EYES SS: ILLNE NTAL E DER M S ON DISOR FOCU SIVE LOVE S OBSE
Layout & illustrations: Hanna Ă˜ Stavenes
I want to hold you so hear me out I want to show you what love’s all about Darlin’ tonight Now I’ve got you in my sights With these hungry eyes One look at you and I can’t disguise I’ve got hungry eyes I feel the magic between you and I Now I’ve got you in my sights With these hungry eyes Now did I take you by surprise I need you to see This love was meant to be
ERIC CARMEN - HUNGRY EYES
Love is an emotion that is probably the most talked about, thought about, written about and not to forget, fantasized about thing in the world. While some would describe love as a tender and deep affection, others would associate the feelings with sexual passion and desire. In the initial phase of a relationship, there is an overwhelming and instant attraction towards oneâ€™s love interest which slowly moves on to become a tender and beautiful relationship based on companionship and trust. And while this is the expected culmination for all relationships, there are instances when these feelings of love turn into an obsession. The manic need to possess takes over and overrides the bond of trust and companionship that a couple shares.
This condition is referred to as obsessive love disorder.
TIFFANY - I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW
Love Obsession Stalkers These are individuals who become obsessed with or fixed on a person with whom they have had no intimate or close relationship. The victim may be a friend, a business acquaintance, a person met only once, or even a complete stranger. Love obsession stalkers believe that a special, often mystical, relationship exists between them and their victims. Any contact with the victim becomes a positive reinforcement of this relationship and any wavering (even the slightest) of the victim from an absolute "NO" is seen as an invitation to continue the pursuit. These stalkers will often read sexual meanings into neutral responses from the victim. They are often loners with an emotional void in their lives. Any contact with the object of the infatuation, even negative, helps fill this void. Failed relationships are the rule among these individuals. Many suffer from erotomania. They have the delusion that they are loved intensely by another person, usually a person of higher socioeconomic status than them or an unattainable public figure. They are totally convinced that the stalking victim loves them dearly and truly, and would return their affection except for some external influence. During questioning, police find that most love obsession stalkers have fantasized a complete relationship with the person they are stalking. When they attempt to act out this fantasy in real life, they expect the victim to return the affection. When no affection is returned, the stalker often reacts with threats and intimidation. When the threats and intimidation don't accomplish what they hoped, the stalker can often become violent and even deadly. The following stories has been found on various internet forums and are real-life tales from real-life people.
Billy Corgan said it best:
"I feel like a rat in a cage."
I met someone many years ago and since that day I have always been obsessed with them. I have never dated them, slept with them or tasted their lips but this obsession has ruined me. To make a long story short we were good friends, he was dating someone and I thought I would just ride it out. But they never broke up, they ended up getting married and such, but I finally confessed my feelings to him when he told me they got engaged. His response was wouldve, couldve, shouldve but didnt think he was my type. Anyways, he flew across the country to hang with me (and to see his family) one last time before he tied the knot. It was the best time of my life; it was utterly simple but I just missed him so much (hadnt seen him for like 5 years). it was so gracious to bathe in his presence. He called me from the airport on his return home and told me it too was the best time he had ever had back here. But then - one day after he left - I lost it, I vented other issues to him since I felt it no longer mattered because he was getting married so why did I have to keep up being prim and proper. I told him blantly to **** off and never speak to me again. I did apologize later and he accepted my apology, but then he abandoned me. It's been nearly 4 years since he abandoned me. He deleted/blocked me from his entire life. I managed to track him down last summer and send him a heartfelt message telling him just how horrible I was, he told me it was okay; he
held no grudge towards me and he thought of me quite often. He told me he couldn't stay away either.. and then he abandoned me again... I have been in a serious relationship with someone for nearly the entire 4 years, but I could never love them the way I love this person. I go to bed at nights thinking about him, I wake up and think about him, I write and think about him, I dream, I fuck, I listen to music and I think about him. I want to hate him; I want to forget him, he is not worthy of the energy and the patience I put into this 'hope' that one day.. one day.. But I cant stop. I have a manic love for this person and when I look at other lovers they're just not him and even though they are wonderful and more than I could ever ask for, my best friend, someone I get along great with, I am still disappointed that theyâ€™re not him. I dont know what to do anymore. I've written an entire novel about this guy because I hoped to close the chapter on our lives; I thought it might put an end to my obsession but it just manifests it more. I want the Barsteward to read it, to weep to feel like the jackass he is. I am spiteful, vengeful but I would forgive him and drop my entire life in a heartbeat. No one deserves that kind of treatment from me but me... but no... he gets it all, and he doesnt even know it... Or maybe he does. I don't want to imagine spending the rest of my life in this suspended state waiting for an impossible dream, never being able to experience true joy and happiness with someone else because I just want him so badly...
