Before The Rainbow... and After
Before The Rainbow... is dedicated to: All those who have gone before They are always with us To those who are here and To those who are yet to come
Before The Rainbow... and After If you want to have a memorable life make sure that people know your story and keep telling it
Ifyouwanttohavea memorablelifemakesure thatpeopleknowyourstory andkeeptellingit
Before The Rainbow... and After
These colours that flow in waves They merge into a ray That brings film into focus Ideas brought to life Captured on camera Filled with Sometimesdramarealand unreal From Dali, Lynch and Leone But now the turn is mine To bring the stories into line 2
This is my vision...
2 Thisismyvision...These colours that flow in waves They merge into a ray That brings film into focus Ideas brought to life Captured on camera Filled with Sometimesdramarealand unreal From Dali, Lynch and Leone But now the turn is mine To bring the stories into line
Speak reality and live with disapproval Do not care Colour can convey a feeling It can tell some of your story Take comfort from the past Live your truth Viado, Fairy, Bicha, Bum Boy, Paneleiro, Fudge Packer, Cuzão, Ass Hole, Passivona, Queer, Maria, Faggot, Chupador, Langer, Rabão, Fairy Queen, Mulherzinha, Cocksucker, Fucking Bastard, Sick In The Head, Homo, Dick Head, Puff, Nancy Boy, Queer, Good For Nothing, Faggot, Fenocchio, Filth, Pansy, Shirt lifter, Fruit 4
Animpression Ofmyselfexpression They called me all the names under the sun But they didn’t break my heart I am a vessel Much contained within Not all is as it seems To the naked eye These are my dreams
4 Theycalledmeallthenamesunderthesun Buttheydidn’tbreakmyheart Iamavessel Muchcontainedwithin Notallisasitseems Tothenakedeye Thesearemydreams Speak reality and live with disapproval Do not care Colour can convey a feeling It can tell some of your story Take comfort from the past Live your truth Viado, Fairy, Bicha, Bum Boy, Paneleiro, Fudge Packer, Cuzão, Ass Hole, Passivona, Queer, Maria, Faggot, Chupador, Langer, Rabão, Fairy Queen, Mulherzinha, Cocksucker, Fucking Bastard, Sick In The Head, Homo, Dick Head, Puff, Nancy Boy, Queer, Good For Nothing, Faggot, Fenocchio, Filth, Pansy, Shirt lifter,OfAnFruitimpressionmyselfexpression
Back then way back when: forty fifty sixty years ago It wasn’t a known thing You’d no means to use the word What word? There was no word You couldn’t be in that way What way? That way You’d be knocked aside by your father There was no way I could show or be open But it did not mean it did not exist that I did not long for my neighbour To love him and to want for him to love me too... I say that I felt that way at that age But being in a country area you... It wasn’t a known thing And you didn’t But I did And I prayed to god every night 6
Iamamultitudeofconflictingideas Sometimesatwarwitheachother I bring comfort in my flannel A place to rest your head Tell me all your stories The good and the bad
Ibringcomfortinmyflannel Aplacetorestyourhead Tellmeallyourstories Thegoodandthebad 6 Back then way back when: forty fifty sixty years ago It wasn’t a known thing You’d no means to use the word What word? There was no word You couldn’t be in that way What way? That way You’d be knocked aside by your father There was no way I could show or be open But it did not mean it did not exist that I did not long for my neighbour To love him and to want for him to love me too... I say that I felt that way at that age But being in a country area you... It wasn’t a known thing And you didn’t But I did And I prayed to god every night I am a multitude of conflicting ideas Sometimes at war with each other
And so we reach another cusp: Standing on the cusp The cusp of what? Who Thereknows?havebeen so many points of transition Between one state and another So many hard won rights Fragile still So much life lived or not as the case may be Lovers buried marriages made Who’d of thought that possible? All of us of course A wedding does not a marriage make 8
I had to trust my heart A Thekiss.power of a right kiss The right kiss His kiss The power of his right kiss The power of his right kiss That tasted of freedom Of acceptance His of me Me of him Most of all Most of all Me of Me Of Joy Of promise Of Andliberationsex We speak in tongues...
