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QUINTESSENCE Red-Hot

Wome n cofide share their b nce tip ody s

sex

TALK

WHY YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW HER!

What men want you to say in bed and what they DON’T

8 HOT Guys share what they look for in a woman

or

f s e h t o l c T The BES y od YOUR b

Flat Abs and Great Butt

Get Fit to Get the Date!


CONTENTS Cover Story

Why you want to get to know her Guy Watch

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What’s in and What’s Out

Jada Pinkett Tells All Get Fit to Get a Date Let’s Talk about sex

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Why You to Get ME

Want to


When I first met Christina Denise Valentine in Holland Hall at Hampton University, I thought “now that is a model.” There this 19 year old, 5’9 fresh-faced beauty stood with her long, luxurious, black hair, her fitted Aeropostale’ shirt and skinny jeans waiting to head into aerobic dance class. I immediately though, “This girl is going to make it big and I am going to be the one to give her the opportunity she needs to jump start her career.” She is a sophomore, marketing major attending Hampton University as she pursues her dream of becoming a high-fashion model. I accompanied her to her photo shoot for the cover of her magazine and got a glimpse of all that is “Model Valentine.” She truly is a natural, the camera simply adores her. She walks over to her seat and we begin the interview only after she washes her face clear of the make-up and prepares to answer the questions awaiting her. So Christina, what made you want to become a model? I was inspired to become a model when I moved to California. My mom took me to this agency and I took a few photos and I felt comfortable in front of the camera. Since then I knew I wanted to become a model. I heard your close friends pushed you to follow your dreams, was their positivity a factor in your decision? Yes, because sometime I doubt myself and my close friends keep my spirits up and believe in me when I don’t. I love my friends and I am thankful for them. I see, so what is your ultimate dream, what is that you really want to achieve as a model? Being a model I want to achieve being on the cover of every elite magazine and being in fashion show across the world. I want to be the “it” girl, the girl that every designer and photographer wants to work with. I want to be an inspiration for young girls to pursue their dream and not let them or anybody stop them from achieving their dreams. I want to give back to my close family and friends that helped and believed in me and the various communities I lived in throughout my childhood. I also want to branch out while modeling and pursue other careers in the entertainment industry such as acting. Would morality have a part in the projects you

choose to participate in? My morals are to be myself and only do thing that make me feel comfortable. If I feel like I’m showing too much of my body or setting a wrong example I won’t do it. What do you think is you’re best physical feature? My best physical feature is my legs. I love how long my legs are and how good they look in jeans, dress, skirts, and heels. Sometime I believe my legs are longer than the top half of my body. How do you handle attending college and modeling? School is my first priority and modeling is second. I try to have my second priority more on the weekend and school during the week. It’s hard to do because lot events happen during the week so I organize my time so I can get class and homework done before I have a fashion show or a photo shoot. So, if an opportunity for you to sign a contract with an elite modeling agency abroad presented itself, would you leave school to pursue your dreams? If I feel like it is a good opportunity I would take that chance to pursue my dream. I can transfer to a school abroad and balance school and pursuing my dream. Do you think you will be able to apply what you’ve learned as a marketing major to the modeling world? Yes because marketing is a very board major. What I learned in my major I can know more than just wearing those clothes in fashion shows or in photo shoots but how people buy and sell them to company and stores to be sold to the public. Because I am majoring in marketing I have the knowledge that can help me not only modeling in the fashion industry but also buying and selling products too. Is there anyone special in your life? No, I’m single. I’m not really looking for a relationship right now but if the right person approach me that would be nice. Tell me some things you look for in Mr. Right. Something’s I’m looking in “Mr. Right” is ummm, he has to be tall, I feel like I’d intimidate him if I were taller than him. I also want him to have a nice smile and make me laugh. He would have to know how to


