Page 1

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Issue #100, “t



Gyro speaks to:



Computers Want Me Dead KORA Kids of 88

Credits Mark Baxter, Michelle Fidow, Rebecca Hohaia, Chris Sullivan, Kelly Leonard, Clare Curran, Michael Woodhouse, Lesley Scoullar, Shirley Woodrow, & the Rev John Gregorek Editor Lisa Scott (03) 477-6974 Technical Editor Mark Baxter 021-114-6753 (03) 477-6974 Advertising Nathan Millar 021-181-3151 (03) 477-6974

3 Page three girls with brains 4 Start Me Up. Want to be a Gazzillionaire?

16 Must See Band: The Melvins

Recession much? Students resort to drinking own urine. Our favourites from the Darwin awards.

17 Minuit

5 News

6 Things That Can be Blown Up

Before you plan that OE, know where not to go. Large man-made structures to avoid, #3653, The Hoover Dam

8 Everything you always wanted to know but were too afraid to ask

Betty Goop on everything from small willies to why you’re more likely to get killed by a cow than a shark.

9 Think Before You Ink.

Tattoos: ultra cool or just a bit sad?

10 Sexpert / 2012, End of the World? 11 Go Go Gadget & Designasaurus

Gyro’s Inspector Gadget reviews and previews the latest in all things techno so that you’ll know what buttons to push; Design with teeth - featuring the brilliantly obnoxious Marcel Raven-Bonqueres.

12 Argy Bargy All material © OPSA 2011 unless otherwise stated. Views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of OPSA.

A proud member of

What to do when your mace can is empty.

Get rich or die trying with Gyro’s handy guide to turning that great business idea into a multiglobaldomination company.

Spots on your wing-wang? End of the world nigh?

Published by

15 How to deal with Perverts

Politics without the simpering and baby-kissing.

13 Top 10 Modern Addictions.

Going loopy? All over the place like a mad woman’s poo? Maybe you just can’t tell…

14 Budgeting / Clever?

Gyro has the scoop! We ferret our way into securing Dunedin’s first and best interview with the kings of blistering sludge rock. Is the band mental?

18 Orientation 2011 Official Timetable

All the bands, acts and goings-on of Ori’11 in one handy dispenser.

19 Computers Want Me Dead

The nice guys of NZ psychedelic electronica ooze charm from every pore.

20 Gyro chats with Jeremy Elwood & Kora 22 Help for when it all goes tits up

Life isn’t always a box of chocolates. Sometimes it’s a box of used condoms.

23 Reviews

All NZ music, All the Time. This week: Superturtle. Making an Exhibition of herself: Diana Smillie at the Temple gallery.

24 Kids of 88 Interview

We make a date with the 88s and ask, “Do they mind getting hit by flying knickers?”

26 Orientation A-Z

A glossary of student survival, from Alcohol to Zero Tolerance.

28 Gyro’s Student Services Guide.

Need help? Getting sued? We can help, or fob you off to someone who will.

31 FARQs

Five Awkward Random Questions. This week’s brave souls.

Advice for when you’ve blown your wad / We show you where to put it.

Issue 1 Feb 2011

The Prez Sez

Editorial Welcome to Orientation 2011. You’ve come to Otago Polytechnic this year for a variety of reasons: industry training, branching out, starting a new phase in your life, all of them a wee bit fabulous. Here you will achieve qualifications which will become the mainstay of your CV. But the time has also come to consider your social life. Are you getting enough fun? Not quite? Thought so. Here, within our shiny pages, you’ll find everything you need to fill in the blanks of your social diary - where to go, what to do and advice for when/if it all goes a bit pear-shaped. With our help, you’ll weather orientation with the minimum of nauseating flashbacks and regrettable tattoos. As the skeleton of the stadium fills out and looms above Dunedin North like a giant clam (a constant reminder of this year’s most important impending event, the Elton John concert) one can’t help but feel a change in the air, and so it is with the Otago Polytechnic Students’ Association, OPSA. This year, like a proud Che Guevera (in his handsome days, before the cigars took their toll and he started to look like an angry raisin), OPSA is independant; free from the chains of national bodyship - here to stick up for your rights and provide services such as this, your free Gyro magazine. And you can be a part of the magic. We are always looking for writers, cartoonists and artists, so if you would like to see your name on the byline, email gyro@ We can’t pay you, but are more than prepared to resort to bribery in the form of free stuff. And just to keep you on your toes, from the next issue Gyro will transform into a ‘Zine – cool and gritty, a little bit out there – just how you like it. Follow our evolution as we follow yours. Have a wonderful orientation and remember, if a someone nearby is holding their cellphone and grinning, they’re probably filming you. Lisa Scott PS – count the “Banksy” rats in this issue, and go in the draw for Rialto passes. E-mail Right now.

Rebecca Hohaia

Talofa, Kia ora and Hello to new and returning students, and welcome to Otago Polytechnic. I’m Michelle, your President of OPSA for 2011. It’s my job as well as the awesome team we have here at OPSA to look out for your welfare while you study here at OP. We’ve got a great Orientation programme lined up for you all – from a Mad Hatter Tea party, Half Price Coffee Day to the exciting challenges of the Amazing Race, not to mention some huge acts for the Orientation gigs at Uni. Also don’t forget about our wonderful Quiz night in March, it’s always a lot of fun, so start thinking about getting a team together. I will be getting around campus, trying to meet all of you at some point; so if you see me around, feel free to introduce yourself, and your friends. Now a few points about what I do and what OPSA can do for you. If you have any issues (and I mean any issues), give me or one of the staff a call or drop in to the OPSA office in the Student Centre (where you got your student ID’s). Our contact details are available on OPSA’s website (www. OPSA is here for your support. It’s run by students, for students. Be sure to get involved if you want to, either as a Class Rep or as one of the 2011 OPSA Executive team. I will be maintaining OPSA’s Facebook and Twitter pages over the year with what’s happening and the upcoming events and information (link from So make sure you add us and you could be in with a chance to win prizes throughout Orientation and also throughout the year. Have a great year with your studies, enjoy the campus life– and be sure to let us know if you need any assistance throughout the year. See you all around. Michelle Fidow OPSA President 2011

Gyro chats with the 2011 student Vicepresident.

You can contact Michelle via email at:

You can contact Rebecca via email at:

G: What do you get out of being on the exec? RH: I love the political side of it. I love getting involved with the students, helping people. G: VSM 2012, what’s the biggest problem with that as far as you can see? RH: The most obvious issue will be keeping this place up and running. G: Will student’s pay for services? RH: They have enough to pay for already, but on the other hand, if we don’t ask them to we won’t be around and neither will the services we offer. G: Which are? RH: Students can come to us for anythinghelp securing a loan, food vouchers, advocacy, if they’re having trouble in’s not just course-related stuff - anything you might want help with, or just a sympathetic ear. G: Do you get a lot of students coming into the OPSA office completely stressing out? RH: Yes we do. We call the OPSA office the chilly bin. G: What are you most looking forward to this year? RH: The election. I’m quite looking forward to seeing where students will vote. G: Do you think it’s true that students these days are “politically apathetic”? RH: Depends. A lot of students don’t really care. They’re still engaged, they’re listening but they’re not really paying any attention. G: Gen Ys get bagged for being a selfish, selfcontained lot. How do you motivate them? RH: I think it’s a mistake to “incentivise” i.e. “you could win this!” That’s just attracting the greedy, it won’t make anyone think. OPSA likes to get the message out by actually taking it to the students. We’re on campus and we’re extremely approachable. G: what’s your message for new students? RH: We care. Come and see us.


Start Me Up Are you the next Zuckerberg, but hopefully less of a prick? Is a solution to the world’s oil woes hidden in your undie drawer? Maybe it’s time you took the plunge and turned that great idea into an actual business. Gyro explores the possibilities. David Quinn, a man who calls Steve Jobs “Mate” and Otago University’s new StartUp man is excited about the opportunities available in Otago for students with ideas for new companies and products. David, born and bred in Dunedin, is returning after 25 years by way of Paris, London and Waiheke Island. After working with Apple’s Jobs he hopes to bring the same passion for the new and challenging to his home town. “Jobs is smart and demanding,” says David. “He gets more out of his engineers than anyone else; because they know he really loves the products.” What about those miseryguts who say Dunedin is cold, insular David Quinn and isolated? “Good,” says David, “this is an advantage for fledgling businesses as much as it is for music and art.” David believes a small, tightknit community allows young entrepreneurs to flower in a small garden, connected to better support networks, incubating in a gentler environment than say, Auckland. “It doesn’t matter anymore where in the world you are,” says David, “And Dunedin is a really cool place to do these things.” One of David’s role’s is encouraging entrants for the Audacious awards ( sponsored in the main by the Polytechnic, University and the DCC; running competitions throughout the year towards a grand prize of $50,000) which are in their 5th year and show no sign of slowing. “It’s all about being remarkable,” says David. “There’s a lot of that here.” Otago students are very lucky, according to EDU manager Peter Harris. “To my mind, there exists a unique opportunity for students here. On the one hand they can enter the Audacious competition and stand to win $50,000 and on the other hand, just as importantly, they have access to someone like David who can help them make money while they are studying.”


But hang about, being an entrepreneur doesn’t simply mean putting on a nice suit, drinking lunch and saying “going forward” all the time, (that’s a dickhead) there’s much more to it. What makes an entrepreneur? “They’re impatient,” explains David. “They see opportunities in the gaps and quite often they are all over the place, with 9 failures to every 1 success.” Entrepreneurs are generally risk-takers dissatisfied with the status quo, people who itch to do something about a perceived lack, a niche in the market. The latest global entrepreneurial movement is something David calls, “bootstrap, profitable and proud,” companies who work on a model rather like slow food (not all flash and bang, but developing over time), and who are in it for the long run. This new model produces sustainable business, providing employment opportunities with little capital outlay. “Small and keen is the way to go.”

Dunedin, the Mecca for entrepreneurship http://tinyurl/bsrkgc

Got what it takes? Want to know more? Sam Mann “I couldn’t agree more,” says Associate Professor Sam Mann, OP School of Information Technology. “Your idea doesn’t have to be a “world-beater, something that serves your customer base is just as valid.” A money-spinning idea doesn’t have to be unique either. “You need to recognise the wheels that don’t need re-inventing,” explains Sam. But it’s not easy. “There is a very strong argument NOT to go down the entrepreneurial road. And your Start Up shouldn’t be option F (well, nothing else is working out, so I guess I’ll try this…). “We need to know right now, this year, if an idea will make money.” So what are you waiting for? Last I heard Facebook was worth $52 billion. Gyro

David Quinn Start-Up Business Coach Assoc Prof Samuel Mann School of Information Technology Otago Polytechnic Forth St, Private Bag 1910 Email: Mark Miller, GM, Design Institute & Evolver, Otago Polytechnic Email: Peter Harris Manager, Economic Development Unit

Graduates may never be able to afford own homes Students are calling on the Government to immediately reject a baseless recommendation from the Savings Working Group that will make it harder to save. The Group’s report recommends, among other things, reintroducing interest on student loans after a student has graduated.

“Interest-free student loans have reduced loan repayment times and enabled many to get debt-free faster. Supporting education and encouraging graduates to stay in New Zealand fosters improved growth and productivity. Undermining these opportunities would be a huge step backwards,” adds Do.

“Putting interest back on loans will make it harder to save for hundreds of thousands of New Zealanders with a student loan. It will increase debt, and it put back a serious burden on borrowers who are already struggling in these tough economic times,” says NZUSA coPresident David Do.

Students are also disappointed at the Group’s weak justifications for its recommendation. The Group cites “anecdotal evidence” suggesting the policy “creates a blasé attitude to debt, with former students unconcerned if they run up large credit card bills.”

“We understand the government wants to reduce its own debt, but in doing so it shouldn’t be putting on more debt onto the next generation,” says Do. According to NZUSA’s 2010 Income and Expenditure Survey, 65% of students say that having a Student Loan will have a major impact on their ability to save for the future. Treasury have also noted that putting interest back on student loans would discourage participation in tertiary education and reduce the incentive for graduates to remain in New Zealand.