8 Ihadtotrustmyheart A powerkiss.Theofarightkiss Therightkiss Hiskiss Thepowerofhisrightkiss Thepowerofhisrightkiss Thattastedoffreedom Ofacceptance Hisofme Meofhim Mostofall Mostofall MeofMe OfJoy Ofpromise Of liberationAndsex Wespeakintongues... And so we reach another cusp: Standing on the cusp The cusp of what? Who Thereknows?havebeen so many points of transition Between one state and another So many hard won rights Fragile still So much life lived or not as the case may be Lovers buried marriages made Who’d of thought that possible? All of us of course A wedding does not a marriage make
...as he stripped... throwing aside... proudly skin... behold limbs... in and out of bed Under the Willow 10
I am the quiet one at parties The listener to others stories The one who chose the quiet life
10 Iamthequietoneatparties Thelistenertoothersstories Theonewhochosethequietlife ...as he stripped... throwing aside... proudly skin... behold limbs... in and out of bed Under the Willow
Here we are facing old age With more years behind us Than we had before and less to live Some of us are already older So many of us Our generation did not Could not make it We carry them with us Our Grief Our TheirRemembranceJubilation We continued to love Continued to live Continued to fight if necessary Even when we did not always feel up to it 12
Iamsolacewhenyou’reataloss I’mheretocomfortyou You’reoverjoyed Restamoment I’llcheeryouon Filledupwithpride I’mdonewithbeingaspectacle We continue living and loving for ourselves And we love and live for them In some way we have lived and loved for you We must
Wecontinuelivingandlovingforourselves Andweloveandliveforthem Insomewaywehavelivedandlovedforyou Wemust 12 Here we are facing old age With more years behind us Than we had before and less to live Some of us are already older So many of us Our generation did not Could not make it We carry them with us Our Grief Our TheirRemembranceJubilation We continued to love Continued to live Continued to fight if necessary Even when we did not always feel up to it I am solace when you’re at a loss I’m here to comfort you You’re overjoyed Rest a moment I’ll cheer you on Filled up with pride I’m done with being a spectacle
We continue to live Yes we love We face the world In small ways Try to make a difference Still here Still queer We write our lines Sing our Participatesongswhen we can Conjour ourselves visible We never left Have always been here Living NavigatingLovingour way through change We marshall our energies Still here Still queer 14
MamaCass,DavidBowie,KateBush,Kraftwerk, TheHumanLeague,JimmySommerville,NeilTennant, ScissorSistersTaylorSwift,JohnGrantandon... MakeyourownkindofmusicSmalltownboy Youarealwaysonmymind It’sasinnomatterwhoorwhatIdo wehearthesirensongofothers Andaddourvoicetothesoundofthecrowd The fire burns within my soul It never dies though it gets older It gets brighter as time advances It shines with warmth Be sure it dances
14 Thefireburnswithinmysoul Itneverdiesthoughitgetsolder Itgetsbrighterastimeadvances Itshineswithwarmth Besureitdances We continue to live Yes we love We face the world In small ways Try to make a difference Still here Still queer We write our lines Sing our Participatesongswhen we can Conjour ourselves visible We never left Have always been here Living NavigatingLovingour way through change We marshall our energies Still here Still queer Mama Cass, David Bowie, Kate Bush, Kraftwerk, The Human League, Jimmy Sommerville, Neil Tennant, Scissor Sisters Taylor Swift, John Grant and on... Make your own kind of music Smalltown boy You are always on my mind It’s a sin no matter who or what I do we hear the siren song of others And add our voice to the sound of the crowd
We find ourselves in music in fleeting images cinematic We Code Decode Search amongst the fairy tales 16
DanceDanceDance Dancethroughtimeandspace DanceDanceDanceDon’tstopthemusic yourselfD.I.S.C.O...Danceacrossthesea ToBlackpooltoBrighton Andifyoucan’tfindHeaventhere GotoLondon It’sashorthoptoManchester Lost in the forest LongingEnchantedfor the wolf, the woodcutter, The Billy Goats Gruff To find us off the beaten track Devouring the words, inhabiting the stories, Silent reading out loud Howling to the moon We exist between the lines
16 Lostintheforest forEnchantedLongingthewolf,thewoodcutter, TheBillyGoatsGruff Tofindusoffthebeatentrack Devouringthewords,inhabitingthestories, Silentreadingoutloud Howlingtothemoon Weexistbetweenthelines We find ourselves in music in fleeting images cinematic We code Decode Search amongst the fairy tales Dance Dance Dance Dance through time and space Dance Dance Dance Don’t stop the music DanceD.I.S.C.O...yourself across the sea To Blackpool to Brighton And if you can’t find Heaven there Go to London It’s a short hop to Manchester
You
Alone
if
Choking on oppression consumed by guilt unable to lift your head for the shame But mostly asphyxiating on your own repression
The bludgeoning of your primitive rude tender something wonderful soul This is not a sad story
It’s a story of hope of resilience of triumph a celebration Of the split second glance: that look The splintering certainty of recipricol understanding
The rope in the barn remains coiled as unleashed own unravelling accelerates into an explosion new challenges new fears are seen and heard
Your
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You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case on the platform the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face
And picture the coiled rope in the barn it all becomes too much
Some of the others stayed tend the land fed the animals
Passion
is lived in simple daily actions He rolls the cigarettes I do the driving it works
Life
You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case on the platform the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face
Lifeislivedinsimpledailyactions rollsthecigarettesIdothedrivingitworks
This
if
It’s
Alone
