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WHOLE WELLNESS... MIND, BODY, & SPIRIT
Proud Community Partner with
omestic Violence Awareness Month evolved from the â€œDay of Unityâ€? in October 1981; conceived by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The intent was to connect advocates across the nations who were working to end violence against women and their children. The day of Unity soon became an entire week devoted to a range of activities conducted at the local, state, and national levels. In October 1987, the ÂżUVW 'RPHVWLF 9LROHQFH $ZDUHQHVV 0RQWK ZDV REVHUYHG 7KDW VDPH \HDUPDUNVWKHLQLWLDWLRQRIWKHÂżUVWQDWLRQDOGRPHVWLFYLROHQFHWROOIUHH KRWOLQH,QWKH86&RQJUHVVSDVVHG3XEOLF/DZGHVLJQDWLQJ October of that year as; National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Mourning those who have died due to domestic violence, celebrating those who have survived, and connecting with those who work to end domestic violence. Several facts and statistics regarding domestic violence need to be exposed to our legislators, and the general public. Included is the fact that; 40% of women in California experience physical abuse from their intimate partner during their lifetime, and three (3) women are killed daily by their current or former partner in the United States of America. 0RVWRIRXUOHJLVODWRUVMXGJHVODZHQIRUFHPHQWRIÂżFLDOVWKHSXEOLFLQ general do not understand, nor are aware, of the â€œDomestic Violence Syndromeâ€? as well as many of us who have survived this violent behavior, that we have endured in our past.
3) Why do some abused women refuse to â€œpress chargesâ€?, against their abuser? Mostly because of the above reasons, EHVLGHVQRWKDYLQJPXFKFRQÂżGHQFHLQVRPHFRXUWV\VWHPV that do not understand the Domestic Violence Syndrome, who give more credence to the maleâ€™s views. After which the woman feels very â€œtrappedâ€?, and more susceptible to further and a worse form of abuse, and even death! $PDMRUVXJJHVWLRQIRU-XGJHVOHJLVODWRUVDQGODZHQIRUFHPHQWRIÂżFLDOV is to achieve further training in the Domestic Violence Syndrome, sensitivity training in womenâ€™s issues, and their rights. Educate abused women on the many agencies and services available to them, and to pursue the enforcement of restraining orders to the fullest! Family Court Judges should be held accountable for making decisions that protect children, rather than placing them at further risk of abuse. Since bullying usually takes place in our school systems; it is suggested WKDWVFKRROGLVWULFWRIÂżFLDOVHVWDEOLVKÂłEXOO\SXOSLWHGXFDWLRQSURJUDPVÂ´ taught by knowledgeable teachers and instructors to students, teachers, administrators and staffs.
â€œTHE HEALTHIER A PERSON IS---THE MORE HE OR SHE IS ABLE TO EXERCISE CHOICE---RATHER THAN COMPULSION.â€?
There are several questions that need to be answered, explained, and some suggested solutions:
1) Why do women who are repeatedly beaten and assaulted still remain with their batterer? Because in most instances, they are fully convinced that they are being treated this way due to how much they have â€œdisappointedâ€? their bat terer, or believe it is all their fault, and they deserve to be â€œpunished.â€? After suffering beatings and physical or mental abuse, why after leaving does the woman return to their abuser? Some women again; feel it is their fault, having caused this abuse, and are convinced this is all due because their abuser â€œloves them so muchâ€? has had his â€œfeelings hurtâ€?, due to their con tinual arguing, disagreeing with him, and have not shown
INSPIRING WHOLE WELLNESSâ€Ś. MIND, BODY, & SPIRIT Published by the Daily Press 3DUN$YHQXH9LFWRUYLOOH&DOLI Â‹'DLO\3UHVV Publisher: Al Frattura (GLWRU5HJLQD:HDWKHUVSRRQ%HOO Page Design & Layout: Susan Brodeur Cover Design: Susan Brodeur
Margaret A. Diaz
love or concern for him. Those who have small children especially feel they cannot survive without him in several ways. Some women eventually lose their self esteem, self FRQÂżGHQFHDQGGRQRWIHHOVDIHQRUVHFXUHZLWKRXWKLP
Message from â€œA Better Wayâ€? Executive Director
Our Mission Statement “To advocate for and assist victims of domestic violence and their children by providing shelter, programs, opportunity and education; to contribute to social change through intervention, prevention, education and community awareness.”