“This is simply incorrect. Our Income & Expenditure Survey released last week shows that students have been more cautious regarding high interest credit facilities, with fewer accessing credit cards down from 25%(2007) to 18%(2010) and overdraft facilities down from 37%(2007)to 27%(2010),” says NZUSA co-President Max Hardy. “The Savings Working Group should have researched the issues first, and we call on the Government to rule out this baseless recommendation. John Key must not break his election promise to students, graduates, families and communities,” concludes Hardy. Source: NZUSA

Notices OPEN NOW HE S N O I S OF T INAT NOM MEMBER EE . MITT mittee FOR M O C e Com E v i V t I u c T t Exe dent XECU Studen PSA E nic stu cial A h O S c P e 1 t 1 O y 20 d Pol he offi e 2011 enrolle ust be on t 30 of this e on th l 1 b 1 a 0 l i 2 a m age av ny es are rom a ll time) and printed on p c f a l d p e t n p r te art/fu ffice o e acce • Up to he will b 6 months p he OPSA O s in to t n o d i t e t a d t t n s a n i a a e • Nom ng for at le u’ ll find on ld be h o i d shou n a h (study tion form. Y rc can a ption for d Ma i n r c 2 s 2 nomin gazine. e y a Job D a lable Tuesd fine m of the s to be avai se on y o l p c o c s e n r i l. inatio 0 pm omine n or a rmatio expect all n eld early Ap • Nom Office by 3.0 o f n i a h tr A OPSA d to be ing ex . OPS requir ore details er a weeken s e e n i v m the • Nom OPSA for e Training o held at e t G e c tt i a b t l l m n i co EETIN rs w Com e M e b v i L m t e u Exec ENERA utive M f Exec UAL G ld on o N n N o i A t 2011 he • Elec OPSA March d floor g prior d r 3 meetin ay 2 106 groun s d i s h e t n t Wed – theatre dress a k rbal ad of hands”. e v f e G Bloc i r ive a b a “show ed to g ll be held by t c e p x ich wi ill be e inee w election, wh m o n to Each

2010 Darwin Awards The Darwin Awards: Chlorinating the Gene Pool! Culling the Herd. Unnatural Selection? Evolution in Action! Named in Honour of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin awards commemorate those who improve our world by removing themselves from it. Who would park the car on a busy freeway, in heavy fog, for a quickie? A young couple were driving along Via Dutra, the largest freeway in Brazil with tons of heavy traffic, at 6AM under heavy fog when they suddenly decided to have sex. They parked on the freeway in the right-hand lane where a cargo truck struck and instantly killed them both during the act of procreation. A doubledouble Darwin Award! (2) People making (2) obviously bad decisions, and natural selection acts at the very moment the two are reproducing.

Darwin awards #2 In the late fall and early winter months, snow-covered mountains become infested with hunters. One ambitious pair climbed high up a mountain in search of their quarry. The trail crossed a small glacier that had crusted over. The lead hunter had to stomp a foothold in the snow, one step at a time, in order to cross the glacier. Somewhere near the middle of the glacier, his next stomp hit not snow but a rock. The lead hunter lost his footing and fell. Down the crusty glacier he zipped, off the edge and out of sight. Unable to help, his companion watched him slide away. After a while, he shouted out, “Are you OK?” “Yes!” came the answer. Reasoning that it was a quick way off the glacier, the second hunter plopped down and accelerated down the ice, following his friend. There, just over the edge of the glacier, was his friend... holding onto the top of a tree that barely protruded from the snow. There were no other treetops nearby, nothing to grab, nothing but a hundredfoot drop onto the rocks below. As the second hunter shot past the first, he uttered his final epitaph: a single word.


Everyone’s favourite conspiracy theorist/evolutionary terrorism specialist, the Rev. John Gregorek lets you know the places not to go:

generators. The penstocks feeding the turbines act as a multi-barrelled shotgun. The ground team now exits off the towers to leave with the boats.

“The Hoover Dam represents hydroelectric plants with exposed inlet works. In this case, two pair of towers over 400-feet tall direct water through massive 30foot penstocks. The water gets divided into tapered 13-foot penstocks terminating at the generator turbines. Security for the dam is located within the structure to protect access to the generators. There are also security checkpoints 5-10 miles north and south of the dam. Security for the inlet works? A single chain with a blue sign warning authorized personnel only beyond this point.

The water team punches through the trash-racks and drops three 50-pound backpacks of composition-A around each tower, a common and strong explosive found in mortars and mines. A porous border allows easy delivery. The three packs are distributed between alternating tower buttress supports and are contained within the gap between the trashracks and tower.

While there might be some security for the structure and ground access points, there is no security on Lake Mead. A ground crew can bring stowed handguns across the dam, and are thus armed to assault the bridges leading to the towers. Hundreds of pounds of explosives and assault rifles can be brought in from the water.

The explosions rupture all six buttress walls on one side of each tower. The evacuated water returns with a powerful punch to drive the heavy steel cylinder gate into the buttresses on the other side. Just like chopping down a tree, the towers come down. The loss of the towers and damage to the internal structure allows Lake Mead to drain out. Imagine the riots started in Los Angeles and Las Vegas region to get that last bottle of water. A team of eight can destroy Hoover Dam in minutes while police assess the situation.

There is no security preventing it. A float line can be seen in the water which repeats the authorized-persons warning. Any common jet boat skips over this obstacle. The boat itself provides the cabling and motor to lift whatever is needed onto the bridges leading to the towers.

We are told to be vigilant, ‘see something, say something’. Unfortunately, nobody is listening. I’ve attempted to contact local news, national news, governors, mayors, senators, congressmen, agency leads, and even the FBI through emails and USPS mail. No responses.”

Accessing the towers means rolling up a heavy steal shutter, or just breaking through a couple of cheap single pane windows. From here explosives can be dropped into the water inlet works to be taken to the

John Gregorek has dedicated his life to predicting things that might never happen. You can email the Reverend and ask him to stop at john@gregorek. com

Notices Kia ora, Talofa lava, Kia orana, Male e lelei, Fakaalofa, Lahi atu, Bula vinaka, Namaste, Taloha ni, Halo ola, Keta and Mauri!


Attention all students who identify as Maori, Pacific Island or International. There will be a meeting on Thursday the 17th of March, 12 noon, G block room 106 to elect student reps. Light refreshments will be provided. Receive a welcome from OPSA and an outline of the OPSA Executive Committee noting the importance of students electing suitable nominees to represent Maori, International and Pacific Island students’ interests at this level – all nominations will be ratified at the OPSA AGM (23rd March 20110).

Kelly Leona rd

by Betty Goop

This week: Michelangelo’s David Dave, Dave, Dave… if it were possible to turn you into a real boy and pop you into a time machine, then I’m sure any red-blooded girl (and occasional boy) would be stoked to have you lounge around the flat in all your anatomical perfection, but alas there is just one small matter... Chris Sullivan &

ali mcD Models

Chris Sullivan

iD Dunedin Fashion Week 2011

Everything You Always Wanted to Know But were too Afraid to Ask

For years the Italians have jokingly questioned that if this sculptural masterpiece is indeed a marble representation of the ideal male form, then why did the artist create one particular part of David’s anatomy a little…well, little? What’s with the piccolini zucchini? The answer apparently lies within David’s stance… This incredible piece of High Renaissance sculpture depicts the biblical hero David just as he was about to confront the giant Goliath. Studies have shown that each anatomical detail of this 506 year old work of art is consistent with tension, fear and aggression. David’s eyes are intense and wide open, and even his nostrils are flared aggressively. The muscles in his legs are tensed as if he is just about to pounce. In other words, Dave is afraid and when males are afraid, testosterone levels can drop and thus certain bits may shrink. Who knew?

Love the idea of a glamorous night out? Want to get the girls together and get Carrie’d away? Well sugarplums, ring up your local fairy Godmother, truck out your best frock, put on your high heels and join us in a celebration of all things fashion during iD Dunedin Fashion Week, now in its twelfth year from April 5-10, 2011. Experience the fab side of Dunedin, as the city puts on the razzle and comes alive with a global line up of inspiring designers, creative talent and intimate fashion and retail events open to everyone. Be there to see the work of the next rising stars of fashion design at the iD International Emerging Designer Awards. With a reputation for launching fashion careers from iD Dunedin into top European fashion houses and beyond, it’s the only fashion competition of its kind in New Zealand. The iD Dunedin Fashion Show, now over two nights, will have you sipping champagne at the longest catwalk in the southern hemisphere in the city’s beautiful heritage railway station. Be captivated by special guest designer collections, the latest winter collections from ‘our Dunedin’ and leading NZ designers. The very next day, indulge in a shopping extravaganza to grab your favourite labels spotted in the shows. Tickets (especially for the Emerging Designer Awards) sell out fast so secure yours from TicketDirect venues, Ph 0800 4 TICKET or online at (booking fee applies)


So now the 1.3 million visitors that flock annually to The Accademia Gallery in Florence to view David’s magnificence need not ponder whether there was a marble shortage upon his completion in 1504, or it was just really cold that day. But really, considering he stands at 4.34 metres and weighs in at 6 tonne, it can’t be all bad…

Tattoos. Think before you Ink

Gyro explores the perils and pitfalls of skin art. Getting work done? Tattoos are now more popular than ever. It seems like everyone you know has a tribal band, and partial or whole-arm sleeves of colour are no longer just the boys’ domain. New inks in vibrant colours and better techniques mean we’ve long said goodbye to the wonky thick black lines of olden-day sailor tattoos gently greening over the decades. Today, tattooing is a bonafide art form, with new clients having to wait up to 2 years to get an appointment with the better inksters, as is the case with Dunedin’s Visual Intelligence. If you really want to immerse yourself in the tattoo culture, what better time than this summer, when Hamilton hosts The International Tattoo Exhibition, Saturday the 19th and Sunday the 20th of February. The expo will showcase top international artists, including kiwi tattooist to the stars, Dan Smith – giving kiwis the rare opportunity to be tattooed by some of the world’s most sought-after tattooists. With over 10,000 Facebook fans, the expo has the global tattoo community buzzing and has attracted the Los Angeles based Smith, who works for Kat Von D and features in the hit reality TV programme LA Ink, as well as renowned artists from the USA, England, Brazil, Norway, South Africa, Japan and China. A highlight will be the Miss Tattoo competition, featuring celebrity judges Nadine Bryant, voted top five hottest female tattoo artist in the world, Venus Star, pinup model and burlesque beauty, and New Zealand’s top model winner 2010, Danielle Hayes. Event organiser Chris Peece said the exhibition will celebrate New Zealand’s diverse tattoo and art culture while showcasing some the best local and international tattoo talent. “This is one of those rare chances for the public to experience some of the best tattooing talent in the world, and be part of the ever-growing tattoo art culture we have here,” Mr Peece said. “Many of the exhibiting artists are booked out for months in advance internationally, so it’s also a golden opportunity to be tattooed by some of the best around.”

But let’s face it: tattoos aren’t exactly wipe on, wipe off. Many the breast who regrets its rose or the shoulder its leaping dolphin. Luckily, tattoo removal has progressed from the days when it involved sanding your skin off or taking a scalpel to your epidermis. Appearance medicine has come ahead in leaps and bounds. I’m not talking about cosmetic surgery (Bad like Micheal Jackson), home of the look of permanent surprise, or dental veneers resulting in Tic-Tac teeth but new technologies correcting flaws, or things you did one drunken night out that seemed like a good idea at the time. Ruth, a marketing and communications professional, has just had a tattoo removed. She says, ‘Logistically, erasing the past is a simple matter of putting up with a little pain and handing over some cash.’ Her reasons? ‘I guess I got sick of men peering down the front of my top and making split-second assumptions about what kind of woman I was. My tattoo sat above my left breast. I had it done by a bikie in Taranaki back in the day when it probably did say something about the kind of girl I was. Now a grown-up, a professional and a mother, I was foolish enough to think that it wouldn’t matter to me what people thought. It did.’ ‘It cost 35 dollars to get it done and close to $2,000 to get it off. And it hurt, a lot. The wee scabs were great lessons to my beautiful, unmarked children to think twice before tattooing themselves. The best thing though – each treatment was over quickly and at least 6 weeks apart. I’m glad I had it removed, but I’m happy to recall the girl who thought it was a good idea to get a leaping dolphin tattooed on her left boob (it could have been worse, I’ve always been very fond of frogs). I quite like her, even though she was a bit of a flake, and I’d never want to erase the bits of her that grew into the greater parts of me.’ So, embrace self-expression and freely adorn yourself with the art of the needle, warm in the knowledge that if, one day that same tattoo has, due to the forces of gravity, dribbled from its original position or now simply fails to please, you can have it removed. Making almost any tattoo a less-risky proposition. Unless of course, it’s on your face. And reads “Mighty Mongrel Mob.”


