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1% Jonnie Dice: “Occupy My Bank Account!”
By: Mickey Money
Higher Taxes? HAHAHA! Go FUCK Yourself, 99%.
EDITOR in CHIEF
I am the 1%. When people used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always answered the same way – “RICH.” People used to give me a funny look, or even a chuckle, thinking that I was just joking around like they were expecting to hear something else. Most kids in my day probably wanted to be a policeman, or an astronaut. I bet some even wanted to be president. Not me. At a very young age I knew what made the world tick. It’s the same thing that these “Occupy Wall Street” nutjobs are angry about right now. MONEY. “Nothing in life comes easy,” my dad used to say. I actually believed him for a while. I worked the 60-hour work weeks, living paycheck to paycheck trying to work my way up the corporate ladder. “Hard work & dedication was the ticket,” he said. I’ll tell you right now, that’s a bunch of malarkey. It wasn’t until I was introduced to sports betting that I started to believe I could realize my dream of becoming rich. The ability to make a quick buck was so intriguing that I dedicated every minute of my free time trying to unlock the secret to winning. The idea was simple– create a system that rarely loses, bet SMART, and make so much fucking money that I could paper my walls with $100 bills. At first times were tough. I began to dread Mondays, not because it was the start of my work week, but because that was the day when I had to meet my bookie to pay up. It wasn’t until I started thinking objectively, and began incorporating numbers to predict scoring outcomes that things really began to click for me. After a few weeks of not losing a single game, I realized I had created something special. I called it The System™. I was betting BIG on all my picks, and the money started rolling in, and it never stopped. The days of eating Ramen noodles and shopping the bargain rack at TJ Maxx were over. I had more money than I knew how to spend, and I was happier than ever. Fast forward to the present, and my bank account might as well show the infinity symbol every time I check it. If there’s one bit of advice I would give to all the suckers out there on how to “make it” these days, it wouldn’t center around hard work, doing the right thing, or never giving up. Nope. If you want to be like me, then you only need to do one thing: 2 BUY. MY. PICKS.
CONTRIBUTORS Mickey Money College Football Expert
Mickey Money, also known as "The Mouth of The South," is a seasoned college football expert with years of experience under his championship belt. Born and raised in the Southern Division, Mickey opted out of student loans, utilizing his bookie to cover his tuition by taking him to the cleaners week after week. Mickey isn't focused on percentages, units, or value bets-- he's only concerned with WINNING. You can view his picks, by following him on twitter @MikkeyMoney.
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IT’S NOT GAMBLING WHEN YOU ALREADY KNOW THE OUTCOME
Our Secret to Success First of all, we are not a handicapping service. We don’t release “100 Dime Winners,” “Locks of the Day,” “Genie picks,” “Power Plays” or any of that other hyped up bullshit sports betting sites are peddling these days. If you came here looking for well thought out explanations on why a team will cover against the spread, then you’re in the wrong place. At GetSMART, we sell WINNERS– plain and simple. We don’t need to explain ourselves, because the numbers don’t lie. Do you have a winning percentage over 80%? No? Well, WE DO. Losing? What’s that? Oh, is that what happens when you don’t win? I guess we’ve forgotten what that’s like, because we’re too busy CASHING CHECKS. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being a LOSER, or do you want to win so much money that you can BUY happiness? Hot babes, Maseratis, Rolex watches, and GulfStream jets– we’re not talking about those rented ones, but your own fucking plane– that’s just another day in the life of a winner. Interested yet? Keep reading. The System™ picks are generated each week using statistical information, trends, historical data, and simulations. No human emotion is involved, allowing for pure unadulterated objectivity. GetSMART does not decide which matchups to bet on, The System™ does. Each week The System™ will generate a varying number of picks– about 4 on average, and anywhere from 2-6 total. We do not sell individual picks. Our picks are bundled together as a package and sold that way. The price will vary weekly based on the number of selections The System™ generates. After reserving your picks for the week, you will receive an email confirming your purchase within 24 hours, and you will receive your pick package the DAY OF the games, and no later than 2 hours prior to game time. Picks may be purchased up to 30 minutes prior to the first slate of NFL games. Any additional questions should be directed to email@example.com.
RESERVE PICKS 4
For the Record We’re all about transparency here at GetSMART, and we are committed to proving that we are actually as good as we say we are. Each week, we will reveal the previous weeks picks, so you all can track our success for yourselves. If you’re not buying our picks yet, you will be soon. We guarantee it.
Vikings -3 (L) Redskins -3 (W) Packers -13 (W) Chargers -7 (W)
Rams +14.5 (W) Titans -8 (W) Bills -5 (W) Steelers +3 (W) Eagles -3 (W)
Jets -9.5 (L) Panthers -4 (W) Browns +7 (W) Chiefs +10.5 (W)
Week 5 Panthers +6.5 (W) Bills +3 (W) Patriots -7.5 (W) Chargers -3.5 (W)
Week 9 Texans -11 (W) Broncos +7.5 (W)
Packers -13 (W) Steelers -12.5 (L) Ravens -7 (W) Patriots -6 (L)
Raiders +7.5 (W) Broncos +3.5 (W) Titans +3.5 (W) Cardinals +14 (W) Jets -1 (L)
Seahawks +3 (NA) Falcons +5 (W) Bears -1.5 (W) Cowboys -14 (W) Jaguars +11 (W)
Broncos +7 (W) Detroit -7 (W) Cowboys -8 (L) Bengals +7 (NA) Seahawks +3 (W) 5
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