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r e t s i m o l l He December 2011

The wet edition Welcome to the pre-Christmas edition of Hello Mister. I hope you enjoy the stories shared by your fellow volunteers and continue to contribute in the new year (otherwise we‟ll have nothing to read)! I‟ve dubbed this edition “The Wet Edition” since I don‟t know if you‟ve noticed but ….the rainy season has started. You can trust me I‟m a hydrologist. In addition we‟ve got many volunteers returning home over the holidays to spend time with their loved ones who are sure to shed a tear or two at seeing them again. Those of us staying may also shed a tear or two at being so far away. However, the real reason that I‟ve dubbed this the wet edition is that during our time in Bali I realised that this was the last time many of us would be all together again. There have been a lot of goodbyes lately as volunteers return home and I‟d like to wish them all a wonderful time in their future endeavours. So goodbye to Rachel Gates, Lau Gabuya, Mark Fijen, Anouk Cleven, Wycliff Kivumbi, and Marilou Parina. We will miss you all!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Inside this issue: How does it feel?

2

The drugs do work

3

My new best friend

3

Hari anak cacat sedunia

4

Memories from Bali

6

Persistence is futile

7

Driving in Indonesia

7

Tribulations that...

8

Rokok Topi

8

Goodbye Matt ...

9

Top 5 survival tips..

10

Fundraising news

11

Headway for women

11

Jokes

12

Special points of interest:  Happy belated birthday Marilou  Thank you VIWG for allowing us to advance our salary for the holidays  Christmas is December 25th  New Year’s Eve is December 31st


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HELLO MISTER

HOW DOES IT FEEL? I can still remember vividly how I overused the question “How does it feel?” to one of my co-volunteers in Bajawa, Ngada in Flores Island. Paul Knappe must be so pissed-off with me asking the same question every minute of the day two weeks prior to his end-of -placement in June this year. Going backwards in June, when I first asked him, “How does it feel Paul now that you are about to go home?”. He would answer seriously, “You know guys as of this moment I am very much excited and looking forward to indulge myself once again with my favorite foods, expensive wine, proper cheese and just experience the life I am used to in Belanda, yahooooo!.” When the same question was asked to him on the next days and week after, he would answer, ”You know guys I am looking forward to finally go home even at the earliest time possible so that I get rid of these very annoying person who asks the same question like a broken recorder,” then he would slightly muse. However two to three days before he finally left for Bali, he responded differently to the same question, ”You know guys, I feel a little bit strange now that my days in Bajawa is almost over. Mixed feelings of excitement and little bit of sadness is bothering me. Excited because I will finally be able to indulge myself with all the things that I am longing for which cannot be found in my placement. Sad because I will miss Bajawa and the circle of friends I was able to build-up during my nine months volunteering stint in Indonesia.” It never came into my mind that as early as six months after I was pissing-off a covolunteer with the question, “How does it feel?”, my turn to respond to it is at hand. Now I properly remember the proverbs which state that, “Do not do unto others what you do not want others do unto you.” My placement is supposed to end-up in

June 2012 however due to very important family issues I have decided to finish only the 75% of my contract which is in December 2011. HOW DOES IT FEEL? Well, I am already happy and satisfied that at least I have reached this far in my placement. In the first place I never even expected to last this long since looking back during the ICT period in Bali, I was already struggling being so far away from my family for the first time. How would a father react seeing his little boy shedding his tears while chatting via the internet and begging him to go home? This made me think twice of the decision I made to volunteer outside of the Philippines. From that time on, going home is almost always an everyday wish. That was granted when I spent a one month vacation with my family in April. Going home during that time was an exciting experience but when it was already time to go back to my placement mixed feelings overwhelmed me. During the last week of my vacation my little boy begged me not to come back anymore to Indonesia. He even said to me, “Tatay (means father) do you know of my plan?”. I was confused and just shook my head. Then he continued, “Do you know that I am planning to burn your passport and plane ticket so you cannot go back anymore to Indonesia?”. That really broke my heart. Anyway I still tried to explain slowly to him that it is not just as easy as that because I have to honor the commitments I made with VSO and my partner organization. However that commitment is put to the test just recently because of some sensitive family issues that came out. Stepping into the next ladder in parenthood seems to be not just as easy as I used to think of it. I just realized that my little girl is now a teenager and new issues goes along at this stage and that I cannot just leave them all to my wife. We have to face it together and my presence is badly needed if I wanted to get involved along the process. HOW DOES IT FEEL? Well, obviously I am

