Issuu on Google+

Better Sex for Gay Men


Generally, we’re not taught how to be fantastic lovers. We learn through experience. In this booklet, we’ve gathered some of the best advice from lots of gay men on what can make for great sex. It’s the stuff that they never taught you in sex education at school! We’ve also included tips that can help keep the sex you have safe. We know that not everybody is going to like the same thing, but whether you’ve just come out or you’ve been around the block a few times, you’re in a relationship or you’re single, we hope that there will be something here that you can use.

The more confident and informed you are in sexual situations, the easier it is for you to stay in control of the sex you’re having.

Kissing

For lots of us, kissing is an important part of sex. You can often tell a lot about whether you ‘click’ with someone sexually from kissing them. Everyone is different and there are no hard and fast rules about kissing. Just relax and respond to his reactions.

• He’ll probably appreciate it if you have fresh breath. Avoid cigarettes and strong foods like garlic and onions.


Generally, we’re not taught how to be fantastic lovers. We learn through experience. In this booklet, we’ve gathered some of the best advice from lots of gay men on what can make for great sex. It’s the stuff that they never taught you in sex education at school! We’ve also included tips that can help keep the sex you have safe. We know that not everybody is going to like the same thing, but whether you’ve just come out or you’ve been around the block a few times, you’re in a relationship or you’re single, we hope that there will be something here that you can use.

The more confident and informed you are in sexual situations, the easier it is for you to stay in control of the sex you’re having.

Kissing

For lots of us, kissing is an important part of sex. You can often tell a lot about whether you ‘click’ with someone sexually from kissing them. Everyone is different and there are no hard and fast rules about kissing. Just relax and respond to his reactions.

• He’ll probably appreciate it if you have fresh breath. Avoid cigarettes and strong foods like garlic and onions.


• Try varying speed and touch. Start slowly, brushing your lips over his, then part your lips and go for a deeper kiss. • Use your hands to caress his neck or cheek, hold the back of his head, or play with other parts of his body. • Playing with the ears really turns some guys on so try gently biting and licking the ears and earlobes.

Wanking

Whether we’re wanking ourselves off, or wanking someone else, there’s more to it than just grabbing hold and pulling. There are no records of anyone catching HIV from wanking so experimenting with a few of the techniques here is pretty much risk free.

No one has ever caught HIV from kissing, no matter how hard they went for it, so allow yourself to get passionate and smoochy.

You can pick up herpes and glandular fever from kissing, so avoid it if you or your partner has visible cold sores around the mouth.

Just don’t overdo it and pull too hard or for too long or you could end up irritating your cock and getting NSU – an infection of the urethra, which is the tube in your cock that you piss or cum through.


• Try varying speed and touch. Start slowly, brushing your lips over his, then part your lips and go for a deeper kiss. • Use your hands to caress his neck or cheek, hold the back of his head, or play with other parts of his body. • Playing with the ears really turns some guys on so try gently biting and licking the ears and earlobes.

Wanking

Whether we’re wanking ourselves off, or wanking someone else, there’s more to it than just grabbing hold and pulling. There are no records of anyone catching HIV from wanking so experimenting with a few of the techniques here is pretty much risk free.

No one has ever caught HIV from kissing, no matter how hard they went for it, so allow yourself to get passionate and smoochy.

You can pick up herpes and glandular fever from kissing, so avoid it if you or your partner has visible cold sores around the mouth.

Just don’t overdo it and pull too hard or for too long or you could end up irritating your cock and getting NSU – an infection of the urethra, which is the tube in your cock that you piss or cum through.


Try some different techniques on your partner. Wanking doesn’t have to just be foreplay – some guys like to wank each other off rather than fuck. The Five Finger – put three or four fingers on top of the shaft at a diagonal with your dick, placing your thumb below. This lets you move your hand along the entire length of your dick, even if it isn’t very large.

Talking

Talking about what we like and don’t like can be a big part of sex – whether it’s flirting, foreplay, talking dirty or discussing safer sex.

The Pen Grip – this one is good if you have a smaller penis. Simply hold your dick like you would a pen or pencil. This lets you move along the dick more than other grips but there is less hand-to-dick contact. The Backhand – this is like a backwards fist. Turn your wrist so your thumb is pointing down and grab your dick using a fist. It’s a little awkward at first, but it’s an excellent grip to use when you want to try something a bit different. If you get bored of those, you can find a range of techniques from the belly-smack to the milker at www.jackinworld.com

For some, great sex happens with a regular partner they can trust. Others find casual sex more exciting. Whichever you prefer, be honest with yourself and with him. If you want love and intimacy, you’re unlikely to get it if you only have one night stands. It’s down to you to take control of the sex you have. Don’t assume he knows what you want. Be open about what you want to do and what just isn’t your thing.


Try some different techniques on your partner. Wanking doesn’t have to just be foreplay – some guys like to wank each other off rather than fuck. The Five Finger – put three or four fingers on top of the shaft at a diagonal with your dick, placing your thumb below. This lets you move your hand along the entire length of your dick, even if it isn’t very large.

Talking

Talking about what we like and don’t like can be a big part of sex – whether it’s flirting, foreplay, talking dirty or discussing safer sex.

The Pen Grip – this one is good if you have a smaller penis. Simply hold your dick like you would a pen or pencil. This lets you move along the dick more than other grips but there is less hand-to-dick contact. The Backhand – this is like a backwards fist. Turn your wrist so your thumb is pointing down and grab your dick using a fist. It’s a little awkward at first, but it’s an excellent grip to use when you want to try something a bit different. If you get bored of those, you can find a range of techniques from the belly-smack to the milker at www.jackinworld.com

For some, great sex happens with a regular partner they can trust. Others find casual sex more exciting. Whichever you prefer, be honest with yourself and with him. If you want love and intimacy, you’re unlikely to get it if you only have one night stands. It’s down to you to take control of the sex you have. Don’t assume he knows what you want. Be open about what you want to do and what just isn’t your thing.


