptide was a man or a woman. At least Pierre’s named inferred he was a guy.” The Anti-Gay Bird Marriage society isn’t the only group that has a problem with the marriage. Other university mascots across America are split on the controversy. “Reeses the Ram and I have been in love for years, but the state of North Carolina is really strict on gay mascot marriages,” Duke’s Blue Devil said. “I don’t think we’d garner much support from our fans. It’s weird how UNC fans love me, even though I’m one of Satan’s henchmen, but my identity as a queer man would be too much for them. Go figure.” Others support the marriage, claiming the two birds are brave for standing up for who and what they love. “Love is love and no matter who you love,” Boston College’s Baldwin the Eagle said. “I salute any fellow birds or mascots for standing up for what they believe in.” Southern Mississippi’s official mascot, the Fighting Bigot, could not be reached for comment.

FÚTBOL

Green Wave football coach Curtis Johnson occupies Superdome by yung olive youngblood

Tulane football head coach Curtis Johnson is refusing to leave the Mercedes-Benz Superdome, security officials at the facility reported on Tuesday. “Johnson has camped himself at the 50-yardline and is refusing to leave,” said Doug Thornton, SMG company’s executive vice president of stadiums and arenas. “I’ve always heard he’s a dedicated guy, but this is just annoying.” The Green Wave football program completed its final season at the Superdome this past season, and is preparing to move to the on-campus Yulman Stadium. The $75 million, 30,000-capacity stadium is on target for Tulane football’s Sept. 6 home season-opener against Georgia Tech. Tulane athletic director Rick Dickson said Johnson’s refusal to vacate the Superdome likely has something to do with his deep emotional connection to the facility and New Orleans. Johnson was born and raised in New Orleans, worked for the New Orleans Saints as wide receivers coach,

and has coached Tulane for two seasons in the Superdome. “We think it has something to do with his long history in the dome and the city,” Dickson said. “He’s having trouble letting go. Change is difficult, you have to understand. Similar thing happened with [baseball head coach] Rick Jones when we renovated Turchin Stadium.” Thornton said efforts to remove Johnson from the facility have included everything from telling him the NCAA granted senior kicker Cairo Santos another year of eligibility to turning the lights off. “His wife said that he’s afraid of the dark, but our attempts to cut all power in the facility and force him out have been ineffective,” Thornton said. Officials haven’t placed a timetable on how long they are willing to wait for Johnson to vacate, but have the discussed the possibility that he may never leave. “We’re aware he may never leave,” Thornton said. “It’s his own little version of Occupy Wall Street, ‘Occupy the Dome.’”

courtesy of that other guy who takes the other photos

Head football coach Curtis Johnson throws a tantrum when asked to leave the Superdome by the security officials. Johnson will recruit entire Montana family to join him in his efforts to stay foreva. fo eva eva? fo eva eva?


SPORTS | 12 Yulman Stadium construction update

THE TULANE HULLABALOO VOLUME CIX, No. 21

THE EYES AND EARS OF THE TULANE COMMUNITY

APRIL 10, 2014

Report of man with gun on campus prompts TUPD

Intruders tie up students, burglarize house by emma discher news editor

claire brown | photo editor

Several Tulane University Police Department cars lined up outside of Bruff after a woman reported seeing a man with a gun on Tulane’s campus at approximately 9 p.m. Monday evening. Officers investigated and were unable to locate a suspect.

by emma discher news editor

A woman reported seeing a man with a gun tucked into his waistband at approximately 9 p.m. on Monday near Bruff Commons. Tulane University Police Department officers responded to the area but

were unable to confirm the report. “There was a situation where somebody felt they appeared to see what could have been a weapon in a person’s waistband,” TUPD superintendent Jon Barnwell said. “We had an immediate response due to the nature of the potential threat to the community. Once we got there,

we identified that nobody in the area had a gun in their waistband.” Barnwell said it was unlikely that a gunman could have been there and fled before police arrived. “The person may have left, but they would have to be pretty fast considering the expedited response we had to the area,” Barnwell said.

Three police vehicles and multiple officers on bikes and on foot reported to the area to canvass for the reported subject. According to the police activity log, officers asked an individual standing nearby who said she had not seen an individual matching the description.

Carville weighs in on Affordable Care Act at panel

Three men approached two female students who were sitting on their porch at approximately 5 p.m. Friday on the 7800 block of Panola Street. One man, whose hand was wrapped in a t-shirt, implied he had a gun and forced the women inside. The men tied the women’s hands with USB cords and stole multiple items including cash, identification cards, a debit card, car keys and an iPhone. A third student was sleeping in the house at the time. One of the victims reported this incident to the Tulane University Police Department on Saturday around 11 a.m. after filing a report with the New Orleans Police Department the previous day. TUPD Superintendent Jon Barnwell said NOPD did not inform TUPD of the incident. “We did not know about it until the student came to us,” Barnwell said. “The reason is because this is actually outside of our patrol footprint.” NOPD Public Information Officer Garry Flot declined to comment on why TUPD was not notified. TUPD issued a crime alert to administrators, faculty, staff

INVASION 2

Students mentor local girls between foster homes

claire brown | photo editor

From left: Lara Cohen, Anastasia Tencza, Erica Lipoff and Virginia Morgan. The group volunteers together weekly. claire brown | photo editor

Political science professor James Carville, along with public health professor Mollye Demosthenidy, spoke at a panel on Tuesday to share their views on the Affordable Care Act. They considered both pros and cons of the policy. George H.W. Bush first in- had passed in Massachu- nothing but high-risk peoby thomas o’brien troduced the idea. In the setts and was pretty popular. ple, the insurance company news editor 1990s, Republican House Then, as you are fully aware, is going to go broke.” Political science profes- Speaker Newt Gingrich en- all hell broke loose.” The Affordable Care Act, sor James Carville and pub- dorsed the proposal as an Carville said he was not however, is not Carville’s lic health professor Mollye alternative to President Bill surprised to see Republicans preferred policy. Demosthenidy shared their Clinton’s healthcare propos- come out against the very “If it were up to me, I thoughts on the Affordable al, which failed.” proposal they advocated would have made a oneCare Act Tuesday at a panel Demosthenidy said two decades prior. word change in the law,” sponsored by Public Health Obama had to take action “Politics are tribal,” Car- Carville said. “The law says Undergraduate Student after promising to reform ville said. “People that were that the age of Medicare eliGovernment. healthcare during the 2008 for the same piece of legisla- gibility is 65; I would have Carville began by ex- election. tion in 1993 can’t stand it in changed it to birth.” plaining the history of the “It wasn’t an option to 2014.” Nonetheless, he said he individual mandate, the do nothing,” DemosthenCarville said the ap- believes the Affordable Care most controversial aspect of idy said. “The status quo proach was necessary to fix Act is good policy. President Barack Obama’s sucked.” the most pressing problem “Good public policy signature healthcare law, Learning from the mis- facing healthcare in the helps more people than it to the standing room-only takes of Clinton, Obama United States. hurts,” Carville said. “I think crowd. The mandate re- took a different approach “If you were healthy, it by that measure the act is a quires all Americans to pur- from his Democratic prede- was fine, but if you were good act.” chase health insurance or cessor. sick, you couldn’t get health Demosthenidy said she face a fine. “President Obama comes insurance,” Carville said. agreed. “The conservative alter- and they got to get some- “The only way that insur“I think it’s a step in the native [to Clinton’s health- thing through Congress,” ers will insure a sick person right direction,” Demosthecare proposal] is the indi- Carville said. “So they de- is that you have to let them nidy said. “It was incremenvidual mandate,” Carville cide to take the most con- insure a lot of well people. It tal. It was what the public said. “The administration servative way which is the can’t be done any other way. of Republican President individual mandate which If you just have a pool that is CARVILLE 2

