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Issue 52 • Autumn 2012

The magazine of the UK Council for Psychother apy

ISSN 2049-4912


theory of Love

Assured voluntary regulation Research conference 2012 A snapshot of the day


UKCP interviews CHRE Chief Executive Harry Cayton

Plus UKCP book series Lynette Harborne discusses her new book Psychotherapy and Spiritual Direction

Follow us @UKCP_Updates

contents The theory of love Evolving a theory of love Constellations and love Love: where relationships, mind and brain meet We have chemistry! The role of four primary temperament dimensions in mate choice and partner compatibility The joy of love and hate: a psychoanalytic view How we love Living body principles – what’s LOVE got to with it? Six ways to love Love in the therapy room Accepting the therapeutic relationship as love Love: taking a stance Therapeutic encounter – a kind of loving Transcultural perspectives on love and hate: the yin and yang of relationships, within and without therapy Love, separation and reconciliation: systemic theory and its relationship with emotions

Cover image: Painting by Sophie Herxheimer (

Feature articles 2 3 6 8 11 13 15 18 22 24 26 28 30

Discussion Sharing concepts to support Black issues in the therapeutic process Letter

32 34

UKCP news A snapshot of the 2012 Research Conference Assured voluntary regulation: interview Putting the pieces together Transpersonal Special Interest Group: second meeting, 20 May 2012

35 37 41 42

UKCP members Reparative therapy, psychotherapy and Pilkington – where do we go from here? Raising your profile Referral services and email scams affecting members Book reviews Psychotherapy and spiritual direction: two languages, one voice? Books in the UKCP series New members

44 45 45 46 47 49 51

Continuing professional development Events


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Love is... W

elcome to this exceptional special edition of The Psychotherapist, its feature section devoted to the theory of love. Love is a topic psychotherapists are often hesitant to talk about. Here we talk about it in abundance: ‘Love is both ... a thing and an action, a context and an organised set of behaviours...’ (Levine 2007 pp1) and these different facets may be seen broadly reflected in what follows, which is structured in two distinct parts. First, guest editor Dr Geoff Warburton, psychotherapist and theorist, introduces us to the topic in his comprehensive editorial. He

Margaret Ramage

“ Love is a topic psychotherapists are often hesitant to talk about, here we talk about it in abundance ”

summarises some of the attitudes and ideas encountered in the relationship between psychotherapy and love, and speaks of the mystery of this most precious of human urges. He then introduces a set of papers he commissioned from some of the ground-breaking contributors to the field, and an interview with Harville Hendrix the founder of Imago Relationship Therapy.

Andrew Samuels’ interview with Christopher Hampton on the film A Dangerous Method, a paper from Isha Mackenzie-Mavinga identifying significant concepts to be held in mind when working with Black issues, and Di Hodgson’s article about reparative therapy.

The collection of feature articles, edited by Divine Charura, psychotherapist and senior lecturer, shows us a different slant on love. He is passionate about the therapeutic relationship and the part love plays in it. The five papers in this section address how love is expressed or blocked in the consulting room. The authors write about some of the opportunities and risks, both emotional and cultural, that we need to be alert to if we are to do our job well.

In UKCP news, Tom Warnecke interviews Harry Cayton from CHRE, and asks him some of our questions following the consultation on voluntary regulation held earlier this year. If UKCP becomes regulated as well as holding the register, there will be changes, so this is a very well-timed contribution.

Love is embodied, spiritual, transformative, unscientific. Its relationship to psychotherapy is delicate and tricky. We therefore have to strive continually towards our own integration, maintaining self-awareness, mindfulness and our boundaries. To quote Geoff ’s editorial, ‘To enhance love requires discipline’. Chair of the UKCP College for Sexual and Relationship Therapy (CSRP)

So, welcome again and a warning! The papers in this edition may change not only your professional practice, but your personal relationships. P Margaret Ramage


Also in this edition are a letter from Madeleine Böcker responding to

Levine, Stephen B (2007). De-mystifying love. Oxford: Taylor and Francis

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The theory of love

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Evolving a theory of love Guest editor Dr Geoff Warburton woos us into this edition on love and identifies discipline as a central principle of enhancing love


ove is an issue that has intrigued, bewitched, bothered, bewildered, motivated, challenged and informed the theoreticians of psychotherapy since its inception. Much has been written about the dynamics of love in the theoretical discourse of the early psychoanalysts, yet there is a marked absence of inquiry into the nature and expression of love in the literature of contemporary psychotherapy in the UK.

Focusing on love It seems as if the psychotherapy establishment, as reflected in contemporary literature, has left the exploration of love to spiritual schools, self-help entrepreneurs and, more recently, to neurobiologists. Notable exceptions to this tendency can be seen in the writings of the attachment theorists (where the word ‘attachment’ is used interchangeably with the word ‘love’) and the psychoanalysts.

Geoff Warburton

Geoff Warburton, DPsych, is a psychotherapist, constellations therapist and theoretician on love. He developed his approach primarily through integrating eastern wisdom with in-depth psychology and through creating national services based on principles of love, including for London Lighthouse and the Terrence Higgins Trust. He has published widely, including I live – a guide to life after loss (forthcoming).


“ Love is such a mysterious, paradoxical and relatively indefinable force of nature that it defies measurement and reification ” The few psychotherapy schools that explicitly focus on love as a key theme of therapy often meet with controversy and suspicion in the psychotherapy and psychology professions. Constellations therapy, compassion-focused CBT and Imago relationship therapy are a few examples. The most senior clinical director of an NHS mental health trust, responsible for the mental health of over a million people, informed me personally the other day that focusing my approach on love, compassion and relationships is ‘not professionally credible’. At a time when the psychotherapy profession is engaged with the question of effective research and establishing credibility, it’s not surprising that an exploration of love is avoided or treated with suspicion by psychotherapists. Love is such a mysterious, paradoxical and relatively indefinable force of nature that it defies measurement and reification; it definitely is if we use medically based models of collecting evidence that are the prevalent tools of NICE to measure the efficacy of our work.

Understanding love Most of our psychotherapeutic approaches deal in some way with the consequences of the qualities of loving bonds in childhood, the dissolution of limiting beliefs, and behaviours towards the self and others in adulthood (in other words, removing the barriers to love), and the enhancement of love in romantic and family relationships. So love is central to our work.

To present a workable understanding of love requires us ‘to slip between the twin dangers of empty reductionism and baseless credulity’ and ‘balance a respect for proof with a fondness for the unproven and the unprovable’ (Lewis, Amini and Lannon, 2000: 12). However, even in this balanced position, the nature of love remains elusive to us. The Sufi poet Rumi (1998) wrote: ‘Although I may try to write about Love I am rendered helpless: My pen breaks and the paper slips away at the ineffable place where Lover, Loving and Loved are one.’ The challenge could be likened to that of the quantum physicist’s challenge to pinpoint and define the nature of matter. What quantum theorists have discovered is that the closer we get to pinpointing where a particle of matter is, the more likely it is to shoot out of the field of measurement. Quantum theorists have also discovered that particles of matter are wavelike – in other words, their very nature is ‘being’ and ‘doing’. We can liken this, by analogy, to the nature of love: love is both a noun and a verb. Love is not just a thing, a passive attitude; it is an active, energetic force. The quantum theorists found a solution to deal with the elusiveness of pinpointing the nature of matter by discovering and defining the laws governing the behaviour of particles (Cox and Forshaw, 2011). I’m inspired by this wilfully rigorous approach to investigate the nature of love despite its elusive qualities. The writers in this collection have all inspired me in a similar way in their attempts to discover the laws of the dynamics of love.

“ There is a marked absence of inquiry into the nature and expression of love in the literature of contemporary psychotherapy ”

“ Love is not just a thing, a passive attitude; it is an active, energetic force ” Enhancing love In this collection of articles I have invited contributions from a range of specialists on the nature of love. Even though their approaches are diverse, they all have something in common. They all understand that to enhance love requires discipline. It’s not possible to enhance love or teach how to love with a woo woo attitude. In their individual ways, all the writers in this collection have applied incredible discipline; they embrace spiritual practice, scientific methodology, phenomenological inquiry, intense study, routine evaluation of outcomes and much more. Their discipline has created the conditions for their knowledge to emerge and earned them their authority on love. It’s partly due to their discipline that they are now able to share their knowledge with us. From the energetic, lusty, zesty dimension of eros, through the loyal, sturdy affectionate dimension of philia to the tender, embracing, boundless dimension of agape, we cover a lot of ground in this small collection of articles. The disciplines included are: social anthropology, Dr Helen Fisher; neurobiology, Dr Dan Siegel; clinical counselling, Dr Harville Hendrix; psychoanalysis, David Mann; social psychology, Professor C Hendrick; counselling psychology, Professor S Hendrick; embodied practice, Kai Ehrhardt; systemic constellations, Judith Hemming; and psychotherapy theory, Dr Geoff Warburton. Weaving throughout these disciplines are the discourses of philosophy, neuroscience, spirituality and common sense. Consider this collection as a tasting menu, designed to whet your appetite for love. P

References Cox B and Forshaw J (2011). The quantum universe: everything that can happen does happen. London: Allen Lane. Lewis T, Amini F and Lannon R (2001). A general theory of love. New York: Vintage Books. Rumi (1998). The love poems of Rumi [trans Deepak Chopra]. London: Rider

The Psychotherapist

Constellations and love Constellation work, asserts Judith Hemming, enables clients to connect with the flow of love, helping them find respect for themselves and others Love is at work behind all human behaviour and, however strange it seems, behind all our psychological symptoms. That means in therapy it is essential to find the crucial point where the client’s love is anchored. Then you have found the root of the problem and the start of the path that leads to resolution. Resolution also always has to do with love. Love’s hidden symmetry (Bert Hellinger, 1998)


ere are two examples of highly abbreviated stories in which, through a single constellation, a client was able to reorient themselves towards life and the capacity to love.

The stories John reports that he cannot sustain any close connection with a partner. He longs to have a family. His constellation reveals an overwhelmingly powerful connection

Judith Hemming

to his brother who was injured by birth complications and suffers from multiple disabilities. It becomes clear that he has unconsciously wanted to share (and therefore alleviate) his brother’s fate. In a constellation, John discovers that his brother does not benefit from this selfimposed deprivation, and so instead he promises his brother he will always be there for him as he now moves on. Within a few months he has found a deeply satisfying partnership. Sara, an anorectic woman whose ancestral line had been decimated by the Holocaust, wants to regain weight and leave behind her preoccupation with the unbearable suffering and loneliness of her parents. In her constellation, she meets representatives of her inner way of experiencing her murdered grandparents and asks for their blessing to thrive. The grandparents had indeed starved for years and it became clear to her that she was wishing to share their fate and represent it, since it was not something anyone in her family could bear to talk about. She relaxes and her heart opens as she sees that, deep within her, both the victims and their perpetrators are now dead and wish her well. This experience helps her to turn her gaze towards her own future, now willing to receive help in getting healthy.

An applied philosophy Judith, a UKCP member, is the founder of Moving Constellations and a former director of the Nowhere Foundation. In 1991, she trained in constellations work from its founder, Bert Hellinger, among others, and is now a leading figure in this world community of practitioners and teachers. Her previous experience as an English teacher and lecturer in education studies at the Institute of Education allowed her to pioneer this educational work.

Bert Hellinger’s books have sold an astonishing number of copies worldwide. Internationally, there are several thousand professional constellation practitioners. They have created international associations, journals, congresses, and supported the movement of the practice into many other fields beyond the psychotherapeutic. All this has grown out of the original work of Hellinger, a German ex-priest who worked in Africa and then trained in a variety of psychotherapeutic approaches. The practice of constellations


The theory of love

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The theory of love

feature article has continued to grow and develop in the two or three decades since it was first demonstrated. Hellinger himself always saw his work more as a kind of applied philosophy – the development of a systemic, rather than an individual, lens through which to see the world, at variance with that of traditional individual therapy, as well as having a different focus and intention – which one might call ‘seeing and agreeing to life as it is’. It has become a diverse approach, practised by many kinds of professionals and not yet constrained in its development by regulatory restriction. By arresting the familiar flow of discourse – interpretations and narratives – constellations shift the therapeutic process away from exploring emotional content per se towards the release of hidden impulses and loyalties within which such content is unconsciously embedded. In seeing current problems as located in the wider frame of space and time, it connects with its many different roots: shamanism, Zulu traditions and other western sources, especially the work of Satir, Moreno, Boszormeni-Nagy, the primal therapy of Janov, and Berne’s notions of scripts. Hellinger was powerfully influenced by his wartime experiences in Germany and his decades as a Catholic priest. However, constellations now exist independently of the man who originally brought them to prominence and are shedding some of Hellinger’s unconscious assumptions and provocative energy. To summarise, the work offers a group setting in which constellators help clients retrieve aspects of the whole setting of their situations that have been lost to view, bringing the living and the dead into mutually satisfactory and respectful order in the service of the living.

Brief therapy Constellations are now well established as a popular form of brief therapy. Countless clients report a sense of lasting healing and resolution after having only experienced one or two constellations that address their particular malaise or question. But they are indeed difficult to explain or understand. They are not supported by randomised controlled studies. Practitioners break many hallowed guidelines on what a therapeutic relationship should be. The presenting issue is often contextualised as an echo of long past events, pointing up


“ Constellation work has become a diverse approach, practised by many kinds of professionals but not constrained by regulatory restriction ” transgenerational collective and systemic entanglements. All this raises scepticism, understandably. It seems to make claims beyond the empirically supported therapies – cognitive, behavioural or interpersonal. Writing about the practice of systemic constellations is therefore a daunting challenge, precisely because it diverges so far from accepted mainstream practice. Brevity in describing the approach is also likely to create misunderstanding. Constellations challenges us at every turn as we look at the process involved, the philosophy that underpins it, and even the resolutions that present themselves. The unusual assumptions are more familiar to philosophers, evolutionary biologists, epigeneticists, quantum scientists and spiritual practitioners than they are to psychotherapists. They rest on a view of a unified field, alive and intelligent, subject to laws (or at least deep habits) that curtail both individual choice and freedom.

A helpful bridge to the systemic perspective I have been drawn to the philosophy and practice of constellations since I first met it 20 years ago. My practice as a gestalt therapist and trainer provided me with a helpful bridge into the systemic perspective, with its emphasis on the unified field, the value of experiment and existential encounter, the practice of phenomenology and the power of dialogue. Still, the early constellations I witnessed back then were challenging. It has taken me much dedication to the practice before I have been able to understand the depths of what resources and supports a process, which has a lot to do with love – both its most intimate aspects and its most encompassing and impersonal. Love is seen as the deepest sustainable

motivational lever – that which enables people to find the courage to act in the service of a happier life. Other sources of energy tend to be based on will and create resistance. But when a client sees that behaviour – theirs and others’ – has been motivated by love, however immature or unrealistic, they may be more able to agree to new perspectives. We know how important it is for a child to be attuned to, to be loved. But infants are also active in their own love impulses. From birth, they naturally wish to support and belong with their parents and to play their part in maintaining the wholeness of the systems to which they owe their survival. This love is revealed in their unconscious loyalties in which they adhere to what is right according to the family values and predicaments they are born into, and feel guilty about if they deviate. Constellations reveal how children put themselves into service for their family, in the face of those tensions, living out such (inappropriate or impossible) sentences as ‘let me share your fate, let me carry it, let me put it right, let me go so you can stay and let me atone’. Such attitudes negatively influence the child’s capacity to make good use of the life they have been given.

Sharing a fellowship of fate Constellations work is based on the notion that humans inevitably belong to and want to share in their own particular family’s fellowship of fate, especially when there have been members who have been dismissed, forgotten or excluded. The work recognises that humans are fundamentally herd animals, where the survival of the herd or group has always needed to take precedence over the individual or current morality. Love can be damaged in different ways. We are all familiar with the impact of trauma, bonding disruptions and existential loss, but less familiar perhaps with the impact of those factors as they have affected earlier or forgotten family members, constraining children to represent fates that truly do not belong to them or their life circumstances. Constellation work offers a specific set of practices to enable clients to re-establish their attachments afresh and become part of the flow of giving and receiving love and life, re-opening hearts that have long been closed and helping clients find respect for

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themselves and those with whom they have experienced painful disruptions. They often leave people feeling peace and gratitude and a sense of their right place in life. Such feelings seems to make love easier and to make conventional therapy more useful. As has been known since the Greeks first categorised the four kinds of love (eros, agape, philia and storge), love is not a single unchanging kind of energy. Love evolves. If we are fortunate, it can mature from the blind love of the child to the thrill of personal erotic love to the more inclusive and respectful love that serves family and community life and, for some, to the kind of more impersonal or spiritual love that empowers the wise. All aspects of love (or blockages to love) tend to co-exist and are affected by what has gone before. Love begins as a merging urgency. It tolerates no difference: as it matures, it can eventually agree to things exactly as they are. Any psychotherapeutic approach needs to be able to help clients navigate and evolve these complex developments.

Constellations asks a lot of its practitioners It must by now be apparent that the philosophy underpinning the practice of constellations is complex and takes many different kinds of knowledge and skill, not all psychotherapeutic. Resting on these unusual assumptions, it asks a lot of its practitioners. It is always difficult for new ways of seeing the world – the creation of a new gestalt – to gain acceptance. Therapists belong to traditions that tend to evolve slowly, whereas big leaps of worldview are hard to assimilate. Constellations involves several leaps. They rest in part on the strange phenomenon of representative perception, where clients can witness living tableaux of their situation playing out, helping them see the world beyond their own particular and limited viewpoint. Any group member can stand in to represent an element

The Psychotherapist

in someone else’s life and find him or herself able to experience what uncannily and accurately feels like someone else’s experience. As the constellation evolves, so do the perceptions of the representatives. This all occurs within what has been called a knowing field, alive and intelligent. It is difficult for anyone to take this on trust but all experience it when they participate in a constellation. A constellation can represent complex systemic ingredients and explore their varying impacts. The relevant context stretches both vertically – from the past that is several generations back to the as yet unborn future – and horizontally too, encompassing many factors including culture, race and tribe, economic and social constraints, gender and so on. Clients naturally want to focus on their familiar points of view but when the bigger picture is illuminated it turns out there are many more respectful narratives that might help the person feel differently about their situation. This kind of shift is often valuable for people whose energy has flagged in trying to heal at an individual level. Systems seem to have a kind of independent and lawful (or at least habitual) validity with a clarity that shows up in a constellation as to who belongs and what belonging costs. Love can reignite and flourish when we follow these natural constraints that relate to time and space, the need for inclusion and respect; it is damaged when these are overridden.

“ Love can reignite and flourish when we follow these natural constraints that relate to time and space ”

The theory of love

“ Constellators help clients retrieve aspects of the whole setting of their situations that have been lost to view ”

part in healing the past is relinquished. Through loving respect, a line can be drawn between the issues that have entangled the family, opening new opportunities for the client to live well and wisely in the present. The stance of the practitioner is also loving, but in a special way – on everyone’s side, friendly but separate enough to be able to stand outside the invitations of transference, fearless in describing what is seen and moving the discourse into the clearest primary emotional truths. The constellation moves collectively, fed by the perception and experiences of all the participants and always towards dialogue with the original elements and family members. The therapist respects this love and works to help it achieve its goals in a better way. For example: ‘I will go instead of you dear mother or father’ becomes ‘Even if you go I will stay. Please bless me if I stay’. Or: ‘Better me than you. I will follow you – into your illness or death’ becomes ‘I respect your suffering and leave it in your hands. I will make something good from my life so that what you have given me is not wasted’.

Drawing a line

The basic therapeutic method is healing

The work then has to do with helping people find an appropriate place in relation to their family members and history. Often this means that clients’ longing to play a

through love. When you contact love you are ready for the next step. Love’s own truths (Bert Hellinger, 2001) P

Guest editors needed Could you guest edit an issue of The Psychotherapist? Do you have a theme or subject you would like to explore in depth and share with readers? Each edition of The Psychotherapist has a guest editor who writes and commissions articles on a particular theme. A minimum of 12 pages or 6,000 to 8,000 words are required. For further details please contact Natalie Joanes at or phone 020 7014 9490.


The theory of love

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Love: where relationships, mind and brain meet For Daniel Siegel love is the harmony of integration. When we honour differences, promote compassionate linkages and form integrative relationships, love emerges


ove is a term used in a wide range of settings, a word with many meanings, an emotional word that itself evokes a spectrum of emotions. But what is this entity, this feeling, this experience? Helen Fisher, contributing to this volume, identifies three dimensions of human neural processes that involve ‘love’: the feelings embedded in attachment, the sense of being romantically engaged, and the physiological experience of sexual arousal and attraction. Even the neurotransmitters associated with these different forms of love – oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin – can be distinguished and their impact on our functioning studied. For example, the vole’s two subspecies, the prairie and the mountain groups, have different mating patterns that

Daniel Siegel

Daniel, MD, is an internationally acclaimed author, award-winning educator, and renowned child psychiatrist. He is clinical professor of psychiatry at the School of Medicine of the University of California, Los Angeles, where he serves as co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Centre. He is also the executive director of the Mindsight Institute, an educational centre devoted to promoting insight, compassion, and empathy in individuals, families, institutions, and communities.


correspond to the presence of oxytocin secretion and receptors. For the committed bonders, the prairie voles that choose a mate for life, oxytocin is prevalent; for the mountain vole, with one-night stands, oxytocin is low.

The physiology of love And so is love simply a physiological response to chemical changes in the body? Is love a product of neural activity in the brain as it is influenced by our somatic and social responses? And what is the difference between the feeling of love – whatever kind – and the physiology of love? In my own work, I fell in love with science at an early age. This is yet a fourth way we can use this term. Here I mean that diving into the systematic study of the world made me excited, drove me to dive deeply into a range of fields, and kept me committed for most of my youth, adolescence and adulthood. I love the knowledge that emerges with careful observation, with hypothesis generation and testing, and with reflection on results and implications of findings. This love affair made me wonder at university about how the various experiences I was involved with, from studying fish enzymes in their transition from fresh to saltwater environments to working on a suicide prevention phone service at night, might actually be connected to each other. In medical school, that love drove me to wonder about ways in which our relationships with patients as young student physicians might in fact shape the physiology of our patients. All of these ideas percolated in the love of knowledge.

The compelling questions about love But what is this love, this sensation of devotion, fascination, attachment, excitement? What is this mental experience of love that drives our behaviour, textures

our subjective experience, fills our awareness and shapes our longings and aspirations? After a year of paediatrics training, this sensation of love of things related to the mind motivated me to move to psychiatry training where I hoped to address some of these compelling questions. Educated in modern psychiatry for adults, adolescents and children, these questions persisted in me. The love of pursuing the edge of what is known and peeking beyond that boundary motivated me again – that love drive – to obtain a grant to study how the love of parent and child shaped the developing mind of the child. What I came to learn in those research training years was that the university was filled with people passionate about exploration. Their love for asking questions was contagious. Yet what the university structure seemed to facilitate was a narrowing of those interests to achieve focused results. Practical, purposeful, planned out – this was managed love for the sake of publication and programmatic research. These were powerful forces that EO Wilson describes in his book, Consilience. At the time the ‘Decade of the Brain’ was beginning in the USA and there was much to explore in a wide range of disciplines, from neuroscience to anthropology. Yet little cross-talk or collaboration seemed to be occurring across these fascinating fields, each discipline pursuing its own ways of exploring knowledge, having its own methodology and vocabulary, its own conceptual framework.

The mind and the brain My love of knowledge led to my organising a group of similarly love-stricken scientists who wanted to share their passions for pursuing the edge of what we knew. We gathered to ask one question: what is the connection between the mind and the

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But for us, here in this essay, the interesting and, I’ll suggest to you, perhaps most relevant part of the question is what mind is. The group of 40 scientists from over a dozen different disciplines could not come up with anything they agreed on. Though each academic had come voluntarily to address this singular question, none had a definition of the very mind that they were so interested in knowing more about. Descriptions were plentiful regarding mental life. A neuroscientist said the mind was simply brain activity, a psychologist said that the mind is our feelings and thoughts, an anthropologist said that mind was what connected people in a society and across the generations.

A long walk along the ocean Despite their love of learning, these disparate descriptions and the tension in the discussions made it seem evident that this group would soon disband. As the group facilitator, I took myself for a walk along the ocean before the next meeting and thought long and hard about what definition I might offer these 40 scientists that might build a conceptual bridge across their distinct disciplines. That walk was filled with a love of each of the members, and of the group as a whole. What kind of love was that? I felt a deep appreciation of their individual work, and felt grateful for all they had taught me and brought to the world. I also felt a love for seeing the larger whole. That somehow, in my blind love for learning, I felt that together they might see

“ Mind and mental processes are certainly not limited to the head ” The Psychotherapist

something larger than their individual parts. Here is the essence of what I suggested to them. If the system in question regarding ‘mind’ is not limited to the nervous system but includes the nervous system, then what is the essential composition of that system? If relationships –such as loving relationships between a parent and a child, between two friends or lovers, between a teacher and a student, clinician and a patient – shape the mind, what would relationships and the brain share in common? Energy and information flow. And if this flow were a part of a system that was open to influences from outside itself and capable of becoming chaotic, it would meet the mathematical criteria for being a ‘complex system’. Complex systems – sometimes called dynamical systems – have several properties that not only illuminate the nature of mind, I suggested to the group 20 years ago and I’ll suggest to you now, but they also reveal deep elements of the nature of love.

Complex systems and self-organisation Complex systems are nonlinear, meaning small inputs to the system can lead to large and unpredictable results. Complex systems move across time by way of changes in the factors, or constraints, that are internal and external to the system. And complex systems have a fundamental property called ‘self-organisation’ that emerges from the interaction of elements of a system and regulates the elements as well. This emergent property of self-organisation is recursive – it arises from that which it also modulates. And so I said to this group of knowledge lovers that the mind is certainly our feelings and thoughts, our consciousness, and our subjective experience. All of these are aspects of what we mean when we say ‘mind’. But another aspect of mind can actually be articulated and even defined. This aspect of the mind is an ‘emergent, self-organising process that is both embodied and relational and that both arises from and regulates the flow of energy and information’. A shorter version is that one aspect of mind is ‘an embodied and relational process that regulates the flow of energy and information’. With this definition, we can see that mind and mental processes are certainly not limited to the head, as they are in essence embodied – a function of the whole body

“ What is the difference between the feeling of love – whatever kind – and the physiology of love? ”

The theory of love

brain? A simple question, yes? The brain was the easy part of the query to address first – a complex organ of the body with over 100 billion neurons linking to an average of 10,000 other neurons in the hundreds of trillions of synapses in the skull encased brain. The brain functions by way of electrochemical energy flow patterns involving action potentials ‘moving’ down the long length of the axon and ultimately facilitating the release of chemicals, neurotransmitters, at their ends, which are engaged by the downstream neurons’ receptors. That’s all fine, and the group found consensus regarding the ‘brain’ part of our question.

– and how energy and information flow through the body. Naturally, the nervous system, and its skull-encased head-brain, plays an important role in mind. But the mind is more than just bodily functions: the mind is also embedded in our relationships – with people, with the planet.

A working definition One hundred per cent of the 40 academics voted in favour of this working definition of the mind, and the group went on to meet for four and a half years. Since that time, over these two decades, I have had the opportunity to query different groups around the globe. I have asked if they ever had been given even a single lecture on what the mind is. For over 100,000 mental health professionals, over 96 per cent said no. And of over 5,000 schoolteachers, the number is about the same. I’ve asked individual department chairs from a wide range of fields, from philosophy to psychology, neuroscience to anthropology, and the response has been uniform: there is no definition of the mind, according to these leaders’ reports, in our academic disciplines that focus on mental life. And so my love of learning takes us on a wild journey into unforeseen facts to address our basic question here: what is love? The neural correlates of this thing called love we can identify, whether chemical or anatomic, focusing on sex, romance and attachment. Perhaps even love of learning could be seen to involve the dopamine ‘reward circuits’ and one might say we fall in love with what we feel rewarded to do, based on dopamine and the head-brain. No one would fault that line of reasoning.

