THE LOVE EDITION
ISSUE 03, VOLUME 02 MAY 2016 EDITORIAL TEAM Jessica Brown - Editor in Chief Rebecca Marshallsay - Editor in Chief Erwan Guegan - General Content Editor Angel Nikijuluw - Visual Editor Hayley Payne - General Content Editor Ashleigh Watson - Features Editor PUBLISHER Cameron Harrison TALENTED CONTRIBUTORS Cover artwork Sam Dunn Editorial Phil Crifo - Erwan Guegan Cameron Harrison - Zakary Johnson Rebecca Marshallsay - Angel Nikijuluw Christian Nimri - Elleanor O’Connell Hayley Payne - Moira Sheppard Ashleigh Watson Photographic Christian Nimri - Rachel Corbu-Miles Creative Max Duff - Sam Dunn - Linn Hamre Donal Keenan - Sarah MacNeill Phillip Rudnev - Mic Smith DESIGN
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Message from the President
A body in love
What is (self) love?
The (ex) Fangirl Chronicles: true love or truly pathetic?
Marriage. $40K for forever?
Men are not from Mars (the death of an almost-relationship)
The magic formula for a perfect relationship
Unconventional romance on film
Product review - Places to meet people
Snapped on campus
Fashion - Matchy matchy!
Feature artist - Dominique Falla
Get the hell outta here
ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE WELCOME TO THE LOVE EDITION (WE’VE COVERED SEX TOO) Clearly, I’m not a poet. But I do know a thing or two about love. We all do here at Getamungstit, ‘cause love is one thing we all love to get amongst ;) Jokes aside, did you know our sappy poetic Hallmark-card view of love goes way back? The ‘roses red-violets blue’ line can be traced to an epic poem called The Faerie Queene published over four hundred years ago in 1590 – and that’s not epic like fullysick, but epic like the Iliad and Beowulf. This edition we’ve tried to move beyond (admittedly terrible) four line poetry and bring you something fresh. Flip through our features and find our piece on everyone’s latest hobby – Tinder. Forget time and distance. Love (and sex) has become a game we literally play. We’ve taken an in-depth look at our modern techno-sexualities and asked, has romance been killed by this digital love? Our answer might surprise you. For some IRL advice, we’ve explored what makes love love. Maybe there is a magic formula for a perfect relationship! Though it may not come from an incapacitating celebrity crush…
We’ve also asked, what the bloody hell does marriage even mean anymore in an age of reality TV weddings and skyrocketing divorce rates? Do we really need to take out a bank loan for our ‘special day’? And why the hell is same-sex marriage still illegal in this country!? And for everyone – taken, looking, blissfully single – let’s forget about partners for a minute. We’d like to pass on some of Bieber’s latest advice and tell you you should go and love yourself. Don’t miss our guide to self-love. We’ve also taken love beyond our normal human bonds. In our feature ‘Puppy Love?’ we take a look at the hidden workings of puppy farms and where those gorgeous dogs in pet shops might actually come from. So run, lovers, and dive into this edition for love to lust, and everything in between. Until next time, The Editorial Team
WE E LOVIL MA AT S WH TELL U HINK! YOU T
MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT Hi there, Is this the first book you are reading on campus? Because it’s now Week 11. I hope you find a few coursework related books soon too, but all is not lost because at least you are finally starting to read something uni related. Semester 1 has been an absolute blast and as cliché as it truly is—where has the time gone!? This question is really somewhat of a mystery as I can still recall strapping on my roller skates at the O’Week Roller Disco as though it was last week. We’ve had our first Where’s Wally Party and there were certainly plenty of Wally’s about. Also our first ever Suitcase Rummage— how far did the $20 in your pocket go?? We have had an action packed semester thus far, but it’s not over yet. Our annual Guild Ball is on the final Friday of semester (3 June) and promises to be a glamorous chocolatey wonder at Jupiters Casino which you should ALL attend.
Your Student Guild Board members have been meeting throughout the semester, ensuring your voice is heard and communicated to the amazing team of people who make your university experience all you ever dreamed about. If you haven’t already joined a club (or several), the OrgSync portal is up and running with all of our clubs listed online - if there’s not one there that you like, talk to our Clubs Officers and form something new! I hope you find this lovely edition of the Getamungstit relaxing, thought provoking and perhaps challenging as you procrastinate before the looming exams. Cheers, Mr Pres-schnitzel-dawg Cameron Harrison President Griffith University Gold Coast Student Guild
This is your chance to tell us what you love, what you want to see more of or suggest new ideas. Maybe there is an issue you think we should be covering or you want to weigh in on the best coffee debate... whatever you need to get off your chest, we are here to listen. We are open to constructive criticism too (just remember our writers have feelings). Title your email ‘Letters to the Ed’ and drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. Make sure you include your name and student number (only first names will be published). *Getamungstit reserves the right not to publish based on content, quality or editorial direction.
Contributor spotlight This edition we are turning the spotlight onto Zak and Elleanor who have joined the Getamungstit team this year. Zak has come on board as our aficionado on all things film and Elleanor has been livening up the mag with her quirky features. Since we’re all about L.O.V.E this edition, we’ve also found out what gets their hearts (and tummies) aflutter.
What are you currently studying? What are you currently studying? A Bachelor of Journalism
Right now I’m heading towards the final stretch of my Bachelor of Laws/Arts.
Why did you get involved with Geta?
It can be hard to pick, but which films would be vying for a place on your best films of all time list?
Even before I was aware Geta existed I knew I wanted to be a part of the uni writing scene a la Rory Gilmore. It’s such an awesome experience seeing your hard work in print.
That’s tough. I usually change favourites every couple of weeks, but right now if I had to roll with a rough top five, I’d pick Apocalypse Now, Pulp Fiction, The Empire Strikes Back, Fight Club and A Clockwork Orange.
What do you enjoy about writing?
Which films are you looking forward to in 2016?
When life is being lame and I haven’t met my rich and famous boyfriend, I love being able to invent him. Joking (sort of). I also think I’d lose my mind if I couldn’t empty my brain onto paper.
Cheesecake. Baked, New York, Lime, doesn’t matter. Cheesecake all day.
I’ve heard great things about The Witch, so that’s definitely next on my watch list. I’m hoping that The Conjuring 2 breaks the cycle of crappy horror sequels as well. I was already looking forward to Rogue One, but the new trailer’s got me even more excited. Also pretty pumped for Eye in the Sky, Suicide Squad, Elvis & Nixon, Hunt for the Wilder People and The Nice Guys, to name just a few.
How do you practice self love?
Why did you want to get involved with Geta?
Daily. I’m a big fan of car-karaoke as a form of self love. I’ve been jamming pretty hard to Zayn’s Take It Off and The Turtle’s Elenore, they make me feel awesome about myself.
I’ve been writing reviews without publishing them for a long time, and I’d also been reading (and enjoying) Geta for a while as well, so it was just a matter of time before I plucked up the courage to send some of my writings off.
What type of food is going to win your heart?
What do you love doing solo? I love going on cinema dates by myself. I can watch anything I want and no one is judging me when I stick my hand down my shirt to retrieve lost popcorn.
What type of food is going to win your heart? Pizza. Always pizza. How would you plan a great date on the Gold Coast? I’m fairly old-fashioned, so I’d probably start with a warm, candlelit dinner, then a movie, then maybe some sightseeing. And if someone wanted to come with me, that’d be a great bonus.
VOX POP In this edition of Geta we asked you to reveal some of your looooove secrets.
Best first date food?
By Christian Nimri
Lachlan, Bachelor of Biomed Sushi.
Emma, Bachelor of Science Maccas.
Alex, Bachelor of International Business Brooklyn Depot Burgers
Matt, Bachelor of Business Sausage sizzle.
Stupidest thing youâ€™ve done for love?
Callum, Bachelor of Paramed Fall in love in the first place.
Kait, Bachelor of Criminology and Criminal Justice Using Tinder.
Tori, Bachelor of Business Faked a sickness to visit my hot doctor.
Remon, Business Management I organised a date with my cousin, without realizing it was my cousin. 9
Describe the perfect partner in three words.
Chris, Bachelor of Business Them bedroom eyes.
Emily, Bachelor of Science Spontaneous, smiling, and funny.
Silvana, Bachelor of Event Management Tall, dark and handsome.
Kyle, Bachelor of Secondary Ed Real bloody hot.
Q L D V S N S W - G A ME 1 2016 THE BIGGEST AND BEST ORIGIN PARTY!
WEDNESDAY 1 JUNE - ENTERTAINMENT KICKS OFF AT 6PM CATCH ALL THE ACTION LIVE ON THE BIG SCREENS AT THE UNI BAR FREE ENTRY | CHEAP PIZZA | VIP SECTION | JOLLY JUGS LIVE ENTERTAINMENT | BEST DRESSED PRIZES | LOADS OF GIVEAWAYS
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A BODY IN LOVE By Hayley Payne
Have you ever wondered what happens to your body when you fall in love? We investigated what happens in each part of your body when you meet that special someone and the results are below.
YOU BECOME A NICER PERSON
LOVE HAPPENS FAST
MRI scans reveal that when you fall in love the frontal cortex shuts down, making you less judgmental and critical.
The brain only takes between 90 seconds and four minutes to figure out whether it is very attracted to someone.
The brain releases a surge of dopamine, a chemical that helps you to stay determined, focused and to be more creative (and romantic).
