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HONI SOIT Issue 11 MAY 25th 2011

ALL DAY Dust off your voting trousers and get down to one of the polling booths across campus to VOTE FOR THE USU BOARD. Then, race through the sea of pamphleteering and redeem your $5 voucher for some tasty lunch! Democracy AND noms! 7.30pm Now that your vote’s in and your belly’s full, it’s time to inject some boogie into all this election mumbo jumbo. For suspense, celebration and free entertainment head down to Hermann’s for the USU ELECTION PARTY. Free entertainment and free entry!


1-3PM Fall down the rabbit hole and grab some cake and a cuppa at the THE MAD HATTER’S TEA PARTY at Manning Sunken Lawns. Fancy dress and pocket watches optional.

WED 25th

Nudity in the arts? No, it’s not Deepthroat II. BAAL at Sydney Theatre Company is taking Brechtian hedonism to the max. Get your culture fix down at the Wharf. Tix starting at $30. 8PM

6-10PM •


The fantastic USyd Association of Malaysian Students present their annual MAMAK NIGHT at Union Square (the Manning Courtyard). Come along and try • delicious Malaysian cusine, and check the awesome entertainment on offer!

NIGHT The city will be set a glow, as VIVID SYDNEY comes back to deck out major buildings in beautiful colours and design. Take a trip to the city and soak in the array of lights taking over the town.


ALL DAY Pushing paper boundaries and putting the results on display is THE PAPER MILL. See that white A4 quadrilateral in a whole new way at 1 Angel Place (near the Ivy complex). FREE.

Get kicking down to Darling Harbour for the STREET FOOTBALL FESTIVAL. Main selling point? The games are played on a floating football pitch! Oh yeah, and it’s free.







10AM-12pm Get your green finger worm friendly with a FREE LIVE GREEN workshop. Leading experts will give you advice about worm farming and composting, and general sustainability tips. Go on, do something good for the planet! And worms! Places are limited, so make sure to book online!

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Support our pals at the Con by heading to the Campbelltown Arts Centre to check out the latest installment in the Con’s Conductors’ Series - SOMETHING CONNECTED WITH ENERGY and 24 HOURS SAX QUARTET. $10/15/20 6pm

Check out the best up and coming fashion designers Sydney has to offer at the Powerhouse Museum’s STUDENT FASHION exhibition. Get some style tips and a whole lot of inspiration for Only 6 bucks! 10-5PM


Aussie jazz and blues group Ali and the Thieves tonight present their tribute to Leonard Cohen, COHEN KOANS. It’s a fundraising gig, as the group is heading to the Big Apple to strut their stuff in the New York International Fringe Festival, so check ‘em out before they leave our shores!

TUE 31st



Emperor Palpatine

RETRACTION The Editors of Honi Soit wish to apologise wholeheartedly for last week’s article, “The Rapture Comes” ( Week 11 Issue, 18 May 2011). The article, intended as a humour piece, was not based on truth. Sorry for the fuss.

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney, NSW, 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed, and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Pat Massarani, Rhys Pogonoski, Deborah White, Pierce Hartigan, Alistair Stephenson and Meghan Bacheldor. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. Honi Soit is printed by MPD. ADVERTISING: To advertise in Honi Soit, contact Tina Kao or Amanda LeMay



EDITORS: Jacqueline Breen, Neada Bulseco, James Colley, Bridie Connell, Shannon Connellan, Andy Fraser, Julian Larnach, Michael Richardson, Laurence Rosier Staines


THE W W hy d EEK: i d J o h n ny s with a l e r u e p pillow ler unde r his ?

REPORTERS: Adam Chalmers, Cindy Chong, Shaun Crowe, Neil Cuthbert, Paul Ellis, Tom Hellier, Robbie Jones, Jordan King-Lacroix, William Mollers, Rebecca Saffir, Tim Scriven, Symonne Torpy, Matt Watson

He w l o n g ha nte d to s e slep ee how t!

CONTRIBUTORS: Zahra Anver, Theodora Chan, Genevieve Fricker, Nick Kelly, Harry Milas, Richard Withers


nd in a boyba Were you ‘Cause I think in the 90s?YNC... we’re *NS

CROSSWORD: Jim Fishwick COVER: Nathan Harmond

CONTENTS 04 05 07 08

MAIL Spot goes to the Post Office.








Everyone writes our things in, it’s really fun.

ADAM CHALMERS wants to know what’s going down, Union-style. ROBBIE JONES loves a good bargain. THEODORA CHAN likes the library! ZAHRA ANVER wants a fair go for fair trade. CINDY CHONG talks Tuesday Talks. JULIAN LARNACH is leaking this Honi all over the shop.

AN AD You can check that it’s there! It is.

FARRAGO NICK KELLY goes Dan Brown on this campus of ours. SYMONNE TORPY really likes this Mann. JORDAN KING-LACROIX ain’t all about autobiographies. BRIDIE CONNELL shares some lady love for La Maupin.





WILILAM MOLLERS meditates in the mountain tops. MATT WATSON has a big fat crush.

GENEVIEVE FRICKER toasts toddys with the talented Bhakhti Puvanenthiran, Co-Director of the National Young Writers’ Festival.


PAUL ELLIS and RICHARD WITHERS reflect on our responsibility to reconciliate.

REBECCA SAFFIR ain’t ditching her threads for no one. Uh-uh. HARRY MILAS gets film festival friendly. SYMONNE TORPY banters blogs. ANDY FRASER goes Baal-istic. JOSH PEARSE cracks this Code. JAMES COLLEY boasts about a ball. Not his ones.

TIMOTHY SCRIVEN is serious about student unionism. NEIL CUTHBERT ain’t advocating apathy. THOMAS HELLIER is pulling his panties over his pants, Supermanstyle.





Ha! Gribblies!

O Looky here!

A full page ad!

7 Sitting still for hours is a sport, we swear.


This girl’s got the goods.

11 Fire up, film fiends!

14 May the Union be with you, young padawan!



YOU THERE! Love us? Hate us? If you’ve got an opinion on something in these pages, we want to hear it! Hit us up at:



HONI FROM THE VAULT Issue #3, 1965

I’m writing this on Sunday. This will reach your sweet hands on Wednesday. Please vote. Do it. Vote in the Union elections. Check out our candidate summaries on the next page. Treat student politics like regular politics but take note of the fact that the candidates are close enough that you can see the passion in their eyes, feel the hot breath of their policies, and, on occasion, smell the bullshit on their tongues. Talk to them! Don’t let them talk at you (important distinction), ask them questions that don’t let them regurgitate policy, form your own opinions on who you want to represent you and who you think is going to be able to protect the best student experience in Australia. If the University takes control of the USU’s catering outlets we stand to lose so much of what has made uni great for me: the chilled-out atmosphere of Manning, the gentle scunge of Hermann’s and the awesome, constant stream of things to attend, skills to learn and people to meet. We can’t let the Union die this easy. You know someone else who died this week? “Macho Man” Randy Savage. It took a heart attack and a car crash to kill “Macho Man” Randy Savage. Two decades ago that would only have kept him down long enough for Hulk Hogan to bounce off the ropes for a matchending leg drop, but on May 20th, 2011, “Macho Man” Randy Savage’s own car and gigantic, drug-bloated heart banded together in a life-ending tag team and dropped an elbow on his life expectancy. You want to know more about “Macho Man” Randy Savage? Okay sure. “Macho Man” Randy Savage obsessively choreographed his matches,

By Illbie

Dark night. Large bitch, black markings, ace of spades, pads into view, places one paw on gutter. Pensive, urinates in empty beer bottle. Mind perfect shot; couldn’t help perving on flanks. Very nice red sore on upper right hindleg. Pity. Nice doggy. Here fella. Lean over. Pat, Roar, Chomp. Eyes mute, gratitude. In my arms. Tongue in cheek, sensual spittle. Tail wags. I am in raptures. Sighs. 360 to the minute. Deep breathing? Hold her shoulders. Jaws hard together. Three fingers left. Metho can pressed against rib cage. Almost hurts. Tongue again. Gory. Must be delicious. Burpp. Pardon me doggy. Growls soft sensually, thinking of cop station. Think she understands. Don’t care. Physical contact, sensual tough. Food?

Specifically, because I’m Editor-In-Chief this week, we can do what I want and what I want is photos of “Macho Man” Randy Savage. Not that I watched wrestling when he was active or anything. They’re mainly scattered throughout the paper because once you get a full-page ad taken out, there’s only thing to do and that’s add pictures of “Macho Man” Randy Savage to whatever you’re doing.

No cop station. Put off ‘till tomorrow. Hard on back. But not steady yet. Pick her up. Drop her. No home just roam. How dull. Lie down head against fence feet in gutter. Food on brain. Barks. Rubs. Too much fleas. Very good scratching. Sensual fangs. But no food in cavities. Tough.

Anyway, we do have heaps of cool stuff for you this week. Politics, love, information on campus, the arts, a profile of one of the directors of 2011’s National Young Writer’s Festival and a whole load of pictures of “Macho Man” Randy Savage, it’s all here. Now go vote.

Tom Walker, actual editor.

Talk of a Troubling Test

Meat Box Muddle

Dear Honi,

Dear Honi Soit,

It’s great to see you continuing the trend of difficult testing for Union Board candidates, especially with the relevant Commercial Operations section.

In last week’s preview of the Union Board candidates (“Union Board Elections”), you provided a copy of the quiz which you asked the candidates to partake in, then suggested that we the readers take the test ourselves. While I did not acheive full marks, one of the questions for which I had to award myself half marks according to your answering scheme put on the puzzles page was to the question “What’s in a Meat Box from Uni Brothers?” I experienced a mild case of shock when I read that the answer, as suggested by your folk, was “Hot chips, kebab meat, lemon wedge, garlic sauce.” Half marks, Honi Soit - the lemon wedge is always optional as is the flavour of sauce, should you choose to have one at all. I understand that Honi Soit is not linked to the Union and judging by the quiz which was used, I certainly hope they never are.

However, unlike the last few years, I was disappointed to see that Honi didn’t take the opportunity to analyse actual policies. While the Candidates’ Soapbox is an obvious forum for that, Honi has far more potential to inform the average, non-political student with an objective take on which policies are “realistic” and which policies are not. I would have much preferred to read that sort of coverage rather than the trivial commentary on candidates’ personalities. Moreover, as students who once ran in an election themselves, I suggest the editors do better to sympathise with a bunch of students who are working their asses off to impress not just the student body, but student media as well (I thought it was a bit rich of Honi to set such a rigorous test and then criticise a candidate for being “prepared but overly eager”).

Arghya Gupta

Arts IV

Two hours later, unhappy about no food. We drink metho. She munches digital remains. Plays with ears. Stretch out. Almost asleep. Varicose veins through tear in trousers. How dull. Playing with. Suddenly big spotted dog appears. Hers. I didn’t know she had a mate. Nice doggy. He nuzzles me urinates on beer bottle. Misses. She gets up. Crosses road. Noses open parcel of fish heads. I unhappy want to heave. But she recrosses road, crawls upon my lap. Spotted dog growls low then barks loud. Light switched on behind me. Gate opens. “Come here Trixie”. I did not know she lived at 23 Hogshead Lane. Trixie clings to me. Refuses to go, screeches, yowls. Be quiet doggy, good doggy, I say. But she doesn’t hear. Fellow shouts at dog. Light at end of lane, cop on motorcycle. “Here. What’s going on. Leave that dog alone. Hey you!” Up talking to me. Grabs me. Trixie attacks cop. Cop kicks Trixie. Trixie’s owner whacks cop. Spotted dog takes hunks out of cop and owner. I say goodbye, she says nothing: lurch into cycle start motor. Roar up street bounce over fence. Into bedroom. Naked white woman winding alarm clock surprised. Tyre tattoo from head to foot. I excuse fast. Alarm runs itself to death. I lie on bed. Stink. Dream of 1000 naked Aryan females dying of the runs in city and suburbs. Dysentery? Significant?

Medicine/Surgery I USU Food Connoisseur

Alistair Stephenson


“Dog” - an Existentialist rehash of Hermes

building a wrestling ring at home so he could invite wrestlers over and go through the whole match step-bystep, blow-by-blow. Other wrestlers called their matches in the ring, judging when the audience needed to be galvanized with a big move or a provocative taunt, but “Macho Man” Randy Savage rehearsed for weeks before stepping foot in the ring. He’s immortalized in the pro-wrestling Hall of Fame, Space Ghost Coast To Coast, the first Spiderman movie, the memories of thousands and now, in this issue of Honi Soit. Why? Because we’re a student newspaper and we can do what we want.

“Randy Savage, there are plenty of big guys out there. What makes you more macho than them? What makes you the Macho Man? Man?“

Everything in general and one thing in particular, oooooh yeah!

ADAM CHALMERS just wants to be included. The USU is run by students, for students. But this may not be true for much longer if Michael Spence succeeds in his takeover of Manning, Wentworth, and the rest of the USU commercial services. Now, more than ever, it’s important for students to become active participants in their union and do what they can to keep it strong. But how are we supposed to do that if we can’t even find out what our union’s doing in its day to day operations? Like many students, the only way I can find out what my union’s doing is to read HoniLeaks every Wednesday. This isn’t nearly enough. I want to see what my union is doing firsthand. I’ve been told by Union Board representatives that the best way to do this is to attend the Union Board meetings held every few weeks. According to the USU website, these meetings are “open to all members of the Union.” So, in theory, any curious student can attend a meeting and find out exactly what their union is going through and what they’re doing for students on campus. These meetings are supposed to be announced on the USU website so that anyone can go to them. In reality, though, it’s almost impossible for a normal student to find these meetings. All the USU website says is that “meetings are held on the third Friday of each month, or fourth if there are five weeks in that month.” That’s all. No mentions of a time, place or date. How exactly are members supposed to attend these meetings if we don’t know where to be and when to be there?

