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10 tips

TO HELP YOU BALANCE YOUR LIFE

Do you have THE TRAITS FOR SUCCESS?

FEATURE STORY

Can Heaven Help Us Have It All? +

6 signs

THAT YOU MAY HAVE FOUND MR. RIGHT

Balancing YIN AND YANG IN YOUR DIET

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Editor-in-Chief, Annette Johnson Managing Editor, Morgan Hufstader Fashion & Beauty Editor, Renee Knorr Editorial Consultant, Wayne Carely Design Director, Joey Shepherd Marketing Director, Veronique Thomas Cover Photography, Aaron Faulkner Contributors: Teah Dowling Amelia Gagu Harris Katrina Holt Andrea Jurjević Tamara King Lorii Myers Linda Prout Kim Snyder David Stack Laurie and Alex Steelsmith Customer Service For subscription service or change of address, including email, contact info@hersmagazine.net or write to P.O. Box 1071, Atlanta, GA 30301 Hers (ISSN 2372-3785) is published six per year by Allwrite Communications, 241 Peachtree Street NE, Suite 400, Atlanta, GA 30303, 404-221-0703

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July/August

CONTENTS F E AT U R E S 6 A Good Fit?

Like quality shoes, quality friendships can be repaired if anything should come against it causing damage. Footwear plays a large role in the development of foot and toe problems.

HER HEART 12 Children & Pets How is the relationship altered when either the child or animal deviates from the developmental norm?

11 Working Moms Guide The act of balancing work life with family life.

HER FLAVOR 22 Interview with fashion designer Natasha D. Harvey Natasha featured her Violetrose78 line at this year’s 4th Annual Beach Bling Spring Summer Heat Explosion

18 Balancing Yin and Yang in your diet From the Chinese viewpoint, a healthy diet is all about the balance of opposites.

16 Easy Make-up tips for women in their forties. Everyone turns forty years old sooner or later, but age does not have to hamper your style

H E R H E A LT H 37 Praying in season Description information about article or snippet.

2410 tips to control cravings One of the biggest nutritional mistakes most people make is to reduce consuming fats and increase consuming sugar.


F E AT U R E D ST O RY

HER LESSONS

8 Can Heaven Help Us Have It All?

28 The Stir Fry Lady

She says “you can have it all,” but does she? From all appearances, Dr. Heavenly Kimes does seem to have it all or close to it: happy marriage, stable family, good health, affluent lifestyle, and a successful career.

Jackie Furnia, The Chef who does it all

30 5 steps to increase confidence. Freeing yourself from self-doubt

HER WORK 34 5 Ways to Balance Money and Love Tips for balancing budgets in a marriage

32 The Top 10 Success Traits What does being successful mean to you?

H E R P L AY 36 Best Friends in the Bahamas

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Great tips to help you combat fatigue

ON THE COVER

Win a trip to the Bahamas for you and your best friend

14 6 signs that you may have found Mr.Right

38 How to Make Time for Yourself

How do you know if the guy you’re dealing with is Mr. Right? Is he truly ready to be the man you need him to be or is this relationship doomed to fail?

Reconnect with the things that give you and you alone pleasure in life.

39 Summer Flicks for Every Chick Greatmovies to catch during the summer season

Win a

FREE TRIP from HERS Magazine

Hers magazine is sponsoring a "Best Friend" contest. The two winners (friends) will get a cruise to Nassau, Bahamas during the Miami Fashion Cruise in November 2014. Rules: submit a two-page or less description OR a video link to footage no more than 2 minutes, describing why your friend is the BEST in the world. Will choose random videos to be featured on the website, as well as via social media, so others can see just how special your friendship is. The contest begins on midnight July 1st and ends on midnight July 31st. Send your written description OR video link to submissions@hersmagazine.net

42 Richard’s Litter Novel by “Michael D. Harper”

40 Willie and Esther Bernadette Stanis stage play

44 Lady Gaga Lady Gaga Concert Experience

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A Good Fit?

Eventually you will come to know what type of friend suits your unique lifestyle, subsequently you will begin making decisions to find the right fit As I enter the spacious warehouse, my eyes delightfully dance, skip and run to the various selections encompassing a myriad of sizes, colors, and styles. Some are compatible to casual lifestyles, others exude more sporty looks, yet others possess more sophisticated and sexy looks. Feeling euphoric, I assume finding a good fit would seem like a simple routine with so wide of a selection, however, simplicity is not necessarily the case. After a lot of browsing and what felt like an agonizing process it was difficult to find comfort as well as support things just didn’t quite measure up. The 1977

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old school song by Kellee Patterson popped into my psychic—“If it don’t fit don’t force it just relax and let it go. Just ‘cause that’s how you want it doesn’t mean it will be so.” Having less stability increases chance for a fall. Desiring reliability, balance and a secure fit, I placed the four inch black Guess stilettos back into its decorative box. How has your search been for the perfect fit, the perfect brand? No, not your search for the perfect pump, but pal; a BFF. Friends may come in a variety of personalities, styles and comfortability levels. I equate selecting the right friend to finding the right pair

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of shoes—there is not a one size fits all in this process. Some women have fallen arches and cannot wear heels. Sure, stilettos are appealing however without being able to properly balance, you’re in jeopardy of stumbling and even falling. I’m making this analogy between the process of selecting friends and choosing shoes as a result of a question a local Atlanta radio personality recently posed to his listening audience: “Can (Black) women be friends? Do women really like each other? Initially, I was offended by this question. Intuitively, my hand reached towards and rested upon the knob but never changed the station. Instead, I began to internalize the question. Am I a good friend? Have I been loyal to those I share a deep friendship with? How would I measure up in their eyes? .Due to the barrage of reality TV shows like Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop, and Real House Wives of Atlanta, etc., are these type of programs a true representation of the types of friendships women possess? I say a resounding, no. The shoe-shopping experience can be similar to finding the right BFF. How do you make the right selection? Oftentimes, shoes are divided into different categories based upon particular support requirements that your foot needs. During varying intervals of our lives we may encounter different needs and styles. Just like shoes, the pair must be a natural fit. There are various types of shoes. Women come in various personalities. Friendships are not a one size fits all. Obviously, if you are a southern girl from TX and like cowboy boots—selecting a pair of flipflops are not ideal when you are heading to the stable to saddle and ride a horse. Translation: Sometimes women with differing personalities do not make for a good match. Constant opposition and drama involving something as simple as to where to go to grab a bite to eat or even more critical backstabbing situations like

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spreading rumors this type of friendship may need re-evaluating. Instead look for friendships that offer sufficient support—friends are similar to the arches in our feet acting as both shock absorber and a balancing mechanism so be sure to select someone who will help support you in your dreams and goals. Having a good support system will help maintain your overall health. Similar to finding good quality shoes, you should think about the material the sole is made from. Oftentimes soft-soled shoes are usually softer and comfortable than stiff, inflexible soles. Some very hard soled shoes can scratch or damage floor

surfaces or the loud sounds shoes often times make can be annoying. Do you know people who are always loud and obnoxious, who are rude, disrespectful and causing a scene no matter where they go? When selecting friends ensure the persons have similar values that are align to yours. I’m not advocating searching for mirror images of yourself or seeking out people who only share your religious views. If you are married and believe in the institute of marriage steer clear of women who only date married men. There should be sufficient evidence of someone being able to demonstrate thoughtfulness and kindness towards you and others. Someone who prides herself on being a “B” or delights in being on “Turn Up” mode

24/7 is a big red flag - - eventually she may turn up on you. We interact with people on a daily basis its human nature to develop relationships. Not every person you encounter will be placed in the friend/BFF category. People come and go and enter our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. When we go shoe shopping, as fun as it may be trying on various designers, ultimately if a pair of shoes that look good on our feet, compromises our reliability or even the overall health of our feet, we get rid of them. We should do the same with illfitting relationships. Eventually you will come to know what type of friend suits your unique lifestyle, subsequently you will begin making decisions to find the right fit. I am very pleased with the various styles and selections I have chosen in my friendship closet. My two quality pairs-- my “solemates,” childhood friends, Vanessa Robinson and Yvette Saunders and I have enjoyed 30+ years of wear and tear via our friendship journey and the two have been irreplaceable. Never once have we called one another the “B” word, pulled one another’s hair, flirted/cheated/disrespected one another’s significant others, threw a beverage in one another’s faces or assaulted each other verbally or physically. Like quality shoes, quality friendships can be repaired if anything should come against it causing damage. Footwear plays a large role in the development of foot and toe problems such as bunions, calluses, and corns. Just like ill-fitting shoes, illfitting friendships can be detrimental to both your physical and mental well-being. Similar to the process of finding the right shoes, finding well-fitted friends offers you the best chance of minimizing drama and walking out your life’s journey with plenty of support and an extra bounce in your step. Save yourself the time and trouble go out and find yourself a quality soul.

