April 17, 2014 | Volume 2, Issue 26 | Norman, OK
www.theodysseyonline.com | @OU_Odyssey | Facebook.com/TheOdysseyatOklahoma
SCANDALS FROM BEHIND THE SCENES PAGE 3
WHAT EVERYONE THINKS WHEN YOU TELL THEM YOUR MAJOR PAGE 5 WHY YOUR LANGUAGE CREDIT MATTERS PAGE 6 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD OWN A FOURSQUARE ACCOUNT PAGE 7
CONGRATULATIONS TO DELTA DELTA DELTA AND BETA THETA PI FOR WINNING SCANDALS WITH THEIR ACT HOUSE OF STONE! Photo by: Chas Wojan
COMING UP NEXT...
This time is always the most stressful time of year — the weather Alpha Gamma Delta is nice, so all you Editor-in-Chief want to do is play, but Haley is a senior studying classical languages & English writing. You your schedule is so may contact her at hmowdy@ ou.edu. packed that you can’t do anything but work your butt off. You want to binge watch Scandals, but all you have time for is re-watching those chemistry tutorials.
We know that your time is precious this month, so we here at The Odyssey have only picked the best of the best to publish. Our articles in the coming weeks are some of the most interesting, most informative and most awesome articles we’ve published yet! Here are some things to look forward to in the final few issues of the year: Senior Tribute: We’ll be publishing some of the best, worst and funniest memories from seniors all across the Greek community. Fun things to do for the summer: including fashion tips, travel tips and ways to
get your summer body ready. And, finally, because we LOVE you and listen to all of the comments you email us, message us and tell us (seriously, it’s weird when randos come and stop me on the South Oval to tell me what they think about the paper, but I love it!), so, the big surprise is… We’ll be doing a House Tour Competition! We’ve been hard at work touring every fraternity and sorority house on campus, and we can’t wait to share with you what we’ve found! We’ll present awards in the following categories:
Best front view, best bedrooms, best living room, best study hall and most unique feature. Also, we’ll have a best sorority, best fraternity, best North Greek, best South Greek and best overall! Plus, we’ll include honorable mentions featuring awesome parts of each house! If you simply can’t wait for the last issue to come out, check out our Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for pictures of all of the houses we’ve toured so far! Plus we’ll post exclusive videos featuring members from each chapter with an inside view into the coolest parts of each house. Good luck with your last few weeks, and may the odds be ever in your favor!
THE ODYSSEY AT OKLAHOMA CREATIVE EXECUTIVE TEAM
Editor-in-Chief Haley Mowdy
Alpha Gamma Delta
Alpha Chi Omega
Editor-Elect Annie Roach
Recruitment Chair Hunter Graham
Delta Delta Delta
PR Chair Dea Pennington
Delta Delta Delta
Alpha Chi Omega
Pi Beta Phi
OLYMPIA MEDIA GROUP 888.272.2595 | OlympiaMediaGroup.com Managing Editor, Brittany Binowski Graphic Designer, Grant Hohulin
We want a representative from every house!
To apply for a writing, photography or sales position, TheOdysseyOnline.com/creative © 2014 Olympia Media Group, LLC All Rights Reserved. The Odyssey is a private entity not associated or governed by University of Oklahoma Greek life office. The views and opinions shared in The Odyssey are those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Odyssey and Olympia Media Group.
3 LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!
Phi Kappa Psi Omar is a freshman studying criminology / pre-med. Yo u m a y c o n t a c t h i m a t email@example.com.
Sooner Scandals draws together the Greek community Scandalsseason has become an opportunity to forge new friendships. A few weeks ago, during our annual Mom’s Day weekend, the Sooner Scandals performances were presented. Scandals is held every spring. Every year a fraternity, or two, pairs up with a sorority and they pick a theme. Each group comes up with a storyline and tells their story through vocals and choreography. When it is time for each chapter to present their story, they are judged based on energy during the performance
Scene on campus
and choreography, even down to their ability to follow simple directions such as, “don’t step on the white line.” Scandals is a lot of fun to be a part of and it is a great and fun way to meet new people and learn valuable life lessons while in college.
Take me for example. I became so close to everyone who was in the fraternity that was paired with us, as well as so many of the sorority girls. We all became one big family unit. We opened up to each other and all had trust in each other to do the right things on stage.
During Scandals season, you have the chance to meet many new people from different houses whom you may have never met before. You spend hours upon hours working with new people to accomplish the same goal. At first, you may feel like you are all alone. You may huddle up with your own brothers or sisters during the short breaks for water or you may just hide from everyone on your phone because you don’t know anyone. Little by little the crowds begin to intertwine. All of a sudden, a sorority girl is talking to some guys from a fraternity and members of different fraternities are laughing and joking with each other.
Being a part of Scandals teaches you how to work with a team as well as people who are very different from you. To be able to take a group of 50 individuals and teach all of them to dance, sing and be perfectly synchronized is incredibly difficult and an amazing experience.
It kind of reminds me of High School Musical and the scene when all of the cliques begin to change the status quo and become friends, regardless of their social status.
SCANDALS FROM BEHIND THE SCENES KATIE DORROUGH Alpha Phi
Katie is a sophomore studying communications. You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
How Scandals comes together to keep audiences pleased annually. The acts, and people behind them, that keep Scandals a campus favorite. Nothing can explain the rush that goes through a Scandals performer’s body when the announcer says, “Join the women of [insert sorority here] and the men of [insert fraternity here]” and the audience beings to cheer. After practicing the moves, learning the songs and working on the lines, the time has come. Hearts are pounding, the sweat is dripping and the facials are on. Performing in Scandals is an experience unlike any other. The University of Oklahoma has been blessed with a large number of tremendously talented Greek
individuals. Trust me, the shows are worth the $20.
This year, I had the opportunity to perform with my sorority onstage for the first time. There is so much more to Scandals than just performing. While preparing for the show, lifelong friendships were made. People broke out of their comfort zones and tried something new. Those who had never performed before were opened to a whole new world. Sure the practices were hard, but it all paid off in the end. One of the best parts of Scandals is getting to watch everyone’s acts during dress rehearsal. For months, six acts worked their butts off in preparation for the show. The six acts were: Camp Arrowhead with Gamma Phi Beta and Alpha Tau Omega; The Emperor’s New Groove with Kappa Alpha Theta and Sigma Phi Epsilon; House of Stone with Delta Delta Delta and Beta Theta Pi; Sherlock Holmes with Alpha Phi, Phi Kappa Psi and Sigma Nu; Spellbound with Chi Omega and the Brothers Under Christ; 1789 with Kappa Kappa Gamma and Delta Upsilon. Each show was amazing! I laughed my head off through the Emperor’s New Groove, fell in love with
A lot of hard work is put into Scandals performances each spring, so much more than the audience realizes. Blood, sweat and tears are shed during the few months of rehearsal for these shows. Everyone who participated this year deserves yet another congratulations on the amazing effort they made to put on such a show. The prizes awarded are nothing compared to the life long friendships and lessons that you earn through being a part of Sooner Scandals.
