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LOOKING FORWARD IN ANGST

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A SOLDIER AT 13

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ESCAPE YOUR SMARTPHONE

JUNE 2, 2013

“It’s time for a new metric founded on well-being, wisdom, our ability to wonder, and to give back.” —ARIANNA

ARIANNA HUFFINGTON and MIKA BRZEZINSKI Redefine Success Beyond Money and Power

THE THIRD METRIC


ABOVE: MILLER MOBLEY: HAIR: ARTURO SWAYZE MAKEUP BY EVE PEARL OF EVE PEARL® COSMETICS

06.02.13 #51 CONTENTS

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THE THIRD METRIC ‘What we need is a more humane definition of success.’ BY ARIANNA HUFFINGTON

HEADLINES MOVING IMAGE

BY MIKA BRZEZINSKI

SUZE ORMAN: Money Isn’t the Problem

SUSAN MERCANDETTI: When Success Is Not What You Thought It Would Be

JEFF WEINER: Compassion, at Home and in the Workplace

JASON LINKINS: Looking Forward in Angst Q&A: A Soldier at 13

TWO FRIENDS, ONE PLAN How Arianna and I arrived at the Third Metric. AND MORE FROM...

POINTERS: McCain’s Secret Trip ... Lance Armstrong’s Latest Setback

Exit MARGOT FRANSSEN: Bosses Who Understand You Have a Life, Too

ON THE COVER: Arianna and Mika photographed for Huffington by Miller Mobley

STRESS LESS: Go Boldly Where No Smartphone Has Gone TFU FROM THE EDITOR: Our Moment


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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

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Our Moment HIS WEEK’S issue is dedicated to redefining success — a theme, as it happens, that is also at the center of The Huffington Post women’s conference Mika Brzezinski and I are co-hosting next week called “The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power.” In the middle of an important debate about women, leaning in, and taking our full place at the table, this is a great moment for all of us to acknowledge that the current male-dominated model of success — which equates success with burnout, sleep deprivation, and driving ourselves into the ground — isn’t working for women, and it’s not working for men, either. So, in preparation for the conference on June 6, we’re featuring voices of women who understand the need

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for a third metric of success, beyond money and power, that includes our well-being, wisdom and our ability to wonder and to make a difference in the world. At the conference — and on our new HuffPost section on The Third Metric — we’ll be starting the conversation by asking these questions about how to redefine success. As Mika puts it, these are “the questions many women are left with when they achieve financial security, gain power or success — or all three at once: What

Join the conversation on Twitter and Facebook


LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

about me? When do I sleep? Am I happy? Am I mentally healthy? Am I physically healthy? Am I giving back? Am I remembering where I came from? What about my friendships?” But these are also questions that women who are struggling to make ends meet are facing every day. In the magazine this week, we are also featuring the voices of women — and a few good men — on how they are already redefining success: Suze Orman on what constitutes a successful life (“Success is not how many zeroes your bank account has. It’s about making the most of the life you have.”), Canadian entrepreneur Margot Franssen on employers’ destructive tendency to ask women and men to “choose between being a good parent and being a good employee,” ABC News vice president Susan Mercandetti on how her definition of success has changed over the course of her career, and LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner on how he learned, after many years, the value of applying the most valuable lessons learned at home to his career, and vice versa. Finally, since the need to unplug

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and recharge is a key tenet of the Third Metric, we’re spotlighting vacation destinations and retreats that help you leave behind your

This is a great moment for all of us to acknowledge that the current male-dominated model of success isn’t working for women, and it’s not working for men, either.” devices and reconnect with yourself. So join us as we redefine success and chart a course to a new, more humane, more sustainable definition — for women and for men.

ARIANNA

BEHIND THE SCENES Tap here for a video showing how the cover of last week’s summer issue unfolded.


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POINTERS

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OBAMA SET TO MAKE 1 CRITICAL APPOINTMENTS

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President Obama is expected to nominate three judges to the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, which is viewed as almost as powerful as the Supreme Court. There are currently more than 80 empty federal judge slots across the U.S. The president’s nominees have had to wait an average of 116 days for a confirmation vote, three times longer than the average wait time for President George W. Bush’s nominees, due largely to congressional gridlock. He has also nominated judges at a slower pace than past presidents, partly because GOP senators have declined to give him nominees to choose from.


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U.S. WEAPONS DESIGNS COMPROMISED

Chinese hackers got their hands on more than two dozen designs for advanced weapons systems in the U.S., according to the Washington Post, citing a report prepared for the Pentagon. The compromised information could hurt the U.S. in future conflicts, as the designs include those for missile defenses, combat aircraft and ships. “Senior military and industry officials... said the vast majority were part of a widening Chinese campaign of espionage against U.S. defense contractors... ,” the Post reported.

McCAIN MAKES SECRET TRIP ABROAD

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) went to Syria on Monday to meet with rebel leaders, becoming the highest-ranking U.S. official to go to the country since it was engulfed by conflict more than two years ago. McCain, who has called for more intervention in Syria, met with Gen. Salem Idris, the leader of the Free Syrian Army’s Supreme Military Council. Even McCain’s daughter didn’t know about the trip, writing on Twitter that she found out about it through the social network.