Well, if we can’t attend the meetings ourselves, at least we can look over the official minutes and see what was done in them, right? Wrong. The minutes from these all-important meetings are supposed to be published online. A quick search of the USU website will show you this is not the case. The only Board documents that are available are annual reports – and the report from 2010 isn’t even online yet. It seems the only way to find out what happens at USU Board meetings is to hunt down a Board representative and ask them yourself. And, as the average student doesn’t know these representatives personally, this means the majority of ACCESS card holders are forced to remain ignorant about the operations of their union. Supposedly, open meetings are hidden. Supposedly, available minutes are nowhere to be found. Students need to mobilise to keep the union strong – just ask any candidate along Eastern Avenue. But how are we supposed to do this if we’re not told what our union’s doing? This problem is easy to rectify. If the Board could just advertise their meetings and publish their minutes like they’re supposed to, students could educate themselves about the Union’s activities whenever they wanted. It’s difficult to understand why this hasn’t been done yet. Students across campus are trying keep the Union strong. Please, USU, let us know what you’re doing. Help us help you.

E V A S d

an h d n o c e S n o


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JULIAN LARNACH looks at the week student politics made it into the SMH.

A meeting of the Sydney University Liberal Club made the pages of the Sydney Morning Herald, involved over 150 students and was broken up by the Union’s Manager of Clubs & Societies due to OH&S breaches. Sources say that 60 members of the International Student Society, most members of the Conservative Club, were brought to the meeting President Adrian Pryke and SRC General Secretary Chad Sidler. Pryke has defected to the hard rightwing of the Liberal party while Sidler is a supporter of the Conservative Club, the hard right society that split off from the Young Liberals following a similar event in 2009. The huge attendance of the meeting was the result of a stack from the far right and a subsequent counter stack effort by the left; the ramifications of this for the Liberals remain to be seen. It’s comforting to note that every candidate has made his or her support for an independent student-controlled Union very clear. Although you’ve been thoroughly bashed in lectures, here’s a quick rundown (in alphabetical order) of the candidates’ policies so you’ve got a side of knowledge with your meal voucher. Nai Brooks: Keeping the commercial services student run, renewing fair trade discussions, supporting the SSAF amendments (to ensure independent revenue for Union) and providing a strong voice for women on Union Board. Ali Cowan: Improving bars, programs to benefit students of low socio-economic status, strong anti-corruption agenda to refocus Union attention outwards.


USU Confidential


Brigid Dixon: Expanding Union online presence with online databases for C&S, an extra-curricular recognition program, campus grocery store.

Ava Harvey: A cheaper discount-only ACCESS card making it more inclusive, more food choices on campus including the introduction of kosher and expanding vegan and halal options, monthly student-run markets. Jacqui Munro: Greater support for large, inter-club events, a Union application on your iPhone complete with ‘What’s On’ calendar and integrated discounts, a premier publication for international students and an upgraded Wentworth. Mina Nada: Cheaper food and more commercial outlets like Oportos on campus, more student consultation, cheaper ACCESS cards, a multi-faith convenor for the Union.

Rhys Pogonoski: Creation of a campus culture committee, better support for performing arts societies, greater Union transparency through more frequent forums, stronger support for executives. Astha Rajvanshi: Union note sharing, a try-before-you-buy ACCESS card, improved executive training sessions and a new layout for Hermann’s. Zac Thompson: Capitalisation of campus spaces including street parties, formalised C&S mentoring program, a borrow-a-bike scheme. Shane Treeves: Commercial independence of the Union as priority, strengthened link between the Union and collegesincreased financial support for social justice organisations.

Campaign Reform ROBBIE JONES checks up on the candidates. In previous years, Union Board candidates have flagrantly overspent their allowed funding cap (sometimes to triple the cap) and the returning officer has seemed powerless. This year the Union has been serious about election reform and enforcement – candidates have been strictly warned to stay within their $700 limit, been given a set list of suppliers to purchase from and a maximum number of items they can purchase (such as a 40 t-shirt limit). Having spoken to all the candidates running, there is definitely a consensus that whilst the new rules are sometimes challenging, they are overall more positive than negative. Many candidates have pointed out that it costs nothing to talk to a person and, in an election where every dollar counts, candidates have spent more time developing and discussing policy. Rhys Pogonoski is an ardent supporter of the spending cap, outlining how in relation to the upcoming negotiations with the Vice Chancellor, it is especially important to ensure the legitimacy of these elections. In this light, it was better for the new reforms to be overkill. Some of the candidates running pro-environment platforms also mentioned the amount of paper that the reforms were saving. Many candidates raised minor issues, however. Jacqui Munro, whilst generally very positive about the reforms, was disappointed that the $700 couldn’t be spent as desired (such as entirely on t-shirts). There appears to be no necessity for this rule as it seems to hinder a candidate’s ability to run a more strategic campaign. I, however, strongly oppose the calls from some candidates to spend the money wherever they want rather than the specified suppliers (their argument

being that shopping around for a better price shows commitment and other pertinent skills). If a candidate has ties to a relevant industry, they could sell them materials at a fraction of the cost (possibly even with a false receipt), and that, in general, makes it far harder for the RO to monitor spending. Only one candidate mentioned a downside for the Union itself; Alexandra Cowan felt that the Union had lost a lot of the free advertising elections used to provide, but she stressed that this was outweighed by the benefits. In my eyes, the reforms and their enforcement have evened the playing field – forcing the campaign to be about issues rather than who can spend more. Whilst there are clearly still frontrunners, the field of ten candidates seems remarkably close. We won’t know until the ballots are cast but, at this stage, it wouldn’t be strange if any of the candidates was elected to board. What the reforms have stopped is a single candidate using money to dominate the campus and look like a clear winner to the unengaged. This should help stop the bandwagon effect – a common election problem where people vote for who they think is going to win, not who would be best on Board. Overall, I think the reforms have been remarkably successful in achieving their aims – and perhaps this is a lesson for others. The SRC’s multi-ticket overspending loophole is so abused it has become a joke – especially for Honi Soit. The SRC should ensure the ability of all undergraduate students to participate. Election reform could be a great way to ensure that it is not just the politically supported or financially better off that are able to edit the student newspaper or represent the student body.


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A FAIR TRADE UNION? ZAHRA ANVER is thirsty for change.

THEODORA CHAN responds to the refurbishment. Anyone who knows me will know that I’m a massive bibliophile. Five hundred books line my walls and occasionally fall on my head. I’m a hoarder and I hate the thought of putting those books anywhere else because one day I might really need that book on 16th century needlepoint techniques. Lucky then, that I’m not a library. I don’t have to worry about safety restrictions, think about other people or wonder where I’ll put new purchases (I just stack higher). Unlike me, Fisher Library has to consider these issues, and act practically. They have to notice the library is overcrowded during exam season, that there are no facilities for disabled students and no space to house new books. Why? Because the library hasn’t been renovated since 1963. Yes, that would be the same 1963 that the Beatles released their first album, James Bond first played in cinemas and John F. Kennedy took a bullet to the head. Instead of protesting, we should celebrate that Fisher Library has finally received funding to update the building. Some might grumble the funds would be better applied to extend the library, so it can house the eternally-growing number of books. But we can’t go up (or the stack will resemble a skyscraper), we can’t go out (wouldn’t you miss Fisher lawns?) and we can’t go down, because, well, it already does. The funds were donated by BURF and TLC specifically for infrastructure renewal. “We don’t need a café!” students cry. But wouldn’t a coffee cart be nice for those late nights buried in books? Here are the facts: Fisher will be upgrading the air-conditioning, toilets, lifts and electricals. They are also adding a News Lounge with print and online news services, increased learning space with powered individual seating, a secure 24 hour access zone, facilities for disabled clients, a kitchen and a parenting room. “But they’re throwing away the books!” If this were true, I’d join the crowd, pitchfork in hand.

But it’s not. Any item borrowed in the last five years will remain in the library, along with one copy of every purchased monograph. Anything not borrowed in five years will be reviewed by academic staff. If it doesn’t make the cut, it will be stored offsite. Low use duplicates will be given away for free to students and what’s left will go to the Chancellor’s Book Fair. Sound reasonable? The proposed 30 voluntary redundancies needs more discussion, but it’s also a separate issue. Proximity doesn’t equal correlation, and the redundancies aren’t necessarily a result of the proposed renovations. Reduced budgets always result in staffing cuts. I’m not saying we need to accept the library’s proposals without question, but I do think that this needs to be an intelligent debate focusing on real issues rather than a knee-jerk reaction of mass hysteria and “dust disturbance.” Let’s drag Fisher Library into the 21st century. Make your objections rational and offer solutions. Otherwise, this will just be another case of university students protesting because they have nothing better to do. Or study to avoid.

Disagree? Last Wednesday (18/05) students protested planned renovations in Fisher Library. The protest, organised on Facebook under the title “Save the books! Disturb the dust! Mass book borrowing & READ IN,” drew a crowd of 400 people (figure reported by organisers) to the library to disrupt “dust tests” that John Shipp (the University’s Librarian) said would be used to identify older books for disposal and show dissatisfaction with the planned renovation. Honi tried to get in contact with the organisers to set up a debate between students who were for and against the renovation; while we had a prorenovation article submitted, we’re yet to receive an anti-renovation submission despite repeated appeals to anti-renovation parties. If you’re against the renovation, contact us at to share your thoughts! We want your opinion.

Mab’s Ball “Everyone is qualified Queen to die,” Last week’s Tuesday Talks concerning euthanasia proved to be quite the debate, as CINDY CHONG took in both sides.

“Do we have a right to die with dignity or is every human life sacred?” Last week Tuesday Talks threw this question to a panel of experts who tackled the controversial topic of legalising voluntary euthanasia in Australia. The panel, debating the topic, was made up of some of the leading voices in support of and in opposition to voluntary euthanasia.


Greens Member of the NSW Legislative Council, Cate Faehrmann, is committed to introducing the Rights of the Terminally Ill Bill, which would enable patients, whose pain and suffering cannot be alleviated, to voluntarily request from a medical practitioner to end their own lives. Greens MPs have been trying to make voluntary euthanasia legal for over a decade now. In her argument for euthanasia, Faehrmann focused on issues in Tasmania. “The Tasmanian Government has committed $300,000 to look at drafting a bill on voluntary euthanasia,” she indicated. The bill will be brought to parliament again later this year, despite opposition from the Catholic-Right.

Australia was the first place in the world to legalise assisted suicide. The right to die legislation was passed in 1995. It only lasted nine months before being overturned by federal politicians committed to religion. “It changed the world forever,” said Australia’s Doctor Death, panelist Dr. Philip Nitschke, author of the Peaceful Pill e-handbook and founder of Exit International, a movement for the advocacy of voluntary euthanasia. Dr. Nitschke spoke of ending a terminally ill patient’s life in Darwin, in the short window of legalised euthanasia in 1995. Fifteen years later, Holland, Belgium and Switzerland have legalised euthanasia. Nitschke described Australia as still being in the dark ages. “Assisting someone to die is a crime [in Australia], with severe penalties,” he said. Confronted with this legal barrier, Australian patients are looking to overseas options. 80% of Swiss voters chose to open their gate to international patients. Nitschke calls it “civilised euthanasia”. When mentioning the fear of “death tourism,” that is,

The candidates running in this year’s USU Board elections will be THE crucial decision makers in determining if USyd will become a Fair Trade University upon the expiration of its current contract with Vittoria in December 2012. So it came as a surprise to me when none of the candidates – save Nai Brooks – had a single mention of Fair Trade in their policy outlines, especially considering that in last year’s Fair Trade Referendum, 89.3% of students voted to indicate that they wanted to see 100% Fair Trade coffee sold on campus.

commit themselves to pursuing the implementation of 100% Fair Trade coffee around campus. While the rest of the candidates unanimously expressed in-principle support of Fair Trade, many of them conveyed a misguided concern that it would be more expensive and not financially viable for the USU to put into practice – a myth dispelled by the fact that Macquarie University actually saved money in becoming a Fair Trade University in 2009.

Given that the accountability of the USU has been called into question by the false promises of candidates who ran on Fair Trade platforms last Disillusioned by the rejection of year and then proceeded to vote the overwhelmingly successful down the referendum, many of you referendum by last year’s Board reading this might be wondering of Directors, I was prepared to if those students running for be disappointed by this year’s candidates, interpreting their initial Board this year can be trusted to keep their word. I would strongly silence on the Fair Trade issue as advise everyone to check out the an attempt to bury discussions on making USyd a Fair Trade university. statements on Fair Trade written by the candidates on the “Fairly Having now met with each of the Educated Make University of Sydney candidates and discussed their Fair Trade Certified” Facebook stances on implementing last year’s group, and judge for yourselves fair trade referendum, I’m thrilled to which candidates appear most say that I was wrong. If there exists dedicated to the cause. a single positive to the looming One thing is for certain: Fair Trade threat of the potential University is the way of the future. It is takeover of the USU’s commercial increasingly being recognised as the services, it is that it’s reminded most ethically and environmentally the candidates of the need to be sustainable consumer option strongly responsive to the wishes and needs of the student body they currently available. Four Australian universities have already become may represent. Despite varying Fair Trade accredited, and it is up levels of knowledge on, belief in to the Board elected on the 25th and commitment to the Fair Trade of May to determine whether or Referendum, all of the candidates not USyd remains a leader in social assured me that if elected, they would undertake measures towards justice innovation and action. In the end, we as students hold the investigating its implementation, power to choose who will become emphasising the need to be a “Strong Union” that is “responsive our representatives. So make an informed decision and hopefully by to students.” January 2013 every sip of coffee we Based upon my conversations take on campus will help alleviate with the candidates, Nai, Shane, the poverty of at least 65, 000 Astha and Alexandra were the farmers across the developing world. most enthusiastic and ready to

travelling to another country to access euthanasia, the doctor responded lightly with “if you lived in Tasmania for a year, of course you’d want to kill yourself.” While one of three books written by Dr. Nitschke has been banned in Australia, his organisation for the end of life choices continues to advocate euthanasia law reforms and provides information to the terminally ill, their family and friends. It’s about the freedom to choose how they die. From his experience and patient care, Nitschke stated “people want the right to choose without passing through many loopholes.” Forming the opposing view of the panel, Paul Russell, the founder of HOPE, an organisation devoted to the prevention euthanasia & assisted suicide and Executive Officer for Right to Life New South Wales, called legalising voluntary euthanasia “an opportunity for the perfect crime.” His argument summed up euthanasia as “killing,” mentioning this word several times. He also presented the possibility that disabled people may

feel obliged to use euthanasia if it were to be legalised. He gave an example from Holland, saying vulnerable Dutch people had to carry cards around saying they do not want to be euthanized if taken to hospital. Russell calls it “a hidden epidemic” that would make society live in fear. President of the Australian Medical Association, panelist Dr Andrew Pesce, believes that euthanasia policies should not change. He began his argument by saying that it is a question of the law, not medicine. He also claimed to argue this from a non-religious perspective. Pesce indicates that the AMA’s stance on euthanasia remains that medical practitioners should not be involved in interventions with the primary objective of ending a person’s life. Pesce emphasised that legalizing voluntary euthanasia would have very black and white rules. “There would be unintended consequences,” he said. “Often we reduce the argument to simplistic solutions when it’s much more complicated than that.”