by chrissy polizzi

contributing writer Every Tuesday a group of Tulane students spend part of their day acting as big sisters for girls age 14 to 17 who live in a therapeutic home for foster children called Raintree House. The house offers housing, counseling, tutoring and other services to the girls in between foster homes. As the ladies get older, the staff at Raintree focuses on integrating the women into the community to find housing and jobs. Once the women turn 18, they will no longer be in the system and as a result will no longer be able to reside at the Raintree House. Co-coordinators Erica Lipoff and Lara Cohen lead the volunteer group of students Virginia Morgan, Sasha Chaifetz, and Anastasia Tencza in partnership with the Community Action Council of Tulane University Students. “Sometimes they’re fun activities like a movie night or a dance party, and sometimes we do more meaningful programming,” Lipoff said. “We’ve talked about domestic violence and we’ve had a sex ed talk. One of my big goals is to start bringing in some speakers [to discuss] topics such as self-esteem, job training or ways to go to college.” The CACTUS program provides consistency to young women who have had little stability in their home lives. “I think that consistency for the girls is the most important part of what we do,” Lipoff said. “Our main purpose is to be a consistent friend for them.” One of the biggest challenges that the volunteers and staff face is building trust with the girls in the house. “One of the challenges is to let them know that we’re not

RAINTREE 2


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THURSDAY 4/10

WORKSHOP ON “TRANSFORMING CHALLENGES INTO STRENGTHS” 12:30-1:45 p.m./Richardson Building room 310

The Social Entrepreneurship Initiatives and the Center for Engaged Learning and Teaching are presenting a workshop to help students recognize personal challenges that can help them identify suitable career paths. It is part of a series called “Work on Purpose: 10 Principles for Creating a Meaningful Career.” Students who register 24 hour in advance will be given a free lunch.

FRIDAY 4/11

LACHON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SEMINAR 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m./711 N. Broad St. 2nd floor conference room

The School of Public Health and Tropical Medicine is sponsoring a domestic violence seminar that is free and open to the public. Ashley Wennerstrom, Ashley Bernal of Women with a Vision, Gwen Richardson of Ashe’ and Starleen Maharaj Lewis of Tulane CHW will present. meg harlan | staff photographer

The cast of “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” practices for its upcoming performances 7:30 Wednesday and Thursday in Dixon Hall. The show is the MFA project of Sean Michael Jeanicke.

PERSON LIGHTS TRASHCAN ON FIRE AT DIBOLL PARKING GARAGE A person lit a trashcan on fire on the second floor of the Diboll Complex parking garage near the elevator on Tuesday evening around 5 p.m. The Tulane University Police Department extinguished the fire before there was any damage. Officers believe that someone threw a cigarette butt into the trashcan and caused the fire. There was no camera to record the events and no suspects either. TULANE UNIVERSITY STUDENT ATTEMPTS TO CLIMB MONROE HALL BALCONY A Tulane University student was stuck on the second floor balcony at Monroe Hall after attempting to climb it on Saturday. The student claimed to be unable to return to ground level but when the Tulane University Police Department arrival, the subject had already come down. SODEXO BRUFF WORKER ARRESTED FOR THEFT A Sodexo worker was caught stealing meat from the deli section by the manager of Bruff Commons around 9 a.m. on Friday. According to the report, he was caught putting the meat in a bag to take later. The manager decided to press charges against the subject, and he was arrested for theft and taken to central lockup.

CARVILLE CONTINUED FROM 1

would accept.” Carville said both the Obama administration and opponents of the healthcare law made mistakes in their campaign approaches. “The administration made a mistake because they tried to say this was good for everybody,” Carville said. “The opponents made a mistake because they tried to say it was bad for everybody. The truth of the matter is if you’re a 51-year-old obese female with a history of breast cancer and diabetes, it’s spectacular. If you’re a healthy, affluent 31-year-old, not so much.” He said Obama needed to do a better job selling the law’s benefits to the American people. “President Obama doesn’t like politics,” Carville said. “He thinks that selling things are beneath him. The president is a lot of things, and salesmanin-chief is one of the things that the president has to be.” Despite the fact that the healthcare law remains unpopular in public opinion

RELAY FOR LIFE EVENT

Noon to midnight/Newcomb Quad

The American Cancer Society and planning committee is hosting their annual Relay for Life fundraiser event. Admission is charged but the event is open to the public. Participants are encouraged to create teams to fundraise.

CRIME WATCH

polls, Demosthenidy said she doesn’t think the law will be repealed, even with a Republican-controlled Congress and a Republican President. “I think it’s turning out to be a good gamble for [the Obama administration],” Demosthenidy said. “It’s going to be hard to repeal that. People start getting really uncomfortable with taking away a benefit once it’s there.” Carville said it’s likely that the Democratic Party is going to lose seats in Congress during this year’s midterms elections; however, he does not think the loses will be because of the Affordable Care Act. “The Democrats could easily lose the Senate,” Carville said. “In the Senate, the map for the Democrats is atrocious.” Democratic incumbents are up for re-election in a number of heavily Republican states such as Louisiana, North Carolina, Arkansas and Alaska. Carville also said that the incumbent party does not historically fare well during the sixth year in power. He said he believes the Democrats will fare better in the long term because of the Affordable Care Act.

SATURDAY 4/12

“It may be a temporary pain for a long-term gain,” Carville said. “They never called Social Security Roosevelt-care, or Medicare Johnson-care. By calling it Obamacare, if it ever gets popular, the Democrats will forever be associated with it.” Junior Lee Parker said that, despite some good insight, the event lacked substantive answers to questions. “There was a lot of healthcare-for-dummies element to it, but a lot of the tough questions they avoided,” Parker said. “What should Tulane be emphasizing? How is healthcare going to look? What is the future of affordable care organizations? A lot of [the answers] were ‘I don’t know’ and that’s not what we came here to find out, because we don’t know either.”

SUNDAY 4/13

GLOBAL WILDLIFE SAFARI TRIP 8 a.m. to 2 p.m./Reily Student Recreation Center and the Global Wildlife Center

Reily is organizing a trip for students to go to the Global Wildlife Center in Folsom, LA for a safari tour. The center is the largest free-roaming wildlife preserve in the country and is home to over 4,000 animals from around the world. Admission is charged and students should register with Reily in advance.

MONDAY 4/14

TUCP DIRECTION PRESENTS: A LECTURE BY NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON 8-9:30 p.m./ McAlister Auditorium

Tulane University Campus Programming presents a lecture by astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. Tyson, who conducts research on stars, founded StarTalk Radio, a program dedicated to bringing science to the general public.

TUESDAY 4/15

ART TALK AT NEWCOMB GALLERY 3-5 p.m./ Woldenberg Art Center, Newcomb Art Gallery

Tom Strider will discuss several works of art from the 1500s.

WEDNESDAY 4/16

BOOK SIGNING AND DISCUSSION OF “NEW ORLEANS BEER: A HOPPY HISTORY OF BIG EASY BREWING” 4-5 p.m./ Lavin-Bernick Center, Tulane University Bookstore

Tulane alumni Jeremy Labadie and Argyle Wolf-Knapp will sign their new book about the history of New Orleans’ beer culture.

INVASION CONTINUED FROM 1

and students around 1 p.m. Monday. “Typically we wouldn’t send [a crime alert] out for a burglary but because this is aggravated … we [did] send one out,” Barnwell said.