Camp Arrowhead’s acapella, and fan-girled over David Borum’s voice in 1789. I was in awe of House of Stone’s vocals and their lead, Macey Flowers, loved Spellbound’s choreography and had chills through our “Bottom Of The River” performance. There are around 50 people who are the real stars of Scandals. Their names are not printed in a book and they do not receive trophies, but they deserve some praise. That would be the Campus Activities Council Scandals cast. They are the reason the show runs so smoothly from production to skits, vocal directing to dancing onstage, coordinating the judges to singing between acts, spirit staff to liaisons and so much more. Although they do not receive any recognition, they pour their hearts and souls into Scandals. So, thank you Scandals Exec! Nothing compares to the Scandals experience. There is just something about watching students from all over the Greek community come together to make such an amazing production. Friendships are created that probably would not have happened otherwise. Barriers are broken and miracles happen. Dreams, that people never thought possible, come true all thanks to this wonderful thing we call Scandals.
Scene on campus
WE CALL OURSELVES THE RAT PACK Whether looking for books for your newest classes or a job, Ratcliffe’s is worth checking out.
Delta Gamma It’s the place that many Emilee is a sophomore studying public relations. students visit to get their You may contact her at textbooks at the beginning Emilee.B.Ohairemail@example.com. of each semester. It’s the convenient joint that’s always stocked with scantrons on test mornings, for those of you who forget about that crucial green slice of paper. What else could this magical place be, other than Ratcliffe’s Textbooks? As an employee of Ratcliffe’s, I can say that working there has brought me some of the best memories of my college experience. First off, the other employees at Ratcliffe’s really make the experience of working there a joy. We have a mixture of members from different Greek chapters, as well as a few employees who are not in Greek houses. However, if you’ve ever been in the store, you know that we are all equally awesome. If you ever want to join the rat pack, keep in mind that you will be hanging out with us a lot of the time. In addition to being at work with each other, we also hang out outside of work. Just last weekend
we went on a hiking trip together at Turner Falls. And guess what? We had the time of our lives! So if you want to join a group of the most fun people ever, Ratcliffe’s takes applications year round. Fun fact for ya: bet you didn’t know that the owner of the store, Randy Ratcliffe, was an SAE right here at OU. If you ever get him talking on the subject of his college years, sit back, relax and be prepared to hear some stories that are comparable to Animal House. Not to mention our manager, Charissa Siebert, who is always a source of entertainment at work. If you’re ever in buying a book, you might hear Charissa from the back of the store saying some things that might puzzle you. “She couldn’t find her butt in a room full of mirrors.” That’s Siebert on the subject of a naïve girl. “Ouch! Shoot a monkey and call it Fred!” That’s Siebert after stubbing her toe. On a completely different note, our mailman is pretty cool, too. Every day when he brings us our mail, he also brings us a riddle to solve. In all honesty, they’re not always the most top-notch riddles. “What’s brown and sticky?” A stick, dude, we know. Regardless, solving the mailman’s conundrums can be an instant mood changer for those who enjoy a good challenge. Our ultimate goal is to make our customers happy. However, it is important for all of you to know that Ratcliffe’s has a pretty groovy scene going on behind the front doors.
NEVER A BETTER TIME SOMETIMES WE JUST TO SHOP CAMPUS HAVE TO SAY NO CORNER Working at a boutique on Campus Corner has its perks. You get first look at all the new Alpha Omicron Pi arrivals, a discount on sweet stuff you really Grace is a junior studying don’t need (but must Journalism. You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org. have) and prime lunch break options with so many restaurants to choose from, plus a Starbucks down the street. The only real downside is the lack of paycheck I receive at the end of each month due to my ongoing shopping addiction. Buy, hey, I’m keeping it local.
GRACE ANNE MARCUM
Since I have put in a decent amount of hours working retail on Campus Corner (I work at Antique Garden) I’ve got the details on the best weekends to shop. Of course, there’s never a bad time to come visit, but there are definitely some primetime weekends coming up after the stores have all just returned from Dallas, Los Angeles, Atlanta or New York markets and are stocking up for the change of season. The upcoming weekends will not only have more apparel and accessories to choose from, including sizing options, but the stores will also not be insanely crowded or picked over like last month’s Mom’s Day weekend. So mark your calendars, ladies. Here are two post-market weekends a little birdie told me you won’t want to miss: April 18 to April 20 and April 25 to April 27. If you want to update your summer wardrobe before you head home, there won’t be a better time to do so with everything just in from market. Come see me!
Let me give you a scenario, one that every college student knows. You’re hanging around your best friends and, all of a sudden, you’re Kappa Alpha Order Alexander is a freshman packed in a car headed studying international security somewhere for a good studies. You may contact her at time. One of those good email@example.com. times you may regret later because you have a test in the morning that you aren’t ready for. At all. How does this happen? Well, it’s simple. You haven’t learned to say “no.” It never fails. Every Thursday night, I have to say that magic word to whatever adventure pops up. I’ll admit that I have indulged in a few late night Taco Bell runs a few hours before I have to get up in the morning for a PT session in ROTC. For the most part, I’ve learned to say “no,” but every now and then I slip up. I usually play it off and tough it out until I actually have to wake up. After that, it’s a downhill slope in my day until I get precious time to take a nap. Naps are bittersweet. As great as they are, they mess up my sleep schedule and I end up watching whatever show I’m addicted to on Netflix, all night. Self-discipline is one of the keys to success in college. I found this out the hard way during first semester. Take a language course like Russian and you’ll never have to ask why – better yet, don’t! Balancing a social life, grades and your extracurricular activities is part of the college package and it’s not easy. Getting enough sleep is a concept that has lost all meaning to me. Making memories is a great experience, but sometimes moderation is key. There will always be another adventure to have, I promise. The important thing to keep in mind is that you can always say, “no.”
Scene on campus
WHAT EVERYONE THINKS WHEN YOU TELL THEM YOUR MAJOR RACHEL CAMPBELL
Alpha Chi Omega Rachel is a sophomore studying professional writing. You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org. Obnoxious stereotypes have marred many college major reputations. Every time I tell someone that I’m a professional writing major, I cringe internally. Out loud, they may say, “Wow, that sounds so cool, I could never do something like that!” However, I know they are most likely thinking, “Poor girl, she’s basically majoring in being a starving artist.” Because of my major, I empathize with people whose majors are wrongfully stereotyped. A majority of the time, none of these stereotypes are even close to the truth, but they still manage to stick around and sting when they’re directed at you. So, here’s a list of majors that people are probably judging you for, along with rebuttals for the people who make these judgments.
Education (especially if you’re a woman). “She’s got it easy. Her coursework consists of learning how to be a mom.” WRONG. This major prepares them to take care of your brats and make sure they get college degrees while you neglect your children to climb your career ladder. Visual communications. “They had to pick that major because they’re too bad at school to do anything else.” WRONG. You think it’s hard to do your homework? Think about having to do piles of homework and make it look like a unique work of art. Engineering. “I wonder if they’ve ever had something resembling a social life.” WRONG. Engineers don’t fit the nerdy stereotype that you stick them with. Plus, they’ll probably be making double your salary, so the lack of time for a social life eventually pays off. Journalism. “They’re hopping onto a sinking ship that will leave them writing celebrity gossip for the rest of their lives.” WRONG. They’re probably the only ones informed enough about the news to make rational voting choices. Plus, their writing can reach thousands, if not millions, of people. Can you say the same?