• Some men find talking dirty a big turn on. When you’re having sex, give him lots of feedback and take turns to fulfil each other’s requests.

Remember, you have the right to agree to, or refuse, any type of sex with any adult. You also have the right to change your mind at any point if you have agreed to something and then choose not to do it.

Play

There’s more to sex than heading straight for the bed and banging away. • Undress for him. Instead of tearing each other’s clothes off, make undressing an event. Take each item off slowly and make him wait for the full monty. By the time you’re naked, he’ll be desperate to get his hands on you.

There are lots of ways to initiate safer sex. When it looks like fucking is on the cards, just ask “have you got any condoms?” or say “let me get the condoms” to make it clear that any sex needs to be protected.


• Some men find talking dirty a big turn on. When you’re having sex, give him lots of feedback and take turns to fulfil each other’s requests.

Remember, you have the right to agree to, or refuse, any type of sex with any adult. You also have the right to change your mind at any point if you have agreed to something and then choose not to do it.

Play

There’s more to sex than heading straight for the bed and banging away. • Undress for him. Instead of tearing each other’s clothes off, make undressing an event. Take each item off slowly and make him wait for the full monty. By the time you’re naked, he’ll be desperate to get his hands on you.

There are lots of ways to initiate safer sex. When it looks like fucking is on the cards, just ask “have you got any condoms?” or say “let me get the condoms” to make it clear that any sex needs to be protected.


• Shower together. Water can be a real turn on, plus you’ll both be fresh and clean.

• Tie him up. Some guys love being dominated and some guys love to be in charge. It doesn’t have to be full-on SM – you could start by tying just his hands loosely with a belt or a neck tie.

• Play with his nipples. Lots of guys love this as the nipples can be really sensitive. Gently pinch them with your fingers, or try licking and gently biting them. Don’t be too rough though as you can easily break the skin.

20


• Shower together. Water can be a real turn on, plus you’ll both be fresh and clean.

• Tie him up. Some guys love being dominated and some guys love to be in charge. It doesn’t have to be full-on SM – you could start by tying just his hands loosely with a belt or a neck tie.

• Play with his nipples. Lots of guys love this as the nipples can be really sensitive. Gently pinch them with your fingers, or try licking and gently biting them. Don’t be too rough though as you can easily break the skin.

20


Knowing how our cock and balls work, and what to watch out for, can help us improve the sex we have and look after ourselves. Foreskin This covers and protects the sensitive glans. It has lots of nerve endings so if you have one, or your partner does, take time to stroke, lick and play with it. Glans This is the sensitive head of the dick. The glans responds to pressure, so try holding it in the palm of your hand and close your hand gently over it, squeezing slowly. It also works well when you suck it (someone else’s that is, unless you’re extra flexible!), clamping it between your tongue and the roof of your mouth. • Give each other a massage. For a simple massage, lay him on his front and work your thumbs around the line of his shoulder blades and down his spine, massaging the muscles on either side. If you’re getting a massage, give him lots of feedback and tell him where you like to be touched. Remember, if you’re using oils be sure to wash them off thoroughly before fucking as they can damage condoms. Like wanking, the activities on the last four pages are very low risk. If you’re unlucky, you could pick up crabs or scabies or, if you’re extremely unlucky, it’s possible to catch warts, herpes or syphilis from skin to skin contact.


Knowing how our cock and balls work, and what to watch out for, can help us improve the sex we have and look after ourselves. Foreskin This covers and protects the sensitive glans. It has lots of nerve endings so if you have one, or your partner does, take time to stroke, lick and play with it. Glans This is the sensitive head of the dick. The glans responds to pressure, so try holding it in the palm of your hand and close your hand gently over it, squeezing slowly. It also works well when you suck it (someone else’s that is, unless you’re extra flexible!), clamping it between your tongue and the roof of your mouth. • Give each other a massage. For a simple massage, lay him on his front and work your thumbs around the line of his shoulder blades and down his spine, massaging the muscles on either side. If you’re getting a massage, give him lots of feedback and tell him where you like to be touched. Remember, if you’re using oils be sure to wash them off thoroughly before fucking as they can damage condoms. Like wanking, the activities on the last four pages are very low risk. If you’re unlucky, you could pick up crabs or scabies or, if you’re extremely unlucky, it’s possible to catch warts, herpes or syphilis from skin to skin contact.


Corona (the ridge around the glans) Its shape puts the nerves in a handy place to be stimulated, and is also useful for giving your partner some pleasure too! Try gently rubbing your finger along the ridge of his corona. The foreskin, glans and corona are all absorbent, so if you fuck someone without a condom, it’s possible for HIV to pass through them into your bloodstream. Frenulum or frenum This is the line of fine skin that connects the foreskin to the glans. It becomes very sensitive when stretched during a hard on. Try flicking the tip of your tongue or the pad of your thumb across the frenulum for bonus bedroom points. Urethra This carries piss and cum out of your body. The thin tissue that lines the urethra responds to pressure and touch. Try gently flicking your tongue over the opening or gently squeeze the dick closing the urethra.

It’s possible for HIV to pass through this thin tissue. If the man being fucked has HIV in his blood or anal mucus, and the top fucks him without a condom, the blood and mucus can travel into the top’s urethra, where it can be absorbed into the bloodstream.

