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FS113_COVER:FS 06/08/2009 13:43 Page 2

South East

THE FIT AND SEXY GAY MAG ISSUE #113, SUMMER 2009

SEX SEX SEX

We answer your questions

One man and his boyfriend

We’re hot for monogamy

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TIPS TO HELP YOU STOP SMOKING

How’s your

body?

Read our health MOT and find out

+

THE RETURN OF POSITIVE ADAM GMFA’S FRIENDSHIPS COURSE “HOW DO I TELL HIM I HAVE HIV?”


ADS

21/11/08

17:01

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THE FIT AND SEXY GAY MAG ISSUE #113 SUMMER 2009

Welcome

Calling all HIVpositive guys!

Team FS are currently working on a very special feature for an upcoming issue. We are looking for HIV-positive guys of all ages to share their experiences of living with the virus. Every year there are more and more gay men in the UK who are living with HIV, but at the same time more and more gay guys are reporting that they don’t know anyone who is HIV-positive. This feature will tackle the issues of HIV invisibility, stigma, and the role HIV plays in our community today. If you agree to take part, there will be a short interview and if you are willing, a quick photo shoot. Are you up for it? If so, email fsmag@gmfa.org.uk to let us know you are interested. Meanwhile, enjoy this issue! Cary James x Editor Find us on Myspace at www.myspace.com/fsmag or join our fan page on Facebook by searching for FS magazine.There you will find more pics of our cover stars, forums on stuff from the mag and other cool stuff. Plus you can post photos of yourself and videos of you telling us why you love FS. Come on, join the FS nation. Do it now!

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p26 www.gmfa.org.uk

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FS NEW_ADS

30/9/08

12:22

Page 8

If you didn’t use a condom and you are worried, an HIV test may put your mind at ease.

Free 1 Hour HIV Testing Service for gay men. Every Monday Evening 6.30pm – 8.30pm First 10 people can be seen. Come and drop-in at Terrence Higgins Trust 61 Ship Street, Brighton, BN1 1AE Or Call 01273 764200

A gay male worker is available to talk with you about anything related to sex, relationships and staying safe, or phone for more information about our Face2Face service (Face2Face is available in Brighton and Eastbourne). Charity number 288527


FS113_P05_Upfront National:FS 06/08/2009 13:22 Page 5

Upfront

Let’s go outside... Sometimes the wild is too much for many of us to resist, but are you ready for it? Even if the weather is crap, summer is the time when even the most unadventurous of us may fancy a bit of outdoor nookie. If you’re going to do it you might as well do it properly. Here are our tips for outdoor cruising success.

Suss out the people and the area when you get there Before you get down to it, it’s a good idea to get your bearings so you know where you are, and where other guys are if you need a hand (so to speak) or you feel like you need some help.

Bring your own condoms and lube It’s important to have these handy because you never know when you’ll need them or when the urge to go cruising may grab you. Keep some in your bag or if you are out there and don’t have any, ask one of your fellow cruisers. Chances are he’ll be happy to help.

Talk, say hello, smile or nod It never hurts to be friendly and if you do get into some trouble it’s good to have mates around to help you out.

Don’t show off Leave the bling like shiny watches or chains at home. And don’t be gabbing on your new super duper mobile phone. Bad guys often go to cruising areas to rob us nice gay boys, so don’t tempt them and don’t draw attention to yourself. If you do have some flash gear with you, put it somewhere safe like a zipped pocket until you get home. The same goes for keys, money and anything else you don’t want nicked or falling out of your pockets.

Be in control

If it doesn’t feel right, zip up and walk away. There will be plenty of other guys to choose from.

Don’t feel pressurised to have sex if you don’t feel comfortable about it. If it doesn’t feel right, just zip up and walk away. There will be plenty of other guys to choose from. You don’t have to do the full monty and if things aren’t really happening, then it’s fine to just call it a night. And if you do choose to go home with someone, make sure you feel safe. If it seems dodgy at all, don’t bother. The thrill of a dangerous shag isn’t worth ending up getting beaten up or worse.

For more information on sex and sexual health visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex.

www.gmfa.org.uk

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FS113_PAGE 6:FS 06/08/2009 11:39 Page 6

Page six

Six tips to help you stop smoking Read a book

Allen Carr’s (not Alan ‘Chatty Man’ Carr from the telly) book “Easy Way to Stop Smoking” has sold millions of copies around the world and has helped countless die-hard smokers quit. The book works to wipe away the brainwashing that smokers have suffered about both smoking and quitting. By the end of the book you realise smoking is gross and quitting is easy – total result!

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Pop some pills

stop Champix is a drug to help you n so smoking. It works on your brai you no longer get pleasure from core smoking. It has helped even hard quit to g tryin n bee had “I smokers. x was smoking for years and Champi says ” , ked wor it and ce, my last chan ther James from Surrey. Zyban is ano men but , quit you help can drug that able to on HIV medication may not be or GP. t ialis spec r you to ak take it. Spe


FS113_PAGE 6:FS 06/08/2009 11:39 Page 7

Upfront

m u g e m o s Chew p on a patch… or sla

ck u t s t Ge h pins wit

s your t Therapy (NRT) help Nicotine Replacemen m fro ysical withdrawal body cope with the ph ick f the r chew gum for a qu ne o t some nicotine. You can eithe o ed s in i sta su a ng for a lo hen cture es th hit or put on a patch ount you upun therapi helpful wapy is am e th c r we lo A y wl slo dose. You then ther und ative ring ltern have fo g. Hypno by alte e off it ar u a yo til un g kin k ta e e r ar l in peop g smok nt to wo mind’s bit. ve found n a s i for good. Studies ha e ha t u t o i m i ’s qu sc as a to ur t yo I n les g ub . o do r it n c g i e in b k h that us ce anot your su on smo l eviden ut e a , c c chances of quitting. s i n k e r b lin

Join a group GROUP

c nd wo depe ere is no t either ear by h a T th le sw show me peopem. so th

People who join a stop smoking support group are ten times more likely to quit than if they go it alone. “The main advantage is the moral support they get from the other people on the course and the information you receive,” explains Donal Heath of GMFA. They along with other organisations like LGF run stop smoking courses especially for gay men. For more information visit www.gmfa.org.uk/quit.

Visit the GMFA website There is plenty of help and support on the web if you want to quit smoking. GMFA has just launched an area of their website dedicated to helping gay men stop smoking. There you will find lots of information and advice on how to kick the dirty habit once and for all. Check it out at www.gmfa.org.uk/quitsmoking.