LIVESTRONG STILL FACING FALLOUT

Nike ended its partnership with Lance Armstrong’s Livestrong cancer charity after nine years, during which it helped the foundation raise more than $100 million. The news is just the latest setback for Armstrong after he admitted that he used performanceenhancing drugs to win the Tour de France seven times. “We expected and planned for changes like this and are therefore in a good position to adjust swiftly and move forward with our patient-focused work,” the foundation said in a statement to the AP.


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OBAMA AND CHRISTIE TOGETHER AGAIN

President Obama and New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie traveled to the Jersey Shore this week just a few days after it reopened following the destruction from Hurricane Sandy. After weeks of government scandals, Obama had an opportunity to highlight the successful work of the Federal Emergency Management Agency and to put bipartisanship on display. Christie faced harsh criticism from Republicans for appearing with Obama when the two toured the devastation shortly before the 2012 presidential election. Ahead of Obama’s more recent trip, however, Christie sought to put politics aside. “The fact of the matter is, he’s the president of the United States, and he wants to come here and see the people of New Jersey,” Christie told NBC.

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TRAGEDY STRIKES JOLIE’S FAMILY

THAT’S VIRAL THE POPE SAYS GOOD ATHEISTS GET REDEEMED, TOO

Less than two weeks after Angelina Jolie wrote a moving New York Times op-ed about having a preventive double mastectomy, her aunt died of breast cancer. Debbie Martin, 61, had a higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer because of the BRCA1 gene, for which Jolie also tested positive. Martin was the younger sister of Jolie’s mom, who died from ovarian cancer in 2007 and whose death prompted Jolie to get the surgery.

A selection of the week’s most talked-about stories. HEADLINES TO VIEW FULL STORIES

DOG GUARDS VICTIM’S BODY AFTER OKLAHOMA TORNADO

AMERICA’S YOUNGEST FEMALE BILLIONAIRE

TIM CURRY RECOVERING AFTER MAJOR STROKE

LET’S PRANCERCISE!


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JASON LINKINS

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YOU JUST KNEW THERE WOULD BE TORNADO TRUTHERS, DIDN’T YOU? EST YOU THINK that the Boston Marathon bombing had brought America to peak Trutherism, rest assured, we are nowhere near that point yet. Be-

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cause, naturally, the Alex Jones conspiracy set is pretty sure that the tornadoes that hit Moore, Okla., were probably maybe some sort of “false flag” event, brought on by the “weather weapons” that of course the federal government has at its disposal, for the purpose of ... incurring massively

An American flag flies over the rubble of a destroyed neighborhood in Moore, Okla., on May 24, 2013.


Enter expensive disasters on ourselves? This probably makes sense to somebody. Via Raw Story: Conspiracy talk show host Alex Jones, increasingly a favorite of conservative media for his extremely vocal support of gun rights, outed himself Tuesday as a tornado truther by telling a caller on his show, “Of course there’s weather weapons stuff going on.” Jones, a longtime proponent of the idea that the U.S. government can manipulate and even produce weather systems like tornadoes and hurricanes, went on to say that if people saw helicopters or small aircraft in the area, then “you better bet your bottom dollar they did this.” “But, who knows if they did?” he asked. “You know, that’s the thing. We don’t know.” As Max Rivlin-Nadler points out in Gawker, conspiracy theorists who believe in “weather weapons” primarily focus their para-

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noid worries on HAARP — the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, not the Muse album of the same name (though Muse frontman Matt Bellamy has similar fixations). The pro-

It seems only logical to conclude that HAARP is actually being used to manipulate the weather … if by ‘logical to conclude’ you mean, ‘left alone in a room filling with some sort of gas that makes your brain feel all wibbly-wobbly.’” gram is “a scientific endeavor aimed at studying the properties and behavior of the ionosphere, with particular emphasis on being able to understand and use it to enhance communications and surveillance systems for both civilian and defense purposes.” As HAARP draws funding from the U.S. Air Force and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (the folks who brought you the Internet!), it seems only logical to conclude that HAARP is actually being used to manipulate the weather


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and cause hurricanes — if by “logical to conclude” you mean, “left alone in a room filling with some sort of gas that makes your brain feel all wibbly-wobbly.” Normally, you’d see people sort of decrying the toxic influence of Jones and his ilk, but in a counterintuitive way, I like to see Jones’ continued existence as evidence of the fact that a certain baseline of charity and prosperity still exists in America, that accommodates the notion that one can be a crazy

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conspiracy nutter as your job, in the same way a few people can make their living as “ghost hunters.” Had Jones been an original Jamestown colonist, his colleagues would have probably greeted his ravings with a genial, “Shut up and farm something, nutsauce, we are dying.” For a little while, anyway. Then the Jamestown colonists would have just murdered him and, as we now know, eaten him. Because he knows the secrets! (The secret being that he is delicious.) “Yay, America,” is what I think I’m saying, okay?