more confused this time and reexamining my commitments in regards to my work and family. “Hello tatay, we just had an earthquake and the epicenter is right here in our city and the roof of our neighbor‟s house collapsed,” my wife‟s trembling voice I hear on the other line of the phone. That was on the first week of November and my wife and kids were in trauma of a strong earthquake. Finally I have to make my final decision and that is to end my placement. My family needs me more than ever right at this point in time. Anyway I thought my decision is fair enough for my family, partner organization, VSO and myself. What is important is that I tried the best I can to honor my commitments. HOW DOES IT FEEL? Well, I feel relieved that after discussing my personal issues and concerns with my partner organization and VSO they finally allowed me to go home on the 28th of December. I am so much happy and excited that I am going to welcome the new year beside my wife and kids. I am now counting the days.

Continued on page 3.


PLACEMENT PERSPECTIVES

PAGE 3

Continued ... HOW DOES IT FEEL? At least through my volunteering experience I learned and discovered things that I could not have had if I just stayed in the Philippines. More realizations were made and it gave me the chance to reassess the things that really matters most to me. Furthermore, I got more insights on the value of volunteerism and commitment may it be at work, in the community where I live, in my own family or in my daily undertakings.

As promised, this will be my first and last article for the “Hello Mister” magazine and so I take this opportunity to extend my heartfelt gratitude to the following for making my volunteering life in Indonesia possible: VSO-UK VSO-Indonesia VSO-Bahaginan Bappeda Ngada My co-volunteers

Finally, HOW DOES IT FEEL? Well, I feel much happier now that I have said my piece and being able to share a part of my life to other people in another country. I may not have done that much but the experience really enriched me as a person and as a family man. At the same time I will be missing also Bajawa, Bappeda Ngada, the market place and my co-volunteers. By Lau Gabuya

The drugs do work! Ask Tony: He had a little throat infection and off to the hospital he went..he had some sleep... and then came to meet with Sarah, Matt and myself. Upon arrival at Sarah‟s house his pupils were dilated and he proclaimed DRUGS ARE GOOD!

hilarious. He was like a giggly child in a candy store.

feeling a bit spaced out. In fact on following him back to the hotel on our

At some point in the conversation he did mention that maybe he should not be riding his motorbike as he was

He then proceeded to pull out of his pocket a little cuddly toy penguin, which he then disclosed he had just stolen from a child. He then said he would pay the child the next day.

Drugs are good! motorbikes I reckon he may have been a better driver being slightly off his head. The good news is the drugs did cure the throat up nicely, so he could eat and drink once again.

Now those of you who know Tony will know he‟s as the quiet type of guy. But give him drugs and he is an animal. The theft raised the concern of fellow volunteers, but his demeanour was

By Rachel Gates

My new best friend I apologize for not contributing for Hello mister in the past. I was introduced to Geneva by my police friend sometimes back I guess some five months ago during a friend‟s wedding party. I am not sure if I can draw a good picture of the descriptions of my new friend Jeerer but let me give a try.

Jeerer is slim about 15 cm in height with long elegant neck and has a round bottom and a golden cap.

Jenever is always present during parties and social gatherings‟ without it the patty is not complete.

Jenever is transparent and always present in my house during the weekends when I meet with friends or when alone it really appreciates the company of the local foods like roasted fish and barbeque meat.