Our History @ejg`i`e^N_fc\N\cce\jj%%%D`e[#9f[p#Xe[Jg`i`ksN\[e\j[Xp#FZkfY\i)*#)'(*
Victor Valley Domestic Violence/”A Better Way” was established in 1988 and twenty-three years later our services are still a vital and immediate need to the High Desert. We have expanded our services from being a 24/7 emergency hotline to providing temporary, transitional and permanent housing. We provide Advocacy, Peer Support and Life Skills programs and recently we added to our program roster a 12-week Job/ Career Preparedness class. “A Better Way” was established in 1988 by concerned residents of the Victor Valley. They believed that no woman or child should have to live with violence, and sought to help those who were suffering here in our community. The founders worked to establish a Board of Directors that would have the skills, beliefs, and conviction to see the project through to the end. In 1991, with very limited funds, the Board was able to establish a 24-hour hotline. They recruited volunteers who provided victims with referrals and support, and with the help of the community, were able to provide emergency hotel vouchers to the families in greatest danger. Margaret Diaz has been recognized as the original founder of “A Better Way” Shelter. It was her vision and determination that inspired others to help create the organization. She herself was a victim of domestic violence for 16 years. In 1993, she escaped from her abusive husband in Oklahoma, and began a new life in Victorville. To obtain her freedom, she was forced to leave behind her home and family. Margaret believes that no woman should have to leave her home to escape from abuse as she did. She would like to see a day when perpetrators are the ones who must leave their homes for jail cells, rather than victims who commonly must exchange abuse for homelessness and poverty. Today, “A Better Way” Shelter has become a valuable resource to victims in the Victor Valley. We now operate a 26 bed shelter, transitional housing, outreach educational classes, and servicing over 1,500 clients per year, providing them with a multi-service program based on the original philosophy of the agency’s founders. Women and children can live violence free lives, and our shelter will continue to show victims “A Better Way!”
To date approximately 21,199 to date have been served by “A Better Way.” For the Fiscal Year 2012-2013 we have provided the following services: % % % % %
2,417 Hotline calls were received 136 women were served in the emergency shelter. 258 children were served in the emergency shelter. Clients received 5,826 shelter nights in shelter. 29 women were served with transitional housing.
% 55 children were served with transitional housing. % 13,335 nights of transitional housing were provided. % 971 outreach clients received Life Skills, Victim Impact and/or Peer Support % Each class is held weekly with an average of 24 clients per session. Classes are offered year round 48/weeks annually each for Life Skills, Victim Impact & Peer Support. % 219 outreach children were provided 1,299 hours of service. All adults served in the emergency shelter and transitional housing are female. We had no men seeking shelter these past 2 years. Out of the 971 outreach clients that attended our classes 47 were men.
