THE RUNAWAY BACON OR REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE
FOURTH OF NOVEMBER
WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED
BY GWENDOLYN HOLBROWDEDICATED TO NATALIE AND J
NO NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED
THIS INCIDENT OCCURRED ON NOVEMBER 4, 2022 IN WESTFORD, MASSACHUSETTS
THERE ARE WITNESSES
©2023
FIDDLE HELL...
THERE ARE A LOT OF FIDDLES
FORTUNATELY, THERE’S ALSO FOOD
I GOT A TURKEY CLUB SANDWICH IN ONE OF THOSE PLASTIC CLAMSHELLS; I WAS SO HUNGRY IT LOOKED DELICIOUS
I DIDN’T WANT TO UNMASK TO EAT IT THOUGH
NOT WITH ALL THOSE BREATHERS AROUND
LUCKILY J STILL HAD A ROOM
HE
OPENED THE WINDOW OVER THE HVAC UNIT
I SAT DOWN NEXT TO IT AND OPENED THE CLAMSHELL
I WAS STARVING, BUT IT WAS TOO BIG TO EAT ALL AT ONCE SO I BROKE IT IN HALF
DOES ANYONE WANT THE OTHER HALF? I ASKED
NO, AND WHEN I SET IT DOWN, THE DAMN THING TIPPED OVER
THE EXTRA HALF LANDED ON THE HVAC UNIT AND STOPPED, EXCEPT FOR THE BACON
WHICH MADE A DASH FOR FREEDOM
IN MY DEFENSE, THE OLD MECHANICAL HVAC INNARDS HAD BEEN REPLACED WITH A FANCY ELECTRONIC UNIT, SMALLER, WITH A CURVED TOP, LEAVING A GAP AT THE FRONT*
*BIRD’S EYE VIEW
THAT BACON PUT ON ITS TRAVELING SHOES AND LIT OUT FOR THE GAP
AS SWIFTLY AND INEXORABLY AS A $10 BILL VANISHING INTO A VENDING MACHINE THAT’S OUT OF CHANGE
THAT
BACON WAS GONE
BUT NO SNICKERS BAR OR BAG OF CHIPS OR LOTTERY TICKET CAME OUT AT THE BOTTOM
IN FACT, THE BOTTOM WAS TIGHTLY SEALED
THE FRONT PANEL TOO
THERE WAS NO WAY OUT
IT WAS THE MANIFESTATION OF AN OLD-TIME FIDDLE TUNE:
* ACTUALLY A BLACKSMITHING TOOL
“SHOVE THE PIG’S FOOT* A LITTLE FURTHER IN THE FIRE”
IT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITES
A WEEK OR SO LATER I MAILED THE HOTEL AN ANONYMOUS LETTER, IN CASE THEY WANTED TO OPEN UP THE HVAC UNIT AND RETRIEVE THE REMAINS
BY THEN, THOUGH, I’M SURE
THAT BACON WAS FAR FAR AWAY
THE END
IMAGES DRAWN WITH BRUSH PEN AND INK
COLORED WITH PHOTOSHOP
TYPESET IN 10 PT TEKTON PRO BOLD
DIGITALLY PRINTED AND BOUND
BY THE AUTHOR
AUDAX PRESS 2023