RAINTREE CONTINUED FROM 1

like where they came from,” Raintree House staff member Tara James said. Many of the girls come from traumatic homes and as a result are not inclined at first to open up to their weekly visitors. “It’s rewarding when there’s a tough girl who takes a while to open up. When you make

The alert described all of the suspects as black men 1417 years old without facial hair. One was 5’8” with a muscular build with a short buzz cut wearing black pants, no shirt and black and white skeleton gloves with a tattoo of two unknown words on his chest. Another had a twist hairstyle and was wearing a red and black

striped polo. In an e-mail, Flot said NOPD is investigating whether this incident is connected to other crimes in the area. “At this time, we don’t have further information on the ongoing investigation,” Flot said. “Detectives are investigating to determine if any of the recent incidents in the area are related.”

that breakthrough you feel like you can potentially impact her life and make a difference,” Cohen said. James said she thinks the student volunteers really make an impact in the lives of the girls once they have built a bond. “They really look up to them as mentors,” James said. “They do an outstanding job.” Lipoff and Cohen agreed that their involvement in the organization has been particularly meaningful to them. Co-

hen encouraged others to take time out of their daily schedule to get involved. “I think that what’s really important to do while you’re at Tulane is to get out of this bubble that everyone seems to get trapped in,” Cohen said. “While your next test or what’s going on that night might seem like a really big deal at the time, it’s a good thing to step outside and realize that there are people with real problems whose lives you could make easier.”


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NEWS

APRIL 10, 2014

Tulane starts One Wave campaign to prevent violence

Hullabaloo unveils structural changes to become digital-first by emma discher news editor

claire brown | photo editor

TheWELL is launching a new campaign to encourage bystander intervention in cases of sexual and domestic violence. The program will educate the community on ways to prevent harm which comes in many forms.

by catherine ann taylor focus for the program. Livaccari chief staff writer

One Wave, Tulane’s new campus-wide bystander awareness program spearheaded by theWELL, will be launched on campus this fall with the help of other campus organizations including the Student Health Center, Counseling and Psychological Services, the Office of Violence Prevention and the Newcomb College Institute. Bystander awareness programs help people identify roles that they can play to prevent harm, which can be in many forms. “If you notice your friend is depressed or anxious, or possibly contemplating suicide, how do you deal with that?” said Maeghan Livaccari, the associate director of wellness for the Division of Student Affairs. “How do you be an active bystander in those situations?” Livaccari said that Green Dot etc., a non-profit with a focus on violence prevention education, customized the One Wave program for Tulane. She said the program is similar to one in place at Cornell University. Sexual violence and domestic violence are the first areas of

said research shows bystander awareness programs are key effective in preventing these type of violence. Julia Broussard, Tulane coordinator of violence prevention and support services, said she thought students often do not realize how prevalent sexual violence is. “I think it’s common for students to not be engaged on a lot of issues, because when you’re on a college campus, there are so many issues being thrown at you,” Broussard said. “It’s easy to set [sexual assault] aside, and say, ‘Eh, not my problem,’ if you’ve never dealt with that personally, or never had a close friend who has dealt with that.” Broussard said she thought One Wave, after several years, will bring more students come to her office to discuss harmful sexual experiences and would lower the number of assaults on campus. “Hopefully, we’re creating a culture where students know that this is something Tulane is concerned about,” Broussard said. Livaccari said that society is often hesitant to step in on a potentially harmful situation. One Wave aims to turn that thinking

on its head. “[People think,] ‘I don’t want to embarrass myself, I don’t know if I should step in. I don’t know those people. How do I do that? It’s none of my business.’ It’s about acknowledging that there are all of those barriers, and then acknowledging that there are some options,” Livaccari said. One Wave aims to formalize those options, and to present information about campus resources to students, such as the numbers to campus hotlines, or how to access incident report forms, Livaccari said. “The idea is that the bystander skills can be generalized to a lot of situations,” Broussard said. “So even though our first phase of training is focused on sexual violence, hopefully students will be able to use those skills in other situations.” Livacarri said campus faculty members involved with One Wave have identified student leaders on Tulane’s campus from different areas of interest. Those students will participate in a preliminary workshop this Saturday to learn about the tenets of One Wave. Next semester, they will give speeches about One Wave around campus. In addition, faculty members will

have a workshop in July. “The only way it will be a culture shift is engaging all the key stakeholders faculty, staff, all the departments you could possibly think of,” Livaccari said. “And then, of course, students.” Alex Gulachenski, a sophomore and peer health educator at theWELL, said that peer health educators and other students involved in health on campus are not meant to be the sole drivers of the campaign. “Hopefully, students from all aspects of campus will participate in the training … and become leaders themselves,” Gulachenski said. Livaccari said that she knows there is need on campus for a program like One Wave, because campus organizations hear students say they want information on resources. “Part of this will be letting the community know that we are responsible, we are accountable, and we do not tolerate any violence within our community, whatever that may look like,” Livaccari said.

The Hullabaloo will undergo a series of changes for the 2014-15 school year in an effort to innovate in accordance with national journalism trends. These changes include a stronger focus on digital journalism, changes to the staff and a stronger recruitment and education program. In order to be digital-first, The Hullabaloo will separate its print and news content sections into separate online and print sections for the news, sports, arcade and views sections. The online editor will post content online daily and increase the use of social media rather than waiting for the weekly print production night. “We’ve split our content team into one for print and one for online,” Editor-in-Chief Danielle Maddox said. “The Hullabaloo is not just a newspaper anymore, as it has been in the past. Instead, it will be a digital-first media company that generates content daily and advances social media and multimedia to better serve its community.” In addition to the split of online and print structural changes, the business department will expand to include a marketing manager and more associate positions. It will be completely separate from the content sections. The Hullabaloo will also introduce staff positions for recruiting and training staff including a recruitment coordinator and training coordinator. All of these changes and additions are meant to keep The

Hullabaloo relevant and to innovate with the changing national media scene. “[The changes are] to keep up with and try to get ahead a little bit of the incredible changes that are happening in the world of media and to make sure that The Hullabaloo has another 110 years of delivering the news to the Tulane community in the format that they will come to expect it,” Hullabaloo Staff Advisor Tel Bailliet said. Maddox said this process will involve a large effort from all of the staff as the changes are implemented, but she said she feels confident in the current staff. “It’s going to take a special group of students to make this happen and I think that we have a great foundation in the newsroom and in our business department to create that team,” Maddox said. The current staff will hold two rounds of elections in the coming weeks. Applications for the managing board have already been released and are due at noon on Saturday. The board applications will be released shortly and will be due April 23 at 5 p.m. All applications and signed contracts should be sent to hull@tulane.edu. “This is the time to talk about what you need to see in your campus newspaper,” Bailliet said. “This is the time to write a letter to the editor, e-mail the editors, grab someone you know on staff and say, ‘Hey this is what I think should be included in The Hullabaloo.’ Because this is the campus newspaper, and Tulane should be involved in this.”