2012 - The End of the World? It’s not looking good. First we had fires, then earthquakes, then floods… and now, VSM. Any day now, frogs will rain from the skies. Looks like the Mayans were right all along.

Sexual advice from the Bangalore Mirror’s Dr Mahinder Watsa I am a 30-year-old man and I recently got engaged. Last week, I kissed my fiancée. I was very aroused and my penis secreted a fluid. After a while, my groin area started to hurt severely. I forcibly passed urine to relieve the pain. This has happened twice. I’m worried since I’ll be getting married soon. What should I do? This is quite common. The fluid is the normal lubricating fluid that the penis secretes. Since you did not ejaculate, congestion in your testicles caused the pain. A simple remedy is to relieve the stress by masturbating. I am a 24-year-old man. I think I’ve accidentally damaged my penis by masturbating too much. I could see veins on my penis so I stopped masturbating for a few months. Now when I do, my knees and testicles ache. I’m getting married soon. What should I do? Get your facts right. Masturbation does not damage nerves, veins or any other part of the body. What you are seeing on your penis are the superficial veins which exist normally. To masturbate when you are sexually excited is healthy but don’t get addicted to it. Visit a doctor who will give you appropriate advice on sex and contraception. I am an 18-year-old man. I am obese, but my penis size appears to be very small. I am worried about it. What should I do? If I join a gym and lose weight, will the size increase? Exercise will make you healthier. Recheck the size by pushing in your pubic fat. It will expose more of the penis. I am a 17-year-old girl and I have a pimple on my anus. It hurts a lot when I pass urine. How can I get rid of it? You are confused. The anus is not near the urine opening. Why not visit a doctor? Meanwhile, apply Neosporin H ointment twice a day I am a 27-year-old man. Does having a hot water bath or drinking hot water before breakfast have an adverse effect on erections? Of late, I’ve have been having weaker erections that don’t last too long. What should I do? For your own sake, stop talking to people who give out wrong information. See a doctor if you think something is wrong. Stop being neurotic.


Send your queries to: Ask the Sexpert, Bangalore Mirror, No. 4 KCCF Compound Pampa Mahakavi Road, Chamrajpet, Bangalore 560018 or e-mail

So before you head off to Elio’s gun shop, shore up the windows and venture out to do your Armageddon shop, why not take a moment to understand just how we got here? In a prime example of “You’re going to have to live with it, so you may as well understand it,” Gyro explains both sides of the VSM question. Voluntary student membership (VSM) is a policy, under which membership of, and payment of membership fees to, student organisations is voluntary. From 2012 – barring a change of government – The Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill will come into law, requiring membership of all NZ student organisations to be voluntary. The argument For: Supporters of VSM claim the charging of membership levies is extortion. A student union is equivalent to a workers’ union and compelling, or forbidding, union membership is actually illegal in NZ. The argument Against: Students’ associations are not structured like trade unions, have different goals and methods and provide important services for students. The argument For: Student organisation leadership tends to be filled with feral lefty liberals. The argument Against: Electoral processes are open to students of any political persuasion, and students have the right to vote for whichever candidates they feel represent them.

The social argument

“and if you get into

A common thread in the some kind of trouble argument against VSM is the notion of a campus culture. Tertiary while studying, education has traditionally been you’re f*cked. a time of broadening horizons, socialising, and political activism. Those against VSM say it makes it more difficult for students to have high quality sports grounds, lively music and social venues, and the resources necessary to mount protests and political campaigns - leading to campuses dead from the neck down. Proponents counter that the free-market system rewards venues and establishments which students enjoy and value, and that it lets students choose their own level of contribution to a political cause.

The economic argument

Student’s association charge anywhere from $0 and $300 per year for membership (Otago Polytechnic = $40 membership and $140 student services for full-time Dunedin campus students). This levying of fees has been criticised as financially onerous, particularly to students who may already be struggling with the associated costs of university study. Opponents of VSM note that students’ associations provide legal, social and living support and frequently subsidise food outlets, providing poverty-stricken students with sustenance. Proponents argue that students who don’t make use of these outlets are paying for others’ food and drink. Hmmm. Its all about “freedom,” says Roger Douglas – a political dinosaur from the era of mullets and matt-black Cortinas – who put the bill forward. The truth is, students had it coming by failing to protest significantly enough to retain services they have long enjoyed. Apathy’s a killer. One thing’s for sure, Orientations will never be as cool again, and if you get into some kind of trouble while studying, you’re f*cked. LS

Looking at the world through the visored eyes of the Stig of Design, Marcel Raven-Bonqueres.

Designasaurus Go Go Gadget!

Ignite Barbeque

Now that the throngs are heading back from the summer break I can say it. Barbecues make me melancholic. Don’t get me wrong, I love the bubbly, holiday mealtime ritual, its wicked meatiness and drizzled anointments -it has its own decadence. No, it is the machine itself that tears at my heart-specifically the family barbecue that is forever at home, alone. For such a common and useful domestic prop they are generally awkward things. Their configurations often wistfully aspire to functions of greater importance- the proportional intent of an iron lung, the sophisticated instrumentation of an incubator or the polished fairings of a Lamborghini. In the end possibly through the fatigue of trying too hard they mostly resemble trebuchets – unwieldy medieval siege engines. It’s the domestic neglect that really makes me forlorn. I watch and weep as barbecues are treated as embarrassing relatives- brought out at every social event but wheeled away or camouflaged by earthworks, cupboards or waterproofed shrouds at the earliest opportunity. As a final insult the names given by manufacturers to the faithful 4 or 5 burners cement their clumsy, gassy, tortured presence. “Kent! Titan! Genesis! Are your dinners ready?” Dilemmas create awkwardness and in the case of the barbecue it is the concept of “outdoor living” that is the dilemma. Is it a matter of projecting the luxury of interiors to the exterior or a matter of embracing the romance and simplicity of camping? Well one recent design attempt intrigues. Albeit a 2 burner, the reassuringly named Ignite Barbeque, designed by an RMIT graduate, Julian Mills would seem to provide if not an answer then an interesting direction. This understated award winning design is wall mounted and folds up. It is the burner and cook-top design which allows

the barbeque to be so compact and also minimizes the use of materials and weight which were key environmental considerations. Every part and material was designed with the total lifecycle of the product in mind, as well as containing recycled content and being 100% recyclable. The design ensures that it is quick to heat up, simple and intuitive to use and easily disassembled for cleaning. Titan! Eat your heart out MRB Stay tuned, as coming up in this series of enlightening and frightening design commentary we ask, “What font and why?”

Where we ask our pet techies to review the latest toys, tools, gizmos and doohickeys, so that you know what you should be saving up for. This week, the Livescribe Echo Smart pen and the Apple iPad, reviewed by Pashmina Stoles and Joshua Topolsky

The Livescribe Echo Smart Pen

Why should you spend $304 of your hard earned dollars on the Livescribe Echo Smartpen? Well because it records your lectures while you are taking notes - and has extra features that really rock. •What you record is linked to what you write. Hold your pen over a written word and it replays exactly what was recorded when you wrote that word - really useful if you find that your notes don’t tend to make a whole lot of sense later on. With 8Gb of memory, you can record about two days of audio before having to transfer it to your desktop. •Your written notes can be translated into text using MyScript. This product only works with Livescribe and it’s simply the best text recognition software. My handwriting is messy , but all of it was captured correctly with MyScript •Your notes can be directly uploaded to Evernote – a great free way to store and organise your stuff. It is a normal pen, so you avoid all the hassle of trying to use a clumsy stylus. (I still haven’t found a stylus that easily captures handwritten notes on my iPad). This pen would be great if you are taking notes for a friend, and also great for taking minutes at meetings. The only downside is that you need to write in a special note book. However you can print these yourself – (although I’ve yet to quite master this bit). Get if from the Apple online store. Go on. It’s worth it. PS

Apple iPad

The first thing you notice about the iPad is, well, you don’t really notice it. In many ways, there is just not much here – design wise – to comment on. The bulk of its surface is taken up by a 9.7-inch, 1024 x 768, capacitive, multitouch LED-backlit display surrounded by a glossy black bezel that some will say is too wide but, in practice, is an important design consideration that prevents the touchscreen from being inadvertently activated when handled. There’s only Apple’s signature “home” button to interact with, and the back of the device is a dutifully simple piece of curved aluminium. Like most Apple products, it’s a beauty to behold, but simple. Good looking but not terribly exciting. If the design of the iPad is an exercise in restraint, it only serves to reinforce how formidable this technology feels once it’s in your hands. The device has some heft, weighing in at 1.5 pounds (.68kg), still comfortable to hang onto at most angles. Minimal design gets out of the way and lets you concentrate on what is really most important: that screen. And that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? The Good: Best-in-class touchscreen Plugged into Apple’s ecosystems Tremendous battery life The Bad: No multi-tasking Web experience hampered by lack of Flash Can’t stand in for a dedicated laptop E-mail your gadget review – good or bad – to



LABOUR’s Clare Cuorran Go 5 rounds with Gyr


Woodhouse l e a h ic M ’s L A N IO T A N

1. How will u connect with Gen Y? 2. What do you think students will lose with the VSM bill? 3. Is zero interest on loans set in stone? esp. with fiscal situation... 4. National’s high approval rating, voodoo or...? 5. What does $12 billion in student debt mean to you?

1 They’re voracious consumers of electronic media . 1/3 of their lives are spent online. Australian Social Researcher Hugh Mackey calls Gen Y “nimble, flexible and adaptable.” “They are more nimble, flexible and adaptable than previous generations,” he says. “Change and transience - this is the air they breathe, the water they swim in”. And they don’t let work rule their life. These are the people Labour needs to connect with.We need to show this generation that they are owed something. We expect them to vote for our values, despite not having been shown the benefit of them-lets make our job easier in future. This is our challenge. And we must be able to go where they are.

1 Websites, Blog sites, Facebook, Twitter, and email communications are all being used. Paradoxically, Gen Y’s political disengagement could be due to the rise of television, mass communication and the internet age. Social media could rekindle an interest in politics generally. Try it – Facebook friend me and check out

2 On the face, of it any struggling student is going to turn their nose up at extra fees. Fees are high, living expenses are sky-rocketing and wages remain low for students in Dunedin and nationwide. But I believe that students risk losing more here than they realise. From the discussions I have had with students, the controversy over Student Union Membership seems to stem from the fact that a number of students don’t know what services their Union supplies. Food banks and health services, counselling and legal assistance, sports clubs and student radio as well as the much-loved orientation festivities are all services provided through student unions. The future for student associations and the quality of the student experience looks bleak. We will continue to oppose this Bill, and propose amendments to mitigate its effects. If it passes, it is our intention to repeal this destructive piece of legislation when Labour returns to Government.

2 VSM is freedom! What 18 year old student, having left the constraints of school and home life, appreciates being told that they must join something? That very freedom should include the freedom to choose to join an association, not be part of the largest compulsory union in New Zealand. It is by no means the end of the world for the two Otago associations, who are excellent organisations, which given the choice, I would certainly want to join.

3 & 5 Labour would obviously like to see a decrease in student debt. We believe interest free student loans are a good way to achieve that. Labour supports interest free student loans. 4 On the surface, anyone would agree that like any first term government after the departure of an incumbent, National has polled well. That is not to say that New Zealanders aren’t waking up to the reality of a National-led government. This is a government who campaigned on passive, centrist policies and broad smiles. What has been revealed since is closer to home - the severing of state-owned assets, cuts to early childhood education, GST hikes and tax cuts for the few. There have been flip flops on mining, welfare and student loans and countless examples of a government who is not listening, not to teachers, not to job-seekers and not to our elderly. If National was serious about tackling disparities, it would be investing in skills training and education instead of in tax cuts for people who don’t need them. Labour’s plan to introduce a $5000 tax free zone will be a real boost to young people, particularly those working part-time or in tertiary education.


Feel free to contact me at

3 There are no plans to change this policy. I personally think it is sending poor signals to students about the value of money, but my bigger concern is the impact on students of less part time work being available in the past year.. 4 Definitely something else. Honeymoon periods don’t last this long. The electorate, mindful of the fiscal challenges faced by the most significant recession in eighty years, is responding positively to clear leadership, fiscal stimulus, discipline in spending, focus on education quality and less red tape. Nothing voodoo in that. 5 It means more and more students are undergoing tertiary education. It is important that students choose courses carefully and work hard to succeed so that the debt burden is minimised and loans are repaid as soon as possible.