Distinguish yourself

Postgraduate study in London Presentation Shangri La Hotel (CBD), Sydney Tuesday 7th June at 7pm This presentation will provide information on programmes of study, the application process, Australian scholarship opportunities and life in London. King’s College London is one of the world’s top 25 universities.* To book your place to the presentation, please contact *THES world rankings 2010


SIX MILLION DOLLAR MANN Mann. SYMONNE TORPY thinks Steve’s the Steve Mann is a subject and an object of scientific research. Steve Mann is an academic. Steve Mann is perhaps the longest living and most active human cyborg in existence.

The very crux of Mann’s research is awareness of the all-seeing-eye that has descended from its position of elite power and been thrust into the hands of the proletariat with the emergence of cheap technology. It is this, which has spawned an active social movement rallying under Mann’s coined term ‘sousveillance’ (watching from below), which aims to subvert the power of elite surveyors.


A life shaped by technology aligns with the reality of most students (and the ubiquitous Facebook/Twitter/blogging dependency). A professor at the University of Toronto, Steve Mann lives beyond the social media matrix, engaged in continuously recording life via devices Yet it is not liberation from Orwellian embedded into the fabric of his clothing evils that has been Mann’s most valuable contribution to research students. Noble and lenses in his eyeglasses. as it is, Big Brother rebellion has been A self-appointed ‘black box’ of the done. It is Mann’s immersion in emersion human experience, Mann began as a subject in the research process that attaching recording devices to himself is the most fascinating. Gifting himself during early childhood. His research freedom from the ethical dilemmas that explores the impact of watching, being external test subjects introduce, his watched, recording and being recorded. research has a personal narrative that There is a delight that radiates from is as compelling as it is endearing to the his writing (both academic and blogcause. style) which chronicles his experiences with shop owners, airport officials and Conducting research on oneself is not always viable or indeed conducive to policemen: figures immediately both drawn to and repelled by Mann’s work. good methodological practice, but gritty cyborgs need not bow to the constraints of humble man.

Why is this sym bol in the centre of th e Quad?

NICK KELLY solves a myste


ry that no one knew wa

If the ‘dust test’ is ever im plemented as a valid empirical instru ment of measurement then this is a book that would be culled on the first pass. In amongst the spe eches by Wentworth and Mereweth er I noticed an acknowledgement of the ‘good work done by the Integral ia’ and an exclamation mar

s unsolved.

Evidence of their achiev ements in these early years can be see in their successful securing of the Challis be quest in 1880; the designation of the un iversity’s motto, ‘Sidere mens eade m mutato’ (an anagram of their ow n creed); and the use of the group’s sym bol at the centre of the university’s quadrangle by the most famous of all the group’s As you are well aware, Syd me mbers, Edmund Blacket. ney University has a proud aca demic history We know little about the dating back to 1850. It wa history of the s incorporated group since the turn of the in this year with the aim 20th century, of enabling the and their greatest legacy residents of NSW to pursu see ms to be a e a liberal (as string of unanswered qu in, broad) education and esti on s. Aside it was the first from a few dusty mention university in Australasia s you might . never know that they exi sted. What is not so often dis cussed is the Why bring them up today? society formed by these Perhaps university because there is a beautifu founders. A band of intell l simplicity in ectuals keen what they were about: pu to promote an educatio tting the sum n for all in the above the parts. This is an colonies, they named the era with ever mselves The more specialised fields an Integralia. They were un d professions, ited by a belief and this venerable institu in the universal (as in ‘un tion that iversity’); the we study at often feels mo whole as more than the re like a sum of the ‘multiversity’ of separate parts. They codified the realities than se beliefs about a single, integrated ‘unive education into a creed: rsity’. If there ‘estimate, sum, are still any members of remade and done!’ the Integralia still out there, please ste p forward and make your presence know n. You are sorely missed.

Be inspired by his unique journey as a character both born and made. Visit:

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JORDAN KING-LACROIX gestures to his crotch, square!

There was some controversy some years back that really ticked me off; and still does even now. James Frey, author of a great novel entitled A Million Little Pieces, was slammed on daytime television by talk-show heavyweight Oprah Winfrey, the same person who advertised the novel and added it to her famous Book Club. He was slammed because it turns out, though it was published under “memoir,” it was, in fact, a load of crap. And by crap, I mean fiction. You see, this was seen as a pretty damn big deal. They said he was lying and taking advantage of people. Really? Really!? Let me get this straight, people would prefer that the story of lies, degradation and drug abuse that was Frey’s life within the novel were true? They would not prefer to know that he’s a pretty normal guy who just happened to have written a really good and extremely convincing book. A book which is, by the way, marvellous. It depicts drug abuse in as bad a light as Trainspotting, with a similar level of poetry to the prose. Despite this, people thought his book was somehow worse because it was fiction. A similar problem happened in the early 2000s when young author J.T. LeRoy turned out to not be a 19 year old, emotionally

traumatized young man, but a 40 year old woman who just created a fictional author, going so far as to have “him” make appearances. She also happened to write really good and convincing novels. I’m sorry, but the outrage over this stuff needs to stop. Right now. It’s crap and it’s always been crap. Do you know who else has done this in the past? Passed off fiction for reality? I don’t mean movies or books written in the last century, either. Think the classics. This ‘controversy’ was once common practice. It’s evident in Swift’s sardonic masterpiece Gulliver’s Travels (published under the guise of the real Lemuel Gulliver’s journal) and Daniel Defoe’s classic novel, the first complete novel ever written in English, Robinson Crusoe, published as the diary of the real person. When people found out that it was a fake, do you know what happened? Nothing! Nothing at all! They liked it because it was a good book! A really good book! If this kind of thing happens in the future we need to shut up, step back and look at the bigger picture. We may find that it doesn’t matter at all, and that the book is still good, even if the unending suffering of the author wasn’t real.



BRIDIE CONNELL has drawn her sword. La Maupin, the 17th century swordswoman, cross dresser, opera singer, seductress and babe, led a life that seems almost intentionally ridiculous. Prepare to fall in love. Born Julie d’Aubigny to a well off Parisian family, La Maupin (nicknamed after her first husband) led a life that paints the musketeers in Dumas’ tales as boring homebodies in comparison. Her father was responsible for tutoring King Louis XIV’s pages and decided to give his daughter a solid education too, focusing in particular on fencing, dancing and singing. Whacked hard with the talent stick, her immense musical and dueling skill garnered her much fame. La Maupin would perform racy numbers in taverns to captivated audiences and gave astonishing dueling exhibitons. One famous anecdote recounts a heckler questioning her gender, as her proficiency with the sword was such that audiences found it hard to believe she could be a woman. La Maupin responded convincingly, ripping her shirt off to refute the heckle. As her reputation grew, so did her professional opportunities and she became a star of the Paris Opera (of course). Her comparative lack of vocal training didn’t matter, as her presence and natural talent was such that she consistently delighted crowds. Because being a formidable swordswoman and famous opera star wasn’t enough, our heroine also rivaled Casanova for her romantic exploits. In

her teens she seduced a Count and used his influence to ingratiate herself into the court society. A year later, after proving too much for the Count, she took up with a fencing master named Sérannes, who she promptly overtook in sword skill. Lusty La Maupin soon grew bored with Sérannes and redirected her attention towards a saucy young girl, causing much scandal. The object of La Maupin’s affentions was shielded from such vice by being shipped off to a convent, far away from amorous eyes. Not one to let a little thing like vows of chastity to stand in her way, La Maupin posed as a novitiate to enter the convent then, naturally, set the convent on fire and escaped into the night with her lover. Later, she had to flee France for breaking the prohibitions on dueling after she defeated three noblemen at a court ball. Eventually, she retired and settled down in Provence to die at age 37, already a figure of myth. So when you see the new Pirates of the Carribean movie and you think that Jack Sparrow’s implausible, remember: there was at least one person in his league and she could actually sing.


MICHAEL RICHARDSON writes about his favourite dude. Dunt inibh eu faciduipis erit nonsequi tem auguerosto odoloreet la con ent verit praestrud doloborem iriure digna con vulput vercil et velenim velit accum vulluptatum eu faccumsan ex exeraesequis auguercinci bla commoloreet prate facipit in ullupta tummodit, vent lut ilisisis atie tat nonsed dolore facil ullut illut nim vercidunt vel dolore magna conullaor si tat, corer ipis ea commodo consequis doluptat. Er ilisim zzriliquis num iure tat lutpat iliquis aliquissim nostie cor sustie tatue er aut alis dolent alit vulputp atinim ing ex ea commy nim iurercipit ea faccum ad ex elestrud dolorercin henim ad magnibh ea aliquipit, cor incilisci eum adignim vel ut dolorper iustion sectet, senibh et, quis aliquat. Ut autat ut ad delesecte tiscili quisit augait vendipsusto ero odo od do odiatem ipis aut at eugiame tummodigna consed tat, sectem vel ea facin hendit vullametum ing eriure conum vel illa faccumsandit nim et, commodolore tet ulput adionse ndignisl in verilluptat aliquisl ea feu feummodigna atie etue tem niatuer ad et aci eugait augiamc orperae stionullaor sumsan ulla aliquipisci el dolor ipit, quisism oloreet ad dolorero el dolor in hent ing eraesecte ero eugue faccum il ullamcorer sectem quam velis

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Autobiography? Autobiography THIS!


: N O I d T n A i T I M D e E h M T r o F ys. a p d e l o m h w a C for ten d t n i m o s i h o B focuses S R ¨ E L L O M WILLIAM

Impermanence. Patience. Anicca. These are the words that have been on loop in my head over the past ten days.


I have been tucked away in the Vipassana Meditation Centre in Blackheath, the Blue Mountains participating in a ten day introductory silent meditation course. I can only really sum up the experience as worthwhile, intense and at times extremely frustrating. The course was

“11 hours of meditation daily, 5 hours of breaks.” first mentioned to me over a year ago, but after much procrastination, I decided that the time was ripe. Leaving from Central by train, I endured a nervous trip up to the mountains. The whole time I thought “are there going to be only a handful of people doing the course? Is it really going to be beneficial to me? Why am I doing this?” But, as I was already on the train, I did not have much choice but to go along. Upon arriving at Blackheath, my first fear was allayed, since about 15 other people got off my train and started

heading in the same direction. “15 people just from my train? I wonder how many people are going to actually be taking the course?” Arriving at the centre, about another 70 people turned out to be participants, making a relatively large group of just under 100 people. Men and women are, however, strictly separated and this began from our first meal. All of us men sat down to eat our first dinner together and I somehow sat down with the only four other guys around my age (23). We had a great conversation, but this conversation was to be our last for 10 nights. After dinner we went together to our dorm, braced ourselves for impact the next day and hit the sack hard.

most filling I have eaten in my entire life. No one went hungry on the course.

The meditation technique taught is something best experienced firsthand, so I will not go into great detail. I will say the following: it is incredibly simple (it focuses on observation of breath), very practical, requires much patience and determination (sitting for 11 hours is not normal...), but ultimately brings very tangible results. These results are manifold, but are all based around getting you

“My back hurts. I don’t want to be here. I love this. That girl is cute.”


t t p :/ / w w Head to h

d w.B h u m i.

MATT WATSON gushes about knighted football coach, Sir Alex Ferguson.

This may sound like a great plot for a movie but it is really a synopsis of the greatest coach in any sport, ever. Now I know that there are a number of great coaches across different sporting codes including Vince Lombardi, Phil Jackson and Wayne Bennett. Therefore I will break it down with some quick facts as to why this man is the greatest: 37 years of coaching. 25 at Manchester United, 12 Premier League titles, 5 F.A. cups, 4 League Cups, 9 Charity Shields, 2 Champions Leagues, 1 FIFA Club World Cup, 1 Super Cup and 1 European Cup Winners Cup. That is 35 trophies by my count, which means he averages

At the end of the course, the final day is one of talking, which is a necessary buffer before returning to society. I bonded intensely with all of the other guys on the course and it quickly became obvious that we all had had very similar thoughts at one point or another: “My back hurts. I don’t want to be here. I love this. That girl is cute. Are there really 25 different ways to eat kiwi fruit?” Overall, the meditation experience on offer at the Vipassana meditation centre in Blackheath is one that I would recommend to everyone. It is also available for everyone, as there is no fee for the course and a donation at the end is not compulsory. If you have a free ten days coming up in the holidays and want to have a different experience, one where you will really remember every moment, then go for it and take a train up to the mountains.