BURT BACHARACH - THIS GUY’S IN LOVE WITH YOU
LEONA LEWIS - BLEEDING LOVE
What Causes Obsessive Love? Not every jilted lover becomes obsessively involved with their ex. Not every person who is in a relationship with someone gets into a maniacal need to possess them. Then why is it that some people do? The tendency to fall in an obsessive kind of love can almost always be traced back to one's childhood and early adolescence. Factors like abandonment issues, mental or physical abuse, being neglected, being compared to one's siblings and similar situations which may lead to the feelings of being 'inferior' or unworthy in a child may lead to the emergence of an emotional void in him/her. It is this void that they are trying to fill with the acceptance and love of the other person. It has also been observed that usually it is people with a low self-esteem who develop the tendencies of obsessive love. In case the other person is not a part of their lives anymore, they convince themselves that their return will automatically solve all their problems and make them happy again. They thus create an illusion for themselves and move farther and farther away from the truth. Also, the way a person learns to love is conditioned during his/her childhood. For example, a child who is not shown healthy
love and affection during his formative years, may go on to have dysfunctional relationships later in life just to gain attention. Psychiatrists also believe that children from alcoholic families may be at a greater risk of developing love disorders and addiction. Other reasons for why this obsession makes way is that there is a lack of self-confidence in the person. This leads to insecurity, feelings of vulnerability and a perceived failure in their relationships. That is why they resort to certain tactics of holding on to that person. Interestingly, the exact opposite can also stand true, where a person has an inflated sense of self, is egoistic and has feelings of being special and/or different, so when there is a failed relationship, the person becomes obsessed and wants to possess and control the other. Given to their lack of self-confidence, if there is any form of inequality with the partner, either in the social class or in the level of attractiveness they might have the need to possess and gain control over the situation thus.
OK, it's been barely a month and i am in love with this guy, he also feels or just says hes in love. He is very convincing, i think hes a little crazy too! He has been to a mental asylum for 6 months for depression and use to be addicted to drugs. I love how clingy and jealous he trys to be, but i am not sure if this relationship is healthy, if i am borderline he maybe a little borderline himself. Can two borderline people work out together? We are both trying to make the best of our lives school, work, etc. I am going on this huge trip in the summer and he is going. He was suppose to go to the navy, but now wants to go with me. It's a very intense relationship and it's only been a month. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if this relationship is doomed for catastrophe.
Signs of Obsessive Love
There are several signs which indicate an obsessive love addiction. The signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder in love include: Fixation with a person who they believe holds the key to their happiness and fulfillment.
The onset of tunnel vision, where the person cannot think about anything else except possessing the other person. This not only affects his thought processes, but his daily activities as well. Stalking them either physically or through varied social networking mediums in order to keep tabs on them. 'Driveways' around a love interest's home or place of employment, with the goal of assuring that the person is at where he/she said they would be. Physical monitoring of their activities by following them throughout the course of a day to discover their daily activities and whereabouts. Indulging in obsessive love stalking, rape, murder and other destructive activities. Onset of extreme depression that can even turn into suicidal thoughts and give rise to suicidal tendencies. A sudden loss of self-esteem or feelings of guilt and self-hatred. Denial that the relationship has ended. This is usually followed by attempts to win a loved one back by making promises to change. The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to mute the emotional pain. Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest.
Hi, I’m new here.