treat and respect women and love me for who I am and not try to make me something I’m not. He has to have goals and be well established. Interesting. How do you feel about dating guys in the industry? I don’t have any negativity towards dating guys in the industry only that its harder than dating an average person. When dating a person in the industry you’ll have to know if they love you for you and not how popular you are. Also paparazzi can be a hassle to when both of you are in the industry because you’ll have twice as much paparazzi cause they want to see both of you when you are together. I noticed that while you were on the runway you seemed to be having quite a bit of fun, tell me what it felt like for you to be out there doing something you love? It feels really great being able to do something I love. I am a visual person so when I see myself doing something in my mind I know I can and when I actually do it I’m very proud of myself. When I’m on the runway I feel an adrenalin rush while walking down the runway. What do you do to prepare for modeling projects? I make sure that I am physically and mentally well. Do you think “ripping the runway” will be your home in the fashion industry or do you want to do ads for major companies and brands? I would love to do both. I like being in fashion shows and being photographed. Some people may say that you are more of a commercial model; do you believe you have what it takes to be high fashion? I know I have what it takes to be in high fashion and I

want everybody to know me as a high fashion model. If I could I would do everything, I feel like if I have an opportunity to do all aspects of modeling I would do it. There have been about a handful of black models who have made it into the mainstream and have dedicated their lives to helping other young black women achieve greatness; What do you think you can contribute to the black community as a model? I can contribute to the black community by helping young children and teens in schools. I want them to want to learn more than they believe are forced to go to school. There is a low percentage of African Americans graduating from high school and I want that to change that for the better. Education is an important part of a persons life and I think that all children should have the opportunity to have an education no matter what situation they are in.

Who were some of your inspirations? My inspiration is my mother. My mother is a strong single mother who made a lot of scarifies for me throughout my life. She always believes in my dreams and gave me the confidence I need to succeed. Without my mother I wouldn’t be where I am now and feel bless that I have her in my life. Tyra Banks has also been my inspiration to become a model. She inspires me to be a successful young black model. What I love about Tyra is that she wasn’t just a model but she acts too. Also she has her on reality show and talk show. Learn from what Tyra has done with her life besides modeling has motivated me to do more. As a young black model do you have any advice to other aspiring models? My advice to aspiring models is to believe in your dreams and only surround yourself with positive people. Being around people who believe in you will boost your confidence and will love and care for you


even if you don’t fulfill your dreams. Also, when looking for modeling agencies watch out for scams that only want you for your money and not much of your talent. Where do you see yourself in 5years? 10? In 5 years I see myself graduating from grad school and traveling across the world. After I graduate from Hampton University I plan on attending New York University to get my masters and continuing model while I’m in New York. After grad school I want to travel across the world modeling in different countries. I love to travel and would love to be in different fashion shows across the world. In 10 years I see myself either being engaged or married. I also want to start acting and star in TV show or movies.


The Smith Residence in the San Fernando Valley is on a serious piece of property. As I bumble along a path that doesn't, as it happens, lead to the front door of the sprawling, low-slung adobe-style home, a walkie-talkieequipped member of a plainclothes security detail appears to guide me to the entrance. Framed by masses of potted succulents, the Moroccan-inspired wooden door leads to a large open foyer, a preamble to an airy sunken living room where Southwestern and African elements blend comfortably and the window looks out onto a large pond. The place is grand, but warm and eclectic. I am led to the dining room, where the table has been set. When Jada Pinkett Smith arrives, the first word that springs to mind is petite; her body is lost inside black sweats and a giant black Tshirt with a heavy-metal band's logo splashed in red: Mnemic. It takes only a few minutes of conversation, though, for Jada to become larger than life. "I don't know what's in here," she says, using chopsticks to airlift one of the intricately bundled dim sum dumplings left on platters for us by her cook. "All I know is it's not pork and it's not cow. I don't eat those." Her conversation swoops and glides from the serious to the silly, her voice from barely audible to dinner-party loud. Profound observations about relationships and motherhood are leavened with a laugh, and when an idea tickles her, she claps her hands and hoots. You can imagine that both she and her audiences had a blast when she toured with her metal band, Wicked Wisdom, a few years ago.

the sassy hippo in both Madagascars, a tightly wound prosecutor in Collateral, and a gay author in last year’s The Women. But now she’s back in front of the TV cameras in TNT’s new dramedy, HawthoRNe, about a hospital nursing staff led by her character, Christina Hawthorne. Wife to Will Smith, mother to their children, Jaden, 11, and Willow, 8, and stepmom to Trey, Will’s 16-year-old son from his first marriage, Jada is also an actively engaged writerproducer-actress and, through the Will and Jada Smith Family Foundation, a philanthropist. Suffice it to say she’s busy. Not too busy, though, to give us a peek into her world. We gave her a camera, and here she shares the personal snapshots she took over several days, as well as her thoughts on playing the ultimate nurturer and shattering the concept of the ultimate wife. Welcome to life through Jada’s eyes.