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The ribbon ceremony declaring the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) complete and operational on June 27, 2007, at the site near Gakona, Alas.


Q&A

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Ishmael Beah on Life As a Solider at 13 “I did not want to get out … in my case, in Sierra Leone … being in the war was actually one of the ways to stay alive.”

Ishmael Beah, 32, was forced into being a child soldier in Sierra Leone, an experience he recounts in his 2007 memoir, A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier (above).

FOR THE FULL INTERVIEW, VISIT HUFFPOST LIVE


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The Week That Was

SAUL LOEB/AFP/GETTY IMAGES (MAYBE THIS TIME); PABLO PORCIUNCULA/AFP/GETTY IMAGES (IT’S A HIT)

TAP IMAGE TO ENLARGE, TAP EACH DATE FOR FULL ARTICLE ON THE HUFFINGTON POST

05.23.13

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Venice, Italy 05.28.2013 Chinese artist Li Wei performs in front of St. Mark’s Basilica as part of the 55th Venice Biennale, which is open to the public from June 1 to Nov. 24.

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Genoa, Italy 05.25.2013 A child observes jellyfish at the Aquarium of Genoa, the largest in Italy and the second largest in Europe. PHOTO OR ILLUSTRATION CREDIT TK

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Sydney, Australia 05.28.2013 A blanket of fog covers the Sydney Harbour Bridge, resulting in flight and ferry cancellations and reduced visibility on the roads. PHOTO OR ILLUSTRATION CREDIT TK

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Lomé, Togo 05.25.2013 An opposition supporter masks his face to hide his identity as protesters clashed with police in Lomé’s Kodjoviakopé neighborhood. Authorities banned all protests in the capital after violent clashes this week. A number of protests over various issues have either been banned or dispersed with tear gas in recent months. PHOTO OR ILLUSTRATION CREDIT TK

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Bucharest, Romania 05.27.2013

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A man holding a small Romanian flag stands on a massive version of the same flag on the Clinceni Airfield. Romania entered the book of Guinness World Records after it unveiled the largest flag ever made. Organizers said it measured 349.4 meters by 226.9 meters, about three times the size of a football pitch.


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Kathmandu, Nepal 05.26.2013 Hindu sadhus, or wandering monks, walk on the premises of the Pashupatinath Temple. Dozens of sadhus live around the temple and devote their lives to Lord Shiva, the Hindu god of destruction. PHOTO OR ILLUSTRATION CREDIT TK

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Azur, Israel 05.28.2013 Israeli soldiers of the Home Front Command’s rescue unit are outfitted in protective gear during a drill. Israel has launched a national civil defense drill, which the army said this year will focus on the threat of unconventional weapons. PHOTO OR ILLUSTRATION CREDIT TK

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Madrid, Spain 05.26.2013

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A Sphynx cat fixes its intense stare on the “Spring International Dogs” exhibition at the IFEMA trade fair institution.


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Doksy, Czech Republic 05.25.2013 Fans of The Hobbit prepare for the re-enactment of a battle in a forest near the village of Doksy, an event that has become a springtime tradition in the area. PHOTO OR ILLUSTRATION CREDIT TK

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Edinburgh, Scotland 05.28.2013 David Gray, formerly of the merchant navy, holds a pair of arctic goggles as he attends a preview of the Arctic Convoys exhibition at the National War Museum. The exhibition tells the story of the British and Allied sailors who operated one of the most dangerous sea-faring campaigns of World War II. PHOTO OR ILLUSTRATION CREDIT TK

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Paris, France 05.28.2013 Muddy rainwater is cleared from Philippe Chatrier court as rain delays play during day three of the French Open at Roland Garros. PHOTO OR ILLUSTRATION CREDIT TK

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Canton, Ga. 05.25.2013 Nancy Waring kisses the grave of her husband, Vietnam veteran 1st Lt. Gerald Paul Waring, at Georgia National Cemetery before the Memorial Day holiday. Waring also visited the grave of her son, U.S. Army and Coast Guard veteran Lt. Brian Scott Waring, who died less than a year before her husband. Tap here for a more extensive look at the week on The Huffington Post. PHOTO OR ILLUSTRATION CREDIT TK

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06.02.13 #51

FEATURES THE THIRD METRIC ‘SOMEWHAT’ ASPIRATIONAL

AND MORE FROM... SUZE ORMAN SUSAN MERCANDETTI JEFF WEINER MARGOT FRANSSEN PHOTOGRAPH BY MILLER MOBLEY


Arianna Huffington and Mika Brzezinski will host HuffPost’s first women’s conference on June 6.