Embodied and embedded But I think love is not the same as hormones, neurotransmitters, and circuitry. It may rely on these, yes. But I’d like to suggest to you that the study of relationships – our other dimension of the embodied and relational process that we are defining as the mind – reveals an equally important aspect of the mental


The theory of love

feature article process called love. Saying it is of the mind, that is mental, means from this perspective called ‘interpersonal neurobiology’ which attempts to combine all disciplines of science into one perspective, that we must always seek both the embodied and the embedded nature of mind. Mind emerges in contexts – ‘internal’ regarding our physiology, and ‘external’ in our being socially embedded. Embodied and embedded the mind is. Love as a mental process, I’ll propose to you, emerges from a fundamental process called ‘integration’. Integration is the linkage of differentiated parts of a system. Integration leads to harmony; impaired integration leads to chaos and/or rigidity. Love is the harmony of integration. When we honour differences and promote compassionate linkages, love emerges. Love can thus arise in various relationships that involve attachment, romance, sexuality, learning, professional pursuits, athletics and spiritual communities. A relationship is defined in this model of interpersonal neurobiology as a pattern of shared energy and information flow. When these relationships are integrated, love emerges. The embodied brain responds to integrated relationships with the activation of integrative circuits – ones that link widely separated regions to each other. For example, attachment relationships can be seen to promote the growth of integrative circuits – in the prefrontal region, the hippocampus and the corpus callosum – that co-ordinate and balance the nervous system (Siegel, 2012a,b). Therapeutic interventions that promote seeing the mind of another person – mindsight – with empathy and compassion offer integrative experiences that promote healing. Love is healing because love promotes integration. P

We have chemistry! – the role of four primary temperament dimensions in mate choice and partner compatibility Dr Helen Fisher approaches choice of mate from the perspective of biology, asserting that four neural systems are regularly associated with a constellation of personality traits


assionate love, obsessive love, being in love, whatever you wish to call it. Romantic love: a cross-cultural phenomenon. Love songs, poems, novels, plays, movies, operas, ballets, myths, legends: the world is littered with the artifacts of this human passion. It begins as the lover starts to regard another as special, unique. Engulfed in energy and ecstasy, the lover plunges into

Helen Fisher

And at the core of human romantic love is a profound preference for a particular individual; no one else will do.

Psychological and social forces driving mate choice

References Fisher H (2012). This volume. Siegel DJ (2012a). The developing mind [2nd ed]. New York: Guilford Press. Siegel DJ (2012b). Pocket guide to interpersonal neurobiology: an integrative handbook of the mind. New York: WW Norton. Siegel DJ (2010a). Mindsight: the new science of personal transformation. New York: Bantam/ Random House. Siegel DJ (2010b). The mindful therapist: a clinician’s guide to mindsight and neural integration. New York: WW Norton. Wilson EO (1998). Consilience: the unity of knowledge. New York: Vintage.


despair at the slightest adversity. Physical separation or social barriers heighten their romantic passion, what I call ‘frustration attraction’. Many are willing to change their habits or beliefs, even die for this special other. The besotted thinks obsessively about him or her, known as ‘intrusive thinking’; and they crave emotional union with the beloved. Indeed, this passion arises from primitive brain pathways for wanting (Fisher et al, 2005, 2010). It is a drive – a drive to pursue life’s greatest prize: a mating partner (Fisher, 2004).

Helen, who has a PhD in biological anthropology, is a research professor and member of the Centre for Human Evolution Studies in the Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University and chief scientific advisor to the internet dating site, She has conducted extensive research and written five books on the evolution and future of human sex, love, marriage, gender differences in the brain and how your personality type shapes who you are and who you love.

Many social, economic, psychological and biological forces contribute to mate preference. We tend to gravitate to someone with the same socio-economic and ethnic background, with a similar level of education, intelligence and physical attractiveness; a partner who shares our religious and social values; and someone who can provide the lifestyle we seek. Timing and proximity contribute. And some psychologists believe we gravitate to someone similar to the parent with whom we have unresolved issues; who can provide the type of attachment we had with

mother; or a mate who reflects the values and interests of our childhood friends (See Pfaff and Fisher, 2012). But academics don’t agree on the role of personality in mate choice. Some report we are attracted to those with similar personality traits; others conclude that opposites attract; still others maintain neither play a role. So I approached mate choice from a different perspective: biology.

Four primary temperament dimensions Personality is composed of two basic types of traits: those an individual acquires through experience, traits of character; and those with biological underpinnings, traits of temperament. Traits of temperament are heritable, relatively stable across the life course and linked to specific genes, hormones and/or neurotransmitter systems. Indeed, some 50 per cent of who we are stems from our biology. So I culled from the academic literature those personality traits currently linked with any physiological foundations. Then I designed a questionnaire to measure one’s expression of these traits and put this questionnaire on an internet dating site. Last, in a sample of 28,000 men and women on this dating site, I watched who chose whom to date. Only four neural systems are regularly associated with a constellation of personality traits (see Fisher, 2009, 2012; Fisher et al 2010). Variations in the dopamine system have been linked with novelty, experience and adventure seeking, susceptibility to boredom, impulsivity, energy and enthusiasm. People expressive of certain genes in the dopamine system tend to lack introspection; they look out not in. These men and women are also often intellectually curious, mentally flexible and creative. So I called this style of thinking and behaving ‘curious/energetic’ and dubbed them Explorers. The suite of traits associated with specific activities and genes in the serotonin system include sociability, caution (harm avoidance), less anxiety and more close friends. Elevated activity in the serotonin systems is also linked with observing social norms, following the rules, respecting

“ It is a drive – a drive to pursue life’s greatest prize: a mating partner ” The Psychotherapist

authority, orderliness, adherence to plans, methods and habits, self-control, precision, interest in details, conscientiousness, figural and numeric creativity, and religiosity. So I designated this trait constellation the ‘cautious/social norm compliant’ temperament dimension and dubbed those particularly expressive of this suite of traits Builders. Prenatal endogenous testosterone priming is linked with enhanced visual-spatial perception and a keen understanding of ‘rule-based systems’, from mechanics to computers, maths, engineering or music. Those expressive of testosterone regularly exhibit acute attention to details and have deep but narrow interests. They also tend to be less socially aware, with poorer emotion recognition, less eye contact, less verbal fluency, reduced empathy and extreme sensitivity to rank. Yet they are often self-confident, forthright, assertive and emotionally contained, although they also experience more emotional flooding, particularly rage. I designated this trait constellation the ‘analytical/tough-minded’ temperament dimension and dubbed those particularly expressive of this trait constellation Directors. Prenatal endogenous oestrogen priming is associated with contextual, holistic and long-term thinking, as well as linguistic skills, agreeableness, co-operation, theory of mind (intuition), empathy and nurturing. Traits associated with oestrogen activities also include generosity and trust, the drive to make social attachments, heightened memory for emotional experiences, keen imagination and mental flexibility. Oxytocin, closely related to oestrogen, is also associated with several prosocial traits, including trust, reading emotions in others and theory of mind. So I designated this trait constellation the ‘prosocial/empathetic’ temperament dimension and dubbed those predominantly expressive of this suite of trait Negotiators.

The questionnaire My final questionnaire consisted of 56 statements. Data were collected using the US internet dating site,, until reliability was obtained in a US sample of 39,913 anonymous men and women. I then used eigen analysis on an additional set of 100,000 men and women. All individuals expressed all four temperament dimensions, yet individuals varied in the

“ Academics don’t agree on the role of personality in mate choice ” degree to which they expressed each. Then, in a random sample of 28,128 heterosexual anonymous adults on the same dating website, I watched who chose whom to date. And because men and women often make up their minds about whether an individual is an appropriate long-term partner within the first few minutes of meeting him or her (Sunnafrank and Ramirez, 2004), I felt an investigation of initial attraction was an appropriate focus for understanding a core aspect of mate choice, its beginning.

Mate choice Men and women who were primarily novelty-seeking, energetic, curious and creative were statistically significantly more drawn to those who shared these traits, while those who were primarily conventional, cautious and rule following were also drawn to individuals like themselves. But those who were more analytical, tough minded, direct and decisive were disproportionately attracted to their opposite, those who were imaginative, intuitive, compassionate and socially skilled; and vice versa. In short, Explorers preferentially sought Explorers, Builders sought other Builders, and Directors and Negotiators were drawn to one another. Why does similarity attract in some cases while opposites attract in others? Perhaps these human appetites are primordial reproductive mechanisms that evolved to insure the survival of the young. Take a partnership between a Director and a Negotiator.

Director and Negotiator match These are very different styles of thinking and behaving, yet the Director and Negotiator have important things in common. Foremost, their thinking meshes. Both dislike wasting time on irrelevant or superficial conversations, and both like to discuss abstract concepts and generate theories. Yet the Negotiator sees the big picture, while the Director is likely to focus on smaller pieces of the puzzle; so both can impress. They are also likely to make decisions well together. The Negotiator will


The theory of love

feature article

The theory of love

feature article see all the angles, while the Director will be decisive. Moreover, the Director needs the Negotiator’s empathy, verbal acuity and people skills, while the Negotiator can marvel at the Director’s candor, their goaloriented focus and their gift of knowing their own mind. Problems can emerge, however. Directors strive for efficiency and logic, a trait that can disappoint the expressive, tenderhearted Negotiator. Directors don’t like redundancy either; they are not likely to say ‘I love you’ regularly or respond to other loving rituals the Negotiator needs to feel connected. Moreover, Directors admire self-control, so if the Negotiator becomes a drama queen (or king), the Director may retreat into hostile silence. The Director can also become impatient with the Negotiator’s intuitive side, regarding it as airy nonsense. Meanwhile, the Negotiator may find the Director’s insistence on tough-minded logic irritating, particularly if it tramples on someone’s feelings. But when the Director and Negotiator pool their complementary traits, they are likely to be an effective team for raising young.

Builder and Builder match If Directors and Negotiators are pooling different resources to rear their young, Builders appear to capitalise on many shared strengths. Builders tend to be calm, precise, managerial and social; both like building community ties. And because Builders are modest, civic-minded and often popular, two Builders can create a wide, stable, social network. Nor are these men and women impulsive with their money, actions or feelings; security is important to both. Moreover, Builders are traditional. Duty, loyalty, patience, persistence and service are their strong suits, so both are likely to be devoted to domestic stability, overlooking their differences to make the marriage last. But Builders can be moralistic: both are likely to believe there is a ‘right’ thing to do and a ‘right’ way of doing it. And both can be critical. So Builders are likely to bicker over trivial matters, such as how to do the dishes. And Builders refuse to compromise their standards: both can be stubborn. Moreover, Builders are the least sexual of the four broad styles of thinking and behaving. So sex – and the emotional closeness it often brings – can take a back seat to their individual schedules.


“ I felt an investigation of initial attraction was an appropriate focus for understanding a core aspect of mate choice ” Nevertheless, with two Builders, humanity has evolved another stable strategy for parenting.

Explorer and Explorer match Explorers are curious. They have many interests: they love to learn, and they regularly seek novelty and adventure. Moreover, Explorers are likely to be impulsive, high energy, flexible, irreverent and very interested in sex. So two Explorers can have great fun together. They won’t argue over life’s little chores: when to take out the garbage is likely to be immaterial to both. They aren’t likely to quarrel about money either, as most believe cash should be used to fulfil their dreams. Explorers don’t follow schedules or prescribed ways of doing things, unless necessary, so neither will be fussy about rules either. Explorers are optimists. And their positivity, flexibility and mutual irreverence enable these couples to keep their spirits up when life is strained. But two Explorers can find themselves in disastrous situations – financial or physical – because both are daring and impulsive. And what they gain in intellectual and/ or physical adventure, they can lose in emotional intimacy because Explorers are wildly independent – even from a mate. Explorers aren’t generally introspective either. So two Explorers can leave serious family issues unresolved. Explorers also tend to be charismatic and flirtatious, so they can stumble into extra-marital romantic situations. They are prone to addiction, too. And Explorers can become restless and hanker to move on as the novelty wears off. Yet this restlessness may be their biological strength. I suspect this type is more prone to making a series of partnerships, hence producing more varied young – another viable reproductive strategy.

Other matches But what happens when an Explorer falls in love with a Builder? One is reckless, the other cautious; one likes novelty, the other basks in the familiar. Or when two Directors tie the knot? Both are sceptical,

competitive and have poorer people skills. Can two Negotiators ever make a decision? Both vacillate. And how will someone predominantly expressive of both Explorer and Builder traits cope with someone who is largely a Director and Negotiator? Every match will have different joys and sorrows (see Fisher, 2009). Moreover, each of us is a unique combination of these four broad biological styles of thinking and behaving. In fact, in my most recent study of 100,000 individuals, no two people answered these 56 questions the same way. Nevertheless, each of these 100,000 men and women expressed these four broad personality constellations in some way: biological patterns to human personality exist. So when a couple walks into the therapist’s office, they come not only with luggage from their childhood but with biologically based variations in whom and how they love. I believe these predispositions are worth knowing as the couple therapist embarks upon the journey into their clients’ hearts. P

References Fisher HE (2012). ‘Serial monogamy and clandestine adultery: evolution and consequences of the dual human reproductive strategy’. In S Craig Roberts (ed). Applied evolutionary psychology. Cambridge University Press, pp139–151. Fisher HE (2009). Why him? Why her? New York: Henry Holt. Fisher HE (2004). Why we love. New York: Henry Holt. Fisher H, Aron A and Brown LL (2005). ‘Romantic love: an fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice’. Journal of Comparative Neurology, 493, pp58–62. Fisher HE, Brown LL, Aron A, Strong G and Mashek D (2010). ‘Reward, addiction, and emotion regulation systems associated with rejection in love’. Journal of Neurophysiology, 104, pp51–60. Fisher HE, Rich J, Island HD and Marchalik D (2010). ‘The second to fourth digit ratio: a measure of two hormonally-based temperament dimensions’. Personality and Individual Differences, 49(7), 773–777. Pfaff D and Fisher HE (2012). ‘Generalized brain arousal mechanisms and other biological, environmental and psychological mechanisms that contribute to libido. In A Fotopoulou, D Pfaff, MA Conway (eds). From the couch to the lab: trends in neuropsychoanalysis. Cambridge University Press, pp77–86. Sunnafrank M and Ramirez A (2004). ‘At first sight: persistent relational effects of getacquainted conversations’. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21(3), pp361–379.

The joy of love and hate: a psychoanalytic view David Mann observes that the wish for love endures despite repeated disappointments. He places the experience of both love and hate well within the realms of the erotic, the sexual in the broadest sense


here is no final truth about love and hate that I am about to distil. Indeed, it has been known for thousands of years that there are many kinds of love. For example, the ancient Greeks made a distinction between agape (brotherly love), eros (sexual love) and philein (love of truth or knowledge). Though less has been written about hate, it is reasonable to wonder that there are many kinds of hate as well. Presumably, there is at least the hatred of your brother, exlover and certain types of knowledge (as when regimes burn books), and these types of hatred will be as varied as different types of love. There is no agreed perspective within psychoanalysis on love and hate, only

David Mann

David is psychoanalytic psychotherapist and member of the London Centre for Psychotherapy and is registered with both the BPC and UKCP. He is a consultant psychotherapist in the NHS and works in private practice as a therapist and supervisor; he is also a musician, song-writer and a registered art therapist. He has published extensively in leading psychotherapy journals and runs a critically acclaimed workshop around the UK and Europe.

The Psychotherapist

how each author sees it. I am a relational Freudian (which some people think is a contradiction in terms!) and what follows will either clarify or further obfuscate what I mean about love and hate from that perspective. This article both recaps and extends my previous writing about love and hate (Mann, 2002).

The prototype of love and hate relations Unlike most psychoanalysts, Freud wrote a lot about love and hate. His views evolved over time. In 1915 he linked love to pleasure: if the object brings pleasure, we love it; if the object brings unpleasure, we feel repulsion and hate it. In the early stages, love uses incorporation and devouring, so is hardly distinguishable from hate in its attitude to the object. By 1921, Freud is thinking about how easily sensual love can be extinguished once satisfied, though it may become enduring when mixed with affection. In addition, he links love to narcissism: the object we love has qualities to which we aspire and the ego enriches itself with the properties of the other. Writing in 1930, Freud wonders why, given all the problems it brings, love remains so popular. By the time of his final writings in 1938, he describes the baby’s relation to its mother not just in terms of nourishment but also as the original source of excitement, both pleasurable and unpleasurable, the first and the strongest love-object and the prototype of all future love relations. I would add that, by implication, it is also the prototype of all future hate relations. All expressions of love generally come under the umbrella of ‘eros’. Eros leads us into development, complexity and unity. It binds, bonds, creates and is also the ‘mischief maker’ (Freud, 1923). Freud’s idea of the ‘death instinct’ lends itself to theories about destructiveness,

“ I would place everything Freud attributes to the death instinct as being aspects of eros ” which is not the same as expressions of hatred, but clearly there is overlap. According to Freud, the death instinct leads to disunity, destruction and the desire to be at peace. In my opinion, the death instinct is a blind alley that diverted Freud. I would place everything he attributes to the death instinct as being actually aspects of eros, a darker side of eros or the shadow of eros. There can be little doubt that hating and destructiveness can have an intensely complicating and binding affect. For example, the Oedipus triangle originates all the primal incestuous and aggressive love and hate feelings: in any such triangle we may wish for whatever it takes to keep our rival away from the treasured object of our love. What I am suggesting here is that with love there is always ample opportunity to find expression of hate and destructiveness.

The risk of potential hurt In addition, there is the other well-known relation between love and hate: the transformation of love into hate (although occasionally we do see hate turn into love). Love can make us very vulnerable to the one we love: the object of our love might not love us back, may hurt or reject us, or die. Not all love endures. The transformation of love into hate is often helped along the way if the love feels betrayed, or humiliated, shamed or deserted. Love makes us vulnerable and therefore highly susceptible to hurt. I have described elsewhere (Mann, 2008) how this influences negative therapeutic reaction. We see the true binding power of the dark side of eros


The theory of love

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The theory of love

feature article when such love turns to hatred of the one we formerly loved. Love could be described as the risk of potential hurt. Does love or hate always have to be ambivalent? The form nearest to pure love or pure hate is usually found only as a result of splitting. The Kleinian theory is useful here to describe the splitting of love and hate, which relies on a primitive mechanism to keep each feeling asunder. Such splitting is easy enough to spot in all forms of fundamentalism where good and bad are clearly demarcated and neither ambivalence nor ambiguity is tolerated. If love and hate are not just a result of splitting then we must allow for a more mature form: a developmental progression that allows for a healthy form of love and hate; mature love and hate are less split and more ambivalent. To continue with the Kleinian view for a moment, a more developmentally advanced form of love and hate results from the depressive position. This kind of love and hate is more ambivalent and more intermixed. In a developed, mature mind, expressions of hate/destructiveness produce guilt, which leads us to want to make reparation. I am rather ambivalent about this part of the Kleinian theory since it takes a moral stance, implying that aggression is only of value if we can be led to make reparation. This does not allow for the dark side of eros. Perhaps I can put this more starkly: we need to account for the pleasure, the excitement, to be had from mature hate and destructiveness.

Recognition of differences Winnicott (1958) allows us to see that not all differences need to be reduced to splitting. Indeed, the recognition of differences is an act of maturity: we are not all the same in relation to one another. While it is easy as therapists to consider a healthy notion of love, it is more difficult to envision a healthy model of hate that feels both comfortable and not moralistically disapproving. The mature recognition of difference must still have emotions. It is hard to see how a universal neutrality in relation to what is different can represent an emotional maturity. We may still love, hate or feel

“ Love can make us very vulnerable to the one we love ” 12

indifferent to what we recognise as ‘the other’. Goldwater (2007) encourages us to think afresh our ideas on violence with the provocative title, The joy of violence. In addition to the joy of sex or the joy of love, can we think about the joy of hate, the joy of destruction? I begin to think that I am no longer talking about the dark side of eros, the shadows of eros, the other face of eros, as though eros has two faces, a Janus head. What I wish to imply is that it is just all eros: sometimes we feel comfortable with it and sometimes not. Eros has a human face, and like all faces it can have many expressions. That thought brings us much closer to Freud’s description of eros as a mischief maker. Love and hate now become the dynamism that energises eros: unity/disunity, creativity/destructiveness, complexity/ peacefulness are no longer competing, rival instincts but the stuff of the inherent contradictions and conflict, unity and disunity within eros itself. Part of what is implied in this line of thought is that outside the realms of splitting or wishful thinking we can never have a world that is either all love or all hate. We see this often enough with our patients who were not loved as children, suffered neglect, have only had abusive relationships as adults, yet still we frequently encounter their hope of finding love somewhere. There seems to be an enduring desire for and hope for/expectation of love. Sometimes the desire for love endures despite the experience of achieving or satisfying it. In fact, if I am honest with the reader (and myself ), I wanted to write ‘the great mystery of love is its continuing desirability despite the difficulty in its attainment’. (I can imagine my wife having something to say about that though!) This is not a statement of a killjoy attitude or pessimism. I would suggest it has more to do with hope. Love contains such hurt and pain along the way, yet the wish for love endures despite disappointments from experience.

The role of the unconscious A concept not yet integrated into this article is the role of the unconscious. The image of blindfolded Cupid encapsulates the involuntary aspect of falling in love. It also seems to me that a similar blindness needs to be attributed to hate. Both love and hate, therefore, have an unconscious component, and if this is the case the unconscious

“ Can we think about the joy of hate, the joy of destruction? ” has a role in both immature and mature forms of love and hate. This leads us to the transferential aspects of love and hate, their repetitions, how they evolve or repeat through the repetition compulsion over the course of relationships and in therapy. The most common issue that I encounter in my patients generally is the problems associated with love. This takes the form of either finding it hard to deal with love and intimacy or, related but different, feeling unlovable. Freud was always clear that the experience of psychoanalysis is to encounter the passions of love and hate and that the practice of psychoanalysis is essentially an expression of love. The inevitability of the transference means that the cure for the wounds of love will be found within the same expression: ‘the process of cure is accomplished in a relapse into love … and can only be resolved and washed away by a fresh high tide of the same passions’ (Freud, 1907: 113). This brings me to one last distinction, that between romantic love and enduring love. We have known for a long time that the feature of romantic love, usually associated with the first stage of love, is its idealisation and a basking in mutual idealised projection: the one we love seems so like our-self or what we want because we project our most desired qualities on to them. Falling out of love is finding that the loved object is not so fabulous after all. But enduring love is something else. After the collapse of mutual projections we may still love the other, ‘warts and all’. Despite their faults, we still love them; as several of my patients have described it, ‘You feel loved for what you are’. Here, it seems to me, the ‘warts and all’ are the hateful things inside us. If love has a healing power, it is that it allows for the experience of those hateful parts to be loved. As I understand it, that is how therapy works. For my money, Freud is still the best at describing therapeutic action: ‘Essentially the cure is effected by love’ (1906). Perhaps effective therapy can be described as the triumph of love over hate; we might then say that negative therapeutic reaction is the triumph of hate over love (Mann and Cunningham,

2008). It is the experience of our hateful side as still loveable that puts the therapy into psychotherapy. Ideally, the patient is ready to leave therapy when they have a secure sense of their lovability. I would hope, or anticipate, that this also leaves the wounded healer, the psychotherapist, feeling a bit more lovable. Having reached my conclusion, I wish to end by stirring things up again. The title I nearly gave to this article was ‘The eros of love and hate’. I would place the experience of love and hate well within the realms of the erotic, the sexual in the broadest sense (see my other books and articles: Mann 1994, 1997 and 1999). In that regard, such distinctions as those made by the ancient Greeks such as agape or philein are still aspects of eros. Perhaps the greatest mischief making that Freud did was untying our blindfolds to reveal the pervasive sexuality and eroticism of eros. P

References Freud S (1906). The Freud/Jung letters [ed W Maguire]. Princeton University Press, 1974. Freud S (1907). Delusions and dreams in Jensen’s Gradiva. Pelican Freud Library (PFL), vol 14. Hammondsworth: Penguin Books, 1987. Freud S (1915). Instinct and their vicissitudes. PFL, vol 11, Penguin Books, 1987. Freud S (1921). Group psychology and the analysis of the ego. PFL, vol 12, Penguin Books, 1987. Freud S (1923). The ego and the id. PFL, vol. 11, Penguin Books, 1987. Freud S (1930). Civilization and its discontents. PFL vol 12, 1991. Freud S (1938). An outline of psychoanalysis. PFL vol 15, 1993. Goldwater E (2007). ‘The joy of violence’. Mod. Psychoanal, 32, pp20–42. Mann D (1994). ‘The psychotherapist’s erotic subjectivity’. British Journal of Psychotherapy, 10(3), pp344–354. Mann D (1997). Psychotherapy: an erotic relationship – transference and countertransference passions. London: Routledge. Mann D (1999). Erotic transference and countertransference: clinical practice in psychotherapy. London: Routledge. Mann D (2002). Love and hate: psychoanalytic perspectives. London: Routledge. Mann D and Cunningham V (2008). The past in the present: therapy enactments and the return of trauma. London: Routledge. Winnicott DW (1958). ‘The capacity to be alone’. In The maturational processes and the facilitating environment. London: Hogarth Press, 1987)

The Psychotherapist

How we love Dr Geoff Warburton interviews Dr Harville Hendrix, co-founder of Imago relationship therapy, about what he knows about love Geoff Warburton: What is your definition of love? Harville Hendrix: Love is what we are when we are not anxious. When we are experiencing what we really are as human beings. That means we are feeling safe and we are also feeling connected. Connection here means we are feeling at one with everything. You can’t experience your connection if you’re anxious. Then you feel separated and you do things that regulate your anxiety. But when you feel safe, and hence your natural connection to everything, the natural consequence of that is caring for the whole context. Love is that experience of caring for the whole without asking for anything from the whole back. This means that being is love. This is what we would always experience if we were not anxious. We are anxious because everybody has had something disruptive happen in childhood. So this experience of connection gets ruptured in the unattuned interaction with the caretaker. And this produces the anxiety and the desire to have that original connection back with the caretaker. Romantic love is a kind of hors d’oeuvre to what love is. But it has so much history, so much a needs system attached to it, that it becomes a conditional experience. Romantic love is a conditional experience. When you get below this you get to love is what we are. We look for someone with whom we can recover the original connection. We don’t know we are doing that. We meet someone and that person triggers that sense of connection. You will do anything for them. That’s a taste, the hors d’oeuvre of our nature that we can’t have because we are anxious that we might lose it. We want our nature back and that nature is connection; it’s not individual autonomy. This connection is experienced in relationship. It’s not experienced in your head. It’s experienced by being with others and not

“ Romantic love is a kind of hors d’oeuvre to what love is ” being anxious about being with others. When you are anxious with others, you can’t experience connection; therefore your true nature is missing. When you are not anxious you are being with your connection and then you experience love. You experience that you are love. You don’t try to love. You don’t try to be loving. You are loving when you are not anxious. It’s your nature.

GW:The Imago method seems like a spiritual practice. Could you say something about that? HH: Dialogue is a spiritual practice. What I mean is that uniformly in spiritual traditions there is a focusing process where you pray, focus on God, or you meditate with the focus on your own internal process, or you focus on a point outside. The reason this is impactful is because of the focusing. When you focus on what is arising you do a left/right, upper/ lower brain integration process. It’s a calming experience. You go back and forth, from feeling to reflecting, feeling to reflecting. Dialogue, which is our intervention, requires that kind of focused concentration on your partner’s expressions. When your partner talks, the dialogue process requires that you clear your own mind of your own processing, that you move your focus out of your own internal reactions to your partner’s sharing of his or her experiencing. Staying focused on that does to your brain what the meditation process does. We have had one little research programme that found that the same areas thickened in the prefrontal cortex through meditation were thickened in only 12 weeks of practising the dialogue process. So dialogue parallels meditation. But it appears from our research that dialogue requires


The theory of love

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The theory of love

feature article more concentration because you are not focusing on your own internal experiencing. You’re focusing on the possibly negative stimulating stuff coming from your partner. And to stay centred in the presence of your partner’s reactivity requires more muscle, more concentration, and therefore produces more thickening of the layer that one gets from meditating. In that sense it’s a spiritual discipline.

GW: How do you see the Imago method in terms of neuroscience? HH: Empathy has a neurophysiological and a neurochemical component to it. Empathy is built into our system. When you get anxious you cannot be empathic. Couples tend to scare each other by their demands or their unavailability. There are only two basic things that couples do to scare each other. I’m not available or I’m in your face. Either way you feel invaded or abandoned and when that happens you get anxious. You can’t move into the role of the other without considerable effort. In that moment of anxiety you get flooded with cortisol. Cortisol is a chemical that activates the sensing of danger, which apparently is a function of the amygdala, which looks around and says, ‘Am I going to die or am I going to kill somebody?’ You can switch that chemical off and go into endorphins by switching the focus of attention. If you switch the focus of attention, like in dialogue, if you move out of the focus of your own reactivity into your partner’s expression, your cortisol level will go down and your endorphin level will go up. If you go up in your endorphin level your partner’s cortisol level will go down. So their reactivity will go down so they can move into endorphins. So then that connection, which is our nature, then becomes possible through choice to focus outward rather than inward. When two people are engaging with each other with safety and with the dialogue process they are helping to balance the left and right hemispheres and to integrate the upper and lower brain. So the dialogue process looks like neural integration from the inside. If there is a breakdown and both go into reactivity then the brain goes into chaos and there is no neural integration. And that produces emotional anxiety, which then becomes the terror of the human race. From my perspective, anxiety is the human problem. That’s what we are all trying to regulate.


Harville Hendrix, PhD is a clinical pastoral counsellor who is known internationally for his work with couples. He and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD co-created Imago relationship therapy and developed the concept of ‘conscious partnership.’ Their partnership and collaboration has resulted in nine books on intimate relationships and parenting. Harville has appeared on many national television shows. In addition to many radio shows, Harville’s work has been written about in numerous newspapers and magazines internationally, including Oprah Magazine where he was referred to in an article as the ‘marriage whisperer’. He is a member of the Redbook Marriage Institute, serving on the magazine’s team of marriage experts.