STARRY EYED Your eyes dilate larger than normal when you stare at someone you find attractive.
SMELLS LIKE LOVE It is said that pheromones effect a person’s sexual attraction to others.
STRONG & HEALTHY Being in love reduces your blood pressure (in healthy and happy relationships) and makes you less likely to have a heart attack in the long run.
POUNDING HEART When you are near someone you want to impress your body is rushed with adrenaline, which makes your heart feel like its pounding out of your chest.
STRESS-FREE If you’re past the stage of butterflies, love can actually reduce your stress levels with just a hug from your loved one.
BUTTERFLIES The brain releases hormones, which can contract blood vessels around your stomach, causing the ‘butterflies’ feeling.
SWEATY PALMS The same adrenaline that rushes through your body causing your heart to pound causes your palms to begin sweating.
WEAK AT THE KNEES Love makes you feel a warm glow everywhere in your body, except for the knees. This is possibly where the saying ‘they make me weak at the knees’ comes from.
HAND HOLDING Holding hands can reduce stress and make feelings of euphoria wash over your body.
DIGITAL LOVE By Erwan Guegan In our time-deprived and career-focused world, finding love can be tricky. Our smartphones, with hundreds of applications at our fingertips, make it easier than ever to stay connected. We’re connected, yes, but to what exactly?
the singles’ landscape, and wider cultural shifts in the mechanics of courtship. Technology has removed time lags and distance, bridging the gap between digital and physical dating, creating instantaneous fulfilment for users.
Technology is shaping and creating new ways of interacting for millions of people all over the world. It allows us to stay in touch with our friends and family, to meet different people and even new lovers for one night and beyond. In fact, the number of online dating sites has increased over the past few years. The two leading online dating websites, eHarmony and Match.com, have a combined total of over 37 million members. That’s 13 million more people than the population of Australia! The online world attracts more people every day; individuals seeking connection, love, and lust.
Has romanced been killed by this digital love?
The online dating landscape has bloomed to include new kinds of apps like Tinder. Founder and CEO of the company, Sean Rad, claims that Tinder currently processes an average of 10 million matches per day, and 750 million swipes. That’s huge! Social networking and online dating have contributed significantly to the reshaping of
But what about the good old days?
Sexting can be seen as a modern alternative to the once romanticised practice of sending romantic and erotic letters. In this modern story of romance, Romeo and Juliet can now express their love from the comfort of their overprotective parents’ houses and send unholy words, touching symbols of their loyalty and emotional intimacy. In the heat of texting, extreme longings and potential dick pics travel down the omnipresent fibre optic cables and satellites. As real as it may feel, those interactions are still done through the use of machines, screens, phones, laptops, satellites and servers alike. Do you ever wonder how much those machines know about us? In the near future will Juliet be dethroned by a Cortana or a Siri? The screen has been considering such a digital coup for some time. Just look at movies like Her, Ex Machina or Black Mirror.
In these stories,, humans fall in love with artificial intelligence with or without physical form, and maintain relationships with deceased loved ones whose personalities have been analysed from their online print, transferred into algorithms replicating the deceased’s behavior and personality. Is that all fiction or a glimpse of a close future? Could it be possible to predict your behaviour and replicate your personality and memories from your online profiles? Well, it is sort of already happening. If you think about it, media used to be a one-way flow of information where radio and television were broadcasting images and sounds into our houses and cars without ever being able to interact with us. But, with the appearance of the smartphone and social media, the way we interact with the online world has significantly changed in the past generation. Smartphones and social media don’t just help us to access information but also collect information from us and use it to modify and shape the flow of information it delivers and provide us with personalised content. Whether it is to comment, like, post, blog or tweet, people spend an increasing amount of time on social media without too much thought about
how their interaction is being captured, stored, sorted and processed. For instance, you may already know that social media such as Facebook collects information from their users such as their interests, activities, habits and uses this information to provide them with personally shaped content in their news feed. These social platforms represent the world’s biggest focus group for market researchers and provide them with a limitless source of resourceful information to read and analyses. By interacting with the media, people have obtained a certain control over it but in return have had to sacrifice their intimacy and privacy, providing the media with tools to manipulate the crowd with customised media. Is this two-way flow of information actually helping us to manage and control our life, or are we actually being increasingly controlled and managed by people with vested interests? The internet has made communication instantaneous. The easy-to-use and accepted nature of such tech practices has made casual sexting and online flirting easier for people to engage in, leading to its integration in modern dating. Researchers at La Trobe conducted a study on Australian secondary students
regarding their sexual health and behaviour. This showed that around 54% of students claim to have received sexually explicit text messages. 26% claim to have sent a sexually explicit photo of themselves. This percentage was considerably higher with sexually active students, with 70% of sexually active Year 10 to 12 students claiming to have sent sexually explicit text messages, and 84% of them claiming to have received them. From this same group of people, more than 50% have sent semi-naked and naked photos, and sometimes videos. These results demonstrate that ‘sexting’ and exchanging explicit media such as photos and video mostly via the use of smartphones has now become part of most sexually active teenage sexual behaviour and courtship. In today’s ‘technosexual’ era, the practice of dating has been turned into a game where sex is one of the highest scores achievable. Online and mobile dating has become a means to an end. With applications such as Tinder, the excuse is to ‘hook-up’, but the real desire is derived from the application itself, making Tinder a current example of the sexualisation of urban technology. People use this urban technology to attract, seduce and create a fictitious image of themselves that they believe suits their
best interest. Who hasn’t spent even the tiniest amount of time polishing their online profiles (often meant to represent and express our refined and desired personality) to generate more attention or desirability. Desirability transferred through the form of intangible likes that have no real physical value. We may feel desired by our own interpretation that our screens and devices feed us, knowing that those online profiles are carefully curated fictions. Social networking, online dating and applications such as Tinder have shown us that some basic social needs can be hard to maintain outside of the online world. It would be a fair assumption to assume that the evolution of new technologies has shaped and influenced human behaviour, but it is also important to consider that humans firstly created this technology to respond to a need and demand. It is our human behaviour itself that drives these technological changes and determines their failure or success. What, on the surface, appears to have turned romantic and traditional courtship into some sort of superficial sexual game, might just be the answer for a society increasingly deprived of human warmth who are looking to feel human and connected once again.
WHAT IS (SELF) LOVE? BABY DON’T HURT ME, DON’T HURT ME, NO MORE By Elleanor O’Connell Self-love is wearing your favourite bra and panty combo even though no one is going to witness the glory. It’s jamming out in your car at a red light not caring who sees you. Self-love is recognising the little things that make you feel your best, and going out of your way to do them.
What is (self) love?
With all the stress and unpleasantness that can linger in our lives it’s essential to be fully aware of what our bodies and minds crave to be happy. Some might see self-love as looking in the mirror and adoring the reflection, which in part is true, but far more important is giving in to what makes us feel good. I’m not talking about our primal instincts to make our bodies feel good, I’m talking about activities and actions that tug your lips into a smile so liberated you feel it in your fingertips. And if parading around the house in your birthday suit yelling the lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody makes your body sing with joy, then power to you. Self-love means enjoying your own company and knowing exactly how to make yourself happy. For some that’s floating in the ocean with your eyes closed feeling only the pull of the waves. To others it’s one foot after another hitting the pavement as you jog through a downpour. Self-love is finding that place where you can be your best, happiest self. How can we discover this elusive ‘self-love’? There’s no magic formula for flooding your veins with happiness or having the freedom to laugh out
Self-love is wearing your favourite bra and panty combo even though no one is going to witness the glory. loud in a cinema by yourself. Finding self-love is the equivalent to Indiana Jones searching for the Holy Grail - on first inspection it’s an almost impossible task that eventually turns out to be incredibly fulfilling and humbling. There’s no reason why you can’t truly love someone until you love yourself, but the adventure of falling in love with the person you are is one that shouldn’t be missed.
THE (EX) FANGIRL CHRONICLES: TRUE LOVE OR TRULY PATHETIC? By Angel Nikijuluw We’ve all had a celebrity crush at some point in our lives. Whether it’s the actor in that film you saw the other night, or the front man of that band you heard on the radio this morning, we can’t help but find some celebrities attractive. But sometimes—just sometimes— this manifests into something much, much more. The casual celebrity crush begins to consume your life on the daily, and you fall completely and utterly in love with someone who is totally unattainable. While celebrity crushes (AKA “celebrity worship syndrome”) is a genuine concern in contemporary culture, the only way I can ever recall my experiences is with a chuckle and a red face from having to explain to people how obsessive I was over my past infatuations. They weren’t just your casual, “oh, haha, yeah I love Zac Efron!” Instead, being more a case of, “I found his house on Google Maps, and I know what he eats for breakfast.” You could agree that this is not an acceptable way to live your life or admire someone you have never met, but would you expect any less from an anti-social teenage girl who spent 14 hours a day on the internet and only left her bedroom for food? My first “celebrity” crush was Guy Sebastian. Then it was then Shia
LaBeouf (during his Sam Witwicky role in the Transformers films— the man has a rat’s tail now), and then other minor crushes on various musicians, such as Jack Bevan from Foals, Harley Streten AKA Flume, and Porter Robinson. However, they were nothing compared to my last crush circa 2011-2013, which revealed my true obsessive tendencies—Chris Martin from Coldplay. My crush over Chris Martin was constant, intimate, and comforting. He was the reason for my happiness, my sadness, and my motivation
My crush over Chris Martin was constant, intimate and comforting. He was the reason for my happiness, my sadness and my motivation... in life. If I wasn’t doing it for him, who was I doing it for? Myself? Pfft, what a silly thing to say! Chris Martin is twenty years my senior, and is as embarrassing as your average dad who gets a kick out of saying, “hi hungry, I’m Dad” when you complain about
being a bit peckish. Still, I found it incredibly hard to find any flaws in him. Every facet of him I idolised and cherished as if we were actually in a relationship. I broke up with my grade 9 boyfriend (who I had never even kissed—in fact, we only held hands twice in the four months we dated) for Chris. At this time in my life, I had given up all efforts to maintain healthy friendships and relationships for a man who has a net worth of $140 million, and was married (before his “conscious uncoupling”) with two kids. Looking at him, writing about him, talking about him, and thinking about him consumed 95% of my life. It became a daily ritual to express to everyone how in love I was with him. My friends, my parents, my Facebook friends, random people on the street… everyone had to know that he was mine, and that he was the love of my life. I always knew I would never be in a relationship with him, or even meet him, but it was fun to pretend anyway. The way I’m writing about Chris Martin now makes my obsession over him seem a little bit mediocre, but just looking at his face made my heart tighten and my head spin. I still distinctly remember the intense physical feelings I’d get when I watched livestreams of the band. Pure elation and giddy light-
The (ex) Fangirl Chronicles: true love or truly pathetic?