To find out more about quitting, call the NHS Smoking Helpline on 0800 022 4332 or visit www.gosmokefree.co.uk. QUIT is an independent charity to help people stop smoking, ring 0800 00 22 00 or visit: www.quit.org.uk. And for advice especially for gay men visit: www.gmfa.org.uk/quitsmoking.

www.gmfa.org.uk

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HaltAD:FS 16/06/2009 15:17 Page 24

Homophobic, Biphobic and Transphobic incidents include: Verbal abuse Abusive texts Physical attacks Graffiti Damage to property If you have experienced homophobia, biphobia or transphobia you can:

REPORT IT TO THE POLICE

HOMOPHOBIA REPORT IT! OXFORDSHIRE HOMOPHOBIA AWARENESS LIAISON TEAM

Where your report will be taken very seriously 0845 8 505 505

REPORT IT TO HALT They can provide you with support and help you report the incident to the police if you want to 01865 243389 office hours halt.oxford@hotmail.co.uk

DIAL 999 In an emergency


FS113_P09_Adam:FS 06/08/2009 11:41 Page 9

Life

My name is Adam I’m 23, gay, and HIV-positive. This is my life... When it comes to city living, and London being the city I live in, all the world’s a stage and there is no bigger stage than the streets of Soho where boys will be boys and secrets and lies seem to circulate quicker than newspapers can hit the streets. I asked my boyfriend one day if he tells his friends that I’m HIV-positive, to which I received an abrupt “no”. Why would he though? It isn’t their business to know my status and the mean streets of Soho would surely twist and turn the words to their own advantage. It’s a shame we live in a society and more specifically a community hooked on picking apart people’s weaknesses and exploiting them for twenty seconds of fame during a single conversation that might snowball into something much bigger. A conversation that will surely be repeated by each and every person who would like to remind others of my ‘misfortune’. There aren’t many people who know I’m positive, and the past few day’s events have made me confident I made the right choice to only tell friends that I truly trust. I say that with a slight worry in my head as I’ve revealed my status to late night hookups on Gaydar (pre-boyfriend). So, back to the past few days... I’ve been subject to the gossip mills working overtime, thankfully not because of my being positive but because a best friend of mine was told by his boyfriend that he overheard other people saying I’d supposedly said something about my friend. Are you following me? So after the Chinese whispers ended, I think so too has our friendship and I’m left wondering how to pick up the pieces. I know my friend would never make offhand remarks about my status but going through my mobile phone address

told a positive result, my advice is to take stock of your friends in your mobile and decide who to tell and why you’re telling them. The ones you rely on for support will generally be the ones to trust and the ones who will stick by you. As for known gossip queens who seem hooked on drama and never far from controversy, perhaps keep quiet. Being HIV-positive doesn’t make you any different. You’re not a changed person and it’s certainly not breaking news unless you make it. I’m sure some might disagree with me, but we’re all living in different types of families, different workplaces and for some different levels of celebrity. Not too long ago being gay was a well kept secret, but that’s changing and I genuinely believe we’re heading towards better understanding and education about HIV. Policies are being changed in Westminster and the word’s spreading that HIV is making its way into everybody’s bedrooms. Worryingly the percentage of gay teenagers catching HIV is increasing and we need to address this. When this education and understanding comes, everybody that is HIV-positive might be able to come out and feel like a weight has been lifted from their shoulders, just like coming out as gay. But until that time, don’t worry, everybody has secrets. Remember, once yours is out, there’s no stopping the snowball rolling and the gossip mill turning.

There aren’t many people who know I’m positive , and the past few da ys have book I wonder m a d e me confiden how many t would hold I m ade the righ out something t worthwhile for c h o ic e their twenty seconds of fame. You put trust in your friends, colleagues and even sometimes strangers without really thinking about the consequences. Bitter ex-boyfriends, scheming work colleagues and even your GP think about everything you reveal about yourself to your social circle every day. With stigma and prejudice still surrounding HIV, those people who use others ‘misfortune’ as ammunition should maybe step back and think how they would feel if they were subjected to a barrage of gossip and chatter. I’ve never experienced anything like this. I’ve been lucky that my business has stayed my business even though I’ve told all my employers, my closest friends and a handful of Gaydar dates. I guess I picked my friends and confidantes wisely. If you’ve just been

www.gmfa.org.uk

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FS113_Cover Story:FS 06/08/2009 13:08 Page 10

Cover story

Give yourself an

MOT

We all want to keep an eye on our health, but do you know what to look for? There are things we can do to check our own health and warning signs we should be aware of. NHS nurse Drew Payne takes us through how we can all give ourselves a health MOT.

What’s it for? It’s the pump for our blood system. It’s made up of four chambers, two that draw in the blood (atriums) and two that pump the blood out (ventricles). The right side is smaller because it only pumps blood to our lungs.

What can go wrong? The main problem you can have is heart disease. This can lead to a heart attack, and is one of the biggest killers in Britain. It affects three times as many men as women, and it isn’t just a problem for middle-aged men. More men in their twenties and thirties are suffering from heart disease. It’s caused by the arteries

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that supply blood to the muscles of the heart becoming blocked, either with a clot or getting furred up with fat. This starves the heart of blood so it can’t work fully.

What are the signs of trouble? Unfortunately problems with your heart do not always come with warning signs. Any chest pain should be taken seriously. As soon as the pain starts get medical advice, especially if the pain leaves you short of breath. Some warning signs can be a headache that lasts for several days, dizziness, loss of energy, blurred or double vision, palpitations (irregular or strange heartbeats), and fainting.

What can I do to keep it healthy? There is a lot you can do to reduce

the risk of getting heart disease. Exercise is very important. As little as 30 minutes of exercise three times a week will help strengthen your heart. Diet is also crucial. A low-fat and high-fibre diet is the best for your heart. It is also important to drink plenty of fluids, about one to two litres a day. Keep the amount of alcohol you drink under control and within the government recommendation of 21 units a week. Don’t have them all in one go because binge drinking puts a strain on your heart. Stopping smoking will really benefit your heart straight away. Smoking has many negative effects on your heart but it can actually cause blood clots and can also narrow our arteries, both of which can cause heart attacks.

t

Heart


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Heart

Cover story

Signs to watch out for: Headache that lasts for several days Dizziness Loss of energy Blurred or double vision Palpitations Chest pain

Exercise is very import ant. As little as 30 minutes th times a wee ree k will help strengt hen your heart www.gmfa.org.uk

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Health

Lungs What are they for? They are only way in which your body can take in oxygen. Tiny alveoli inside your lungs absorb oxygen into the blood (there are about 150 million alveoli in each of your lungs).

Lungs

What can go wrong? Your lungs are at constant risk of infection with things like a cold, flu and chest infection, and even pneumonia. The big disease that strikes lungs is cancer. Lung cancer is the second most common cancer in Britain and it kills men of all ages.

What are the signs of trouble?

Signs to watch out for: A cough Lack of energy or tiredness Unexplained weight loss Chest or shoulder pain Coughing up blood

There’s no such thing as an ordinary cough. Coughs happen for a reason and if they continue should be checked out. The symptoms of lung cancer and of a chest infection are very similar, so don’t ignore them. A cough that doesn’t go away is a big warning sign that something isn’t right. So are getting breathless; lack of energy or tiredness; unexplained weight loss; chest or shoulder pain that doesn’t go away and coughing up blood. If you have any of these symptoms you should see your GP as soon as you can.