Corpora cavernosa Corpus spongiosum

Seminiferous tubules and interstitial tissue

Urethra

Corpus spongiosum This is the erectile tissue through which the urethra passes, and it runs along the base of the dick. • The urethra responds to being rubbed and this is one of the best places to rub it – at the base of the cock, behind the balls or just in front of them. Corpora cavernosa These are two spongy cylinders on either side of the dick that fill with blood when you’re turned on to make the dick erect. Cowper’s glands These are two pea-sized glands just under the prostate gland that produce pre-cum.

Seminal vesicle

Vas deferens

Epididymis Corona Glans Foreskin

Cowper’s glands

Frenulum

Scrotum


Corona (the ridge around the glans) Its shape puts the nerves in a handy place to be stimulated, and is also useful for giving your partner some pleasure too! Try gently rubbing your finger along the ridge of his corona. The foreskin, glans and corona are all absorbent, so if you fuck someone without a condom, it’s possible for HIV to pass through them into your bloodstream. Frenulum or frenum This is the line of fine skin that connects the foreskin to the glans. It becomes very sensitive when stretched during a hard on. Try flicking the tip of your tongue or the pad of your thumb across the frenulum for bonus bedroom points. Urethra This carries piss and cum out of your body. The thin tissue that lines the urethra responds to pressure and touch. Try gently flicking your tongue over the opening or gently squeeze the dick closing the urethra.

It’s possible for HIV to pass through this thin tissue. If the man being fucked has HIV in his blood or anal mucus, and the top fucks him without a condom, the blood and mucus can travel into the top’s urethra, where it can be absorbed into the bloodstream.

Corpora cavernosa Corpus spongiosum

Seminiferous tubules and interstitial tissue

Urethra

Corpus spongiosum This is the erectile tissue through which the urethra passes, and it runs along the base of the dick. • The urethra responds to being rubbed and this is one of the best places to rub it – at the base of the cock, behind the balls or just in front of them. Corpora cavernosa These are two spongy cylinders on either side of the dick that fill with blood when you’re turned on to make the dick erect. Cowper’s glands These are two pea-sized glands just under the prostate gland that produce pre-cum.

Seminal vesicle

Vas deferens

Epididymis Corona Glans Foreskin

Cowper’s glands

Frenulum

Scrotum


Scrotum This is the pouch of skin that holds the balls outside the body to keep them at the best temperature to produce sperm. Some guys like to have their scrotum played with during sex. It’s fairly resilient, so can cope with being twisted, squeezed and pulled. Just take it easy and communicate with your partner. Ask him if he wants you to pull harder – don’t just yank away.

Seminiferous tubules and interstitial tissue (tissue of your balls) These produce sperm and testosterone. The interstitial tissue has very sensitive nerve endings that respond to pain, pressure, heat and cold. Epididymis and vas deferens These mature the sperm and carry it to the urethra. Seminal vesicle This supplies about 55% of the seminal fluid (cum).


Scrotum This is the pouch of skin that holds the balls outside the body to keep them at the best temperature to produce sperm. Some guys like to have their scrotum played with during sex. It’s fairly resilient, so can cope with being twisted, squeezed and pulled. Just take it easy and communicate with your partner. Ask him if he wants you to pull harder – don’t just yank away.

Seminiferous tubules and interstitial tissue (tissue of your balls) These produce sperm and testosterone. The interstitial tissue has very sensitive nerve endings that respond to pain, pressure, heat and cold. Epididymis and vas deferens These mature the sperm and carry it to the urethra. Seminal vesicle This supplies about 55% of the seminal fluid (cum).


Alternate hot and cold sensations by rinsing your mouth with a warm drink and iced water in turn.

There are plenty of different positions you could try, such as the classic 69 (either side by side or one on top of the other) or kneeling down to give the guy standing a blow job.

It is possible to get HIV from sucking cock but the likelihood of this occurring is low. Oral sex is a lot safer than getting fucked because the throat is not as vulnerable to infection as the arse. It is even safer if he doesn’t cum in your mouth.

Giving a blow job

By changing the amount and speed of sucking or licking, there are lots of combinations you can come up with! Try starting slow then get faster and alternate between deep and light touch. The Drum – gently wrap a thumb and index finger around his balls to pull them gently away from his body, until you have a sort of ‘surface tension’ on the bit of his scrotum furthest away from him. Then, starting gently, run your tongue in a circle around this ‘end’ area. You’ll know when you are getting it right from his reaction. • For a relaxed blow job, lie back on a bed with your head over the edge to take his dick in your mouth – this lets you give a deeper blow job.


Alternate hot and cold sensations by rinsing your mouth with a warm drink and iced water in turn.

There are plenty of different positions you could try, such as the classic 69 (either side by side or one on top of the other) or kneeling down to give the guy standing a blow job.

It is possible to get HIV from sucking cock but the likelihood of this occurring is low. Oral sex is a lot safer than getting fucked because the throat is not as vulnerable to infection as the arse. It is even safer if he doesn’t cum in your mouth.

Giving a blow job

By changing the amount and speed of sucking or licking, there are lots of combinations you can come up with! Try starting slow then get faster and alternate between deep and light touch. The Drum – gently wrap a thumb and index finger around his balls to pull them gently away from his body, until you have a sort of ‘surface tension’ on the bit of his scrotum furthest away from him. Then, starting gently, run your tongue in a circle around this ‘end’ area. You’ll know when you are getting it right from his reaction. • For a relaxed blow job, lie back on a bed with your head over the edge to take his dick in your mouth – this lets you give a deeper blow job.


You can easily pick up some other STIs, such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes or syphilis, through oral sex. These can be avoided by using a condom for oral sex, although many men prefer to take the risk than taste the rubber. There is a small risk of picking up Hepatitis B through oral sex. You can get vaccinated to prevent this.

• Breathe through your nose. Exhale before taking his cock in your mouth. It will increase your oral capacity by about 33%.

• You’ll find it easier to avoid gagging if you have plenty of saliva. If your mouth feels dry, have a glass of water handy.