The next morning our new beginning to understand the habit pattern of started bright and early with a 4am your own mind and to learn how wake-up bell and a routine that was to manage it. This is not a form of to be the same for the next 10 days: relaxation; in fact it really is the 11 hours of meditation daily, five opposite, as it is designed to get hours of breaks and one hour of you highly concentrated and aware, evening discourse. This was broken allowing you to focus on small up into roughly two-hour sessions of details which the majority of us now rs e s meditation, some one-hour sessions n d ay c o u , e t s n u r and some two hour breaks. All heath e run e in B la c k o u rs e s a r r C t . n s e t C n e n meals supplied in the breaks d M e d it a t io n b a s is . n d o ld s t u were vegetarian, but don’t let V ip a s s a n a t h e y e a r f o r n e w a it io n , o n a d o n a t io d ut s. this scare you, as the food we s s a n a t ra a t h ro u g h o ip V o r e d e t a il e r m u r p o f o t / g g ate was some of the best and r c c o r d in m m a .o

THROWING BOOTS AT BECKHAM Sir Alex Ferguson is a god. Enough said. I will continue on though, as he deserves this article. This is man who has created legends out of human beings, built a dynasty, conquered all that has laid before him in the world of football and has even had enough time to fend off a few heart attacks.

struggle with. Such small details include writing this article at 7am in the morning, after having already meditated for an hour.

more than one trophy a season. This is an unprecedented achievement in any sport let alone arguably the greatest football league in the world, and these numbers alone make him an incredible human being.

be one of the most orgasmic games ever in the history of the world) then Zeus will be forced to hand over Mount Olympus to Ferguson as this will be the icing on the haggis that is Alex Ferguson’s life.

However, this season highlights why Alex Ferguson is so amazing. He has lead teams of superstars during his tenure. The treble winning team of 1999 saw the likes of Beckham, Giggs, Keane, Schmeichel and Yorke line up on the field. The team that won the 2008 Champions League had Ronaldo doing whatever he wanted. This year though Ferguson has taken a bunch of almost no names and not only taken them to a record breaking 19th title, making them the most dominant club in Premier League History, but also the final of the Champions League for the third time in 4 seasons and 4th in 12 years. Wow.

P.S. Did I mention he is a knight? That’s right, a member of the Queen’s personal motherflipping army. Top that, Wayne Bennett!

This is all possible as Alex Ferguson provides his players with the two greatest qualities any sportsman can have: passion and confidence. If Man U can topple Barcelona next Saturday (which coincidentally will

P.P.S. He also threw a boot at David Beckham’s face because he was being a spoilt brat. This guy just gets better and better. And better.


X From first impressions, Bhakhti Puvanenthiran is no different from any other undergrad-about-town: desperately busy and tired from a long week, but still bubbly and charming, going for a run later but keen for a warm drink right now (“Some whiskey, orange peel, cinnamon...”). But as this Melbournian celebrates her 23rd birthday this week, she may be pressed for time trying to fit a cheeky drink around a blossoming journalistic career that has already seen her in publications such as Frankie, Crikey and Voiceworks, whilst co-directing and programming the National Young Writers’ Festival; one of the festivals comprising the This Is Not Art Festival (TINA) taking place in Newcastle in October.

It was through Farrago that Bhakhti found herself at the National Young Writers’ Festival. “I went up there as a sub-ed and produced the festival zine. It was so intense and fun. I heard that the position [of festival director] was going. From there I applied and the rest was history, as they say.” The National Young Writers’ Festival attracts writers of all experience levels from all over Australia, providing panels, workshops and social events designed to inspire, promote and sustain new young writing in Australia. “A lot of our festival is about levelling the playing field, making you feel like ‘yeah, I may have just written three articles for my student newspaper, but I’m gonna have a chat with [award-winning Australian author] Ben Law now’, because that’s just the kind of festival it is. Feeling like you’re open to having conversations with people irrespective of how famous they are, how successful they are.” She adds, “I think it’s really nice that we get that opportunity to be representative of our community.” Rubbing shoulders with literary heroes is just one of the attractions of the NYWF. “It’s a really tangible way to feel like you’re part of a writing community. Because it’s a destination festival... you throw yourself into it in a way you can’t at, say, the Sydney Writers’ or the Melbourne Writers’ Festivals, or a festival in your home town, because you’re there solely for that reason, and it kind of encompasses you and you inevitably make new friends and … end up at events that you might not have planned to go to. It has that element of realness and surprise that a lot of, I guess, emailing people and following them on Twitter and all this kind of thing can’t achieve. It’s real and intense.” It’s this spontaneity and rawness that captures Bhakhti: “Last year we did a panel called ‘Vices’, and it was about whether the movie-writer stereotype (substance abusing, bohemian, etc) is useful, and what other vices people use. During that panel, most of the panel shared a bottle of gin and... it was very much a TINA, you-had-to-be-there moment. It was hilarious.” But how does one go about programming a festival that incorporates every niche strand that happens to fall under the umbrella of ‘young writing’? “For me, [I look for] three things: one is uniqueness and relevant experience. Two is articulateness, and the third thing is earnestness, because I really don’t respond well to applications that come off as cocky.” So what can be expected of this year’s program, the second year with Bhakhti’s producing? “We’ve only just finished reading applications but, from what I can tell, it’ll be a bit of a smaller program this year. I can promise that it’ll be the best festival yet.”

A hot toddy with ...

BHAKHTI PUVANENTHIRAN (Co-Director of the National Young Writers’ Festival)

The idea of networking and binding the writing community is obviously one close to Bhakhti’s heart, as she offers the following advice: “I would say for young journalists [that] the most important advice is to be interested. To really see the story and every single tiny thing you hear about and read about. See and feel. For a young writer, I think there’s very similar advice, but in terms of getting ahead in your career, if that’s something you want to do, I would say, unfortunately, work hard and be patient... I’ve been very lucky, that these things have happened one after another, and I attribute that to being in the right place at the right time and having the right conversations. But I think for a lot of really worthy young writers it’s a waiting game, and persisting with your writing and persisting with pitches and sending things to people. Not feeling like you don’t deserve it... Looking for opportunities. Constantly looking for opportunities. Constantly persisting and being patient.”

a shot of determination a cinnamon stick of passion add words shake well G E N F R IC K love ly a n d E R c h a t s t o t h e super acc C o - D ire c t o m p li s h e d o r of t h e N a t io n a l Y oung W r it e r s’ F e s t iva l.


It’s enough to make you feel a little lazy, and rightly so. While many of us spent our first few years of university sniffing around Manning Bar and refreshing our Facebook, Bhakhti was carving it up through the ranks of Farrago, the University of Melbourne’s Honi Soit equivalent (yeah, maybe it’s a student newspaper in its own right, whatever). “I was a reporter, then a sub-ed, [then] I ran for editor.” Bhakhti says that’s where she really fell for writing: “Being a student editor is kind of the best job in the world because you realise the possibilities that blank pages give you. It gives you a sense of possibility that I think I didn’t have before, and the opportunity to call people I really admired and say ‘Hey, I’m Bhakhti, I’m from Farrago’, and they would listen.” Her favourite interview subject? “I got to interview Christos Tsiolkas, [author of the multi-award winning novel, The Slap] who edited Farrago and who was just thrilled to be back and talk about what he did, and we’ve stayed in touch since. He was just so generous with his passion for student media and young people writing and young people in general. That was really inspiring.”


respect. recognise. PAUL ELLIS and RICHARD WITHERS talk recognition, reconciliation and public

holidays, including one that celebrates a woefully neglected cause. On the 26th of January we, like many Australians, indulged in drinking beers by the pool and charcoaled meat on a barbecue. Rather than watching the cricket and draping ourselves in Australian flags and washaway tattoos we bickered over who we thought should win Triple J’s Hottest 100. Despite becoming unresponsive and disconsolate when ‘Big Jet Plane’ was announced as the winner, the countdown was what the day was about. Even if it was just having the day off work, you could say celebrating anything on Invasion Day was insensitive. That didn’t stop us. Though our celebration was self-consciously unpatriotic, the day was marked more politically by apathy than protest. With no accompanying radio countdowns to enjoy, we find it even harder to get into the spirit of ANZAC Day and royal weddings.


While these types of occasions will stop the nation with a day off and get drenched in media coverage, events dealing with issues of much greater national significance go comparatively under the radar. One such event is National Reconciliation Week, which kicks off this week. National Reconciliation Week is an annual celebration from 27th May – 3rd June and is a time for all Australians to reflect on our shared histories while looking forward to reconciling the differences that have tainted Australia’s short history. It is also a chance to celebrate the achievements of Indigenous and Non-Indigenous people alike in moving forward. The need for reconciliation in Australia cannot be stated strongly enough. A quick glimpse of the statistics surrounding Indigenous health and life expectancy highlights this. Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people can expect to live substantially shorter lives than other Australians – up to 20 years less in some cases. Today, babies born to Aboriginal mothers die at twice the rate of other Australian babies. Higher rates of illness are witnessed in preventable diseases such as heart disease, kidney disease and diabetes. Impoverished nations are associated with health crises of this stature and yet what we’re experiencing is happening at home. No other first world nation has as large a discrepancy in the health care and life expectancy gap between Indigenous and non-Indigenous populations as Australia. These are not new issues but they are ones that require just as much attention now as they ever have. These problems are rooted in, amongst other things, systemic racism. While the explicitly racist laws of the assimilation era are gone, racism remains imbued in our daily practices and is an influential, if not the key


factor determining outcomes for Indigenous people. “I’m not racist, but…” is an event happening during Reconciliation Week here at the Seymour Centre on main campus that is attempting to address racism in an innovative way. By looking at social media, the speakers will discuss the impact of this new accountability-free outlet for sourcing racism. “I’m not racist, but…” takes place on June the 2nd. Like it was meant to be, the start and end dates of Reconciliation Week mark two important events in Australian Indigenous history. On the 27th of May 1967, the most successful referendum in Australian history saw over 90 per cent of Australians vote in favour of empowering the Commonwealth to make laws for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples and to recognise them in the national consensus. The anniversary of this historic referendum marks the beginning of the annual Reconciliation Week. Reconciliation Week concludes on the

“Talking about reconciliation in terms of rights and constitutional reforms can marginalise an audience that struggles to see the everyday impact these changes can have.” 3rd of June, the anniversary of the famous ‘Mabo Decision’ when in 1992 the High Court of Australia legally recognised the special relationship Indigenous people had to the land prior to colonization-the same land that still exists today. This recognition paved the way for Indigenous land rights called Native Title. The theme for Reconciliation Week across NSW this year is ‘Let’s Talk Recognition: You, Me, Us’. Recognition is a term that can be interpreted in many ways when it comes to talking reconciliation. It concerns both the legal recognition of the rights of Indigenous Australians as the first inhabitants of this land and the recognition that both indigenous and non-Indigenous Australians need to move forward together, in recognition of the division that exists, to establish new relationships with a mutual sense of respect and understanding. To work toward building social justice in Australia, reconciliation needs to be a largescale movement but also one that encourages

small steps and a change in individual attitudes. Recognition of Indigenous culture and history is necessary in order to reflect on past grievances. But while it is important to look back, recognition also means action now; confronting issues that lie at the heart of the divide between Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australia today. The NSW Reconciliation Council, a nongovernment and not-for-profit community organisation is focused on improving the relationship, understanding and respect between Aboriginal and non-Aboriginal Australians. As the peak representative body for reconciliation in New South Wales, this it is an exciting time for the Reconciliation Council. This year the Council has prepared three major events for Reconciliation Week. Visitors to the Australian Museum during Reconciliation Week can see an exhibition comprised of the winning artworks from the NSW Reconciliation Council’s state-wide Schools Reconciliation Challenge art competition for grade five to ten school students. Competition winners will have the honour of having their reconciliation artwork situated on the wall leading to the museum’s Indigenous section. Alongside performances by Aboriginal dancers and young musicians, the exhibition launch will also offer a look at other outstanding artworks and project a montage of entries by young artists onto the backdrop of sandstone walls still bearing the discernable imprints of their colonialist creators. “As an organisation we wanted the theme to be broad enough for anyone to take what they want from it,” says Leanne Townsend, CEO of the NSW Reconciliation Council. “We were conscious of making sure the focus wasn’t too narrow. We wanted to start a conversation about constitutional recognition but there are lots of other things to be understood in this process- to understand that our history is a shared history, not a black history and a white history, but a history that recognises these inequalities. There are so many catchphrases and slogans pertaining to this inequality and an abundance of statistics. Reading statistics are one thing, but to know how this affects people is completely different, to understand what this gap actually means, rather than having an awareness of these end statistics”, she said. You don’t need to go up to the Northern territory to help beat the statistics, if you have skills and a passion to see change there are always ways to contribute. “It’s about being an agent for change; I go into environments where believe I can improve the situation.,” Leanne explains. “So what better place to be than the reconciliation movement if

reconciliate. The theme of Reconciliation Week 2011 also ties in with a looming referendum that if successful would change the constitution to recognise Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. The Federal Government has indicated that the referendum will take place on or before the next election. In the build up to this, the Indigenous Law Centre is conducting a research project exploring the following possible changes:

• inserting a new preamble recognising Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples; • the ‘race power’ – total repeal or amendment so that it can only be used beneficially; • deletion of s 25, which contemplates electoral disqualification based on race;

over Indigenous affairs in this country, events like Reconciliation Week must be embraced with at least some of the vigour of the aforementioned days. This includes recognising all the things still to be done to achieve social equality. Non-Indigenous people must own up to and make reparations for injustices that have been inflicted. We must open our ears further to Indigenous voices and continue to take every opportunity we are given to work together. We must acknowledge institutional racism as real and move to end it. We must relinquish the stranglehold we have on opportunity. We must work to close the gap in health, social and economic outcomes between non-Indigenous and Indigenous people. We must acknowledge the efforts of Indigenous people in this fight and try and match them. These things are literally the least we can do.

• dedicated parliamentary seats for Indigenous people; • entrenchment of a treaty or a treaty-making power; • the protection of Indigenous-specific rights, such as rights to land; • guarantees of equality and non-discrimination; • Indigenous people and federalism; • the move to an Australian republic; • strategies for achieving reform and difficulties associated with the process • constitutional developments in other jurisdictions.