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+ HER HOME

Can Heaven Help Us Have It All? She says “you can have it all,” but does she? From all appearances, Dr. Heavenly Kimes does seem to have it all or close to it: happy marriage, stable family, good health, affluent lifestyle, and a successful career. The reality TV star of Bravo’s “Married to Medicine” has only been on the show for one season, but already, she is making an impact.

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er impact is not the kind typical of other reality TV vixens who simply shop, eat and battle with each other. She says she’s there to “inspire others,” not merely entertain them. She offers her own unique brand for women aspiring to be better mothers, wives, girlfriends, and career women. In her book, “Dr. Heavenly’s Business Prescriptions,” she breaks down her formula within its 188 pages. The chapters include everything from “cockiness” and” believing negative words,” to “bad work ethic” and “taking advantage of opportunities just because you can.” She is a board certified dentist who, at one point, operated 10 locations. She didn’t stop there. She has launched a string of profitable business ventures, along with her husband, Dr. Damon Kimes. The couple of 15 years met in med school and now have three children: Damon Jr, 15, Zachary, 11, and Alaura, 7. The family lives on a 46-acre estate in Conyers, Georgia. Among the personal things the 43-yearold has had to overcome is her weight, which ballooned to 233 pounds at 5 foot 5 inches. After an unsuccessful weight loss effort using lap band surgery in 2007, she spent nearly the last two years losing 75 pounds by changing her “mindset,” improving her dietary selection, and increasing her physical activity. She now says she’s down to 178 pounds and works out with a trainer. “It’s still hard,” she admits. During an interview with Hers at her new dental practice in Lawrenceville, Georgia, she says she sold all the other locations and will only manage this one while she expands Dr. Heavenly University. Started in 2012, the program is needed she says “because so many dentists came out of school not knowing the

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When I get home, I have to turn my bossiness off and become the wife and mother I need to be. business part of running a practice.” After noticing that other people needed her help, she says, “I opened up Dr. Heavenly University to everybody who wanted to start and run a successful business. And we talk not just about business. We talk about money and savings. We also talk about relationships because at the end of the day, you can run all the businesses in the world, but if you don’t have anyone to share it with it, it means nothing.” Her priorities: “God, my family and then my career.” She set off a firestorm when she said that she believes in being a strong woman outside the home but submissive to her husband at home. “I have to know my place as the wife. I have to be a wife to my husband and allow him to be the man. When I get home, I have to

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turn my bossiness off and become the wife and mother I need to be.” She adds, “It’s actually biblical.” What is the man’s role in the family? “The woman is the caretaker. She takes care of the household. The man is supposed to pray, protect and provide for his family. I think that’s the only way it can work.” Some men who’ve heard her say things like this publicly would like their wives to follow suit, but the women aren’t always in agreement. “They claim I’m causing problems in their relationships,” says Heavenly. “My man is deserving of being treated like a man should be, like the king of the household.” Co-author of the popular book series “Wake Up…Live the Life You Love,” she began her journey to success backwards, with scarcity rather than abundance at the helm. She grew up in Miami, Florida, in an area called Overtown. Even there, she sought to overcome and uplift rather than to succumb to the crime and violence in her neighborhood. Already rather popular in school because of her first name, Heavenly, she’d run for study body president and compete with herself to make good grades. “People just see my success, but they don’t see the struggle and all the mistakes I’ve made,” she contends. “I started Dr. Heavenly University to show the people my mistakes so they don’t have to make the same dumb mistakes.” What’s next for the multi-millionaire? Well, she says she wants to have her own talk show to help people with business and investing money. She also wants “to help people learn how to have a great relationship, not just with your man, but with God as well.” So can women really have it all? “Yes,” she beams proudly, “but it all comes at a price. You have to know your priorities, and you have to balance. Is there really a balance? “No,” she admits, “but you have to know your priorities.”

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H E R FA M I LY

+

A Working ________ Guide to Bonding with Her Child BY AMELIA GAGU HARRIS

One of the hardest accomplishments for a mother in the modern world is the act of balancing work life with family life. “Stay-at-home” moms are quickly becoming “stay-at-home-at-day-and-takea-night-shift” moms. Women are flooding the workforce and often struggle to simultaneously take care of their children. As a teacher, a writer, and a single-mother of six children (four biological, two adopted), I knew first hand the struggles of balancing my career, my passion, and my children. It was not an easy task, but proper time management was the

key to my success. I taught my children responsibility; they had to do their chores, cook, clean, and keep their grades. However, worked kept me busy and I wanted more than to simply take care of my children; I wanted time to play with them and bond with them. One of the most successful tools I used to simultaneously work and spend time with my children was to carry the younger ones in a backpack-style baby carrier. This allowed me to bond with my children and have two have free hands to finish my assignments.

There were many benefits of my baby carrier, but here are ten reasons it was such a success for me: 1. 1 Your child is safe and sound on your back.

1. 4 Fits all body types; it has long padded straps.

1. 2 Your hands are free to do what you need to do, which makes it perfect for working mothers and multiple-children households.

1. 5 Straps designed to go under your shoulders and around your waist, eliminating backache.

1. 3 Made out of soft washable materials, cushioned.

t r a p t s a l e h T y l r a l u c i t r a p is vital. hers-magazine.com

2. 6 Baby’s feet do not dangle. 1. 7 Use blanket for nursing, covering changing station or shopping cart.

1. 8 Use bag for storing baby carrier and blanket, for baby's needs and parent’s keys and cell phones. 1. 9 Use baby carrier for changing baby or at baby changing stations in public bathrooms. 2. 10 You bond with your baby.

As working mothers, it’s easy to organize your day as a set of tasks to be completed. It is important to remember to stop periodically and spend time with your children to love them, play with them, and make memories with them. Amelia Gagu Harris was born, raised, and educated in South Africa. She is a certified school counselor, the author of the

children’s book, “Ants At Work: A Child’s Introduction to Careers,” and the CEO of Babycarrier Washable Backpack LLC. Her goal is to inspire students to choose careers at an early age so that they will be focused on what they would like to do later in life.

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+ HER HOME

How Pet Therapy Can Help Your Child BY ANASTASIA NIKOLSKAYA

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amilies typically adopt a pet at a child’s request, or in the hope that the pet will have an impact on the child’s behavior. Undoubtedly, all parents hope that interaction with a pet will have a positive effect on the child, and the relationship between the child and pet will provide therapeutic benefits. These therapeutic benefits may be psychological, psychotherapeutic, or rehabilitative, leading to increased self-confidence and improved communication skills. Generally, when a child interacts with an animal, the animal usually leaves a positive or neutral impression on the child. However, this positive to neutral impact is typically observed when both child and animal fall within the developmental

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norm. How is the relationship altered when either the child or animal deviates from the developmental norm? First of all, not every pet is capable of acting as a “psychotherapist.” The animal’s capacity depends on both individual and breed characteristics. Most importantly, an animal interacting with a child should have a stable temperament and lack aggression. Unfortunately, if an animal has been abused or mistreated by a human, the animal may react badly to human contact. Furthermore, children tend to be persistence and rough with animals, which trigger fear or aggression even in quiet and non-aggressive animals. Secondly, children, particularly those of preschool age, perceive a pet as a playmate

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and humanize the animal. In such cases, adults must explain the type of behavior typical of the species in a manner that the child can understand. Thirdly, when dealing with children with various forms of personality disorders, we must take into consideration the varying behavioral and psychological characteristics of each child and select animals with the temperament and skills appropriate for communicating with the child. For example, a child suffering from ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) will irritate a passive or calm animal, possibly triggering fear or aggression. Alternatively, a very active animal may trigger anxiety and irritation in a child with autism.