GW: What do you see as the main obstacle to the giving and receiving of love? HH: Anxiety. I think anxiety is the bottom line human problem and all pathologies arise from that. When you go to the DSM, they are all the different forms that anxiety takes. Unfortunately, we divide them up into syndromes and treat the syndrome but not the anxiety that gives rise to the syndrome. Anxiety is there and it works on both sides of giving and receiving love. Anxiety is really about death. At a deep unconscious level anxiety is not about being abandoned or even dying. It’s about not being at all. The philosopher Heidegger and the theological mentor I have, Paul Tilich, are both very clear that anxiety is about non-being; it’s not about death. Maybe there’s something else after death, but there’s nothing after nonbeing. That’s the greatest terror of all. I think most clinicians don’t tend to walk around with the awareness that most of the people in their offices are unconsciously trying not to disappear into nothingness. When you get that, your own care and empathy for them changes. You have to say here is a person scared to death. So then, if you can be present to them so that their anxiety will lesson, they can come into their own being. When we regulate our anxiety, most of our problems are taken care of.

GW: What could you say to couples who feel hopeless and that love is lost in their relationship? HH: Those feelings comes from the incapacity that both feel in sustaining the capacity for connection. Those are statements about the void that comes from ruptured connection. Those are statements from the void and a calling for some hand across the void so that people can be

connected. The thing that most couples bring to me is: ‘We are not connected. We want to be connected. I don’t know how and everything I do doesn’t work.’ The yearning to be the love that we are, I think, is the desire that has been suffocated behind all of the presenting problems. So I don’t pay attention to presenting problems anymore because that’s a waste of time. Whatever you focus on you get more of. If you focus on the presenting problems, you get a lot about those problems. But if you move into a process we call dialogue, where you can look into each other’s eyes and relax and slow down and then begin to speak in ways that are not tinged with negativity, what happens is you have the chemical shift in the brain from cortisoal to endorphins. Then you begin to feel this person in front of you is no longer as terrifying as they were. And you sit with that long enough until the two of you are actually connected. So that’s what we try to do in the Imago therapeutic process.

GW: Could you say something about hate? HH: I think that hate and aggression are secondary symptoms of anxiety. I’m surprised the psychoanalytic community does not read Freud’s The problem of anxiety, which is his seminal text. And then Rollo May, 50 years later, writes the second seminal book. Why anxiety is not the primary diagnostic category giving explanation to all symptoms as part of the mental health community amazes me. It’s a core theory in the analytic tradition. But it did get lost. I remember being there myself, but it doesn’t work. If you help people explore their hatred, they become more hateful. You have to help them understand that they are just scared and then how they can regulate their fear. Then they become more connected and loving. P

feature article The theory of love

Living body principles – what’s LOVE got to do with it? When it comes to understanding their own body’s sensations, Kai Ehrhardt believes most people are challenged. But when the body awakes to itself, new possibilities of eros emerge


any people today have left behind a reductionist worldview. They have no doubt that body, psyche, mind and environment are interconnected. Everything is part of a complex, living process that has evolved over hundreds of millions of years. For the first time in history, we can collectively recognise that we are coming from somewhere and that we are going somewhere. Witnessing ourselves on an unfolding trajectory that seems to have order and purpose to it, we have become active participants in our own evolution.

It is one thing to understand that cognitively or emotionally. But what is it like to experience the systemic, holistically emergent aspects of our reality on the cellular level of our own bodies?

Kai Ehrhardt

Most people are right at home connecting to their thoughts and perhaps have a little more trouble sometimes identifying emotions. However, when it comes to sensations, many people are more challenged. This is interesting when you consider that the capacity of organisms to respond to sensory input is developmentally a lot older – at least 505 million years! Sensory information is primarily processed in us by the reptilian brain. The limbic system governs emotional information; this started about 300 million years ago. After that the (neo) cortex gave rise to cognition, memory, thought and abstraction – starting about 200 million years ago. Most people usually need time when asked to sense. What sounds fairly simple at first turns out to consist of lots of unfamiliar layers, which can cause confusion. What

When people truly arrive at the level of their sensations – meaning when, for instance, they truly discover breath movement in the back, chest, belly or pelvic floor – they realise several things:

bic Brain up to 30 Lim 0m



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The Psychotherapist

really is a sensation, an emotion or a thought? How do I distinguish them? What are sensations that are always available even without the presence of pain, pleasure or other strong stimuli? Am I memorising sensation (Neo/Cortex) or is it happening in real time (Brain Stem)?

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Kai Ehrhardt is a breath therapist, somatics educator and group facilitator devoted to the cultivation of the conscious body. He founded and is currently establishing the Somatic Arts Academy in Berlin. He also holds the German Heilpraktiker licence for psychotherapy. Kai believes that the conscious body and experiencing the deeper meaning of eros are crucial elements towards an integral way of life. Kai has been teaching since 2002 and lives in Berlin and New York City.

“ Witnessing ourselves on an unfolding trajectory that seems to have order and purpose to it, we have become active participants in our own evolution ”

Brain Stem up to 500m years old


The theory of love

feature article “ Everything is part of a complex, living process that has evolved over hundreds of millions of years ” a) Thought activity decreases. Thought activity is where a lot of our psychoemotional suffering gets created and maintained. Up to 90% of our evaluations of situations, other people and ourselves have little or nothing to do with what is actually happening. b) Sensation is an experience only possible now. It connects us to what is actually happening – instead of stories, fantasies or emotionally triggered information that stems from an older or an imagined context. c) Evaluation, comparison and judgment are not possible at the level of sensation. There is no object/ subject split – things just are. It is not possible to have a preference, as in like/ don’t like, good/bad or right/wrong. d) Because sensation connects to that which is, we become more inclusive and invoke our capacity for empathy. e) By sensing ourselves as we are, we gain inner strength. Quite a few body-based disciplines (somatics) have used these principles very effectively in various therapeutic and personal growth-related ways for many decades. This is not about isolating sensation and condemning emotion or thought. By connecting to the deeper layers of sensation, a more balanced relationship between all three domains naturally arises.

Life’s principle of adaptation When the body awakes to itself, new possibilities emerge. Somatics research, based on the experience of breath, movement and bodywork, has shown over and over again that our psychology and biography are reflected in our body. Tissue, breath and body adapt to mental/ emotional patterns in a very concrete way. Shame, inhibition, confidence, rage, joy, vulnerability – every persistent or recurring emotional state or thought pattern – form physical correlations.


To what degree are the shoulders curved or raised? Is the upper belly area collapsed inward? In what way is the lumber spine contracted while impacting hips or neck? What shape is maintained in the toes and the jaw? What is the state of the skin, muscles, organs, bones, fluids and connective tissue? What location, rhythm, texture is reflected in inhalations and exhalations, and what habitual degree of effort is used to breathe, stand and walk? Our physical form reliably encodes who we are as actual in-FORM-ation expressed through the very form of our body. Emotions, thoughts and environment are in a constant feedback loop with cellular properties. Tissue adapts to context. When the context changes tissue changes. It is how nature evolved in the first place. But it happens also the other way around. In other words, once shaped, the tissue then reinforces the emotional–mental pattern that imprinted it. A catch-22 is created – one reason why it is so hard to transcend persistent habits. Our identity is preserved in our very tissue – until consciousness or life changes free us from this revolving door. Once we learn to become conscious of our body through sensing it, we get to discern the degree of compression or density in it. We can start to discern where open, receptive and undefended space is available. What quality and quantity of flow or movement articulation is possible? And how does that influence my state of being, my relationships and my outlook?

Self-regulatory, systemic intelligence When awareness interrupts the catch22 mentioned above, the body starts to deeply regulate itself. One condition that supports that is: slowing down to sense and allow for ‘non-functional’ movements. These are movements that don’t serve an immediate, obvious purpose, like reaching out to grasp a cup or like stretching a particular muscle. These movements are guided by systemic needs that are more complex than the mind can cognitively grasp. However, they just appear to have no immediate function. In actuality, they follow the rich wisdom that has accumulated in organismic intelligence over aeons. If this is a conscious process,

“ Every persistent or recurring emotional state or thought pattern forms physical correlations ” the body may no longer be experienced ‘a part here and a part there’. In advanced embodiment stages, it experiences itself as one – all at once. As we slow down and sense, we become aware of internal relationships and start to notice systemically orchestrated movement impulses. These movements follow unwinding and nonlinear dynamics. They are guided by intelligent, systemic ‘desires’. For instance, the small finger of the right hand may suddenly be lengthened by itself while triggering an inward spiralling motion of the arm connected to it. At the same time, the left foot engages in lateral spreading sensation in the sole and toes. This means that we can sense internal relationships that are no longer just linear – as in ‘this move follows that move’. The movements can also be simultaneous, yet far apart and still related. Experiencing the body in relationship with itself in such a deep way cultivates trust in life’s unpredictability, against which we usually tend to guard and ‘insure’ ourselves from in numerous ways. The nature of this nonlinear, self-regulatory process is simultaneously healing and unfolding. Physical/psychological stresses unwind and latent potential emerges at the same time. That can be a tremendously delicious awakening to new territory. It is always different and cannot be preconceived by the mind. Possibility, discovery and a sense of clarity emerge. Deeply experiencing our physical fullness may move through numerous challenging stages, but in the end it always feels ‘ful-filling’ and pleasurable. Many people describe this state of conscious embodiment as ‘having come home’.

The dynamic interplay of life’s forces expresses an erotic event The organismic push that initiates the birth of a child happens in its own perfect, contextual tension and timing. In the same way, a dying leaf falls from a tree at a particular moment. During this moment all forces involved conspire to a particular

blend of effort and none-effort. When the month of February is unusually warm in the north, flowers will come out early. They will not follow a timetable and stick to March or April. They follow the whole context. Life’s driving forces create a complex dynamic. Some may refer to this as eros. We could argue about what eros is or isn’t. What we cannot argue about is that everything can feel erotic if we allow ourselves to drop into the wet and pulsating sensation of life happening. Through our conscious bodies, we can access life as a sensual event inside and outside our skin. Conscious embodiment increases our sense of fullness. The clarity of systemic direction gained in step 3 is now identical to our essential desires. They become the vectors behind our personal eros. The whole body contextually inFORMs our eros. Since we now operate from literal fullness gained through embodiment, our eros reflects that fullness through the nature of our desires. The cultural implications of this are huge. Embodied consciousness – which could also be called embodied eros – describes a living connection to context. We just know what move is next and when. At the same time being plugged into eros provides a kind of built-in, systemic safety. Mental activity left to its own devices separates; it needs lines, demarcations, lots of rules and timetables to create safety. Our increasing cultural preoccupation with safety to which we have sacrificed much of our eros is only another reflection of the dying dominance of rational and mental values.

Universal empathy and love have a tissue equivalent Beneath the tissue indentations created by our personal history, our biological history has also left an imprint. The imprint from that history that goes back at least 505 million years could be summarised as: am I safe? When we become adept at embodiment practices we start to notice the ancient

“ Our physical form reliably encodes who we are ” The Psychotherapist

question, am I safe? in our very tissue. It is like a permanent, subtle activation that creates a sort of systemic, persistent tension or cramp throughout the whole body. This systemic tension is practically always unconscious. After all, it has been with us since the beginning. Imagine you are alone in your apartment and all of a sudden you become aware of the ever so slight humming of the fridge. In the same way, just much, much more subtle, the fear of not being safe and the fear of death are wired into our system and are humming there right now. Once we slow down and stay with body awareness long enough, we start to sense it. At first it feels like an impenetrable wall. Suddenly, it seems like we have never, ever been relaxed or at peace. We realise that instead we have always been busy trying to feel better or safer. That realisation can be quite disturbing. The attempt to pass this wall of subtle tension will likely be met with resistance. Fully feeling it and surrendering to it will, however, make it melt. Our sensate consciousness acts on it like hot tea on a cube of sugar. The cramp is nothing but our deepest layers of fear manifesting in cellular structure. Once this primal holding dissolves, we are in the presence of a sense of unconditional love. This ultimate systemic tension marks the line between ‘I am separate from the world’ and ‘I am integrally interwoven’.

Conscious incarnation Culturally we have yet to understand what it means to consciously incarnate. Once we become familiar with the emerging possibilities available in conscious embodiment, we understand that systemic and integrative concept can actually be experienced through our wet, breathing bodies. The body is integral by definition. The intention is not to regress to sensation – though at first we might – but to use the tool of consciousness to penetrate our whole existence. We then discover ourselves as a continuum of interpenetrating experiences. Together they create something larger than the sum of sensations, emotions and thoughts. We could call it a fourth state expressing through embodied consciousness or embodied integral eros. This can be approached as a developmental path toward unconditional

“ Through our conscious bodies, we can access life as a sensual event inside and outside our skin ” love and Self-emergence. It opens the door to a dynamically pulsating, self-regulatory state of balance that has the potential to transcend and include reductionist, dualistic perception on a deep cellular level. Many people involved with advanced somatics understand that this points toward a new evolutionary destination beyond our capacity to walk upright and think straight. A body that lights up in all sensory felt directions – awake in every pore. The full-blown pleasure of being alive propelled by the intelligence of life’s eros. The tension of our current global issues actually accelerates this. We are forced to awaken to systemic awareness. Discovering the body as a voluptuous gate towards integral, unconditional love is an incredible gem on the way. P

References Gintis B (2007). Engaging the movement of life: exploring health and embodiment through continuum and osteopathy. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books. Hartley L (1989, 1995). Wisdom of the body moving: an introduction to body mind centering. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books. Hartley L (2004). Somatic psychology: body, mind and meaning. London: Whurr Publishers. Johnson D (1995). Bone, breath, and gesture: practices of embodiment, volume 1. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books. Johnson D (1995). The body in psychotherapy: inquiries in somatic psychology. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books. Kaparo R (2012). Awakening somatic intelligence: the art and practice of embodied mindfulness. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books. Macnaughton I (2004). Body, breath and consciousness: a somatics anthology. Berkeley: North Atlantic Books. Roffler and Middendorf (2009). ‘A somatic science and art of living’. In S Mijares S (ed). The revelation of the breath. Albany: State University of New York Press. Schleip R (1998–2012). Articles on fascia research [online]. Available at (accessed 20 July 2012).


The theory of love

feature article

The theory of love

feature article

Six ways to love Professors Clyde and Susan Hendrick explain the Love Attitudes Scale (LAS), which, they say, is ideally suited for certain aspects of couple therapy


e have studied romantic love (and related concepts such as sexual attitudes, relationship satisfaction and relational respect) for the past three decades. Romantic love is the basis for meeting, mating and family formation in much of today’s world. Thus romantic love deserves serious research attention; it is definitely not a fringe topic in terms of importance. A large number of people see a therapist for relationship problems, including love gone awry.

Theories of love There are many theories of love. Our work has been based on a model proposed by Lee (1973) in his book entitled The colors of love. Lee used the metaphor of a colour wheel to define types of love, which he designated primary types, secondary types, and so on. Practically speaking, six types or ‘colours’, composed of Lee’s three primaries

Clyde and Susan Hendrick Clyde is Paul Whitfield Horn Professor of Psychology and a social psychologist at Texas Tech University in Lubbock, Texas, USA Susan is Paul Whitfield Horn Professor of Psychology and a counselling psychologist at Texas Tech University in Lubbock, Texas, USA


and three secondaries, have been studied extensively. Lee spent ten years using several methods in developing his model. We realised that such an approach was too cumbersome for general use, so we constructed a straightforward rating scale, using seven likert-type statements for each of six love styles. The first, relatively perfected, version of the Love Attitudes Scale (LAS; Hendrick and Hendrick, 1986) showed excellent subscale test-retest reliability, internal consistency and criterion validity. Highly important was the fact that the six love subscales were independent of each other, suggesting that we were indeed measuring six different concepts (or types) of romantic love. Our LAS was widely used; however, we noted other researchers ‘borrowing’ subsets of the items presumably to form even shorter subscales. We then decided to take control of this situation by forming our own four-item subscales, based on our extensive data sets. We achieved solid success (Hendrick, Hendrick and Dicke, 1998) with a 24-item version of the scale entitled the Love Attitudes Scale: Short Form. This scale had even better statistical properties than the original 42-item version. We have used this version of the LAS in all of our subsequent love-related research. Both versions of the LAS have been translated into many languages. The six-factor structure has held up well but occasionally only five factors are obtained. The six love styles thus appear to have good cross-cultural generalisability. So, what are these six different ways or styles of doing romantic love? Capsule summaries are given below. Lee (1973) stressed that all six styles are equally valid ways of loving. We agree, although many of our participants who complete the ratings do not believe the style named ludus is ‘really love’.

The love styles The six styles are named eros, ludus, storge, pragma, mania and agape. Eros is best

expressed as ‘love at first sight’, characterised by passionate intensity, broadly construed. Strong attraction to a preferred physical type of person is important, as is the ability to offer and receive profound communication. Eros is not possessive, yet feels a deep connection with the partner. Item: My partner and I have the right physical ‘chemistry’ between us. Ludus is love as a game, played for each partner’s pleasure and satisfaction. The ludic lover is not attracted to a particular physical type and, unlike the eros lover, does not have any serious intent. Ludus doesn’t want to commit to just one lover and doesn’t want a lover to commit either. The intention is not for anyone to get hurt; love is a game after all. Item: My partner would get upset if he/she knew of some of the things I’ve done with other people. Storge is a friendship-based love that evolves over time. For a storgic lover, it is important that partners share attitudes and values. Similarity in these enduring areas is more important than a preferred physical type, and love is certainly not a game. A storgic partner builds a relationship slowly and surely with the intention of making a long-term commitment if the relationship keeps proceeding to deeper levels. Item: Our love is the best kind because it grew out of a long friendship. A pragma lover is notably practical and seeks a suitable long-term partner. The romantic pragmatist wants a partner who will make a compatible mate, has solid financial prospects and will be a good parent. Pragma goes looking for a partner with a ‘list’ of desired qualities. An online dating site can be a good avenue for a pragma lover to search for a potential partner. Item: A main consideration in choosing my partner was how he/she would reflect on my family. Mania is drama personified! A manic lover

feature article Hendrick, 1996), as have other researchers. Further, friendship love is extremely important to young couples. For example, we found that nearly half of a college student sample named their romantic partner as their best friend (Hendrick and Hendrick, 1993). Thus therapists should be aware that passion remains important for couples into their senior years, and friendship is likely important for most couples at any age.

Item: When my partner doesn’t pay attention to me, I feel sick all over.

The love styles relate differentially to sexual attitudes, such as permissiveness (eg Hendrick and Hendrick, 1987; Hendrick, Hendrick and Reich, 2006), communication (Meeks, Hendrick and Hendrick, 1998), relationship satisfaction (Hendrick, Dicke and Hendrick, 1998), personality variables (White, Hendrick and Hendrick, 2004) and respect (Hendrick and Hendrick, 2006).

Agape was the rarest of the love styles found by Lee (1973). An agapic lover is generous and other-centred rather than self-centred. The agape lover is concerned about the partner’s welfare and would rather the partner be happy than be happy themselves. Agape has a very spiritual quality associated with it, and sensual concerns are much less relevant than altruistic ones. Agape’s rarity is unsurprising. Item: I cannot be happy unless I place my partner’s happiness before my own.

Research on love styles A vast amount of research has been conducted on the love styles using the LAS or LAS: Short Form. Romantic love is an anchor concept, linked to many other relational concepts such as sexuality, communication, respect, friendship and personality dimensions. Our research programme has related the love styles to many of these other concepts. Gender. Mean gender differences emerged in our earliest work (Hendrick and Hendrick, 1986) and have continued over the years. Men endorsed ludus more than women in every sample we have tested, although endorsement tends towards ‘disagree’ for both genders. Typically, women were more storgic and pragmatic than men, and there were no gender differences on erotic and agapic (altruistic) love. More recent studies (Hendrick, Hendrick and Dicke, 1998) found women more erotic than men but men more altruistic than women. Thus, for whatever reasons, there can be historical shifts in relative gender mean scores on the LAS. Passion versus friendship. Young lovers are supposed to be erotic and older lovers more storgic/friendship-oriented. We have found that passion is important to all age groups (eg Contreras, Hendrick and

The Psychotherapist

The diversity of the love styles, as measured by the LAS, gives six vantage points on romantic love. This diversity in turn provides fecund associations with a wide variety of other relational variables, a fecundity only hinted at above. The styles also offer interesting options for therapists working with couples experiencing a wide range of difficulties. An example of the love styles’ utility in couple therapy is provided below, with ‘couple’ defined broadly, though the example is a married couple.

Case example Caroline and David, married for ten years, have a five-year old daughter, Lily. Caroline is a nurse and David a businessman. They sought marital therapy because Caroline felt David ‘slipping away’ from her and she sensed danger to the marriage. One major event in their marriage was Lily’s diagnosis of leukemia at age three and the treatment regimen for her disease, which ended successfully only recently. This illness precipitated Caroline’s leave of absence from work and David’s assumption of total financial responsibility for the family. Sex, communication and intimacy of all types gave way to cancer for the past two years. David agreed to therapy because he regrets the loss of the relationship the couple once had. The transcript below is drawn from the female therapist’s third session with the couple. Therapist: So how has the past week been for the two of you? Caroline: I guess there have been no drastic

“ Romantic love is an anchor concept, linked to relational concepts such as sexuality, communication, respect, friendship and personality ”

The theory of love

experiences emotional highs when things in the relationship are going well and emotional lows if any doubts about the partner occur. A manic lover longs for a secure and happy love relationship, but is suspicious, jealous, subject to somatic symptoms and often behaves in ways destructive to that ‘secure and happy love’. When partnered with someone very steady and patient, a manic lover will be ready to trade the drama for devotion.

changes, although I have made more of an effort to ask David about his workday. I have even been thinking about going back to work part-time. David: I have noticed Caroline trying to show more of an interest, but I still don’t think that things are particularly better. I just do not believe there is any way we can get back what we had when we were first together. Therapist: David, you are right. We can never go back. Even if Lily had not gotten cancer, you and Caroline would still be different from who you were ten years ago. Time and children and maturation all change us. I can’t undo that. But perhaps I can help explain part of your reactions to the changes. First, a child’s serious illness is a major stressor on relationships. In addition, you and Caroline have had to make huge adjustments in ‘who’ you are in the marriage and family. How did each of you react when you got Lily’s diagnosis? Caroline: I felt as though my world was falling apart, but as a nurse, I also felt that I needed to make Lily my first priority to get her – and us – through treatment. David: I felt the same way initially – like the floor dropped out from under me – but then I realised I needed to support Caroline and Lily, and I started to deal with all the health forms and financial results of Caroline’s leaving work. Therapist: Remember that last week I talked with you about the Love Attitudes Scale that you took at the time of your first appointment? [Both partners nod affirmatively.] I told you that you were similar on several styles, but we would focus on the top two. You both score highest on eros, which is passionate,


feature article The theory of love

romantic love. You described to me how you two fell in love so quickly and became close physically and emotionally. That intense connection was a binding force that sustained you through your early years together. Eros can bring colour to what sometimes seems a black and white world. Consider your second love preferences. David’s second most preferred style is storge, which is friendship love and another basis for your relationship. When Lily was diagnosed with cancer and the world turned upside down, your friendship stayed strong, yet you only rarely were lovers. Caroline’s second preferred love style is agape, or altruistic love. Usually this love is directed toward a partner, but in this case I expect that Caroline’s selfless love turned toward Lily. So you lost, or I would say ‘misplaced’, your most important love style. But that was what the situation required. Is this making some sense to you both?

This brief excerpt shows how the love styles can help explain some aspects of a couple’s marital dilemma.

Hendrick C, Hendrick SS and Reich DA (2006). ‘The Brief Sexual Attitudes Scale’. The Journal of Sex Research, 43, pp76–86.


Hendrick SS and Hendrick C (1987). ‘Multidimensionality of sexual attitudes’. The Journal of Sex Research, 23, pp502–526.

We have found partners to be very interested in their own and each other’s love styles. This knowledge appears to promote further understanding of their relationship. The LAS seems ideally suited for certain aspects of couple therapy, and research indicates that it is a reliable and valid instrument. So it remains for therapists and researchers to establish clinical norms for the LAS. P

References Contreras R, Hendrick SS and Hendrick C (1996). ‘Perspectives on marital love and satisfaction in Mexican American and Anglo couples’. Journal of Counseling and Development, 74, pp408–415. Hendrick C and Hendrick SS (1986). ‘A theory and method of love’. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50, pp392–102. Hendrick C, Hendrick SS and Dicke A (1998). ‘The Love Attitudes Scale: Short Form’. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15, pp147–159.

Hendrick SS and Hendrick C (1993). ‘Lovers as friends’. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10, pp459–466. Hendrick SS, Dicke A. and Hendrick C (1998). ‘The Relationship Assessment Scale’. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15, pp137–142. Hendrick SS and Hendrick C (2006). ‘Measuring respect in close relationships’. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23, pp881–899. Lee JA (1973). The colors of love: an exploration of the ways of loving. Don Mills, Ontario: New Press. Meeks BS, Hendrick SS and Hendrick C (1998). ‘Communication, love, and relationship satisfaction’. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15, pp755–773. White JK, Hendrick SS and Hendrick C (2004). ‘Big five personality variables and relationship constructs’. Personality and Individual Differences, 37, pp1519–1530.

Invitation UKCP’s 4th open forum

Critical moments for psychotherapy in Britain Saturday, 8 December 2012 • Central London • 9.30am to 4.30pm Topics covered at the next forum will be: The UKCP register The register was created with the aim to create common standards and to advance the professional accountability and recognition for psychotherapists. This autumn’s launch of the government’s Assured Voluntary Regulation scheme by the CHRE (soon to be renamed Professional Standards Authority (PSA) marks a crucial milestone on this journey for psychotherapy and psychotherapeutic counselling in Britain. We will update you on the progress made with time for questions and discussion..

UKCP’s Central Complaints Process (CCP) Created well before the government’s U-turn on regulation, the process of rolling out the CCP to cover all members on the UKCP’s register is well underway and expected to be completed by the end of 2013, the very year UKCP’s register will turn 20. Much work has been done over the past 12 months to improve the CCP and develop it into an efficient, consistent and fair process that can deliver effective and prompt resolution of complaints. We will update you on the progress made and on the outcomes of this autumn’s CCP consultation.

UKCP’s ethical stance As the main professional body for psychotherapy in Britain, UKCP


has issued position statements about torture and about ‘reparative therapy’. At the open forum, we want to hear your views on whether we should also debate and agree ethical positions on other controversial issues in general society. The issue of dignity in dying / assisted suicide, for instance, is similarly complex and sensitive and, in the context of psychotherapy practice, may potentially bring up serious confidentiality conflicts for practitioners. UKCP could also consider developing an ecology statement. Are there other issues the psychotherapy profession could or should take a position on? We are inviting vox-pop speakers to open up a discussion on the idea in principle of such position statements and a more proactive stance for UKCP in society.

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Love in the therapy room

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Love in the therapy room In the past ten years I have noticed that there has been increasingly diverse and interesting literature that has emerged exploring the complexities of the different facets of this experience which we call ‘love’. Furthermore, for therapists, since the time of Sigmund Freud, literature has been written and research published which argues that, in therapy, the most important factor is the therapeutic relationship. Interestingly, some have described the curative factor of the therapeutic relationship ‘as a kind of Love’ (Haugh and Paul 2008). The collection of articles published here aim to contribute to, challenge and encourage fresh thinking in psychotherapy practice and provide a different perspective on how therapists conceptualise their work. Divine Charura The Psychotherapist


Love in the therapy room

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Accepting the therapeutic relationship as love Stephen Paul and Divine Charura believe that selfless love is central to successful psychotherapy


e propose that love is central to a successful therapeutic relationship. The founders of different modalities such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Rogers, in their different ways, maintain the importance of love. We invite you to revisit the place of selfless love in your therapeutic work.

What the research tells us After decades of competition between the different modalities of therapy as to which therapy is best, research findings have clearly found that the model of therapy in itself makes no significant difference to outcome. Common factors have been identified across the modalities that are intrinsic to success in therapy. These are: extratherapeutic factors that are part of the client’s personal life out of therapy which

Divine Charura

Divine is a senior lecturer in counselling and psychotherapy at Leeds Metropolitan University. He also works as a UKCP registered psychotherapist for the Leeds and York NHS Trust and has work experience in diverse therapeutic settings. His psychotherapeutic interests are in transcultural work, working with individuals experiencing complex psychological distress, working with difference/diversity, relationship issues and their impact on mental health. Divine is also a lover of photography, fashion design, art, music and outdoor pursuits.


aid recovery regardless of participation in psychological therapy; hope/expectancy that results from the client’s knowledge that s/he is being treated and from the belief that therapy will ‘work’; model or technique factors unique to particular therapies (homework tasks, desensitisation, etc); and last but not least, the therapeutic relationship. The therapeutic relationship, however, is now generally accepted as being the most important factor in therapy within the therapist’s power. Paul and Haugh (2008) highlight that the relationship is the most significant in-therapy factor in relation to positive outcomes. The functions of the therapeutic relationship include variables that are evidenced regardless of the therapist’s theoretical orientation. These are what may be termed empathy, warmth and acceptance.