Forging a New Definition of Success


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BY ARIANNA HUFFINGTON

I’m happy to announce that next week, on June

6, Mika Brzezinski and I will be co-hosting The Huffington Post’s first-ever women’s conference, “The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money & Power.” As the title makes clear, the purpose is to discuss ways to come up with a new definition of what it means to be successful. Right now, the two metrics of success that drive the American workplace are money and power, but by themselves, they make a two-legged stool

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The two metrics of success that drive the American workplace are money and power, but by themselves, they make a two-legged stool.” — fine for balancing on for a short time, but after a while, you’re headed for a fall. And guided by this limited definition of success, more and more “successful” people are falling. So what we need is a more humane and more sustainable definition of success that includes well-being, wisdom, wonder, empathy and the ability to give back. But how do we recalibrate our current benchmarks of success? That’s what we’ll be discussing. The conference is fully booked, but we want you to be part of the larger conversation, which has already started. In the days leading up to the conference, and long after it ends, we’ll be featuring blog posts — a selection of which you’ll find in the pages ahead — on anything


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WENDY GEORGE

THE THIRD METRIC

and everything related to the topic, and starting conversations around them. Please join the conversation by sending a post to me (arianna@ huffingtonpost.com), by leaving a comment on this post or by tweeting using the hashtag #thirdmetric. We’ll also be posting videos from the event and sharing bits of wisdom throughout the day. The participants include Valerie Jarrett, Jill Abramson, Cindi Leive, Katie Couric, Sen. (and former single mom) Claire McCaskill, Lesley Stahl, Ali Wentworth, Erica Hill, Susie Essman, Joanna Coles, Candice Bergen, writer Rebecca Miller, neuroscientist Amishi Jha, Cisco CTO Padmasree Warrior and human rights activist Clemantine Wamariya. We’ll be discussing Leadership & Wisdom, Leaning In/Leaning Back, Managing a Frenetic Life, Wellness and the Bottom Line, and Human Capital. There will also be a panel by and for millennials, as well as a panel we are calling “A Few Good Men.” Among these men will be George Stephanopoulos, Aetna CEO Mark Bertolini, Whole Foods CEO John Mackey, Joe Scar-

ARIANNA’S REQUIRED READING

1. Mindfulness 2. Quiet 3. The Fourth Instinct 4. The Gifts of Imperfection

5. How Will You Measure Your Life? 6. Be Excellent at Anything 7. Biology of Belief 8. Fried: Why You

Burn Out and How to Revive 9. The Power of Vulnerability 10. Unbinding the Heart

borough and Adrian Grenier. The current definition of success, in which we drive ourselves into the ground, if not the grave, and in which working to the point of exhaustion and burnout is considered a sign of virility, was created by men. It’s a model of success that’s not working for women, and it’s not working for men, either. And women will have to lead the way to redefining success to include the Third Metric. So, please join the conversation and help redefine success for women and for men, so that we can live the lives we want, not the lives we settle for. Arianna Huffington is the president and editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post Media Group.


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‘Somewhat’ Aspirational

HOW I MOVED BEYOND THAT LABEL ONDA COUNTER STOOL/BERTOIA COUNTER STOOL, AVAILABLE AT DESIGN WITHIN REACH STUDIOS, WWW.DWR.COM

BY MIKA BRZEZINSKI

REMEMBER FOUR years ago, I was asked to fill in at the very last minute to host at an event full of cosmetics CEOs (Leeza Gibbons had cancelled). One powerful guest — a woman high up in the world of “beauty” — was surprised to see me. She hadn’t heard about the last-minute changes. “Ah well,” she shrugged, “you’ll do fine for us as a fill-in, because you are what we call ‘somewhat aspirational.’” That’s stuck with me for a long time. Somewhat aspirational. I loved it. Didn’t know what it meant. But I found it to be hilarious and cuttingly honest, which I ad-

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mire. I considered getting a T-shirt with the words typed out across my chest. I wondered at the time what it was that made me “somewhat aspirational.” Maybe it was that I had written a great deal about the challenges professional women face, both at home and at work — and revealed my own failures along the way (including a sleep-deprived tumble down a flight of stairs that left my 4-month-old in a cast) — perhaps that made me more approachable. Or could it be simply that I was at the end of a 16-hour day and had swooped in to bail out Leeza. Maybe my vulnerability was raw and apparent. Maybe it was that. Since then, I have dug deeper and defined the label myself. I was only “somewhat aspirational” because, while I had accomplished so much, I had yet to begin to crack the code on the Third Metric. I’m talking about questions many women are left with when they achieve financial security, gain power or success — or all three at once. Here are the questions. Think about them for yourself: What about me?

When do I sleep? Am I happy? Am I mentally healthy? Am I physically healthy? Am I giving back? Am I remembering where I came from? What about my friendships? My answers to those questions were “maybe” or “no” or “I DON’T HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUT

I make sleep a priority. I think every woman should sleep her way to the top.” IT!” I now more than “somewhat” aspire to figure out the Third Metric. I have to. I have two daughters, and I truly believe we can do better. Arianna Huffington and I have set out to find it, with the help of some incredible women, and a few good men, too. A few years ago, I noticed Arianna on the set of Morning Joe, and she looked especially rested for six in the morning. She told me she had slept seven hours, even though she had to get up at 4 a.m. for the show. How was that possible? “I make sleep a priority,” she told