• Don’t just use your mouth, use your hand as well. You can use your hand as a stopper to control the amount of cock you take, as an improvised cock ring to keep him really hard, to wank him as you work him, or to play with his balls, arsehole, nipples or perineum (the bit between his balls and arsehole).

• Drinking orange juice can suppress the gag reflex. If you feel like you’re going to gag when you’ve got a cock in your mouth – swallow. Don’t worry, it won’t go down.

• Alcohol tightens the throat muscles so it’s best to avoid it (especially spirits) if you want to relax your throat.

• A blow job doesn’t have to only involve the cock. There are plenty of other sensitive areas close by – like his balls and ball sac – so try licking those too.


You can easily pick up some other STIs, such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes or syphilis, through oral sex. These can be avoided by using a condom for oral sex, although many men prefer to take the risk than taste the rubber. There is a small risk of picking up Hepatitis B through oral sex. You can get vaccinated to prevent this.

• Breathe through your nose. Exhale before taking his cock in your mouth. It will increase your oral capacity by about 33%.

• You’ll find it easier to avoid gagging if you have plenty of saliva. If your mouth feels dry, have a glass of water handy.

• Don’t just use your mouth, use your hand as well. You can use your hand as a stopper to control the amount of cock you take, as an improvised cock ring to keep him really hard, to wank him as you work him, or to play with his balls, arsehole, nipples or perineum (the bit between his balls and arsehole).

• Drinking orange juice can suppress the gag reflex. If you feel like you’re going to gag when you’ve got a cock in your mouth – swallow. Don’t worry, it won’t go down.

• Alcohol tightens the throat muscles so it’s best to avoid it (especially spirits) if you want to relax your throat.

• A blow job doesn’t have to only involve the cock. There are plenty of other sensitive areas close by – like his balls and ball sac – so try licking those too.


Let him know what you’re feeling and what you like. You can let him know how much you’re enjoying yourself by making grunts or heavy breathing sounds – that way he’ll know what’s driving you crazy with desire, and what just drives you crazy. • Don’t thrust too hard, especially not at first. His mouth and throat will probably take a while to get used to your cock so start gently and respond to the way he reacts.

Receiving a blow job

When some guys get a blow job, they just want to lie back and enjoy it. If you’re hoping for a repeat service though, think of ways to make the experience good for the bloke who’s going down on you too.

• Most men are going to prefer to suck a cock that’s clean and smells good. Wash carefully, particularly if you have a foreskin.

Nobody has ever caught HIV from getting a blow job.

You will be more vulnerable to infections, including HIV, if you have bleeding, scratched or damaged gums, mouth ulcers or a sore throat.

• Avoid brushing your teeth just before giving someone a blow job, particularly if you want him to cum in your mouth.


Let him know what you’re feeling and what you like. You can let him know how much you’re enjoying yourself by making grunts or heavy breathing sounds – that way he’ll know what’s driving you crazy with desire, and what just drives you crazy. • Don’t thrust too hard, especially not at first. His mouth and throat will probably take a while to get used to your cock so start gently and respond to the way he reacts.

Receiving a blow job

When some guys get a blow job, they just want to lie back and enjoy it. If you’re hoping for a repeat service though, think of ways to make the experience good for the bloke who’s going down on you too.

• Most men are going to prefer to suck a cock that’s clean and smells good. Wash carefully, particularly if you have a foreskin.

Nobody has ever caught HIV from getting a blow job.

You will be more vulnerable to infections, including HIV, if you have bleeding, scratched or damaged gums, mouth ulcers or a sore throat.

• Avoid brushing your teeth just before giving someone a blow job, particularly if you want him to cum in your mouth.


• Don’t use a mouthwash before or immediately after oral sex as this will remove the protective properties that saliva contains and so may increase the risk of you getting an STI. • If you visit a GU clinic regularly, you can check if you’ve picked up an infection and get it treated. To find your nearest clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics

Rimming is licking someone’s arsehole. Some guys like rimming or getting rimmed, while others steer clear. There is no evidence that anyone has caught HIV from rimming, although there is a risk of catching Hepatitis A and gonorrhoea, as well as a number of gut infections. These risks can be prevented by using a dental dam, although not many guys use them. You can get vaccinated against Hepatitis A at your GU clinic.

Knowing how our bodies work – what can happen when we have sex, how to look after our bodies and how to keep them working – can help us enjoy anal sex more.


• Don’t use a mouthwash before or immediately after oral sex as this will remove the protective properties that saliva contains and so may increase the risk of you getting an STI. • If you visit a GU clinic regularly, you can check if you’ve picked up an infection and get it treated. To find your nearest clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics

Rimming is licking someone’s arsehole. Some guys like rimming or getting rimmed, while others steer clear. There is no evidence that anyone has caught HIV from rimming, although there is a risk of catching Hepatitis A and gonorrhoea, as well as a number of gut infections. These risks can be prevented by using a dental dam, although not many guys use them. You can get vaccinated against Hepatitis A at your GU clinic.

Knowing how our bodies work – what can happen when we have sex, how to look after our bodies and how to keep them working – can help us enjoy anal sex more.


• Chemicals or spermicidal lubricant, such as Nonoxynol 9, easily irritate the lining of the rectum, making it more vulnerable to infection. Sphincters The sphincter muscles stop you from shitting when you don’t want to and can stop things from getting up your arse too. The external sphincter can feel sensations of hot and cold, expansion and touch, and we can learn to tense and relax this muscle at will.

• The rectum does not have to be damaged to be vulnerable to HIV and other infections. However, damage does increase the risk of transmission.

Anal pillows The anal pillows inflate with blood to prevent shit from coming out of your arse when you don’t want it to and to prevent things going up your arse too.