Psychology. “Hah, good luck getting a job that doesn’t involve getting stuck as a school therapist with the education majors.” WRONG. Psychology majors have been tasked with the difficult goal of holding your mental well-being together when you’re crumbling under the pressure of your 9 to 5 job. If they’re not around, who else will pick up the pieces of your soul after you’re emotionally destroyed by corporate monotony? Meteorology. “Great, another person wasting their life to forecast the weather incorrectly. We could use some more of those.” WRONG. Oklahoma is home to the best and brightest meteorologists who are surprisingly accurate considering they’re trying to make sense of something that’s as bi-polar as Miley Cyrus. Business (especially if you’re a woman). “She’s majoring in that so she’ll be surrounded by frat stars who will have stable jobs. She’s just getting her MRS degree.” WRONG. Business majors have some of the most challenging coursework on campus and those women who “just want their MRS degree” will be your bosses one day.
YOU’RE IN WHAT CLASS? (because who wouldn’t)? There’s a class for that.
KATE JENKINS Alpha Omicron Pi
Kate is a sophomore studying marketing. You may contact her at Kate.E.Jenkinsemail@example.com.
It’s that time of year, again. People are rushing to get advised, seniors are getting ready to flee Norman and freshmen still have no idea what they’re doing. While planning my schedule for next fall, I tried finding the most random class the University of Oklahoma has to offer because, I mean, why not take a class that is totally irrelevant to my major? Coming to college, I had this notion that there were classes about everything. Want to learn more about math? Obviously, there is a class for that. Feel the need to expand your horizons and learn about how the ancient Buddhist monks live? There’s a class for that. Want to take a class about Harry Potter
However, as a sophomore, reality has set in and these awesome classes about seemingly trivial subjects have a little bit more to them than previously communicated. The class Volcanoes and Earthquakes, for instance. It’s a three-hour science credit, however, you do not get to make a fake volcano and you actually have to know terms such as “pahoehoe” and “a’a”… so, if you aren’t fluent in Hawaiian, good luck. The closest thing I’ve found to a Harry Potter class would be one of the expository writing classes offered. While a class like Modern Monsters sounds like an interesting way to satisfy your English credit, there is an obscene amount of writing to be done and there is only so much you can say about Godzilla. I learned this lesson the hard way. I took the Jane Austen Expo class based purely off the reason that we would be watching and studying the similarities that one of Austen’s books shared with the movie Clueless. Naturally, I thought
we’d be watching Clueless. The entire semester we watched three clips from Clueless. Life’s not fair. As I was digging to find some type of crazy class OU offers, I remembered that my old professor for Art Theory, Bob, mentioned that he taught a class purely about comic books. If you know, or have met Bob, you understand why his comic book class would be considered one of the crazier classes that the university has to offer. This class explores the comic book, specific heroes and villains and how they are depicted in their series. So, if comic books are kind of your thing, go forth and enroll. While the University of Oklahoma is definitely lacking in some of those random classes you hear about, at least you can go to bed tonight assured that you are, in fact, getting a good education during your time at the university. And, if all else fails, I’m sure President David Boren would love to hear some of the suggestions his students have for new classes on campus.
WHY YOUR LANGUAGE CREDIT MATTERS into, and possibly consider minoring in, a foreign language.
You look better as a job candidate. We all know how tough the job market is, right now, and it’s expected to stay that way. As a job candidate, you need things on your resume that make you stand out above the crowd. Fluency in a foreign language sets you apart from other college graduates and you look more appealing to employers. If you know how to speak a different language, you may end up landing your dream job.
Many people have to take a foreign language in order to graduate, but they just go to class and get the credit out of the way as quickly as possible. What many students fail to realize, however, is that there are so many benefits to learning a different language and it can really help in the future. Here are three reasons why you should put effort
You learn a lot about different cultures. In every Spanish class I’ve taken at OU, I’ve learned something new about all of the Spanish-speaking countries that I probably wouldn’t have learned outside of my Spanish classes. All of my teachers have been from different countries and they enjoy talking about what their people and culture are like. It’s so cool to be able to hear about how other countries differ from our own.
Alpha Chi Omega Jessica is a sophomore studying public relations. You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org. Opportunities to study abroad. Studying abroad is huge at OU. While it’s great to go to any foreign country, going to a country that speaks a different language is a whole other experience. You’re able to submerge yourself in the language and culture and that’s much easier if you already know some of the basic parts of the language. It’s also really helpful to be in classes with professors who can tell you the best cities and countries to study abroad in to actually be able to learn the language.
HOW TO ACHIEVE THE EURO LOOK ALEXIS HAMES Kappa Kappa Gamma
Alexis is a junior studying Public Relations. You may contact her at email@example.com.
Packing my bag to study abroad, I gave little thought to the European style I would soon be immersed in. Not my brightest move, as I am now the only person in Spain who has 15 oversize t-shirts sitting untouched in my closet. Here are some other trends that you will not see abroad. Athletic clothes. At OU, the oversize t-shirt and leggings or athletic shorts is practically a sorority girls uniform. In Europe, athletic clothing is only worn to hit the gym, so you won’t be seeing it on the metro. This concept of dressing nicer, with form fitting clothing goes for all ages. Tory Burch and David Yurman. Since my arrival in Barcelona, a city known around the world as a huge fashion hub, I have yet to see one Tory Burch or David Yurman item or store.
Here are some of the trends you will encounter.
or neon pink. Facial piercings often coexist.
Dark clothing. The most obvious trend is the presence of dark clothing. Everyone seems to be wearing black puffy parkas with a moderate to high amount of shine. I’m unsure of what is under these parkas but I assume more dark clothing, as their pants and shoes are generally darker tones as well. The trend of dark colors and puffy jackets extend to both males and females off all ages. (My puffy pink Patagonia jacket keeps my oversize t-shirts company in my closet.)
American anything. I have seen more clothing with references to American cities in Europe than I ever have in America. Walk into any fashion retail store in Barcelona and you’re guaranteed to see a shirt with “NYC” or “Los Angeles” printed across the front. They love American sports team fan gear. Hats with NBA logos are common. I’ve seen many Oklahoma Thunder t-shirts and even one Oklahoma Sooners hoodie!
Scarves. Scarves are my go-to accessory, so this is nothing new for me. If I was from Europe, I could share my collection with my dad! The man scarf is a huge hit in Spain and it is often accompanied by a “murse,” or man purse. Lack of jewelry. This trend is not as noticeable as the others, but still very accurate. Women do not wear nice jewelry like we do in the States. According to one of my teachers, this is due to Barcelona’s theft problem. Wearing a huge wedding ring or a flashy watch would surely put a target on your back. This trend is reflected in the clothing stores, as they offer minimal jewelry options. Dreadlocks. Dreadlocks, supported by the grunge look, are huge here. Some have even taken it a step further by dying their dreadlocks vibrant colors like dark purple, lime green
Dark shoes. The most popular everyday shoe for women is a black suede tennis shoe with four eyes, dainty laces with a 1-inch platform. Boots with 1-inch wedges or chunky heels are also popular. Popular shoe brands (that I recognize) include: Adidas, New Balance and classic Timberlands for young women. Abercrombie and Hollister. Break out your middle school frocks; Abercrombie and Hollister are back. In Europe, grown men and women sport graphic t-shirts from both of these vendors. Imposter goods. Fake Ray-Ban sunglasses, phony Beats headphones and imposter designer handbags are extremely common in Barcelona. You’ll find these goods sold on street corners throughout the city.
REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD OWN A FOURSQUARE ACCOUNT With Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat all fading into the background, it may be time to start considering something n e w. F o u r s q u a r e m a y not be new to the social media space, but you’d be surprised how much it has been growing. Basically, all you do with this app is check-in to different places you are visiting. Below, I have provided four reasons why you should own a Foursquare account.