ComeFail encourages student start-ups

University begins ESL certification program

henry pi | staff photographer

Above: Robert Connor

by luisa venegoni

contributing writer The Tulane Center for Global Education and the Teacher Preparation and Certification Program are offering four new courses beginning this fall that will certify students to teach English as a Second Language. The first course, Methods for teaching English as a Second Language, focuses on the theory and operations of second-language acquisition courses. ESL director Robert Connor said the courses were developed as a way to expand opportunities for students seeking to either teach in the

United States or pursue international work programs. Connor said he thinks the certification is especially useful for students who will apply for other academic or volunteer opportunities. “If you’re interested in international work, I think English language teaching is one way to work overseas,” Connor said. “I think if you’re applying for the Peace Corps or the Fulbright [English Teaching Assistance Program] this would be something to make you more competitive.” Though the ESL certificate must be accompanied by a teaching certificate in order to be fully certified by the

Louisiana Department of Education to work in the state, the courses will increase opportunities for students looking to pursue a career in public education. Connor said Tulane University’s Teacher Preparation and Certification Program considers ESL an area of critical need, meaning there is a severe shortage of available ESL teachers in the state, especially in the New Orleans area. James Kilbane, interim director of the Teacher Preparation and Certification Program, said several New Orleans public schools approached the university and asked that an ESL certification program be created. “There’s a need out there in the sense that there are [ESL] students who are underserved in the K-12 student population,” Kilbane said. “Many teachers who are already out there do not have the background or the knowledge and skills yet to instruct those students as the number increases.” Connor said many English-teaching jobs require a master’s degree, but an ESL certification will offer an advantage to applicants who just hold a bachelor’s degree. “There’s this range of English teaching opportunities and for most of the really good jobs you need a master’s degree and there are very few for bachelor’s degrees,” Connor said. “There’s a range of certificates in between. I try and explain it in the sense of ‘it’s less than a master’s degree but it is more serious training, so it is also a pathway.’” Freshman Brittany Ebeling said she thinks pairing ESL certification with other skills could help create a comprehensive skill set for students looking to work

abroad. “Anything that builds skill assets is invaluable, particularly in international work,” Ebeling said. “Anything that can help build cultural competency is a value-add. I think there’s value in learning teaching styles and a skill like this, but it’s not necessarily a standalone. There are a lot of other important skills that need to be paired with this to make it have its full value.” Connor said he is happy with the level of student interest expressed so far. “Most [interested students] want to use English teaching abroad as a way into something else,” Connor said. “Like as a way to public health or as a way into exploring their environment. They want to use it as a way of studying abroad, but instead of studying, getting a qualitative working experience. It’s one thing to go to a place to study but it’s another thing to go there and work.” The Tulane Center for Global Education will host an ESL conference on Nov. 7 and bring in speakers from the Peace Corps and the state department, along with close to 200 public school teachers. “A lot of people think teaching ESL is just one thing, but there are different segments,” Connor said. “There’s teaching adult education, there’s teaching preparation to go into university and there’s teaching graduate. So we’ll have different segments [at the conference] and hopefully some interested students.”

meg harlan | staff photographer

A ComeFail idea board allows students to propose start-up suggestions. ComeFail was founded by sophomore Ethan Levy.

by julia novak

contributing writer Sophomore Ethan Levy came to Tulane with an idea for a business, but quickly discovered how difficult it was to implement. He wondered why there wasn’t a platform that could connect him with other students who would want to help. As a result, he created ComeFail, an online platform which encourages students to engage in entrepreneurship. “ComeFail encourages students to share their ideas with the willingness to receive constructive criticism,” Levy said. “We want to become an online incubator for budding entrepreneurs.” ComeFail emerged at the New Orleans 3 Day Startup, an annual event that allows students to start a technology company in just three days. ComeFail recognizes that students are hesitant to pursue their ideas because they fear failing. “Everything else in our society tells us to come succeed, but we’re not told to fail enough,” Levy said. “And failure is the means to success.” ComeFail hosted a competition for $500 in which students posted an idea on ComeFail’s Facebook page and critiqued two other ideas in order to win. Trash to Treasure, an organization encouraging students to donate unwanted school supplies to be resold in the fall, won the competition. ComeFail’s second idea competition offered a $1,000 prize to the idea that received the most Facebook “likes.” Roots of Renewal, a project focused on teaching skills to

juvenile offenders to reorient them into the community, received1,092 likes and won the competition. Levy said he hopes his idea can help people change their perception and fear of being unsuccessful. “Because people perceive failure in a [negative] way, it creates high barriers of entry to jobs,” Levy said. “Entrepreneurs are perceived as risk takers and people who are abnormal. We want to make it the new normal.” Levy wants ComeFail to eventually spread to as many universities as possible across the country. He said he hopes that it will leave the university system as well. “I’d like have it so a 7-yearold could go onto our platform and start a business,” Levy said. “We’d like to make age irrelevant, make it all about learning, experimenting and getting your hands dirty.” ComeFail has recently applied for the NewDay Challenge, an award of up to $20,000 given to students dedicated to solving social challenges. Levy said they will know by April 11 if the university will financially support ComeFail. “They have already supported us some,” Levy said. “We’ve received about $3,000, but we need a lot more.”


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MANAGING EDITORIAL BOARD Danielle Maddox editor-in-chief

Jessica Appelbaum managing editor

Alexia Chatfield

production manager

Craig Kinchen

business manager

Maureen O’Neill

general assignments editor

Grace Barnes

chief copy editor

Samantha Halperin public relations director

Andrew Lemoine online editor

STAFF EDITORIAL BOARD Emma Discher Thomas O’Brien news editors

Charles Bramesco Jamie Norwood arcade editors

Sam Wetzler

views editor

Jonathan Harvey Oliver Grigg sports editors

OPINION OF THE HULLABALOO

Tulane encourages business ventures by students

Claire Brown Akash Desai

Karina Reiss

arcade layout editor

Stephanie Choi

views layout editor

Audrey Davis

sports layout editor

Siraphob Chansangavej ads layout editor

Alexandra Hassan

personnel director

CARTOON

CAMPUS

By Chris Daemmrich

QUESTION

What was your favorite act at Crawfest?

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ophomore Ethan Levy’s entrepre- THE HULL THINKS... neurial success is a Programs like ComeFail bright spot for Tulane University. Come- will inspire dialogue on Fail, Levy’s student-initi- potential programs for ated organization, shows that the university can innovation be a hotbed for entrepreneurship and offer resources and guidance to help students develop business ideas. Students should take advantage of the resources afforded by Tulane and the Center for Engaged Learning and Teaching’s entrepreneurial programs and grants. ComeFail emerged at the New Orleans 3 Day Startup, an annual event that facilitates students to start a technology company in just three days. Levy brought his idea for a business to Tulane and was able to develop it in part because of resources and services the university provided. Tulane displayed that it can be a catalyst for entrepreneurs looking to implement business ideas and provide connections to other entrepreneurs or those looking to help. CELT helps to facilitate students’ transformation into creative, inquisitive, ethical and responsible scholars, and citizens of the world. CELT offers engaging programs, such as the Changemaker Institute and the NewDay Social Entrepreneurship Challenge, which support  students’ ideas for social change and allow them to develop, test and launch their social venture. CELT’s NewDay Challenge, for which ComeFail recently applied, awards up to $20,000 to students dedicated to solving social challenges and pursuing their entrepreneurial goals. At a university that greatly promotes social engagement within the community, students have excellent opportunities and are offered incredible resources, services and experiences that allow for entrepreneurial involvement and further engagement with businesses and leaders within New Orleans. Tulane’s faculty and programs have the largest influences on student learning and student pursuit of ideas, and students should utilize the resources that the university provides. 

photography editor staff copy editor

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A playful lampooning of recent good news. Tennessee to approve free community college for all high school grads So that makes college the new high school, grad school the new college and crying with anxiety the new thing I’m doing right now. SeaWorld fights California bill that would ban killer whales from shows They’re willing to rebrand and now advertise shows starring “aggravated assaulter whales.” Nursing home being sued for hiring strippers to dance for elderly residents Stripping is tricky. You’ve gotta get the client aroused, but not so much that his heart stops and he dies. It’s a fine line.