headedness that ensued from the excitement of seeing close-ups of Chris on guitar and piano. My limbs became weak and I lost my voice from screeching so loudly. You can imagine how much I lost it when I saw Coldplay live in 2012. If anyone from my high school is reading this, they would already know that this love was real. I would cry about him during class, and have minor breakdowns over him frequently. It became so
It genuinely distresses me that I used to write fanfictions about him. Will I tell you the storylines of the these fanfics? Never...
the issues I had in real life. Your problems with body image, school, and your future don’t exist when you think and base your entire life around a band or a person. Instead, it makes them a bit more manageable, and for a while in your head, you can live freely. There is a space where you can finally control your life. So, to the people who love a celebrity more than the average person, I know what it’s like to feel tears streaming from your eyes over them at two in the morning. Keep loving them, just as long as you don’t walk around the city trying to find out where their hotel is (which I may or may not have done with my friend in 2012 when Coldplay was touring Australia. Okay. I definitely did). P.S. Sorry to my real life boyfriend (not Chris Martin). I love you.
severe that even people on the internet joined in and blessed us with the couple name ‘Chrangel’. It genuinely distresses me to think about the times I used to write fanfictions about him. Will I tell you the storylines of these fanfics? Never, ever, ever, ever, ever. Ever. Reflecting on my fabricated love for Chris Martin, I think that perhaps it was a subconscious activity to occupy my mind from
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MARRIAGE. 40K FOR FOREVER? By Hayley Payne ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife.’ This sentence is repeated thousands of times all around the world, every single day. Weddings have been a traditional ceremony of the biggest declaration of love and partnership for centuries, the ultimate symbol of commitment. Throughout the years weddings have undergone a facelift of epic proportions. Shotgun weddings like in What Happens in Vegas are becoming more and more common, and divorce rates are skyrocketing. People get married to make a lifelong commitment and share their undying love with the world. But, if this is the primary purpose of a wedding today, then why do so many marriages end in divorce? In 2014 there were 121,197 marriages in Australia and a whopping 46,498 divorces in the same year. Literally, almost half the number of people getting married were headed for divorce. Before we go any further, let me explain. I am not questioning the sanctity of marriage or the importance the ceremony holds for some people, whether it be for religious reasons or for the cultural tradition. The problem I see is
that in Australia and many other countries we seem to have lost something important about what marriage really means. Young couples face so much pressure to get married once they have passed a certain milestone,
If you are still single in your mid-twenties, you enter the dreaded years of ‘when do you think you’ll get married and have children?’ whether it be age or the length of their relationship. If you are still single in your mid-twenties, you enter the dreaded years of ‘when do you think you’ll get married and have children?’ The level of pressure and expectation is what often leads to weddings that take place simply because people feel as though they have to. A marriage beginning with, ‘yeah I guess we have been together long enough’ or ‘I guess we should probably just
Marriage. $40K for forever?
do it’ isn’t exactly the ideal start to your happily ever after. Of course it isn’t like this for everyone. The majority of marriages (we hope) happen for all the right reasons, for love and passion. Although, even something that started out as a day to spend showing off your love to your family and friends has turned into a multibillion-dollar industry in Australia. The pressure to have the perfect wedding escalates. Just last year I attended a wedding that cost over $40,000. Yes, you read correctly. I went to a wedding that cost the same amount of money as a house deposit. The bride went through three different wedding dresses before she decided on her $5,000 dress. The weirdest part was that everyone around me acted like this was totally normal. Other guests even spoke openly about how much their weddings had cost them. That was when it clicked. So many weddings have turned into events where friends try to outdo each other, where the bride and groom live in fear that people are too busy judging the choice of dress or food that they forget why they are really there.
Today you are expected to fly all around the country and increasingly, all around the world to watch two people say they love each other and sign a piece of paper. The destination wedding industry is soaring mostly just so that people can nonchalantly say, ‘Oh, we got married in Hawaii.’ Even before the wedding the pressure to perform begins. Proposals of fairytale proportion are going viral, leaving so much pressure on the everyday person to perform (note ‘person,’ because who cares who proposes these
It boggles the mind that someone could even fathom this argument while straight people have been getting drunk-married to complete strangers for decades.
days). Alongside viral proposals are the wedding party dances. A whole heap of fun, yes. But the time and effort that goes into planning a dance because it is a new norm is insane. Even hens and bucks nights have turned into entire weekends away at exotic locations. You might protest that this is a once in a lifetime experience. Well, that would be all well and good if it were true. In 2014, one third of the people married in Australia were getting married for the second time. Put that together with the almost 50% divorce rate from earlier and things are looking pretty grim for that extravagant wedding. A common argument against same-sex marriage is that it would be moving away from the traditional sense of what marriage is meant to be. It boggles the mind that someone could even fathom this argument while straight people have been getting drunk-married to complete strangers for decades. Today you can even watch TV shows about two complete strangers getting married for a social experiment, which shows how little importance the sanctity of marriage is to many people. Some shows even make their 23
money by parading broken marriages on TV and swapping people’s partners, a concept completely against the ideals of marriage and commitment. Yet, same-sex couples who are incredibly in love can’t get married. What the hell Australia? It is becoming more acceptable for couples to choose to live a de-facto life or to have small and intimate weddings (keeping that money for say, a home deposit so you can start your domestic lives together). But at least there is a choice. I say let’s strip weddings back to just being about two people sharing their love and commitment to one another in front of the people they hold dear. Ladies, go ahead and propose to your partner and keep your last name if you so please. Most importantly, let’s reach a point where anyone can marry whoever the hell they want to marry, regardless of gender, financial status, race or religion.
MEN ARE NOT FROM MARS (THE DEATH OF AN ALMOSTRELATIONSHIP) By Ashleigh Watson The McDonalds car park Josh and I meet in after waiting tables at other people’s weddings attracts more drunks than you’d expect for 1am in suburbia. Inside, people we know eat sloppy Big Macs, beg for free water and vomit in the bathrooms. I sit in his car and we watch them stumble across from the Friday night local towards the fluorescent yellow beacon. Hungry and drunk they don’t notice us in the front row seat. Sometimes we laugh. Sometimes I talk too much. Every time we make out until our lips are chapped and we can’t stand the smell of burning fat anymore. Girls teeter past our car, their cliques splintering after hours of boys and booze and sore feet. Men scamper after them. We watch through the glass and try to understand. Try to make sense of the cycle: they flirt, they slur, they strikeout. Lost in that endless stretch between knock-off time and a 9am hangover. The pimply pre-legal behind the register calls the next order ready, a double-
I like him more than he likes me, and we both know it. He’s my type: tall, dark and handsome. Into weight-lifting and literature. I assume contradictory mess equals depth of character.
bacon cheeseburger and fries, the line moves, the cycle starts again. Every move they make urged on by chemistry, by biology. This is what the dating gurus tell us anyway. Men are doers and women are listeners, men are three fucks away from sex addiction and women are three tears away from therapy. We know that men are
from Mars and women are from Venus. The battle of the sexes is alive and well (or at least it is on the best-seller list). I like Josh. I like him more than he likes me, and we both know it. He’s my type: tall, dark and handsome. Into weight-lifting and literature. I assume contradictory mess equals depth of character. I play by the rules. Our shallow attraction goes hand in hand with our craving for fast food. When we share a large fries on a Friday night I relish the fact the drive-through attendant assumes I am his girlfriend (you know, Facebook officially). I pay careful attention to the signs—who kisses first, who eats the last chip. I try to learn ‘What Men Want’. To be funny. Fit. Clever. If I could just understand the signs, our differences might be overcome and I wouldn’t find myself watching his taillights fade, wondering if he ‘got’ me, standing next to a vomiting stranger outside McDonalds at 2am. Relationship experts claim they
Men are not from Mars (the death of an almost-relationship)
can explain irreconcilable sex differences—and you can too, if you purchase their books. They talk about DNA programming and try to connect confusing texts with Darwin’s dodos.
gender stereotypes. We laughed at strangers on the weekend and their drunken gender stereotypes. We applied the same assumptions to each other, completely sidelining both of our personalities.