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me. In fact, “I think every woman should sleep her way to the top.” She actually means sleep. And with that, she started to worry about me, offering advice and opportunity. Arianna is a modern-day, hot, fairy Godmother. She shares her success with other women, expecting nothing in return but the joy of being able to do so. Together as friends, we have addressed sleep deprivation, overmedicating, food issues, marriage, relationships, parenting, exhaustion, and every other challenge that successful, but overstressed working women face every day. We came up with the idea for the conference at a hastily put together breakfast in Washington, D.C., during the inauguration, after weeks of having to reschedule in our home base of New York City. We were having a tough, deeply personal conversation about life, relationships and our many work projects. Arianna confronted me about my ability to take care of myself while balancing so many different challenges and opportunities. I had few answers, if any. Mostly, I stuttered and hemmed and hawed — a sign that trouble was on the

horizon for me if I didn’t learn fast. So what did we do? We made a plan — a plan based on our friendship and hope to help others — to solve this terrible riddle together. Out of that conversation at breakfast, “Redefining Success, the Third Metric” was born. The goal: to share success with others, but to also share secrets of success, especially secrets behind achieving the Third Metric.

We have addressed sleep deprivation, overmedicating, food issues, marriage, relationships, parenting, exhaustion, and every other challenge that successful, but overstressed working women face every day.” I will be moderating panels all day next Thursday and can’t wait to see what we all learn. Mika Brzezinski is co-host of MSNBC’s Morning Joe, a columnist for Cosmopolitan and a three-time best-selling author, most recently of Obsessed: America’s Food Addiction — and My Own.


VOICES Suze Orman

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There Are No Money Problems. There Are People Problems. EARS AGO, after my first book came out and I had made a few TV appearances, I was nearly accosted on the street by an animated woman who kept pointing at me and then exclaimed, “I know who you are... you are... the Money Lady!” I’ve adopted that as a nickname of sorts. I am indeed the lady whose passion is to help people make the

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most of their money. The thing is, when I am most successful helping people, money is so beside the point. Oh sure, I have plenty of advice on Roth IRAs, revocable trusts and term life insurance, but when I sit down to help someone with their financial life, what we always end up focusing on is their interior life. There are no money problems. There are people problems. Success is not how many zeroes your bank account has. It’s about making the most of the life you have. And that

Suze Orman shares eight qualities that define success.


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Suze Orman

comes down to embracing eight qualities that allow you to take control of your destiny. THE EIGHT QUALITIES OF SUCCESS Harmony is when there is complete agreement between what you think, say and do. Balance is the reward of harmony; it is when you are most calm and content because there is no disconnect between your thoughts, words and actions. Courage is the ability to make choices that bring harmony and balance. Courage is not always about action. It takes courage to do nothing, rather than do something that you do not believe in or understand. Generosity. True generosity is an offering; given freely and out of pure love. Time and love are the most valuable possessions you can share. Happiness bubbles up when the first four qualities are in abundance. Happiness is not a luxury. It is a necessity. When we are happy we are in the best possible place to be good to ourselves and those we love. Wisdom is the ability to make the right decisions at the right time. Wisdom alerts you when you are having trouble summoning courage. It is your inner voice guiding you

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through and past the noise. Cleanliness. When there is clarity and organization in your thoughts and your physical space, you can more easily access the inner wisdom and courage that makes har-

When I sit down to help someone with their financial life, what we always end up focusing on is their interior life.� mony and balance achievable. Beauty is what you possess when you incorporate the seven preceding qualities into your life. When people come to me for help there is always one quality that is broken, or not present. Talking through ways to bring all eight to the forefront is the heart of my work. Does it immediately solve a financial problem? Of course not. But it becomes the foundation that propels people who felt defeated to feel empowered and in control of their future. It’s the very catalyst for lasting success. Suze Orman is the host of The Suze Orman Show.


VOICES Susan Mercandetti

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MAARTJE VAN CASPEL/ GETTY IMAGES

When Success Isn’t What You Thought It Would Be HAVE SUFFERED whiplash over the decades, having changed so sharply my definition of success. But, if I know anything, I know that success — along with life — is sequential. In my 20s, so consumed with ambition and possibility, success,

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to me, meant a salary. It meant not relying on my cash-strapped parents for help. And, if I just worked harder than everyone else, I deduced, sheer drive would trump the Ivy League degrees with which I competed — an ideal which sometimes had its shortcomings. Success also meant landing the “it” job of college dreams. So, in those two regards, I was success-


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Susan Mercandetti

ful. After a stint in the Ford White House as an editor of the news summary, then as a press aide for a U.S. senator, I landed my “it” job: associate producer for ABC News. I found success at the intersection of Ambition and Luck Streets. In my 30s, the same success metric applied from the prior decade, but simply gained cyclonic momentum and a frenzied intensity wellknown, fueled and even expected in TV land. As a Nightline producer, I traveled all over the world covering interesting stories, leaving unused theater tickets and broken dates behind. There was always tomorrow. Just as I was feeling very A-game, a wise woman doused me with icecold reality: “Don’t make the same mistake I did,” she warned. “Your job is far more interesting than any man could ever be,” she said with her professionally manicured finger wagging. “One day, you will wake up and it will be just you and a bunch of Christmas packages under a tree. You will be all alone.” Ugh. Stab. I loved my job. I worked hard to get there, but did not feel very successful any longer. When I turned 39, newly married and pregnant, I forced myself to redefine all prior definitions. No longer did success mean moving