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Interaction with a confident, welladjusted pet can alleviate stress and imbue positive emotions, which help to develop a child’s cognitive activity.

In the case of children suffering from cerebral spastic infantile paralysis and/ or intellectual disabilities, playing with a cat or a dog promotes mobilization of impellent activity, development of motility, and coordination of movements. For example, a dog holds an object in its mouth and gives it to the child. A mature, trained animal will be able to judge when to continue holding the object and when to release the object. In such cases, the dog should be tested in order to determine its level of motivation to fight for status; when dealing with children, the dog should not demonstrate dominant behavior or aggression. Pet therapy is also used in the rehabilitation of children with various types of intellectual disabilities. For

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example, a pet can reduce lethargy and anxiety and help the child achieve some measure of independence. In this case, it is important to take into consideration the temperament of the animal, since an overly calm animal will not stimulate a lethargic child. However, interacting with a pet does more than increase a child’s activity and motor skills. The positive psychological impact that comes from interaction with the animal is the most important aspect of pet therapy. Interaction with a confident, well-adjusted pet can alleviate stress and imbue positive emotions, which help to develop a child’s cognitive activity. Children perceive, remember, compare, analyze, and apply their new experiences to similar situations. Moreover, children

can develop empathy and understanding based on their own experience. However, the animal with which the child communicates cannot guarantee the child’s emotional well-being. The personal characteristics of the child and the animal may be incompatible. To prevent such incompatibility, families should work closely with a psychologist who can make recommendations regarding the type of animal that is most appropriate and likely to result in a “working team." Only through an appropriate pairing will the child develop emotional well-being that will be reflected in an increasingly positive view of himself and the world around him.

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+ H E R R E L AT I O N S H I P

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How do you know if the guy you’re dealing with is Mr. Right? Is he truly ready to be the man you need him to be or is this relationship doomed to fail? It can often be difficult to determine if you have found your Mr. Right and ensure that you are moving forward with the man who is truly best for you.

Signs That You May Have Found Mr. Right

Below are some signs you can factor in that can help make your decision easier.

BY STEPHAN LABOSSIERE

Mr. Right Is Willing to Open Up and Be Honest When a man feels comfortable enough with you to open up and be honest, that is a great indicator that you two may have a genuine connection. Men don’t typically open up easily, and it can be a struggle even with a woman he truly cares about. His ability to open up to you will help nurture great communication and allow you two to properly address any issues that exist.

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Mr. Right Has Learned How to Be Self-Sufficient If he can’t take care of himself, then he can’t take care of you. Being self-sufficient has nothing to do with how much money he has; rather, it’s about his willingness to handle business when needed. Dating a man who is not self-sufficient is like raising a grown boy. If he truly cares about you, then he should want to alleviate some of your burden. If not, say hello to Mr. Wrong.

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Mr. Right Is Protective, Not Possessive Most men are programmed to be protectors and providers. So it is very natural that when a man truly loves a woman he will become very protective of her. It doesn’t mean he is ready to fight every guy that looks at you too long, but he will always look to keep you out of harm’s way. When a man stops you from having a life outside of him, then he is being possessive. Don’t confuse that with love; it is about control, and Mr. Right knows the difference.

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Mr. Right Listens

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The fact that he can talk to you is just one part of the equation. A willingness to listen to you and not dismiss your feelings has to be there as well. A man who does not listen cannot grow and change with you. He won’t be able to get in tune with you won’t happen, and that will lead to plenty of conflict. When a man shows the patience and willingness to listen, that trait is going to be a great asset moving forward in a relationship, and it is a good sign that Mr. Right may be in front of you.

Mr. Right Respects You If a man doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t deserve you. It really is that simple but it gets overlooked far too often. When a man respects a woman, he has the ability to love and care for her the way she needs. He is less likely to betray her or mistreat her. In some cases, this respect is exactly what separates one relationship from the rest. He can give you all the attention in the world, but if you don’t have his respect, then you have nothing at all.

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If your man has each of these traits, it’s a good sign that he might be the one for you. Lastly, there is one more thing he should have; Mr. Right should have a genuine relationship with God. The six signs I mentioned apply across the board, but it is important to keep the spiritual aspect in mind when choosing the man for you. Furthermore, sometimes you can find the right person at the wrong time. People need to grow as individuals and maybe the

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Mr. Right Makes You Smile Smiling is good for you and the man who can make you smile may truly be your Mr. Right. A man who is into you wants to make you happy, and will put in the effort to put a smile on your face. It doesn’t necessarily have to be something specific he did at the moment to make you laugh, his mere presence can give you a boost of positive energy and make your day better. He should have the ability to uplift you and help steer you onto a more positive path.

guy you meet hasn’t reached a point where he is truly ready to be the man he is supposed to be. Ultimately, no matter how many of these signs you see or don’t see, trust your intuition. That can guide you to Mr. Right better than anything your mind can analyze. Be patient, and remember that focusing on building a friendship can help set the stage for you and Mr. Right

Stephan Labossiere is a certified life and relationship coach, speaker, and author of the #1 bestseller, "God Where Is My Boaz," as well as the award winning book, "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband." Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. You can find him at http://www.stephanspeaks. com or on twitter @StephanSpeaks.

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+ HER BEAUTY

Easy Makeup Tips For Women In Thier BY KIM SNYDER

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40’s

veryone turns forty years old sooner or later, but your age does not have to hamper your style.
It’s time women embraced their beauty at any age and learned how to use their makeup kit to their advantage. Here are a few great makeup tips for women in their forties. As with all makeup, you need to start with great skin. Before you start any makeup application, it’s a good idea to cleanse and then moisturize your face. Make sure you moisturize with creams and serums that are rich with retinols, antioxidants, and peptides to help wage war on those tell-all fine lines. Also, before applying foundation, use a silicone rich primer to help create a smoother finish. A little concealer with foundation will help cover up sunspots.

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Just because you hit your forties does not mean you have to stay away from your favorite vivid greens, purples, or pinks when it comes to eye shadow. Instead of giving up completely on your favorite styles, try changing it up a little. Keep the colors you love, but try staying away from any eye shadows that are iridescent because they will accentuate any fine lines that you might have. If you’re feeling a creative, don’t stifle yourself. Instead, start with your makeup primer, then apply a neutral color (browns, beiges, or bone color), then layer over that your favorite bright colors over it. This works great for parties or a girls’ night out. Lastly, don’t forget your eyeliner. Just apply along your lash line then smudge it to help give your lashes a fuller look.

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Be careful with the color of eyeliner you choose; black may look too harsh. Also, don’t forget to curl your lashes before applying your mascara in order to open up your eyes. Just because you have hit your forties doesn’t mean your style has to change. Tone down some colors, drink a lot of water, and learn how to make foundation work for you. Lastly, don’t forget that you are beautiful at any age and you should never be afraid to use makeup to express yourself. Kim Snyder is the owner of Overall Beauty, home of the #1 Eyelash Enhancer for over six years. Join her on Overall Beauty’s Facebook page. Get the latest tips, tricks, and industry trends delivered right to your inbox by signing up for Overall Beauty’s Newsletter. Go Ahead, Pamper Yourself ! Where beauty has a little attitude!