(Indigenous Law Bulletin, July/August 2010) Whatever features in the final proposal, Leanne Townsend feels that recognition must be discussed in more than just a legal sense. “Talking about reconciliation purely in terms of rights and constitutional reforms can marginalise an audience that finds this element less accessible and struggles to see the everyday impact these changes can have on their daily lives”, she said. At the same time, opening up a discussion of recognition and why it is important to everyone, and in particular Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, is viewed by the council as a great way of making voters feel confident and capable of making an informed decision.

Tuned In: music for a cause Friday, June 3rd Oxford Art Factory Last year’s inaugural ‘Tuned In’ festival saw the likes of local talents The Jezabels and Urthboy perform in Dubbo; this year the festival is focusing entirely on hip-hop and will take place at Sydney music hub the Oxford Art Factory. Tickets are set at $10 through Moshtix, ridiculously low for a night that features awesome Indigenous and non-Indigenous hiphop artists coming together on stage to raise awareness about reconciliation: this year’s line-up boasts big names like Koolism, Briggs, The Last Kinection, Blue Mountains product Tuka (Thundamentals) and emerging Redfern crew Stunna Set. Proceeds go to Heaps Decent, Sydney’s coolest charity collective. Heaps Decent (co-founded by Diplo, awarded FBi Radio’s Best Collective, 2011 SMAC Awards) funds music and creative workshops for Sydney’s underprivileged and Indigenous youth, including monthly workshop programs in two Juvenile Justice centres.

How to get involved on campus: All Week Sea of Hands This year’s Sea of Hands was designed by SCA student Maryke McGrath. Sign the back of a hand then plant it into the ground to show recognition of native title and help create one of Australia’s largest public artworks. Front Lawns

24 May - 24 June

Let’s Face It A photographic exhibition documenting survivors of the Kinchela Boy’s Home, one of the Aboriginal Protection Board’s most infamous assimilation homes as detailed in the government report “Bringing Them Home”. Fisher Library

30th May

Flag Raising Ceremony and Community BBQ Watch the raising of the flag accompanied by the Darlington Public School Choir, then eat delicious meat. Flags are not for eating; everything else is up for tasty, tasty debate. 12.30pm, Front Lawns


you want to see change? If you’re wanting to see change then you have to be part of that change.”


Sydney Ideas Reconciliation Week Special Lecture 6pm, The Great Hall Mick Gooda, (Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Social Justice Commissioner) charts the course for Indigenous Relations into the far future. Indigenous Heritage Tour Indigenous Heritage Curator Matt Poll conducts a one-off tour of the Outlines exhibition showcasing Indigenous art and artefacts from NSW. 2-3pm, Macleay Museum

There is no reason to not attend this.

“Australia Day”, ANZAC Day and the Royal Wedding have passed; both in the calendar year and in their wider significance to this nation. Given the gross levels of inequality that loom



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speaks up

Two weeks before I started university, a young man entering his third year said to me: “You’ll have to tone down the way you dress when you start uni.” “What’s wrong with the way I dress?” I demanded. “There’s nothing wrong with it,” he replied in a tone that indicated otherwise. “It’s just… outlandish.”


g it dow about tonin

young lady in particular caught my attention. She was wearing a spectacular lime-green 1970s maxi-dress. She wasn’t wearing it for a fancy dress party or to be ironic. She was just wearing it because it was awesome. The next night I was back at the Cellar and, just to celebrate my epiphany, I’d thrown on one of my favourite pieces – a pink floral 1960s sundress. Definitely outlandish. Definitely fun.

Since then, I’ve gone back to playing around At that moment I was wearing a chiffon 1940s with clothes at uni. Sometimes I have friends tea dress, mustard-coloured wedges and bright say, “What is that?” (a cape). Sometimes I get red lipstick in Manning Bar. I conceded he may compliments. Almost always, I feel like myself. There are days when I hate everything in my have a point. “You know how everyone can pick a first year? They’re the ones wearing their wardrobe and want to show up to class in track pants. On those days, the student body of the Sunday best on Eastern Avenue. We call it the University of Sydney never fails to reinvigorate first year fashion parade.” my tired mind. Contrary to my friend’s claim, I’ve long believed in the importance of selfthere is a veritable army of imaginative expression through clothing. The idea of dressers roaming our lecture halls. From the “toning down” my dress sense to appease charming couple in impeccable vintage suits to anyone else seemed pretty unpalatable. the guy with an endless collection of whimsical But then, so did the idea of being left with and witty t-shirts, the sartorially creative are a no friends. And so I heeded the advice. thriving breed. Whenever I see one of them, Throughout O-Week I attempted to make my soul rejoices in finding a kindred spirit. They myself slightly less conspicuous and convinced are keeping individuality alive and well, and myself this was a satisfactory arrangement. It encourage others to do the same. wasn’t, of course. I was making friends, but I do not mean to imply that one must dress up something was amiss. I was lying to them! What if they ever found out the terrible truth? to come to uni. That would be fashion facism and no one digs that. Wear whatever you I remember the exact moment my mind want to wear and don’t listen to grown men changed. It was the second week and I was whose idea of business attire is a five-yearat the Cellar Theatre for a SUDS show (always old polycotton button up from K-Mart. And a winner for sartoria-spotting). Sitting on the if you’re stuck for inspiration, go hang out on lawns was a group of older students. One Eastern Avenue and watch the parade go by.

HARRY MILAS zooms in on those taking and calling the shots, Sydney Film Festival Director Clare Stewart and first-time feature film director Alex Munt

CLARE STEWART (Festival Director SFF)

the arts bit


people navigate the overall programme and find the sorts of films they might be interested in. So if you’re into controversy Hi Clare. Can you tell us about your and debate, the “Fire Me Up” section is involvement in the Sydney Film Festival? there. If you just want to have a laugh and be entertained, there’s the “Make I’m the Festival Director, and that Me Laugh” section, if you love a good means... I guess a lot of things. Ultimately weepy, then the “Love Me” section is for it means I’m responsible for the you. So the festival is very broad in its programme of the festival, which involves appeal. selecting all of the films, and attracting celebrity and media attention to the But what’s especially important for events. I also work in partnership with students are the various talks and forums various organisations that co-present that we run. We’re working specifically various elements of the event with us. with the Apple store on George St, and Alongside all of that, my year takes on a also there’s a new club at a little laneway particular cycle of visiting international bar called Grasshopper and a lot of the film festivals, at which I watch a hell of filmmakers who have brought their films a lot of films. I spend time there having to the festival will be going there to do meetings with international sales agents some talks. We also work with a great and distributors that are negotiating on organisation called Metro Screen, so the different titles that come into the some of the filmmakers that are here for festival, and then once we’ve done all of the festival actually do workshop-based that we’re also working on how we build talks, and they are quite free and open. the campaign for those films once we announce the festival itself. So there are a Something that’s quite important this lot of layers to it. I also work closely with year are the protest screenings for Mohammad Rasoulof and Jaraf Panahai. the Festival CEO, who is responsible for the business and development side of the Can you tell us about that? organisation. For me, this is really one of the most

What appeal do you think the festival has important things to happen in the world of cinema in the past 12 months and for University students? really in the human rights movement, and Well the festival is extremely diverse. It’s we join a long list of festivals who have very tempting to say that it is a festival in some way signalled their support, like that has something for everyone, and I us, by screening the films of Panahai and think that’s very true. It’s also true that Rasoulof. The situation there is extremely not everyone will like everything it has to tenuous. They were both arrested last offer. But one of the things we introduced year and were sentenced in December, a few years back is the Pathways concept, and the charges are very spurious which is very much designed to help because they relate to a film that hasn’t

SYMONNE TORPY goes web for weaves. It takes a lot of magic to captivate an intimate window into the life of each of their subjects. a procrastinating web surfer as they window shop the saturated The difference is in the unique world of fashion blogs. It requires preservation of movement, vocal tone and subtle mannerisms, something more than just a which enliven fashion beyond the black and white Polaroid of a still shot. top hat worn with a tailored jacket and ripped jeans. It is the A wander through the narrative that we crave. We wish neighbourhood compels one to for the tale of a wanderlustjoin the tribe. If video is not to bitten fashionista who evolves the viewers taste, there are still into a muse of vicarious fantasy. plenty of humble stills, plus clever We instil this character with a interviews and stunning editorials. trust that one may have given the coiffeured shop assistants Working against the site is an in Audrey Hepburn films. For overload of movement on each the magic is very page – an issue exacerbated by much in the story. the layout. Watching a clip is a distracted exercise, as slideshows The site’s mission video invites continue above and below the the viewer into the world of Eliza clip space. This is remedied Goodkind and Lily Mandelbaum, by expanding the video to full a mother-daughter team who are screen mode – so make use of redefining the way we imagine this function, lest the experience fashion blogging. Taking an old be diminished. hand-held video camera and approaching people on the street Take your fingers for a walk to (Sartorialist style), the two have and get lost in the built a world that gifts spectators characters and closets.

Syd run ney F il Jun s fr e a om m Fes cro the t ss S 8-1 ival y 9 e d Re adi xcelle ney a of ng: nt. nd is sff. org .au .

been made, so it’s quite difficult to assess what their crime is. There’s not a substantial piece of work that has been put up that defines their so-called actions against the state. And I guess to have a sentence of six years in jail for simply making films that are socially-aware, and while some of them are opinionated films, they certainly are not didactic, nor are they aggressively critical. We screened his films on March 5th at Dendy Opera Quays.

because we were shooting and editing and writing all at the same time. It was a very free-form kind of exercise and you can see that on the screen. It was very much guerilla filmmaking: hitting the streets of Sydney, going to nightclubs and live bands, sort of an unconventional production process but a really enjoyable one.

ALEX MUNT (Director, LBF)

Absolutely, particularly at the screen writing phase. The way that it usually works in the Australian film industry is that you submit your completed script and it would have to go through some pretty erroneous check-lists along the way, and sometimes this can be years. When Gus Van Sant was out here for the Aurora scriptwriting programmes he said “you’re better off taking this scriptdevelopment funding and making it on a shoestring.” That DIY ethos is something that really inspired me.

So Alex Munt, we’re all looking forward to your new film LBF. Can you tell us a little about it? LBF is a pop art film. It’s based on the novel Life Between Fucks by Cry Bloxsome, which the film draws a lot of the narration from. The novel got republished as LBF and got a lot of traction on MySpace a couple of years ago, and I optioned the book and made a sort of “micro-budget” film. It’s nonfunded, sort of pop-inspired, musicinspired film, that’s just gotten back from South By South West where it had its world premier. Can you tell us a bit about how you got this film off the ground? Getting the film off the ground was really just about the decision to make a feature film on a quite restrictive budget. I didn’t even attempt to get traditional film funding because I feel that the situation the industry is in at the moment, for indie film makers it’s more about just going for it. It took about a year to make the thing

Did you find that you had more freedom as a filmmaker, having this restrictive budget, meaning you didn’t have to answer to anyone?

Where and when can we go see LBF? Well LBF is a kind of event that we’ve organised between the Sydney Film Festival and Creative Sydney. The Australian premiere of the film will be at the MCA on the 10th of June, and what we’re gonna see there is the film first, followed by performances by Kids At Risk, Fergus Brown and a DJ set from Tortoiseshell. All of these bands feature in the film. It’s also on at the Event Cinemas on Sunday the 12th of June at around 4.15, and that’s playing with a short by Spike Jonze.


ANDY FRASER saw some B-Baals and Fly Girls I have three words for you:

JAMES COLLEY tries to rent a pretty dress on credit.

Sexy. Existentialism. Sexistentialism. It seems reasonable to assume that the Sydney Theatre Company (STC) "I LOVE has improved Baal since the media screening was held. Either that or all the reviewers were monumentally cranky. The overwhelmingly negative reaction to the play is difficult to comprehend; it was provocative and beautiful. The play was written in 1918 by Bertolt Brecht, responding to idolisation of the creative hero. He offered the anti-hero Baal: hedonistic, antisocial and violent. Brecht was one of the most influential theatre practitioners of the 20th Century and his idea of theatre as a medium to create critical perspective still resonates today. Brecht wrote Baal at 20 and the STC has captured this youthful perspective, plunging the audience into a confronting, hyper-real world. All sense of time and traditional narrative is lost as onlookers are hit with bodies, booze and blood. It’s a simple story. A talented and charismatic artist is offered renown but chooses an authentic life. Others follow him. They follow him out of envy or adoration but, in the end, his destructive nature only leads them and himself into darkness. In adapting any story to an Australian stage and audience, there is this annoying trend to hyperbolise. Usually Australian audiences can’t relate to anything unless it’s ocker or cooked on a barbeque; it’s refreshing to say this is not the case with Baal. Simon Stone (director and co-translator) teamed up with Tom Wright (co-translator) in putting together a magnificently seamless script. They managed relatable dialogue without sacrificing tone, toeing this fine line almost perfectly. So there was nudity. Yes, there was a whole bunch of nudity. There are generally two reactions to this news: “that sounds confronting, I don’t want to feel uncomfortable”, or “OH YEAH.” But it doesn’t matter which party you sit with, at the end of the performance one and all are equally desensitised to the naked human form writhing about in front of them. This is exactly why Baal escapes from the pretension of nudity for confrontation’s sake. Not only would it be abhorrent to sanitise these kinds of issues but it begs the question of whether or not it is acceptable to sit in front of an orgy and be content to do so. This is Brecht’s essential aim: make the audience question and criticise their reality. Similar to this is the humanisation of Baal. Like the characters around him, we identify with him and we fall in love him. It’s not long before we realise Baal is a hedonistic, narcissistic rapist and murderer, yet we sympathise with him and to some degree still love him. This comments on the plausibility of portraying the monsterly figures of our public realm in a positive light. How easily are we convinced to identify and sympathise with modern day criminals and thugs. If you don’t give a toss about any of this theatre bullshit, if this play had nothing else it would still stand on two firm and astounding aesthetic legs. The designer, Nick Schlieper went to town artistically, conceptually and technically. It wasn’t just the thirty odd minutes of rain or the major inversion of the set, but smaller things. A guitar and amplifier being played in the middle of a downpour, tableaus of entangled bodies on a huge white canvas or lone figures in a sea of rain; these were breathtaking. Brecht rejected absorbing his audience into a fictional world because he saw it as escapism. Baal’s world comes crashing down: the set inverted itself in a way that made it feel like the whole room was collapsing, that the audience’s world was just as precarious as Baal’s. There’s no point in including a negative for the sake of being critical. Here is a profoundly affecting production, in meaning and in form.