Stephen Paul

Stephen is director of The Centre for Psychological Therapies at Leeds Metropolitan University and a psychotherapist. He has practised as a therapist for over 30 years and worked in higher education for over 20 years. He is co-editor of The Therapeutic Relationship: Themes and Perspectives (PCCS , 2008) and has been commissioned by Sage to write The Therapeutic Relationship in Counselling and Psychotherapy (forthcoming: January 2014).

We propose, as others before us, that these facilitative conditions are intrinsically human and furthermore intrinsic to the human condition. Patterson believed that these conditions ‘constitute love in the highest sense or agape’ (1974: 89,90). If in some way therapy provides help for the suffering of people who are missing love in their lives, then perhaps it is not implausible to suggest that some kind of love (agape) is an indispensable ingredient in the therapeutic relationship itself.

Fear of love in therapy In our academic work, and our conversations with colleagues and students, we note that using the word ‘love’, particularly when considering the love that the therapist might have for the patient/ client, provokes a sense of caution and taboo for some. These concerns are packed with cautions of dynamics of transference, counter-transference, ethical considerations, fears of erotic feelings towards clients and fears of malpractice. Interestingly however, in relation to this concept of love, Freud noted in a letter to Carl Jung in 1906 that psychoanalysis is in essence a cure through love. In another context, namely at the Viennese Psychoanalytic Society, Freud expounded on the curative factor and power of psychoanalysis, again stating that it resides in love – meaning transference love. We concur that perhaps the fear of the erotic holds back a pure loving encounter. Given the magnitude of writing in the psychoanalytic field and in other modalities, it is clear that the issue of love within the therapeutic relationship is charged. We also acknowledge that there have been developments in the psychoanalytic field, particularly an openness to explore the therapeutic relationship as a living dynamic and to explore the issue of love further. Ferenczi (1932) wrote: But if the patient notices that I feel a real compassion for her and that I am eagerly determined to search for the causes of her suffering, she then suddenly not only

becomes capable of giving a dramatic account of the events but also can talk to me about them. (Ferenczi, 1932: 1969–70, cited in Hayal, 1993) This citation perhaps appears simpler to understand than some of the earlier explorations of love, and we realise that it actually aligns itself with some of the humanistic person-centred approach concepts as postulated by Carl Rogers (1959).

Love as therapy Rogers (1959) postulated six conditions that, he argued, are necessary and sufficient for change to occur in therapy. This leads us to argue that they are in effect the mechanics of an offer of a love free of personal conditions to the client. Three of these conditions, namely empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard (UPR), are to all intents proven to be fundamental for all successful therapeutic relationships. We concur with Rogers that UPR corresponds to the Greek concept agape (1962: 94). Hence we propose this concept of agape to be non-possessive love, compassionate love, openness to work with the other as s/he is, as well as the potential of what s/he could be. This for us highlights the relational nature of the therapeutic relationship as love. Worsely (2008) draws attention to the work of the philosopher Martin Buber who invites us to consider what it means to be human in relationship. He proposed the ‘I-Thou’ quality of relating rather than the ‘I-It’ relationship in which the other, including their problems, is an object. In describing the quality of this love, he wrote: Love is near the heart of the I-Thou intimacy. Love is between the I and the Thou. Love is inherent in relating. I do not possess the one I love. In love all aspects of the other are open to acceptance. The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly,

“ The therapeutic relationship is generally accepted as being the most important factor in therapy within the therapist’s power ” The Psychotherapist

each may become engaged in accepting Loving. Authentic loving is offering an unconditionality that invites each aspect of the other to be uniquely present. (Worsley, 2008: 118) We also acknowledge that the love we are exploring in this article is not without boundaries but rather active each moment, acknowledging and communicating connection as well as the struggles to connect. This includes the times when we struggle to be in relationship and when it is difficult to be in contact. The I–Thou and love are about ‘being authentic’ and ‘being with’ the other. We acknowledge that being in relationship is a process and not an endpoint. We concur that love as an adjective therefore becomes a verb, loving, which acknowledges the changing and fluid nature of the therapeutic relational process over time. Schmid (2001) states that this way of relating and encounter requires ‘presence’, which is an expression of authenticity. It is this process of authentic en-counter, and dialogue, in which the other (the client) opens up, reveals him/herself, showing and disclosing, and, in turn, the therapist acknowledges the person’s presence and loves him/her as a person. We fully concur here with Rogers (1959) who through a lot of his work stressed that what we are referring to as love could be understood as a process in which the client moves from a position of seeing him/herself as unworthy and unlovable, to realising that s/he is deeply accepted, respected, deeply understood in contact and connection. We also agree with Schmid (2001), who pointed out that ethics has to be the philosophical starting point in this loving. The boundary and setting of the therapeutic space provides the vessel, and the safety, for authentic meeting. Loving, in therapy, cannot be reduced to particular words, therapeutic skills or an objectified state. Rather, it is an encounter with a quality of relating, dialogue, contact and process with each other, moment by moment, in a way that fully embraces our experiencing. We conclude by reaffirming our belief that love is the agent for change in successful psychotherapy, and the essence of contact. We refer to Burton (1967), whose view on therapy and love is applicable today as it was then:

“ The functions of the therapeutic relationship are empathy, warmth and acceptance ” After all research on psychotherapy is accounted for, psychotherapy still resolves itself into a relationship best subsumed by the word love. (Burton, 1967: 102,103) P

References Burton A (1967). Modern humanistic psychotherapy. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Hayal A (1993). Psychoanalysis and the sciences: epistemology – history [trans Elizabeth Holder]. Berkerley, California: University of California Press. Patterson CH (1974). Relationship counseling and psychotherapy. New York: Harper & Row. Patterson CH and Hidore SC (1997). Successful psychotherapy: a loving, caring relationship. New York: Jason-Aronson. Paul S and Haugh S (eds) (2008). ‘The relationship not the therapy? What the research tells us’. In S Haugh and S Paul (eds). The therapeutic relationship: themes and perspectives, pp9–22. Rogers CR (1962). ‘The interpersonal relationship: the core of guidance’. In CR Rogers and B Stevens. Person to person. The problem of being human. Moab: Real People Press, pp89–104. Rogers CR (1959). ‘A theory of therapy, personality and interpersonal relationships as developed in the client-centered framework. In S Koch (ed). Psychology: a study of a science. Vol 3: Formulations of the person and the social context. New York: McGraw Hill. Schmid PF (2001). ‘Authenticity: the person as his or her own author. Dialogical and ethical perspectives on therapy as an encounter relationship. And beyond’. In G Wyatt (ed). Rogers’ therapeutic conditions evolution, theory and practice. Volume 1: Congruence. Ross-on-Wye: PCCS Books. Worsley R (2008). ‘The ground of our relating, Martin Buber’s I and Thou’. In Haugh and Paul (eds). The therapeutic relationship: perspectives and themes. Ross-on-Wye: PCCS Books.

“ Love as an adjective becomes a verb, loving, which acknowledges the changing and fluid nature of the therapeutic relational process over time ” 23

Love in the therapy room

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Love in the therapy room

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Love: taking a stance Contemplating love as socially negotiated, explains Kay McFarlane, illustrates how therapy can embrace the personal, social and political realms. With every client, love–indifference–hate are fundamental in the therapeutic context


or therapy to be worthwhile it needs to have foundations in the social, cultural and political realms of human existence. While this perspective is still not adequately embedded in many training courses or in therapists’ practice, the relevant arguments are widely discussed. Debate about the social context of therapy usually addresses human diversity, power and oppression. I advocate that love needs to be added to this agenda as it is significant socially, politically and culturally.

Commonly, love is talked about as an experience between individuals, as if it were a tangible, pre-existing entity. Even so, attempting definition is a task akin to plaiting fog. Here I perceive love broadly, as a positive care that is socially negotiated. I propose that love can constitute a broad or specific stance that we take, and I consider the implications for therapeutic endeavour.

Love–indifference–hate For me, the opposite of love is indifference, an absence of engagement. A contrasting but related attitude to love is hate. Consequently, I have in mind a simple triangle of love–indifference–hate. The stance of indifference can involve lack of awareness, avoidance or disinterest. At times indifference can be more terrible than hate. Whereas hate indicates a level of interest or presence, we might not know what an indifferent person or group

Kay McFarlane Kay is currently returning to psychotherapy work following a break. She is a lecturer with a particular interest in prejudice, identity and oppression. She relishes working with people on various courses and runs modules in diversity and anti-oppressive practice at Leeds Metropolitan University.


believes or feels. This can make it difficult to know where we are in relation to them. It can seem more worthwhile to engage and be honest when the other group is (either lovingly or hatefully) interested. As she finally accepted her Nobel prize, Aung San Suu Kyi (2012) stated that we die a little when we are forgotten. This captures the significance of indifference. If a person or group is indifferent to us, the message,

The therapeutic context visualised



given or received, is that we are not important or we are not wanted: for them, we might not even exist.

Take more notice We interact with and organise ourselves and the environment in certain ways. This manifests itself in social processes, structures and practices. We are born into and learn about the world according to these formal and informal processes and they are maintained or changed over time by us (Giddens, 1993). We create and are created by social processes, including processes signifying love. Kondrat (2002) provides the metaphor of a ballet company actually being the dance. We are not outside or even inside society, rather we are society: part of it and creating it at the same time. This reminds us that social processes are not static or permanent, that we have more influence than we might think, and that everything we say or do impacts on the universe to a greater or lesser degree. Our worldview has impact. If our stance is indifference to social processes, we are still taking part in them, whether they


are enabling or oppressive. Of course this includes our beliefs about and participation in therapeutic work. As Kearney (1996) convincingly asserts, neutrality is not possible; if we think we are not taking a position in therapy, we are colluding with existing social dynamics. Indifference is risky because neutrality is not a luxury that is available to us. With our clients, we are either examining and challenging existing power dynamics or we are supporting them. Social dynamics and processes can advantage some and disadvantage others. Perhaps processes that could benefit everyone, if they applied to everyone, embody an attitude of love (for example, being able to marry who we want), while processes that advantage people by

“ If we think we are not taking a position in therapy then we are colluding with existing social dynamics ”

“ I’ve witnessed many times how powerful and potent the experience and expression of love and care in a group can be ” disadvantaging others embody indifference or hate (for example, organising the world as if there were two genders, which marginalises many of us). Therapists need to notice and investigate social processes that are taken for granted, hidden or complicated, so they have more choice about those they support or resist. We are always taking a stance. We need to choose more carefully when and how we take a stance of love, hate or indifference. It is worthwhile considering where in the triangle we feel most comfortable, the place we rarely visit and where we spend most time.

Love as a stance Love is given less attention as a social process, so it is our stance of love that particularly needs clarification and development. Aung San Suu Kyi (2012) declared that there can never be enough kindness in the world and even tiny acts of kindness can change people’s lives. Sometimes when we talk about love it can sound like a pretentious, weak or twee avoidance of conflict or complexity. However, dismissing expressions of love as trite or indulgent is a potential trap. When doing experiential work with groups, I’ve witnessed many times how powerful and potent the experience and expression of love and care in a group can be, and how exploration so often leads to increased engagement with extremely challenging material. Love can be courageous, strong and confronting. In spite of the pervasive notions of romantic love throughout many cultures, it is relevant and significant that in training groups people often realise that they find it easier to express anger or hate than non-romantic love and care. It is certainly worth investigating the social origins and significance of this. To shrink from considering love might serve competitive, individualistic and destructive dynamics. It might lead to spending more time in the hate or indifference corners of the love–indifference–hate triangle, in

The Psychotherapist

which some groups gain at the expense of others.

Engaging with attitudes of love We are continuously shifting between social and relational attitudes of love, indifference and hate. We could therefore envisage therapy as a place where the client and therapist engage with each other’s attitudes of love, indifference and hate. This necessitates the therapist being willing and able to articulate their own stance, facilitate exploration of the client’s stance and negotiate the encounter of each other’s stances. For example, a therapist might need to face their own indifference to a social norm that conveys hatred of the client. It is often beneficial to explicitly express to our clients our stance on pertinent social issues. This at least reduces the inevitable unnoticed reproduction of social processes, gives clients more choice about how and whether to engage, and avoids assumptions that we can be neutral.

Crucial interweaving Habitually overlooking or excluding social processes from the therapy arena reduces therapy to a very limited exploration of a tiny element of the client’s existence. It is therefore inadequate to explore only clients’ experience and expressions of love or to address feelings of love between therapist and client; this risks limiting the work to the personal or individualistic realm. We also need to examine the social, political and cultural significance of love. For example, a client may talk about wanting to find a loving, committed life partner. The therapist may explore with the client their feelings, their relationships with early carers, their previous romantic relationships and their current relational patterns. This might be useful to a degree, but it risks facilitating the client to live his/her life according to prevailing norms and values. A therapist who incorporates social and political realms into their practice might also explore this client’s place in the world, the origin of their ideas about love and how love influences or shapes his/ her life. Similarly, if or when therapist and client feel love (or indifference or hate) towards each other, as well as exploring the challenging personal resonances, links need to be explored in the social and political realms. How we perceive, talk about and experience love is culturally, socially and politically significant (Foucault, 1976), and

“ It is often beneficial to explicitly express to our clients our stance on pertinent social issues ” therefore advantages and disadvantages various groups in various ways. For example, consider who loses and gains from notions of maternal and paternal love, of romantic love being the cornerstone of pairings, and of the variability in the human capacity for love.

Helping people adjust to versions of the world Unless we are content for therapy to be a way of helping people into conforming to social norms, it needs to examine how we are influenced and constructed, as well as how we actively influence and construct. Therapy can help people adjust to certain versions of the world or it can help to unpack those versions so that clients can decide how and to what they adjust. Currently most therapy is firmly located in the personal realm, with occasional dips into social and cultural realms. The personal and social realms are ultimately inseparable; therapy needs to interweave them and move with clients fluidly between realms. Perhaps therapy could even contribute to restoring the unhelpful split. Contemplating love as socially negotiated illustrates how therapy can embrace the personal, social and political realms. Many of us tend to pick up and put down the issues of inequality and power in our therapy work, depending on whether we’re working with a client who is different from us, whereas justice and power (and love– indifference–hate) are fundamental at every moment with every client, as well as in all processes in the therapeutic context. P

References Aung San Suu Kyi (2012). BBC News.16 June [live broadcast: TV]. Foucault M (1976). The history of sexuality: an introduction. Harmondsworth, Penguin. Giddens A (1993). New rules of the sociological method (2nd ed). Stanford: Stanford University Press. Kearney A (1996). Counselling, class and politics: undeclared influences in therapy. Ross-on-Wye: PCCS Books. Kondrat M (2002). ‘Actor-centred social work: re-visioning “person-in-environment” through a critical theory lens’. Social Work, 47(4), pp435–448.


Love in the therapy room

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Love in the therapy room

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Therapeutic encounter – a kind of loving The emotional connection between client and therapist is at the core of therapy, regardless of theoretical orientation, explain David Bott and Pam Howard. But theory and an objective setting can help to keep away the turmoil Trouble begins, though, when you find, of the pigeons being put into Skinner boxes, that first of all there is a rule in the lab that nobody but a particular lady is allowed to handle the pigeons. And then you find that the pigeons adore the lady who puts them in the boxes, that they swoon with pleasure in her hands. And this part of the story is not generally recorded in the research results. Because love, you see, is not what it is supposed to be about. (Gregory Bateson, in Kirschenbaum and Henderson, 1990: 187)


he work of psychotherapy is largely concerned with love (Bott, 2001; Howard, 2008). It seeks to bring about an exploration of the client’s own unique way of loving, or, as Sigmund Freud famously stated,

Pam Howard

Pam is principal lecturer and course leader of the MSc Psychotherapy at the University of Brighton. She is also a UKCP- registered psychoanalytic psychotherapist in private practice. She has been chief executive of UKCP and has chaired the Universities Psychotherapy and Counselling Association. She writes on aspects of the psychoanalytic therapeutic relationship and her book, coauthored with David Bott, The therapeutic encounter: a cross-modality approach has recently been published by Sage.


‘his specific method for conducting his erotic life’. The client’s particular way of conducting their intimate, relational and erotic life is thought to be at the root of suffering. The interplay between love and suffering is at the very heart of the psychotherapeutic relationship. Psychotherapeutic narratives are characterised by a series of accounts of how the human infant comes to be who he or she is and how he or she sustains this in later life.

“ The work of psychotherapy is largely concerned with love. It seeks to bring about an exploration of the client’s own unique way of loving ”

Despite important differences, they share a belief in the formative nature of our experiences of early relationships. In order to protect ourselves against suffering in infancy, we engage in what might be called ‘distortions of love’. These distortions seek to balance the need to gain the love of those on whom we depend with the need to protect ourselves from suffering.

Paradoxically for most clients who find themselves in psychotherapy, these distortions, originally designed to mitigate suffering, are now, in adulthood, at the heart of their distress.

David Bott

David Bott is director of studies in psychotherapy at the University of Brighton and a UKCP-registered systemic psychotherapist. His publications include a number of papers which address the relationship between theories and models of psychotherapy and counselling. He is co-author with Pam Howard, of The therapeutic encounter: a cross-modality approach.

Enduring themes of human relatedness The position we take is that all therapeutic narratives are organised around enduring themes in human relatedness (Bott and Howard, 2012) which arise out of early experiences of love, family context and social arrangements. These themes are encapsulated in the ‘problem saturated story’ brought by the client. In essence, they are complex love stories, which have given rise to confusing feelings of desire, abandonment, anger and hurt, providing the content around which sessions take place. As the details of this love story unfold, they are also enacted with an implicit invitation for the therapist to join in the performance. Against this, they are faced with the task of opening the way to a more productive kind of loving. For example, the client who has experienced early significant losses and abandonment faces the dilemma of finding love when they are unable to allow themselves to be vulnerable. In the

“ Short of doing nothing at all, therapy takes its most passive form when process is reduced to procedure ” therapeutic encounter, the request for help may well be present as an attack on the therapist. Treating fear as information, the therapist is more likely to form a productive engagement if the client’s protective strategies are recognised and respected. Again, where expressions of need are met by emotional unavailability, the client will have learnt to ‘cut off’. Here, the therapist needs to look beyond the absence of obvious signs of distress, seeking connection with the client’s internal world. Equally, a particular child in the family may be ‘allocated’ the task of keeping others happy. As the client acts out the old story, the therapist needs to be wary of seduction. Faced with the oppositionality that can be a feature of a childhood characterised by restrictive or punitive controls, the therapist will do well to side step the transferential invitation to be controlling in favour of humour and playfulness. Where the need for intimacy has been experienced as a threat, either in terms of intrusion or abandonment, the therapist may find themselves allocated the role of applauding audience. Productive intervention will require that this passive position is declined and connection is made with the frightened, lonely toddler hiding behind the desperate performance.

Enacting the drama Different theoretical models will account for the enactment of the drama through a range of established theoretical constructs. They provide an understanding of why people ‘persist’ in repeating their early love stories, even when these are systematically disadvantageous (Hoffman, 1993). Daniel Stern et al (1998) introduced the concept of ‘implicit relational knowing’ to describe the infant’s experience of their mother’s love. Operating on the basis of prediction, ‘implicit relational knowing’ underpins all our interactions and informs ‘how to be’ with another. Our experiences of love thus inform the

The Psychotherapist

shape and form of all our relationships. The client has come to therapy because what had started with the potential to be a love story or romance has become a tragedy. Central to the tragedic experience is the notion of ‘harmatia’. An incident in the plot leads the protagonist on a path of tragic error. In therapy, the client is both author and protagonist of his or her own tragedy. As therapists, our appreciation of the client’s courage in adversity is not enough in itself. We are required to join the client on stage and take an active part in the drama – to take on the role of a deus ex machina. In the therapeutic encounter, the therapist is craned on to the stage in order to interfere with the tragic outcome of the client’s drama. The human romance is far too conflicted and complicated for simplistic intervention and even good endings are seldom happy. At the same time, predicted outcomes can be confounded and the way opened for a richer narrative to replace a thin and predictable plot.

The core of therapy It is now well established that the quality of emotional connection between the client and the therapist is at the core of therapy, regardless of theoretical orientation. This requires active engagement and, significantly, an open heart. While training and personal work will have some impact, they do not render the therapist immune to the emotional dilemmas that have shaped their own place in the world. Whole stretches of time are spent in a confined space where painful stories are told and powerful emotions are expressed. The therapist can find him or herself feeling inadequate, angry and inclined to do the least helpful thing – retreat from the client. This may take the obvious form of simply giving up on them. Therapeutic passivity provides more subtle variants. The therapist can find any number of ways of avoiding engaging in the relationship with the client. One way of being unavailable is by putting the theory before the client – they become a case rather than a person. This opens the way to the ‘glamour of

“ Therapy requires active engagement and an open heart ”

“ Implicit relational knowing underpins all our interactions and informs how to be with another ” theory’. Elegant conceptual constructions provide fascinating accounts of the problem, preferably with references to obscure papers. Here, the therapist is more in love with their approach than concerned to make emotional connection with their client. At the other extreme, therapeutic passivity can show itself in a kind, mindless, warm relating. While this gives the appearance of valuing the client it misses the point by privileging a set of generalised relational principles over the complexities of the client’s emotional world. Arguably, short of doing nothing at all, therapy takes its most passive form when process is reduced to procedure. The encounter can be rendered entirely safe by doggedly following a set of prescriptions laid down by the model. When the unpredictable shows itself, it is neutralised by a distraction in the form of a contentbased activity. Timelines, geneograms and objective setting can be particularly helpful in keeping away the turmoil and uncertainty that arises when two human beings connect emotionally. In essence, what we have here is a range of strategies for ensuring that love does not enter the therapy room. P

References Bott D (2001). ‘Towards a family-centred therapy. Postmodern developments in family therapy and the person-centred contribution’. Counselling Psychology Quarterly, 14( 2), pp111–118. Bott D and Howard P (2012). The drama of the therapeutic encounter: a cross-modality approach. Sage. Hoffman L (1993). Exchanging voices: a collaborative approach to family therapy. London: Karnac. Howard P (2008). ‘Psychoanalytic psychotherapy’. In S Paul and S Haugh (eds). The therapeutic relationship. London: Process Press. Kirschenbaum H and Henderson V (eds) (1990). Carl Rogers dialogues. London: Constable. Stern D et al (1998). ‘Non-intepretative mechanisms in psychoanalytic therapy: the ‘something more’ than interpretation’. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 79, pp903–921.


Love in the therapy room

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Love in the therapy room

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Transcultural perspectives on love and hate: the yin and yang of relationships, within and without therapy Divine Charura and Professor Colin Lago explore the nature of love from various transcultural perspectives


oday, more than ever, the world in which we live has become increasingly multicultural and this is becoming represented in the therapy rooms in which we work. We often use the phrase: ‘the world can come into your therapy room’. As such, it has become more important for us, as therapists, to be aware of the impact of culture, heritage and identity on the issue of love and hate. In this article we will explore the multifaceted nature of love and hate from different transcultural perspectives. Given the paucity of writing about ‘love and hate’ from transcultural perspectives, and the impact of this dynamic in therapy, the intentions of this article are to stimulate readers towards a) a greater appreciation and awareness of the diverse nature,

Colin Lago

Colin, D. Litt, was director of the counselling service at the University of Sheffield from 1987 to 2003. He now works as an independent counsellor, trainer, supervisor and consultant. He is a fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, an accredited counsellor/psychotherapist and UKRC-registered practitioner. Deeply committed to transcultural concerns in psychotherapy, he has published articles, videos and books on the subject.


functions and impact of love and hate in the transcultural arena, b) to reflect on their own unique and frequently complex relational experiences in and outside therapy, and c) to explore their potential and strategies for managing this rather complex and, at times, unfamiliar, uncomfortable aspect of the relational bonds which clients may bring to the therapy room. Through our experience of working with clients from different parts of the world, we are aware that issues of love and hate are areas that require tentativeness and careful attention. We also wish to acknowledge the important work conducted by Suzanne Keys (2010), whose extensive development of taxonomy of love in therapy has provided a springboard from which to develop our thinking here.

Love and hate from a transcultural perspective There is an array of literature, film, art and poetry that depicts and concurs that ‘love’ has many different forms. From a transcultural perspective, there is a difference between cultures that promote the independent self and those that promote the interdependent self. As such, love and hate are interwoven into this way of being. Charura (2011) gives an example of how the African self is understood through Ubuntu African philosophy, which emerges from the belief that the individual, independent self is not an entity because a person is only a person through other persons. This implies that, from this cultural stance, in relation to love, the individual is more concerned with making choices in which interrelatedness, societal norms, values and expectations are esteemed higher than self-needs. It is

only through this interrelatedness, love and respect of others, that one becomes a person. Prior to becoming ‘a person’ through relationship and connectedness with other people, the individual is regarded as an ‘it’ (Charura, 2011). From this perspective, it is seen that not all humans are persons, as personhood has to be acquired. Charura (2011) argued that through this philosophy ‘personhood’ is bestowed on the individual by others and, further, that individuals can be de-personified to become an ‘it’. Charura used the term ‘de-personified’ to describe the process in which personhood is stripped by others. This process occurs if individuals do not adhere to the cultural qualities of Ubuntu philosophy, particularly to those characteristics which include community engagement, involvement, compassion, care, gentleness, respect, empathy and love, while simultaneously esteeming these values higher than self-needs and independence. Non-adherence to societal values, norms and expectations (which often depict expectations of who to love, how to love and taboos) results in hate of and for the ‘nonconforming individual’. A typical example is that choice of partner is often heavily influenced by communal cultural values, and at times choice and approval is also influenced by others. This is based on how the person will fit in with the cultural expectations, values and norms. For the ‘transgressing’ individual, hatred develops for the cultural group that is depersonifing them, which frequently results in them experiencing psychological distress because of being discriminated against for making choices which oppose the cultural philosophical stance and expectations. Although Ubuntu philosophy is given

“ Some cultures promote the independent self and others the interdependent self ” above as an example of a transcultural perspective which influences love and hate, we acknowledge that it is synonymous with other cultures in which perspectives of love and hate include the following ten points: 1. The description and value placed on love by different cultures: ie love between two individuals, families and the communities’ expectations of love. Cultural values and norms can esteem love as serving interdependence as well as independence. 2. The love process and way of being in relationship: ie relating to how love happens, falling in love versus growing to love? 3. Love, sex and intimacy: there is wide differentiation in transcultural views on love, sex, and intimacy. 4. Love, culture and power: the tension between own choice versus communal/ family choice such as in arranged marriages. 5. Cultural view, ethics and laws on love: this aspect includes monogamous versus polygamous arrangements, acceptable age of romantic love and marriage, and views on cross-cultural relationships. 6. The spiritual dimension of love: love as a spiritual encounter; love as sacred and serving the purpose of procreation versus love as liberal and the exercise of free will. 7. Life cycles of life and love: stages through life, which include the remarrying of a widow or widower by immediate family versus free choice to remarry or not at any point. 8. Death and love: cultural views on the impact of death on love, views on the afterlife and continuing love bonds after death versus ending bonds. 9. Shame and transgression of love: love as the ultimate expression within heterosexual couples with no room for non-heterosexual relationships,

The Psychotherapist

divorce, promiscuity, free love, or actions contrary to the cultural norms. 10. Hate: this serves the purpose to punish, bring shame and control those considered to have transgressed. Paradoxically, hate may also manifest through the use of voodoo and other non-scientifically explicable phenomena to make individuals love more or fear transgressing.

Hate from a transcultural perspective The African American writer on multicultural counselling, Clemmont Vontress, has coined the term ‘transgenerational hatred’ to describe the phenomenon of cross-generational transmission of inherited hatred. He even wonders if this phenomenon is linked to the increased incidence of heart attacks experienced by African American males as compared to other ethnic groups in the USA (Vontress, 2012). The development of the ethnic identity development models in recent decades in North America (psychological models that hypothesise the stages one might grow through in relation to one’s own identity and that of the different ‘other’) have been profoundly useful in theorising the emergence of ‘hate’ as an inevitable element of growth towards eventual capacity to accept both self and the ‘other’ with comfort. These models, while significant contributions in themselves, have been researched as to their potential implications for application in transcultural therapy settings (Carter, 1990). The research, simplistically explained, indicated that where therapists were at the same or slightly more advanced levels of identity development, compared with their clients, they tended to have more successful therapeutic outcomes. In transcultural settings, the client’s expression of hate, either directly towards the therapist or towards other targets, might provoke intense discomfort, fear and anxiety in the therapist. Transferentially, the therapist might become the focus of such hate. This scenario is particularly easy to imagine in circumstances where the therapist might hail from the majority group in society and the client from a minority group. Hate certainly has vitality and energy. It can be a rationalising energy giving life

meaning and sense: ‘I am because I hate you’. Of concern here is how the therapist is able to manage and withstand this to facilitate the client’s own work.