But we are more than biology.
Our shared judgment festered in that car every Friday night through
Compatible people communicate in similar ways, despite their sexual organs. And what people want from their relationships is far more similar than different. Quick-fix solutions are nothing more than Band-Aids for relationships that desperately need to be euthanised. Josh and I started (like so many other awkward intimacies between friends) acting like each other’s date-whisperer, answering all the ‘why did he do that’s? and ‘what did she mean’s?. I told him the girl he wanted cancelled their plans because she was testing him. Seeing how much he cared. He said the guy I liked definitely wasn’t exclusively texting me because he wanted to up his chances of getting laid. We boiled each other’s past relationships down to
But we are more than biology. Compatible people communicate in similar ways, despite their sexual organs
April and May until the last of the humidity gave up its grip and Josh stopped answering my texts. By focusing on our differences I lost everything we had in common—a desire to be understood. If only this is what we had said instead.
Maybe he only text me first when he wanted to hook up. Maybe he really did like my company and in the end we just didn’t click. Maybe I’m a terrible kisser. Maybe he really loves french fries. What I needed to do was stop assuming I knew what the answers were. And kick my fast food habit. ‘Mars versus Venus’ myths pander to our inner couch potato. The lad you take out for a morning-after brunch isn’t silent when the eggs come because your oestrogenfilled vagina has stifled his vocal chords. We know this. Why do we continue to buy into it? These quick fixes contain enough grains of truth—that guys and girls have differences—for people to accept them without really thinking about it. This best-selling faux psychology is lethal. It clouds our similarities. We are shaped by so much more than sex. This is why my almost-relationship died. In a Mars vs. Venus world Josh and I were doomed from the start.
THE MAGIC FORMULA FOR A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP By Hayley Payne When you’re in a long-term relationship you constantly get asked for advice from friends about the secrets to the perfect relationship. Funnily enough, I consider myself to be the worst at giving relationship advice and generally answer with something cliché like, ‘when it’s the right person everything just works’. Well, I now understand that this isn’t satisfactory advice for people looking to find a long-term commitment. So, in the spirit of the Love Edition we have compiled a list of must-haves for the perfect relationship. These are not your typical commitment buzzwords like trust, compatibility and respect—to be perfectly honest, without these the relationship is nonexistent to begin with.
1. UNDERSTAND THAT NOBODY IS PERFECT No human is perfect, so there is no reason to believe that two people in a relationship are going to be. The other night I was watching the UK version of First Dates. One woman said she hadn’t found ‘The One’ yet and proceeded to list off around fifty absolute requirements of her perfect man. Unattainable high standards and a misguided understanding of the perfect relationship is what will keep a person single for years to come. Throughout a relationship both you and your partner will do things that annoy each other, no matter how small that thing is. You may not fight, but you will have the occasional argument about whose turn it is to decide what to eat, which TV series to commit eight weeks to next and whose turn it is feed the dog. Spending your lives together means you are there for the good news and the bad. You see them at their most vulnerable and when they soar. Accepting someone’s small imperfections is a major step towards having a successful relationship.
2. IT’S OKAY TO WANT TO KILL THEM SOMETIMES (JUST NOT LITERALLY) Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship has had some version of this thought. When you are spending almost everyday with someone it is awfully hard not experience situations where your other half really frustrates you. The funny thing about it is that you still love them at the exact same time that you’re having these thoughts. This is generally not even during an argument, it just a brief moment of ‘god you’re lucky I love you’ that pops into your head when they do something senseless. For example, my boyfriend never changes the toilet roll; he actually admitted to me the other day that he hasn’t done it once since we moved to the Gold Coast two and a half years ago. For me, I say that I’m not hungry and then proceed to snack off whatever he is having (I know, I am a horrible person). These are the moments when you stop, close your eyes and sigh in irritation, but they are a part of a normal healthy relationship. I would be more worried if your partner didn’t annoy you at times.
3. THEY ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND I am a firm believer that one of the most important aspects of a long-term relationship is to be with someone who is not only your partner, but also your best friend. They should be the person that you can tell all your secrets to and can do the weirdest things around without judgment. There should be frequent moments in daily life when you stop and think that that face, sound, comment or weird dance moves you just made would never have happened in front of another human being. They are your ultimate cheerleader in life who will hold your hair when you’re sick and buy you chocolate when you get a bad mark. You want them to be with you through everything you face in life no matter
The magic formula Article for aTitle perfect relationship
how big or small and you can always know that no matter what, you’ll always have one person on your side. Most importantly, they are one of the only people (besides your parents) who you can ugly cry in front of and they will still think that you’re beautiful.
4. THEY MAKE YOU INCREDIBLY HAPPY, JUST BY BEING THEMSELVES I apologise in advance. This will be the sappiest of the points. Being with someone who makes you unconditionally happy will be one of the most incredible experiences of your life. You have the privilege of just knowing that they are always there and that even if you aren’t seeing eye-to-eye and you have a bad day, they will be there to pick you up. It is probably the most magical part of being in a relationship—the happiness that comes along with it. It even gets to the point where every time a happy love song comes on the radio you instantly think of them. You want to go out of your way to make them happy too, you buy them small gifts, help them out with assignments, and take on extra housework/ cooking if they are under a lot of stress. Probably my favourite part is that there is no such thing as being bored when you are with them, it’s just a truly happy life and that’s how you know you are in an awesome and healthy relationship. These are just some of the things that make up a longterm committed relationship, filled with unconditional love. Of course there is much more—everybody is different and every relationship is unique with diverse needs and wants. Relationships grow and change as they go on, but if you’re lucky enough to find someone that accepts you at your weirdest and most wonderful, well that’s as close to magic as you can get.
PUPPY LOVE? By Moira Sheppard For those of us who live in, and have embraced, a posthumanist world we have opened up our families and hearts to a world where humankind is no longer the centre. Our love for others is no longer focused solely on members of our own species: canine, feline, avian, equine, ovine, and porcine make up just a few of the different species who may take a place in our families. But what do some of these animals pay for a place in our hearts? Maybe we’re not living in such a posthumanist world after all. While the world is filled with animal suffering, there is some significant harm that our canine companions experience just so we can “own” with a pet. In the financial year of 2014-15, the RSPCA received 46,595 dogs. Over forty-five thousand! And this figure does not take into account all the dogs that were taken in by other non-profit rescue groups. Over forty-five thousand dogs were in need of homes, yet dog breeders continue to exist. And even worse, puppy farms are allowed to exist. Puppy farms are intensive breeding facilities where dogs are confined in cages. They are never exercised, patted, groomed, or socialised and more often than not they do not have adequate shelter, food or water. If you need a visual, think of a dilapidated old shed with dirt or concrete floors where there are multiple wire cages or crates, areas walled off with junk to make a pen for the dogs. There is dust, cobwebs, dog faeces and urine everywhere. There are no clean sleeping areas or bedding provided. It is in this place where “man’s best friend” is born. Tiny, blind and defenceless puppies wiggling though this filth – taking their first steps through a puddle
of pee, bumping into a rusty nail or first opening their eyes on a world where the sun literally does not shine. It is no wonder that dogs rescued from puppy farms suffer serious illnesses. Most suffer painful and untreated health conditions, not to mention the psychological scars they bear. The cute, fluffy little puppies you find in pet shops, or the “much loved” and “raised in our home” puppies that are advertised online and in newspapers… these are the places where puppy farm puppies are sold. New owners take home this precious, fluffy, adorable bundle of joy, while the mother and father are left suffering in squalid conditions, their fur matted, eye and ear diseases going untreated, their bodies used over and over again as puppy producing machines. When their bodies have been exhausted they are killed. A few lucky ones are taken in by rescue groups. This is no exaggeration. In May last year, The Sun-Herald and Oscar’s Law investigated an illegal puppy farm in Inverell, NSW, where the RSPCA removed 16 dogs. Veterinary reports showed dogs suffering from mammary tumours, fluid on the lungs, ear infections and deformed spines. Despite dogs been seized and notices been served, almost a year later and this puppy farm still continues to operate; with the living conditions of these dogs actually worsening, according to the RSPCA. These puppies are also sold in Queensland and this puppy farm’s advertisement can still be found in the Trading Post. And, if by some miracle, this place is shut down, there is nothing to stop them from moving somewhere else and re-establishing, especially since the different states each have different laws in regards to puppy farms. Puppy farm operators are also notorious for their ability to cover their tracks, especially when it comes to trying to link the advertisements of puppies with an actual puppy farm.of puppies with an actual puppy farm.
Google ‘NSW puppy farm’ and you are offered “NSW puppy farm: ‘Horrific’ farm seeks council permission…” or “Puppies wedged in wall cavities: Inside the illegal breeding…”. These puppies that were wedged in the wall cavity were from the Inverell puppy farm. After having multiple litters of puppies stolen from her, one bitch was found to have hidden her puppies in a wall cavity in an effort to protect them and stop them from being taken from her. I have seen firsthand the psychological damage these mothers suffer. One of our rescue dogs, Willa, is a breeding bitch from a puppy farm. For the first six months she paced continuously, still to this day she collects her “puppies” – TV remotes, socks, bras, books – and places them in a pile where she is laying. Two and half years on and she still has ongoing medical problems and she still flinches when we touch her. She prefers to lay alone in one of the dog crates I have placed around the house for her to feel secure in. And despite the other dogs lying across me, having cuddles, when we lay on the couch, the most that Willa can do is lay there and watch us. She still can’t bear that kind of contact.