The veins that supply the blood to the pillows are the ones that can become piles (also called Anal canal haemorrhoids). These pillows This short tube-like canal is the place large quantities of blood final passageway in the passing in your arse and account for of shit. It absorbs fluids into the blood sometimes found your bloodstream, which is during or after anal sex. why the arse is so vulnerable to HIV. If it is damaged (from Rectum douching, dildos, or even just This is the last section of the from fucking), your arse will intestines which, along with be more vulnerable to HIV and the colon above it, absorbs other infections. excess water from your shit. The anal canal contains anal mucus, a fluid that has high concentrations of HIV in HIVpositive men. So if you have HIV, you can pass it on to a guy if he fucks you without a condom.

This part of your arse is like a sponge. If a man cums inside the rectum, any virus in his cum, such as HIV, is easily absorbed into his partner’s bloodstream.

Rectum Prostate gland Pubo-rectal sling Sphincters

Anal canal Anal pillows


• Chemicals or spermicidal lubricant, such as Nonoxynol 9, easily irritate the lining of the rectum, making it more vulnerable to infection. Sphincters The sphincter muscles stop you from shitting when you don’t want to and can stop things from getting up your arse too. The external sphincter can feel sensations of hot and cold, expansion and touch, and we can learn to tense and relax this muscle at will.

• The rectum does not have to be damaged to be vulnerable to HIV and other infections. However, damage does increase the risk of transmission.

Anal pillows The anal pillows inflate with blood to prevent shit from coming out of your arse when you don’t want it to and to prevent things going up your arse too.

The veins that supply the blood to the pillows are the ones that can become piles (also called Anal canal haemorrhoids). These pillows This short tube-like canal is the place large quantities of blood final passageway in the passing in your arse and account for of shit. It absorbs fluids into the blood sometimes found your bloodstream, which is during or after anal sex. why the arse is so vulnerable to HIV. If it is damaged (from Rectum douching, dildos, or even just This is the last section of the from fucking), your arse will intestines which, along with be more vulnerable to HIV and the colon above it, absorbs other infections. excess water from your shit. The anal canal contains anal mucus, a fluid that has high concentrations of HIV in HIVpositive men. So if you have HIV, you can pass it on to a guy if he fucks you without a condom.

This part of your arse is like a sponge. If a man cums inside the rectum, any virus in his cum, such as HIV, is easily absorbed into his partner’s bloodstream.

Rectum Prostate gland Pubo-rectal sling Sphincters

Anal canal Anal pillows


Pubo-rectal sling This is a strong supportive muscle that creates the first curve in the rectum. When there’s pressure or poking, it can clamp down to close the rectum, which can be painful when getting fucked, fingered or played with. • To help avoid this, try a position that straightens out the rectum a bit, such as squatting down over the cock, lying on your back or your side with your knees drawn up to your chest, or on your knees, bringing your chest close to the bed or floor.

Prostate gland The prostate gland produces fluids that are added to cum and it also helps control the flow of piss. A lot of the pleasure we can feel when getting fucked comes from the cock rubbing against the prostate, and for this reason it is often referred to as the male g-spot. • To find this spot, insert a well-lubricated finger into the arsehole and curl it up away from the back towards the cock. The prostate is there about an inch and a half in. It feels warm, rubbery and smooth. Flick or run the tip of your finger crossways against the prostate. This is usually intensely pleasurable!

For more information about your arse, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/knowyourarse


Pubo-rectal sling This is a strong supportive muscle that creates the first curve in the rectum. When there’s pressure or poking, it can clamp down to close the rectum, which can be painful when getting fucked, fingered or played with. • To help avoid this, try a position that straightens out the rectum a bit, such as squatting down over the cock, lying on your back or your side with your knees drawn up to your chest, or on your knees, bringing your chest close to the bed or floor.

Prostate gland The prostate gland produces fluids that are added to cum and it also helps control the flow of piss. A lot of the pleasure we can feel when getting fucked comes from the cock rubbing against the prostate, and for this reason it is often referred to as the male g-spot. • To find this spot, insert a well-lubricated finger into the arsehole and curl it up away from the back towards the cock. The prostate is there about an inch and a half in. It feels warm, rubbery and smooth. Flick or run the tip of your finger crossways against the prostate. This is usually intensely pleasurable!

For more information about your arse, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/knowyourarse


Starting out

Not all sex includes fucking. Some guys just aren’t into anal sex, while others love it. If you do fuck, it’s worth learning a few techniques to make it more pleasurable for you and for him.

Having lots of partners doesn’t necessarily make you better at fucking. You can get great experience with a regular partner. Even when you use condoms, having fewer partners can reduce the risk of getting or passing on HIV.


Starting out

Not all sex includes fucking. Some guys just aren’t into anal sex, while others love it. If you do fuck, it’s worth learning a few techniques to make it more pleasurable for you and for him.

Having lots of partners doesn’t necessarily make you better at fucking. You can get great experience with a regular partner. Even when you use condoms, having fewer partners can reduce the risk of getting or passing on HIV.


If you fuck, condoms used with plenty of water- or siliconebased lube is the surest way to protect you or your partner against HIV infection – and many other STIs too. Condoms, when used effectively, will prevent exposure to HIV as they will stop bodily fluids (such as cum or anal mucus) that may contain HIV from getting into another guy’s bloodstream through mucous membranes (in the arse, foreskin, urethra and head of the penis).

Avoid using any lube with Nonoxynol 9 in it as it can irritate the lining of the arse, and this can make transmission of HIV easier.

• Standard strength condoms, used properly, are just as reliable for anal sex as the thicker ones. This means that there is a wide variety of condoms that gay men can choose from. You can get condoms in different shapes and sizes, as well as different thicknesses.