Bike lane on McAlister would prevent injuries SAM WETZLER views editor Tulane needs to install a bike lane on McAlister Drive. There have been too many instances throughout my four years at Tulane when I have walked leisurely on McAlister and nearly collided with a biker or skateboarder speeding by. During the ten-minute transit period between classes when large groups of students are travelling through campus, McAlister becomes very congested. This, however, does not stop bikers or skateboarders from weaving between the many pedestrians. While it stands to reason that students would use bikes to traverse Tulane’s long and spacious campus instead of rushing to class by foot, there is no system in place to safely regulate pedestrians and bikers on the main artery through campus. According the Parking Services office, there are approximately 600 registered bikes on campus. Moreover, when asked, one of the nurses at the Student Health Center said they see approximately two bike or skateboarding accidents

a week. This number increases considering that each nurse rotates between separate floors during the week and does not encounter each reported accident. The nurse also noted that these accidents increase when the weather is warmer during the early fall semesters and the late spring semesters. Accidents such as these could be easily avoided if there were a permanent lane on McAlister designating areas for bikers and pedestrians. There could even be two separate sections. One lane could be designated for bikers headed toward the academic quad while the other lane could be for bikers headed toward the Reily Student Recreation Center. These could be on separate ends of McAlister to make sure there are no collisions between bikers confined to the same designated area. This simple solution has already been implemented by peer institutions such as Emory University and would cost Tulane very little, while preventing a lot of accidents and injuries on one of campus’ central thoroughfares.

JOHN CONROY SENIOR FINANCE

“Wild Child.”

MARGOT HABETS FRESHMAN ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE

“Flow Tribe.”

Sam Wetzler is a senior in the Newcomb-Tulane College. He can be reached for comment at swetzler@tulane. edu.

Tianna Mantz

advertising manager

Hampton Farr

distribution manager

LAMBERT ODEH

A darkly playful lampooning of recent bad news.

G06, LAVIN-BERNICK CENTER NEW ORLEANS, LA 70118 WWW.THEHULLABALOO.COM NEWSROOM 504.865.5657 ADVERTISING 504.865.5656 FAX 504.862.3394 FACEBOOK TULANE HULLABALOO TWITTER THE_HULLABALOO EMAIL HULL@TULANE. EDU Deadline for letters to the editor is at 2 p.m. Wednesday. Send the letters to hull@tulane. edu or bring hard copies to the office. The Hullabaloo reserves the right to edit, abridge or reject any letter. Letters addressing recent Hullabaloo issues will be given precedence over those rebutting other letters. Letters must be signed and include phone number and email address. In cases of possible harm to the author, names will be withheld at editor’s discretion if authorship can be confirmed. The Tulane Hullabaloo is published every Thursday of the academic year except for holidays and exam periods. Staff Editorial opinions represent the views of the editorial board, and are not the expressed views of Tulane University or its Board of Administrators. Opinion columns reflect the views of the individual writers. Subscriptions are available for $50 for the academic year. The Tulane Hullabaloo is funded by advertising revenue. The first two issues of the paper are free. Each additional copy costs $1.00. The Tulane Hullabaloo is printed by Roberson’s Advertising. The Tulane Hullabaloo subscribes to the MCT news wire.

Yale student deemed too thin, tried to bulk up by stuffing her face to avoid expulsion I think I get it. Let’s say that last weekend, Tulane deemed me too sober and I drank that pint of whiskey to avoid expulsion. Bacon prices on the rise as virus new to U.S. kills millions of baby pigs I want to be sad about the dead baby pigs, but then I remember that a second ago I was sad about the bacon drought and I have no leg to stand on. Mother returned home, babysitter had tattooed her children Calm down, Mom, your children are about to spend their entire childhoods being the coolest kids at school.

“i think i could watch the lady marmalade scene from moulin rouge 50 times in a day. i also think i have watched it 50 times today”

“Main Squeeze.”

@larasissel

“A guy leaving you in his Tinder picture is like the ultimate compliment, right? RIGHT?” @miss_kGa

Return of year-long business minor could expand student options JACK NEWELL staff writer Tulane University should make its business minor program available through the current tuition paid by fulltime students. In order to receive a minor in business, a student at Tulane currently must take a series of classes over a summer at an additional cost of $15,000, which includes tuition for the program, on-campus housing and other campus services. According to Lauren Gavioli, assistant director of undergraduate education of the A.B. Freeman School of Business, Tulane eliminated its yearlong business minor in 2011. Students who had already enrolled in the program, however, still qualified to complete the degree. A number of factors are responsible for the changes to the yearlong business minor. First, the administration re-

duced the faculty in the business school after Hurricane Katrina, which forced Tulane to make cuts across the university. The growing enrollment of Tulane students in the business school has also contributed to the changes. According to Vice President of Student Affairs Michael Hogg, the size of the business school has been increasing by about 100 students per year since 2009. This growth puts strain not only on the faculty, but also on the limited spacing that facilities can offer. Additionally, the business school reports that the number of students who choose to minor in business has been virtually unaltered by moving the business mi-

nor to the summer. The advantages of extending the availability of the program are clear. All students benefit from the ability to pursue a major or minor in whatever they desire with as few constraints as possible. The opportunity to choose a minor in business is a valuable option for a student of any major. In Tulane’s effort to provide the best education for its students and prepare them to go out into the world, the university should explore all options in making a minor in business as accessible as possible. The university should explore alternative options to the added cost of summer tuition for the program. One

“The opportunity to choose a

minor in business is a valuable option for a student of any major.

such option could be to offer scholarships to cover the tuition. There is a developing bill in the Liberal Arts Student Government that would allow the School of Liberal Arts to offer its students scholarships for the summer. Other schools should consider offering these scholarships as well, including the business school. The university should also allocate money to schools to offer these scholarships. The business school has reported that it will consider offering a minor during the year in the future, if an increase in resources permits it. For now, students who want to pursue a minor in business will need to pay extra and stay over the summer. All of Tulane should give thought to how every undergraduate can be offered the best education. Jack Newell is a freshman in the Newcomb-Tulane College. He can be reached for comment at jnewell3@tulane. edu.

PHOEBE COUGHLIN FRESHMAN STUDIO ART & DIGITAL MEDIA PRODUCTION

“Wild Child.”

CHRISTOPHER ARGUELLO JUNIOR MARKETING & MANAGEMENT

“Ballyhoo!”

COMPILED BY HENRY PI | STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER

CONTACT

JUNIOR FINANCE & MANAGEMENT


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french quarter

courtesy of french quarter festival

Musicians, street performers and food vendors alike will join forces for the country’s largest free music festival this weekend. The festival salutes the faces, sounds and history that makes the French Quarter an icon of New Orleans culture.

festival gets downtown jumpin’