What can I do to keep them healthy? Keeping your lungs healthy is very similar to keeping your heart healthy. Eating a balanced diet is very important, and so is drinking plenty of fluids. You lose moisture from breathing, especially if you’ve got any lung infection, so keeping hydrated is important for your lungs. If you smoke, giving up can be the best thing you can do for your lungs. About 90 percent of those with lung cancer are smokers. The sooner you give up the better off you will be.

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What’s it for? The liver provides many different functions that you simply can’t live without. It produces bile to help digest our food; stores sugars, vitamins, minerals and iron; controls cholesterol; maintains your hormone balance; filters toxins from your blood; breaks down old red blood cells and helps your body fight infection.

What can go wrong? Your liver can be damaged by disease, drugs and alcohol. Hepatitis (A, B and C) can have serious and long-term effects on your liver, especially if you aren’t treated for it. Drinking regular and large amounts of alcohol can have severe effects on the liver, and can lead to permanent damage known as cirrhosis. Recreational drugs, such as ecstasy, heroin and cocaine, if used regularly, can also lead to liver damage.

Liver

Signs to watch out for: Tiredness Weakness Lack of energy Loss of appetite Nausea Weight loss

(These may only develop in the later stages of liver disease. In the early stages there may not be any noticeable symptoms)

What are the signs of trouble? Unfortunately, early liver disease doesn’t have many symptoms and most people don’t know they have it. In the middle stages, tiredness, weakness, lack of energy, loss of appetite, nausea and weight loss may develop; but again there may be no symptoms. It’s only in the late stages of the disease that there are definite symptoms, when the liver is so damaged it can no longer perform its normal functions. Your liver is very good at working normally even when it is damaged. You can live normally with less than 50 percent of your liver functioning.

What can I do to keep it healthy?

Skin What’s it for? It may not be the one you brag about, but your skin is the largest organ of your body. It’s not only the covering of your body but it’s an important part of your body’s defences. It prevents dehydreation, controls temperature, and helps produce vitamins B and D.

What can go wrong? Lots of things can go wrong and skin cancer is one of the worst. There are 100,000 new cases of skin cancer in Britain each year. Of these, 1,500 people die from it. If caught early enough the chances of survival are good.

Large amount s alcohol of in a short pe can put riod a of strain lot o your liv n er

Be aware of the amount of alcohol you drink. Avoid drinking more than 21 units a week. Binge drinking is especially harmful because drinking large amounts of alcohol in a short period strains your liver. Limit the amount of recreational drugs you take or better yet, don’t take them at all. Get the Hepatitis B jabs, especially if you are sexually active. You can get them from your GP or at a sexual health clinic.

What are the signs of trouble?

The first sign of any skin cancer is the appearance of a new mole or a change in an existing mole. The mole can grow in size, change shape or colour, become itchy or even bleed. If this happens you need to get it checked out. Tanning and sunburn are risk factors for skin cancer.

What can I do to keep it healthy? If you’re going out in the sun, especially from 12noon to 3pm (when the sun is strongest) always wear a sun protection lotion with an SPF (sun protection factor) of at least 15. If you’re fair-skinned, up the SPF factor to 40. Make sure it covers all of your body, including your face, hands and feet. If you do start to burn, get out of the sun as soon as possible. Our skin still needs protecting. Make sure it doesn’t become dehydrated by drinking loads of liquids and make sure that

t

Liver

www.gmfa.org.uk

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the soap you use doesn’t dry out your skin. Smoking also affects your skin, drying it out, reducing the elasticity of it and making it wrinkle. So there’s another reason to quit.

Skin Signs to watch out for: A new mole A change in a mole A mole that has grown bigger or changed colour A mole that’s itchy or bleeding

Cock and balls What are they for? Your cock has two functions - one as a way for wee to leave your body, the other for sex. Your scrotum holds your testicles, keeping them cool outside your body. Your testicles don’t just produce semen, they also produce sex hormones which are important throughout your body.

them for several different reasons, from normal hardening of the skin to cancer. Any new lump should be seen by your GP or sexual health clinic.

What can I do to keep them healthy? The best thing you can do is regularly examine our balls. Get to know them and look for any changes. Roll them between your thumb and fingers - in the shower is a good time to do it or just after a bath. If you feel any lumps or changes in the size or shape of your balls over time, get them checked out as soon as possible. If we’ve got a foreskin, be sure to clean underneath it. Using condoms for sex can protect you from many sexually transmitted infections. Having regular checkups at a sexual health clinic, even if you don’t have any symptoms of infection, is a good way to ensure your tackle is always in tiptop condition. To find a clinic near you, check out the listings at the end of this mag or visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics.

Cock and balls

What can go wrong? Your can get a lot of different infections, from urinary infections, through Balanitis (a thrush infection around the head of your cock) to sexually transmitted infections (chlamydia, genital warts, gonorrhoea, syphilis) including HIV. Testicular cancer is the most common cancer affecting men aged 20 to 35. Cancer of the penis can and does happen. It appears as a lump or a sore on your cock which can later be painful and bleed. But this is very rare, affecting only 1 in 100,000 men.

What are the signs of trouble? Infections can cause a discharge of pus from the end of your cock, a burning pain when you wee, and pain or aching in your cock or abdomen. Any of these symptoms should be taken seriously. They won’t go away if ignored. Your balls can get lumps on

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Signs to watch out for: Any lumps on your cock or balls Blood in urine or semen Pus coming out of your cock Burning feeling when weeing Pain or aching in your cock or belly


FS113_Cover Story:FS 06/08/2009 13:08 Page 15

Health

Using s condoman c for sex from you protect sexually many tted transmi ns infectio

Arse What is it? This is the end of your bowel, the opening where the waste from digested food passes out. It’s also good for sex (in case you haven’t noticed). The prostate is just inside the arse and is where the fluid is added to semen to make cum. Rubbing on it is one reason why getting fucked can feel so good.

What can go wrong? Bowel cancer, also called colon cancer, is the third most common cancer. Anal cancer, although rare, is more common in gay men than in any other group. Prostate cancer is also one of the most common cancers in men. It mostly affects older men, but can strike guys of all ages. You can also catch many STIs through your arse including HIV, warts, gonorrhoea, syphilis, chlamydia and others.

What are the signs that something is wrong? Bowel cancer symptoms to watch out for are a change in how often you go to the loo, diarrhoea, bleeding when you poo and tiredness. Your prostate can become swollen by infection or cancer. If this happens the first symptom

is usually problems weeing. Some signs are if it takes ages to start to wee or ages to stop, or if you feel like you need a wee, but can’t. Also watch out for any pus coming out or your arse or if you have any hard growths on the outside or just inside your arse. It’s easy to miss the signs that you have caught an STI in your arse, but symptoms can include pus coming out of your arse, hard lumps on the outside of your arse or bleeding when you poo. Many guys have infections in their arse without knowing it, and those infections make it more likely for them to catch HIV or other STIs if they are exposed to them.