More stories to come soon ... Bye James Serem


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HELLO MISTER

Hari anak cacat sedunia Sometimes in voluntary work there are this opportunities to do something for a community which might have real impact. In my case itâ€&#x;s all about breaking down the stigma about disabled people in Ngada district. 3 December is “world disability dayâ€?, so my partner organization and I decided this is a great time to promote our activities, the abilities and the skills of the disabled people living in Ngada district a bit more. So from 2- 4 we organized some activities in town. Day 1: a walk in town with all the disabled kids from town and the nearby villages (see photos below). Besides us also school children and people working in government institutions joined. Normally disabled people stay in their houses most of the time, so it was very nice to see everybody enjoying this walk together. Day 3: singing during mess in church, bazaar and performances (see photos right page 5). After we song in church we organized a bazaar where people could buy all the products made by the children. At the same time the audience could watch the great performances of the kids on stage. People in town saw the abilities/ skills of the disabled people and they supported us by buying a lot of products

The disabled people had a great time and felt valuable for once in their live. And is that not what we all hope for???? By SarahOpheij


PLACEMENT PERSPECTIVES

Hari anak cacat sedunia Day 3: Bazaar and performances of the kids

PAGE 5


PAGE 6

HELLO MISTER

Memories from bali After six weeks stay in Bali, I l surely will miss Bali. Now I understand why people like to stay in Bali because of its unique culture and natural resources. I appreciate its clean surroundings full of trees and flowering plants around the Balinese houses and along the streets, giving cooling effect especially during warm weather. The roads are not so crowded, but I seldom see people walking along the street because most of the people have their own motorcycle or automobile. During our tour around Bali, I saw beautiful artifacts (stone and wood carvings) they meticulously made. Their inviting beach resorts are full especially during weekends wherein families and guests gather to enjoy the sea. Their museums preserve its history and culture. Bali is inhabited mostly by locals of Hindu religion that‟s why Balinese temples are common sight in their homes. You also see big and small temples in their own districts/villages full of daily offerings to their gods. How beautiful to see men and women in their Balinese attire of different colors and design during special occasions (rituals). People are warm and friendly. You always get welcome greetings (selamat: pagi, siang, malam, sore, and apa kabar) or a simple nod anytime of the day. What I like most in Bali is the variety of food (enak) , like in my own country. Was so lucky and excited to observe the Nyepi celebration, especially the ogohogoh! A day before the Nyepi, we walked together with my host family along the street where the parade usually pass by. Many local people and tourists filled the streets in the junction area to observe the ogoh-ogoh characters being carried by men and children dancing as the local music is played by the local band joining the parade. With my digital camera, I took some photos of the sculptured “characters” they portray. Some are good and impressive, others are scary, funny, and a work of art, indeed.

However, I was shocked to see a sculptured image of an OLD WOMAN, with a child on her head and standing at her back. Immediately behind her is a boy opening her sarong. And what‟s the dog doing underneath her?

That sight dampen my spirit (shock) and I ask myself why such image shown in public. The audience was not only adults but children and youth as well. What kind of woman are they trying to portray? These are the basic questions that bothers me. I asked some friends ideas about the ogoh-ogoh, and their comments on this article but I wish to get more comments to my opinion. I look at this with a “gender lens” (perspective). I hope to find answers, somehow. In my country, that image would surely trigger negative reactions from the people, not only women. We passed that stage wherein women are being marginalized and placed in an uncomfortable situation in public. We want to protect the image of women and children because women like others are human beings with equal rights as men. Women deserve love and respect at all times and in all places.

We always celebrate Women‟s Month, just like anywhere in the world. This month (March) reminds us that we came from a womb of a woman, and see the value of it. We must advocate for equality amongst women and men in our life.

This is not easy in most cultures in Asia, and we have to start from ourselves. A change of people‟s mindset (and attitude, as well) is important. Women should be considered as partners of men at home, in the workplace, and in development work. To make this happen, we should create an environment and build on this kind of partnerships where women are seen as truly equal partners of men.

HAPPY WOMEN‟S MONTH CELEBRATION to everyone! By Marilou B. Parina The writer is a VSO volunteer and a gender advocate from the Philippines, who has been in Bali for 6 weeks. For your comments, please send it to this email address: mlbparina@yahoo.com.


COPING IN PLACEMENT

PAGE 7

Persistence is Futile "If at first you don't succeed, give up" old English proverb 10 reasons why giving up is better than sharing skills and changing lives: 1. You can always pretend your placement was successful when you get home. Tell friends and family that you installed clean water/electricity/wifi in 35 leper villages - they won't know you actually spent a year drinking coffee and smoking in a government office. 2. You had your fingers crossed when you signed the "Lifetime commitment to eradicating poverty" pledge. You now think the World Bank and IMF know

what they're talking about.