T

by julia engel staff writer

he country’s largest free music festival will hit the streets of the French Quarter this weekend. The French Quarter Festival originated as a small celebration for locals in 1984 and is now one of the New Orleans’ biggest annual attractions next to the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival and Mardi Gras. The festival, which features music, food and local art exhibitions, is more like a giant block party than anything else, with no admission fees or gates. More than 800 live bands will be playing throughout the weekend from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. each day. The bands will be divided among 20 stages scattered between Bourbon Street and the Mississippi Riverfront. Dr. John, this year’s headliner, will make his first appearance at French Quarter Fest since 1987. Dr. John’s music embodies much of New Orleans’ opulent musical heritage — the singer-songwriter, pianist and guitarist mixes blues, jazz and zydeco and rock and roll. He is scheduled to play at 4:30 p.m. Friday at the Abita Stage. The French Quarter Festival dedicates itself to representing Louisiana’s best gospel, jazz, zydeco, funk, Cajun, rock and blues artists each year. Some names to look out for throughout the weekend are the Honey Island Swamp Band, The Dukes of Dixieland, Rebirth Brass Band and New Birth Brass Band, to name a few. The International Stage at Dutch Alley will also be hosting a number of bands from around the globe, such as Bernie and The Party Gators, who hail from Germany, and Sweden’s Canal Creepers. No matter what time or day of the festival

you attend, however, the experience of seeing local live music is sure to be a great one. If the music isn’t enough, the festival food is reason enough to make the trek downtown. Over 60 local food and drink vendors will set up camp near Jackson Square to bring patrons a wide variety of Southern, Creole and Cajun cuisine. Each year a new list of vendors is selected. As the event has grown in popularity, the list of participants has grown increasingly exclusive. Today all new vendors must be restaurants, and those located in the French Quarter get priority over other neighborhoods. In fact, almost 200 New Orleans restaurants are still on the waiting list to participate in French Quarter Fest. Most of the food will be less than $10 and from some of the best restaurants in the city. Antoine’s will be serving Oysters Bonne Femme, and Muriel’s will boast a delicious Crawfish and Goat Cheese Crepe, both for just $6. Galatoire’s Restaurant, Jacques-Imo’s Cafe and Boucherie will also be making appearances. With so many options to choose from, it’s no wonder the festival boasts itself as the ‘World’s Largest Jazz Brunch.’ There will also be a number of other activities for festivalgoers as they stroll through the Quarter, such as free traditional jazz dance lessons provided by the NOLA Jitterbugs, a program of documentary films at Le Petit Theatre and panel discussions at the Old U.S. Mint. With its vastly wide range of offerings, French Quarter Festival has become an attraction for one and all over its 31 years of existence, and its lineup for this year is sure to keep the legacy alive and well.

Howlin’ Wolf salutes two decades of OutKast BY SAM ERGINA

courtesy of tulane pr

As one half of OutKast, Andre 3000 will receive homage Saturday during OutKast20 at the Howlin’ Wolf. A variety of acts will cover his work with Big Boi under the OutKast title.

OutKast is one of the most famous hip-hop groups of all time. The duo consists of Atlanta-based rappers André “André 3000” Benjamin and Antwan “Big Boi” Patton. They have sold 25 million records and have received 6 Grammy Awards. Their debut album featured their first entry into the number one Billboard Hot Rap Tracks chart, “Play-

er’s Ball”. Since that emergence into the hip-hop scene, they amassed a significant number of billboard chart toppers including classic songs like “Hey Ya” and “The Way You Move”. Their style of music has been categorized as a combination of Dirty South and G-funk, but is more of mixture of a wide variety of genres like funk, soul, electronic, rock,

jazz and blues. The concert is bound to be an incredible tribute, with the familiarity of great OutKast music and tons of mixes to add an entertaining dose of variety to the event. Tickets for the show are currently being sold at $10. If you can’t make it out to any of their shows this summer, then this is definitely the next best thing.

‘Cheap Thrills’ puts a hefty price on human life by charles bramesco arcade editor

Latter-day economic theorist Dwayne Carter III said it in his seminal treatise on the corrosive effects of wealth, “A Milli.” The Wu-Tang Clan knew it when they wrote “C.R.E.A.M.” and Jay-Z seems to never shut up about it.

GRIEVANCES Dear Food Allergies,

STAFF WRITER

This Saturday at 9:00 p.m., the Howlin’ Wolf on 907 South Peters Street is presenting In The Den: OutKast20 to honor the 20th anniversary of the release of OutKast’s debut album, Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik. The show will be hosted by Quest and will feature E.F. Cuttin, SoulOne (HTX) and RQ Away. It will consist remixes, covers and collaborations of OutKast’s vast and iconic playlist. The host, Quest, is an extremely renowned DJ, having been a champion in internationally known DJ events such as DMC and New Music Seminar. E.F. Cuttin and RQ Away are New Orleans’ natives who regularly host a segment on Tulane’s own WTUL station Tuesday nights. This event is New Orleans’ way of showing its appreciation for OutKast and the duo’s contributions to music. If Nas’ 20th anniversary of Illmatic tour wasn’t enough to quench the thirst of classic rap and hip-hop artists, then OutKast’s summer tour of over 40 festivals worldwide will definitely do the trick. For those who don’t know,

airing of

Money talks and everything else walks, and nowhere does that adage ring truer than the shockingly self-assured debut from E.L. Katz, “Cheap Thrills.” The film’s basic premise hinges on the presumption that an average human being will do absolutely anything if enough cold, hard cash depends on it. It is a simple thesis, but one that Katz unveils in

a deliciously gradual manner. He spends the film treating his characters like subjects, testing their limits only to find that there’s no line they won’t cross. Everyone has a price in here. And our hero’s price is not even that high. When Craig (Pat Healy) first saunters onto the screen, he finds a notice of impending eviction on his

shabby apartment’s front door and cartoon moths flying out of his wallet. He goes to nurse his fiscal wounds at a village bar and encounters an old school chum (Ethan Embry).

READ THE REST AT TULANEHULLABALOO. COM

You are ruining my life. A long time ago, food was my one true love. It was my blissful romance as it that could never harm me in any way. Or so I thought. Now, food is stress. Opening my refrigerator or pantry used to be an activity filled with pleasure, but it now only consists of anxiety. My top Google searches have changed from “Kanye West nude pics” and “X-men Rogue bodysuit costume” to “is _____ gluten free” and “does _____ have corn in it?” It’s hard enough having one food allergy, but having multiple makes life pretty miserable. Gluten, corn and shellfish, if I could anthropomorphize you for a hot second and punch you in the face, I definitely would. Scouring every label at the grocery store might get me a few glares from fellow patrons, but I would read the label of a thousand different brands of bread if it meant I could eat a grilled cheese sandwich without getting sick. On the rare occasions that I do happen upon sandwich bread that does not contain gluten or corn, I sing praises to the deities of food, until I see the price tag. My wallet sheds a few tears and becomes significantly lighter every time I find bread I am able to consume, because I will undoubtedly spend any amount of money, no matter how ridiculous, on bread that does not contain gluten or corn. Sadly, the bread usually ends up tasting like cardboard and becomes moldy with-

in two days, but any bread is good bread now. This is what you have done to me, food allergies. I will now gladly gobble up cardboard-like bread and pizza without hesitation. Finding a restaurant that will take my food allergies seriously makes daily life even more stressful. When I ask for a gluten-free menu, the most common reaction I receive is a sigh and an eye-roll from the hostess or waiter, followed by an accusatory inquiry of whether I actually have an allergy. Food allergies, you are very real and very frustrating. I thought I’d already gone through all of the hard stuff concerning you, food allergies, but then this year’s Crawfest rolled around. It took all of my strength to avoid the siren-call of those tiny red mudbugs calling my name from the quad. I stayed off of social media for the whole weekend because of you. It was just too difficult to see picture after picture depicting the delicious food I was missing out on. I’m definitely not looking forward to missing out on the godsend known as crawfish bread at Jazz Fest this year. Food allergies, you are ruining my life. Part of me wishes I’d never found out about you. Life was ridden with mystery health dilemmas before you entered my life, but now I’m just filled with endless fear and bland food. I still haven’t decided which is worse.