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up to the next, big thing. Nor did it mean wanting to be sprinkled with the fairy dust surrounding the famous people with whom I worked. I no longer cared about securing the best assignments or making more

With two small children, I ... made calls while they played under my home office desk.” money. While I was happy to enjoy those things, if it didn’t come with flexibility, it was a non-starter. In this decade, a flexible schedule was, to me, the new metric by which I measured success. Of course, the fact that our family was not dependent on my salary alone was not lost on me. I was extremely cognizant of my situation, knowing so many did not have that choice. We lived modestly, though very nicely, because I did not want to be forced into a full-time salary to support a lifestyle and house. Fortuitously, I met then-Vanity Fair editor Tina Brown who, to her credit and my everlasting gratitude, didn’t care where I parked myself. She knew that, as a former TV producer, I was a “get shit done” person, so I was afforded time and


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Susan Mercandetti

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Success in my 50s means looking at the rhythms and totality of my life’s choices and being accepting of all of it.” geographic flexibility (a rare situation these days). So, with two small children, I worked while they slept and made calls while they played under my home office desk and from outside the birthday party room at Chuck E. Cheese. I had the ultimate luxury — indeed, flexibility — of kissing their pink cheeks when they awoke from their naps, organizing May Day Parades and picking soggy Cheerios out of their hair. I was a huge success — at least, in my own mind. That ability to make the choice to work at home was my nirvana. My version of success. Now, this world of “part-time” work is an anomaly. It generally means one gets paid a part-time salary, but rarely does one actually work “part-time.” As a so-called part-time magazine and book editor, I could work when it was more convenient or when the house was quiet. But, in those 12 years, I don’t believe there were many actual part-time days. There was, however, a slower track, a track on which I was happy to walk — temporarily. Did I care that my peers were climbing the career ladder? Sure, I

watched their advancements with pleasure and pride. Sometimes, I felt a little jealous. But it was time for my own fairy dust, which came in the form of cupcake sprinkles. Eventually, I ramped up. My children have left the nest, and my success metric has, yet again, changed along with the ebbs and flows of family life. I left publishing and headed back to TV with a full-time career and demanding schedule. In part, success in my 50s means looking at the rhythms and totality of my life’s choices and being accepting of all of it. It is about knowing that all the wisdom amassed, mistakes recognized and lessons learned over the decades will be put to good use, no matter if my choice is career, school or pulling weeds out of my garden. I forge ahead with absolute certainty that whatever former metric of success I once applied to myself applies no longer. We owe it to ourselves to continually redefine those definitions of success as we barrel through each phase — and to live embracing the framework of a sequential life. Susan Mercandetti is a vice president at ABC News.


VOICES Jeff Weiner

THE THIRD METRIC HUFFINGTON 06.02.13

DAVID PAUL MORRIS/BLOOMBERG VIA GETTY IMAGES

A Spectator to My Own Thoughts EVERAL MONTHS ago, walking to my car on the way home from the office, I was reflecting on a couple of moments from that day in which I was able to demonstrate compassionate management. It reminded me of some of the most important lessons I’ve learned that made it possible: The abil-

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ity to be a spectator to my own thoughts, especially when becoming emotional; putting myself in the shoes of others and seeing the world through their eyes rather than projecting my own perspective; and working hard to manage compassionately not just with the people I connect with most readily, but unconditionally, regardless of how challenging the circumstances. It’s taken years to get to the point where I can manifest

LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner on compassion, at home and in the workplace.


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Jeff Weiner

these dynamics in my day-to-day role, so it always feels good when I’m able to put them into practice. However, on this particular night, the satisfaction would be fleeting. As I opened my car door and started thinking about getting home to my wife and our two girls, it hit me: For as hard as I worked to manage compassionately at the office, I was not always actively applying the same approach with my family. To the contrary, by the time I got home on some nights, I’d be so spent after expending all of my energy at the office, that after putting the girls to bed and having dinner, I essentially had little left to give. So, when my wife would try to bring up her day, or talk about the things we need to get done, I would reflexively say something to the effect that it had been a long day, I was exhausted, and could we talk about it some other time? In other words, I was doing the exact opposite of managing compassionately, and I was doing it with the person who mattered most. My wife is the bedrock of our home and has built the foundation upon which my work exists. As cliché as it sounds, I couldn’t do what I do without her. Put another way, I was doing

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what so many of us have a tendency to do: Taking the people we’re closest to for granted by assuming they are the ones we don’t need to make an effort with. After all, they’ll understand, right? Howev-

It’s taken me over 40 years to realize what makes me happy — simply put, it’s looking forward to going to work in the morning, and looking forward to coming home at night.” er, nothing could be further from the truth. It’s taken me over 40 years to realize what makes me happy — simply put, it’s looking forward to going to work in the morning, and looking forward to coming home at night. Applying the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in both facets of my life to the integrated whole, and not taking anything or anyone for granted, is one of the most important ways I can make that happiness an enduring reality. Jeff Weiner is the CEO of LinkedIn.