Passing all human glory, Saw not the yellow moon, Saw not the mortal scene, Heard not an earthly sound, Saw but the fairy pageant...” (Queen Mab. P.B.Shelley, 1813)

It is rare that students put a great amount of effort into simply being adorable. Come June 2nd, however, Sydney University’s Movement and Dance Society (MADSOC), Dramatic Society (SUDS), Musical Society (MUSE) and Costume Society (COSSOC) are doing just that.

And don’t worry about your complete inability to cut a rug. As part of the ticket, MADSOC will be running special ballroom dancing classes, details of which will be announced on the Queen Mab Facebook page, which will have you spinning and dipping with the best of them.

Queen Mab’s Ball is a masquerade ball with a twist: organised by the largest performing arts societies on campus to show off their skills, meet one another and, most importantly, have a fantastic time.

In fact, if there’s one rule to Queen Mab’s Ball it’s to look fantastic. The night is black tie more in spirit than function. The organisers are hoping party-goers will add a bit of a twist to their wears.

“Rather than a performance, I think of it as a night of theatricality,” says Marina Currie, President of MUSE. “It’s an event that is hopefully going to be talked about and remembered as something fantastic.”

“You want to dress to match the refectory,” Marina says, “It would be a great opportunity to live above your means and feel all fancy-schmancy for a night.”

The night is designed to be somewhat of a surprise. Queen Mab herself is a dark fairy queen, referenced in Romeo and Juliet and an epic work by Shelly. “We’re hoping to take that dark, magical element into a ballroom setting,” Currie says “It’s going to be a mix of ballroom, masquerade and magic. It’s nothing like a prom. Think more Phantom of the Opera and Labyrinth.”

“If you’re going to dress 18th century page-boy or whatever, do it! If you want to dress as a character from Romeo and Juliet, do it! Make it formal, make it classy, or else wear a ballgown with fairywings.” What really sets the night apart though is the mystery. The excitement amongst people in the know is palpable but they’re keeping their cards close to their chest.

“Expect something that’s out of this world, something that you have not seen in a very long time,“ Currie says. “Expect the unique opportunity on campus that allows you to step into a world that’s so far removed from university and the daily banality of life that it’s going to reinvigorate you.” Arriving early is a must with champagne and light music beginning at 7:30pm. Right on 8pm the mysterious Queen Mab is set to grace us with her presence. However, Marina wasn’t so forthcoming when asked if she’d reveal the Queen’s true identity. “No. She’s a magical fairy queen and she’ll reveal herself on the night.” In fact, the only thing she would tell me was much less mysterious: dress the hell up! “The performing arts societies on campus, they’re the biggest representatives of clubs and societies, and we decided there’s really nothing that brings them together to bond.... Because we are theatrical and awesome we thought it would be a great opportunity to show that all off in an environment that was conducive to bonding.”

Queen Mab’s Ball is happening at 7:30pm on Thursday 2 June in the Holme Building Refectory. Disguises are mandatory, it’s a black tie masquerade ball y’all. Tickets from the Manning Access Desk. Members: $35, Access: $40, General Admission: $50


Source Code

JOSH PEARSE knows “parabolic calculus” isn’t a thing. There’s the other terrorist attack they’re trying to stop, sure. But between the plot mechanics, Stevens’ own search for answers and the constant memory-sequence There’s been a lot of praise flying around for this film and, replay, it’s all too easy to forget that there is actually a given the combined talents of lead actor Jake Gyllenhaal really fucking important race against time in the real and director Duncan Jones (who directed one of 2009’s world. Once the film stops caring about the race the only best films - Moon), I went into Source Code pretty excited. place left to derive any kind of tension from is a world in I left the cinema laughing at the ludicrousness and which Stevens has infinite lives and infinite attempts to shaking my head at squandered potential. find our terrorist - making it about as nail-biting as a . This was the same way I felt after Sucker Punch. With all tension removed from the film the only thing In defense of that comparison to Snyder’s wet dream, you’re left to wonder is whether or not the creators Jones’ Source Code isn’t terrible (I didn’t even fall asleep of the film watched Inception and will cop-out the during it). Coulter Stevens (Gyllenhaal) is sent back into story with a happy ending mindfuck. You shouldn’t another man’s mind; specifically, a casualty in a train be spending the last half an hour of a film touted as bombing that had happened that morning. He can a thriller wondering whether or not it’s going to do relive the last eight minutes of that passenger’s life and an awful job of finishing off the story. You should be has to find the terrorist responsible to stop them from spending the last half hour of a thriller shitting yourself striking again. The first half of the film is an exciting run because you still don’t know everything and you’re as Stevens slowly pieces together what is happening preparing yourself for the plot to punch you in the face and begins to gain an understanding of the eight-minute one last time. memory sequence he is reliving. This is a solid film. Solid performances, solid acting, solid The film takes a disappointing turn about halfway through script. Unfortunately, it’s also solidly boring. when it runs out of anything resembling dramatic tension.

the arts bit


HI, SOCIETY! Performing Arts Ball



Why does student unionism matter?

News In Briefs

TIMOTHY SCRIVEN answers a most pressing question. An independent student union is one controlled by students, simple. So why is it such a hot topic? The university wants to take over the commercial services (that is bars and food outlets) right here at Sydney University. These are currently controlled by the USU, who depend on Manning, Hermann’s and the catering tenants for an enormous slab of its revenue. Without control of campus commercial services, the union would need to receive more of its money directly from the university. That means that every university budget cut, every “rationalization”, and every downsizing of the university would put the USU’s budget on the line. Arbitrary cuts would become the order of the day. But that’s not the worst of it. Nothing would exist to stop the university putting requirements on budgets, requiring that money be spent here or there. At UTS for example, after the university secured control of the union, they used part of its budget to build a conference centre of little value to students. The argument that the university knows best in terms of budgetary distribution is jank. The union has a mere 270 staff, it’s an incredibly lean, fit organisation. The majority of USU initiatives are administered by a board who are essentially volunteers, paid a token stipend. Might the university save money through a take-over? Maybe, but only at a mighty cost to services.



One of the biggest fallacies that people make in thinking about the takeover is assuming that if the university controlled the commercial services, it would run them with the same motives the union does. The USU is a not for profit organisation, controlled indirectly by its members. Its sole raison d’être is to provide students with an enriching campus experience, largely through commercial services they want and need.

On the other hand (I have two!) the university has many motives and stakeholders: academics, who want better pay and more research funding, general staff, who want better funding for their departments and improved working conditions, and alumni, whose main life goal seems to be to have buildings named after them. These are just the internal interest groups. There are also politicians and bureaucrats who worry about the numbers: the number of course enrolments and completions, number of publications, number of citations, world rankings, and the like. Not to sugarcoat the issue, if the university takes over the USU commercial services, the distribution of profits and the way in which the services are run will reflect the fact students are only one interest group within the university, and certainly not the most powerful. There’s more to this than the grubby pragmatism of wanting more money to be spent on us. I believe, and I hope you’ll agree with me, that the idea of the union, a not for profit organization run by and for its members, inextricably connected to its own grassroots, is a beautiful thing. The USU empowers students to live richer lives, from lazy afternoons at Manning, through strange nights playing board games in the basement of Holme, debating Wittgenstein over a beer, to capturing the fucking flag. The existence of the Union has made me what I am today. I believe what makes the USU so vibrant is its autonomy, its control for students by students. In a world of infinite choice and no control, it’s a little self-governing oasis, I want more of the world to be like it, not less. It’s no coincidence that the most autonomous union in the country also consistently scores as the best, so let’s keep it that way yeah?

The week that was, with THOMAS HELLIER. Global hysteria reigned supreme this week when supergroup ‘The Rapture’ decided to annihilate human kind. Luckily, their network of washed-out rock star wannabe friends convinced them to shift the blame to God at the last minute; thus negating any legitimacy the claim could have bared. Truth be told, Harold Camping is the man responsible of the insidious rumour that the world be destroyed last Saturday: this guy gives HoniLeaks a run for its money in the most damaging rumour stakes. Dominique Strauss-Kahn resigned as International Monetary Fund Managing Director when he discovered the Sofitel hotel’s room service didn’t come with gag hors d’œuvres. It seems politics has taken a leaf from the mafia’s book, rendering participants unable to leave without horrifically tarnishing said individual’s life. The thing that gets me about this story is that the head of the IMF came from the French socialist party. We’re going to be proper fucked when a capitalist takes the reigns. The National Broadband Network got its first leg over in Armidale, wooing apparently 7 people over to high speed services online. Despite low uptake levels at the moment I can’t deny the importance of the NBN in rural Australia to preserve the

Growing and growing and growing... No three issues are so conflated as immigration, asylum seekers and population growth have been of late. In the public mind, all three seem to have blended into one looming threat to our borders, prosperity and way of life. In some ways this makes the Federal government’s ‘Sustainable Australia’ population strategy all the more surprising. While it is riddled with platitudes, the report contains some startling admissions. Released by Sustainable Population Minister Tony Burke on May 13, the strategy admitted, “governments have limited practical tools through which they can influence population.” As the ABS will tell you, population changes as a result of fluctuation in net overseas migration and natural increase, which are themselves influenced by multiple factors such as labour demand and population ageing, with federal policy playing a surprisingly small part. It has taken a while for this view to come to light. From the post-war

slogan “populate or perish,” to Rudd’s ill-fated Big Australia, the ALP has been talking as if it has supreme control over population change. When Gillard took the helm, she wanted to apply the brakes to population growth and cautioned against “hurtling towards” a big Australia in the lead-up to the 2010 election. At the time, Gillard urged us to debate population growth and, in the same breath, said that population growth has nothing to do with either the birth rate or immigration. It seemed that Gillard knew the very limited effect of government policy on population change and sought merely to avoid the question of precisely what she was going to do about it. My view was that lack of control led both parties to focus instead on volatile issues such as border security and boat people rather than working visas or the birth rate. Nevertheless here it is. A frank admission of a lack of control from a government which

innocence of farm animals from Lithgow out to Broken Hill. Wikileaks exposed Russia’s Arctic floor flag planting endeavour in 2007 as a bold grab at an oil reserve containing roughly 22% of the world’s remaining oil. Because, you know, before the leak we all thought that putting a flag on the ocean floor was one of those crazy Slavic art installations. Barack Obama’s new Middle East Plan hopes to return Palestine’s borders to their places originally held back in 1967. While Egypt’s U.N. envoy has backed the plan Israelis are obviously pretty cut at redrawing the borders but not for the reasons you’d imagine. ‘We won best wall used for segregation award year after year since 1992. You have no idea how hard it is to beat the Germans at engineering, let alone engineering a wall.’ – Benjamin Netanyahu. Manal al-Sherif was arrested in Riyadh, Suadi Arabia for being a woman and driving a car at the same time. While it would be far too easy to make a joke about women drivers I’m well above that. The arrest not only exposed that, in emergency situations, women be left high and dry, it also emphasised the growing need for expanded use of segways in the developing world.

Eschewing population targets is wise but misconceptions still remain, writes NEIL CUTHBERT

evidently loves control. Both the Herald and the Australian have criticised the population strategy for dodging the hard questions of ageing, and the alleged non-compatibility of environmental protection and economic growth, and they may be right. One misguided criticism however is that the strategy fails to set population or immigration targets. As the report rightly admits, targets and forecasts are often wrong. The oft-quoted Third Intergenerational Report, with its projection of 36 million by 2050 is beginning to look out-dated as immigration falls rapidly. It may be arguable that Gillard has avoided a grand plan for population growth in favour of the safer territory of urban and regional settlement of migrants, infrastructure and jobs policy, which are essentially questions for state and local governments. On the other hand, this could be a rare admission of truth from a government which is now

backed in a corner over the budget and bungled handling of detention-centre protests. What about the vexed question of asylum seekers? In another pungent example of Australia’s historically ingrained siege mentality they have been misguidedly lumped together with population growth under the general heading ‘external threats’. The fact that detainees are so desperate is evidence that something crucial is wrong with the processing system. Our response shows that we tend to favour exclusion at most levels. Recent calls for zero-tolerance of detainee protests, amid Abbott’s primitive and incessant bloodlust for “stopping the boats” at any cost, reek of parochialism and, more damningly, miss the point. I put it to you that people like you and I allow and even foster this mindset. Never have I seen such apathy from people who profess to care so much.

ASK ABE Q & A with students who need help and a dog who has all the answers... Send letters to:

Dear Abe, My parents live in Byron Bay and are pensioners. I had to move here for study. I miss my parents heaps and haven’t seen them in ages. Is there anyway I can borrow some money to go see them in the Easter break? Byron Bay local



Your Rights with Police Police have the right to ask for your name and your address. It is usually a good idea to give them these details, but you don’t have to tell them anything else. You have to give the police your ID if: • you are under 18 and they suspect that you are drinking or carrying alcohol; • the police suspect that you have been involved in or have witnessed a serious crime; or • you are driving. The police can only take you somewhere else if you agree or if you have been arrested. If you are under 18, there must be a responsible adult with you when you talk to the police. You should not answer any questions or sign anything until you have received legal advice. If you are arrested, the Police have to tell you:

Dear Byron Bay local, If you are on Youth Allowance Dependent Away From Home then you are entitled to two return trips home during the year. Make sure you keep receipts for your travel costs and Centrelink will refund you the cheapest route home. If your parents are on pensions they may be eligible for free train travel twice a year within New South Wales. Check with the country link hot line. If you need to borrow money you should talk to the University Financial Assistance Service who may be able to arrange an interest free loan or better still a bursary. Abe

• that you are under arrest; • what they have arrested you for; • the name of the police officer/s involved; and • which police station they are from. The police can arrest you if: • they suspect on reasonable grounds that you have committed a crime; • they suspect you have breached your bail conditions; • they think you are about to commit a breach of the peace; or • there is a warrant out for your arrest. Police can use reasonable force to arrest you. When talking to the police, you should be careful not to swear, because they could charge you with using offensive language. The police can also charge people with resisting arrest, so it is best to be careful and not use any physical force when interacting with them. The police can detain you for up to four hours. After this time, they either

have to charge you with an offence or let you go. They have to let you talk to a lawyer or a friend. If you are under 18 years old, you have the right to have a support person with you. If you are Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander, the police must call the Aboriginal Legal Service. If police are going to search you, they have to tell you: • that they are a police officer (if they are not wearing a uniform);

area. The sniffer dogs are trained to sit next to a person who they suspect has drugs on them. If a dog sits next to you, this gives the police reasonable grounds to suspect you have drugs, and they might search you. Be careful about the language you use when talking to the police. If you swear at the police, you could be arrested for using offensive language. But you do not have to go to the police station unless you are arrested.