Arse Signs to watch out for: Bleeding Changes in when or how often you poo Pain when pooing Hard lumps around the opening or inside of the arse Pus coming out of the arse

Prostrate Signs to watch out for:

Difficulty weeing Feeling like you have to wee when you don’t have to Getting up to wee several times during the night Pain when weeing

What can I do to keep them healthy? Your bowels need a healthy high fibre diet, which means plenty of fruit and veg. If you sit around and become a couch potato then your bowel slows down. Regular exercise helps keep your bowels healthy. With your prostate, the best way to keep it healthy is to shoot your load as much as possible (do you think you can handle that?). Regular check-ups at a GUM clinic can help you make sure that that you don’t have any STIs down there that you aren’t aware of. Having an STI in your arse makes you more likely to catch HIV if you are exposed to it.

How to keep your body in the best health Eat a balanced diet Exercise regularly Drink 1 to 2 litres of fluids a day Don’t smoke Don’t drink more than 21 units of alcohol a week Don’t binge drink alcohol Cut down or avoid recreational drugs Avoid getting sunburn Wear a condom when fucking If you need medical advice, ask your GP, ring NHS Direct (0845 46 47) or visit an NHS WalkIn Centre. For more information about sexual health and how to find a sexual health clinic near you, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex or see the listings at the back of this magazine.

www.gmfa.org.uk

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FS113_Monogamy:FS 06/08/2009 11:56 Page 16

Life

Get ready for monogamy Lots of us want a one-on-one relationship with a boyfriend, but don’t know how to make monogamy work – Frankie McPolin is here to help. Are you sick of being in relationships where you don’t know who your boyfriend was sleeping with last weekend, when you were visiting your mum? The kind of partnerships where you stress about your your own boyfriend giving you crabs, or worse? Well, good old monogamy’s still alive and well, so if you want to make that sort of relationship work, just follow a few simple rules…

You may never have thought about it, but every successful relationship grows from a few common themes. “Good communication, trust, honesty and a willingness to compromise are the four cornerstones,” says psychotherapist Dominic Davies. “Without these existing at a fairly high level, it’s quite easy for a relationship to get into difficulties.” Paul from south London says, “My boyfriend and I are in a monogamous partnership but we allow ourselves to look at other lads and talk about cute guys we see. To pretend we don’t notice would be ludicrous. But we’ve made the commitment to be monogamous, so we look but don’t touch. Our relationship is fantastic, we trust each other, feel safe in our partnership which makes us feel even closer together.” Simon from Brighton says, “Me and my boyfriend have promised each other to speak up if we get bored with monogamy. Trusting each other to be honest will give us a chance to fix things before they get out of control.”

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Rule 2 Be clear about what you want The most important thing in making a monogamous relationship work is that both guys actually need to want to be monogamous in the first place. “Lots of upset guys write to me because they’ve caught their boyfriend shagging other guys, only to be told by him that he thought there was an unsaid agreement allowing him to fuck around,” says agony uncle, Jack Jones. “Don’t let anything be unsaid. If you’re looking for a monogamous relationship, then tell any prospective boyfriends your feelings. Make sure they’re looking for the same and at least then you’ve got a chance of making it work.” Simon knew he wanted a monogamous relationship and made sure he explained that to any boyfriend. “I wasn’t a nutcase, telling every shag I wanted them to be monogamous, but if I thought things might get serious with a guy I was explicit about my feelings. I think guys appreciate it if you’re direct so you’re not wasting each other’s time. I’ve been with my boyfriend now for nearly a year and it’s working well.”

Rule 3 Get the sex right Sex, or the lack of mutually enjoyable sex, can be one of the problems that makes the monogamy train veer off its tracks. “You need to be willing to work hard at keeping the sexual side of the relationship alive,” says Dominic Davies. “It’s important to share your fantasies and try out new things, especially as the relationship goes on. While sex is usually pretty easy in the first year or two, it can get quite monotonous if you both get stuck into a routine of always doing the same things with each other.” Paul believes that getting the sex right in a monogamous relationship is key to making it work. “I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for three years and I’m very happy, but a year or so into the relationship I found sex boring as we were just doing the same things all the time. When I told my partner my concerns we made it our priority to spice things up, which we did by being more adventurous and even shagging outdoors. If we hadn’t talked about sex I’m not sure if the relationship would have stayed monogamous. Couples need to talk regularly about the sex they’re having.”

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Rule 1 Build strong foundations


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Voxpop

Nathan, 20

Promoter and DJ from London Have you ever been in a monogamous relationship? I'm in a monogamous relationship now, its been seven weeks. What do you like most about monogamy? I feel really proud to say I'm in a relationship. I get offers from other guys, and it’s really nice to politely say 'no thanks'. It’s great to feel there’s someone there who has your best interests at heart, who loves you to bits. That they have the same amount of trust in you as you have in them. I can see myself being monogamous for the next ten years. I have the best orgasms right now because they're not just coming from my penis, they're coming from my mind as well. What advice would you give to a couple who want to be exclusive? Communication is key, don't try to second guess youy partner, ask them what’s going on, and how they feel.

Five tips... for being faithful 1. Look on commitment as a good thing – something that will make your relationship stronger. 2. Keep sex sexy – try new things and experiment with new ideas and fantasies so your sex life doesn’t become boring. 3.Talk to each other – honest communication is crucial to maintaining any healthy relationship. 4. Have some shared interests – this can bring a sense of working together and involvement. 5. Agree your boundaries – can you window shop and flirt with other guys so long as it goes no further?


FS113_Monogamy:FS 06/08/2009 11:56 Page 18

Life Remember… Lots of men actually catch HIV in the first year of a new relationship. They may have caught it from their new partner, or from sex outside the relationship. If you are in a monogamous relationship and want to stop using condoms, it’s important that you are sure that you both have the same HIV status. Unless you know you’re both HIV-positive, the best thing to do is for you both to go for an HIV test, and if you both test negative, go back for another test three months later (as it can take up to three months for HIV to show up

Voxpop

on a standard test). If you both test negative the second time, then it’s probably safe to stop using condoms. If one person in your relationship has HIV and the other doesn’t, the risk of infection is always there. Even if you are committed to safer sex, accidents do happen. If you or your partner has been exposed to HIV through a broken condom or any other reason, there is something you can do to stop HIV from spreading. PEP is a course of medication that can help stop HIV infection. You can get it from most A&E departments and GUM clinics, but you must get it within 72 hours. For more information visit: www.gmfa.org.uk/pep.

Voxpop

Graham, 31

Web designer from Hereford Have you ever been in a monogamous relationship? Yes, I'm in a monogamous relationship now. It’s been three years. We have threesomes, but I don’t count that as an open relationship. What do you like best about it? I like the exclusivity - it makes it special. You're saving yourself for your partner because you don't share that part of your relationship with anyone else. What advice do you have for guys who want to be faithful? Honesty is the key. Be prepared to talk about it if something fucks up. Have a contingency plan. If you agree beforehand how you would handle it if someone strayed, then it’s not unknown territory. You'll have an idea of how you'll handle it, and you can get over it.