The bludgeoning of your primitive rude tender wonderful soul is not a sad story a story of hope of resilience of triumph a celebration the split second glance: that look splintering certainty of recipricol understanding rope in the barn remains coiled as unleashed own unravelling accelerates into an explosion new challenges new fears are seen and heard
Of
The
Choking
The
You
But
Passion
Some of the others stayed tend the land fed the animals picture the coiled rope in the barn it all becomes too much on oppression consumed by guilt unable to lift your head for the shame mostly asphyxiating on your own repression
something
Your
And
He
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Thirty years from decriminalisation we carry the scars scabbed over hurts It breaks my heart that some of our youngest are still full of anxiety Afraid fearful. Still running the gauntlet with an open wound But now: Now. Now we can stay at home Push open the doors that once were banged shut Refute all accusation recrimination discrimination: The church told me I was evil The state criminalised me The health service told me I was mentally ill But I’m here I’m Andqueerit’sMr Fag to you Ring out the bells Raise the rainbow It isn’t all over yet 20
HerollsthecigarettesIdothedrivingitworks
When you and I are both at the sink
When I come from the garden and lean over you to reach the tap
Or at least until the watering can is full. Sometimes we’ve just been getting on with our life In plain sight, not hiding, just getting on
Just kiss me to the end of the world like you’ve always done: Like you did more than thirty years ago
In sink sometimes sinking Never apologise for doing the washing up
Justkissmetotheendoftheworldlikeyou’vealwaysdone: Likeyoudidmorethanthirtyyearsago Oratleastuntilthewateringcanisfull. Sometimeswe’vejustbeengettingonwithourlife Inplainsight,nothiding,justgettingon the cigarettes I do the driving it works
Ring out the bells Raise the rainbow It isn’t all over yet 20 Thirty years from decriminalisation we carry the scars scabbed over hurts It breaks my heart that some of our youngest are still full of anxiety Afraid fearful. Still running the gauntlet with an open wound But now: Now. Now we can stay at home Push open the doors that once were banged shut Refute all accusation recrimination discrimination: The church told me I was evil The state criminalised me The health service told me I was mentally ill But I’m here I’m Andqueerit’sMr Fag to you
WhenyouandIarebothatthesink Insinksometimessinking Neverapologisefordoingthewashingup WhenIcomefromthegardenandleanoveryoutoreachthetap
He rolls
We thank you dear friend not euphemism friend but friend friend The friend who took some flack Nailed your colours to our mast all those years ago From the very beginning right from the start Made life bearable with unconditional This is a dedication to your dedication. Your unwavering friendship You Showedfamily:my flesh and blood the way Your bravery gave them the courage to come out too Eventually There was no map There still isn’t No beginning No middle No end 22
Yougoon.I’llcatchyouup… Our human body is not simple Everyone is a miracle All of us are equal We have special meaning To be born into this world You We have to believe in ourselves
22 Ourhumanbodyisnotsimple Everyoneisamiracle Allofusareequal Wehavespecialmeaning Tobebornintothisworld YouWehavetobelieveinourselves We thank you dear friend not euphemism friend but friend friend The friend who took some flack Nailed your colours to our mast all those years ago From the very beginning right from the start Made life bearable with unconditional This is a dedication to your dedication. Your unwavering friendship You Showedfamily:my flesh and blood the way Your bravery gave them the courage to come out too Eventually There was no map There still isn’t No beginning No middle No end You go on. I’ll catch you up...
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‘Coming out’ can also involve revealing one’s innermost feelings; this is a process which takes strength, courage and resolve.
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In a process of shared conversation, exchange, action and dreaming: Before The Rainbow... and After has evolved over time. It is the creation of all of its collaborators and belongs to everyone: William Kennedy, Roland Baldwin, David J McCarthy (Bunty), Silvio Severino, Lindley Walsh, Will Knott, Tadashi Kato, Jeremy Coleman, William Maloney, Ron Horgan, Carlo Roberto Fulghesu, Ailsa Spindler, Konrad Im, Luke Barrett, Mark Storor, Claire Ryan, Ian Brown, Cathal MacGabhann, Carolyn Collier, Babis Alexiadis, Kate O’Shea, Mike Carney, Adam O’Brien, Michael Standen, Susan O’Shea, Mike Kinsman.
With thanks to: Colm Barry, Tom Doyle, Kath Gorman, Redmond Jennings, Paula McCarthy, Ber Langford, Jim Conway, Tony Fegan, Eoghan Dwane, Caoimhe Trant, Sally Walsh O’Reilly. We would like to acknowledge the invaluable contribution and support of Cork College of FET Douglas Street Campus.
David’s Song: Carlo Roberto TheUCkNHb9Eybd8DFPjwrBQSM-whttps://youtube.com/channel/Fulghesu:workwascommissionedbyGayProject and funded by The Department of Children, Equality, Disability, Integration and Youth.
The men who have participated in Before The Rainbow... and After have demonstrated their strength, their courage, and their resolve to show how it feels to be an older gay man living in Ireland in 2022. The result is a celebration of their lives, which acknowledges the struggles they faced growing up in a society which demonised and vilified them, and shows how they have flourished as Irish society has become more accepting and inclusive. We salute these men, and thousands like them. We must be ever vigilant to ensure that the rights they fought for are never taken away.
‘Coming out’ is a phrase often heard in the LGBTQI+ world, but it means many, different things. At its simplest, ‘coming out’ involves telling someone that you are ‘gay’ or ‘queer’.
Before The Rainbow... and After First public sharing Monday 29 August, Cork 2022