Sex with Partner Getting Worse Advice Dear Doctor Sexalewitz: I love sex but have a hard time coming from penetration alone. When I’m with my boyfriend he gets defensive about this and won’t do anything to help me climax after he has come…leaving me feeling unsatisfied and hurt over his selfishness. This in turn, makes sex with partner , worse and worse every time. How can I approach this without getting into an argument?
Dear “Explotion waiting to happen”: If a guy wants to get off with a woman, without contributing much (or anything) to her pleasure, he pays a hooker…it’s that simple. For most guys, if you’re in a relationship, your pleasure is greatly enhanced by the pleasure you are able to give your partner; and you end up feeling like a bad lay if your woman is left unsatisfied. Guy are taught that their manhood greatly depends on their sexual performance so if he feels you’re unsatisfied, where does that leave him?
My main recommendation is that you speak about this outside the bedroom. When you’re both butt naked in bed and ready to get a laid , he’s extremely sensitive and will surely act in a defensive or hurtful way…shutting down all possibility of communication. So choose a time when you are both relaxed and can have a conversation without being interrupted. Whip out some statistics about women’s difficulties to climax by penetration alone (you are actually part of a majority, there’s nothing wrong with you)… this will make him feel like it’s not directly related to his performance, thus lowering his defensiveness. Explain how it’s important for your relationship that you both enjoy and that this will translate into better sex
overall. Finally proceed to give him some tips of how to make you come, since he obviously has no clue what to do other than pump his pecker!! This will hopefully improve your sexual relationship and if he doesn’t listen up…then I don’t know what to tell you…maybe you need to look for a partner who is concerned about your enjoyment.