• if you are on public transport, or at a train station or bus stop.

Police have the power to pick up people who are affected by alcohol or drugs, and who are behaving in a disorderly manner or who need physical attention. They might take you home or place you in the care of a responsible person. If the police can’t find a responsible person, they can keep you at a police station until you sober up. They can also use reasonable restraint to make sure you don’t injure yourself or damage any property. If they detain you, they should make sure that you are kept separate from people who have been charged with criminal offences.

The police can’t make you stay in the one spot while the dog sniffs around an

Taken from Inner City Legal Centre’s publication “Your Party Rights”

• the reason for the search; • the officer’s name; and • which police station they are from. Police have the right to use sniffer dogs without a warrant in the following places: • around locations where alcohol is sold; • at public events such as dance parties;

The Students’ Representative Council (SRC) Legal Service has a solicitor on campus to provide free legal advice, representation in court and referral to undergraduate students at Sydney University. • • • • • • •

Family law (advice only) Criminal law Traffic offences Insurance law Domestic violence Employment law Credit & debt

• • • • • • •

Consumer complaints Victims compensation Discrimination and harassment Tenancy law Administrative law (government etc) University complaints Other general complaints

Appointments Phone the SRC Office to make an appointment 9660 5222 Drop-in sessions Tuesdays & Thursdays 1pm-3pm (no need for an appointment) Location Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney Level 1 Wentworth Bldg, Uni of Sydney 02 9660 5222 | ACN 146 653 143

Note: The solicitor cannot advise on immigration law but can refer you to migration agents and community centres. For Family Law and Property Relationships Act matters we can refer you to solicitors who charge at a fair rate.

Contact SRC HELP

phone: (02) 9660 5222 | email: | Level 1, Wentworth Building If you are not on main campus contact SRC on: 0466 169 664

The SRC’s operational costs, space and administrative ve support are financed by the University of Sydney.

Drop-ins (no Appointment required) Tuesdays & Thursdays, 1 to 3pm Level 1, Wentworth Buliding


We can assist you with:



PRESIDENT’S REPORT Welcome to week 12! It may be the end of semester, but there’s still a lot happening on campus. First of all, make sure you vote in the Union Board elections that are happening as this goes to print. Wednesday is the last day to have your say on who will lead the University of Sydney Union through one of the most challenging periods in its history, so if you care about ensuring a high quality of campus life, a great clubs and societies program, and an independent student-run student union, it’s really important that you take the time to vote.

Library redevelopment This Thursday the 26th of May, the Library has organised an open student meeting from 1-2pm in the New Law School Room 101 to provide a space for students to give their feedback on the library redevelopment project. I would strongly encourage everyone interested in the redevelopment to attend. One of the concerns which has been raised by a student since I last wrote about the redevelopment is the fact that the Darlington storage facility is slated for demolition as part of the redevelopment of the Abercrombie Street precinct. This student was worried that as a result of this demolition, books would be either moved to a different storage location that was not nearby (e.g. interstate) meaning lengthy turnaround times between requesting a book from storage and it arriving in the libraries, or they would just be thrown out at a time when there was less attention on their fate. I emailed John Shipp, the Head Librarian about this matter, and received the following reply:



Donherra Walmsley twitter: @srcpresident

“Regarding the storage space – we are specifying our requirements in order to go to tender for storage facilities with a commercial company as a medium term (up to ten years) solution for the replacement of the Darlington Repository and to house those items that cannot be accommodated in the Fisher Library. The long term solution remains the provision of a purpose-built storage facility that would meet the needs of the Library and various other sections of the University. There is no firm commitment to that facility but the issue has been taken up by the Provost. As a part solution, we are installing compactus shelving in Fisher that will accommodate about 200,000 items that need to be relocated as part of stage 1 of the renovation.” This does not answer the question about location, though it makes it pretty clear that there is no intention to use archiving as a sneaky way of throwing out books. Unfortunately, compactus shelving is unable to be used throughout the entire library. The SRC will be putting the case to the University and the Library that when deciding on a location for storage, they must select one close enough that books will be available within at the absolute most 48 hours from the time of request, and ideally the same day.

Special Consideration On a different topic, the SRC has been seeing an unusually large number of students from the School of Business whose applications for Special Consideration on the basis of severe or acute illness have been denied. I have written to the Dean of the School of Business to find out why these students are being denied access to Special Consideration, but if you think that your application might have been unfairly denied, please come and see one of our caseworkers as soon as possible.

Housing As you may or may not be aware, last year in the infamous White Paper, the University made a commitment to increase the amount of student housing available to 6000 beds by 2014. So far this year, however, we’ve heard very little about it, so here’s an update. The University has now identified all the potential sites suitable for housing (all of which are within a 20 minute walking distance), and is in the middle of doing financial assessments on the sites. The University is also about to start the process of acquiring more data about what kind of accommodation mix is necessary. So in other words, things are happening, but very slowly. Watch this space for more updates as things develop!

Student Services and Amenities Fee This week I will be meeting with the Honourable Tanya Plibersek MP to discuss the amendments to the Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF) proposed by the National Union of Students. In case you haven’t heard of it before, the SSAF is a proposed $250 fee that will be deferrable in the same way as HECS fees are, and it will be used to fund, as the name suggests, student services and amenities. At the moment though, there is nothing in the bill that suggests that any of the money has to go towards student organisations (such as the SRC and the USU), which means that the University could just use the money to prop up its budget bottom line. I will be meeting with Tanya as the member for an electorate which has not one but two universities in it, and a significant student population, to encourage her to support the NUS amendments which mandate that democratically elected student

representatives be consulted in the distribution of the revenue from the SSAF, and that a portion of the fee go towards democratically elected student organisations. If you believe that students’ money should go to students, then please send an email to your local member about the SSAF, which will most likely be going to the Senate soon after it changes over on the first of July. If you’re interested in sending an email but don’t know exactly what to say, or would like to know more about the SSAF, send me an email and I’ll help you out.

Online lectures Want more lectures recorded and available online? Don’t want more lectures recorded and available online? Either way fill out our survey and let us know! http://www.surveymonkey. com/s/podcastlectures

EduCATION OFFICER REPORT It would take the fastest man in the world (Usain Bolt) 1 hour and 17 minutes to run the entire length of the Fisher Library collection. The collection contains 928,000 books which have not been withdrawn in the last five years. This week, some students braved the 48kms of shelf, and mountains of dust to oppose the redevelopment of the library. From our discussions with the University, we support this development as we think it is ultimately in the best interests of students. We want to use this report to outline our responses to two of the key arguments against the development. They’re burning the books!!!?! Now, the visceral Third Reich comparisons are one thing, but in this instance the truth is quite

another. Fisher Library would actually not be legally allowed to destroy a large portion of its collection because, like the State Library, it is a copyright repository. The only books that are being destroyed or discarded in any way are those that have not been borrowed in the last five years AND of which the library has duplicate copies, or journals that are similarly infrequently accessed AND of which there is an online version. Books that have not been borrowed in one of the 6,600,000 visits to Fisher Library in the last five years will be moved into one of the two library storage locations, where they can be requested to arrive within four business days. Some students have raised concerns that many books may be read in the library and not borrowed, making this a poor measure of the relevance of certain books. To counter this, the library is giving academics the ability to veto the movement of any book into storage that they believe is likely to be used frequently by students. The other benefit to this movement is

Tim Matthews and Al Cameron

that the library will now catalogue the 10% of shelf items which don’t appear on their online database. This will make it easier to scratch your obscureliterature-related itch. Moreover, this allows students to easily find the obscure books that they haven’t been able to until now. Not to downplay the esoteric and nostalgic value of shelf-upon-shelf of unread tomes printed in various dead languages, we think that this redevelopment will bring much greater value to students. All they’re replacing it with is a coffee cart! The world has not seen such heated opposition to warm beverages since Boston, 1773. Many students doubt the educational value of the library redevelopment. Make no mistake, this library redevelopment will be the bomb. The plan is to add a heap of internet enabled desks and improved study spaces which will be ACCESSIBLE FOR 24 HOURS. This solves two huge problems

ETHNIC AFFAIRS REPORT An important part of student life is getting involved with clubs and societies on campus. We are very fortunate that there is a diverse range of clubs at Sydney University that cater for students of various ethnic and cultural backgrounds. There are great clubs such as the Sydney University Chinese Students Association (SUCSA), the Australasian Union of Jewish Students (AUJS) and the Vietnamese Students Association (VSA) just to mention a few. The Ethnic Affairs Department has made it a commitment to liaise and represent the various ethno-cultural clubs on campus. This year we have been committed to supporting SUCSA by supporting their events, such as the Chinese Cultural Fair and the English-Chinese Corner, and also supporting their concerns for international students’ concession.

Unfortunately, international students currently do not have access to concession cards. Many international students in particular have enormous financial burdens and it is our belief that they deserve to receive equitable treatment and a fair fare for all! Another active and dynamic society is AUJS that represents Jewish students. A concern that was raised by AUJS was the lack of provision of kosher food on campus. The Ethnic Affairs Department has taken this issue seriously and we are currently negotiating with the University of Sydney Union for positive outcomes that hopefully sees at least some kosher provisions by food outlets on campus. VSA is a vibrant society that represents Vietnamese students and the Ethnic Affairs Department has helped promote their Intersociety Cruise for Harmony Day. I would like to thank the GeneralSecretary Chad Sidler for his support and positive contributions to the Ethnic Affairs Department.

There are also many faith based groups on campus that reach out to students of various cultural backgrounds. The Evangelical Union has played a positive role in reaching out to all students on campus for over eighty years. They are welcoming of all students of different backgrounds and they have specific ethno-cultural groups, such as the Fellowship of Overseas Christians and the Australasian Christian Evangelical Students. There are also many other hospitable faith based societies, such as the Buddhist Society, the Fellowship of Orthodox Christian University Students, the Muslim Students’ Association, the Overseas Christian Fellowship, Hillsong Campus, the Catholic Society of St Peter, the Catholic Asian Students’ Society and AUJS. I personally encourage all of you to get involved with student life and attend the many events offered by clubs and societies. Whether that be eating a Jager

that the University has been grappling with for a while – how to workably extend library opening hours, and the dearth of study spaces for students on campus. They have floated the idea of including a coffee cart in this development for students studying through the night. We think this sounds like quite a useful idea, but if you disagree, then you are able to submit your feedback on the library website. Change like this is always going to be controversial, but we think that greater access to our libraries is in the interests of students. If you feel as though your studies will still be adversely affected by this redevelopment, shoot us an email.

Henry Kha

schnitzel and drinking a Franziskaner beer at a Stammtisch run by the German Klub, watching a New Wave film run by the French Society or going to a Mass organised by the Catholic Asian Students’ Society, there is something for everybody—just go out and give it a go!


Strange Book-Love: Or How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Library Redevelopment






1. Infamous language made famous by George! (5, 5, 5) 9, 10, 11 After school special that can be said of the 1-across (3, 4, 3, 4, 2, 10) 14. Booze is commonly one of the 1-across (4) 15. One of the 1-across is this, sadly (4) 16. 15-across’s tamer alternative music after 100 (4) 17. It’s after the first and the last of the 1-across (4) 19. Slice this euphemism for 20-across (4) 22. I left a ripped tunic for the worst of the 1-across (4) 23. Oedipus was one of the 1-across (12) 26. Bang one of the 1-across (4) 27. The fifth of 1-across blows (10) 29. Slut fisted Sean’s indelicacy? (15)

2. Wealth experts toss income away (10) 3. Former mentions enthuses…(7) 4. …corners after Dad’s first swings (7) 5. An endless dress is a latin thing (3) 6. Toys that have their ups and downs? (5) 7. Al fresco or do (7) 8. Cherished and valuable (4) 12. How many in 1-across in Rome? (3) 13. Spry diners cook with appliances (4, 6) 18. Software that’s found in a hardware? (4, 3) 20. This song blows! (3) 21. Djimon, always plays the African dude, y’know he was in Gladiator and…what was that one…with Leo…Blood Diamond I think? (7) 22. Drink holder made one cack over… (4, 3) 24. …country bumpkins’ bill? (5) 25. An ugly duckling in leaders’ fancy car (4) 26. Revolutionary found an inch extra (3)

Special Edition:

the crassword


By the Prince of Cool, BENNY DAVIS.


TARGET i g l n a a c e l


RATING: macho madness

Special Guest Comic! from Honi Soit, 1963



Student archetypes, from left: “theatre artsy type”, “charistmatic non-joining party-giving type”, “student politics type”, “intellectual crackpot type” and “newspaper literary type”.



Also quits whatever the hell IPL is.

World Unaffected.


Once famous dog skateboards alone.



A document discovered yesterday allegedly demonstrates that the acronym USU, previously believed to stand for ‘University of Sydney Union’, actually stands for ‘University of Sydney University’.

Tragedy hit late Tuesday afternoon when a cornered and panicked Fisher Library suddenly struck back, accidentally destroying its best friend, the Quadrangle.