7. Sinks. I so missed sinks.

3. You will no longer have to pretend to enjoy social gatherings: weddings, funerals, circumcision parties etc.

8. Road signs. I missed those too.

4. You can buy a proper motorbike when you get home. 5. You won't repeatedly have to explain why you don't eat horse. 6. You can choose between more than 2 types of beer. And none of them are Anker.

Driving in Indonesia To operate a motor vehicle in Indonesia, you must understand transportation in an entirely different way. Definitions that you thought were above redefinition will immediately be redefined. Please pay attention:

The Road: Includes not only the paved portion of the highway but also what others might call the verge, the curb, the sidewalk, the front yard and the roadside restaurant. The paved portion of the roadway is generally one lane wide. Not one lane in each direction, but one lane.

Respect: All animals are granted the greatest respect in Indonesia. It is presumed that, being highly evolved creatures, chickens and dogs and the like know how to sidestep a Mitsubishi going 78 mph on a fog-shrouded road during a national religious holiday. This same position of honour is granted to small children, men with 30 pounds of hay on their heads, unattended ox carts and elderly women in mystic trances. Slowing or swerving to avoid

9. You have a phobia of moustaches. 10. Proper cheese. Goodbye, farewell, we will miss you all Kanga and Roo (Bear and Matt helped with the spelling)

taken from Sanur weekly 09 - 16 Nov 2011)

these beings would cause them dishonour.

Lanes: These colourful white and yellow markings wish a hearty Selamat Datang to every traveller. They have no other function.

Passing: The national sport of Indonesia. Observant motorists may encounter the vertical triple (passing three vehicles in one acceleratory movement), the horizontal triple (passing a vehicle that itself is in the process of passing a vehicle) or even the rare double-double (passing a vehicle at precisely the same time that another vehicle, coming in the other direction, is also engaged in the act of passing).

Being Passed: An insult not to be endured. The greater the differential between your vehicle, the great potential less of prestige. The owner of the less powerful vehicle must always do everything in his/her power to thwart the attempt to overtake.

Seat Belts: Absolutely unnecessary. Not only are they not worn, they are not even provided. Passengers are fully protected by the horn.

Lights: Rapidly blinking the headlights can mean many things, including “Okay to pass now,” “dangerous to pass now,” “Get out the way,” or “May you find the thread of gold in the linen of existence”. It takes years, sometimes even entire lifetimes, to learn this subtle and intriguing intuitive non-verbal communication skill. Generally, however, you have about three seconds.

The Horn: When sounded loudly and frequently, the horn sets up an invisible energy barrier protecting the vehicle and its inhabitants from all harm. The faster the vehicle is going, the better the horn works. This is the central concept of Indonesian motoring.

Accidents: Rare. Usually the result of a malfunctioning horn. Contributed by Sarah Oakes


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HELLO MISTER

Tribulations that border on the absurd......& happiness!...........................

One day a

farmer's donkey fell

down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.As the farmer's neighbors

continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Moral

4. Give more. : Life is going to shovel dirt on

you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens. 3. Live simply and appreciate what you have. 5. Expect less from people but more from God.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy: By Pak Jack

Rokok topi The new game sweeping the volunteer community of Indonesia! The game originates from the bustling metropolis of Jeneponto, South Sulawesi and has newly been introduced onto the Flores Island. Equipment:

Hat (topi)

Roki (empty cigarette packs) *may be difficult to find in Indonesia

Roki line

Setup:

One point is scored when a roki falls fully within the topi. The roki must be thrown from behind the roki line. Play: A member of Team A is provided with 3 roki and has 3 chances to score from behind the roki line. Collect the roki and give them to Team B for their chance to score. A running commentary (by 2 people) must be made throughout the game. This should include crowd reactions, background of the player‟s experience, critique of the roki throws etc.

The topi is placed at a suitable distance from the roki line. Team members line up in two lines behind the roki line.

At the end of the game, teams must line up and shake hands.