Sincerely, Not just an annoying fad-dieter


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NOAH GUNDERSON

Burgeoning folk star Noah Gundersen will serenade bar crawlers and music lovers at 8 p.m. on April 16 at Gasa Gasa. With a voice imbued with tireless wanderlust and instrumentals dripping with emotion, Gundersen will leave audience members moved and speechless. The 24-year-old artist has nurtured his love for music since his childhood in Centralia, Wash. The singer-songwriter started recording music at the tender age of 13 with his father’s recording equipment. By age 16 Gundersen was playing solo in local cafes and performing alongside his

sister Abby, who accompanied him on the violin. Gundersen released several EPs and singles with bands Beneath Oceans and The Courage before finally focusing on his solo work in 2011. With both the youthful energy of a rookie and the wisdom of a veteran, Gundersen has produced an impressive discography nine EPs, compilations and music demos in a short amount of time. Those burning through every episode of “Sons of Anarchy” and “The Vampire Diaries” are already familiar with Gundersen’s earlier work. The most intricate and powerful tracks from Gundersen’s EP “Family” are featured regularly on both television shows, ranging from rollicking single

thequeue.

GUNDERSEN IS ON THE LEDGE BETWEEN THE EXPERIMENTAL AND THE EXPERIENTIAL, MAINSTREAM ACCLAIM AND INDIE FAME.

“David” and to introspective track “Family.” Gundersen’s newest album “Ledges” showcases the songwriter’s strong vocals and poetic lyrics. The album opens with a cappella “Poor Man’s Son,” establishing the full breadth of Gundersen’s formidable vocals with one stripped song. After this first track, Gundersen’s faint and diminu-

DON’T TRUST THE B---IN APARTMENT 23

by tyler mead staff writer

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Courtesy of imdb.com

Bobcat Goldthwait delivers a film less entertaining than his name with “God Bless America.” “God Bless America” follows Frank (Joel Murray) on his quest to rid the world of all things annoying, from reality stars to assholes in parking lots. He’s joined by his plucky sidekick, 16-year-old Roxy (Tara Lynne Barr,) as they gun down anyone who grinds their gears. While the premise appeals to all those discontented with humanity; the film lacks a certain punch. What should be a simple, and dark comedic romp turns preachy fast. The film occasionally delivers a laugh, especially as young Roxy giggles delightedly at mass shootings, but ultimately isn’t funny enough to live up to the promising concept. Subpar acting and repetitive voice overs only hurt the film more, and cement “God Bless America’s” place as a skip worthy film.

tive style builds throughout the rest of the album. The album’s combination of spiritual imagery with raw emotion shines through in “Separator” and “Isaiah.” The universal appeal of wrenching lyrics such as, “Don’t you wish you could go back?/When your heart sang like a burning branch,” has inspired countless acoustic covers on social media.

“Ledges” stands apart from Gundersen’s previous work because it embodies his stylistic transition from recklessness to clarity. As a musician, Gundersen is on the ledge between the experimental and the experiential, mainstream acclaim and indie fame. The infinite potential of this in-between state allows Gundersen to push the boundaries of his music while preserving his tried and true style. In the album’s title song, Gundersen sings “Here, I stand on the edge of the ledges I’ve made/Looking for a steady hand.” Students who attend Gundersen’s upcoming concert at Gasa Gasa are certain to connect with the sensations of imbalance and unadulterated thrill described in “Ledges.”

When June Colburn (Dreama Walker) finds out life in New York isn’t what she thought it would be, her life is turned upside down due to her zany roommate Chloe (Krysten Ritter.) Cliché upon cliché aside, ABC’s “Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23” proves decent. Ritter truly carries the show in her portrayal of Chloe, the bitch in apartment 23, who makes her way through life partying, destroying lives and getting laid. The rest of the cast falls below the line of average. Walker plays the overly innocent June who constantly tries to balance out Chloe’s manic ways. James Van Der Beek plays himself, but viewers are constantly wondering what the joke in that is, other than Chloe having a famous friend. Chloe’s panty-less adventures clock in at two short seasons, and are best viewed in between actual binge watches.

ANGEL Take three of the worst characters from a cult mega hit, add depth and viola — you have Joss Whedon’s “Angel.” David Boreanaz stars in his own “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” following Angelus, the vampire with a soul, as he protects the people of Los Angeles (see what they did there?). He’s joined by Cordelia Chase (Charisma Carpenter) and Wesley Wyndam-Pryce (Alexis Denisof), two of the least-fleshed-out characters of the Buffy series. As the show progresses through its five seasons, we see them grow beyond their roles as a former high school queen bee and failed watcher, respectively. Angel battles vampires, demons, and lawyers while walking his own grey line of justice. The city of LA provides a much more grounded setting than the fictional Sunnydale, and usually allows for less campy scenarios than its predecessor. “Angel” is an absolute must for any Buffy fan, even if the new crew lacks the same lovability of the Scoobies.

Courtesy of imdb.com

assistant editor

Courtesy of imdb.com

by lucy stratton

courtesy of matthew b. thompson

TO CAST SPELL UPTOWN

SPORTS

LAGNIAPPE FEATURE Graffagnini reflects on 20 years as the voice of the Wave BASEBALL HEAD COACH TO MISS REMAINDER OF 2014 SEASON

by kaitlin maheu

associate sports editor

Tulane athletic director Rick Dickson announced that Rick Jones would not be returning to manage the Green Wave for the remainder of the year due to health problems Monday. Jones is expected to return to the team in 2015. Jones missed 10 consecutive games prior to the announcement, including three conference series and the Green Wave’s 3-2 victory against LSU. Assistant coach Jake Gautreau will serve as head coach in Jones’ absence.

SAND VOLLEYBALL DROPS IN-STATE CONTEST TO LOUISIANA-MONROE

The Tulane sand volleyball team fell to LouisianaMonroe 3-2, despite taking a 2-0 lead to open the match. The loss ended the Green Wave’s threematch winning streak and moved the team to 5-4 for the year. Tulane will travel to Siesta Key, Fla. to play in the Pairs Tournament April 12-13.

Conference USA standings BASEBALL Conference

EAST UAB ECU So. Miss. Rice UTSA Old Dominion

FIU Mid. Tenn. Marshall Tulane Fla. Atlantic La. Tech Charlotte

All games

W L

Pct.

W L

Pct.

3 4 4 5 4 7 7 7 7 8 10 12 11

.750

23 20 19 23 22 20 24 15 13 13 17 9 8

.696

9 8 8 10 8 8 8 8 7 6 5 3 1

.666 .666 .666 .666 .533 .533 .533 .500 .428 .333 .200 .083

10 13 15 12 11 14 8 18 18 18 15 21 21

Radio personality Todd Graffagnini has been calling Tulane sporting events for more than 20 years. Known by many of his followers as “Graff,” the voice of the Green Wave is well known for his enthusiastic play-by-play of Green Wave baseball, football and both men’s and women’s basketball, and his dedication to Tulane athletics. Graffagnini, a New Orleans native and Loyola graduate, began his involvement with athletics at a young age and played college baseball for Northeastern Louisiana, now Louisiana-Monroe, before moving back to the New Orleans area to finish his education and begin his career on the airwaves. Graffagnini always knew he wanted to go into media, but it was at Loyola where he served as a pitching coach for Wolfpack baseball that he got his start calling games with the Green Wave. “In 1992, I was just hanging out in the press box here at Tulane,” Graffagnini said. “Ken Berthelot was the Voice of the Green Wave back then, [but] I’d really never met [him]. I went up to him after one game and I introduced myself to him and I said, ‘You know, I’ve always been interested in radio, I played myself, but my career is basically over and I’d like to do what you do one day.’” Berthelot’s response surprised the then college-aged Graffagnini and gave him his first taste of what life as a sportscaster would be like. “[Berthelot] didn’t have to do this, but he said, ‘We’re doing a game in a couple of days,