For more information on which condoms to use, how to use them, and where to get them, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/condoms


If you fuck, condoms used with plenty of water- or siliconebased lube is the surest way to protect you or your partner against HIV infection – and many other STIs too. Condoms, when used effectively, will prevent exposure to HIV as they will stop bodily fluids (such as cum or anal mucus) that may contain HIV from getting into another guy’s bloodstream through mucous membranes (in the arse, foreskin, urethra and head of the penis).

Avoid using any lube with Nonoxynol 9 in it as it can irritate the lining of the arse, and this can make transmission of HIV easier.

• Standard strength condoms, used properly, are just as reliable for anal sex as the thicker ones. This means that there is a wide variety of condoms that gay men can choose from. You can get condoms in different shapes and sizes, as well as different thicknesses.

For more information on which condoms to use, how to use them, and where to get them, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/condoms


How to fuck

The first time you fuck someone, you may be a little anxious. This can sometimes make your erection less hard than usual. If you have problems with your erection, do something else, like kissing, for a while.

• If he sounds like he’s in pain, move slower. Most guys like a change in rhythm now and then, so variation is good but if he’s screaming with joy, keep doing what you’re doing!

Unless a guy is relaxed, getting fucked can be painful. Foreplay will make it much more comfortable. This can include rimming or gentle fingering and plenty of lube and patience.

• Try different angles and positions to stimulate his prostate. It’s about an inch and a half inside his arsehole and is often called the male g-spot!

• Don’t just charge in there and pound away. Guide your cock in gently and listen to his reactions. Be patient while he gets used to how it feels.


How to fuck

The first time you fuck someone, you may be a little anxious. This can sometimes make your erection less hard than usual. If you have problems with your erection, do something else, like kissing, for a while.

• If he sounds like he’s in pain, move slower. Most guys like a change in rhythm now and then, so variation is good but if he’s screaming with joy, keep doing what you’re doing!

Unless a guy is relaxed, getting fucked can be painful. Foreplay will make it much more comfortable. This can include rimming or gentle fingering and plenty of lube and patience.

• Try different angles and positions to stimulate his prostate. It’s about an inch and a half inside his arsehole and is often called the male g-spot!

• Don’t just charge in there and pound away. Guide your cock in gently and listen to his reactions. Be patient while he gets used to how it feels.


Different men like different things. If you both talk about what you want, it puts you in control of the sex you have and makes it more enjoyable.

How to get fucked

Getting fucked shouldn’t be painful. It can be if you’re not relaxed. Some guys find it easier to relax if they know and trust the person fucking them. This might be a boyfriend or a regular partner. • Take your time and make sure you feel comfortable, physically and emotionally. If you’re feeling tense or pressured, it’s going to be harder for you to enjoy yourself.

• If you’re struggling to get his cock in, try clenching your sphincter muscles around it, and then letting them relax. Deep breathing can help relax the arse too.


Different men like different things. If you both talk about what you want, it puts you in control of the sex you have and makes it more enjoyable.

How to get fucked

Getting fucked shouldn’t be painful. It can be if you’re not relaxed. Some guys find it easier to relax if they know and trust the person fucking them. This might be a boyfriend or a regular partner. • Take your time and make sure you feel comfortable, physically and emotionally. If you’re feeling tense or pressured, it’s going to be harder for you to enjoy yourself.

• If you’re struggling to get his cock in, try clenching your sphincter muscles around it, and then letting them relax. Deep breathing can help relax the arse too.


Setting boundaries for yourself allows you to be in control of the sex you have. If you know what you’re prepared to do, it will be easier to stick to the sex you want. • Get to know the different feelings of being fucked. When anything goes into your arse (a cock, dildo, finger), the brain reacts as if the rectum is full of shit, even when it is not. If you get this sensation when a cock is going in your arse, relax and remind yourself that it’s OK – your arse is full, but only with cock. • Getting fucked can also make you feel like you need to take a piss, particularly if you get fucked while on your back. If your bladder is empty, you will probably find that using a different position will make a difference.

• Experimenting with dildos or butt plugs can be a good way to learn what you like. However, using sex toys such as dildos and butt plugs on more than one person can lead to the transmission of HIV, Hepatitis A, B and C, and other STIs. The easiest way to avoid the risk is not to share sex toys. If using a dildo, you can also use a condom to cover it, and change the condom between partners. • A healthy rectum usually only contains shit when the bowel is full and so there is little need to wash it out. If you do douche, only ever use plain, clean water, preferably at body temperature. • Douching can irritate the lining of the arse, making it more vulnerable to infections. You shouldn’t use antiseptics, disinfectants or anything else in a douche, as they can all irritate the lining of the arse even more.


Setting boundaries for yourself allows you to be in control of the sex you have. If you know what you’re prepared to do, it will be easier to stick to the sex you want. • Get to know the different feelings of being fucked. When anything goes into your arse (a cock, dildo, finger), the brain reacts as if the rectum is full of shit, even when it is not. If you get this sensation when a cock is going in your arse, relax and remind yourself that it’s OK – your arse is full, but only with cock. • Getting fucked can also make you feel like you need to take a piss, particularly if you get fucked while on your back. If your bladder is empty, you will probably find that using a different position will make a difference.

• Experimenting with dildos or butt plugs can be a good way to learn what you like. However, using sex toys such as dildos and butt plugs on more than one person can lead to the transmission of HIV, Hepatitis A, B and C, and other STIs. The easiest way to avoid the risk is not to share sex toys. If using a dildo, you can also use a condom to cover it, and change the condom between partners. • A healthy rectum usually only contains shit when the bowel is full and so there is little need to wash it out. If you do douche, only ever use plain, clean water, preferably at body temperature. • Douching can irritate the lining of the arse, making it more vulnerable to infections. You shouldn’t use antiseptics, disinfectants or anything else in a douche, as they can all irritate the lining of the arse even more.