Top 10 Addictions of Modern Lifestyles

Life can rip along at a tremendous speed, its many demands adding to our stresses and strains. It can be a trial at times, and so we develop various ways of coping — but for some, trying to keep one’s head above water, or competing with colleagues and friends can become an obsession that turns into a serious problem.

Substance abuse is a commonplace and a well-recognised coping mechanism, acknowledges Dr Christian Jessen, author of Can I Just Ask (Hay House), however, today a host of new, more complex and worrying addictions are emerging, reflecting the changing ways we live and the increasing importance we put on certain activities/acquisitions/ attributes. Insecurities about body image, a desire to appear rich and successful and an endless barrage of information from media outlets have all played a part in creating some of these less obvious but no less serious modernday addictions most of which, weirdly, sufferers will be completely unaware of. It has been estimated that only 10 per cent of people with an addictive disorder recognise it, let alone do something about it.

Worse, family members and friends, who may deny the truth to avoid a confrontation, often allow these addictions to blossom. “Early intervention is the most effective method for achieving successful recovery,” says Dr Jessen, and unlike in the movies, it is not necessary to wait for the addict to hit “rock bottom” before intervening. Remember, addiction can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, race or religion, and can involve anything from alcohol to prescription medications to gambling to sex. If, as you read the list, you see yourself in the description, then perhaps it is worth asking your friends and family if they agree. You may not know it, but you just might have a problem.

1. Workaholism

7. Tanorexia

Very much encouraged in the modern commercial world, where every minute spent working can mean increased earnings. But all work and no play can lead to total burnout, and workaholics usually don’t realise there’s a problem until things go badly wrong.

2. Love Addiction

Not the same as sex addiction; the love addict can never let an infatuation go, meaning it can affect his or her health and future relationships. Research suggests feelings of love are caused by a rise in phenylethylamine, a neurological chemical that can be addictive. It has also been found that people who are infatuated share similar symptoms with cocaine abusers.

3. Television Addiction

We watch an average of four hours of TV a day. This means that by the age of 65 we may well have spent about nine years glued to the box. TV addicts share many clinical abuse symptoms such as helplessness in putting an end to the addiction, using their “drug of choice” to soothe their nerves, and irritability when forced to kick the habit.

4. Teeth-whitening Addiction

Colloquially known as “bleaching junkies”, these addicts have made teeth-whitening the top requested cosmetic dental procedure, increasing by 300 per cent over the past few years. It may seem harmless but the consequences can be as horrible as in other addictions. Excessive teeth sensitivity, bleeding gums and transparent teeth are common.

5. Exercise Addiction

Not something I’d ever recognise in myself. Exercise addiction statistics are hard to find because it usually co-exists with eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa. Treadmill abusers may sacrifice their health and social life for their addiction. A study published by Behavioural Neuroscience in August 2009 found similarities between excessive running and drugabuse behaviour.

6. Oniomania

Otherwise known as shopping addiction, it’s not just celebrities who are afflicted. There are oniomaniacs or compulsive shoppers in almost every neighbourhood and family. Studies suggest that compulsive buying affects more than one in 20 adults. The mania has been linked to depression and has brought many shopaholics to the brink of bankruptcy.

A silly word adopted by the press, it refers to tanning addiction. Doctors are concerned about tanning and advise against the use of tanning beds, as they have been proven to be carcinogenic — but tanorexia continues to be a problem, especially among young women. A 2006 study found that the UV rays of tanning beds produce feel-good endorphins, falling levels of which, post-tanning, can trigger withdrawal symptoms similar to those caused by alcohol and drug withdrawal.

8. Sex Addiction

The craving for sexual gratification is as old as human history. But modern dysfunctional families are often blamed for turning a human urge into sexually compulsive behaviour and some feel that easy access to internet porn has only reinforced it. Not all psychiatrists recognise this addiction, but growing numbers of self-help groups and sex recovery centres have been set up to help treat what they see as a real problem.

9. Internet Addiction

Constant, unstoppable, obsessive internet browsing that becomes a daily routine, and where any interruption causes irritability, may well indicate the presence of an Internet Addiction Disorder. Psychiatrists are now acknowledging the mood-altering effects of online pornography, gambling, gaming, networking and blogging — in some countries, internet addiction has become such a serious social problem that recovery programmes have been put in place.

10. Plastic Surgery Addiction

Negative body image is driving hordes of people under the surgeon’s knife. In 2006, the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons warned its members about patients with a body dysmorphic disorder or “imagined ugly syndrome” for whom cosmetic surgery is an unending journey due to these addicts’ dissatisfaction with the results. The organisation reported an alarming study that found 40 per cent of Botox users admitting to being lured to it by the attraction of continued treatment. So, if you recognise yourself on this list, don’t worry. Smile, (lighting up the room with those dazzlingly white teeth) turn off the TV and walk, don’t run, your orange little body down to Student Health. Do not stop to buy the latest Von Zippers on the way. LS


Keeping out of the Sheisse* Budgeting? Not hardly. Well, why would you? Everyone wants nice stuff, and anyway budgeting is something pensioners do, isn’t it? Nobody wants to dress like a bag lady, or an Olsen twin. However, if you start to contemplate the stark reality that is having absolutely no moola, not one measly cent…ah well, that’s a different story. Too much month left at the end of your money? Tell me about it. “Live within your means,” they always say, but nobody stops to think about how awful it is going through life with your wallet steadfastly shut, like the eyes of a Baptist in a strip club. Anyhoo, don’t ask me how to save more and spend less, I am a prime example of what not to do when it comes to budgeting. I do have some lovely shoes though – not that I can see them when the power gets cut off. For sensible advice on keeping out of the red, let’s ask Shirley Woodrow, executive officer, Dunedin Budget Advisory Service. “Live within your means,” says Shirley (what did I tell you?). This doesn’t have to be nasty or minging, or involve eating nothing but lentils and wearing clothes made from hemp – just make sure you can afford something before committing to it, and don’t spend money you don’t have. Who woulda thought? Yes, you have a student loan, but one day – when you’ve been extradited to New Zealand, you WILL have to pay it back. Have fun without getting into debt, take up hobbies which don’t cost a great deal: Monopoly, Naked Twister. While thrift will never be the new black, “budgeting and enjoying life is possible,” assures Shirley, if you do the following: • • • • • • •

Always account for travel costs in the semester breaks, birthday presents and clothing requirements. You can’t wear the same pair of undies all year. Accept Wants and Needs are two different things. You Want to look chic; you Need to cover your bloodhound knees. Download a budgeting worksheet from Realise that brand-new isn’t always necessary, and sulking cos “everyone else has one” is sooo high school. Make a record of what you spend each week and don’t fib. Budget for one weekly grocery shop, not several small ones and a curry. Remember, from a budgetary perspective, alcohol isn’t a food group.

Seek help early if you do run into trouble, a bad credit rating will effect your ability to buy a car, house, in fact enter into any credit arrangement and it will all go down on your personal record for 7 years – a long time if you really want something. Money trouble won’t go away, so get some advice and talk to the people you owe money to; don’t hide from them, pretending to have gangrene. All is not lost. “We can tap into things the average member of the public can’t,” says Shirley. “So come and see us.” Don’t leave it until the last minute. “Calling and wailing that the power is going to be cut off at 4pm is a little late notice!” she laughs, before adding, “But we’d still help.” The Dunedin Budget Advisory Service offers free and confidential advice, helping over 1000 people every year. If you’re too lazy to walk to their office in Community House, you can also find representatives over at the Student Support Centre, or call 471 6158 for more information.




Clever? Want to Do something About That? Fulbright New Zealand and the New Zealand Harkness Fellowships Trust invite applications for the Fulbright-Harkness New Zealand Fellowship, which offers the opportunity for an emerging New Zealand leader in any field of study or vocation (other than health care) to study or research in the US for a minimum of six weeks. Successful grantees will receive NZ$15,000 (plus basic health and accident insurance) towards a short fellowship programme of their own design at any US university or institution. The Fulbright-Harkness New Zealand Fellowship aims to reinforce New Zealand-United States links by improving crossfertilisation of ideas and experience between the two countries; to enable established or potential leaders and opinion formers in New Zealand to benefit from new ideas, practices and contacts in the US; and to increase Fellow’s abilities to bring about change and improvements in New Zealand. The inaugural Fulbright-Harkness New Zealand Fellow, Sacha McMeeking from Te Rūnanga o Ngāi Tahu, returned to New Zealand in December having spent three months researching the role of indigenous leadership in corporate citizenship, based at Northwestern University’s prestigious Kellogg School of Management in Evanston, Illinois. Sacha described her exchange as a ‘most profound and catalytic experience’: “My Fulbright-Harkness journey was incomparable and irreplaceable. The tangible experiences included devouring books and articles, meeting with experts in my field and with indigenous First Nations representatives. I learnt a tremendous amount in a short period, and was humbled by the many profound thinkers, change makers and communities I had the great pleasure to meet with from Arizona to Harvard, the Bronx and Chicago, where I was based. The insights I gained are still evolving into realms of possibility far broader than I ever imagined. I have reached the understanding that I can create change in the world in ways that I had not foreseen. My assumption had always been that I was suited to roles within institutions, contributing to iterative change albeit with a bold intent. The experiences of my Fellowship convinced me that I can pursue social entrepreneurship, and personally create change.” Applications for the Fulbright-Harkness New Zealand Fellowship close 5pm, Tuesday 1 March 2011. See or contact Stefanie Joe at Fulbright New Zealand for further information - stefanie@fulbright. / (04) 494 1507

How to Deal with Perverts We don’t ask why the dog barks, why the scorpion stings. So it is with man, in whose nature it is to sneak surreptitious peak at every woman who passes by, but then let’s face it, we’re irresistible. They simply can’t help it, the poor boobs – it’s a biological imperative, just as shoe-shopping is to the fairer sex. Trouble looms when harmless looking turns to ickyness, or worse. Below, a girl’s guide to coping with the kind of men who give you the willies.

First, it’s important to profile your deviant. Remember, your average clandestine pervert is no more dangerous than a vegetarian vampire, so focus on the really bothersome. Discover your creep’s type to decide the course of action. Is he: The Groper. Stands too close and whenever the opportunity arises, his eyes and hands wander to your lady lumps. It is perfectly acceptable to strike this person, either with your hand or a heavy object while loudly shouting, ‘stop touching my bum, Colin, you freak.’ The Pest. Won’t take no for an answer, hounds you for attention and dates, even after persistent rejections. Usually misguided with no malicious intent. Simply stop being nice. The Great Gallant. Gives excessive compliments and personal comments that focus on your appearance, and are out of place or embarrassing. Accompanies these with leering looks. Generally older, return the compliment by lavishly praising his ability to keep up with the young bucks: despite thinning hair, debilitating paunch and unfashionable dress sense. ‘Good on you for trying so hard Ken,’ should finish him off. The Incompetent. A socially inept individual who desires your attention. May display a sense of entitlement, believing you should be flattered by their obsession. When rejected, uses bullying as revenge. Most likely to have a wall of their bedroom papered with long-range surveillance photos of you, above a little altar with candles burning. Needs a short, sharp shock. Enlist a couple of male friends (preferably retired cage fighters) to give it to him. The Stalker. Watches, follows and contacts you constantly, motivated by love, sexual obsession or anger. If an ex, or discarded ‘friend with benefits,’ don’t let pity cloud your mind. Call the police as soon as this type of behaviour begins. The Idiot. Commits unintentional acts or makes comments of a sexual nature not intended to harass. May like rugby and beer a great deal. Young, if he had a tail he would be wagging it. MUST be told on no uncertain terms that his behaviour is offensive. Too stupid to figure it out otherwise.

Coping with Perverts when Travelling In India, to catch a bus is to negotiate a Boy Scout convention of trouser tents. A right pain in the asana. Japan too is legendary for Chikan (gropers). Sadly, in some countries, ‘she was asking for it’ hasn’t yet been laughed out of court. What to do when that isn’t a gun in his pocket: •

Don’t allow conversation. Be aggressive in demeanour, not passive or shy.

Adopt a strong voice and posture. Walk confidently. Imagine you are a Rottweiler.