Concluding thoughts We note that the list of ten points featured above and the subsequent ideas related to hate are profoundly interlinked with individuals’ cultures, experiences and hence world views. Such aspects are therefore important for therapists to be aware of, and we have experience that these cultural values or positions often impact on clients in ways which may cause them confusion, anger, pain, hate or other emotions which emerge in the therapeutic encounter. Furthermore, we are aware that client’s experiences may result in them projecting onto the therapist a diverse range of feelings. How then do we, as therapists, deal with such dynamics? For example, how do we cope when clients hate or indeed love us? Here we turn to Winnicott whose wise words resonate profoundly: You accept love and even the in-love state without flinching and without acting out your response. You accept hate, and meet it with strength rather than revenge. (Winnicott, 1963: 229) P

References Carter RT (1990). The influence of race and racial identity in psychotherapy: towards a racially inclusive model. New York: John Wiley and Sons. Charura D (2011). ‘The effects of an African heritage’. In C Lago (ed) (2011). The handbook of transcultural counselling and psychotherapy. Open University Press/McGraw-Hill. Keys S (2010). Love in therapy: risks, costs and challenges. Presentation to Person Centred Association Conference, Belgium, June. Vontress C (2012). Counseling across the cultural divide: the Clemmont Vontress reader. Ross-OnWye: PCCS Books. Winnicott D (1963). ‘The mentally ill in your case load.’ In DW Winnicott (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment: studies in the theory of emotional development. International Psycho-analytical Library. London: Hogarth Press and Institute of Psychoanalysis, pp 641–276.

“ It is only through this interrelatedness, love and respect of others, that one becomes a person ” 29

Love in the therapy room

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Love in the therapy room

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Love, separation and reconciliation: systemic theory and its relationship with emotions Aspects of love can be brought into the therapy room through small acts, words or physical feelings, says Paula Boston. Negotiations around other difficult differences may be thus made more possible


ystemic therapists have generally thought about love in terms of nurturance, affection, attunement and attachment. In couple therapy, the meaning of love may be expanded to more directly connect to intimate sexual expression or its relevance to commitment to the partnership. Systemic therapy values multiple meanings between people; a static and singular meaning for love holds little interest and is not often represented as a key word in systemic literature. What is more engaging is the complexity of love. Problems of ‘love’ generate very

Paula Boston

Paula Boston is a UKCP-registered family psychotherapist and AFT-registered supervisor. She trained as a family therapist at the Tavistock Institute, and is qualified as an MSW social worker. She is currently director of family therapy training at the University of Leeds and co-investigator on a large trial comparing family therapy with treatment as usual for adolescents who self-harm. Her interests are in training, clinical supervision, organisational consultation, narrative therapy, self-harm and research protocols for family therapy.


different questions between people. Is there too much or too little love? Is its availability consistent or sporadic? Is it appropriate to developmental needs? Is it negotiated or imposed? Is its expression socially sanctioned? Is it a source of shame or social control? Is there dissonance between the internal experience and the external demonstration or between how participants understand the acts referred to as love? The meaning of love’s problems will be both highly contextual and specific to the clients, who are influenced by micro and broader cultural meaning systems in which their sense of self develops.

Love in the foreground Love was a simple and central entity for Virginia Satir, one of the original American family therapists of the 1960s. Influenced by the human potential movement, Satir supported the individual’s efforts to be more authentic and accepted for ‘who they are’. She saw love as intrinsic to the individual but also expressed between people. This emphasis on interactions between people was central, as family therapy intends to distinguish itself from other practices that focus on the interior psychological life of the individual. Structural family therapy was concerned with developmentally appropriate emotional bonds between family members. Too much love was seen as ‘enmeshed’; not enough was ‘disengaged’. The therapist would act to ‘hot up’ the level of concern or actively interrupt exchanges. Minuchin (1993), its developer, wrote of seeing people trapped in ‘self defeating patterns of disharmony’ but also possessing ‘untapped sources of support, love and care’.

“ A static and singular meaning for love holds little interest and is not often represented as a key word in systemic literature ” Love as pattern Bateson and the Palo Alto group studied communication. Contradictions between the verbal expression of love and the physical demonstration were of central concern. An exchange between the parent who says, ‘I love you’ to the child, but at the same time withdraws or flinches physically, was seen as creating a disturbing ‘double bind’. Bateson’s subsequent cybernetic emphasis led to understanding patterns in the family as feedback loops of stability or change. An act of love could engender further closeness or be met with rejection, which in turn could lead to a cycle of escalating rejection, declarations of love or accommodation. Love or any emotion could therefore be seen as information for the system. Circular questions developed as a technique to track emotions as information about difference. When John says that to be a loving parent he has to be strict, how does that fit with Mary, who believes that loving is more about listening? Circular questions were found to increase empathy between family members (Dozier et al, 1998). Another way of working from a systemic perspective is to use narrative therapy techniques that focus on ‘externalising’. This maps the effects of the problematic emotion on the client’s identity, relationships and intensions for

their lives. An example of externalising is questioning a client: when ‘the obsessive part of love’ is around, how does that interfere with your view of yourself as person who values equality in relationships? When your partner hears you are upset about how the obsessive behaviour affects her, how does that influence her hopes for the marriage?

Current theory The emphasis on cognitions made way for social constructionism, which emphasised language creating between people. Values could be seen as a societal production of options rather than innate characteristics of the individual. The position of ‘strict but loving parent’ in the paragraph earlier could be understood in the context of current discourses about ‘tough love’ or historical ones of ‘spare the rod’. Love can be understood in terms of western romantic true love or filial love of obedience and self-sacrifice. This constructionist theory allowed clients to experience less personal blame and more freedom to question the embedded assumptions. In its efforts to develop a more relational understanding between people, did systemic therapy do so at a cost of not fully attending to the ‘individual felt experience’? In response, more emphasis was placed on the nuanced detail and emotional atmosphere of conversation. It was referred to as ‘experience near’ conversation or a thick rather than thin story. Parry (1998) suggests that it is the very intensity in the emotional storytelling that moves family members to have more empathic, attuned reactions. Social constructionists expanded to include embodied conversational practices beyond words. Small utterances or body language could be seen as indications of important potential communication.

Case study Peter, in a family therapy session, provides a highly emotional account of the time when he saw his granddaughter, Penny, drive recklessly away into oncoming traffic. She was nearly killed as she was escaping from

“ Small utterances or body language could be seen as indications of important potential communication ” The Psychotherapist

her mother, Gill, who was struggling with the onset of a serious mental health illness (Gill is Peter’s daughter). The first telling of the incident in therapy featured his anger at his granddaughter, who, in his eyes, abandoned his daughter. He was also angry at Gill’s failure to acknowledge the abandonment by Penny. The conversation was revisited during the next session. Peter described having had an epiphany, a realisation of how persistently critical he had been of his granddaughter in the face of his daughter’s illness. He sobbed with remorse about not recognising Penny’s distress. He was then reassured by Gill that he was forgiven, and Gill’s wish for more understanding of Penny was then taken up. The exchange between Peter and Gill could be described in interactional terms of pattern. Peter’s criticism of Penny, as the source of Gill’s emotional distress, had been a recurrent theme, and initially this was another episode. Family commitments were very significant to him and his beliefs about his parental responsibility featured strongly. He felt love and protection for his daughter, which was often displayed in frustration and anger with others. The powerful emotions in the telling and retelling of the event contributed to a significant new understanding for both Gill and Peter. Peter’s anger and justified protectiveness was listened to but also available for consideration. The turning point seemed to be related to a question about whether his strong feelings of care and fear for Gill got in the way of his ability to consider how frightened Penny must have been. The epiphany seemed to arise from the connection to both the anger and fear as well as to love and protectiveness. Peter’s capacity to feel remorse allowed Gill to show love. Systemic therapy, while continuing to place emotions in a relational frame, has a fuller account, which includes less distinction between the individual felt experience, family pattern and cultural discourse.

Conclusion Systemic therapists are encouraged to consider the relevant system not only of relationships of people, their language constructions, but also relationships between words, expressions and bodily felt experiences. The careful attention to subtleties of language brings family therapists closer to the psychodynamic

“ The therapist’s capacity to directly support a contemporaneous new noticing of love can have profound consequences for all participants ” approach, and the attentiveness nonverbal communication may create further links with those concerned with body psychotherapy. In line with considering love in therapy, Tomm et al (1998) proposed an ethical and therapeutic view of love as involving opening space for the enlivened existence of others. Family therapists, however, continue to be reluctant to use the word ‘love’. I believe that communications of love may be found in small acts, words or physical feelings not fully available for expression. Such communication brings forth aspects of love into the therapy room, which makes negotiations around other difficult differences more possible. Furthermore, the therapist’s capacity to directly support a contemporaneous new noticing of love can have profound consequences for all participants and is one of the distinctive features of family and systemic therapy. Considering the case study and points raised in this paper, I suggest that the way in which the many meanings of love are actively put in the foreground of therapy needs further expression. P

References Dozier R, Hicks M, Cornille T and Peterson G (1998). ‘The effect of Tomm’s therapeutic questioning styles on therapeutic alliance: a clinical analog study’. Family Process, 37(2), pp189–200. Minuchin S and Nichols M (1993). Family healing: tales of hope and renewal from family therapy. New York: Free Press. Parry TA (1998). ‘Reasons of the heart: the narrative construction of emotions’. Journal of Systemic Therapies, 17(2), pp65–78. Tomm K, Hoyt MF and Madigan SP (1998). ‘Honoring our internalized others and the ethics of caring: a conversation with Karl Tomm’. In MF Hoyt (ed). The handbook of constructive therapies: innovative approaches from leading practitioners. San Francisco: Jossey Bass, pp198–218.


Love in the therapy room

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Sharing concepts to support Black issues in the therapeutic process Psychotherapists and counsellors often lack confidence when working therapeutically with Black issues, which may be unfamiliar. Dr Isha Mckenzie-Mavinga shares her experience of developing a Black empathetic approach.


would like to share some of the concepts that I have developed to assist the exploration of Black issues in the therapeutic process (MckenzieMavinga, 2005).1 I have called these concepts ‘a Black empathic approach’, ‘ancestral baggage’, ‘Black western archetypes’ and ‘recognition trauma’, and they arose from discussions about racism in psychotherapy with trainee counsellors and my own experiences when training. Trainees’ main concerns focused on not feeling confident about working therapeutically with cultural diversity and Black issues. They asked questions such as: how can I raise issues of race and culture and difference with a client who doesn’t raise it when I feel it is an issue? How can I empathise when I don’t know what it is like to be Black? Why do I feel more comfortable as a Black counsellor when presented with a Black client?

Isha MckenzieMavinga

Isha is a published writer/poet and integrative transcultural psychotherapist, lecturer, trainer, supervisor and member of UKCP. She taught for 26 years and is a fellow of the Higher Education Academy. Isha has worked in mental health, with women impacted by violence in relationships and as a student counsellor. Her approach facilitates dialogue and exploration of oppression, internalised oppression, stereotyping and power relationships. She is particularly interested in the dichotomy of racism and homophobia and the use of transformation ritual in the process of healing.


Rupture and powerful feelings Discussions between trainees about racism created ruptures and evoked powerful feelings. White students spoke of guilt and fear of being called ‘the racist’ and Black students feared upsetting the White students in telling their experiences of racism. One student exclaimed: ‘It is dangerous and difficult.’ This shared dilemma created a block. Black students became the experts and caretakers of the White students, but it then became apparent

that their own training needs were not being fully met. Inevitably this raises questions about how Black issues and racism are addressed with clients. Ragina, an Indian therapist, shares how she coped with this challenge: Training was not readily applicable to people from my culture and therefore my work with Asian people would have to be carefully considered, keeping the appropriate values in focus. We had a Black support group, which was very helpful. We took our insights back to the main group. I don’t feel that I learnt a lot of theory regarding Black issues when I was training. I had to do a lot of the work myself about these issues outside of the course, as it wasn’t really available in terms of our training, which was mainly Eurocentric.

The empathetic capacity of the relationship Listening to these difficulties while trying to make sense of Black issues brings an image of being gagged. The theme of Black issues is pertinent, but expression is silenced by the underlying emotions. It became clear that students needed a framework to understand the client–counsellor relationship in the context of Black issues: something additional to theories they were learning about that supported their empowerment and would not perpetuate institutional racism.2 The empathic capacity of the relationship needed to be considered. The historical and intergenerational context of the experience needed mapping and ultimately trauma related to the experience of racism needed to be processed. These three elements of the therapist’s response are important for the safety and wellbeing of the client. The first concept,‘a Black empathic approach’, offers a response that specifically and sensitively relates to a client’s racial and cultural experiences as they express them and as the therapist intuitively recognises them. This approach requires the therapeutic skill of emotional connection, a shared context of the impact of racism and empathic responses built around awareness of self in relation to Black issues. It is also important to recognise the sociocultural context of survival, from slavery and colonialism, that created rifts between Black and Asian people.

1 It must be noted that not all individuals from African and Asian backgrounds identify as ‘Black’, so I am using the term ‘Black’ people to include people of colour as they are the most visible minority and least represented in the field of psychotherapy and counselling. 2 Tuckwell G (2002: 17) describes institutional racism as consisting of established laws, customs and practices that unfairly restrict the opportunities of defined groups of people, whether or not the individuals maintaining these practices have racist intentions.

discussion Living in a racist society

Exposing the archetypes

Whether fully aware or not, Black people have in common the distresses caused by living in a racist society. It is therefore important to consider how racism functions in the institutional fabrics that mirror these issues and whether therapists have enough support to respond in anti-oppressive ways. To the therapist this may seem like going into the rainforest without a guide, yet they may have found it easier to engage with other types of hidden territory in the client’s material. So the therapist’s own personal development and hidden powerful emotions about racism may need to be considered.

In early sessions, Jacinta assigned her power to me, expecting me to ask questions and offer solutions. I felt she portrayed a Black western archetype of subservience, sometimes called ‘step and fetch it’. In Jung’s (1972) terms, together we ‘exposed’ the archetypes. I held out the challenge of her ability to show herself to me without threat to her physical or emotional being. This included sensitivity towards her as a Black woman. Shame and embarrassment related to her past were acknowledged and she confirmed that my ability to reflect the significance of the beatings was important in her therapy. Work with Jacinta in a Black on Black context also assisted my confidence in facing the intergenerational impact of racism. This approach is supported by White therapists who are able to acknowledge the context of racism in a Black client’s life. A Black client reported that she felt relieved when her White counsellor pointed out the racism in her workplace, which she was finding difficult to name in her sessions. In these contexts, the client is empowered and has opportunities to rehearse challenges to institutional racism.

The second concept, ‘ancestral baggage’, refers to what gets passed on intergenerationally that can be influenced by upbringing, sociocultural frameworks and education. For example, humiliation is a major feature of racism and therefore a feature of ancestral baggage. How do therapists consider this aspect of humiliation in their work with Black clients? For Black clients, humiliation manifests in ways that racism becomes normalised as an everyday experience in their lives, often creating low self-esteem. Intergenerational distresses evolving from slavery and colonialism, such as skin shadism and harsh disciplinary experiences from parents or carers, also become normalised.

No right to be here Jacinta, a client of Jamaican heritage, suffered denial of her birth father and a negative gaze from her stepfather, coupled with the pain of beatings. Being ignored by the family and the burden of shame and embarrassment, in addition to racism in her workplace, caused her to believe that she had ‘no right to be here’. These intergenerational processes are transmitted via a third concept I call ‘the Black western archetype’. Black western archetypes are essentially Eurocentric, unconscious psychological processes portrayed in the relational process. When made apparent by mirroring, they reflect how racism permeates the collective unconscious and psychology of Black peoples. This concept is derived from a combination of traditional theory and an idea about Black issues. Jung’s view of archetypes (1972), as symbolic representations of the human psyche that can be altered by becoming conscious, is significantly located in the concept of Black western archetypes and the influence of culture and racism on the unconscious: ‘Fanon suggests that the racist contents of the collective conscious are imposed by White culture’ (Vanoy–Adams, 1996: 165). Inherited psychological patterns become influenced by racist images, behaviour and attitudes that can be recognised in the unconscious life of Black people. They are recognisable in outer behaviour and attitude, and known as internalised racism3 in individuals. These psychological patterns are also portrayed in the family structures of both perpetrators and survivors of racism. Following Jung’s perception that once the shadow archetype is made conscious it can be modified gives hope for the process of recovery from racism.

Racism as perpetrator or victim Making conscious Black western archetypes evokes a process that I have called ‘recognition trauma’. This fourth concept refers to powerful emotions linked to an awareness of racism either as a perpetrator or victim. These emotions either come to the fore as shame, guilt, fear or rage, or they block feelings and expression as defences of denial or dissociation. Black people experience powerful feelings about the hurt of racism and White people experience power issues in the context of witnessing Black people’s experiences of racism. Once these emotions come to consciousness, this process can be worked through. The concepts ancestral baggage, Black western archetypes and recognition trauma work together in the process of understanding the intergenerational influences of racism on the psyche that support a Black empathic approach. I discuss these concepts more extensively in my book (MckenzieMavinga, 2009). On reflection, the block created between students could be viewed as a symptom of recognition trauma, an awakening of powerful feelings related to the impact of racism.

A key role for therapists Racism and recognition trauma need to be understood and worked through by both the victim and oppressor, otherwise internalised oppression can occur. When traumatic experiences occur as a response to racism and prejudice it is not easy to remain aware that both oppressor and victim have been hurt. In counselling situations, this awareness may support both counsellor and client. When working through my own awareness of these roles, I try to remember that we cannot change the past, where we may have learned the role of victim or oppressor, but we do have a choice about influencing the future. I believe that therapists can play a key role in promoting a healthy psychology that values African and Asian identities and contradicts racism and internalised racism. Here are some ways of using these concepts to support this approach:

3 This is a negative, usually unconscious, acting out or acting towards self, in ways that can be emotionally harmful and distort identity. For Black people, in its extreme, this can be seen in skin bleaching and skin scraping caused by a wish to be White.

The Psychotherapist


discussion Black issues and integrate learning into skills and • Explore theory modules in training courses. a Black empathic approach into interracial and • Integrate transracial work. This offers support and provides a safe

• • • •

space for trainees, supervisees and clients to explore their experiences and cultural backgrounds. Develop an interest in both the cultural history and early experiences of racism that may influence a client’s situation. Be aware that when individuals struggle with addressing Black issues, they are where they are and that this process can be viewed as recognition trauma. Be aware of the ancestral baggage and Black western archetypes that may influence this process. There are always powerful feelings attached to racism even when individuals appear to cope with these hurtful experiences. Address silences, denial and dissociative responses to racism, so that individuals know you remain connected to their specific emotional experience even when it gets difficult. This requires therapists to be bold in reflecting on

Letter to the Editor In the spring 2012 issue of The Psychotherapist, former UKCP chair Professor Andrew Samuels interviewed screenwriter Christopher Hampton. The interview focused on the newly released A Dangerous Method, a film directed by David Cronenberg about Jung, Freud and Spielrein. A still and caption from the film were used which highlight an underlying problem with Sabina Spielrein’s status among men, as Madeleine Böcker observes in her letter Let me start by saying that I very much enjoyed Andrew Samuel’s interview with Christopher Hampton. It appeared to me that Andrew was indeed acknowledging Spielrein’s status in the psychoanalytic community when he said, ‘When I watched the film, I clocked a number of references to her as a worker, as an analyst, as a doctor, as a writer. You were pushing buttons there weren’t you? Surely you were?’ If this were, indeed, one of the agendas of the play, film and interview (quite apart from the obvious one), then I must admit I find it rather perplexing – if not perturbing – that in the text under the photo of Freud and Jung we read: ‘The film takes us to turn of the century Zurich and Vienna at the pivotal moment when Jung, Freud and Sabina [sic!] come together and split apart, influencing the birth of psychoanalysis and changing the face of modern thought’. How come, I wonder, it is Jung and Freud, but Sabina? Is this not rather infantalising and reducing her status, while preserving that of the men?

Join the discussion If you are a member of UKCP, you can share your views on articles in The Psychotherapist by logging on to our discussion forum: You will need your membership number, your username (given on your UKCP certificate) and your password. If you don’t know your password, follow the ‘forgotten password’ link on the login screen for a reminder.


their own responses to racism in supervision. Don’t take the experience of racism for granted, as each person’s situation is uniquely linked to their personal identity and developmental processes. Processing racism means processing trauma, often repetitive or vicarious trauma, and Black people’s lives are impacted by this at varying levels. Be willing to explore assimilative and internalised behaviour and attitudes that may inhibit or normalise the impact of racism. P

• • •

References Jung C (1972). The archetypes and the collective unconscious. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul. Mckenzie-Mavinga I (2009). Black issues in the therapeutic process. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan. Tuckwell G (2002). Racial identity, White counsellors and therapists. Buckingham, Philadelphia: Open University Press. Vanoy-Adams M (1996). The multi-cultural imagination. London: Routledge.

During the interview itself, both men refer to Spielrein by her surname, thus affording her equal status; however, is there a little slip back to the old order when Andrew says, ‘It’s clear in the movie that doctors aren’t supposed to have sex with patients and his defensiveness about it with Freud and the way he dealt with Frau Spielrein (Sabina’s mother) suggests that Jung knew that it wasn’t ok at the time’? Perhaps we would have referred to Jung’s father as ‘CarlGustav’s father’ or Freud’s as ‘Sigmund’s’ and perhaps Andrew was just avoiding the dreaded ‘Fraulein’? I really do not wish to sound paranoid or like the thought police but, not long after reading the interview, I attended an excellent lecture at the Association of Jungian Analysts by Dr Gottfried Heuer titled ‘A dangerous method. A talk about the film by David Cronenberg, Sigmund Freud/Carl Gustav Jung/Otto Gross/ Sabina Spielrein: The birth of intersubjectivity – sexual abuse in psychoanalysis’. I was horrified – and delighted – to hear that Gottfried had picked up on the widespread, belittling use of Spielrein’s first name and that he traced it through some of the core literature. Perhaps it is time for us to refer to her as Dr Spielrein? Given that the film shows vividly the intricacies of emeshments (not only the sexual misconduct but how about Mrs Jung’s free associations being witnessed and analysed by Spielrein?) in a time before we had formalised supervision. Personally, I must admit that I know very little of Spielrein’s work (and found Knightley’s overacting pushing me away rather than fostering compassion). I wonder whether we would do well to make some ‘repairs’ to Spielrein by having a feature about her contribution in one of the future issues? Madeleine Böcker From Andrew Samuels: Madeleine Böcker has a point, and there were other ways to manage the fact that both women had the same surname. My apologies. She is also correct to assume that I was interested in establishing that Jung’s approach to therapy with Spielrein valued her abilities as a professional worker in the same field as himself.

ukcp news

A snapshot of the 2012 Research Conference Members of the Research Faculty provide an overview of some of the presentations and papers Chris Evans Chris Evans was the first keynote speaker of the morning, and his presentation provided a stimulating and engaging challenge related to the conceptual metaphors of hard and soft science. Chris told us that hard science is concerned with rigorous, replicable and predictable outcomes that show discernible results and impact – the science of mathematics is a phallic case in point. Soft science is more often applied to the social sciences, which are noted for their endless possibilities, their moderating and mediating variables and infinite incompleteness. He used the two metaphors to illuminate the hard numbers of psychotherapy clients and the soft transmutable interactions of therapist and client. He argued persuasively that the diversity, super-complexity and uniqueness of psychotherapy requires us to transcend the quantitative versus qualitative debate, weaving together the hard and soft threads into ‘hard evidence and reflexive, experiential, embodied complexity’. His presentation brought together the tension that exists between elements that are hard, differentiated and complete and those that are suffused with infinite possibility. Terence Nice

Mick Cooper Mick Cooper’s stimulating keynote presentation discussed an evolving qualitative research method that attempts to articulate and explain multiple change processes in therapy. Key ideas underlying this work are that clients can be helped in multiple ways and therefore therapies hold the potential for multiple pathways of change (although modalities theorise change processes differently). Using a causal network approach, his research seeks to map out the complex relationships and links between key independent variables, ie therapist activities, client activities and helpful effects. Most of this research has

The Psychotherapist

From left: Wendy Hollway, Mick Cooper, Peter Stratton, Angela Cotter, Chris Evans, Linda Finlay

involved in-depth interviews with clients but therapists can also use the mapping process. He clearly demonstrated that research could establish which activities have the potential to be of help to a greater or lesser proportion of clients and challenged us to put clients’ experiences and understandings of the therapy process at the heart of practice. Liz McDonnell

Wendy Hollway This keynote presentation was organised into four sub-themes: the clash between paradigms (scientific – constructionist); the critique of epistemic objectivity as impossible; alternative ‘reflexivity’; and objectivity through subjectivity or reflecting on emotion-based experience. These themes raised a range of questions/ reflections on important issues, most with wider implications for both clinicians and researchers. For example, how do researchers achieve ‘objectivity’, in the sense of fairness, disinterestedness, based on evidence and recognising reality. And what about the psychological processes of making sense of experience (thinking and reflecting on emotional experience)? The key reflections were further illustrated

with examples from one of Professor Hollway’s studies that explored identity change when women become mothers for the first time. After a short introduction to the project, she followed the theme of reflection on feelings – ‘the shared feeling that is so important in the process of making meaning out of someone’s account of their experience’. She explained that there is much to open up and question: for example, how to research this kind of changing experience, and ways to apply a different epistemology to a basic research process. ‘If researchers can only know something by knowing how we feel about it, we must protect the vitality (based on not cutting off the feeling) at every stage’; that is one of the challenges in the coming years. The presentation and the more informal question and answer session stimulated many multifaceted conversations among participants. Sheila Butler

Judith Ackroyd Judith Ackroyd brought a challenging dimension to the conference, drawing on the insights of drama research in different settings. This raised important issues for embodied reflexive research. Can research


ukcp news Paper presentations, session B

interviews somehow be experienced or noted to capture the experience beyond the text? The playwright Pinter is famous for his pauses. Stories are held in what is unsaid – in the pause there is pain, hope and the dream. How do data analysis and research dissemination allow for the fact that 65 per cent of communication is through non-verbal means? Ethnodramatists, for example, perform research results to enable the audience to engage fully. The key points were enhanced and reinforced by her engaging use of performance. Angela Cotter

Linda Finlay Linda Finlay gave a moving keynote, demonstrating a relational-centred approach to research, illustrated by her own experience of supervising research with women about traumatic abortion. She drew out the parallel process in research supervision and the research process, similar to clinical supervision. The women’s stories are hard to hear and tell, with an element of dissociation possible in researcher and supervisor due to the harrowing subject. The importance of paying close attention is tantamount, alongside empathy and compassion. With a plea to move from talk of ‘bias’ to a celebration of subjectivity and intersubjectivity, she emphasised the importance of reflexivity in the work of the supervisor, as well as the researcher, and of setting research in its individual, relational and social-historical context. Angela Cotter

Paper presentations, session D Three very different papers were presented in morning session D. The unifying feature was the importance of reflexivity and the need to be both present in and adapt to our psychotherapeutic interventions in the light of the dynamic generated by the therapeutic relationship(s). Mary Glover took this one stage further back by giving a personal account of how interpersonal dynamics influenced and changed her research methodology and subsequent studies. By engaging creatively with adolescents, Mary adapted her research protocol in the light of their input. Elizabeth Mason presented findings from semi-structured interviews with psychotherapists who were also practitioners of energy psychology. This work addressed the important issues of embodiment and change and the need


How do we listen to, understand and reproduce research participants’ accounts of their lives? Tess Keeble used a literary poetic form to structure her account of James’s experiences of living with multiple sclerosis. Freed from traditional research reporting frameworks, she gave a different type of life and meaning to his experiences that made sense to him and to the people around him.