– and I think it is time we returned the favour. People want to love a dog, want to bring one into their family and that is wonderful, but apart from the life-time commitment and responsibility to that dog that they are taking on, they need to also think about their responsibility in general to the canine community. If we are going to love “Fido” and treat them as a member of our family, don’t we owe his/her parents something? Don’t we owe them the right not to suffer their entire lives just because someone wants to make an easy buck by enslaving them? Shouldn’t our love for the four legged members of our family mean we show their biological family some love and respect? If you truly want to bring a dog into your family, to love them unconditionally then it is up to you to investigate this issue. Google ‘Oscar’s Law’ and see the truth behind this industry. Bear in mind even if you do visit a “breeders” house and see mum and puppies in their house that does not mean that was where they were raised and born. The bottom line is, when you buy a purpose-bred dog you are essentially killing another dog – a life you can save from the pound instead of buying a dog from a breeder.
A lot of people seem to want to “own” a dog that fits into their lifestyle or their idea of what a human-dog relationship should be. Because of this, the above industries have grown and flourished while thousands of dogs are euthanized each year because they have been abandoned, are too difficult or just don’t fit a lifestyle anymore. At the risk of anthropomorphising, dogs offer us unconditional love – or something to that effect
ADOPT, DON’T SHOP. 29
UNCONVENTIONAL ROMANCE ON FILM Much like with horror films, it’s incredibly difficult to craft a romantic movie that stands out from the crowd, but incredibly easy to create one that bombards you with clichés, cringe-worthy quotes and exhausted plotlines. So it’s refreshing to encounter a romantic film that expresses a bit of originality and creativity, either through its narrative, or its artistic elements. The films in this edition have something a little bit odd or unconventional that sets them apart from your everyday romance.
By Zakary Johnson
Her (2013) In a world that is increasingly dependent on technology for even the most trivial activities, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that there would be a film centred on the relationship between a homo sapien and a computer. The interactions between the introverted Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) and his advanced operating system Samantha (voiced magnificently by Scarlett Johansson) are handled with a surprising amount of depth and maturity, all while highlighting the moral and philosophical complexities of what it means to be human.
The Before Trilogy (1995 - 2013)
Natural Born Killers (1994) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Though each of the three instalments in Richard Linklater’s acclaimed trilogy are excellent in their own right, Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight are best appreciated as the sum of their parts. Each film, set nine years apart, involves Celine (Julie Delpy), initially a French student, and Jesse (Ethan Hawke), an American, walking through an exotic locale and basically just talking to each other. Through their conversations, we appreciate their views on life, love, and each other. A fantastic, grounded look at how relationships changes over time.
Probably not the healthiest depiction of a romantic relationship, but definitely one that stands out. Natural Born Killers tracks love-struck couple Mickey and Mallory (Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis) as they go on a massive killing spree across the United States, all while being heavily documented and worshipped by the media. Brutally violent and surreal, director Oliver Stone uses bizarre shots and idiosyncratic editing techniques to give us a glimpse inside Mickey and Mallory’s passionate, yet depraved and insane world. Unconventional romance on film
Another by-product of Charlie Kaufman’s imagination, Eternal Sunshine claims the distinction of showcasing a rare introverted performance from Jim Carrey. After discovering that his ex-girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has done the same, Joel (Carrey) vows to erase all memories of his former partner. Once the procedure commences he regrets his decision, and scrabbles to retain any recollections of Clementine, good or bad. Director Michel Gondry’s highly inventive music videos were great practice for tackling a romantic movie that occurs mostly inside the main character’s head.
500 Days of Summer (2009)
Chasing Amy (1997)
While the plot of 500 Days of Summer is fairly generic as far as rom-coms go, the manner in which it’s executed certainly isn’t. The film jumps back and forth in a non-linear fashion through Tom’s (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) ill-fated relationship with Summer (Zooey Deschanel). Tom is an unreliable narrator as we also receive a number of fantasy sequences from his perspective. Great performances, an intelligent, honest script as well as a kick-ass soundtrack definitely make this one worth at least a handful of viewings.
Michael (David Thewlis) is a jaded motivational speaker who envisions everyone he meets with an identical face and voice. That is, until he encounters Lisa (Jennifer Jason Leigh), the only exception. Writer/ director Charlie Kaufman tends to use unique stylistic storytelling devices in his films to evoke themes of isolation and co-existence; Anomalisa is no different. The film uses stop-motion animation with detailed 3D-printed puppets so detailed that it creates the feel of a live-action film (although it doesn’t make Anomalisa’s marionette sex scene any less awkward to watch).
Though obviously not as groundbreaking today as it would have been when it was first released nearly twenty years ago, Chasing Amy is still a very witty, insightful look into gender and sexual politics, thanks largely to Kevin Smith’s (Clerks) distinct dialogue. Comic-book writer Holden (Ben Affleck) tries to juggle his own insecurities, as well as those of his homophobic best friend Banky (Jason Lee), when he falls for Alyssa (Joey Lauren Adams), another writer who is revealed to be bisexual.
Let The Right One In
Never Let Me Go (2010)
Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984)
(2008) This Swedish horror film was remade as Let Me In the U.S., but the Scandinavian setting suits the story’s almost dream-like tone a bit better in my opinion. It centres on the friendship between Oskar, a lonely 12-year-old boy, and Eli, an aesthetically 12-year-old vampire girl. But this ain’t no Twilight. Much rather than showcasing a corny, borderline creepy coupling, Let the Right One In makes both of its leads sympathetic and believable, while also displaying some of the best stylistic features of the horror genre.
In an alternate history where advances in medical science have prolonged human life spans, clones are created with the sole purpose of donating their vital organs to ‘originals’, for as long as they can. A love triangle between donors Kathy (Carey Mulligan), Tommy (Andrew Garfield) and Ruth (Keira Knightley), is complicated by the imminent mortality of all three individuals. Covering many years, and anchored by terrific performances from its central trio, Never Let Me Go captures its protagonists’ struggles to embrace life, when their sole purpose is ultimately to die. 31
Based on George Orwell’s classic dystopian novel, Nineteen EightyFour is a bleak look at a totalitarian world where history is constantly revised, and any rebellion against the Party and Big Brother are dealt with swiftly and mercilessly. The passionate love affair between thoughtcriminals Winston (John Hurt) and Julia (Suzanna Hamilton) is itself an act of political defiance, which, in line with the film’s depressing nature, isn’t destined to end well. Like Never Let Me Go, it’s a harrowing experience, but definitely one worth taking.
Product review— Places to meet people By Rebecca Marshallsay This edition we are full of sage advice on the best places to take first dates, developing the perfect relationship and all things connected to the affairs of the heart (and some other places). But before you get to any of that you need to pin down someone who is willing to gamble a few hours of their time on the chance that you might be the one they have been looking for all their life.
So for our product review, we have given you a rundown on some of the places you could meet a potential mate. It is also complete with real life examples of the type of smooth moves you might hope to encounter in any given environment.
TAVERNS, PUBS & CLUBS
To be honest if you are able to pick up at the gym you’re probably not working out hard enough. Go there to get your sweat on, run yourself ugly and work up some stank. A sceptical person might say that gym hook-ups are all about aesthetics but maybe not? Perhaps your would-be-lover recognised your black sense of humour in the playful way you mixed different styles plates on each end of your bar. Or perhaps they understood the subtext of the conversation when you asked Are you still using this machine? and realised that you have some fascinating opinions on 19th century South American literature.
Ooh, this one is hit and miss. For every dance-floor, tequila-shot success story there are a dozen or more failures involving crazies, duds and some very bad decisions. Depending on the decibels, you do have the advantage of being able to engage in your bare minimum quota of conversation before you decide whether the hottie in front of you is a prospective takehome-to-meet-the-parents (or at least a take-home to the boudoir).
Just remember that, unless your booty shorts are too brief, there is very little of your inner self on display and that you have been selected based on the appeal of your moneymaker. Not the worst compliment you can be paid but not necessarily an indicator of compatibility. If you are the cool cat looking to do the wooing, I would suggest timing your offensive to catch your prospective soul-mate just as you are arriving and they are finishing up. Your freshly preened, clean confidence coupled with their increasing self-awareness of their own odour can only work in your favour. Real life pick up: “Phwoar, You’ve got some muscle on you. Your calves could turn some heads”. Reaction: A cautious “umm, thanks” and polite awkward smile while the gentleman’s son (who was himself at least five years my senior) yelled “Dad, leave her alone”.
Although you can’t judge a book by its cover, a big advantage of the tavern, pubs and clubs scene is that you can most certainly discern a lot about someone based on their friends. Have a chat to their entourage for a better read on your hopeful paramour (if they use the actual word ‘entourage’ it’s probably time to make a quick exit). And remember that the Gold Coast is very small so if you ask enough probing questions, you’re likely to find an acquaintance in common. A quick text to this potential referee can let you know whether you can expect a satisfying fling or a next-day Jekyll and Hyde transformation. Real life pick up: “Would you like to go outside for a full-on pash?” [Purely for interests’ sake I asked exactly what ‘full-on’ entailed]. “It means I get to touch your boobs”. Reaction: Polite declination and a convincing anecdote about not owning a phone, followed by the provision of a fake email address.