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Hers magazine is sponsoring a

Best Friendcontest

contest. The two winners (friends) will get a cruise to Nassau, Bahamas during the Miami Fashion Cruise in November 2014. Rules: submit a two-page or less description OR a video link to footage no more than 2 minutes, describing why your friend is the BEST in the world. Will choose random videos to be featured on the website, as well as via social media, so others can see just how special your friendship is. Maybe what’s unique or special about your friendship is the way you met or have supported each other and so forth. No matter the tale, which MUST be the truth and ultimately substantiated, we will choose and then announce the winner publically. The contest begins on midnight July 1st and ends on midnight July 31st. Send your written description OR video link to submissions@hersmagazine.net


Balancing

Yin&Y BY DR. LAURIE STEELSMITH AND ALEX STEELSMITH

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f you tend to think about the food you eat in terms of carbohydrates, proteins, fats, calories, vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients, Chinese medicine can offer you a refreshingly different point of view. From the traditional Chinese perspective, there’s another critical dimension to the dietary choices you make every day that is often overlooked by conventional Western medicine. According to principles practiced in China for thousands of years, the kinds of foods you eat can have powerful effects on your chi, or vital force. Your dietary choices are your foundation for creating strong chi, and the basis for your ability to prevent illness. From the Chinese viewpoint, a healthy diet is all about the balance of opposites. Certain foods are classified as “hot” because of their yang properties, while others are considered “cold” on account of their yin qualities. Yang is generally associated with heat, light, and outwardness, and yin with cold, darkness, and inwardness. Since you absorb these qualities from the foods you consume, you can help keep your body healthy by balancing the hot and cold foods in your diet. Maintaining this equilibrium—the right mix of hot and cold—supports your natural ability to ward off illness. The hot and cold properties of foods in Chinese medicine don’t actually correspond to their temperature or to their level of spiciness. The traditional designations of certain foods as hot or cold may seem arbitrary (or at times even counter-intuitive) to Westerners, but they evolved over many generations of careful observation by Chinese medical practitioners on the effects of particular foods on the body’s chi. There are general guidelines for using hot and cold foods to balance your diet—for example, you want to avoid an excessive intake of either—but many people find it to be more of an art than a science. No standardized, precisely quantifiable recommendations apply for everyone. Your dietary needs, and the ways you achieve equilibrium, are likely to be unique to your individual makeup.

Yang

Your Diet hers-magazine.com

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Your Dietary Choices Are Your Foundation For Creating Strong Chi, And The Basis For Your Ability To Prevent Illness. In addition to the categories of hot and cold, Chinese medicine classifies foods that fall somewhere along the spectrum between these two extremes as “warming,” “neutral,” or “cooling.” For instance, a food that isn’t fully hot, but has some hot properties, may be designated as warming. The following are examples of foods found in each of the five traditional categories across the spectrum. Hot: Lamb, trout, soybean oil, ginger, and cayenne. Warming: Walnuts, coconut milk, garlic, coffee, and mustard greens.Neutral: Cabbage, olives, yams, eggs, and beets. Cooling: Swiss chard, spinach, celery, cucumbers, and barley. Cold: Romaine lettuce, asparagus, seaweed, watermelon, and mung bean sprouts. In addition to balancing your health, the hot and cold properties of foods can also be used to treat many common health conditions. For example, cold or cooling foods are often recommended for skin rashes, hot flashes, and

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high blood pressure, and hot or warming foods for muscle aches, fluid retention, depression, and fatigue. In some cases, the same condition may be relieved by either hot or cold foods, depending on the particular symptoms and health status of the individual. Conditions in this category include diabetes, asthma, constipation, arthritis, and heart disease. In each case, a qualified practitioner of traditional Chinese medicine can help determine exactly whether hot or cold foods would be most beneficial. Dr. Laurie Steelsmith is a licensed naturopathic physician and acupuncturist, and coauthor of Great Sex, Naturally and Natural Choices for Women’s Health. A leading spokesperson on the topic of natural medicine, she has appeared on CNN’s HealthWatch and numerous other television and radio programs.For more information, visit: www.DrSteelsmith.com. Alex Steelsmith coauthored Great Sex, Naturally and Natural Choices for Women’s Health, as well as more than 200 articles on health-related topics that have appeared in numerous publications. To learn more, visit www. AlexSteelsmith.com.

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H E R FAS H I O N +

5

T H E AFTERNOON S LU M P

Quick Fixes

Powdered Greens: Hot Green Tea:

Chlorophyll-rich greens mixed into water make an energizing cocktail. Try chlorella, blue green algae or barley green.

A source of slow-release caffeine and other mild stimulants, antioxidants, and cancer-fighting agents. Brew high quality loose leaf teas.

Vitamin C:

A disease-fighting antioxidant, longevity aid and energy booster; try 1-2 grams of powdered sodium ascorbate mixed into a tall glass of water with lemon.

Siberian Ginseng: Breathe:

Take three deep and quick inbreaths. Finish with three full inhalations and three long, slow exhales.

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For restoring vigor, especially when drained from stress, try 1000-2000 mg in capsule form or 1 tsp tincture 2-3 times a day.

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+ H E R FAS H I O N

Interview With Fashion Designer

Natasha D. Harvey VI OL E T ROSE 78

Spring Summer Fashion Heat Explosion Natasha featured her Violetrose78 line at this year’s 4th Annual Beach Bling Spring Summer Heat Explosion at the Georgia World Congress Center. She, along with 12 other designers, including Gayla Rogers, Edward Dillard, Alton E. McCullough, and Imani Alsobrook, showed off summer accessories (handbags) and outfits to wear on a stroll or the beach.

How did your love of fashion start? My love for fashion started when I was 7 years old. I used to sketch on anything I could find until my grandma got me my first sketch pad. As I got older, I started using my mom’s stocking to make doll clothes. The older I got, the stronger my passion just grew, and I didn’t want to do anything else but fashion.

Who has been your fashion inspiration? I’m inspired by strong women like my mom and my Grandma Clara. I love to sketch and create fashion from the older era but with a twist of today’s fashion. I love to create pieces that are bold, daring but still classy.

What was the process as far as you coming up with your designs? When I sketch, I grab my headphones and put on music like Aaliyah and Usher, who are my favorite artists. I can’t really tell you what I’m going to sketch; it just flows when I start.

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H E R FAS H I O N +

Why lingerie and bathing suits? I decided to go with lingerie and swimwear first because I felt strongly that they would open doors for me in this industry. And they have opened doors for me, as I prayed they would.

Who would you like to personally create a design/outfit for? I would love for my Violetrose78 line to be worn by Meagan GoodFranklin, Logan Browning, Toya Wright, Kandi Burruss, Tameeka “Tiny” Harris, LisaRaye McCoy, Nicki Minaj , Mimi Faust, Katy Perry, Iggy, and the list goes on and on.

Do you have plans to expand your line? I plan on expanding my line this fall by finally doing my clothes next. For example, I’ll have dresses, shirts and etc.


+ HER WELLNESS

10 Tips To Control Sugar Cravings BY LINDA PROUT

O

ne of the biggest nutritional mistakes most people make is to reduce consuming fats and increase consuming sugar. In the past 30 years, fat intake in the U.S. has decreased roughly 25%, while sugar intake increased more than 30%. During this time, obesity and diabetes rates have tripled. Cancer, asthma and osteoporosis are also linked with this trend. What most people don’t realize is that the simple act of cutting on sugar out of their lives can virtually erase most of their health problems. The problem, of course, is often sugar cravings, particularly for women. Sweets may feel like addiction. A Princeton Study found that rats that ate sugar suffered withdrawal when the sugar was taken away. Similar brain chemistry is seen in cocaine addicts. It takes more than willpower to break the sugar cycle. Read below for tips to cut sugar cravings.


1.

Cut back on fruits. A big garden salad, full of all those crispy raw carrots, beets, cucumbers, and lettuce is vitamin-rich, but it can rev up a big urge for sugar. Cravings can also result from eating one too many apples. Cooked vegetables, on the other hand, don't have this effect. Chinese medicine explains raw vegetables and fruits are damp and cooling (yin), which is one of the reasons why they taste so good in summer. Sugar is heating (yang). When you overdo the cooling nature of salad and fruit, your body craves the heating nature of sugar. In essence, you are craving yin-yang balance. Raw foodies and vegetarians routinely complain of sugar cravings. A healthy balance between salads and meat/ fish, with plenty of cooked leafy green vegetables, is a powerful tool in cutting sugar cravings.

2.

Eat the right fats. The right fats are not only important to health; they also stabilize appetite and control cravings. Fats help slow the release of sugar from foods into blood, controlling blood sugar levels and insulin, thus preventing hunger and sugar cravings triggered by low blood sugar. Furthermore, fats stimulate satiety hormones and neurochemicals in the brain and digestive tract. One such hormone, called cholecystokinin (CCK), triggers the release of bile and enzymes for digestion. It also suppresses hunger. Healthy, cravingcontrol fats include olive oil, nuts, cheese, and avocados.

3.