Scoring:

Consult upstairs when there is a dispute. For example, to check whether a

Disputes:

players foot over the roki line. Etiquette: Rokok topi is a gentleperson‟s game and at no point in time should there be derogatory remarks or biting. Advanced rokok topi:

 Add wind interference from a fan  Use a various cigarette brands Rokok Topi has been submitted for entry into the 2012 Olympics.


COPING IN PLACEMENT

PAGE 9

Goodbye mat t - hello rokok topi As volunteers we are committed to sharing skills and changing lives. It was therefore only fitting that Matt should introduce Rokok Topi to his fellow volunteers during his goodbye party in Bajara, Flores.

And the competitive animal in everyone emerged.

came from upstairs ‌ Team Tim Tam had won 2-1.

Teams were led by Rokok Topi experts Matt (Team Tom) and Alanna (Team Tim Tam). A slight wobble was experienced when the last team member picked was thrown back into childhood memories of always being picked last. She quickly recovered (photo below). Team Tim Tam won the coin toss and Mr Lau was first to the roki line. It was a intense competition of just 3 rounds. Michelle opened up the scoring for Team Tim Tam using an underhanded throw in Round 1.

Team Tom

Toni impressed all with his under-theleg throwing and tied up the score for Team Tom in Round 2. Round 3 was fraught with anxiety as player after player buckled under the pressure. At the end it was down to the team leaders. Matt, fatigued from his touring of Flores was unable to score. Rules were explained... Team Tim Tam And then we all had a kiss and a cuddle!

With her final roki Alanna scored but Rachel was adamant that she had stepped over the roki line. The final call

Photo credits - Danny Soysauce


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HELLO MISTER

Top five survival tips for Flores Well whilst living in the beautiful island of Flores a few things have occurred, so hopefully these top tips will help keep us all alive. 1. Using travel and the driver falls asleep at the wheel. When you see him nodding off tell him he needs to stop for a break. When everyone else in the car disagrees and states he just need to drive slowly and smoke more, start to scream

Fake illness to get their attention! and act hysterical – hopefully this will work. If not pretend to vomit in the back of the car – that normally get‟s their attention. If all else fails and he falls asleep grab the steering wheel and head for the nearest ditch! 2. Falling of your bike in the middle of nowhere and sustaining 2nd degree burns. Do not count on anyone to stop and help. Head to the nearest warung, show then the burn ask for ice and wrap it to your leg. Seek medical attention as soon as you are near a hospital – trust me on this, that burn is not going to heal overnight and everything be ok (that was me being an optimist or bloody stupid!) When the hospital prescribes only vitamins–look slightly troubled and say what about painkillers and antibiotics. When the hospital are dressing your leg, it is sometimes helpful to take a friend who can hold your hand (Thanks Corrie)

Get used to the variety of names you will called on your subsequent visits to the hospital. My name changed various times once I was Gateas, Rachel, Rachet, Rasel and Bule. Don‟t panic if the man next to you in the line ask you to hold his catheter bag, he is just trying to find out where the blockage in his line is so he can pee!

mad group. The good thing in a situation like this is your so drunk you do not feel the pain until the next morning. The morning after is painful. People look and laugh, your limbs ache, and you realise you actually fell of the bike of one of the fellow volunteers co work-

3. Getting bitten on the toe by a scorpion. Yes you get scorpions, of the small variety in Rainy Ruteng!

I’ve fallen and I can’t get up….

Scream, jump and hop in that order. Start praying to god for forgiveness of your sins, as your life as you know it is in peril. Knock on your next door neighbours and explain what has happened, just in case you need to know the name for a scorpion in Indonesia is „kalajengking‟

ers not an Ojek, to make things better you will probably be working with that bike driver again as part of your placement. The good news for me if I fell off the bike when the bike was stationary. I would advise all vol‟s if falling off a bike try and do it when the bike is not moving much, I think this will cause less pain.

Suncream cures stings!