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. ,WWDNHVIRUHYHUWR¿QGDZD\RXW I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. I walk down the same street There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in it’s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. I walk down another street. by Portia Nelson
“A Better Way” 24 Hour Hotline (760) 955-8723
High school years are a time when teens are making friends, meeting new people, getting to know themselves, exploring new things and setting new goals for the future. For some this includes dating and being involved in relationships. 1RWDOOUHODWLRQVKLSVDUHKHDOWK\WKHUHDOLW\LVPDQ\WHHQVÂżQGWKHPVHOYHVLQ relationships that are abusive and sometimes even fatal. According to a report by the Bureau of Justice, women between the ages of 16-24 experience the highest per capita rates of intimate violence. :KHQWHHQVÂżQGWKHPVHOYHVLQDUHODWLRQVKLSWKDWLVDEXVLYHWKH\GRQÂśWDOZD\V know where to turn or who to talk to, they will keep the abuse hidden and blame themselves. Teens both male and female may choose to say nothing because they may still love and want to stay with their partner. They may believe their partner didnâ€™t mean to â€œhurt themâ€? and is truly sorry. Often they fear how their parents will respond. Some are ashamed or embarrassed, and donâ€™t even want their friends to know about whatâ€™s happening. They often will change their behavior, stop hanging out and doing the things they normally enjoy. They may spend all their time with their partner. Many teens believe jealousy is a sign of love and their partner uses that to control them. Teens in abusive relationships can feel stuck and may try to end the relationship EXWZLWKRXWVXFFHVVDQGÂżQGWKHPVHOYHVJLYLQJLQWRWKHLUSDUWQHUVSURPLVHVWR change. For most teens the relationship started out healthy. It is important for teens and their parents to be aware of warning signs of an abusive person, and for parents to talk to their teens about healthy relationships. While it is clear that abuse is unhealthy and the relationship shouldnâ€™t continue, ending the relationship can be dangerous. Teens and parents need to take into account any threats to harm self or others or any past use of violence. It is LPSRUWDQWWRVHHNSURIHVVLRQDOKHOSWRKHOS\RXÂżJXUHRXWZKDW\RXFDQGR and to stay safe. A Better Way Domestic Violence Shelter and Outreach program has been going into schools for several years addressing this issue. Weâ€™ve found when talking WRWHHQVZKHWKHULWLVDERXWYHUEDOHPRWLRQDORUVH[XDODEXVHVRPHWHHQVÂżQG those types of behavior normal within relationships. Our classes have provided students with the skills to cope and avoid abusive situations along with insight into their own behavior and the steps to change that in a positive manner. Unfortunately due to funding and budget cuts the schools no longer include our program for their students on a regular basis. Now, â€œA Better Wayâ€? goes to schools by special request and invitation only. Other ways our agency promotes awareness of teen violent relationships is through an annual poster contest, and providing information and/or presentations during February, which is National Awareness Month for â€œTeen Dating Violence.â€?
â€œA Better Wayâ€? 24 Hour Hotline (760) 955-8723
Tips for Parents When your teen is being hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend:
â€˘ Listen and donâ€™t judge. Donâ€™t punish. If your teen believes she/he will be listened to and not yelled at or given ultimatums, she/he will be more likely to be honest with you and let you help. â€˘ Donâ€™t blame your teen. Violence is always the choice of the abuser, but the abuser may have your teen convinced she/he â€œbrings it onâ€? or does something to deserve it. Let your child know she/he does not deserve to be abused. Donâ€™t ask blaming questions like â€œWhat did you do to make him hit you or â€œWhy do you let this happen?