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Phil, 25

Assistant buyer from Uxbridge Have you ever been in a monogamous relationship? I was in a monogamous relationship for three years. What do you like most about them? Sex is better in a monogamous relationship. If you're screwing around with random people, it makes you selfish. If you're just with one person you're doing sexual things to please him too. It feels better. I like the feeling of trust. I was in a relationship and he cheated on me. He had unsafe sex with someone else and with me, and all the trust was smashed in a second. Trust is important.

What if I slip up? If you’re in an exclusive relationship and want it to remain that way, then being faithful is vital. Even so, mistakes happen from time to time and they don’t have to spell the end of the relationship. “If you’ve slipped up but haven’t put your health and your partner’s health at risk - by having unprotected sex - then it may be better to think about what will be gained by spilling the beans,” says Dominic Davies. “It can be very hard for a couple to re-establish that trust, so if you’re just coming clean to ease your own guilt, you need to consider that your confession may undermine the trust in the relationship.” But infidelity may be indicative of something that’s wrong in the relationship, such as sexual boredom or general staleness. “Trying to understand what your reasons were for having sex with someone else may help you work out whether it’s going to be useful to tell your partner or not,” says Davies. “A breach of trust is a major rupture in most relationships and can often be experienced as much worse than simply having had sex with someone else.” So you’ll need to decide whether you can work on getting the relationship on track or find a more honest and honourable way to end things.

For information about free couples counselling, check out the listings at the back of the magazine. RELATE offers advice and relationship counselling regardless of your sexuality, visit www.relate.org.uk or call Relate on 0300 100 1234. Dominic Davies is a psychotherapist and Director of Pink Therapy, for more information visit www.pinktherapy.com.


A registered charity in England & Wales (no.288527) and in Scotland (no.SC039986).

Treatments have never been so good. If you have HIV, the sooner you find out the better.

TEST. TAKE CONTROL. To find a clinic or get advice call or visit

www.thinkHIV.co.uk

11130.13 THT Testing ad FS.indd 1

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Health

Top HIV myths EXPOSED

Find out the truth about HIV MYTH #1 HIV is the same as AIDS Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) is a virus you can catch, usually through fucking without condoms. It attacks the immune system, which over time can lead to Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS). AIDS is not a disease or a virus, but a condition that causes the immune system to become so weak that it can no longer fight off diseases or infections. You can be HIV-positive without having AIDS; in fact, most HIV-positive people are just that.

You can’t t someo ell if positiv ne’s HIV e age, c by their weigh lothes, t, fa or num cial hair b tattoo er of s he has

MYTH #2

someone’s HIV-positive by their age, clothes, weight, facial hair or the number of tattoos he has.

You can always tell when someone has HIV

MYTH #3

You can’t. HIV-positive people come in all shapes, sizes, looks, and colours. Because of the effectiveness of treatments, most guys with HIV live relatively normal lives. They usually don’t look sick, or overly thin or any of the old stereotypical looks that some people used to identify HIV-positive people with in the past. You probably know people who have HIV and you may not know they have the virus. You have probably had sex with guys with HIV without knowing they had it. You can’t tell if

20

gay community are just two of the factors that might be involved.

MYTH #04

Guys with HIV always tell you they have HIV before sex

If someone is in a backroom or sauna, they’re bound to be HIV-positive

They don’t. In fact most guys with HIV don’t tell many people they have it, especially people they just met, and that includes sexual partners. There are many reasons why someone may choose not to share the fact they have HIV. Having HIV is a very personal matter for many HIVpositive men. Fear of rejection and the stigma surrounding HIV in the

Some guys with HIV assume that if you’re in a backroom then you must have HIV, but the reality is lots of guys in backrooms or any sex venue are HIV-negative, or untested. And lots of HIV-negative and untested men end up having unprotected sex in backrooms, putting themselves at risk of catching HIV and other STIs. Lots of guys who don’t have HIV


FS113_P20-21_Health:FS 06/08/2009 12:01 Page 21

Health don’t know that other guys will assume they are HIV- positive if they go to those places. It’s always safest to assume the person you are having sex with has the opposite HIV status and then use a condom.

STI Corner The place to come for STIs (not literally of course)

MYTH #5 If an HIV-negative guy has unprotected sex with an HIV-positive guy he will always get HIV There are lots of ways you can prevent the passing on HIV when you have sex. Using a condom is the best one. Fucking without a condom is the way most gay guys catch HIV. But even then, lots of men have done it and been lucky and not caught HIV. They may not be lucky the next time. If you know you have been exposed to HIV, you can get PEP from an A&E department or GUM clinic. It’s a course of pills that will improve your chances of not catching HIV if you have been at risk. You must get PEP within 72 hours. For more info visit: www.gmfa.org.uk/pep.

MYTH #6 All guys with HIV are on medication About half of the people who are HIVpositive are on medication. People with HIV have their health monitored on a regular basis. The human body can put up a good fight against HIV for a number of years before the immune system starts to be overloaded. When this appears to be happening, your doctor will assess the situation and possibly recommend that you go on anti-HIV medication.

MYTH #7

This month:

Gonorrhoea What is it? Gonorrhoea is a bacterial infection you can get in your cock, arse, throat, or eyes.

How do you get it? You can catch it by fucking or getting fucked without a condom, rimming, giving or receiving blowjobs or by getting an infected guy’s cum in your eye. It’s one of the most common sexually transmitted infections.

How do you prevent it? Using condoms will prevent many cases of gonorrhoea. If you wanted to reduce the risks further, you would have to use condoms for oral sex. Sucking cock carries a risk even if he doesn’t cum in your mouth. Many guys have gonorrhoea in their throat and they don’t even know it, so if they suck you off, you could catch it.

How do you know you’ve got it? Symptoms can include a white or greenish pus coming out of your cock and a burning sensation when you piss or cum. Infection in your arse may be noticeable by a yellowish pus, fresh blood on your poo, mild diarrhoea, or itching and pain when pooing. Infection via your mouth can result in a sore throat and sometimes a cough. Red, swollen, weeping eyes are also symptoms. Sometimes there are no symptoms or they are too mild to be noticeable, particularly with gonorrhoea in the arse and throat.

How do you treat it? Gonorrhoea is treatable by antibiotics and is completely curable.

For more information on gonorrhoea and other STIs or to find a clinic near you, visit www.gmfa.org.uk.

No one dies of HIV any more HIV treatments mean that people aren’t dying of AIDS like they were back in the 1980, but people in the UK do still die as a result of HIV infection. Having HIV appears to increase the chances of getting certain kinds of cancer later in life. If you have HIV and Hepatitis C the chances of dying early are also much higher. And if you have HIV and don’t know it, you are at risk of developing AIDS-related illnesses before you even know you have the virus. The later you find out you have HIV, the greater the chance it will kill you. That is one of the reason why having regular HIV test is so important.

To find out more about HIV/AIDS and how it works, visit www.gmfa.org.uk.

Fast Fact

About one out of three gay guys with HIV don’t know they have it That means a guy may tell you that he doesn’t have HIV, even if he does. And you if think you are HIV-negative, you could have HIV without knowing it, if you have put yourself at risk. It’s difficult for anyone to be 100 sure of thier HIV status unless they have haven’t taken any risks. To be safe, use a condom and lube for fucking. For more info on HIV testing visit www.gmfa.org.uk/testing.

www.gmfa.org.uk

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Health

Hey GMFA, I’ve got a problem! The team at GMFA answer questions from their website that you may be too shy to ask in the flesh...