5. When a strange man enters your house without permission...and then refuses to leave as he is looking for a wife?

which is a bit of a pain as it is not a word that slips off the tongue. When they look at you in surprise again do not panic, they are just concerned with your overreaction. Do not act too surprised when they tell you the best thing is some suncream. Hobble back to your own house, apply suncream and you are cured! Although the stinging does continue for a few more hours. 4. Drinking Gin and Arak and then falling off the back of the bike transporting you home. Basically in this situation do not drink so much! Which would be rare as a litre of gin is 400,000 when you can find it. But hey ho, when you visit the volunteers in Maumere you‟ll understand there a

Ask his name, be polite...then ask him to leave as he is not invited. Say thanks for all the compliments but you are still not interested. Scream....ask your neighbours for help. Go and stay in the convent overnight with the sisters.

I’m not your wife! Visit the man with your neighbour the next day and a sister and tell him politely to f**k off. By Rachel Gates


LEARNING AND KNOWLEDGE

PAGE 11

Fundraising news Based on an article from Jakarta Globe: „US to Bankroll Indonesian Develop-

ment – Obama commits $600 million for aid projects‟– November 19 2011:

spending). The funds will be distributed over five years with Indonesian government and NGOs assisting with project implementation.

It‟s worth volunteers and their partner organisations checking out the Millennium Challenge Corporation, a US aid body which is committing $600 million to Indonesian aid projects across the archipelago. More than half the funds ($332.5 million) will be aimed at environmental programs, with other targets being health care and „procurement modernization‟ (aimed at reducing corruption and waste in government

There are other investments too. The US and Indonesia are „engaging cooperations‟ in military education, training and weaponry. There are also billion dollar contracts with Asian companies which will boost US industry, such as Boeing being contracted to produce hundreds of new airplanes for growing airline Lionair. More than stating the obvious, a professor at the University of Indonesia (and a former defence minister) says:

“It‟s not just an altruistic goal”. And whilst Obama has not made any attempt to hide the expected benefits to the US economy that increased investment in Indonesia will result in, it will be interesting to see what such significant investment in aid projects will really mean for the development in Indonesia. Is it fuelling dependence and the existence of „Aid‟ as an industry in its own right, or will it mean real change and advancements in the arenas of environment, health and reducing corruption? By Sarah Oakes

7 ways to make headway for women... ...AND IMPROVE GENDER EQUALITY

2.

The UN Millennium Project has identified seven strategic priorities that will significantly level the playing field for women and girls.

Guarantee sexual and reproductive health and rights.

3.

Invest in infrastructure to reduce women‟s and girls‟ time burdens.

1.

4.

Guarantee women‟s and girls‟ property and inheritance rights.

5.

Eliminate gender inequality in employment by decreasing

Strengthen opportunities for post-primary education for girls while simultaneously meeting commitments to universal Primary education.

women‟s reliance on informal employment, closing gender gaps in earnings, and reducing occupational segregation.

6.

Increase women‟s share of seats in national parliaments and local governmental bodies.

7.

Combat violence against women

By Pak Jack

Hello mister jokes - michelle semogerere The New Outfit Wife puts on her new outfit and asks hubby to describe her... Hubby says "ABCDEFGHIJK" What‟s does that mean? she asks... He says Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Flamboyant, Gorgeous, and Hot. She says wow! that‟s so lovely but what about I J K ? He says "I‟m Just Kidding! Cheating A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap. One evening she suddenly sent

the maid home for the weekend & didn't tell the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, & went to the bathroom. The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her... When he finished & was still panting, the wife said: You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you? And then she switched on the light... No madam, said the gardener…

a little contribution from Pak Jack My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers Why did God make man before he made woman? because he didn't want any advice on how to do it Marriage is like a violin, after the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached -Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? asked a vso vol