Have a savory breakfast. The taste of sweetness in the morning sets some people up for big cravings later on. Part of this has to do with the blood sugar plunge that follows a sugary food. The other part involves the appetite-stimulating

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effect of the sweet flavor when that's the first thing on your tongue in the morning. Even a piece of fruit can trigger the sugar itch. At breakfast, think savory.

4.

Eat more yang protein. Vegetarians are more often plagued by sugar cravings than omnivores. Protein quells sugar cravings. Part of this has to do with the fact that protein foods and sugar are both acid-forming. The most effective choices to balance sugar cravings are to eat seafood, beef, lamb or veal, wild game, free range poultry and eggs, and, to a lesser degree, nuts and seeds.

5.

Eat your greens. Cooked, leafy greens boost energy. This alone reduces an urge for sugar. Greens also provide minerals that help control blood sugar, which reduces sugar cravings from low blood glucose. Cooked greens are also a great source of magnesium, a mineral that helps control chocolate cravings. Finally, the pleasantly bitter flavor of many greens cuts into cravings for the taste of sugar.

6.

Cut down on sugar. I realize that is the whole problem, but when you give into the next dessert, it stimulates cravings for more sugar. The more sugar you eat, the more sugar you want.

7.

Avoid artificial sweeteners. Studies show Aspartame (NutraSweet, Equal), Saccharin (Sweet'n Low) and Splenda stimulate appetite and sugar cravings, plus they contribute to weight gain. Try stevia, a naturally sweet carbfree herb that sweetens anything from lemonade to pudding and bakery products with no side effects or sugar cravings.

8.

Get sunlight. Sunlight protects against our most feared diseases, plus it boosts energy and mood. Sunlight promotes the synthesis of serotonin, the feel-good, satiety brain chemical that prevents depression and the associated urge for ice cream. Sunlight also reduces cortisol, the anxiety hormone that stimulates sugar and fat cravings as well as abdominal weight gain.

9.

Supplement with the right minerals. Your passion for chocolate may not be a weakness on your part, but a magnesium deficiency. Sugar cravings due to dips in blood glucose are often corrected by supplements of magnesium and chromium, which help control blood sugar levels. Try magnesium citrate or gluconate (not oxalate), and chromium citrate or piccolinate.

10.

Give and connect. Giving comes from the Chinese idea of a paramita, one of the six Buddhist practices that keep us from suffering. Giving and connecting with others generates a feeling that strengthens spleen Qi, the Chinese medicine equivalent of digestion, assimilation, and appetite. By giving your time, your money, companionship and empathy -- from your heart -- you strengthen the energy of your entire digestive system, including balancing appetite and sugar cravings. Author of Live in the Balance, The Ground-Breaking East-West Nutrition Program, Linda Prout, M.S. has been helping her clients to stop cravings, shed body fat, and heal their health issues for over 30 years. She works via email, phone and Skype. Contact: linda.prout@gmail.com or visit www.lindaprout.com.

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+ HER FITNESS

B O O S T I N G E N E R GY

7

Tips to Combat Fatigue

Fatigue. It’s one of the health complaints I hear most about from my clients. I was once plagued by chronic fatigue myself, severe enough to keep me from reaching for my coveted goals, furthering my career, and even from going out with friends.

1

Drink water. Dehydration is a big cause of fatigue. Thirst is not always a reliable indicator. The one-size-fitsall eight-glasses of water a day rule is not always the right approach either. You may need three glasses of water a day or three liters. If you eat a diet rich in vegetables, fruits, soups and stews, you need less water than if you eat lots of meat, bread and packaged foods. You need more fluid in hot months than cold. Signs you need to drink up include thirst, dark/deep yellow urine, fatigue, mental fogginess, dry skin and constipation. Avoid cold water; this tends to slow digestion, which can lead to sluggishness. Avoid sweet drinks, even artificially sweetened.

I had to figure out why I was so tired and how to turn it around. After years of searching, I discovered strategies and energy-boosting remedies for all kinds of energy problems. My vitality is at an all time high and one of my great joys is helping others tap their own energy source. These tips work for mothers, nurses, CEO’s, sales teams, and they can work for you. Although you should always address underlying causes of fatigue, the following have helped

2

Back off the sweets and carbs. Nothing zaps your energy like a steady diet of muffins, cookies, bread, and pasta. Americans eat too many carbs, plain and simple. Simple carbohydrates wreak havoc on blood sugar, which leads to low energy. If your breakfast is generally pancakes, cold cereal, sweet yogurt or toast and jam, you’re probably having too many simple carbs. Try starting out your day with sausage, cheese, turkey bacon, eggs, and/or beans. Put walnuts and butter on your oatmeal, not maple syrup and raisins. Avoid pasta-only meals.

boost energy associated with a variety of causes:

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4

Exercise and breath. Studies show regular aerobic exercise improves mental performance and physical well-being. It works better than drugs to alleviate depression. The deeper breathes and circulation-stimulating effects of a daily walk, hike, bike ride, swim, or dance keep us physically energized and mentally alert. Make sure your exercise is aerobic. Anaerobic metabolism results from high-intensity exercise that uses up blood sugar, not fat, thus leaving you feeling depleted, tired, and probably craving sugar.

5

Get in protein at breakfast and lunch. Meat, eggs, fish, poultry, nuts, and seeds provide that get-up-and-go energy many of us need to get things done. Studies show protein foods at breakfast increase focus, mood and energy. Protein foods at lunch sustain afternoon energy and prevent sugar cravings. After 20 years as a vegetarian, I grew sluggish, cold, and lethargic. When I began adding fish and chicken to my diet, my energy quickly turned around and I was able to turn my knowledge into a book and a series of presentations. Not everyone responds this way to eating animal protein. There is also a huge difference between nutrient-rich grass-fed, humane-raised meats verses potentially toxic feedlot meats. Notice how these foods impact your energy.

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6

Get sunlight. Shunning sunshine and slathering yourself with sunscreen can lead to fatigue and disease. You need sunshine on your skin to make vitamin D, a nutrient commonly lacking in Americans. Deficiency causes fatigue and muscle weakness. It also leads to several kinds of cancer and weak bones. Sunlight is not only the best source of vitamin D, but it also helps reduce cortisol, the stress chemical that can leave your adrenals exhausted. Twenty minutes of sunlight usually does the trick, just make sure you don’t burn.

7

Plan something exciting. There’s nothing like looking forward to a get-away, implementing a new idea, starting a new project, or learning something new. Such anticipated activities stimulate your mind and give your body reason to give you energy. Author of Live in the Balance, The Ground-Breaking East-West Nutrition Program, Linda Prout, M.S. has been helping her clients to stop cravings, shed body fat, and heal their health issues for over 30 years. She works via email, phone and Skype. Contact: linda.prout@gmail.com or visit www. lindaprout.com.

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+ HER FITNESS

P

lacing her white chef coat in the back seat of her car, Jackie Furnia heads out in her black Nissan for the 30-minute drive to Plattsburgh, specifically SUNY Plattsburgh. Jackie works for Chartwell’s at Algonquin Dining Hall as the stir-fry lady. She’s worked there for seven years and gets paid $12 per hour. Jackie arrives at 9 a.m. and starts prepping her small station. She boils white and wheat rice and pasta and places it on the right-hand side of her station, which sits next to various labeled sauce bottles. She then cuts the vegetables, and after two hours of prep, the doors to Algonquin open, and Jackie starts her shift. Around noon, 15 students line up in front of her station, but Jackie isn’t stressed.Vinny Garafola, a regular student at Jackie’s station, asks for white rice, chicken, broccoli and sesame sauce. “You got it,” she says to him while preparing his order. She puts the chicken and broccoli in the sautéing pan, putting the rice in next with a layer of sesame sauce. After two minutes, Jackie sets it on a large round yellow plate and gives it to Vinny. “Thanks, Jackie!” Vinny says when taking the plate. At 1 p.m., Jackie takes her lunch break with Bonnie Skelley, a fellow coworker she befriended over time, eating a sandwich with salad and a diet Mountain Dew. After her lunch break, the flow of students slow down, and Jackie cleans tables and refills the sauce bottles. Jackie then goes to the kitchen to prep early for Taco Tuesday, a favorite of the students. “Taco Tuesday is one of my busiest days,” she says. “But the students can’t go without it.” At the end of the day, Jackie is sweaty, with her chef coat covered in different