Product review Product - Places review to meet people
Tinder starts with the trials and tribulations of finding a profile pic that makes you look super hot but not like you’re trying, and an ‘about me’ that makes you sound witty, fun, sexy and intelligent (-ish, it is Tinder after all) in one literary masterpiece of a profile. From there you get to judge and be judged by complete randos in the hope that you both swipe right so that you can ignore the boatload of real friends you have in order to spend more time glued to your phone swapping awkward messages with strangers. As someone who struggles to find time in the day to respond to text messages in under 24 hours this makes me want to stab myself with a fork.
My gut screams ‘No!’ on this one as my general rule for public transport is to touch and talk as little as possible. However, there is a lot to be said for using the daily bus trip home as an excuse to place yourself in close proximity that lovely guy or gal you’ve been stalking around uni. If you’re lucky, you might get the opportunity to bond over a shared dislike of people who talk on their phones too loudly or strike up a conversation as you mutually avert your gaze from the drunk lady who is all too ready to get up in the grill of anyone who makes eye contact. Generally public transport love is a slow burner that develops over an age of boring commuting. If you’re not brave enough to make the first move yourself, you will have months to perfect your ‘easy to approach’ demeanour (you will definitely have to ditch the headphones). You do need to remember that a failed public transport affair might mean that you can never hop on the 719 again and that you will have to invest in a bicycle.
I often hear people say they are just on Tinder because it is so hard to meet people ‘these days’ (compared to which days exactly?). And I agree. It is. It is hard to meet people when you are busy swiping left and right, stalking your ex, fending off uncomfortably aggressive sexual advances and are buried under a mountain of dick pics (quite the visual for you there). You might find your diamond in the rough or perhaps you are just there for a bit of ‘fun’ but Tinder is definitely more about douchery than debauchery, and certainly nothing to do with affaires d’amour.
Real life pick up: A vaguely attractive young man once asked to borrow my biro on the bus. He returned it complete with cute message and phone number on a bus ticket wound around the inside shaft of the pen.
Real life pick up: I have to confess that I have been safely loved up since the boon to humanity that is Tinder arrived. However I do have a gentleman from Yemen who semi-regularly contacts me via Facebook to express his desire to hold my hand and meet with me in romantic places.
Reaction: A very brief moment where I was impressed by the ingenuity of this smooth move which was quickly surpassed by a sense of outrage that he had removed the end stopper and effectively ruined the pen. I also realised that prioritising stationery over romance meant that I was definitely not in the right head space for dating.
Reaction: Complete absence of reply and a strong sense of relief that hypothetical hand-holding is about as explicit as it gets.
E â€™ S W A L LY
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Fr i d a y 2 9 A p r i l @ U n i B a r
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Friday Parkwood Int 22 April o@lf Course ernational G
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Th u r s d a y 2 4 March @ Uni Bar
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HARMONY - DAY -
Tuesday 22 March @ The Library Lawn
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k donaldson VC
- ANZAC PRESENTATION Thursday 21 April @ G40 Auditorium
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YER A QUIZARD, ‘ARRY!
TRIVIA NIGHT FRIDAY 20 MAY | 6.30PM AT THE UNI BAR TEAMS OF UP TO 6 – $10 PER PERSON | INCLUDES FOOD!
– ALL AGES EVENT – REGISTER AND PAY FOR YOUR TEAM ONLINE BY FRIDAY 13 MAY AT GUGCSTUDENTGUILD.COM.AU
MATCHY MATCHY! by Angel Nikijuluw How could you possibly show your love for your significant other in the public eye without insufferable PDA? Matching outfits, of course! Inspired by the Korean fashion trend, matching outfits have weaved their way into Western street style. We can also give major credit to the infamous quintuple(?) denim couple outfit donned by none other than Justin and Britney in the early 2000s. It screamed true love, don’t you think? Well, not really, since they broke up not long after. Still, matching outfits are the cutest trend since fluffy heels (or is that just me who thinks everything fluffy is adorable? Dogs included).
BEST FRIENDS Bardot bodycon jersey dress in red/ blue: $16.80 missguided.com ASOS ‘Hear me now’ heel sandals: $94.55 asos.com Matchy matchy!
JUSTIN & BRITNEY Deadbeat Slim Fit Denim Jeans in Stone Blue $99.95 afends.com Assembly Melrose Denim Jacket in Denim Blue $99.95 universalstore.com ASOS Denim Mini Halter Neck Dress with Scallop Edge in Mid Wash Blue $66.00 asos.com Enamel Pin Salt and Pepper Set $20.00 cityofindustry.bigcartel.com 45
D E T A IN D R O CO COUPLE Menâ€™s Long Sleeve Oxford Shirt in White $29.00 target.com.au New Look Slim Fit Pants $38.00 asos.com Vans Authentic True White shoes: $89.95 platypusshoes.com.au Fine-knit jumper in dark blue: $19.95 hm.com/au TALL Washed Black Cain Jean: $77.83 topshop.com ASOS Quilted Lock Cross Body Bag $31.00 asos.com Matchy matchy!
M AY SUN
25 MARKET DAY
CURRUMBIN WILDLIFE SANCTUARY TRIP
STRESS LESS WEEK
NATIONAL SORRY DAY
NATIONAL RECONCILIATION WEEK
NATIONAL RECONCILIATION WEEK
STRESS LESS WEEK
STATE OF ORIGIN GAME 1 @ UNI BAR
STATE OF ORIGIN GAME 2 @ UNI BAR
Feature artist â€“ Dominique Falla Some of you might know Dr Dominique Falla in her capacity as the Deputy Director of the Queensland College of Art however you might not be aware of her incredible work in the area of tactile typography. Dominique uses a range of materials including string, chalk and paper to create handcrafted text-based designs. Her work has been commissioned in Australia and internationally. Dominique also works as an author and has published seven books on design.
Can you explain to us what tactile typography is in a nutshell? Tactile typography involves making pieces of written communication out of things you can touch. I like to use common every day and craft materials so that people can recognise the materials, even if they cannot touch the pieces.
And how did your work in this area come about? I trained as a graphic designer, and when it came time to do my PhD at Griffith, I wanted to focus in on an area related to my undergraduate study. As a child, I enjoyed making things by hand, so I developed a niche which combined my craft skills with my graphic design skills.
What do you enjoy about this medium? I spend all day, every day on the computer, so it is nice to get in the studio and make a piece by hand. I use hammer and nails, as well as any other materials I can get my hands onto. It is so satisfying to spend ten hours making something and not look at the computer screen the whole time.
You work with a huge range of materials, what are some of your favourite materials at the moment? I love anything new, and I am often inspired by things I see or find at Spotlight or Bunnings. If it feels nice to touch, I enjoy working with it. My clients love the string and nails pieces the most, however, so I end up working with those materials most often.
Feature artist - Dominique Falla
What advice would you give to students in the creative space who are looking for inspiration?
experiences, even if you are not all that â€œcreativeâ€? in your first few jobs. It will all be useful in the future. You should also work on a side-hustle.
You have to find a niche. Something that cannot be outsourced. In this day and age of virtual assistants and an internet full of templated design, you have to forge your identity as a creative, more than ever before. I brought my childhood love for craft into my design practice. I recommend everyone combine their passions with their practice to make a unique combination of skills.
Creative day jobs might not be 100% creative on a daily basis, so having a creative side project keeps the creative fires burning and might eventually turn into something big. Try to avoid going home from your day job tired and drained every night. Work on ways to stay inspired and invigorated, which might mean working full time on your job and part time on your passion until eventually they come together.
What about students looking to establish a career in the creative industries?
At the start, you need to be prepared to do anything and everything. Learn on the job and collect
Online By Phil Crifo
Native English speaker or not, Shakespeare’s language can be a tricky beast! We’ve all faced situations when we needed help or advice on our writing. Hemingway App is a website that offers just that. More than just a spellchecker, Hemingway App analyses your sentences’ structure at the core... offering custom advice on sentence length, use of adverbs and more. A solid, easy and helpful tool for any of your writing needs.