Most gay men who have HIV caught it from getting fucked without a condom. As far as gay sex goes, getting fucked without a condom is the riskiest thing you can do. This is because the lining of the arse can absorb HIV directly into your bloodstream.

Positions

Different guys like different positions so it’s worth experimenting. If you’ve been fucked, you can think about what you enjoyed and try that out on the guy you want to fuck. Not everyone is the same but it’s a good place to start.

• If you’re doing the fucking, remember to listen to his reactions or ask him if he likes it. Some positions may be uncomfortable for you or him.

• If you’re being fucked, any position where your knees are bent and drawn into your chest (whether you are kneeling, lying on your back or on your side) will probably lead to a more comfortable fuck. This position will allow smoother entry to the arse.

Condoms provide an effective barrier against most STIs, including HIV, although some STIs, such as syphilis and warts, can still be transmitted if the condom does not cover the entire infected area, such as the base of the cock. If you visit a GU clinic regularly, you can check if you’ve picked up an infection and get it treated. To find your nearest clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics


Most gay men who have HIV caught it from getting fucked without a condom. As far as gay sex goes, getting fucked without a condom is the riskiest thing you can do. This is because the lining of the arse can absorb HIV directly into your bloodstream.

Positions

Different guys like different positions so it’s worth experimenting. If you’ve been fucked, you can think about what you enjoyed and try that out on the guy you want to fuck. Not everyone is the same but it’s a good place to start.

• If you’re doing the fucking, remember to listen to his reactions or ask him if he likes it. Some positions may be uncomfortable for you or him.

• If you’re being fucked, any position where your knees are bent and drawn into your chest (whether you are kneeling, lying on your back or on your side) will probably lead to a more comfortable fuck. This position will allow smoother entry to the arse.

Condoms provide an effective barrier against most STIs, including HIV, although some STIs, such as syphilis and warts, can still be transmitted if the condom does not cover the entire infected area, such as the base of the cock. If you visit a GU clinic regularly, you can check if you’ve picked up an infection and get it treated. To find your nearest clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics


Whether it’s standing, kneeling, sitting or lying down, there are lots of positions to choose from. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Laid back – The top lies down, face up. The bottom is on top, lying back with his legs underneath for support. This is a relaxed position for both partners and there’s good access to the bottom’s cock. The bottom has plenty of control so if it’s your first time being fucked, this is ideal. It’s not great for thrusting and can be uncomfortable if the top has a steeply angled erection, plus you can’t kiss. Most doctors believe that viral load has a large impact on how infectious an HIV-positive person is. If someone was recently infected with HIV or they are not on treatment for HIV, they are likely to have a higher viral load, which means they are more infectious. Someone with an undetectable viral load in their blood may still have high levels of virus in their cum, pre-cum or anal mucus, so it’s possible for them to pass on HIV if they fuck or get fucked without a condom.


Whether it’s standing, kneeling, sitting or lying down, there are lots of positions to choose from. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Laid back – The top lies down, face up. The bottom is on top, lying back with his legs underneath for support. This is a relaxed position for both partners and there’s good access to the bottom’s cock. The bottom has plenty of control so if it’s your first time being fucked, this is ideal. It’s not great for thrusting and can be uncomfortable if the top has a steeply angled erection, plus you can’t kiss. Most doctors believe that viral load has a large impact on how infectious an HIV-positive person is. If someone was recently infected with HIV or they are not on treatment for HIV, they are likely to have a higher viral load, which means they are more infectious. Someone with an undetectable viral load in their blood may still have high levels of virus in their cum, pre-cum or anal mucus, so it’s possible for them to pass on HIV if they fuck or get fucked without a condom.


The stack or Sunny side up – The top lies on his back,

face up, and the bottom lies face up on top. This one’s good for playing with the bottom’s nipples, cock and for biting his ears. The bottom has a lot of control over speed and depth, plus it’s easy to move into other positions like ‘spooning’ and the face down ‘spread eagle’. However, it’s not great for thrusting by the top and you can’t really kiss.

The butterfly – The top

sits or kneels and pushes his hips forward while the bottom sits or kneels across him. The bottom can control the depth and speed of thrusts, while the top can wank him.

If you are infected with an STI, it will increase the chances of you becoming infected with HIV if you are HIV-negative and fuck or get fucked by an HIVpositive partner.


The stack or Sunny side up – The top lies on his back,

face up, and the bottom lies face up on top. This one’s good for playing with the bottom’s nipples, cock and for biting his ears. The bottom has a lot of control over speed and depth, plus it’s easy to move into other positions like ‘spooning’ and the face down ‘spread eagle’. However, it’s not great for thrusting by the top and you can’t really kiss.

The butterfly – The top

sits or kneels and pushes his hips forward while the bottom sits or kneels across him. The bottom can control the depth and speed of thrusts, while the top can wank him.

If you are infected with an STI, it will increase the chances of you becoming infected with HIV if you are HIV-negative and fuck or get fucked by an HIVpositive partner.


If you’re having group sex, use a new condom for each partner if you fuck. This prevents viruses such as HIV or Hepatitis C being passed from one bottom to another.

Spooning – Both partners lie on their

sides with the top behind. This one can be lazy, gentle and intimate, and the top can play with the bottom’s cock. The bottom can vary how deep the cock goes, so it’s good if it’s your first time getting fucked.

If you are HIV-negative and you fuck someone without a condom, HIV can get into your bloodstream through your cock. Anal mucus that lines the arse can contain high levels of HIV, so his arse doesn’t have to be bleeding or damaged to pass on the virus.