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The Stir-Fry Lady BY TEAH DOWLING

sauces. Her feet hurt, and she is hungry, but she can’t stop to eat because she has to go home to her family. After losing her father five years ago, Jackie moved into her mother’s, Shirley, house with Justin, her 24-year-old son, whose life went on a downward spiral after losing his license to his second DWI. Justin left a party at 2 a.m. in Plattsburgh, drunk and hungry. Going through the drive-thru at McDonald’s, the police stopped him and took him to the police station. Jackie drove to get him at 3 a.m., only knowing that he needed to be picked up. “My heart raced that night,” she says. “He’s lucky that his grandfather always

| HERS M a gazine | July- Augus t 2014 |

watched over him.” Jackie struggled to make ends meet after this incident. It cost them $1,000 for a lawyer and $300 to put a Breathalyzer in his car, money that he didn’t make and money that she didn’t have. However, she cares about her family and is willing to do anything for them. She arrives at work the next day at 8 a.m., an hour earlier to prepare for Taco Tuesday with Tostitos tortilla chips sitting next to the taco shells, heated fillings sitting on the left-hand side and cold toppings on the right. Twelve people stand in front of me as I wait patiently for a taco. Once I reach the front, I ask what she would recommend.

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Taco Tuesday is one of my busiest days, But the students can’t go without it. “I’ll give you the house special,” she says to me as she got out a plate. “It’s called the ‘Algonquin Gordita Crunch.’” Taking a bite, the perfect amount of beef, cheese, and refried bean filling satisfies my stomach. I consume my one taco and decide to get another. This time, there’s no line. Part of me felt bad for going back when she had a break, but she knows that’s her job as a cook, a

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mother, and even a daughter. She says after work she’s going home to take care of her mother. The night before, Shirley went out to living room and interrupted Jackie watching “Days of Our Lives.” Shirley accused Jackie of taking $100 out of her cashed check of $600. Jackie tried to tell her that she gave it to her earlier, but she didn’t believe it. She was so sure that Jackie had taken out $100 even though she handed her the money 10 minutes before her accusation. “She doesn’t know what she says sometimes,” she says to me while making my second taco. “I’ll tell her one thing and a minute later, she’ll forget.” According to the Alzheimer’s Associa-

tion, an estimated 5.2 million Americans have Alzheimer’s disease. Jackie fears that one day she’ll end up like her mother, and she will forget everything she does and be perceived as crazy like her mother is. But the one thing about Jackie never brings her problems to the workplace. She just focuses on work. At the end of the day, Jackie does her normal routine. Jackie grabs her chef ’s coat and goes to her car. “Just another day,” she says. Jackie, like so many others, wears many many hats: mother, daughter, sister, worker, and—above all—woman.

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+ H E R H E A LT H

HOW CONFIDENT ARE YOU?

Five Steps To Increase Confidence.

H

ave you ever had a moment where you have something profound to say in your mind, but when it came time for you speak, you doubted yourself and kept it short and sweet? Or did you have the greatest idea ever, but never executed it for fear of failure? Better yet, it’s Thanksgiving and everyone is cooking up his or her delicious contribution to the dinner and you won’t lift a spoon because you're afraid no one will like your culinary feat. From the kitchen to the bedroom on into the boardroom, there’s something lacking in the majority of women today. We have to give all we have as women, but we lack one key ingredient that could change the very makeup our lives. It’s something undeniable, immeasurable, and most times indescribable. What is this life-changing ingredient? This magic bean is called confidence. Confidence is essential to all aspects of our lives. Confidence is knowing who you are, what you have to offer, and not apologizing for it. Confidence is less about arrogance and more about faith in yourself. So how can we free our minds from self-doubt and start showing up and standing out? Here are five things you can start doing to today to increase your confidence.

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#3. #1.

MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY.

When we love ourselves unconditionally, we are better equipped to share that love with the rest of the world openly and honestly...no strings attached!

#2.

THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS.

Thinking positive thoughts blocks out the negativity and keeps the mind at peace and focused on what really matters. Get a journal and start writing down all the things that make you smile.

| HERS M a gazine | July- Augus t 2014 |

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

If no one believes in you, then you have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you a better than good. You are great!

#4.

NO MORE PLEASING OTHERS.

#5.

STOP BEING A PERFEC TIONIST.

It’s not your job the please others all of the time. You have to think about what’s best for you and make sure it makes you happy.

Trying to be perfect at everything leaves no room for failure. Furthermore, being a perfectionist can be very time consuming. Failure is just a steppingstone to success.

Confidence starts with you! Own it! You can find Tamara King on Twitter/Instagram @heyheyitstk.

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+ HER WORK

1. Success Starts With The Right Attitude. The right attitude screams out, “I am amazing!” It tells other people that you are a winner, a contender, and a star. Your attitude is your choice. You can self-assess, recognize your strengths, and build on them. Furthermore, you can recognize your weaknesses and work on them. Self-perception is an extremely powerful resource and will help you change in order to reveal a new and improved version of yourself.

2. Choose Your Attitude For Success. Successful people develop winning habits. Success isn’t achieved by doing something once. You need desire and motivation to push yourself into high gear. You need the drive to forge ahead, and you need to develop winning habits that can guide you through challenges. Winning habits will help you focus and realign. They are the consistent and persistent reflections of your person, demeanor, and credibility. Even in times of urgency or crisis, winning habits can help you through since you will inherently know what to do and how to do it.

The Top 10 SuccesTraits BY LORII MYERS

What does being successful mean to you? What traits do you possess that will enable you to rise to the top? Successful professionals and entrepreneurs have certain traits that they all have in common that have helped them reach their high-tier status. Below are the top ten traits that define successful people. 32

| HERS M a gazine | July- Augus t 2014 |

3. Successful People Thrive On Learning. Being ready and willing to learn is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. Think of it as investing in yourself. The more you learn, the more you are able to learn. You need to open up your mind, become aware, and be willing to improve understanding.

4. Successful People Share Their Potential. Everyone has a skill or talent particular to him or her. Some choose to share their excellence, while others may choose to

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HER WORK +

hold on tightly to their uniqueness and withhold it from the world. Still others may not even recognize that they really have something worth sharing. Either way, whether you know it or not, you have potential. You can be aware of your potential and even be passionate about it, but if you aren’t willing to force it into play, your potential can flat line or remain dormant. However, when you do know that you are particularly good at something and then communicate and exude confidence, you appear charismatic. You are charming, attractive, and magnetic.It’s not what you say or how you say it, but rather the way you chose to interact with others. It’s the whole package. It’s about being open to giving or sharing yourself with the world.

5. Successful People Accept Challenge. If you don’t accept challenges as they come, then you can’t grow as a person. This is true of challenge. If you don’t put yourself out there and take some risk, you will never be ready to grab hold of challenge and turn it into opportunity. As they say, God hates a coward.

6. Successful People Have A Game Plan. Self-direction and self-determination are going to get results. By being flexible, proactive, and versatile, no matter how many challenges or forks in the road you encounter, you will eventually find your way. The undeterred always make their way.

7. Successful People Are Team Builders. The trick to team building is to practice as a team. A successful team leader hers-magazine.com

People that have presence are very intriguing. They draw our attention and respect. They have the ability to lead, charm, persuade, inspire, and influence others, seemingly with ease. They are set apart from others, and we are compelled to acknowledge them. What exactly is their draw?

with excellent communication skills can guide and coach his or her team toward a common goal while, all the time, encouraging the team effort. If you don’t encourage people to work and practice as a team, they are not a team but rather a group of people focused on their own individual goals.

8. Successful People Have Passion. Sometimes, finding your passion and motivation is a challenge. Furthermore, even if you do find your motivation, it can still be illusive and ever changing. Many people discard the pursuit of their passions early in life if they think that there is too much risk involved or perhaps not enough opportunity to make a comfortable living. Pursuing your passion in life, however, is a courageous and rewarding experience. It’s your place of surrender and comfort— where you can shut out the rest of the world, if only for a short time, and focus on your own desires. If you have taken the career path that undoubtedly pays the bills, don’t lose track of your passions. Carry them with you so you can use them when the time is right!

