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Single Parenting With Integrity She was out waiting again. Her dad promised her that her mom would be there soon. Her mother never showed up. She was disappointed, rejected, and angry. She cried herself to sleep that night. The next week, her mom called, apologizing for not being there and promises to meet her up at the restaurant nearby. The daughter dresses up with her most refined clothing to make her look chic and presentable. She was there thirty minutes before the time. She was stood up again. Her dad said that next time it is a definite sure she will be there. He promised her that her mother would never replace her ever in her life. She did come in the next meeting, carrying a wedding invitation, to invite her daughter and ex-husband to her wedding. To say that the daughter was angry would be an understatement. She was raging mad. She was infuriated not only at the mother who abandoned her, but also at the father who fed her broken, empty promises. Hope is indeed enchanting yet dangerous. It is similar to a flame- beautiful to watch but once you succumb into it, it will either keep you warm and safe or leave you burnt and broken. Hope can be your greatest ally and your worst enemy. The sidekick of hope is evidence. If one can prove that hope is indeed justifiable because of reason, then one can consider this as something worth hoping for because it leaves no room for disappointments. When hope is met with reason, it forms trust. Everyone has those moments where one falls into the phase of believing unrealistic and unachievable things. As a child, one used to believe that the world was filled with equality and justice- a utopia, an idealistic community but as they grow older, one learns that life is not always black and white. There is an overlapping gray zone which most people trod on. Parents should not plant seeds of hope in a child's brain in terms of ambitions, dreams, and people. You know, firsthand, how it feels to be lied to, that sinking feeling of betrayal when you realize that the person has always made you believe in something that could never happen. Single parents take on this value with much difficulty in achieving it because children take on bigger roles in the family and it increases their maturity quickly as an individual. A single parent must remember that half the truth is one big lie. White lies weigh as something heavier because you neglect the importance of a substantial piece of information, hiding it on purpose, because you think that this is what is best for the child. Well, what is best for the child is not always what is needed by the child. The world is a cruel


place that will take advantage of ignorant people. If you keep on telling your child that your significant other will come back, then the child will keep living in this fantasy of a perfect family and will never become contented with the little family he has now. The child will keep waiting for something that may never come. Here are tips for maintaining your integrity, as a single parent, without hurting your child. Tip#1: Keep your promises. It may look simple to you. All you need to do is go to the family fair your child has been bugging you about. Nope, it is not only about that. It is about having fun at that event with no complaining on how you could have spent your day better or how this is just a waste of time. When you promise a child you will be there, try your best to definitely be there. But if there are particular uncontrollable circumstances that suddenly arise, tell your child that you could not go and say why. Do not tell them that you are going to be late or lie about traffic. Those reasons get old really fast and your child will not believe you the next time you say it. They will view it as your excuse not to see them or meet them. Tip#2: Actions speak louder than words. When you tell your child not to swear and start swearing once you think your child is out of the hearing zone, you are not really proving to the child why swearing is bad. In order to fully mold the child into the values you want him to have, you have to first set what values you want present in their daily activities whether it be values you have or values you wish to have. You do your best to apply these values to your own life. This is not mainly for self-actualization and the like but actually for the development of the child. As a single parent, you are the sole main contributor to the values your child has. You are set as the first example of the child on who they want to be when they grow up. Therefore, it is important to set standards on values to a level that you as a rational human being can achieve because if you cannot achieve it, how do you expect your own children to do it? Tip#3: Adjust the approach, not the truth. You know your child the best among all the people all over the world. You know her character and the way she would react when you tell her something. This is why you do not tell your daughter about her mom never coming back to meet her because she never really cared about her and considers her a product of a meaningless one-night stand. The truth always has a way of prevailing and once your daughter finds out about this, she will not only resent her mother who rejected her, but also the father who lied to her, the father who claimed to know nothing but actually knew an important piece of information that would change her high up on the pedestal view of her mother. Your daughter will not trust you again. Instead of extinguishing the truth out, one should learn to shape it to another's will. This does not mean letting them hear what they want to hear but rather it means taking into account the attitude of the other person and making sure that even if she will get hurt hearing it, it will not


hurt her as much because you have understood the way she will perceive certain words. Therefore, you have constructed the best way of communication and let your daughter know the truth. Trust is like paper, once torn it will never be the same again. One must be careful in the words he utters. It may affect a lot of people in different ways. Keeping this integrity between parent and child is difficult when all you want to do is see the other happy. But sometimes, it is a necessary sacrifice, a necessary risk.

Single Parenting With Integrity  

As a single parent, you are the sole main contributor to the values your child has. You are set as the first example of the child on who the...

Single Parenting With Integrity  

As a single parent, you are the sole main contributor to the values your child has. You are set as the first example of the child on who the...

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