would you like to sit in?’ I said absolutely,” Graffagnini said. “We were playing Southern Miss at the old Turchin Stadium and he actually let me do play-by-play for a couple of innings, which I couldn’t believe. He gave me an opportunity and fortunately for me I [wasn’t too bad at it], and he asked me to come back and here we are. It was pretty crazy thinking back on it right now but I owe it all to Ken Berthelot, he gave me the chance.” Since that day in 1992, Graffagini has been doing play-by-play for the Green Wave and is currently in his seventh year covering all three sports. Graffagnini is one of four boys in his family to be involved with Green Wave Athletics; his three younger brothers, Keith and Kyle Graffagnini and Grayden Greiner, all played baseball for Tulane in the 1990s and early 2000s. Though Graffagnin had strong ties to the Wave during these years, he did his best to remain neutral from the press box. “Every time they would come up, I tried to not make it too biased,” Graffagnin said. “My brother Keith played every day for four years, so that got to be a little tough at times because when he came in as a freshman in 1995, those guys basically became my little brothers. That was pretty difficult for me trying to stay as unbiased as possible.” These years were especially exciting for the mother of the four boys, Marian Greiner, who enjoyed seeing her sons involved both on and off the field. “It was a pretty good deal for my mother because she

courtesy of todd graffagnini

Todd Graffagnini sits in the radio booth at Turchin Stadium with his daughter. Graffagnini covers Green Wave baseball, football, and both men’s and women’s basketball. got to see all those games,” Graffagnini said. “She listened to me while she was watching her other sons actually play so that was pretty cool.” Graffagnini has experienced the ups and downs of every team in his 20 years with Tulane, but the memory he holds most dearly is baseball’s 2001 Super-Regional victory over LSU to advance to the College World series. “Beating LSU to get there for the first time was the ultimate,” Graffagnini said. “We had never been [to Omaha] and we had to go through our biggest rival playing at a minor league park with 11,000

people in the stands. After we got the final out on Sunday, I basically lost it on the air. Doing my post game show, I was realizing, ‘Oh my goodness, we’re going to Omaha.’ I had told myself I would never go unless [Tulane] went and it hit me all at once, and I basically started crying on the air. I had to compose myself because I really was losing it.” Though Graffagnini says Green Wave sporting events are rewarding at times, for him, there is nothing like hearing feedback from parents and fans off the air. “A lot of these parents [aren’t from around here],”

Graffagnini said, “So the only way that they’re able to watch their son is on the computer or listen to the ballgame, so I’m basically their link. When a parent comes up to me and goes, ‘We can’t get in town all the time, we just want to say that you’re great,’ that’s the stuff that really keeps you fresh in this.” Another big part of the job for Graffagnini is traveling with teams to away games. He often spends weekends during football, basketball and baseball season on the road. READ THE REST ONLINE AT TULANEHULLABALOO.COM

.606 .558 .657 .666 .588 .750 .454 .419 .419 .531 .300 .275

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@HULLSPORTS TOP TWEET “Everyone falls down, only the best get back up!” -@StephenAlemais2 April 9 (Freshman infielder Stephen Alemais)


SPORTS

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Yulman Stadium A preview of the Wave’s new home

claire brown | photo editor

A view from the press box overlooking the field of Yulman Stadium. The $75 million, 30,000-capacity stadium is 65 percent finished, Yvette Jones, executive vice president for university relations and development, said, and is expected to be ready for the Green Wave’s Sept. 6 football home-opener against Georgia Tech.

RIGHT NOW, [THE CONSTRUCTION TEAM] TOLD US THEY WERE WORKING ON A 128-DAY SCHEDULE, WHICH PUTS US RIGHT INTO LATE JULY, EARLY AUGUST. . . Rick Dickson Athletic director

by olver grigg

N

sports editor

claire brown | photo editor

courtesy of tulane atheltics

oise of construction fills the air and heavy equipment sits on the field, but the $75 million, 30,000-capacity Yulman Stadium remains on target for the Green Wave’s Sept. 6 football home-opener against Georgia Tech. Yvette Jones, executive vice president for university relations and development, and athletic director Rick Dickson spoke with media April 4 and provided updates regarding the athletic facility’s construction. “The stadium is moving well on progress,” Jones said. “We’re about 65 percent finished overall [and] 100 percent finished on building out the frame of the press center. The scoreboard is up —it’s 90 by 24 feet — and all the lighting is in, and we’ll be testing that lighting in the coming weeks.” The Jill H. and Avram A. Glazer Family Club, which features approximately 1,500 chair back seats, two clubrooms with direct field-views, a sports bar, expanded concession offerings, and restrooms for premium ticket holders, is nearing completion as well. “We’re about 60 percent finished on the Glazer club, which is the premium-club seating club on that second level,” Jones said. “The next thing is going to be finishing the bench seating in the bowl and then actually laying out the field.” Dickson reported that seating for the club is 80 percent sold, and that the athletic department has sold or reserved 18,000 season tickets. Tulane is hoping to sell the final 12,000 to ensure a sold-out season. “Even since [April 1], we’ve sold over 1,000 new tickets in addition to what we have already put down in secured deposits,” Dickson said. “We’ve done that since the end of the season through the [New Orleans Bowl] along with returning season ticketholders. In the 30,000-capacity stadium we’d have, as I’m talking today, [there are] just under 12,000 seats to sell.” The university has been hiring staff, such as a game day coordinator, to manage the venue and prepare for games on campus this fall.

The stadium will incorporate as much of New Orleans’ rich culinary and lifestyle as possible. Concession stands in the Westfeldt Terrace will serve popular foods, such as oysters, po’boys and snoballs. Fans will have a view of the New Orleans skyline, including the former home of Green Wave football, the MercedesBenz Superdome, from the upper deck. Parking for the stadium remains a highly discussed issue, but Dickson and Jones said that available lots have been and will continue to be created. “One of the things the campus has agreed to is, on game day weekends, [make other accommodations] for students, staff, faculty so that we can vacate and create as much occupancy for people coming in for the game on game day,” Dickson said. Jones said the university has identified 2,500 available parking spots around campus and Tulane has consulted with a parking consultant to coordinate remote lots and shuttle services for fans. Surrounding residential neighborhoods will also likely provide street parking. “We are contracting a professional parking service to run the on- and off-campus shuttle,” Jones said. “We’ll do that the first year, and then reevaluate.” The stadium is roughly 120 days away from its completion, though Dickson said it is possible that the football team could hold fall football camp practices at Yulman in August. “Right now, [the construction team] told us they were working on a 128-day schedule, which puts us right into late July, early August and we have to gauge it as we go,” Dickson said. Dickson confirmed that most of Tulane’s game will be televised, but said starting game times are still undecided, as television contracts play a major factor in the decision process. “We anticipate most of our games to be televised,” Dickson said. “Seventy-five percent of our games will be televised, both home and away…. We have not made any hard and fast decisions about what is the best [time] fit.”

Counter-clockwise from top: 1) A view of the high-tech television screen and scoreboard at Yulman Stadium. 2) The proposed seating chart at Yulman Stadium. The Jill H. and Avram A. Glazer Family Club will feature approximately 1,500 chair back seats, two clubrooms with direct field-views, and a sports bar. 3) Athletic Director Rick Dickson discusses Yulman Stadium’s contruction plans with media members. Dickson said the stadium will be ready by Tulane’s Sept. 6 football home-opener against Georgia Tech. 4) Construction is ongoing at Yulman Stadium.

photos by claire brown

Tulane Hullabaloo 4.10.14  
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