Writing for change Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in her early 20s, Rosie felt ashamed, isolated and confused. The stigma of BPD has silenced people for years – but she’s had enough. Through her poetry, Rosie is leading the way for change, and showing that everyone deserves love, support, and most importantly, a voice Writing | Maxine Ali
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ental illness can often feel like a silent struggle. Finding and sharing the right words to capture the confusion and emotion of life with a mental health condition is no mean feat. It is especially challenging because these feelings are not always visible to the outside world. Even with various efforts being made to end the stigma, silence remains an experience for many when it comes to discussing our own mental health. For Rosie, silence was a defining part of her early experiences as she navigated life with a mental illness. “In the beginning, I felt like I had no one to talk to,” she says. “I felt extremely ashamed, isolated and confused.” Rosie was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder
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(BPD) when she was 23. “For years, I carried my BPD around like a dirty little secret,” she recalls. “Any attempt I made to say the words ‘borderline personality disorder’ made me want to vomit.” BPD, sometimes called emotionally unstable personality disorder, is characterised by affective dysregulation, disturbed patterns of thinking or perception, and impulsive behaviour. These characteristics are believed to emerge as adaptive, defensive strategies from the chronic trauma, interpersonal violence, or emotionally-unprotective environments often experienced by people with BPD. Chartered psychologist Kimberley Wilson says: “People with a diagnosis of BPD can often feel under siege by their own thoughts and emotions, and become sensitive towards any hint of rejection from those around them.”
Rosie adds: “I would describe a BPD episode as a moment of emotional agony. In those moments, I am deafened by my thoughts and drowning in emotions.” Unfortunately, BPD is a condition layered with myths, stereotypes and misrepresentations. Many people with BPD recall being dismissed as ‘over-dramatic’ and ‘attention-seekers’, feeling coerced into silence and secrecy for their own self-preservation. The sanctions of silence surrounding BPD were immediately apparent to Rosie. “The psychiatrist who diagnosed me told me it would be better if she didn’t record my diagnosis in my medical notes,” she says. “Essentially, she was telling me to hide my BPD.” Individuals with BPD tend to be treated with less compassion than those with other mental health