“We don’t know how this happened,” said Union representative Andy McDowell. “We also don’t know what this means for … the … oh God. I almost said it.”

The library, which has been under attack in recent times, attacked suddenly and without warning, unleashing a hailstorm of books which flew right past the attackers and inadvertently destroyed the long standing symbol of Sydney University.

Police reports indicate that the desperate library also tried to unleash other projectiles on the crowd only to find that someone had already fired the staff. “You hate to see this,” said Police Commissioner Derrick Crane. “Libraries are dangerous beasts. You have to remember you are dealing with a collection of books here. If cornered, it’s going to swipe. And the tragedy of this is, when [Fisher Library] finally snapped,

Other Union representatives were more pragmatic. “Am I still employed?”

The arrest took several thousand pairs of handcuffs

the victim wasn’t any of its assailants, but its closest friend.”

assign blame with few holding the library itself responsible.

Reports of looters fleeing the scene of the destruction with arms filled with rarely borrowed books were sadly confirmed by Police Commissioner Crane.

“It has been widely noted that [Fisher Library] didn’t have enough space to store all of its books,” said undergraduate Ann Walters, “if anything, this incident is simply a spring clean that got out of hand.”

“To see students so proudly holding these murder weapons is sickening. These students have stormed a crime scene and fled with thousands of words worth of valuable research material. They have ink on their hands.”

The University, however, was surprisingly optimistic about the destruction of its flagship building with the ViceChancellor stating that removal of the quadrangle will help to “make room for another coffee cart.”

Witnesses on the scene were quick to


Rogue Reporter In what is being seen as a somewhat desperate move, the University of Sydney University (USU) has instituted an offer of $5 meal vouchers to anyone who is willing to “just sit and talk for a while.”

Coupled with the meal voucher, the USU is offering special bonus rewards for anyone willing to ask the USU about its day or pretend to be interested as a representative flicks through family photo albums.

According to a statement released Thursday, the USU believes it has “drifted apart” from the student body and as such, has agreed to offer a $5 meal voucher to anyone willing to pay some attention to the USU and maybe even talk for a little bit.

However, this move has been met with some criticism by the student body. Speaking exclusively to The Garter Press, student representative Jamie Moreau expressed concerns of a worrying trend in USU interactions.

“It wouldn’t have to be long,” said USU representative Ally Seaborn, “just a little while. That’s all we’re asking for. We just want a chance to reconnect.”

Eric Sutton

Professional snoop, amateur reporter

Fact checker / Fact inventor

Dust checks performed on these books revealed that they were armour-piercing reads, the kind not often used by the average student but which are widely available online.


“This is oddly reminiscent of the USU’s mid-nineties ‘We’ve got a Nintendo 64!’ campaign in which students were offered a free turn at GoldenEye for holding the USU for thirty seconds while the organisation softly wept.”

Claims persist that the USU is considering getting back together with The University and “really just needs to talk it out.” According to sources, the student body is “the only one who really understands” and “totally owes [the USU] one anyway.” “There’s no pressure,” said Ms. Seaborn, “that’s why we’re offering the meal voucher. Maybe we can just catch up over a plate of disappointing chips and talk about the good old times when the chips weren’t so disappointing. “We miss you.”

In contrast, University administration has welcomed the news, issuing a statement that “We always kinda knew this was the case and, realistically, this revelation couldn’t have come at a more convenient time.” The document, dated from June 1874, unfortunately enshrines the USU as the property of the University from its very inauguration. The error is thought to be the product of a moment’s absent-mindedness by the first USU president, Horace James Peabody. “What, was he stoned or something?” said Mr McDowell. “Goddamn.” Historians say that this may be a fair assessment. “Mr Peabody, who later went on to be an esteemed High Court judge, was a lifelong morphine addict,” says The Garter’s chemical historian, Professor Geraldine Asher. “Of course, back then they wouldn’t have called it ‘stoned’. They called it ‘playing the dark harp’ or ‘fucking for keeps’.”


UNIVERSITY OF SYDNEY DECIDES To take over the Union P. 3

THE QUEEN VISITS IRELAND Ireland meets its monarch nemesis P. 11

JAPAN NUCLEAR CRISIS PROBABLY STILL BAD The Garter Press can’t bear to look P. 18

OBAMA RECOMMENDS 1967 ISRAELI BORDERS Israel recommends doing whatever the fuck it wants to do P. 29

TRUMP DECIDES NOT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT Public decides to continue not considering voting for him P. 45

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How to make your vote count twice

The Garter presents a handy tip to voting this USU election week! 1. Get to know the candidates. Don't be shy! Most of them don't bite. And if you can pick the ones that do, think to yourself: do I think that biting will be a benefit or a detriment when it comes to representing my views in board meetings? 2. Vote as much as you can. If the administrators stop you after a while, don't worry. There's still a lot of voting left to do. You should now: 3. Adopt a pseudonym. Your own name translated into Spanish or Dutch is a good start. 4. Wear a false moustache. Women and men alike; we won't judge you, girlfriend! 5. Mug someone for their ACCESS card. We recommend first-years, who are not yet familiar with the voting-mugging-voting ritual. With some luck, you will be able to get it off the wide-eyed little tykes without resorting to violence. This writer charmed an ACCESS card off a first year with a balloon. 6. Vote as much as you can at a different booth. You may have to explain away the changes in your appearance and name, unless your mugging target was a Dutch or Spanish first year with a moustache. If they don't buy the explanations, feel free to upturn some tables and start fires. In the confusion you should be able to vote many more times. Note: The Garter Press accepts no responsibility for actual fraud, violence, theft or obliteration by Giant Ant.


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Rapture “did actually happen,” claims Harold Camping

Accused of getting his calculations wrong, Christian doomsday prophet Harold Camping claims that the rapture did in fact occur on May 21, 2011.

When asked why everyone was still here, he replied "sinners." When asked why he was still here, he was silent for a long time and asked The Garter to leave. His spokesman, Roy Clemens, later said, "Mr Camping's biblico-mathematical work was flawless. The indisputable fact that the rapture did occur has, however, left many of his followers deeply unnerved. Something we're just going to have to come to terms with is the possibility that we were worshipping the wrong God." Mr Clemens suggested the "more Jewish" Old Testament God as the real God. "But of course all the Jews are still here too. Maybe that's because they don't believe in the precise Christian idea of heaven." Others point to the film Thor as an indicator of a God-candidate. The timing of its release and its subsequen t critical/commercial success can only mean one thing to many Neopagans.

The Garter's own team to theologicians is hard at work weighing up the pluses and minuses of the various emerging God-candidates. More on this as it develops, unless we decide to tell only our families and friends.

Vice Chancellor to renovate Holme Building into “sweet bachelor pad”

Sources close to the University of Sydney’s Vice Chancellor have revealed that his plan to take over the Holme Building, previously thought necessary to upgrade the building’s facilities in line with the Manning and Wentworth complexes, is actually an attempt to convert the neglected Union building into a “sweet bachelor pad.”

The intended recipient of the “home away from ho” has yet to be revealed. When asked who was going to receive the residency, the Vice Chancellor replied cryptically. “What has two thumbs, a Vice Chancellor-ship and a way with the ladies?”

The Garter Press continues to investigate this clue with all sources pointing directly back to the Vice Chancellor. The pad, which has been technically classified as “kickin’ verging on bitchin’,” boasts among its features a sauna, pool table, and seventeen olympic-standard fuckswings, each more ornate than the last.

When asked where the money would come from to build such an elaborate and “sextacular” bachelor pad, the Vice Chancellor muttered something about international students then immediately demanded that we leave his office saying he had “better things to do” while making incomprehensible hand gestures. The USU has reacted to the release of the plan with surprise and outrage.

“We were consulted over planned appropriation and redevelopment of the Holme Building,” said USU spokesperson Jack Farley, “but the Vice Chancellor failed to mention both the widescreen televisions and the understandably controversial ‘tantric alley’.” Nevertheless, the Vice Chancellor has promised the student body that the newly renovated Holme Building will be “a veritable pussy-dome, where two women enter and I don’t leave.”


Should Buckingham Palace secede from the Cattle Union? Does Beezelbub stalk your woman? Is the British Union of Fascists behind whoever’s ruining my galoshes? Can the neckerchief service as a noose? Shooting: gentleman’s sport, or gentle mansport? Your dogs: looking for truffles or foreign goblins? Romance: worth being French for? The Queen: still dally-worthy? Yes.

Tune in Saturdays at tea time!


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is 60% year only in nt pers COM of the U onally t , h a i n s n MER d h s io r a e e n a a ? s c t e d ond s the an ned you expe mits CIAL t killed C ? r h i U cand ence : TH e’s n LTUR one of i d RIVI o d y our fam t ates as o E: SI me the t NG h il t , a y h m b N C t past 3 p embers e u h O G r t e NST ULA also is no residen yet? I R a t T s t dm of the U UTIO an in He l at year nion? o sect its N: S was VS The . hum ves the U imple TRO gian sma mented ans, NG o t u a l ? figh l thi a r n n t r e d t the ng t they porter ate thre Ant, he sinki s abou s t n so y He a it, n were se before e of ou a g feelin Sydney o dmi real n t t to a g U dmi s r i min In p t de that yo ni – na d lo es dem erso sacrific intervi sing f m n e o u ew i n, h c a adm at a g en crac ’ e h r l e l a o y o ri to ff nd g i y o ir et a o drun ts wom smatic c wever, t erings. buil es the ugh to ’s abiliti noth k h Ant ’ ding evac a e e t n s n o dida e ant . to er b s s, sa u pr te, w eer. ying disdain ate Bos stop th The Self ith a oved to e An ch. H this for m gian in th fond b t i t t s the ’s e he s a ree ness e a gen tude ant has wor ‘trai n’s simp also gru hive b for v ial an s n o d t of ev t dies s: N You d ulne a lea le love o dgingly ot a of st body, a eral pla rabl can der ’. n An f nd m ude ns to e The Nigh cast t n a t p n s wi g t Pa th it y more ierce th for e iant an rty i your vo s ov t did e plan l e c e ti s cra tran s to apathy rsize te in on, not s t p t d h l nkin ierce of jaws seve ated a ough i hink an g in the USU the . s t y r ) a a ‘ o l of und dmi ther Herm E t e r h l e r e c e m d an c Self inse ann ct ’s ining his David M didate in th ’s fro tions on h r m e e a m 7: e wo oun ann fo fit rts. r d,’ a rds: 30pm May 25 trait (lit. Chiti . On . Be clos n Authorised by Alistair Stephenson , Man e to ther ce the dibl e for vote es, K the REE EEEE chee s are in EEEE , the rs an E

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N A I G A R O F WHY VOTE s a giant ant right for YOU?

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Ant, 2008 - 2010 Giant Ant, 2011 Manning bar staff, 2011 ACCOMPLISHMENTS:



ALISTAIR STEPHENSON (deceased) MICHAEL RICHARDSON (deceased) TOM WALKER (deceased) JAMES COLLEY (missing, presumed deceased)



Fought a wasp, 2008 Voted ‘Ant Most Likely To Engorge’, 2009 Ate a dog, 2010 Got buff, 2010 Enrolled in a B.A. (Bachelor of Ants, majoring in Ants, minor in Spanish), 2011 R.S.A & R.C.G., 2011

rule! is born to t n a e th , n As a quee ose the alive! Cho n io n U e ep th fight to ke to e v a h l ’l We atANT!* best Comb y by e Universit , th m o fr mandibles safe l n fu io ti n u U a e e b een its ill keep th a ellor betw c The ant w n a h C ng him into ti e s ic e V ig e d th y board! crushing n strong b bers of the io m n e U m r e e th th ep im to o and will ke d feeding h n a te s a p nourishing


! T N A E T VO

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by Alistair S

STATEMENT: The Giant Ant is running to secure a future for the mound, and also the Union Board, both of which it cares passionately about. If elected, the Ant will not kerb its benevolent rampages. Rather, it will expand them to include students of all faculties, rather than those in the Wentworth food court. Furthermore, everybody hates Bosch. If elected, the Ant will destroy Bosch. WARNING: If the Ant is not elected, the Ant will expand its rampages to the entirety of metropolitan Sydney and from there, the world. The ant is unstoppable and impervious to conventional weaponry. It can be impeded only temporarily by comely women, and even then it’s barely enough time to evacuate a city.

ent to pres s n r e f conc n. s, mber o the situatio Herme u f n o a s r e m o v o it r a d f h t ding Dear E benefi t ant, I mislea e of e gian we all may a h t f is ’ o y g aus hat half NTholo is was the c water On be hope t ‘A e r h u t , in that yo re, the from th to you known stemming . Furthermo oved by it s e r t wish no ilding fusion ly imp The an and the con e Holme bu be marked e there this r e w h y t t e ld h p conce age through d greet wou l. Finally, w may perceiv . ia n p t d le a n r m b t a o a a e r c e its Th ge topp n e me s ? a h s n r t e u o t x t a d a e r n served litres of swe -legged tho l be quick a tI il l ix a s w r ant, bu an r e ls o v e f a h t d is se r e e p n s m desig any re appea is inhu ws seats m and ther to . This thing is ja e s g s ie o it t c us in work nest s spe

The Sydney University & UTS Queer Collectives Presents a...

t e r a b a c


& music extravaganza n, ee tw be in ne yo er ev & ns ee qu & s ng “Ladies & gentleman, ki k! oc bl e th on t en ev t es gg bi e th u yo to t en es pr it is our pleasure to featuring: Antonio Mantonio, Patrick and the Deep End, Jack Colwell and The Owls and many more to fundraise for Queer Collaborations! Prizes for well dressed attendees! When: 7pm on Thursday, 2nd of June Where: The Imperial Hotel in Erskineville, (just up the road from Newtown station Tickets: $15.00 on the door Students Representative Council, University of Sydney Queer Collective Level 1, Wentworth Building, City Road, Uni of Sydney | 9660 5222

Honi Soit, Week 11, Semester 1 2011  

Sydney University's student newspaper since 1929

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