What appealed to you about the character of Christina Hawthorne? She is the übercaretaker and wears her heart on her sleeve in a profession where you’re not really supposed In addition to her metal credentials, 37-yearto. She’s old Jada is an alum of the late ‘80s/early ‘90s sacrificBill Cosby series A Different World. Since then she has focused on film roles — the steely ing herself Niobe in two Matrix installments, the voice of in every


episode. Every last one of us wants a hero — a stranger, lover, father, husband, sister — somebody who will put everything on the line for you. And that’s what Christina does. She’s relentless. What about her do you have a hard time wrapping your head around? How she deals with loss — she’s just lost her husband. She’s in a deep state of denial and doesn’t herself like she takes care of her patients. It’s hard for me to understand that denial.

you have to create for someone to feel like they can be open to you in that way. That’s something we forget in marriages and relationships — they have to be places of safety, because they’re where you are most vulnerable. If you’re not allowed to be safe, I don’t know if you can reach the depths of connection that support commitment. You can be committed to somebody because of ego: I said I was going to be with this joker for the rest of my life, so I’m just going to do it. Or you can be committed because you have a deeply rooted connection.

Because you’re more likely to address issues head-on? I try my best to confront situations because I know, at the end of the day, you can deal with it or it will deal with you. I’ve had enough experience to know that that’s how it goes down. There’s no going around it.

How do you keep that connection? Talk. Or the other day, because I’ve been working a lot, I said to Will, “Be ready at 2:30.” He said, “Where are we going?” I said, “Don’t worry about it.” I try to make Sunday a day to reconnect — with friends, family, husband. So I put together a picnic basket and drove us to this hiking trail that I’d taken him How did you get so strong? to when we first met. NoSurprises are imporMy only thing in life is, I really just want to be tant, aren’t they? better. I’m fascinated by human interaction. I That’s part of the reason we’ve been able to be was looking at this Leonardo da Vinci docutogether the way that we are for so long. We’re mentary the other day. He would try to capconstantly surprising each other. In relationture the soul and moments of emotion as they ships you have to be elastic. If I say “black,” move through the eyes. That’s what inspired Will says “white.” That’s just how we work. me to take the photos of Will’s and the kids’ No matter what side of the scale one is on, eyes. Human spirit, things that aren’t tangible, the other will switch to keep the balance. We fascinate me, so I’m always researching mind, crack up about it all the time. We hardly ever spirit, soul. I’ll say, “Will, how did you feel agree on anything, and we’ve learned to rein that moment, when that person said that to ally respect that in our relationship. You might you?” have an idea in your mind of what a marriage is supposed to be, and you’re driving, driving, Not all men could answer that. driving toward this ideal picture. But you have Will’s really smart. He’s very conscious and to be open to the fact that your relationship is present. meant to be something else. Was he like that when you first met? No, I think that’s something we’ve learned to be together. There’s a certain amount of safety

Do you see yourself in your kids? Oh, yes. I see myself in Willow and Jaden — and in Trey, and he’s not even my biological