Judith Ackroyd

for more complex systemic models to understand how people experience distress and change. Elya Steinberg encouraged us to reflect on how embodied change in both clients and therapist can act as markers that indicate transformative turning points. Her approach focused on the effects of psychotherapeutic approaches on our external senses, especially sight and hearing, introducing us to a very tangible example of embodiment. Andrew Wadge

Paper presentations, session E The papers in this session focused on different ways of using, negotiating and understanding the self in research. Using the personal and being alive to the relational allowed each researcher to get a more nuanced understanding of different experiences and phenomena. Patricia Bonnici considered the socio-cultural dimensions of choosing to be child-free in relation to her own experience of therapy, and also reflected on her movements between insider and outsider in her research interviews with child-free women. In researching social workers’ understandings and experiences of reflective practice, Gillian Ruch drew our attention to unanticipated psycho-social reciprocity in the research process and how a researcher might offer possibilities for containment, guidance and practical help – thus increasing reciprocity within the research relationship. Julie Bavridge’s research found that the psychotherapy training journey was significantly shaped by the training organisation and how well the training organisation could hold trainees during a time of heightened self-development. Liz McDonnell

The importance and power of listening in research was highlighted in Jan Mojsa’s presentation, in which the philosophical aspects of listening, ie being able to take leave of oneself and make room for the other (listening as a state of being rather than skilfulness), were explored. The inherent uncertainties in any communication were noted and innovative ways of presenting participants’ experiences were highlighted. The importance of understanding and accounting for the pre-reflective lived experience of both researchers and research participants was the focus of Jamie McNulty’s paper. Liz McDonnell

Paper presentations, session D The three afternoon presentations in this session were stimulating and richly diverse. The principal topics covered were: the essential meaning and function of silence in the therapeutic encounter (Laverne Faith Hewett); Gendlin’s innovative model of knowledge as implicit in our lived experience and felt sense of self in relation to our environment (Anna Magee); and the use of mental imagery to enhance reflexivity and the research process (Val Thomas). The three presentations embodied a spirit of creativity and radical thinking as part of the research process, encouraging us to examine the essence of silence, to think at the edge and to attend to our own conceptual metaphors and mental imagery. The research discourses captured the freshness, immediacy and richness of being research active and how this can usefully be applied to the research process and clinical practice. Such contributions are vital arteries in the lifeblood of psychotherapy research. Terence Nice P A programme and presentations from the day are available to download online at events.html

ukcp news

Assured voluntary regulation: interview UKCP Vice Chair Tom Warnecke puts some questions to the Council for Regulatory Healthcare Excellence chief executive Harry Cayton on what the scheme entails Tom Warnecke: As you can imagine, there is considerable interest in the Council of Healthcare Regulatory Excellence (CHRE*) among our members and in the concept of assured voluntary regulation. Since we cannot all turn up at your offices, we have collected questions, which I will ask on their behalf. Harry Cayton: It’s very reassuring to hear that people are interested in what we do. TW: You’ve written about ‘right-touch’ regulation. What do you mean by that? HC: Right-touch regulation means getting the balance right between the ability of the professional to manage

their own work and conduct and the need for regulation to set standards and ensure that people adhere to them. We’re interested in the idea of less regulation focused on the things that really matter, in quantifying risk and making sure that regulation is proportionate. I have a slightly tongue-in-cheek first law of right-touch regulation, that is you should only use the regulatory force necessary to achieve the desired effect. My simple analogy is of a set of scales and weighing something for cooking. You put the weight on one side, it goes down and you start pouring flour in the dish. And then, suddenly, the scales tip; at that point you’ve got right-touch. If you go

on pouring, nothing further happens. The scales are down. More regulatory force than you need is a waste of effort. What’s needed is just the right amount of regulation to achieve the desired effect or outcome. And the primary outcome in all health and care is the safety and wellbeing of and patients and service users. That’s what regulation exists to ensure. TW: How do you see the difference between ‘right-touch’ and ‘light-touch’? HC: There is a distinct difference. Light touch is not enough, as we’ve seen in sectors like banking and finance. But we’ve also seen over- heavy regulation. To go directly to the issue of psychotherapy, my

Harry Cayton (left) and Tom Warnecke

*CHRE will be changing its name to the Professional Standards Authority from 1 December.

The Psychotherapist


ukcp news “ It gives the public the assurance that if they go to a practitioner on an accredited register, they can be confident of the quality of care they’re going to get ” view is that the model we’re developing of assured voluntary registers is more of a right touch for psychotherapy and counselling than the full statutory regulation model, which is a rather rigid and predetermined way of getting professions to conform. One of the strengths of the voluntary register scheme we’re developing is that it places a great deal of responsibility with the professional bodies themselves. There is less weight on the external setting of rules and standards. TW: The idea of accrediting existing registers is very different from that of statutory regulation, where individuals are registered. How will the authority’s scheme benefit our members who are ordinary practising professionals? HC: The first thing to say is that it is a collaborative scheme, which we have planned very successfully over the past 18 months with some 40 organisations. It places responsibility for standards, for determining what is and isn’t appropriate conduct, very clearly with the occupational register itself. Statutory regulation defines the standards for you, whereas in the voluntary register model you define the standards and we accredit the organisational approach to your own profession and membership. For the first time, there will be a statutory body accrediting the quality of what you do. It gives the public the assurance that if they go to a practitioner on an accredited register, they can be confident of the quality of care they’re going to get. Most complaints about private practitioners we hear about are to do with cost of treatments and whether people got what they thought they were paying for. There are also issues around inappropriate behaviours and sexual boundaries, which is clearly a particular risk in your field for reasons to do with the kind of clients you have and the kind of techniques you use. I see this scheme as a form of consumer


protection because many of the people who’ll be using people on voluntary registers will be clients paying for themselves and there are no managerial systems in private practice. And we believe it will increase the public credibility of psychotherapists. TW: There are practising therapists who aren’t on any voluntary register. Before we go on to talk about consumer protection what are the incentives for people who are not currently on any voluntary register to join one? HC: We hope that over time the public, or GPs recommending psychotherapy to patients, will increasingly choose people who are on accredited registers. You’ll get a certain amount of leverage in terms of making it harder for people to maintain why they’re not on an accredited register and more likely that clients will choose practitioners who are. TW: Some statutory regulation schemes in Europe are quite restrictive. They are more about protecting the market share and influence of particular professional groups than about public protection. The CHRE website describes how the scheme works with and for patients and the public. Can you tell us more how this would apply to psychotherapy and counselling? HC: Some of this will develop because it is a collaboration. We have an extensive patient–public engagement network, with over 260 members across the UK. It is primarily an electronic network but we also hold meetings in Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and England on particular issues and, we have an e-newsletter. We will be talking to member organisations like yours about whether you are collecting your clients’ views of services, whether you are using that information to improve the quality of what you do, whether you are collecting information about complaints and whether that is feeding into policy and practice. We will start to get complaints. People will say to us we went to someone on one of your accredited registers and they weren’t as good as we expected. That’s bound to happen, so we’ll have to engage with register holders about complaints and checking whether they manage those properly. That makes it sounds negative but I don’t think it’s entirely negative.

Engaging with service users is important and can improve the quality of services. We want to help registers do that but we’ll also be doing this ourselves independently. TW: Psychotherapy and counselling encompass a wide range of different philosophies of practice. How will your scheme include that breadth? HC: I think that’s a strength of the scheme. We’re not setting standards for practitioners, so there doesn’t have to be a single standard and people can be flexible in the way they interpret their philosophy and style of working. Clearly there are certain standards around honesty with people’s money but there might be considerable variation in standards of professional competence or the environments in which people work, those kind of things. We’ll be looking to you as the register holder to demonstrate to us that you have the appropriate framework for your profession. TW: So you would expect us to have variations in practice? For example psychoanalysis would be different from body psychotherapy? HC: Yes. You’re the experts. We just want to be sure, so would probably say, how do you measure those standards and make sure people adhere to them? TW: We have one set of standards but would bring in somebody from particular modality to assist with modality-specific standards. HC: That would be entirely appropriate. ‘Standard’ is not about standardisation. TW: That’s a welcome distinction! My next question is from a consumer’s perspective. Statutory regulation would have created standards of education and training, which would have defined terms such as counselling and psychotherapy in terms of the qualifications behind it. Will your scheme require voluntary registers

“ We’ll be looking to you as the register holder to demonstrate to us that you have the appropriate framework for your profession ”

ukcp news to clarify such terms on their register in some transparent framework, for example NVQs? HC: This is a really interesting area and it’s one we’ve struggled with. For any occupational group, you clearly have to have an entry level that is good enough. It’s important to remember that, in statutory regulation, people who enter the register are only those who are good enough to pass those entry level requirements. They aren’t necessarily the top 10 per cent but they pass the entry standard. How do you determine who’s good enough to be practising in your field? There will be considerable variation, so we’ve decided we’re not going to define the level of qualification for any particular occupation. We are going to ask the experts to give us their definition and method of quality assuring the level of entry to their register. If somebody said we think NVQ is an appropriate level for this part of our list and graduate is an appropriate level for that part, we’d say, as long as you have clear reasons, that’s up to you, you’re the experts. TW: Consumers would expect transparency... HC: We would expect absolute transparency for the consumer. TW: Psychotherapy qualifications are generally at masters level, but there is quite a range of counselling qualifications, from two-year courses to masters degrees. HC: This is quite normal in other occupational groups. We would hope in time that qualifications would be visible to the public on the register. We are trying to build public confidence and a lot of that comes through greater transparency. TW: You’d have a problem if two or more organisations claimed or used a similar title but used it very differently. HC: These things will come about over time. We will have to arbitrate and reach agreements. One of the things we’ve already agreed is that if someone was on your register and you removed them for inappropriate behaviour towards clients, they couldn’t leave your register and join BACP. There has to be mutual recognition. TW: Quite commonly, you’ll have practitioners on more than one register, and some of those will be statutorily regulated . Medical psychotherapists

The Psychotherapist

‘Standard’ is not about standardisation

are on the GMC and often also on our register. Or you’ll have people who are on the BACP and UKCP registers, so there would need to be some kind of mechanism HC: Some of this we’ll have to work out – the cases will be individual – but over time rules will be set in the way we work together. TW: Medical psychotherapists have just set up a UKCP college as a joint project with the Royal College Faculty. If there was a complaint to us, we might look to the GMC to take a lead. HC: And probably we would too. And if the GMC didn’t do its job properly, we could climb over the fence and talk to the GMC about it because we oversee them as well. TW: Regulation affects employment, especially in the NHS and third sector. Some of our members working in the NHS are concerned that they will be at a disadvantage to those registered through HPC. What steps will CHRE take to ensure this scheme is recognised? HC: First of all, although it’s voluntary to join, this is a statutory scheme. The NHS will be strongly encouraged to use only professionals on a register accredited by us, including through the ‘Any Qualified Provider’ scheme. This would give your practitioners equal status to statutorily registered people. We’re also looking at other mechanisms such as writing to chief executives, talking to employers giving

advice to those seeking to fill certain posts and working with all accredited registers to raise the profile of the scheme. TW: The concern is that there may be employer preference for people on the HPC register. HC: I hope that won’t happen and I’m not sure why it should if we can make this scheme credible. Membership of an accredited voluntary register demonstrates a personal choice to commit to quality, which is different to being registered by a statutory register. TW: But let’s assume a case where an employer advertises a post and specifies HPC registration. Would you take action on that? HC: It would depend on the post. There are, possibly, areas of counselling where there are a number of different approaches. An employer would have to demonstrate why a particular type of counselling was what they wanted TW: I get letters at UKCP about job adverts requiring the applicant to be BPC registered, for example. We have challenged employers on such occasions. HC: We’d be ready to write to people in these circumstances, saying that, if you’re looking for quality, you should specify that the applicant is a member of the Professional Standards Authorityaccredited Register, not one specific group.


ukcp news Because, actually, we’re levelling out the differences between those two groups and we would want to make that case.

that you have followed your complaints procedure. If you haven’t, we may instruct you to deal with the matter.

TW: I want to side-step into Europe. The European Commission created the Professional Qualifications Directive 2005/36 to facilitate unrestricted professional movement in Europe. Will voluntary registration under your scheme be recognised by the EC Directive’s general system? HC: I don’t know is the answer. We have initiated some contacts but they would clearly wish to see the scheme up and running before they consider it. Interestingly, in our international work, I hear that some people are beginning to see that maybe statutory regulation is too heavy touch for some occupations and that this model that we’re developing here – which is really innovative, nobody’s quite done this before – could be a better model in other countries as well.

The important thing will be for the accredited registers to make sure that they manage their complaints appropriately and efficiently and we will be auditing that on an annual basis. That will be quite a significant test for us – an accredited register dealing with complaints properly.

TW: I think it’s going to be a growing issue. Professional migration is on the increase and the EC has been taking a harder line with governments that have restrictive regulation policies. HC: Well, maybe we could start accrediting internationally– we do international reviews. TW: I’m glad to hear you’ve got Europe on your radar. HC: I’d have to look at our legislation. I’m not sure it specifies that we can only accredit UK organisations. TW: Could you outline how the CHRE scheme will benefit those seeking therapy and those who wish to make a complaint? HC: That is probably the two things it does best. It helps people seeking therapy by giving them a list of therapists they can have confidence in. In terms of complaints, one of the things that gives people confidence is knowing there is a credible, straightforward complaints system. A normal complaints system goes: you complain to your practitioner; if you’re not satisfied with the response, you complain to the voluntary register; the register, with its own internal complaints mechanism, instructs the therapist to repay money, or apologise, or explain more clearly what they were doing and why. If people are not satisfied, they can complain to us. We will not hear the complaint but will check


TW: One last question. Are there plans to protect the titles of psychotherapist and psychotherapeutic counsellor to stop unregistered people using them? HC: We can’t do that. Only statutory regulation can protect titles. But I think the protected title is slightly over-valued. We see people coming off the chiropractors register and calling themselves manipulative therapists. There’s a whole set of very similar subtitles that people use. The accredited registers scheme will explain to the public that you shouldn’t go to someone using one of those titles who isn’t on an accredited voluntary register. That’s not exactly the same level of protection but it is additional assurance and, just as we wouldn’t dream of going to a gas-fitter who wasn’t properly registered, over time people will learn that they

“ We will not hear the complaint but will check that you have followed your complaints procedure ” should always use someone who is on an accredited register. TW: What we have seen from restrictive regulatory regimes with protected titles, for example in Germany or in France, is that there are loopholes in the legislation. It is legal to offer psychotherapy as long as you do not call yourself a psychotherapist. HC: These things are difficult but I don’t think protected titles are in themselves a solution. It’s also true that it’s very difficult to stop people even in a statutory profession. I set myself up as an osteopath and I practise this stuff, so the osteopaths write to me and say, desist. If I ignore it, they have to call the police. And, to be honest, the police are not very interested in prosecuting. They have other things to do. TW: Thank you for your time. P

ICP UKCP cross-border registration agreement UKCP and the Irish Council for Psychotherapy have arranged to provide UKCP members and ICP registrants with the option to get listed on both national registers. The two national accrediting organisations have similar standards of education and training and comparable quality assurance standards. Under the agreement, all aspects of quality assurance such as complaints or CPD requirements will be managed in the practitioner’s country of residence and are the sole responsibility of the national accrediting organisation in the country of residence. Interested UKCP members can apply to be listed on the ICP register for an annual fee of £50. Application forms are available to download on our website at Please be aware that you will need to reapply on an annual basis if you decide to take advantage of this scheme. This agreement aims to support UKCP members and ICP registrants in Northern Ireland and in the Irish Republic who, for example, may want to apply for positions in the neighbouring country. The cross-border registration issue was initially raised at a UKCP regional forum meeting in Belfast and found support from the governing boards of both organisations. This is the first such agreement between two psychotherapy national accrediting organisations in Europe. It is a testimony of the good relations between UKCP and ICP and may lead the way to closer co-operation in other areas of common interest. If you have any queries about the scheme, please contact the UKCP Registrar Alan McConnon at Tom Warnecke Vice chair and chair of the International Committee

ukcp news

Putting the pieces together Marcus Cato, Interim Development Manager, explains what to expect from the new UKCP complaints process


onduct and Complaints Process (C&CP) is the name for our new central complaints process and a tremendous amount of progress has been made on several fronts to move this initiative forward.

Members of the regulations and compliance working group have worked diligently over the past three months to prepare the process, which was agreed by the Ethics Committee and accepted in principle by the Board of Trustees on 19 July. By the time you read this, a consultation with all members will have taken place. The results will be reviewed by the Ethics Committee, which will decide on any changes to be made and submit a final proposal to the Board of Trustees. The organisational members who have signed up so far include: Association for Family Therapy and Systemic Practice National College of Hypnosis and Psychotherapy Sherwood Psychotherapy Training Institute Psychosynthesis and Education Trust London School of Biodynamic Psychotherapy Chiron Association for Body Psychotherapists Re-Vision

• • • • • • •

What you need to know about our C&CP Costs

• • •

Increase of £50 for each individual member from October 2013 Increase of £50 for direct members from January 2013 No further increase for organisational members for the next three years at least

Emphasis on resolution The new C&CP shifts the focus from determining how complaints can be managed to facilitating opportunities for both parties to settle their differences in an informal way.

The Psychotherapist

and implementation of the logistics surrounding the management of committees, panels and hearings Captures feedback about how we are managing complaints.

Reporting Produces regular complaints monitoring, performance and statistical reports that currently are compiled manually.

Client and therapist support

Fast forward to January 2013

The procedure is more supportive and responsive and less adversarial than the present system.

Managing complaints effectively requires having an efficient system and people who are trained and can respond quickly. The aim is to have the new case management system implemented in the last quarter of 2012 and the relevant trained staff and panel members ready to go on 1 January 2013. Cases received after 31 December will be processed under the new system.

Proportionate All those involved will undertake training and induction programmes that will enable them to undertake their roles objectively and ensure that proportionality is achieved. Resolution will be at the forefront of their dealings with clients and therapists.

Public representation There will be more lay involvement in decision making. Lay members will work alongside panel members from relevant colleges pertinent to each individual case.

Responsive We are aligning internal resources to support C&CP and strengthen service standards to ensure that clients, therapists, committee and panel members receive timely responses.

Increased transparency and accountability A case management system will be put in place, enabling recording, accessing, planning, facilitating and communicating from a central database of complaints records. This will improve standards and the responsiveness, monitoring, auditing and the transparency of the process. It will allow staff to access the central database and give secure web access only to panel members and others involved in specific cases to track the progress of their case. The case management system will allow clients to determine the status of their own case online via iPad or computer.

The words of our strapline seem most appropriate at this point as we strive to put our new complaints procedure in place: ‘putting pieces together with knowledge compassion and understanding’. P Previous articles in The Psychotherapist have explained the rationale for having a central complaints process and outlined how the new procedure will improve our service to members (see issues 50 and 51).

Seniors and disability network A small support group was started a year ago under the aegis of the Diversity Equality and Social Responsibility Committee, which has been running since then and welcomes new members. We use the telephone conferencing facility provided by UKCP to meet on the phone once a month and adjust the time of the meeting according to the needs and preferences of members. We aim to provide positive and constructive support for the challenges which we tend to face in older age or with disability.

We don’t assume that all older psychotherapists are disabled or that all disabled people are older, but for some people these issues are combined. It seemed more practical to explore dealing with the two sets of issues in one meeting – it is always possible to revise this according to the needs of members.

If you’re interested in joining us, please contact Marion Brion via the UKCP office by emailing

Less labour-intensive than the current system, the new process will have a hosted, stand-alone, computer-based case management system that: Ensures confidentiality while providing key points for regular audit, risk assessment and review Facilitates the circulation of documents, recording of decisions


ukcp news

Transpersonal Special Interest Group: second meeting, 20 May 2012 Encouraged by the support of over 200 members, the second meeting of the Transpersonal Special Interest Group took place in May. Janet Love looks forward to the next event on 11 November


t the open forum in March, I gave a presentation on the proposed inner and outer evolution of the Transpersonal Special Interest Group. To make our group accessible to all, I used an abbreviated version of Maslow’s 1968 definition of the transpersonal: beyond individuality into something which is more inclusive than the individual. Our proposed way forward for inner evolution would therefore be to be more inclusive in our individual organisation of UKCP, reaching out to the 80 plus member organisations, including psychotherapy approaches not overtly named transpersonal.

“ Exchanging traveller’s tales was the most appreciated aspect of the day ”

Our group’s proposed path for outer evolution is based on our recognition of

between transpersonal psychology and

psychotherapy’s place in the larger body of the healing professions. This led us to invite Professor Les Lancaster, Chair of the British Psychological Society and Professor of Transpersonal Psychology, to address our meeting in May. To represent our own faction of transpersonal psychotherapy, we invited veteran and author, Dr John Rowan. Our theme for the day was ‘What are the relationships, differences and tensions transpersonal psychotherapy?’

UKCP Transpersonal special interest group meeting Sunday 11 November 2012 • 11.30am – 4pm • Remembrance Sunday The Ballroom, Centre for Counselling and Psychotherapy Education, 2 Warwick Crescent, London W2 6NE Theme:

Different approaches to transpersonal psychotherapy


Tom Warnecke, UKCP Vice Chair, Member and Information Services

Key Speakers: Dr Heward Wilkinson, HIPC Chair, Honorary Fellow of UKCP ‘Remembrance, Creativity and the Transpersonal’

Chris Robertson, BSc, MPhil, Co-founder of Re-Vision, UKCP Organisational Member ‘Flesh of the Soul’

Followed by discussion groups and open forum. This event is free and participants will receive a UKCP Certificate for Continuing Professional Development. To book your place, visit:


Away from the margins Our Chair, Tom Warnecke, opened the day, eloquently expressing encouragement for moving the transpersonal away from the margins into the domains of a mainstream topic. Rupert Tower, member of our steering group, the protagonist in organising the meeting and occupying that rare position as transpersonal psychologist and psychotherapist, gave the introduction. His metaphor for our meeting was that of a bridge: a bridge that presupposes the presence of another, a pathway, and a meeting place. It was the perfect analogy for us to embrace the other and to listen to a transpersonal approach to psychology. Professor Lancaster was an impassioned speaker and a firm advocate of the transpersonal being regarded as an academic discipline. His knowledge was profound with personal references to his own interest in Jewish mysticism and the Zohar. He also addressed beguiling questions such as what is the root of thought?

The root of thought Dr John Rowan exuded a kind and subtle presence and placed the transpersonal in a historical/theoretical context. He drew on the work of Ken Wilber and gave an overview of other transpersonal movements across the globe. He touched on ‘the root of thought’ by encouraging us to strip down our beliefs and embrace the idea of nothing as a starting point. In the afternoon we reassembled in small groups so that all the participants could express what the transpersonal meant to them. One participant said that, for them, the transpersonal meant a whole way of being rather than just a modality of psychotherapeutic practice. He went on to share his own spiritual path: being aware of providing the right conditions

ukcp news “ Embrace the idea of nothing as a starting point ” for the seed of our being (holding the meaning and purpose of our life) to germinate, and in so doing being able to grow into becoming the plant of our being. I include this vignette because exchanging traveller’s tales seems to have been the most appreciated aspect of the day.

A work in progress We then moved on to the open forum. Under discussion was how our group might be recognised as a UKCP faculty . This is a work in progress and we will be writing to all member organisations to

invite participation. The way we currently envisage the group working is for different member organisations to host events with revolving responsibilities. It is important not to wallow in the British practice of self-congratulation. Some of the feedback was that the day had low energy and that the main topic was not addressed adequately. We aim to address this in the next meeting on Sunday 11 November.

The Egyptian Goose I would not be true to my own experience of the meeting without including the following anecdote. During the late part of the morning, directly in my line of sight outside the window, I was mesmerised by the sight of a most amazing bird, which I could not identify. It was perched

“ The Egyptian Goose: a symbol of incarnation of the Divine ” majestically on one leg on the very top of a pollarded linden tree. Sitting next to me was Paul Maiteny, a steering group member and an anthropologist and ecologist. He shared my experience and was able to name this rare bird – an Egyptian Goose. Later he forwarded me this: The Egyptian Goose symbolises Geb, God of the Earth, In the Earth and Under the Earth, first ruler of Egypt and husband of Nut (Goddess of the Sky). A symbol of incarnation of the Divine. I share its presence with you all. P For more information on the group, contact

The Psychotherapy Club Martin Pollecoff introduces innovative new social networks around the country for UKCP members ‘The Psychotherapy Club’ is getting started. It’s a grassroots movement to create opportunities for psychotherapists and psychotherapists in training (students) to get together alongside other mental health specialists to network, have fun, drink, eat, learn, socialise, supervise, create, flirt, whatever... All charges are to cover food and drink. This is run by the UKCP but guests do not have to be UKCP members to attend. We are just starting out and these are our first events. If you want to run an event or you want to find out more please call me on 07802 338 773 or email For a full listing of events in your area go to Martin Pollecoff UKCP trustee representing individual members

10 November 2012 • Buckinghamshire

17 November 2012 - Norfolk

Queen’s Head, 20 Church Street Chesham, Old Chesham,

George Hotel and Pub, Swaffham Road, Dereham, NR19 2AZ

Buckinghamshire HP5 1JD From midday Katy Baldock

2-4pm Trish Turner and Liz Jenkins Trish and Liz invite you to the George Hotel and Pub for the

Katy invites you to join her at midday. The food is good, it’s a

inaugural meeting of the Norfolk Psychotherapy Club. A

great pub and you get to meet, mingle and talk shop.

conservatory has been reserved for the group.

What’s not to like? Please contact Katy: 07808 721439 • or if you are really shy - just turn up on the day.

The Psychotherapist

Just turn up or contact Trish Turner: or Liz Jenkins:


ukcp members

Reparative therapy, psychotherapy and Pilkington – where do we go from here? We need to expand our knowledge and understanding of our gay and lesbian clients, asserts Di Hodgson, and avoid the preconceptions and misconceptions generated by the media


Sexual orientation and ‘deviant’ behaviour

eparative therapy has been a hot topic in the press this year, much of the attention connected with the well-publicised Pilkington case. The case has caused considerable debate in the media, legal and psychotherapy professions. At UKCP, we’ve noticed increasing numbers of questions, concerns and misunderstandings about the meaning of our guidelines published last year.

of their therapy. For others, their orientation remains fluid. Neither the exploration, nor any resultant change, suggests unethical practice. The ethical question is concerned with the therapist’s ability to avoid implying a preference and, possibly through their lack of awareness, colluding with societal or the client’s internalised homophobia, or colluding with the notion that having a religious belief and being gay or lesbian are necessarily incompatible.

A safe space

A neutral stance

What should we do when clients want to discuss their sexual orientation? The question has many levels and layers, which cannot be covered in detail in a piece of this size. But perhaps we need to start with some of the fundamentals for psychotherapy. We provide a safe space for exploration with no investment in the outcome. So we cannot undertake anything which could be described as reparative (there is nothing that needs ‘repairing’) or conversion or SOCE (sexual orientation change efforts). What we can do is extend that safe space to those who are ambivalent, distressed, afraid, uncertain or conflicted by their sexual orientation – positions which are understandable give that this group is frequently pathologised, discriminated against and on the receiving end of prejudice, abuse and harassment. Many of you will recall the ‘lepers amongst us’ references in the media earlier this year.

So we go back to first principles and take a ‘neutral’ stance. One might argue that this neutral stance is only achieved and achievable through mindful awareness rather than a stance of benign non-judgmentalism. Easier said than done. This requires us to be aware of the cultural context and willing to discuss the context in which these feelings are experienced at a societal, relational and individual level.

For those who have thought, or think, that the guidelines mean we cannot work with someone who has questions about or is conflicted by their sexual orientation for religious or other reasons – I can say they don’t. For many people, their sexual orientation is not fixed. Some people do ‘change’ their sexual orientation in the course of their lives and sometimes in the course

More contentious is the idea that some therapists, while not offering ‘reparative therapy’, are nonetheless causing harm to their gay and lesbian clients. Rather than blatant prejudice, more likely is failure by the therapist to understand the impact of heterosexism, which then manifests in unconscious bias. This could include the therapist inappropriately thinking that depression or anxiety is caused


by their client’s sexual orientation, so they are consciously or unconsciously looking for reasons why someone is gay or lesbian. In doing so, they inadvertently perpetuate the idea that heterosexuality is the ‘normal’ default position and homosexuality is pathological.

Blatant prejudice in the therapy room is possible, though unlikely. An optimistic view would suggest that those therapists who, because of their own beliefs, do not feel comfortable working with someone on an exploration of their sexual orientation would refer on, in the same way that they would for anything else that they deem outside their competence. This is an acceptable and ethical thing to do, and supervisors have a key role.

Another way in which this happens is the perpetual confusion caused by the media, the general public and, dare I say it, some psychotherapists in making connections between sexual orientation and what might be described as ‘deviant’ or unacceptable sexual behaviours. We recently had a question about whether our guidelines on reparative therapy applied to paedophilia. Often this tendency flows from failing to look differently at sexual orientation rather than expressions of sexuality and from talking about sexual orientation in the same breath as abuse, incest, paedophilia, etc. These inappropriate connections feed the idea that homosexuality is personally or socially damaging and therefore can/should be ‘treated/repaired’, which adds fuel to the argument in support of reparative therapy. Of course we can, and should, continue to help clients who want to explore their sexual orientation. But we do so with awareness, humility and knowledge. Rather than believing that being gay or lesbian is indicative of trauma, abuse, attachment issues or arrests in development, our task is to expand our knowledge and understanding of the prejudices felt by this group. P Dr Di Hodgson Chair of the Diversity, Equalities and Social Responsibility Committee Visit for information on UKCP’s campaign against reparative therapy Download UKCP’s Guidance on the practice of psychological therapies that pathologise and/or seek to eliminate or reduce same sex attraction at: standardsandpolicystatements

ukcp members

Raising your profile Over the coming months, we will be making some changes to the UKCP website to make it more accessible to the general public. This will include improvements to the Find a Therapist function. Our aim is to make it as easy as possible for people to find and get in touch with therapists, which will ultimately increase the number of enquiries you receive . To take advantages of these changes it is

important to make sure that your profile on the website is informative and up to date. We have produced a guide to give you some ideas and hints on how to do this and what to include. If you have amended your profile before, this is the ideal time

to review, update and improve it. If you have never tried to change your profile, it is a simple process; the accompanying instructions to the guide will help you through it. P To download a copy of the guide, please visit our website raisemyprofile

Referral services and email scams affecting members We have been made aware of various

Referral services

scams taking place specifically targeting our members, who are being contacted using the details on our Find a Therapist directory.These scams are usually performed through cold calling or by email.