Can I get HIV from a finger? I got fingered by the guys I think he may have had some pre-cum on his fingers. Is there a risk of catching HIV? It’s possible to catch HIV through being exposed to HIV in pre-cum. We aren’t aware of any reported cases of someone catching HIV in the way you describe. Knowing what we do about how guys get HIV, our view is that it’s theoretically possible to become infected with HIV in the situation you describe, but the chances are extremely low as HIV will not survive long outside the body. We would always advise, if you know you have put yourself at any risk, to have an HIV test and stay in control of your sexual health rather than waste time worrying about what might have happened, which in itself is bad for your health. You can find somewhere to test for HIV and other STIs at www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics, and there is more information about HIV testing at www.gmfa.org.uk/testing.

Condoms leave my boyfriend soft... I am an HIV-positive ‘bottom’ and my partner is an HIV-negative top.

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He has a very big cock and doesn’t like to wear condoms, so we don't use them. I have tried to convince him to use them but he loses his hard-on if he wears one. Do you have any recommendations on how he can feel more comfortable with condoms? The way most guys who catch HIV get it is from being the bottom and getting fucked by a guy with HIV without a condom. Get some extra large condoms, so that they are more comfortable for him and it is easier for him to wear them without going soft. You could try Condomi XXL, Mates Kingsize, Passante Large or Passante Kingsize condoms. Try www.freedomsshop.nhs.uk to buy low cost condoms in different sizes. Sometimes it helps to masturbate using condoms, to get used to putting them on and using them. Using a cock ring may also help him to get and keep a hard-on.

inside it for quite a long time? HIV can’t be transmitted by spit, so we think the risk of catching HIV this way is somewhere between extremely low and no risk at all. For there to be a significant risk the positive man would need to have a cut or sore in his mouth from which blood or other fluid containing HIV was leaking. There is no data on the risk of catching HIV through the nose from blood or semen. It may be possible to transmit Hepatitis C from microscopic specks of blood on snorting straws for drugs, but we have no reason to believe that HIV has ever been caught this way.

He licked my nose – help! Can a negative person be infected from an HIV-positive person if the HIV-positive person kisses the nostril by inserting his tongue right

For more info about sex and sexual health or to ask a question visit: www.gmfa.org.uk/sex.

How risky is... frottage and wanking Frottage is just a fancy name to describe when you rub yourself against a partner to get off – like dry humping. It's very low risk. If you're unlucky, you could pick up crabs or scabies or, if you're extremely unlucky, it's possible to catch warts, herpes or syphilis from skin to skin contact. Having a wank by yourself is about as risk free as sex can get. Wanking with someone else (shag, lover, partner, whatever) isn’t much riskier. Nobody has caught HIV from wanking. The biggest risk is if you or your friend really go for it and pull too hard or you wank too much. This can damage your urethra (the pipe in your cock where piss and cum come out) and lead to an infection called NSU.


FS_mag_advert

2/12/08

09:17

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Health

Friends indeed Would you show your face on a course about making mates? We meet Barrie Dwyer, the creator of GMFA’s Friendships Course, to find out why it may be a wise move for you. Why create a course on friendship? Mainly because lots of men said they were interested in it. Friends are the main source of support and advice for lots of gay men. They are really important to us and the way we feel about ourselves. A lot of things can complicate gay friendships. This course hopes to make things easier. What happens on the course? We know that you can't teach people how to make friends, so one of the main focuses of the course is to look at what friendships needs the guys who come on the course have. Stuff like honesty, trust, shared interests and that sort of thing. When you become more aware of what you think you need from a friendship you are better able to decide whether you are currently getting that, and if not what you want to do about it. We spend most of the afternoon going over the practical skills of friendships, things like how to ask the right questions so you don’t come across as a right nosy bitch. Basically the course looks at starting, maintaining and ending friendships. So do you have to be a Billy no-mates to come on the course? Being honest, one of our biggest

24

A lot o things f can compl icate g ay friend s h i p s . This hopes course thingsto make easier worries was that men would think “who would want to come on a course that basically says you've got no friends?” Everyone has the skills to build friendships. It's about being aware of the best ways to use them.

It's recognising that you use these skills already and then helping you build them. All sorts of guys have come on the course so far and one guy explained it best when he said the course helped him to “flex his friendship muscles.”

The GMFA Friendships course is coming in October. For more information and to book a place visit ww.gmfa.org.uk/national or ring 020 7738 3712.

Three things... you’ll learn from this course What you need from and in your friendships. How to ask questions to develop conversations with people. If you do end up in the sack with a mate, how to keep the sex that you have safe.


FS-P23_AD

29/7/08

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Advice

Sort it out! FS readers and a trained counsellor give their advice on how to tackle one of life’s problems. This month’s problem Right, so I met this guy about a month ago. I really, really like him and he seems to be really into me too. So what’s the problem? I haven’t told him I am HIV-positive yet. I know I should have told him from the beginning, but it just never seemed to be a good time. Plus I didn’t know it was going to be more than a one night stand. As time goes on, it feels more like I am hiding something than just not getting around to telling him. Now it feels really awkward and I am frightened of what his reaction might be. I really don’t want to lose him, not because of this anyway. How do I tell him now without looking like I haven’t been honest with him up to now?

Stephen via email

Dear Stephen,

Whether or not a positive man ‘should’ disclose his status from the beginning is something people will argue about till HIV has a cure, but since you believe you should, in a way you haven’t been honest with him – you certainly haven’t been true to what you believe. The way forward is honesty. Tell him that you believe in openness and honesty, but it can sometimes be frightening to disclose your positive status when you really fancy someone, like you really fancied him, in case they reject you. If his reaction to this is to break off this relationship, it was probably never going to work. He may be upset with you anyway, but if he doesn’t want to break off this relationship, then you’re one step closer to knowing if you and this guy can go the distance. Derek via email

Dear Stephen,

I would suggest you introduce the subject casually, maybe in reference

26

to a friend of his or something along those lines. His reaction and willingness to talk about HIV issues could be enough for you to find out whether the guy is scared shitless about HIV, or whether he’s more understanding of the realities of gay men’s lives. Your boyfriend could be HIV-positive too and also struggling to tell you. Unfortunately, an HIV-positive diagnosis is not something that can be changed. It’s part of the package that any future partner will have to accept if they truly are in love with you. Good riddance if that’s not the case. Have the talk sooner rather than later though. It could all become a big upsetting drama if your boyfriend can’t take it and you’ve already made a strong emotional bond. Hope this helps. James via email