If alone, pretend you are making a call on your cell phone. If the problem persists and you feel frightened, do call the police and make it obvious you are.

If groped in public, grab the offending hand, raise it and yell ‘Pervert!’ several times. This works wonders.

Finally, always trust your gut instincts. If you think someone is creepy, they probably are.

Close Encounters of the Worst Kind Sexual harassment on campus is something you need to know how to deal with. The US Supreme Court Guidelines on Sexual Harassment define it as ‘unwelcome, sexuallydetermined behaviour.’ Not OK: •

Verbal: gender-based jokes, requests for sexual favours

Non-verbal: facial expressions of a sexual nature; winking, licking lips, derogatory gestures

Physical: unwelcome hugging, patting, stroking, grabbing or pinching

Visual: the presence of posters, cartoons, pinups, pictures, emails of a sexual nature

Take action in escalating steps. Start by sitting down with the person and confronting their behaviour. If it doesn’t cease, tell any lecturer, Head of School, Programme Manager or talk to a trained contact person (names of contact people can be found on posters displayed on School/Department notice boards and are available from the Harassment and Bullying Prevention Coordinator, or OPSA). If the situation concerning you is serious, make a formal complaint. Any of the people above can assist you to do this. From the beginning, make it clear that you are being professional about the personal. Always document every step. Never accept revolting comments or unwanted touching of any sort. The Suffragettes didn’t tie themselves to railings for nothing, you know. LS


Gyro talks to

Formed in Aberdeen, Montesano, Washington, Kurt Cobain’s favourite band and the Godfathers of the Seattle grunge scene, the Melvins (named after a hated fellow-employee of the lead singer Buzz Osbourne) tour NZ in Feb/March with an eccentric live show that promises to be the “opposite of normal.” Gyro’s Lisa Scott talks to co-founder and drummer Dale Crover about hobbits, bassplayers, and getting paid G: Have you toured NZ before? By the way there is a lot of excitement right now in the NZ bloggosphere about this upcoming tour, with fans calling you “grunge incredibles” and the best gig NZ has seen in years.” D: Yes, we were last in Dunedin in 97-98 and we’re looking forward to coming again. That’s so cool that people are looking forward to it, hopefully everyone will come. All 4 million of you. G: You have been described as one of the best drummers in music, ever. D: Thank you. Well, I try. I don’t necessarily agree with that, but I’m not going to say it’s not true! I’m just about to be on the cover of Modern Drummer magazine, which I used to buy when I was starting out. Its only taken 25 years but now I’m on the cover. Maybe they should call it, “Not-so Modern Drummer.” G: Oh, you’re not that old. D: I’m 43, that’s plenty old. G: You pulled out of Nirvana’s original line-up because you were moving to San Francisco, any regrets? D: No, no regrets, other than the millions I would now have. They asked me to join, but I was happy with my band and if I would have quit my band I wouldn’t have one now. I was happy with what we were doing. After the Nirvana debut was released we got signed the next day anyway, because of the engineer, Jack Endino (a driving


force behind the grunge movement), who also recorded Mudhoney, Soundgarden and Nirvana. G: The Seattle grunge scene has been likened by many to the evolution-ina-vacuum of the Dunedin Sound, which fostered the likes of The Clean, The Straightjacket Fits, Double Happys and The Sneaky Feelings. D: Really? Well, we thought of it first. G: Any thoughts on why this happens? Why a particular genre will flourish in one place? D: Well, the place where we grew up (Aberdeen, Washington, about 2 hours from Seattle) is even smaller than Dunedin. So we used to practise everyday, because there wasn’t anything else to do. We practised all the time, but we didn’t really play that many gigs. At this point the interview is interrupted by slamming and a noise that sounds like “GRRRRR.” “You have any questions for a 6-year-old?” asks Dale. “Have you brushed you’re teeth today?” I ask. “No,” says a small voice. “No? Dental hygiene is extremely important.” ...Continued on page 21

The Melvins play Refuel on Sunday Feb 20


Pic by Pat Shephard, Rippon 2010

Gyro talks to Paul from

G: “Dark as as joyful as a fat kid with cake,” said Rolling Stone. Are Minuit bi-polar? And how come this happy/sad polarity works so well? P: Haha - I like that. Have you read any Kurt Vonnegut books? I like him. He reckons in some of the heaviest situations any humour you find can be the funniest, “God knows, that’s the soul seeking some relief.” Its very human. One thing I like about Ruth as a front person is people say she is honest. But she just thinks she’s telling the truth. Sappy, happy pop songs aren’t the most happy thing - a bleak soaring tear out can be incredibly beautiful. G: Minuit were initially rather out of the box for NZ Music (in the land of the long black fisherman’s knit jersey)...ethereal, ghost-like, full-on the do you feel that your pioneering sound has influenced some of the new bands coming up? P: I really dont know if I have any idea... Hopefully if anything has been picked up on, it’s to do stuff your own way. The way you would do it. When you do stuff ‘cos you feel it, then other people pick up on that and feel it too. (Hmmm, that didn’t quite come out right did it?) Everybody’s different. You’ve got a story to tell - tell it. G: “I’m Still Dancing” on Grey’s Anatomy? New EP, a steady stream of shows… are Minuit taking over the world? P: Good grief no! Have you seen how big it is?? I feel like I’ve been to a lot of places, and when I check the globe, I ain’t seen sh*t. It’s super cool tho to be able to be in this band, and getting the chance to play. It won’t last forever. Not a lot does. But we’ve had some cool opportunities like playing Roxy Club in Prague in the Czech Republic to a full house. Or being ridden by motorbike to the festival in Viet Nam. G: You’ve played some massive gigs over the years. How do you feel about playing a smaller gig such as the University of Otago Orientation? P: Smaller?? There’s nothing small about playing Orientation in Dunedin!! Seriously, you are in for a treat! (And possibly a painful recoup day or two...) You people are up for it. It freaks me out. I don’t know how you keep it up. G: Favourite band you’ve shared the playbill with? Nicest? P: Hmmm, with some of the bigger names its funny cos you don’t actually get to meet them. When you’re playing, they’re not at the venue yet. And when you’ve finished, they go on! But it’s cool to be able to play with your friends. We’ve done some shows with Alex the Kid which were a blast. And Ed Muzik is another fun friendly chap. The guitarist from The Naked & Famous baked us a lemon cake one time. And So So Modern left us a cute message sellotaped to the foldback speakers in a club in Galway, Ireland when we played at the same venue the night after them. Anyone from the Low Hum crew really are gonna do something cute for other bands at some stage G: Who’s rocking your playlist? P: The best thing I’ve found lately is listening to RadioActive. I’m living in Wellington at the moment. You guys have got Radio 1 down there. And finding DJs you like to hear the tunes they’ve scored. There’s

MINUIT PLAY ORIENTATION on SAT FEB 26 so much music out there and sometimes you wanna filter through it somehow. I like the stuff that DJ Lotion plays, and he’s introduced me to some gems (via the airwaves) on his Wednesday afternoon drive show. Its his job to find cool stuff. Too cool. G: Facebook, Twitter & Myspace, have social media changed the way bands interact with their fans? P: Hell yes. And it’s great. Bands always want to interact. Even if its not altruistic and you’re actually trying to sell or promote something. But also you know those conversations you have in your lounge with your mates listening to music talking about why you like or hate something, or after a gig - that’s what bands never get to hear. We’re just stuck at home in front of our ..whatevers.. But now bands can actually talk to people who come to the gigs and listen to the music. And people can be a part of that band and the decisions they’re making. I set this thing up one time Make Minuit’s Setlist - and people could put on FaceBook the songs they wanted us to play that night...I like that kinda sh*t. G: Minuit are a very “smart” band, ethically and politcally aware. Has this ever posed problems? P: Like when Ruth got on the front page of The Press for yelling at SkinHeads? That story came out all wrong...ha. And it’s funny, most of the time if you try and say something people think you’re just looking for publicity. Or when Ruth sang ‘I Hate Guns’ cos, well, she does. But then some people were like, yeah we do too! And that’s how cults start. There’ll always be people who both like and hate what you do. But those ‘moments’ in the live shows that still give me tingles up my spine - that makes it all worth it! G: What should we expect from your gig on the 26 Feb? P: Minuit! Dance Music Will Tear Us Apart EP out now



le b a t e im T 1 1 0 2 Orientation Monday 14th Feb CEO’s Welcome – Quad, 12pm Random giveaways – Quad, 12pm PI students music – Quad, 12pm Tuesday 15th Feb BBQ (National Bank) – Free, Quad or Manaaki, 12 noon Lunch Entertainment – Free, Quad or Manaaki, 12 noon Wednesday 16th BBQ at L Block OPSA Eating Competition – Free, Quad or Manaaki, 12 noon Blue Boy ice cream – Quad, 12 noon

Tuesday 22nd Mad Hatter’s Tea Party – tea and scones – Best Newspaper hat wins a prize – Free, Quad or Manaaki, 12 noon Toga Party featuring DJ Dhalism & 50Cal, University Union Hall, 8pm, Ticket price $20 students / no public tickets available Wednesday 23rd Polytechnic Students vs Staff Soccer Game – Free, McMillan Centre (Harbour Tce) 12 noon Computers Want Me Dead, Kids of 88, Mr. Biscuits, & Zowie, University Union Hall, 9pm, Ticket price $35 students / $40 public / $30 R1

Thursday 24th Inflatable Sports Day – Free, Quad, 12 noon BBQ (ANZ) – Free, Quad or Manaaki, 12 noon Thursday 17th Clubs Day, Clubs & Socs Building Waiters Race – Free, Quad 84 Albany St, 10am-4pm or Manaaki, 12 noon Hypnotist Guy Cater, Shows BBQ (ANZ) – Free, Quad at 6:30pm, 8pm, and 9:30pm, or Manaaki, 12 noon Teachers College Auditorium, price $10 student Lunch Entertainment – Free, Ticket / $15 public Quad or Manaaki, 12 noon Friday 18th Half Price Coffee Day – Ako Café (Manaaki) on production of OPSA ID card – sponsored by OPSA/AKO BBQ Art School – 4pm Sunday 20th The Melvins & High On Fire – ReFuel, $60.00 (student discount available, tickets from www.undertheradar. , Cosmic Corner and Marbecks), R18, (RW ENTERTAINMENT) Monday 21st Polytechnic Amazing Race Starts – Free, Quad or Manaaki, 12 noon Fitness for Fun, Semester timetable begins – Free during O’Week Comedy featuring Steve Wrigley, Jeremy Elwood & Justine Smith, Shows at 6:30pm, 8pm, and 9:30pm, Teachers College Auditorium, Ticket price $10 student / $15 public

Friday 25th Kora, Left or Right, and Koile, University Union Hall, 9pm, Ticket price $35 student/$40 public/$30 R1 Saturday 26th Minuit, Kween G & DJ Bad Ezzy (AUS), Metals (AUS), DJ Rehka (USA), & Ladi6, Dunedin Town Hall, 8pm, Ticket price $40 student / $45 public / $40 R1 Friday 4th March Famous Polytechnic Quiz – Free, Manaaki, 5.30pm, R18

Proudly presented by Otago Polytechnic Students’ Association Otago University Students’ Association Otago Polytechnic

The Famous Polytechnic Quiz Dunedin’s most fun Quiz, loved by mature students and freshers alike. Bring a team of up to six, or join a team on the night. Bar opens 5-ishpm, Quiz starts 5.30pm at the Polytech Manaaki (Student Centre) on Harbour Terrace. R18. Warning: may contain traces of some light swearing and pictures of sex-toys. Free entry. Presented by OPSA.

OPSA Inflatable Sports Day

Battle for prizes on OPSA’s inflatable sports field. Events may include Sumo Wrestling, Jousting, or Boxing. Inflatable sports are nonviolent and outrageously silly to watch. Enter on the day, or book a place at nz. Free entry. Presented by OPSA.

Students vs Polytech Staff Soccer Match

Help the Student team remain undefeated by the Staff team. A fun game of soccer on the MacMillan Hockey Turf on Harbour Terrace. Free entry. Details at www.opsa. Free entry. Presented by OPSA.

Eating Competition

An OP classic Orientation event. Eat faster than the other competitors and win... Enter on the day, or book a place at Free entry. Presented by OPSA.