We have also been made aware of a referral service that is contacting members.

Email scams Emails are currently circulating from an individual in the Netherlands asking to come to the UK for therapy. The individual states that they wish to pay an advance fee. The fee arrives in the form of a bank draft but for a larger amount than requested. The individual apologises for the ‘mistake’ and requests that the recipient send the excess amount to a ‘travel agent’ who is arranging the individual’s travel to the UK. The bank draft is a forgery. One member has already been affected by this scam.We therefore urge members to be vigilant about such emails and to exercise judgment when responding to anything such as the above.

An individual on behalf of the company is cold calling members and offering them a service that will help them gain more GP referrals. This service is provided for a fee. We would advise our members to be aware of such services and not to commit to anything that they have not thoroughly considered. It’s advisable to research any company contacting you about a referral service. You shouldn’t agree to anything over the telephone unless you are absolutely sure about the legitimacy of the service and happy with the person you’re dealing with and what you are being offered. Insist on seeing written details and a copy of the company’s full terms and conditions before registering. By law, callers should identify themselves and the company they are calling from.

Professional indemnity insurance We have negotiated special rates on professional indemnity insurance for UKCP members with two leading insurance companies. Balens Specialist Insurance Brokers and Towergate Insurance are offering our members special rates on professional indemnity insurance schemes for our members based on the quality of our register and regulation systems. Both policies meet the requirements of our Ethical Principles and Code of Professional Conduct. This is a member service to support your professional practice and help you manage the costs of your practice. We don’t receive commission from either of these insurance companies. For more information, please visit our website We can’t recommend which insurer you might choose. Please contact the individual insurance company if you would like to discuss your insurance needs in detail. The special rates are for UKCP full clinical and non-clinical members only – your specially negotiated rate will increase if you cease to be a UKCP member.

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Always ask for the person’s name, the name of their company and department, and their contact number. If the person you are speaking to cannot, or will not, provide these details, or if they become abusive, end the call immediately. Be particularly wary if the caller transfers you to someone else during the call. You may be able to request a copy of the recording of the phone call if it is claimed that you or one of your employees placed a definite order during a phone call.

What can I do? If you do not wish to receive unsolicited sales and marketing calls, you should register with the Telephone Preference Service (TPS), which operates a central opt out register covering everybody from individuals to companies. It is a legal requirement that companies do not make cold calls to numbers registered on the TPS. This service is free of charge. For further information visit the TPS website. If you feel that the organisation is acting fraudulently, you may wish to contact Action Fraud, the UK’s national fraud reporting centre and the place to report scams or get advice if you’re not sure what to do ( If you have paid for a service, you could also contact your local trading standards office, which can investigate the matter. UKCP is limited in what we can do directly because, ultimately, it is the individual’s decision where they choose to advertise their services. If they choose to advertise with an organisation, it becomes a civil agreement. We are therefore trying to alert our members to be careful about what they sign up to. P


ukcp members

Book reviews What will you do with my story? Elizabeth Meakins (2012) ISBN 9781855757929 £16.99 Published by UKCP/ Karnac [Freud] is not seeking deep dark secrets. The opposite is true. He asks for a narrative from the ordinary.1 Elizabeth Meakins has achieved something relatively rare in psychoanalytic writing. She talks to her reader, in a vernacular of subtlety and presence, about an analytical psychotherapy of ordinary lives in which she and her patients share their suffering and the struggle to weave meaning out of the common lot. In the process, she honours her patients and their work, and the power of a diverse psychoanalytic tradition, to bring ‘enriched common sense’2 to therapeutic endeavour.

Eloquent distillation In a little more than 100 pages, Meakins offers an eloquent distillation of her own avowedly pluralistic thinking on some of the fundamental themes of analytic theory and practice – the centrality of the client’s story and language, how unconscious processes manifest themselves in the therapeutic relationship, the subtle balances of creativity and destruction in our assertions of privacy, the patterning of our early relationships, our sexual identities, the therapist’s and patient’s sharing of uncertainty and meaning as a collaborative hope. But this is not a work of psychoanalytic theory. It is a book about the collaboration of patients and therapists living in the work together. The voices of patients, and their echoes in our own bodies, are strong and moving. They are the heart of each chapter. The poetry of Meakins’ reflections accompanies their stories and pays homage to the sacred in the everyday.

Embedded in the ordinary Her language clings to the ground. ‘A dream always has its own contour, its beginning middle and end that was

cooked up in the unconscious’; ‘Like a teenager who just can’t be arsed she started to turn up late and express boredom with the therapy’. Her attitude to the tribalism of psychoanalytic culture is equally down to earth: ‘The terms transference and countertransference are so overloaded with a complicated history of meanings and an almost esoteric expectation of psychic phenomena that this area more than any other is, I think, where theoretical explanations and expectations can block us from experiencing what is really happening.’ What will you do with my story? is a refreshing take on doing psychotherapy within an analytic frame. It will encourage therapists and patients who value a search for meaning embedded in the ordinary. Paul Atkinson Addictive personalities and why people take drugs – the spike and the moon Gary Winship (2012) ISBN 9781780499765 £17.09 Published by UKCP/Karnac Talking to addicts about the dangers of drug use is ineffective, and may even increase the likelihood that some users will take drugs. We might do well to start from an axiom that drug users take drugs because they are dangerous. (Winship: 74) This represents the core of Gary Winship’s argument, carried throughout the book, which is a mixture of solid academic study, first-hand experience and a highly creative approach to psychotherapy in general and to substance abuse in particular. The world of addiction is under-researched in the field of psychotherapy, puzzling since psychotherapy offers a genuinely alternative way of understanding why people take drugs.

“ It is the ecstatic feeling of intoxication that runs the user into the pathway of self-destructiveness and sometimes death ” Life and death The oppositional drives of life and death, which Freud described as eros and thanatos, put the addict in a state of constant conflict: ‘The prospect of a life-threatening disease or sudden death from overdosing on an adulterated intoxicant can seemingly be considered in the same orbit. It is the ecstatic feeling of intoxication that runs the user into the pathway of self-destructiveness and sometimes death’. We are introduced to Spike who Gary Winship worked with for several months – a heroin user in his late forties nicknamed because of his long-term injecting: ‘Death in Spike’s case oozed from his very psychic and physical pores.’

Fed and sated Drawing on literature, film, Freud, religion, myth, poetry and music, we can see connections between craving for drugs and craving for breast milk. The idea that addiction can be understood psychologically to be an ‘oral disorder’ is not new, though Winship’s thesis proposes a specific connection between breast, milk and addiction. In research, users report that a drug-induced state evokes the feeling of being fed and sated and replaces desires such as sex. There is much more to explore in this relationship. How can we move away from the current focus on ‘harm minimalisation’ to looking at situations where someone has stopped taking drugs and understanding why this happened? Perhaps that is the task of psychotherapy research. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in the deeper manifestations of any kind of addiction. Diane Waller Read Diane’s full review of the book online at:

1 Bollas, C (2007). The Freudian moment. London: Karnac Kindle, loc. 173. 2 Mitchell, SA (1997). Influence and autonomy in psychoanalysis. Hillsdale, NJ: The Analytic Press, p.209.


ukcp members

Psychotherapy and spiritual direction: two languages, one voice? Lynette Harborne’s new book asserts that the similarities between psychotherapy and spiritual direction far outweigh the differences. Spiritual direction, she says, could even be considered a modality of psychotherapy.


sychotherapy and spiritual direction: two languages, one voice? considers the practices of psychotherapy and spiritual direction. When I started my psychotherapy training I was already very interested in the whole idea of spiritual direction, as I wanted to be able to integrate my Christian faith into my work without compromising the professional standards to which I was committed. I did not want to be labelled a ‘Christian counsellor’, but was comfortable to be known as a psychotherapist who had a personal Christian faith. With this in mind, I decided to embark on spiritual direction training simultaneously, a decision that I was sometimes to question when faced with the realities of the time and energy commitment that this choice required. The term ‘spiritual direction’ is perhaps an unfortunate one, implying as it does considerable power imbalance between director and directee. However, this is misleading as the process is very much one of mutuality and shared exploration. Barry and Connelly (1994: 51) state:‘Spiritual direction places itself at the service of the relationship between the directee and God’.

Background and context At that time, the prevailing view was that spiritual direction and therapy were two quite separate activities with little in common, a view that initially I accepted almost without question. However, I regretted the considerable mutual suspicion that I often observed between the two groups of practitioners. At best, the two activities were sometimes seen as complementary but, perhaps more frequently, there was an almost hostile view

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that they were completely different – many spiritual directors viewing psychotherapy as purely the search for individual fulfilment and many psychotherapists considering any mention of spirituality or religion as pathological and indicating distorted thinking. I often heard spiritual directors asserting quite forcefully, ‘We aren’t counsellors’, and I sensed there was real negativity in this assertion. As my experience developed, I found that I just couldn’t relate to these polarised views, as my own experience of personal therapy and spiritual direction suggested something very different. It seemed to me that the similarities far outweighed the differences and I eventually came to the conclusion that, while the content might sometimes (though not always) be rather different, the process and the experience were essentially the same. Perhaps even more important, the aim of therapy and spiritual direction seemed essentially to be identical, both seeking to enable the client – or directee – to live life in the fullest way possible, reflecting the words of Irenaeus, a second century bishop in Gaul: ‘The Glory of God is the person fully alive.’

Differing attitudes During this period, I also realised just how little had been written about spiritual direction in a UK context. The North American literature is considerable, and attitudes towards spiritual direction are very different from those found in the UK. In the USA and Canada there are numerous masters-level training courses, something that as yet are just not available in this country, where the provision of courses is still thin on the ground, and where there are still directors who disavow the whole idea of the necessity and value of specific training.

It was a while before I felt confident enough – perhaps brave enough – to express my ‘emperor’s new clothes’ view of this situation – and to challenge traditional attitudes. But, once I found my voice, I realised that I was not alone in my thinking and that others shared my experience.

The challenges It is out of all these circumstances that my book has emerged, and by the time I started to write it I was already pretty convinced that the similarities between the two activities far outweighed the differences. However, during the next two years, I became increasingly aware that such differences as there were almost exclusively involved boundaries and ethical issues rather than content, process or even theoretical understanding. Two things soon became clear to me. First that psychotherapists do their clients a disservice when issues of spirituality are ignored or pathologised. And second, when I considered spiritual direction in the light of the common factors that Frank and Frank identify as being present in all forms of therapy (and indeed in all forms of healing), it could be argued that the practice of spiritual direction is consistent with the stated criteria.

Ethical practice During the process of writing the book, and since its publication, my ideas have developed and progressed. It has become clear that the fundamental question that lies at the root of the considerations I have raised is one of ethical practice. In the case of psychotherapy, it would be considered


ukcp members completely unethical, unprofessional and unacceptable for a therapist’s personal views to intrude into the therapy to the extent that something of particular significance to the client could be ignored, dismissed or pathologised. Most therapists would claim to take a holistic view of the person and yet some would not include the spiritual in their definition of what ‘holistic’ means, despite the acceptance by the NHS of the importance of acknowledging this element in patient care. In fact, as early as 1948, the World Health Organization stated: ‘Health is not just the absence of disease, it is a state of physical, psychological, social and spiritual well being’ (Spiritual Care Matters, 2009: 6). UKCP states: ‘Psychotherapy involves exploring feelings, beliefs, thoughts and relevant events’ (, clearly indicating that a client’s beliefs may be part of therapy. Adrian Rhodes, chair of the European Association of Psychotherapy also stated in a UKCP press release in May this year: ‘It is ... wrong to ... define religious faith as a pathological state to be eradicated.’

Psychological principles In the case of spiritual direction, lack of knowledge and understanding of basic psychological principles can even, in certain cases, be considered to be a danger to the mental and emotional wellbeing of directees, which would certainly constitute unethical practice. The hostile attitude shown by some spiritual directors towards anything they consider indicates a ‘professional’ approach also helps to maintain a ‘spiritual direction good, psychotherapy bad’ attitude among some clergy and others with devoutly held faith views, many of whom would, in my view, benefit enormously from some personal therapy. Maintaining such a negative view does nothing to help improve and increase access to psychotherapy, therapy that could well contribute to idea that ‘the glory of God is a person fully alive’ quoted above. I am also becoming more aware of the effect on the therapist of working with clients’ spirituality and find myself wondering whether the reluctance of some therapists to engage with this aspect of their clients’ material might be seen as an unconscious avoidance of personal challenge. By and large, therapists are able to work with all sorts of client material and are willing to examine their countertransferential responses in either


their own therapy or supervision – but this is often not the case with spiritual issues. Why not? If we consider therapy to be an intersubjective process in which therapist and client co-create meaning, it follows that the effect of the therapy may be a mutual one, and I wonder what this might mean for a therapist who claims to be an atheist?

A modality of psychotherapy? In the final chapter I conclude that the similarities between psychotherapy and spiritual direction far outweigh the differences. Bearing in mind Frank and Frank’s common factors theory, I suggest that, in fact, spiritual direction should be considered to be a modality of psychotherapy. My observation is that spiritual direction is no more different from mainstream therapy than other specific areas, for example bereavement or addiction counselling. While I understand that not everyone may be willing to go as far as this, I invite readers to reflect on my proposal with a genuinely open mind and a willingness to share with and learn from each other so that understanding and cross-fertilisation between those involved in the two activities can be increased and developed. Throughout the book, I emphasise my

hope that discussion, dialogue and debate may arise which will involve readers in a way that will lead to improved provision of both psychotherapy and spiritual direction. It seems important that psychotherapy training courses consider very carefully how the subject of spirituality and religion may be included in their programmes. I would not advocate anything resembling a study of comparative religion but I would like to see students being challenged to consider their own views and possible prejudices in this area and would encourage them to maintain an attitude of curiosity and open mindedness. However, it is perhaps even more important that those of us already working in the field of psychotherapy can clearly be seen to be modelling this in our own attitudes and practice. P

References Birmingham M and and Connelly WJ (1994). Witnessing to the fire. Kansas City: Sheed & Ward. Frank, J. D. & Frank, J. B. (1991). Persuasion and healing: A comparative study of psychotherapy (3rd ed.). Baltimore, MD: Johns Hopkins University Levison C (ed) (2009). Spiritual care matters. Edinburgh: NHS Education for Scotland.

Lynette Harborne’s book is available now from Karnac Books. Go to


UKCP and Karnac books invite you to the launch of

LoveSex: an integrative model for sexual education by Cabby Laffy (part of the UKCP book series) Friday 30 November 2012 • 6.30-8pm Karnac book store, 118 Finchley Road, London NW3 5HT This book looks at how our brains, minds, bodies and emotions interact to create our experience of sexuality, and how we can create a sense of sexual self-esteem and a nutritious sexual diet for ourselves. As Laffy notes in heriIntroduction, ‘We think and talk about sex as something we do, rather than sexuality being something that we have; and being sexual, as something that we are. We talk little about feeling sexual or the emotional and relational reasons for sexual desire; about the fact that it is usually an ‘other’ that we want to be sexual with. Our focus seems to be on how much sex we can have rather than how we want to express ourselves sexually.’ LoveSex challenges the cultural commodification of sex and sexuality, and encourages the reader to experience ‘being sexual’ rather than ‘doing sex’ or ‘looking sexy’. It offers help recovering from sexual shame and the sexual abuse and violence that are so pervasive in our society, and it does all this in an affirming, accessible yet psychologically sophisticated way, making it suitable for lay readers and therapists alike.

RSVP to Constance Govindin at or telephone: 020 7993 3175

ukcp members

Books in the UKCP series Order books in the UKCP book series – a partnership between UKCP and a specialist in psychotherapy and mental health publishing – using the form overleaf Why can’t I help this child to learn? Understanding emotional barriers to learning Helen High (2011) £16.99 ISBN 18557578771 The book outlines theories of child development from the point of view of the kinds of relationships children make with adults and the effects of their relationships on their learning. In exploring these issues, the book draws on attachment theory and psychoanalytic theories of emotional development. Therapy with children: an existential perspective Chris Scalzo (2010) £18.99 ISBN 1855757301 This book explores the existential themes and challenges present in all therapeutic relationships when working with children. The role of brief therapy in attachment disorders Lisa Wake (2010) £20.99 ISBN 1855756977 A comprehensive summary of the range of approaches that exist in the brief therapy world, including cognitive analytic therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing, Ericksonian therapy, neurolinguistic psychotherapy, provocative therapy, rational emotive behaviour therapy, and self-relations therapy. The use of psychoanalytic concepts in therapy with families: for all professionals working with families Hilary A Davies (2010) £16.99 ISBN 1855755154 This book begins with a readable practitioner’s guide to psychoanalytic theory and concepts. It moves on to give a number of detailed practice-based examples of the application of this theoretical model in the therapy room

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with the families of children seeking help with a variety of difficulties. Why therapists choose to become therapists: a practice-based enquiry Sofie Bager-Charleson (2010) £20.99 ISBN 1855758261 At the heart of this book lie six separate accounts as told by counsellors and psychotherapists in a reflective writing and peer support group, each representing a different modality and all coming with very different backgrounds. The 3-point therapist Hilary A Davies (2009) £9.99 ISBN 1855757462 The 3-point therapist is the charming story of one trainee’s journey in search of professional success and recognition. What she learns is unexpected and changes her predicted path. Child-centred attachment therapy: the CcAT programme Alexandra Maeja Raicar with contributions from Pauline Sear and Maggie Gall (2009) £20.99 ISBN 1855755055 This book describes the development of the child-centred attachment therapy (CcAT) model of working with children with attachment difficulties. Diversity, discipline and devotion in psychoanalytic psychotherapy: clinical, training and supervisory perspectives Gertrud Mander (2007) £18.99 ISBN 1855754737 The emergent self: an existential-gestalt approach Peter Philippson (2009) £16.99 ISBN 1855755253 This book tracks a particular understanding of self as emergent from the relational field: philosophically, from research evidence and in its implications for psychotherapy.

Hidden twins: what adult opposite sex twins have to teach us Olivia Lousada (2009) £20.99 ISBN 1855757417 An insightful look into the lives of three opposite-sex twin pairs. Candid, informative and rich in psychological detail. Not just talking: conversational analysis, Harvey Sacks’ gift to therapy Jean Pain (2009) £19.99 ISBN 1855756892 Good relationships depend, above all, on our skills in conversation. Harvey Sacks’ method, conversational analysis, was the springboard for Jean Pain’s research into psychotherapy as a social activity that depends for its success on the quality of the therapeutic dialogue. Our desire of unrest: thinking about therapy Michael Jacobs (2009) £20.99 ISBN 1855754898 Psychosis in the family: a personal and transpersonal journey Janet Love (2009) £16.99 ISBN 9781855755208 Dialogue and desire: Mikhail Bakhtin and the linguistic turn in psychotherapy Rachel Pollard (2008) £20.99 ISBN 1855754492 The muse as therapist: a new poetic paradigm for psychotherapy Heward Wilkinson (2008) £20.99 ISBN 1855755956 Shakespeare on the couch Michael Jacobs (2008) £16.99 ISBN 1855754546 What is psychotherapeutic research? Del Loewenthal and David Winter (2006) £24.99 ISBN 1855753013 Revolutionary connections: psychotherapy and neuroscience Jenny Corrigall and Heward Wilkinson (ed) (2003) £22.99 ISBN 1855759411


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Papers from Pink Therapy Pink Therapy has published papers translated entirely for free by a number of volunteer translators These papers on gender and sexual diversity therapy and another on sexual orientation, initially appeared in a slightly amended format in the Sage Handbook for Counselling and Psychotherapy (third edition) and now the English versions are being made available alongside foreign translations.

Sub total Less 20% UKCP member discount* Plus postage** Total *UKCP membership number **Postage Within the UK: £2.50 for the first book and £1 for each additional book. All items are sent by second class post or similar within the UK. For an alternative postal service or overseas, please email for a price

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Pink Therapy are making these papers available for free download to help increase awareness of Gender and Sexual Diversity Therapy (GSDT) issues. They are aimed at psychologists and other mental health workers, but we suspect many other people will find them of interest as they represent our current thinking in this area. You can download them here:

If you would like to offer your services to translate these papers into other languages please contact

Books for review Under the skin: a psychoanalytic study of body modification By Alessandra Lemma Considers the motivation behind why people pierce, tattoo, cosmetically enhance or otherwise modify their body from a psychoanalytic perspective.

The quest to feel good

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By Paul Rasmussen Emotions, rather than simply being the result of random or disordered biochemical processes, are adaptive mechanisms that are often overly relied upon as a function of basic learning processes.

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Group and Team Coaching

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By Christine Thornton A new perspective on the subconscious and non-verbal processes through which people learn and communicate with each other in groups.


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To review these books contact

Cut out this form and return to: The Psychotherapist Book Orders, UKCP, 2nd Floor Edward House, 2 Wakley Street, London EC1V 7LT

For a full list of books currently available for review, along with reviewer’s guidelines, visit:


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Welcome to our new UKCP members New UKCP-registered psychotherapists Francesca Ruth Favorito Fernanda Clarissa Cristiana Michelle Michelle Lisa Kathleen Lucy Adriana Anna Holly Victoria Gabrielle Margaret Elizabeth Mark Jill Luisa Mark Charlotte Vivien France Kathryn Urtzi Fiona Rachel Susan Vanessa Emma Kirsten Jane Jenny Gerry Janet Emma Shelley Laura Sybil Mark Dorothy Mary Caroline Jeremy Sarah Jinny

Ahmed Allen Barbarello Barros Bartlett Battistuzzi Baxter Bearman Bedford-Cooper Bennet Brace Brito Broadhurst Brockwell Brown Brown Bunker Bunting Carlin Carter Caruso Chan Clements Cockcroft Couelle Coxon Cristobal Crombie Curtis Curtis-Jones D’Arcy Dashwood Davie Dawson Duarte Egan Fengeros Field Francis Fulcher Fuller Gawlinski George Goldstein Gougerty Gould Graham Gray


Michael Lesley Elizabeth Janet Elaine Julie Mary Rebecca Shona Lesley Emma Peter Emma Evelyn Vanessa Anna Shahira Julian Kirsty Reg Rachel Emma Susan Michael Juliet Mary Alice Helen Pauline Emma Michael Margaret Cassie Lucy Smita Emma Cindy Joao Dariel Charlotte Jutta Hilary Kamla Gemma Antonia Stephanie Ian Amanda Kathryn Rialda

Green Greenway Grunberg Haggar Hall Hannan Head Hickman Hillkirk Hinder Hodgkins Hopgood Jack Jagger Jarrett Joy Kamal Keeling Kennedy Kielty Kittermaster Lanham Lee Lloyd Lyons Maguire Mexter Miskin Morgan Nabavian Naphine Nicholls Oakeshott O’Connor Pandit Paterson Pearce Pereira Pertwee Philippsohn Pieper Plant Rattu Redfern Richardson Riddle Roberts Rogers Ross Sebek


Dianne Carole Sharon Juliet Sarah Marion James Kenneth Rosie Patricia Helen Mark Devang Sue Stephanie Alexis Martin Gilead Noa Young Sun Sharyn Corry Guernina

Shebioba Simmons Smith Soskice Stansfield Stefanowicz Stevenson Theron Thoburn Touton-Victor Tschak Vahrmeyer Vaidya Wilkins Wilson Winskill Wrench Yeffett Yeheskel-Baum Youn Young Zandvoort Zoubida


New UKCP-registered psychotherapeutic counsellors Ann Tracey Andrew Susan Judith Sarah Joanne Linda Josephine

Carroll Fuller Hancock Harvey Humphreys Lekhi Marinou Marley McGuire


Omission Board of Trustees biography Issue 51, Summer 2012 p29 Apologies to Inger Gordon for omitting to print that she is also the current Chair of the College of Family, Couple and Systemic Therapy.

Key ACAT: Association of Cognitive and Analytic Therapists; AFT: Association for Family Therapy and Systemic Practice; BC: The Bowlby Centre; BCPC: Bath Centre for Psychotherapy and Counselling; CABP: Chiron Association for Body Psychotherapists; CCPE: Centre for Counselling & Psychotherapy Education; CFAR: Centre for Freudian Analysis and Research; FCP: Foundation for Psychotherapy and Counselling; GAPS: Guild of Analytical Psychology and Spirituality; GASW: Group Analysis South West; GCL: Gestalt Centre, London; GPTI: Gestalt Psychotherapy Training Institute; HIPC: Humanistic and Integrative Psychotherapy College; IATE: Institute for Arts in Therapy and Education; IGAP: Independent Group of Analytical Psychologists; ITA: Institute of Transactional Analysis; MC: Minster Centre; MI: Metanoia Institute; NCHP: National College of Hypnosis and Psychotherapy; NGPC Northern Guild for Psychotherapy and Counselling; PA: Philadelphia Association; PET Psychosynthesis and Education Trust; SEA: Society for Existential Analysis; SITE: Site for Contemporary Psychoanalysis; SPCRC: School of Psychotherapy and Counselling Regent’s College; SPTI: Sherwood Psychotherapy Training Institute; TEM: Temenos; TER: Terapia; UPCA: Universities Psychotherapy and Counselling Association; WPF: WPF Therapy Ltd

The Psychotherapist


continuing professional development Events

UKCP accepts no responsibility and gives no endorsement or recommendation of the courses or individuals mentioned in the events

october 27 & 28 October 2012 – Desford, Leicestershire Imago Relationship Therapy - an introduction to Imago theory & skills for working with couples Imago Relationship Therapy is a comprehensive and practical therapeutic approach for helping people experiencing relationship difficulties to achieve relationships which are safe, passionate and satisfying. Facilitator: Montreal psychologist Dr Sophie Slade. For more information contact Anita Mountain. T: 01455 824 475 E: W: and www.

November 6 November 2012 – London Body dysmorphic disorder. Recognition, assessment and treatment masterclass The masterclass delivers an overview of the key issues relevant to the recognition, assessment and treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). Co-ordinated by Anusha Govender, Principal Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist. For more information contact Nick Worner. T: 020 3513 6305 E: W:

8 November 2012 – 28 April 2013 – London Imago Relationship Therapy: basic programme For therapists who already have a practice with couples or who wish to develop one. 12 day small group intensive program helps therapists to grow personally and professionally. For more information contact Sophie Slade.

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9 November 2012 – Bristol Working With Men Anger Numbness and Grief A one-day training seminar with Simon Roe. Contact Juliet Grayson. T: 01291 638 805 E: W: diary.htm

9–11 November 2012 – London Psychodrama Experiential Workshop with Anna Chesner These weekends are designed to give an opportunity for personal exploration and development in a safe environment, as well as an understanding and experience of the method. Contact Anna Chesner. Contact telephone for more details: 020 7515 6342 E: W:

Save the date! UKCP Promoting Occupational Practice Committee annual supervision conference

An evolving art? Contemporary developments in supervision Saturday 2 March 2013, London The practice of supervision, like its sister the practice of psychotherapy, has factors in common across a diversity of approaches and special interests. As we are buffeted by complex demands personally, professionally and politically, finding and consolidating common supervisory principles and practices is just as important as celebrating what makes practice different. This conference offers an opportunity to hear a multiplicity of supervisory voices coming together to create a polyphonic conversation.