â€? â€˘ Donâ€™t put your teen down. She/he has been put down enough by the abuser. Donâ€™t give your teen the message that you think she/he is stupid or senseless for being in this relationship. Instead, talk about your childâ€™s strength and focus on positive behavior. Â‡7DNH\RXUWHHQÂśVIHHOLQJVVHULRXVO\5HPHPEHU\RXUÂżUVWORYH"&RXOGDQ\RQHKDYH told you it wasnâ€™t really love? Acknowledge that your teenâ€™s feelings about his/her partner, both the good and the bad, are real. Donâ€™t tell your teen she/he doesnâ€™t love the partner or expect your teen to just get over the partner, because itâ€™s not that simple. It is possible to love someone who hurts you. â€˘ Donâ€™t get into a power struggle by forbidding your teen to see the partner. If you do this, your teen will probably go behind your back, and then she/he will not be able to come to you when she/he really needs help! You will also set yourself up as the â€œbad guyâ€? and play right into the abuserâ€™s hands by making it seem like you are the enemy and the abuser is the good one. If you can offer patient support, your teen will be much more likely to come to the decision to end the relationship on his/her own, and learn how to have healthier relationships in the future. â€˘ Help your teen plan a safe way to see his/her partner. For example, allow then to spend private time together in your home, where you are within ear shot but not in the room. Help develop a safety plan so she/he knows what to do under different circumstances if it gets violent. Tell your teen you will pick her/him up any time, s/he feels unsafe, without punishing. â€˘ Allow your teen as much control as possible. Empower your teen to make healthy GHFLVLRQV2EYLRXVO\VDIHLV\RXUÂżUVWSULRULW\EXWLWLVLPSRUWDQWWRDOORZ\RXUWHHQ to make hi/her own decisions whenever it is safe to do so. The abuser has taken away your teenâ€™s power and control, and if you do the same, it may make matter worse. Â‡5HDVVXUH\RXUWHHQRI\RXUORYHDQGFRQFHUQDQG\RXUZLVKWRKHOSGRZKDWÂśVEHVW for him or her. Â‡&DOODGRPHVWLFYLROHQFHDJHQF\RUKRWOLQH<RXFDQJHWLQIRUPDWLRQDERXWUHODWLRQVKLS abuse, advice on how to help your child, and support for yourself to deal with your own anger and frustration. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799SAFE. They can give you referrals for agencies in your area. â€˘ Get your teen into counseling, preferably with an agency or counselor who specializes in domestic violence and teen relationships abuse. Even if she/he ends the relationship, it will take time and work to repair the emotional damage that has been done by the abuse. Counseling will also help your teen learn how to avoid abusive relationships in the future. Â‡'RQRWWKUHDWHQYLROHQFHDJDLQVWWKHDEXVHU7KLVMXVWUHLQIRUFHVWKHLGHDWKDWSUREOHPV can be solved with violence. It itâ€™s okay for you, then itâ€™s okay for them. Instead, let your teen and his/her partner know that you will call the police if you ever witness violence. Â‡,IWKHDEXVHUJRHVWRWKHVDPHVFKRROKHOS\RXUWHHQÂżJXUHRXWZKRDWWKHVFKRROVKH he can talk to and make a part of the safety plan. â€˘ If your teen breaks up with the abuser, be aware that the break-up period is the most dangerous time. Ask your local domestic violence agency about how to get ad order of protection.
â€œA Better Wayâ€? 24 Hour Hotline (760) 955-8723
by Anita Gomez
Teen Dating Awareness
Suzanne Oliver President
Board of Directors
Danielle Boldt Director Claudia M. Atkinson Director
Benn Johnston Director
Julia Chambers Director
How YOU Can Help Us!
Due to severe federal and state budget cuts our ability to meet the needs of our clients has been drastically impacted. While we continue to stretch and creatively use our resources we need your help. You can help us in the following ways: â€˘ Financial contributions â€˘ Volunteers â€˘ Join our â€œAdoptâ€? A Project Program â€˘ Donations of New & Gently Used Clothes, Books & Toys â€˘ Host a Fundraiser â€˘ Matching Funds Program CONTACT US ~ Donate & Volunteer TODAY! A Better Way Domestic Violence Shelter & Outreach Program 0DLQ2IÂżFH 3RVW2IÂżFH%R[9LFWRUYLOOH&$ www.abetterwaydomesticviolence.org
â€œA Better Wayâ€? 24 Hour Hotline (760) 955-8723
Yolanda Carlos Vice President
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Frances Flowers Director
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Susie Wilson Director
G8><. Thank you for supporting the Todayâ€™s Woman Foundationâ€™s new broader vision to better serve the women of the High Desert. Our vision and goal is to provide outreach throughout the year consisting of health screenings, womenâ€™s wellness FODVVHVDQGLQFUHDVLQJWKHQXPEHURIÂżQDQFLDODZDUGVDQGDVVLVWDQFHWRZRPHQ seeking to further their education in addition to those facing a serious healthcare challenge. Because of your support we will bring that education, opportunity and awareness to the public through the Todayâ€™s Woman Foundation Experience, a public information and health services fair providing resources, screenings, information, education, guest presentations (local Physicians, Personalities) and FREE Mammography vouchers. Through the Todayâ€™s Woman Experience attendees will have access to healthcare professionals, free health screenings, resources and whole health (mind, body and spirit) information.