child! It’s amazing because you can see the most beautiful parts of yourself in your children. That’s what I love most. When I look at my kids, I go, I hope to God they don’t get my ugly parts. Get your own ugly stuff, not mine! Willow’s a wild child like me. She’s got this snake, Beauty. I’ve always loved snakes but was afraid of them. But Willow had wanted this one snake forever. She’d go into the pet store and pick it up and wrap it around her. I’d never touched a snake before, and I put out my hand, and Beauty [mimics the snake slithering up her arm]. I’ve been in love with her ever since. I said to Willow, “You did Mommy a big favor. You helped me overcome a fear.” What do you do to regroup when the career-family-life merry-go-round spins out of control? When I’m tired, I rest. I say, “I can’t be a superwoman today.” I’m really trying to work on the receiving part, on how to give to myself. When I need a minute, I just want quiet. I need peace. I like being alone. I get up every morning about 5:45 and meditate for 20 or 30 minutes. The house is silent, and the sky is just about to break. And then I go out and I run the canyons. That’s been really good for me, a good way to start my day. After 11 years of marriage, any tips for keeping a relationship hot? Nice outfits and high heels! And talking. And making time. You’ve got to make time. Our men want to feel important. We want to feel important. So it’s about establishing an environment in which that can happen. It can be hard because we get caught in the grind of life. Establish relationships with family members or friends and take turns with each other’s kids so you can make that time for yourselves. It doesn’t take a lot of money — wallets are tight right now — so just simple stuff. A night walk? Man, do I love those. Or pack a lunch and go to the park, like Will and I did. Even a drive — and then pull over on the side of the road! Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Be sneaky. Your girlfriend’s house at a party. The bathroom! A guest bedroom! Just switch it up. Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame alive.


LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX An average couple's sex life may be compared to a campfire. The first few years of marriage, it is bright, glowing and red hot. But as time pass by, it becomes dull and bleak until all the lights go out and there's only darkness. Why is it that the fire burns out after a few years of marriage? How can everything become so monotonous and boring? There comes a time in every couple's life when the frequency of having sex is close to none. In real life, there are jobs that we have to go to, children to take care of, responsibilities left and right. There is simply no time left for physical intimacy. Either that, or you're simply too tired to attempt anything-scared that you might fall asleep in the middle of making love. Is it too late to rekindle the fire and bring back the passion? Sex as we know it, involves kissing, fondling and intercourse. What a lot of us don't know and fail to understand is this: Sex is also communication. Sexual communication is just like any conversation between two people. It can be intimate, stimulating and deeply satisfying, or it can be lackluster, distant and degrading. Being able to listen and knowing how to respond may be just the way to lead us out of the boredom. The key to a successful sexual communication is to understand what our partner needs and knowing how to meet those needs. But HOW? Let go of the misconceptions and false beliefs about what is good sex. Myth of the Big Bang: this is an all-or-nothing theory. It's either a thundering and deafening explosion of sexual excitement or, never mind, let's play bridge. Discovering what your partner needs or knowing how to pleasure each other is unheard of in this myth. It is always assumed that two bodies create sexual fireworks automatically. In reality, however, good sex requires conscious effort and open communication just as everything else in marriage. Myth of the Big Stick: this myth implies that a real man can sustain prolonged erection for hours, can control their orgasms and have one whenever they want to, and is constantly on fire. But in real life, such man with supernatural sexual powers is yet to be found. The truth is: during intercourse, a man's average erection time is approximately ten minutes. Drugs, such as Viagra, may help sustain an erection but only for a few hours (one guy claimed that he went for 16 hours, is he for real??). After an orgasm, a man needs two hours at the very least to recover in order to achieve a second orgasm. The average man doesn't know about the three F's of sexual pleasure: flirtation, foreplay, and fantasy. He has no idea that it's okay to ask his wife what she wants so that he can satisfy her sexual needs too.


Myth of the Big O. The female counterpart of the Myth of the Big Bang; it says that a woman who can't have orgasm is a sexual failure or frigid. As a result, a lot of couples stress out on whether she has already climaxed or not, and so neither of them are able to relax and enjoy sex. The tension that they both feel is in fact, the reason why she can't let herself loose and experience full sexual pleasure. The truth is, if the couple would only pay attention to giving and receiving pleasure, sexual satisfaction and even orgasm is not that hard to achieve. Want good sex? Say it! There's no better way than communicating with your partner to learn about each other's needs. If you want to rekindle the fire and keep it burning, tell and show your partner how you want to be touched and what turns you on. Remember: don't be afraid to ask about your partner's needs too.



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