Who might benefit from attending? If you take your own work with clients to another professional to critically enquire and reflect upon it; or if you offer a space to which others come to critically enquire and reflect upon their work, this conference is for you. health professionals • Mental Nurses • Occupational therapists • Social workers • Psychologists using therapeutic approaches • and clinical supervision

More details to follow soon. For further information please contact or telephone 020 7014 9966.


continuing professional development 10 & 11 November 2012 – London Alchemy of Relationships Alchemy of Relationships. Exploring, opening our hearts and changing our relationships. For more information contact CCPE. T: 0207 266 3006 E: W:

10 November 2012

Sex, lies and social networking – growing up in a technological age UKCP Children’s Faculty conference focussing on the specific challenges faced by children and young people in the internet age. T: 020 7014 9966 E: W:

10 November 2012 – Kettering The Meaning of Money and Time in the Therapeutic Relationship This workshop explores issues around payment and money, what is being shown in the transaction with you by the client. Time issues look at boundaries and violations. Contact Karin Creasy. Full details on website. T: 07812 049 109 E: W:

15 November 2012 – Newcastleupon-Tyne Psychoanalytic Insights into Personality Development in Children and Young People Psychoanalytic Insights into Personality Development in Children and Young People. A series of three thematic supervision seminars, structured on a case-based discussion group format. Number three - Individuation; Latency and Adolescence. For more information contact Annette Butters. T: 0191 209 8383 E: W:

T: 020 7183 2485 E: W:

16 November 2012 – Castlefield, Manchester EFT Level 1 (Introductory) Training with EFT Master Tania A Prince This is an intensive introductory training course that provides students with a thorough grounding in how to effectively use EFT. The course includes demonstrations and gives students plenty of opportunity to practice with fellow attendees in a safe, supervised environment. For more information contact Tania A Prince. T:01625 520016

16 & 17 November 2012 – Lancaster Hall Hotel Group Analysis and Psychodrama 2 day workshop. Group Analysis and Psychodrama. Dr Mario Marrone and Marcia Karp will demonstrate the methods separately and then combined. Contact Edna Davis. London Psychodrama Network contact: Cost £120. Students £50. T: 07944 856 083 E:

17 &18 November 2012 – Castlefield, Manchester EFT Level 2 Training with EFT Master Tania A Prince This is an in-depth, intensive training course that provides plenty of opportunity for attendees to practice in supervised conditions. It is full of live demonstrations. The course is intended for those who would like to gain a deeper knowledge of EFT and for those who would like to become a Practitioner. For more information contact Tania A Prince. T: 01625 520016 E:

15 - 19 November 2012 – London

17 November 2012 – London

Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy: Teacher Development - Part 1 Trainers: Patrizia Collard PhD & Helen Stephenson. Fee: £660 / 620 if booked 2 months in advance. Location: 11mins from London Bridge by train. Accommodation available at the same venue for £30/night (Only 2 rooms)

Anger and Rage - Psychodrama workshop Anger can be a healthy and natural human emotion. In this workshop we will be looking at the constructive use of anger, as well as rage and the roots of violence. Contact Anna Chesner. T: 020 7515 6342

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17 November 2012 – Lewes, East Sussex Young People on the Edge: Working with Adolescents who appear Out of Control Experiential workshop for people who work with adolescents who seem chaotic and out of control. Working effectively with shameful, angry and confused young people and their networks. Contact Tanya Smart. T: 07790 979 571 E:

19 & 20 November 2012 – Tavistock Centre Early Years: Importance of Early Intervention for Babies at Risk Early Years: Importance of Early Intervention for Babies at Risk. Sponsored by the Charity ipAn. A Toolkit for the Emotional Screening of Infants and Early Signs of Distress. For more information contact the Tavistock Centre. T: 0207 4333112 E: W:

23 November 2012 – Manchester Managing Dangerous and Potentially Dangerous Persons This course will enable the therapist to manage the risk of violence in primary care, secondary care and private therapy settings. PDP definition, ways of working, written multi-agency communications and safety plans. Formulation of violence risk. For more information please contact Mr Kevin Kennedy MSc MPhil T: 0161 683 0781 E:

23 - 25 November 2012 – Bristol AIT Basics The first seminar teaching a method of energy therapy that integrates into many psychotherapy modalities. A pre-requisite for all other AIT (Advanced Integrative Therapy) seminars. Contact Heather Redington. E: W:

24 November 2012 Exploring Existential Conscience in Therapeutic Practice


continuing professional development This is a one-day workshop exploring the therapeutic advantages of distinguishing between moral and existential conscience; and in particular, examining the concept of existential conscience as a distinct creative potential with its own developmental origins. A significant proportion of the day will be dedicated to the therapeutic applications of these concepts through a brief analysis of a film, clinical examples, and experiential exercises. Contact Prof George Berguno T: 07530 737 930 E:

24 November 2012 – Winchester Teaching Clients to Tolerate Emotions This workshop is aimed at therapists who work with emotionally avoidant clients. Two senior clinicians from the NHS will share their experience of using exposure techniques with clients who try to avoid painful emotions such as sadness, shame or guilt as well as anxiety. They will introduce the principles and pitfalls of exposure work and demonstrate how to use them with clients. Contact John Dunkley T: 02380487592 E: W:

24 November 2012 – Birmingham Breathing into life - exploring our breathing moving selves This workshop will increase our awareness of our breath and explore our relationship with our own breathing. We will explore what supports or hinders our breath, how our breath supports or interrupts our vitality and creativity, and how we can apply this to our work with clients. Includes experiential exercises and creative explorations (e.g. movement, touch, writing and using art materials). Run by Juliet Denham, Gestalt psychotherapist and trainer. Contact Juliet Denham. T: 01746 718 231 E:

the concept of existential conscience as a distinct creative potential with its own developmental origins. A significant proportion of the day will be dedicated to the therapeutic applications of these concepts through a brief analysis of a film, clinical examples, and experiential exercises. Contact Prof George Berguno. T: 07530 737 930 E:

24 November 2012 – Kettering, Northamptonshire Creative Ethical Practice How do we develop and sustain a practice that is ethical but not rule-bound; creative but not careless; safe but not personally or professionally defensive? Contact Karin Creasy. Day workshop with Patti Owens. T: 07812 049 109 E: W:

24 & 25 November 2012 – London Creative CoupleWork Diploma Post-graduate training over 7 weekends, November 2012 - May 20, in London and one residential week in Spain. A dynamic combination of systemic, somatic, humanistic and analytical elements within an evolutionary and developmental framework. A skill set, methodology and theory base pioneered for two decades. For more information contact Lyn Jones. T: 020 7267 7098 E: W:

24 & 25 November 2012 – Scarborough Exploration of Equality, Diversity & Anti-discriminatory Practice within the Therapeutic Encounter This workshop, led by Divine Chaura, will eplore and examine how equality, diversity and anti-discriminatory practice come into the client-therapist relationship.For more information please contact Kate Evans T: 01723 376246 E: W:

24 November 2012 – London Exploring Existential Conscience in Therapeutic Practice s This is a one-day workshop exploring the therapeutic advantages of distinguishing between moral and existential conscience; and in particular, examining


infant mental health and early intervention. Cost- £150. T: 0141 445 6066 E: W:

DECember 1 December 2012 – Hemel Hempstead Trauma and the Body: Dissociation and Somatisation Led by Carolyn and Rob Spring, exploring why so many trauma survivors suffer from numerous physical issues eg chronic pain and chronic fatigue syndrome, or a difficulty in connecting with the body at all. We’ll be looking at the impact of trauma on the body, and how it seems that the body can also be a key to unlocking the psychological issues of trauma, in particular with reference to dissociative disorders. For more information contact Rob Spring. T: 01480 878409 E: W:

1 December 2012 – Edinburgh Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) it’s Theory and Practice with Hypnotherapy A British Psychological Accredited Seminar presented by Robin Thorburn of Exclusive Hypnotherapy, the longest established Hypno-Psychotherapy Practice in Edinburgh. Contact Robin Thorburn. T: 0131 4145 2485 E: W: seminars.php

1 December 2012 – London Journey into the Labyrinth Transformational CPD workshop inspired by myth and deepened through movement, music and arts. We will discover what treasures lie within and how we can find new possibilities for our life. Contact Isabella Florschutz. T: 07796 331 618 E: W:

27 November 2012 – Edinburgh Every Baby Matters Mellow Parenting are hosting their 3rd international conference at the Royal College of Physicians of Edinburgh. Conference themes include attachment,

4 December 2012 – London Post Holocaust Transgenerational & Intergenerational Trauma - are you still touched by the Holocaust? We will explore how transgenerational

continuing professional development Write for The Psychotherapist Would you like to respond to something you’ve seen in this issue? Or to something in the outside world that is affecting you as a psychotherapist? Do you or your OM have a particular group of clients that you specialise in working with? Or are you involved in a particular project you think is innovative or unusual? Have you attended a workshop or seminar that has influenced your personal practice that you would like to share with or recommend to other psychotherapists? Write with your suggestion(s) to trauma unfolds, using the example of the Holocaust. In particularly -the somatic, relational and emotional aspects and how this can be attended to in therapy. Contact Dr Elya Steinberg and Gerhard Payrhuber. T: 07956 899 516; 07984 085 355 E: W:

4 - 8 December 2012 – Nr Budapest, Hungary Chiron and the ancient mysteries Residential exploring the archetype of Chiron and its implications for self and world healing. Uses and evokes the energies of the field and our ancestors for reconnection. For more information contact Bronwen Rees. T: 07809 637 533 E: W:

6 - 8 December 2012 – London Schema Therapy for Complex Cases A 3 day workshop providing theory, experiential exercises and live demonstrations. This workshop is Module 1 of three and is part of the ISST approved curriculum in Schema Therapy. Fee £350. Contact Dr Gill Heath. E: W:

6 December 2012 – Chester Mindfulness and Inquiry 1 day masterclass. Contact Francis Hooton. T: 01248 382 939 E: W:

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7 December 2012 – Manchester Psychotherapeutics of Sex Addiction This course will look at the assessment, management and realpse prevention strategies used for sex addiction. In addiction it discusses blurred boundaries of legal and illegal sexual behaviours. Attendees will recieve a workbook od proven exercises. An advanced course will be available. For more information please contact Mr Kevin Kennedy MSc MPhil T: 0161 683 0781 E:

8 December 2012

4th UKCP Open Forum Critical moments for psychotherapy in Britain Topics covered at the next forum will include the UKCP register, UKCP’s Central Complaints Process and UKCP’s ethical stance in society. Join the debate in person or via video-link from your computer. Pre-booking is essential for this event and viewing the live video link. To guarantee your place please complete our online form on the UKCP website. T: 020 7014 9966 E: W:

8 December 2012 – Kettering Understanding Suicide 1 day training is designed to equip participants with an increased emotional and practical base to be able to understand the complexities inherent in suicide. Contact Karin Creasy. With Suzanne Schultz. T: 07812 049 109 E: W:

11 - 15 December 2012 – North Wales Four-day Mindfulness Retreat Four-day retreat. A four-day residential course in North Wales, offering space for nourishment, inspiration and learning focusing on Mindfulness. For more information contact Anne Douglas. T: 01248 382939 E: W:

11 December 2012 – North Wales Silent Retreat Deepening Mindfulness Practice for 8 week course graduates. 5 day residential. Contact Francis Hooton. T: 01248 382 939 E: W:

15 December 2012 – Kettering Reflect, Recharge, Explore, Create, 2 The ‘Reflect, Recharge...’ series of experiential, creative workshops for practitioners offers ‘Ending- My Work, Myself’ as its theme, using art, music,and other media in a gentle and supported setting. Contact Karin Creasy. T: 07812 049 109 E: W:

January 2013 1 January 2013 - 1 March 2014 – Scarborough TScPTI CPD Certificate: Bodywork in Therapy Eight three day modules over 14 months with Janet Hills to deepen your theoretical

Wealden Institute presents


Embracing our Heritage: the Legacy of Eric Berne With Claude Steiner TSTA and other leading contributors For details go to:


continuing professional development T: 02380487592 E: W: ATSAC Annual Conference Saturday 26th January 2013 - London Sex Addiction - Attachment, Trauma or Opportunity? An opportunity to consider the complex issues that often present in the therapy room. In addition, we’ll explore how modern technology is creating a new breed of sexual addiction and consider how this influences both assessment and treatment. ATSAC Member - £105 (early bird £85*) Non-member £115 (early bird £95*) Speakers: Sir Richard Bowlby, Dr Janina Fisher, Paula Hall & Eoin Stephens For further information please email Cynthia Palmer on

knowledge and explore a mindful and experimental attitude to working safely with embodiment in therapeutic environments. Contact Kate Evans. T: 01723 376246 E: W:

1 January 2013 - 31 March 2013 – North Wales Distance Learning 8 week Mindfulness Programme Contact Francis Hooton T:01248382939

5 - 12 January 2013 – London Teacher Training Retreat Level 2 Contact Francis Hooton T:01248382939 W:

12 January 2013 – London Teaching Clients Mindfulness of Emotions Mindfulness skills can help emotionally avoidant clients to become more aware of their moment-by-moment experience. In this workshop two senior clinicians from the NHS will share their experiences and techniques for teaching clients to be mindful of their emotions. Delegates will learn how to encourage mindful experiencing and how to gently highlight the internal behaviours that prevent people being fully open to the current moment. Contact John Dunkley


12 - 17 January 2013 – North Wales MBSR - Aspects of the 8 week Course 5 day residential Contact Francis Hooton T:01248382939 E: W:

15 January 2013 – London Attending to the Silence trans- and intergenerational post-holocaust trauma group for all sides The holocaust and its aftermath still have a fundamental mind and body impact on many of us. We are inviting all those with whom these thoughts resonate to an ongoing therapy group. Contact Dr Elya Steinberg and Gerhard Payrhuber. T: 07956 899 516; 07984 085 355 E: W:

17 - 20 January 2013 – Cotswolds The Hero’s Journey and the Creative Self with Robert Dilts and Stephen Gilligan A rare opportunity to experience two of the world’s foremost facilitators codelivering. Both captivating, inspiring trainers at the top of their fields, but together, live energy that shouldn’t be missed. Contact John or Samantha Field. T: 01386 725 679 E: W:

Skype. There will be a 5,000-word essay to complete in order to qualify. Contact Sam Evans. T: 020 7431 2693 E: W: contentCategoryView.asp?category=934

25 January 2013 - 1 February 2013 – Birmingham Teacher Training Retreat Level 1 8 day residential Contact Francis Hooton T:01248382939 W:

February 2013 1 February 2013 – Chester Mindfulness and Cancer 1 day Master Class Contact Francis Hooton T: 01248382939 E: W:

12 February 2013 – London Attending to the Silence trans- and intergenerational post-holocaust trauma group for all sides The holocaust and its aftermath still have a fundamental mind and body impact on many of us. We are inviting all those with whom these thoughts resonate to an ongoing therapy group. Contact Dr Elya Steinberg and Gerhard Payrhuber. T: 07956899516; 07984085355 E: W:

18 January 2013 - 8 March 2013 – London Teacher Training Retreat Level 1 Contact Francis Hooton T:01248382939 E: W:

19 January 2013 - 22 September 2013 – London Diploma in Supervision 19-20 Jan, 16-17 Mar, 18-19 May, 20-21 Jul, 21-22 Sep, 2013 The course will run over five weekends. The training involves 45 hours theory and 15 hours median group experience. In addition 45 hours of group supervision of supervision will take place weekly either face to face or via telephone conferencing/

The Professional Certificate in Sex Addiction (PCSA) This course takes place over eight 2 day modules and provides comprehensive training in the treatment of sex addiction. The curriculum is based on an integrative approach and teaching is delivered by a range of professionals working within the field. Dates: 2 modules per month December ’12 – July ‘13 Venue: Warwickshire Cost: £2,250 For further information please email Cynthia Palmer on

continuing professional development Attractive individual rooms and large group room for rent within a Counselling Psychotherapy and Wellbeing Centre in the heart of Romsey in Hampshire Reasonable rates from £10/hour to help you grow your business. £25 for regular 4 hour session over 42 weeks/year. Please call Wings on 07946 400 257 or e mail 16 & 17 February 2013 – London Engaging with Diversity The London Centre for Psychodrama welcomes guest presenter Di Adderley, sociodrama and psychodrama trainer. Contact Anna Chesner. T: 020 7515 6342 E: W:

23 February 2013 – Cumbria ‘A Body of Knowledge’ Annual TA Conference A 1 day regional conference event with the focus on the body. We are looking for presents the orkshop proposals deadline is 1st August 2012. Contact Coral Harrison. T: 07766 706 066 E: W:

28 February 2013 – London Group Supervision in the Helping Professions Robin Shohet has developed an integrative process model with Peter Hawkins which is used internationally in a variety of helping professions. Contact John Dunkley T: 02380487592 E:

march 2013 2 March 2013 UKCP Promoting Occupational Practice Committee Annual supervision conference An evolving art? Contemporary developments in supervision The practice of supervision, like its sister the practice of psychotherapy, has factors in common across a diversity of approaches and special interests. As we are buffeted by complex demands

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personally, professionally and politically, finding and consolidating common supervisory principles and practices is just as important as celebrating what makes practice different. This conference offers an opportunity to hear a multiplicity of supervisory voices coming together to create a polyphonic conversation. T: 020 7014 9966 E: W:

to experience the mindfulness-based stress reduction 8-week course and may be the first step towards training to deliver Mindfulness-based courses. For more information contact Anne Douglas. T: 01248 382939 E: W:

June 2013 4 - 7 June 2013 – North Wales Specialist Teacher Training in MBCT 4 day residential T: 01248 382 939 E: W:

7 June 2013 – Chester Mindfulness and Groupwork 1 Day masterclass. T: 01248 382 939 E: W:

APRIL 2013 11 April 2013 – Oxford

13 & 14 June 2013 – Bangor, North Wales

CBT for Insomnia with Prof Kevin Morgan Insomnia is the most frequently reported psychological symptom in Britain, yet it remains poorly understood, and inadequately treated in most healthcare settings. This workshop is designed to improve the understanding, clinical assessment, and psychological management of chronic sleep problems which arise either alone (such as primary insomnia) or in the context of other physical or psychological conditions (such as comorbid insomnia). Contact John Dunkley T: 02380487592 E:

Enquiry Process 2 day workshopT: 01248 382 939 E: W:

august 2013 2 August 2013 – Chester Mindfulness and Brain Injury T: 01248 382 939 E: W:

Holistic Insurance Services Specialist Insurance for Counsellors and Psychotherapists

MAY 2013 3 May 2013 – Chester Mindfulness and Psychological Processes 1 day Master ClassContact Francis Hooton T: 01248 382 939 E: W:

6 - 11 May 2013 – North Wales Five-day Residential MBSR Mindfulness Event This programme offers an alternative way

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The Sesame Institute, is offering a two year continuing professional development course in London beginning in December 2012. Linked to the work of James Hillman this Jungian programme is open to registered counsellors, psychotherapists, all health professionals, teachers and clergy wishing to discover how embodied imagination and movement offer an image language for the Soul, when words cannot do justice to the presence of the numinous teacher and inner healer.

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The course places high value on experiential work having its own potency in therapy, and honours symbol based language as the prime energy in any healing work. Please see for more. The inclusive fee is £2500. Successful graduates will be awarded a Sesame Institute Certificate in the Use of drama and movement in therapy. More information: If you would like further details of this or any of the other courses Sesame runs please contact Christine Hanfrey at the Sesame Institute. 27 Blackfriars Road, London SE1 8N Tel: 020 7633 9690



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continuing professional development Accredited and Validated Couple Counselling and Psychotherapy Training

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Come to our OPEN EVENING to find out how and for an opportunity to speak to our tutors and students. Date: Friday 9 November, 17:30 – 19:30 Fee: FREE but please register details

Autumn Conference

Making Judgments or being judgmental? A Problem in Clinical Assessment and Beyond Keynote Speakers: Penny Crick, Clinical Director, London Clinic of Psychoanalysis and Stan Ruszczynski, Clinical Director, Portman Clinic. Date: Saturday 24 November, 09:30 – 16:30 Fee: £125 or £105 if booked before 1/10/12

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                                

    


       


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continuing professional development Schema SchemaTherapy Therapyfor for Complex Cases Complex Cases

(Mode (ModeWork) Work)


Est. 1980

Our 2012/13 CPD Programme includes: - Diploma in Supervision starts Nov 2012 - Certificate in Groupwork workshops including: Developing Effective Groupwork 18 January 2013

Dr Tara Gormley & Dr Gillian Heath Dr Tara Gormley & Dr Gillian Heath Schema Therapists UK Schema Therapists UK th th Thurs Thurs6 6th––Sat Sat8 8thDecember December2012 2012

Venue: Venue:BPS BPSLondon LondonOffices Offices Fee: Fee:£350 £350

A 3 day workshop providing: A 3 day workshop providing: • theory • theory • experiential exercises • experiential exercises • live demonstrations • live demonstrations This workshop is Module 1 of three and is part of the ISST This workshop is Module 1 of three and is part of the ISST approved curriculum in Schema Therapy. approved curriculum in Schema Therapy. Modules 2 and 3 will be held in February and May 2013. Modules 2 and 3 will be held in February and May 2013. For all enquiries email or visit our For all enquiries email or visit our website for further information and a booking form. website for further information and a booking form.

Understanding Group Dynamics 9 & 10 May 2013 Group Facilitation 10 x Friday mornings in Autumn 2013

….………………………… Gestalt in Organisational Development - Core Concepts for Working with Organisations 2-day workshop in spring 2013 ….………………………… - Giving Voice—for those afraid to sing and shout! 8 & 9 December 2012 - Working with Children & Adolescents 8—12 April 2013 - Working with Gender Identity 20 April 2013 ….…………………………. We also have a selection of well-appointed, comfortable Therapy Rooms for hire from £6.75ph For details of all our courses, visit our website: contact us on 020 7247 6501 or

Centre for Counselling & Psychotherapy Education CCPE

Centre for Counselling & Psychotherapy Education CCPE

Weekend Seminars 2012

M.A. in Transpersonal Counselling and Psychotherapy

u Facilitating u Alchemy

Spiritual Growth - 27 & 28 October

of Relationships - 10 & 11 November

Cost: £160 (non-refundable deposit £80) Times: Saturday 10am – 5pm Sunday 10am – 5pm Email:

Diploma in Transpersonal Couples Counselling & Psychotherapy This one-year p/t post-graduate course offers a holistic and integrative approach to working with couples. The course takes place over nine weekends.

Start date: January 2013 Email:

CCPE Beauchamp Lodge, 2 Warwick Crescent, London W2 6NE Tel: 020 7266 3006 Email:


Conflict Challenge & Confrontation in Groups 7 & 8 February 2013

An academic degree combined with thorough professional psychotherapy training at Masters Degree level. Validated by The University of Northampton and accredited by the BACP and UKCP This is a two-year part time M.A. training. Please contact CCPE for further details and entry requirements.

Start date: January 2013 Email: CCPE Beauchamp Lodge, 2 Warwick Crescent, London W2 6NE Tel: 020 7266 3006 Email:

continuing professional development The Psychotherapist Guild Ad. 7/8/12/2:The Psychotherapist Guild Ad 7/8/12



Page 1

Supervision Course for Psychoanalytic Psychotherapists An innovative training from a pluralist perspective organised around 7 Saturdays from January to July 2013. In-depth discussion of different theories of transference, ethics and boundaries. We also explore the impact of class, culture and sexual identity in different supervisory settings. Emphasis on developing practitioners’ own unique style of work. Suitable for experienced supervisors and more recently qualified clinicians. Leads to BAPPS (British Association of Psychoanalytic and Psychodynamic Supervision) registration. Application closing date: 14 December 2012

Professional Training in Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Open Day 26th January 2013 The Guild offers an established (since 1974), UKCP approved, pluralist psychoanalytic training reflecting a spectrum of theoretical contributions. Trainees (who come from diverse backgrounds) are introduced to the richness and diversity of psychoanalytic perspectives on unconscious life, the sources of human distress and the psychotherapeutic encounter. The Open Day offers an opportunity to meet with members of the Training For further information and application forms for all courses please contact:

Committee and former trainees and to hear about the training programme.

The Guild of Psychotherapists

Introduction to Psychoanalytic Concepts

47 Nelson Square

The Guild also offers a ten week Introduction to Psychoanalytic Concepts, on

London SE1 0QA

Wednesday evenings, beginning on 17 April 2013. This course will be of interest

t: 020 7401 3260

to health professionals and to anyone interested in psychoanalytic ideas, as well


as those considering future analytic training.

Application closing dates for training and introductory courses: Spring 2013

Professional Training in Working with Gender and Sexual Diversity Clients The Society of Analytical Psychology The Society of Analytical Psychology The UK’s leading provider of training in Jungian analysis

The UK’s leading provider of training in Jungian analysis SAP Training and Education We offer a modular SAP framework of training with several entry points to Training and Education our trainings based on candidates’ and interest  Four-year professional training in background Jungian analysis •  Four-year Professional Training in Jungian analysis ‘Foundations of Analytical Psychology’ short course • NEW Training in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy  One-year course on Supervision • Foundations of Analytical Psychology  Infant Observation seminars • NEW Jungian Process & Experiential Group Links to post-graduate Jungian Studies Programme, Essex •  One-year course on Supervision University • Infant Observation seminars further information: • For Links to post-graduate Jungian Studies Programme, Essex University G. Jung Clinic and Consultation Service For further C. information:


Affordable, reduced-cost analysis for suitable applicants and a Public Events readily accessible Consultation Service for those seeking The Society runs a number of to events and talks in London, Oxford private referral a Jungian Analyst.

and Cambridge for those interested in Jung, Jungian analysis and For further information: psychotherapy. The following are some of our upcoming talks: • 10th Nov The Labyrinth of Addiction (Cambridge) Public Events • 17th Nov: A Dangerours Method: Sabina Spielrein, Pioneer in  Psychoanalysis 23 June: The Dark Side of The Self (Cambridge) as Patient and Analyst (Oxford) 30 Dec: June:Cultural Dreams, Reverie Faith in Brief Dynamic Therapy •  1st Complex && Otherness – Shifting Shadows in (London) South Africa (London) 7 July: Buddhism & Syndrome’ The Archetypal Image (London) •  16th Mar:Jung, ‘Boarding Schools – Broken Attachments: For A further Hiddeninformation: Trauma ( Annual Lecture – London) For further information: 1 Daleham Gardens, London NW3NW3 5BY 5BY The SAP, 1 Daleham Gardens, London 020 7435 7696 020 7435 7696

The Psychotherapist

Well appointed consulting rooms in Maidstone, Kent For suitable therapists who wish to work as part of a group Possible referrals

Tel: 01622 754853 Email:


continuing professional development Work effectively and safely with children Additional skills for UKCP Psychotherapists Practice Based Play Therapy Programme The only play therapy courses validated through clinical outcomes research Post Graduate Certificate in Therapeutic Play Skills

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Study at a therapeutically sensitive venue near you - save travel time and costs. See PTUK web site for details and drive times.

Central London – Antrim - Barnsley - Bristol - Dublin - Edinburgh

The programme is also available as 15-day intensive courses at our Summer School in the South of France Jul/Aug

La Mouline Centre, 26 acres of therapeutic space, heated swimming pool, organic food, 1 hour from Toulouse Airport, budget airline fares, beautiful Tarnaise countryside, English speaking B&B & gites nearby

Integrative holistic approach based Jung, Winnicott, Rogers, Axline, Oaklander (Gestalt), Barnes and others includes the latest neurobiology neuroscience findings.

Huntingdon - South Devon - Manchester - Tunbridge Wells

A full ‘tool-kit’ is taught including the therapeutic use of: art, clay, creative visualisation, music, movement, puppets, sand and storytelling

Academic validation and awards by Canterbury Christ Church University. Practice awards by PTUK:

The programme has been running for 10 years - over 1400 university registrants

Contact Linda Bradley: The Academy of Play and Child Psychotherapy (APAC) The Coach House, Belmont Road, Uckfield, TN22 1 BP Tel: 01825 761143 Email:


Newcastle & Teesside

We have the experience and knowledge to enable you to achieve the Child Psychotherapist status through the routes laid down by UKCP for the new register.

Children and Young People

Training & Professional Development

 Conversion Course / Post-Qualifying Diploma in Child Psychotherapy Led by Jennie McNamara. Individual learning plans designed according to previous experience

We feature a diverse range of training opportunities to suit professionals at all stages of their career from beginner to master practitioner.

 UKCP Child Psychotherapy Grandparenting Consultation with Jennie McNamara

NGP is an accrediting member of the UKCP. Graduates are eligible for registration with UKCP.

 Child Psychotherapy Supervision

 Diploma in Child Psychotherapy  Diploma in Psychotherapeutic Counselling with Children & Young People  Diploma in Creative Therapeutic Methods  Certificate and Diploma in Supervision Workshops & Summer School | | 0191 209 8383

Established 1983 64

UKCP Faculty for the Psychological Health of Children

Sex, lies and social networking – growing up in a technological age


Saturday 10 November 2012

Radisson Blu Edwardian Kenilworth Hotel, 97 Great Russell Street, London WC1B 3LB ‘In urban, rural and metropolitan areas, I have hard evidence of children being sexually exploited. That is part of what is going on in some parts of our country. It is very sadistic. It is very violent. It is very ugly.’ Sue Berelowitz – Deputy Children’s Commissioner Children and young people today face particular challenges in the internet age. The ‘online’ generation are growing up with access to marvellous information, knowledge and communication resources. However, behind closed doors, there is a shadowy side. The increasing prevalence of wi-fi, smart phones and availability of television and games in the bedroom, has brought with it unprecedented levels of cyber-bullying, ‘sexting’, exposure to violent computer games and internet porn, often in a context that is out of adult control.

Topics we will consider include t Sexual exploitation of children and young people including online grooming t How does exposure to internet porn influence adolescent relationships? t The faceless persecutor: cyberbullying and trolls t Websites promoting suicide, selfharm and anorexia Professionals working with children and young people today are confronted by these very difficult issues. Access to experts working in

the field can facilitate an exchange of ideas about how we can best support young people and their families in the face of these challenges.

Confirmed speakers Dr. Jessica Ringrose – Senior Lecturer, Sociology of Gender and Education - Institute of Education, London When does fun turn to risk?: Teens’ digital sexual cultures and ‘sexting’ Sue Berelowitz – Deputy Children’s Commissioner

Follow the event on: #ukcpchildren UK Council for Psychotherapy, 2nd Floor, Edward House, 2 Wakley Street, London EC1V 7LT · 020 7014 9966 · · Registered Charity No 1058545 · Company No 3258939 · Registered in England

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Caring for the carers

The Theory of Love  

Collection of articles by world leaders in the psychological theory of love. Collated and edited by Dr Geoff Warburton

The Theory of Love  

Collection of articles by world leaders in the psychological theory of love. Collated and edited by Dr Geoff Warburton