2 . D i s c o u n t s . T h e re are various places that give discounts on their goods and services when you check in to their establishment on Foursquare. I have gotten a ton of free food from this, so don’t take this for granted!
1. Keep up with friends. My favorite part about Foursquare is keeping up with where my friends are. When someone checks in near where you are, the app alerts you. When you see that some of your friends are at The Mont having Swirls without you, you will know. It’s also an easy way to invite your friends places because you can check them in, as well.
Pi Beta Phi
Dea is a junior studying public relations. You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
3. Tips. One great thing about Foursquare is that wherever you check in, people have left tips. This is especially helpful when you go to new restaurants. I have never had an order I didn’t like when ordering something someone left a tip about! You can also find free Wi-Fi passwords at airports instead of paying for it. These tips are always super helpful. 4. Earn badges. Foursquare allows you to earn badges for checking in. Because I love seafood and go to several seafood restaurants, I have received the highest level in The Life Aquatic. Competing with yourself and your friends to receive these badges is also super fun!
PERFECTING THE RESUME EMMA STONEHAM
involved in. Do not list high school activities or activities that have nothing to do with what you are applying for.
The school you are attending and your major/ minor should be listed, but avoid putting down Kappa Kappa Gamma your GPA; they generally do not care. Experience Emma is a sophomore studying online journalism. You may contact is more valuable than your grades. Only put down her at email@example.com. skills that would be useful to the internship or that make you stand out. Try not to make your Summer internships are quickly approaching resume longer than one page as most companies and there is still time to apply to businesses in want to skim through the resumes as quickly as places like Dallas, Fort Worth, OKC, Tulsa and possible. If it is long, they won’t read it, so to more. Making your resume stand out and look keep it to one page use one sentence to describe professional, along with writing a strong cover each experience and activity. Lastly, make your letter, can be the most challenging part of applying. resume look tasteful by using some color, borders Here are some good pointers to strengthen your or different professional fonts. resume and cover letter. For the cover letter, always address it to the person who will be interviewing you or who is in On your resume, include all of your contact information like address, email, phone, even charge of the internship process. Never use “to Skype name so the company has different ways of whom it may concern.” This shows that the letter reaching you. Always put your objective of why is not personal and you did not make the effort to you are applying to internships or jobs. List every look up their name. experience relevant to the internship starting from In the first paragraph, mention the internship most recent. Put all activities you are currently
you are interested in and then write about what you are involved in with your school or other activities. In the second paragraph, write about what you want to get out of the internship and what you will bring to the table. This is when you brag about your experience and about what you know academically or what skills you have acquired. The third paragraph is when you talk about yourself as an individual, your personality pros and cons. Even though it can be weird to brag about yourself, this is when you are supposed to show your best abilities and attributes to stand out from everyone else applying for the same position. In the final paragraph, state that you are including your resume, repeat why you want this position and why you would be good for it. Thank them for their time and close with a professional good-bye. Resumes and cover letters are some of the most vital tools to getting an internship (or at least an interview). If you tailor your resume to look and read professionally, and make your cover letter stand out, you will be on the right track to getting that internship for summer. Good luck to everyone applying!
9 WHY GIRLS SHOULD LIFT Self health & fitness
MATTHEW ALFONTE Kappa Alpha
M a t t h e w i s a s o p h o m o re studying marketing. Yo u m a y c o n t a c t h i m a t Matthewalfonte@yahoo.com.
With spring break a speed bump to getting that summer body, everyone is looking to get on the fast track to get back in shape. Traditionally, what you see is the weight room filled with guys looking to build muscle, while ladies are doing some form of cardio in order to get toned. Most girls are under the impression that lifting weights will make them big, but what most women don’t know is that they are cheating themselves. Lifting is a very effective fitness tool that can put them on the fast track to achieving the body that they want. If you think about it, there are men who have an extremely difficult time building muscle, and
men put on muscle significantly easier than women. This is because men naturally produce testosterone, which is a key element in building muscle. Just to bust that myth right away, ladies you will not get overly muscular just from lifting weights a few times per week. On the contrary, there are several benefits to lifting weights that will contribute not only to your fitness goals, but your overall quality of life as well. Lifting weights correctly has been proven to increase the density of your bones, which leads to less of a chance of injury. In addition, it also helps correct and strengthen your posture, making it easier to do simple things like walk to class or make one trip from your car when carrying groceries instead of two. It also lowers the risk of acquiring nagging injuries such as tennis elbow, lower back pains and other small injuries. Another benefit that women will find extremely appealing is the increased calorie burn that you get from lifting weights. Whenever you run on a cardio machine, more often than not, you will see
a display of how many calories that you burn and a lot of people take that number into consideration when counting their calories. Not only is that number often false, but you burn the majority of your calories outside of the gym just living. Most people do not know that the body constantly burns calories. When you lift weights, it causes an after burn effect. This increases the rate at which your body burns calories by a wide margin, more so than traditional cardio workouts do. This means that if you lift weights, you burn calories while you lift and, after the workout, your body is burning calories at a faster rate. On the other hand, doing cardio burns a lot of calories during the time that you are doing it, but that slows down once stop doing cardio. What I would suggest girls do is experiment with lifting weights three to five times per week, whether it’s on machines or with free weights. It will enhance your overall physique and get you closer to achieving your fitness goals.
WORKOUT MYTHS calories burned per person.
Kappa Kappa Gamma Matty is a sophomore studying journalism. You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Everyone has his or her different ideas and opinions about working out, but have you ever wondered who is correct? There are so many different myths about how you should properly workout or what machines work better than the others. Here are some of the five most common workout myths according to cnn.com. 1. The cardio machine counts calories you are burning. This is a huge myth that almost everyone, including myself, has believed. Cardio machines cannot accurately calculate the calories you are burning because every body type is different. Most of these machines don’t even ask you to enter your age or weight prior to your workout. These machines can only estimate the average
2. Women will get too bulky if they lift weights. This is false because it takes a lot more than lifting weights in order for women to get bulky. Women’s bodies contain high levels of estrogen that prevent them from gaining too much muscle mass. It has been proven that women who lift weights actually have leaner bodies and a lower level of body fat than women who do not. Lifting weights is a great way to burn calories and to stay in good, healthy shape. Don’t be afraid of lifting weights on a daily basis; it is good for you! 3. You must drink a protein shake after you workout. Although protein shakes can be good for you, drinking too many of them will cause an increase in weight. Drinking a protein shake after every workout is almost like adding an extra meal to your daily intake. Instead of drinking a shake after your work out, try eating actual food instead. Real protein found in food, such as turkey or almonds, will keep you full longer and will help replenish your muscles after working out. 4. You can eat whatever you want as long as you workout. A lot of people think that it is okay to eat really badly as long as they workout the next day. What most of
them do not know is that this is false information. Your body takes more calories in than it can burn off. It is a lot harder to burn off extra calories than people think. For the average person, running a mile only burns around 100 calories. If you eat cake that has around 500 calories, you would have to run about five miles to burn off only one slice. Working out does not give you a free ticket to consume whatever you want. It’s important to live a healthy and balanced lifestyle of eating proper portions and participating in exercise every day. 5. Workouts must be hard in order to see body improvements. When working out, pain is not equivalent to muscle mass. Although pain sometimes comes along with hard workouts or lifting weights, it does not mean that you are automatically gaining muscle. Workouts that are the most beneficial are fun and easy to perform. Enjoyable and easy workouts will let you perform for longer periods of times. Hard workouts lead to short time periods and frustration. Although pain can be a good thing, you do not need to over push yourself in order to stay in shape. Walking and jogging are excellent examples of fun and easy exercises that are beneficial to your health.
