Life Coach
Visit Pity City
u can’t move in... The Pity City mentality is in most of us at some point in our lives in times of stress, change, challenge or emotional upheaval. There is a difference between normal Pity City visits and those people who take on the victim persona completely. We all have the ability to change our mind set and therefore how we react to the more challenging circumstances we face in life. We all know at least one of those people, we may be one, who is always complaining and blaming others for their state, whether in work, private life, social standing, or any other area of their life that they are unhappy with. “It’s all his / her / their fault” is the mantra of these poor, sad people. They have completely handed power of their lives over to others. When we give another person or people the control over us, our mindset and emotions, we are refusing to take responsibility for ourselves, our lives and our happiness. Two weeks ago I gave a presentation to my team and this concept was new to a number of them. A few of them disagreed with me and argued that in some circumstances we just don’t have power or control, like when you are overlooked for promotion. The answer I gave was this – taking control of your own mindset and accepting that only you can decide what thoughts and emotions you experience leads on to the inevitable responsibility for you own state, whether happy, sad, angry or calm. This is what people are not keen to accept, responsibility, because once they accept it, they can no longer blame others for their lives and misery. The answer got a mixed reception!
With responsibility comes a need to take action. If we are in a sad mood, when we have taken responsibility, we have to make the effort to make ourselves happier. No one else can change our mood, only we can do that. Yes, we may do this by phoning a friend, going out to mix with other people or using other methods that work for us, but we have to make the effort to change our mind set. We can phone a friend and remain in Pity City throughout the conversation, or we can phone a friend and decide to have a laugh – maybe even focus on making that friend laugh, putting their happiness ahead of our own. This is an amazingly effective way of changing our mindset from downbeat to upbeat, putting ourselves to the background and focussing on another person. We all have the ability to leave Pity City, we can choose how we leave, by chauffeur – driven limousine or by bicycle! We all have the ability to change our minds, do something different, talk to someone who is upbeat and will support us (but not do it for us!), focus attention on someone or something else or whatever works for you, we are all different. One thing I can promise you is that once we take responsibility for ourselves and our own moods, we can then enjoy fewer and shorter visits to Pity City – and much longer stays in a happier life where instead of being victims, we are all heroes of our own lives!