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HELLO MISTER

Hello mister jokes - michelle semogerere Since its first time to appear on this page, I have decided to write about my fun jokes collection, From now on wards my page should read “Hello Mister jokes” Disclaimer, The views expressed in this magazine don‟t reflect the opinion of the writer but they are only intended to put a smile on your Face! The New Pastor A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners in Ende. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10.' Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.' FIRST TIME USHERS A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates. When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "Don't pay for me, Daddy. I'm under five." BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU TELL LITTLE ONES 1ST SCENE Daddy and Mommy are fighting in the living room, right before their little son. Daddy: Oh !! You Bitch!! Mommy: What?? You Bastard! Son: Daddy, Mommy, what's Bitch and Bastard?? At this moment, Daddy blushes. He

quickly thinks up something. Daddy: It means Ladies and Gentlemen, son. Son: Oh I see!! 2nd SCENE The little son was watching a TV show about premarital sex and there they mentioned the words 'breasts' and 'penises'. Mommy was reading the papers. Son: Mommy, what's breasts and penises? At this moment, Mommy turned blue, and quickly thought of something to say. Mommy: "It means coats and hats, son" Son" Oh I see!! 3rd SCENE Daddy was shaving his beard and the son passed by the toilet, suddenly, Daddy cut himself and screamed.... Daddy: Oh shit!! Son: Daddy, what's shit? At this moment, Daddy's eyes bulged, and quickly thought of something to say: Daddy: "It means shaving cream, son". Son: Oh I see!! 4th SCENE Christmas is approaching, and Mommy was stuffing the turkey into the stove. The turkey just wouldn't fit into the stove, so she said... Mommy: Oh fuck! Son: Mommy, what's fuck? At this moment, Mommy froze. She quickly thought of something to say. Mommy: "It means stuffing, son. Son: Oh I see!! 5th SCENE It's Christmas eve! Little son exuberantly opened the door to let all his uncles, aunties, cousins and friends come into the house.

Proudly he said... "Welcome in, Bastards and Bitches! Please put all your breasts and penises at that corner of the house! My parents are busy at the moment. You see, Daddy is putting shit on his face upstairs and Mommy is fucking the turkey in the kitchen, but don't worry, they'll be out here in a minute! Everyone fainted A CATHOLIC GIRL CONFESSION Girl: Forgive me father for I have sinned Priest: What have you done my child? Girl: I called a man a son of a bitch. Priest: Why did you call him a son of a bitch? Girl: Because he touched my hand. Priest: Like this? (As he touched her hand) Girl: Yes father. Priest: That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch. Girl: Then he touched my breast. Priest: Like this? (As he touched her breast) Girl: Yes father. Priest: That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch. Girl: Then he took off my clothes; father. Priest: Like this? (As he takes off her clothes) Girl: Yes father. Priest: That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch. Girl: Then he stuck his "you know what" into my "you know where" Priest: Like this? (As he stuck his "you know what" into her "you know where") Girl: YES FATHER; YEES FATHER; YEES FAAAATHER!!" Priest: (After a few minutes) That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch Girl: But father, he had AIDS! Priest: SHIT! THAT'S A SON OF A BITCH!!!


VSO VOLUNTEERS/WRITERS

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luntee zine for vo a g a m e h T

r Hello miste

by volunteers

I‟d give anything to see the sun set on the horizon, I‟d do anything to gaze at a full moon in the night sky; Even a rainbow would make me smile, And I‟d love to swim in crystal clear waters Of an untouched sea;

NTT

South Sulawesi

Wycliff Kivumbi Sarah Opheij Salim Kith Richard Mose Rachel Gates Peter Yikii Pam Ralston Morris Mungai Michelle Semwogerere Lau Gabuya James Serem Jack Asetto Danny Pedragosa Charlie Ventura Alanna Minogue

Sarah Oakes Pete Howson Mark Fijen Marilou Parina Anouk Cleven

Sometimes I‟ll see a shooting star, And try to gaze from afar, All the diamonds in the night sky; The mist on the mountains is breathtaking, As is walking in rainforest;

We‟re on the web!

To see cascading waterfalls I‟d do anything for,

Blogspot coming soon

As to stand on the highest peak in the world, And look at the sights below;

I‟d love to soar on wings above the clouds, Across the bluest skies;

For those who like real-time interaction you‟ll soon be able to access the Hello Mister blog.

I‟d do anything to see All the beautiful things in the world, Like a red rose blooming in the Sahara, Like a river twisting through a dusty land, All the beautiful things in the world;

UPCOMING BIRTHDAYS

All these through voluntary work All these through VSO!

by Pak Jack

Sarah Opheij - January 5th Jack Asetto - February 4th


Hello Mister December 2011