TRIP OF A LIFETIME, NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP STYLE BROOKLYN HILL Pi Beta Phi
Brooklyn is a sophomore studying broadcast/journalism. Yo u m a y c o n t a c t h e r a t email@example.com.
The OU women’s softball team celebrated their National Championship win with an invitation to the White House to meet President Barack Obama. The Sooners arrived in D.C. on Sunday night. The next day the team visited the U.S. Capitol where they met Congressman Tom Cole of Oklahoma. After a tour, the team headed back to the hotel where they began to get ready for their visit to the White House. Anticipation grew as the night proceeded. The girls
passed through multiple security checkpoints and then were allowed to explore certain rooms, like the Green Room and the Red Room. “I was surprised at how many rooms there were,” said Lauren Chamberlin and she was impressed by the uniqueness of each room. Seeing these historical places reminded her of her old history classes from grade school. After their exploration of the rooms, the team finally gathered together and got their room assignments. They were the fourth team in the Green Room to meet the president and he personally stopped to meet and greet each one of the girls. Head coach, Patty Gasso, was shocked to be in the same room as the President of the United States. “One thing that really stuck with me was his appreciation of the female athletes that were there,” said Gasso.
President Obama told the team that they had come a long way and they are leaders for the future and for young women. His appreciation for female athletes really stood out and she said that it is “the importance of the team, that’s what we do.” The unity of the team was alive and present that night as they sat in the Green Room awaiting the president. “This is the last and biggest icing on the cake,” said Gasso. The team’s hard work finally paid off and this is an experience that they will never forget. After the ceremony ended, the Sooners headed to dinner before stopping off to visit the Lincoln Memorial. This past season was an amazing journey for the team. They overcame obstacles and fought through tough times. The past six to eight months has been a truly amazing experience and their trip to D.C. topped it off.
OU TX IN THE FOOTBALL IS IN THE AIR SPRING
Ever since the spring football game, this campus has been itching for football time in Oklahoma. Unfortunately, football season won’t take place for another few months, but the Spring Red River Rivalry is well under way.
JENNIFER NYGREN Alpha Phi
Jennifer is a sophomore studying journalism. You may contact her at jennifer.n.nygren-1@ ou.edu.
OU baseball just completed their tripleheader against the Longhorns, this past weekend, while our softball team will kick-off their series tonight. Although these games won’t be anything like going to Dallas for the OU v.Texas game in the fall, these are the top three reasons to attend all of the games. 1. April weather is beautiful. Even though there is a chance of rain, we’re finally out of the miserable winter. 2. Tailgating in the parking lot. It’s a heck of a lot easier to host your own tailgate at the baseball or softball stadium parking lots rather than having the chaos or camping out 24 hours early for your own tailgate spot. 3. It’s still OU versus Texas. We have an eternal battle of bragging rights with the University of Texas. Every sport factors into it. If you’re tempted in the slightest, head over to the Marita Hynes Field OU Softball Complex tonight at 8:00 p.m. The two other games will take place tomorrow at 6:30 p.m. and then on Saturday at 1 p.m. This weekend will also be filled with promotions. Tonight is Student Appreciation Night; Friday night will have fireworks and Saturday will feature an Easter egg hunt. See you there!
Save the date April 12 for Gaylord FamilyOklahoma Memorial Stadium. Get ready, football fans, OU football gives us a taste of what is Sigma Phi Epsilon to come in the upcoming Michael is a freshman studying season. Everyone who is Mechanical Engineering. breathing should know Yo u m a y c o n t a c t h i m a t the the rumors that are firstname.lastname@example.org. circulating about the football team. With a new crop of great recruits and fantastic returning players, this year is looking up. The player under the most scrutiny is red-shirt sophomore, Trevor Knight. The biggest question right now is whether or not he will play like he did in the Sugar Bowl. Knight played lights out in the Allstate Sugar Bowl, earning the 2014 Sugar Bowl MVP Award. He passed for 348 Yards, four TDs vs. Alabama, who had a fantastic defense, with three shutouts over this past season. “I feel like I’ve got the offense down now, so now it’s just fine-tuning everything. Fine-tuning the footwork, fine-tuning the reads, fine-tuning everything,” Knight said. As an extreme Sooner Football fan, I am really excited to hear that because I have trust that Trevor Touchdown can really have a breakout season and lead us into a playoff spot for the first football playoff college football has seen. The April 12 spring game is free to all students with a valid student ID. It should be an absolutely fantastic way to see how our team has come along in the off-season, and what we should expect for the season. Many blogs and sport websites have the Sooners pre-ranked number five, overall in the nation, and have us winning the Big 12 this year. This is all nice to hear, but what it all comes down to is whether or not our boys show up on Saturdays in the fall and bring the hammer. I am really looking forward to this season and hope for the best for the Sooners. I would love to make a prediction about where I think we’ll land at the end of the season, but the last time I tried that our basketball team lost in the first round. Make sure you attend the spring game April 12 and form your own opinion about where our Sooners will land when all is said and done.
KEVIN DURANT, LEBRON JAMES AND WHY YOU SHOULD LOVE THEM BOTH By Parker Cassell Delta Tau Tau Delta
The NBA really struggled in the 1980s. Ratings were bad, attendance was low and America, generally, did not care about professional basketball the way it does today. The Magic Johnson-Larry Bird rivalry saved professional basketball. The NBA, marketing geniuses that they are, built excitement out of the rivalry between Magic’s Lakers and Bird’s Celtics. Magic Johnson was all about show-time— behind the back passes and dunks and Hollywood glamour. Larry Bird, at least as the NBA portrayed him, was just a country boy from French Lick, Ind. transported to hard-working Boston, with a pure shooting stroke and a no-nonsense competitive attitude. It was Hollywood versus hard work. West versus East. Glam versus elbow grease. Magic and Bird were marketed as polar opposites, battled several times for NBA titles and the NBA reaped the rewards from the outstanding rivalry they manufactured. Much has changed in the NBA since 1987, the last time Magic and Bird met in the NBA finals. Michael Jordan has come and gone, and come and gone, and come and gone again. Franchises have expanded and relocated. New rivalries have formed. Emerging right now, before our lucky eyes, is the best NBA rivalry since the 1980s. The league’s newest and most important rivalry features a man who represents everything that has ever been right with humanity, Oklahoma City’s Kevin Durant, versus the archangel of basketball evil, Miami’s LeBron James. These two men are, undoubtedly, the two best basketball players in the world. They are also the two most polarizing basketball forces on the planet. Their on-floor demeanors are entirely different. Durant appears to be the kind of player who will chit-chat with your grandma on the sideline during
a free throw. James appears to be the kind of guy who might flip off your grandma in traffic on the way to the arena.