Just quit smoking and need a new life-eating addiction to fill in the void? Good, because Clash Royale, the new iOS game by the makers of Clash of Clans is out. Supercell, the studio behind massively played iOS games such as Boom Beach and Hay Day, strikes again. This latest cocktail of strategy and card collecting is a simple game on the surface. Yet it hides a deep strategic element that is keeping players hooked by the millions. Clash Royale is igniting online forums as people try to figure out the best strategies. If you’ve been looking for a way to extend your toilet breaks by three hours, look no further. clashroyale.com
hemingwayapp.com TASTY Facebook page Tasty is a subsection of Buzzfeed that has become so successful that it is web phenomenon in its own right. The concept is simple, Tasty offers easy recipes that look and taste good, and are presented via neatly edited, mouth-watering videos that streamline the whole cooking process. Without any precise ingredient quantities or technical gibberish, and with its dynamic video editing, Tasty makes cooking seems easy! The Facebook page already has more than 48 million subscribers, and counting. So have a look and try out a recipe or, like most subscribers, just stare at the videos, drool and never actually cook any of it. facebook.com/buzzfeedtasty/ Online
MOMENT App Have you ever found yourself staring at your phone screen for hours? You might also (for a brief moment) ponder how little you interacted with the real world today? (a few seconds before switching your phone back on so you can complain about it on Twitter). If you feel that you waste too much time on your phone, Moment can help you. Moment tracks how much time you spend on your phone and lets you set daily limits, notifying you whenever you go over that limit. There is also a Family version of the app that lets every family member track each others’ daily phone use and allows you to set up screen free time for the whole family. What a time to be alive, right?! Until phone screen lights are able to dose you with Vitamin D, Moment can help you get some of that much needed sunlight. inthemoment.io
IMGUR Website Still have time to spare? You can finish off the remains of your social life by browsing this addictive image sharing website. Created as a more convenient way to share images than Reddit, Imgur quickly became its own thing and took the internet by storm. The concept is simple. Post something for the world to see and allow people to comment, ‘upvote’ or ‘downvote’ it. If your content gets enough points, it will end up on the front page of the website with the other posts judged worthy. While the vast majority of users only browse, without ever commenting or posting, Imgur has developed a vast community with its own codes and inside jokes. With several hundred million registered users, the website shows no sign of stopping. Will you be a part of it? imgur.com
The Jungle Book (2016) 105 mins Family, adventure Director: Jon Favreau By Zak Johnson Jon Favreau’s take on The Jungle Book is the latest addition to a soon-to-be gargantuan list of live-action remakes of classic Disney animated films, following Maleficent (a reimagining of Sleeping Beauty) and last year’s Cinderella. As I’m sure you’re aware, it follows ‘man-cub’ Mowgli’s (newcomer Neel Sethi) quest to leave the wolf-pack he was raised with in order to reach the safety of a far-off ‘man-village’; with the help, and hindrance, of various jungle creatures. The immediate thing you notice about the latest adaptation of Rudyard Kipling’s collection of stories is how gorgeous it looks. From the outset we’re treated to wide, sweeping shots of the Indian jungle and landscape’s diverse geographic features. Despite being almost completely artificially generated, the attention to detail in rendering the numerous rivers, ancient ruins and waterfalls is nothing short of spectacular.
This naturally extends to the film’s presentation of its non-human characters (essentially everyone except Mowgli). Even with limited motion-capture, The Jungle Book’s CGI commendably injects each animal with their own distinct identities and quirks.
Book certainly doesn’t lack for comedic moments balanced with more exciting spectacledriven sequences (even ‘The Bare Necessities’ makes an appearance). This is the type of adventure we have come to expect from a Disney film, but it also has a darker edge.
Of course, the film’s star-studded voice-cast also plays a heavy role in enhancing these unique personalities. Bill Murray’s Baloo and Ben Kingsley’s Bagheera feel largely like throwbacks to their 1967 counterparts; when the original dynamic between the relaxed Baloo and uptight Bagheera worked so well, why try to change it?
The film highlights the conflict between humankind and nature, and the often negative outcome. Much rather than being a happy go lucky lad juggling his dual-life within the jungle and the ‘man-village’ with ease, Mowgli struggles to find his place between the two. The story also explores the implications of what his status as ‘man’ will mean for his adoptive family and friends. Considering today’s heightened rates of deforestation and global warming, this interpretation is sadly a much timelier one than the more carefree original.
Other interpretations go in a more innovative, but welcome, direction. The more villainous roles, such as Idris Elba’s take on Shere Khan and Scarlett Johansson’s Kaa take a much more menacing route that heavily cuts down on the comic relief that was previously present. Neel Sethi, portraying the film’s only live-action character, brings a solid balance of warmth and complexity to his performance, particularly considering the fact that he would have spent the majority of his time on set acting against blue screens and tennis balls on sticks. Like the original, The Jungle Entertainment
Far from being an unbearable (pun very much intended) rehash of a beloved classic, 2016’s The Jungle Book functions as both a wonderful tribute to the original, as well as a unique take on Kipling’s tales in its own right. Final verdict: Definitely worth a watch if you want to get back in touch with your inner child.
After 2011’s electronic anthem ‘Midnight City’, M83’s Anthony Gonzalez has returned from a five-year hiatus to present Junk – a record that deserves to be played from the 30-watt amp of your Pontiac Firebird as it glides across the coldness of a midnight highway.
Junk M83 By Angel Nikijuluw
Reminiscent of Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories, Junk presents an interesting union between polished synths and soft rock elements. Each track becomes more atmospheric than the last, lending itself to the space disco, 80s infomercial aesthetic Gonzalez was attempting to achieve. Junk is fun, cheesy, and in some ways, whimsical. While gracing the listener with its
unfolded. Eight people lost their lives in the disaster including several professional climbing guides. Krakauer was part of Rob Hall’s Adventure Consultant’s climbing team and gives a gripping account of his own experiences with the ill fated team blended with a well researched narrative account of the other teams and people who were on the mountain that May. The tragedy is the focus of the recent film Everest as well as a numerous books from others involved. Some accounts dispute Krakauer’s version of events as they all seek to resolve the prickly question ‘How could this have happened?’.
Into Thin Air John Krakauer By Rebecca Marshallsay Into Thin Air is a real life account of the 1996 Everest disaster told from the point of view of writer, John Krakauer, who had been commissioned to write a magazine story about conquering the mountain when the tragedy
While the disaster itself was caused by a severe storm on summit day, Into Thin Air interrogates what role the commercialisation of Everest, including the high volume of climbers and the pressure to ensure that clients summited, played in the tragedy. Many climbers were still high on the mountain well after the scheduled turnaround time which is designed to ensure that climbers are able 55
crooning saxophone solos, plucky guitar, and magnificent strings, Junk rarely breaks from its sweeping 80’s motifs – a flaw that hinders its potential for any innovation. While Gonzalez claims that “you’re going to hear 50 songs a day that were made by ten producers using the same sounds”, his statement seems like a stretch considering the entirety of Junk has been fabricated to replicate the soundtrack of a classic 80’s film. Still, it is not fair to say that M83’s efforts are not greatly appreciated; in fact, Junk is a body of work that captivates, and resonates with you long after the first listen.
to descend in safety. Krakauer examines what made Hall and other experienced guides break this cardinal climbing rule as well as the myriad of small mistakes such as missing equipment that culminated in a catastrophic outcome. Although not without his detractors, I love Krakauer’s style of writing. He is able to create fast-paced, compelling pieces of creative non-fiction that combine the right mix of detail and facts with great storytelling. This is a very sad and confronting read but it also gives you a fascinating insight into the world of the people who are willing to undertake such high risk adventures. The clear message is that Everest is not to be undertaken lightly but at the same time, the reader can feel the pull of its appeal and can’t help but wonder whether it is something they could ever aspire to.
TOUCH SCREEN Sophie MacNeill 1. Apple
I wake up. My feet feel hot and clammy inside my bed socks. I hook a big toe over the top of one sock and pull it off. Then repeat. Rolling over, I realise Tim is already sitting up beside me; his knees are bent forward creating a resting place for his new toy. He taps and swipes at the screen. Morning, out of the side of his mouth. He glances at me, waiting. Morning, I say, pulling myself up and kissing his cheek. I lay back down and duck under his arm, rest my head on his bare chest. What’re you reading? I try and pull the iPad towards me but he pushes my hand away. This article. Japanese couples are paying Aussie girls a million dollars to carry their babies for them. What like surrogacy? Yeah. Would you do it babe? For a million bucks? I dunno. Shrug. Close my eyes and inhale stale sleep sweat. Imagine the kind of house we could buy with the money. It would only be nine months. And maybe they’d fly us to Japan. Be like a holiday. He’s looking at me now. What makes you think I’d share my money with you? I tug at the hair on his chest. Well we’re together aren’t we. What’s yours is mine and all that. All be one and the same when we get married, right? Yeah, ‘spose. I roll over and stare at the wall. I feel Tim lean the other way. Hear the scratch of a glass being pushed over on the bedside table, soft thud of the iPad taking its place. Tim lies down beside me, pulling me back into a spoon. His erection pushes hot into the small of my back and it feels like a challenge. Sweat beads on my brow. It’s getting late, I mumble. Throw the blanket back, exposing us. I push myself off the bed and say: I’ll make breakfast. Eggs, yeah? I don’t wait to see if he responds before I leave the room.
Saturday night I go out with the girls. Tiff’s bleached her hair and it looks wicked. I play with it in the cab, holding a contraband Cruiser with my other hand. The cabby doesn’t mind as long as we don’t let the cops see when we get out in the Valley. Condensation drips down the bottle and over my wrist. I wipe it on the seat, not wanting a wet patch on my white skirt. You should go blonde too Danny, Liz tells me, leaning over Tiff. Sarah twists around in the front seat and nods at me. Nah. Tim likes me brunette. I look out the window, pretend not to notice three sets of eyes rolling in the cab around me. The club is packed. We feign interest in some jock guys and take over their table. Commence to ignore them til they get the hint and bugger off. Yell at each other over the thud of techno-hip-hop hybrid. Abandon the table and shake our asses in a protective circle on the dance floor. Bust out our best moves. I feel my phone vibrate in my bag and pull it out, stare at the screen through a delicious vodka haze. Babe. Come over. I’m bored. I put the phone back in my bag. Tiff grabs my hand and we grind up against each other, pout and point at the other girls as the music shifts into pure Top 40 nostalgia, Britney’s Slave4U sending us into a frenzy. Vibrate. Pull out phone. Why aren’t u answering? Put phone back. Vibrate. Are u talking 2 other boys? Vibrate. I’m coming 2 pick u up. Vibrate. I’m outside. COME OUTSIDE NOW. I get in the car. Tim reaches over and pulls my top up, covering my cleavage. The ride home is silent, but when we pull up outside my flat Tim puts a hand on my knee. Slides it under my skirt and I know he’s hoping the alcohol has made me horny. I shut my legs; press my knees so tight together they start to go white. C’mon Danielle, it’s been months. What’s your problem? And you owe me for picking you up so late. I look at him in disbelief. Shake my head, turn away, get out of the car. Slam the door hard so he feels it and hear him drive away as I unlock the screen door.
