A “Twisted” Winnie the Pooh Story
By: Ted Yang
Words Checked: 1184 Words in Oxford 3000: 88%
***Warning*** Not the “Winnie the Pooh” you may be expecting!
Winnie the pooh
In the house beside the nameless forest Winnie the pooh, as usually, lying on the sofa like a pile of dump eating honey. After Robin left for college Winnie end up being like this. Day by day eating honey and watching TV. However, today something happened. “what! No more?” Winnie surprisingly found that he’s out of honey. “damn!” “well, let’s go find some.” Winnie says to
himself Walking out the door, Winnie heading towards the forest. “let’s try the old fashion way.” He finds a tree trying to climb up. “ahh! Damn its hard.” “whew~” He finally reaches the bee hive “oh hoho food~” Winnie reaches out his hand The bees swarm out and attack Winnie, they sting him hardly.
“woo get away damn bugs” “oh shxt” Winnie fell to the ground. He got up, curse the bee and leave. “lets try the Rabbit’s.” “he’s always nice to me.” Winnie said to himself.
Sneaking inside Rabbit’s house, the food cabinet is just few feet from here…Winnie, with a wrestling mask, slightly moves toward the cabinet. He reaches the cabinet, he opens the cabinet, his hand is almost on the jar… “!?” Winnie felt something pointing at the back of his head. “freeze.” A voice said “shit.” Winnie whispers
“hi, Rabbit” Winnie said “when was the last time I told you not to come into my house?” rabbit asks. “I can’t recall.” “time to time you sneak into my house, and eat my honey.” “well, friends should help each others, nah ?” Winnie answers with a smile. “im not gonna let you walk away this time.” “what?” “I’m gonna put a hoe on you this time.” “wait!”
“DIE!!!” Rabbit shouts with the shot gun fires right on winnie’s head. “oh la la, my mask of Mil Mascaras…expensive you know…” Winnie complains “fuck you, god damn stuffed bear. Cant you just die? ” “calm, pal “ “FUCK!!” Rabbit grabbs out a RPG launcher and fires.
“hmm, it’s always whirring around here…” said Kanga hopping towards with little bean. “morning, you two.” said Rabbit. “yeah, morning.” Says Winnie with its head on the ground. “would you baby sit Roo for me, Rabbit? The owl is too old for babysitting.” Ignoring Winnie, Kanga asks. “I’m kind of busy these days. You see, my house is in pieces.” “I CAN!” Winnie said.
“well, I don’t really want to agree this…but seems like I have no choice.” Kanga agreed at last.
“so, I will be back at six, listen to Winnie, good bye.” “the food is in the fridge just put the in the microwave, good bye.” Kanga says “good bye.” Answers, Winnie and Roo.
Winnie is sitting on the sofa with a jar of honey,
obviously stole from the cabinet, beside him and watching TV with Roo. “since you are stuffed bear, where did all the honey go after you ate them?” Roo asks. “I don’t really know…but good question though” Winnie answers. “weird…” Roo says “yeah~ weird” both of them agreed. “I’ll call more people here, it’s boring.” Winnie says. Picking up the phone, Winnie dial to owl and tigger.
After a while they show up at the door. “do you know where did the honey go after Winnie ate them?” Roo asks Owl. “I have been wondering it ever since I met him.” Tigger says. “well, it has been the seventh wonder of this forest.” Owl says “the vanished honey of the bear.” “ohhh~” Winnie, Roo and Tigger answeres. “yeah~just like the cable TV you are watching.” Owl says “amazing…”
Winnie works at Kanga’s for days. In those days, Winnie had a very wonderful time stealing Kanga’s honey. Roo never says a word because Winnie always share him some of the pilferage. Sometimes, Kanga figures out something strange. “Roo, why are we out of honey again?” “Uh, I don’t know mom.” “Did you eat it while I was gone?” “…No~” “hmm…”
Things, were working out very well. Then, one day the partnership fall apart. Winnie stop sharing pilferage with Roo. “if you don’t give me honey. I will tell mom about this.” “go ahead fool, you were once in the group, remember?” “…” “besides, what if I tell your mother that it is you who ate the honey but you set me up so you can get away with it?” “you are such an ass.”
“don’t applaud me”
Because Winnie intimidates Roo, Roo keeps silence. Winnie keeps on stealing honey. Until one day, Kanga decides to switch honey to paste, to catch the thief.
Winnie once again goes to the shelf. “Hmm, let’s see.” Winnie says to himself. He opens a jar, “What is this?” Looking at the paste, Winnie start to search its stuffed data base.
“I think it is not food.” It takes quiet a while for him to figure out. “It smells weird, but quiet good.” Winnie sniffed. “Maybe I can take this instead of eating honey all the day.” This idea pops up in his mind.
So Winnie takes paste to replace honey in his life. Since he only smells it, no more missing in Kanga’s house. Kanga thinks the problem is solved and is proud of herself. One day, Kanga comes home early. What comes
into her sight, is Winnie sniffing paste and Roo watching kangaroo porn show on TV. Here, we once again wonder how the forest get to receive cable TV. “What the hell it this?” Kanga shouts. “oh, Shxt” Roo says. “What?” Winnie says in a weak voice. “What the hell is going on here, Winnie?” Kanga asks. “Mom…I” “shut up, Roo, I’ll come to you later.” Kanga says, “Get your ass up young man.” She says to
Winnie. “I swear I didn’t buy that Playboy, mama. That’s Owl’s, I swear.” Winnie answers. “WHAT?” Kanga yelled, “Are you taking drugs?” She asks. “Huh?” Kanga slaps Winnie’s face and asks again. However, Winnie is not able to understand the question. “Get out of my house young man.” Kanga says.
Being fired Winnie once again sit at the side of
the road. He sits there for a whole day until he finds himself. “Well, I can not go to Rabbit’s and Kanga’s.” Winnie thinks. “Maybe I should try Owl’s…no no no.” “Hi, Winnie.” “Huh? Who?” Winnie said. “Gouffer, remember?” an oversized groundhog said. “…” Winnie stars to once again search in his stuffed brain data base. However, nothing was found. “Not very clearly..” at last he said.
“…” Gouffer is wordless. The air froze between the two. “So, uhh…why are you here.” Winnie tries to break the ice. “I am back to recruit new member ’s of my gang.” Gouffer says. “Recruit?” Winnie asks. “You wanna join?” Gouffer asks. “What can I get?” Winnie said. “Uhh…money…maybe…” Gouffer answers. “Well, since I have nothing to do, maybe I will go to the city with you.”
So then, Winnie left the forest with Gouffer. He had never come back to the forest again. People said that he killed Gouffer and became the leader, but others said that Winnie and Gouffer got killed in a fight with another gang. Winnie’s head got chopped off and Gouffer got sliced.