Their playing styles are different. Durant scores early and often every game, usually with great touch and skill. James scores in lower numbers with brute force and is the kind of athlete you might see once every 50 years. Even as their personas grow more alike, they are still different. Durant, with his “KD is not nice” campaign seeks to rework his image as, in the very kindest of ways, a tough competitor. James, with his millions of commercials running 24 hours per day, featuring him hanging out with kids or playing on his phone like a goofball, seeks to reestablish himself as he once was—relatable Mr. Nice Guy, darling of the NBA. Durant wants to grow mean and James wants you to know he means well. The issue with this rivalry, the one that separates these two players from becoming like Magic and Bird, is that they are the absolute worst thing that rivals can be—friends. They train together in the summer. They play on the same Olympic teams. They interact on social media. It is almost cringeworthy. James and Durant actually like and respect each other. How could Durant, the patron saint of the NBA, respect and even admire the most nefarious force in professional sports, the same man who mercilessly ripped the heart out of every member of his hometown on an hour-long television special without second-thought? How can we hate Lebron if Kevin does not even hate LeBron?! The answer, simply, is that we cannot. Or, at least, that we should not. Appearances are not always accurate. Durant may be the nicest guy you ever meet, but it is likely that some of his nice-guy persona has been crystallized and exaggerated by the media. James did not help his image much by leaving Cleveland,
but much of the evil thrust upon his character was attributed to him by the media to improve ratings. To hate James, as many people do, is to hate basketball greatness. Due to the fact that Michael Jordan was in his prime while most of us were still five or six years old, and pushing all Kobe Bryant arguments aside, LeBron James will likely be the greatest NBA player we ever see. He is a tremendously talented athlete and basketball player. That, at least for right now, is a fact. Durant has a chance to exceed James’ legacy, but not until he wins at least a few titles. Every time you depreciate James’ acts of basketball greatness by commenting on what was probably a falsely constructed negative quality of his character—or a real one, like his receding hairline—you also depreciate Durant’s basketball greatness by moving the conversation from the court to the personal sphere. The two men will be forever paired. Coincidentally, by depreciating James’ greatness, Durant’s greatness lessens by extension. Stop burying the NBA’s greatest rivalry, and the greatness of the world’s most-likable superstar, under the weight of your own opinion. As a fan, you have the opportunity to witness one of the greatest sports rivalries, ever. Two talents like these do not come along very often. Accept them for who they are. Love Durant and James the same way you love Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort. Love Durant like you love Harry, as a force of pure goodness. Love James like you secretly love Voldemort, as a contrasting force of evil who brings out the greatness in your hero. At the very least, love the rivalry between these two outstanding talents and competitors and be grateful you were lucky enough to see it all unfold.
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ODE TO TACO BELL ALAN XING
Delta Tau Delta
Alan is a sophomore studying psychology/premed. You may contact him at email@example.com.
Oh, Taco Bell, or as the pure of heart affectionately calls you, T-Bell. Or, as the scum of the Earth call you, Toxic Hell. Oh, how you complete me. Just the thought of you makes me long for you. You never fail to fill the empty void deep inside of me. And how it angers me so when the haterz belittle you. Just a burrito? Oh, you are so much more than that. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. That
first bite, oh, what pure bliss that first bite is. The tortilla, like smooth silky satin, gently enveloped around the most divine amalgam of ingredients, flavors blending in a flirtatious tango. The beans, so magical that they could grow a beanstalk. Tomato slices so succulent that they explode with flavor at the slightest touch and lettuce as crispy as freshly-made bacon in the morning. Rice as pure and soft as the first snow of winter, with sour cream so refined that it heightens the senses and so creamy that your tongue can barely feel it. And the beef, ground up so perfectly that it is finer than sand, yet, softer than clouds with a flavor so
exquisite that it brings tears to the eyes. Or, if you prefer, chicken or steak, each meat marinated in what seems to be nectar and ambrosia, so juicy that every single bite floods your mouth with a heavenly flavor and as tender as the breast of an angel. And the cheese. Oh, the cheese, the cheesiest cheese that tastes like the fusion of every cheese known and unknown to man. The aroma, so enticing that children flock to it from miles around. All of these ingredients, swirl in your mouth, break apart and combine again in a fugue of sweets and savor so delightful. This is no mere wrap of grilled meat clothed in a flour tortilla. This is God, speaking to us through food.
SUBTWEET IT OUT We are all grown, here, and pretty much all of us have gotten into an argument or disagreement with someone. Here is a life long tip you must always follow. Whenever someone says something bad about you, gives you the stank face or you just flat out get into it with them, you better take it to social media and let the world know about your personal feelings towards them.
Whenever you disagree with someone and there is conflict, it’s an obligation to be the bigger person, now that we are in college. Would the bigger person sit there and argue or try to talk things out and come to a conclusion? No. As the bigger person, you would let the Twitter world know how much you can’t stand the person and everything you hate about them. Even better, subtweet about the argument you two had, the one that started it all! But, like, you can’t mention them because then that would just be too confrontational. Just get on Twitter and subtweet up a storm for a few days and if you are super mad at them, make a huge Facebook status about them, too. But it basically needs to be as long as a novel so people know you’re serious. What’s not to love? You can trash talk someone and everyone who follows you can read it and you don’t even have to take it up with them, or @ them. But while you are talking about them, trying to bring them down, it’s a must to tweet about how happy you are and how perfect your life is. That will really show them!
If you have really good friends, you can even have them retweet your hateful tweets. That way the person Delta Gamma you are talking about can, Shea is a junior studying broadcast for sure, see it. And if they journalism. You may contact her at even dare text you and try firstname.lastname@example.org. to talk about it, you better delete the text first thing, then tweet about how you cannot believe the person you are talking about confronted you. Naturally, they might get annoyed and throw in a subtweet towards you. As soon as you see anything that you could take as trash talk about you, favorite it, quote it and retweet it. But whatever you do don’t reply to it, because it’s so immature to fight on Twitter. Be the better person and don’t you dare try to say anything straight to them.
After you’ve done your subtweeting spree, and you’ve read their message that will be asking why you subtweeted them, and then subtweeted about how they confronted you, you should start the creeping process. Go to their Twitter page every time you get on your computer, that way if they say something about you, you can fire a subtweet back. Also, you can make fun of anything they say. Like, if they tweet something about eating, you can subtweet they are fat. If they tweet about make-up, subtweet them saying make up can never fix their ugly face, or something. When you subtweet to a tweet, it has to be within 10 minutes or they’ll tweet that you are creepy. All I am saying is, it’s time to be the more mature person, stop arguing with people and getting into fights. Just go subtweet them and nobody gets hurt. Once people see how tough you are on Twitter, nobody will mess with you. And I mean people who follow you really care what you think, right? And let’s be real, you won’t @ them.
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MODERN FAMILY: YOUR NEXT COMEDY ADDICTION SAVANNAH GIBBS Alpha Chi Omega
Savannah is a junior studying professional writing. You may contact her at Savannah.R.Gibbsemail@example.com. Modern Family is, arguably, the funniest current sitcom on American television. The show is presented in a mockumentary format, like The Office, with the characters often speaking directly to the camera as if they are in an interview. Modern Family follows the lives of three families in Los Angeles, all interrelated via Jay Pritchett and his children, Claire and Mitchell. Jay (played by Ed O’Neill) is in his sixties and re-married to a beautiful and much younger woman, Gloria (played by Sofia Vergara). They live together in a large home with their infant son and Manny (played
by Rico Rodriguez), Gloria’s 14-year-old son who acts far beyond his years.