Waiter’s Race

Tickets from OPSA Office, upstairs in the Manaaki (where you got your ID card from)

Race for prizes on OPSA’s fiendishly stupid obstacle course. Past hazards have included: Frozen-haggis bowling, Obstacle-courses, Firemen’s-relay, and Saveloy-tennis. Enter on the day, or book a place at mark.baxter@ Free entry. Presented by OPSA.

All events subject to weather permitting and circumstances beyond our control

Amazing Race

Win prizes by navigating around the Polytechnic following OPSA’s clues. More deatsil at Free entry. Presented by OPSA.

Interview with Sam Harvey and Damien Daniels of Computers Want Me Dead are a two-piece electro-synth pop band from Auckland. Delivering tasty box-loads of what they describe as “Erotic Pizza,” their debut single ‘We Walk In Circles’ has been storming the airwaves at alternative and commercial radio, featuring on music TV promos and the new VW ad campaign. With an energetic electro-fuelled live set that’s leaving audiences buzzing, Computers Want Me Dead blitzed the BDO, where they were touted as “New Zealand’s next big thing, no doubt soon to make waves on the international scene too.” Gyro discovered that, despite the hype, it hasn’t all gone to their heads. G: Where are you right now? D: We’re in a control room, inches away from each others faces, sharing a cellphone. S: This is the closest we’ve ever been. G: You have one of the best band names ever. How did it come about? S: I had an email from a friend who was going through a rough patch. She composed this long, emotional rant via Myspace and had just finished when it timed out and she lost it. She re-wrote most of it and it crashed again. When she sent her next message, the subject line read, “computers want me dead.” I said, “I’m totally going to use this.” G: CWMD are rocking a retro groove. What’s the reason for all things 80’s (albeit with a fresh coat of paint) being so cool again? S: My theory is that retrospective fashion works very slowly, so that’s why all things 70s were cool in the late 90s, it’s always delayed by about 20-25 years. It’s a natural thing, nostalgia from what we grew up with. G: Your website is super-retro-cool; your “look” seems quite deliberate and design-led. Who is responsible for the CWMD ‘style’? D: Sam S: Actually, the website is a bit half-arsed. We realised that we needed one and I thought, “Well that’s something I can do.” G: Love the cassettes S: Thanks, I just knocked up some pictures, and added a doodle. D: That’s not a penis, a doodle; it’s a picture, by the way

G: Thanks. You don’t sell yourselves as slutty young things, or sleazy beatmasters- the way say the Kids of 88 do, so what “are” you? D: Good question. Actually, in our own time we’re the dirtiest dudes in town. If we are anything, it’s pure mad fun. G: You once famously said (on the C4 Decent Exposure promo) that if you have trouble writing songs, you just beak up with your girlfriend. Given your recent success and new songs, I’m guessing you’re both single? D: Oh yeah, we got in heaps of trouble over that! My girlfriend’s grandmother was watching and she rang up and said, “Who is this boy you’re dating?” G: Excellent sound bite though. D: Yeah it is, isn’t it?! G: Most Rock “n” Roll thing that’s happened so far? S: Well, when we were on the Madcap tour some girl ran up these stairs and grabbed me by the crotch. I was actually kind of scared. We usually take a picture of Damian’s girlfriend with us, tape it to a stick and hold it up – so I grabbed that and sort of fought her off. And another time this band on tour with us, I won’t name them, they came back to our hotel room and one looked like he was going to throw up and while we put him in the bathroom the other one ran away with our alcohol... G: Must be a NZ band? D: … ha, yes! So I chased him down the road, yelling “Fuck you!” And when he fell over, I took the alcohol back. G: Has the tall poppy syndrome NZ is famous for ever affected you? Any haters? S&D: Well, as soon as you’re known people hate you. You can’t please everyone. But we have been extremely fortunate; most people are lovely to us. Although when we



G: What’s your price? S: $200,000 or a dozen beers

opened for 30 Seconds to Mars the whole front row was full of glaring emo chicks who were thinking, “get off the fucken stage,” because we were the only thing between them and Jared Leto. G: You’ve been tipped as New Zealand’s “Next Big Thing.” S&D: It’s cool but we don’t believe the hype. It’s very damaging and a bit sad when people start to believe too much what everyone’s saying. It’s just marketing after all. G: How would you feel to be someone’s ringtone? D: Cool as. It’s always a band’s goal to reach the biggest audience they can. I actually did hear one of our songs the other day when I was in Subway and I thought about asking for a free meal, but I was with this guy from TV who was much more famous so I thought I’d look like a dick if I went, “Hey, that’s me!” Because he would’ve said, “Oh yeah? Got your own TV show? No, that’s right, you haven’t.” G: Any stalkers? Crazy people? S&D: We do have some avid fans, and we get some really random emails which we love. We’ve had emails from Jerusalem and someone got in touch with my family to ask if we would do a tour with a burlesque act from Berlin. We said sure but they’d have to pay.

G: You’ve said your influences include Tim Burton films and sulking in your bedroom. I’m guessing you don’t get a lot of time for sulking these days? D: Actually at the moment our studio is based in my bedroom, so we could sulk. G: Who is the sulkiest of the two of you? D: Sam S: I am. I wear that with pride. G: Inspirations and musical influences? D: Aphex Twin. It was an introduction to experimental electronica and the first time I became an avid fan of something. Anything off Warp records. And I have recently really been getting into hair-metal, Iron Maiden is so cool and a big part of what I’ve been listening to. And Nine Inch Nails. S: Someone once said “You sound like Trent Razor on E” We said, “oh my God, that’s great!” And they said, “It’s not a compliment.” But it is! It’s the coolest thing anyone’s ever said to me. G: What can Dunedin audiences expect from a CWMD show? D: Expect to get crazy. Feel free to get up on stage. Buy us a beer if you like, but no crotchgrabbing. S: Damian dry humps me every gig. It’s always just before my trickiest keyboard solo, and so I spend the whole gig freaking out, waiting for him to do it me. LS

Gizza Joke. An Interview with

Jeremy Elwood


G: So, what does 2011 hold for the talented Mr Elwood? A: More of the same, hopefully. Another season of 7Days, the NZ International Comedy Festival in May, possibly Sydney before that and a long overdue trip to New York in August. Plus the regular live circuit.

Radio weren’t even options for most comedians, so the fact that they are now is just another set of opportunities for us.

G: How do you explain your longevity in the notoriously fickle comedy game? A: Stubbornness? I guess I just stayed with it, and it has certainly gotten easier over the 12+ years I’ve been doing it, with more gigs running nationwide, more interest from the public and, in the last couple of years at least, more trust from the media.

G: What is making you laugh right now? A: The fact that western commentators are getting all worried that China might “become” a superpower. I reckon if you’re owed half a trillion dollars by the US, make pretty much everything we all buy and hold a sphere of influence over half the world, you might already qualify.

G: An election year, oh goody. Any thoughts on the winners and losers? Will Smiling John keep smiling? A: Seeing as Key has already said he’ll step down if he loses, I guess that smile is here to stay either way – he either gets another 3 years or gets to spend more time in Hawaii. As for who will win, maybe we should ask Warner Brothers, they seem to have the most power.

G: New Zealanders. Do we have any/a weird sense of humour? What tickles our funny bone? A: I think there’s a bit of a discrepancy between who we are, and who we think we are. We’re not the backwater we sometimes pretend to be, and yet we have a strange mix of modern ideas and old fashioned conservatism which crosses over into our sense of humour – we can get offended by the most trivial things straight after we’ve laughed at something quite hardcore

G: Steve Wrigley and Justine Smith. Like to spread hideous rumours about them here? A: Oh yeah, they’re both, um, well…. Really good comedians and mates of mine. Sorry, nothing juicier than that. G: It seems that comedians these days must be Jacks/Jills of all trades: TV, radio, writing, touring, do you do it, and any plans for a singing career? A: I had one already, albeit briefly! The cross-over between mediums is another one of those things that has become easier over time. It wasn’t long ago that TV and


G: And the bonus question: looking forward to being back in Dunedin? A: Always. I wish there was an easier way to come down more regularly, so if anyone has a venue they want to run a regular gig at, feel free to get in touch! Steve Wrigley, Jeremy Elwood & Justine Smith present their comedy stylings for your delight as part of OUSA’s orientation on Monday 21st February, shows at 6.30pm, 8pm and 9.30pm Teachers College Auditorium. Tickets $10 student/$15 public, available from?

Gyro interviews Laughton Kora, just back from a 5 day tour of Australia, and constructs a plan to steal his iPod. Kora, a five-piece including the four brothers Kora, hail from Wellington and Whakatane. Fusing rock, reggae, dub and roots, the band is known for their huge live presence, sweet vocal harmonies and a powerhouse rhythm section. G: So, why do NZers love reggae so much? L: Well, particularly in the Maori community, reggae music is associated with struggle. It’s still activist music, spiritual and biblical, not to mention pretty damn good music. G: Old skool influences? What did you listen to growing up? L: Horace Andy, Steel Pulse, Black Uhuru, A lot of Third World and Grace Jones, especially Grace Jones. My brother loves Grace Jones so much he named his daughter after her, Coco Grace Chanel. G: What did you do for Bob Marley’s birthday on the 7th? L: We’re in the studio laying down tracks for the new album. G: Who has the writing chops? L: Everyone does. We like it eclectic and experimental so we all bring it. G: You make the road to success look easy. What’s the secret? L: Our dad (Tait Kora) was really strict. G: Like Michael Jackson’s dad? L: Just like that actually. He made us hone our craft. He wouldn’t let you goof off. G: “Volume” went gold and “Politician” stayed in the top ten for 8 weeks. Any pressure on the new album? L: Yes and No. The reason why we’ve done so well is that we stuck to our guns. We didn’t listen when they said, “Just play straight reggae.” We love to mix it up: metal, jazz, blues and rock, we love that stuff. The great thing about that is that we didn’t get pigeonholed. We couldn’t get


pigeonholed. We didn’t listen to anyone. So this new album has the same feel about it, eccentric. It is less arrogant than the first though. G: Success has made you mellower? L: It’s certainly humbling. It gives you more options. We get to do things like the BDO and see others practising their craft. We always thought music should be hard work, and it’s great to see others do too. We don’t really live the Rock ‘n’ Roll lifestyle. Thanks to our dad, we finish a show and pack down, and only then have a drink. We never did party too much. G: Love the video for “Skankenstein” who’s responsible for the Manga look? L: We’re all hardcore gamers. In front of me right now is a PS2, a PS3 and a PC, pretty embarrassing. G: All time favourite line-up, living or dead? L: Oh God, that’s so hard…um… hell…alright, I’ll have Steve Vai, Meshuggah (experimental Swedish band) Steel Pulse, Steve Wonder, Lady Gaga, Dr Dre (you’re got to have Dre), and Daft Punk. And a young Kiri, but that’s so not all of it… G: Listening to right now? L: Right now? Tosin Absi from America, poly-rhythmic metal, new skool, 8 string. Kora’s side band, The Heavy Metal ninjas – this is the kind of music we like to play. There’s no singing, just all guitar. We did a tour with Shihad, and that was really cool. It’s good to have something else to morph into. We tried to do the metal thing with Kora, but it needs to be a separate entity. The thing is we grew up with Judas Priest, Ronnie James Dio and Iron Maiden. G: Hair metal seems to be making a come-back? L: Music is always circular and fickle. You can keep up with the times or stick to your guns or do something out of left-field. But keep your ears open to everything. There was a lot of iPod shuffling during our tour of Australia: Dragon, Living Colour… G: And your orientation gig? L: High energy. Bring your A-game and expect something challenging. LS

Continued from page 16

working with Cobain was a stone groove...” “She comes from a country very, very far away,” explains Dale. After a whispered pause, the interview resumes. G: You and Buzz (the Melvins lead singer “King Buzzo” Osborne) seem to have “uncled” a lot of bands, providing support and influence, getting them connected (introducing Kurt Cobain to Dave Grohl for example) – this is a quite nurturing, benevolent thing for musicians to do. D: We we’re good to the ones we like. Especially the great ones like Tool and Kiss, both of whom are super-nice. Kiss gave us our own dressing room, let us play as loud as we wanted on stage, and we got paid to boot. Some of the bands we have played with you’d wonder why they were having us, from the treatment we’d get. G: Naming any names? D: No, the bad ones know who they are. Down from New Orleans are really nice, and surprisingly, Phil Anselmo the lead singer of Panterra (and Down) is actually a really nice guy – which you wouldn’t think from the way he is portrayed, and the kind of music they play. And again, we got paid. G: Playing with Kiss? Have The Melvins gone mainstream? And what about making the Billboard top 200 with The Bride Screamed Murder on vinyl. D: That’s down to how little vinyl is selling these days. We like to release vinyl as a novelty with a different artist doing the design everytime. G: Very cool for emerging artists. D: Yes, and it gives people a reason to buy it. After all, you can buy any kind of music over the internet these days. And thanks to leaks, sometimes our music has come out months before we have released it. G: That must be heartbreaking for the artists, why would someone do that? D: I guess someone from the distribution company just wanted to be cool. It doesn’t

really matter, bands that normally making money selling millions of albums, have to tour more, that’s all. We don’t make millions, but we tour all the time. G: What are The Melvins like on tour? Do they have to be isolated from each other after a few days? I read somewhere that The Rolling Stones don’t speak to each other at all when they’re not on tour D: Or even on stage. G: So The Melvins are real-life good friends? D: Yes. Actually, I just got back from playing golf with Buzz. G: Reminds me of a song by Dunedin band the Puddle, Funky Dunedin, “where the musos love each other like brothers.” D: The musicians who are brothers that I know like Ray and Dave Davies are always fighting. The Melvins have never had fist-fights, at least not with each other. G: Most rock “n” roll excess? D: Well, we have taken money from big companies and not apologised for it. We got paid. G: What’s the story with the bassist morgue on The Melvins site? Bassists they come and they go? Are they by nature fly-by-nighters? D: Ha! That site is actually put together by our fans, I don’t think we have been through as many bass players as it says. Everybody who has got fired had their own weird personal issues. If it gets in the way of the band, then bye-bye. As a plus, nobody whose been in The Melvins has OD’d, dead.