WHOLE WELLNESS... MIND, BODY, & SPIRIT
“Building A Legacy”
he Today’s Woman Foundation has partnered with the American Cancer Society and donated to it over $48K designated to support the needs of cancer patients in the High Desert.
Since 2000 we annually present the Today’s Woman Expo and to date it is the largest women’s health expo featuring free health screenings, whole health information, vendors, and Celebrity Keynote Guest Speaker in the High Desert. Through the Expo we have been able to provide over 7,000 free health screenings including digital mammography screenings and breast exams. Early Detection and Intervention being the result for approximately 100 women that have taken advantage of the free health screenings over the past ten years. We feature professional guest speakers and presentations during the Expo that provide attendees education on health and lifestyle issues and trends. Our “Girl Talk” presentations focus on three core categories, 1.) Women’s Health, 2.) Finance 3.)Business/Entrepreneurship. We spotlight over 100 businesses as vendors, approximately 50% of which are women-owned. Our Keynote speakers have included, Suzanne Somers, Vicki Lawrence, the late Dixie Carter, Marcia Wallace, Barbara Eden and Diahann Carroll.
In 2009 we partnered with the American Heart Association to provide education about heart disease, and created a “Know Your Number” PSA radio campaign featuring local citizens, which still can be heard on Y102 DQGLWVDI¿OLDWHVWDWLRQV7KH7RGD\¶V:RPDQ)RXQGDWLRQDQG$%HWWHU:D\ Domestic Violence formed a 17- week Job & Career preparedness program, which gives the participant’s encouragement, resources and avenues to build and re-build their lives and careers successfully. Program participants also receive presentations by a variety of business and industry professionals and gain interview experience by a panel of top level professionals conducting mock interviews.
Today’s Woman Foundation Mission Statement
Since the formation of The Daily Press “Inspiring Women” project Today’s Woman partnered to honor over 100 local women for their inspiration and commitment to their cause and community service. In 2007 Today’s Woman Foundation established an Annual Award ($1,000) that provides HPSRZHUPHQW DQG ¿QDQFLDO VXSSRUW DOORZLQJ WKH UHFLSLHQW WR PHHW KHU medical or health challenges with courage and dignity. In 2011 we were able to increase the annual award to $1,500 and establish the Anna Sugi Endowment which also is an annual cash award of $1,500 awarded to a woman in support of furthering her education. To date we have awarded eleven women.
Empower Today’s Woman through the delivery of resources to enhance body, mind and spirit.
Ours is a legacy built on empowerment, enhancement & enrichment of the whole health (mind, body & spirit) of Today’s Woman.