Jay’s daughter, Claire (played by Julie Bowen), is married to Phil (played by Ty Burrell), a goofy nice guy who tries his hardest to be a cool dad. They have three children: Alex, Haley and Luke. Haley (played by Sarah Hyland) is the oldest and is the epitome of the pretty, ditzy, popular teenage girl. Alex (played by Ariel Winter) is only a few years younger than her sister, but they could not be more different. Where Haley is the stereotypical popular girl, Alex is the stereotypical nerd. She wears glasses and is at the top of all of her classes, and her favorite at-home activity is tricking her siblings into doing dumb things. Luke (played by Nolan Gould), the youngest child, is a loveable, hilarious oddball who takes after his dad’s eccentric ways. Mitchell (played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson), Jay’s lawyer son with his own quirks, lives with his outgoing and hilarious husband, Cameron (played by Eric Stonestreet), and their adopted Vietnamese daughter, Lily. These three characters have some of the biggest personalities, and add so much hilarity to the show. This huge family is an endless source of laughs and
IT’S MINDY SOPHIE ORLICH Chi Omega
Sophie is a junior studying English. You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
from critics and has earned a diverse and passionate fan base. Viewers love the banter, comedy and attitude of the show but, mostly, they love Mindy. She’s not your typical size zero, blonde bimbo of a starlet-turnedactress. Instead, she’s relatable. She loves rom-coms, food and Beyoncé, and who doesn’t? Here are thirteen of Mindy’s most relatable quotes: 1. “A best friend isn’t a person, Danny. It’s a tier.”
Mindy Kaling is an actress, writer and producer who got her big break playing Kelly Kapoor on the NBC sitcom The Office. She has moved on to create and star in the Fox sitcom, The Mindy Project, where she also is a co-executive producer, director and writer of several of the show’s episodes. The Mindy Project is an American romantic comedy television series that has been on the air since September 2012. It’s currently in its second season and, luckily, just got picked up for a third. It is broadcast in the U.S. as well as in Israel, Canada, Spain, Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and Ireland. The plot follows obstetrician/gynecologist Mindy Lahiri (Mindy Kaling) and her hilarious gaggle of co-workers in their private practice as she tries to balance her personal and professional life. The show has received a wave of positive reviews
2. “No girl has ever been like; ‘I wish you had a flatter stomach.’ They were like; ‘I wish you made more money.’” 3. “A woman’s prison, you guys? Come on, if I wanted to get shanked, I’d just shave my legs drunk again.” 4. “Your secret is safe with me. Largely because I don’t care and I’ll probably forget.” 5. “Kim Kardashian started out with a sex tape, but she did not let it define her. So I just need to ride out this minor humiliation until I find my Kanye.” 6. “Are you in charge of being an asshole? Cause you’re doing a great job.” 7. “I have a right to life, liberty and chicken wings.” 8. “If we’re still single in five years and we haven’t found anybody, can we make a pact? That we kill each other.”
entertainment. They get themselves into all sorts of funny, yet relatable, situations that usually play on the humor of life. Modern Family first aired on ABC in 2009 and is now in its fifth season. It has been largely successful and has received critical acclaim and many awards and accolades, including seven Television Critics Award nominations, 13 Writers Guild of America nominations, 10 Golden Globe nominations, 57 Primetime Emmy nominations and several others. The show won the Golden Globe Award for Best Television Series, Musical or Comedy in 2010 and the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series in 2010, 2011, 2012, and 2013. In addition, actor Eric Stonestreet won the Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series in 2010 and 2012 for his role as Cameron; actress Julie Bowen won the Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series in 2011 and 2012 for her role as Claire. The writers and directors have all received awards as well. This show is a real pleasure. Its popularity is well-founded due to the witty writing, great acting and naturally hilarious story content. I dare anyone to watch it without at least one fit of laughter per episode. Tune in to ABC on Wednesdays at 9/8c to discover your next comedy addiction!
9. “Okay, if we are indulging imaginary situations I would love to introduce you to my husband – straight Anderson Cooper.” 10. “I can do anything as long as it’s just paying for something.” 11. “I’m not overweight. I fluctuate between chubby and curvy.” 12. “It is so weird being my own role model.” 13. “I figure if I’m gonna be a mess, I might as well be a hot mess.” Another enchanting aspect of Mindy is her wardrobe. Being an ob/gyn must be a high-paying job, because she spends it well. Never seen in the same outfit twice, Mindy is always decked out in bright emeralds and canary yellows, flashy prints and sparkling gems. She layers, she wraps, she coordinates and pairs. Every outfit could be featured in a fashion magazine – and should. There are several blogs dedicated just to Mindy’s costumes on the show. If you’ve never heard of The Mindy Project, alter your evening plans so you can start watching it, now. You weren’t going to start your homework until midnight, anyway. Everyone needs a some laughs, a little fashion inspo and a lot of Mindy.
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WHICH CELEBS SHOULD RUN IN THE NEXT ELECTION? KELSEY GOSDIN
Alpha Omicron Pi Kelsey is a junior studying public relations. You may contact her at Kgosdin@ou.edu.
Ders from Workaholics This Comedy Central icon could be the next political superstar to take the stage. Anders Holmvik is the unspoken leader of the threesome that makes up the Workaholics. With his constantly professional demeanor, drinking and questionable drug problem, Ders would have no problem fitting in with some of the politicians in Washington. His love of practical jokes and fabulous hair would set him apart from the other candidates. Miley Cyrus Continuing President Obama’s theme of change, Miley could win the liberal vote in no time. Her can-do attitude would also win the hearts of voters. After all, she can’t stop and she won’t stop.
In every president’s term, they have to learn what it is like to be hated. LeBron already has this down pat. As one of the most hated players in the NBA, LeBron knows how to make tough decisions without worrying what the majority of the public (especially Cleveland) may think of him. Kanye West With his stellar public speaking skills, Kanye could win over millions in his presidential race and leave them speechless. He could also put to rest the myth that Americans know nothing about geography. Have you met his daughter? Patrick Dempsey Patrick’s good looks and charm would do wonders with foreign diplomats and, as an actor, Patrick has tons of experience pretending to be someone he isn’t, like some politicians. Olivia Pope As a fixer, Olivia could do wonders to fix our country. Because of her previous family issues and affairs with married men, she definitely would have no problem keeping political secrets.
give her an edge against the competition. After all, who doesn’t love pizza loyalty discounts? Elsa from Frozen Elsa would be all business. They’d never see her cry. She could also make peace between any nations. Let it go, let it go! she would sing. Spongebob Spongebob has all the makings of a fantastic president. He has loyalty, an incredible work ethic, the ability to keep secrets and loves to make friends. Additionally, after working at minimum wage for over a decade, he knows what it is like to be a member of the middle class. Ricky Bobby If you ain’t first, you’re last! Ricky would keep this American attitude of,alive and well. As a winning race car driver, Ricky has experience in the spotlight and would change the pledge of allegiance from “One nation, under God,” to “One nation, under Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ‘bout shapes and colors, with liberty and justice for the winners.”