G: The Melvins are notorious noisologists. Any plans for a Melvins easy listening? Melvins unplugged? D: We’ve no plans to go acoustic, but we’ve never shied away from doing anything. We’ve never been afraid to try new things. It’s definitely always going to be loud, although there’s nothing that we wouldn’t do. If we like it, then that’s good enough for us. We’ve never needed anyone else’s opinion or approval. G: Twenty-seven years of blistering sludge. Explain The Melvins longevity. D: We’ve burned every bridge, its either this or street cleaning. Although I think I’d fail at that, I haven’t had a proper job for 20+ years. We always wanted to do this and we love it. We’re working-class musicians who work very hard and have managed to make this work. G: You’re normally a 3-piece, now 4. D: Yes, but I’m not making any promises. The drummer or the bass player could have a major freak-out and that would be the end of that. But we are really enjoying playing with them. G: What sort of gifts would you like to be showered with upon your arrival in Dunedin? D: We’ll have a couple of hobbits and Russell Crowe. G: Actually, we gave him back to Australia. D: Oh well, then I want to eat a kiwi. G: I’m not sure you’d be allowed to do that. D: The bird and the fruit. G: Umm. D: And coffee. G: We make really good coffee.

He should have just continued to hang with us.” G: Kurt Cobain famously failed an audition for The Melvins, why didn’t he measure up? D: No. Don’t believe everything you read, this isn’t true. And like most of these stories, the truth isn’t that interesting so it doesn’t get repeated. We would have taken him, but he didn’t have an amp. Maybe if we could have heard him.

D: I know. I’ll have a long black and a couple of giant Maori security guards to follow us around, and the keys to the city. We might even move there. G: See what I can do D: Oh, and make sure they let us into the country without too much bother. G: No cavity searches? D: Exactly.



Help for When it All goes

Tits Up

The worst has happened. The dickhead someone brought to your flat’s Orientation party has fallen through the ranch-slider. Or you rearended the Mercedes in front of you at the lights. Or you were just cleaning up the yard and that couch spontaneously combusted… well don’t fret petal, help is at hand. At a time like this, you need to know your rights and what support services are available to you. Many people are a little bit nervous around police, lawyers and civil servants (and wisely so) but unfortunately problems don’t just go away if you ignore them. They come back, with their friends. Unpaid fines, yelling landlords and those niggling court summons can have a negative affect upon your happiness quotient, so here are some people you can turn to when your life seems to be going down the crapper.

The Community Law Centre

Get hold of them if you’re in legal trouble. They offer free advice and will discuss your options. You can find their office at 52 Filleul St, dropins are welcome, or you can call (03) 474 1922, but don’t expect legal advice over the phone. Appointments aren’t necessary.


Give them a ring on 0800 376 633 for a free, confidential and nonjudgmental phone service for all personal emergencies and crises.

The Tenancy and Landlord Mediation Service

These are the people to go to if you and your landlord have reached a dead end. They can be a bit scary/formal, but they’re impartial and informed and they can give you advice on both your rights and your obligations as a tenant. Call them free on 0800 836 262. These are also the people you give your bond to. NEVER give it to the landlord to “deal with later”.

Dunedin Budget Advisory Service

What the title says. A free, confidential, one-on-one financial management service. Ring their office on (03) 471 6158. Read the article, “Keeping out of the Shiesse,” on page 14 for more info.


Weekly meetings of small groups of people helping each other through life’s various difficulties. Call them on (03) 477 2871.

Gay and Lesbian Support

If you or a friend would like to know more about these services, email, come upstairs to OPSA or visit 5 Ethel Benjamin St (in the cottage directly behind Clubs and Socs). If you don’t feel OK about coming to the Student Support Centre, the Queer Support Coordinator can arrange to meet wherever you feel more comfortable. All enquiries are confidential and treated with discretion. We respect that you may prefer to remain anonymous.

Family Planning

You can access the morning after pill here as well as make us of expert clinical service to help with contraception and STI checks, and advice on menopause, vasectomies, PMS and pregnancy. They’re upstairs at 95 Hanover St, above the Urgent Doctor. Ring for an appointment on (03) 477 5850.


Rape Crisis Dunedin

Rape Crisis offer support for women who have survived past or recent sexual abuse, rape, incest sexual harassment or sexual assault. They provide counselling in person or by telephone, legal and medical advocacy, referral to specialized support groups and a 24-hour call-out service for emergencies on (03) 474 1592

Dunedin Citizen’s advice Bureau

Don’t where anything is, or where to turn? These friendly folks can advise you in strict confidence. Call 0800 367 222.


The last word in all things helpful and friendly. Your student’s association can help you with most things, and if they can’t they will do everything in their power to hook you up with someone who can. Upstairs in the Student centre, pop into the oval office for a word with the president, or call (03) 477 6974)



About the Sun Genre: Psychedelic Indie Powerpop Ode Records/Sarang Bang Records Buy from Simple, effective summery tunes. Upon first listening, was reminded of Chris Knox, something to do with the pared-down nature of the album’s structure and quiet restraint, no surprises then to read on the band’s website influences include Straightjacketfits, Devo, Bailter Space, The Mint Chicks, the Smiths… and…Chris Knox! Gorgeous vocals by Jude Morris. Spare, understated sounds, perfect hangover music. Warm, breezy guitar, nice wee jingles. Hubbabubba bubblegum pop. Music that doesn’t want to hurt you. Sounds like: fluorescent balloons Listen while: lying prone on the floor, knitting. Recommended? Yes Art

Diana Smillie

Temple Gallery until March 11 Upon leaving secondary school, Diana Smillie trained as a graphic artist and worked as a book and fashion illustrator. In her early thirties she began to feel the constraints of commissioned work and started experimenting with her own imagery drawn largely from the animal world, with an emphasis on structural anatomy and the historical and mythical symbolism of animals. This transition became complete in 1994 with an exhibition of drawings, Little Pagans, which demonstrated the nature of things to come. Smillie’s work is often described as images from the dark side of the mind, exploring the hidden, secret corners of the female psyche. Dysfunctional relationships, spheres of domestic violence and twisted realms, her works are “simultaneously sickening and glorious,” according to art critic James Dignan, reviewing her last exhibition, That’s My Boy for the ODT. This new sequence of paintings explores these subterranean forces further, continuing Smillie’s self-proscribed brief to go behind the façade, creating emotionally charged images, sweet and vicious, violent and visceral. Shocking, erotic and worryingly subversive, this exhibition is well worth the shake up it will give you. For a sneak peek, check out Diana’s portfolio at and then go and see these glories in the flesh, as it were.

Notices finger food L MEETING with ANNUAL GENERA N WILL BE HELD O 2011 MARCH Wednesday 23rd ound floor) – G106 (G Block gr 12 NOON AT G N COMMENCI AGENDA 1. Present 2. Apologies 10 AGM 3. Minutes of the 20 2010 4. President’s Report A 2010 Financial Statements PS O e 5. Adoption of th mittee 2011 Executive Com udent 6. Election of OPSA 11 Maori, Pacific and International St 20 e th of n tio 7. Ratifica intments. Representative appo s es 8. General Busin 9. Finger Food ELCOME lytechnic Students W All Class Reps and Po od provided Finger Fo

NOTICE OF CLASS REP MEETING to be held on Thursday 3rd March 12 noon G Block 106 ground floor lecture theatre light refreshments will be provided AGENDA 1. Present (please sign in on arrival) 2. Apologies 3. OPSA welcome and update 4. General Business all students welcome


Slutty kings of naughty surf pop psychedelic, The Kids of 88, whose music has been described as “a cross between a late 80s police drama intro theme and a sophisticated superhussy” – fresh from a European tour with Ke$ha – have been sweltering over a hot BDO. Gyro meets up with Sam McCarthy just a hangover away from the Melbourne closing party.

Kids of 88 interview

G: What was the BDO tour like? Sam: Fantastic. While it was fairly consistent through out the run, they’d be small differences in energy, depending on the act. It was super hot on stage. G: Smokin’? Disrobing? S: We try, although we are a winter band. We try to keep a sense of clothing developments, but we won’t take it all off. G: Not even nudity for art’s sake? S: No. we like to keep some mystery. We draw the line at full frontal. G: What’s Ke$ha like? S: She’s amazing really. She has this slight barrier though, an air of intrigue about her. She’s definitely a super star but she broke the ice first night by showing up in our dressing room with a big bottle of Jack Daniels. Not many bands would do that. Her 8 piece band was really cool and we spent a lot of time hanging out with them. G: Rolling Stone awards, BDO, Ke$ha, what the heck? S: It is full-on, but with the BDO tour you actually get to see the sights. We had the Melbourne after-party last night so we’re still sort of healing but the whole thing is a strange mix of the rush of performing followed by time to either see the other bands or relax and chill out…an extended holiday. There was all this fuss about the Black Keys having to rest due to exhaustion, and we just thought, oh please. G: Seen anyone across a crowded room and thought Oh My God? S: Nick Cave. But I don’t think we’ll be meeting anyone from Ramstein for the rest of the tour.


G: So you might be all sewn up? S: Yeah G: Why’s that? S: They like to stalk around wearing wrap-around sunglasses at night and leather trench coats. G: Maybe they’re actually really nice? Just shy. S: Yeah, just get those leather trenches off and they’re real sweethearts. G: Bet your mum is proud S: My mum tends to limit her enthusiasm but at the same time she tries to be the cool mum G: You’ve listed groove, mood and slutty arrangements, hand claps, culture and couture as some of your influences. Where the hell did you grow up? S: South Auckland. Moving from there into the city, and trawling those musical elements along the way. G: Smart cookies though. S: Got to be creative and show you’ve got a brain, you don’t want to be too exclusive or too hard-core-dance-party-band. G: I just heard “Sugarpill” on the car radio. What’s the Kids’ writing process? S: Original ideas come up and we just like to run with them. It doesn’t rely on just one person we get together in what we call the “creature club”. Someone will have a pre-existing idea and we like to run with it, follow a creative path as far as it will go.

