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thursDAY, JUly 12, 2018
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Foundation By Susan Newman, PhD
Continued from Tuesday
Plan on taking breaks from a long car ride
Scout out parks or other destinations where you can stop along the way and let everyone stretch their legs. A quick game of catch or Frisbee can help burn off some pent-up energy. These stops might slow you down a bit, but kids will feel better – and might even nap – if you get them a little fresh air and activity. Pack a healthy lunch – or at least some healthy snacks – to keep everyone from getting too hungry during the ride or flight. Younger kids especially will appreciate a little bit of their usual routine. So if it’s always raisins and crackers at snack time, bring those on the road with you. If you’re stuck waiting in an airport, use the downtime to take walks from terminal to terminal. Find a good spot for watching the planes take off. And don’t forget to tuck a deck of cards and a few good books into everyone’s backpack. For younger children, crayons and paper can usually save the day.
Step 4: You made it!
The key to having a great time once you arrive can be summed up in two words: Be flexible. Vacations can really throw
A kids for a loop. Nothing is like it normally is – from the bed they’re sleeping in to the food they’re eating. Help kids feel comfortable on vacation by keeping them informed. Younger kids will appreciate knowing that you’re going to the zoo, then having lunch, then going to look for shells on the beach. It’s helpful to remind them during the day: “We’re leaving the zoo, so it’s time for lunch. Then we’ll go to the beach.” Talking to them at the end of the day (“What was your favourite part of our day?”) also can help orient them. And talk about what’s coming up tomorrow. Here are some additional travel tips for active vacationers: Travel can be exhausting, especially if you’re changing time zones. Give yourself a day to rest up before jumping into strenu-
ous physical activity. Consider the weather reports. Juggle activities if you can to avoid bad weather. Your preschooler might love a nature hike on a beautiful sunny afternoon, but might get pretty tired of it on a rainy and windy day. Include several indoor activities on your list of things to do and save them for bad-weather days. Stagger different activities to accommodate different ages, abilities, and interests. For instance, you don’t have to ride a bike all day. You could bike in the morning and take a lazy canoe ride in the afternoon. If you’ve been hiking or biking all day, but your toddler has been in the backpack or tucked inside a baby seat, head to the nearest park or playground where your little one can get some welcome exercise. If you didn’t schedule enough time for an activity, don’t r u s h
through it just to move on to the next item on the agenda. Be open to changing your plans if you find something more fun or interesting. At the same time, be willing to call it a day if the kids – or adults – are just worn out and ready for some downtime. An “anything goes” approach can be tempting, but letting discipline slide on vacation isn’t a good idea. Though all parents lighten up a bit on vacation, try to enforce the same rules that apply at home. If it’s not OK for a child to hit his brother at home, it’s not OK on vacation either. Plan some downtime and make sure kids get enough sleep. Be especially sensitive to younger kids and try to stick to their usual routines as much as possible. The effort spent keeping normal nap schedules will pay off because kids will feel more secure and less cranky. And when kids are less cranky, parents are less cranky, too! (Excerpt
from
shealth.org)
kid-
ll parents worry about their children’s wellbeing at any age, but the issues to worry about mount when children hit the teen years. I am often asked by parents of one child about how to deal with the anxiety they feel. With one child the focus can be more intense; however a parent’s anxiety, upset, or despair when something goes amiss is the same no matter how many children there are in the family. Parental anxiety is readily absorbed by children and not helpful as teenagers navigate their more complex world – facing more temptations and risks than they did as young children. I asked my colleague, Dr Alice Boyes, author of The Anxiety Toolkit, to recommend ways that all parents can tamp down the anxiety they feel as their kids enter the teen years.
Be compassionate
Whether you have one adolescent or several, first, be compassionate with yourself about your feelings. There’s no need to beat yourself up about the fact you’re worried. You want to keep your child safe and that concern is bubbling over as anxiety. That’s very understandable and relatable.
Confront your specific fears
For instance, do you fear your child will die in a car crash? Is your fear that your child will do something stupid and get arrested? Once you identify your specific fears, gather some “base rate” data on how likely those things are. Don’t spend hours researching; a five-minute Google search will usually give you helpful information. For example, a World Health Organisation report indicates the death rate for adolescents aged 10-19 on any given day. The report also breaks down the major causes of adolescent death and serious injury. While confronting your specific fears might make you more anxious in the short-term, it should decrease your anxiety overall.
Identify what you can do to lessen those risks
Once you’ve looked at what the most realistic worries are, identify what you can do to lessen those risks. For example, for male adolescents in the 1519 age group, road injury is a realistic concern. Perhaps you could schedule a driving lesson every three months for your child even after they get their driver’s licence so that the instructor can catch
any bad habits your teen might be slipping into. The paradox of excessive worry is that it’s paralysing, and can make people less likely to take the practical steps that would lessen the risk of whatever they’re anxious about.
Take practical steps, but don’t go overboard
You might decide to plan or implement one risk reduction strategy every month. Try to start with the things that worry you the most, even if they’re things you’re tempted to avoid such as talking to your adolescent about sexual consent or alcohol and other drug use.
Briefly imagine how you’d cope
Keep in mind that while a catastrophe is unlikely, it’s more likely that you and your adolescent might need to deal with a mildly to moderately negative situation, whether it’s bullying, failing to make a sports team, or test anxiety. The best approach to concerns like these is to briefly imagine how, in practical terms, you’d cope if one of them occurred, and that could include getting support for yourself or for your teen. Reassure yourself that you have the capacity to cope with these sorts of circumstances. Although they would be emotionally difficult to deal with and you might not feel 100 per cent confident or get it 100 per cent right, you’ll be prepared to successfully navigate challenges.
Think about the potential costs of being over-protective
You can probably easily think of the risks of being underprotective. In addition, think about the potential costs of being over-protective. By being overprotective you impede your teen’s desire for independence or you can raise a teen who feels stifled and leans on you for every little thing. Write down some of the things you do because of your concern. How might you pull back or, at the least, strike a balance? Whether or not your child has siblings to share the rocky road of the teen years, a child needs to explore and make mistakes to learn and grow.
Make sure worries that relate to you aren’t getting unconsciously mixed in
Acknowledge anything that’s going on for you related to your child getting older. Are you concerned about how your identity will shift as you transition to being the parent of a teen rather than a young child? Make sure worries that relate to you aren’t getting unconsciously mixed in with your anxiety about your child’s safety. Acknowledge your own emotions and thoughts without judging them. (psychologytoday.com)