9. Successful People Have Presence.

It can be mystique, exuberance, personal appeal, magnetism, extreme charm, or even positive energy. Although presence can be defined in many different ways, ranging from projecting unusual calmness, exuding confidence, or attaining the right level of assertiveness, the bottom line is that those with presence command attention. Figure out what makes you stand out from the flock and use it to your advantage.

10. Successful people make time. Don’t be afraid to make time to try new things. Every time you learn something new, you will take that learned skill with you and be able to use it in and outside of your business. All of the awareness spill over and make you more effective in other parts of your life. When you become stressed managing different projects, take a breath and give yourself time to feel grateful for the challengers ahead. I say bring it on—the busier the better! Success is the self-fulfillment of dreams. Lorii Myers is a multi-award winning author, entrepreneur, adventurer, and sports enthusiast. Excerpted from Targeting Success: Develop the Right Business Attitude to be Successful in the Workplace. Excerpted with permission of the publisher Leda Publishing Corp.

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+ HER WORK

5

Ways to Balance Money and Love

BY DAVID STACK

M

arriage is always a big commitment and involves the completely union of two different, or not so different, people. Deep trust, mutual respect and hard work are the tools to make a marriage work, especially when the couple share and share alike until death do them part. Here are five tips to balance money and love, geared especially for married couples:

It is important to sit down and discuss money matters with your partner or spouse. The biggest rift in marriage comes from misunderstandings or hiding something from the other. Be open about your money matters, both about your current situation and your financial goals. Having the same financial goals and dreams will help the relationship down the line.

2

Never fight about money. Often, fights about money are really centered on misunderstandings within the relationship. It may be that one spouse resents the way the other spends money, doesn't agree with how the money is budgeted, is fed up with the tightfisted manner of the other, etc. It's important to raise the subject in a clear, calm and inoffensive manner, so that fights can be avoided and disputes about finances can be resolved.

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3

If you haven’t taken that walk on the aisle just yet, it’s important to be on the same wavelength not just in romantic aspects but also in serious business as well. It has become a popular experience for engaged couples to undergo financial seminars together, so it will not only be a marriage of hearts, but a smart union of wealth and assets as well. This will help the both of you develop a plan together for spending and saving and make choices as a team rather than two opposing sides.

4

Marriage is also a financial union; so if you don’t share the same sentiments about money, don’t give up just yet. It may be easier if you’re always on the same page, but it’s unrealistic to think it will always work like that. At the very least, make sure that there is an ability to understand, compromise, and reach a middle ground that you can both agree on.

5

Be supportive of each other all the time. Invest in your relationship. Whether you are dealing with new careers, plans of the immediate future, or even just purchasing new appliances, it’s important that you make it a daily habit to work in tandem with your partner or future spouse. Many couples have joint accounts but maintain a separate savings for themselves, too. You’re in this for the long haul, so pool your resources together. Money is a big subject to discuss, but without a long, hard talk with your loved one, it’s difficult to maintain a loving and respectful relationship. Marriage is a union of hearts, souls, and, ultimately, finances, and it’s important to take everything into account when coming together as a partnership. At the same time, don’t let money define your relationship; be sure to spend some quality time with your spouse and understand that money struggles can bring you together as long as you work as one cohesive unit.

| HERS M a gazine | July- Augus t 2014 |

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| Jul y - August 2 0 1 4 | H ER S Ma gaz in e |

35


Best Friends in the Bahamas

IMAGINE THIS: you’re lounging in a beach chair on the deck of a cruise ship, side-by-side with your best friend, soaking up a little sun. Later in the day, you’ll lose yourself in a dazzling fashion show brought to you by some of the biggest names in fashion. The best part? It didn’t cost you a penny. Now make that dream a reality. Hers magazine is sponsoring a "Best Friend" contest. The two winners (friends) will get a cruise to Nassau, Bahamas during the Miami Fashion Cruise in November 2014. The Miami Fashion Cruise is the most luxurious worldwide fashion event to ever embrace the Atlantic seas. MFC is reinventing the global fashion experience and attracting industry influencers from around the world. Fashion, travel, glamour, and entertainment are just a few words that describe this trendsetting fashion affair. This fashionable vacation includes opportunities for networking, workshops, fashion shows, entertainment, business opportunities and luxury fun. The ship, The Sky, will cruise to the exotic destination of Nassau, Bahamas. The MFC guest list includes; international designers, models, makeup artist, photographers, bloggers, business owners, celebrity guests, just to name a few. You and your best friend will travel in style to

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Deals" is a great way to sell cabins to those who are multi-level marketing business such as: Legal Shield, Five Links, and Motives Cosmetics. Keep in mind that the MFC will have television advertisement of the full itinerary in all 2,000 cabins aboard the Norwegian Sky along with a host of marketing outlets via website, social media, television, radio, and magazines. Sign up for the contest at submissions@ hersmagazine.net or book your cruise today at http://miamifashioncruise. com/booking/. Give you and your best friend a vacation to remember!

Nassau, Bahamas on November 7th-10th for the 1st Annual Fashion Resort Week in collaboration with the award-winning “Islands of the World Fashion Week.” So how do you get in? In order to sign up for the contest, you must submit a two-page or less description or a video link to footage no more than 2 minutes, describing why your friend is the BEST in the world. Will choose random videos to be featured on hers-magazine. com, as well as via social media, so others can see just how special your friendship is. Maybe what’s unique or special about your friendship is the way you met or have supported each other and so forth. No matter the tale, which MUST be the truth and ultimately substantiated, we will choose and then announce the winner publically. The contest begins on midnight July 1st and ends on midnight July 31st. Send your written description OR video link to submissions@hersmagazine. net. If you would like to attend the cruise without taking the challenge, the Miami Fashion Cruise is cruising for a cause. "Fashion 4 Life" is the nonprofit initiative to bring global awareness to human sex trafficking. The MFC has created an ambassador sales package with a monetary compensation plan for individuals or companies that sell cabins to larger groups of interested travelers. “Diamonds &

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Praying in Season No matter what you’re praying about or who you’re praying to, the goal is the same: “I need help.” We usually pray most during times of crisis, but prayer, an agent of faith, should be employed as a daily practice. Is there truly ever a day when we don’t need help of some kind? Here are things that prayer provides: Silent friend – Talking to someone always helps. Even if the listener doesn’t provide answers or direct assistance, it feels good to be heard and, moreover, to share.

Lasting hope – Just believing that someone is working on your problem, provides a shred of hope, which is what we need when situations appear bleak.

Soul connection – While our bodies get tired and our minds grow weary, our soul, which is everlasting, needs to connect with its creator.

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Here are things we should pray for and expect after prayer: Protection – to persist no matter

Peace – to withstand would has been

what evil is attempted to be done Provision – to create what we need to be done

done or what is to come Power – to carry out was must be done or to overcome has been done

A few important things to note is that prayer is not just about asking, it’s also about giving. In fact, every prayer should begin with a sentiment of gratitude. We should offer thanksgiving and praises for who God is and for even the smallest blessings (i.e. eyesight, the ability to read, breathe on our own, etc.) at the onset of prayer. During prayer, we should not only ask for ourselves, but we should also ask for others. This includes asking for forgiveness while

you likewise forgive others. Forgiveness is powerful cure in both the natural and spiritual realm, which yields freedom (for all parties) and exemplifies loves. A great book on this is “Finally Letting Go: 10 Reasons to Forgive and Move On.” Arrange and regular time, place and even partner for prayer, so you can begin engaging its privileges. A good book on prayer is “The 21 Most Effective Prayers of the Bible” by Dave Earley.

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+ HER LESSONS

How to Make Time for Yourself BY MORGAN HUFSTADER

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s mothers, working women, students, and so on, it’s easy to get lost in the busy, forward motion of life. When schedules are comprised of to-do lists and checkmarks, it’s easy to forget to pencil in some alone time. However, it’s important to devote a little time every day for yourself. If you don’t give yourself the time to reflect and recharge, you will lose your energy to be the best you can be in your daily life. With that in mind, here are four ways to quit turn off your mind and simply take some time for yourself:

1. Turn off your phone. Your cellphone can be a major source of distraction. What might start off as “one more text” can easily turn into an hour of returning calls and responding to emails. If you are worried about missing important calls and don’t want to physically shut your cellphone down, make a point of texting your friends beforehand to let them know not to bother you for a set amount of time unless there is an emergency.