G: You won music video of the year for Just a Little Bit. How much of that Orgasms-R-Us look was down to you? S: For Just a Little Bit, I started off with an idea of all these perfect people, perfect old ladies in their perfect gardens… G: David Lynch? S: Exactly! And these perfect people are shown with the small, minute things that give them pleasure, the old lady having an orgasm snipping her roses… then director Tim Van Dammen warped it into hardcore porn. It’s dark and twisted with a lovely sense of humour and irony. A great result. We love that dry kiwi sense of humour, not gimmicky, self-depreciation; you can take it both ways. We hassle each other more than other bands do. Jordan (Arts) and I have been friends for over a decade, I’ve been friends with Luke, our guitarist since I was 16. We have a great friendship. G: Secret friendship language? S: Ridiculous in-jokes. We sometimes have to figure out how to communicate outside our little bubble. G: Ever used your new powers for evil? S: Oh no. No. No. No. No. Well, Luke is the band’s Casanova but he’s been seeing this girl lately…

G: You’ve been described as sleazy yet you’re saying you’re squeaky clean? Just your brother’s nice friends? S: Your brother’s dirty, nice friends. We’re a very social band. Seriously though, being a crooner, a different girl every night just leads to chronic arseholism. We don’t go for much of a musketeer’s ethic. G: Is this a goodtime for NZ music? S: It’s a very ripe time. Especially in regards to how music is blogged and sent around. NZ is becoming a kind of Sweden: isolated - using the strange weather as a reason to make music in our bedrooms. The bedroom recording studio thing is really working here. In Europe you can continuously tour, In NZ a nationwide tour takes about half a week and an Australian tour isn’t always the answer. You should be focusing on you’re global audience instead. That’s why Sweden is a great example, they haven’t made where they’re from the whole deal of the music and they’re sending quirky and cool stuff out into the world. G: What should Dunedin audiences expect? S: A pretty festive show, extended out the theatrics. A worldly show, shaped by our touring experiences. Someone said we have started to sound a little “National Geographic”, as we have been using world music in our writing. Not Paul Simon’s “Graceland” – more Michael Jackson’s Heal the World” on acid. LS

A is for Alcohol and Aquatics. Not combined (see F). A is also for Always drink in moderation and Accommodation: check out OPSA’s Accommodation Board in Manaaki foyer for current flats/rooms available. B is for Books and BBQ bookings (see OPSA, to save you eating those snarlers cold). B is also for Bus timetables and help with travels further abroad; OPSA has great deals on shuttles, flights etc.

Kissing, Kayaking, Krumping and Kids on campus. Your children are welcome to attend classes with you – unless they are whingey little brats. Love, Laminating and Lechery - make sure you know the difference.

C is for career (why you’re here), crumpets, class reps, cleavage, cricket and Campus Cop, ‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello…

Music, Mania, Mooning and Microwaves – located around the campus, please keep them clean and tidy.

Drinking, (see A), Dryhorrors and also Dysentery; a reminder that you should always check your food’s useby-date, and clean the fridge.

Notice boards and Netiquette. Sure, that webpage just fell open. Orientation, Odours and Oxymorons, like “working party” or “student allowances”.

Email, Events and Earplugs for your flatties. Get a room. Oh that’s right, you’ve already got one.

Parking, Police, Pubic hair and Panadol.

Firetrucking (Fie-err-trucking) Verb: To urinate in one’s bed while unconscious, due to excessive consumption of alcohol. F is also for Finances, Fake tan and Flab. And Freshers.

Quidditch (not terribly likely, let’s face it but it’s hard to think of things that begin with Q) and Queer support; advice about support groups is available at OPSA.

G is for grants, gyms, g-strings (should never be visible) guilty perving and GYRO, your FREE student magazine. Health, Hangovers Hernias (team-lift wardrobe).


Jogging, Jandals and Jobs. Check your webmail or the notice boards for advertised job vacancies – and get enrolled at Student Job Search. Better put some shoes on before you go there.

and that

International students – Boka tov! Bienne venu! Zao shang hao. I is also for ID cards, get yours at the OPSA office.

Recreation. OPSA provides services and facilities at the Unipol Recreation Centre and Clubs & Societies; check out the “Get a Taste” programme of activities on offer each semester. Scholarships, Social committee, STA travel card and Studylink –remember, you will have to pay it back, eventually.

Transportation, Tattoo removal and Tired. You think you’re tired now… Underwear, always wear a clean pair, just in case Violations and Virginity, the losing off. OPSA also deals with lost property. W is for Wanker – what people will think you are, answering your cellphone during class. X-Change. Swapa-book at OPSA, bring in your dog-eared favourites and replace them with ones from our collection. Y is for Yummy, which is what your cooking is definitely NOT, so eat at AKO and TECHnique as often as you can. Zero tolerance of bullying and harassment, and Zzzs - catch some.

Gyro Student Services OPSA Student Services OPSA - Your Students’ Asociation

Upstairs, Student Centre, Harbour Terrace OPSA are here to help you. If you have any questions during Orientation or through the year, ask at OPSA. For personal or course-related problems, issues with your landlord, your finances – whatever is bugging you, let us know and if we can’t help, we’ll put you in touch with someone who can. OPSA has representatives on Otago Polytechnic committees, Academic Board, Faculty Boards and represents students’ views to the local community and nationally. The OPSA office is a good place to find out about advocacy, mediation and other services.

Gyro - Your Student Magazine

Provided by OPSA, and packed full of news, reviews and fabulous writing, Gyro comes out in magazine form during Orientation and then every fortnight during OP term as a ‘Zine. You can pick up your free copy from the Student centre, or from one of the holders around campus. All students are warmly invited to contribute articles, letters, reviews or artwork etc. 2011 Editor: Lisa Scott, phone (03) 477 6974, email: Website:

UniPol Sports & Recreation Centre

OPSA Student ID card

96 Anzac Avenue OPSA owns 20% of the UniPol sports centre and OPSA members can use the centre for free. At UniPol you’ll find social and competitive sport, a gym with cardio and weight training areas, aerobics classes, volleyball and basketball courts, sporting equipment and pool, snooker and table tennis as well as low cost equipment hire.

OPSA Office Services and Shop

Phone (03) 479 5888 Email: Hours: Mon-Fri 6am-11pm, Sat 8am-9pm, Sun 9am-11pm Website:

Your key to all the benefits of being an OPSA member. All Otago Polytechnic students are entitled to an ID card. These are processed at the OPSA office. Bring your Polytechnic invoice and some photo ID. Offers a range of office and related services: cheap phone cards, cheap DCC rubbish bags, colour printing and photocopying, cheap CDs and DVDs, stamps and mail collection, diaries, wall-planners, pens, cheap second-hand books and a free book exchange, budgeting and tenancy advice and much, much more... OPSA runs social events through the year, including Orientation activities, but wait...there’s more! OPSA also organises student discounts in Otago, (check out the list of discounters on our website: deals with lost property and provides free student telephones, microwaves and water-filters on Polytechnic’s campuses. Aren’t we lovely. Phone: (03) 477 6974 Office hours Mon-Thur, 9am-5pm Fridays 9am-3pm Association manager: Lesley Scoullar ( Association Services and Communications Manager: Mark Baxter ( Association President Michelle Fidow ( Vice President Rebecca Hohaia (vice Central Otago Coordinator: Bob Tovey ( Contact Bob through the Cromwell office (03) 445 9900

Clubs & Societies

84 Albany St The Clubs & Socs building is a facility where groups can meet and students can take a sauna, play snooker, make music or study. They also run a large number of low-cost courses, including dancing, stone-carving, kickboxing, life-drawing and more. The facility is owned by the Otago University Students’ Association, and OPSA members are allowed to use it. Students can use rooms in the building at no cost. Phone (03) 479 5960 Email: Hours: Mon-Fri 9am- 10.30pm, weekends 10am-8.30pm

Student Job Search

Students’ Association Building, 640 Cumberland St SJS is a nationwide service run and funded by students, with a contribution from the government. It has a high success rate finding students work while they study or during the holidays. The students’ associations in Dunedin combine to run SJS here. Phone (03) 477 9509 Email: Freephone: 0800 757 562 (0800 SJS JOB) Hours: Mon-Tues Thurs-Fri 9am-4.30pm (closed Weds) Website:


Guide 2011 Otago Polytechnic Student Services Student Advisory Team

Room H129, ground floor, H Block, Forth St Student Advisory advocates and promotes equal participation and access for all students to tertiary education. They are committed to providing a high-quality service to meet the individual needs of students. If your studies are not living up to your expectations or are too difficult, if family and personal problems are getting in the way, if you are feeling isolated or worried about debt, they are always ready to offer a helping hand. Phone: (03) 479 3743 Team Leader and Disability Support: Kitty Keogh ( nz) Student services advisor: Sheena Roy ( Student services administrator: Sharon Ward ( Website:


Childcare Centre

Forth St For students with young families, trained staff provide early childhood education and care for children up to five years of age. You are welcome to visit and talk to staff before enrolling your child. Phone: (03) 479 6169

Open Access Suite

Room G109, G Block, Union St East The Open Access Suite is a free computing centre, and is for all students to use in their studies. Hours: Mon-Fri 7am-10pm


Robertson Library 135 Union St East Phone: (03) 477 3014 Hours: Mon-Thurs 8.30am-10pm Friday 8.30-9pm Sat 9am-5pm Sunday 10am-10pm

The Careers service is part of the Student Advisory Team and offers individual career guidance and planning, drop-in career support, CV writing workshops, interview skills workshops and more. Careers Advisor: Jane Field (

Cromwell Campus Library Corner Erris and Ray Streets, Cromwell Phone: (03) 445 9900 Hours Mon-Fri 12.30pm-4pm Except Weds 8.30pm-5pm


Student Health

Provides orientation, help with adjustments to living in New Zealand, support and advice. International Students Advisor: Yvonne Fogarty (yvonne.fogarty@ International Students accommodation coordinator Anna Seiuli (anna. seiuli@op.


Support for Maori students and the staff involved in their course of study. Kaupapa Maori services and appropriate support outside Polytechnic can be accessed. Kaiarahi Maori: Marlene McDonald (


Scholarships for prospective and attending Pacific Island students, regular events during the year to celebrate and showcase Pasifika culture. Pasifika Student Advisor: Anna Seiuli (

Learning Centre

Ground floor, F Block, Forth St The Learning Centre offers free tutorials and workshops (groups and one-on-one) on study skills, essay and assignment writing, maths, language advice for English language learners and more. Senior Lecturers Janet Black (03) 479 3611 ( Rose Stanton (03) 479 6982 ( William Lucas (03) 479 6083 (

Ground floor, Student Centre, Harbour Terrace Student Health provided a full GP service to Otago Polytechnic students who have paid the Student Health Levy. There is a charge for some services but an appointment with a doctor is free if you have a current Community Services Card. No card? The charge is still only $15. Nurse consultations are free although some charges may apply for medication and dressings etc. Phone (03) 479 6082 Office hours: 8.30am-5pm Central Otago Cromwell: Cromwell Medical Centre, 33e The Mall, (03) 445 1119 Wanaka: Aspiring Medical Centre, 28 Dungarvron St, (03) 443 1226 Queenstown: Queenstown Medical Centre, 9 Isle St, (03) 441 0500

Counselling Service

The counselling service is a free and confidential service available to all students enrolled at Otago Polytechnic. Phone: (03) 479 6082 Central Otago Please book an appointment with Ian Craven through the Central Otago Campus office at Cromwell 0800 765 9276



1. Go anywhere nice for your holidays? 2. Hairmetal band you secretly like? 3. Theme song to your life? 4. The most embarrassing thing you or a “friend” have done? 5. Favourite tipple?

1—  Christchurch. I went to the zoo.

1—  No

2—  Guns “n” Roses

2—  Bon Jovi

3—  Every Rose has its Thorn

3—  Can’t help Falling in Love

4—  No comment

4—  Nothing I can think of, I’ve led a sheltered life

5—  Cream

5—  Gin, Lemon and Lime. Classy.


Cara 1—  Yeah, I went to Napier 2—  No Hairmetal, but this morning I was singing along to Seal

1—  My O.E. - London and Octoberfest in Munich

3—  Fly Like an Eagle


4—  I went around to my friend’s house and knocked on the door and then lay on the grass in the front yard. I hadn’t been drinking. That’s why it’s embarrassing

2—  Does ACDC count? And it’s not a secret. 3—  Long Way to the Top

5—  Ouzo

Riley 1—  No. I was in Dunedin 2—  Metallica

4—  I once stalled on the Kopu bridge (the oldest and largest single lane swing bridge in NZ) with a dozen cars behind me 5—  A snickers shot. Tastes like you’ve just eaten a snickers bar. Real good. But expensive.

3—  Don’t Take it Personal (it’s just one of them days) by Monica


4—  I’ve done heaps. The worst was getting changed at third form camp and all the boys looked in and saw me naked 5—  Jagerbomb




2011 Orientation Issue  

Issue 1, 2011, The Orientation Issue