Dear Stephen,

It’s hard to know when to tell someone you have HIV and different choices have different advantages

and disadvantages. By not telling guys you have sex with right away you may avoid some guys rejecting you, but you can also end up in the situation you are in now. That’s the breaks. Personally I would tell him ASAP. It’s not like you murdered someone or you have another boyfriend on the side – you having HIV is not the end of the world. If this guy really knows and cares for you, he should be able to understand your point of view and why you haven’t told him up until now. But the longer you leave it, chances are the harder it will be for him to understand. And if you accidentally put him at risk of HIV before you tell him, the situation will be a million times more complicated and could end the relationship. Suck it up, sit him down, and tell him. Then you can get on with your life and hopefully your relationship together. Craig via email

Dear Stephen,

This is actually why I always tell guys I have HIV from the start. It avoids all this bollocks. I would rather know they have a problem with HIV at the beginning than after I fall in love with them and I get hurt. Of course this doesn’t really help you, I guess. Just tell him and fingers crossed he will be cool with it. Jez via email

A counsellor’s opinion Counsellor Sona Barbosa from the GMI Partnership says:

Dear Stephen,

Disclosure is a very personal thing. The decision of disclosing your HIV status is not an easy one as it carries


FS113_P26-27_Sortit:FS 06/08/2009 12:10 Page 27

a series of possible consequences. There’s a series of questions you may ask yourself in order to make the decision of disclosing or not. Some are related to this relationship, should you tell him you are HIV positive? And if so when is the right time, if there is one? And if you do tell what might happen? What if this guy rejects you on the basis of your status and never calls again? Other questions are to yourself: if you don’t tell how will you feel? It’s quite normal to feel guilty for not having been honest from the start. The idea of you telling is likely to make you feel upset, fearing rejection or the end of this relationship. There are some things you might want to consider when making a decision. Ask yourself why you haven't told him earlier? If you believed it was a one night stand were you safe? Have you been safe until now? It’s important to remember that now it’s possible for a previously HIV-negative person to prosecute the person they think infected them. If you are going to tell him, what is your motivation? When you think the time is right, tell him in a place where you feel safe and comfortable. He may need you to reassure him he has not been put at risk of HIV.

It’s important for you to be prepared for the consequences. Be prepared for him to run away, to be upset, to get angry or to cry. On the other hand, be prepared for him to be OK with it. Both scenarios are scary and you must be able to accept either. If he responds badly, ask yourself if you really want to have a relationship with someone who can’t see the you beyond the virus you happen to have. Everyone has the

right not to have sex or a relationship with you for whatever reason, including your status. If they change their mind after you disclose, don’t be offended. It might hurt, especially if you like them, but that’s just one of the realities of life with HIV.

If you think that you may want to see a counsellor, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/counselling or go to page 28 for information on where you can get free counselling.

Next month’s problem... The idea of having an HIV test makes me nervous. OK, very nervous. So nervous that I have never actually had one. Well, that’s not true, I did have one once, but I never went back for the result. If I do have HIV, I just reckon I don’t want to know until it’s absolutely necessary, like if I get sick or something. Why get all stressed about it before? Now I have read that the sooner you know the better, but I still can’t bring myself to do it. I see that you can get home testing kits on the internet. I wonder if that would be better for me? I just think that if I find out I have HIV I will be so depressed and it will totally screw up my life. What should I do? Liam via email

If you have some advice to give, or you have a problem that needs sorting, email it to: fsmag@gmfa.org.uk or search for ‘FS magazine’ on Facebook, become a fan, and post on the Sort It Out forums.

www.gmfa.org.uk

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Listings It’s all about groups and services in the South East... Clinics Brighton Fastest: free one-hour HIV testing service for gay men. Every Monday evening 68.30pm First 10 people can be seen. Come and drop-in at Terrence Higgins Trust, 61 Ship Street, Brighton or call 01273 764200.

Oxford Free and confidential HIV rapid testing and STI screening: HIV test results within a half-hour, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, Hepatitis B and Hepatitis C results within a few days. The first Saturday of each month,11am-3pm, at THT, 43 Pembroke St, Oxford. Phone: 01865 243389. HIV testing, chlamydia and gonorrhoea screening: Every Thursday 6-9pm at THT. Phone: 01865 243389. Young people’s clinic: sexual health check-ups for young people under 25. Every Saturday 12.30-2.30pm at THT. Phone: 01865 243389.

Counselling and advice Brighton Face2Face: support and advice on relationships, sex, sexual health and HIV, sexuality, homophobic abuse and anything else that may be on your mind. Phone:THT on 01273 764200.

Colchester THT East: Fridays 10am4pm. Phone: 01206 798 595.

Eastbourne Face2Face: support and advice on relationships, sex, sexual health and HIV, sexuality, homophobic abuse and anything else that may be on your mind. Phone:THT on 01323 649927.

Oxford Face to Face: free and confidential support to anyone who wants to discuss concerns around sexual health or sexuality including issues around coming out, homophobia, domestic abuse, sex, relationships, low selfesteem, and eating disorders. Phone: THT Oxford on 01865 253734 or 01865 243389.

Southend

Drop-in centres

year or more. Held in Brighton for residents of Sussex. For more info phone: 01273 764 200 or email info.brighton@tht.org.uk.

Brighton

Colchester

THT South: providing sexual health information and resources, including free condoms and lube. Open Mondays 2-6pm and Thursdays 6-10pm at 61 Ship Street, Brighton BN1. For more info phone: 01273 764 200 or email: info.brighton@tht.org.uk.

General Support Group: a support group for people living with HIV in North Essex on Tuesdays 12noon-4pm. For more information phone: 01206 798 595 or email: info.colchester@tht.org.uk.

THT: phone: 01702 340 791 or 01206 798 595 or 01245 356 863.

Grays Essex Gay Men’s Initiative: For more info visit: www.essexgaymen.org.uk or phone 01245 250256.

Chelmsford Essex Gay Men’s Initiative: meets monthly on Saturdays 3-5pm.For more informationvisit: www.essexgaymen.org.uk or phone: 01245 250256.

Colchester The Outhouse: Open to all members of the LGBT community, friends and family welcome.Thursdays 7-10pm and Saturdays 10.30am - 1pm at 19 East Hill, Colchester. For more information phone the Colchester Gay Switchboard on 01206 871 394. THT East: drop-in on Tuesdays 12noon-4pm at Old Customs House, Hythe Quay.

Maldon Essex Gay Men’s Initiative: meets monthly on Saturdays 3pm-5pm (new members 2.30pm). Visit www.essexgaymen.org.uk or ring 01245 250256 for more information.

South Woodham Ferrers Essex Gay Men’s Initiative: meets monthly on Thursdays 8-9.30pm (new members 7.30pm). For more information visit: www.essexgaymen.org.uk or phone: 01245 250256.

Helplines Colchester Colchester Gay Switchboard: 01206 869191. Monday to Friday 7-10pm.

HIV support groups

Southampton

Brighton

Southampton Gay Community Health Service: Phone: 02380 515238.

The Lounge: a peer support group for gay men who have been living with HIV for one

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Southend Peer Support Group: group for people living with HIV in South and West Essex. Just drop in for general information, advice and support or to meet people and share experiences on Wednesdays. For more info phone: 01702 340 791 or email: info.southend@tht.org.uk.