Flo from Progressive Insurance While Republicans probably wouldn’t listen to her ideas about insurance, Flo has campaign experience that would
THREE POPULAR SONGS THAT HAVE OVERSTAYED THEIR WELCOME KATHERINE HARRIS Alpha Gamma Delta
Katherine is a sophomore studying international studies. You may contact her at email@example.com. Most kids growing up want to be president at some point in their lives. It usually falls right between the astronaut and the firefighter. So, what’s stopping you from making these childhood dreams a reality? Nothing! Just follow these simple steps and you’ll be there in no time. Scandal Not the TV show (although you might as well give in and watch it, already), but an actual scandal. No good president ever got anywhere without creating one. Do you know anything at all about James Garfield? Probably not (he was our 20th president). Do you remember Richard Nixon? Again, probably not. Nixon might have had to leave office, but his name went on the books and in every every form of media, ever. Be a Nixon, not a Garfield. Sex Scandal Why settle for just any old scandal when yours could involve the scandal that would bring your name to the spotlight faster than you can say, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” That’s right, nothing will make
you more famous than a Monica hanging out around the Oval office. Who remembers the men who were faithful to their wives and good husbands? We’ll never forget Clinton, though. Drugs or Alcohol Bringing up the past is sometimes hard. But it’s harder if you have something to be ashamed about. Every great president got himself into some kind of trouble in his younger years. Sure, stealing a car will get you some infamy, but it will also land you in jail. 43 and Barry O. became that much more infamous because of their hard pasts. We could relate to them and then they were that much cooler. Not only that, they owned up to their past and weren’t ashamed. That’s the kind of president we need in office. We’re Americans, we’re not ashamed of anything. Be Rich Let’s face it, no one wants you to run our country if you’ve declared bankruptcy more than once in your life. The American people are probably not going to trust you (sorry, Donald Trump). At the same time, Americans hate entitled people. So you need to tread the line lightly. You can’t flaunt your richness, but not having money means that you’re basically out as a presidential candidate. Let’s face the facts, presidential races are a spending game and if you don’t have the money, don’t even bother entering the race. Make Sure Your Approval Rating Steadily Drops If there is one thing that happens to every president, it’s
the moment his approval rating drops (usually below 30 percent). It’s the only way to really know you’re doing your job correctly. At some point, you have to do something really unpopular and make sure the American people loathe you. For your sake, though, make sure it’s something they’ll regret later. Pull a 41 and raise taxes against the American people’s desires and be the primary reason your successor has a balanced budget in his presidential term. Of course, then he’ll get most of the credit, but you served your country well. You only got one term, but then he (Clinton) created the biggest sex scandal in presidential history. Best way to prove you should never vote a Bush out of office. Watch House Of Cards If you haven’t already caught on with this trend, what are you doing with your life? It’s unacceptable. The only way to redeem yourself is to skip all your obligations, stay home for two weeks and binge Netflix on this show. You can disregard the entire rest of this article, but do not disregard this. This is the most important thing you will ever do in your college career. Watch Frank Underwood and do everything that he does… politically, at least. His personal life is a freak show. If you can be a politician like Frank Underwood, I’m pretty sure you can easily rule the world. Sure, most people will hate you, but you’re president so do you really care? So, there you have it. This is a step by step guide to your race to the White House. Remember, we’re counting on you to be the first president from Oklahoma. Make DBo proud and be sure to give me credit in your inaugural speech.
@tbhnoonecares: u don’t look ike 200 likes in person.
Houses can you count from Florida to Texas.
@sarahbward: you’re always on your phone” well you’re always on my nerves.
@davesnortski: Jay-Z/Beyonce 10 out of 10 would marry again.
@oliviamariaaa: Just watched a guy stop and caress the purple flowers on the trees. Goodbye.
@OUrobertson: Rain does not deter me from wearing Chacos-- it merely strengthens my resolve to do so. #strapitup.
@tylerbock_: Forever pushing on doors that say pull. @rachelpage_: Calling my Dad tomorrow and telling him I got a boyfriend #AprilFools. @_amburguesa: Also, I humbly apologize for my overuse of the word literally. @gckoch: If you don’t even have a car you should probably definitely not have a baby.
@amberjmorrow: finally saw Frozen today & it definitely changed my life. @haley_polk: Not even phased that I just poured hot soup all over myself because everything about today sucks. @LesAsamoah: Contrary to popular opinion, Sig Ep does not hold chapter at Syrup. It’s actually at Second Wind.
@morgan_sneed: Do you wanna share orrrrr nahhh??
@hcrabtree2: I just want pudding and back rubs someone help.
@Paulinapie: Lol everyone’s talking about their boy probs in this group and I’m like oh hey, I bought a sweater yesterday.
@MikeArmendariz_: Never. Under any circumstance. Come between a girl and her queso.
@ohbryce: So Fuzzy’s. Such hunger. Very taco. Wow digest. Amaze.
@andyvaz: “Mother Vazquez has me stocked on some serious amount of tamales so everyone come over and feast.
@TaylorLosa12: Let’s play a game called how many Waffle
@CollegeStudent: Not sure if I’m poor… or everything is expensive. @CollegeStudent: College: where you have absolutely nothing to do for a month and then all of the sudden you have 4 exams and 2 papers due in one week. @Zachbraff: That Pharell hat must be stopped. @hollymowell: I’m a rational person until it comes to picking a cart at Target. So help me God I will NOT take one with a receipt in it already. No. Way. @_SHMINDIA_: 2048 is taking over my life. @ChanneyStanney: So over this semester.
AIMEE SCHNEBECK Delta Gamma
Aimee is a freshman studying broadcast journalism. You may contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
TALES FROM THE LIQUOR STORE: FINAL DESTINATION BEER EXPLOSIONS CLAY TUCKER
Sigma Alpha Epsilon Clay is a senior studying sociology. You may contact him at email@example.com.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the final edition of the Tales From The Liquor Store series. It’s been a long and crazy ride, but here we are, and I’ve saved the best for last. As I was planning this article, I was wondering which liquor store story I should use for the finale. There were a ton of ways I could go with this and I almost decided on a story about having to throw some scumbags out of the store. But the liquor gods intervened and blessed me with the most entertaining and most dangerous experience I’ve had at the liquor store to date – exploding beer bottles. It’s a lazy Friday afternoon and business, for some odd reason, is a little slower than usual. As I made my way to the back room to grab a timesheet, I
noticed that the floor was flooded with beer. Some of the boxes that contained a type of pumpkin beer had soaked through. So, I figured maybe someone had bumped into the box and accidentally broken a couple of bottles inside. I was wrong, oh so wrong. I called my coworker to help me clean up the mess and move everything outside. As we placed the soaked cardboard box into a trash bag, we heard a loud, sharp pop. A glass shard shot out of the cardboard and through the trash bag like a bullet. Beer foam went everywhere. My coworker and I looked at each other in disbelief – there’s no way this was happening. We hurried the beer boxes outside and that’s when stuff got real. These beer bottles started exploding like glass grenades, beer foam and glass shards flying everywhere. It looked like a scene from an alcoholic’s Saving Private Ryan. My coworker and I got back to what we thought was a safe distance, but when it comes to Pumpkin beers’plosions, there is no safe distance. One particularly pressurized bottle went off and a shard sliced my left forearm. This is true.
About 10 more bottles went off and the explosions started to peter out. My coworker and I assessed the damage. Only one injury, but there was glass everywhere, in the side parking lot, the front parking lot (shot over the building), inside my truck bed and even in the apartment complex next door. The boss told us to clean up and somehow I got stuck with I.E.D. work. That’s right, I had to pop the remaining bottles so that instead of blowing up in our hands, they do it three feet away. I’m a smart guy, so I grabbed a small trashcan and a broom to use in my beer bomb diffusing efforts. I felt like the guy from Hurt Locker. Oh wait, there’s got to be a good pun for this… Hop Locker? Hurt Lager? Nice. I used the trashcan as a type of blast shield and the broom as something to beat the beer bottles with until they exploded right next to me. Not the smartest thing I’ve ever done, but easily one of the most fun. Don’t believe this happened? Go to this link to watch the videos of some rogue bottles going off an hour later. You’re welcome. https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=q