News
Coming Out for Equality
A Woman’s Inspirational Story and Advice.
By THE HARVARD INDEPENDENT
L
ast Friday, October 11, was National Coming Out Day. The impact of this not so simple act of bravery is far from trivial. Had it not been for the courageous acts of members of the LGBT community who came before us, the progress that we have reached thus far would not be a reality. The battle is far from over, which is why being out to friends, family and coworkers, when you consider it safe to do so, is crucial in moving the battle closer to equality. Most people’s homophobia stems from nothing other than ignorance and not personally knowing any LGBT people. The speech of an extremely brave and influential individual, targeted toward LGBT college students considering a career in Business, encapsulates the ability of an individual to make a true difference in the lives of hundreds of thousands of people. Julie Goodridge was one of the lead plaintiffs in Goodridge v. Dept. of Public Health – a landmark case granting same-sex couples the right to marry in the state of Massachusetts. Not only is she a prominent activist, but she also serves as CEO of a successful socially responsible wealth management company, NorthStar Asset Management. “It’s interesting being here because you all are about the age of my daughter, who was five when we started the fight for MA. I have an ancient perspective on the marriage struggle because we filed in MA 12 years ago; I joined with my partner Hilary and 6 other couples and we filed suit in the Commonwealth of MA seeking the right to marry. Given all the conversations I heard before, Given your status as undergraduates and your age, this may not seem like a big deal, but at the time that we filed, same sex marriage was a radical idea. Prior to engaging in the MA marriage case, I wasn’t a quiet person, but I didn’t consider myself an activist. I’ve been a community organizer for ACORN when I got out of undergraduate, but I thought the activists were the feminists, Marxists and Anarchists on my school’s campus. I had no profound social or political agenda in my 20s. I wasn’t a lesbian as far as I knew. I wasn’t bisexual as far as I knew. It began in 1987, and it began like this. My partner wanted to have children, and I was in a panicked state, recalling telling her, “We can’t have children, we’re lesbians.” I gave birth to Annie September 1st 1995, her birth was a sea-section, with one leg up (it’s helping her to get into college I think). Annie was admitted to the 4
harvardindependent.com
neonatal intensive care unit, and we didn’t know if she would survive. I was just wheeled off to recovery, and Hilary, Annie’s other mother, was barred from seeing either one of us. The hospital did not consider her out relative; had we been married this would never have been an issue. This kind of thing could still occur in the majority of states in this country, regardless of the fact that we have federal recognition of marriage. It’s not like we didn’t prepare for the birth; I’m an investment advisor, we had healthcare proxies, wills, our attorney changed our name to Goodridge (we picked a name that we thought sounded like a nice name from Hilary’s family… so that we would appear to be a legitimate family like our friends’). None of the plans or the name change made Hilary kin. Legally we were still strangers. When she told the nurse at the hospital that she’s my partner, the nurse said sorry you’re not the mother of Annie and you cannot see her. I burst into tears, and she became hysterical, and at that moment the nurse escorted her in. She had no access to either of the two of us in a moment of tremendous crisis. We wanted to become next of kin. On March 28, 2001, armed with blood
tests and cash for the fee, Hilary and I went down to City Hall to apply for a marriage license. When we got to the window and asked for an application for the license, the clerk’s response was, “Where are the grooms?” MA didn’t have a law requiring a groom, but we were still denied. We filed a legal state against the state. Suddenly, I became an activist. I was the mother of a kid in kindergarten, running a company, and I became an activist. We needed to share our stories, because we were the lead plaintiffs we had to open up our private world to the media. The people in 9/11, for example, a partner loses her partner on a plane that was taken down in 9/11. She could not call the airline and get any information as to whether her partner was actually on that flight, and wasn’t entitled to any of the benefits, almost lost her house which was under her partner’s name. I remember one unfortunate afternoon; it was 98 degrees on a Friday. One afternoon a parent from Annie’s school said she received a large postcard in the mail, that showed us having coffee in the front, but on the back went into detail about my sex life with Hilary and the harm we are doing to our daughter
by raising her in a homosexual home. This was a postcard, many parent’s children in Annie’s grade received the postcard. We were deemed sinners and evildoers. We faced fewer obstacles than most who fought to marry who they loved before. Loving v. Virginia (1958), illegal until then or even later for couples of different races to marry, “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents… The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.” It took about 300 years for interracial couples to have marriage equality, it took 116 year for women to get the right to vote, but we filed our suit in 2001 and in NOV of 2003, the supreme court of MA sent out the following ruling: “Barring an individual from protections, benefits, and obligations of civil marriage solely because that person would marry a person of the same sex violates the MA constitution.” On that day we were granted freedom and equality under the law, as far as marriage goes. I believe, that the fight for equal marriage moved the LGBT community to a path of justice because the public got to know our families who were committed, caring, and boring as any of the others. The fight for full acceptance of every member of our community is very far from complete. Each of you must be the visionaries and activists that are behind he changes that need to come. This can be as simple as being honest about your identity, being out is so important because hiding who you are in any aspect of your life doesn’t create a safe place for us. I believe, we have a responsibility to share who we are and what we value with those around us. My daughter, despite attending a ritzy private school in Boston, was bullied by her classmates who didn’t understand the struggle of equality. She responded by becoming the head of the Gay Straight Alliance. She embraced activism. When I’m not in the midst of using my personal life as a catalyst for social change, I run a socially responsible wealth management company. Many people who don’t support same-sex marriage say none of their friends, coworkers, or families are homosexuals. This is why the very simple and brave act of coming out is so important. Over the last couple of years, it has been kind of a thrill to be considered a threat to society. We have a responsibility to work toward equality and injustice for all.” 10.17.13 • The Harvard Independent