Youth groups Bracknell Freeways: group for young lesbian, gay and bisexual people aged 15 to 21-years-old. Meets Tuesdays 6.30-9pm. For more info, phone: 0790 950 2887 or email: freeways@hotmail.co.uk.

Milton Keynes Q:Youth: group for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender young people. Meets Saturdays 3.30-6pm for 11 to18-year olds. Meets Tuesdays 7-9.30pm for 16 to 25-year-olds. For more info email: kim@qalliance.org.uk or phone: 01908 214528 or 0793 186 7344.

Oxford Wayout: a LGBT youth group for under 25s which offers a safe environment for young people to meet to share experiences, offer peer support and get information. Every Monday (except Bank Holidays) 7.30-9.30pm. For more info phone: 01865 243389 or 07706 772392.

Peterborough 2byou: group for young lesbian, gay and bisexual people aged 16 to 24-years-old. Meets on a Tuesday between 7.30-9.30pm. For more info phone Lara on 07808 189 158 or email: lara@dhiverse.org.uk.

Brighton

The Youth Group: group for young lesbian, gay and bisexual people under 20. Meets every Tuesday 7-8.30pm. For more info phone: 01733 311 555 or 07778599817 or visit: www.theyouthgroup.org.uk.

Allsorts Youth Project: project for young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Meets Tuesdays 5.308.30pm. For more info phone:01273 721211, email: info@allsortsyouth.org.uk or visit: www.allsortsyouth.org.uk.

Reachout: group for lesbian, gay and bisexual young people in Reading. Meets weekly offering social activities and support. For more info phone: 07841 721483.

Colchester

Romford

Gay Essex Youth: group for 16 to 25-year-olds. Meets every other Tuesday 7.30-9.30pm at the Out House. For more information email: gay_essex_youth@hotmail.co. uk or ring Colchester Gay Switchboard on 01206 871 394.

Romford Gay Youth: group for young lesbian, gay and bisexual people. Meets weekly. For more information phone: 01708 768512 or email: anythingbutstr8@hotmail.com.

Eastbourne Anything But: group for young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people aged 25 and under. Meets first and third Thursday of the month in Eastbourne from 6-8pm. For more info phone: 01323 649927.

Hastings Anything But: group for young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people aged 25 and under. Meets second and fourth Wednesday of the month in Hastings from 6-8pm. For more info phone: 01323 649927.

Reading

Southampton Breakout Youth Project: group for young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender young people aged 13-25. Meets Thursdays 7-9.30pm Phone: 07860 444673.

Southend BLAG: youth group that meets on Tuesdays 7-10pm. For more information phone: 07768 001 666.

Woking Outcrowd: group for lesbian, gay and bisexual young people. Meets weekly on Tuesdays and Sundays at 7.30-10pm. For more info


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Listings phone: Call 01483 727 667 or email: info@outlinesurrey.org.

Contact details Brighton THT South 61 Ship Street Brighton BN1 1AE Phone: 01273 764 200 Email: info.brighton@tht.org.uk

Colchester THT East Old Customs House, Hythe Quay. Phone: 01206 798595

Southampton Royal South Hants Hospital Brintons Terrace, Southampton, SO14 0YG. Phone: 02380 825438 If your area is not listed, ring THT Direct on 0845 12 20 200 to find a GUM clinic in your area. If you would like your group or organsation to be listed here, send your info to fsmag@gmfa.org.uk.

Eastbourne THT South (East Sussex) Rooms 9-14, Dyke House 110 South Street Eastbourne BN21 4LZ Phone: 01323 649927 Email: info@thtsouth.org.uk

Oxford THT (Oxford) 43 Pembroke St Oxford OX1 1BP Phone: 01865 243389 Website: www.tht.org.uk

Southampton Southampton Gay Community Health Service Oatlands House Winchester Road Southampton SO15 5NB Phone: 02380 515238

Southend THT South (Southend) 20 Weston Road Southend on Sea Essex SS1 1AS Phone: 01702 340 791 / 01206 798 595 / 01245 356 863 Email: info.southend@tht.org.uk Website: www.tht.org.uk

Woking THT (Woking) Regent House 19-20 The Broadway Woking GU21 5AP Phone: 01483 263 160 Email: info.woking@tht.org.uk Website: www.tht.org.uk

GUM clinics Brighton Claude Nicol Centre Royal Sussex County Hospital, Eastern Road, Brighton, BN2 5BE. Phone: 01273 664721

Eastbourne Avenue House 1 The Avenue, Eastbourne, East Sussex, BN21 3XY Phone: 01323 444166. Gay men's clinic Tuesday 24.30pm

FS is edited by Cary James. The FS team for issue 113 was John Adams, Barrie Dwyer, Matthew Hodson, Frankie McPolin, Drew Payne, Shemmy, Gavin Smith, James Stafford and Luke Tribe. Cover model: Pi. FS is part of the CHAPS Partnership. Appearance in FS is not an indication of an individual’s sexual orientation or HIV status. The views of our writers are not necessarily the views of FS, of the organisations mentioned, GMFA, or of the editor. You can subscribe to FS for just £7 per year. Phone: 020 7738 6872 or email fsadmin@gmfa.org.uk. You can view the current issue and past issues of FS online at: www.gmfa.org.uk/fsnation. Volunteers contribute to the planning, writing, editing and production of FS. To volunteer or donate, contact GMFA using the details below. Published by GMFA. Unit 43 Eurolink Centre, 49 Effra Road, London, SW2 1BZ Tel: 020 7738 6872 Email: gmfa@gmfa.org.uk Website: www.gmfa.org.uk Charity number 1076854 ISSN 1750-7162

Hastings Ore Clinic Sexual Health Department, 407 Old London Road, Hastings TN35 5BH. Phone: 01424 448410.

USE loads of LUBE when you get fucked The skin inside your arse is delicate and can be damaged, which makes it easier to catch or pass on infections such as HIV. Make sure there’s lots of lube up your arse when you get fucked. For more information on how to use condoms and lube visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex All GMFA's campaigns are devised, planned and executed by positive, negative and untested volunteers. To volunteer for GMFA write, phone or email: Unit 43, The Eurolink Centre, 49 Effra Road, LONDON SW2 1BZ. 020 7738 6872. newvol@gmfa.org.uk. Registered Charity No.1076854. Part of the London Gay Menʼs HIV Prevention Partnership.

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www.gmfa.org.uk

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Life

Last chance

x e 72 s

In case you missed them, here are some things to remember from this issue...

the number of hours within which you have to get PEP after you have been at risk of HIV.

in get right o t s g in h t ant st importnship. o m e h t f tio one o mous rela a monoga

ising. u go out cru o y if r a e w ’t ouldn what you sh

e b lu d n a s ng m si ui o cr d t ou n go o C g if you in br ld ou sh u yo what On the web where you can find support on how to stop smoking from GMFA. www.gmfa.org.uk/ quitsmoking

30

Tattoos NOT A RELIABLE WAY TO TELL IF A GUY HAS HIV OR NOT.

Exercise

something that will benefit almost every area of your body and life - sex life included.


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