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Scarborough Campus Burnham and Crisp Funeral Directors 11 Churchyard Bottom Grimethorpe DN6 0FF

Marketing and Communications T 01234 567890E

1 August 2009 Dear Sir/Madam I must protest at the farcical nature of the recent cremation of our dearly loved, sadly missed and incredibly rich Auntie Flossie. I am sure that you will be aware of what transpired and I concern myself here with only the most distressing of the several disasters that befell the service. It is my opinion that the rather cheap coffin supplied by your company, although advertised as “indistinguishable from the finest hardwood”, was clearly constructed of plywood with wood-effect sticky-backed plastic covering. That it survived the brutal manhandling of your careless, spotty-faced, work-experience baggage handlers intact is only down to the heroic efforts of the family pall bearers who threw themselves selflessly to the floor under the coffin as it was unceremoniously heaved from the back of the hearse – your goons clearly intent on achieving distance rather than accuracy or sensitivity. The later events involving this piece of primary-school wood-butchery are too painful to review here. In the circumstances I am sure that you will understand my with-holding £19.89 from your invoice, that being the exorbitant value you place on a clearly inferior coffin, self-evidently unfit for purpose. The remaining £48.50 to cover the cost of your team of “professionals” will, grudgingly, be forwarded in due course. Yours faithfully

Anthony Allen Head of Marketing and Communications

University of Hull Scarborough Campus Scarborough, YO11 3AZ United Kingdom +44 (0) 1723 362392

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University of Hull

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