BOARD OF DIRECTORS Carolina Barajas President
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!"#$%&'!())*+',%-*.$"#'!"%)*/#*'01'2*$$*&'3(+4'2%(&5'%6',"&*#$%&.'(/5'7$(66'8%9)5')":*'$%'&*#%;/"<*'%9&' !"#$%#&%'()#*+$,--&%(.(!+""#&,-&%/ During our fiscal year 2012-2013 clients received 5,826 nights in shelter, we served 136 women and 258 children in the emergency shelter. 29 women and 55 children were served with transitional housing. 13,335 nights of transitional housing was provided. We served 2,417 Hotline calls. 971 outreach clients received Life Skills, Victim Impact and/or Peer Support and 219 outreach children were provided 1,299 hours of service. Since 1988 we have provided services to approximately 21,199. 01234(5678 Jo Anne Amador American GI Forum-Veterans Ameri-Mutual Services Angel Tree with Marylyn & SVL Anytime Fitness-Victorville Apple Valley Communications Assistance League of Victorville Assisteens Bath & Body Works-Victorville Regina Weatherspoon-Bell Beta Sigma XI PHI IOTA Chapter Blaze Out Extinguisher Company Dora Burdue Caldwell, Kennedy & Porter Choice Medical Group Church of Jesus Latter Day Green Tree Ward Church of the Valley-Apple Valley City of Hesperia City of Victorville Daily Press Desert Communities United Way Desert Community Bank Eagle Community Church Steve Elliot Emmanuel Temple Church Gabby Enriquez-Knots for Love Fairway Insurance Diane M & Stephan Flannery Alejandro & Lori Flores Phyllis Fox Girl Scouts-Apple Valley Granite Hills High School Key Club Hair Precinct Elaine Hall Hawthorne Inn & Suites-Victorville
2013 Volunteers Shear Realty Donna & Robert Hicks Dr. Helena Johnson Silver Lakes Country Club High Desert Center for Spiritual Living Suzanne Oliver June A. Sizemore Home Depot-Bear Valley Rd Karen Morga Julie Adkins Smith Chiqinta Homes Susie Wilson Soroptimist of Apple Valley KM Houghton Danielle Boldt Spring Valley Country Club Members Alys M Husel Francis Flowers St Mary’s Hospital, St. Joseph Dawn Husel Yolanda Carlos Healthcare System Harold R Husel Julia Chambers St Timthy’s Episcopal Church ,&56WDI¿QJ Claudia Atkinson Target Stores Indian Women’s Assoc-Apple Valley Ben Johnston The Community Foundation 100.7 Kat Country Laura Whitehead TJX-Marshall’s Hesperia Lions Club-Spring Valley Lake Patricia Ritschel Timberline Lions-Wrightwood Frank & Joan Lopez Joanie Peirce Town of Apple Valley Supervisor Robert Lovingood & Staff Maxine Reese Trinity Lutheran Church Lowe’s-Apple Valley Rose Marie Urena Victoria’s Secret- Victorville Guadalupe Lyva Mary Spitzer Victorville Chamber of Commerce Mary Kay-Andrea Tober Marilyn Raymond Joyce Wood Tadha Menon, MD Tim Abderson Victor Valley Church of Christ Molly Maid Coleen Quinn Victor Valley Women’s Club Robert & Sharon Morgan Colleen Hunt Victor Valley Women’s Organization Mojave Institute of the Arts Caroll Yule Wal-Mart-Victorville Dr. Nirmala Murthy & the Art of Living Andrea Willow Peggy Watts National Council of Negro WomenAnita Jenssen Y102-Coleen Quinn High Desert Chapter Minister Chevy Bess Corey Yostin Dwight Norris LaShonda Anderson Yucca Rebekah Lodge #379 Mary Padma Adriana Chavez Print Mart Dr. Nirmala Murthy Sandra Rings Diedre Trujillo Samaritan’s Helping Hands Sandy Duetfch San Bernardino County Sheriff’s LuAnn Baum Gift of Love Program !"#"#$"!%&'()*+,-.&/-(0*1.*&2+&3&!"#$%&'%()*+,*-./*01222222 Margie Simpson San Bernardino County Probation 9:(1#+&(1#,*;$-<(=>?@A(BCCDE>9F 6GG;H-<(=>?@A(BCCDE@I@Kathie Stoddard Victorville Day Reporting Center Laura Bolowich San BernardinoJJJ/KL-,,-&JKMN#O-%,;HP;#*-$H-/#&Q County St. Timothy’s Church Superintendent of Schools Jessica Oliveras San Manuel Band of Indians
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