GETTY IMAGES/IMAGE SOURCE

VOICES Margot Franssen

THE THIRD METRIC HUFFINGTON 06.02.13

Imagine a Company That Understands You Have a Life,Too F YOU LIE to me and tell me you’re sick and can’t come to work when it’s really your child that is sick, I will fire you.” That’s what we

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told our employees, and we meant it. We wanted their truth so we could always trust them. We wanted them to say, “I’m staying at home so I can focus on what is most important to me at this moment in time, my child.”


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Margot Franssen

When women and men must choose between being a good parent and being a good employee, it sucks the passion right out of them. It’s demeaning and belittling and encourages secondrate work and remorse-filled parenting. But it doesn’t have to be that way, and we proved it. We held the national rights to a retail company and became wildly successful selling things no one really needed. We weren’t brought up to take that lightly. Our employees and staff were 95 percent female. They made sure we flourished financially so we made sure they had guilt-free lives that were as seamless as possible. Imagine a company that believed you should practice the same values from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. as you do from 5 p.m. to 9 a.m. Imagine a company that had a daycare center called “The Department of the Future” right in the middle of the building. Sick rooms for children who were too sick to go to school, but not so sick they needed to stay home. Breastfeeding rooms, cutting gardens, vegetable patches and a cafeteria given over to a mentally-challenged youth group so

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If you lie to me and tell me you’re sick and can’t come to work when it’s really your child that is sick, I will fire you.” they could operate a business selling 125 employees breakfast and lunches. Imagine being paid to work in the community during your regular working hours at safe houses for women who were escaping violence so you really understood the issues, being encouraged to take courses paid for by the company that would fuel your imagination like cooking, gardening, flower arranging (all activities that help a marketing mind) and getting six months’ paid sabbatical after 10 years of employment so that you could become reenergized. Far from being “extras,” these simple practices nurtured fearless originality. We didn’t do this to be generous. We were parents ourselves and recognized the issues of home and heart not only affected our employee’s lives, but had a tremendous impact on our corporate pride and our bottom


VOICES

Margot Franssen

line, too. Nothing mattered more to our economic future than the well-being and happiness of our employees, and the more creative and compassionate we became at solving their problems, the better our financial results were. You simply cannot ask people to place their emotional lives directly behind their professional lives and hope for loyalty. It is interesting to note that socially responsible businesses, seeded by basic human values and nurtured by an unchanging code of ethics, are often started by demoralized employees. Usually when they discover, while working in traditional management systems, they are wearing personal and emotional lives two sizes too small. To me, it’s obvious: Whether you are an employer or an employee, if you want to feed your soul, as well as your child, you can’t get there from “here.” Stop hitting your head on the top bunk. If you try to come at it from traditional angles, your success is going to knock the spiritual stuffing right out of you. Women and men alike are finding they want to succeed, but

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not at all costs; they must invent their own workplace to match the landscape of their lives, one that provides food for the table and gives social and emotional meaning to their personal life.

When women and men must choose between being a good parent and being a good employee, it sucks the passion right out of them.” Once you understand it’s not you that’s crazy, it’s the system, you begin to invent work that can become a joyous expression for your soul, no matter what industry you’re in. Women and men can redefine what it means to be successful, but first they need to be honest with themselves. The question isn’t, “What should we value?” Instead, ask, “What do we value?” And the answer to that is, of course, dignity. It’s what everyone wants. Margot Franssen is an advocate for the advancement of women and girls.


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Go Boldly Where No Smartphone Has Gone

COURTESY OF VIA YOGA RETREATS

BY CAROLYN GREGOIRE


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t a time when a third of Americans prefer texting to talking, and 84 percent of respondents in an international poll said they couldn’t go for one day without their smartphones, it’s safe to say that most of us desperately need a little time to unplug and recharge. But even while vacationing, we rarely take a break from our gadgets: Nearly 80 percent of travelers say they take their mobile devices with them (and use them frequently) on vacation. In response to the demand for restorative, tech-free getaways, more hotels, yoga retreats and travel companies have begun offering digital escape packages to help vacationers restore their sense of calm and balance. From a yoga retreat company that offers a 15-percent discount for travelers willing to give up their iPhones upon arrival to life coaches who help you take control over your technology usage, these digital escapes take wellness travel to the next level. If you’re ready to boldly go where no smartphone has gone, consider escaping the demands

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COURTESY OF SHAMBHALA RANCH

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and distractions of modern life at one of these eight retreats.

SHAMBHALA RANCH RETREAT, UKIAH, CALIFORNIA The Digital Detox (whose company motto is “disconnect to reconnect”) offers regular, tech-free getaways to the peaceful Shambhala Ranch Retreat in the Mendocino hills of Northern California. The restorative trip includes yoga, meditation, hiking, art and organic cuisine — no devices allowed. The intimate retreat is open to a maximum of 14 guests, who stay in luxurious private rooms in the large, ranchstyle lodge. Four-day stays range from $500-950.