If you’re having group sex, use a new condom for each partner if you fuck. This prevents viruses such as HIV or Hepatitis C being passed from one bottom to another.

Spooning – Both partners lie on their

sides with the top behind. This one can be lazy, gentle and intimate, and the top can play with the bottom’s cock. The bottom can vary how deep the cock goes, so it’s good if it’s your first time getting fucked.

If you are HIV-negative and you fuck someone without a condom, HIV can get into your bloodstream through your cock. Anal mucus that lines the arse can contain high levels of HIV, so his arse doesn’t have to be bleeding or damaged to pass on the virus.


Spread eagle – The top is on top while the bottom lies

with his arms and legs spread, face down and flat against the surface. The bottom can just lie there, let go and enjoy the experience. The top has loads of room to move and can easily vary the speed, depth and strength of his strokes. The bottom doesn’t have much control and can’t wank or be wanked off. There’s lots of skin contact though and it’s ideal for slow, gentle fucking.

The anti-social straddle – The top lies on his back.

The bottom faces away, kneeling or squatting on his partner’s cock. The bottom has lots of control and can get really deep penetration. The top can just lie back and enjoy. If the top has a cock that normally points upwards, it may hurt when angled the other way.

If you are HIV-positive and have an STI, it is likely that there will be higher concentrations of HIV in all of your body fluids, including blood, cum and anal mucus, and so you will be more infectious.


Spread eagle – The top is on top while the bottom lies

with his arms and legs spread, face down and flat against the surface. The bottom can just lie there, let go and enjoy the experience. The top has loads of room to move and can easily vary the speed, depth and strength of his strokes. The bottom doesn’t have much control and can’t wank or be wanked off. There’s lots of skin contact though and it’s ideal for slow, gentle fucking.

The anti-social straddle – The top lies on his back.

The bottom faces away, kneeling or squatting on his partner’s cock. The bottom has lots of control and can get really deep penetration. The top can just lie back and enjoy. If the top has a cock that normally points upwards, it may hurt when angled the other way.

If you are HIV-positive and have an STI, it is likely that there will be higher concentrations of HIV in all of your body fluids, including blood, cum and anal mucus, and so you will be more infectious.


Booklets

Booklets offering sexual health information and advice can be picked up free from racks in gay venues around London. They can also be downloaded at: www.gmfa.org.uk/booklets

Magazine

HELP

Where can I get more information? There are many services in London that offer support to help you have safer sex. A full guide to services in London is available at: www.gmfa.org.uk/londonservices

FS (the fit and sexy gay man’s health magazine) is full of information and advice about sex, relationships, drugs and HIV. It is available free in gay venues every other month.

Condoms

You can get free condoms and lube in London from many gay bars, clubs and saunas. You can buy very good value condoms and lube online from: www.freedoms-shop.nhs.uk

Web

Information about HIV and safer sex can be found at: www.gmfa.org.uk/sex

Helpline

London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard: 020 7837 7324 THT Direct: 0845 12 21 200

One-to-one

© 2010 GMFA – the gay men’s health charity Charity number: 1076854 Company limited by guarantee: 2702133

Free counselling, mentoring and health trainer services are provided by the GMI Partnership. For further information or to book appointments, call 020 7160 0941, email info@gmipartnership.org.uk or visit: www.gmipartnership.org.uk

The information in this booklet was correct on 1 July 2010.

Groupwork

All photographs posed by models. No inference can or should be made about their HIV or other infection status.

There are lots of different groups and courses for gay men in London offered by PACE, THT and GMFA. They are advertised regularly in the gay press or you can visit: www.gmfa.org.uk/gwk

Design: no.star Photography: James Stafford

This resource is funded by the Pan London HIV Prevention Programme. We want to keep improving the quality of our booklets. Please fill in the questionnaire in the back of this booklet. The results of the survey will help us refine the information we provide in the future. To express your views on HIV services in London, go to: www.ergoclear.com/express


Booklets

Booklets offering sexual health information and advice can be picked up free from racks in gay venues around London. They can also be downloaded at: www.gmfa.org.uk/booklets

Magazine

HELP

Where can I get more information? There are many services in London that offer support to help you have safer sex. A full guide to services in London is available at: www.gmfa.org.uk/londonservices

FS (the fit and sexy gay man’s health magazine) is full of information and advice about sex, relationships, drugs and HIV. It is available free in gay venues every other month.

Condoms

You can get free condoms and lube in London from many gay bars, clubs and saunas. You can buy very good value condoms and lube online from: www.freedoms-shop.nhs.uk

Web

Information about HIV and safer sex can be found at: www.gmfa.org.uk/sex

Helpline

London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard: 020 7837 7324 THT Direct: 0845 12 21 200

One-to-one

© 2010 GMFA – the gay men’s health charity Charity number: 1076854 Company limited by guarantee: 2702133

Free counselling, mentoring and health trainer services are provided by the GMI Partnership. For further information or to book appointments, call 020 7160 0941, email info@gmipartnership.org.uk or visit: www.gmipartnership.org.uk

The information in this booklet was correct on 1 July 2010.

Groupwork

All photographs posed by models. No inference can or should be made about their HIV or other infection status.

There are lots of different groups and courses for gay men in London offered by PACE, THT and GMFA. They are advertised regularly in the gay press or you can visit: www.gmfa.org.uk/gwk

Design: no.star Photography: James Stafford

This resource is funded by the Pan London HIV Prevention Programme. We want to keep improving the quality of our booklets. Please fill in the questionnaire in the back of this booklet. The results of the survey will help us refine the information we provide in the future. To express your views on HIV services in London, go to: www.ergoclear.com/express


GMFA projects are developed by positive and negative volunteers. To volunteer or donate, call 020 7738 6872 or go to: www.gmfa.org.uk/aboutgmfa


Better Sex