3. Toshiba I have the day off on Tuesday. Tim wants me to stay over, wants to ‘talk’, so I pack my overnight bag and walk down to the train station. I get on the last carriage, empty this time of day. Sliding down in my seat, I rest my knees against the one in front of me and curl into a semi-foetal position. The afternoon sun filters through the scratched windows and settles over my face. Wall after wall of graffiti streams past and I trace the shapes with my eyes. Tim’s station comes up but I’m floating in daydreams now and can’t bring myself to get out of this empty carriage. I ride the train to the end of the line, emerge from my metal cocoon blinking glare from my eyes. I walk a couple of blocks til I find the beach. Surprised to find it almost empty. School’s not out yet, I think. Exams. Nod to myself. Find a nice little patch of sand and lie down. Grab tomorrow’s T-shirt out of my bag, make a pillow. My phone is ringing and won’t stop so I put it on silent; can’t quite work up the nerve to turn the damn thing off properly. There’s a grey plastic shopping bag half-buried in the sand beside me. I grab it and tip out the contents. A pile of white sand and a receipt. 1.2kg Vine Tomatoes. $4.83. I put the receipt back in the bag and shove my phone in after it. Twist the handles together, loop them back and tie a knot. Bury the bag shallow in the sand and lie face down on top of the little grave. I can still feel the phone vibrating beneath me. I roll over on to my back and look up. There’s a pregnant woman in the sky. Spreadeagled above the sea, she’s giving birth to a giant flat screen TV. She strains, sweat dripping from her forehead. The TV gushes out, trailing a cord that snakes back into the woman. The screen turns on and there is Tim. He’s eating a tomato like it’s an apple. Red juice runs down his chin and falls into the ocean. He chews, jaw moving up and down rhythmically, staring right at me. I wonder if I can change the channel, but a seagull comes and severs the cord. A breeze carries the TV away. The woman has fallen asleep. I close my eyes. The vibrations have stopped.
APPLES Donal Keenan Stewed apples do not have the tangy and tart bite of green skinned cooking apples. The softness of their texture and taste and sweetness—sprinkled with a toddler’s fistful of brown sugar—can put you just a few spiralling steps below a spellbound place. If a half an inch thick of hot, buttery, crunchy crumble is layered over those steaming apples, then the taster may find him or herself even closer to enchantment. To cast the final spell, just add lashings of warm creamy custard with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. A bowl of that—less three devoured spoonfuls—sits on the ground to the right of the boy; he is eleven years old and lies sprawled on the horse chestnut coloured carpet, reading, while his sugar-rushed face tingles. Lying on his elbows, hands cupping his chin, he turns the page. To his left towering above stands a tall, grey, marble fireplace, at least as tall as a wizard’s staff and just as wide, if not wider. The sitting room in which he lies is not empty; it holds a couch the colour of autumn leaves and two matching armchairs. The couch and the armchairs and the fire encircle the boy, in a barricade of flame and fortified furnishings. The room is large, with three high—but heavily draped—windows. It is night-time and the boy reads by the fire’s light, burning deep red and gold. It does not roar but instead consumes the glowing blocks of peat the boy placed on the grate, tepee like. The burning turf smells as if the damp soul of the country has come inside for warmth and sits there sipping hot whiskey. Outside, snow swirls; a gale blows hard too, and the oak and chestnut trees strain to snapping.
muffled noises of his mother and sisters and father in the kitchen, were far far away, beyond the flight even of eagles. And in the black shadows of the room, the outline of things not yet known to him, shift—dragons and druids, trolls and helmed goblins, black blood and flashing swords—and then all slip into his world. *** Now the boy is a man, and the man is a lawyer, and the man’s days are numbered. They are numbered because—put plainly—he measures time; he captures units of time on his Mac. 1 unit is 6 minutes, and 10 units is 1 hour, and 65 units is six and a half hours; and that is the minimum number of units of time the man must record every work day, of every work year—but he aims for 77 units because he is an over achiever. And because 1977 is the year of his birth. It does not stop there: 219 workdays—leaving out annual leave and public holidays—equal 14,235 billable units in every year. If the man stumbles past that total, he is a success at his job; or so he’s told by the Special Counsel living in the office beside him. He has fantastic west facing views over the city. He is entombed with skyline views. *** The boy on the floor, in the house in the swirling snow, no longer exist there. They lie, dimmed now, in a globe of glass rolled into the furthest corner, of the bottom drawer, of an old, grey, filing cabinet; standing in the man’s dusty basement, unminded. And waiting.
The boy lies on, his fingers tracing the runes on the page, forbidden words, too old for him—his father had said so; nonsense words and worlds. But he reads, and the deeper he goes, the shallower his breath becomes. His descent slows and acolyte-like, he leans into the pages, breath held, peering over the edge into a chasm of yawning darkness, down into a place where even the flames could not—would not—reach. He had come this way simply enough, tumbling along with the Adventurous Four, the Famous Five and the Secret Seven; but this was something different. The
Illustrator: Linn Hamre Degree: Bachelor of Digital Media Instagram: @Lhgraphic Facebook: facebook.com/lhgraphic 59
Illustrator: Phillip Rudnev Degree: Bachelor of Digital Media Web: iam1994.com & philliprudnev.com Being creative
Illustrator: Sam Dunn Degree: Bachelor of Digital Media with Honours Instagram: sam_sturdy 61
COMIC By Mic Smith
Do you want to see your work in print? Getamungstit is seeking high quality submissions of short fiction, creative non-fiction, poetry and other genres for our creative section. Check out the Contributor Guidelines at gugcstudentguild.com.au/getamungstit for further information.
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L I V E ,
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WEDNESDAY 25 MAY | FUNCTION CENTRE (G07) 6PM COME ALONG FOR A 90 MINUTE TOTAL DANCE WORKOUT INCLUDING 30 MINUTES EACH OF BURLESQUE, HIP HOP AND ZUMBA!
PURCHASE YOUR TICKET FROM UNI FITNESS (G07)
GUGCSTUDENTGUILD.COM.AU/UNI-FITNESS UNI FITNESS HEALTH CENTRE
Get the hell outta here Gold Coast dates on budget By Elleanor O’Connell
TUGUN TO COOLANGATTA BIKE RIDE
STARGAZING AT MOUNT TAMBORINE
BIGGER THAN POETRY AT MIAMI MARKETTA
Cost: Free if you BYO bike.
Cost: ¼ tank of gas to get you up the mountain.
Cost: Gold coin donation at the door.
Show off your active side with a gentle bike ride from Tugun Surf Lifesaving Club to the stunning stretch of beach at Coolangatta. Starting at the surf club, the ride will take at least half an hour, but you’re on a mission to woo, so take your time. The ride will take you along the Gold Coast Highway by the way of the bike lane provided. Follow your wheels to Bilinga and take a left down Gibson Street to meet up with Pacific Parade. Turn right and enjoy the beachside ride through Kirra. Find your spot on the sand or brave the hills of Cooly for the ultimate woo-worthy spot, Snapper Rocks. Uninterrupted views of the Pacific Ocean welcome you at the very tip of Coolangatta, and provide the perfect spot to show off your picnic prowess. If you are without said bicycle, Storm Cycles in Tugun offer cruiser bikes for hire from just $20, which includes a helmet and lock. The best time of day to commit to this ride is late afternoon, where you can ride home safely with daylight and catch the sunset from Tugun S.L.S.C.
With the temperature dropping it’s the perfect time to snuggle up with another human under the setting sun. The Tamborine Mountain Lookout on Main Western Road provides a fabulous spot for romance with its incredible views across the Beaudesert region. The mountainside offers the perfect chance to check out some constellations and the lack of artificial light displays the cosmos in all its glory. Be sure to rug up and take a picnic blanket to sit on, and plenty of extra blankets to keep warm as temperatures can drop to below six degrees on cooler nights. To keep costs down, pack a picnic and a thermos of hot coffee or chocolate. And to top off the evening, as you look into your dates eyes, whisper gently ‘love is only one fine star away’ á la Stevie Nicks, to not only show how romantic you are, but also that you have a killer taste in music.
Get the hell outta here
Nothing says, ‘I am an incredibly emotionally aware human being’ than an evening of poetry. Hidden amongst the food stalls at the Miami Marketta, Bigger Than Poetry boasts a fantastic night of local talent from poets and musicians. Kicking off at 6:30 on every second Wednesday, the poetry night invites members of the public to perform and also offers special guest performers. Treat your date to a home cooked meal before you go, or grab a plate from one of the delicious stalls that range from $6 to $14, depending on your pocket change. For the extra wow factor, surprise your date by performing a piece of your own written ramblings to get those bonus points up.
ISSUE 4, VOLUME 2
THE FUTURE IS COMING WEEK 1 (SEM 2) GUGCSTUDENTGUILD.COM.AU/GETAMUNGSTIT
30 AUGUST - 3 SEPTEMBER | MT BULLER, VIC ALPINE | SNOWBOARD | FREESTYLE | CROSS COUNTRY GUGCSTUDENTGUILD.COM.AU/SPORT
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