fall.2012
volume7.issue2
Chingy set to release long-awaited comeback album Spring 2013
by Long Johnson
Sources report that Chingy, the mastermind behind hit single ‘Right Thurr’ from 2003, will be releasing a brand new studio album this coming spring. The album is focused mainly around why Chingy fell off the rap game and stopped making #1 hits. According to sources close to Chingy and unknown to the general public until now, around 2005 when the sales from Right Thurr were starting to drop off, Chingy relapsed into an ass addiction. He just could not quit that ass. As suggested by the album’s title, “Ass Soon Ass Possible”, Chingy’s easy access to ass made him quite susceptible to such an addiction. The album primarily concerns overcoming this addiction in order to release the album itself. We at the Hegemonocle were able to get an early listen on the rap kingpin’s upcoming tape. The first track off Ass Soon Ass Possible, ‘All About Dat Ass’, chronicles the addiction and what it entails. The chorus in particular stuck out to our listeners: “I’m all about dat ass / damn that waistline was vast / I’ll straight get up in dat ass / I put dat ass in a cast.” ASAP then moves to a more somber tone, with Chingy reflecting on his choices in a seriously dope club banger, ‘I Couldn’t Quit Dat Ass’. The track features fellow ass-enthusiasts Big Sean and Nicki Minaj, and will probably be released as an early single some time soon. Chingy gets deep and pensive in verse 3, with “Fuck you to the haters / ass is what I chose / they just want my paper / big booty’s my gold”. “I’m just doin me. I love da booty. I can’t stop myself from wanting dat ass. We tried everything, and here I am. The same man. Society’s just gotta let me do me I guess. I mean that’s what this album’s all about. Dat ass.” commented Chingy. “I just get in the booth, and it just flows from me, ya know. It’s what I’ve been dealing with my whole life. Dat ass. When I was little it was hard for me to sing, because I had dat assthma, so I started rapping. And I can’t see too well because of dat asstigmatism, but I think I’ve come a long way, n’a’m sayin’? Dat ass got me in a chokehold and I’m just tryna stay above water. That’s what ASAP is all about. I mean invariably, the resonsance and sonic altitude of dat ass will mess with your harmonic frequency balancers. It’s scientifically proven by science. You gotta respect dat ass. Or dat ass will swallow you whole, literally.” The album finishes with a three-track spoken word piece, with the tracks ‘Massasschusetts Girls’, ‘Ass Pirate’, and the certified dopeness ‘Assfixiation’. Chingy cuts deep to his audience’s collective soul in ‘Ass Pirate’, crooning, “Girl, don’t you worry, I ain’t finna try shit / I got asspirations of bein’ yo ass pirate”. Finally, the powerful album concludes on the stanza, “I was drownin’ in ass, asphyxiation / now I’ve got it on a pedestal, I’ve got an ass fixation / I booty dat ass till dat booty ass ass / ass dat booty ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ...”