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2. Disconnect your Internet. Like the cellphone, the Internet is an easy distraction, especially when your inbox starts filling up. If you trust yourself to turn your Wifi off and keep it off, that may be a viable option. Pick up a notepad if you need to jot down your thoughts. Ground yourself. Give yourself permission to unplug from extra distractions; they will still be there later.

3. Give yourself a fun task. The keyword here is fun. Do something solely for yourself. Whether that is knitting, writing, or reading, so something that makes you and you alone happy. You spend so much of your day working and tolling for other people, give yourself permission to take the time for yourself and unwind.

4. Block out time for yourself. This is one of the hardest and yet most important parts of making time for yourself. If your day is crammed with back-to-back meetings or pick-ups and

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It’s Easy To Push Back Your Own Time To Make Room For Another Meeting Or Another Task drop-offs, chances are, you won’t spend time with yourself unless it is physical part of your calendar day. Secondly, make sure you don’t sacrifice your time. It’s easy to push back your own time to make room for another meeting or another task, but do everything in your power to keep your alone time sacred. You deserve it. With these four tips, you should be able to take time for yourself to reconnect with the things that give you and you alone pleasure in life. Don’t be ashamed to be selfish for a couple minutes out of a day and remember that, once you have satisfied your own needs, you can better help those around you.

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HER HOBBIES +

Summer Flicks for Every Chick BY MORGAN HUFSTADER

There’s no better way to cool off on a hot summer day than to relax in an air-conditioned movie theater. This summer, we’re celebrating diversity with a chick flick for every type of chick. Be sure to mark these movie debuts on your calendar: Obvious Child (Jun 6): R

Obvious Child was an underdog success story from the start—it was funded by a Kickstarter campaign and premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. The indie film revolves around a Brooklyn girl who gets dumped, fired, and pregnant, and all right on time for Valentine’s Day. This offbeat comedy stars newcomer Jenny Slate and tells a story about one quirky woman’s search for her own independence and confidence.

Fault in Our Stars (Jun 6): PG-13

A movie about love and survival, Fault in Our Stars follows the story of Hazel Lancaster (Shailene Woodley), a sixteen-year-old girl who is dying of cancer. In the midst of her illness, however, she meets a young boy at her support group who helps her find humor and hope.

Think Like a Man Too (June 20): PG-13

They Came Together (June 27): R

In the highly anticipated squeal to Think Like a Man, the battle of the sexes continues. All the couples from the first film return for Candace (Regina Hall) and Michael’s (Terrence J) Las Vegas wedding. Think Like a Man Too promises to be a fun, girls’ night out comedy.

If you’re looking for a comedy a la American Pie, look no further. Amy Poehler and Paul Rudd star in this absurd rom-com spoof detailing the romantic “how they met” story of the couple. They Came Together is the perfect anti-date-movie for the couple that thrives off of unconventional romance.

Tammy (July 2): R Love her or hate her, no one can deny that Melissa McCarthy has single-handedly turned the tables on male-driven slapstick comedies. Bold, unapologetic, and often crude, Melissa McCarthy continues to carve a niche for herself in Hollywood in her new movie, Tammy. This time, Melissa McCarthy may have met her match as Susan Sarandon plays her equally profane grandmother, who joins her on a road trip to Niagara Falls.

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+ H E R P L AY

The offBroadway Production of “Willie and Esther,”

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ernadette Stanis, the feisty Thelma on the hit series Good Times, is now a national spokesperson for Alzheimer’s and has established her own foundation (RememberingtheGoodTimes.org) in honor of her deceased mother. The foundation hosted a gala in Atlanta, Georgia, to promote Alzheimer’s Disease awareness. The event culminated in an offBroadway production of “Willie and Esther,” a play starring Stanis and Jeris Lee Poindexter. The odd couple seems to focus on plotting to rob the Bank of Los Angeles. “They argue, fight, and tease each other before a frightening realization forces them to abandon their get-rich-quick dreams and see how important they are to each other.” It was supposed to be a modern-day adaptation of "The Honeymooners," but it came of as crass and random, leaving the audience (at least those in the vicinity) to ask, “So what are they talking about now?” We encourage the ever positive Stanis on her journey into other ventures, namely support for Alzheimer’s.

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H E R P L AY +

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Grieving What Never Was BY ANDREA JURJEVIĆ

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ichard’s Litter is a contemporary tale about love gone wrong and one man’s search for justice; it is a story that will likely be enjoyed in one long sitting. Richard, the main character, is a successful attorney and a conservative southerner with a stilted mannerism. Nicole, his unlikely lover and soon his wife, is a spontaneous and vivacious nurse from California. Their marriage goes sour fast and Nicole, after becoming disillusioned and pregnant, leaves Richard for a UPS delivery lady she befriends at work. At the heart of the book, however, is Richard’s bitterness over Nicole leaving him and her terminating the pregnancy without even informing him she was pregnant. Richard ends up fighting to amend abortion laws that would give fathers, or spouses, the right to be informed about abortions before they are performed. However, what Richard seems to really be fighting for is a validation of himself as a man and father. He feels emasculated and tries to compensate for his inability to keep his wife (and the baby) by creating the massive legal campaign and, incidentally, by sinking into a drinking habit. Soon he is ‘rescued,’ albeit temporarily, by another broken individual— Ladonna, a single mom with an attitude of Mother Teresa. Richard could be dismissed easily: he is a self-involved lover, and he embraces victimhood too readily. However, his tragedy feels real. Richard’s Litter is written in a credible voice, one that sounds like a witness. The plot is convincing and the characterization is steeped in realism. The irrational and often fanaticallyconservative attitude Richard assumes is so believable it is nearly irritating. Plus, each of the characters is a study in psychological

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conditions. Richard is an alcoholic idealist; and Nicole seems to be compulsive and impulsive. Ladonna is a textbook codependent. Richard’s best friend Kevin, a police officer, is at the mercy of his libertine impulses, while Richard’s mother, Mrs. Knight, lives in this radiant, lacehemmed religious fantasy. Toni, Nicole’s new lover, a strongwilled person, is the polar opposite of tortured Richard and is somewhat of an enigma. Even though this is an easy read, Richard’s Litter is a gripping story about not just any personal tragedy but the ones we actually create.

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The Gaga Experience

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he Lady Gaga concert extravaganza called the “artRave: The ARTPOP Ball Tour,” featured the expected wild outfits, but she gave the sellout crowd even more. For nearly two hours, her “Little Monsters,” or fans, could enjoy her bigger-than-life voice, costumes, hair, and gratitude. The self-proclaimed misfit donned shimmering gold angel wings, flying saucer skirts, and clam shell bras. At one point, Dr. Suess-looking tentacles flowed from her hair and body. Her wigs, a collection of fantasy head wear, ranged from platinum bobs to skyscraper bouffants. Gaga, during one song, changed costumes right onstage, bearing her breasts while asking for public privacy. She asked fans not to take pictures or video during the change, which most kindly obliged. While performing most all the songs from her latest album, “Artpop,” her third studio album and the least popular commercially, the crowd never acted as if it wasn’t her biggest show of all time, cheering constantly and even tossing her gifts. The performance of her past hits, such as “Bad Romance,” drew clamoring and cheering so loud that you had to know the words to realize what was happening on stage. We wonder if Gaga would have the same popular appeal if she simply came on stage, sat on a stool and sang – accompanied maybe by just a few plainly-dressed (tights and possibly a sequin top) dancers and a band? If she focused more on selling her musical prowess rather than her image, would she have different types of fans? No matter the answer, there is something that would be consistent in just about every scenario: her love for the people who love her. That seems genuinely the case in every outfit and during most every performance. She told the crowd, “I wanted to create a show that was a celebration of all of the wonderful things you’ve created over the past seven years.” And that’s just what she did.

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HERS Magazine  

Hers is where both daily routine and welcome distractions find expression, appealing to ambitious working women of all ages who regard their...

HERS Magazine  

Hers is where both daily routine and welcome distractions find expression, appealing to ambitious working women of all ages who regard their...

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