I need some help about a certain issue. Before I say what this issue is, I will tell you a few details about myself; I’m from the UK and I’m a Psychology student, aged 20 and female. I have had this problem for nearly 8 years now and its still occurring. I cant explain it all, because so much has happened. But anyway, I have an obsession with a man who I have only met two times. I feel as though I’m completely in love with him - no, actually I got that wrong - I AM in love with him. He is 6 years older than me and I know that we are meant to be together. He is married now and has a child, but that won’t stop me from loving him. Ok, I’ll say it now; he’s a celebrity, and he’s in a music band, lets call him X. I used to personally know his band mate, his band mates uncle used to work with my dad and I met his band mate a few times before they all became famous, and I met X, and it wasn’t love at first
sight or anything, but I got a crush on him and then it just grew and grew over the years. During that time I was going through a very rough patch in my life, I became very depressed and didn’t feel like waking up in the mornings, which sorta ruined my education and my life. X found out about me feeling so low, and he rang me up a few times, and we chatted for ages on the phone. This was when he was famous He was the only person in the world that cared about me at that time, and he made me feel much better about myself and everything. We were very open to each other and he told me everything, but then his manager found out and got very angry that X was telling all his personal secrets to some fan (they all labelled me as a fan) cos X then hadn’t revealed he had a girlfriend who he had been with for ages, but I knew all and I was chatting to other fans about it and that’s how the manager found out. So X told me, which
SAVAGE GARDEN - TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY
was the last time we spoke on the phone by the way, that he is not going to contact me anymore and I was fine with that at the time, but then my life kept getting worse and worse. I missed X so much, and he even dedicated a song to me and mentioned me in a magazine. I assumed that he liked me even though he had a girlfriend, and I was just madly in love with him. But X didn’t know this, he thought I just needed support from him. So I sent him letters every week and presents every day if I could; I spent all my time thinking/fantasising of him, etc… but he never replied back and never rang me again (now I know he never got my mail). I got so depressed, I felt as though no one loved me, and I was ugly and I would have no future, that I attempted suicide; I wanted to die so badly that day. I was alone in the house and slit my wrist deeply with a knife. I felt no pain when I did it, because I
was already hurting so much. I remember feeling dizzy and light headed and I kept screaming and crying, but one thing kept me going and that was X. I thought maybe if I get a chance with him, then I will never be lonely again and I would have a reason to live, so I bandaged myself and stopped from killing myself. No one knew about this. So then my next goal in life was to tell X personally that I was in love with him. I got so obsessed, and it got all sexual too. I did have boyfriends by the way, but they never treated me good, because I had so low self esteem and hated myself and my looks. When we had sex I’d think of X all the time. I ran away once to try and find him, but didn’t succeed. He lives miles away from me. I became like a stalker, but I didn’t follow him. I just hate his wife; she is gorgeous and perfect and I hate her guts. I met X and all his band mates at an album signing and X
I wanted to die so badly that day
recognised me straight away and he took me to the back of the music and store and hugged me and kissed me. I had matured at this time, I was 18 I think, and we spent ages chatting and it was like old times, but he had to rush and go off and I didn’t get to tell him I love him. Next time I met him it was recently in the city shopping centre, it was him and his wife I met, again he recognised me, but because of her I didn’t get to tell him I love him. Anyway; X, even though he saved my life and has made me feel good about myself, has made me feel bad too. I feel like I’m nothing compared to his wife, and that he has ruined my sex and love life. Actually, why am I blaming him? It’s my fault I have this this obsessive love over him. I feel terribly lonely all the time, I need him to cuddle me during the nights and I always end up crying over him every night. I need him, I want him, I love him and I can’t get over him. I try my best to do well in exams, and not to think of him. I have seen a counsellor in college for two years and this year I paid to see a therapist, source:http://www.uncommonforum.com
and I have done sort of well this year in trying to get over him, but even my therapist says this is a very difficult case. I have stopped seeing my therapist now, becauseI can’t afford it. But I really need some help. I just want to tell X I love him; I think after I’ve told him I may feel better or maybe my obsession just will get worse. We are meant to be. I had a dream earlier this year and on the same night X had a serious accident, and my therapist told me my dream and his accident were connected. What should I do guys??? How can I get over him, I know I love him, my heart aches so much and sometimes I get panic attacks. I care so much for him and I’m sure he must think of me too. God I need help, so much help, I’m going crazy, I am labelled crazy by my mates and family. Sorry it’s long. Please help!
ROXETTE - DANGEROUS
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