Shambhala Ranch Retreat hosts intimate groups of 14 guests at one time.


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GETTY IMAGES/AWL IMAGES RM

ST. VINCENT AND THE GRENADINES, THE CARIBBEAN

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The small Caribbean island group is encouraging travelers to leave their gadgets at home when they come to enjoy the tropical beauty of the islands on their vacation. The islands offer an unplugged vacation package, complete with a tech-free travel guidebook and life coach who will guide you in learning not to let technology control your life.

Experience the beauty of nature and the tranquility of a technology-free existence with this 12day African retreat from Jacada Travel. The group trip starts with a safari on the Selous Game Reserve — one of the largest faunal reserves in the world, and ends with some R&R on the stunning beaches of Mozambique. And of course, enjoy spa treatments and yoga for extra de-stressing.

Seven-day packages from $3,799 per person.

Twelve-day packages from $12,248 per person.

JACADA TRAVEL AFRICAN RETREAT, TANZANIA & MOZAMBIQUE

VIA YOGA RETREATS, MEXICO & COSTA RICA With luxury yoga retreats in Costa Rica, Sayulita, Mexico, and Todos Santos, Mexico, through the year, Via Yoga offers the ultimate well-

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St. Vincent and the Grenadines island group offers a package that includes a life coach who advises you on ways to de-tech your life.


Exit ness retreat and digital escape package. While you don’t have to give up your gadgets, yoga retreat attendees who turn in their iPhones upon arrival receive a 15-percent discount. In addition to beachside yoga, pilates and meditation classes, guests can also enjoy surfing and outdoor activities.

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Placid Lodge is the perfect place to escape the distractions of everyday life. With the “Check-In to CheckOut” package, you can turn in your devices upon arrival and use the rest of your trip to enjoy the beautiful natural scenery, outdoor activities, and the hotel’s many amenities. Private cabins start at $375 per night.

Retreat rates start at $2,395 per person.

LAKE PLACID LODGE, LAKE PLACID, NEW YORK

COURTESY OF VIA YOGA RETREAT

On the shores of Lake Placid, surrounded by the Adirondack Mountains, the rustic-yet-luxurious Lake

THE WESTIN DUBLIN DIGITAL DETOX PACKAGE, DUBLIN, IRELAND Dublin may be a major metropolitan city, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do a little unplugging on your next trip to Ireland. The luxurious, five-star Westin Dublin’s digital

Via Yoga Retreat attendees who hand over their iPhones receive a 15-percent discount.


COURTESY OF THE WESTIN DUBLIN

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escape package includes breakfast in bed, in-room massage, detox survival kit, and a safe to lock your gadgets away in so that you can enjoy tranquility and peace in the heart of downtown Dublin.

beaches of the Nicoya Peninsula.

Rates start at $227 per person per night.

This summer camp for adults promises visitors a chance to get back to childhood — with campfire songs and board games, “Camp Grounded” is all about tech-free, summer fun. This June, 200 grownup campers will unplug for four days of outdoor activities and nostalgia in the California redwoods.

JACADA TRAVEL WELLNESS GETAWAY, BAJOS DEL TORO, COSTA RICA The Jacada Travel Wellness Getaway takes travelers through the Cloud Forests and then on to the

All-inclusive, 10-day packages from $5,957 per person.

CAMP GROUNDED, ANDERSON VALLEY, CALIFORNIA

Four-day stays start at $340 per person.

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The Westin Dublin offers a safe to lock away your gadgets so you can take in the cityscape with zero distractions.


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JOSHUA HODGE PHOTOGRAPHY/ GETTY IMAGES (HAMPTONS); STOCKBYTE/ GETTY IMAGES (WATCH); AP PHOTO/ ELAINE THOMPSON (BRIDGE); DANIEL LAFLOR/ GETTY IMAGES (CEO); GETTY IMAGES/IMAGE SOURCE (JAW)

Hamptons Residents Fear Hurricane Sandy Damage Will Drive People From Jersey Shore to Their Beaches

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Cafe Charges for Time Instead of Coffee

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THOUSANDS OF BRIDGES IN THE U.S. COULD FALL DOWN IF A SINGLE PART FAILS

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Study: CEOS Are Terrible at Management

Disturbing New Fad: Double Jaw Surgery


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AP PHOTO/JULIE JACOBSON (TRUMP); LIFE ON WHITE/ GETTY IMAGES (BIRD); GETTY IMAGES/BLEND IMAGES (SITTING); DANA HOFF/ GETTY IMAGES (SCOTCH); GETTY IMAGES/SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY RF (DIET)

Donald Trump Spends $1 Million Exploring 2016 Presidential Bid

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Bird-Flavored Ice Cream Is Real

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SITTING IS THE NEW SMOKING

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Caramel-Color Rubbing Alcohol Sold As Scotch

Introducing the Masturbation Diet


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